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Thread: Pokemon Academy: Dedication Through Light and Darkness

  1. #26
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    Uh. Oh... looks like "Little Red" back in crap...

    A great big AWWWW for Genevieve... No two ways around it Jess, she likes him~

    Sydnie had an odd response to Jyharri's approach too. What was she thinking. *Ponders to self to keep possible spoilers to self*

    Oh, and LOL at the clumsy Cubone. Though to be honest, i think that gag's running a little thin...

    And the shortest chapter of the fic thus far draws no major grammar errors to note. Good job... now, if only it were longer...

    L@er!
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  2. #27
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    Nice Chapter! Now a gilr likes a boy and he doesn't know. Anyway, nice ending! It keeps the readers(like me) wanting to see more!

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  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Jessica laughed in the back of the classroom. It turned out that Sydnie, Genevieve and she had the same Pokémon Physiology class. The three girls had sat in the back of the class chatting, but when the subject came to Jyharri Genevieve became silent.
    Great chapter, nice characterization of Sydnie, Genevive, and Jessica.

    The one thing I don't get is what class they are in. Is it Psychology or Physics?
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  4. #29
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    It is Physiology. It's virtually Biology, but Physiology is a much more fun word than Biology :P
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  5. #30
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    What is up my readers? I am here to give you the latest installment of Dedication Through Light and Darkness. A little info before you read this chapter. When I say cool I am referring to the temperature. Also, when I am not speaking on here and I say characters I mean sybols and letters. I believe the end of this chapter is much darker than the rest of the fic. Speaking of the end, towards the end of this chapter you will meet three new characters. One of which who doesn't have a name yet. Also a new character is introduced in the middle. One last thing, this chapter is my longest yet with it being a total of seventeen pages. Now, enjoi!

    Dedication Through Light and Darkness

    Chapter 6: A Decisive Battle!

    “How have you been Little Red?”

    Jyharri said nothing. All he could do was look up at the third year.

    I wonder what he is going to do to me, Jyharri thought. Hopefully it’s nothing too bad.
    Chad seemed to be alone this time. The only sound was the blowing of the wind. As Chad took a step toward him Jyharri swallowed his saliva with a loud gulp.

    “There is no need to be frightened Little Red,” said Chad smiling.

    I can’t back down! Jyharri thought. I was put in Fire Red for a reason!
    “You can run away if you want,” Chad suggested. “I will find you eventually.”

    “I’m not running away from you,” Jyharri shouted at him.

    The shout seemed to echo across the campus. Bird Pokémon flew from the treetops, frightened by the noise. Chad looked down at Jyharri with a smile. He reached out one of his hands towards Jyharri, who in turn flinched. Chad put his hand on Jyharri’s shoulder softly and his smile grew bigger. Jyharri looked at Chad cautiously, trying to anticipate his next move.

    “Congratulations,” Chad finally said. “You passed the test!”

    “What?” Jyharri asked dumbfounded.

    Chad started to chuckle. “You remember that test that you were supposed to be taking? Well, we were testing you on your bravery. That is one of the reasons you were picked for Fire Red.”

    “Then why did they have us go on that pointless scavenger hunt?” Jyharri asked.

    “To make it seem like we were seriously bad guys,” Chad explained. “My friends felt sorry after having to scare the wits out of you.”

    “What about Drake?” Jyharri demanded. “You guys beat him up!”

    A hearty laugh came from behind the two boys. A young man stepped out from under the trees sporting a red blazer. It was Drake, accent and all!

    “It was faked,” said Drake. “It was stage blood. We wanted to see how long it would take you to stand up to Chad and his friends.”

    “It took you longer than most,” said Chad chuckling. “But at least you did it.”

    Jyharri shook his head. He couldn’t believe they tried to scare him to death just for a test.

    “Now you are a true Fire Red student,” Drake said proudly.

    Jyharri opened his mouth to say something, but walked away not saying anything. There was a sudden vibration in his pocket. Jyharri took out his PDA and saw he had a message from Brandon. It read, “Hey, meet me at the beach, Brandon.” Jyharri took off in the direction of the beach.

    Only six kilometers to go!

    -------------------------------------------
    Brandon checked his PDA for the time. It was currently three o’ clock, obvious due to the sun’s position in the sky. The sun had started to go down slightly, but was still towards the middle of the sky. Brandon’s Squirtle was playing with his Electabuzz in the water while his Torterra was resting in the shade of a tree.

    Jyharri should be here any moment, Brandon thought.

    About ten meters away from Brandon, a girl walked along the beach, a boy following close behind her. Brandon looked over and caught a glimpse of yellow on the girl. Brandon looked closer and saw that it was Brianna. The boy he didn’t know. He wore a green blazer with grey jeans. Brandon wondered why he was wearing his uniform on the beach, as he and Brianna were wearing bathing suits representing their dorm. His sandy colored hair matched the beach’s sand.

    Who is that and why is he with Brianna?! Brandon thought angrily.

    Brianna saw the Pokémon playing in the water and started to scan the beach for their owner. When she saw Brandon she waved energetically in his direction. Brandon waved back and started in their direction.

    “Are these your Pokémon?” Brianna asked as Brandon neared them.

    “Yeah,” replied Brandon. “My Torterra is over there resting. Who is this?”

    “Oh,” said Brianna. “This is my friend Collin. I’ve known him for a long time.”

    Brandon felt his blood start to boil. He stared down Collin, wondering what he was doing with Brianna.

    “Collin this is Brandon,” she introduced them. “I met him earlier today. He is really awesome.”

    “Oh really,” said Collin. “Is he a good battler?”

    “I’ve never seen him battle before,” Brianna admitted.

    “Well then I challenge you to a battle Brandon,” Collin said loudly. “Brianna you may want to excuse us while we talk over the rules.”

    Brianna nodded and walked away to a picnic table under a green shade. As soon as she was out of earshot Collin put his arm around Brandon and turned him around.

    “How about we make a deal?” Collin suggested.

    Brandon pushed Collin’s arm off of him. “What kind of deal?” he asked.

    “Whoever loses has to stay away from Brianna forever,” Collin explained with a smile.

    “I don’t know,” said Brandon.

    Brandon looked over at Brianna. When she saw him she waved. If he lost he would have to stay away from her, but if he won Collin would have to stay away from her. He was going to have to take that risk. After shaking hands Collin walked about two meters away from Brandon and pulled out a Pokéball. Brandon called over his Pokémon and decided that Squirtle was going first. Collin tossed his Pokéball, a smirk on his face. Out of his Pokéball came a pink colored bipedal cow. Its small horns made it look somewhat threatening. Its pink tail ended in a black ball that looked like it could do some damage.

    “I’ll let you make the first move,” said Brandon.

    “You’ll regret that,” Collin told him. “Miltank use Tackle!”

    The Milk Cow Pokémon charged towards Squirtle at a casual speed. The Water type side stepped Miltank just before she hit. Squirle’s small size allowed it to dodge the attack easily. Miltank then turned around and dashed towards Squirtle again, this time even faster. Squirtle jumped over Miltank this time, showing off by doing a couple flips.

    “Now Miltank, use Rollout!”

    This time Miltank curled up into a ball and rocketed towards Squirtle. The little turtle couldn’t dodge the attack this time. When Miltank collided into Squirtle, the Water Pokémon was hurled into the air.

    “Squirtle,” Brandon cried out.

    Before Squirtle had a chance to hit the ground Miltank rolled back around and hit Squirtle back into the air. As Squirtle fell Miltank was ready to knock him back into the air. Thoughts raced through Brandon’s head about what to do next.

    “Squirtle, use Water Gun!” Brandon shouted.

    Squirtle looked down towards the ground and fired a jet of water towards the ground. As the Water hit the ground the sand turned to mud. Miltank attempted to hit Squirtle again, but slipped in the mud. As Squirtle landed he dashed towards his opponent, ready for some revenge.

    “Now use Brick Break,” Brandon told him.

    “What,” Collin shouted surprised.

    Squirtle slid on the mud towards Miltank and when he got close enough jumped in the air. As he came down Squirtle’s hand started to glow. As Miltank looked up the glowing hand was brought down on her face. The Milk Cow Pokémon was knocked face first into the mud. Squirtle jumped backwards and shot a little beam of ice towards Miltank. Miltank’s feet and part of her upper body were frozen solid. She couldn’t move!

    “Now hit em with Skull Bash!” Brandon said punching the air.

    Squirtle lowered his head and braced himself. Miltank kept trying to break out of the ice, but nothing was happening. Suddenly Squirtle rocketed from the spot it was at and head butted Miltank in the face. The ice broke from the impact, allowing Miltank to fall back.

    “Finish this with Focus Punch!” Brandon yelled.

    Squirtle jumped into the air once more and his right hand started to glow again. Miltank sat up and only say a flash of blue as it was punched in the jaw by Squirtle. Miltank slid across the beach unconscious. Collin recalled his Miltank, a surprised look on his face.

    “That’s one strong Squirtle,” Collin said as Brandon recalled him into his Pokéball, “but you won’t win this fight!”

    Collin tossed his second Pokéball out as Brandon motioned for Electabuzz to get ready to battle. Out of Collin’s Pokéball came a brown colored human shaped creature. Its three fingered hands looked significantly weaker than its feet. On both of its feet there were three claws which looked sharp enough to tear a wide gash in anyone. It had segmented, cream colored arms and legs. Its eyes were in the shape of almonds, black rings surrounding them. One of the strange things about this Pokémon was that it lacked a nose and mouth.

    “Hitmonlee, use Hi Jump Kick!” Collin started.

    The Hitmonlee dashed towards Electabuzz before jumping high into the air. As it came down for the kick Electabuzz grabbed his leg and tossed him aside like nothing. Hitmonlee got back up almost instantly.

    “Go for a Mega Kick,” Collin said.

    This time Hitmonlee’s foot started to glow. As he dashed towards Electabuzz, he spun for a roundhouse kick. The Electric Type jumped back, barely dodging the kick. Electabuzz threw a punch, hitting Hitmonlee in the face. Hitmonlee staggered backwards as Electabuzz’s tail started to glow. The Electric type spun smacking the Fighting type in the face with his tail. Hitmonlee fell to the ground once more, but once again got right back up.

    “Hit him with Blaze Kick,” Collin shouted.

    Suddenly, Hitmonlee’s leg caught on fire. As he swung his leg, Electabuzz ducked, dodging the attack. Then Hitmonlee spun on his hands, swinging around and hitting Electabuzz in the face with his foot that was on fire. Electabuzz slid back towards Brandon. As Electabuzz slowly got up Hitmonlee kick him in the gut, his foot glowing. Before Electabuzz could fall to the ground, Hitmonlee picked the Electric type up with his foot and tossed him in the air. The Fighting type jumped into the air above Electabuzz then proceeded to flip and kick him back to the ground.

    “Electabuzz you have to get up!” cried Brandon.

    Electabuzz slowly got up, breathing heavily. Hitmonlee looked as if he had just come out of the Pokéball. Electabuzz looked around, trying to figure out what to do.

    “Electabuzz, splash him,” Brandon said getting an idea. “Gather water in your arms and run to him!”

    Electabuzz nodded his head and dashed into the ocean. Gathering as much water as he could, Electabuzz ran towards Hitmonlee and passed him. Instead of dowsing the Pokémon, he wet the trainer!

    “What does this accomplish besides me having to dry my clothes?!” Collin asked angrily.

    “I meant Hitmonlee, Electabuzz, but that works too,” said Brandon laughing.

    Electabuzz ran back into the ocean and gathered the same amount of water. As he splashed Hitmonlee Electabuzz ran back towards Brandon leaving a little trail of water heading towards the Fighting type.

    “This still solves nothing!” yelled Collin.

    “You’d be surprised,” Brandon told him. “Hit em Thunder!”

    Collin saw what he was doing, but before he could tell Hitmonlee to get out of there Electabuzz fired a huge lightning bolt. Half of it traveled through the air and half of it went through the water. As Hitmonlee was being electrocuted, the lightning bolt flew down and hit him dead on.

    As Brianna watched the battle her eyes kept darting back to Brandon. He is really good! Brianna thought. I never thought anyone could be this good. I don’t even think Jyharri can beat him!

    “Now use Thunderpunch!” Brandon yelled.

    Electabuzz’s fist was surrounded by electricity as he dashed towards Hitmonlee. The Kicking Pokémon attempted to move, but was found to be paralyzed. Electabuzz punched Hitmonlee square in the face where his nose should be, knocking him back to Collin, knocked out.

    “I believe I have just won,” said Brandon.

    “I can’t believe I lost,” said Collin sniffling.

    “It’s ok dude, you did well,” said Brandon.

    Collin looked at Brandon, but ran away crying. Brandon looked at Electabuzz who was equally surprised at Collin’s reaction. As Brandon recalled Electabuzz Brianna dashed to Brandon.

    “You were great,” she said.

    “Y-you think so,” Brandon asked blushing.

    “If anyone didn’t think so they would be stupid.”

    The two, being the only ones on the beach, inched closer together. Brandon’s heartbeat fastened as their faces inched closer and closer together. Closing his eyes, Brandon could feel his pulse in his ears. Suddenly, a hand grabbed Brandon by the shoulder. He jumped up, opening his eyes to see Jyharri directly in front of him.

    “Ahhhhh!” he screamed.

    “Why are you screaming?” Jyharri asked him.

    “You surprised me,” Brandon said. “I didn’t expect to you to be in front of me.”

    “Well what were you expecting?” Jyharri asked. “Anyways, time for some serious training! I talked to a couple of people on the way here and apparently the third and fourth years are ten times better than we are. I want to beat them really badly.”

    Jyharri kept talking, but Brandon looked for Brianna and found her walking off the beach. Before she was out of sight, she turned and smiled at Brandon. Brandon smiled back, not listening to a word Jyharri was saying.

    “-so that’s why,” Jyharri stopped suddenly, looking at Brandon. “Why are you smiling? That’s kind of creepy.”

    “Huh?” Brandon asked coming back down to Earth.

    “We need to train!”
    ------------------------------------------

    It had been a week since Jyharri had arrived to the academy. Over the course of the week the new students were getting used to living without their parents always there. Jyharri had gotten to know Brandon a lot better and vice versa. Bart had barely been around so no one knew too much about him. As the days went on Genevieve became more flustered with Jyharri, but Jyharri was completely oblivious to this, more focused on training his team. As the sun rose just barely over the horizon Jyharri pulled on his usual clothes and ran outside of the dorm. While on the boat to the main island Jyharri noticed a hooded person. The person was clad in all black. Their face wasn’t visible, but by their shape it was obvious it was a girl. She was about a little shorter than Jyharri was; her figure slender and curved when it came to the waist. Jyharri decided to approach the person and figure out who it was.

    “Excuse me,” Jyharri said politely.

    The person didn’t move or in any way acknowledge Jyharri. The person sat there, not moving. Not wanting to say anything else, Jyharri reached for the hood. Before he could touch the tip of the hood the person grabbed Jyharri’s arm.

    What a grip, thought Jyharri, trying not to show too much pain. She’s strong!
    The person tossed Jyharri’s arm aside, not saying a single word. Jyharri walked back to the seat by the door and sat down, not taking his eyes off the woman.

    I’ll find out who you are. I’ll just follow you when we get off the boat.

    As the boat came to a stop the little amount of Fire Red students and the person clad in black got up and exited. Jyharri walked about a meter behind the mystery person, determined to find out who it was. After walking for about three minutes the person turned and saw Jyharri following her. As she turned Jyharri saw a brilliant red color, momentarily dazed. The girl broke into a run, heading for the forest. Jyharri snapped back into reality and dashed after her. Dodging other students, Jyharri kept his eyes on the girl. As they entered the forest, it became harder to keep an eye on her. Jyharri had to dodge trees, rocks, and Pokémon of all different types. After chasing her for about ten minutes Jyharri lost sight of her.

    “Dammit!” he said aloud.

    He stopped and looked around him trying to catch a sight of black. Jyharri knelt down and saw a shoe imprint on the ground.

    “It’s fresh,” said Jyharri.

    Following more shoeprints with his eyes he saw they led to a tree. Jyharri looked up and saw the girl jump from the tree. She held an object in her hands that glinted in the sunlight. Jyharri jumped to the side dodging the girl. As she landed he saw that it was a knife.

    Who is she?!

    She swung the knife at Jyharri in a horizontal slash. He jumped back, but was barely cut by the knife in the chest. Blood started to seep from the wound immediately. Jyharri grasped the wound and looked at the girl with a pained expression. She slashed at him again, this time cutting Jyharri in the leg. As she went for a final cut Jyharri grabbed her wrist with his free hand. Twisting her arm around, she released the knife. As soon as the knife hit the ground the girl took off farther into the forest. Jyharri attempted to run after her, but fell to the ground due to his leg wound. Jyharri reached for one of his Pokéballs, his vision becoming blurred. As he touched one, he fainted from blood loss.
    ------------------------------------------------

    The girl continued to run through the forest. The many tall trees made it very cool. As the girl came upon an isolated tree she stopped, breathing heavily. She looked around to make sure no one was following her. She walked over to the tree and slid part of the bark up to reveal a keypad. She punched in a line of about twenty numbers and looked down at the ground. Suddenly, a rumbling noise was heard all around her. The ground had started to split apart! The girl jumped down the dark hole, landing in what appeared to be a laboratory. The floor was tiled all the way across. Hardly any light was shone into the lab, giving it a purplish glow. A scientist sat in a chair about three meters away from where the girl had landed. He sat in front of a keyboard with many buttons and flashing lights. A huge screen was displayed on the wall in front of him. The scientist himself seemed to be very young, not much older than sixteen. His brown hair was clearly visible against his white lab coat. His brown pants matched the color of his hair. He seemed to be engaged in some sort of research as he was typing away madly on the keyboard. Different characters popped up on the screen and disappeared.

    “Still researching about the island Damien?” asked the girl.

    The young man called Damien spun in his chair to face the girl. His eyes flashed the same brilliant red Jyharri saw when he looked at the girl’s face.

    “Seems like this school was built here one hundred years ago,” said Damien. “Seems like it was some sort of cover up for-”

    “Damien,” said a voice from the screen.

    A figure had popped up onto the screen. The person was not visible, save for a familiar red glow where the eyes should be. The voice seemed to be distorted to a low man’s voice. The shape of the person seemed to be more feminine than masculine; the shoulders weren’t very broad.

    “Yes boss?” asked Damien.

    “Have you found out what I asked you to?” asked the apparent boss.

    “Yes, I’m sending you the files now.”

    With a few clicks on the keyboard a message popped up on the screen saying, “File sent.”

    “Good, good,” said the boss. “This information will make sure our plan comes to fruition and theirs will fail.”

    “I will continue my research and see what I can dig up,” said Damien.

    “Excellent. Kelly,” he referred to the girl. “Make sure that no one is on to us.”
    The girl referred to as Kelly pulled down her hood. Out of the hood fell her hair, golden brown in color; it came down a little past her shoulders.

    “I just got rid of a boy a while ago,” Kelly told her boss.

    “Was he one of them?!” the boss demanded to know.

    “I’m not sure,” Kelly admitted, “but I wasn’t going to take any chances. I didn’t kill him, but I made sure he didn’t follow me here.”

    “Good, I can always count on you,” said the boss. “I will be contacting you in a month to see how your progress is coming along. Until then be alert. Let darkness be in your heart.”

    With that the boss clicked off the screen. Damien went back to typing on the keyboard, pulling up different windows with different information. He stopped once he reached a file that was displayed on the news.

    “Still looking at that?” Kelly asked.

    Damien remained silent.

    “You don’t have to punish yourself by remembering this. It happened in the past so let it stay there.”

    “I don’t want to forget,” said Damien. “This is the reason I’m here.”

    “Well Damien,” said Kelly, “if you want to keep remembering the bad times then so be it.”

    Damien went back to typing, minimizing the news window. After typing a few words he stopped again. He stood up and grabbed a book about 300 pages thick from the shelf next to him.

    “What are yo-” Kelly was about to ask.

    Suddenly Damien threw the book at the wall, seemingly at nothing. Kelly looked at Damien with a weird look when suddenly the spot where Damien hit started to move. It turned into a green color, opposed to the grey walls. It looked like a reptilian Pokémon. The yellow rings around its eyes matched its lips and frills. It had small ridges on its shoulders and a red zigzag stripe on its back. Its long skinny tail was curled up into a helix shape. Kelly grabbed the creature the instant it appeared.

    “Where did this Kecleon come from?” Kelly asked.

    “It’s them,” said Damien. “It’s their Pokémon. If it makes it back to them they will know where we are.”

    Kelly picked up the Kecleon and walked it over to a closet. Throwing it in, Kelly locked the door with a Master Lock, tossing the key to Damien.

    “Looks like we aren’t the only organization on this island,” said Kelly.

    “Try to find out where they are hiding,” Damien ordered.

    “This will be a piece of cake,” said Kelly as she climbed a ladder opposite where she entered.

    As soon as Kelly left Damien paced the room, sometimes even looking through a book from his shelf. After about an hour Damien pulled out what seemed to be a cell phone. He opened it and then proceeded to dial seven numbers. As he put it to his face he heard it ring. After two rings the phone was answered, but no one spoke. After two minutes Damien started to speak in what appeared to be a foreign language. It sounded like English, German, and Japanese mashed together. When he was done speaking Kelly’s voice answered in the same language. When Kelly was done talking Damien hung up the phone.

    “Excellent,” he whispered to himself.

    Just then Kelly landed in the lab the same way as before.

    “I found out where they are hiding,” said Kelly, “but that Kecleon can’t be theirs.”

    “And why can’t it?” Damien asked.

    “They only use that one type,” Kelly explained. “Watch this.”

    Kelly pulled out a Pokéball and walked over to the closet she threw Kecleon in. She motioned for Damien to throw her the key. As she unlocked it, she saw Kecleon shuddering in the corner of the closet, scared out of its mind. Kelly judo chopped Kecleon in the neck, knocking it out. She then let go of the Pokéball, letting it fall on top of Kecleon. The ball opened and then shook three times before a little ding was heard.

    “It was wild all along,” said Kelly. “You got worried for nothing.”

    “Hmph,” was all Damien said before he returned to his work. After going through some windows Damien stopped. “Look at this.”

    Kelly walked over to Damien, putting her newly caught Kecleon away. She looked on the screen and saw a news headline.

    “Looks like they made the news,” said Kelly not impressed.

    “Well,” said Damien, “tomorrow we’ll make them look like a bunch of Neanderthals. Like the boss said, our plan will come to fruition, and I’ll make damn sure theirs doesn’t!”
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  6. #31
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    Nice chapter, SL! Bro. 2 hre! I liked this chapter Haha, for Collin!

    Ruby: LeafGreen (Nuzlocke):
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  7. #32
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    This chapter was perfect lol
    The battle between Brandon and Collin was funny though
    I liked how Squirtle used such power for such a little guy lol, and how Electabuzz beat that Hitmonlee just by throwing water on it and electrocuting it
    But wow Kelly threw Knives at Jyharri, then passing out from blood loss
    I can't wait till the next Chapter

  8. #33
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    Exclamation OK... time to tackle serious issues here and now...

    OK, I guess I'd best address my oes concerning this fic how:

    “How have you been, Little Red?”
    OK, when someone talks to another in fics and calls out their name, or lays greater emphasis on their name, a cmma precedes if it isn't the first word or comes after it if it is the first word in the speech.

    “Squirtle!" Brandon cried out.

    Before Squirtle had a chance to hit the ground Miltank rolled back around and hit Squirtle back into the air. As Squirtle fell Miltank was ready to knock him back into the air. Thoughts raced through Brandon’s head about what to do next.

    “Squirtle, use Water Gun!” Brandon shouted.

    Squirtle looked down towards the ground and fired a jet of water towards the ground. As the Water hit the ground the sand turned to mud. Miltank attempted to hit Squirtle again, but slipped in the mud. As Squirtle landed he dashed towards his opponent, ready for some revenge.

    “Now use Brick Break,” Brandon told him.

    “What?!” Collin shouted surprised.

    Squirtle slid on the mud towards Miltank and when he got close enough jumped in the air. As he came down Squirtle’s hand started to glow. As Miltank looked up the glowing hand was brought down on her face. The Milk Cow Pokémon was knocked face first into the mud. Squirtle jumped backwards and shot a little beam of ice towards Miltank. Miltank’s feet and part of her upper body were frozen solid. She couldn’t move!

    “Now hit 'em with Skull Bash!” Brandon said punching the air.
    Here I want to draw your attention to the first two corections. With the way you punctuated it, there's no sense of emotion, no heat to their speech. Despite the adjectives you used, without proper punctuation, it just seems tooo blah.

    On another point, if a Squirtle can use brick Break, Skull Bash and Focus Punch effectively, I don't see why Brandon should be in school at all. same goes for Jyharri. Anyone who can control a Zangoose and Charizard perfectly need not be in this institute, unless there're more important lessons to learn.

    Electabuzz slowly got up, breathing heavily. Hitmonlee looked as if he had just come out of the Pokéball. Electabuzz looked around, trying to figure out what to do.
    Now, unless I misread the commentary, electabuzz got in a couple of licks before Hitmonlee began its pawnig session. So just how is Hitmonlee looking unhurt?

    BTW, the speed and fluidity you use during the battle was really great. Top notch work.

    “Electabuzz, splash him,” Brandon said getting an idea. “Gather water in your arms and run to him!”

    Electabuzz nodded his head and dashed into the ocean. Gathering as much water as he could, Electabuzz ran towards Hitmonlee and passed him. Instead of dowsing the Pokémon, he wet the trainer!

    “What does this accomplish besides me having to dry my clothes?!” Collin asked angrily.

    “I meant Hitmonlee, Electabuzz, but that works too,” said Brandon laughing.

    Electabuzz ran back into the ocean and gathered the same amount of water. As he splashed Hitmonlee Electabuzz ran back towards Brandon leaving a little trail of water heading towards the Fighting type.

    “This still solves nothing!” yelled Collin.
    OK, either Hitmonlee is brain-dead or tremendously stupid. Why give your opponent time to splash water on you and your trainer when you're on a major owning streak? I'm sorry, this felt too out of context considering what precedes it, no matter how funny it is.

    But then again, like trainer, like Pokemon. You don't need to be einstein or Prof. Oak to know what happens when you play with electricity when wet. But then again, Squirtle played with Electabuzz in water. How?!

    “You’d be surprised,” Brandon told him. “Hit 'em with Thunder!”
    Hmm... 'em is short for Them. The apostrophe is important. Don't forget it.

    “Y-you think so?” Brandon asked blushing.
    It's a question. Treat it as such.

    It had been a week since Jyharri had arrived to the academy. Over the course of the week the new students were getting used to living without their parents always there. Jyharri had gotten to know Brandon a lot better and vice versa. Bart had barely been around so no one knew too much about him. As the days went on Genevieve became more flustered with Jyharri, but Jyharri was completely oblivious to this, more focused on training his team. As the sun rose just barely over the horizon Jyharri pulled on his usual clothes and ran outside of the dorm. While on the boat to the main island Jyharri noticed a hooded person. The person was clad in all black. Their face wasn’t visible, but by their shape it was obvious it was a girl. She was about a little shorter than Jyharri was; her figure slender and curved when it came to the waist. Jyharri decided to approach the person and figure out who it was.
    Ok, this was lazy writing. Couldn't the bolded parts be shown rather than told? Show scenarios where these things happened. Explain the one in red. This could havemade another six to eight pages easy.

    And why the hell would Jyharri follow a mystery woman alone? He was asking to get killed... or come close.

    Don't string things into a paragraph and say "OK, that's what happened. You figure out how and why." Even if you mention all this, there are so many other characters whose happenings you haven't explained, Jessica and Sydnie to name just a couple. Remember, don't tell the readers what happened. Show them.

    On the plus, your battle scenes are top grade, and Chad's coming clean was a nice twist. Bet Little Red feels so much better now.

    Wow, I said a lot. Better run and let some more seasoned writers say their piece.

    L@er!
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    That. Was. Great! That has to be the greatest chapter by far! The battle was great! It was really unexpected, how Brandon battled, and how smart he is.
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    This is an amazing fic! like Harry Potter meets pokemon, but I suppose thats obvious. I thank you, the grammer in some fan fics is aweful yours is relatively good. the characters are great. I love Jyharri's personality, and the whole relationfriendship between Jyharri and Sydnie...ahhh its sooooooooo good and incredibly real. I can't wait 'til the next chaptr comes out. I wouldn't mind being on this infamous PM list.

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    Jyharri, so far I don't like him.

    He hasn't lost once yet. He's only lost to blood loss after beating his enemy. I sort of think he is Gary Stu-ish. He has all these powerful pokemon and everybody has heard of his amazing battles.

    I think its nice that Brandon fought that battle and the girl likes him, although it seems everything is moving very fast. With both Brandon and the Plot.
    Things could have been more expansive. He is already in the academy and mostly accepted by everyone.

    I guess thats all I have to say.
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowlight View Post
    Jyharri, so far I don't like him.

    He hasn't lost once yet. He's only lost to blood loss after beating his enemy. I sort of think he is Gary Stu-ish. He has all these powerful pokemon and everybody has heard of his amazing battles.

    I think its nice that Brandon fought that battle and the girl likes him, although it seems everything is moving very fast. With both Brandon and the Plot.
    Things could have been more expansive. He is already in the academy and mostly accepted by everyone.

    I guess thats all I have to say.
    I thank you for your two-cents and am greatful that you read. Jyharri is supposed to come off as somewhat cocky, as you can probably tell, arrogant, and something of an ***. As for the winning/losing battles, he's only been in three battles, one which was an entrance exam and another which wasn't finished so he could have lost.

    If someone was flying around on a Charizard against a guy surfing on a Blastoise you'd think there would be a buzz for a day about it. Don't fret though! It is still only the beginning! Many people will come to not like him. I'm already in the works for a whole group not liking him Also there will be many losses to come. I mean this isn't a Pokemon game.

    I really don't think I revealed the plot yet, but if you think so then I'll try to slow things down a bit. Also I wouldn't consider Eevee all that powerful seeing as it lost badly against Espeon. On another note, don't think she likes Brandon yet. There are many shennanigans that could go down.

    Don't think I'm attacking you just to defend my fic, but like Air Dragon said before our fics are like our babies and if someone tries to attack them then we will bite back Like I said before, thank you for reading and taking the time to respond. Would you like to be on the PM list?

    Chapter seven should be up sometime next week, which in most parts of the US is Spring Break. I'll have the whole week to work on upcoming chapters for you guys.

    Until next time, I'm out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Some of what I said may have been premature because it's early in the story and so areas of my points may be invalid. However as of yet it seemed like that to me.

    Don't change the pace of the story solely on my account. I am just attacking your baby. Mayhaps it would be a good thing to find out how others feel.

    I don't think I want to be PMed.

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    Wow, Shadow Lucario, this fic is coming along great. The abttles are fluid and easy to follow, you have characters who are original. Don't worry about the part that Jyharri's never lost a battle, he's in the world's most prestigious academy for Pete's sake! Great chapters and can't wait for Chapter 7!

    Not being snobby here but 'shadowlight', if you want to review a fic make sure you use correct spelling and grammar.

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    Turtwigfan did you want to be on the PM List?
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Yes please, Shadow. Can't wait for the next chapter.

  17. #42
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    THis is a really good fic.

    I like the way that jahary is so stuck up. (dunno wy tho)

    Can you plaease add me to the PM list?
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    I'm Hooked, Could I please join the pm list : )
    If you have a high state of mind, you'll get by, you can fly.

  19. #44
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    ooh! ooh!

    can i be on the pm list to? im reading this and love it!

    err, something about this fanfiction? ^_^;;
    Last edited by flameswy; 7th March 2009 at 3:04 AM.
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  20. #45
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    Hey all! I'm here with chapter 7 of Dedication Through Light and Darkness for ya! A couple of things, when you come to a line with a bunch of these ~ that means you're going into a flashback. Also for all you UK people or anyone who doesn't live in the US, when I say chips, I mean crisps. When I want to mean chips with the word chips I will alert you like I did now. Anywho enough of me! You're hear to read chapter 7 not listen to me babble! Enjoi!


    Dedication Through Light and Darkness

    Chapter 7: Recollection! Jyharri’s Journey!

    Man, what happened? Where am I?

    Jyharri had started to open his eyes, his vision blurry at first. When his vision cleared he saw he was lying in a bed. On the opposite wall of Jyharri there was a giant Red Cross painted on the wall. Voices were faintly heard in the room. As Jyharri looked to his left he saw a blonde woman in a white blazer and skirt. It was obvious she was the nurse.

    “W-where am I?” Jyharri croaked out, a little over a whisper.

    “Why, you’re in the infirmary,” the nurse told him.

    “How did I get here?” Jyharri asked.

    “This young man brought,” the nurse said as she pointed to Jyharri’s other side.

    As Jyharri looked to his right the first thing was a flash of blue. A boy around the same age as him was sitting next to him. He sported a blue blazer with blue jeans. His black hair was spiked up in an original fashion. His complexion was darker than most. His eyes were that of a dark brown, the pupils still visible.

    “Thanks,” Jyharri told him. “Jyharri Ahmed.”

    “I’m Scott Martinez,” he introduced himself.

    “What were you doing out there anyway?” Jyharri asked suspiciously.

    “I was training,” Scott answered. “I wanted to prepare myself.”

    “Prepare yourself for what?” Jyharri asked him.

    “You don’t know?” Scott asked.

    Jyharri emitted a low growl. “If I knew then I wouldn’t be asking now would I?”

    “In a next month there will be a school wide tournament,” Scott explained. “The whole school has to participate. There will be a prize, but it hasn’t been announced yet.”

    Jyharri sat up instantly; his wounds, starting to sting, forced him to lie back down again. He looked to the side the nurse was on. Upon a nightstand were his six Pokéballs. Jyharri thought back to Eevee’s battle against Espeon. Eevee didn’t stand a chance.

    Maybe I should evolve her, Jyharri thought. Then she would be strong enough to beat Espeon! That way if I face Sydnie in that tournament I know I won’t be able to lose. I’ll ask Eevee when I get the chance.

    “Scott can you walk with Jyharri back to class?” the nurse asked.

    “Sure,” Scott answered standing.

    “I have to go to class?” Jyharri asked surprised.

    “Yes,” said the nurse. “Your wounds are all patched up. You have nothing to worry about.”

    As Jyharri stood up he picked up his Pokéballs and noticed that Scott was a head taller than him. Heading towards the door Scott and Jyharri waved goodbye to the nurse. As they walked through the hall a silence hung around them. Jyharri looked at Scott and noticed he had a smile on his face. Jyharri threw his hands in his pockets and looked the opposite way.

    “Have you had any great battles while you’ve been here?” Scott asked suddenly.

    Jyharri looked his way once again surprised. “You didn’t hear about my battle on the ship?”

    “I’m afraid not,” Scott answered truthfully. “The first time I’ve heard of you was five minutes ago in the infirmary.”

    How dare he?! Jyharri thought. “I had an awesome battle with this guy named Sean on the way here. It came down to my Charizard and his Blastoise, but we were interrupted and couldn’t finish.”

    “You know Sean?” asked Scott, him being the one surprised this time.

    Is this guy thick or what?

    “I room with him,” Scott said. “He told us about an awesome battle he had, but didn’t go into detail. Care to tell me?”

    Jyharri then started to recall a tale of action. As Jyharri told Scott about the battle Scott was hanging on every word, wanting to hear more. The story, as told by Jyharri, took about ten minutes to tell. In the middle Scott had stopped for a drink of water, but still listened intently. Near the end of it, they had reached Jyharri’s classroom.

    “What class do you have?” Scott asked.

    “Battle Skills,” answered Jyharri. “Like I need them. I’m already good. What about you?”

    “Pokémon Catching 101 and we get to see a live demonstration.”

    Scott waved goodbye to Jyharri as he entered the classroom. Not sooner than a second after he entered the room the teacher appeared right next to Jyharri silently. As Jyharri turned around he came face to face with Professor Fina, an old, wrinkly faced ex Kanto Champion. Jyharri flinched upon sight, his heart beat speeding up.

    “And where were you?” Professor Fina asked in her nasally voice.

    “Sorry I’m late,” Jyharri said rubbing the back of his head smiling. “I was lost on the path of life.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” said Professor Fina, “just sit down and open to page 423.”

    Jyharri carefully walked around Fina and walked to the back of the classroom and took his seat next to Sydnie. Sydnie tossed a bag at him, landing on his desk. Jyharri looked the bag over and found that it was his, his name inscribed on the bottom.

    “Where did you get this?” Jyharri asked suspiciously.

    “I had Bart get it,” Sydnie told him. “I would never go near the boy’s dorms. Where were you?”

    A loud “SHHHHH!” came from the front of the classroom. The Professor had heard them talking. Sydnie slid her chair closer to Jyharri silently and gave him a “Answer my question” look.

    “I was at the infirmary,” Jyharri whispered.

    “Why were you at the infirmary?” Sydnie whispered worried.

    “It’s nothing,” whispered Jyharri. “Have you figured out a way to get $1500? Taylor says I have until the end of next week.”

    “We could get your Zangoose,” Sydnie started.

    “Yeah,” Jyharri said.

    “And have people take chances whacking it on the head,” she finished.

    Jyharri looked at her like she was stupid. “That would end up in a death and I would have to go to jail.”

    “Milotic liked the idea,” Sydnie whined.

    Of course Milotic would, Jyharri thought.

    “Now, what would you do if your opponent’s Pokémon is stronger than your own and has a type advantage?” Fina asked from the front. “Mr. Ahmed, would you care to tell us?”

    Jyharri looked up surprised, pointing to himself.

    “Anytime Mr. Ahmed,” said Fina.

    “Ok, first off Mr. Ahmed is my father,” said Jyharri, “secondly I would surprise them with an attack that would knock out their Pokémon in one hit.”

    “Wrong,” said Fina.

    “What?” Jyharri asked unbelievingly.

    “Did you do your homework?” asked Fina.

    “No,” Jyharri admitted.

    “No wonder you don’t know,” said Fina. “If you had done your homework you would know you have to switch out to a different Pokémon with a type advantage against your opponent or stronger than your opponent’s.”

    Jyharri hung his head and tuned out the Professor. Jyharri heard someone snickering and looked over to see Sydnie stifling a laugh.

    “Why are you laughing?” Jyharri asked. “I beat you didn’t I?”

    Sydnie stopped snickering and punched Jyharri in the arm. As the class went on Jyharri had planned out how he would win against various people in the tournament. When the class was halfway done Professor Fina assigned the students a project. The students were to get into pairs and record a battle to present.

    “The catch is,” Professor Fina told the students, “you must battle a fourth year.”

    Everyone groaned, save for Jyharri. His eyes sparkled and his heart raced at the idea. Jyharri felt a tap on his arm and saw three Ocean Blue boys standing behind him. They all wanted to be his partner for the project.

    “Sorry boys,” said Sydnie appearing out of nowhere. “He’s my partner. So I guess you’ll be doing the battling.”

    “You bet,” Jyharri said excited. “I can’t wait to get started. Who should I battle?”

    “There are a lot of fourth years,” Sydnie told him. “Just pick one and lose like a good boy.”

    Jyharri scoffed at her statement. “I won’t lose, not to anyone.”

    “It will be due in two days,” said the Professor.

    The rest of the class Jyharri spent his time coming up with different combos for his Pokémon. He also spent some time looking through the list of students on a computer trying to figure out who to battle. Going through about ten fourth years Jyharri decided to pick at random who he would battle. He closed his eyes and moved the mouse over a random name and clicked it. When he opened his eyes he saw a familiar face.

    “Look who I’m battling,” Jyharri told Sydnie.

    “Drake huh,” Sydnie said as she laughed a little. “It says here he only lost one battle. Wonder who it was against.”

    “After our battle he will have lost twice,” said Jyharri confidently.

    A bell sounded throughout the whole school. It was time to go to the next class. Picking up their things, the students filed out of the classroom. The hallway was somewhat empty, not many students having classes on this side of the building. As Jyharri walked Sydnie to her next class he told her to think up ways to get him out of his financial situation.

    “I’ll figure out a way,” Sydnie told him. “Now get to class.”

    Sydnie wrapped her arms around his neck, embracing him while Jyharri put one arm around her waist. As he began to walk away Jyharri turned around and watched Sydnie walk into her class. When he turned around he felt someone bump into him. This person was smaller than Jyharri, evident by them falling on the floor, and had a head of long hair. Their paper and books hit the floor. Jyharri looked up and saw that it was Genevieve.

    “I’m really sorry,” Jyharri said holding out his hand.

    “It’s ok,” she said taking his hand blushing. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

    Jyharri helped her up and then proceeded to pick up her books and paper. When he handed her the books he smiled. Genevieve flashed a smile but hid it quickly.

    “Did I hurt you or something?” Jyharri asked looking her over for an injury.

    “No, I’m fine; it’s just that I’m glad that I got to see you.”

    “Well I better get to class,” said Jyharri checking his PDA for the time. “I’ll see you around?”

    Genevieve smiled as Jyharri walked off. Jessica is definitely wrong about him.

    As Jyharri neared his classroom he felt a vibration in his pocket. He took out his PDA and saw he had a new message. The message read, “Meet me at the Fire Red Dorm docks after last period. We have to talk, Jessica.”

    “What does she want?” Jyharri wondered.

    All throughout his next class Jyharri couldn’t keep his mind off of what Jessica wanted to talk about. The Professor had to constantly call his name to get his attention. Halfway through Jyharri decided to try and push it to the back of his mind.

    “…and what does an Electabuzz’s antenna do?” asked the Professor.

    “Produce electricity,” answered a group of students.

    “If there is another easy question then I am going to kill myself,” said Jyharri his head on the desk.

    “What did you expect,” asked a boy sporting a blue blazer sitting next to him. “It’s first year Pokémon Physiology. Did you expect it to be hard?”

    “Actually yes I did,” said Jyharri.

    “Sean,” the Professor called the boy next to Jyharri, “they want you in the headmaster’s office.”

    Sean stood and picked up his bag.

    “What did you do?” Jyharri mouthed at him.

    Sean shrugged and walked out of the classroom. Jyharri slammed his head back down onto the desk and closed his eyes. Minutes felt like seconds and before he knew it the bell rang. Jyharri jumped up suddenly and acquired his bag and started to head out the door. As he stepped out he spotted Sydnie heading towards their next class. When he walked up to her they embraced again and headed to class. Once in class the Professor lectured about the different types of Pokéballs that you could capture Pokémon in. Jyharri tried his best to stay awake, evident by his constant drooping head. Sydnie kept hitting him in the arm constantly to keep him awake.

    “Now, what is the best Pokéball that you can buy?” the Professor asked the class.

    Everyone was silent. Not one hand was raised. The Professor pointed at a random kid and waited for an answer. The kid, wearing a green blazer, started sweating bullets. His eyes shifted left and right constantly.

    “The Ultra Ball?” he guessed.

    “Correct,” said the Professor walking away.

    “This is so boring,” Jyharri whispered to Sydnie. “How can you like this?”

    “It is teaching me a lot,” whispered Sydnie. “You should listen.”

    Jyharri rest his chin on his left hand and attempted to pay attention through the rest of class. While they were supposed to be taking notes Jyharri drew him flying on Charizard over a valley of lush green. The Professor swooped over the class. When he came to Jyharri he took one look at the drawing and sighed.

    “Do you understand how to take notes?” the Professor asked annoyed.

    “Yeah,” said Jyharri. “That’s why I remember everything.”

    The Professor confiscated the drawing, tossing it into his desk drawer. The rest of the class was spent listening to a lecture on when and when not to throw a Pokéball. When the bell rang for lunch everyone rushed out of the classroom, not listening to the Professor’s final words.

    “Did you hear about this tournament that’s going to happen next month?” Jyharri asked Sydnie once they were sitting at a table in the cafeteria eating lunch.

    “Yeah,” said Sydnie. “It’s going to be pretty cool. If I face you then I won’t lose this time.”

    Jyharri laughed as he picked up his sandwich. The rest of the lunch period the two discussed what they would do if there was a cash prize and if they won. Sydnie had said she would save it while Jyharri said he would give it all away to someone.

    “Speaking of money,” Sydnie said, “I figured out a way for you to get that money.”

    “How,” Jyharri asked seriously.

    “Ask Drake,” she told him. “I’m sure he has at least $1500. He’s a cool guy so I’m sure he’ll give it to you.”

    Jyharri thought the idea over and decided to give it a shot. As everyone started to head to class Jyharri saved a bag of chips and was about to put them in his bag. Suddenly, a long white object hit the bag of chips, knocking them out of his hands.

    “What in the-” Jyharri said startled.

    The white object flew back past Jyharri and landed in a little brown hand next to an open door. Jyharri’s bag of chips had been stolen by a Cubone! Jyharri walked over to the Cubone and bent down to his level and held out his hand. The Cubone inched away from Jyharri, eyeing him through his skull helmet.

    “Give me back my chips,” Jyharri said as if he were talking to a baby.

    The Cubone opened the bag of chips slowly. He slowly reached in and pulled out a single chip.

    Jyharri narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

    The Pokémon slowly raised his hand to his mouth. Opening wide the Cubone ate the chip in one bite. After chewing it for a bit a disgusted look came over Cubone’s face.

    “That’s what happens when-” Jyharri started to say.

    Suddenly the Cubone spit the crumbs all over Jyharri’s face. Jyharri slowly wiped his face off, a disgusted look on his face now. The Cubone then threw the bag of chips in Jyharri’s face and ran off outside. Jyharri stood up straight and, on an impulse, ran after him. Being small the Cubone didn’t get far before Jyharri caught up with him. The Pokémon panicked and ran faster. Jyharri chased the Cubone all over the school’s campus, dodging students and Professors alike. When Jyharri chased him to the North beach Cubone halted. Looking around for a way out was all Cubone could do. In front of him was Jyharri and behind him was water. He was trapped!

    “I’ve got you now!” Jyharri yelled jumping at Cubone.

    The Cubone jumped and whacked Jyharri on the skull with his club. Jyharri’s hat fell off as he fell to the ground holding his head. The Cubone saw this opportunity and dashed off into the forest.

    Damn you Cubone! Jyharri thought furiously as he picked up his hat with his free hand. If I ever see that thing again I will make it wish that it was never born!

    As Jyharri stood he looked at his hand. There was only a little spot of blood. He decided to not go back to the infirmary. It wasn’t anything serious. When Jyharri got to his class the teacher scolded him on being on time. As he took his seat he noticed Sean was sitting next to him.

    “Where were you?” Sean asked him.

    Jyharri looked at Sean surprised. “You were never in this class.”

    “That’s why I went to the headmaster’s office,” explained Sean. “They switched out my Pokémon Catching 101 for this class.”

    “Now I have you in Pokémon Physiology and Pokémon History,” said Jyharri. “Oh joy.”

    Most of the class Jyharri spent talking with Sean about trivial things. On many occasions the teacher had to snap her meter stick on their desks to get them silent. The class seemed to be shorter than the rest of the classes, most likely due to Jyharri’s lateness. When the bell rang Jyharri said goodbye to Sean and headed out to meet Jessica at the Fire Red docks. As he arrived he saw Jessica sitting on a bench checking the time on her watch. Jyharri called out to her and when she looked in his direction gave her a wave.

    “Hey,” said Jyharri. “What did you want to talk about?”

    “First I want to talk about what happened after you left Blackthorn,” Jessica said. “Where did you go?”

    “I traveled around Johto for a bit,” Jyharri told her. “It was just me and Charmander. When I got to Goldenrod I had met Eevee.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Hey Charmander let’s go this way!”

    “Charmander Char!”

    A boy of around ten years old ran into a city, a small reptilian creature following him. It somewhat resembled a bipedal salamander. As it followed the boy it swung its tail happily, the flame on it swaying. The tall buildings were a shade of gold, along with the road. The streets were filled with people. Some were talking on cellular phones, making it seem like there was a buzzing sound. Many people weren’t paying attention to where they were going and seemed like they were going to step on someone or bump into someone.

    “We’re in Goldenrod City now,” said the boy. “I wonder what kinds of Pokémon live here.”

    As the boy looked around he noticed a cream colored blur running straight towards him. The blur dashed right by him and out of the city. The boy looked after it and saw a small bushy tail the same cream color as the rest of it. A man no older than twenty came up behind the boy, running after the blur.

    “Excuse me,” said the man. “Did you see something come by here?”

    “Yeah,” said the boy. “A cream colored creature ran out really fast.”

    “That darn Eevee won’t do a thing I tell it to,” said the man out loud.

    “That was an Eevee?” the boy asked excited.

    “Yeah, but it won’t listen to me,” the man groaned. “Hey are you a trainer by chance?”

    “You betcha,” said the boy proudly beating his chest.

    The man looked him over. “How many Pokémon do you have?”

    “Well right now it’s just me and Charmander,” said the boy.

    “I’ll make you a deal, if you catch that Eevee it’s yours.”

    “Seriously?” the boy asked

    The man simply nodded.

    “Thanks mister?”

    “Bill is the name,” said the man.

    “I’m Jyharri,” the boy told him. “Don’t worry; I’ll treat that Eevee right!”

    Jyharri turned and ran off in the same direction as the Eevee took off in, Charmander following close behind. After running for about ten minutes Jyharri spotted Eevee taking a drink from a lake. As Jyharri neared it the Eevee looked up, raising its big brown ears.

    “I challenge you Eevee,” Jyharri told it. “I want to catch you.”

    The Eevee jumped at Jyharri, accepting the challenge. Charmander saw this and wasn’t going to let some wild Pokémon harm his trainer. The Fire type bashed Eevee with his head, sending her a meter from him and his trainer. Eevee dashed at Charmander with the same speed that it had used to run away from Bill.

    “Charmander, use your tail,” Jyharri told him.

    As soon as Eevee got close enough Charmander spun and whacked her with his tail. Eevee skidded against the ground for about three meters before jumping up and running towards Charmander again.

    “Now use Ember!” Jyharri cried.

    Charmander opened his mouth and released a barrage of orange fireballs upon Eevee. The Normal type stopped and took all of the hits. After she fell to the ground Jyharri pulled out one of his Pokéballs and threw it at Eevee. Eevee turned into a red light and was sucked into the ball. The ball shook three times before a PING was heard. A red light on the middle of the ball stopped flashing and the ball stopped moving. Jyharri jumped in the air cheering. He then ran up to Charmander and hugged him tightly, thanking him. When Jyharri picked up the Pokéball he squeezed it tightly. Looking at it intently he remembered that it was his now. Bill had said he could keep it. Jyharri ran back to Goldenrod City, looking for Bill to tell him the good news. As he entered he didn’t see anyone that resembled Bill. He asked around, but no one seemed to know where he was. After exploring for a while Jyharri stumbled upon a house that had a list of its occupants on the front wall. Surely enough, Bill was on the list. Jyharri walked to the door and knocked three times. A little girl, even younger than Jyharri, answered the door.

    “Is Bill here?” Jyharri asked.

    The girl simply opened the door wider and Bill’s brown bushy hair came into view. Bill motioned for him to come inside. As he sat next to Bill he told him how Charmander won the battle against Eevee.

    “Like I said,” Bill told him after the story, “it’s yours to keep, but you have to promise me you will be good to it.”

    “Oh don’t worry,” Jyharri assured him. “Eevee and I will become good friends.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “That’s how I caught Eevee,” Jyharri finished.

    “If you caught Eevee then, when did you catch Zangoose?” Jessica asked.

    “I went back to Blackthorn a year later after journeying around Johto and saw it again,” Jyharri told her. “I decided to make it part of my team and we have been training together ever since. If this is what you wanted to talk about then you could have called my mom.”

    “No,” Jessica said as she looked away. “I wanted to ask you something.”

    “Ok then, shoot.”

    “I have always told you that you were my rival,” Jessica said. “That was just to cover up something else.”

    Jyharri looked at her puzzled. He watched Jessica as she avoided eye contact with him.

    “I think,” she started. “I think I might have feelings for you.”

    A shocked look fell upon Jyharri’s face. Many thoughts raced through his head, but it seemed that he couldn’t say anything.

    “I wanted to know if you felt the same way about me.”

    Jessica moved very close to Jyharri, their bodies practically touching. She looked up at him, straight in the eyes. Jyharri’s heartbeat fastened. He could hear his pulse beating in his ears. Jessica closed her eyes and stood on the balls of her feet, moving her face closer to his. Jyharri didn’t know what to do. Before he knew it her arms were around his neck and their lips were pressed together. Shockingly, Jyharri felt like this was right, like this was supposed to happen. Going on instinct and an impulse, Jyharri closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. Their kiss seemed to go on forever. As the two broke apart they still held each other as a cloud passed over the academy. The cloud halted over the academy and rain had started to come down. Even as it rained, Jyharri held her in his arms, not wanting to let go.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  21. #46
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    That was a great chapter, and who's jyharri gonna choose? Looks like he's got 3 all after him, I envy him

    Oh, also when cubone spat the chip into his face you used spit instead of spat. If it's possible, I'd love to be added to the pm list, if possible this is a very enjoyable fic, up with some like the quest for the legends, lost evolution and the corei quest.

  22. #47
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    Wow a tournament that sounds fun I can't wait to see what happens when it comes
    Now we know how Jyharri caught Eevee, poor Eevee tryed so hard but it couldn't hit Charmander
    And can that Teacher be anymore boring lol its hilarious
    Also at the end of the story Jyharri and Jessica kissed each other!!!! I never saw that coming, I wonder how Genevieve will feel after she outs..... Jyharri is going to b in trouble lol
    I can't wait till the next chapter

  23. #48
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    Cool Long chapters deserve long reviews!

    Well, well. congrats on your latest chapter! However, with the length came an increase in errors, and not all of them grammatical:

    In a next month there will be a school wide tournament,”
    OK this could be done in two entirely different ways:

    Next month there will be a school wide tournament,”
    OR

    In a month's time, there will be a school wide tournament,”
    so unless it's a grammar impediment relating only to this character, he really should know better

    The tournament does sound intriguing, not to mention Jyharri's likely battle with Drake, but you can't use a tournament to cover for a lack of description. Last time we saw Jyharri, he was dying due to blood loss after an act of gross idiocy. How he was found could do with a little more emphasis.

    “And where were you?” Professor Fina asked in her nasally voice.
    You want to use the word nasal, the adjective, as you are describing her voice. Nasally isthe adverb and should be used directly before or after the verb in the sentence asin the phrase: She said nasally.

    “Sorry I’m late,” Jyharri said rubbing the back of his head smiling. “I was lost on the path of life.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” said Professor Fina, “just sit down and open to page 423.”
    Sounds a lot like Kakashi from Naruto, and Prof Fina's reply sounds like Naruto and Sakura's retort toned down but a lot.

    “I would never go near the boy’s dorms. Where were you?”
    Boy's : Belonging to one boy; Boys' : belonging to many boys

    “It’s nothing,” whispered Jyharri. “Have you figured out a way to get $1500? Taylor says I have until the end of next week.”

    “We could get your Zangoose,” Sydnie started.

    “Yeah,” Jyharri said.

    “And have people take chances whacking it on the head,” she finished.

    Jyharri looked at her like she was stupid. “That would end up in a death and I would have to go to jail.”

    “Milotic liked the idea,” Sydnie whined.

    Of course Milotic would, Jyharri thought.
    LOL... Whack-A-'Goose!

    “Give me back my chips,” Jyharri said as if he were talking to a baby.

    The Cubone opened the bag of chips slowly. He slowly reached in and pulled out a single chip.

    Jyharri narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

    The Pokémon slowly raised his hand to his mouth. Opening wide the Cubone ate the chip in one bite. After chewing it for a bit a disgusted look came over Cubone’s face.

    “That’s what happens when-” Jyharri started to say.

    Suddenly the Cubone spit the crumbs all over Jyharri’s face. Jyharri slowly wiped his face off, a disgusted look on his face now. The Cubone then threw the bag of chips in Jyharri’s face and ran off outside. Jyharri stood up straight and, on an impulse, ran after him. Being small the Cubone didn’t get far before Jyharri caught up with him. The Pokémon panicked and ran faster. Jyharri chased the Cubone all over the school’s campus, dodging students and Professors alike. When Jyharri chased him to the North beach Cubone halted. Looking around for a way out was all Cubone could do. In front of him was Jyharri and behind him was water. He was trapped!

    “I’ve got you now!” Jyharri yelled jumping at Cubone.

    The Cubone jumped and whacked Jyharri on the skull with his club. Jyharri’s hat fell off as he fell to the ground holding his head. The Cubone saw this opportunity and dashed off into the forest.

    Damn you Cubone! Jyharri thought furiously as he picked up his hat with his free hand. If I ever see that thing again I will make it wish that it was never born!
    Kinda went to great lengths to get clobbered didn'tcha, Jyharri? XD

    When Jyharri got to his class the teacher scolded him on being on time.
    Actually, teachers scold you when you're not on time, i.e. late, not the other way around.

    Jessica moved very close to Jyharri, their bodies practically touching. She looked up at him, straight in the eyes. Jyharri’s heartbeat fastened. He could hear his pulse beating in his ears. Jessica closed her eyes and stood on the balls of her feet, moving her face closer to his. Jyharri didn’t know what to do. Before he knew it her arms were around his neck and their lips were pressed together. Shockingly, Jyharri felt like this was right, like this was supposed to happen. Going on instinct and an impulse, Jyharri closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. Their kiss seemed to go on forever. As the two broke apart they still held each other as a cloud passed over the academy. The cloud halted over the academy and rain had started to come down. Even as it rained, Jyharri held her in his arms, not wanting to let go.
    Well now we're into shippy moments, and who else to pair him with but the girl who had the most beef with him. although considering how he carried on with Sydnie throughout the chapter, which seemed odd to me (half hatin', half hugging) and Genevieve, (Poor girl's gonna be crushed) Jyharri just seems to be out for a little more that romance. but then again, since i fail at shippy moments, let's chalk this ramble down to basic conjencture.

    well, we are getting better at long lengths, aren't we? Watch out for those grammar/logic errors and this fic may just reach the next level!

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
    HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
    Butt-ugly Banner by Me
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  24. #49
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    Great Chapter, SL! Bro. 2 here! Interesting....a tournament and two girls like Jyharri!(unsure about Syndie)

  25. #50
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    Default I'm finally reviewing!

    lol, Scott. Hey, man. What's up? Are you really a head shorter than Scott? I didn't know... Oh well. and the main character is just like you! lol

    I would go through and mark all your mistakes but I won't for two reasons:
    1. It looks like someone already did
    2. I'm way to damn lazy to in the first place

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