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Thread: What We Have Lost (Pokeshipping, Oneshot, K)

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    Default What We Have Lost (Pokeshipping, Oneshot, K)

    Wow...*chokes and blows dust off account* haven't been here in a while :P Anyway, all last week i was bored in my lunch hour at work, so decide to go read some short, funny fics on FF.net. And naturally, an idea for a fic appears. So i start writing and...it kinda doens't end up the way it should! Anyway, no humour, just a very bittersweet ending.

    I also did this in a rather strange and what i think is an overly artistic structure but this is the idea that came to me and how i wanted it to read, so here we go! This means that if you read something and think, hang on, haven't i already read that bit? Or you think its an error with the upload, please don't skip it or jump down and flame. Read it and try to visualise it again in your mind. A page break effectively means wipe what you have just read from your mind and effectively, start with a blank canvas in your mind.
    Now all you have to do is enjoy!

    Rated: K

    What We Have Lost

    The small campsite had been pitched in the centre of small clearing, you know the sort, just far enough away from the road not to be seen, trees all around, a steam just a minute away and a small circle of stones for a fire to be contained within. The said fire was nothing more than a heap of smouldering wood while a clear night blanketed the world. A rucksack or two could be seen dotted around the clearing, close to human forms wrapped up in sleeping bags while various pokemon had found their own places to spend the night. All were sleeping softly. Well, almost everyone.

    Ash Ketchum lay flat on his back, his trusted Pikachu by his head, curled up on his jumper and snoring slightly. Staring up at the stars with his hands behind his head he was wide awake but in a calm, pensive sort of way. No more than a pace or so to his left, the other side to the slumbering Pikachu and with her back towards him, hands curled about a small egg was one of his travelling companions. A mess of red hair was all he could see but her presence was such a comfort. Going on without her was unthinkable but something that, come morning, he would have to do. Lying there and barely breathing, Ash just stared at the sky, wondering how different it may look when he was in a new place, a new region. There would be time for that later though.

    “Misty.” He spoke softly. Not loud, nor in a whispering voice, but softly.

    A slight rustle to his left showed she had heard but she only settled deeper into her sleeping bag, shoulders more hunched than before. The night was colder than what the three had been used to, but for some reason, Ash hadn’t noticed until now. He couldn’t quite tell if he was relieved or saddened that she had remained asleep.

    “Misty.” He asked again, noting the stronger movement and her slight turn of her head, angled more towards to the breathtaking sky than the ground so that she was halfway turned between him and the darkness of the forest.

    “Mmhmm.” She sounded, eyes still closed and still heavy with sleep. “Wha’s wrong?” A small, squeaking yawn enveloped her final word but he was able to understand.

    He allowed a pause to develop before replying in a calm monotone. “Nothing.” An unregisterable noise came from her throat before she turned back to her previously comfortable position, and sleep.

    Five minutes or so must have passed before Ash found himself again speaking her name. Half turning toward him again, she replied in a firmer voice than before, but still slightly muffled by sleep, “Wha’ is it?”

    “I was just wondering if you were awake.” He stated simply for that was all he could think of. Why had he started saying her name in the first place? The sky was just so enchanting and, beautiful, he found he had lost all collection of thought passed those few words.

    Groaning and frowning into the night, Misty answered in a voice bordering on grumpy, “Well I am now. Is there anything else you want or can I go back to sleep?”

    “Sorry.” His mouth moved automatically. “I was just thinking…not sure what of really, just thinking.”

    Her eyes opened the smallest of fractions, showing her the starry sky and then the reason for her wakeful state to the right as she repositioned her body by lying on her side to face him with hands curled beneath her head while leaving the sleeping egg of her sweet, sweet Togepi undisturbed in its blanket. “Come on, what’s up?” Although her voice was stronger and held more structure, she was still more towards the land of the sleeping than that of the waking. There had been only one or two nights like this, when he had been staring up at the sky and decided to wake her and she was hoping it could be stopped here. He never had a reason why, just that he had been thinking and a night like that usually resulted in little sleep on her part.

    Silence formed between them, lengthening to an extent Misty almost wondered if he had heard her in the first place. About to inquire again about what was wrong, he simply stated, “I was just thinking about the last three years. About what might or might not have happened if any of us had made a different decision.”

    It was not a question as such, just a statement. Again, just as she was about to ask more, he continued. “Like what would have happened if I had beaten Richie in the Kanto finals. Or if one of those times Team Rocket had Pikachu, they’d actually got away.”

    Feeling that perhaps, she would get some sleep tonight, a yawn crept over her face, delaying her reply. “Well, they didn’t happen. If you had beaten Richie, who knows if you’d have got any further anyway and Pikachu’s too strong for Team Rocket to ever get their hands on.” Her eyes had slid completely shut before he spoke again.

    “But what would have happened if I hadn’t missed my alarm clock on my tenth birthday and got there in time to get a Squirtle instead of Pikachu.” He hadn’t moved the whole time, glassy eyes barely blinking as he stared up at the sky. More silence before he spoke again, “But that sort of stuff doesn’t worry me too much. Even if any of those had or hadn’t happened, I’d still be fine. But what really scares me is what would have happened if someone had made a different choice. One that I hadn’t been able to control?”

    Mumbling though her sleepy state, Misty replied. “Depends who and what I guess. Doubt it would have been something big enough to impact upon you much though.”

    “But what if you hadn’t been on the bank of that river at the right time? Fishing and catching me on your hook?” he said, his blank voice suddenly tinged, ever so slightly with emotion.

    So great was her shock, Misty found she was unable to answer at all. But his comment had brought her completely awake. Thinking she should at least say something, her mouth opened but he started again before her mouth could work its way around any words.

    “I mean, if you hadn’t been there, Pikachu and I could have drowned in the water.” His voice was starting to waiver slightly, so slightly she barely noticed, but it was there. “And even if we had got out of the water, would Pikachu have made it without the speed of your bike to get us to the pokemon centre? So much actually hung on you being there.” His voice had dropped, becoming quieter and more introvert, so much so she had barely heard the last statement. Suddenly, he moved in one swift motion, his head turning to face her and, caught unaware she was captured by his dark brown eyes.

    In that moment, her heart froze and the breath caught in her throat. She both loved, and loathed times like this when she could gaze, endlessly into his soul. Loved for the thrill she felt every time, the quickening of her heart, the effect of the adrenaline thundering around her body. Loathed for the lack of power she had over herself as not a single muscle could obey her wish once she was snared by those eyes.

    Time stood still. Neither knew for how long they lay there, gazing at each other, lost. Misty jumped when their other travelling companion snored loudly and muttered incoherently in his sleep. Taking advantage of the break from her prison, her eyes slid tightly shut, concentrating on slowing her heart and breathing. By the time she was confident of a more calm and refined status to the extent she could open her eyes to return her sense of vision, Ash was staring at the sky again. But something had changed. She was sure that rock had been on this side of him, now it was directly above his head. He had moved closer but that couldn’t be right, she’d have heard his sleeping bag rustle as he moved, wouldn’t she?

    Her train of though was cut there as her friend began to speak again, “Without you Mist, everything would have been different.”

    Somehow, she could only see a funny side to this comment, the smallest of smiles crossing her face. “Better you mean?” she couldn’t help that small giggle drop into the comment.

    Ash snorted quietly before turning to look at her again. Seeing him move however, she swiftly looked away, not trusting herself to stay out of his brown pools. “Don’t be stupid Misty.” His voice was so soft but laced with scorn she couldn’t help but glance at his face, reading the same emotion. It was intense enough for her heart to flutter again, this time with tremendous fear as for a moment, just a moment of a moment, anger had been radiating out of those portals. Anger at her. Oh why had she said that?

    Realising her eyes had closed, she forced them open, her sight darting straight back to his face. That anger had gone. A calm, almost longing and slightly sorrowful look lingered there instead and again she was captured. He had her too strongly, she hadn’t even noticed that rock was on the other side of him now. Then he whispered, so quietly he could have only mouthed the words yet she heard them as clear as day. “How could my life have possibly been any better without you in it?”

    Again, time stretched into an eternity as their gaze intensified, staring into the others’ soul while Misty was dimly aware of the colour rushing to her face at his comment, a slight fluttering beginning in her stomach.

    Unexpectedly, Brock gave a huge start, his leg kicking out while letting out a loud snore that ripped the night apart and severed their connection. She glanced to her older friend, sitting up a little to get a better view and finding her thanking the stars for his continued state of unconsciousness.

    Relaxing back down into her sleeping bag, she glance across at Ash again to find him no more than a hand span away, looking at the crystal clear sky again. No thought entered her mind as to how he had become so close. He’d always been that close to her, surely?

    Her eyes had lingered over the sky above but felt, for some reason, compelled to move them back to earth and to Ash. She noticed he was now too on his side, facing her and close enough to almost feel his breath on her face. Her stomach gave another flutter while her heart protested that it could race no faster. His hand extended, reaching forward to her face and brushing a stray lock of her fiery hair back behind her ear to see her more clearly. A small whisper carried itself across the crisp air that now felt only mildly cool against her exposed skin while the rest of her, confined within her sleeping bag was screaming to be released from its hot prison. “My life has been as near to perfect as it could have been since the moment I met you, Misty. You’ve always been there for me through thick and thin. I love you.”

    Her mind abruptly emptied while her heart sang a whole new song. Without a thought she rose from the ground, moving towards him as he came to her. She could feel his hot breath on her skin, burning though the cold air to sear her. Less than an inch away her eyes slid shut, her head tilted slightly and-

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The small campsite had been pitched in the centre of small clearing, you know the sort, just far enough away from the road not to be seen, trees all around, a steam just a minute away and a small circle of stones for a fire to be contained within. The said fire was nothing more than a heap of smouldering wood while a clear night blanketed the world. A rucksack or two could be seen dotted around the clearing, close to human forms wrapped up in sleeping bags while various pokemon had found their own places to spend the night. All were sleeping softly. Well, almost everyone.

    Misty Waterflower lay flat on her back, gazing up into the sky with her hands and hair functioning as a headrest against the hard ground. After so many years camping on the ground, she always thought she was used to its roughness but for once, a pillow and bed in a pokemon centre would have been much more preferable. Then again, if she was in a centre, she'd have missed the beauty of this clear, crisp night and be in a small room, alone.

    To her right, no more than a pace away lay one of her travelling companions, his black hair a mess with his back towards her and slightly curled towards the small yellow rodent that rarely left his side. How he could sleep so happily next to an electrical creature that could quiet easily release small jolts of power depending upon what its dreams held she could never understand. At least her little Togepi was a deep sleeper, a perfect egg shape now that it was asleep. To the other side of the smoldering fire lay the third member of their little group, also deep asleep and one leg poking out from his sleeping bag, mouth wide open and emitting small snores, as always.

    Casting her concentration back to the sky above, she couldn’t help thinking. In the last three years she had crossed two regions and met an uncountable number of people, been in mortal peril more than once, but every moment she held tightly within her mind was one she treasured. Every moment with him was a moment cherished, and, in the morning, those moments would come to an end. A small knot formed in her throat.

    Glancing over to the person in question, she couldn’t help but gaze at him, moving around to lie upon her side with arms curled beneath her head she had no chance to make a single thought before she whispered his name. To her slight horror, he moved slightly, shifting in his sleep before thankfully, settling back down. She didn’t really want to wake him, just to know that he was still there, just a few feet away, but if this was to be their last night at the same campsite, how could she not?

    Whispering his name again, this time a little louder but still nothing that would carry to Brock, she watched as a hand appeared, scratching the side of his head. Again she spoke his name, finding to her slight displeasure the note of want and need entwined around her voice as she brought him slowly back from his dreams.

    “Wha..? Wha’ is i’ Misht?” he mumbled through his sleep laden tongue, letting out a large yawn to finish the sentence while still making no move to turn towards her.

    “Nothing.” She realised she had spoken without thinking at all, and only half sure she had said it aloud. But evidently he had as an incomprehensible grunt met her ears.

    She wanted to speak his name again, just to let the feel of it roll over her tongue once more. “Ash?” Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke and he stirred again, half turning towards her and emitting a slight groan of perceived annoyance.

    “Sorry…I was just wondering if you were awake…” she couldn’t help fidgeting slightly with the edge of her sleeping bag that was directly in front of her face, averting her eyes away as he turned fully to lie on his side facing her.

    “Am now…” he gave another large yawn. “You ok?” his eyes remained closed.

    “Mmm…I’ve just been thinking…” the edge of her sleeping bag really was quite interesting, she had never noticed that before, especially the short length of cord that had escaped through a hole.

    “Bout what?” he scratched his nose slightly, eyelids creeping up a fraction as he peered through sleep rimmed eyes.

    She allowed the silence to grow before speaking, noting that his eyes were open a little more now, watching her. She felt the colour rush to her face as she blurted, “I was just thinking about the last few years. About what might or might not have happened if any of us had made a different decision.”

    Forcing his eyes to open and attempting to rub away the sleep that fought to remain, Ash settled into a more comfortable position with an arm beneath his head. Noting her mildly agitated state, even he could tell something was troubling her. Only one or two nights over the last three years had passed in this way. Misty waking him up for whatever reason and it usually resulted in very little sleep on his part. Hoping to pass off their conversation early so that some sleep could be regained, he opened his mouth, about to speak but she beat him to it.

    “I mean, imagine how different it could have all been if I’d done something like stayed with Rudy in the Orange Islands, or if Psyduck had evolved?” even she couldn’t remain serious when considering an alternative where Psyduck had been of any use to her as a small snort of amusement trickled into her comment.

    At the mention of Rudy however, Ash had felt the heat rising to his face and a scowl form. What did he have to do with anything? Annoying…person, he settled for a more polite word. Clearing his throat a little and taking a deep breath to subdue such strong emotions, ones that had brought him completely awake, he replied, “Yeah, but those things didn’t happen, did they? If you had stayed with…him,” After two years, he still found he was unable to say that name, “I’m sure you’d have left soon to continue travelling. And if Psyduck had evolved…well…then I guess you’d have a much stronger team.” A large yawn closed his comments, telling him that perhaps, sleep wasn’t all that evasive after all, if only Misty could feel the same.

    “But what if I hadn’t had an argument with my sisters and left the Gym when I did? Would I still be there or what?” Misty persisted, her hand falling still on the sleeping bag. “But that sort of stuff doesn’t worry me too much. Even if any of those had or hadn’t happened, I’d still be fine. But what really scares me is what would have happened if someone had made a different choice. One that I hadn’t been able to control?”

    Forcing his eyes to remain open to show he was still part of their conversation, Ash added, “Depends who and what I guess. Doubt it would have been something big enough to impact upon you much though.”

    “But what if you hadn’t been in the river that day when I was fishing and I had never pulled you out?” her voice was calm, blank almost with just the slightest tinge of emotion.

    For a moment, his heart stood still. Almost incredulously he looked across at her, over the half a metre or so of ground between them. Her eyes were out of focus slightly, gazing at her hand resting on the edge of her sleeping bag. Trying to find an answer to such a remark, his mouth foundered uselessly like a Goldeen out of water. But she continued before he had a chance.

    “I mean, if you hadn’t been there, I would have stayed on the bank all day, maybe fished a there a few more days before continuing on, just roaming without much of a purpose except not to be at the Gym with my sisters treating me like dirt.” Her gaze was still averted but he continued to watch her face, bracing himself for any kind of emotion that may be unleashed at any second. So many years with this girl had taught him many things. “If I hadn’t caught you, and you hadn’t made off with my bike, giving me a reason to follow, I might have even returned there to be treated like dirt, to be run into the ground because getting by on my own was so difficult. So much actually hung on you being there.” During her little speech, the tone of her voice had softened to the extent, Ash only just caught her last comment and it lingered in the cold, crisp night air. Then her eyes flicked up, staring straight into his own and catching him just as she had done so many years ago with a fishing line.

    Time stood still as he gazed endlessly into her crystal clear blue eyes that sparkled like sapphires, breaking through the blackness of the night. His heart began to beat so hard and loud he was sure it would wake one of the others, Brock or Pikachu for instance. Breath had frozen in his mouth while Butterfrees frolicked in his stomach. Moments like this were both loved, and loathed as he was powerless to escape her gaze yet relished in every moment while he studied every tone and shade of blue that existed within her eyes. She always claimed she was ugly, beaten down for so many years by her older siblings, but he had never met anyone more beautiful than she, in so many ways.

    Like a crack of thunder that tore the night apart, Brock started in his sleep, snoring loudly and muttering slightly. Their contact was broken as each pair of eyes flew to their other travelling companion, assuring themselves that he was still asleep. Taking advantage of the moment of freedom, Ash closed his eyes tightly, counting the pace of his breathing and slowing his heart until he was sure a degree of normality had returned to both before daring to open his eyes. Her gaze was back on the sleeping bag while her hand played with the end of a piece of cord from her well used sleeping bag. But something had changed. He was sure that rock had been his side of her, now it was directly above her head. She had moved closer but that couldn’t be right, he’d have heard her sleeping bag rustle as she moved, wouldn’t she?

    This observation swiftly vanished from his mind as she suddenly spoke in that unreadable tone, “Without you Ash, everything would have been different.”

    The nonchalance of her comment almost made him splutter. Instead, he held onto the emotion, expressing it as a chuckle laced into his reply, “Better you mean?”

    A small and slightly distressed gasp escaped her lips and her hand lay still. Anticipating the movement of her eyes to match his, he averted his gaze, finding fading of the red dye at the end of her sleeping bag very notable. But something drew his gaze right back until his brown eyes were looking straight into her brilliantly blue orbs. “Don’t be stupid Ash.” Her voice held a slight tremble and deep, deep hurt seemed to well up in her eyes, gazing straight at him with all their blame pointing at him. An automatic impulse took over as his lids closed and severed their gaze, sealing their power away from him. The pain in her speech was so intense, he couldn’t help but have his heart flutter again, this time from the pain that had been reflected in her eyes, held with the knowledge that it had been his comment that had brought up the emotion. Oh why had he said that?

    Hating himself for every second that his eyes remained closed in such a cowardly way, he forced them open. Wishing, yet not wishing at the same time to catch her gaze, he kept his vision averted to the foot of her sleeping bag until some unknown force brought them up to look into her eyes again. All sorrow and pain had been erased but he now paid for the price of looking. She had him too strongly, he hadn’t even noticed that rock was on the other side of her now. Then she whispered in the smallest, softest and most quiet sound that he thought possible, “How could my life have possibly been any better without you in it?”

    Time and his heart both stood still as he fell further and further into her soul. Through the barriers that always seemed to exist, past that hate and anger at the world for handing her a life governed by sisters for years and into her. Tears were almost forming in his own eyes as her pair of blue vortexes sucked him in.

    For the second time that night, Brock kicked out in his sleep, knocking over a pot left to dry by the fire and emitting a load groan through his snore. Sitting up in a slight panic, Ash was able to reassure himself that their older friend was still asleep, their privacy remained. He let out the breath he seemed to be holding.

    Returning to lie in his sleeping bag, he glanced over at Misty to find her no more than a few hand spans away, absentmindedly playing with the cord. The idea that the distance between the two had been reduced never entered his mind. She’d always been that close to him, surely?

    Suddenly, he realised that her hand was still, the cord loosly curled around her fingers while she was staring straight at him. Their eyes were level, there was no escape as his stomach abruptly somersaulted and a tingling sensation spread over his body. Slowly extending her hand forwards, she brushed back his overgrown fringe that always exploded when hatless. Her finger trembled slightly on his skin while he was lost within blue whirlpools. Her voice shook slightly as the softest of all whispers left her lips and drifted slowly into his mind. “My life has been as near to perfect as it could have been since the moment I met you, Ash. You’ve always been there for me through thick and thin. I love you.”

    His mind emptied while his breath became lodged within his throat. Without conscious thought he rose from the ground moving towards her as she came to him. He could feel her hot breath on his skin, burning though the coolness of the air to sear him. Less than an inch away his eyes slid shut, his head tilted slightly and-

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    She took a deep, sharp gasp as her eyes snapped open.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    He took a deep, sharp gasp as his eyes snapped open.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Breathing rapidly and deeply as if she had just run a marathon, Misty lay flat on her back, pressing her eyes against the darkness to gather her bearings. Then she knew where she was.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Breathing rapidly and deeply as if he had just run a marathon, Ash lay flat on his back, pressing his eyes against the darkness to gather his bearings. Then he knew where he was.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    She sat up slowly, bringing her knees up for her arms to wrap around and rest her head upon, hiding her face and the tears that softly fell down her cheeks from the darkness of her bedroom in the Gym of Cerulean.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    He sat up slowly, bringing his knees up for his arms to wrap around and rest his head upon, hiding his face and the tears that softly fell down his cheeks from the darkness of the campsite in the middle of Hoenn.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    At that moment, both knew exactly when their life had ceased to be perfect and exactly what they had lost.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Well, i hope you liked it! Don't ask how this started as a humour fic, even i don't know!
    Esperon Hearts

  2. #2
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    this is the 1st time i've seen a fic set out like this, and i think, although unusual at 1st, it works really well.
    it was easy to visualise what was going on, and it was interesting the way you showed the story unfolding through both Misty and Ash's eyes separately.
    your grammar and spelling was good, and i only noticed 1 typo:
    She had moved closer but that couldn’t be right, he’d have heard her sleeping bag rustle as she moved, wouldn’t she?
    i suppose it was meant to be "wouldn't he?" since it was in Ash's part of the story, but it's only a tiny typo. everything else was great!
    do you think you would use this more artistic structure of writing in any future fics, or was this just an experiment?

    anyway, i thouroughly enjoyed reading this, and i look forward to checking out some of your other works! ^__^


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    Th-th-that (sniff) was (sob) beautifu-hu-hul... (sniff)

    I loved how you wrote this story! Whoda thunk it was the result of reading a bunch of comedy fics! I loved the last line, too. Just beautiful.
    Like toilet paper in a bathroom, certain things are required in a fanfic/manga/etc. that determine whether someone will loathe it or love it. I believe that stupid characters like Tatewaki Kuno from Ranma 1/2 are one of those things. If you agree, put this in your sig. (started by me!)


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  4. #4
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    Welcome back Esperon. Nice to see this new fic. I've rather enjoyed it. Good grammar and spelling.

    The setting was quite different, but I enjoyed it none the less the last few lines ended the one shot very well.

    I'm going to quote soem of my other favorite parts.

    Like a crack of thunder that tore the night apart, Brock started in his sleep, snoring loudly and muttering slightly. Their contact was broken as each pair of eyes flew to their other travelling companion, assuring themselves that he was still asleep. Taking advantage of the moment of freedom, Ash closed his eyes tightly, counting the pace of his breathing and slowing his heart until he was sure a degree of normality had returned to both before daring to open his eyes. Her gaze was back on the sleeping bag while her hand played with the end of a piece of cord from her well used sleeping bag. But something had changed. He was sure that rock had been his side of her, now it was directly above her head. She had moved closer but that couldn’t be right, he’d have heard her sleeping bag rustle as she moved, wouldn’t she?
    “I mean, if you hadn’t been there, Pikachu and I could have drowned in the water.” His voice was starting to waiver slightly, so slightly she barely noticed, but it was there. “And even if we had got out of the water, would Pikachu have made it without the speed of your bike to get us to the pokemon centre? So much actually hung on you being there.” His voice had dropped, becoming quieter and more introvert, so much so she had barely heard the last statement. Suddenly, he moved in one swift motion, his head turning to face her and, caught unaware she was captured by his dark brown eyes.

    In that moment, her heart froze and the breath caught in her throat. She both loved, and loathed times like this when she could gaze, endlessly into his soul. Loved for the thrill she felt every time, the quickening of her heart, the effect of the adrenaline thundering around her body. Loathed for the lack of power she had over herself as not a single muscle could obey her wish once she was snared by those eyes.
    Misty Waterflower lay flat on her back, gazing up into the sky with her hands and hair functioning as a headrest against the hard ground. After so many years camping on the ground, she always thought she was used to its roughness but for once, a pillow and bed in a pokemon centre would have been much more preferable. Then again, if she was in a centre, she'd have missed the beauty of this clear, crisp night and be in a small room, alone.


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    Aww, thanks for the replies guys! AOL sent my reply alert thing to spam so didn't know anyone had reviewed! Very much appreciated!

    this is the 1st time i've seen a fic set out like this, and i think, although unusual at 1st, it works really well.
    it was easy to visualise what was going on, and it was interesting the way you showed the story unfolding through both Misty and Ash's eyes separately.
    your grammar and spelling was good, and i only noticed 1 typo:

    Quote:
    She had moved closer but that couldn’t be right, he’d have heard her sleeping bag rustle as she moved, wouldn’t she?

    i suppose it was meant to be "wouldn't he?" since it was in Ash's part of the story, but it's only a tiny typo. everything else was great!
    do you think you would use this more artistic structure of writing in any future fics, or was this just an experiment?

    anyway, i thouroughly enjoyed reading this, and i look forward to checking out some of your other works! ^__^
    You are very right, that does indeed need to be changed and i'll get on it when i have a chance (ie when i'm not at work and meant to be doing a report thing thats due in about ten mins!) This style just came to me as i was writing so i have no idea if i will use it again, as i said, this fic was meant to be something completely different, just ended up like this instead!

    Th-th-that (sniff) was (sob) beautifu-hu-hul... (sniff)

    I loved how you wrote this story! Whoda thunk it was the result of reading a bunch of comedy fics! I loved the last line, too. Just beautiful.
    Thanks so much >< (you're the third person that i know of who has cried cos of this fic!) Well, yeah it came cos i had an idea for finishing the fic with Misty feeling VERY confused with Ash chuckling. Then this idea came and totally changed it. I seem to be going through a phase of torturing my characters at the moment! (see one of my fics on fanfiction. it's not quite something i'm confident about putting up here, very dark.)

    Welcome back Esperon. Nice to see this new fic. I've rather enjoyed it. Good grammar and spelling.

    The setting was quite different, but I enjoyed it none the less the last few lines ended the one shot very well.

    I'm going to quote soem of my other favorite parts.


    Quote:
    Like a crack of thunder that tore the night apart, Brock started in his sleep, snoring loudly and muttering slightly. Their contact was broken as each pair of eyes flew to their other travelling companion, assuring themselves that he was still asleep. Taking advantage of the moment of freedom, Ash closed his eyes tightly, counting the pace of his breathing and slowing his heart until he was sure a degree of normality had returned to both before daring to open his eyes. Her gaze was back on the sleeping bag while her hand played with the end of a piece of cord from her well used sleeping bag. But something had changed. He was sure that rock had been his side of her, now it was directly above her head. She had moved closer but that couldn’t be right, he’d have heard her sleeping bag rustle as she moved, wouldn’t she?

    Quote:
    “I mean, if you hadn’t been there, Pikachu and I could have drowned in the water.” His voice was starting to waiver slightly, so slightly she barely noticed, but it was there. “And even if we had got out of the water, would Pikachu have made it without the speed of your bike to get us to the pokemon centre? So much actually hung on you being there.” His voice had dropped, becoming quieter and more introvert, so much so she had barely heard the last statement. Suddenly, he moved in one swift motion, his head turning to face her and, caught unaware she was captured by his dark brown eyes.

    In that moment, her heart froze and the breath caught in her throat. She both loved, and loathed times like this when she could gaze, endlessly into his soul. Loved for the thrill she felt every time, the quickening of her heart, the effect of the adrenaline thundering around her body. Loathed for the lack of power she had over herself as not a single muscle could obey her wish once she was snared by those eyes.

    Quote:
    Misty Waterflower lay flat on her back, gazing up into the sky with her hands and hair functioning as a headrest against the hard ground. After so many years camping on the ground, she always thought she was used to its roughness but for once, a pillow and bed in a pokemon centre would have been much more preferable. Then again, if she was in a centre, she'd have missed the beauty of this clear, crisp night and be in a small room, alone.
    Thank you so much for your review! I'm very glad you liked the ending, gave the whole thing a nice punch that (i hope anyway) that you weren't expecting! And its good to be back :P

    Just so you all know, i remembered a fic i was going to write ages ago. Tis short to might have that by the weekend ^^ Toodles all!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    England
    Posts
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    Hey long time no talk, eh? i actually read this on your ff.net account, i thought it was brilliant! the way you made it was flawless, i never thought they were dreaming each other til the end It was freaky they had the same dream, i wonder if thats possible?
    Oh and sorry i havent posted sooner, i got sidetracked with things i forgot how amazing your stories are.


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    England
    Posts
    472

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    Quote Originally Posted by pokemon4eva View Post
    Hey long time no talk, eh? i actually read this on your ff.net account, i thought it was brilliant! the way you made it was flawless, i never thought they were dreaming each other til the end It was freaky they had the same dream, i wonder if thats possible?
    Oh and sorry i havent posted sooner, i got sidetracked with things i forgot how amazing your stories are.
    Well getting this was a surprise in my email box! Thanks for you review ^^ I wish I was still able to write but uni is hard!

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