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Thread: its him/her! (pearlshipping)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    174

    Default its him/her! (pearlshipping)

    yep, i'm back with yet another pearlshipping one shot for pearlshipping week. once again, i will be writing this fic on the forum itself, so there will be mistakes so you will have to deal with it until i get back to my own laptop. this will be rated PG-13. well enjoy.





    ITS HIM/HER!








    "its dawn, isn't it?"
    that question came from the lips of one misty waterflower, youngest sibling of the waterflower sisters of cerulean city and its current gym leader. the person on the receiving end of the question was ash ketchum, pokemon trainer for the small town of pallet and future pokemon master. and the reason for the question? simple. something had happened between the old friends and misty wanted to know the reason behind that something.

    "what does dawn have to do with this?" he asked back.

    "it has everything to do with her."
    ash didnt know if he should laugh or yell at her for her reaction. it was no secret that the water pokemon trainer had more than just friendly feelings towards him. it was believed to have begun years ago when ash and misty first met. ash had just got his first pokemon, his loyal pikachu who at the time was less than loyal. through a series of events, the duo came under attack by a flock of very angry spearow, which resulted in them landing in a river. the two were fished out by misty further down stream and ash made a very good first impression by stealing her bike. needless to say, the bike was utter destroyed, which resulted in the girl following and pestering him about said bike until he paid it back. soon, misty would grow to become one of ash's closest and most trusted friends but that didnt stop them from fighting about anything that came up. from the outside viewing in, it seems as thought the two had feelings for each other and merely hid it behind a veil of meaningless arguements. well, it was true on one side of that friendship. misty had somehow developed romantic feelings for the trainer, despite his many failings. sure she had other offers from other men, most notable a member of the orange crew. she could've had it all; water pokemon, good food and a handsome man to wait on her, in the end she chose to remain with ash. it took her so long to realize just how deep her feelings were for him ran but things had changed. she ran into ash after his recent journey to sinnoh, as well as her other good friend, brock. but they werent alone in their return to their home region. with them was a blue eyed coordinator named dawn. she seemed nice but for some reason, misty couldnt like her. but back to the current drama. misty and ash were sitting down on the ground and she decided it was the perfect time to confess her emotions to him. sure, she expected him to not fully understand what she meant but surprisingly, he did all too well. and his answer proved to be just as surprising.

    "ever since you came back, you've been different."

    "of course i have. i grew up. but what does this have to do with dawn?"

    "oh come on, ash! i see the way you are around her!"

    "what? she's my friend!"

    "i'm your friend too but you never given me a high five!"

    "that's different! that's just how we are!"

    "and i see how she looks at you!"

    "misty, you're being crazy."

    "i'm not crazy! i see through her! that ****!"

    "what did you say?!"

    "you heard me! dawn is a ****! walking around with that short skirt on! you'd never see me wearing that!"
    misty ranted on and on, railing on dawn, calling her every name in the book but she just didnt notice ash was angry. no, not the normal angry that he would get when they fought. this was an angry that was new and scary. ash didnt yell or scream. he simply stood and turned away from her.

    "ash?"

    "misty, you are one of my oldest and dearest friends and i'm sorry that i dont feel the same way you feel about me. but you crossed the line." he spoke as he begin to walk away from the now silent misty.

    "ash where are you...."

    "i'm going for a walk. unlike you, i'm afraid i might say something i'lll regret."
    it was then she realized that ash was very upset with her and her words. as he disappeared into the night, he pondered whether or not to run after him and beg for forgiveness but all she could do was sit there. she felt tears roll down her cheek and fall to the ground. she didnt need to say it. she knew. any chance she had of being together with ash was gone out the window. she began to weep bitterly, cursing her herself and her temper for pushing away the boy she loved.







    "its ash isnt it?"
    once again, another scene plays out with similar circumstances but with nearly the same results. this time, it was dawn and kenny who replaces ash and misty but the only difference is that dawn was in kanto and kenny was still in sinnoh which means they were on the phone and he was the confessor of his feeling for her. but the result was the same as misty's attempt and of course kenny choice of blame rested solely on ash. it was no secret that kenny didnt too much care for the close relationship that dawn and ash shared. but he always thought once he let dawn know how he felt, she'd spend less time with ash.

    "and what does that suppose to mean?"

    "you know damn well what it means. you like that cap wearing punk!"

    "dont call ash a punk kenny!"

    "but he is! you've falling for his game! he's not right for you dawn!"

    "what game! ash is my good friend!"

    "he's just like that conway guy; all he wants is one thing from you!"

    "kenny that's mean!!"

    "no its the truth! now just come home and leave that guy!"

    "if being your girlfriend means i have to stop being friends with ash, THEN WE ARE NEVER HAPPENING!!" She roared, slamming down the phone, causing kenny's face to vanish from the screen. the blue haired girl huffed and puffed in anger as she stared at the blank screen. she stood up from her chair and walked out of the pokemon center, furious over what had happened. she had no idea kenny could be so mean and shallow, especially to ash. was this going to the fate of her love life? was every man who would be interested in her do the same thing. dawn's train of thought was so deep, that she didnt notice where she was walking until she ran into someone.

    "ouch! watch where your going!" she snapped after hitting the ground.

    "owwww! you should take your own..........dawn?"
    it was then that the cobwebs cleared for the girl and she recognized the owner of the voice.

    "ash?"
    the two looked at each other, both with a calming happiness but also a uncertainty, after the arguments they both had.

    "dawn? you look ok? you look kinda upset."









    "and that's what happened."
    we find our duo sitting on a bench, both eating ice cream cones which ash bought for the both of them. he didnt know why he did it but whenever dawn seemed upset about something, he always bought her ice cream, which seemed to make her feel better. it could probably be traced back to when dawn failed to make it to the second round of a contest again and ash bought her some from the miltank cafe. well, whatever the reason, dawn was grateful
    for the treat and for someone to talk to.

    "i'm so sorry dawn." he said after hearing of the fight she had with her childhood friend turned rival.

    "he was just so mean and he said such horrible things about you."

    "its ok. i dont mind. i could care less if he hates me. but it seems he wasnt the only one with that attitude."

    "what do you mean?"

    "well, misty confessed to me tonight."

    "that's great, ash."

    "yeah, but i didnt feel the same way. sure i care about misty but not in that way."

    "wow. i hope she wasnt too upset."

    "that's a understatement but she was more upset at you than me."

    "me?"

    "she did to you what kenny did to me. she said a lot of terrible things."

    "like what?"

    "i'd....................rather not say."

    "ash.............i'm sorry."

    "what do you have to be sorry for?"

    "if it wasnt for me, you and misty would be together."

    "hey now, dont think like that. you have nothing to be sorry for. i dont know if i'll ever have a girlfriend but i do know that if she has a problem with you, i'd rather be alone."
    dawn didnt know what to say that that moment after hearing ash's declaration of loyalty.

    "ice cream." she said all of a sudden.

    "ice cream? what's that mean?"

    "you have ice cream on your face, silly." she answered with a beaming smile. ash went into a mini spaz attack, trying to find a napkin but sadly in his haste, he didnt ask for some from the vender. she placed her hand on his shoulder to calm him down, and in one swift moment, she leaned over and licked the dessert off the corner of his mouth.

    "better than a napkin, huh?" she asked, sticking out her tongue at him playfully.

    "wow. you really got it all. thanks." he said, rubbing the side of his mouth.

    "your welcome."

    "ice cream."

    "huh? ice cream?"

    "now your got ice cream on your hands."
    it was dawn's turn to freak out over the melted treat that covered her hands. she considered wiping her hand over her dress but ash found a better solution. he grabbed her hand and proceed to lick the sticky treat from her fingers. the girl merely giggling at the sensation of his tongue cleaning her digits.

    "you were right, dawn. that is better than a napkin." ash said, wiping his mouth. the two friends smiled at one another warmly, enjoying the perfect silence between them. by now, both had long since calmed down from their separate fights with their friends and just settled for the time they spent with each other. suddenly dawn jumped up from her seat, apparently seeing something that caught her eye.

    "come on, ash! we gotta do it."

    "do what?"
    ash's answered came in the form of dawn dragging him into a photo booth. since she was a little girl she had always wanted to try one out but a opportunity never came up. until now, that is. she pulled the pokemon training in the booth and closed the curtain behind them. this was immediately followed by four flash, from the camera of course and that was followed by a row of 4 pictures that were spat out of the the booth.

    the first picture depicted dawn waving at the camera with ash still clueless to what was going on.

    the second one showed ash throwing a peace sign while dawn just pointed at the camera.

    the third showed that somehow, ash and dawn had exchanged hat wear and grinning like cats.

    the final one showed ash and dawn, in a embrace with their cheeks touch each other and both winking at the camera.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    Okay, I'm going to help you out here, so prepare yourself for a critical but helpful review.

    once again, i will be writing this fic on the forum itself, so there will be mistakes so you will have to deal with it until i get back to my own laptop.
    No, don't say that; that's only an excuse. That alone is telling me that you are too lazy to correct your own mistakes. I do not recommend doing that at all. You are not going to get happy reviewers like that, trust me.

    Now, let's get to the capitalization problem. You need to capitalize the beginning of each sentence along with the names of characters. Again, this is showing laziness more than anything else. That should very simple to correct. Every sentence lacks this, so do that right away.

    Secondly, I have to say you have good description. But the lack of capitalization makes your story weaken. Trust me, this has potential so I must stress to tell you to fix that.

    Also, please use the contractions! You're confusing the readers like that and people are not going to take your story seriously. If you were to fix those two problems, then this would be a decent story.

    The next part I have to say is how the story itself seems weak. So, we have Ash and Misty arguing, repeat with Dawn and Kenny, and lastly have Ash and Dawn get together. I don't know, something about it seems... common in fanfiction. Give out some creativity here. There are too many stories where characters fight then they get together; go out of the box and you'll get great results. That's just me, though.

    I haven't found anything that really stuck out here except for your use of explaining the feelings of characters. That was good; I liked the amount of description here. I think you have good potential, so put your ability into good use! I know this can be better... a lot better. So be very careful when you write; laziness is not an option. That is the main cause that brought your story down.

    But like I said, correct your mistakes. You said you know you have made mistakes but reviewers are not going to deal with them. I'll just warn you about that. Overall, this story shall have a 6/10. Why? Lack of capitalization/punctuation, common plot, and laziness.

    Good luck! I hope this has helped you in some way possible. Please do not take it personally. I wish you good luck. Remember to use your imagination! =)
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

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