Max's Hoenn Journey

[harryheart]

Another quick note. Sorry to keep on bothering you all with them. I will probably (when I have the time) revamp my old chapters changing a few things here and there (mostly spelling mistakes and grammatical errors)

So it won't be dramatic change but may be notable!

[DanChimchar]

Kk kool. can't wait and stuff. Also My new fic will be up soon I shall Meassage you when V.2 is up and running

[DanChimchar]

Kk kool. can't wait and stuff. Also My new fic will be up soon I shall Meassage you when V.2 is up and running

[DanChimchar]

Kk kool. can't wait and stuff. Also My new fic will be up soon I shall Meassage you when V.2 is up and running

[harryheart]

Just a quick not. When the next Chapter is posted up, I will combine it with the others to make it easier to remember what has happened. Secondly I might also make a few adjustments to Chapter 1 and 2! Maybe. But I will also edit the others posted up instead of just posting the new revamped versions with Chapter 5:

Here is the second part of a 3 parter:

Chapter 4: Who are they?

“What! You thought we were going to steal something?” Max was astonished at the thought. Why would someone mistake him for a crook?

“I’m truly sorry!” The middle aged man replied. Tugging at his light blue jumper, lapping it over his musky brown coloured trousers, and scratching his newly shaven stubble. “I received a report that a group of thieves had planned for someone to deliver the item ‘Protector’ to them. Giving a false story to Professor Birch to make him deliver the item sooner than needed.

“Huh?” Roxanne seemed puzzled. Had she just been caught up in an elaborate ploy, thought of by criminals. “No! This can’t be? See!” Roxanne took the item out of her handbag, showing Joshua.

“What? You are delivering this item? Good job I found you then. Quick over to that hut!”

The trio sprinted across the open clearing, narrowing the distance between them and the small house. Max looked up, not noticing the root that lay await, ready to pounce on any unsuspecting person.

“Umph.” Max fell against the ground, loosing his glasses in the process. He pushed himself onto his knees, fumbling around for his pair of glasses. After placing them back on his nose, he rose to his feet, continuing on toward the hut. Unfortunately for Max (due to the fall) he didn’t notice Charmander disappear into the ground, to shocked to cry for help.

Max reached the hut, slamming the door behind him with such a force that caused the building to shake.

“Why did we need to run?” Max panted, tired from having to sprint from no apparent danger.

“Because! It is highly likely that whoever wants that item is here. Now!” Joshua replied as calmly as possible.

“How do we know that you aren’t the one intending to steal the item? You could have easily tricked us.” Roxanne seemed shy to ask this, hinting that she already knew the answer.

“I suppose I could have. But you have to trust me!” Joshua directed his Glaze toward Max, regarding the fact that Charmander wasn’t there. “Ugh, Max! Where’s Charmander? Did you return Charmander to its PokeBall?”

“No silly! He’s rig…ht…here.” Max began to twist on the spot, starting to panic. “Aagghh! Where is he?”

Unexpectedly, an explosion echoed throughout the ruins. Drawing the three’s attention outside. The door swung open in a hurry, to reveal to Max and his friends what had caused the interruption. They all noticed a net hanging from a weirdly shaped balloon holding the poor little Charmander inside. Their gaze then lifted to see who was standing inside the balloon.

“Who are you?” Max cried from the ground, partially recognizing whom the person was. He stared at the big Raticate balloon wrenching itself from the ground.

“Hehehe. You don’t recognize us? Mwuhahah! We were here to steal an item for our boss, but a Charmander will do!” A blonde haired woman glared down menacingly toward Max, giving a tremendous laugh. On her t-shirt was a red lettered R. “Now. I think you should all Prepare For Trouble!”

“And Make It double!” A green haired man poked his body above the rim of the basket attached to the balloon; he also had a red R on his black t-shirt.

“Now here’s our mission so you’d better listen!”
“To infect the world with devastation!”
“To blight all people in every nation!”
“To denounce the goodness of truth and love!”
“To extend our wrath to the stars above!”
“Casidy.”
“And Butch of course.”
“We’re Team Rocket circling Earth all day and night!”
“Surrender to us now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!” The duo finished their motto, thus triggering more laughter.

“I remember who you two are now. You’re Cassidy and you’re Butch!” Max seemed to show a slight smug look.

“It’s Butch not…Oh, that’s what you said!” The green haired man drew one of his PokeBalls from his black trouser pocket. “Mightyena, let’s show them a thing or two!” A black and grey wolf appeared inside the balloon, growling at the onlookers.

“I won’t let you steal my Charmander.” The anger inside Max began to boil. He had met these two previously on his journeys in Kanto, where they had tried to scam people out of their Pokemon. “This is for Charmander! Budew, come on out!” The little green bud appeared in a flash of white light. “You ready for our first battle?” Joshua watched the two, noticing the bond that they already seemed to share. At least Budew would be all right staying with Max; he couldn't help think back to the days traveling through Sinnoh with his beloved Budew by his side.

*****

"Budew, use your Bullet Seed." Joshua cried. The opponent was a strong Rock snake Pokemon Onix. The Onix dug into the ground, unnerving Joshua and Budew. "Just stay calm Budew. Don't worry, concentrate on where Onix might reappear."

"Onix! Attack from below!" Roark commanded. He was the Gym Leader of Oreburgh City; they were both using their third pokemon. Whoever won this battle would be the victor. "Now!" The Onix crashed through the floor; it was a direct hit against Budew.

"You all right buddy?" Joshua seemed worried. 'Bud' Budew regained its balance, "Okay, one more Bullet Seed!" This time it worked, Onix collapsed against the floor. Joshua and Budew were the victor's. "Yes we won! We won the Coal Badge!"

*****

Max was ready to prove to himself that he had what it took to prevail. “Budew, let’s use Bullet Seed to break the net!” With the command called, Budew shot multiple seeds from its mouth. The attack struck the balloon with full power; unfortunately the net was unharmed.

“Yahahaha! You really think you can destroy a contraption created by Team Rocket! Butch, I’ll give you a helping hand. Granbull, let’s help out!” Casidy cried in her wildest voice. In an explosion of light a Purplish Pokemon arrived on the balloon, its fangs shined in the mid day sun. It gave a humungous growl.

“Mightyena, use your Shadow Ball directly at Budew.” Screamed Butch; showing his entire passion with some simple words. The black ball zoomed straight toward the unprotected Budew. What was it to do?

“Nosepass hit the Shadow Ball with your Zap Cannon!” The blue Rock Pokemon arose from the light. A sphere of electricity began to form at the end of its orange beak. The electricity was hurled directly at the oncoming Shadow Ball. BANG! The two balls of energy collided, creating a sheer force in the aftermath that was able to knock the Raticate balloon out of the sky.

“Noooo! Charmander!” Max rushed into the black smoke surrounding the area.

“Swellow, go and grab Charmander,” cried Joshua, “You can’t let it get injured!”

The balloon raced to the ground. Both Cassidy and Butch screamed for help at the top of their puny voices, recalling their Pokemon back into the PokeBalls the duo held in their hands.

“Aggghhh! My beauty is becoming dirty,” whined Cassidy like a little baby wanting candy. The dust kicked up from the explosion was settling upon Cassidy and Butch, making their pristine PokeBalls blackened.

“Swellow, now!” The swallow Pokemon gained speed, producing a white glow behind the sparkling bird. With one movement it was able to slash the ropes of the net open, freeing Charmander.

“Charrrrrrr!” The little lizard slipped out of the net, plummeting toward the ground at a raging force.

“I’ve got you buddy! Nothing is going to happen to you!” Max watched his little friend wriggle in the air as it fell, producing tears as it fell. Max jumped high into the sky, nearing Charmander. The small Pokemon slipped into Max’s arms like a foot into a slipper. Max held Charmander tight against his chest, tucking and hitting the ground, rolling at immediate contact. “You’re going to be fine Charmander,” the young trainer said calmly and softly, rising to his feet gently. “Budew, Charmander! You ready to teach them a lesson?” A cheer from everyone sounded, it was time to work as a true team.

“Butch! It’s six against two. We better get our Team Rocket selves out of here at the speed of light.” Cassidy yelled tripping over the wrecked balloon as she sprinted into the distance.

“Oy! WAIT FOR ME!” Butch hurried after Cassidy, getting caught up in a tremendous explosion. “Yaaaghh!” Butch slid across the ground, straight into the balloon wreck. Cassidy flew through the air, declining vertically into Butch. “Ummph! WHAT HAPPENED?” Butch snapped at Cassidy, clutching his body in agony.

“You two couldn’t complete our task! And for that we will banish you!” Five silhouettes began to emerge in the cloud of dust brought up by the explosion.

“Who are they?” Max asked Roxanne and Joshua, bending down, and picking both Charmander and Budew into his arms. The five people stared directly at Max and his friends.

“You will regret not having given us the ‘Protector’! Steelix and Bronzong, Show yourselves.” Two PokeBalls broke the barrier of the dust, opening to unveil a Steel type snake, silver all over and towering into the sky. Next was another Steel Pokemon, in the shape of a Church bell, its two red eyes beaming in the sunlight.

“Butch, we better get out of here!” Cassidy cried in fear and terror.

“Your not going anywhere on your own. Bronzong use Flash Cannon!” Bronzong became horizontal, pointing the hollow end at Team Rocket. A huge light formed at the end of Bronzong, flying squarely toward Butch and Cassidy. Another explosion was caused!

“Look’s like Team Rocket are blasting off again!” The duo became smaller and smaller until they were no longer seen.

“Now back to you three. Time to get what we want!” The other four caped people unhooked PokeBalls from around their Neck’s.

“Bronzor, Magneton, Gligar and Prinplup. Come on out!” Roxanne, Max and Joshua were surrounded. It seemed like there was no escape. What had they got themselves into?

[Mudkip5001]

Is Roxann going to travel with max? Good story so far!

[harryheart]

Is Roxann going to travel with max? Good story so far!

    Spoiler:- That would be revealing a big Plot Line.:

Show Spoiler

 
But she will travel with him for definite in the next few chapters after that you can keep on reading
 

[Treecko Girl]

Oh!
Good story! I like how you ended it!
If she did start travelling with him it would be a big plot line indeed!

[harryheart]

Oh!
Good story! I like how you ended it!
If she did start travelling with him it would be a big plot line indeed!

Thank you, I can tell you that Max will be traveling with someone. Not going to reveal who. They may have already appeared. But I'm looking forward to writing that chapter.

And here is Chapter 5's working title.

Chapter 5: A whole lot-a steel trouble!


Also a quick note, I will have the revamped version of Chapter 1 up this evening or some time tomorrow. There are a few drastic changes

[DanChimchar]

Good Chapter I noticed One Mistake
Both Cassidy and Butch screamed for help at the top f their puny voices,

You forgot the O if Of so all you had was f. Minor Mistake.

Good Chapter. I like the flash back from Sinnoh in Joshuwa's Head. But If It was that close to Joshwa shouldn't it had evolved but oh well.

I can tell the new evil ones are Steel types. They seem to abit like Team Galatic to hire Team Rocket and fail.

Nice Description with words. You make the read feel right there in the story.

Rating: Out of a whole 10 I give you a 9.5 Since It leaves you on the end of your seat untill the very end. It makes you ask yourself whats gonna happen next.

Next Weeks Title Chapter Name: Hmm Well it shows that its Steel Pokemon. Also It can refur to Steal as they steal the Protector. Defanitly shows big trouble and something is going to be stolen and they use steel pokemon.

Review done by DanChimchar

[harryheart]

Good Chapter I noticed One Mistake
Both Cassidy and Butch screamed for help at the top f their puny voices,

You forgot the O if Of so all you had was f. Minor Mistake.

Good Chapter. I like the flash back from Sinnoh in Joshuwa's Head. But If It was that close to Joshwa shouldn't it had evolved but oh well.

I can tell the new evil ones are Steel types. They seem to abit like Team Galatic to hire Team Rocket and fail.

Nice Description with words. You make the read feel right there in the story.

Rating: Out of a whole 10 I give you a 9.5 Since It leaves you on the end of your seat untill the very end. It makes you ask yourself whats gonna happen next.

Next Weeks Title Chapter Name: Hmm Well it shows that its Steel Pokemon. Also It can refur to Steal as they steal the Protector. Defanitly shows big trouble and something is going to be stolen and they use steel pokemon.

Review done by DanChimchar

Thanks for the review. I have changed the mistakes which you rightly pointed out, so did others. Also I think the next Chapter will be up at the end of September. Since school is becoming hectic and I am revamping the old chapters. I am half way through Chapter 5 now. I finished Chapter 4 2 days ago so i have been working on Chapter 5 in that time.

Thanks

[Me_Love_Eevee!]

I felt that this cahpter was REALLY REALLY good! I mean, I don't like Cassidy and Butch, but that's just me. I can't wait to read the next chapter, what's going to happen to poor Max, Roxanne and Joshwa?

[Me_Love_Eevee!]

Oh, also, about the new chapter 1 ...... definetly better than the first draft, it was really good.

[harryheart]

Oh, also, about the new chapter 1 ...... definetly better than the first draft, it was really good.

Thanks, glad it was a lot better. I am still improving all of my chapters and the next one I'm working on is Chapter 2. To make it flow more!

[Kaioken555]

hi
“Now back to you three. Time to get what we want!” The other four caped people unhooked PokeBalls from around their Neck’s.

“Bronzor, Magneton, Gligar and Prinplup. Come on out!”

Neck's should be necks

gligar and prinplup aren't steel types

[DanChimchar]

^ They Can Learn Steel Moves and stuff

[harryheart]

hi
“Now back to you three. Time to get what we want!” The other four caped people unhooked PokeBalls from around their Neck’s.

“Bronzor, Magneton, Gligar and Prinplup. Come on out!”

Neck's should be necks

gligar and prinplup aren't steel types

Thanks for the spelling mistake, and Prinplup evolves into a steel type and like Team Magma and Aqua these lot are also going to have some Pokes that don't follow the rule. i.e. Gligar

If I mentioned that they are steel Pokemon I will edit that.

Thanks for the heads up

[Shinxy]

Dear God, Palamon, please don't quote the whole chapter just to say you liked the story -.-;

I'm reading it. It's shaping up somewhat nicer than it had been.

[harryheart]

I'm reading it. It's shaping up somewhat nicer than it had been.

Thanks glad you are enjoying it.

A major note to everyone, as of popular demand. I will look back at all my Chapters and begin to improve all of them, making them less flat and adding more emotion to the story line. The Chapters will also flow a lot more, so a big improvement on that.

This will mean that Chapter 5 will be released later, to account for the few changes. Latest beginning of October.

Thanks

I have now posted the new revamped version of Chapter 1. It has a lot more detail and hopefully flows better. Chapter 2 has had a few slight edits making it flow more and be more understandable. It has been edited from the beginning until the end. But part way through, after Charmander confronts the lady it isn't changed until the end.

[Zephyr Flare]

You're bump deleting. I hate to break it to you but I can see it, the times don't match if it was accidental which woulda been fair enough. Editting your first of the three posts would have been wisest even if it didn't keep kicking your thread up to the first page but nooo.

You've been warned, do it again and you will recieve a infraction. There is no excuse whatsoever to do this.


Sandra

[Treecko Girl]

I see the edits.
It's good you're so concerned about your story and listen to the reviews.
Great Job and thank you!
Keep up the good work, OK?

[harryheart]

You're bump deleting. I hate to break it to you but I can see it, the times don't match if it was accidental which woulda been fair enough. Editting your first of the three posts would have been wisest even if it didn't keep kicking your thread up to the first page but nooo.

You've been warned, do it again and you will recieve a infraction. There is no excuse whatsoever to do this.


Sandra

Sorry about that. Next time I will just edit it.

[Me_Love_Eevee!]

What do I think. Hmmmmm, what do I think? Well, I thought that is was ........................ COOL! MUCH better start, Skitty and Muchlax evolved, YAY! More dialogue at the start too. Overall, I thought it was flawless! Great job harryheart, keep up the good work.

[harryheart]

What do I think. Hmmmmm, what do I think? Well, I thought that is was ........................ COOL! MUCH better start, Skitty and Muchlax evolved, YAY! More dialogue at the start too. Overall, I thought it was flawless! Great job harryheart, keep up the good work.

Ok, since everyone seemed to have enjoyed the new edited Chapters. Especially no. 1 i will re-write chapter 5 so it fits my new style. (If thats wht u call it)

[Shinxy]

Chapter One is definitely better than it was. However, how didn't Max get hurt with the Ice Beam? Last time I checked, Ice Beam can freeze you, and he could've gotten hypothermia or something. I know Ash's Charizard flames him on a regular basis, but that's more anime-type. In the show. Not in a story.

However, I am seeing definite improvement.