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Thread: Max's Hoenn Journey

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shinxy View Post
    Chapter One is definitely better than it was. However, how didn't Max get hurt with the Ice Beam? Last time I checked, Ice Beam can freeze you, and he could've gotten hypothermia or something. I know Ash's Charizard flames him on a regular basis, but that's more anime-type. In the show. Not in a story.

    However, I am seeing definite improvement.
    Thanks, glad that that Chapters a lot better. i have looked back at the others and altered CHapter 3 slightly but I dont think Chapter 4 needs any alterations. If you think it does then let me know either by PM or commenting here!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  2. #52
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    Pretty good. The root part made me laugh xP

    There are some spelling and grammar mistakes. Also the fact that Budew is not exactly the strongest Pokemon in the world so how would it defeat half the Pokemon it did, even with Nosepass's help? The problem is that the game gives them levels but the anime does not, so when you're writing an anime story it's difficult to give them the right power.

    Also, why would Joshua even give Budew to Max if it was that hard? If he's like hysterical about doing it, why would he still give her to Max?

    Me_Love_Eevee, you need to read the rules before posting. No double-posting (posting twice in a row), also please make your posts legible.

    6/10. Keep improving.
    wie automatisch, renn ich durch alle Straßen...
    like i'm automatic i run through the streets...

    und keine führt zu dir.
    and none lead me to you.

    ...wie automatisch, folgen mir deine Schatten
    und greifen kalt nach mir...

    ...like they're automatic, your shadows follow me
    and reach for me coldly...



  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shinxy View Post
    Pretty good. The root part made me laugh xP

    There are some spelling and grammar mistakes. Also the fact that Budew is not exactly the strongest Pokemon in the world so how would it defeat half the Pokemon it did, even with Nosepass's help? The problem is that the game gives them levels but the anime does not, so when you're writing an anime story it's difficult to give them the right power.

    Also, why would Joshua even give Budew to Max if it was that hard? If he's like hysterical about doing it, why would he still give her to Max?

    Me_Love_Eevee, you need to read the rules before posting. No double-posting (posting twice in a row), also please make your posts legible.

    6/10. Keep improving.

    Thanks you Shinxy, glad you enjoyed it, The whole Budew being given away will shed more light in Chapters to come. And I thought it would be interesting instead of Max catching a Pokemon he was given it, dont worry everything else will make more sense.

    Overall a 6/10 isn't that bad. Thank you!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Me_Love_Eevee! View Post
    What do I think. Hmmmmm, what do I think? Well, I thought that is was ........................ COOL! MUCH better start, Skitty and Muchlax evolved, YAY! More dialogue at the start too. Overall, I thought it was flawless! Great job harryheart, keep up the good work.
    Yeah because I wrote a fan fic about May and he is doing one on Max so we choose to combind our fics and stuff. So May's pokemon evolved there and they did in my fic.

    Love the new verison still some grammer and spelling errors.
    7/10 still good and still a great story keep this up.

    Pokemon Ranger Dan
    The New Ranger From Hoeen
    That Was turned into a Pokemon once... Than Turned Back Into A Human To Become A Ranger.
    Rank: 8
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    On Mission: 14: Get The Yellow Gem!
    Credits To Sweet May For The Banner

  5. #55
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    Default Max's Hoenn Journey Chapter 5

    Quote Originally Posted by DanChimchar View Post
    Yeah because I wrote a fan fic about May and he is doing one on Max so we choose to combind our fics and stuff. So May's pokemon evolved there and they did in my fic.

    Love the new verison still some grammer and spelling errors.
    7/10 still good and still a great story keep this up.
    Thanks for the 7/10, the spelling though is set to English UK on my computer so people make think I spelt some words wrong like color (we spell it colour) so that is why there are some spelling mistakes.

    Well here is the new chapter the 5th one. Its at the bottom of the post.

    Because there are 2 many words I cant post the other Chapters with it. So if you want to re-read them there are links on the first post.

    Chapter 5: A whole lot-a steel trouble!

    The four Pokemon appeared at their trainers beckon, immediately surrounding Max, Roxanne, Joshua and all their Pokemon. The five-cloaked people stepped forward in an oddly fashion, not seeming bothered by this inevitable hold up. They were edging slowly closer towards the heroes, intimidating with every foot.

    “So are you going to give the item up willingly, or are we going to have to take it by force?” The man in the middle snarled through the gap in the clothing around his face, the other four masked people stood there, staring blankly at the trio as if conduced into a trance. Max’s fists began to clench, tightening his anger inside like tension on a rope. “Tick Tock, Tick Tock. Time is running out, I would suggest you make a decision now rather than later.” Again the man in the middle didn’t seem bothered, the words just came naturally to him suggesting an apparent joy to this form of intimidation.

    Joshua glanced into the sky, discretely looking for his Swellow. When the five had first arrived (attacking Butch and Cassidy) Joshua had ordered Swellow to retrieve Officer Jenny from Littleroot Town, sensing that danger was possibly ahead. It was no use; they just wouldn’t arrive in time.

    “Looks like I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands! Skarmory, grab Roxanne’s handbag and fly to somewhere safe.” Joshua threw the red and white PokeBall into the air. A Steel bird Pokemon appeared, with armour all over its body. It grabbed Roxanne’s handbag in its mouth, beginning to climb at rapid speeds away from the ruins. Max immediately pulled his Pokédex out of his pocket, forgetting the apparent danger that possessed their future. The small device clicked on and began to describe Skarmory.

    “Skarmory, the Armour Bird Pokémon. Despite being clad entirely in iron-hard armour, it manages to fly at speeds of 180 mph. In battle Skarmory can be a difficult opponent to defeat.”

    “Gligar, go grab that Pokédex! We can’t have them using it as a tracking device!” This was the first sign of anger any of the five had shown, the small flying scorpion reacted with quick movements heading directly for Max. The young trainer was terrified, he couldn’t move out of the way in time! Gligar’s pincer began to glow a bright purple, it was preparing for a Poison Jab attack. One simple Slash was all it took to send Max flying. In the process, the Pokédex slipped out of Max’s sweaty hand, Gligar swooped down and caught it in his small claw. Max came crashing down onto his back, the Pokemon reacted quickly sending warning growls to not approach.

    ‘Char, Charmander,’ the little Pokemon watched as his trainer fell, calling out in fear, Budew stood as still as ice, intimidated by the other Pokemon!

    “Max! Are you all right?” Roxanne was concerned, running to the aid of Max and totally ignoring the other Steel Pokemon. He was stunned and badly injured, wincing at the pain infecting his entire body.

    “Look’s like your time has run out. Tie them together and bring them to the helicopter! Nahahahaha!” The man standing in the centre swivelled around, tearing off his mask and cloak, summoning the others to follow. Roxanne was grabbed from behind, being lifted onto her feet and having her hands tied, Max was dragged to Roxanne being attached to the same rope, while Joshua was to frightened to decline.

    “Let us go! Let us go! Let us go!” Roxanne’s voice was heard, echoing for a few seconds with a hint of a tremble thrown in. “You can’t do this to us...he needs a doctor! Please.” Roxanne could feel Max’s hands becoming colder; his energy was draining out of him, making him weaker. Following them were Charmander, Budew and Nosepass, all being watched by Magneton, Bronzor and Prinplup. Budew was becoming more scared by the seconds, anticipating the worst. She looked to her left at Charmander acting brave and strong. He seemed to have a feeling that they would all escape unharmed.

    They reached another clearing where the helicopter became visible; the size of the machine was gigantic. A ramp began to unfold from the revealing a metal hatchway to clamber aboard, making a tremendous racket as it touched the ground before everyone.

    Without turning around, the main person began to speak to an audience of willing ears, “Our main goal is to find that Skarmory no matter what. Without it our trip out here would have been for nothing.” An eerie silence arose, nothing and no one made a single movement, not wishing to tempt fate. After a lengthy pause a siren began to ring throughout the black flying machinge. The line began to move again, climbing up the ramp into darkness’s mouth.
    “Sir! What should we do with the Pokemon?”

    “Take them to the same holding cell as our human guests. Just separate them by a barrier, so they can both watch each other in pain and suffering!” A slight chuckle just squeezed out his lips, sounding pure and whole. “One last thing!” He directed this comment towards the only one that was truly listening and not pre-occupied, Roxanne. “If you don’t give us what we want…your Pokemon will become Rock Statues displayed for all to see!”

    *****

    ‘Cruughh,’ Skarmory called, descending upon Littleroot Town’s Police Station. The massive armour bird landed on the rooftop, gracefully tucking its wings against its body. The force from touching the rooftop created a ripple throughout the building.

    “What was that?” The female Police officer known as Officer Jenny enquired, “Head for the rooftop!” She rounded her men together, running to the metallic steep stairs. Her black high heels echoed through the building, she unhooked two PokeBalls from her blue miniskirt. “Arcanine and Tangrowth, we need your assistance.” The Fire dog appeared first, it’s red and black coat sparkling like a star and producing a tremendous growl. Next was the Grass Pokemon Tangrowth, which looked alike in some ways to a heavily overgrown bush.

    The door leading to the roof finally arrived; it was time to find out what was going on! The door creaked as Officer Jenny and her team piled through, quickly surrounding Skarmory.

    “Skarmory?” Officer Jenny seemed to recognize it, “Your Josh’s Skarmory aren’t you?” She noticed the handbag hanging out of the Pokemon’s mouth. “What’s going on?”

    As the Steel Bird began to speak, a cry was heard from up above, ‘Swellow, Swell,’ the Navy White Pokemon elegantly swept toward the collaboration of people and Pokemon, perching onto Skarmory’s shiny silver head. ‘Swellow!’

    Arcanine became startled and started to rapidly shoot an endless flame from inside its mouth attempting to ward the Pokemon away. Bursts flew in all directions startling even the Police Officers.

    “Arcanine stop that Flamethrower at once!” Jenny was furious at the outburst from Arcanine, although she knew that he was indeed attempting to protect her, it wasn’t needed. Jenny immediately became embarrassed, issuing the men to get back to work, “There is no need to panic. These Pokemon are Josh’s, resume whatever you were doing before the disturbance, that goes for you too Arcanine!” A rush of body’s descended back through the steel door in a matter of seconds, Officer Jenny watched ore struck as all these men complied to her command straight away. “Wow! That’s, that’s co…” turning around to face the four Pokemon she suddenly halted her speech, intending to forget the last few comments, “Right! Back to the point.” Her piercing voice became soft in a split second as if she had a split personality. “Skarmory, Swellow. What brought you here?” Skarmory took the instinctive lead in explaining the situation to Arcanine and Tangrowth who then relayed it onto the Green Haired Police Women.

    “Grw, Grw Greuw!” Arcanine said with an apprehensive tone attached to his deep growls. Since Officer Jenny had known her Arcanine for over 10 years she instantly knew that trouble was brewing not far that far away.

    “Oldale Town? Is that where we need to go?” Swellow nodded rising into the early afternoon sky and promptly heading in the direction of Joshua. Jenny held out two PokeBalls pointing them both at Tangrowth and Arcanine, “You two, I’m going to ride on the back of Skarmory. You’re going to have to stay in your PokeBalls for the meantime.” Two red beams of light flew from the white circle on the Balls. Once in contact with the Pokemon, it turned them red and sucked them inside. “Okay, Skarmory lets go!” It didn’t take that long for Jenny and Skarmory to be next to Swellow, who also swept over and landed on the shiny Pokemon.

    *****

    The brig was dark, damp and cold, two watchmen sat on either side of the gloomy door that entered the imprisonment. Max had luckily fallen to sleep due to Budew using her Sleep Powder directly on him to hopefully help ease the pain he was in. His body was sprung out draped over Roxanne, who, like Joshua, had changed her attitude to scared and frightened. She lent over Max who seemed peaceful at last, snoring calm melody’s as he dreamt of far off lands full of cheerful and playful Pokemon! The door buzzed as it slid open to give way to the unmasked man, however since it was relatively dark Roxanne was not able to identify whom he was.

    The man stepped forward easing closer towards the bars of their cages. “Are you going to tell me what I want to know?” He calmly stood there waiting for a positive response to what seemed like a simple question. “You know I don’t’ like waiting. So put me out of my misery.” Roxanne turned her glance at Joshua and then the ground. His presence felt extremely intimidating, presenting many problems to the need of communication. “Fine, if that’s how you want to play it that’s how we will.” He began to leave the room however stopping before he made it out. “Just to let you know, when we find Skarmory he’ll need all the help he could get. Or I suppose we could sell him off for money. That won’t be too bad!”

    “Noooo! You leave him alone. If you even lay a single finger on my precious Pokemon you will pay for it.” Joshua grabbed the iron bars shaking them with all his might. What he planned to achieve was far from what the eye could see. The door again began to make the buzzing noise as it closed to leave the distressed voice of Joshua. Tears dripped down his fair skin, again producing Joshua into a distraught heap on the floor. Roxanne felt the pain that
    Joshua had bundled inside, she couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to loose two Pokemon in the same day.

    A bump surprisingly trembled the bars of the cage that everyone was in, stirring Max awake. Roxanne clenched him tightly afraid he would come to more harm. “Are you all right Max?”

    Groaning he sat himself upright, “I feel a lot better than before, but that isn’t hard!” Seeing how dull the situation seemed to be Max decided to enlighten the mood with a pinch of humour. The bars began to rattle again issuing Joshua with an excuse to relieve himself from a clump of sorrow on the floor. Standing up and brushing the dust off, he quickly ran to the edge of the cage to have a peak through the window to take note of the current dilemma and being very careful and cautious to not touch the side. A silver wing brushed the glass of the window piercing the ears of everyone in the room thus making the guards stop the game of cards. Joshua knew who the wing belonged to and needed a simple distraction to help Skarmory in its activities. He plucked the first idea out of his head straight to the tip of his tongue.

    “That noise was me!” The guards both stared at him, intending to be rather scary. “I did it to attract your…attention.” The guards again just stared at him as if he seemed meaningless, hoping not to have to ask for an answer to be given. “…I…Well I…I…Skarmory is going to be back at the ruins. We intended to trick all of you!” Upon the last letter both guards rushed out of the holding cell, obviously both wanting to be the first to tell whoever was in charge perhaps hoping for a promotion into higher ranks. This gave Joshua the perfect opportunity; time seemed to have switched sides.

    *****

    The wind howled through the strands of Officer Jenny’s hair, giving her thrill that she would never forget. Once again they attempted to break the side of the copter open, to free Max and the others but time after time it just didn’t work. Jenny took her eye of the helicopter and scanned the ground for confirmation of where they were and where they were heading. Directly beneath them was the start of Petalburg City and the buildings stretching as far as the horizon. The giant mechanic machine suddenly tilted slightly to the left, dipping lower to the ground. The noise vibrated the air around them; nearly everyone came out of their houses to see what was creating the tremendous ear ache. Both Carolyn (Max’s Mum) and Norman (Max’s Dad) were already outside having training matches between Slakoth and Snorlax. They didn’t seem bothered by this commotion unaware of who was trapped inside.

    After a long and (to Skarmory) tiresome fly to the ruins of Oldale, the helicopter seated itself neatly onto the fresh grass, motivating Jenny to wake herself from her drowsy state. Skarmory dove into the near tree tops allowing Jenny to jump from its armoured back, she held tightly to the hand bag. “Arcanine and Tangrowth your assistance is needed,” she very delicately whispered, both Pokemon were able to take the hint from her voice. Arcanine crouched down, rolling its fluffy tail out straight, Tangrowth melded with the bushes to be able to hear any conversation clearly. Skarmory and Swellow took to the sky in order to keep a beady eye on their friends.

    The hatch screeched as it laid softly upon the clean ground. Five cloaked men immediately stepped from inside the contraption being crudely followed by three chained people and Pokemon. “Skarmory…will be in those ruins over there…You promise not to hurt him.” Joshua felt an urge of sudden glee flowing within his body, the only people getting injured wasn’t them but the 5 masked men. Their pride would be sufficiently attacked.

    This was Officer Jenny’s chance to shine, not thinking she half heartedly scurried into sight, skidding across the damp green ground. Arcanine and Tangrowth alike bolted out of hiding to support their trainer and stop the evil doings of the thugs. “Hand over the hostages now!” Angry as ever her rage boiled over, needing to escape and scold someone else. She wasn’t going to let anybody break the law, let alone get way with it. “Let’s show them what we can do guys. Arcanine use Flamethrower and Tangrowth use Power Whip” Nodding in agreement the two Pokemon released their attacks, the endless flame engulfed the five men causing a panicked reaction. The gigantic whip then slapped the men directly in the stomach, sending them soaring into the side of the chopper. Officer Jenny headed straight for the three tied together worried about their health and safety, “Are you all Okay?”

    “Yeah, we’re okay,” Max bluntly replied rubbing his sore chest as Jenny untied them all. He lifted his head high, thanking the world for his well being and his chance to be the greatest Pokemon Master ever! “Don’t you want to go after those lot?”

    “Not this time! I’ll let them go for once, but if they ever mess with me or my friends again...They will regret it!” The young woman raised her gaze into the reddening sky, the evening was looming ever closer preparing for the arrival of a new fresh day. Would a fresh start help erase the evil along with it?
    Last edited by harryheart; 24th September 2008 at 7:42 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  6. #56
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    this is gr8
    Quote Originally Posted by Kate View Post
    Am I the only the person that sees this announcement as somewhat frivolous? To be straightforward, who cares?

    Thanks so much for letting us all know, we can take refuge that you're still God. While your at it, make another announcement about how your not really fat anymore, just to make sure we all know.
    ...

  7. #57
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    ^.^
    Ohhhhh! Great! Keep it up!!
    You don't think
    there will be any
    Ruby/Sapphire remakes?


  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaimeGreenan View Post
    this is gr8
    Quote Originally Posted by Treecko Girl View Post
    ^.^
    Ohhhhh! Great! Keep it up!!
    Glad you guys like it. This Chapter took me a lot longer than the others.

    Also what do you guys think of this Chapter?

    Has it improved? Is it more descriptive?

    Thanks

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  9. #59
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    its definetely more descriptive but only got 1 question is max, jenny's friend?
    Quote Originally Posted by Kate View Post
    Am I the only the person that sees this announcement as somewhat frivolous? To be straightforward, who cares?

    Thanks so much for letting us all know, we can take refuge that you're still God. While your at it, make another announcement about how your not really fat anymore, just to make sure we all know.
    ...

  10. #60
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    It was good I'll do my review and there where a few errors.

    "running to the aid of Max and totally ignoring the other Stell Pokemon."
    Stell I'm guessing should be steel.

    "Jenny held out to PokeBalls pointing them both at Tangrowth and Arcanine."
    To should be two since they're two pokemon minor mistake.

    The Chapter was really thrilling yet on my standers there where some parts when I'm like huh?
    Like when there in the cage. You didn't really talk about there pokemon trying to reach them but the barrier is in the way and shocks them or something. I would have liked to see Charamader or Budew try to reach Max but get shocked.

    It was one of the most descriptied Chapters of them all. Great to here about My I mean May's Snorlax :P

    It was really over all a 8/10 For all the adventure and intrencetey.

    To JamieGreenan: I'm guessing she was just being nice like in the frist or second Sinnoh episode its like Ash knows Jenny when he is knew to Sinnoh.

    Pokemon Ranger Dan
    The New Ranger From Hoeen
    That Was turned into a Pokemon once... Than Turned Back Into A Human To Become A Ranger.
    Rank: 8
    Styler Level: 33
    On Mission: 14: Get The Yellow Gem!
    Credits To Sweet May For The Banner

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    Jaime, please don't use IM talk, it's really annoying -.- It won't take you too long to type out the rest of the word.

    To harryheart: Better, more descriptive, a few grammar errors but mostly good. I have a few questions, though:

    --Max's goal is the same as Ash's? To be the greatest Pokemon Master ever? He should have some kind of different goal; otherwise it'll be a little repititive and annoying. It's your typical New Trainer fic: Kid wakes up, 'OMG IZ LIK MIE TENTH B-DAY GUNNA GOH OWT AND CATCH ME SUM PKMN BE TEH GR8EST TRAINER LIK EVA.' I see some twists, but it would be nice to convince me it's not a New Trainer fic.
    --When you were writing the end, you said Roxanne could feel Joshua's pain, she couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose 2 Pokemon in a day. That's kind of an oxymoron. You might not want to word it that way. She feels what she can't feel. O_o

    Otherwise, it was better. 7.5/10.
    wie automatisch, renn ich durch alle Straßen...
    like i'm automatic i run through the streets...

    und keine führt zu dir.
    and none lead me to you.

    ...wie automatisch, folgen mir deine Schatten
    und greifen kalt nach mir...

    ...like they're automatic, your shadows follow me
    and reach for me coldly...



  12. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanChimchar View Post
    It was good I'll do my review and there where a few errors.

    "running to the aid of Max and totally ignoring the other Stell Pokemon."
    Stell I'm guessing should be steel.

    "Jenny held out to PokeBalls pointing them both at Tangrowth and Arcanine."
    To should be two since they're two pokemon minor mistake.
    Okay, have changed them and thank you for pointing them out. Will probably add in a section to do with the Pokemon in the cage

    Quote Originally Posted by JaimeGreenan View Post
    its definetely more descriptive but only got 1 question is max, jenny's friend?
    What DanChimchar said. A bit like he knew her!

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinxy View Post
    To harryheart: Better, more descriptive, a few grammar errors but mostly good. I have a few questions, though:

    --Max's goal is the same as Ash's? To be the greatest Pokemon Master ever? He should have some kind of different goal; otherwise it'll be a little repititive and annoying. It's your typical New Trainer fic: Kid wakes up, 'OMG IZ LIK MIE TENTH B-DAY GUNNA GOH OWT AND CATCH ME SUM PKMN BE TEH GR8EST TRAINER LIK EVA.' I see some twists, but it would be nice to convince me it's not a New Trainer fic.
    --When you were writing the end, you said Roxanne could feel Joshua's pain, she couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose 2 Pokemon in a day. That's kind of an oxymoron. You might not want to word it that way. She feels what she can't feel. O_o
    And the answers to your questions are yes it is a little bit like Ash's dream but with a major twist part way through

    And secondly yes an oxymoron was necessary for that part, but a 7.5/10 is really good.

    Thanks to all of you

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

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    Chapter 5 was really good. YAY! Sleep Powder, you did use it after all! By the way, who were those criminals anyway? I can't wait for Chapter 6.
    Eevee >>> Your fav pokemon

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    Quote Originally Posted by Me_Love_Eevee! View Post
    Chapter 5 was really good. YAY! Sleep Powder, you did use it after all! By the way, who were those criminals anyway? I can't wait for Chapter 6.
    The name of the criminals will be found out in later chapters and Chapter 6 is bringing the major plot into the entire story. I'll see if you can get any hints from the title:

    Chapter 6: Zigzag through the mind!

    Can you see any possible twists? Don't worry if you can't because hopefully when reading the chapter you might!

    Also regarding this chapter, it is most likely that it will be posted on October 16th or around then

    So I hope thats not having to wait too long
    Last edited by harryheart; 24th September 2008 at 6:58 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  15. #65
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    Title Review Yes I Love These

    Hmmm Zigzag through the mind.

    Ok Frist I think Max is going to befriend or catch a Zigzagoon or some will catch it or something. Or Max meets a girl with a Zigzagoon that loves contest and joins him.
    Through the mind hmmmm I think that maybe someone saves it and it stays on there mind and they go back to catch it but the evil guys are there.

    Anyways Its a Catchy Title
    9/10 for the title I really like this one

    Pokemon Ranger Dan
    The New Ranger From Hoeen
    That Was turned into a Pokemon once... Than Turned Back Into A Human To Become A Ranger.
    Rank: 8
    Styler Level: 33
    On Mission: 14: Get The Yellow Gem!
    Credits To Sweet May For The Banner

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    Hi harryheart! I am a new reader.-applause- Also great title 9.5/10!!!! keep up the great work. I will review when the next chapter comes.
        Spoiler:- My Pokémon Teams & Video Game Identities:

    Claimed: Blastoise, Pokémon XY & Calem from Pokémon XY

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    Quote Originally Posted by DanChimchar View Post
    Title Review Yes I Love These

    Hmmm Zigzag through the mind.

    Ok Frist I think Max is going to befriend or catch a Zigzagoon or some will catch it or something. Or Max meets a girl with a Zigzagoon that loves contest and joins him.
    Through the mind hmmmm I think that maybe someone saves it and it stays on there mind and they go back to catch it but the evil guys are there.

    Anyways Its a Catchy Title
    9/10 for the title I really like this one
    You are correct with Zigzaggon, one will appear but the mind aspect is something slightly different that dosn't usually appear in Pokemon.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  18. #68
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    Cool story
    I hope you put magma and aqua in.
    CHARZARD IS THE COOLIST POKEMON

  19. #69
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    Mar 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kira Ketchum View Post
    Cool story
    I hope you put magma and aqua in.
    Magma and Aqua will be mentioned but I can tell everyone now that they are retired

    Quote Originally Posted by Torpoleon View Post
    Hi harryheart! I am a new reader.-applause- Also great title 9.5/10!!!! keep up the great work. I will review when the next chapter comes.
    Okay, well thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  20. #70
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    May 2008
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    Posts
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    i can't wait for when it is around october 16!!!!!!!!!
        Spoiler:- My Pokémon Teams & Video Game Identities:

    Claimed: Blastoise, Pokémon XY & Calem from Pokémon XY

  21. #71
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    Mar 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Torpoleon View Post
    i can't wait for when it is around october 16!!!!!!!!!
    Thats good to know, and this Chapter is hopefully a big improvement on all the others. Like more description and better spelling and grammar!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  22. #72
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    Sep 2008
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    um I dunno, I think I'm lost.
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    I really cant wait till you do the new one have you already thought of the pokemon max is gonna get later on or will you wait until the time comes

  23. #73
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    Mar 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stabberz View Post
    I really cant wait till you do the new one have you already thought of the pokemon max is gonna get later on or will you wait until the time comes
    i've already thought of what the pokemon will be so i dont faf over what will come next!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  24. #74
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    I think this is a good fic! I especially like Charmander! I'd say about 8.5/10!
    this hope is treacherous, this daydream is dangerous.
    ~I've claimed Turtwig~

  25. #75
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    Sep 2008
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    um I dunno, I think I'm lost.
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    Will you have any legendary s in maxes adventures

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