Inspired by classical music. Click on the given links if you so wish to hear my preferred piece in the scenarios (one of the suggested music in the third scenario requires you to play it twice or thrice, otherwise, go with the other one). This one-shot serves purpose on rusting my writing skills, so I may not deliver it to you the best way possible. Nonetheless, enjoy
It was a cold midnight on the 21st of November. The house was dark, all lights were shut and little illuminates from the starry skies, and it was quiet. The window was open, inviting the cold air to embrace the interior. It was like a scene from a horror movie, but these details did not faze Serena, as this was the day she relives her first, or fated as some would say, meeting with Satoshi. It was the only memory dear to her that relieves her of any anxiety she feels. She was sitting in front of the piano in her night gown, and her hands above the keys, ready to travel through her memory once again by music.
The first piece of music began as her swift fingers began dancing on the piano’s keys, and her mind starts playing back the memory. It was during a bright day at Okido’s summer camp, when she was watching other children play, and their parents watching. Other parents would casually talk to each other about their children’s progression through young and early life. Her mother looks on as she waits her daughter’s involvement with others. Serena was just standing in the corner of the small field, feeling no interest in whatever she sees. She tilts her straw hat to hide her eyes and think about why she was here in the first place.
Before traveling to the region, she had an argument with her mother about why she did not want to go to the summer camp, and that she just wanted to stay at home and act just like any other kid. But she realized that she will never win against her because, as they say, a mother knows best. Her mother states that if she goes to the summer camp, she would grasp better experience than isolating herself in their house. It was the only tiny point that dragged her into what her mother wants for her. And upon setting foot on the region, there she had second thoughts, but it was too late.
The music began to sound more sinister. Her fingers ran quickly with elegance as her memory approaches the danger zone. Her mother’s supervision was abruptly disturbed as she was called by Okido for a small chat. While watching the others spend their time, a figure caught Serena’s attention from the very side. It was a shadow of some sort, and looked from left to right like it was avoiding something. The shadow began to hop away to the thick forest. She blinked a few times, and questioned its existence. Curiosity clouded her mind as she followed the shadow; a decision she surely regretted.
Passing through tall trees and patches of grass, she searched for the shadow. Pushing away thick bushes, looking above the branches of trees, she sees the shadow, hiding from her. She did not give up as she continues searching for it, until she sees the shadow no more. To her realization, she was following the shadow nonstop without knowing her way back, and she began to feel lost. She called out to the shadow in hopes that it can help her in any way possible, but her efforts were wasted. It was then and there that she had lost hope in going back to the campsite. Tears escaped her big blue eyes as she ran aimlessly through the labyrinth of trees and grasses with reckless abandon, shouting her mother’s name. While running, two of three times she almost tripped from trees’ roots. On the third, however, her left knee bled.
Then and there, the first piece of music was finished. Feeling no exhaustion, she began to continue her story by playing the second piece with total melancholic sounds. In her memory, fatigue completely took over her, and she rested her back on a tree, treating her wound in every way she knew possible. After many failed tries of preventing her wound from bleeding further, she gave up miserably. She had no other choice but to look around her surroundings, and absorb every given detail that is present with mixed emotions. The forest was rather peaceful at that time, but she knew that when it gets dark, the forest would be dangerous. Unfortunately, she knew no nearby place to stay, not to mention she had no means to protect herself from any further harm. She was completely hopeless. She knew from setting foot on the region that she will regret her decision in going to the summer camp.
While playing the piano, Serena felt her eyes teary from remembering and hearing her sorrowful music, but this did not stop her. In her memory, the bushes in front of her began to move on its own. In horror, she looks on to the dangerous being hiding in the bushes. The moving began to sound louder, signifying that the being will be jumping any time soon. Serena was scared, as it might be something that can potentially harm her. She closed her teary eyes, and began to pray for Arceus for no hurt to be inflicted upon her.
The being jumped from the bushes, revealing it to be the shadow Serena was following. The shadow took form and began to speak its language, and Serena heard its cute voice. She opened her eyes to see that it was no harm at all, but she was still feeling nervousness. It was a small blue tadpole with a black and white swirl on its abdomen. For Serena, it still felt to be dangerous since she was still feeling lost. She couldn’t place her trust in it, even though it was not hostile at all. She yelps in fear, scaring and making the tadpole hop away from her presence.
After the tadpole went its way, Serena felt safe, and thought about her mother, her home, her life, fearing that she may not see or feel them again, and be succumbed to the ravages of nature for the rest of her life. She wanted to see her mother badly, and she wanted her to take her away from here and back to her home. With grief, she cried her mother’s name, in hopes that this time, this will be heard by anyone, or anything.
The second piece of music has been finished, but Serena was still not done with her reminiscence. She began to play the third piece of music with a more relaxed and beautiful tune. In her memory, the bushes answered her cry, surprising her. Because of how nature behaved around her recently, she couldn’t hope that it might be help sent to look for her. Her idea changed when the bush called out ‘Nyoromo, Nyoromo!’ in a young lad’s voice.
A young boy revealed himself from the bushes, and saw Serena. He approached her and questioned what she was doing. He introduced himself as Satoshi, and asked her name in return, yet he was not answered, and noticed that Serena was injured. He asked her if she was alright, and that she can stand up. Serena answered that she cannot, due to the pain of her injury. Satoshi then pulled out a blue handkerchief from his right pocket. He knelt down and reassured Serena that everything’s going to be alright. He then wrapped his handkerchief around her injury to prevent it from bleeding further. While doing so, Serena had her eyes closed to ease the pain.
The treatment was finished, and Satoshi stood up and asked Serena if she can stand up. She tried putting her muscles to get to work and stand up, but to no avail. The pain still lingers in her injury, and it’s restraining her from standing up on her own two feet. Serena cried at the pain she felt when she tried. And then, to her surprise, Satoshi told her to never give up until the end, and held out a helping hand. Serena saw his gesture as genuine and pure as gold. Her eyes glimmer in happiness and in realization that she will see her mother again. She tried getting her hopes up again. She reached out for his hand and Satoshi pulled Serena up her feet, and the latter felt no pain. Under any normal circumstances, they would be standing up straight, but they were in a very awkward state. Satoshi had pulled her too hard.
As Serena continued to play the piece, a hand stretched out from her left and played the lower notes of the music for her. She knew she would eventually wake her husband up from playing such loud music. Her husband, Satoshi, sat beside her and the two of them played the piece together in harmony.
In her memory, Serena felt his shoulder under her chin, and she noticed that she was hugging him. And to add more to the state they are in, they were still holding hands. Serena felt every nerve of her body set ablaze and that was being portrayed on her cute face. Serena pulled away from the accidental hug, and looked onto Satoshi’s brown eyes. The young lad smiled and said that Serena stood up and commended her for not giving up. Serena couldn’t help but blush madly. Luckily, Satoshi was as oblivious as a rock to notice it. Still holding hands, Satoshi told her that he will take her back to the campsite since he knows the way back. Serena widen her eyes and felt relieved to hear that.
The two children walked the path Satoshi took. Serena stared at Satoshi or the rest of the walk, seeing that a courageous and brave young man rests inside him. She developed an admiration towards him, which immediately turned into affection. But the one thing they did not realize is that they were still holding hands.
Satoshi and Serena finally finished the piece with a soothing and fitting note. Back in reality, Serena rested her head on Satoshi's shoulder, tired from playing the pieces. Satoshi also knew of this day, and he still couldn't get enough of how it happened between them. But one thing's for sure, the fated meeting between the two was the very first building block of their eternal happiness.
Last edited by matthew11; 30th April 2016 at 6:35 PM.
Reason: Fixed grammar, courtesy of ChloboShoka
I really liked how you linked this to classical music. I really thought it made a great touch to the fic. I never expected that Serena could be such a graceful mistress at the piano. I thought the story flowed really nicely. I think this is one of the one shot that I wouldn't mind seeing as a chaptered fic because I love the imagery in it and the focus on Serena's emotions. #
It was a cold midnight in the 21st of November.
I think On would sound better than In.
Other than that I really loved this one shot, great job.
Hello! American--Pi here, just dropping a review. My reviews are Review Game-style, which means that for Shipping Fics I pick three out of the nine Review Game criteria and comment on them as much as I want to (but at least one paragraph).
I decided to check out this one-shot because it was fairly recent, and AmourShipping is an alright ship in my book. Plus, I love music - I play the piano and sing kind of well, I guess. Now that I've read this story, I'm really glad that I checked it out. On with the review!
I liked the description you used. The story flowed nicely into and out of Serena's memories. I especially liked the way you included links to the musical pieces, because the music really helped set the mood and get me into the story and Serena's memories.
However, one thing that can definitely use some work is your tenses, because in the one-shot they were kind of all over the place. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, because I myself struggle with tenses in any form of non-fictional writing. In fictional writing, though, tenses are fairly straightforward to me.
A really nice guide to tenses can be found here. Basically, stories exist in two tenses - what is happening "now" as the story unfolds and what has happened in the "past" that happened before the "now" of the story.
Many stories use the past tense for what is happening "now", and the past perfect tense for what has happened in the "past". Other stories use the present tense for what is happening "now", and the past tense for what has happened in the "past".
The point is, every event that happens in the "now" must have the same tense, and every event that happens in the "past" must have a different, consistent tense from the "now" events.
For your story, I would suggest using the present tense for the "now" and the past tense for the "past", because the past perfect tense gets really clunky when used a lot. So the second paragraph should look like this (I bolded the "now" verbs and underlined the "past" verbs):
The first piece of music begins as her swift fingers begin dancing on the piano’s keys, and her mind starts playing back the memory. It was during a bright day at Okido’s summer camp, when she was watching other children play, and their parents watching. Other parents would casually talk to each other about their children’s progression through young and early life. Her mother looked on as she waited for her daughter’s involvement with others. Serena was just standing in the corner of the small field, feeling no interest in whatever she saw. She tilted her straw hat to hide her eyes and thought about why she was here in the first place.
This one-shot's plot is simple but sweet. I love stories that are driven by memory, and the music did wonders in making the memory more vivid. I like how Serena has become an excellent pianist, too - that's a pretty interesting trait to have. We as readers know how Serena and Ash met, but the way Serena's memories are conveyed makes this story interesting.
I think the story would be even nicer, though, if Ash only showed up at near the end, and if it were only revealed at the very end that Serena and Ash ended up getting married. That would really increase the story's "D'aww" factor. Because if that were the case, first we would just see a woman playing the piano and thinking about a boy from her childhood, and then we would have the sweet revelation that the boy from her childhood ended up becoming her husband.
I enjoyed this one-shot immensely - so much, in fact, that I teared up a little while reading it. It was just really emotional, and I love the way you conveyed Serena's emotions through her music and memories. Even though you had some aforementioned tense issues, this story was very enjoyable.
Overall, this was a really good read that made me quite emotional. Great job!