1st September 2014, 5:33 AM
This Is Where You Belong (Pokeshipping)
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon in any way, shape, or form.
A/N Greetings all, my name is Masterreloaded and here I have an amazing story for you to read! It's still in progress but you will not be dissapointed with it! I hope you all enjoy, rating would be at a PG-13
As I stood there looking at the worn out wooden sign, my emotions began to swell within me. It had been five years since I had ever set foot into the city, let alone see the person I was about to surprise. I cracked a wry smile and scratched my cheek as the memories began flooding back into my mind, letting out a sigh I put my hands into my coat pocket and watched as my breath turned to steam when it hit the cool crisp air. The weather around Cerulean was always beautiful and seeing how winter was the next season starting to creep up, it only multiplied the image ten-fold. The trees were barren and the ground was covered in a light coat of snow, slowly building up as it dropped from the skies at a slow rate.
The little yellow rodent perched upon my shoulder gave a slight shiver and shook it's body, letting loose the snow that was trapped in it's fur which in turn, hit me in the face.
"Pikachu!" I said, giving a small chuckle while rubbing him under his chin and behind his ear.
"Let's head into town before you catch a cold buddy"
I took one last look around the area before I shoved my freezing hands into my pockets again and trudged towards to city of Cerulean.
"You were great Misty" I said, smiling at Misty as she proudly expelled Team Rocket with her Politoad
"Thanks, I feel better now"
"It was awesome watching you battle like that" Getting a small shrug as she nuzzled her Togepi
"Thank you Ash, that's sweet"
"Uhhh..." My mind went a little blank at this moment, Misty just complimented me and I felt as though a wire had gone loose within the recesses of my brain
"And thanks for always being a good friend to me" She said with a small smile as she turned and looked at me
"Yeah! Sure.." I said slowly. . . Both of us just gazed into eachothers eyes for a few seconds
"Yeah?" She replied immediately with an excited look on her face
"You're bikes there" Averting my eyes from hers and looking towards the bike perched upon the wired gate
"You're in a hurry. . . Right?" I said, unsure of what I had said was really the appropriate thing to say at that moment in time, only to see Mistys face turn from sheer joy, to despair and sadness.
"Oh. Yeah." Her face blank with expression and her body rigid, she stared at the ground for a few seconds.
We began to walk towards our destination when Misty's mood did a complete turn around
"So Ash, don't forget your morning rituals! Take a bath and brush your teeth" She said while looking upon the long road ahead of us
"I'll remember!" I replied happily, glad that Misty was at least talking again.
"And make sure Pikachu doesn't eat to much."
"Pikaaachu!" Replied the little yellow rodent upon my shoulders.
"And Brock! Try not to get too distracted by all the girls."
Brock had been fairly quiet the whole time but bellowed a deep laugh and just grunted at the end, knowing full well he would.
"One more thing. ."
"That's enough!" I said jokingly, hoping I didn't just hurt my best friends feelings
Misty just shrugged her shoulders
"It's just something I feel that I should tell you" Looking up at the sky as she said her last words
"Just keep on. . doing your best" He last words seemingly hung in the air in my eyes than they probably should
"Uhhhh, what do you mean?" I asked her, facing her as I walked
"Well, you know, without me there . . ."
She trailed off as I began to reminisce about our first visit. Misty had pulled me out of the water with nothing but a fishing pole! I had just started my journey and already I had gotten myself into trouble with an angry flock of Spearow. It was then that everything started flooding in, from our perilous journies, to our hilarious encounters, it was quite funny actually, we had been through so much and I had gone through so many experiences with my friends, and in the matter of a couple hours, I would be alone. My journey would have been nothing without my friends by my side
"It's because of this bike that I met Ash"
"Togepi, it's a coincidence that you and I met too" She said, looking at her 'baby' Pokemon
"Our wasn't coincidence." I boldly stated
"I don't believe it was just a coincidence that I met you of all people" Not really registering what I said
"What do you mean Ash?"
"I guess what I mean is that even though that happened, I think that we were meant to meet and become friends!"
"Me too! We've been through so much together through our travels i'd say were best friends now!" Brock said out of the blue
"You mean it Brock? We're really best friends?" Misty said, hiding a blush from my previous statement and giggling
I looked at her as she giggled to herself, her smile as radiant as the blazing sun itself. Again I felt that weird feeling in my gut.
The sun was setting when we reached out destination. Ahead of us was the road towards Cerulean, and to the left was the road leading to Pewter city.
"Guess i'll be heading this way" Misty said, her attitude yet again dropping to a low level
"Yeah. . " Was all I mustered
"Take care Ash"
"You too Misty"
"Will I see you again?" Our eyes met, and for a split second, it was just me and her. This beautiful girl of energy standing in front of me, asking me the question I dare not answer. It wasn't the fact that I wouldn't see her again, it was when.
"You will. I swear"
I smiled as the memories flashed through my mind, I felt as though it happened yesterday. It had been a few years since I had seen my best friend, my first traveling companion, and the one who in my eyes kept me sane throughout my journeys. Misty. I grasped the hankercheif she had given me when our little trio had to disband all those years ago, giving it a small squeeze and putting it back in it's rightful place in my coats inner pocket.
Over the past year I had definitely noticed my self lacking something.
Something missing, almost like I wasn't complete.
Of course I had felt it once Misty left, but I thought of it just as a feeling of missing my best friend, but it wasn't until I received a letter from said person that my very being seemed to stop short of 'something'. The letter wasn't long, just a short few sentences asking me how I was doing and how my travels were. She admitted to seeing me on the TV during the Sinnoh league and felt compelled to just write me. I instantly phoned her after reading the letter and after a tearful reunion on Misty's part we got to talking about, well, everything.
We talked about our Pokemon, the regions I traveled too, gym battling and friends. We talked for nearly an hour until I noticed the time and had to call it a night, I explained that I was traveling back through the Johto region on my way back home to take a small vacation. Ash Ketchum taking a vacation? I know right, I thought it was weird too, but after thinking deeply into it I figured I should take some time to gather my thoughts and think on what to do next. I told her I would come through Cerulean to see her and visit for a few days, getting only an ear piercing squeal and adorable giggle which made us both blush.
I recently just traveled through the Sinnoh region and had a blast! I met all sorts of new Pokemon and friends alike, making memories good and bad and competing, but yet again, falling short of my goal as winning a regional tournament. I didn't think to much into though. Where there were mistakes, there were ways to fix them and only improve from there on. With Misty it was, how should I put this, easier? The way she motivated me was far more superior than any of the other female companions I had. I had even went out of my way on my travels back to the Valley Windworks find a female Shellos just for Misty.
I rubbed the back of my head at the thought of the call we had not too long ago, developing another blush across my face and plastering a goofy smile on my face.
It had only taken me eight days to travel to the northern part of Kanto, and during that time I used quite a bit of it thinking about her. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, but every time I thought about her my mind goes blank, my heart goes ablaze with butterflies that can't be calmed, my hands get cold and sweaty while my tongue goes on full paralysis and I can't talk!
Did I have a crush on Misty? Maybe. When it came to that aspect of life I was as dense as a Slowpoke, but even then I bet a Slowpoke could act on his feelings or understand what was going on. But enough of that, I just wanted to see Misty and see how she was doing these days. Yeah, that's right.
As I came closer the the city, the temperature dropped a few degrees, making me wish I put an extra layer underneath my coat. Pikachu had long since migrated to my backpack and was probably snoozing away in the warm contents of it.
I came over a hill to see the outpost of Cerulean and beamed with joy, knowing it would only be a few more minutes until I reached the city. I picked my pace up to a light jog and flashed my trainers card to the guard at the outpost, getting a warm smile and polite nod from the woman inside. Before I walked past the gate, a poster caught my eye, displaying the University of Ceruleans hockey team and their upcoming games, letting out a sigh of relief that they were in fact still around and that the season was just beginning. I wasn't a huge sports fan, but always had a soft spot for hockey, but i'd deal with that at a later date.
I asked the guard for directions towards the gym, hoping to refresh my memory and so I wasn't out in the cold for far too long. She handed me a map and pointed to where we were and where the gym was located. I thanked her and pocketed the map whilst looking towards the ever growing building tops.
I pulled the map out as I entered the city and immediately found my way towards the gym, just a few right turns and I would be on the correct path. It was strange really, seeing how I remembered the city as if I was here yesterday, other than the snow covering ground and windows of course.
To say the city was beautiful was like saying, snorlax 'liked to eat'. But as we all know, Snorlax "LOVE TO EAT'
The city was absolutely flawless in every aspect, from the small shops that littered the main street, to the famous college and arena that seemed packed with screaming fans and students alike.
I continued my walk towards the gym, surprisingly this side of town was fairly quiet, mostly likely due to whatever was going on at the college. Probably a game? Eh, at least there wasn't that many people in the streets.
I rubbed my cheek and felt the scratch of my facial hair, over the past few months I had let it grow out. I kept it at a moderate level though, not wanting to look like Mamoswine. I chuckled at the sight of my having hair and a beard so long that it covered my entire head. I took my hat off and ran my fingers through my hair, again thanking myself that I got it cut before I traveled here.
I rounded the corner and saw the magnificent gates that led to the gym, grinning at the fact that I made it and that I was going to see Misty after so many years. My brisk walk turned into a light run and soon enough I was at the gates looking upon the infamous Dewgong perched on the roof of the Cerulean gym. I couldn't contain my smile as it creeped from ear to ear, my light run turned into a full on sprint as I ran down the snow covered path and up the stairs to the large wooden doors engraved with multiple water Pokemon. That was new.
I pounded on the door, only to have the door slowly swing open revealing a petite figure entirely bundled up in a sweater, scarf and fairly large quilt.
"Uhhh. . . Hi? I'm looking for Misty, I have a . . "
I was bombarded before I could even finish my sentence though, the small woman lunged at me from underneath her shell of comfort and wrapped her arms around my neck, embracing me in a strong hug that would make the craziest Tauros calm down. At first, I thought I was being attacked and feared for my life, only to have a small patch of beautiful red hair attack my face and destroy my thought process. The girl who attacked me was none other than Misty, her small figure attaching ever so close to my body while her forehead rested upon my chest. I wasn't too sure how to react of first but soon my thought process rebooted and my hands finally reached around to embrace her into the same hug she had given me.
It felt, good.
The feelings running through my body were alien to me, yet felt normal at the same time.
"Hi Misty" I said, getting a pair of Emerald eyes looking at me. I stared back into them, swearing at myself for getting lost in the immense beauty they held within.
"Hellooo? Earth to Ash?" She said with a poke of my forehead and a small giggle that made my heart flutter
"What? Huh?" I came crashing back onto this earth from my momentarily abduction to another realm.
"I said we should get inside before you catch a cold!" Grabbing my arm and leading me into the main entrance of the Cerulean Gym. I looked around in awe as I saw all the new design work the gym had been through since the last time I had been here. There were three massive hallways, each surrounded by water with all types of water based Pokemon swimming around, everything from Kanto to Hoenn. I stood there marveling the details of the work and the Pokemon swimming around when I felt a small hand grab mine
"This way" Almost whispering it to me and again, dragging me off to another destination.
We ended up in a small living space that had a kitchen and what seemed to be a living room and another hallways which looked like rooms. She motioned for me to sit and I didn't complain, immediately grabbing one of the blankets thrown onto the couch which Misty was probably using before I arrived. I looked around and saw her heating up some water and grabbing a few bags of tea, she looked at me and a blush washed over her face
She brought over two mugs of tea and sat down next to me on the couch, each of us sitting in silence and sipping from our drinks.
"So Mist, how's the gym?" I decided to break the silence and catch up with my old friend
"Huh? Oh! It's great! We've done quite a bit of remodeling over the past few years. We've added bigger tanks to house larger water Pokemon and make them feel more at home" She smiled, sipping from her mug before she started again
"It's hard though, you know? Running a gym at my age, all by myself." Trailing off at the last part and returning a few strands of hair to the back of her ear.
"I would bet Mist, you need a break once in a while!" I said, getting a small chuckle from her
"Well it's not like I could ask my sisters to watch the gym, you know what happens when they get in control"
Both of us laughed at the thought of her sisters just giving out Gym Badges again without an official battle.
"Well it's not good just to keep yourself cooped up like this! I'll tell you what, tomorrow night, i'm taking you to a ShellShock game, after you close the gym for the night that is"
The redness on Misty's face was almost the same color as her hair, she stifled a quick and awkward giggle before looking at me and then quickly looking the other direction
"I don't know Ash. . "
"Trust me, it'll be my treat" Giving off that toothy grin that I had become famous for.
Misty looked at me with a face redder than a Magmar and gave me a small nod
"Great! It's a date then!"
Hope you all enjoy! This is just
Last edited by masterreloaded; 2nd September 2014 at 6:43 AM.
1st September 2014, 11:40 AM
After doing a quick read-through, this seems like a shipping fic. Just so you know, we've actually got a separate forum for shipping fics over yonder, so I'll be bouncing your fic over there so it can receive proper attention from the Pokéshipping audience.
I will say, though, that it'd be a good idea to do a more careful proofreading of your work. Many of your sentences (especially dialogue) lack punctuation, and that can detract from your story because it tends to be harder to take a writer seriously the more errors they introduce in a work (among other things). If you're confused about how to punctuate dialogue, definitely check this guide out. There were also minor issues throughout the work, such as instances where you didn't capitalize "I'll" and "I'm," places where you use the contraction "it's" instead of the possessive pronoun "its," and even a moment where you misspell "handkerchief." Again, it all seems minor, but proofreading is essential to smooth out your work and make it easier for your readers to focus on what you're saying instead of how you're saying it.
Likewise, be careful about starting sentences with the same word over and over again (in this case, "I"). This would also seem like a minor point, but it's one that also has a weirdly huge impact on how your story reads. In this case, repetition of the same story beginning actually slows down your story's flow by making it feel, well, repetitive. Varying up how each sentence begins one way or another (using opening dependent clauses, avoiding passive voice, that kind of thing) strengthens your work by making a reader feel like they're not reading off a list of things Ash did.
Lastly on the grammar/minor point front, don't head your flashbacks with "flashback." (As in, don't actually have the word "flashback" in your story.) You should really establish when a scene takes place (in relation to other scenes) in its first paragraph, and either way, if your flashback dominates your work, that's probably a sign that you'll want to treat the "present" scene a little differently because it is the time-displaced one, if that makes sense. (Or in other words, flashbacks are usually smaller scenes that take place in the past compared to the main action of a story. If most of your story takes place in a past, then that is the main action, so it's rather awkward to flag that as a flashback because then your readers will be waiting for the flashback to end. So it's really better to treat that one "present" scene a little differently—by using present tense instead of past, by making it clear that it takes place after the rest of the story, whatever you need to do—rather than set up a situation where your readers wait the entire story for your flashback to end.) Either way, though, flagging a scene with "flashback" tends to be the equivalent of smacking the reader in the head with a brick. It kinda pulls them out of the moment and disrupts their momentum when reading a story, so it's generally not a good thing to do.
That and you pretty much catch the flashback up with the rest of the story (meaning you're not really taking a second to flash back; you're more rewinding the tape and starting again), so it's rather awkward that that first scene is there, only to reveal itself as more or less a false start, if that makes sense.
Smaller stuff aside, I can't really say too much about the plot or characters because this is a story beginning (and to be totally honest, I haven't read too much shipping since coming to Serebii thanks to the bit about how we stash our shipping fics in the shipping community—sorry!). But bits of grammar aside, it's not a bad beginning. Ash is just as excitable and laid-back as he is in canon, which is always refreshing because not a lot of shipping writers keep their characters' personalities. Sure, there are a few new points to the way you're presenting him, particularly when he starts spouting metaphors and going on about how beautiful Cerulean/Misty is, but even that has a spot of the simple adorableness Ash tends to be known for. (Heck, the fact that he keeps repeating the word "I" at the beginning of all his sentences might even be IC for him ... if it was intentional.)
Misty ... is a bit less in-character, I think, in that it's odd that she shows affection to Ash immediately after seeing him. She doesn't really do this in canon, and it feels a touch awkward because it feels like she's less of the tomboy we know and love because of that. Also, there are a lot of young gym leaders, some even younger than her, so it's always odd when people make her complain that she's running the gym by herself.
Beyond that, like I said, I can't say too much because it's the beginning of a fic (i.e., not much happened here to establish where you're going to go), but there's definitely a warmth here that gives it potential. I'd say that if you cleaned it up (rearranged the scenes, proofread, restructured some of these sentences), it'll be a tighter, more enjoyable fic that leaves a lot more warm-and-fuzzies, but at the very least, you're on the right track. But the latter is really just my opinion. Lots of Pokéshippers seem to make her do that, so it might just be a thing you guys do.
That said, bumping this over to the shipping community so you can find out what the Pokéshippers think. Please stand by!
Last edited by JX Valentine; 1st September 2014 at 11:42 AM.