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Thread: Hold your Peace

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    Default Hold your Peace

    Here is a really sad fic I just wrote T_T

    It made me depressed T_T

    Well, enjoy...

    Hold your Peace -


    The day had come. The day Ash wished hadn’t come, but knew it was inevitable. The day of the wedding.

    Misty’s wedding.

    No, not to him. If that had been the case, he’d be jumping out of his shoes. But today, he wasn’t up at the altar with Misty. He was sitting in the crowd, watching her at the altar.

    Of course, He had his chance, before Misty left for her gym, and before she left them the very last time. If only I could rewind time, I’d do things differently, and win you. Ash thought to himself, as he sat in the Church seat, the pure weight of regret overcoming him. Since he had arrived in a black tuxedo picked out by his mom, he was quiet. Those who had known the truth about Ash’s feelings toward Misty were sympathetic to him, but they decided to wait until the objections part. Seated beside Ash was Brock, probably the one who knew the most about Ash’s feelings toward her. He remembered what Brock had been like, talking to him before he arrived.

    Ash played with his tie, studying his shoes. He wanted this day not to come.

    “Come on Ash, what’s bothering you?” Brock asked him, feeling a bit sympathetic and slightly annoyed as Ash continued to play with his tie.

    “Nothing.” he lied through his teeth. Brock raised his eyebrow.

    “Ash. You’re lying THROUGH YOUR TEETH, and you know it too.” he pressed on, “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

    “NO! Just leave it alone Brock!” Ash shouted, some tears swelling at his eyes. Brock noticed these, and decided to follow Ash’s orders, and continued to get ready.


    Brock had seemed rather curious. Ash sighed, and shook his head. He just wanted the day to end, or at least, his life, but he wasn’t about to commit suicide. Maybe if he had a heart attack or something. But that would ruin Misty’s most important day of her life. This wasn’t any time to intrude.

    But still, he wanted that moment to end.

    He wanted the greave to stop.

    He wanted to be the one up at the Altar with Misty.

    After a few minutes, the ceremony started, and the bride, Misty, walked in, looking as beautiful as ever. She was wearing a classic wedding dress, white as paper, with a veil covering her face. Ash’s heart, right then and there, felt like it was going to literally snap in two. He couldn’t take it, but sucked it in.

    The rest of the events passed.

    And then, finally, the moment came.

    “If anyone has any objections, say so now, or forever hold your peace.” the preacher said. Ash adjusted himself in his seat, his heart wanting himself to jump up and object. But he forced himself not to.

    “Mmpf…” Ash groaned.

    “Well, ok then, I now pronounce you, Man and Wife. You may now kiss the bride.” the preacher finished.

    And as Misty and her now husband sealed the marriage, a single tear ran down Ash’s cheek, and he died a little bit inside.

    He had lost the person that he had truly loved.

    Kind of short, but emotional all the same.

    Well, R&R.
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Default

    Well, let's see this sad fic...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ho-ohRocks201 View Post
    Of course, He had his chance, before Misty left for her gym, and before she left them the very last time. If only I could rewind time, I’d do things differently, and win you. Ash thought to himself
    You could have put the part I bolded in italics, to emphasise the thoughts...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ho-ohRocks201 View Post
    Since he had arrived in a black tuxedo picked out by his mom, he was quiet.
    where's the white tux ?...

    And conversely, unless the short dialogue between Brock and Ash was a flashback, you needn't have put italics...


    And...that's it ?
    Wow...sad for Ash, but he could have objected there...

    Yeah, it's a bit short, and basically, nothing happened :/
    I mean, we didn't know anything about Ash or Misty, or where this ceremony took place, or how many years has it been since a certain point in the series...etc.

    Nicely written, but very, very shallow...

    You should add much more description about the story, and of course, the feelings and everything else.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    Australia
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    Default

    Of course, He had his chance, before Misty left for her gym, and before she left them the very last time. If only I could rewind time, I’d do things differently, and win you. Ash thought to himself
    Like showdow shipper said. at least write the time where he had good times with Misty or the time where he nearly admitted his feelings towards Misty but somthing got in the way.

    And it did make me sad aswell. poor Ash.

    But overall. very well done and sweet and sad even though it was short. you made it worth reading even it was short oneshot.

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