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Thread: Darkblade's Search

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2009

    Default Darkblade's Search

    Warning, this fic is rated PG 13 for swearing and violence in chapters


    A boy’s mother disappears off the face of the planet,
    His town burned to ashes, leaving only one survivor.
    He sets out on a quest to find her.
    He will be joined by a boy, determined to help the only other survivor of the fire
    And by a girl from another city, whose sisters are also no where to be found.
    One will turn,
    While the other two struggle onwards…
    Last edited by Poka; 5th January 2009 at 12:18 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    About the characters

    - Name
    - Ash Ketchum, Full name: Ashton Ketchum, alias Dark Blade.
    - Ash got his alias because he always wears dark clothes and carries a long, hollow titanium sheet rod like a sword on his back.

    - Physical description
    - Raven coloured hair
    - Brown eyes
    - Black overcoat
    - Black sleeveless shirt
    - Jeans, black (slightly faded)
    - Black runners with a green tongue
    - Tan skin
    - Athletic, but not over muscled body
    - He is currently sixteen years of age

    - Powers
    - Psychic shockwaves
    - Psychic bouncy bubble
    - Telepathy
    - He controls the elements of electricity and fire
    - The sight of a houndoom, used to see long distances
    - feels the vibrations through the floor, to help him sense enemies and friends
    - Lightning quick reflexes

    - How he got his powers

    Following the disappearance of his mother Delia, Ash, who was twelve at the time, set out to search for her. He was captured by the evil organisation Team Rocket, who has gained control of the governments in Kanto, Johto, and Hoen. Believing to be safe only in Sinnoh, Ash escaped and, tormented by his dark past, fled there, pursued by Team Rocket. He is one of three survivors and one of two to emerge sane…

    - Name
    - Misty Waterflower, alias Water Queen.
    - Misty Received Her alias from Ash. She is called The Water Queen - because her favourite element, and the one she is strongest with, is water.

    - Physical description
    - Red hair
    - Blue eyes
    - Navy blue overcoat
    - Light blue tank top
    - Jeans, blue (slightly faded)
    - Blue runners with a white tongue
    - Tan skin
    - Athletic and pretty body
    - She is currently sixteen years of age

    - Powers
    - Controls the elements of water, grass and flying
    - The sight of a Noctowl, used to see in the dark
    - Like Ash, she can feel the vibrations through the floor, to help her sense enemies and friends
    - Able to heal major and even life threatening wounds
    - Lightning quick reflexes

    - How she got her powers

    Misty was twelve at the time of her sisters’ disappearance. Like Ash, her city was destroyed. Her life had started on an uncontrollable descent into misery before she was found by Ash. They were captured by the evil organisation Team Rocket, who has gained control of the governments in Kanto, Johto, and Hoen. Believing to be safe only in Sinnoh, The duo escaped and, tormented by their dark past, fled there, pursued by Team Rocket. She is one of three survivors and the other to emerge sane…

    - Name
    - Brock Slate, alias The Dark Boulder.
    - Brock got his alias because he can turn himself into a shadow to blend in during the day and not be seen at night. He controls the elements of ground rock and dark.

    - Physical description
    - Black spiky hair
    - Red eyes
    - Black long sleeve T-shirt, pants, gloves and runners.
    - Fairly dark skin
    - Over-muscled body
    - He is currently twenty-two years of age and 190 centimetres tall.

    - Powers
    - Elements of ground, rock and dark
    - Turn into a solid shadow
    - Grow spikes that are used as weapons and for climbing walls
    - Able to block psychic attacks

    - How he got his powers

    Brock was the only other survivor of the Pallet Fires. He and Ash set out to search for Delia and were captured by Team Rocket. Brock, like Ash and Misty, was experimented upon, and tortured. Gradually slipping into insanity, he discovered that some side affects of these experiments gave him control over certain elements. They also gave Brock the power of near invisibility. Perfecting his powers he finally escaped, after burning down the branch of TR. Pursued by Team Rocket, The Dark Boulder set out to wreak havoc all the branches of TR and the world, and destroy the only two people who can save the world from sure destruction.

    Chapter 1: Burning Towns


    Pokemon telepathy


    The night was relatively silent as I landed, the only noise coming from the cars that drifted like worker ants coming and going to collect food. My breath misted up in front of me as I scanned the ground for him, from the pole that I was precariously balanced on. I felt a slight weight land upon my shoulders, and looked up to see a pikachu, black as the night sky upon my shoulders, its piercing blue eyes gazing fondly but alert at the scene below. A soft tap of feet touching a windowsill accompanied the Pokemon, as Misty, A.K.A The Water Queen, came to a land next to me.

    See him? I asked Pikachu.

    No. Although he is here, I can’t sense him. He replied.

    I repeated the question to Misty, but her reply was the same.

    Suddenly I felt movement in the air. I tensed my heightened senses on full alert. I noticed out of the corner of my eyes that my companions had done the same thing, their bodies ready to fight or flee into the night.

    I felt a vibration beneath me, and apparently so did everyone else. We leapt just as something – or rather something and someone, obliterated the wall behind us, leaving our group with nothing left to hold us up.

    I reached the hight of my assent, and snapped my legs upwards, so that my feet came into contact with the wall above. Pushing off, I raced downwards at a speed that would put an F-22 Raptor to shame.

    Out of the crook of my eye, I noticed that Misty was gliding towards the ground, her coat somehow acting like wings.

    Mental note: get Misty to teach me how to have coat act like wings.

    Pikachu on the other hand had other ideas. He had decided to do a little sky diving.

    I conjured up a navy blue bubble underneath Pikachu and I so that we could continue our flight without getting ourselves gravely injured. We alighted and sprung, popping the bubble as we did so. Gaining my footing on a passing car, I sprung again, rotated 180 degrees, and hit the ground. I looked up to see if Misty had made it to the ground ok, but was forced to back handspring away to dodge the punch that my nemesis through my way.


    My life wasn’t always like this, living in eternal fear; running from Team Rocket, and my once good friend now turned enemy. It all started one beautiful evening when I was still known by my birth name, Ash…


    Pallet Town, 5:30pm, 01/05/04

    I had been sent down to the shops in Viridian City to gather groceries and Pokemon food, with my loyal pikachu by my side. Upon returning, we found our hometown ablaze. Dashing through the village, I called vainly for my family, who had seemingly vanished along with every other villager. That is, every other except one. In despair, I burst out crying, when, attracted by my mournful sobs; an older youth emerged from the shadows of a smouldering building. His name was Brock, and at 18 he was the oldest of us. For days we wandered around, searching, wondering whether we would find anyone alive.

    Finally I resolved to leave the burnt remains that used to be my hometown. Gathering provisions, we set out to solve the many riddles that were left unanswered in the town that lay in ruins. How did this happen? How did my mother, along with every other resident disappear, with absolutely no traces left behind?


    A two day journey brought us to a nearby city called Cerulean, or at least, what was left of it. The metropolis was in a state of disrepair. Buildings lay in ruins, smashed to pieces, or burnt to the ground. Brock and I started searching for anyone, alive or dead.

    The sight of the deserted city reminded me of my hometown. Both places lay destroyed beyond recognition, both with all occupants missing without a trace.

    Just as we were about to give up hope, I heard a soft sobbing. Racing around the corner, I came upon a lone survivor. She looked to be about twelve, the same age as me. A red head with blue eyes, she looked stunning.

    As I approached the child to comfort her, she looked up, hearing me draw nearer. I felt a pang of sympathy for the girl, as I looked into her. Her eyes told her story. They spoke of the town around her and how she had come home to find her sisters missing.

    Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brock appear from behind a scorched building. Seeing us, he ran he changed direction and quickened his pace. Arriving at my side, he asked, “What happened?”

    After a few minutes of silence, she began.

    “My name is Misty. I am the sole survivor of this tragedy. I was asleep in my bed when it started.”

    The girl went quiet for a few moments. I could see that she was struggling to continue, but was unsure what to do to comfort her.

    “The building across the road had gone up in flames. I could see from my window that something wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t see the torched building itself. I saw a figure in black move across to the next house and set that one alight. Turning around I got out of bed to alert my sisters when my door burst open. Daisy was standing in the doorway with a panicked look in her eyes. She said to me, ‘There are people coming who want to kidnap us! We have to get out of here!’

    “Then I herd a loud crashing sound as the house behind us got completely demolished! After that, all I remember is racing to a hidden basement and after that… nothing. For a week I lay, hunger gnawing away at my stomach, waiting… wating for my sisters to come back. They hadn’t hidden with me in the cellar. Instead they had tried to lure those monsters away from me…”

    Once again she fell silent. I could see tears forming in her eyes, and my heart went out to the girl. I knew what it was like. No family to comfort you, the struggle to survive all alone, and the long, never ending nightmares of your family’s disappearance, which constantly revisit you in your dreams. But I, unlike Misty, was not the sole survivor of my hometown’s fire. Someone had found me many days later – Brock.

    Misty started once again, but her voice was shaky. Shyly, I put an arm around her to comfort her. She smiled gratefully and continued.

    “I…” she sniffed, “I eventually left the basement, to search the city for my sisters… I never found them. Ever since, my life has been empty, barren. I cried and cried for a good two days. At one point I almost starved to death…”

    *End flashback*
    Last edited by Zephyr Flare; 5th January 2009 at 5:19 PM. Reason: ¬¬

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2009

    Default Chapter 2: Encounter


    Pokemon telepathy


    Chapter 2: Encounter

    I looked up to see if Misty had made it to the ground ok, but was forced to back handspring away to dodge the punch that my nemesis through my way as he and his Pokemon landed with a resounding thud. He looked at me and grinned evilly. I smiled back. I knew something he didn’t. CRACK! A sudden flash of a blue and one well place kick later, and Misty was standing next to me, her overcoat flapping gently in the wind and our nemesis lying face first in the dirt. I winced.

    He’ll have a massive lump on his head tomorrow morning.

    The man got up and fired a large spike at me, and at the same time he ordered his Pokemon to use a body slam attack on Misty. I flipped over to my left side, to avoid the spike, landing with out a sound. My eyes widened as HIS Pokemon slithered out of the shadows. It was a Steelix. Well sort of. It was a blackish blue sort of colour, which signalled that it was at least partly dark type. The Pokemon was also twice as tall as a normal Steelix and a bit wider too. It looked to be heavier than an oversized Snorlax and a lot stronger as well.

    Then I remembered… Hmm Pokemon can only be two elemental types. So if one is dark, could the other be…?

    “Pikachu, use Thunderstorm!”

    As I said this I sent out a large psychic shockwave, but as I thought it would, the shockwave only went through the Pokemon and its master, as they were part dark type. This was what I wanted, because as it went through them, they became paralysed with a crackle of electricity.

    Storm clouds began to grow above us and it started to rain. I looked up and grinned. A lightning bolt struck our paralysed enemies shocking them. I noticed with satisfaction that the Steelix had been completely fried. It was smoking and charred blacker than ash (A/N: pun not intended). The smoking Pokemon had confirmed my suspicions. The other type was steel, and as a metal, it attracted electricity.

    As the clouds grew, so did the electricity that crackled through the air. More and more bolts of electrical energy rained down upon our enemies, as we fled the battle. Pikachu bounded up onto my shoulder to perch on his favourite spot as the storm behind us came to a close.

    I looked behind us as we ran. I wish I hadn’t. For behind us, our foes were quickly gaining. How he managed to survive that electrifying assault, was beyond me, let alone run. As he ran closer, he pulled out something from behind him. Then, with horror, I realised just what he was holding

    Oh CRAP! Where the HELL did he get a ROCKET LAUNCHER?! I yelled, causing my companion to look behind us too… just a few seconds after he had fired and collapsed unconscious. He had fired at her.

    We swerved between buildings to dodge the incoming missile, but it just seemed to follow our every move. It was then that I realised what I had to do to stop it. Sacrifice myself.

    I skidded to a stop, throwing Pikachu off my shoulder, and began charging an attack.

    “What are you doing?! Are you INSANE?!”

    “GO!” I roared at them, “Go before you get hit by the shrapnel of the blast!”

    She looked hesitant to leave my side.

    “MOVE!” I bellowed again, but they still refused to leave.

    I glared at her, all the while continuing to charge my attack for the rocket that was looming ever closer. She glared back. Suddenly my eyes turned blue and a psychic bubble enveloped her and Pikachu and carried them to a safe hight, Misty’s angry shrieks trapped within the bubble.

    Then it was upon me.

    “RRRAAAAAAA!!” I roared, and released my attack. Pyro Blast. A gargantuan ball of fire enveloped my body growing bigger until it sucked the rocket in, causing it to explode, effectively ripping through my protective shield, which protected the world beyond from the inferno within.

    Suddenly something struck me, a molten piece of steel, causing me to scream in pain. Gritting my teeth, I concentrated, trying to keep my ball of flame alive. Then another one struck me, and another, and another, until it felt like I was standing under a barrage of… well of molten steel. Then one struck me through the chest, piercing my skin. I howled in pain, and collapsed. I was barely holding onto consciousness now. I smiled sadly, knowing that my actions had kept Misty, pikachu, and hundreds of others in the city alive, but also that I wouldn’t see the light of day ever again. I fainted.


    I’m SO sorry for not updating sooner. This story is fast becoming a priority, but it’s hard to find the time to update it, what with all my homework, and school and swimming. Plus on top of that, I’ve had writers block (again). So that’s the end of the second chapter: Encounter. I hope you all enjoyed it, and REVIEW!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2005


    Alright first up, your prologue is a Summary. You don't describe or set up the scene/events, you just tell them to us in a few short lines. There is a difference between a summary and a prologue.

    Moving onto the first chapter; You don't Italic thoughts or use a single or double quotation mark for them, you don't even use quotations for half the talking done in half the chapter. It's also from a glance, pretty short and rushed. It's never a good thing when character histories make up half the chapter. That and you could have hidden it by spoilers, and leaked out the history chapter over chapter.... make it something interesting.

    Now, for the tramatic and shocking events- since you are telling it from people who would have been living there and lost loved ones, it should have been more tramatic. More dramatised. More Emotional. If you hadn't rushed this out and instead focused on developing out the scene, you'd have something maybe decent. But the characters, scenario and scenes are a bit lack luster.

    Moving on. Chapter two probably barely meets the length limit for chapters. Which means you're probably writing only enough to squeak by, and not really focusing on making sure the content is good and decent, because if you do that, ten to one you'll have 2-5 page chapters, no tears needed.

    And like the first chapter, rushed, little emotion or any really good description, focusing on first person really hurts this story as you had a chance to tell the horror from all three- or set up the situation even better. But..

    I suggest you use a writing program as it almost seems you could be writing these up in the reply box. I also suggest you read Advice for Aspiring Authors, and possibly the rules.

    Just because, omg I haven't updated in like forever I should rush out a half assed update nao! Doesn't mean you should- quality is what people want, not pieces of 5 minute work.



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