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Thread: Masked *Advanceshipping*

  1. #1
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    Default Masked *Advanceshipping*

    This is a little bit silly. It is my first one-shot and I wrote it a while ago. It has been on Fanfiction for a while, and I know one or two people from here have read it. I haven't written any one-shots since then, so if I get some good feedback, I might write another. If I get encouraging feedback, I might write another one.
    Eh, I'll probably write another one regardless.

    Also, it is rated PG. Nothing drastic.

    Masked

    May stood before the crowds, and tears pricked her eyes. The man that stood in front of her was an unknown. Well, maybe not. She wasn’t really sure, as the porcelain mask that prevented his identity from being shown. He could, in reality, be one of the most well known co-ordinators in the entire world, and his identity may just be concealed for this one time. But who knows, it doesn’t matter anyway.

    She had lost.

    The brunette recalled the fainted pokémon in front of her; a red fowl shaped like a humanoid, and spun towards the exit. Tears trickled down the girl’s face once she knew she was out of vision of her opponent. She hated showing any weakness to her opponents; it made her feel flawed.

    She walked into the arched tunnel way leading from the stadium, but slumped against the wall in the shadow of the exit rather than continuing towards the preparation room, her tears getting the better of her as she broke out into a fit of sobbing. She heard proceedings begin, starting with the man who had beaten her accept the Ribbon Cup.

    May sat their, wallowing in self-pity. I’m a horrible co-ordinator. I could have won that, but I put on such a pitiful performance. Maybe Drew was right, maybe I am worthless. Her thoughts wandered on to Drew, and forced her through another fit of hysterics. She hated the jade haired co-ordinator, his cockiness and air of superiority completely enraged her. She was happy at the thought, though, that he too, was beaten by this mysterious man.

    She waited now, for the prissy to make a little speech, thanking everyone he could think of, saying he have couldn’t done it without all his fans. Nothing came.

    Confused, she looked out from the safety of her shadow to see the masked man walking towards her. She jumped to her feet and tried her best to wipe away the dried tears laced with leaked mascara, but to no avail.

    “Wh-what do y-yo-you want?!” the woman stuttered, new tears already beginning to form, a mix of anger and depression impeding her voice, “You b-beat me a-al-already!”

    “I was just checking if you were all right,” answered the masked man, without the slightest offence to her rude greeting. His was voice kind and warm, even if it was mottled and distorted by the porcelain, “I could hear your crying from the stage, so I just wondered if you needed a little bit of help.”

    Without thinking, May fell forward, gripping his torso in a fierce hug and weeping on his firm, muscled shoulder. He hesitated, taken aback by the sudden movement from the sad girl, but in the end returned the gesture as he wrapped his arms around her too.

    Standing by the opening of the tunnel were two paparazzi, a cameraman and a reporter. The reporter smiled gleefully at the sight and signalled for the cameraman to begin recording.

    Little did the two know that a loyal Pikachu just so happened to be nearby at the time and pulled on the white trouser leg of the reporter. Confused, the woman looked down at the mouse, a big smile covering her face at the sight of the mouse.

    In a quiet voice, she began to baby the small rodent, which seemed to aggravate it further. “We’re rolling, Abby,” said the cameraman, but the Pikachu fried the camera’s circuitry.

    “Pika, pi pika,” the electric-type threatened. The two paparazzi backed off quickly, their hands in front of them, but Pikachu was already annoyed. “Pi-ka-CHU!!” Pikachu sent a few hundred volts coursing through the duo, blasting them sky-high, in a similar fashion to Team Rocket.

    As they began to ascend, the cameraman realised something. “Didn’t that Pikachu belong to May?” he asked the lady, but she was too busy swearing to notice him.

    Back to May and the unknown individual, still embraced in the warm hug. The man had seen the events before unfold. “Thank you, Pikachu,” he thanked the yellow mouse, who chirped before darting away into the stands.

    “May, let’s go somewhere else,” the individual suggested as he noticed a group of paparazzi find them in the shadows of the tunnel. The brunette nodded amidst her tears and the two headed towards the media free waiting room below the stadium, so the paparazzi couldn’t follow them.

    The Champion Co-ordinator helped seat May down onto one of the seats arranged throughout the room. He was confused as to why she was so sad. She has come so far, he thought to himself quietly, at least from when I last saw her.
    In a momentary gap in the weeping, May formed a single question.

    “Why are you being so nice to me?”

    Invisible to her, the man smiled beneath the mask, the simple question bringing back so many memories. Days gone by, when he helped anyone without question, even if they didn’t want the help.

    So he answered simply. “It’s in my nature.”

    May stared at him, trying to figure him out. Her crying fit came to an abrupt halt, as the warm tone struck a chord with a wayward thought within her mind. Memories flooded into her consciousness of her times with Him. Could this man possibly be Him? May couldn’t help but ask herself. No, it’s not. It couldn’t possibly…could it?

    Why would he re-appear, at this moment in her life, and still care so deeply about her. It had been years since she last saw him, and he wasn’t even a Co-ordinator, he was a trainer.

    Well, one way to find out I suppose.

    “What’s your name?”

    The abrupt question took the enigmatic man aback. Had she worked out who he was. Well, it wasn’t a bad thing if she had. It meant that he hadn’t broken his oath, if she had broken through to his true identity. But if she was asking, then she didn’t know for sure, and I can’t help. I can't break my oath unless she works it out herself.

    “I can’t tell you. I don’t break promises, and I promised I wouldn’t reveal my identity. In fact, I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

    “But you are talking to me, so why can’t you tell me your name?” May was sure it was Him, but she couldn’t help but make sure. “You are Ash, aren’t you?”

    The man tilted his head towards the ground, as if in deep thought. “Yes.”

    May began to tear up again, and she threw herself at the man, forcing the air out of his lungs.

    “Where did you go?” She was sobbing into his shoulder again, “We were all so worried, no-one knew where you went. You just disappeared into thin air and never came back. No address, no note, no legacy left behind. You only took some of your pokémon, and left Pikachu behind, for me. I just have one question. Why?”

    Though the girl didn’t know, a single tear had fallen from his eyes, landing on the inside of the glazed porcelain.

    “Because you didn’t want me…”

    May’s voice in her throat as she remembered the day that had obviously made Ash leave.

    -Four Years Ago-

    “I can do just fine without you Ash!” May screeched, anger rippling through her voice.

    “I realise that May! But you could do great to just
    thank me, you know!” Ash retorted, his anger just a violent as hers, “I have helped you reach this achievement!”

    May had just won the Hoenn Grand Festival, but the achievement seemed to have gone to her head, and now she was brooding that she had done it without any help whatsoever, and had angered Ash by saying this. Max and Brock had long since gone their own ways, Max becoming a trainer himself, and was currently competing in Johto. Brock, on the other hand, had actually fallen in love on their travels (literal love, not the usual ‘Brock’ love) with another aspiring breeder, and they now lived together, in Sinnoh. So, Ash had joined with May and now they were travelling together, by their lonesomes, for close to six years now.

    All five of those years, May had managed to get into the Grand Festival. Four of those years she made to and past the Top 8. Two of those years she made it to the Top 2, and of those two, she had won once. Now, she had won twice.

    Though she had won it before, this time her ego inflated to much, and she couldn’t seem to stop bragging, and she hadn’t once thought to thank Ash. Leading to the current conflict.

    “You are so annoying, Ash. Why do you insist that I thank you?!” May shouted at him, her temper level dangerously high.

    “Because someone has to bring you back down to Earth, May! So, stop being so stubborn, stop bragging and actually thank someone for the help that they’ve given you!”

    “No!” May refused to do so fervently, “Why can’t you just disappear?!”

    Ash took on a sombre tone. “If you want, maybe I will.”

    The young man, now well into his early twenties, walked away, to his sleeping quarters, leaving May to herself.

    “See you soon,” May muttered under her breath angrily, “Or hopefully, not!”

    May had stumbled back to their room that night drunk, and after fumbling around at the door, fell straight onto her bed after looking at Ash’s bed. She had seen Pikachu next to Ash’s pillow, and the large lump that was Ash under the covers.

    She woke up that morning and saw the large lump still there, as well as Pikachu.

    That’s not like Ash, she thought to herself while yawning, normally he’s up at the crack of dawn. Oh well, may as well wake him up. Stretching, she bumbled towards the other bed and ripped off the covers.

    She found an odd assortment of pillows and sheets lying there, impersonating Ash.

    She covered her mouth and fell to her knees. He was gone!

    He can’t be gone though, May reasoned with herself, he left Pikachu behind, and he never leaves Pikachu behind.

    She shook the small rodent awake, and looked deep into the pokémon’s eyes, to find that their usual glint of happiness and warmth had disappeared, leaving behind grim despair and loneliness, and in that moment, she knew that Ash truly was gone and had left he behind. Still on her knees, she began to cry. She was completely alone, except for her pokémon and Pikachu, which she assumed he left behind for her.

    She didn’t get the chance to tell him she loved him.

    -End Flashback-

    Forcing her face back into his shoulder, she let loose yet another stream of tears. “You left because of that?” she moaned, “You should have known I didn’t mean it! I didn’t get the chance to tell you that I loved you!”

    Ash’s grip on her torso completely slackened, his arms held up by the slimmest of efforts. “I loved you, too. But I thought you didn’t like me, when you said that.”

    May released a feeble laugh. “Luckily, I still do.” In a single fluid moment, she pulled off his mask, closed her eyes before she got a view of his face and pressed her lips to his. Ash’s firm grip returned, with renewed strength, and he kissed back.

    Their tongues darted in and out of each other’s mouths, tracing along the insides. May seized slightly, joy overriding any of her natural senses. Ash was the one to break it off, after a lengthy make-out session that left both of them gasping for breath.

    “That was-,” Ash struggled for the right word “-intense.” He kept his eyes diverted to the ground the entire time since the kiss, and May furrowed her brow.

    “Why are you hiding your face?” she asked, concern lacing her tone.

    Ash sighed as if depressed. “I’ve changed, May. Things happened, and it’s why I hide my face now. I don’t want you to see.”

    May frowned. “Ash, I’m sure you know that isn’t good for a healthy relationship.” The man tried to laugh, but his voice broke when he tried. The man groaned and he covered his ‘changed’ face in his hands.

    May frowned even more. “Just show me your face, Ash,” she ordered powerfully. He lifted it up and she grabbed hold of his chin and spun his face around to be directly in front of her.

    She instantly surged into pity for the man in front of her. The right-hand side of his face was covered by splotchy burns, the largest directly above his eye which left the eye-lid to sag in a droopy manner.

    “Oh my Lord Mew, what happened, Ash?” He sighed and began telling the story of how he had come to receive the burns that disfigured the entire right-side of his face.

    He had been asleep one night, next to his camp fire, all his pokémon recalled into their pokéballs, when a solitary Ariados had emerged from the surrounding underbrush, intent on capturing its prey.

    The faint rustling noises of the Ariados trampling the dried leaves beneath its feet woke Ash, due to his concentration of nightmares at the time leaving him a light sleeper. He had risen to see the Ariados fire a Sludge Bomb directly at him. The two were separated by the campfire, but the Sludge Bomb, when it hit the flames, exploded, sending the flammable poison spraying around the campsite. Some of this landed on Ariados, driving away the stealthy attacker, but much of it hit Ash too. He had turned his face away as best he could at the last minute, but the right-hand side of his face was hit, creating the terrible burns that could be seen today.

    He managed to get Floatzel into the open, and the otter quenched the poisonous flames with a quick jet of water, but the damage was already done. The flames had left him permanently disfigured, and forever since he had insisted on wearing a mask to hide the scars left by the terrible night.

    When he finished the story, May’s pity became twofold. The accident had left him scarred for life.

    “I don’t mind,” May said, blushing, “I still love you.”

    And she leaned forward and stole another kiss.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I realise it was too predictable, but they always are I suppose. Especially if they have Advanceshipping in their title :P

    Well, please comment. I know there are spelling mistakes and the like in there, and pointing them out so I can correct them would be appreciated.

  2. #2
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    That was a very nice oneshot. i like it very much but now i know why ASh had that mask. it keep his scar hidden.

    Very nicely done. ^^

  3. #3
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    Very nicely done!!
    good job,keep it up


    Former Lieutenant of Squad 7.
    Thank you for the memories, Bleach Club

    Claimed Blaziken - Pokemon Diamond - Ike

  4. #4
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    first of all.... THAT. WAS. AWESOME. Seriously, wow. I mean, I'm not saying this because this is your first fanfic and that was good for a first, I'm saying that this is good. Period.

    The fact that this is your first one-shot though, just makes it better. Because it means that from this, you're just going to get better.

    But enough of that, I'm going to review your actual fanfic now XD

    Ok, like, your writing, first of all, is good though some of your grammar is off. Little things though, that doesn't hurt the fanfic much at all. I could still read the story without much difficulty - which is always good. You wouldn't want a lot of grammar mistakes/spelling mistakes because that would be what your reader would focus on rather than the story itself.

    Going back to the story now; You're description is great! (ok, so I didn't go directly back to the story XD) I love that you didn't go too far with it, you know? Like, you didn't make the description a page long. You had it long enough that the readers would know what was going on and where May was, but not short enough to confuse the readers. Great

    Now going back to the story itself:~ Your fanfic did just what I think you wanted it to do, it led me in first - confused as to why May was crying - and then told me why, and then explained. And then you got to the part where she hated Drew; which really surprised me XD Not many fanfics start off with May hating Drew, but I guess you got contestshipping out of the way.

    I feel so bad for May, though, when she starts to hate on herself D: I was like: nooo, you're awesome, May! You're awesome, and you know it! don't let Drew tell you otherwise D: But I guess her hating on herself opens up the floor for Ash to come in.

    Though I'll admit it was obvious the masked dude was Ash, it wasn't obvious in the beginning. XD Anyway, Ash and May talk, but May doesn't know it's Ash, and then she figures out. At this point, I think that they're just say they love each other, kiss, and badda-bing badda-boom! They're together: the end. But no, you throw us a curve ball May and Ash were sort of together from before, and then Ash runs away.

    Though of course, in the end, they do get together, and live happily ever after~! *claps like a maniac advanceshipper*

    Now that I've talked about all the positives here, I just want to point out a few negatives.

    Your flashback was sort of... not enough? It was like, you said: Here, they're fighting! Now, Ash ran away! The end.
    And it sort of leaves me to question, do they always fight? Was that a one-time thing?
    I get that you sort-of give us some background info, but to me, it still doesn't feel like it's enough. I feel like something's missing. I also feel like maybe Ash should have been spoken about before the flashback. Maybe even before Ash himself comes to see May.
    Then May can remember back to when she won that one time and remember how they fought and stuff.

    I mean, the flashback is good and all, and it fits right there. But maybe the background info can come before. And mention how they'd been fighting a lot. Just brief info, doesn't go too much in to detail. And then you could go to the other flashback that does go in to detail of their last big fight.

    Another thing that sort of didn't make sense to me is how Ash's face was burned. I mean, I get why it happened and why it was the reason Ash had the mask on. But in all honesty, it did nothing for the story. It seemed like a little thing that was supposed to mean something more than it did to me, but it meant nothing. I mean, like, I get that you put it in there because of the title. But for the story, it really didn't mean much. You could take it out, and the story wouldn't be affected at all.

    But, aside from that, this was a really great fanfic

    I hope to see more from you soon!
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  5. #5
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    Thanks for the posts guys. I didn't expect such positive feedback.

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzamaki Hinata View Post
    Now that I've talked about all the positives here, I just want to point out a few negatives.

    Your flashback was sort of... not enough? It was like, you said: Here, they're fighting! Now, Ash ran away! The end.
    And it sort of leaves me to question, do they always fight? Was that a one-time thing?
    I get that you sort-of give us some background info, but to me, it still doesn't feel like it's enough. I feel like something's missing. I also feel like maybe Ash should have been spoken about before the flashback. Maybe even before Ash himself comes to see May.
    Then May can remember back to when she won that one time and remember how they fought and stuff.

    I mean, the flashback is good and all, and it fits right there. But maybe the background info can come before. And mention how they'd been fighting a lot. Just brief info, doesn't go too much in to detail. And then you could go to the other flashback that does go in to detail of their last big fight.

    Another thing that sort of didn't make sense to me is how Ash's face was burned. I mean, I get why it happened and why it was the reason Ash had the mask on. But in all honesty, it did nothing for the story. It seemed like a little thing that was supposed to mean something more than it did to me, but it meant nothing. I mean, like, I get that you put it in there because of the title. But for the story, it really didn't mean much. You could take it out, and the story wouldn't be affected at all.
    Thanks Hinata.
    Grammar and stuff will be picked up on eventually. There's stuff I find that I am still learning at school when it comes to grammar, being fourteen and all.

    I see what you mean by putting in that they had been fighting. I suppose it is a little bit strange that he would pick up leave after the first fight, which could have been how it seemed to some readers. So a little bit more information on the nature of the declining relationship.

    I also see what you mean by the burn. I probably should have found more ways to tie it into the story, or possibly, if I made the damage to such an extent, have made that to be the mask itself.

    Thanks for the feedback. I'll make sure to think about it.

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