The new titles are great! I remember you saying that the fics title will be a major plot line, and you weren't lying! The ones near chapter 20 seem interesting with all of the love going on.
EDIT: Woot! 100 posts in this thread!
The new titles are great! I remember you saying that the fics title will be a major plot line, and you weren't lying! The ones near chapter 20 seem interesting with all of the love going on.
EDIT: Woot! 100 posts in this thread!
Last edited by Shadow XD001; 26th July 2009 at 3:42 PM.
It was awesome seeing Brad! Thanks man! I enjoyed the battle a lot and I wonder what will happen with Jessica and Genevieve. I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Once again, thanks for Brad, hope we'll see him soon.
A little heads up; I am going to try my hardest to get the next chapter by either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. So be on the look out for that all important PM. Let me stop for a second. Does anyone even read those PMs I send? I put a lot of work and though into those and I'd be sad if no one even reads them.
Well, until next time, I'm out
I'm glad Jyharri finally loses. and btw Shadow, if you don't want people to think there is a ship between Sydnie and Jyharri then by God, stop writing it in. Jyharri just marked her (albeit unsuccessfully) if these characters were wolves he would've peed on her. and he is SOOO jealous of Ryan (lol btw, great moment). And thank you for having Charizard fail at Blastburn, I'm finally seeing Jyharri as a not-so-invincible trainer. Still waiting on that tourny, thanks for moving it up btw. Wanting to see more of Stacy. this chapter seemed to be just kind of a set-up-for-next-chapter type of chapter. can't wait for the next chapter. Ilocar out
ilocar, what? First, don't tell me what to post in and I was just saying it was interesting with all of the love going on around the 20th chapter.
Also, is the evil team actually called Black Organization? Or is it really Team *insert name here*?
I actually got that idea from assassinsceptile so I'm giving credit now.Jyharri just marked her (albeit unsuccessfully) if these characters were wolves he would've peed on her. and he is SOOO jealous of Ryan (lol btw, great moment).
I didn't want Charizard to get it right away. I figured it was that type of attack that if you get it then you won't get it again till you master it.And thank you for having Charizard fail at Blastburn, I'm finally seeing Jyharri as a not-so-invincible trainer.
You'll see more of Stacy soon enough. Favorite character much? I wanted the tournament to be as soon as possible as it deals with the plot.Still waiting on that tourny, thanks for moving it up btw. Wanting to see more of Stacy.
I call it one of my filler chapters XDthis chapter seemed to be just kind of a set-up-for-next-chapter type of chapter. can't wait for the next chapter. Ilocar out
The organization is called the Black Organization. I took it from my favorite anime Detective Conan The name will be explained in the next chapter.Also, is the evil team actually called Black Organization? Or is it really Team *insert name here*?
Until next time, Shadow Lucario is signing off
Sorry for the double post, but as I promised here is Chapter 13 of Dedication Through Light and Darkness! In this chapter you will see the return of two characters that have had one appearance so far. I thought I would show you guys what those characters were really about. Jyharri does not appear in this chapter so rejoice! No students appear in this chapter actually. Enough of me talking! Enjoi!
Dedication Through Light and Darkness
Chapter 13: Revealed! The Black Organization Makes Their Move!
A mist hung over the forest, thick, and white. Three figures moved through the mist, two of them clad in black. The cloaks they wore came down to their ankles, a few centimeters above the ground. The third figure was shaped like a bipedal lizard, closely following the shorter of the two humans. They moved in between the trees at a fast pace, not stopping at any moment. The trio came upon a tall building. The roof, red in color, reached higher than the trees.
“Right now we’re going to meet with one of our commanders,” said the short human.
“Kelly,” the tall one called.
Slowing their pace, the three figures entered the building. The clear doors slid open as they approached it, revealing a spacious room. The counter in front of them was left unattended. The tall figure let out a sharp whistle. Out of a side door came another figure cloaked in black.
“Commander Cindy,” said the tall one.
“Damien, Kelly,” the woman replied.
“We’re here for your report,” said Kelly as she pulled down her hood.
Cindy, also pulling down her hood, handed a stack of papers to Damien. The papers were kept in a manila folder, almost falling out.
“Those are all the results we have on the new first years,” explained Cindy.
Kelly and Damien quickly checked the papers, examining a graph next to a picture of a student. Damien stopped at one person, looking the graph over many times.
“This one,” Damien pointed at the picture, “seems to be the one with the most potential.”
“Then this one,” said Kelly pulling out a different paper, “seems more likely to go to them.”
“Ah,” Cindy said as she looked over both of the pictures. “They are both in Fire Red, my dorm. Jyharri and Sydnie seem like such great friends too.”
The sound of a door opening sounded from the back of the room. The three people and the Pokémon hid under a stairwell on the far side of the room, shrouded in darkness. An old man entered the room. He wore bright white robes as opposed to Cindy’s black ones.
“Lou?” Cindy whispered. “He’s in Team Lustrous?!”
“Whoever is there you can come out now,” Lou bellowed.
Cindy started to step out, but a hand stopped her. Kelly and her Kecleon jumped out instead. A smirk formed on Kelly’s face, as well as Kecleon’s.
“Well if it isn’t some Black Organization Grunt,” Lou laughed.
“Don’t think I’m a regular grunt you old man,” Kelly said as she crossed her arms. Kecleon did the same with a nod.
“Well, I’ll be able to eliminate you here and now,” said Lou, a smirk now on his face.
Kelly made a motion with her head at Kecleon, signaling it was time to battle. Kecleon ran out in front of his trainer, ready to protect her. Lou pulled out a white ball, the strip in the middle red. He tossed it into the air, the ball opening as it began to fall. The white light from the ball materialized into a large brown Pokémon. Its shaggy white hair covered most of its face, its menacing yellow eyes and long nose the only things visible on its face. Its short stubby arms ended in broad leaves.
“Careful Kecleon,” Kelly warned him. “Shiftry can be very dangerous.”
Kecleon nodded and stared down Shiftry, waiting for him to do something. Shiftry started to wave his arms towards Kecleon, making Kecleon give him a weird look. After a little a gust of wind picked up. Now Shiftry started to flap his arms as hard as he could at Kecleon. The Normal type started to float in the air. The harder Shiftry flapped his wings the higher Kecleon went. As soon as Kecleon was high enough in the air Shiftry jumped towards him, his arms crossed. Kecleon watched as Shiftry’s fans started to glow before being hit when Shiftry uncrossed his arms.
“Kecleon,” Kelly cried as he hit the ground. Kecleon stood and shook his head, shaking off the damage. “Now hit him with a Fury Swipes!”
Kecleon dashed in at Shiftry slashing at him repeatedly. Shiftry dodged every attack, side stepping Kecleon and hitting him on the back of the head towards a wall. Kecleon stopped himself, his face a few centimeters in front of the wall.
“Tear him up with Razor Leaf,” Lou commanded.
Smaller leaves shot out of Shiftry’s fans, cutting at Kecleon all over his body before the Normal type fell to the ground. Kelly ran over to her Pokémon, picking him up.
“Now you and your Pokémon are finished,” Lou shouted. “Shiftry hit them with Hyper Beam!”
A ball of orange energy formed in Shiftry’s mouth. As soon as it was a significant size it shot out in the form of a beam. Kelly closed her eyes tightly, holding on to Kecleon just as tight, waiting for the beam to hit her. After a few seconds passed Kelly opened her eyes to see a humanoid figure standing in front of her. The creature seemed to be wearing an elegant ballroom gown, her feet not visible. The Pokémon’s green arms were extended in front of it, a blue aura surrounding it. Kelly peered around the Pokémon to see the same blue aura around the orange beam.
“Nice Psychic Gardevoir,” said Damien as he stepped from the shadows, finally pulling off his hood.
“Another one eh?” said Lou looking from Kelly to Damien.
“No, I’m a Commander,” Damien corrected him, anger written on his face.
The aura around Gardevoir changed from blue to red, her expression also angry. The orange beam instantly turned on Shiftry and shot back. As Shiftry was hit with the beam he flew back and crashed through the back wall.
“Gardevoir,” said Damien. “Hit that old man with Magical Leaf.”
Leaves appeared around Gardevoir, all a different color. The leaves shot at Lou, hitting him in the torso area, knocking him on his back. As Lou looked up a figure stood over him. All he could see was the red of their eyes. Instantly he began to shudder and quake in fear.
“Please, no,” he begged for mercy.
“No mercy here,” said the figure.
The last thing Lou saw was the red eyes of a Black Organization Commander.
“Thanks for that,” Kelly told Damien back at their base.
“No problem,” said Damien. “You’re my partner. I have to help you. I’ve lost enough people already.”
“I’m the only one who should be saying thanks,” Cindy told them as she entered their base. “I’m the only one not in danger now.”
Cindy’s eyes started to glow a brilliant blue, shining in the darkness of the base. She pulled her hood up and headed for the exit. She turned and waved to Damien and Kelly before exiting.
“How’s Kecleon?” Damien asked Kelly as Cindy departed.
Kelly looked across the room and saw her only Pokémon lying on a small bed, a pained look on his face.
“I think he’s ok,” Kelly said, her voice warbling a bit.
Damien walked to the computer and began typing. Kelly walked over to her Kecleon, pulling up a chair to sit next to him. After a while a voice said, “Message sent.”
“What was that?” Kelly asked not taking her eyes off Kecleon.
“I told the boss about the situation,” Damien replied. “I thought it would be wise if he knew.”
Kelly put one of her hands on Kecleon’s forehead. As soon as she touched him, Kecleon flinched. Kelly pulled her hand away surprised.
“It was his first battle,” Damien told her, feeling her sadness. “It’s a good thing he’s still here. Lou was probably an Admin for Team Lustrous.”
“Next time I’m going to destroy them,” Kelly said as she balled her fists. “They won’t be hurting Kecleon anymore!”
“Sir, we’ve received word that Lou has been taken out.”
A man in his early twenties approached his boss carefully. The man and his boss wore bright, hoodless white robes. The boss looked at the man and motioned for him to come closer. The man did so cautiously. As he came closer his boss grabbed his throat, holding on to it tightly.
“I thought I said no one disturbs me while I was in the room of florescence,” the boss told him.
The man looked at his boss in fear. His yellow eyes seem to pierce through him, straight to his heart. They stood in a room that was completely white, save for the designs on the walls as they were gold. The walls bored designs of a giant bird like creature.
“My ancestors built this room specifically for the boss,” he continued as he looked around the room.
The room was mostly bare. A giant altar sat at the end of a long stretch of nothing. Behind the altar sat a chair with a desk.
“I’m sorry sir,” the mad said as he choked. “I just started working here Monday. I didn’t know.
“Let this be a warning to you,” the boss said as he let go of the man. “Now who took out Lou?”
“Some Black Organization scum,” the man said through gasps as he held his throat.
The boss ran his hand through his shoulder length silver hair. “Leave it to Lou to get taken out by the trash.”
The boss paced around the room, his hands behind his back. The man watched him, trying to always have some distance between them.
“Well nothing I can do about it now,” the boss said after a minute. “I have better officers that can easily replace him. If that was all then you can leave now before you join Lou.”
The man quickly left the room, not trying to test his boss. As he left the room a bunch of his team members were surprised to see him again. A lot of them asked him what happened.
“Whatever you do, do not make Boss Aeolus mad,” the man told his fellow team members.
“Damien, get out of here!”
“No mommy! I want to stay with you!”
“I’m not going to let them take you as well! Get out of here before you get burned too!”
Damien jumped, waking himself up. He looked around and saw he was in his base.
“Bad dream?” Kelly asked from across the room.
“I remembered that night,” he told her as he clutched his head.
“Message received,” said the computer.
Damien turned towards the computer surprised. “The boss never replies this early. If he does it would be in a call.”
Damien clicked the message open and quickly read over it. He started to chuckle as he finished reading it. Kelly gave him a funny look. Damien motioned for her to walk over to him. She gave Kecleon a worried look and approached the computer. The message read, “Hey Damien. I hear you’re on assignment at some Academy. I was going to go there soon, but you know how Antonius is about giving out assignments. . Maybe I can visit you and Kelly when he’s not being such a woman. Later, Robert.”
“Why does Robert always make fun of the boss like that?” Kelly asked as she hurried back to Kecleon’s side.
“Maybe it’s because-” Damien started.
A knock was heard at the bases entrance. Damien and Kelly became very still. After a couple minutes of silence the knocking became louder.
“It’s Team Lustrous!” someone shouted. “Open up or we’re blasting our way in!”
Damien quickly typed a few keys on the keyboard as Kelly picked up Kecleon and opened a hatch in the floor. As soon as it popped open she jumped in, Damien following soon after. The moment after the entered the hatch entrance door to their base was blasted open. Two figures in white robes entered. One was a few centimeters taller than Damien, obviously a male, while the other was a few centimeters shorter than Kelly, obviously female. The two searched the room, pulling down shelves, and the like. The male walked to the computer and started to type. A buzz noise sounded as he tried to get into the computer’s database.
“Damn Black Organization scum!” he spat.
“Hey look at this,” the girl said as she noticed the hatch.
The male walked over to her and crouched down. “Open it.”
“The girl crouched down, flipped her long blonde hair behind her and started to pull open the hatch. When it opened all the way it revealed a hole that led underground into a complicated tunnel system.
“Great,” said the girl. “They got away.”
“No they didn’t,” said the boy. “We’re going to catch them. If we don’t then the boss will kill us. They killed Admin Lou so we have to exterminate them. We can’t let them get away with this.”
The boy and the girl fled the base, running off into the mist. As the two departed Damien climbed out of the hatch, pulling Kelly out after him.
“We’re lucky they didn’t go in there,” said Damien. “If they checked it out, they would have seen that we were hiding right after the first turn.”
“We need to get somewhere safe so Kecleon can rest up properly,” Kelly told Damien as she held Kecleon.
Damien pulled out a small cellular phone and punched in a couple numbers. He started to pace the room as he listened to the other end ring. After four rings Damien heard a click. “Hello?” said a voice.
“Cousin,” Damien exclaimed. “I need your help.”
“What do you need this time Damien? I told you that I can’t do anything for the Organization right now.”
“I need to get my friend’s Pokémon healed and a safe place to stay for now,” Damien told the voice.
“I’m sure I can do the first thing, but I’m not so sure about the second,” the voice replied.
“This will be the last thing I ask of you,” Damien pleaded. “I need your help Drake.
Great chapter, though its more set-up it also answers questions. Altogether it is an awesome chapter. I like that both teams appear to be evil. thats why its dedication through light and darkness right? I'm lovin' it. still waiting on more Stacy and that tourny.
Last edited by ilocar; 31st July 2009 at 10:31 PM.
Okay, I've never read your story, but I've read up to the first three chapters, and I must say I enjoyed it =DDDD
Okay, the whole idea of a Pokemon Academy really intrigued me. The title of the story is very good. I didn't understand why they were enrolling in a school, however, if they already had experienced Pokemon. Do they have a different goal in mind? Why was their first test a scavenger hunt? Sorry if I'm asking these questions a little early xD I should probably read on.
Also, I love their names. Jyharri. What a unique name. Sydnie. Very pretty. =DDDDD And I noticed the Brad and Chad similarities xDDDD I love it when names rhyme. Oh, and I also noticed that at some points you called Brad Bart. You should probably go back and change those.
MY GOSH! WHAT VIOLENT CHILDREN! *referring to the end of Chapter 3 with bloody Drake* And why was Dan (Isn't he an adult?) talking about it so calmly? Shouldn't he tell the school? Isn't he capable of putting a stop to it? It's scary that they're going after him next o.o Seriously, why doesn't the school do anything? Scary. o.o
On a sidenote: Jyharri scoffs a lot o.o
The story, in my opinion, is lacking description. I would probably appreciate it more if more description was added, but that's just my opinion. For example instead of:
Jyharri turned to see Sydnie with an angry look on her face.
It could've been changed to:
Jyharri turned swiftly to see Syndie with a scowl on her usually composed face, signifying the anger she found in waiting.
(That example is bleh xP)
It's just a suggestion, but I recommend something along those lines
The story so far seems rushed. You may want to slow down a bit. Also, I'd like to hear more of Jyharri's (Gosh, I love that name! xD) thoughts. It seems like you're just describing actions so far. His thoughts would help readers feel like they're experiencing what he's experiencing. And I don't know much of Jyharri's personality. He just seems a little...plain. I don't know why.
Anyway, I enjoyed it, and I'm going to read more later! =DDDDD Excellent job!
(I'm sorry if any of this advice/comments were hurtful/offensive in anyway Dx Forgive me if they were.)
Last edited by Reisude; 6th August 2009 at 2:37 AM.
A lot of your questions are answered in later chapters. Description is not my strong point, but I am trying to get better at it. Like I said in my first post the title deals with the plot later on(next chapter to be specific). The main reason Jyharru scoffs is because he is as arrogant as you can get. I tried to make it obvious by the way he talks to people and how he acts in battle. Would you like to be added to the PM list?
EDIT: They're only in the first month of school by the way XP This fan fiction covers an entire school year.
Oohh, okay. And no pressure on filling out the review for my story xD Seriously. Take your time.
I'm currently reading the fourth chapter, and I'm almost finished with it. I can definitely see that Jyharri is arrogant. I want to smack him on the head with a book like Sydnie just did -.- (No offense to Jyharri or anything xD)
And yes, I would love to be added :3
*proceeds to smacking Jyharri across the head with the 7th Harry Potter book* (It was the thickest book I could find xD) And I'm sure your description will improve. =DDDDD The creativity of the plot is splendid. The description that comes with it are bound to exceed. Oh, and I'm on the fifth chapter. It sucks that he has to repay all that money xD Talk about ten years of his allowance down the drain. That sucks.
...I hope this doesn't count as spam o.o
The fourteenth chapter should be out sometime this week. I want to get out one more chapter before Monday because that is when the new term starts D: On no! I will work as hard as I can to get you guys more chapters even with school trying to stand in my way.
*sighs with relief* Thank goodness. Some people may consider it spam, but oh well.
Yay!! *claps enthusiastically* I'm looking forward to it xD Although I'm only on the 6th chapter (Or was it the 5th? Man, my memory sucks xP I'm too lazy to go back and check -.- ), and Jyharri just saw a hooded woman. *cue spooky music* How creepy o.o He's daring to have reached for her hood. I'd just introduce myself while sneakily trying to steal a glance on the face that's under the hood. (Oh yes. Gotta love ninja skills. >:3 )
*gasps loudly and dramatically, as if the apocalypse arrived* WHHHAATTTT?!??!?!?!?!!!! YOU START SCHOOL MONDAY?!?!?!??!!!!! My dear boy, life is currently sucking for you. I start school in about two or three more weeks. Thank goodness for that. But...it's gonna be hard to get on Serebii with all the homework Dx You have my luck on balancing your schedule. I hope your last days of summer will be fun ones!
EDIT: Okay, currently on Chapter 9, and I couldn't help but notice that you're referring to Eevee as a girl now. In the Prologue, you referred to "her" as a "him". Which gender is it? I think, 85% (The percentage is in that general area. I looked it up a few days ago when I was searching for a shiny.) of Eevees are male. It's not likely to find a female. Just putting that in there for better clarification.
BUM BUM BUM! Jyharri lost. Let the dismay ensue >:3 Just kiddin' xDDD On to chapter 10!
After reading Chapter 10...
So he didn't beat a Fourth Year, but he beat the Headmistress of the school?
Well I guess it does makes sense since she hadn't used her Pokemon since she was thirteen, but...Wait, why didn't she use her Pokemon for twenty years? That's Pokemon cruelty D: It must've been hungry or something! I'm surprised it didn't look around the room with relief or bewilderment and scream, "OH MY GOD! I'M FINALLY OUT OF THAT PRISON!"
Oh, and that Megan girl shouldn't be flirting with Brandon Dx He has Brianna! *hisses inhumanly* ...Well that was weird. Anyway, if she does it again I shall...uhh...virtually slap her? xDDD Lolz I don't know. Jk.
Ohhhh, what's in the egg? I'm excited to find out! xDD I liked this chapter, but I'm sure I'll like the next one even more. On to the next one!
Okay, now I'm currently in the middle of Chapter 11. Mio has an egg, too?! Wow. o.o IRONIC! And Stacy is flirting with Jyharri! *gasspps* So many flirty girls Dx Jyharri should be with Sydnie! *jabs pointer finger into the air to make a firmer declaration* Lolz xD Anyway, I'll read the rest tomorrow! I'm really liking your story so far! =DDDDDD
EDIT...AGAIN: Okay, so I couldn't resist getting on (*guilty look* Okay, I confess. Sneaking on.) and reading the rest of chapter 11. The battle with Marowak was pretty impressive. When the eggs opened with the detention slips, I laughed and said, "How clever." That was funny xD Eevee is so adorable! I love Eevees! I love all of their evolutions, too xD But Stacy and Jyharri? *stomps foot down* Strongly dislike the pairing. ...Then again, if they share more fluffiness in the next couple of chapters, my mind--being naive and containing A.D.D.--will probably accept their pairing xD My thoughts/opinions change frequently, especially on pairings. That's probably why I don't mind soap operas. *clears throat* ANYWAY, I really enjoyed this chapter. I'm gonna read the next one right away! (I'm editing this post a lot o.o)
After reading Chapter 12...
BUM BUM BUM! So the evil villain and/or the good guy will be hosting the tournament? BUM BUM BUM again. :3 How exciting! Poor Geneveive! D: I wonder what her reaction will be. WILL SHE SLAP SOMEONE?! I'm asking because that's what usually happens in soap operas xD ANYWAY, I liked this chapter! Jyharri got beat AGAIN. BUM BUM BUM!
Okay, I'll stop doing that now. But wow, Brad is pretty skilled to have beaten his Charizard o.o And this Ryan guy doesn't seem to be very nice Dx He's like...an eviller version of Jyharri o.e No offense to Jyharri. Despite his arrogance, I do like his character. *coughcoughIjustwishSyndieandhimwouldgettogetherco ughcough* Whoa. Wasn't that an unpleasant cough? I do think I'm becoming ill...Anyway, on to the next chapter! xD (And sorry I'm wasting your time by writing all these pointless reviews. Dx This post keeps piling with text.)
After reading Chapter 13... (I promise this is the last edit xD)
WHOA! Drake is related to Damien?!?!?!?!?!!!! *opens mouth to say, "BUM BUM BUM," but starts coughing uncontrollably instead* o.o Okkkayyy...I really wasn't expecting that. I can't tell who the good guys/bad guys are. I think that the leaders of both organizations, however, are related. To me, they seem like brothers. *shrug* It's a weak estimate, but I'm going with it. Lou was killed. Poor guy Dx And that was clever for Kelly and Damien not to use the hatch. I can't wait for the next chapter =DDDDD Oh, and the description is gradually getting better! Excellent! =DDDDD
I'm completely attached to this fic now. Just to check, I'm on the PM list, right?
Last edited by Reisude; 6th August 2009 at 7:23 AM.
Yes you are XD And about the JyharrixSydnie thing, everyone is saying that for some odd reason XD If it happens then it happens, but as of now they are just friends *cough* Now you're getting me sick! I will probably have the next chapter up by Sunday.Originally Posted by Reisude
Ironically enough, I just coughed. Lolz, sorry I'm acting so weird.
Shadow Lucario, Everyone(that is me and Reisude) says Jyharri and Sydnie should get together because thats the way you've written it. Sydnie gets mad when Jyharri's out kissing girls, Jyharri gets jealous when she gets a new boyfriend(even though he has his own new girlfriend I might add). You've even flawlessly written in the subtle loathing between them. If they do get together in the end I'll be happy, most likely praise this story for months, but I won't be thoroughly surprise. If your not planning them to end up together then you may need to write them differently; if you are planning on them getting together in the end you've written their interactions flawlessly. Romance is somewhat my field of expertise so I think I would know how its written Don't tell me what you're planning for them though, I want to read the story in order, so to speak
Sorry guys and girls. No chapter today. When I woke up today I tried to write this next chapter, but I wasn't feeling it. The description was horrible, it didn't flow that well, and many other factors came into play. Maybe I'll have a little inspiration tomorrow. Maybe not, I mean I do start school. Hooray for me. I can make the promise that it will be here by next Sunday. That I am sure of.
Until next time, Shadow Lucario is signing off.
I know what that's like. It's even worse when you've got editors and agents breathing down your neck. Well I'm not gonna be like them, take your time and make it good. Can't wait for the next chapter. Peace out
Mm... each to his own, i suppose. Whether Jyharri and Sydnie end up together isn't really what bothers me. Not every couple ends up together, and despite how they react to each other, especially whilst the other is with another girl/guy, gets a little tedious to read.Jyharri dates/kisses a girl, Sydnie gets mad. Sydnie seen with a guy, Jyharri sees red. Either you have way too much fun tormenting your characters or you think winding up for a romance that people see coming a mile away sounds like a nice way to introduce plot twists. Again, each to his own.
On the titles: they remind me of Japanese anime like Bleach and Pokemon's titles. It gets a little easier to predict what's coming and that slightly lowers the excitement appeal of your fic to me, though not so much. Try throwing things around a bit or giving titles that will leave the reader guessing just what's going to happen.
I pulled some grammar errors, but as this review is long over due, I'll spare you. This time.
So Drake is related to members of the Black Organization. I wonder if he knows about Damien's job... you see, stuff like this are plot twists. They don't all have to harbour or revolve around romance, unless that's the theme/genre your aiming for. I'll admit it's a major part of a teen's growing years, but Jyharri's sixteen, right? At least try to bring out other aspects of a teenager's life in school we haven't seen yet. and let the teachers treat them like young adults instead of young kids. it's a little condescending how the staff handles their would-be charges.
well, that's all that comes to mind for now. Blimey, I wrote a lot. Keep the good work going!
The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICEButt-ugly Banner by Me(Still waiting on the excellent Saffire Persian for another awesome TCQ banner!)
Hey there readers! I am sooo sorry that I am late with this chapter. I will try to make sure it never happens again. Now, in this chapter most of the plot is revealed. A character is hinted to be something that he doesn't seem like and two stories are told. That is all I'm saying about this chapter. On another note, I am still taking votes for your favorite character. Sydnie is in the lead by two votes. Along with that another theme song has been chosen. You can listen to it here. Tell me what you think. Enough of this jibber jabber! Enjoi!
Dedication Through Light and Darkness
Chapter 14: Dedication Through Light and Darkness!
“Remember students, the school wide tournament is tomorrow. Do not forget to sign up!”
Announcements of the tournament’s sudden move were what came out of the intercom all day. Many students rushed to the registration desk outside of the main building. A boat docked on the main island started to let out the Fire Red students. Among them were Jyharri, Brad, and Sydnie. They all moved by themselves, not even trying to find each other. Jyharri’s hands had been in his pockets the entire time as he walked with his head down. He glanced over towards Sydnie and saw a sliver of yellow in the sea of red.
Of course she’s with Ryan, he thought to himself. They are almost always together. It’s like I don’t even exist to her anymore.
Jyharri was right about to yell out to Ryan when he felt a hand on his shoulder. As he pivoted his body the first color he saw was blonde. The blonde color resided in a girl’s hair, falling down to about her shoulders.
“Stacy!” Jyharri said surprised.
“Hey,” Stacy said as she flashed a smile. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Where are you headed?”
“Detention,” grumbled Jyharri.
“Oh, that sucks,” said Stacy. “Well I need to sign up for the tournament so I guess I’ll see you later.”
Jyharri waved to Stacy as she trotted away. Turning back towards the school buildings a sudden movement caught his eye. He quickly turned on his heel catching sight of Ryan embracing Sydnie. As he approached them they broke apart, Ryan walking in the opposite direction. As Jyharri made a beeline for Sydnie she turned towards his direction. The instant he was in her field of vision Sydnie rolled her eyes. Jyharri opened his mouth about to say something when Sydnie held up her hand to his mouth. He was silenced immediately, his mouth closing once again. Sydnie chuckled and walked off.
“I’ll never understand women,” Jyharri quietly said to himself as he watched Sydnie walk off.
“While in detention there will be no talking, no getting out of your seat, no shifting around in your seat, no sleeping and no texting. The only thing you are allowed to do is breath and blink. You’re here until 5:30; it is 2:09 now and I expect you to be quiet the whole time.”
Jyharri looked around the room, the bar on the side of the desk restricting this a little bit. The grey color of the desk was dull and boring while the chairs were dark blue in color. Jyharri’s desk sat in the middle of the room while Mio sat in the back right corner. As Jyharri prepared to put his head down a slamming noise startled him. As he looked up he saw the stern look of the teacher’s face. His eyebrows arched over his blue eyes. Jyharri stared up at him, his mouth agape. His eyes were not just blue; they were a light, glowing blue. The young Fire Red shook his head and faced forward. The teacher swiftly walked back to his desk, his blue robe trailing behind him. As the teacher sat down he pulled a magazine from his black bag, a Blastoise posing on the front.
Jyharri turned to face Mio, motioning for people to get his attention. A bored look conquered Mio’s face, his chin resting on his hand. A small paper flew through the air, hitting Mio on the back. The big teenager still looked ahead. The Ocean Blue girl next to him tapped him on the shoulder and pointed towards Jyharri. Mio nodded towards Jyharri, saying, “What’s up.” Jyharri started to pantomime what he wanted to say. First he pointed at the teacher, followed up with pointing at his eyes, ending with a questioning look. Mio shook his head.
I’ve never seen any eyes that color, Jyharri thought. He must have had some chemical inserted into his eye.
Jyharri turned back to his original position, coming eye to eye with the blue eyed teacher. His stare sent shivers up Jyharri’s spine. Jyharri flinched as the teacher went back to his magazine.
“Remember no talking and no pantomiming,” the teacher announced. “If I catch you twice I will assign you detention for a month.”
Light illuminated the room from a single television. That was the only source of light in the Fire Red lobby. A single person sat in the red lounge chairs. That person was the first year Sydnie. She watched the television as it broadcasted different school related things. Just as she was about to fall asleep the sliding doors slowly creaked open. Being 11:56 at night the doors were locked. Someone had picked the lock and entered. Sydnie sat still as a rock, so much as not blinking. She waited as she heard footsteps approaching the chair. The television click off as a shadow loomed over her, encompassing her in darkness.
“Sydnie Lake,” said a male voice.
Sydnie slowly turned around, a tall, hooded figure standing behind her. A shorter hooded figure stood next to him, their arms crossed. Sydnie tried to look up at the face of the taller one, but all she could see was red in his eyes.
“Can we talk?” he asked her.
Sydnie stayed silent as she sat up straight. She fixed her skirt as she turned towards them. Both of them sat in the two other chairs next to Sydnie.
“My name is Damien,” he said as he pulled down his hood. “My partner here is Kelly. We wish to talk to you about our organization.”
“Organization?” Sydnie finally spoke.
“Yes,” he answered. “We are called the Black Organization.”
“That’s it?” Sydnie asked. “Nothing fancy? It’s just the Black Organization?”
“Yeah, we had a really long name so we shortened it,” Damien told her, “but that’s not we came to talk about. There are some of our officers planted here in this school watching the new students. After looking over Commander Cindy’s reports you are the best option for a new recruit.”
Sydnie’s mouth fell open. “M-me? Are you sure?”
Damien nodded while Kelly looked out the window, observing the many Starly and Pidgey flying about in the nighttime. “There’s no doubt about it. You are the best choice out of all the first years. While this is true, there is a problem.”
“What is it?” Sydnie asked getting somewhat interested.
“One of your friends has all the traits of a Team Lustrous Commander,” Damien said as he interlocked his fingers, looking at the ground.
“Well,” Sydnie said, “who is it?”
“The one, who defeated you almost a month ago,” Damien replied. “Jyharri Ahmed.”
“What does that mean?” asked Sydnie.
“He is the most likely to join the ranks of our enemy, Team Lustrous,” Damien answered. “He is cocky, arrogant, and strong, everything Team Lustrous admires.”
The room felt as if it were spinning in Sydnie’s head. She was fit to become part of the Black Organization while her good friend Jyharri was more like their enemies.
“I know that it isn’t pleasant to hear,” Damien told her, “but we need you to join us to help reach our goal.”
“What exactly is your goal?” Sydnie asked, the room still somewhat spinning.
“Many years ago, before me, you, or even or great grandfathers two groups of people clashed with one another,” Damien began. “One called themselves the Bringers of the Light while the opposing group called themselves Those Who Hide in Darkness. While the latter name fits the group, the former’s does not. The Bringers of the Light is now known as Team Lustrous, while Those Who Hide in Darkness is now simply known as the Black Organization.
“The Bringers of the Light did the exact opposite of their name. They were mercenaries bent on eliminating anyone who didn’t agree with their views. After they wiped out eighty percent of an island’s population a group rose up to oppress them. This group was Those Who Hide in Darkness. They did exactly as their name said; they hid in the darkness, waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Where ever the Bringers of the Light went TWHD followed.
“179 years ago a war was started between the groups. The Bringers of the Light moved to a small island nation to the southwest of this island. TWHD followed closely behind, hiding in the shadows. As the BotL started their “work” TWHD intervened. The BotL demanded that they get out of their way and let them purge the world of any vermin. TWHD declined and the BotL launched their attack. The BotL controlled Psychic and Normal type Pokémon while TWHD controlled Ghost and Dark types.
“The two groups lost countless men, women, and Pokémon. When the numbers of both groups thinned out to the hundreds they fled. After that the two groups have hated the others guts and some go as far as to avenging their predecessors. The war continues to this day. Team Lustrous is now hunting down the last members of the Black Organization, planning to wipe them out. We hide and move in the shadows, trying to survive. If you join I cannot guarantee your safety. If you do not feel up to the task then we will find another.”
Sydnie’s head began to spin, even more so than before. As she took in all the information Jyharri popped into her head. Damien had said he would more than likely join Team Lustrous. They would be pitted against each other. They might have to kill each other. Sydnie tried to shake the thought out of her head, but it came back again and again. Tears started to well up in her eyes. An image of Jyharri’s smirking face appeared in her head. She remembered back to when she first saw him. He had been in battle with Sean, flying on his Charizard. As the Charizard flew by the trainer on his back caught her eye. The wind blew her black jacket around, her hat almost flying off. As she came back to reality she remembered the story of what Team Lustrous had done. Anger overcame her sadness, tears of rage now flowing out of her eyes.
“I won’t let them have Jyharri,” Sydnie said as she looked up at Damien, tears streaming down her face. “They are not taking my friend! I’m going to take you up on your offer.”
“Great!” Damien exclaimed. “Our leader is going to be here tomorrow. Enter the tournament and make sure you win. That way our leader will see that you deserve to join us. If you have to face Jyharri make sure that no emotion holds you back. Destroy him if you must. The leader of Team Lustrous might have reached him by then.”
“Someone’s coming,” Kelly unexpectedly said.
Damien and Sydnie jumped up, peering out the window. A tall figure walked along with a shorter, but still tall, figure beside him. Sydnie looked at the shorter figure, thinking she recognized him. After observing him for a couple seconds she realized who she was looking at.
“That’s Jyharri!” Sydnie whispered to the two Black Organization members.
“Let’s get out of here Kelly,” said Damien as he grabbed her wrist, heading towards the back door. “You also need to get out of here. Who knows what they’ll do if they find you here? We’ll be in contact with you.”
“How will you get away?” Sydnie whispered.
Damien chuckled lightly, making sure it was soft. “We’re used to hiding in the shadows. You won’t even know we left.”
After Damien finished his words, he disappeared into the shadows, Kelly following. Sydnie looked back towards where Jyharri was, his outline getting closer to the door. Sydnie looked around for a spot to hide. She saw the chairs, but thought they would sit in them. Instead she ran for the counter, sliding on the glass countertop and crouching behind it, completely unseen from the front and sides. The sound of doors opening sounded throughout the silent lobby. Two figures stepped in, their footsteps almost as silent as the lobby. One of them motioned for the chairs, the two of them sitting down.
“So,” said the unknown male, his voice almost chilling, “I’ve looked over your records my informants have sent and I must say I’m impressed.”
“Thanks,” Jyharri said.
As Sydnie heard his voice tears appeared in her eyes again. The thought of having to destroy him destroyed her. Sydnie’s hand covered her mouth, desperately trying not to make a sound.
“You have the qualities to become a high ranking member of my team,” the mysterious man said.
“Your team?” Jyharri questioned. “What kind of team?”
“I am currently head of a certain team,” the man explained. “I am trying to rid the world of a certain group of people. They call themselves the Black Organization. They cover themselves in black cloaks and hide in the shadows.”
Black cloaks?! Jyharri thought as he remembered the woman he followed.
“Around 200 years ago my ancestors founded a group called Bringers of the Light,” said the man. “They worked to help cleanse people of their sins and bring them to the light. A couple years after they started their work another group surfaced. This group was called Those Who Hide in Darkness. This group stopped my ancestor’s work, bringing people into the darkness. The Bringers of the Light continued their work, hoping that they can cleanse the world of its sins and bring everyone into the light. They would have succeeded, but Those Who Hide in Darkness kept intervening. They want the world to cease existence; they want to destroy it!”
“We can’t let that happen,” Jyharri exclaimed, jumping out of the chair.
Sydnie stayed silent behind the desk, tears streaming down her face. Her hand still covered her mouth, her hand becoming drenched with tears. The man motioned for Jyharri to sit, a ring on his right ring finger glinting in the light.
“Eleven years after my ancestors found the Bringers of the Light a war broke out between the two groups,” he started again as Jyharri sat down. “There were many casualties. The two groups decided to flee, leaving the battle unfinished. That war continues to this day. We are looking for the last of the Black Organization, hoping that we can bring them to their sense and have them join us in the light. You are already in the light; I can feel it. Will you join my side and help me fight this evil?”
Jyharri’s hand rose and touched his chin. Sydnie wanted to scream out, “Don’t do it! Don’t trust him!” but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She would be putting herself in danger. After a minute or so, Jyharri’s arms rested on his legs. A smirk drew itself across his face.
“Where do I sign up?” Jyharri asked.
Sydnie’s look went from sad to horrific one. Did she hear him correctly? Was Jyharri joining the enemy group of the group she just joined? What would happen if she met him in battle? Would he destroy her? Many questions ran through Sydnie’s mind as more tears poured out of her eyes.
“Excellent,” said the man. “Well I think it is time I introduce myself. I am Aeolus. I will be your boss, but at the same time I can be your friend. Here, take this.”
Aeolus reached into his white robe, pulling out a vile filled with yellow liquid. It looked very watery, sloshing around in the vile as it moved. It was more of a metallic gold color than it was yellow.
“If you put this in your eyes before going to sleep you will be able to see the body heat of any individual,” Aeolus informed him. “Hide and Seek will become child’s play.”
“Cool,” admired Jyharri as he took the vile, holding it up to his eyes. “Can you do the same?”
“No,” said Aeolus. “I see the unseen. If any substance has been cleaned away then I will still be able to see it. Now I must be off. I will see you soon.”
As Aeolus walked off Jyharri pocketed the vile and started to head for his room. As soon as he left, Sydnie stood up. Her hair had fallen in front of her face making it not visible. Tears still ran down her face. She looked up at the clock, it reading 12:18. Slowly, she headed back to her room as well. She would have to prepare for the tournament tomorrow, not only physically but mentally as well. After all, she might have to destroy the person she first met on her way here.
So sorry for the short chapter. I feel like that it was enough to get the point across. Don't forget to tell me your favorite character. Oh, and just to be mean, THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN JYHARRI AND SYDNIE.. I think that's enough.
Until next time, Shadow Lucario is signing off.
Excellent chapter. This would be like an important filler episode. It was short, but still gave us some key points in the story. So it was okay it was short, because it was just about giving up key points in the story and it would be hard to make that ten pages long.
I'm surprised you managed 8.....
Anyway. I can't wait for the tournament and I bet the final two will be Syndie and Jyharri and I just can't wait!