Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: a private moment (pearlshipping)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    174

    Default a private moment (pearlshipping)

    well since its still pearlshipping week, i decided to make another oneshot. its rated R but i wont do anything perverted. please forgive any errors since i'm typing this on forum so it wont have many corrects in punctuations or caps. enjoy.





    A PRIVATE MOMENT







    a gentle breeze blew through the small kanto town of pallet while the sun's rays bathed the land in brightness. normally, we focus our attention on this small hamlet's most revered pokemon trainer, ash ketchum and his quest to be a pokemon master but no. today has nothing to do with pokemon battles or rivals or badges. nope, today our attention on ash is mainly about him and someone else, someone very important to him.

    the heavens named her dawn, like the bright rays of the sun that shown on them. she, like ash, was from a small town named twinleaf in the sinnoh region. in fact, dawn shared a great deal many similarities with the young master-to-be but too many to list in this particular story. dawn's goal was to be a great coordinator like her mother but the going has been rough. if she were by herself, she would've run back home after her first loss and given up on being a coordinator. thankfully, she had ash.

    when she first met him, she was caring for his lost pikachu and attempted to protect it from ash's nemesis, team rocket. the small electric pokemon was captured by one of their patent giant robots. she really had no idea on how to deal with this. how could she? she has just started her journey and had no other pokemon than pipplup and it was no match for the mechanical monster. and that's when ash swung in, almost like hero from some high octane action movie. she was in awe at how he was seemed to throw caution and reason to the wind and leaped on to the machine, dodging the mass of arms that tried to swat at him. despite the onslaught, ash freed his friend and defeated the villains. that was the first time she had met ash ketchum.

    and where is ash, might you ask? he was sleeping but it was wear he was sleeping that is the point. the trainer was asleep with his head in the lap of the girl he called his close friend. it had been about a month since ash conquered the sinnoh league and challenged the elite 4. he defeated them and thus earned the right to face the world champion, cynthia. even though he lost the battle, ash throughly enjoyed the battle, which impressed the woman and the crowd greatly. it was also about a month since dawn competed in the sinnoh grand festival and nearly won the whole event but like ash, she came up short. if it was the dawn of earlier, she would've cried bitterly, but not now. dawn realized that she did her best and that's all she can give, so she was happy. she decided to take a break from contests so she wanted to see the town that produced the boy who seemed to change her life.

    dawn, feeling that ash was training a bit too hard, asked him to have a picnic with her. ash didnt really think much of the offer. all he heard was free food, which dawn knew and didnt much mind. it was in the afternoon when the duo, sans pokemon, found a spot on a hill that over looked pallet town. despite ash stuffing his maw with the food that dawn had prepared, which he proclaimed was 'almost as good as mom's cooking', the two seemed to work in a conversation. soon, the food begin to have its normal effect on ash and suddenly began to get drowsy. dawn suggested that he should take a nap and no sooner did she suggest that, some big and round found its way into her lap. to her surprise, ash was now sleeping with his head on her exposed legs, thanks to her choice of dress. she nearly freaked when he did this but as soon as she saw his sleeping face, she calmed down. she didnt know how long ash was asleep for, nor did she know how long she had been staring at him but she had no complaints.

    her blue eyes studied every little detail of his face, from the funny Zs on his cheek, to the small bit of drool that came out of his mouth. then she noticed it; his hat. it, for lack of a better word, dawned on her that in all the time she had been traveling with him, she hardly saw him with his hat off. the only times she saw his hair was if someone or something took off his hat or he was about to go to bed. she never really got a good look at his head long enough to see his hair. she asked brock how his hair looked but he merely answered 'like a boy's head.' her curiosity was peaking at this time and now was the best time to finally get a look at ash's hair. as stealthily and quietly as possible, she moved her hand over to his head and grasped the brim of the cap.

    "what are you doing?"
    dawn froze in a instant. even though his eyes were still closed, he was, with out a doubt, awake.

    "i'm asking you again; what are you doing?"

    "um nothing. this is.........a dream. that's it! nothing but a dream!" she said, laughing uneasily. ash reached up and lightly grasped her hand that was touching his hand.

    "hmmm, softest dream i've ever felt." he said, opening one eye to look at dawn.

    "now, miss berlitz, what were you doing to my favorite cap?"

    "well, mr. ketchum, for your information, i wanted to see your hair."

    "why?"

    "cause i hardly ever see your head without this cap of yours."

    "so? i love wearing my cap." he answered, putting his hands behind his head.

    "i'm just curious, that's all."

    "its just hair."

    "wrong! its just YOUR hair." she said with a strange emphasis on the fact that it was his hair.

    "well, you'll just have to wait until i decide to take it off." he replied, turning his head to the side. it seemed that ash had forgotten where he was resting , seeing as when he turned to the side, he turned to the wrong side. he was now facing dawn, or rather looking up dawn's skirt. it took a second or two for the duo to realize just what was happening. dawn, of course was the first to react and react she did.

    "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
    she screamed as she pushed ash's head off of her. well, wasnt so much as pushed as attempted to push as ash himself had jumped up and scrambled away.

    "YOU PERVERT! I'D EXPECT THIS KIND OF THING FROM CONWAY BUT NOT YOU ASH!!" she roared, holding down her skirt.

    "HEY I DIDN'T MEAN TO! BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE I SAW ANYTHING! I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR!"

    "well, of course i'm wearing under-THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" she exclaimed, turning away from him in huff. then something strange happened; ash, someone who has never shown much interest in the opposite sex, bent over slightly, seemingly trying to look up it.

    "ash i'm sorry. i know......." dawn started to say as she turned around to face him but her apparent apology stopped at that when she saw what ash was attempting to do.

    "ASH!!"

    "well now i'm curious! i-i've never seen......" ash explained, causing a red blush to creep on his face. normally, dawn would kill anyone who trying to look up her trademark skirt but there was something in the boy's eyes that made her pause and think. from what brock and his mother had told her, ash has very little experience with women or their 'womanly parts.' misty was a straight up tomboy, despite her claims of being a romantic. when ash met her, her wardrobe consisted mainly of a yellow t-shirt and blue jean shorts with suspenders. sure she slacked up on the tomboy wear but nothing very womanly. may was slightly better with her tight body suit but still was very tomboyish. dawn was, by far, the most female of his female companions.

    "too bad ash! i'm not that kind of girl to flash someone!"

    "i just want a peek! that's all!"

    "sorry ash, but i can't do that on principal. if i let you then someone else...."
    she stopped mid-way in her explaination. she felt something remove her white wool cap and then something else replaced it. it was ash's own cap, resting lopsidedly on her own head. she looked over to ash and finally, his hair. she knew it was black from the few strains that stuck out from under his red lid but now she could see it all. it was wild and unmanaged like a forest fire and all her instinct told her to tackle ash to ground and tame that animal he calls a head. but she was frozen in place, watching his hair sway in the gentle breeze of the wind. even though it was a mess, it matched him perfectly. it was then she realized that the trainer, the boy he rarely took off his hat and even more rarely let anyone else wear it, had agreed to her request.

    "fine, but if you tell anyone i did this, i'll hate you forever." she warned, but ash couldnt seemed to take her seriously, due to the fact that she looked so cute in his hat. yes, he thought dawn looked cute. he was man enough to admit it. with a smile, he got on his knees in front of dawn.

    "w-w-w-wwhat are you doing?"

    "just getting a better seat."

    "whatever."
    dawn grabbed the hem of her skirt and tentatively raised it up the garment just enough to allow him to see. now, ash had seen a lot in his travels but for some reason, seeing this seem to put him a state of awe. dawn's panties were a light blue color and seemed to hug her crotch like a part of hands. it was much different from his own underwear. almost on its own, his face was now much closer to her private area than it original was. he wanted to remember this moment, taking in every little detail, taking in every scent and there was a scent. something similar to bubble bath and flowers. did all girls smell like this or is it just dawn? the girl in question didnt know what to say or do now. he said he wanted just a peek and he was still looking and she wasnt stopping him at all. why was she doing this? maybe the answer was just so simple; it was ash. somehow, dawn couldnt deny him. there was something about him that dawn couldnt say no to. maybe it was his courageous bravery, his loyalty, his stubbornness with certain subjects. well, what ever it was, it was something that drew her to him, like a magnet. she let go of her hem and wrapped her hand around his hair, running her hands through the strands. ash felt the skirt fall over his nose and covered her private area again. he was about to ask what was wrong, when he felt dawn's soft hands stroke his hair. no one ever did such a thing with him, much less a girl but it felt good. almost on a reflex, ash wrapped his arms around her legs and pulled her close to her.

    "so............answer any questions?"

    "yeah. do all girl's look that good under there?"

    "dont know about them. maybe you should ask misty to show you."

    "nah. misty would murder me if i did that." he answered, getting a little giggle from dawn.

    "besides, why would i want to see misty, when i can see you?"

    "you are such a boy, ash ketchum." she smiled at his somewhat sweet remark.

    "dont ever change."

  2. #2

    Default

    well, you're right. there are a TON of mechanic mistakes: capitalization, commas, puncuation, and spelling. i think you'd be better off to C&P it onto word, fix the little mistakes, then maybe re-post it? just so it looks like a very improved piece of literature. =]

    as far as the actual writing in itself, it's unlike anything i've ever read before. it had all the awkward aspects of that situation. (well, a little less, but still...) and you hit the nail on the head. both ash and dawn were completly IC. ^^ i could actually see him doing that. XD of course, i'd expect him to be a little more O.O than anything. =P great job on this. like i said, the only suggestion i have is at the top. ^^

    great job,

    Tff
    It's been a long time... But it's so good to be back. <3
    Deviantart ID page: TranquilSimplicity
    Life giving you lemons? [Insert witty response here]

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •