Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 62

Thread: Dawn of a New Legacy

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default Dawn of a New Legacy

    DAWN • OF • A • NEW • LEGACY
    THE FATE • OF THE WORLD • WILL BE • WRITTEN IN BLOOD


    This Fan-Fiction is suitable for readers of ages 14+
    for mild to heavy violence, a little swearing,
    and mature thematic content.
    However, if you believe yourself to be mature enough, do proceed.
    This is primarily of the action-adventure genre with supernatural themes.
    This was co-written with Mr. Alice, whose maniac ideas powered the engine
    behind this story.
    Please enjoy this story, and thank you for taking the time to read this.
    You may request to be on the PM list if you wish.



    • QUICK ACCESS CHAPTER INDEX•
    (for those of you who happen to jump in the story late)

    [ 0: THE DARK MOUNTAIN ]
    [ X: FUNERAL AND BIRTH ]
    [ 1: LAND OF THE DEAD ]
    [ 2: UNKNOWN SOLDIER ]

    [EXTRA]
    Flags of the Pokemon Nations ]




    Even before the skies were forever swallowed up by darkness, everybody knew and feared the mountain.

    None of them would stay in its shadow, for it was cold: cold as the dry finger-bones of a corpse. And there was the fog, a dread fog that surrounded the mountain at all times, even in the heat of daylight and never dissipated. It veiled the mountain like a dead bride’s dusty shroud.

    People walked into the fog, but did not walk out again. And there were the voices, the voices from inside the fog, whispering so inaudibly but yes, you could hear them, as though they were standing right behind you, but when you turned around, you would only see your shadow in the mist. Some believed they were the voices of dead loved ones.

    But what people knew for certain was this:

    There was a lake at the top of the mountain, a deeply sunken lake in a black basin, as slippery and fetid as a drowning man’s last breath. And there was a bridge; yes, a wooden bridge, spanning the lake. Its ancient planks mushy with rot, the bridge teetered high above the silent, dark waters on rickety wooden poles.

    The bridge was broken in the middle.

    One might wonder how this was known, if nobody returned from the fog. The answer was fairly simple.

    There was a man on the bridge, standing alone at its end.

    He was tall and shaggy-haired, uniformed in crisp black broken only by a small red patch over his heart, shaped in the letter R. Standing with his feet slightly apart and jutting off the edge, the thick whispering fog swirling all around him, he was a striking figure. But his attention was not quite fully on his otherworldly surroundings, as he was jotting down notes in precise, constrained handwriting.

    Funeral—ceremony honoring/mourning end or cessation of existence, usually prior to burial.

    Spring—to come into being; a source, origin, or beginning. First stage, rebirth of the world, dawn, first light. Hope springs eternal.

    Path—a surface walked upon by many. The beginning, middle, and end of all journeys.

    The fog is the mourning funeral. The lake is the eternal spring. The broken bridge is the beaten path. Site is locally known as the Funeral Spring Path…but in older translations, it has been referred to as ‘World’s End.’


    A soft sensation spread through his mind, a soothing darkness that swirled in his mind's eye like ink spilt in water. Dorian snapped his notebook closed and turned around. “Yes, my love?”

    There was only an inaudible whispering, and then the fog swirled back, parting slightly. A Gardevoir emerged through the fog, drifting as elegantly as sung poetry in motion.

    The corner of Dorian’s lip twitched. His eyes were dark and intense, set in somewhat sunken sockets. They glittered with something that people would have been hesitant to call touched, but the look in Dorian’s eyes had never been completely right, either. “You are beautiful as always, Clarity, my love.”

    Clarity tilted her large head in a demure gesture, blinking her luminous red eyes. Every motion she made was poised and fluid, her body twisting in one rippling motion leading down to her dress, which billowed out from her body like a blossoming rose. She gestured one slender arm.

    Dorian smiled lovingly. "Don't tell me they've found it? Excellent, my darling...excellent."

    He slid a pair of dark sunglasses over his face, and glanced upwards slightly, enjoying the cool darkness cast by the thick fog. Moisture clung to his skin, and coolness slithered up his back like the ghostly hands of a lover.

    Dorian hated the light.





    Extraordinary, indeed… Dorian mused as he craned his head far back to squint upwards. He could not see the top of the chamber, as it vanished into a ceiling of fog. Lowering his gaze, he scanned the walls. The Mismagius had done a wonderful job, uncovering this. It was just what he had been looking for. But how enigmatic it was, too.

    The Mismagius had picked up on this secret chamber at the very end of the Path—a space so vast that Dorian estimated could have contained the entire population of Goldenrod. The walls and floor were hewn of obsidian—glossy and black, with swirling lines etched into them. The upper levels of the chamber were lost to thick fog, but the fog seemed to contain an eerie light that cast a ghostly glow over everything.

    And the doors.

    They seemed to be bigger than the world itself. They were frighteningly enormous, spanning the entire northern wall of the chamber, and they stretched upwards into the twilight fog, a pair of mysterious doors that seemed to have no limit. Their sheer size dwarfed Dorian, made him feel small and insignificant.

    Dorian did like not to be made to feel that way.

    The design of the doors were curious—plated with gold and bronze, overlaid with archaic glyphs of an ancient language, which Dorian recognized as archaic Unown script. In the very center of the doors, at the heart of the circles, there was an enormous eye, carved in sharp relief. Crisscrossing the length of the doors were enormous chains wrought of copper, each link as large as Dorian himself. The gigantic eye stared down impassively at him, drowning him in its indifferent stare.

    Dorian was a student of history and long-forgotten civilizations. He loved history with an almost maniac obsession, and the doors seemed to seep history itself. Tenderly, almost lovingly, he traced a finger over the Unown glyphs, translating the inscriptions out loud.

    “Holy am I alone throughout heaven and earth.”

    He moved the finger down, eyebrows furrowing slightly. Interesting.

    The doors had not been made to barricade. They had been created to contain.

    Dorian made a soft noise in the back of his throat, and turned around, signaling for the Mismagius. They came, as softly as dry leaves slithering.

    Dorian nodded at them. His voice was soft. "Have the others bring Andros Sixty-five.”

    The Mismagius hissed sibilantly, and faded back into the shadows. Within several minutes, two grunts came, perspiring slightly as they dragged along a giant metal storage box. The box was ominously fortified in a thick case of steel rods, and a large red biohazard symbol was painted on its side.

    The box landed heavily on the ground with an audible thud, and it began to rattle slightly. Dorian gazed at it coolly. “Release it, if you would.”

    With a hiss, the steel bars retracted, and the box opened up along one side. There was a hush, and then a faint creaking noise. A shambling monstrosity slowly shuffled out, dragging an astonishing array of tubes and piping behind it. It was an Alakazam, hunched over as though in pain. Its movements were jerky, puppet-like.

    Dorian recognized the nature of the Alakazam’s shambling movements. The Alakazam was so physically frail that it needed to move itself with its own telekinesis. Gunmetal grey armor had replaced the natural purple plating of its body, and its flesh glistened a raw black, as though burnt. The hideous Pokemon’s eyes glowed a flat mechanical red, pulsing steadily like a machine. The pipes and tubes ran along the ground, feeding directly into the base of the Alakazam’s neck. The piping was a support system, feeding chemicals directly into its brain stem.

    Dorian gazed at the atrocity, somewhat pleased with himself. “Open the doors.”

    Soundlessly, the Alakazam slowly raised its gnarled fingers, bones audibly creaking as it flexed its hand.

    An eerie whistling wind blew up, whipping around their legs. There was a tremendous crash, and the great doors shuddered, as though a great force had slammed into them. They caved inwards slightly towards the center, but held.

    “More,” Dorian whispered.

    The Alakazam’s fist squeezed into a fist, and there was a scream of tortured metal. The doors vibrated loudly, and the cavern itself began to shake underfoot. There was a clear bell-like noise, and a crack suddenly ran down the length of the doors. Dorian breathed in sharply, his heart rate speeding up.

    The crack fissured out into a thousand other cracks—and then the doors evaporated, dissolving under a torrential roar of light. A miniature sun seemed to have risen under the earth.

    Dorian threw up his arms, futilely shielding himself from the searing light. It blasted through the massive space, swallowing up the shadows. He could dimly hear himself yelling incoherently. The light was relentless, blasting through the membrane of his eyelids and searing his retinas.

    The cavern was suddenly filled with a terrible, ringing silence. As suddenly as it had come, the light vanished, and everything was plunged into abrupt darkness.

    There was a clatter, and the steel box fell on its side, its red-hot metal surface hissing with steam.

    Last edited by Kiyohime; 27th October 2008 at 3:05 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Training at Sootopolis City
    Posts
    1,697

    Default

    Ya know, I’ve been waiting to read this story for a long time. XD However, it sucks that there’s only going to be seven chapters into the story (thought you actually finished the story...^^; ). I understand though, me also quite busy with college work.

    Anyways, off to a great start here. Love that note that Rocket wrote, very poetic and haunting at the same time. Kinda creepy (to me) that same man kept calling Clarity his darling and such, but at the same time that gave depth to his character. Lastly, heh so I assume everyone vanished after that door open? XD

    There’s one minor criticism, though. A couple of times the description, which for the most part is great and I can picture what’s happening clearly, became redundant.

    There was only an inaudible whispering, and then the fog swirled back, parting slightly. A Gardevoir emerged through the fog, drifting as elegantly as a petal on a breeze. The entirety of her entrance was surreal—impossibly graceful and heraldic, like poetry in motion.

    The corner of Dorian’s lip twitched. His eyes were dark and intense, set in somewhat sunken sockets. They glittered with something that people would have been hesitant to call touched, but the look in Dorian’s eyes had never been completely right, either. “You are beautiful as always, Clarity, my love.”

    Clarity tilted her large head in a demure gesture, blinking her luminous red eyes. Every motion she made was poised and fluid, her body twisting in one rippling motion leading down to her dress, which billowed out from her body like a blossoming rose. She gestured one arm, and Dorian was briefly entranced by it—it was like the stem of a flower swaying in the wind.
    I know you’re trying to emphasis Clarity’s movements and such, but for the most part you don’t need to repeat that.

    The crack fissured out into a thousand other cracks—and then the doors evaporated, dissolving under a torrential roar of light. A miniature sun seemed to have risen under the earth.

    Dorian threw up his arms, futilely shielding himself from the screaming, searing light. It blasted through the massive space, swallowing up the shadows. He could dimly hear himself yelling incoherently. The light was relentless, blasting through the membrane of his eyelids and searing his retinas.
    Same thing. The readers would already know how harsh and loud that light is. On the second bolded part, just saying light is fine.

    Overall, again love the first chapter already starting out in full swing. Can’t wait for the rest. ^^


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Meh.
    Posts
    3,682

    Default

    I stifled a scream when I saw this topic. Really. Then I went, "Aww," after the first paragraph. This fic is like, the reason I'm at Serebii. So much nostalgia, I just hope this is a remake of justice. I promise I won't hassle you for more, but I really wish someone would have finished this thing! I never got to finish it!

    It is nice to see that this is a true remake, rather than a copy. I was expecting machinery sounds at the beginning, but no, you give me fog.

    My god I've missed your style scrap. So descriptive, and yet, there's an elegance that mimics the waves.
    Spring—to come into being; a source, origin, or beginning. First stage, rebirth of the world, dawn, first light. Hope springs eternal.
    I love that word you've placed there. It symbolizes the title, but also being the eighth syllable of that sentence, and landing on a stress, it has a certain solidity that leaps out at you. It's a great word choice.

    Now what I'm guessing is that you're changing the heroine's backstory. That's cool. I also like how you've changed the Andros to where they're somewhat restricted. It shows that the rockets are wary of what they've got and that even though they control the creatures, they aren't stupid enough to let them roam free. It removes perfection and the mary-sueish feel, if a team can have that sort of feel.

    All in all, I really look forward to what you do have left for us.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    I really, honestly wish we could have finished it, too....but you know, the original story was never finished, either. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, you know?

    All credit should go to Mr Alice for his fantastic ideas. I only did the writing, I'm the grunt. ^^

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Meh.
    Posts
    3,682

    Default

    Well being the grunt you're the one who gets all the praise. You're the messenger, I suppose.

    Tell me, how far into planning did you actually get?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    I have a full outline of every chapter until the end.

    The only problem is...the stress of living up to the expectations surrounding the story. I'd sit down in front of my computer and try to write, but eventually end up psyching myself out.

    If I set aside at least one hour every day I could probably do this, but I'm afraid of making it lackluster. After Aeon, it feels like I can't burn as much of my energy again, even though the ideas are really sparkling.

    Although, ever since I posted this thread, I've been feeling guilt pangs, like a Santa Claus who never delivered the toys he promised. So I'm going to try and sit down for a while tonight, give myself some quiet time, and re-read Mr. Alice's outline.

    I would love to see this finished as much as you all. Because....the ending was really kick-***. D:

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    1,971

    Default

    My face upon seeing this thread's title: O_______O

    Which was immediately followed by a squee. X3

    Yes, I'm very glad to see this here, even in an unfinished form. I commend you for choosing to post what was written of it; something is often better than nothing, after all (as is the case here), and I agree that it would have been a shame to let what work was put into it go to waste--especially since so far, the results look pretty darned boss.

    Nice way to start things off, I thought, especially with the nice bit of mystery there at the end as to just what was released from behind those doors. I think I know the answer to that, but I could be wrong. It should be interesting to find out that answer (if indeed we do, but if the answer's what I think it is, then I'm quite certain that we will)--yet another reason for me to look forward to the next part (as if I weren't already X3).

    And I loved the introduction of what was my favorite element in the original version of this story: the frelling Andros. o____o I find the very concept of them awesomely disturbing, always have, plus they've always tended to have really cool designs, in my opinion--and the Alakazam featured in this part was no exception. I loved its design not only because I thought it looked cool (especially with regards to the way "its flesh glistened a raw black, as though burnt") but also for the way that it gave it this really interesting air of being both scary and pitiful at the same time. That kind of sums up the Andros in a nutshell for me, actually: things to be feared and pitied at the same time.

    Heck, I even thought that the box it came in was cool-looking.

    Furthermore, I squeed about the fact that the Andros featured in this part was (more or less) an Alakazam--what can I say, that's one of my favorite Pokémon. (Despite being that much of a fan of Alakazam, it was still with a delay that I realized why its designation was Andros Sixty-five. XD; Eh, but I've always sucked at remembering 'dex numbers. X3)

    On a silly note: In the part that was in a different font, I kept misreading the letter "s" as "z" for some reason. As such, the term "path" initially appeared to my eyes to be described by Dorian as "the beginning, middle, and end of all journeyz", which made me laugh. XD

    Again, I'm looking very much forward to reading the next part. ^^ And again, I thank you for posting what was written of this. ^^
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    Sike Saner! I can't believe you're still around. D: How have you been?

    As of now, this is unfinished, but we'll see. I've been going over Mr Alice's outlines...it may help, and I'm forcing myself to work on the unfinished 8th chapter right now. That part was the scene which dealt with the Cherrygrove Trainer's Festival (remember that?)

    If anyone would like to be PMed when the next chapter goes up, please let me know.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,241

    Default

    Just reading the first few paragraphs had me saying one thing. Epic. Exactly what I was hoping for. The flow was impeccable, as was the imagery. The imagery...fantastic stuff, truly. The prose was great, and it all just felt natural, not forced at all.

    Even before the skies were forever swallowed up by darkness, everybody knew and feared the mountain.

    None of them would stay in its shadow, for it was cold: cold as the dry finger-bones of a corpse. And there was the fog, a dread fog that surrounded the mountain at all times, even in the heat of daylight and never dissipated. It veiled the mountain like a dead bride’s dusty shroud.

    People walked into the fog, but did not walk out again. And there were the voices, the voices from inside the fog, whispering so inaudibly but yes, you could hear them, as though they were standing right behind you, but when you turned around, you would only see your shadow in the mist. Some believed they were the voices of dead loved ones.
    This is how all fics should start. XD Hooked in practically immediately, and you're on your way.

    Dorian recognized the nature of the Alakazam’s shambling movements. The Alakazam was so physically frail that it needed to move itself with its own telekinesis. Gunmetal grey armor had replaced the natural purple plating of its body, and its flesh glistened a raw black, as though burnt. The hideous Pokemon’s eyes glowed a flat mechanical red, pulsing steadily like a machine. The pipes and tubes ran along the ground, feeding directly into the base of the Alakazam’s neck. The piping was a support system, feeding chemicals directly into its brain stem.
    Really cool stuff, here. I admit, not having read the first version I don't know anything about the Andros, but just this alone is plenty unique and creepy.

    Honestly, this looks fantastic. Go ahead and add me to the PM list, for sure. And good luck with the future chapters, I feel for you there. Just keep at it.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Meh.
    Posts
    3,682

    Default

    I really think you shouldn't worry about filling anyone's shoes here, Scrap. It's been so long since this fic has been here that nobody really remembers how good it is. People won't care if it's not as good as the original as long as it's good enough to read. So if you do decide to write it up and feel an inferiority complex, just remember that this is your story and we won't judge you. We'll judge the story, but that's kind of our job.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Sometime in someplace
    Posts
    525

    Default

    I have to agree with indigestible_wad, Scrap. I'm one of those who never read the original so I won't have anything to compare it to other than it's own work, but that's how everything should. I've yet to see anything short of wonderful from you so this is bound to turn out the same way, regardless of how it was originally. This'll be your rendition of a story so that's how it should be judged. 'Course I might just want to read something by you again.

    Anyways, that start was excellent. Whatever exactly happened to that Alakazam is pretty crazy, I'm getting a zombie robot vibe from it, and I love the chilling image of it.
    Definitely put me on the list for the next chapters and I'll be there for them. If you decide to finish the rest of it that'll kick ***, but there's no pressure there.
    Is all the innocence of once seen gone? Can it ever truly be recovered? Fighting to the end, will the shadows always overcome? Or will the flames of the past reclaim their lost goals?

    Still here, still a lurker; as always.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    Kaizer! Long time no see. ^^ I've just finished up with the bulk of the 8th chapter so there may be hope yet.

    I need to ask you all--what sort of update schedule do you guys prefer? Weekly, like Aeon, or a little more stretched out so there's no reader exhaustion? (in my experience, I go nuts if a fan-fiction is updated way too frequently to keep up)

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    1,971

    Default

    I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I'd have a very difficult time keeping up with weekly updates. @.@;

    And while I'm here, I might as well also request to be put on the PM list. :3
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Meh.
    Posts
    3,682

    Default

    I think that you should start off with frequent updates, then as the story progresses, lengthen the time between them. I find that I either like to read a story all at once, or have the chapters spread out over long periods of time.

    Scratch that, that's a god awful idea. Maybe just make no schedule? No, I have a feeling that you'd have difficulty with that. You could just have a custom schedule that comes out at certain points depending on your schedule and how much the audience wants the new chapter.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Training at Sootopolis City
    Posts
    1,697

    Default

    I say have chapters posted every couple weeks or so as yeah it'll be hard for me to keep up with weekly updates. And also, I too would like to be in the PM list. ^^


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    Okay, no weekly updates. (wheeew) Thanks, guys.

    Every time I send out a PM update I will include a link to the chapter itself so you guys won't need to dig through each page of the thread.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Amano-Iwato.
    Posts
    1,150

    Default

    Considering my interest in your other works, my reaction when I saw this thread is predictable. Somewhere nearing Sike's gargantuan smiley. And, you see, this is a rewrite of what I hear to be an epic fiction by two very respected writers, so the awesomeness is cubed. (I hope your usertitle doesn't refer to the young-adult novel by the same name, though. *fervent*) Shamefully, I hadn't heard of the original fiction until you announced your remake, so expectations about doing justice to the first work don't look to be too harsh from my side. The only suitably old fic remembered here is Revelations, and this is because we've had a lot of reminders.

    I still enjoy your style in all its characteristics: the man in black noting down the ominous crypticisms about the event to come, the cold abominations, the marvelously stylized religio-mythological themes. (Also the fact that you managed to smuggle a cross special character onto this forums' parser.)

    I wonder, though, if Dorian is such an enthusiast for history, why he should smash the door to pieces so gladly. That's certainly not very good archaeological behaviour. I presume he had no choice--business first, is it not so, and in any case the door appeared to be a seal. Seals are always meant to be broken.

    Well, now to patiently wait for more developments and hope the plot begins to make more sense to me. Add me to the PM list, please.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    If you're talking about the Twilight series, rest assured that I try to not touch those odious books with a ten-mile stick. My user-title is old, I had it back ages ago when we first decided to resurrect Dawn of a New Legacy. Ugh, looks like I have to change it. T_T


    Dorian is an old character from the original, and he was a pretty ruthless guy. His thinking was "If you can't get around it, and you can't order it to get out of the way, smash it to bits." Maybe what was behind the door was far, far more valuable than the doors themselves.

    I'm glad you're interested in this story...it's always nice to see old-time reviewers appear! :] And this one actually is something Im serious about, unlike my several false starts at attempting chaptered stories before (Scrap + Chapters = R.I.P.)

    But this time, I can't whine. Mr. Alice did all of the "brain-work" for me and wrote out a full outline until the end, so I have a nice fully formed story skeleton to work with.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Fortree City, Hoenn/ USA
    Posts
    490

    Default

    I love this story. The images, it's just so easy to picture in my mind. I can just fel the moon of what's going on, which is a rare case for me. Add me to the PM list please.

    Banner Credit to Flame Mistress

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Somewhere in Jhoto .........
    Posts
    981

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jason-Kun View Post
    I love this story. The images, it's just so easy to picture in my mind. I can just fel the moon of what's going on, which is a rare case for me. Add me to the PM list please.
    Same here! This story is great and I can picture the entire surroundings. Your description is overwhelming, this helps to capture your readers in more depth. I can't wait to read the rest and can you add me to your PM list to as I don't want to miss a single piece of action!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    575

    Default

    Intense and mysterious. I hope I get the chance to keep up on this, because this project has been due to come out for a whiiile. But considering my schedule and extremely annoying habit of vanishing from the face of SPPf, chances might be a little slim. Just...nag me on Facebook if you need me. xD

    I love love love your descriptions. Always so macabre and ghoulish. <3 The image of a flailing Alakazam with only telepathic control over its limbs was quite a sight, I might add.

    Good luck with your project! My regards to Mr Alice. ^^

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    First part, Funeral, was written by Mr. Alice with heavy revision by myself. Second part, Birth, was done by yours truly.

    I will adore the person who picks up on the Firefly reference.





    FUNERAL


    Once upon a time, there was a cathedral of stone.

    Its name was Delphi, house of prophets, and it served as a herald of past, present, and future.

    Delphi was ancient, and sacred. It was an ancient shrine of History and a sacred temple of Information—a holy place unlike any other. Delphi sat atop a great snowy mountain, surrounded by a sweeping silvery forest of satellite dishes, each facing the Heavens like so many stargazers. Delphi had stood on the mountain for thousands of years, chronicling history and predicting the things to come with the help of powerful Xatu. But the dusty old halls had been void of Xatu for three decades. The frail beasts did not survive easily in this cold climate, and peering into time was a difficult task. Their bodies wasted away easily.

    Now, the hallowed cathedral had changed, the skeletons of the old prophets buried deep into the frozen soil. The black obsidian nave of Delphi gleamed with a high mirror finish, reflecting off each other into repeated infinity.

    Flat sheets of square liquid crystals floated suspended in the air, arranged in simple geometric arrangements. They were all perfectly still, yet gave the unconscious impression of motion. The optical illusion was caused by the steady, pulsing glow emitted by bands of light running along the floor and the walls.

    Along the surface of one particularly large pane of crystal, something seemed to tremble, distorting and refracting light. The flat, two-dimensional image of a Porygon glided across the liquid crystal’s surface, and disappeared abruptly as it reached the edge. The Porygon immediately reappeared in the shimmering surface of the nearest crystal sheet, having effortlessly transmitted itself from one pane to the next. The Porygon were everywhere in every sense excepting physical presence.

    Arrayed around the perimeter of the spacious hall, a legion of Metagross stood meditatively on all fours, their claws plugged into the floor. Their burnished steel armor hummed as they processed immeasurable amounts of raw information.

    The Nave of Delphi was nothing but ghosts and crystals. Yet, it was the world’s biggest inorganic brain. The new oracles were housed in a climate-controlled mainframe, their minds all integrated into a single, vast entity. Thousands of Porygon and Metagross compiled data from all over the world with smooth, flawless coordination. The traditional need for meditative trances induced by Paras spores was long gone.

    The rise of modern technology had revolutionized divination. Now, Delphi sat upon its icy throne in the sky, compiling all the data it could receive to predict anything from tomorrow's weather to the outcome of a war with extreme accuracy. Even the slightest margin of error was unheard of.

    The floating panes of liquid crystals pulsated with information—everything from news of droughts in Hoenn, to the news of the up-and-coming Ash Ketchum’s return to his hone of Pallet Town from Sinnoh, the current Lucky Number in Johto, whisperings of economical decline, the most recent Suicune sightings, the atmosphere of political tension between Kanto and Johto, the new alliance between Kanto and Sinnoh, a radio birthday shout-out, and everything in between. On occasion, someone would make the treacherous journey to Delphi to seek the oracles’ illustrious advice. However, on this day, the fate of the world would be predicted for the last time.



    In the flickering, ephemeral light of the liquid crystals, voices hummed and buzzed with occasional pops of static. The disembodied noises echoed sepulchrally within the vast, cold spaces of the Nave.

    “—these abominations emerging…”

    “….creators…corrupted results of countless decades of illegal experimentation. They—“

    “…incapable of emotion or sentient thought beyond the parameters required to fulfill their individual tasks.”

    “…The Pretty Pretty Probopasses’s rock concert tour in Orre was...”

    “—a human body can be drained of blood in eight-point-six seconds given adequate vacuuming systems…”

    “….sighted in smaller numbers all across the Kanto border and seem to be organizing an all out onslaught. If the people of Kanto do not act quickly, they will be overpowered…”

    “—political tensions escalating, the people are distracted…”

    “…offering exclusive new Poketch model, limited edition—”

    “Well, Jim, I think Kanto’s government are focusing the public’s attention on their rivalry with Johto. They’re attempting to cover up the radio silence of Saffron’s communications and its disappearance from satellite imaging by calling it a freak explosion but we’re not fooled…”

    “In recent news, the Indigo Plateau Conference’s viewership skyrocketed after the return of Ash Ketchum…”



    Suddenly, there was a muffled explosion in the distance, and the foundations shuddered. The light of the liquid-crystal panes flared and then died out in a rolling wave that plunged Delphi into abrupt darkness. After a short, black silence, the emergency lighting flickered on, glowing a dim red in the darkness. A low, deep throb rang through the walls, and the voices spoke again, a new note of anxiety evident in their tonal modulators.

    “So it has finally come to this…”

    “How long do we have until they reach us?”

    “Twenty-four hours.”

    “We’ve just received a message from a unknown source. The user’s IP address is completely distorted, it’s unreadable by the servers.”

    There was an uncertain silence. The dim redness pulsated in the darkness.

    “It may be relevant to the current situation. Display it.”

    From : m1$$1ng#7@???
    To: Delphi

    In the time of darkness, when Iron wars with Flesh
    and man brings itself to its knees
    the creators of the Iron shall create salvation
    and the Goddess shall rise again

    She will speak to those who hold knowledge
    And fight with those who take action
    She will outlive the three great horrors
    And she will live to fight the greatest horror of all

    Under her banner will the two undefeated nations rally
    By her voice will the fallen allies rise
    Behind her wings will the remaining Titans gather
    And to her tune will the five armies war

    Then black blood will stain the sky
    And black fury will stain the earth
    The first and final great corruption will reveal itself
    And a decision will be made.


    “The source is unknown. It cannot be trusted.”

    “We don’t know for certain. It should be forwarded, regardless. The future generations may understand its meaning better than we do in the coming future.”

    “We should begin the purge. Our time has come to an end.”

    In the darkness, the Metagross noiselessly retracted their legs and glided through the now-silent nave. They had no need to vocalize their sorrow. Some things transcended pure, factual data. Deep within their cores, they knew a funeral was to be prepared.

    The Porygon began the systematic deletion of every piece of data they had ever gathered, wiping centuries’ worth of information clean. Following the data purge, they disassembled the program structures, beginning with the most external programs and working in through to the core of the mainframe. Finally, all that was left was a rudimentary messaging program.

    An hour later, Delphi was a brilliant pillar of orange fire against the night sky, a blazing beacon lighting up the land for miles around. An eerily red aurora rippled above the smoke, veiling the stars. The polished surfaces of the satellite dishes reflected its bloody light, shimmering in the choking haze.

    The war had begun.






    BIRTH



    It remembered the day it was born.

    It had been drifting alone in the deep empty when it heard them calling. Sunlight streamed down from the rippling surface above, illuminating it in warm light. Slowly, faintly, it was aware of warm, thick pink embryonic liquid swirling against its skin. Distant voices had echoed all about it, whispering snatches of nonsense.

    ”Heart rate steadily increasing from sixty bpm to one-hundred and fifty bpm.”

    For as long as it could remember, it had existed, long before it was born. It had been entombed there, in the empty blue, in that deep limbo where one comes from before they are born from the womb and attain consciousness. Even before that, it was there.

    It remembered, a long, long time ago, when time first began to flow. It had felt that first stirring, a prickling awareness that all was not as it had been before. It also recalled feeling space began to expand, when awareness of the concept of space itself had appeared. And then it was in the place where everyone was from and nobody went, in the empty blue with the sunlight…but that was in its mind, and when it was not in its own mind, there was the pink embryonic fluid and the low, steady humming.

    It did not know the word to name what it felt, but it felt as being like the time in between the lightning and the thunder. A time of waiting.

    And now the voices were calling, although they meant nothing to it.

    ”The brain waves are changing. From delta frequency, to gamma frequency. Delta rhythms—that’s found in comatose people or those who are in deep, dreamless sleep. But you’re looking at live EEG recordings. It’s suddenly switched to gamma. That’s brain activity to the extreme—I think this one might actually work. This one’s ready to be born.”





    Birth is a hideous affair. There is no dignity to it. There is only blood, and pain, and screaming—the agonized screams of the mother, and the affronted scream of the baby once it realizes what it has been brought into. The baby screams as if horrified at the prospect.

    The second time it was born, it had been far gentler, although no less undignified. But it would not come to understand that until much, much later. For now, all it understood was that it needed, desperately, to breathe.

    The furnace-hot sun beat down harshly upon the deserted beach. The white-capped waves, golden in the rosy light, lapped gently at the sand. A loud splash echoed in the air, startling a flock of Spearow pecking at seeds amid the withered weeds into flight. The water’s surface broke as a thin figure burst out of the foam, lurching and staggering up the beach. It was a naked human girl, utterly bedraggled and soaked to the bone. A waxy sheen of grime was encrusted on her skin, stiffening her joints.

    She tottered and collapsed on the ground, panting like an animal. Her fingers sank deep into the wet sand, raking gouges as she laboriously struggled to pull herself up. Fingers twitched as the girl shook, racked with coughs. She scraped one grimy hand across her bare scalp, where a faint dusting of stubble had begun to grow on her bald head.

    The girl blinked as her eyes re-focused. They were washed-out blue, the color of dead winter. She slowly stood to her feet. Something flashed in the sunlight. Long, thin catheters were affixed into her flesh, snaking down her back and dragging in the sand, creating shallow furrows. Their ends were frayed and broken, clogged with sea-salt and grime. The girl yanked the tubes out quickly, and her arms bled sluggishly. With a wince and a grunt, the girl groped at her back. Her fingers found a tube and curled around its base. The girl bit down on her lower lip as she roughly yanked the catheter out.

    The limp tube clattered against the sand as the girl began to walk wearily up the beach. The Spearow circled overhead, their harsh cries echoing shrilly in the hot wind. The silhouette of the girl eventually grew fainter as she shrank into the distance, vanishing amid the roiling waves of heat until it seemed she was only a mirage.

    All remaining traces of the girl’s presence soon faded, marked only by footprints in the sand and a trail of tangled and discarded catheters glittering in the hot sun.



    (some readers were puzzled so I've placed some answers here)

    Why was Delphi destroyed? The answer is all inside the flow of data. Think back to the previous chapter, of the Andros Alakazam. Then the explosion...the rumbling. When they say "it's starting..." That means what the data streams had been hinting at finally happened--all hell broke loose. They had to destroy all of the information, lest the Andros seize control of Delphi.

    BIRTH: The girl was born only once.

    The first time at the end of the first section, and then for a second time metaphorically, when she emerged on the beach. That was meant to be a time skip and I am very sorry if I didn't make it clear.

    She was aware long before she was born. Which is why she remembered the day she was born, because she was aware when it happened.
    Last edited by Kiyohime; 29th September 2008 at 2:01 PM.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Meh.
    Posts
    3,682

    Default

    I can see a remarkable difference between yours and ClefairyTenshi's writing. Not saying it's a bad thing, I just think it's cool. Some parts in the beginning seem a little weird with passive wording, but for the most part it seems about right.

    So, two prologues? I suppose you can get away with it, but it does feel a little bit like avoiding the story. Actually, was the beginning of the original a prologue? That would technically make this three prologues. Are you counting this as a chapter? Meh, I guess it doesn't matter. It's still cool. I liked the random addition of the probopass band in the middle of the andros prophesies.

    One thing I want to point out is the transition into the final scene. It feels like it should be two paragraphs later than what you put there. First you're talking about birth, which we assume to be still in the laboratory. Then at the beginning of the third paragraph you talk about a beach. That was a whoa-what moment to me. After reading it a couple of times over it finally sunk in, I figured out (sort of) that she had been birthed ttwice before, but reading it that first time was totally out of the blue. And I'm still a bit confused about being birthed three times. Other than that, that scene was cool. We're finally picking up in a spot I'm familiar with.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Training at Sootopolis City
    Posts
    1,697

    Default

    Yeah, two prologues? Double the fun, huh? XD

    First I gotta say the prologue Funeral is interesting. A church with just some of the most intelligent Pokemon? Awesome. Also, woah on that message that was send. There's one thing I want to say though.

    The floating panes of liquid crystals pulsated with information—everything from news of droughts in Hoenn, to the news of the up-and-coming Ash Ketchum’s return to his hone of Pallet Town from Sinnoh, the current Lucky Number in Johto, whisperings of economical decline, the most recent Suicune sightings, the atmosphere of political tension between Kanto and Johto, the new alliance between Kanto and Sinnoh, a radio birthday shout-out, and everything in between. On occasion, someone would make the treacherous journey to Delphi to seek the oracles’ illustrious advice. However, on this day, the fate of the world would be predicted for the last time.
    Even though I found it cool the Pokemon can be able to gather all of the info, I think you don't need to list that much as it seems redundant and everyone would know already the Pokemon can gather pretty much everything. Just a few is okay.

    For Birth, like wad a bit confused how she was able to be birthed three times. Still though, looks like there's forshadowing going on, that girl not all what it seems and all. That, and it leaves more questions like how she wind up in that situation. Like it.

    Excellent work again! Can't wait for the next chapter!


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  25. #25
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,049

    Default

    Yeah, this was meant to be a chapter, but during the editing process, it got shuttered into a second prologue because we decided we didn't want to reveal too much too soon, and because some old readers might tire of the redundancy. I don't know if that's going to be a good or bad thing. Would you guys like me to post the first actual chapter earlier than usual, or wait a couple more weeks?

    And yes, Mr. Alice's style is very different from mine....but this is the only instance in which we actually split our writing. For the rest of the chapters, it's all been written by me--think of me as the actor creating the scenes and him as the director, the idea man.

    But avoiding the story? We just introduced the main character and kicked off the war....I'd say that's progress. XD

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •