Hey, I got around to writing my gift for the Valentine's Secret Cupid thing! It is a extremely cracky oneshot so if you want humour and shipping crack, here is a lovely serving of it.
It's mostly yaoi and uh, here we go:
Title: We All Need Fanfic Crack
The person the oneshot is for: Sweet May
Genre/s: Humour, Romance
Rated: PG 15
Shippings: Respectshipping, Bishieshipping, Comashipping (okay, I couldn't resist plonking in Bishieshipping, I'm sorry XDDDD)
Characters: Shinji, Gen, Satoshi, Shuu and Hikari. I know that Sweet May likes Shinji, so I made him one of the main characters. 8DDDD
Notes: Loads of WTF ship!crack. And yeah, there's a lot of hinted yaoi, but nothing too over the top. XD Oh yeah and there's random references to the fandom, dub, etc. Beware. 8DDD
Shinji stared at the computer, knowing that what he’d just stumbled upon, was the horrors of the internet. No, the horrors of fandoms on the internet. Or the internet on fandoms? Shinji never really understood this stuff too.
He was on a computer in an Pokémon Centre at Canalave City. There was only one reason Shinji would bother going here. It was that time of the year. Valentine’s Day. And all those desperate fangirls that go hunting down all the hot guys in the city.
Shinji shuddered at the memory of last year’s. It involved a group glomp and he got squished at the bottom of the pile. And a girl beat him into taking a bite of some crappy chocolate she made. It was crazy. He could never understand why girls acted so weirdly on Valentine’s Day. What was the big deal over it? Shinji didn’t get it.
Receiving chocolates and flowers wasn’t that big a deal. ‘I like chocolate, I’ll admit... But I really don’t get the whole lovey-dovey romance fad that comes with Valentine’s Day...’ he thought to himself, ignoring the annoying friendly guy he met the other day. ‘Don’t look at him. I don’t care that he beat me with his Lucario. He’s annoying, tall, has decent taste in fashion, great aura – okay, what the hell am I saying?’
Gen grinned at Shinji and came over, asking what Shinji was looking at. Taking a look at the computer screen, Gen worked it out, while Shinji had a self-flashback of how he and Gen met in the first place, just to answer the question of how they know each other in the first place. “Fanfiction dot net!” Gen exclaimed with a smile. “What’s this? Pokémon fanfiction? Hey, let’s look up characters! Put for character A my name...”
Shinji scrolled through the list. “Your name isn’t there.” He then remembered how this fandom works. “You’d be... Riley, right?”
Gen pointed at a name. “Drew sounds more like a Gen dub name if you ask me! Put him for Character A!”
“Uh, but that’s Shuu’s dub-”
“And Ash must be the dub name for you, Shinji-san! Put Ash as Character B!”
Shinji sighed at Gen’s lack of knowledge for the fandom and dub. He was feeling relieved for once that he bothered to look this stuff up in his spare time. Though it did annoy him that Gen thought Satoshi’s dub name was his dub name. Honestly, Shinji did not associate himself with people who had dumb names. This is probably why Shinji refused to look his own dub name up, in fear of what it might possibly be.
He clicked on go and saw that stories did come up for Ash and Drew. “Look Shinji-san, we’re Respectshipping!” Gen pointed out with an excited look on his face. Shinji remembered looking Gen up on the internet and how it made Gen sound like a mysterious, aura user.
But to him, the tall man was behaving like some clueless idiot, or uke shota boy as fangirls might put it. Honestly, girls, Valentine’s Day, fandoms, Respectshipping, what is this?
Shinji clicked on the story, rather worried at how Gen might act if he didn’t. The story loaded and the two began to read.
OMG I am so exsited! I can’t stop skreeming with joy, no mater how much it distirbed the otha ppl in the Canalave Pkmn Center.
“OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED! SORRY FOR DISTURBING THE REST OF YOU BUT I CAN’T HELP MYSELF!” Shinji stopped in his tracks after hearing the scream. No, it couldn’t have been Satoshi. Coincidence, a mere coincidence. Gen seemed to overlook this too. He kept reading this already bad fanfiction.
It’s because Drew is coming all the way from Joto!!11 It’ll be sooooo cool! He’ll arrive in 5 mins! I so kant wait! I reli want to spend Valentine’s Day with him!
Shinji couldn’t help but stare at the computer screen with horror. This fanfiction was just so incredibly bad. Eventually he noticed the ‘I think I know what’s going on but it’s pretty obvious I don’t’ grin that Gen was giving him.
“Shinji-san, you’re quite out of character in this fanfiction. Who wrote this?”
Gen made Shinji scroll up. He then tried to read the username but failed miserably. “Ya-oh-eye...Fan-guh... numbuh one two seven four five oh two...”
Shinji sighed. “It says YaoiFangirl1274502.”
“Oh... Why are there so many numbers?”
“I don’t know.”
The two decided to keep reading the Respectshipping fic, leaving the number mystery unsolved.
“Hey babee! Sxc’z back now!” came a reli arowsng voice. I screamed once more. For Drew had arrived. Ther were so many pick-up linez I had to use on him now!
“Hey baby! Sexy’s back now!” Shinji slapped his forehead. No way. No way, no way, no way. Shinji turned to face the Pokémon Centre entrance, where a green-haired teenage boy stood confidently. He could see Satoshi rushing over to him, screaming with joy.
“I have so many pick-up lines to use on you!” Satoshi told him, hugging Shuu enthusiastically.
Shinji quickly looked at the screen but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to face the horror. How come Gen wasn’t watching this scene between Satoshi and Shuu? It was coming out the same way as the bad fanfiction.
“Shinji-san, come read more! You have to see these pick-up lines that you use on Drew, I mean me! They’re very funny!” Gen told Shinji, pulling him back to the appalling fanfiction.
“Hey Drew! I am the mathz book! You are the studnt! You solv all my prolbems!”
“OMG RELI?!” Drew responded cheerfuly. “I love you so much it makes me shater!” But he did not shatter becuz that wud be messed up.
‘What’s messed up is this fanfic...’ Shinji thought to himself, choosing to ignore Gen’s squeeful smiles as he read the fic and was entertained by its bad taste.
“Hey Drew! I am the maths book! You are the student! You solve all my problems!” Satoshi shouted. Shinji went over and punched Satoshi. The raven-haired boy took no notice, which put Shinji off a bit, considering normally, there’d be a reaction.
“OH MY GOD REALLY?” Shuu responded cheerfully. “I love you so much it makes me shatter!”
Shinji didn’t get it. The scene was just continuing, just like in the fanfiction. He always knew to avoid Valentine’s Day like the plague. That fanfiction, he should never have clicked on it. Never. No.
“Hey... Shinji-san?” Gen interrupted his thoughts. He turned to face him, indicating to the dark-haired man that he was listening. “Why are we hitting on each other?” Shinji slapped his forehead, blushing immediately. He rushed over and took control of the mouse, making the fanfiction scroll down to read some more.
“Hey Ash, I know this gr8 pick up line thatl lyk reli arowse you!”
“What is it?”
“How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to breyk the ice.”
“OMG thats briliant. I luv you long tym now.”
Shinji slapped Gen’s shoulder out of frustration. “How can Satoshi and Shuu even re-enact this crap? This author can’t even spell ‘arouse’!” And why didn’t Satoshi notice Shinji punching him? Was it because what Shinji was seeing wasn’t real? Or even worse, Shinji was the one who wasn’t real. Wait, Gen noticed him or maybe he wasn’t real either. It was all too weird. This must be what fangirls call crack.
Gen gave him a confused look. “What are you talking about? Why are Satoshi-san and Shuu-san re-enacting what we are doing in this fanfic? That’s quite puzzling...”
Ugh. At times like these, even though Gen looks so
amazing cutesure that his and Shinji’s dub names were Ash and Drew and while that’s somewhat entertaining, it was also annoying and needed correction.
“Gen, your dub name is Riley. RILEY. Riley, Riley, Riley. Satoshi is Ash, Shuu is Drew. Got it?” Shinji tried to be as simple with his explanation as possible. Wait, how could he make an explanation like this complicated anyway?
Gen had a moment of realisation. “I see... So what’s your dub name?” Before Shinji could reply that he didn’t know, Gen looked over at Satoshi and Shuu who were hugging and continuing to exchange pick-up lines. “Hey, it’s Satoshi-san and Shuu-san! What are they doing?”
Shinji sighed. “Re-enacting the bad fanfic.”
“So if we read more, more will happen?”
“I assume so.”
“Shall we read more of... Respectshipping then?”
Shinji knew he was going to regret reading more, but something compelled him to keep going anyway. And no, it was not because Gen was. That would be a completely stupid reason to keep reading bad fanfiction.
The moments between Drew and I wernt goin to last forever. Why? Becuz not every1 agreed to our sweet luv. It makez me so sad. Sniff sniff.
“WAAAAAA!” Satoshi suddenly burst into tears, taking Shuu and Shinji completely off-guard.
“What is wrong, my sweet love?” Shuu asked dramatically, sweeping Satoshi into his arms like the raven-haired boy was some bride or something of the sort. Shinji was just too disturbed by this whole scenario to care.
Paul was coming. He always apperz at the Pkmn Centerz at tyms lyk this. That’s becuz Paul is a noob trainer, lol.
Shinji raised an eyebrow. Who’s Paul? He didn’t recall looking up anyobody who had Paul as their dub name. Gen watched as something began to change with Shinji’s eyes. They seemed to be the eyes of a girl in love, or in Shinji’s case, a boy. Shinji skipped out of the Pokémon Centre like some prancing pony and only a moment later did he come rushing in with tears in his eyes.
Gen glanced back at the fanfiction.
The prolbem is that Paul loves me, very much so, in fact. He may try and destroy Valentine’s Day and even worse, me and Drew’s beutiful love. That wud be horible! Paul was crying a lot as he puld me away from Drew.
“Wat are you doing, Ash? I love you so much that everytym I look at you, I think I’m in heaven! You have blinded me soooo much that I need your name and numba for the inshurnse bill!” Paul yelled out, crying into my arms.
Shinji pulled Satoshi away from Shuu and began crying into Satoshi’s arms. “What are you doing, Satoshi? I love you so much that everytime I look at you, I think I’m in heaven! You have blinded me soooo much that I need your name and number for the insurance bill!”
“Shut up, You had your chance. Satoshi loves me now!” Shuu replied, giving the same reply as in the fanfiction. Gen grinned, having worked out Shinji’s dub name to be Paul.
“But, but... Satoshi of Pallet Town! I have loved you since I was born – before I was born! I can’t live without your love!” Paul continued sobbing insanely, even as Shuu pulled him off Satoshi and tossed him to the floor.
“Shaddap! Satoshi is mine. I claimed him as my bishie on the internet!” Gen was confused by Shuu’s talk of bishie. What was a bishie? Gen wondered if he was a bishie. But then again, maybe being a bishie is bad. He was also worried by Shinji’s behaviour.
“Shinji...Shinji-san?” Gen tried to get Shinji’s attention, but there was no response.
“It can’t be this way! I will have to go now! Maybe I’ll find a new love in my next life!” Shinji declared, rushing out of the Pokémon Centre. A couple of minutes later, Shinji walked back in, looking like he was back to normal. He paced over to Gen. “Hey, for some reason my mind went into a blur and the next thing I knew, I was trying to drown myself in that river running through Canalave City. What’d I miss?”
Gen stared at Shinji, completely, utterly, hopelessly confused. “Eh?” He quickly assumed that if he tried to explain, it would only create more confusion and mystery. With a shrug, he answered, “Nothing much. Want to continue the fanfic?”
“Yey!1” I glomped Drew. “Paul didn’t destroy our love! That makes me so relievd!”
“No one could destroy our love, my dear Ash. Someday, we’ll be marrid. And I’ll become Drew Ketchum. Itl be reli wondaful.”
Shinji slapped his forehead. “Clearly I didn’t miss enough. Seriously, what happened when I was gone?” Gen unwisely chose to tell Shinji what happened. By the end of it, Shinji was extremely pale and twitching nervously. He wouldn’t speak at all, but continued to read the story. And of course, everything he read happened in the background for real. But why was he the only one bothered by this?
Gen then thought up a completely original pun. “I think you should respect shipping fics.” Shinji proceeded to shoot Gen a death glare, following it up with another shoulder-slap.
“I love you, Drew!”
“I love you too!”
Drew took hold of me and presd his lips agenst mine. I respondd – wel of corse, who wudnt respnd if Dre was kissing you – wrapping my arms around him, deepening the kiss. He slippd me the tongue and I-
The mouse zoomed up to the close button at the top right corner of the screen and was clicked. Gen wailed at how the fanfiction got closed down, while Shinji felt some satisfaction, knowing that he just shut off an abomination.
There was something disturbing about the fact that the author only bothered to place description when it was Satoshi and Shuu making out. When he turned around, expecting Shuu to be gone and Satoshi to be back to his doped, dazed self... actually, the author wasn’t waaaaay off with Satoshi’s character, at least Shinji thought so. Well anyway, he saw that the pair were still making out.
“Why the hell are they still making out?” Shinji asked. Words couldn’t describe how he felt. He could never understand what was with today. Valentine’s Day, tall bishies, bad fanfics, confusing FF.net usernames, re-enactments of the bad fics, it still continuing after the webpage with the fic on it was closed down... it all didn’t make sense.
‘And I got told that Valentine’s Day oneshots were cute and... fluffy, not crap like this!’ Shinji added silently. It then suddenly occurred to him. ‘Maybe the story just goes on until it’s completed and isn’t really affected by whether me or Gen read it or not...’
He heard a slight chuckle coming from Gen. Looking at the computer page, he saw that Gen brought up a review box for reviewing the bad fanfiction. “Shall we review? You type up your comments and I’ll type up mine!”
Shinji nodded. “Hn, fine.”
In another part of the Pokémon Centre, Hikari was logged into her email account. There was a beep noise as she received a new email. Opening it up, she saw that there was a review for her wonderful Respectshipping fic. She decided to read the review, hoping for some praise of her writing.
Hi, my name is Shinji and there are some things I’d like to tell you.
1) Get a better username. What the hell is YaoiFangirl127...uh... what is the rest of the username? In any case, change it to something more inspiration like... uh... Gen suggested ‘Aura Power Rox’. Yes, even that abomination of a name is better than yours. Please change it right away or I’ll frown more than usual.
2) Please check over your goddamn spelling and grammar errors, damn it! The only way I could really understand what was going on was with the re-enactment of your fanfiction in the background. I mean, what the hell is up with that? Can you bend us to your will? Can you teach me this ability?
3) Satoshi and Shuu – YES I USE JAPANESE NAMES OH NO WHAT WILL YOU DO – were completely OOC. I bet that I could write a Respectshipping drabble right now that beats your crap. In fact I will:
Satoshi sighed, ruffling his hand through his hair. ‘I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Between me and Shinji. Because Shinji does not love me. At all. In fact, he doesn’t like YaoiFangirl-insert a trillion digits here- either because she writes incredibly bad fanfiction,’ he thought as he placed his cap firmly on his head.
Maybe he just wasn’t meant to win the Sinnoh League. Well, if Shinji was participating in the League, he should’ve seen it coming. Because Shinji won the League. He kicked ***. It’s what Shinji does.
Shuu came over, nodding sympathetically. “I guess you can’t win them all, huh?” He wouldn’t admit that he didn’t get a great placing at the Grand Festival, because that would be so un-Shuu-like. At least he didn’t come up against Shinji. Shinji wouldn’t make a great co-ordinator, even though contests are for lame people. Shinji doesn’t participate in things that involve lame people. The League is just a mere exception.
Satoshi stood up, grinning at Shuu. “But that’s why we got to keep pushing ourselves forward. We have to keep going, if we want to get somewhere. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
Shuu smiled before flipping his hair. He’d never let himself be in a drabble without getting to flip his hair at least once. “Yeah, same here.”
4) See that? My writing beats yours by far. And not because it has plenty of praise for Shinji. Actually, yeah, that does add more interest to the drabble if you ask me.
5) Put less description when Satoshi and Shuu are making out. Seriously, it disturbs me. Oh, Gen wants to review now. Bye, loser.
Hiiii ^___^ It’s me, Gen. I love your fic! It’s very creative and the pick-up lines are very funny! Please write more! Bye! :3
Hikari looked over the review a couple of times and sighed. “I knew I should’ve checked for spelling and grammar.”
And that's the cracky oneshot! DDD Hope you enjoyed the crack? Please review! I'm sure I made some errors here and there. :x I especially hope that Sweet May enjoyed the oneshot! <3