Page 1 of 6 12345 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 134

Thread: The Light in the Darkness (Rated R)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default The Light in the Darkness (Rated R)

    Well, I must say I've been holding myself back as long as I could before releasing this fic. To those of you who are reading my other fics, this is the main reason why I haven't updated them in a while. And those of you who are on FanFiction.Net may recognize this story as well.

    The Light in the Darkness is full of firsts for me. First time using the first person POV. First time with a female protagonist. First R-rated fic. First fic that will center around romance. Why would I attempt such a fic, especially since all my previous fics centered around action and adventure? Simple, I am attempting to build up my writing repertoire.

    Now, this story is rated R for language, adult themes, and violence. There will be some scenes that will probably be a little too...er, let's just say they won't be posted here. In such cases, I would recommend you read the uncut version on FanFiction.Net. Those of you who are not mature enough to be reading this, I recommend you click yourself off this page now.

    *Waits for youth who wandered upon this page to leave*

    Good, then I will stop talking and let you read the story for yourself. All reviews and comments are welcome.

    Table of Contents
    Prologue: Escape
    Chapter 1: Never Say Never
    Chapter 2: Soru
    Chapter 3: Making a Fresh Start
    Chapter 4: Close Encounter of the Unfriendly Kind
    Chapter 5: A Long Day's Night
    Chapter 6: Teaching a New Dog Old Tricks
    Chapter 7: Conflicting Interests
    Chapter 8: Attraction
    Chapter 9: Repairing the Bonds
    Chapter 10: What is This Feeling?
    Chapter 11: An Unwanted Surprise

    So, let the madness begin...

    Prologue: Escape

    It was very cold.

    That was my first sensation when I awoke. My vision was blurred from misuse and my senses were taking their time to warm up. But I knew instantly that something was wrong. As my sight grew clearer, my greatest fears were confirmed.

    I was in a cage.

    But it’s impossible, I thought to myself. I cannot fit into a cage. I peered through the bars of my enclosure. Numerous other cages, one stacked upon another in an orderly fashion, lined the walls. I could not see the other occupants in their cages, as they were either covered or enshrouded in darkness. Somewhere in the room, something was wheezing, sounding as if it was nearing its final breath of life.

    Solemnly, I withdrew my eyes from the scene outside and into my own personal prison. All sides were made of a sheet metal, explaining the chill that awoke me just moments before. There was not much room. Heck, if I tried to stand up, I would probably bump my head.

    Just then, I heard footsteps walking across a tile floor. The other occupants took notice of this new sound. Groans and cries for food, water, and other essentials could be heard as it walked across the room. However, these calls went unheeded. Suddenly, the door to my cage opened and two bowls were placed before me at the entrance. I tried to say something, but I could only manage a whimper.

    “Shut up, you mangy mutt,” a gruff voice responded, and my cage door was shut and locked with authority.

    Mangy mutt? I thought angrily. I had been called many things in my life. But mangy mutt? For a moment, I refused to go anywhere near the bowls that sat before me. However, my stomach pained me with hunger and my mouth was dry. Reluctantly, I gave in to my body and crawled over to the bowls.

    The first bowl was filled with some sort of kibble. I recognized as the sort of food that I fed my Skitty at home. Somewhat disgusted, I turned away from the first bowl and turned to the second. It was filled with water. I crawled over the bowl, hoping to quench my thirst.

    I gasped and recoiled in fright. No way! It cannot be… I looked frightfully about my cage, as if afraid that someone else had noticed me. With utmost reluctance, I leaned over the bowl again.

    Reflecting back at me was not my long raven hair or my green eyes. Instead, brown fur covered my entire face. A pair of dark brown eyes stared back at me morosely. In addition, I now had long ears and small black nose. The reality slowly began to sink in. I wasn’t the teenage girl who had woken up that morning excepting yet another generic day.

    I was an Eevee.

    Frantically my mind tried to figure out how I came to be this way. Earlier that morning, I had found a letter from my older brother Kyle on the welcome mat. From what he told me, he worked for a pharmaceutical company that was working on some new cures for diseases. However, he said he couldn’t talk much about what he did; it was company policy.

    The letter seemed harmless enough: Kyle’s company—Gilroy Pharmaceuticals—was looking for some volunteers to test a new product. There was no information about what product they wanted to test on me, but nonetheless, I decided to go along with it and see what they wanted me to test.

    I arrived at the company later that afternoon, still contemplating what I would be asked to test. The company was located on the outskirts of the city, about an hour or so from where I lived. The building itself was a large, gray concrete two-story building, not unlike most of the other buildings surrounding it. I walked in and asked the receptionist about the product testing. She obliged and took me to another room. At one end of the room, an old overstuffed couch sat waiting for someone to sit upon it. There was also a small coffee table with a few old magazines to keep someone occupied as they waited.

    As I sat there for what seemed like hours, I thought about my brother. I had never really had a great relationship with him. He was always so secretive and untrusting of others. This was especially true after he joined Gilroy Pharmaceuticals. For all my life, I had wondered why he was this way. What big secret could he be hiding from me? I figured that this letter could be him finally opening up to me.

    At last, two men in white lab coats came into the room. Both men had surgical masks covering their face, as though they had just left the ER to meet me. They asked me to follow them. Like the lemming that I am, I followed, unaware of what awaited for me. That’s the last thing that I could remember.

    And now… I looked over my new body. Small paws instead of hands and feet. A mane of brown and cream fur around the scruff of my neck. A long puffed-up tail. I had always thought that Eevee were cute, but never had I imagined being one.

    Just then, I heard footsteps coming down the row of cages again. Two men in white labcoats stood in front of my cage.

    “Here we are sir,” the first one said. I recognized the voice as belonging to the man who brought me the food and water.

    “So this is it?”

    “Yes, Experiment EV-005.”

    It? Experiment EV-005? I felt my anger building. “Hey,” I shouted at them, “who are you calling it?”

    For some reason, though, they didn’t seem to understand me. One of the two turned back to me and looked into my cage. He wore dark glasses and the same surgical mask that the two men wore who escorted me out of the waiting room. For a minute, he just stared at me, silently. It was very unsettling. Then he stood up and whispered something to his accomplice. The man wrote down something on a clipboard before biding his comrade farewell and walking away. Now it was just the two of us, the man with dark glasses and I.

    He turned back around and looked at me again. “So, sister…” he drawled slowly.

    Sister? No, it can’t be. I began to crawl away from the entrance of my cage. You can’t be…

    He just smiled and laughed. But it was unlike any laugh I had ever heard. Cold and sinister, it seemed to suck out all the warmth left in my body. In an almost calculating manner, he reached up and pulled his dark glasses from his eyes. Now he stared at me with icy blue eyes. Kyle’s eyes.

    “Yes, Amber, it’s me, Kyle,” he said coldly, causing me to further draw back away from him. “What’s wrong? You’re acting like you’ve never seen your brother before.”

    I felt a strong pang of anger building in my chest. “You sick *******!” I shouted angrily. “What did you do to me?”

    He simply laughed. “Now, now,” he said mockingly, “mean words won’t get you anywhere, especially if I can’t understand them.”

    I was confused. He can’t understand me. Why…? Then it hit me. It’s because I’m a Pokemon. I smacked myself in the forehead with my paw. It should’ve been obvious to begin with.

    “So you’ve finally figured it out,” Kyle continued in the same mocking friendly tone. “I guess you’re not as dumb as I thought you were.” Then, to my surprise, he reached out and opened my cage door. “Now come, sister. You don’t want to be late for your first tests.”

    I continued to stay pinned against the back of my enclosure, refusing to move. Whatever these tests were, I wanted not part of them. I shook my head.

    “You don’t seem to understand. You are coming with me.” His voice was beginning to shake with anger. It had long lost its friendly tone that may have coaxed someone who was more naďve than I out into the open. Once again, I shook my head, refusing to let my brother take further advantage of me.

    I noticed a glint of anger in my brother’s eyes. I had never seen my brother get angry with anyone, even at home. So to see this flare of anger was a great surprise. “Goddamn it, Amber, you’re coming with me!” he shouted.

    He thrust his arms into my cage, knocking over the bowls of food and water. His right hand latched onto the scruff of my neck, causing me to yelp in pain. “Let go of me!” I shouted at him, trying to break free of his grasp. He dragged me out of my cage, leaving me flailing in the air.

    “NO! I’ve waited too long for this moment!” he shouted furiously. His eyes burned with such anger it frightened me. At that point, I almost succumbed to my brother’s will. There was nothing I could do to resist him. He was going to lead me to my inevitable destruction and there was nothing I could do about it. But deep inside, I knew I couldn’t give up. I had to break free from my brother’s iron grasp.

    I continued to flail around, causing Kyle’s to lose his grip on me. Cursing under his breath, he brought his other arm around to get a firm hold. Seeing my chance, I bared my teeth and bit down on his forearm. Letting out a cry of pain, he inadvertently dropped me. Unfortunately for me, I landed awkwardly on my back right leg on the tile floor below. A tremendous pain shot through the nerves on my leg. Doing my best to ignore the pain, I pulled myself to my feet and limped toward the door.

    Unfortunately, Kyle was quick to recover and cut off my escape route. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked evilly, as he now slowly stalked toward. With each step he took forward, I stepped backward. “Come on, Amber. Let’s get this over with already.” He reached out to grab me, but I was just barely able to sidestep him.

    Frantically, I looked around for some way to get past my brother. It was then that I spotted a large lever up on the wall right behind Kyle. Hmm…I wonder what that switch does, I contemplated. Considering that my options were limited, I decided that it was worth a shot.

    I charged at Kyle, catching my older brother off-guard. He reached out to try and snatch me off the ground. However, I was prepared for this and jumped, smashing headfirst into his sternum. The force of my attack sent my brother sliding across the floor into the wall. His head jerked back from the sudden impact, knocking him unconscious. As his body slid the wall, his arm caught on the lever and pulled it down.

    Suddenly, an alarm went off. All the cage doors swung open, releasing their occupants into the room. Numerous creatures staggered out of their cages, surprised to find that they were, at last, free.

    Just then, I heard a groan nearby. Kyle was stirring. Panicking, I looked toward my fellow inmates whom I had just freed. I could recognize many of them, from the yellow fur and lightning bolt tail of a Pikachu to the white-and-red fur and the sharp claws of a Zangoose. “Come on,” I shouted to them motioning toward the doors. In my head, I prayed that they could understand me.

    Whether the fates were with me at that time, or if everyone just had the same idea, I do not know or care. With one loud unified cry, all of us charged toward the door. Kyle stood up and attempted to block our path of escape. But we were not to be denied. We were more than enough to overpower him, and thus we surged forward, on our way to freedom.

    I, injured leg and all, led us through the hell, searching for some exit. We encountered some of those white lab coats again, but we scratched, clawed, and gnawed our way past them when at last we discovered the exit. As soon as we hit the dark outside world, everyone scattered in many directions. I held back, making sure that every one of the inmates escaped and was on their way. After I had made sure that everyone else had escaped, I ran toward the city, hoping to find shelter for the night.

    As I ran, I felt a rain drop land on the tip of my nose. Great, I thought to myself. Just perfect. The heavens slowly began to unleash its rains upon the earth, thoroughly soaking my fur.

    Running through the unfamiliar alleyways, I searched for somewhere that I could rest. The pain in my leg had substantially increased as the rush of adreniline from the escape wore off. Cursing silently under my breath with each step, I found a large cardboard box next to a trash can. Well, it’s better than nothing, I thought to myself. I hobbled into the box, well protected from the rain, and settled down for the night.

    It was at this point that the reality of the whole situation began to sink in. I couldn’t help it anymore. I broke down and cried, cried more than I had ever cried before. Gradually, my crying ceased and I fell asleep, cold, soaked, and alone…

    Things couldn’t have been any worse.

    <End Prologue>
    Last edited by PokemonHero; 7th July 2011 at 9:46 PM.

    Now being reposted!


  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    On indefinite hiatus.
    Posts
    862

    Default

    Ouch...I felt sorry for Amber for having a evil older brother...
    Oh wait, rated R...am I even suppose to see this? (Gasp! I am only 14!)
    Ahem...anyway, nice story, only one mistake I've spotted:
    He simply laughed. “Now, now,” he said mockingly, “Mean words won’t get you anywhere, especially if I can’t understand them.”
    Correction in bold.

    sweet_piplup123

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Canadia
    Posts
    356

    Default

    Let's see... I guess I'm not supposed to be reading this but too bad so sad.
    Anyway, this story has proper grammar, good spelling, long enough to be a prolouge (probably unlike mine) and is very descriptive. It also seems to flow well. I wonder what will happen to Amber now.
    sweet_piplup123, I think the first time is correct.
    And, I think you could word this better
    (No, I won't quote)
    "No way! It cannot be!
    Should kinda be "it can't be!"
    Simply because that sounds better with " no way!". Not everyone speaks with proper grammar.
    You seem to have a good start and a good handle on all the rules and qualities of a good writer and I couldn't spot any (more) errors, so I guess I'll be going now.
    Do you have a PM list? Please add me on to it.
    Last edited by Plusle+Minun; 7th December 2008 at 4:30 PM.
    AUSTRIA PRUSSIA HUNGARY

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default

    @sweet_piplup123: At first, I didn't intend for Kyle to be evil, but as I wrote the Prologue, he became progressively more sinister. In the end, I decided to go the whole nine yards and make him an antagonist. Well, for now, you should be safe. There will be a few more mature subjects in the upcoming chapters, but it's more later on I'm worried about. Glad you like the story so far.

    @Plusle+Minun: See my above comment to sweet_piplup123. Actually, I think writing this in the first-person helped out my descriptive abilities. I'm picking up on more details that I normally would not have when writing from an outside perspective. Glad you are enjoying so far as well.

    I was hoping for more reviews, but I guess I'll give an update. I have currently completed up to Chapter 3 of this story. So I'll be updating with a new chapter every week for the next few weeks. The next chapter will be up in the next few days, after a few more reviews. *Hint-hint*

    Now being reposted!


  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    the fall of every season
    Posts
    3,690

    Default

    Oh no, not another Eevee. >_<;;

    Joking lol. That was very good, written well and the development was excellent. If you have a PM list, chuck me on it. Also, if you could give a link to the uncut version when the need arises, that would be appreciated. Looking forward to a chapter. ^_^

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default

    @otaku-dono: I'm somewhat surprised that no one has criticized me yet about using an Eevee as the main protagonist. But there was a reason why I chose Eevee. As the story goes on, it may become a little more evident. Glad you like it so far. I will add you to the PM list and I will indeed provide a link to the uncut version when the need arises.

    I did promise to post this yesterday. However, I had a very difficult time getting the forums to work, so the release was pushed back to today. So...yeah, here it is. Here's hoping for some more reviews.

    Chapter 1: Never Say Never

    “Oh…”

    The pangs of hunger in my stomach greeted me the next morning. I could never recall a moment in my life where I felt that hungry. Slowly, I opened my eyes. The box that I slept in that night was beginning to sag noticeably under the weight of last night’s rain. Carefully, hoping to avoid causing further damage to my shelter, I crawled out into the deserted alleyway.

    Of course, as soon as I had exited the cardboard box, it collapsed under the weight of the water on the roof. Great, I thought to myself, I’ll have to find another place to sleep tonight. However, shelter was not on the top of my list of priorities, as my stomach reminded me in no uncertain terms.

    My new sensitive nose picked up on a rancid odor, which I could only conclude to be one thing. I looked over toward the trashcan sitting where the cardboard box once stood. Yep, that’s it. There’s no mistaking the odor of rotten garbage. My nose scrunched up in disgust. Gross.

    Just then, a strange idea came to head, which I immediately attempted to push away. “No,” I told myself, turning away from my temptation. “No way am I going to—”

    My stomach growled angrily in protest. I looked back at the trashcan. The more I thought about it, the more the idea sickened me. But the more I looked at it, the more tantalizing the option became. Heck, the odor didn’t seem to bother me any longer. Compared to everything else I’d been through over the past twenty-four hours, what was a little garbage?

    I shook my head and sighed. “I am going to regret this,” I muttered under my breath. Giving myself a good lead, I ran at the trashcan, slamming into it with authority. However, it didn’t even tip over. Angrily, I lined myself up again, when suddenly…

    “Hey, what’s the big idea?”

    I was so shocked that I fell over backward. D-d-did that trashcan just talk? I quickly disregarded that thought. Even if I was a Pokemon, there was no way that an inanimate object could talk. Could it?

    As if to confirm my sentiment, a head popped up above the rim of the can. He bared a striking semblance to a bulldog with two fangs protruding out from underneath the lower lip. Crap, a Snubbull. I remembered how my old neighbor once had one. It was a nasty little thing, always digging holes and snapping at my Skitty. I was grateful when the man moved away.

    This Snubbull looked around the alleyway angrily, trying to find the intruder who had disturbed his slumber. Then, of course, he spotted me. For a moment, he just stared at me angrily, trying to intimidate me. However, I stood my ground firmly, not letting fear get the better of me.

    Finally, he spoke to me. “What’s the big idea? Why did you wake me up?” he asked me bitterly.

    “Hello, there…” I began, trying to be friendly. “I was wondering, it wasn’t a problem with you, if I could…”

    He didn’t even let me finish. “No.” And with that, he pulled his head back into his can, no longer wishing to talk to me.

    I sighed and walked away. Well, it was worth a try, I figured. However, my stomach disagreed with me. My hunger pains were growing progressively worse. Then, of course, there was my injured leg. I still couldn’t put my full weight on my back leg. Gingerly, I limped out of the alley and onto the streets of the city.

    I figured that being a Pokemon would earn me some sort of sympathy from people. However, that wasn’t the case. Most people didn’t seem to take any notice of me. They were too preoccupied with their own trivial matters, talking on their cellphones or walking to their jobs. No one seemed to care for a poor, starving Eevee.

    Just then, my nose picked up on a scent. Not just any scent though. Food. I didn’t even notice that I had begun to drool in anticipation. I hurried as fast my short legs could carry me, following my nose through the throngs of people until…yes, I found it!

    A man in a business suit was sitting on a bench reading a newspaper, apparently waiting for the bus. A briefcase sat on the ground next to his feet. But that’s not I was focused on. Sitting next to him was a brown paper bag. And the best part: he wasn’t paying any attention to it whatsoever! Looking around to make sure no one spotted me, I slowly snuck toward the bench. I could already taste the wonderful food that attracted me to that very spot. Just when I reached out to snatch the bag…

    “Mommy! Look at that Eevee.”

    Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a little girl walking past with her mother, trying to point me out to her preoccupied mother. Desperately, I drew my front paw across my throat, trying to tell her to be quiet. However, this only seemed to further enthrall her.

    “Mommy, that Eevee is funny!” she exclaimed cheerfully, tugging at her mom’s dress in an attempt to garner her attention. “You’re not even looking!”

    “Yes, yes. I see,” her mother responded, not even bothering to lift her eyes toward me. “Come on, Kayla. We need to get you to school.” With that, the mom took the now sulking little girl by the hand and led her away.

    I let out a sigh of relief. That was too close. Quickly, I turned back to the bench and tried to collect my prize. My paw just touched the bag when the man put down his newspaper and turned to grab his lunch, spotting me in the process. “Damn it,” I cursed under my breath. Quickly, I withdrew my paw from his bag.

    The man looked over me for a moment. He wasn’t that old, probably not even thirty yet. He had a short, well-trimmed goatee, counterintuitive to his long, messy black hair. I couldn’t tell if he was mad at me, or just surprised to find me pawing at his lunch. His face refused to yield any emotion toward me. I solemnly turned away from him, not wanting to cause him any trouble. Thoughts ran through my head, not about where I could find food, but if I could find food.

    But then, much to my surprise, I felt a tap on the back of my neck. I turned around to find the man reaching into his brown paper bag. No way, I thought to myself. He pulled out a small parcel wrapped in rice paper. As he unwrapped it, I could smell that heavenly aroma that could only be associated with good food. I closed my eyes, letting the aromas further entice me. It smelt so good. And it seemed so close. I opened my eyes…

    There before me was the man, whom just moments before I had nearly stolen from, offering me half of a sandwich. I looked at the sandwich, then at the man. He just smiled at me, giving me the impression that he was being sincere in his action. He wasn’t mad at me.

    Gratefully, I took the sandwich from his hand and wolfed it down in only a few bites. I ate it so fast that I didn’t get a particular idea what it actually consisted of. But never had such a small amount of food been so gratifying. My body wanted more, but I had to suppress myself. This man had done a great service to me, giving up part of his own lunch to satisfy my own need. The last thing I needed was to let my greed get the better of me. “Thank you,” I said to him. I knew that he couldn’t understand what I said, but I felt that it would be rude not to thank him.

    The man reached out and scratched behind me ears. I flinched at first, because it was so unexpected. But that was quickly replaced by a feeling of bliss. My legs nearly gave way under me. I let out a content sigh. Now I knew why Pokemon were so happy to have to ears scratched. It just felt so good. I looked up at him. He just smiled back at me, happy to see that I was enjoying it.

    A loud groan of gears filled my ears. I turned around and saw that a bus had pulled up in front of our bench. I realized that this was reason he was sitting there in the first place. The man looked down at me and shook his head. I could tell that he really didn’t wish to leave either. He reached down and picked up his briefcase and lunch.

    Before boarding, he bent down one last time and petted me on my head. “Take care little one,” I heard him whisper to me before he stood up and got onto the bus. I tried to follow, but the doors slammed shut in my face. The bus driver hadn’t taken notice of me. Not like I expected him to, but still. The bus shifted gears and I watched sadly as it drove away.

    ********

    I sat in the shade of a large oak tree in the park. For past few hours, I made my way through the streets of the city. I searched for someone to keep me company in some way. However, not one person showed me the same kindness that one man had. By the afternoon, I solemnly made my way into the park.

    As with most inner cities parks, it was quite large. There were playing fields, often in use for some sort of competition. The park’s many trails were always occupied by jogging aficionados, cyclists, and people on roller blades. Trees were plentiful and served to provide shade to the park’s occupants, as well as shelter a plethora of tree-based Pokemon.

    I observed a young boy throwing a Frisbee around with his pet Zigzagoon, a brown-and-white striped raccoon which had a tendency to run in (surprise, surprise) zigzags. The boy would toss the flying disk a fair distance, so far ahead of Zigzagoon that I always thought that it wouldn’t be able to catch up with it. But every single time, the spunky creature was able to catch up with it and either pull off a spectacular catch, or a just as spectacular duff. There was one that I particularly enjoyed when it jumped up, only to be clunked in the head by the Frisbee. But both boy and Pokemon took the miscue in stride though, and they went on playing for what seemed like hours.

    By the time the twosome left, it had gotten fairly late. The sun began to sink behind the skyscrapers nearby. My focus returned to my own issues. There was, after all, the new challenge of finding shelter. I considered staying in the park for the night. But the thought of all the nighttime activities that I knew took place quickly drove me away. I gingerly made my way out of the park, cursing angrily under my breath with each step.

    Not far from the park, I found a large, unoccupied cardboard box sitting in an alley. As I settled down, I thought about what I should do next. Finding a permanent shelter was tops on my list. I couldn’t just spend my days going between every cardboard box within a five-mile radius. No, what I needed was an actual building. Four walls, a floor, and a roof. Of course, there were other comforts that would certainly be appreciated, but just to have the basic structure would be enough. I laid my head down as I drifted into a fantasy world, leaving my troubles behind…

    “We’re getting close. Her scent’s stronger than ever.”

    This quickly snapped me out of my fantasy. Her? Praying that they weren’t talking about me, I withdrew further back into my cardboard box, hoping to stay out of sight of whoever was out there.

    “You sure, boss? I can’t smell anything…”

    “Trust me. When you’ve done this for as long as I have, you know when you’re close.”

    I listened as the voices drew nearer and nearer to my box. The closer they got, the more scared I became. Two sets of legs came into view outside of the box. But they weren’t human legs; they were long, black canine legs. I began to shiver in fear of what would happen if they found me.

    “Hey, what’s that?”

    “What?”

    “That box. It’s shaking.”

    Oh no! I was shaking too much! I watched helplessly as one of the sets of legs came slinking over toward the box. Desperately, I tried to think about what I could do. The back of the box! The legs stopped at the entrance of my box. Slowly, a head came into view. First, a gray, drool-soaked muzzle sniffed around my box. Then, a pair of yellow-and-red eyes peered inside. A sinister scar ran down the right side of his face. I was now staring into the face of a large, fierce-looking Mightyena.

    A smile came across the canine’s face. “Hello, poppet,” he sneered. He licked his chops in anticipation of whatever he had planned next.

    Of course, I didn’t plan on sticking around to find out what that was. I broke through the back of the box, out in the alley once again. Without looking back, I ran as fast as I could away from the Mightyena. Suddenly, something smashed into the back of my head. I let out a cry of pain as I was sent sprawling across the ground. They had obviously hit me with some sort of attack. Whatever it was, it was strong. My head felt as though it was about to crack open.

    As I tried to stand, a second Mightyena leapt over me and blocked my path. I glanced back toward the way I came. The Mightyena who had entered my box was now out and stood between the streets and myself. I was trapped.

    “Heh-heh-heh,” the Mightyena with a scar chuckled. “You’ve got nowhere to go do you?” He began to draw closer to where I stood.

    “What do you want?” I demanded, constantly looking between the two Mightyena. The pain in my head was getting worse.

    He grinned menacingly. “We’re just looking for a little…fun,” he said in a mocking kind voice. Both he and his partner sneered and stalked closer and closer to where I stood.

    The pain in my head was unbearable and a wave of panic surged through my body. I shut my eyes and cried, just wishing for it to end. “HELP!”

    Suddenly, there was a yelp of pain and the crash of a body into metal. I opened my eyes. At the end of the alley, a new large creature stood tall, enshrouded in the darkness. He had taken the place of the scarred Mightyena. He sent the Dark-type crashing into the trashcans by the box I’d been in only moments before.

    The Mightyena dragged himself to his feet and growled angrily at the intruder. “You!” he snapped bitterly. “What do you want?” His protégé joined him to provide support.

    The newcomer said nothing, drawing closer to the Mightyena. Neither one of them looked like they wanted to stand up to him. At last, they conceded defeat and meekly made their way out to the streets. The creature watched them carefully as they made their way out of the alley.

    All of a sudden, my vision started to get blurry, and I couldn’t keep steady on my feet. I felt my legs give way. Then, everything went black.

    <End Chapter 1>
    Last edited by PokemonHero; 19th December 2008 at 2:57 AM.

    Now being reposted!


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Canadia
    Posts
    356

    Default

    Yay, a new chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Of couse, I knew that already.


    Quote Originally Posted by PokemonHero View Post
    I couldn’t just spend my days going between every cardboard box within a five-mile radius.
    For some reason that made me laugh.

    Quote Originally Posted by PokemonHero View Post
    ...I was gratefully...
    Should be:
    Quote Originally Posted by PokemonHero View Post
    ...I was grateful...
    Grateful, not gratefully.

    And, I wanted to say:
    This chapter was even more descriptive than the last, if a reader came along never even knowing what pokemon was, they would enjoy this chapter and understand it. And, yay, someone cares abput pokemon! Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens to Amber. Of course, if she were a human, she'd wake up in a hospital, but since she's and Eevee, who knows? And who is this "intruder"? *thinking*
    AUSTRIA PRUSSIA HUNGARY

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    the fall of every season
    Posts
    3,690

    Default

    Nitpicking:
    There are numerous playing fields, often in use for some sort of competition whether friendly or competitive.
    It just seems awkward with the word 'competition' in there. Maybe some other word, since you've said "friendly or competitive", while 'competition' suggests competitive.
    Trees are plentiful and serve to provide shade to the park’s occupants, as well as shelter a plethora of tree-based Pokemon.
    Tense change. Replace 'are' with 'were'.

    A good chapter. The description was good, and I really got a good feel for the atmosphere of the different scenarios in this chapter. Looking forward to the next chapter. ^_^

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    On indefinite hiatus.
    Posts
    862

    Default

    Oh gawd...cliffhangers...
    (Sorry, I was out at my friend's place for 2 days and everyone was hogging the computer :/)
    Well, the banner kinda spoiled it, but I am not quite sure...
    Nice chapter, and as for mistakes...the others already pointed out.

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default

    @Plusle+Minun: How did you know? Do you have a mind reading device or something? I almost forgot about that line. I sometimes add a little fun line here and there to try to keep the story loose. As for the descriptions, it stems from a piece of advice I got a while back where the reviewer suggested I describe the Pokemon like I would to someone who had never seen one before. I guess it is working. Oh, and complete the analogy: HUMAN:HOSPITAL::POKEMON:________ That "intruder" is definitely going to be interesting.

    @otaku-dono: I've dealt with worse nitpicking, so I'm not afraid. I'll probably go back and fix those errors later. One of the interesting things I've found while writing in the first-person is that it is just a little easier to set the mood for the scenarios. Of course, that may not always be the case, but it's working so far.

    @sweet_piplup123: Yep, I love cliffhangers. It always creates much speculation for the next chapter. And I love it when the reader asks questions. Tell your friend he/she/it/potato needs to let you have some time as well. Hmm...is the banner spoilerific? You'll have to read to find out.

    I'm keeping up with the "chapter per week" pattern, so I will try to get the next chapter up Saturday. Heck, it'll give me something to look forward to as I try to survive the last week of school before winter break, winter band concert, musical callbacks/casting, etc. So, here's hoping for more reviews.

    Now being reposted!


  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    A quiet street
    Posts
    75

    Default

    Wow. Amber sure has an evil brother with him turning her into a lab experiment. This story is turning out great. I thought it was the usual PMD story, but I didn't expect this!
    I saw a few grammer errors, but mostly just that the words were in the wrong tense, as in past and present. But other than that, nothing's wrong. Also, I'm almost 15, and seen worst than this...I play HALO sometimes.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    3,585

    Default

    Well I promised I'd be here, so slap me on the PM List.

    @Chapter 1:

    However, I was prepared for this and jumped, smashing headfirst into his sternum.
    lol, I think it'd be better to say 'breastbone' here. 'sternum' is more medical jargon than proper speech.

    led us through the hell,
    D: Hell! Did you mean 'hall'?

    I see you've included part of the preview here. Well, fair enough, what I said on your preview thread I guess can be rendered null and void xD

    @Chapter 2:

    I was so shocked that I fell over backward. D-d-did that trashcan just talk? I quickly disregarded that thought. Even if I was a Pokemon, there was no way that an inanimate object could talk. Could it?
    Garbagemon! No...that's a digimon...

    I was gratefully when the man moved away.
    'grateful'; you used an adverb instead.

    “Yes, yes. I see,” the mom responded
    xD, 'the mom'. It should be 'her mother'.

    As with most parks in cities, the park is quite large.
    'the park was quite large'. Also 'parks located within the inner city' sounds better, non?

    There are numerous playing fields
    'There were numerous playing fields'. Same with how 'trees were plentiful'.

    This has a very good pacing, and I can see that the plot can get a bit complex. Now I feel inspired to get back to my old one...before the block hits me in the head again... >.>
    Last edited by Yonowaru in Chaos; 19th December 2008 at 1:11 AM.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    429

    Default

    Whoo! Absol FTW! Absol FTW!

    Ahh, magnificent writing Pokemon Hero. Aside from a few wayward typos, your diction and story writing are impeccable. I also have to say that you excercise the first person tense with authority. As for the nitpicky souls who have decided pick their nits, ignore them. Your writing and characterization far surpass any small errors you overlook.

    Ah, and it makes me feel warm that we Absols are being appreciated for the peace bringers that we are.

    Keep it up!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default

    @CrystalGuard2: As I had said before, I didn't intial plan for Kyle to be evil. It just so happened that as I wrote, he developed into the character you see now. I do also have a PMD story. There's a link to it in my author's profile. This doesn't fit with the PMD genre though, only because this does not have things such as rescue teams and all. Well, as I said before, there will be more mature content that garners an R-rating.

    @Yonowaru in Chaos: Well, I thought I'd drop you a reminder just in case. I did go back and edit most of the things you brought up. And I do mean "hell" (referencing Prologue). What else would you call the place where you were turned into a Pokemon against your will? I intend for this story to be complex, and I already have some very interesting twists plotted out in a notebook I've been carrying around. Yeah, I hate writer's block. Sometimes you just need some sort of motivation to get you back into the flow of things.

    @Tearen the Absol: Absol? I don't see no Absol... *Hides banner* At first, I thought it would be tougher writing this story out of the first-person. However, it's turning out that it isn't as bad as I thought. I don't mind the nitpickers; they pretty much pick up any errors I made that I didn't find myself.

    Now, as for the new chapter. I've been thinking about it and truthfully, I can't stand waiting anymore. I'm going to release the new chapter today. Yeah, I know I said tomorrow, but I don't think that anyone would mind. This chapter has a little bit more mature content, so I thought I'd give everyone a heads up. Also, this chapter marks the beginning of my first attempt at romance.

    An important note for this chapter. The perspective does change during this chapter from Amber to another character. The change in perspective will be noted by a centered dash line (I put a note about this on the first page as well to make sure people see it).

    And here...we...go...

    Chapter 2: Soru

    The first thing that I was aware of was the pounding pain in my head. It felt like with every heartbeat my head was about to burst open. The light trying to pierce my eyelids certainly didn’t help matters, seeming to just further enthrall the pain. I shifted my head away from the light, burying my face in my pillow…

    Wait. A pillow? My eyes snapped open. Sure enough, I found myself facedown in a comfortable, overstuffed pillow. A little confused, I lifted my head out of the soft depths of the pillow. What the…? Instead of the cold and dank alleyway I had blacked out in, I was laying on a small bed.

    Silently, I glanced around the room. There was not much to look at. The white walls were plain and barren, save for one large floral print on the wall opposite my bed. A small nightstand accompanied my bed on my right, a quaint arrangement of flowers sitting upon it. Also on my right, there was a window looking out upon the city.

    Just then, I heard the creak of a door opening on the other side of the room. A large, quadrupedal creature stood in the doorway. His dark blue-gray body was covered with thick pure-white fur, save for his face and a single oval-shaped spot on his forehead. A sickle-shaped growth protruded from his head and his scythe-like tail looked as if it were ready to slice anything that happened to get close.

    An Absol, I thought to myself, looking over the creature. I remember the stories that I heard about these creatures. Absols were said to bring disasters everywhere they went. While I never truly believed those stories, the appearance of this Absol was certainly ominous. Silently, I watched as he walked toward my bed.

    “It’s nice to see you awake,” the Absol said. His voice was so soft and deep that I probably wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for my enhanced hearing. He sat down on the floor at the foot of my bed. “Are you feeling alright?”

    “Yes, I’m fine,” I replied. “My head’s just killing me though.” I looked him over. Something about this creature seemed familiar. Then, it hit me. “Wait, are you…”

    “…the one that drove off the Mightyena?” he finished, anticipating my question. I nodded my head. “Yes, that was me. My name is Soru.”

    “Nice to meet you, Soru,” I said. Really, it was nice to meet my savior. “Where am I?”

    “The Pokemon Center.”

    Of course, the Pokemon Center. I guess that it was a logical place to bring me, especially after falling unconscious. Only once before had I come to the Pokemon Center in the city. It was the time my Skitty had gotten sick and needed some special treatment that the local Pokemon Center couldn’t provide. I figured that I must be in one of the recovery rooms. That’s why I couldn’t recognize where I was.

    An acute pain shot through my head, causing me to cringe. “What happened last night?”

    “My master and I were out for a walk when I heard the commotion,” Soru began.

    “Wait, you have a master?” I interrupted, making sure I heard him right. He glared up me, somewhat perturbed by my interruption. “I…I’m sorry about that.”

    Soru sighed. “No, it’s okay,” he conceded. “Anyway, as soon as I heard the commotion, I ran as fast as I could. When I got there, you were on the ground in a great deal of pain. Thankfully, I drove them off before they…did it.” He said the last two words so quickly that I scarcely heard them.

    I tilted my head to the side. “Did it?” I asked. “You mean…kill me?”

    Soru shook his head. “They did not have any intention of killing you,” he said quietly. “No, the leader was looking to mate with you.”

    I was taken aback. “W-w-what!?” I stuttered, shocked by what Soru just said. “M-mate with me?”

    He nodded solemnly. “Yes. Late spring is the time of year when male Mightyena find mates,” he clarified. “They can become fairly aggressive and, whenever they find a female in heat…well, let’s just say that the female really doesn’t have much of a choice.”

    I couldn’t comprehend what I was just told. One day as a Pokemon and I was nearly raped by a hormone-driven, perverted canine. Had Soru not shown up when he did…I didn’t want to think about the consequences. And I didn’t even realize I was in heat. I would’ve thought I would notice something like that.

    I buried my head into the pillow and started to cry. It was bad enough that I had no idea how to actually live like a Pokemon, but then to have someone try to take advantage of me like that was too much.

    I heard light footsteps approach the bed. “It’s alright,” Soru’s voice quietly assured me. “You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you.”

    I looked up from the pillow. Soru was sitting on the floor near the head of my bed, trying to console me. Even though he was a fairly intimidating figure, especially since he was so much larger than I was, I didn’t feel scared. Something about him seemed to persuade me that he was serious. I think it was his eyes. His reddish-brown eyes seemed to emanate with comfort and understanding. I found myself getting lost in the depths of those optics.

    Just then, I heard the door creak open again. Two people entered the room talking to each other. The first was a young woman with flamboyant red-orange hair arranged in such a way that seemed to defy gravity. She wore the standard all-white nurse’s outfit and hat with a cross on it. I recognized her as Nurse Joy. A Nurse Joy ran every Pokemon Center in the country, and every single one of them looked the same. They were all somehow related, but who was whose cousin or sister-in-law or whatever other relation I cannot tell you.

    The second person seemed strangely familiar. The young man wore a gray T-shirt and worn-in jeans, but that’s not what had my attention. A messy mass of black hair. A well-trimmed goatee. I let out an involuntary gasp. It was that man from yesterday; the one who had given me half his sandwich.

    The man happened to look over toward the bed and saw me awake. He smiled as he walked over, the same smile on his face yesterday at the bench. “It’s nice to see you awake,” he said to me. I felt his fingers scratch the area behind my ears, providing the same satisfying feeling I had experienced that previous encounter. I heard myself purr with pleasure.

    He then turned his attention to Soru. He didn’t say anything to the Absol. Rather, they just stared at each other for a brief moment. Then, with a curt nod, the man walked back over to Nurse Joy and they continued with their conversation.

    I looked back over to Soru. “What was that about?” I inquired. Soru didn’t give an answer. Private matters, I guess. “So he’s your master?”

    “Yes,” he confirmed, “Kirk is my master.”

    “Kirk? That’s his name?”

    Soru nodded silently. I looked over toward the man. He must have just said something amusing, as Nurse Joy was laughing in a lighthearted manner. It was then that I noticed that a new figure had entered the room. A large, pink creature with a pouch occupied by an egg squeezed her way through the door with a tray occupied by two bowls. She hobbled over to my bed on her short stubby legs. This was, of course, Nurse Joy’s ever-present assistant, Chansey.

    “Good morning,” Chansey greeted me cheerfully. “I’ve brought you some breakfast.” She placed the tray down in front of me. Pokemon food and water. I guess I should’ve expected this.

    “Uh…thanks,” I replied sheepishly. The Chansey just smiled at me before making her way back out of the room, off to tend to some other patient. I looked over the tray with slight discontent. However, my stomach was begging me for any sort of sustenance. Well, if I was going to be a Pokemon, I better learn to eat like a Pokemon. Hesitantly, I leaned into the food bowl and nibbled at the tiny morsels of food.

    Hmm…not bad, I contemplated, as the initial rush of flavor crossed my tastebuds. Not bad was an understatement. It was great. I let myself take in the flavors. For such a small morsel, it sure had an intricate taste. Not one flavor seemed to overpower the other. It was just about the perfect concoction of food for me. Without any further trepidation, I pounced onto my meal.

    Soru watched with mild amusement. “I’m guessing you haven’t eaten for a while,” he said. I lifted my head from the bowl to nod my head in confirmation of this perception before returning to the meal at hand. “I thought so…” He sat patiently through my chow session, perhaps waiting to talk to me again.

    It didn’t take me long to polish off the bowl of food, as well as drinking up most of my water. I laid back on my bed and let out a content sigh. For the first time in what seemed like ages, I felt full. The demons of hunger in my stomach had been vanquished.

    Nurse Joy noticed I had finished my meal and collected the used-up dishes. While she took care of that, Kirk came over to my bed and sat down beside me. He gave me some more of those nice ear scratches and spoke soft words of endearment.

    Nurse Joy returned with a tiny paper cup and a tiny shot glass of water. It turned out that the cup contained a pink liquid, which she said was a painkiller, meant to treat my headaches. It was a good thing: the pain had been slowing progressing in intensity since I had awakened. I took the medicine in one gulp, which I immediately regretted. The stuff tasted like chalk. I gagged as the liquid ran down my throat. Luckily, Nurse Joy didn’t hesitate in letting me have a drink of water to wash it down. After that, she stood up to continue her conversation with Kirk.

    Soru approached my bedside again. “Might I ask your name?” he inquired. “I have yet to hear you mention it.”

    Right, I never actually introduced myself to Soru. “My name’s Amber,” I replied as I made myself comfortable again. The medication I had taken was making me very drowsy.

    Soru gave a curt nod as he ingrained my name into his memory. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Amber,” he said.

    My eyelids started to get heavier. I let out a drawn-out yawn. Yep, there's definitely something in that medicine. Nurse Joy and Kirk seemed to notice that I was about to fall asleep and silently made their way out the door.

    Soru hesitated for a moment. “Take care, Amber,” he whispered to me before he followed the humans out of the room. At this point, my eyes gave in to the drowsiness and I fell into a quiet, peaceful sleep.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I know that I just met her for the first time, but there’s something different about Amber. Many, both human and Pokemon alike, are taken aback whenever I appear, thanks to the bigoted belief that my kind is the bringer of disaster. Even when I have just done something good for them, they are hesitant to accept me.

    But Amber, she didn’t seem afraid by my appearance. Sure, she had probably heard the cautionary tales from her parents and there’s no doubt she was nervous. Yet, she didn’t look upon my like I was some servant of Beelzebub. Actually, I think she looked at me like a hero. The whole concept was strange. But I guess when you are in the situation she was, anyone that is there to help automatically becomes a savior.

    I peeked into her room through the crack of the door. Amber was fast asleep, probably one of the side effects of whatever medication Nurse Joy gave her. Silently, I watched her chest rise and fall with each life-sustaining breath she took into her lungs. The morning sunlight shone down upon her sleeping figure, giving her an almost angelic appearance.

    As I looked upon this scene, I felt a strange sensation beneath my breast. It wasn’t bad, mind you. Just strange, something I could never recall feeling before in all my life. My heart ached with a deep yearning for something. But what I didn’t know. There’s a name for this I know, but what it is I cannot remember.

    “Soru, come here.”

    Kirk called for me from out in the reception area. After taking another brief moment to view the scene before, I obeyed my master and hastily made my way to the reception area.

    “…Concussion-like symptoms and an injured rear right leg.”

    “Definitely sounds like she got roughed up quite a bit. Can’t the police do something about those wild Mightyena?”

    “Every time they do, those Pokemon rights activist intervene.”

    I spotted Kirk and Nurse Joy conversing over at her desk. I made my way over and sat down attentively next to Kirk.

    “So there are no reports of a missing Eevee?” Kirk asked.

    Nurse Joy shook her head. “Not that I could find,” she said in reply, “and she doesn’t have any form of identification on her.”

    Kirk started to rub the hairs on his chin. “That is pretty unusual,” he conceded. “What do you normally do with a Pokemon in this situation?”

    “It’s on a case-by-case basis of course. Sometimes, if a Pokemon suffered injuries that will prevent them from leading a normal life again, we will put them down…”

    My heart skipped a beat. Put them down? I almost panicked. Were they going to put her down right after she just woke up? Immediately, my mind began concocting high-risk, movie-style plans to break Amber out of the Pokemon Center.

    “…However, in this case, we will probably put her up for adoption once she has fully recovered.”

    As soon as Nurse Joy said that, my mind was at ease. They weren’t going to put her down, I thought happily to myself. I don’t think I would’ve forgiven myself if they went ahead and put her down. Damn Mightyena. It wasn’t the first time I had trouble with them. Before I met Kirk, I had numerous encounters with them. The last one had left me in truly bad shape and, had it not been for Kirk, I probably wouldn’t have survived.

    He glanced down at me. For some strange reason, I think that Kirk can read my thoughts through my eyes. He’s always said he could read me like a book. Whether that is true or not, I think Kirk could sense what I hoped he would do.

    Kirk gave me a nod and a wink, then turned back to Nurse Joy. “If it is no trouble with you,” he said, “I would like to adopt Eevee.”

    “Of course,” Nurse Joy answered cheerfully. “Although you will have to allow for a few days of recovery time and observations. Just to make sure she didn’t suffer any other injuries.”

    Kirk nodded. “That’s fine with me,” he conceded. “I will probably need a few days to make sure I have things ready at my apartment for a new occupant.” And with that, he turned toward the doors. “Come on, Soru,” he called back to me.

    Of course, I wanted to stay to make sure Amber would be all right. However, I trusted that Nurse Joy would take good care of her. And so with great reluctance, I followed Kirk out of the Pokemon Center onto the unforgiving streets of the city.

    <End Chapter 2>

    Now being reposted!


  15. #15
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    A quiet street
    Posts
    75

    Default

    Soru the Absol. Nice name. I'll admit I was surprised at what the Mightyena were going to do to Amber. I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors of any kind. Great job!

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    in a [fragile] state of mind
    Posts
    481

    Default

    Hey there, Hero! Sorry I never reviewed before. Can't remember if I said anything at the preview. Did I?

    Your writing is so nice. -smiles- This one left me fuzzy. I needed some fuzziness today.

    So we have Amber, a nice little Eevee that her evil, maniac brother turned into. I must admit, I always think of Amber as a snotty girl name, but this one suits her. She seems so lost as an Eevee, as I would be if I were suddenly turned into one (which would be so cool!). You seem to like Eevees a lot, don't you? xD

    Soru is a good name for an Absol. I almost had one named Saiful (Saif). I just think that 'S' beginning names are fitting for them. xD And aww, Soru's got a little half-crush on Amber. For your 'first' attempt at romance, it wasn't bad. Actually, it was quite cute and well done. Might be a little quick, but hey, no one should be afraid of love at first sight.

    Kirk fits the man. (Meh, just realized I'm talking about names a lot. ><') He seems to be a kind person. Can't really say much, since he hasn't been seen a lot. And how odd is it that he's encountered Amber before...?

    I totally knew that the Mightyena was going to mate with Amber. It just seemed like he was high off hormones. xD

    All in all, nice job. I'm going to stick around. Can't wait to see what kind of twists you'll throw at us.

    ~BM
    ~Keep on truckin'!~


    Thanks to Zadros for the banner!

    Not coming soon, but
    it's a pretty banner, yes?

  17. #17
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    the fall of every season
    Posts
    3,690

    Default

    Another good chapter. ^_^ This one was a lot nicer and "fuzzier," to use the word people before me have. The description and grammar was as good as ever, so another job well done. Kudos!

  18. #18
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    On indefinite hiatus.
    Posts
    862

    Default

    Soru shook his head. “They did not have any intention of killing you,” he said quietly. “No, the leader was looking to mate with you.”

    I was taken aback. “W-w-what!?” I stuttered, shocked by what Soru just said. “M-mate with me?”
    Ouch...that sucks a lot...also, the underline part sounded kind of repetitive.
    My heart skipped a beat. Put them down? I almost panicked. Were they going to put her down right after she just woke up? Immediately, my mind began concocting high-risk, movie-style plans to break Amber out of the Pokemon Center.
    You mean conducting, right? And Soru's imagination is pretty funny
    “Of course,” Nurse Joy answered cheerfully. “Although you will have to allow for a few days of recovery time and observations. Just to make sure she didn’t suffer any other injuries.”
    From what I've learnt, I don't think that's the right tense...
    Nice chapter, although the fact to have Amber "put down" makes me want to shudder.
    And also, it's about time Mightyena control his hormones 0_0
    sweet_piplup123

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    429

    Default

    I found myself getting lost in the depths of those optics.
    I think optics usually refers to artificial means of seeing, i.e., cameras. Other than that, the chapter worked well for establishing characters and motives.
    Good Work!

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default

    @CrystalGuard2: Yeah, I'll admit that his name is probably my favorite. I was having a difficult time trying to decide on a name for him. His name actually is derived from the Japanese name for Absol, Abusoru. I thought that Soru sounded cool and mysterious, fitting for such a Pokemon. Well, the Mightyena did say they were looking for some "fun" even if it would've only been fun for them.

    @Blue_Mew22: It's okay man. No, you didn't actually post in the preview thread, but that's not a prob since you're here now. Well, I guess the last chapter would leave a little bit fuzzy. If you think Kyle is crazy now, wait until later. And yes, I do like Eevee. Easily one of my favorite Pokemon. Truthfully, the only name that I really planned was Soru. Both Amber and Kirk just sorta came to me as I wrote. And while this is my first attempt at romance, this isn't the first time I've planned out romance. And I did figure that some people would figure out the Mightyena's motive fairly quickly. Can't wait to see more reviews from you.

    @otaku-dono: Yeah, I can definitely see where everyone's getting the fuzzy feeling from. I had to do something comforting after all the hell Amber went through in the first two chapters. Thanks, and many thanks for continuing to read.

    @sweet_piplup123: Yeah, but just imagine what her reaction would have been if...*shot* And I did mean to use concocted. Basically, he was coming up with all those crazy plans in his head. I guess the whole being "put down" part was a little bit shocking, but hey, that was the effect I was going after.

    @Tearen the Absol: Well, I used optics only because I had used eyes in the sentence before and it would have seemed a little bit repetitive. Yeah, this chapter (and the next somewhat) are meant to really establish the two protagonists in the story (Amber and Soru), as well a few of the minor characters (Kirk and another who comes in next chapter). Thanks.

    Now, I guess it's time for the traditional story update. Well, I'm feeling a little festive. The next chapter will be released on December 25th. For those of you who have been living under a rock all of your life, that's Christmas Day. Call it my Christmas present to the Fan Fiction section (though I'm hoping about pulling off a Christmas miracle with one of my other stories).
    Last edited by PokemonHero; 22nd December 2008 at 5:35 PM.

    Now being reposted!


  21. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Eeveelution wonderland. ^.^
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Hi there! This is a really great fic!

    Oh wait, I know I'm not allowed to read this, but the fact that Eevee is the main protagonist really attracted me, so I read everything. Sorry about that.

    Anyways, I love the way you wrote this fic, it's almost as if I felt Amber's feelings while I was reading this. Especially about having an evil brother. [Well, not that my 2 little brothers are evil, they're really just annoying. ^.^']
    I especially liked the 2nd chapter. Seems like mighty Soru has a soft side for Amber [something like that. &#252;]. I wonder if Amber will like Soru, too? *grins*

    I'm looking forward to the next chapter. And keep up the great work! &#252;.
    Last edited by Espeon_kitty08; 23rd December 2008 at 7:44 AM.
    "Friends are like stars; they always shine brightly together, without one trying to outshine the others."

    (Chi): Lemme guess, another quote from the booklet of friendship quotes?

    ♥Me♥: Nope.

    (Sakura): So... You're the one who made that quote?

    ♥Me♥: Yup!

    & : Cool...

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Where Hokies reign
    Posts
    2,814

    Default

    @Espeon_kitty08: Well yes, that's what everyone's been telling me. Happy you like it so far. Now, I'm not too concerned any more about people who shouldn't be reading this. It's not like I have any control over it. And trust me, I love reading stories with my favorite Pokemon in it. Telling from the first-person really made me emphasize the characters feelings a lot more than I could accomplish from any other perspective. Soru, well, let's say things are going to get interesting for him.

    Well, Santa came to town last night, so I guess that means today is Christmas Day. Which means, as my gift to SPPf, I proudly present a new chapter of The Light in the Darkness.

    Chapter 3: Making a Fresh Start

    For the next few days, not much happened. According to Nurse Joy, I was being held for “observations.” I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere in the Pokemon Center without supervision, for fear that I may further injure my leg trying to overexert myself. Then there was that medicine that I kept taking to treat my headaches. Almost as soon as I took it, I was easily zonked out for the next few hours. While I appreciated her concern for my health, it’s no exaggeration for me to say that it was the most boring time in my life.

    Kirk and Soru visited me often, mostly after Kirk had gotten home from work. Kirk would come in and give me a few pets and perhaps an ear scratch or two. As he did so he would whisper some words of endearment. He would also, much to chagrin of Nurse Joy, sneak in these yummy chocolate treats. I don’t know why it is, but chocolate tastes different from when I was human. Perhaps it is because of my enhanced senses that allowed for me to pick up on even the subtlest of tastes.

    Even though Kirk’s company was nice, I found a little more enjoyment in talking with Soru, probably because he was pretty much the only one I could communicate with. At first though, Soru didn’t seem to keen on talking to me after our first encounter. He kept himself at a distance from my bed, not even daring to look toward me. Gradually, though, he became more comfortable, eventually sitting at the foot of my bed.

    Most of the time, I was the one instigating the conversation, trying to get him involved. But when he did speak, I was fascinated by what he would say. Like this time where we were talking about the weather. Apparently it had been miserable since I had checked into the Pokemon Center. Soru told me that his species could pick up on the subtle changes in the atmosphere that often preceded a shift in the weather patterns and thus, could tell if a storm was approaching.

    We didn’t just talk about the weather though. Soru also gave me some background about Kirk. I learned from him that Kirk was a young bachelor who just recently got out of post-graduate school. Apparently, he was working to become a lawyer and recently began to work at his father’s law firm. Unfortunately, Soru wasn’t able to tell me much about the logistics of his work. That was understandable though, since Pokemon really have no need to concern themselves with the human legal system.

    However, there were things that I wasn’t able to coax out of Soru. Whenever I asked about his past, he quickly changed the subject. I decided not to further probe about the subject. It was his privacy after all. If he wished to discuss it, I would be willing to listen. That being said, I didn’t tell him about all that had happened to me either. It’s not that I didn’t trust him; I just wasn’t sure that he would believe what had happened. The last thing I wanted to do was lose the trust of one of the only creatures that I could communicate with.

    Near the end of my stay, I was feeling much better. I was no longer having those painful headaches that were a result from an apparent concussion. It also didn’t hurt to walk on my back leg anymore. But as my health improved, a new worry came to my mind. What were they going to do with me once I was fully healed? I brought this up with Soru during one of our conversations.

    “Don’t worry about that,” he assured me. “Kirk plans on taking you in once you’re given a clean bill of health. That is…if you have nowhere else to go.”

    I didn’t know how to react. There was a sense of excitement of course. This meant I wouldn’t have to live out on the streets and forage for food, or deal with the mating patterns of a certain canine. I would have shelter, a roof over my head to protect me from the elements.

    But at the same time, I couldn’t help feeling that by letting myself be taken into this man’s household, I would be permanently giving up my humanity. Plus, I really didn’t know Kirk and Soru. Were they really as benevolent as they seemed, or was this some guise veiling their true nature?

    “Are you okay, Amber?” Soru inquired. Obviously, he was concerned by my lack of response.

    “Yes, I’m fine,” I replied, not looking Soru directly in the eye. “Just a little surprised, that’s all.” Soru’s concern for me seemed genuine. I think that may have been the deciding factor. I decided that I would live with Kirk and Soru, at least until I could figure out a way to become human again. Perhaps I would even come to enjoy being an Eevee. I had to hold back a chuckle. As if…

    Two days later, I was given a clean bill of health from Nurse Joy. Kirk and Soru were waiting for me out in the reception area, ready to escort me to my new home. From what Soru told me, they lived in an apartment building not far from where I had first met Kirk. So I would be living in some bachelor pad. Well, it was better than living on the streets.

    The apartment was not too far away from the Pokemon Center, so we walked there rather than catch a taxi or a bus. The weather had greatly improved from what Soru had been describing, the humidity seeming to have dissipated with the last rainstorm. Kirk led our party down the sidewalks, myself closely following behind him. Soru voluntarily took position at the rear of the group.

    During our walk, I began to take in the city from a new perspective. It was certainly different seeing the world through the eyes of an Eevee. Everything and everyone seemed to tower over my short stature. My new acute sense of smell allowed me to pick up on a number of odors that I would have never taken in as a human. Not that every odor was pleasant, but it was certainly an interesting feature that I would have to get used to. My ears seemed more alert to the many sounds of the city. There were the usual city noises, of course, but I was also picking up on some of the more subtle reverberations that most humans would not hear, such as the scurrying of the feet of the city Pokemon hidden in the alleys.

    I glanced back at Soru. His head always seemed to be on the swivel, on the watch for something. He seemed a bit uptight, so I decided it was probably best not to talk to him. But when he happened to look in my direction, I gave him a cordial smile to show him some kindness. He responded with a curt nod and grunt before returning to his self-appointed watch duty.

    After about fifteen minutes or so of walking, Kirk came to a stop. “Well, here we are,” he said, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. Soru and I took up positions on either side of him. We were now standing in front of an apartment building.

    The outer fa&#231;ade of the building was comprised of red brick and mortar, blending it into the older buildings in the surrounding area. Yet it bared the marks of a recent construction, probably built within the last five or so years as part of the previous mayor’s petition to improve the city’s residential buildings. My eyes traced up the side of the building, trying to count the number of floors.

    “Thirteen.”

    Soru surprised me with his answer. I looked around Kirk’s legs at him. “Excuse me?” I inquired.

    “There are thirteen floors in this apartment,” Soru answered. “You were trying to count them, right?”

    I nodded and turned my eyes back to the building. Sure enough, there were thirteen floors. The architect must’ve had a sick sense of humor, I thought to myself. In all seriousness, why construct a building with thirteen floors? It didn’t make any sense. Then again, most things people do don’t make sense.

    While I was contemplating this, Kirk and Soru were making their way in through the door. Not wanting to be left behind, I hastily followed. I just squeezed my way through the door and thought that I was in the clear. However, I had forgotten about one important part of my new anatomy: my tail.

    The door clamped down upon my tail. The sudden sharp pain of the nerves being pinched caused me to let out a yelp. I tried to pull it out myself, but that only caused it to hurt worse. I had to restrain myself from crying. Luckily, Kirk and Soru heard me and ran over to see if I was all right. Soru stood to the side, shaking his head in pity while Kirk opened the door and freed my tail from its trap.

    “Not used to having a tail?” Soru inquired rhetorically.

    “Not really,” I replied without even realizing the sarcasm in his voice. He looked down at me somewhat perplexed by what I meant, but he didn’t inquire further.

    The lobby of the apartment building was fairly nice. At one end of the room there was a collection of chairs and a large overstuffed sofa. There were racks with the current day’s newspapers stack inside, waiting for someone to take them. A coffee machine stood on an end table, ready to provide any resident with a morning pick-me-up. We walked past the residential manager’s desk, Kirk giving a curt nod to the man behind the desk. I wasn’t able to see his face, as it was obscured behind his newspaper.

    On the opposite side of the lobby, we boarded an elevator, myself being careful not to catch my tail in the doors. We were fortunate enough to get an elevator to ourselves, but it wasn’t surprising, since it was the middle of the day. Most of the occupants were spending their time outside in the glorious weather. I was grateful for this amenity to be available so I wouldn’t have to climb all those stairs.

    “Hey Soru,” I whispered, tugging gently on his ruff around his neck, much like a little kid tugging on their parent’s pants leg when they wish to garner their attention. “What floor—?”

    “Seventh floor,” he responded before I could even finish asking my question. “Room 702.” He didn’t even bother to look down at me.

    The floor lurched upward beneath me as the elevator groaned to life, causing me to lose balance. Our ride was fairly silent, thankfully lacking the clich&#233; elevator music most facilities would play in their elevators. The only noise that I could recollect was the low hum of the elevator trudging its weight plus ours upward against gravity.

    We reached our destination without having to make any other stops along the way. The elevator doors slid open and we disembarked. I found myself in a long, carpeted hallway. It had that hotel vibe to it, with the many doors making indents in the walls. Each door had the standard brass knocker and nameplate engraved with the apartment’s number. Room 718. Nope, not it.

    I looked around only to realize that Soru and Kirk were no longer standing next to me. Luckily, they hadn’t gotten very far, only to the end of the hallway. I hustled over to catch up with them, only doing so when they had stopped in front of one of the doors. I caught a glimpse of the nameplate. Room 702. Yep, this was it.

    Kirk pulled a set of keys out of his pocket, fumbling through them trying to find the right one. “I swear, I can never…ah-ha! Here it is!” He slid the key into the accompanying hole and, with a twist of the key and click of the lock, the door creaked open. “Here we are. Home, sweet home.”

    In a gentlemanly manner, he held the door open for Soru and I, gesturing for us to enter first. Soru walked by his master without acknowledging him. I, on the other hand, thanked him properly, even though I knew all he could hear was a simply “vee” or something to that extent. Kirk smiled as I walked past and entered the room, shutting the door behind me.

    For a bachelor’s pad, Kirk’s apartment was surprisingly well kept. I was able to walk around on the carpeted floors without tripping over any hazards. The main living area consisted of your basic television, chairs, and loveseat compilation. There was also a large pillow sitting on the floor on one side of the loveseat. I hazarded a guess that it was Soru’s bed. Much like the rest of the room, it was well kept and bared little sign that it had been slept on.

    I was about to explore the rest of the apartment when there was a knock at the door. Kirk, who had just shut the door behind me, grumbled a little as he went to open the door. His mood changed immediately when he saw who had been knocking at his door. “Alex!” he exclaimed excitedly. “Come on in!”

    Two figures walked into the room. The first was a tall young man, about the same age as Kirk. He was dressed in a plain white polo shirt and khaki shorts. I assumed that he was Alex. Following close behind was an interesting creature. He had a humanoid resemblance, but at the same time he was far from human. For one, his entire body was green, save for his arms and a few other spots, which were instead an aqua hue. Then there was the large lilypad on the top of his head. Yep, he was your typical Lombre for those of you who couldn’t decipher my explanation.

    Kirk and Alex started talking to each other about some matters. As they talked, the Lombre walked over toward me. “Hola, chica,” he greeted me cheerfully. “You haven’t seen…ah, there he is. Hola, Soru!”

    Soru had just come out of one of the rooms behind me. He spotted the Lombre and reluctantly walked over. “Nice to see you, Paco,” he replied. I don’t think he was all too thrilled to see him over at the moment.

    “Hey, hombre, why the long face?” Paco chided, playfully punching Soru in the ribs. “Come on, let’s see a smile.”

    I decided to leave the two of them to their own business. “If either of you are looking for me, I’ll be checking out the rest of the apartment,” I told them, heading toward the kitchen. Soru nodded politely to my request. However, Paco began to eye me curiously, making me very uncomfortable. I broke eye contact with him and left room, wondering what else the apartment held for me.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I watched as Amber left the room. She seemed to have hastened her exit when she had made eye contact with Paco. Frankly, I don’t blame her. You could say that Paco and I were friends, but we weren’t all that close. Paco’s master Alex had long been friends with my master, but I only just met Paco after I started living with Kirk. We were polar opposites. Where as I was reserved and quiet, Paco was outgoing and boisterous.

    “Yo, hombre,” Paco spoke up as I was thinking. “What is with la chica?”

    It took me a second to understand what Paco was asking. He sometimes mixed in words of this strange language into what he said, making conversing with him impossible at times. “Oh, you mean Amber?” I asked, guessing that was whom he was referring to.

    “Yeah, yeah, the Eevee,” he replied. “I’ve never seen her before. She living with you now?”

    I nodded in confirmation. “Kirk just adopted her,” I replied. I explained to him about the incident a few nights ago.

    All Paco could do was shake his head. “Man, hombre, that’s rough,” he said. “At least she didn’t get…you know.”

    I nodded absentmindedly, not really hearing the last few things he said. I was too preoccupied by thoughts of the last few days. Whenever we went to visit Amber at the Pokemon Center, I always felt nervous. There wasn’t any reason to be, of course. I knew she was going to be fine and all. But every time I would enter her room, I would suddenly become uptight.

    I kept myself far away from her bed, never too keen to talk. However, Amber was insistent on talking to me. I guess she must have been really bored if she wanted to talk to me. Yet to my surprise, she seemed quite interested in what I talked about, especially about my ability to foresee weather conditions. I guess I never considered it interesting myself, since I had grown accustomed to it over the years.

    The more I talked to Amber, the more comfortable I became. I don’t know what it was about her, but she seemed to have an aura about her that relaxed me. All those uptight feelings I had were quelled by her relaxed demeanor. However, there were things I refused to discuss with her. Anytime she would inquire about my past, I would quickly change the subject. Perhaps it was a little rude, but it was a topic that I did not wish to discuss.

    “Yo, Earth to Soru. You still with us, hombre?”

    Paco brought me back to reality. “I…I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I guess I was distracted…”

    “Thinking about her?”

    I was caught a little off-guard. “What?” I inquired, a little confused by what he meant.

    “You know, Amber,” he explained, pointing to the doorway she had just went through. “You’re acting a little strange.”

    I gave Paco a queer look. “What would make you say that?”

    “Oh…just the way you acted there,” he replied. “You didn’t seem to hear what I said, and you stared off in the direction she left. One and one adds up to dos, mi amigo.”

    For a moment, I considered correcting his last statement, but he had hit everything else dead on. “Yeah, I guess so…” I conceded. My cheeks began to feel a little bit warmish.

    Paco chuckled. “Seems like someone has a little crush on the little chica there,” he chided, elbowing me in my ribs playfully.

    I recoiled in shock. “What!? Y-y-you think I have a crush on A-amber?” I stammered. At his chiding, my cheeks were now burning hot.

    “Well, judging by your reaction and how bright red your cheeks are, then I would say so,” he replied. “Give it up, hombre. You’ve pretty much given yourself away.”

    I sighed, conceding defeat. “I guess I do have a little crush on her,” I admitted quietly. “There’s just something about her that…”

    “All right, all right!” Paco interrupted, laughing a little. “I don’t want you to turn this into a romance story! I just wanted you to admit you liked her."

    After he said that, I felt a surge of anger build up in my chest. Without a second thought, I lunged at a wide-eyed Paco and pinned him against the wall. “Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone,” I snarled at him angrily. “Especially Amber.”

    Poor Paco was frightened by my sudden shift in behavior. “Y-y-yes, I-I p-p-promise,” he stuttered. His body was quivering violently.

    Satisfied he was telling the truth, I released him. Immediately, the anger seemed to decamp from my chest. “I-I’m sorry, Paco,” I apologized emphatically. “I don’t know what came over me there.”

    Paco rubbed the back of his neck. “You really need to learn to take a joke, hombre,” he said. He still seemed a little nervous over what had just happened.

    “True,” I conceded. “I really shouldn’t have done that.”

    Then, much to my surprise, Paco laughed. “It’s all right,” he assured me. “I probably shouldn’t have pushed it as far as I did.”

    His acceptance of my apology relieved some of my tension. Paco was never one to hold a grudge. “Thank you,” I said. I started to walk over to the kitchen, where our masters were talking. Then, I looked back at Paco one last time. “You promise to not tell anyone about what I said?”

    Paco nodded vigorously. “Don’t worry,” he promised. “Your secret is safe with me.”

    I thanked him again and walked away. I really hope it is, I thought to myself as I crossed the threshold into the kitchen.

    <End Chapter 3>
    Last edited by PokemonHero; 30th May 2009 at 3:30 AM.

    Now being reposted!


  23. #23
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    A quiet street
    Posts
    75

    Default

    Paco is weird. I've seen some energetic/crazy people over where I am...Paco's probably 5th. The story's coming along great!

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Canadia
    Posts
    356

    Default

    Sorry for not reviewing...ugh...still have't finshed my story and it's already Christmas!!!
    Anyhoo, just gimme a moment to give a proper review...

    Here it is.
    Good chappie. Good description, I could "see" the pokemon. "Bil of Health" seemed pretty repetitive.
    I have nothing else to say, except I can't wait to see what happens next... maybe I should just go to FF.net and get a preview.
    Merry Christmas everyone!
    Last edited by Plusle+Minun; 25th December 2008 at 10:36 PM.
    AUSTRIA PRUSSIA HUNGARY

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    in a [fragile] state of mind
    Posts
    481

    Default

    Ello, PH.

    I caught up and was very pleased.

    You missed some words in your sentences quite a few times. I haven't the time to pick them all out, but I suggest you read it over and stuff. xD

    So, do all your chapters from here on out have two parts: Amber's narration and Soru's?

    Yay, Amber is okay and out of the PC. That's good. The tail in the door part amused me.

    Soru admits that he likes Amber!! Yay.

    Paco is strange. =/ Funny, but strange.

    Defensive Soru, too.

    Sorry for the odd, short little comments, but I'm just picking out what I remember.

    Vair good, vair nice. Can't wait for the next!

    ~BM

    EDIT: Gah, I had much planned out in my mind to say but now I forgot. ><;; Curse my short-term memory loss!!
    Last edited by SapphireRose; 26th December 2008 at 9:25 PM. Reason: missed a word and tried to add stuff, but forgot. ><;;
    ~Keep on truckin'!~


    Thanks to Zadros for the banner!

    Not coming soon, but
    it's a pretty banner, yes?

Page 1 of 6 12345 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •