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Thread: Max's Hoenn Journey

  1. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Me_Love_Eevee! View Post
    I've seen chapter 6 and, WOW! HARRIET!!! YAY! It's great to see her in action! I may have mentioned this in a PM to you, but, Chikorita is the leaf pokemon, not the dinosaur pokemon. LULZ! The start was weird, what was it about? Why was he upset Besides that, it was a really good chapter. I'd give it a 8.5/10, really good work, keep it up. Oh, also, I hope to see more of Harriet, she seems awesome!
    To start off there is a link here that says it sort of resembles a dinosaur.

    And the start was about him forgetting Pokemon and that they actually existed which really upset him.

    And thank you for the review, you will be seeing a lot of Harriet

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  2. #127
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    Well, a few days ago, I reviewed chapter 1. Now I'm going to review chapter 2!

    I must say, chapter 2 was great! It was flowing with description, and I could barely find any grammatical or spelling errors! Plot wise, I just thought it was a bit boring, but I loved how Charmander was willing to do so much to save Max. I also found the ending about the Protector suspenseful. Overall, it was an outstanding chapter!

    I'll read chapters 3-6 when I have more time.
    YOU JUST LOST THE GAME

    Quote Originally Posted by KickAsh View Post
    Guess what Gallade did last night? I don't know. Maybe he was at the bar, having a few drinks with his bros because even though he is so awesome he is also agreeable and a normal guy, just like you and me. Maybe he was with a woman. Maybe he was drag racing HORSES, which is a sport he invented. You know what else Gallade invented? The lightbulb.
    AND LIFE ITSELF.

    Gallade.

  3. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinnoh Champion View Post
    Well, a few days ago, I reviewed chapter 1. Now I'm going to review chapter 2!

    I must say, chapter 2 was great! It was flowing with description, and I could barely find any grammatical or spelling errors! Plot wise, I just thought it was a bit boring, but I loved how Charmander was willing to do so much to save Max. I also found the ending about the Protector suspenseful. Overall, it was an outstanding chapter!

    I'll read chapters 3-6 when I have more time.
    Thank You For Reviewing Chapter 2

    It's nice to hear that you think it is an outstanding Chapter as personally that is one of my favourite ones. Along with the most recent one!

    I edited Chapter 2 a few times to change Grammatical and Spelling errors so I'm glad that there are no more.

    I hope you enjoy Chapters 3 - 6/7 if the new one arrives soon

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  4. #129
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    Chapter 3 time!

    Well, once again, I found almost no grammer and spelling mistakes! The vocabulary you put in this chapter was simply outstanding and I loved the constant feed of similes and metaphors!

    Plot-wise: I wouldn't say it was absolutely perfect, but I wouldn't say it was bad. There were two points that got me:

    1. Max was puzzled because he didn't know what Water Sport did. Yet in the anime, Max was the brainy one who knew everything about Pokemon. So he should've known about this attack, especially since it's not a new Sinnoh attack.

    2. I didn't really like the idea of Max getting his second pokemon by someone giving it to him. I think it shows that since Max already has two pokemon that he hasn't caught, he might not end up being that skilled at capturing.

    Besides those two key points, the plot was amazing and style was perfect! Keep it up and I'll review the rest soon!
    YOU JUST LOST THE GAME

    Quote Originally Posted by KickAsh View Post
    Guess what Gallade did last night? I don't know. Maybe he was at the bar, having a few drinks with his bros because even though he is so awesome he is also agreeable and a normal guy, just like you and me. Maybe he was with a woman. Maybe he was drag racing HORSES, which is a sport he invented. You know what else Gallade invented? The lightbulb.
    AND LIFE ITSELF.

    Gallade.

  5. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinnoh Champion View Post
    Chapter 3 time!

    Well, once again, I found almost no grammer and spelling mistakes! The vocabulary you put in this chapter was simply outstanding and I loved the constant feed of similes and metaphors!

    Plot-wise: I wouldn't say it was absolutely perfect, but I wouldn't say it was bad. There were two points that got me:

    1. Max was puzzled because he didn't know what Water Sport did. Yet in the anime, Max was the brainy one who knew everything about Pokemon. So he should've known about this attack, especially since it's not a new Sinnoh attack.

    2. I didn't really like the idea of Max getting his second pokemon by someone giving it to him. I think it shows that since Max already has two pokemon that he hasn't caught, he might not end up being that skilled at capturing.

    Besides those two key points, the plot was amazing and style was perfect! Keep it up and I'll review the rest soon!
    Again thank you very much for your review, commenting on:

    1) again I thought he would probably understand it but then again he never saw the attack used

    2) the reason he got it this was was for a change of capturing and trading and collecting your first Pokemon, I thought it would be a nice change

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  6. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by harryheart View Post
    Again thank you very much for your review, commenting on:

    1) again I thought he would probably understand it but then again he never saw the attack used

    2) the reason he got it this was was for a change of capturing and trading and collecting your first Pokemon, I thought it would be a nice change
    i loved the story at the start but i think that the general details are taking it all up and your missing out most of the important things my advice is to write what you think even if people dont like it because the backbone and plot is really good and the idea of bringing cassidy and butch back is really good go with the flow the grammer doesent matter

  7. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by ellikwl View Post
    i loved the story at the start but i think that the general details are taking it all up and your missing out most of the important things my advice is to write what you think even if people dont like it because the backbone and plot is really good and the idea of bringing cassidy and butch back is really good go with the flow the grammer doesent matter
    Thank you, there will be a few things I stick too like Max being the clever and knowing things, he just didn't know this. And there will be quite a few familiar faces appearing, one in the next chapter! And that reminds me here is the next Chapter title:

    Chapter 7: Back with a clash!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  8. #133
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    Hmm Chapter Review
    Hmmm Let Me See
    It's ethier a old character comes back out of no where; the bad guys, mom and day, May, someone else
    Or a big battle will be tooken place

    Pokemon Ranger Dan
    The New Ranger From Hoeen
    That Was turned into a Pokemon once... Than Turned Back Into A Human To Become A Ranger.
    Rank: 8
    Styler Level: 33
    On Mission: 14: Get The Yellow Gem!
    Credits To Sweet May For The Banner

  9. #134
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    The new release dates of the upcoming chapters revealed and posted onto the first post of this thread!

    Enjoy!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  10. #135
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    Hello! As requested by you, I'm here to review. I'll be reviewing the last chapter, because the others have already been reviewed by others and I don't have too much spare time. If you want some other to be reviewed by me as well, then let me know.

    Anyway, there we go.

    -

    Max was thrown harshly against the inside of a metal machine and he wasn't able to see exactly what was taking place, as his injury was causing him to become weaker and weaker. He heard a woman speaking to him, but unfortunately this was muffled again as his mind was concentrating on the throbbing pain pounding in his chest.
    I would eliminate the first comma, before what happens after the comma usually refers to the thing before it. So in this case the machine would be unable to see what was going on, not Max.

    Woman sounds better, because female could refer to anything, really. Animals, for one, or even pokémon.

    He heard the cries of little, unknown voices, not speaking any language he knew, and they just seemed to keep on repeating the same word over and over again, but with different intonations.
    'Little unknown' isn't a combination we use. 'Little known', perhaps, but not the opposite. If you wanted to use both, then you add a comma.

    I'd use intonations, because if they're saying the same word then variations aren't possible. Unless you meant the word in different languages, in which case you should be more in-depth about it.

    Maybe he was just having a bad dream. Creatures just saying one word, and only one word, seemed really weird and rather crazy.
    Once all the complaining was over a certain warmth crept over his muscles, seeping into his skin and soothing the soreness that rested like a layer of mould over his body.
    Wait, what, complaining? What complaining are you referring to? No one spoke, except that female voice, so where was the complaining?

    Max began to feel sluggish and dozy, wondering what was causing these strange effects on him.
    More calls sounded again, with a slight electrical buzz in the background.
    Bolting upright and back into his world, Max rubbed his mahogany eyes free of bitterness.
    Bitterness? That's random. He hadn't been very bitter about anything, really. If you're going to refer to something then it should have a basis, preferably in the same chapter. Also, if the earlier segment was a dream or a memory, or whatever, then putting it into italics would solidify that for us.

    It seemed that the previous day's experiences had affected him more than he had originally thought.
    Quietly he carefully wriggled out of the bed that Joshua had kindly allowed him to stay in the night before.
    Quietly and carefully so close together reads awkward, so use one or the other, not both.

    The hum continued on, chugging away in the background while a cool jet of water lashed over Max, swallowing him into an array of droplets.
    Lurched isn't quite what you were looking for, I think. Chugging implies it's a steady, repetitive sound, while lurching implies the opposite.

    Anyway, what's with the bolded repetition of something you'd written earlier?

    Two loud knocks tapped on the door to the blue striped bathroom
    Knocks don't tap on the door, something solid does to create the knocking sound.

    “Max, are you all right?”
    This is an instance of what we call 'direct address'. When directly referring to a person, by either their name, title, or something else to identify them with, then you use a comma.

    Like 'Hello, Amy' or 'Bye, sir'.

    Roxanne had been awoken by the noise of the shower pattering in her ear softly like a calm rain shower.
    “Yes, Roxanne! I’m fine. I just wanted a shower to soothe my muscles.”
    Another case of direct address. ^^ Notice how I put a comma there?

    The young boy stretched his tightened muscles, relaxing himself before he switched the shower off and stepped onto the furry carpet.
    -

    Okay, this is as far as I got. To be honest, it's hard to read this. Not because the grammar or spelling is so horrendous, or there is a lack of description, but because it's so...pretentious.

    Your first chapter started out overly simple, to the point where it was lacking description and plot as well as certain writing mechanics. Now you've gone the other way entirely, but instead of making it a pleasure to read it's become a caricature.

    You've tried really hard, I can tell, but it doesn't feel right. It's almost like you're forcing yourself to use difficult words you don't quite understand, or to use enlightened description. You were told to work on your plot and description, but you've gone too far with it. It's confusing and reads like you're just putting the words/description in because you were told to.

    Relax, focus on adding description but don't feel you have to use a thesaurus to do so. This is not something I say often to beginning writers, but you've taken the advice too far. Not everything has to be 'trickling softly like the raindrops glistening off an icy window', not everything has to be dark, brooding and dangerous.

    That's your biggest problem now. You use too many words and use them when you don't really grasp their meaning. Sounds don't knock, suns don't roar. You can use verbs that don't generally fit the words they're used with, but only when their meanings mix. Not randomly.

    Work on fitting description that works with what you're describing, but don't just add in elaborate words when you're not sure what they're about. This entire chapter had description that ended up not being description because it didn't fit what it was describing. (I hope that makes sense.)

    Your scenes hop from one to the other, but there's no transitions. Calm down, get a clear plot in mind, and then design a road to travel for yourself.

    Good luck, it's going to be a tricky thing to do!

    Thank you, Saffire Persian, for the lovely banner.

  11. #136
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    Okay, this is as far as I got. To be honest, it's hard to read this. Not because the grammar or spelling is so horrendous, or there is a lack of description, but because it's so...pretentious.

    Your first chapter started out overly simple, to the point where it was lacking description and plot as well as certain writing mechanics. Now you've gone the other way entirely, but instead of making it a pleasure to read it's become a caricature.

    You've tried really hard, I can tell, but it doesn't feel right. It's almost like you're forcing yourself to use difficult words you don't quite understand, or to use enlightened description. You were told to work on your plot and description, but you've gone too far with it. It's confusing and reads like you're just putting the words/description in because you were told to.

    Relax, focus on adding description but don't feel you have to use a thesaurus to do so. This is not something I say often to beginning writers, but you've taken the advice too far. Not everything has to be 'trickling softly like the raindrops glistening off an icy window', not everything has to be dark, brooding and dangerous.

    That's your biggest problem now. You use too many words and use them when you don't really grasp their meaning. Sounds don't knock, suns don't roar. You can use verbs that don't generally fit the words they're used with, but only when their meanings mix. Not randomly.

    Work on fitting description that works with what you're describing, but don't just add in elaborate words when you're not sure what they're about. This entire chapter had description that ended up not being description because it didn't fit what it was describing. (I hope that makes sense.)

    Your scenes hop from one to the other, but there's no transitions. Calm down, get a clear plot in mind, and then design a road to travel for yourself.

    Good luck, it's going to be a tricky thing to do!
    Thank you for your review. It's really nice that you found the time to review it.

    The sun roaring was personification. Sorry if it sounded wrong.

    And I will edit all the other things today.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  12. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanChimchar View Post
    Hmm Chapter Review
    Hmmm Let Me See
    It's ethier a old character comes back out of no where; the bad guys, mom and day, May, someone else
    Or a big battle will be tooken place
    I agree with DanChimchar, it does sound like that is going to happen in the next chapter. And oh, danchimchar, you said 'day', not 'dad'! LULZ!
    Eevee >>> Your fav pokemon

  13. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by Me_Love_Eevee! View Post
    I agree with DanChimchar, it does sound like that is going to happen in the next chapter. And oh, danchimchar, you said 'day', not 'dad'! LULZ!
    Dan Chimchar is really close. The name is in his guess

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

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    your story is really good because of the whole susspense of it you cant wait for what happens next but charmander should evolved and he should meet more pokemon if you look at the games you meet marill tailow pochyena wurmple and my personel fav shromish

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    but apart from that ik have no real worrie for the story ill give it 4 stars and age group of 8 to 20

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    Quote Originally Posted by ellikwl View Post
    your story is really good because of the whole susspense of it you cant wait for what happens next but charmander should evolved and he should meet more pokemon if you look at the games you meet marill tailow pochyena wurmple and my personel fav shromish but apart from that ik have no real worrie for the story ill give it 4 stars and age group of 8 to 20
    Thank you, I haven't really thought of an age group, but I'm glad it's range is 12. I'm glad you really like it and lots of Pokemon will appear from time to time.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  17. #142
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    your fic is.. wait for it... AWESOME it's one of the best fics I seem and I like how Max is now. keep going harry heart your a great writer.


    The image was WAY over the limit so it was removed. Please read the Signature Rules.

  18. #143
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    great fic its good i just startedc reading it and i finished it rreally quick keep it up

  19. #144
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    Thanks guys

    And sorry about this but the next chapter will be a few days late due to me being away

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  20. #145
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    harryheart great story it looks like it will get better and better cna't wait for the next chapter

    I'm writing a fan-fic check it out at http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=364242 Visit the Tokyo Underground group click here.

  21. #146
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    Default Chapter 7: Back with a clash!

    Here is the new chapter. Sorry it is 2 days late but I hope you enjoy. It is shorter than any other Chapter I have done but it is kinda like a filler episode.

    Thanks


    Chapter 7: Back with a clash!

    *****

    The sunlight was still as strong as ever, piercing the windows of the hut with its intensifying glare. Three deep shadows broadened their gaze across the wooden floor. The young girl put her cherry coloured jacket back on before gently rising to her feet.

    “Well I best be heading off now,” Harriet mentioned, placing her navy handbag on her left shoulder, “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

    “Likewise, and when you participate in the Rustboro contest come visit me in the gym!” Shaking the hand of the young girl, “There will always be biscuits waiting for you!” Roxanne giggled.

    “Bye Harriet, and good luck in the Petalburg City contest,” a comforting smile beaming toward the Coordinator, “Do you want me to get Max for you?”

    “Nah, I’ll probably bump into him at some point,” chuckling at her strange thought of comment. “Tell Max I said goodbye,” she said while strolling out of the door, headed toward the direct path for Petalburg City.

    *****

    Max stood in front of the green computer interface, seizing hold of the lime coloured phone that hung from the side. Remembering what his Dad told him before he left Professor Birch’s lab, Max dialled in the number of a Pokemon Centre in the Jhoto region.

    “Hello. This is the New Bark Pokemon Centre. How may I be of help?” A lady with vibrant pink hair appeared on the screen. Her face seemed care worn, more appreciative than any other Nurse Joys he had seen.
    “I was wondering if you had a register of the people staying?” As she gave a simple nod the curls of her hair seemed to bounce from the force of the movement. “Would it be possible if I could take a look at the list?” His anxiety becoming more apparent by the second as his hand twitched from nervousness.

    “If I could ask you to step away from the console as I fax through the information,” always with the same calm tone of voice, “I’ve sent it, just wait a few minutes.” A chugging noise began to constantly repeat itself in rhythmic pulses, spurting out a piece of file paper from the top of the appliance. “There you go sir, now if there is anything else…?” She noticed his enlightened face beaming at the sheet of paper as if it was his lifeline on a desert Island.

    “Umm, there is one last thing,” pointing at one particular name on the list, “Is she available?” Once again showing his nerves through a few simple words.

    “Certainly, she just had her Pokemon looked at. I’ll only be a few minutes,” repositioning her white nurse hat upon smaller curls, she wandered out of view, undetectable in any part of the screen. When it seemed like fifteen minutes had passed, she reappeared with a brown haired girl who was readjusting her green bandana.

    “MAY!” The words were all he needed to comfort him again, nearly drawing out fresh tears. “I’ve really missed you!” Seeing the reaction of a huge grin smiling proudly back on his pale face, Max became engulfed in an unveiling excitement. “There is so much I have to tell you!”

    “Well little bro, the start is always a great place to begin,” she smiled, seeing how much it meant to Max to be talking to her again. “Oh, before anything else, I have someone here who wants to see you.” May gently bent toward the ground, grasping hold of her Pokemon, raising her to the screen. Two frost coloured eyes sparkled in the reflection of the screen, Glaceon was as still as a block of ice with her two drapes fluttering from side to side. Her icy coloured diamond shapes were dotted all around her glossy fur. She gave a quiet purr as May stroked her coat from front to back.

    “Ha, Eevee evolved! Now that is a definite surprise.” His smile widening by the enjoyment of the conversation, “ I don’t remember seeing you with her at the Wallace Cup?”
    “I did use her. Don’t you remember the final battle?”

    “Umm, no. That may have been when I was out at the local market buying fresh fruit for Mum, but for her to evolve you obviously went to Snowpoint City, but enough about that, here is my news, ” Max paused for impact, “Here are my new friends!” Clamping hold of two newly polished PokeBalls, he opened them to reveal Charmander and Budew. “I’m a Pokemon Trainer!”

    May was utterly bewildered by the facts, resulting in her nearly dropping Glaceon. “Wow, so you went and did it then! Congratulations.” Her admiration and delight was encrypted within her sea coloured eyes.

    Max’s enthusiasm overwhelmed him once again; his sister had shown him respect, which was all he wanted, “May, thank you.” A relaxing quietness lingered between the siblings, as if they were communicating with each other without the use of words. Breaking the silence, Max began to continue with his achievements and upcoming goals, “Another thing, I am intending to challenge Dad soon but with only 2 Pokemon that won’t be allowed. So I was wondering if I could use Delcatty?”

    “Certainly Max, just make sure she comes out unscathed,” she said with a little laugh coiled into the words. May swung her green belt pack so it faced the screen why she fished around for a little card, “Now I also have some joyous news. Look, this is a pass to compete in Sinnoh, and I intend to beat Harley and Drew!”
    Max smiled, “You have the potential to win that, if you try hard enough.” The sibling rivalry was sparked to life once more, with fiery results.

    “What? POTENIAL! I could easily win it with my eyes closed!”

    “Hah, you’re just being cocky May, it would take a lot of work, and even then you may hardly succeed!” May boiled with anger, how dare her brother say she wouldn’t win. “Did you like what I did there, the pun?”

    “Max, you little DEVIL! And no, that joke is getting tiresome now, and if you won’t appreciate me then I won’t listen to this.” Her hand rose toward the machine, with one flick of a finger, Max was alone.

    “Argh, she switched the machine off on me!” The tension in his voice exceeding the normal parameters, “Hm, oh well, she evened our score. And I suppose it was nice to talk to her as she has helped me decide what to do!” He recalled both Pokemon and briskly walked back into the front room, where Joshua and Roxanne were having an avid conversation about whether Solrock were better than Lunatone.

    “Lunatone are better by far, their Psychic abilities are more superior to that of Solrock’s!” Roxanne said in an elegant tone.

    “WHAT! Just because it has better Psychic abilities doesn’t make it better overall. If we go by that set of rules then my…”

    “Will you two be quiet!” Max roared over the noise of the others, while he calmly retracted into a leather chair next to Roxanne. “Now, I need to make an announcement.” He cleared his throat before proceeding with the words, “I have decided to leave for Petalburg this afternoon as I now have enough Pokemon to challenge my Dad with!”

    “Hold on! You have 3 Pokemon? Since when?” Roxanne seemed extremely puzzled; Max had only been gone a 15 minutes.

    “My sister is lending me her Delcatty to use, and there is nothing that says you can’t in Dad’s rules.”
    “Well, I’m coming with you then, might as well travel in a pair,” she turned in her chair to face Joshua, “Sorry, but I guess it’s our time to leave.”

    “No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine here with Swellow and Skarmory by my side, and I know Budew will do fine with a talented trainer like you Max.”

    “He…he,” his laugh seeming on edge, “Talented? Well maybe in a few days!” He scratched the top of his head in embarrassment, which seemed to make him check that he had all his belongings with him; carefully placing the PokeBalls in his hand back onto his belt. “I’m ready to go.”

    “So am I, and take good care Joshua,” she grasped his hand more tightly than Harriet’s, giving it a vigorous shake. “I really will miss you.”

    “Same here, and see you someday Max.” A sudden flash of light illuminated the bottom of Max’s blue t-shirt. Standing before her former trainer, Budew leaped into his arms giving him one final hug before she departed on her journey around Hoenn. “It’s time for you to leave, do come back and visit me though.” There were definite tears forming in both human and Pokemon’s eyes, a silent goodbye was all that could be fashioned.

    Max and Roxanne opened the door to the warm sunlight on their faces. The road beckoned to the two to begin their trek onto Petalburg City where Max was certain he would obtain his first gym badge.

    “Budew are you ready to leave?” A hushed nod came from the saddened Pokemon as Max held her PokeBall in the air. The red light flew and struck the Pokemon, recalling her back inside, “Goodbye Joshua and stay well.” Max and Roxanne marched into the sunlight that was setting into the clearing. Taking a sharp turn right and back into the Oldale Town forest, they set off toward Petalburg City and Max’s first Gym Battle. The excitement and confidence couldn’t be contained any longer, he leaped into the air, punching it out of his way! “Yeah, I’m back in the game and ready to win!”
    Last edited by harryheart; 4th November 2008 at 9:55 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  22. #147
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    It's been quite long since I last reviewed.
    But whoa, Your writing style has gotten better.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kate View Post
    Am I the only the person that sees this announcement as somewhat frivolous? To be straightforward, who cares?

    Thanks so much for letting us all know, we can take refuge that you're still God. While your at it, make another announcement about how your not really fat anymore, just to make sure we all know.
    ...

  23. #148
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    um I dunno, I think I'm lost.
    Posts
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    HarryHeart you are becoming better with time and this just proves it you Made a Filler Episode that will capture the reader and Make Him/Her Go back for More it is just brilliant *Breaks Out in Tears*

  24. #149
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,489

    Default

    Haven't read here in a while but the filler was good

    YES MAY I KNEW IT.
    I thought May said everything she would have said without saying any spoilers about the festival which was good hehe
    Anyways found no errors. Abit short

    I'm gonna say

    7.9/10 Since it was a filler but Still very great

    Pokemon Ranger Dan
    The New Ranger From Hoeen
    That Was turned into a Pokemon once... Than Turned Back Into A Human To Become A Ranger.
    Rank: 8
    Styler Level: 33
    On Mission: 14: Get The Yellow Gem!
    Credits To Sweet May For The Banner

  25. #150
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Violet City
    Posts
    2,820

    Default

    Look. That chapter was atrocious. It showed me NO improvement on the stuff that Yami or I asked you to look at and fix. I am therefore no longer reviewing this fic. If you are not going to listen to me, then why should I bother?

    May you prove me wrong,
    Manaphyman

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

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