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Thread: Pokemon Revelation: Omnipotence (PG-13)

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    Cool Pokemon Revelation: Omnipotence (PG-13)

    DON'T DROOL PLZ.


    Now that we have THAT out of the way... :P

    So here it is, guys. I found that I'll be out of town that first week of December, so, technically, it starts now. All of it.

    Let's do this thing.

    This is the offical sequel to Pokemon Revelation: Cross of Fates. If you wish to read the prequel to this story, the link is in my signature. If you have not read Pokemon Revelation: Cross of Fates, it is highly recommended you do in order to understand and fully enjoy Pokemon Revelation: Omnipotence.

    Now, compared to Cross of Fates, these chapters are much shorter. I expect them to lengthen as we get later into the story. ^^ So don't die from lack of words! :3


    NOTE: Though I have not finished PR: O, I will be posting chapters. When the next chapter in the sequence is released, the exact date, is not fully known by this author, as I have decided to take this all at my own pace.

    Thank you, and enjoy.



    DISCLAIMER: I do not own or claim ownership to any of Nintendo's rightful legal property, including, but not limited to, fictional characters, situations, or places


    WARNING: This fiction contains disturbing imagery, suggestive themes and language that may otherwise be unsuitable.




    {CHAPTER INDEX}



    CLICK CHAPTER NAME TO GO TO THAT CHAPTER.

    *= indicates that the chapter has been posted

    += indicates that the chapter is in progress




    Exodus 1. RE-fresh*

    Exodus 2. Ruby|(Ardor)*

    Exodus 3. The (Duality) we once had*

    Exodus 4. All the (Facts) felt false*

    Exodus 5. I'm still smiling in (Contempt)*

    Exodus 6. Hold no (Trust), give no lies*

    Exodus 7. (Beauty) is in the eye of the dead*

    Exodus 8. Sapphire|(Valiance)*

    Exodus 9. (Challenge) me again*

    Exodus 10. This is our (Ruin)

    Exodus 11. End of Corruption

    Exodus 12. Birthplace

    Exodus 13. Emerald|(Empathy)

    Exodus 14. DE-feat

    Exodus 15. The Immortal Sin

    Exodus 16. Battlefield in C Minor

    Exodus 17. The Art of War

    Exodus 18. Revolution-001

    Exodus 19. Quarrentine-002

    Exodus 20. Termination-003





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    Exodus I





    RE-fresh



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    ”In the beginning there was merely a flatness. Gray water, not yet interwoven with light and life, a spread of lifeless hydrogen and oxygen.


    In the beginning there was only sky and sea. Both hemispheres completely empty, two voids forever sucking at each other’s boundaries.





    For millennia, there was only water and air. Clearness in all forms.




    Then came the meteor.




    A shining comet, a hammer of blazing rainbow light shrieked through the peaceful sky and tore the tranquil blueness in two. Somewhere in the vast, open ocean, the comet landed and pierced the surface of the water, sinking slowly to the very cradle of all life, the fissures that lead to the center of the newborn earth.


    The cracks that lead to hell.



    With the impact came the energizing push. The comet split in two at the utmost depths, revealing a crystal, a massive mineral compound that glowed faintly in harmony with the blackness of the void, pulsing and undulating until blackness reached up to meet the color, and where energy met nothingness, an explosion came forth.


    From the bowels of the sea, the blast rocked the world, splitting open the stomach as the earth poured forth magma contents, cooling and rapidly rising to the surface, a hundred million years of construction sped on by the crystalline heart.


    Seven islands began to form.


    Ashes and magma over the course of seven days. Ashes and magma and then the clouds that parted for sunlight.

    Ashes and magma.



    Ashes and magma and sunlight and sea.



    When the seven peaks of the Sevii Archipelago were complete, the last blast of fiery earth destroyed the crystal heart, severing it into three pieces that were swept away by the sea of time, never to be seen or to create wondrous things ever again.



    And that, children, was how our islands came to be.”




    -Brinca Sweut, age 78, Creator of the Hyper-Move Triad







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    “GOOOooOOOOd morning, Sevii! It’s turning out to be a beautiful day, One Island! Today is Wednesday, August 2nd, and it’s currently seven a.m! Temperatures are starting out in the early seventies and rising slowly to mid-eighties, wind speeds of zero and a humidity rate of eighty percent! Keep those fans and cool clothes handy, today’ll be a scorcher-“




    The snooze button was mashed with vigorous, angry force channeled through a sleepy palm that was retracted back under the covers, cutting off the radio announcer’s annoyingly chipper voice. Shifting and groaning noises came from the bed, until white sheets were thrown off and the figure previously sleeping hauled itself out, one foot at a time, and one centimeter of distance a second until they found themselves in front of the bathroom mirror.



    The gaping cabinet mirror revealed stately rows of orange pill containers, all full, only one was more than halfway empty.



    Medicinal pillars to the sky.


    The same hand that killed the announcer’s voice reached out for the half-full bottle and carefully measured out two pills, swallowing and then cupping water from the sink to wash the capsules down with.


    With the hand came a disgruntled voice that made gagging noises and sighed hugely as the pills settled in the lake of their stomach’s acid.


    The open mirror was closed with a bang, and reflecting glass showed the fifteen-year old face of Saber Angelina Midori. Bark, dark brown dusty hair, symmetrical swept-back bangs and shoulder length hair from where she had cropped it in a mentally unhealthy rage a year ago hung around her face. Forest green eyes that she couldn’t cut, no matter how insane she was, eyes that were just waking up, still. A placid, heart-shaped face that wasn’t fully conscious, body wearing a rumpled t-shirt, an ever-faithful reminder to days of old, that read; EAT AT JOE’S.




    The hotel room was air-conditioned, but Saber couldn’t feel the coolness until she exited the shower twenty minutes later, hair soaking and scalp freezing. She had no time to blow-dry, not today. Today was a big day, and no matter how much vanity her hair demanded of her, she would not let the dead protein atop her head make her late.



    Today was a very important day.



    Room service had stopped delivering to Saber’s room a long time ago. She had ordered too many late-night éclairs for the whim chefs to take her seriously, anymore. So while breakfast hadn’t been an option for the past few days, Saber had substituted a morning meal with a swig of the pay-per-consume cheap vodka the hotel kept in their fridge, while not a wholesome alternative, the alcohol kept off hunger until the customary lunch banquet was opened.


    And besides, Saber reasoned with herself as she simultaneously pulled on her turquoise skirt and white blouse (an outfit made by her mother especially for this tropical trip that reminded her acutely of her old outfit, the one she wore during her Kanto journey) and balanced the vodka bottle with the other, no one would be running alcohol or drug tests downstairs this early in the morning. Plus, the only plus, was that the alcohol enhanced the pills. And the pills made her fit for society. Which, theoretically, turned her into a veritable whirlwind of social skills and humor.



    She paused, looking around the room as she hefted her bag over her shoulder, feeling like she was forgetting something. Suddenly, she heard a slight splashing from near her shoes and looked down, sighing.



    Looking back at up at her was a diminutive crocodile, jaw gaping with razor sharp incisors and blue scales glittering among the half-melted ice cubes that his throne, the ice bucket, contained.


    <OHHHHH. ‘Sup lil’ lady?> The pokemon’s smile revealed even more teeth, and his slit eyes were slightly drowsy.


    “Axel! I was wondering where you passed out last night!” Saber snickered, watching as the Totodile tried to stand with the bucket still lodged firmly on his buttocks.


    <You don’t even know the THIRD of it!> Axel had managed two legs and was attempting to pull the ice bucket off now.



    “You mean, ‘I don’t even know the half of it?’” His trainer inquired, eyebrow raised, and Axel shook his head.


    <Man, your voice is like nails on a chalkboard! Don’t give me none of your ‘half’ crap, if I say a third, I mean a third!>


    The bucket came off his butt with a small pop, ice plopping dejectedly to the floor.



    “Uh, my voice sucks because you’re hung over?” Saber looked at his waddling movements skeptically.



    The Totodile stabbed one finger in a pointing motion.


    <Precisely. And there is only ONE common cure for the hangover, you know.>


    “And that is….?”



    <My pokeball! So whip it out and stick me innit so I can get some quality mating time with my pillow!>


    Saber stared in silence for a few seconds, and Axel rolled his eyes.


    <SowhipitoutandstickmeinnitsoIcangetsomequalitymat ingtimewithmypillow PUH-LEEZ.>


    Obliging, the girl sighed. “Eh. We’re getting there with the manners.” She turned her head over her shoulder, Ultra Ball in hand.


    “Hey! Piyoni! Where are you?”



    <Right here, Saber. So glad you and Axel have decided to join the world of the living, again!>


    Buzzing over to rest on Saber’s shoulder, a ladybug pokemon with large, saucer-like eyes and mittens for hands smiled happily, seeming to bounce with lively energy.


    “Hey, that’s unfair. Axel is the one hung over!” Saber protested, turning and exiting the hotel room.


    <And you’re the one who ticked off room service and prevented food delivery as well as spending almost the entire night with a foreign trainer in the lounge, love.> Piyoni’s bug-face grinned as Saber flushed madly, having difficulty walking to the elevator at the same time.


    “He’s from Johto, and his name is Oliver. And nothing happened. We just talked and had a good time.”


    <Talked about….?> The ladybug led on, obviously interested.


    “Why do you want to know?!” Saber grumbled, fumbling with pressing the down button, secretly relieved when the doors slid closed and no one joined her inside the descending box.


    Piyoni pretended to look scandalized. <Why, I’m your pokemon, love! I also happen to be acutely interested in the things humans do and say!>


    “And eat.” Saber added.


    <Yes, mostly eat. But is that really so bad? I am really fascinated by this concept of, what do you call it? Lah-Uv?>


    “Love.” The girl corrected. “And it’s not really….that. It’s more stupid than that.”


    <Well, do you like this person?>


    “I suppose. He’s a snowboarder, you know. We talk about a lot of things. And he’s not a complete idiot.”


    <Well there you go! I still think dumping that Xeon man was a bad move for you, love.>


    The trainer exited the elevator, walking across the cool marble hall and into the central meeting room, where the other trainers were gathering in bits and morsels, tiny groups at a time filtered in through the double doors and chose seats at one of the round tables littering the over-shaded balcony facing the tranquil sea. The scent of orchids and tropical flowers blew in from arched glass windows and the early-morning sun was lucid and golden, piercing crystal chandeliers and producing wavery rainbows.


    Saber and Piyoni chose a seat by the balcony itself, quite close to the speaker’s podium. The white tablecloth was pristine, and an attendee in a black coat came up almost immediately after she sat, taking her name and trainer number and then handing her a paper itinerary.


    The reading business left room for Saber to construct a retort to Piyoni’s comment. True, she had dumped Xeon, but their relationship before had been declining. Then, that July day, it had collapsed altogether, though they were still, after a year of slight communication, awkward friends.


    It was a mutual severance, and so no regrets. From what she heard, Lili and Xeon were now showing romantic interest in each other, and she couldn’t have been happier for the two of them. Xeon deserved someone like Lili, someone sweet but with that saucy edge. They were content, and that made Saber even gladder that her ex had moved on.


    Herself, not so much. But thoughts like that had been put on hold long before, deep thoughts relating to anything about love locked far, far away in the mental safe box and stalwart heart of stony acceptance.



    And so the world marched forward.



    Four days earlier, the Crystal Cup Tournament had called for all participating trainers to return to One Island to prepare for the actual tournament itself. Four days left until the official start, the participants had been treated to free room and board and beach and pool and buffet in a tropical setting originally intended for tourists while the last threads of the Cup wrapped themselves up. General socializing had been the reason for gathering all the participants together, friendship was strongly promoted among contenders.


    And so Saber, along with four hundred other individuals, did just that. Oliver was nothing of consequence, but she enjoyed his company and his talk and Chris got along great with him, so it was a win-for-all kind of situation.


    The painkillers helped her along, helping her to wade again in the tiny pool called relationships.



    The pills were loyal friends, and she kept a constant emergency stash in her bag for separation events. Ever-present, they lulled her into a false sense of security and enabled her to live more smoothly, without many hitches or rocky bumps. The only person who disproved of her constant drug use was Chris, as her childhood buddy, he liked to remind her about how addictions could be very easily formed to anti-depressants such as the ones she took.


    It was a kind thought, but advice given much too late.



    Saber knew it was much too late to worry about addiction. It had already happened. There were more important things to worry about, now, no use sobbing over spilled and spoilt milk.


    Such as the eminent tournament.



    Saber leaned back in her chair, Piyoni settling on the balcony, balancing and watching the water lap onto the beach farther out.

    The girl mused, beginning to recollect on the past year as people floated in and out of the banquet room, all in varying states of exhausted and hung-over from the party in the ballroom the night before.



    The past twelve months had been relatively strange ones, following her speech on this same island a year ago, Saber had returned to Kanto with Oak and Chris, and went to the Indigo League first thing the next morning to obtain a Foreign Pokemon permit, later visiting Bill and asking him to acquire Piyoni and Axel back from Celio on One Island.



    With the Ledyba and Totodile in hand, she began training them in a daily regiment in the tranquil little town of her birth, Pallet Town. The Champion could be seen many a day trotting around with her two pokemon, the other six tramping behind her in a catching-up frenzy. Presa was more than happy to mentor Axel, and Sprink took to becoming a speed-demon teacher to Piyoni.


    The last 365 days had passed with a healing kind of normalness. Routine, the bandage of all hurt, was followed rigorously, in a conscious effort to rid herself of the past. Simple, wholesome things, like making a picnic and eating with Janine and Chris in the fields of their birth, exploring at the rocky seaside and watching tidepools recede and fill, those playful things smoothed over the void that had been gnawing at the girl for so very long.


    Changes abounded, of course. Janine had completed her training at Koga’s Dojo and had moved in with Chris and his father. She was a welcome hand around the house and worked part-time for Professor Oak, learning more about poison pokemon during the day and guarding the more precious of Oak’s pokemon and equipment at night. She had grown into a beautiful, graceful kunoichi, and mastered every aspect of the ninja way, from vanishing to herbal healing to hand-to-hand combat. Saber, sometimes, sparred with the ninja and learned firsthand just how skilled Janine was.


    Sometimes Saber missed her old Child powers, especially when she was back-flipped onto gravel and had to nurse bruises for months on end.


    Chris was already as tall as his father and just as caring. He had decided to go back to school and further his education while balancing time for training his team for upcoming events he was enlisted into by corporations who wanted the Third-place-man to be their frontman for commercials and product endorsements. While Saber got even more invitations from these companies, she had turned down every single one, preferring to shun the limelight and train in silence and have her face slowly be forgotten among the people of Kanto.

    Kanto had a reluctant Champion, she was supposed to be at the top of the Indigo Plateau, waiting for oncoming challengers, but instead she was here, on the tropical island chain far south of the mainland and all its worries. Kanto’s substitute Champion was Lance, who had been badgering Koga into becoming an Elite Four member to cover the gap before the Indigo Finals began, but Koga refused. Janine, however, was thrilled at the prospect, and had been training more vigorously than ever to prove to her father that she was capable of leading the gym in his absence.


    Saber had fled, like the good little coward she knew she was, and one person had benefited from it. It was enough to satiate her guilty mind.


    Chris was the only one who was to accompany her on their Sevii Island journey, while she had escaped from Silverwater, the doctor’s orders still echoed in her friend’s and family’s ears. She would pawn her fingers for some free time, though Chris’s gentle, doting nature was a salve that she was most grateful for. At times, however, her sanity was at stake, and she hadn’t had a moment’s peace, even when socializing, since she had broken out.


    It was expected, of course. Even with the meds, she knew everyone close to her thought she could snap at any minute. Even 365 days couldn’t change that, they still were witness to what happened on the occasion she didn’t take her pills.


    Monster transformation, and then the hurt she had to nurse afterward.


    People began to filter in, duo by duo or single by triplets. Groups, hordes at a time that settled into the white lifeboat tables and ordered food. Saber refused food, naturally. She didn’t eat much anymore, and so when Chris finally made his way to her table, he saw the emptiness before her space on the tablecloth and frowned as he sat.


    Still taller than her, at fifteen he was rapidly changing and growing upward. The red streaks so infantile a year ago were still in place, constantly re-dyed because Chris liked the color of them. Wearing a sleeveless vest and surf shorts, he could pass for any island kid, his walk now told of maturity and wiser years.


    His mouth pulled down in a grimace.



    “Not eating again?”


    She laughed. It was still so strange to hear his deeper voice.


    “No, I didn’t have time to order anything. Axel wandered off with Oliver’s Teddiursa last night and they found some Sunflora honey and got drunk. I found him with a hangover in the ice bucket. And Piyoni went with them, from what I heard, but….”

    She trailed off as the Ledyba jumped in.


    <I have a high-tolerance for honey!>


    “…she apparently is immune to that sort of stuff.” Saber snickered.



    “Figures your pokemon would have crazy genetics.” Chris grinned, watching Piyoni scramble back and forth on the railing to the sea, huffy.


    “So what about you? Sleep much?” The girl inquired, watching as the podium and stage in the far front begin to move with announcers, MC’s, and staff getting ready for the opening.


    Chris shook his head and leaned back in his chair, the salt breeze blowing obstinately and the nearby beach’s sand swiping over the white marble floor.


    “After I left you and Oliver in the lounge, I called Janine and then hit the sack. She’s worried about Chron and Vulcan, I told her Celio has ownership of them now.”

    He watched Saber stiffen, but she seemed to realize her own reaction and forced her muscles to retract and relax.


    “Well they are. I’m sure Celio’s a fine trainer.”


    “Yeah.” Chris agreed simply, and Saber sighed. Sometimes a ‘yeah’ wasn’t the response she was looking for, but she had learned to expect nothing more from boys in general.


    The only person who looked deeper, past the mutual agreement, was gone.


    Saber shook her head and watched as the announcer MC stepped onto the podium to begin speaking. Out of the corner of her peripheral, she caught the ice-blue eyes and white, spiked hair of Oliver, dressed in a red pullover and jeans that made him look even taller than he was already.


    Their eyes met, and Oliver waved, his pleasant, pointed face grinning as he sat with his friends. She waved back, stopping when she caught the look Chris was shooting towards her.


    “What?!” She barked, as if sensing she was being accused of something.


    “Nothing. You know I don’t like that kid much, though, right? He looks like a ferret.”


    “I know, but I’m glad you pretend to be nice, anyway. And looks count for little with me, you know that.” She retorted, but Chris snorted and muttered something that sounded like ‘prettyboyXeon’. Saber responded with a death glare that Chris shrugged off.


    “All I’m saying is that he looks like a rodent. He talks too fast, and seems to think he knows everything.”


    “Which he mostly does because he’s traveled around the world.” Saber defended.


    Chris sighed. “Fine. You win. Just promise me you won’t do anything reckless.”

    The girl feigned a scandalized look. “Chris Hoaka, whatever could you mean by ‘reckless?’ I hope you aren’t speaking about the no-no subject. We agreed not to talk about those things until we actually had something to go on.”


    Chris sweatdropped. “I can’t believe you used the word ‘no-no’ for it.”


    “What can I say? It’s a difficult subject! And besides, you know I’m not that stupid.”


    Behind her, Piyoni shuddered.


    <Mini Sabers….running around everywhere…..ugh…>



    Saber opened her mouth to retort when the MC came blaring in through the microphone.



    “PARTICIPANTS! WELCOME to the Twelfth Annual Crystal Cup Tournament! How’s everyone today?!” There were cheers, and the MC smiled brilliantly and continued on with even more enthusiasm.



    “If you’ll take a look at the itineraries we’ve passed out on your tables, you’ll know that all today is a releasing of the hounds! We’ve gone over every rule and regulation to cover over the past four days, but we’ll do a quick refresher, now!”



    “The object of the Tournament is to get to the final staging area, Birth Island, where we will have our face-off finals! In order to gain entrance to the island, however, you’ll need to get the seven badges of the Seven Island leaders, each one residing on each of the seven islands, by defeating them in a one-on-one pokemon battle! Finding these leaders is entirely up to you, as is the order of visiting the islands! Feel free to explore! But remember, you only have fifty-seven days to complete the total journey and make it to Birth Island in time-“



    BANG



    The ballroom doors, previously barred and closed to all but participants, flew open with a ‘whomp’ noise, as if someone had kicked them in instead of using the door handles. At the top of the stairs, doors swinging behind them, a figure emerged, framed against golden morning light.


    There was silence as a stunningly gorgeous girl stepped forward, her graceful height and movements alone entrancing all. She had brilliant, soft pink hair that cascaded in a long sheet down her back, braided with red ribbons and resembling a strawberry cake or confection of some kind. Her face was flawless and oval, pale porcelain skin with a small, cute-kind of nose and pouty, kissy lips. Eyes liquid and a bright, lurid red, she scanned the hall before rearranging her chiffon blouse and long skirt, descending the stairs and finding a table to join, the inhabitants staring slack-jawed.


    The MC coughed and continued, bringing the room back from its still reverie. He continued onward, and eyes eventually shifted back towards him as he spoke, sliding every once and a while towards strawberry girl.


    Saber was one of the few exceptions. She, of course, was struck by the girl’s beauty, a creature like that shouldn’t exist, and her ego was brutally cleaved in two the second she had walked in. Instinctually, she knew now that Oliver wouldn’t be talking to her brown-haired head anymore. Every man in the room had eyes for only strawberry.


    Mulling it over as the MC talked, Saber hadn’t seen the girl previously, even though she was obviously an entrant in the Crystal Cup. At all the social gatherings she had been absent, or Saber, and everyone else for that matter, would have noticed her there.


    Saber was one of the few people who took one long look at the girl and didn’t look back. Saber had seen strawberry’s type, maybe none as gorgeous, but she certainly wasn’t the first privileged vanity queen the Pallet-Town native had seen in her life. She took a glance at Chris and saw that his jaws were clamped shut tightly, as if in anger.


    This was a slightly strange expression, as every other male in the room, including Oliver, was obliquely mesmerized. Eventually, the MC wrapped up the rules and wished the entrants good luck one more time before the referee beside him blew his whistle, long and loud, and simultaneously on each of the seven islands, a siren wailed, signaling the start of the tournament.


    The tone grew louder, rising to a frantic pitch that wailed across the waves and fast currents dividing the islands, and cut off to raucous cheers and applause.


    The tournament had begun.



    Instantly, people began to get up and move. The more determined trainers headed straight down to the harbor to catch ferries to other islands, others stayed back and socialized, milled around in groups. A small crowd had already gathered around strawberry, but she dismissed them all with a few quick words and they left with more bitter hearts.


    Saber and Chris stayed back, Piyoni snuggling her head into Saber’s hair.


    The girl looked across at her tight-jawed friend.


    “What’s the matter?” She asked, and he shook his head.


    “You know how, even though we lost our Child genes a long time ago, from time to time you still get those random flashes of intuition?”


    Saber nodded, knowing fully well.


    Chris continued.


    “That girl. I used to hear certain voices of the humans in my head, there were certain voices that stuck out, other Children, people with strong wills, mostly. That girl. She’s a Child. Either that, or she has such a strong will that she’s making my brain pound in my skull.” Chris shook his head, massaging it with his fingertips at the same time, trying to relieve evident pressure.


    “Try to block her out.” Saber hissed between her teeth. Out of the corner of her eye, shockingly, she saw strawberry moving toward their table with slow, deliberate moves.


    She was beside them in a few seconds, her smile blindingly disarming and her voice cutely accented.


    “Ohhhh my. Saber Midori. It’s an honor.”


    Saber stood, smiling as well and taking the extended hand strawberry offered and shaking it.


    “And you are…?”


    “Oh, no one of importance. A fan from the Kanto-Johto border town, where loyalties are split between the Kanto champ and the Johto champ.” Laughter, tinkling bells, and then the hands dropped.


    “Oh! The hidden Tjohto Falls City? The town that’s inside the giant waterfall that separates the two continents?” Saber inquired, and strawberry clapped her manicured hands in enthusiasm.


    “Should have known. The Champion of Kanto is a geography wiz as well.”


    Saber grinned. “Not by much. Are you participating in the Tournament as well?”


    “Of course, though with not much hope of winning. I’m Raze, by the way. Raze Dilford.”

    She extended her hand to Chris as well, who suddenly and abruptly excused himself to the bathroom.


    “Do you always have that affect on men?” Saber inquired, smirking as she covered for Chris’s strange behavior.


    Raze sighed, seemingly bored of the whole routine. “Yes. Well, it was very nice meeting you. Maybe when this whole thing is over, or if we meet again on the way to Birth Island, I could get an autograph?” A winsome smile added to the end to make refusing not an option.


    Saber smiled back, shaking her hand again.


    “Of course.”



    The second Raze left the hall, Saber gathered Piyoni up and ran to the bathrooms as fast as her legs would carry her.









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    The stall was green, green and chipping with old paint, old as the skin of a dead man. Behind the door, Chris had his head in his hands, trying his best not to puke.



    There was a bang, and the door to the bathroom was opened. A girl’s shoes appeared under the stall’s door, familiar shoes, and Saber’s voice accompanied them.


    “Chris?”

    “Yeah. It’s me.” His voice was strained to the point of breaking.



    “Are you alright?”

    Shaking his head, his voice grew dark.


    “She found a way through my head. She looked at me, in my eyes. She saw everything.”



    Saber leaned against the door, forehead pressed to the green, trying her best to talk in a comforting voice.


    “Chris, that’s impossible. You’re making too big a deal of this-“


    “I’m not!” He protested. “You’re right, she’s not a Child. She’s something….”



    There was a prolonged silence, the water of the leaky faucet dripped, and finally, after eternity in stillness, the door of the stall opened and Chris exited, smiling.



    “Nevermind. I am making a stupid deal of this.”


    More unsaid things, Saber looking up at him reproachfully.


    “I promise.” He repeated. “It’s nothing.”


    She didn’t believe him, even as they both exited to catch the Seagallop One at the Pier, as they had made plans beforehand to visit the famous Ember Spa on this island. He knew, she knew it deep down, that he had held back something for her sake.


    Piyoni felt the girl’s strangeness as well. Her wings beat nervously inside her shell as she stood on Saber’s shoulder as her trainer looked out at the sea, the deck of the ship swimming past at a rapid rate of motion.



    Chris sat at a bench nearby, neither of them saying much, but communicating with so much more than words. Gigi, when released along with Numa, sensed the tension and let off as much sweet smelling fluid as she could from her leaf, Numa dancing with joy at the scent.



    <Chris?> Numa stopped in his dancing, looking up at his trainer with eyes of a just-growing toddler.



    “Hm?”


    <You look like a lump of potatoes, all sad.> Numa giggled, then struggled to stand on the bench and pat his trainer on the head with a stubby paw.


    <Be happier, okay?>




    Chris smiled and watched as his pokemon resumed the merrymaking, but inside his own voice rang like the walls of an iron bell that had been struck one time too many.



    ’She’s not a Child.’





    She wasn’t.


    His head rang, a piercing tone that faded away to screams of tortured beings that whirled, compressed into the girl’s evil red eyes that really,really had looked straight into him, pinpointing his fears and hopes and dreams, his childhood was an open book to her, and their journey through Kanto and the painful Point of Divinity, everything was now readable and she had understood it all, consumed the information like a hungry wolf that smiled brilliantly afterward and flounced off to devour more souls.




    No. She wasn’t a Child.




    ’She’s something……much worse.’






    This journey had just begun.





    And already, Chris had lost his soul to the devil.




    Once again.










    FIN





    |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||




    There we go.

    Hope you enjoyed!
    Last edited by xXSaberXx; 16th October 2008 at 5:06 AM.
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    First book sold to Viking/Penguin! ^^


    .__relive the legend__.

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  2. #2
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    A few days early, eh? That's okay with me... I never got a chance to comment on CoF, so I'll make up for it here.

    A shining comet, a hammer of blazing rainbow light shrieked through the peaceful sky and tore the tranquil blueness in two. Somewhere in the vast, open ocean, the comet landed and pierced the surface of the water, sinking slowly to the very cradle of all life, the fissures that lead to the center of the newborn earth.
    I don't know what it is, but the way you describe things makes them feel very real. That didn't make much sense, I'm sure. I usually don't. XD

    The open mirror was closed with a bang, and reflecting glass showed the fifteen-year old face of Saber Angelina Midori. Bark, dark brown dusty hair, symmetrical swept-back bangs and shoulder length hair from where she had cropped it in a mentally unhealthy rage a year ago hung around her face. Forest green eyes that she couldn’t cut, no matter how insane she was, eyes that were just waking up, still. A placid, heart-shaped face that wasn’t fully conscious, body wearing a rumpled t-shirt, an ever-faithful reminder to days of old, that read; EAT AT JOE’S.
    Heh, good description here as well. I really get a clear great picture of Saber here, which is more than I can say about most other authors. The shirt is a nice touch, as well.

    <Precisely. And there is only ONE common cure for the hangover, you know.>


    “And that is….?”



    <My pokeball! So whip it out and stick me innit so I can get some quality mating time with my pillow!>
    Heh, the Pokeball is a cure for everything.

    The pills were loyal friends, and she kept a constant emergency stash in her bag for separation events. Ever-present, they lulled her into a false sense of security and enabled her to live more smoothly, without many hitches or rocky bumps. The only person who disproved of her constant drug use was Chris, as her childhood buddy, he liked to remind her about how addictions could be very easily formed to anti-depressants such as the ones she took.


    It was a kind thought, but advice given much too late.



    Saber knew it was much too late to worry about addiction. It had already happened. There were more important things to worry about, now, no use sobbing over spilled and spoilt milk.


    Such as the eminent tournament.
    Wow, scary. Pills=bad.

    There was silence as a stunningly gorgeous girl stepped forward, her graceful height and movements alone entrancing all. She had brilliant, soft pink hair that cascaded in a long sheet down her back, braided with red ribbons and resembling a strawberry cake or confection of some kind. Her face was flawless and oval, pale porcelain skin with a small, cute-kind of nose and pouty, kissy lips. Eyes liquid and a bright, lurid red, she scanned the hall before rearranging her chiffon blouse and long skirt, descending the stairs and finding a table to join, the inhabitants staring slack-jawed.
    Heh, very interesting. I don't know how anyone can have hair like that, but sounds good to me. XD

    Wow. This was really worth the wait. Seriously, I couldn't find one flaw in this. Amazing. I can't wait to see what you have planned for the next chap. Of course, the other 500 reviewers will find something, but I didn't. So good job!

  3. #3
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    Ahh! I am so glad you posted this a few days early. I was running out of things to read in between your Pokémon revelations. I think this was brilliant, and I am happy to be one of the first few to comment on this epic tale.

  4. #4
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    Well, chalk up another obsess- loyal reviewer to your list. I honestly don't know what to say. You know your work is some of the greatest SPPf has to offer, and not being a grammar buff, I can't hope to correct it... ... ... So I'll just shower this fic with praise from cover to cover.

    Going out on a limb here, I'm predicting that Raze was chosen as the name for a reason? Could this be the evil danger guy *coughchaoscough* from the preview? The world will know within 19 more chapters, I suppose.

    Also, I am relieved to see that you haven't lost that sense of humor by writing the more mature (darker really isn't the word, I feel) Omnipotence. Axel was, is, and will continue to be a riot. I eagerly await the moment when he evolves into a feraligatr with that personality... Good introductory chapter, for lack of a more eloquent phrase. Now we all must wait patiently for all of the conflict to make this is best thing any of us have read.

    Say "no" to dull Decembers, -Oath

    PS: You should've put your "do not drool" notice in the title. It was too late.
    Last edited by Oathblivion; 26th November 2007 at 10:19 PM.

  5. #5
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    Wow, you posted this early? O.o It’s actually good because right now at the moment not much is happening! XD

    Well, things started out with a bang. Like how you told us real quick what happened with Chris and Saber. Also, glad there are some humor here.

    Uh, my voice sucks because you’re hung over?” Saber looked at his waddling movements skeptically.



    The Totodile stabbed one finger in a pointing motion.


    <Precisely. And there is only ONE common cure for the hangover, you know.>


    “And that is….?”



    <My pokeball! So whip it out and stick me innit so I can get some quality mating time with my pillow!>


    Saber stared in silence for a few seconds, and Axel rolled his eyes.


    <SowhipitoutandstickmeinnitsoIcangetsomequalitym at ingtimewithmypillow PUH-LEEZ.>
    Pokemon in hangovers, LOL. Even though you are not the first one to do it, it’s still fun to see that once in a while.

    There was silence as a stunningly gorgeous girl stepped forward, her graceful height and movements alone entrancing all. She had brilliant, soft pink hair that cascaded in a long sheet down her back, braided with red ribbons and resembling a strawberry cake or confection of some kind. Her face was flawless and oval, pale porcelain skin with a small, cute-kind of nose and pouty, kissy lips. Eyes liquid and a bright, lurid red, she scanned the hall before rearranging her chiffon blouse and long skirt, descending the stairs and finding a table to join, the inhabitants staring slack-jawed.
    Sorry for the bolds of some of those adjectives, but this is a pet peeve of mine as I don’t really like it when an author outright says that character is cute, beautiful, etc. It makes an author saying something like, “*Insert character name here* is cute and beautiful because she is the main character/the girl the main character will have to save and I say so.” Plus, maybe not all readers will think that. XD (I took an anthropology class in my university and there are places where the people have their own definition of what is beautiful ^O^ ) I think it would be better if it is said when you are writing in the thoughts of the other people, which you did. XD

    Chris sat at a bench nearby, neither of them saying much, but communicating with so much more than words. Gigi, when released along with Numa, sensed the tension and let off as much sweet smelling fluid as she could from her leaf, Numa dancing with joy at the scent.



    <Chris?> Numa stopped in his dancing, looking up at his trainer with eyes of a just-growing toddler.



    “Hm?”


    <You look like a lump of potatoes, all sad.> Numa giggled, then struggled to stand on the bench and pat his trainer on the head with a stubby paw.


    <Be happier, okay?>




    Chris smiled and watched as his pokemon resumed the merrymaking, but inside his own voice rang like the walls of an iron bell that had been struck one time too many.
    Ack, I actually wished you described Numa and Gigi a bit more as I kind of forgot how they look like. (Hey, it’s been a while since I read Cross of Fates!)

    Well, so far things are getting interesting. Can’t wait for the next chapter!


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  6. #6
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    Whereas everyone else is likely going to be piling on praise (which is likely deserved, mind you), I shall point out the grammar mistakes contained herein.

    In case you aren't familiar with my format, I make my suggested corrections in bold type. Most of these revolve around quotations, commas, and capitalization (see first post of my Grammar Advice thread) but there are a couple others scattered in there.

    “You mean, ‘I don’t even know the half of it?’” his trainer inquired, eyebrow raised, and Axel shook his head.
    <Talked about….?> the ladybug led on, obviously interested.
    “And eat,” Saber added.
    “Love,the girl corrected.
    Four days before the official start, the participants had been treated to free room, board, beach, pool and buffet in a tropical setting
    “…she apparently is immune to that sort of stuff,” Saber snickered.
    “So what about you? Sleep much?” the girl inquired, watching as the podium and stage in the far front begin to move with announcers, MC’s, and staff getting ready for the opening.
    “What?!” she barked, as if sensing she was being accused of something.
    . And looks count for little with me, you know that,she retorted, but Chris snorted and muttered something that sounded like ‘prettyboyXeon’.
    “Which he mostly does because he’s traveled around the world,” Saber defended.
    “What’s the matter?” she asked, and he shook his head.
    Do you always have that effect on men?
    A pair of girl’s shoes appeared under the stall’s door, familiar shoes, and Saber’s voice accompanied them.
    “I promise,he repeated. “It’s nothing.”
    Again, my grammar advice thread explains most of these mistakes.

    I'd comment further, but I fear it will be redundant with what the reviewers above have said- realistic description, characterization, etc.

    Oh, and drug use=BAD. Remember that, kiddies.

    I wish you the best of luck on your writing.

  7. #7
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    As I was with the buying of The Deathy Hallows, I'm the 7th or 8th post and might I say..

    FREAKEN AWESOME ME DEAR SABER!

    I had a nice detailed post...but it got eaten, by the dear net so I'm here to spill my guts...and all over the nice, new thread floor and new thread smell.

    I have not finished CoF, but I had to read this one.

    I adored the whole Idea of a hidden town in the Tojho Falls. Such a small hidden area. FWEEEE!

    Also, the intoxicated pokemon Although I don't condone the use of it ...priceless...something about drinking and pokemon that is just funny...lol. Also, I like the idea of each of the islands having a leader....kind of a quest in a quest. ANd that is just so darn cool.

    THis may just be the first chapter, but I think you may have an idea in you head. Of COurse YOU DO! *HITS ME SELF WITH FAN*

    Well, I hope this shows my support, I had to post to show my support and I have quotes,


    <My pokeball! So whip it out and stick me innit so I can get some quality mating time with my pillow!>


    Saber stared in silence for a few seconds, and Axel rolled his eyes.


    <SowhipitoutandstickmeinnitsoIcangetsomequalitym at ingtimewithmypillow PUH-LEEZ.>


    Obliging, the girl sighed. “Eh. We’re getting there with the manners.” She turned her head over her shoulder, Ultra Ball in hand.
    OMFG! I LOVE THAT 'DILE! A run on sentence! THe 'DIle is just cool like that!

    Anyway, good job kid!

    As always, be kind to the mime.
    Last edited by Klaus; 25th November 2007 at 7:36 AM.
    ~*Pair- Typhlogirl*~
    [CENTER]
    *~Currently Reading TWILIGHT!~*

  8. #8
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    I've been waiting for this to come out ever since CoF ended. Mentally unbalanced protagonists are a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and Saber definitely fits the bill. Saber's got more issues than Phil Molson from Dust to Deceit...and that's saying something, 'cause that guy is a psycho.

    In terms of content, really great, typical Saber writing. Descriptive and vivid with few grammar and spelling gaffes. But, as this is much shorter than the monster chapters I'm used to seeing you churn out, I can't really make a great judgment on the plot until another chapter or two comes out. Although, personally, if there'd been anything I would have done different, I'd have included a flashback or two from CoF in this chapter and subsequent ones.

    I find, personally, that it's a bit difficult to get any new readers hooked on a fic like this one. I started the sequel to my first fanfic back in March, and I've had to try to avoid forcing a new reader who perhaps joined SPPf or started reading fanfics just recently to read my first fic, Revolution: Johto, the entire way through. I know mine ended up being nearly a thousand pages in length, which would probably make it just a bit shorter than yours, as I think you said a couple of your 30 or so chapters (although I had 58 at the end of mine) were about seventy pages in length. If you catch it in the beginning, that's fine, but if you come in at the middle, like I did, it's really freaking hard to catch up. I've had readers come onto the Advent Phoenix thread to review Revolution: Johto because they just got finished reading it.

    What I'm saying is, don't leave any new readers hanging and force them to read the entirety of your monolithic first story before starting this one.

    Not trying to tell you what to do - it's just a thought.

    - EM1

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  9. #9
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    YAY SABER!!! I little early but who cares I've been dying to read the sequel for so long I was about ready to explode. I'm doing nothing at 1:30AM so why not read eh???

    Well again, I loved the very beginning with the whole creation of the islands and such. And I love the idea of having gym leaders on the islands too. I totally had that first. lol. But sadly my fic never got around to being very good so it never stayed alive. lol. O well. Glad i get to read a good fic with that sort of idea incorporated into it. Of course no mistakes as usual. Great description though as previously stated by some other people I wish we had a little more on Chris's Pokemon. Because I totally forgot what they were. I want to say one is a chikorita cause I know he who shall not be named yet had cyndaquil. And obviously Saber has the totodile.

    I was wondering how you were gonna have Saber react to he who shall not be named yet. And You gave me about what I expected. Since it has been a year and all. So I guess it's an understandable reaction. And the meds obviously help too i suppose. How old is Saber now??? Cause I still don't think she's old enough to drink if the drinking age in the Pokemon world is 21. But That's be something cool for you to go on I guess. And I bet you'll do something more with her addiction to the meds and how she reacts when she doesn't take em. Since you didn't do much in describing the way she acts.

    Strawberry sounds like a very interesting character and seems to me to be our antagonist so far in the fic. But that's me making early presumptions and prolly will be nowhere near what it will be neh??? I like how she seems to have child powers but on steroids. I can't wait to see what you're going to do with her. lol.

    Well I can't wait for the next installment and I hope to see it soon since I forgot how you were going to go about posting them. lol. It's amazing as always so I'll be here from the beginning now and not so close to the end like last time.
    jirachiman out
    Yes people, I have returned.
    Pearl FC. Arlen 1718-9710-2821
    Eat More Chicken!!! Self-proclaimed, unofficial spokesman for Chick-Fil-A.

  10. #10
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    Talking

    SEREBII ATE MY FIRST REVIEW.


    GRRRRRR........


    AND IT WAS THE BEST REVIEW I EVER WROTE, TOO!!




    Ahh, Saber.


    When I saw this was out, I practically had a seizure. Guess I missed first post, huh?


    Oh well.

    I'll just make up for it by out-reviewing everyone else! HAH!


    So this is what I did. I made some tea, blasted the theme from Hayao Miyazaki's "Spirited Away" turned off the lights, and cuddled up in bed with my laptop.




    And read.





    There's so much to say, I don't know where to start.

    I'll shoot things off with the characters.




    SABER MIDORI: Ah, Saber. I believe that, in drugs, she's looking for a replacement for Kai. He was the one who protected her from the harshness of reality; now that he's gone, she's looking for something to dull the sharp edges of the world.

    Clearly, she's not working through her pain. She's burying it. It's become a skeleton which will resurface, a disease which is eating her from the inside.

    I'm glad you didn't take away her Saber-ness. I was afraid you would do that. Instead, you made it into a pill-enhanced front, something to keep her feelings locked inside. Where no one will know enough to pry at them.



    CHRIS HOAKA: I think he's taking on more of a father figure for Saber. He cares for her, truly wants to help, but can't really understand the tumult inside her.

    He's dealt with Kai's death by accepting it, mourning, and moving on. He had Jasmine to unload on, while Saber never really had anyone. He's busying himself with caring for Saber, overcompensating for the death of his best friend.


    This made SO much more sense the first time I wrote it.


    ANYWAY.


    Raze: A beautiful, enigmatic girl pops up from nowhere and carries all the mystery a first chapter could ever need. Who is she? Why was she so interested in meeting Saber? What was the strange effect she had on Chris's mind? WHO IS SHE?

    So many questions.



    Oliver: He kinda reminds me of Hitsuguya (is that how you say it? Remember, the cute silver-haired captain?) from Bleach. In looks, anyway.

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

    NO. NO.. NO.... I MUST KILL OLIVER!!

    Honestly, YOU ARE SO GOOD AT MAKING ME WANT TO MURDER ANY CHARACTER THAT COMES BETWEEN SABER AND KAI.

    Yes, Kai's dead, but STILL. Grrrrr........ ANGER.




    There really isn't much for me to say about your prose. It's beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous.




    Axel: HEH. He's the same rebellious, perverted little snot from Crossing of Fates. Hopefully, his devil-may-care attitude may help cheer up Saber. However, it may also get in the way of Axel's true interpretation. He needs to look past her front to see her issues inside, especially as he holds the important position of new "first" Pokemon.


    Piyoni: The darling British-esque, food-obsessed Ledyba. I think she's taking a more mothering approach to her trainer. She'll pry into Saber's life, misinterpret things, and believe she knows exactly what's best for the girl. She doesn't. Nonetheless, the two will be fast friends.






    Listen, Saber. I know I swore to be your best reviewer, and I will be. But right now, it's 2:30 in the morning, and the my 6-page review got deleted.


    I'm rather frustrated.


    So, I shall return later to finish this up.



    I'm MUCHO glad you decided to post early after all.




    I'll be back. Promise! With tearful professions of love for Kai, favorite quotes, and everything!


    But sleep beckons.



    LUFFF YUUUUU!!!



    ~Mix

  11. #11
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    Hmm... Well, Raze has already come across as someone to keep an eye on, that's for sure. If she not a Child, but not exactly human either, then what is she? o.o I guess we'll find out.

    Speaking of Raze, her being referred to as "strawberry" up until her proper introduction amused me. XD What can I say? Berries just amuse me for some reason, I guess--I'm also overly amused by this old Berry Berry Kix jingle from years ago. XP

    Oh, and Axel was amusing, too. Silly, hungover mini-crocodile, saying strange things with a bucket of ice stuck to his butt... XD

    Highlights:

    “Axel! I was wondering where you passed out last night!” Saber snickered, watching as the Totodile tried to stand with the bucket still lodged firmly on his buttocks.
    A Totodile with a bucket stuck to his butt is just one of those things I thought I'd never see in text. XD

    The bucket came off his butt with a small pop, ice plopping dejectedly to the floor.
    Even funnier than the image of Axel with the bucket on his butt was the image of the bucket falling off of his butt. XD

    Axel wandered off with Oliver’s Teddiursa last night and they found some Sunflora honey and got drunk.
    Pokémon getting drunk on Sunflora honey is another of those things I'd never expected to see. XP

    The girl feigned a scandalized look. “Chris Hoaka, whatever could you mean by ‘reckless?’ I hope you aren’t speaking about the no-no subject. We agreed not to talk about those things until we actually had something to go on.”


    Chris sweatdropped. “I can’t believe you used the word ‘no-no’ for it.”


    “What can I say? It’s a difficult subject! And besides, you know I’m not that stupid.”


    Behind her, Piyoni shuddered.


    <Mini Sabers….running around everywhere…..ugh…>
    "No-no"... *snickers* What I especially liked about that part was Piyoni's comment there at the end. XD

    I'll follow this, just as I did for its predecessor--but unlike last time, I'll actually be here from the beginning. XD; Anyway, good luck with this project! ^^

    And oh yes... I said I would continue to do Out-of-Context Theatre, and I meant it. I do apologize for its fugly .txt format, though (I saved it as such because I presently don't have access to Word). Anyway, here it is:
    Attached Files Attached Files
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  12. #12
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    Serebii lag = 11th post instead of 1st. Ironic ain't it? (Or something like that)

    Without gushing, I'm happy to read your work again Saber. It's been a real like inspiration etc, and I didn't get a chance to post in CoF. Now, onto the story:
    Slight grammer and spelling mistakes aside, awesome description and character moments also aside, my only gripe would be the following:

    Either I didn't pay attention in the last chapter on PR-CoF, but I thought the Crystal Cup Tournament was happening right after CoF, not a year later... oh well.

    Keep it up Saber!

    Off Topic: Btw Mix, you posted "Jasmine" instead of "Janine".
    Last edited by Matt Silver; 25th November 2007 at 10:35 AM.
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  13. #13
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    Whee! Saber is back!

    Well, you probably don't recognize me, because, I only commented once through your entire fic PR:CoF. When I noticed the preview of PR:O I re-read your whole fic and I must say, that was some killer action. And now I have been babbling on and on and you still don't know who I am. I was that newbie 'Electric Soul Fairy' who commented on Agatha's chapter and especially Illis and her attack 'Dispel'.

    Reviewing style changes randomly but I mainly comment on the charactirizations(wrongly spelled, I know) and description, which, mind you, is absolutely, freaking amazing.

    *bows*

    Well, I just love our two new characters, and of course the old ones. Oliver, well, he hasn't got much screen time but he seems nice, I just wonder, why has Chris a dislike for the boy.

    And, probably the centerpiece of the chapter, Strawberry... I mean Raze! Her manner is quite scary and so is her all perfect looks (ugh, gorgeous girls are always a hint of forecoming dread) and frankly, because of all the pink, this Raze could almost be Mew, but then again, Chris wouldn't be so alarmed then, you really have me pondering.

    Chris and Saber are in all their awesomeness still.... Uh, Awesome.


    Here comes the Highlight Shooting Cannon. 3. 2....... 1



    !!!!Fire!!!!!

    A shining comet, a hammer of blazing rainbow light shrieked through the peaceful sky and tore the tranquil blueness in two. Somewhere in the vast, open ocean, the comet landed and pierced the surface of the water, sinking slowly to the very cradle of all life, the fissures that lead to the center of the newborn earth.

    The cracks that lead to hell.
    Now that is pretty impressive, very nice description, I just want to know what it means. That there won't be peace all the time? Or that this just catalyzes the greater evil?



    “GOOOooOOOOd morning, Sevii! It’s turning out to be a beautiful day, One Island! Today is Wednesday, August 2nd, and it’s currently seven a.m! Temperatures are starting out in the early seventies and rising slowly to mid-eighties, wind speeds of zero and a humidity rate of eighty percent! Keep those fans and cool clothes handy, today’ll be a scorcher-“
    What a lovely way of waking up x3




    The open mirror was closed with a bang, and reflecting glass showed the fifteen-year old face of Saber Angelina Midori. Bark, dark brown dusty hair, symmetrical swept-back bangs and shoulder length hair from where she had cropped it in a mentally unhealthy rage a year ago hung around her face. Forest green eyes that she couldn’t cut, no matter how insane she was, eyes that were just waking up, still. A placid, heart-shaped face that wasn’t fully conscious, body wearing a rumpled t-shirt, an ever-faithful reminder to days of old, that read; EAT AT JOE’S.
    And there she is folks!

    The one, The only!


    Saber Midori!!!!!!!

    *claps*





    Looking back at up at her was a diminutive crocodile, jaw gaping with razor sharp incisors and blue scales glittering among the half-melted ice cubes that his throne, the ice bucket, contained.
    That is a very good description, and a very strange position.


    “Axel! I was wondering where you passed out last night!” Saber snickered, watching as the Totodile tried to stand with the bucket still lodged firmly on his buttocks.
    Never thought I'd ever read something about a pokemon's butt stuck to an ice cube, great humor and very original.


    The bucket came off his butt with a small pop, ice plopping dejectedly to the floor.
    Teehee! Even more amusing x3

    <My pokeball! So whip it out and stick me innit so I can get some quality mating time with my pillow!>


    <SowhipitoutandstickmeinnitsoIcangetsomequalitymat ingtimewithmypillow PUH-LEEZ.>
    Quality mating time with my pillow? That has to be the most funny (and disturbing) way of phrasing for wanting to go in a pokeball. Axel, you little devil, I just love you so much!!!

    *squeezes Axel in arms before Saber returns it in pokeball*

    <And you’re the one who ticked off room service and prevented food delivery as well as spending almost the entire night with a foreign trainer in the lounge, love.>


    <Why, I’m your pokemon, love! I also happen to be acutely interested in the things humans do and say!>


    <Well there you go! I still think dumping that Xeon man was a bad move for you, love.>


    I really find Piyoni's nickname for Saber strange, but on the other side, it is a slightly amusing way of ending a sentence.

    <Yes, mostly eat. But is that really so bad? I am really fascinated by this concept of, what do you call it? Lah-Uv?>
    Same old Piyoni, I remember the chapter when she joined the group and said something like 'Axel, your tail would taste great with a little vinnegar(or something like that)'


    From what she heard, Lili and Xeon were now showing romantic interest in each other, and she couldn’t have been happier for the two of them. Xeon deserved someone like Lili, someone sweet but with that saucy edge. They were content, and that made Saber even gladder that her ex had moved on.
    And that, I find such a great thing! Congratulations, Lilli and Xeon!


    “No, I didn’t have time to order anything. Axel wandered off with Oliver’s Teddiursa last night and they found some Sunflora honey and got drunk. I found him with a hangover in the ice bucket. And Piyoni went with them, from what I heard, but….”

    She trailed off as the Ledyba jumped in.


    <I have a high-tolerance for honey!>
    Another subtle thing that is SOOOooooOOOO Funny X3

    There was silence as a stunningly gorgeous girl stepped forward, her graceful height and movements alone entrancing all. She had brilliant, soft pink hair that cascaded in a long sheet down her back, braided with red ribbons and resembling a strawberry cake or confection of some kind. Her face was flawless and oval, pale porcelain skin with a small, cute-kind of nose and pouty, kissy lips. Eyes liquid and a bright, lurid red, she scanned the hall before rearranging her chiffon blouse and long skirt, descending the stairs and finding a table to join, the inhabitants staring slack-jawed.
    Strawberry! Hugs ya!



    “She found a way through my head. She looked at me, in my eyes. She saw everything.”



    Saber leaned against the door, forehead pressed to the green, trying her best to talk in a comforting voice.


    “Chris, that’s impossible. You’re making too big a deal of this-“


    “I’m not!” He protested. “You’re right, she’s not a Child. She’s something….”
    This is Scary!

    *hears creepy voices*



    +++++++++


    This was my reviewing service! Call again at number 09 55 61 22 (of course the number was made up, don't call it, who knows where you'll end up)

    Thank you for relying on our service.


    +Aimi Hanako+ AND THE +Reviewing Facility+
    Searching for Inspiration...

  14. #14
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    Omigod! I love this fic. Saber I read your fic when it was completed. I never knew about Serebii then. Can you add me to the pm list please?
    HeartGold Team

  15. #15
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    HA HA HA HA HA! Crazy Saber! You bad girl. . .you!!!!

    STOP TRYIN' TO MURDER THE ENTER BUTTON DAMN IT! *cough*

    OMG, Saber, you are BOMB.

    And besides, Saber reasoned with herself as she simultaneously pulled on her turquoise skirt and white blouse (an outfit made by her mother especially for this tropical trip that reminded her acutely of her old outfit, the one she wore during her Kanto journey) and balanced the vodka bottle with the other, no one would be running alcohol or drug tests downstairs this early in the morning. Plus, the only plus, was that the alcohol enhanced the pills. And the pills made her fit for society. Which, theoretically, turned her into a veritable whirlwind of social skills and humor.
    Pills and Vodka? Eh-eh. . .Bad girl.

    Anyway, I especially liked the part when Saber was having a conversation with the Honey overdosed Axel. Completely BOMB!

    *throws confetti at Saber*

    Now, update frequently damn it! Not every six freakin' months, ya hear??! *hides in closet*

    Divinity_123

    Edit: I drooled btw. What are you going to do bout' it? Slap me? *hides*
    Last edited by Divinity_123; 25th November 2007 at 4:12 PM.

  16. #16

    Default

    The snooze button was mashed with vigorous, angry force channeled through a sleepy palm that was retracted back under the covers, cutting off the radio announcer’s annoyingly chipper voice.
    Waaaaay to wordy. Is it so bad to just say that a hand hit the snooze button?

    With the hand came a disgruntled voice that made gagging noises and sighed hugely as the pills settled in the lake of their stomach’s acid.
    …sighed hugely? Lake of stomach acid? Taking a pill is a really trivial thing, you don’t need to present it as if it’s some earth shattering event.

    Room service had stopped delivering to Saber’s room a long time ago. She had ordered too many late-night éclairs for the whim chefs to take her seriously, anymore.
    You don’t really need the ‘anymore’ at the end of that sentence. Also, what do you mean by ‘whim chef?’ You should look at that again.

    Looking back at up at her was a diminutive crocodile, jaw gaping with razor sharp incisors and blue scales glittering among the half-melted ice cubes that his throne, the ice bucket, contained.
    Cute image. Incisors are mammalian, not reptilian though.

    Axel had managed two legs and was attempting to pull the ice bucket off now.
    I understand what you mean by “managing two legs” It still sort of through me off though.

    The bucket came off his butt with a small pop, ice plopping dejectedly to the floor.
    I was unaware that ice could feel dejected. I didn’t know ice could feel, period.

    secretly relieved when the doors slid closed and no one joined her inside the descending box.
    Why not just call the descending box an elevator? It’s not like you used the word earlier in the sentence.

    <Yes, mostly eat. But is that really so bad? I am really fascinated by this concept of, what do you call it? Lah-Uv?>
    If the pokemon are already personified, would the concept of love be so alien to them? Plus, she was already calling Saber ‘love’ earlier.

    stalwart heart of stony acceptance.
    That made me laugh.

    The past twelve months had been relatively strange ones,
    The last 365 days had passed with a healing kind of normalness
    Sort of a contradiction there. Or am I reading this wrong?

    It was enough to satiate her guilty mind.
    Why you chose satisfy rather than satiate is beyond me, especially since satiate has some negative connotations (or is that intended?)

    Every man in the room had eyes for only strawberry.
    Wouldn’t most people just laugh at her for dying her hair pink? :O


    This story wasn’t exactly bad, but it wasn’t quite as amazing as people say it is. It’s a little on the overwrought side, and a whole lot longer than it needs to be. Really, not much happens here, why do you need to take such a long time going about something that’s really so mundane, especially when judging by the (unintentionally hilarious) title, this is supposed to be some epic of biblical (xP) proportions.

    I haven’t read the first fic of this series, so I have no idea what this Child stuff is, but I’m gonna assume it’s something that makes characters special.

    Anyway, yeah, you’re not a bad writer by any means, and I could see this story being very good, but you should be more careful with word choice, and try to avoid calling trivial things like elevators “descending boxes.” Also, sorry if I seem nitpicky, I felt like trying out a really exhaustive review for once, because I'm really bored. xP

    Good luck.

    EDIT: Just so you know, I'm sorry if this appears rude. Not my intention at all.
    Last edited by Flaming Lip; 25th November 2007 at 8:18 PM.
    I'm not here
    (This isn't happening)

    Slipstream - A Cherry Red Gibson

  17. #17
    Join Date
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    Posts
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    Talking

    Hi hi! It's I, Araleon! I read and loved CoF, it is what made me start an account here on Serebii. Axel! You silly Totodile! He reminds me of, Kai actually. I know it sounds strange, but the way he talked with Saber... Hopefully, he still is like before I think Piyoni is kind of like Presa in the mothering nature, but will want to pry into her trainer's past when, i think, something happens that has to do with Kai, and it throws everything that Saber has done to recover out the window. She and Axel have a lot of growing up to do. Piyoni also seems to have an uncanny obsession with
    human food. She's like Remy from Ratatoille! Axel is a PERV!!!

    Now, as for Chris, he and Janine RULE! I am glad he is pretty much the same as at the end of CoF. To talk about Chris's Pokemon I will have to go back to the Sevii Island capters of CoF! <Rushes off like a madman>Ok, I'm back! Gigi seems to be shy, and a bit babyish. I suspect that I'm not really good at guessing what the Pokemon are like. Oh well. Numa is, well still as crazy as he is.

    Now, for ze speculations!!! Dun dun dun dun!
    Kai
    will
    come
    back!!!!
    He has too! He and Saber belong together and can't LIVE without each other! Thought I'd throw in a joke.<gets pelted with rotten tomatoes> I;m sorry!!! I couldn't resist making a joke of Kai's situation! Sides, Vulcan and Chron have to come back!
    Okay, nough of my blabbering, can't wait for next chappie!

    Araleon
    P.S. If you make a PM list, add me to it, please!
    Current Black Team: Rivka (Stoutland), Elmo (Musharna), Scarlett (Whimsicott), Gabriel (Carracosta), Reese (Klang), Sean (Mienfoo); all are at level 47. Currently in Victory Road.

  18. #18
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    EVERYONE, YOU ARE MY HEROES FOR REVIEWING. THANKS. Did you know your comments make me smile? If not, now you know!

    Okay so, time to address a few things, through that unearned praise. :P

    1. I noticed a lot of you complained/commentated on the pills and underage vodka thing. Obviously, I'm not approving of those types of things, it's really all just in the story. So, eh? Let's be a little more mature about it. :P If I went though some psychological trauma, I'd sure as hell would be drinking! Har dee har har.

    2. HAH! LAH-UV! I suppose I should have caught that, but now that you all point it out, my mistake makes me laugh. ';lkj! I guess Piyoni really just throws around words without knowing what they mean. Kind of like yours truly. ^_~


    3. SIKE SANER WILL YOU MARRY ME?!


    :P


    4. KK SO FLAMING LIP ;LKJ. Everything I do is way too wordy. That's how I live. :X So, I don't think I can change that anytime soon, but I see your valid points concerning my horrible grammar! SO THANKS! I'll keep a closer eye out for it, and while I may not be able to change it, I'll smack myself everytime I do it! ^_^


    Yeah, this story is nowhere, and can never be anywhere, near things like 'AEON' and 'Communication' on the epic scale. That, also, is a downfall of mine. Because my stories take time to unfold, so guaranteed there will be no epicness early on. My only hope is that I can improve by the time the end of this comes.


    So thanks for the criticism (can't even spell today. ) review, I really do appreciate it.






    |||||||||||||||||||||


    Alrighty, guys.


    I've got the next chapter, the next four, actually, done, so we'll see when it will be posted.

    THANKS SO MUCH!


    Saber


    P.S. There's no PM list, guys. :P SORRY.
    My Author Website

    First book sold to Viking/Penguin! ^^


    .__relive the legend__.

    *

  19. #19
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    So, you did go through with it after all. xD Good, good. Wouldn't have missed Omnipotence for the world.

    My favorite portion was the beginning, the origin of the Sevii Islands. I think I loved it so much because the images of magma pouring from the center of a giant crater (from Hell, as you put it) and cooling on the surface of the water were especially powerful. That, and there's     Spoiler:


    I never liked the sight of a medicine bottle or pills. The way you described Saber shoving artificial remedies down her throat, washed down by a swish of vodka, was disturbing for me. That scene in the morning evoked pity I had for Saber, and a vitriolic sense of distaste when reading about her going day-to-day on medication that keeps her sane enough. Artificial happiness, bleck...

    Nice to know that Chris' [DDDD: not for the prepubescents' eyes]    Spoiler:
    . I feel so old compared to Chris and Saber. xD The way they're shooting up...brings tears to my eyes. ;-; I loved the way you tied in Koga filling in for the Elite Four and Janine's gym training (being faithful to the games is one way to my heart). And a strange coincidence: I once wrote about a character named Oliver who actually was a Furret. xPPP

    I missed Axel. XD He's a wonderful, drunk little bashtard. :3

    Aside from spelling "Tohjo Falls" incorrectly =P and all that other pish-posh you're notorious for and I always ignore, I'm excited to follow the next installment in Pokemon Revelation. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

    *tosses rugged couch at you*

    Better than a cardboard box. D:
    Last edited by CHeSHiRe-CaT; 26th November 2007 at 12:12 AM.

  20. #20
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    Well, damn. I'm not complaining, but I was looking forward to Dec. 1, now I have to find something else to do that day. Since DarkPersian479 took care of all the grammer problems, I'll quote my favorite parts


    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    Medicinal pillars to the sky.
    Bad way to go; death by medicine avalanche.

    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    Room service had stopped delivering to Saber’s room a long time ago. She had ordered too many late-night éclairs for the whim chefs to take her seriously, anymore. So while breakfast hadn’t been an option for the past few days, Saber had substituted a morning meal with a swig of the pay-per-consume cheap vodka the hotel kept in their fridge, while not a wholesome alternative, the alcohol kept off hunger until the customary lunch banquet was opened.
    Doesn't anyone care that an underage kid and a perverted Totodile are getting smashed beyond belief? Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'd do the same if I wasn't getting my eclairs

    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    And the pills made her fit for society. Which, theoretically, turned her into a veritable whirlwind of social skills and humor.
    ...Forcibly reminded of a Courtney Cox moment I saw on TV..

    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    <OHHHHH. ‘Sup lil’ lady?> The pokemon’s smile revealed even more teeth, and his slit eyes were slightly drowsy.
    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    <You don’t even know the THIRD of it!> Axel had managed two legs and was attempting to pull the ice bucket off now.
    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    <Man, your voice is like nails on a chalkboard! Don’t give me none of your ‘half’ crap, if I say a third, I mean a third!>
    Hurrah for drunken witty banter!

    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx View Post
    <Precisely. And there is only ONE common cure for the hangover, you know.>
    Even more alcohol? XD

    Well, that's all the time I've got today. However...

    Who is this mysterious girl, Raze? Will Saber's autograph be used in some nefarious plot to destroy the two remaining Children? Shall more of Axel's pervertedness prevail?!

    Seriously, like I said in the stroy preview thread, we all missed you, Saber. Welcome back!

    P.S. Don't no if this is intentional or not, but you might have spelled 'Ruby' as 'Rubyl' in the chapter shortcut list.
    Last edited by xXPorygonXx; 26th November 2007 at 11:29 PM.

  21. #21
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    Heh, Saber.


    Dang that Serebii for annihillating my review. The good one, that is.




    I DO have a couple other things to say.




    First of all, your subtle mentions of Kai were masterful. MASTERFUL, dah-ling. His name was not included once, and yet, he was in my thoughts throughout the chapter.


    Whenever he floated into my mind, I just got this constricting feeling in my heart. I'm still in mourning. No kidding.


    It was excruciatingly painful to imagine Saber and Chris, attempting to go on with their lives, with the absence of Kai existing between them like a gulf.


    It is time for me to pine for Kai.


    PINE PINE PINE PINE


    PINE.



    I especially liked how Chris concealed his true concerns about Raze from Saber. Clearly, he's still walking on glass around her. He doesn't trust her not to collapse with the weight of any extra news, and thus he takes this news onto himself.

    He's almost doing the same thing that Kai did, attempting to protect Saber by concealing the truth. And look how that turned out for him. X_X


    That was a dead smily, btw. ^^;;;




    ~Mix

  22. #22
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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE!

    xXSaberXx returns with wonderful gift of fanfic. (jumps on bed, falls through floor, grabs a snack, climbs up wall into room, fixes hole in floor.)

    Now that construction is finished, time for my top 10 review:

    10: The Sevii saga has begun. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH9HHHHHHH. (Ha ha i put in a 9 XD)

    9: Raze, ooh I feel the chills, but its so hard to hate her. Curse you for making her hot

    8: Axel's Drunken intro. Is there any other way to inrtoduce my soon to be favorite character.

    7: Ledyba, can't emeber nickname, Gotta Love them English Ladybugs

    6: Oliver's Teddiursa, I just love that little drunk teddy bear.

    5: Numa patting Chris, just so cute

    4: Chris and Saber's new clothes. I just love new wardrobe

    3: OMG Sabers a Drunkie and a Druggie all at the age of 15. YEAHHHHHHHH9HH! (Haha, I did it again)

    2: I LOVE THIS FIC

    1: YOU'RE BACK IN BUISNESS! (>^.^)><(^.^)><(^.^<)

    Now I've got a fixed floor, a closet full of cheese balls, and an endless supply of chainsaw oil to protect my front row seat so bring on PR: O. I'm ready

    p.s.
    sorry i didn't reply to the end of CoF but just to let you know, I was really good

    p.s.s
    its okay you posted the chapter early, you can do th same for the rest if you want.

    p.s.s.s
    YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Haha no 9 this time.)
    Until Furter notice, I'll have a txt only sig.

    my fc for PBR is 4381-9462-4805

  23. #23
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    Aug 2005
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    As I said in one of my reviews for your last fic: As Kai would say: For the love of God, woman, give the enter key a chance to breath.

    There was way too much spacing between paragraphs. However, I am glad that you've learned that a paragraph can consist of more than one sentence.

    Other than that, it all looks good. I'm going to hold back on my guesses as to what the girl is.

  24. #24
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    SAABBERRRR!!!


    Would you like my favorite line from the whole entire chapter?


    You WOULD like my favorite line from the whole entire chapter.



    The only person who looked deeper, past the mutual agreement, was gone.


    PINNEEEEEE PINE PIINE PINE


    KAI


    I WANT YOU!!!


    ~Mix

  25. #25
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    Yes next 4 chapters done! Can't wait till they are posted. God I re-read this thing over and over again. You have got to lve that little crocodile though. He has got to be my favorite character so far besides Saber and Chris that is. I really hope we get to see Saber's humor later on in the story though. Can you give me a little if Kai comes back?
    HeartGold Team

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