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Thread: When You're Gone (Contestshipping, One shot)

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    Default When You're Gone (Contestshipping, One shot)

    ===
    Song Title: When You're Gone
    Singer: Avril Lavigne
    Rating: PG-13 (maybe)
    Shipping material: Contestshipping, Pokeshipping.
    (One-shot)
    ===

    I always needed time on my own
    I never thought I'd need you there when I cry


    May cried, her body leaned against the brown wood wall. Drew, was planning to visit his hometown after he got a serious phone call from his father. His father asked him to take care of his mother, who was suffering from an illness.
    She sat down on the floor, her sapphire eyes gazed at the floor blankly. Her hands were tied up to her knees, with her head laying limply on her arms. Slowly, footsteps were heard. An emerald-haired boy walked quietly to the upset brunette.
    "I'm really sorry, May. I need to go back," he squatted in front of May. His hands reached for her brown hair and stroked it gently. Sadness and sorrow covered May's mind. So sad that it was too hard for her to answer.
    "Please, don't cry. I'm sure I'll be back in no time," he comforted. He tilted her head up, his gloomy green eyes met her blue teary eyes.
    "Can I go too?" she muttered weakly.
    "You know it, there's a contagious disease there," he said, "I can't let you go with me,"
    "Please, don't leave me alone to face this..." she pleaded, squeezing his fingers tightly.
    "It's not that I don't wanna let you go. But I can't risk you. I don't wanna lose you, I'm losing my mother now, May. I can't afford to have someone taken " he explained.
    "No, don't go, Drew... At least, don't leave now... I really need you.." she pleaded.
    "I'm sorry May," he said, hugging her tightly. " I know I shouldn't leave you at this time, but, my mom really needs me. I'm... sorry,"
    "Can't you delay your-"
    "No, May," he cut in her words, "Just promise me you'll be fine after I come back,"
    "I will be fine, as long you don't leave me," she answered with a hoarse voice, "So what will happen if you get that disease? You won't come back here!"
    "I'll be back...at least to see you," he said, pulling her forehead closer to his lips. A peck landed to her forehead softly. "Because I love you," he whispered.
    "I love you too..." said her, "Promise me, you'll be back quickly..... I'll miss you, Drew,"
    Her tears fell down one by one from her eyes. He placed his hands on her cheeks, gently erasing her tears.
    "I promise you, I'll be back in a couple days. Don't cry anymore, okay?" he assured, "Don't worry, I swear I'll come back for you,"
    "Drew..." she murmured, "Keep your promise,"
    "I will," he replied and kissed her forehead, "Take care."
    He gave her a warm hug before standing upright. He let her hands off from his grip. Slowly, he turned and walked off.
    "You have to come back!" she screamed, slowly standing up.
    "Yeah! I swear!" he answered before opening the door. May stared at him, farther, farther and vanished from her eyes.

    When you walk away, I count the steps that you take
    Do you see how much I need you right now?


    "Why? Why must he leave me alone now?" May thought, "Why? Why must now? Why must he leave when I'm down, when I'm sad, when I really need him on my side...?"
    Tears were flowing on her cheeks heavily," Everytime I'm sad... He'll be on my side and comfort me... But where is him now..?"

    Suddenly, she felt her vision blurring and her head spinning. Darkness surrounded her vision and she collapsed unconsciously to the floor.

    When you're gone
    The pieces of my heart are missing you
    When you're gone
    The face I came to know is missing too
    When you're gone
    The words I need to hear that always got me through the day
    And make it okay..
    I miss you


    CLICK!
    The door opened as Ash, Misty and Brock entered their wood-made house. The door was also made by wood. The house was not so big, but also not so small because it was actually a two-storey building. It was painted light brown and its floor was made of plywood boards. Its wall was like a stack of well-made round timber. It wasn't a cozy home, but at least it's warm and lively. A triangular lamp was neatly hung on the ceiling above the living room. The living room itself, was just across the main door. There was a TV on a table, a bright yellow colored sofa with white polka-dots, and a glass table. A vase with a single orange rose was on the glass table.
    The door tiptoed as Dawn pushed it to close. Silence was felt in that warm house as they went in. Misty, Ash, Dawn and Brock looked around to see no one in there except for themselves.
    "Ugh," Ash sighed, "Time for a nice sleep,"
    He threw himself to the nearby sofa, with his Pikachu on his head. Misty wiped her wet forehead with her palm and placed their shopping bags on the glass table across the sofa.
    "Hey you lazy bum, get up or else," said Misty hitting Ash on his head.
    "Ouch! That hurts, Misty," shrieked Ash, "Won't you let me sleep for a while? I'm really tired. Don't tell me you're not tired at all,"
    "I sure am tired. But, it's not the right time to sleep," Misty replied, giving him a sharp glare.
    "But-"
    "Quit that you two," Dawn halted, "Don't you feel weird?"
    "What weird? It's not like you've never seen us quarrel before." Ash replied frowning his forehead. Pikachu followed its trainer and frowned its forehead too.
    "Why is it so quiet here?" Dawn replied, placing her stuff on the table.
    "Yeah," Brock continued, "Maybe May and Drew are up to something,"
    "Oh, May, Drew, come on out! We've seen through your pranks!" Ash shouted. But, no answer was heard.
    "Cut it out, you two, we're too tired for your pranks," Misty said loudly. Still, no response.
    Brock frowned his forehead, "Huh? It seems like they're not home."
    "Uhm... Maybe they went out," Dawn said, relaxing herself on the sofa.
    "It's good then," Brock answered, "I thought something happened to them."
    "No, it can't be," Misty quickly responded, "Maybe they went out for a dinner, or a date, right?"
    "Ah, I know," Ash grinned widely, "Maybe they're in one of the rooms in this house and did something fun inside while we're away..."
    "Something fun?" Dawn cocked a single eyebrow.
    "Maybe they did what a boy-and-girl should do, and right now they are wearing their clothes in a hurry! Let's catch them red handed!" Brock answered in enthusiasm. All of them stared Brock with hundreds-of-daggers look.
    "What's wrong?" Brock sweatdropped.
    "Obviously your mind!" Misty snapped annoyingly.
    "That's not what I meant!" Ash yelled. He smacked Brock's head directly.
    "AWW!" Brock growled.
    "So what did you mean?" Dawn asked.
    "I meant, I meant..." Ash scratched the back of his head, "Maybe... They were making out or something,"
    "STUPID ASH!" the redhead slapped him right on his cheek. The hard slap left a palm mark on his left cheek.
    "That's not going to happen," Misty stated, emphasizing the word 'not'. Pikachu agreed by cried its name.
    "Uh, okay, instead of discussing what they did while we're gone, it would be better if we arrange our stuff and prepare the dinner, wouldn't it?" Dawn suggested, standing up and took a few plastic bags on the table. The others did the same, and then walked toward the kitchen. But, they dropped their shopping bags upon seeing May laid unconsciously on the floor near the stairs. They ran quickly toward her, questions and worries occupying their minds.
    "May! May!" Ash called. Brock held her wrist and felt her heartbeat. Then he placed his hand in front of May's nose.
    "Still breathing," Brock said to them with a serious expression. Pikachu jumped down from Ash's shoulder and ran to May anxiously.
    "Pika!"
    "May! Are you okay?" Misty called. She looked around the house to find Drew. But, there was no sign of him anywhere.
    "Where's Drew?" Dawn asked.
    "I don't know, he was here with May when we went shopping this afternoon," Ash answered, followed by Pikachu's nod.
    "Now let's get May to her room, I'll search in the rooms for Drew." Dawn said and walked away in a hurry.
    Brock carried May to a small white-painted room. Then he placed May's frail body to her bed. Misty covered May with a pink blanket that had a big painting of Skitty on the center. Ash and Brock sat on Drew's bed, which was on the right side of May's bed. The room was bright and it had a window between Drew and May's bed. A lime green cupboard was beside the door. Between Drew's and May's bed, just below the window was a nightstand. On it was a red night lamp.
    "What on earth has happened to May?" asked Misty, "And where is Drew? Weren't they together when we left?"
    "I don't know. They were okay this morning. Don't tell me they argued and broke up? Or there was a break-in?" said Ash anxiously.
    "Yeah, I'm sure nothing happened to them this afternoon," Misty said, "If it's Drew fault that May passed out, I'll punch him as I meet him!" she continued whilst clenching her fist furiously.
    "Calm down, Misty. We don't know what was entirely happening," Brock calmed Misty down. Pikachu nodded and hopped onto Misty's shoulder.
    "Yeah. Brock is right. Let's ask May if she wakes up later," Ash agreed.
    Dawn came into the room with a shake of her head, "He's not home."
    Misty raged, "See? He must've left her when she's hungry or tired. He didn't take a good care of her!"
    "It's impossible if Drew was the one who made her passed out. He's not so mean," Dawn continued, sitting on Drew's bed.
    "Yeah. It could be an accident right?" Ash said. "Drew won't leave her like this. Maybe there was a break in. Or the criminals kidnapped Drew away."
    "Well, I don't think that's the case. There's not any sign of it. The door's not broken, and the rooms are tidy." Dawn replied.
    "Let's just wait for her to wake up and don't jump into conclusions, okay guys?" Brock halted the discussion.
    "Okay. You have a point too," Misty replied.
    "Pika!" Pikachu shouted, signaling something. Ash, Misty, Dawn and Brock jumped off the bed as they saw May's eyes slowly opening. She rolled her eyes to see her friends.
    "May! You're awake!" Misty screamed happily.
    "Pika pi!" Pikachu seemed happy, and ran to May's arms. May hugged the yellow mouse Pokémon and smiled.
    "You're making us worried!" Dawn exclaimed.
    "Don't worry I'm fine," the brunette replied, forcing a weak smile on her face.
    "What happened to you?" Ash asked.
    It took a few seconds before May shook her head, "Um... Nothing," May answered, her stare was blank and fake. Her friends looked to her unbelievingly.
    "Really." May assured them.
    "Where's Drew? Did you two had a fight or something?" Ash asked again.
    "Did you? I'll teach him a lesson!" Misty said and stood up furiously. May pulled Misty's wrist quickly.
    "Misty calm down... It was not his fault..." May stopped Misty. Her friends looked at her with concerned looks. She was pale... And her eyes were baggy, like she hadn't sleep for days...
    "Where's him then?" Ash asked, "I'll help you find him if you want,"
    "Don't bother to find him. He has left," May uttered, looking up to the ceiling blankly.
    "WHAT?" Ash, Misty, Brock and Dawn screamed in unison. May's sapphire eyes flowed with tears, but she tried to resist the tears. However, they flowed, making her blue orbs shine like two blue crystals.
    "What happened? Why are you crying?" Dawn asked loudly. May took a deep breath before telling them what happened entirely that noon.
    -----
    "So, he went to visit his mom..." Dawn nodded a few times.
    "When will he come back?" Misty asked.
    May shook her head slightly, "I don't know."
    "I think he'll be back in a long-- OUCH!" Ash bawled suddenly. Brock and Misty stomped on the each side of his feet.
    "Hey! What the-" the black haired boy screamed angrily. Brock shut Ash's mouth and pulled him out of the room. Misty and Dawn sweatdropped.
    "I think you should have girls' chat," Brock said quickly and then left the room. Dawn stood up and walked toward the door.
    "I think I should prepare the dinner and arrange our stuff," she said and closed the door after she went out from May's room.
    "Okay," Misty said, turning her head to the weak brunette, "Don't worry. He will be back safe and sound,"
    "Yeah... Don't bother to comfort me, Misty." muttered May in a weak voice. "I'm not sure he will come back..."
    "Don't be so pessimistic...I know he loves you and he will keep his promise," Misty comforted her.
    "Yeah... He will," Misty murmured again, gazing onto the floor.
    -----
    Meanwhile Brock dragged Ash into his room. Once there, he looked around and closed the door. Ash stared to the older boy angrily.
    "HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!" he yelled.
    "YOU STUPID ASH! SHUT UP!" Brock yelled back.
    "Okay!! Why did you and Misty stomp on my foot and why the hell did you drag me here!" Ash asked loudly, his feet and shoulders were tingling in a bad way. That hurt.
    "Looks like I have to seal your stupid mouth! May was still sad and you almost said the wrong things you know!" Brock warned him, "You'll only make things worse if you say Drew will come back in a long time! You're supposed to comfort her!"

    Looking up to his dark skinned friend, Ash smiled embarrassedly, "Uhmm... sorry then,"
    "It's fine..." Brock uttered, "Uhh... Now I have to prepare the dinner, and you... You better not to say those stupid words again,"
    They walked out from Ash's room. Brock walked to the kitchen and Ash walked toward May's room. Just when Ash was about to open the door, Misty opened the door slowly. She pushed Ash away slightly.
    "Sssttt!" Misty placed her point finger in front of her lips, "She's just fell asleep, don't wake her up," she whispered. Ash looked at her before he went to the living room. Today had been hard, huh...

    I never felt this way before
    Everything that I do, reminds me of you
    And the clothes you left that laid on my floor
    And it smells just like you, I love the things that you do
    When you walk away, I count the steps that you take
    Do you see how much I need you right now?
    When you're gone
    The pieces of my heart are missing you
    When you're gone
    The face I came to know is missing too
    When you're gone
    The words I need to hear that always got me through the day
    And make it okay, I miss you

    We were made for each other
    Out here forever, I know we were
    Yeah... And some I ever want it was for you to know
    Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
    I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you're here with me, yeah


    That day, May woke up early. She jumped off from her bed. She walked to the cupboard and found Drew's things. She looked around the green-colored cupboard, it was so tidy... Drew was unlike some guys who always had their room and stuff in a mess. He was neat and ordered... And it made her miss him.
    She took out one of his Pokeball which he didn't bring along. "Two weeks have passed, and Drew hasn't come back..." May thought, staring at the pokeball, "Drew... Did something happen to you? Or have you been infected by that disease? Why haven't you come back?"
    Suddenly bright red laser glowed and Roselia came out from the pokeball. It has three thorns on its head and its hands were two roses, one was a blue rose and one was a red rose.
    "Oh, Roselia?" May said, not knowing that she had pressed the middle button on the pokeball. The Pokemon smiled, then looked around with a curious face, "Roselia?"
    "Oh... You must be looking for Drew..." May said quietly and squatted to pat the rose Pokemon, "He left for a while to visit his mother, she's ill."
    Suddenly a single tear dropped on May's cheeks. Roselia watched pitifully and hop onto her arms, comforting her.
    "I'm fine, Roselia, I just... Just miss him a bit," May erased her tears. Roselia smiled and ran to the table. It took a tissue with its lips and gave it to her.
    "Thanks. You're as nice as Drew," she said, smiling. She stood up and took all Pokéballs from the cupboard. Then, she threw them to the air so all Pokémon came out from their Pokéballs. Some of the Pokémon looked around to find their trainer was missing.
    "Don't worry. Drew is visiting his mom; he'll be back in a while," she declared to Flygon, Masquerain, and Absol.
    "Okay, now you all can go out and play," May continued, letting Roselia out of her arms. May flashed a small contented grin. Seeing them made her miss him more... When she was about to walk away, she saw Roselia eyeing her unsurely.
    "I'm okay," she assured. "Now, go and play with them," she smiled. Roselia gazed at the brunette for a few seconds before it ran out from the room to the yard to join the other Pokémon.
    "May, your breakfast." Dawn came in with a plate of sandwiches.
    "Thanks. Just put it on the nightstand," May replied, "I'll eat it later,"
    Dawn rolled her eyes and saw yesterday's dinner was still left a half plate. She sighed and took the plate, then put a plate of sandwiches onto the nightstand. May walked out from her room and stood at the living room, right behind the window. She flipped the curtains to side and rested on the frames of the window, gazing out to the Pokémon.
    Masquerain was playing with her Beautifly. Skitty and Bulbasaur were chasing one to another. Munchlax, Squirtle and Roselia were playing on Flygon's body while Flygon was lying down on the floor, happily staring to them who were jumping on itself. On the bench, Blaziken sat on it and Absol was talking to it. Eevee was lying on the bench, also talking to them. They were discussing something about their trainers...
    May looked at all the Pokémon, tears went down from her eyes. They reminded her of Drew... She felt like she was dying, no more hopes in her heart. She became so lifeless, she even didn't enter the contest which was held that day. And that was the contest which she had been wanting to enter with Drew few weeks ago.

    When you're gone
    The pieces of my heart are missing you
    When you're gone
    The face I came to know is missing too
    When you're gone
    The words I need to hear that always got me through the day
    and make it okay, I miss you


    She suddenly snapped into reality. Blaziken, Eevee and Absol were in front of her, staring at her sad looks. Eevee jumped toward the window, and May caught the brown-furred Pokémon.
    "I'm okay, don't worry about me, just continue playing," May said, trying to resist her tears from falling.
    They comforted her; Blaziken rubbed its hand on her back.
    "Really, I'm fine," she assured and wiped up her tears. She forced a smile, but her sound remained weak.
    "Okay! It's meal time!" Brock shouted, holding a bowl full of Pokémon foods. Ash also brought a bowl full of Pokémon foods, then placed it on the floor. Then he sent out all his Pokémon.
    All Pokémon, except for Blaziken, Absol and Eevee ran quickly to Brock and Ash.
    "Aren't you eating?" May asked them, "Go, eat, or you'll be hungry."
    They stared at each other and Absol walked to her, giving an 'are-you-sure' look.
    "Okay, I'm really so fine now. Now, eat your foods or Munchlax will finish them," May said and chuckled. They smiled happily and ran to Brock and Ash.
    May took a deep breath. She looked at Misty, who was wiping Ash's sweat, then at Dawn who was sitting on the bench feeding Piplup and Brock who was feeding Pokémon. She sighed and turned around. She took a photo frame, which always dangled on the wall. It contained her photo with her friends, including Drew. Once again, she cried alone.
    "It's been a long time... He won't come back..." May said weakly, not being bothered by her tears that fell down on her cheeks. She looked down to the photo, gently rubbed Drew's face on the photo.
    All of a sudden, slow footsteps were heard coming in.
    "No, he will be back," a familiar voice said. She snapped her head quickly to see a person who she had been waiting for. The one who made her life cheerful, but also lifeless these past few weeks. The one who caused her to cry these few days.
    "Drew!!!" she screamed out of happiness and hugged him tightly. Shocked by the scream coming from their home, Brock, Dawn, Ash, and Misty snapped to the house and saw Drew and May hugging each other tightly.
    He lifted her and spun her around in his hug. She giggled happily, while the others kept watching the couple. Finally, he stopped and let her feet step on the plywood floor. Again, he pulled her in a warm, close hug.
    "I missed you," said May quietly.
    "I kept my promise, didn't I?" the green haired boy replied, letting go of her. They stared directly into each other's eyes. May was over the moon. She giggled joyfully, snuggling him. Drew gave a kiss on her forehead, a kiss that showed his longing over the past few weeks.
    "I'm not dreaming am I?" she asked, with a happy expression still on her face.
    "Yes, you are," he smirked, "so what do I deserve after keeping my promise?" he asked teasingly, tilting his head to the right so she can kiss him on his cheek.
    "What?" May pretended. She let go of their hug and turned back, biting her lips nervously.
    "Ah, May. Don't tell me you've became as dense as Ash after I left you just for a while?" he said, wrapping his arms to her waist. She loved it. She loved it when he hugs her from behind. She loved the hug. She loved the feel. She loved him.
    "A while you say?! It's been almost one damn month and you say-"
    "Two weeks, May." He whispered on her ear. His breath tickled her ear, causing her to spin around. He gazed into her cheerful blue eyes playfully, as if hinting about something. He was, actually.
    "Look, Drew, they're there," said May nervously whilst glancing to her friends outside.
    "Why should I care?" Drew retorted without even looking outside, his eyes playing games with her nervous eyes.
    "But Drew-"
    He quickly closed his eyes and pressed his lips onto hers. She closed her eyes and circled her hand around his neck. She was shocked at the first, but then she liked the feel of his warm lips. It lasted so long, that they had to pull away to inhale some air.
    "Drew..." she called quietly, "Tell me I'm not dreaming,"
    "Yes, you're dreaming, May," he replied smugly, "You liked it, didn't you?"
    "Uhm, of course," she blinked and smiled contently.
    "But I thought you were embarrassed because they're there," he asked with a smirk coming on his handsome face.
    "Yes... I mean no, but I did feel that,"

    "I'm.So.Touched!!!!" Misty cried out loudly. She burst into tears and laid her head to Ash's shoulder for a joyful cry. Ash blushed a little and slowly, he placed his arm on her shoulder.
    Dawn also felt happy for May and she chuckled when seeing May and Drew kiss.
    Their Pokémon looked glad. Masquerain and Beautifly fled happily, surrounding Ash and Misty's head. Squirtle and Roselia jumped up and down out of happiness, Skitty, Eevee, Absol and Bulbasaur danced in happiness, Blaziken and Flygon stood there, grinning happily for their trainers.
    "So what about more?" he asked. But before she could answer or even think of an answer, he tilted her head up and kissed her deeply.
    "I feel as if I'm dreaming." She muttered in the kiss, smiling lightly.
    "You are." he smirked after their lips parted.
    "And I hope I will never wake up from this dream," her sapphire eyes stared at him teasingly. They giggled together.
    Meanwhile, Brock sat beside Dawn on the bench, "Mind to cry on my shoulder?"
    "Ugh..." Dawn sweatdropped, "No thanks."
    His tears burst quickly, because of happiness, touched, delighted, and...?
    No girls to cry on his shoulder!
    So, he cried while hugging Munchlax, leaving the Pokémon confused.

    -THE END-


    This is the re-write version of When You're Gone.
    Tell me what do you think
    Maybe there are still lots of mistakes. Tell me if you find one
    Last edited by MapleRoses; 28th December 2011 at 4:47 AM. Reason: corrections~


    Rafe from Destiny Deoxys is my hot bishie, YOOHOO!

  2. #2
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    Very funny, NaThziVOIr!
    (can i call you that?)

    brock hugs munchlax?
    -laughs-
    i love the ending of this storeh!

  3. #3
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    0kay, iky~
    of course ya can call me that

    thankies~
    i'm happy if you liked it
    it's my first one-shot!!

    but I'm not too sure with the lyrics~
    is there any incorrect lyrics?
    *finding*


    Rafe from Destiny Deoxys is my hot bishie, YOOHOO!

  4. #4
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    no, i think
    great one-shot

    where's your other fics?
    i'd like to review it
    8D

    pls pm me the link
    thanx
    Iky <3 Ledian
    touch me & then pull me closer, so you can get on my nerves
    currently a pokeshipper and contestshipper

  5. #5
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    Let's start with you oneshot, then we'll move on to the other fics you have

    Quote Originally Posted by ~NaThziVOIR~ View Post
    May was crying, her body leaned to the wall. Drew was going back to his hometown after heard a phone from his father to visit his mother, who's suffered from an illness.
    --> May was crying, her body leaning against the wall. Drew was going back to his hometown after hearing a phone call from his father to visit his mother, who's suffering from an illness.

    or

    --> May cried, her body leaned against the wall, for Drew was going back to his hometown after he heard a phone call from his father to visit his mother, who suffered from an illness.

    Your tenses are mixed up. You need to keep a time unity.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~NaThziVOIR~ View Post
    "I'm really sorry, May. I need to go back," he said, placing his hands on her hair, then stroked her brown hair.
    You put "hair" twice.
    "placing his hands on her brown hair, then stroking it."


    The rest of it is pretty much filled with grammar mistakes and such...makes it really hard to read :/
    The whole fic is stacked because of the dialogues only, you have nearly no description at all !
    And the ending was...weird...
    I couldn't even laugh because of how poorly written this whole thing was.
    I'm sorry, but this is just not good enough. You have decent lenght, and a fairly decent plot, but it was badly executed.
    You need to improve, have a friend proofread it before you post (somebody who can spot mistakes easily) and develop more.

    Hope to read more from your works, once you've gained experience

    Hope I could have helped a bit !
    Keep writing
    Because of serebiiforums, my Life has been put on hold...

    ...wait, that sounds wrong...
    ...yeah, it's the other way around.

    My Works : A, B, C, D, E

  6. #6
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    ==shadow_shipper==
    okay~
    thankies first for your grammar corrections
    I'm sorry for the bad story
    T.T
    *cries*
    I'm terribly sorry before
    I sucks in those describing things!
    I knew maybe I made maaannyy grammar mistakes, or my tenses are mixed up
    because I'm not entirely British and I'm not American~
    *knocks my head against the wall*
    I'm a chinese, so maybe I really don't know about how to write properly in English
    PLUS, this is really my first fic(one shot)
    I'll try my best

    thankies for your really developing review~^^
    P.S I really don't have anyone to be my proofread friend, and if you wouldn't mind, would you take the proofread job?
    XP
    (If you want)

    @iky_ledian
    okies here's the URLs
    http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=356018
    http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=354570
    http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=354742


    Rafe from Destiny Deoxys is my hot bishie, YOOHOO!

  7. #7
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    Me ? Proofread your fics ? Sure, why not ^^'

    If it can help you in the beginning, I'll gladly do it, just send me stuff via PM to do it
    Because of serebiiforums, my Life has been put on hold...

    ...wait, that sounds wrong...
    ...yeah, it's the other way around.

    My Works : A, B, C, D, E

  8. #8
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    Thankies, shadow_shipper!
    I'd be glad to send ya the stuff!

    Okay I might re-write this fic due to 'Lack of Quality' like shadow_shipper said before~
    it'll take time b'coz my freakin' unstable internet!

  9. #9
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    that was bad...
    it's not as bad as you think, after all..
    just some grammar mistakes, don't be so discouraged..

    tell me when you've restarted your fic!
    Iky <3 Ledian
    touch me & then pull me closer, so you can get on my nerves
    currently a pokeshipper and contestshipper

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Northern Wall of Briggs ♥
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    Default

    Wow... good. I mean it. I liked the part when he suddenly came back and May was all happy. ^^ And Roselia was just as caring. Keep up the good work, yeah?!

    BACK

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Under the roof
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by csisps_26 View Post
    Wow... good. I mean it. I liked the part when he suddenly came back and May was all happy. ^^ And Roselia was just as caring. Keep up the good work, yeah?!
    Ok^^
    Thx for your nice comment!

    I'll post my restarted fic, by editing the fisrt post in case I'll got infracted by posting a restarted fic without deleting the first one.
    So, just wait and see!


    Rafe from Destiny Deoxys is my hot bishie, YOOHOO!

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Northern Wall of Briggs ♥
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ~NaThziVOIR~ View Post
    Ok^^
    Thx for your nice comment!

    I'll post my restarted fic, by editing the fisrt post in case I'll got infracted by posting a restarted fic without deleting the first one.
    So, just wait and see!
    No problem-o! One of the best one-shots, honestly. ^.^

    BACK

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Glendale, LA, California
    Posts
    22

    Smile

    T-T what a beautiful fic! Although May passing out was pretty weird, but really cute! May can never live without Drew and Drew can never live without May ^^! The fic was one of the cutest fluffy fics I've ever read!
    Life is full
    Of pain
    You cry, you smile,
    You suffer
    Fighting for a loved one
    Is full of pain
    Does it matter?




    Love hurts
    But it's a feeling that people find
    AMAZING

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Under the roof
    Posts
    164

    Default

    hey thanks everyone for the nice comments

    first oneshot i've ever written...
    yes, it was quite weird in the end, though... I didn't know how to end it, soo... yeah... it's like that...
    by the way I edited the first post !
    I rewrote the fic!!
    YAYS!!


    Oh, and just to clarify about the story.. May was kinda having some problems and needed Drew there, she had just been like "disowned" from her family because she insisted to be with Drew, and her dad disapproved it, so they ran away and lived together with their friends. That explains May's sadness and the need of Drew's comfort all the time. I couldn't figure out how to put it into the story though.

    I DID IT x)
    thanks for your support all
    *hugs you all*
    Check over the first post
    Last edited by MapleRoses; 28th December 2011 at 4:58 AM.


    Rafe from Destiny Deoxys is my hot bishie, YOOHOO!

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