Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Farewell (PG) (AaMayL)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Australia, Vic
    Posts
    1,007

    Default Farewell (PG) (AaMayL)

    Hi guys. i just wrote a oneshot that just came into my mind. well i hope you enjoy this short oneshot i wrote.

    ~midnight
    __________________________________________________ _________
    Farewell


    She sat under the window, packing, lifting the clothes one by one from the piles that were scattered around her, placing them in order in the suitcase that was open under the window. She bend forward and the light from the open window catches her hair.

    At the window is a delicately patterned shell. Now empty, it lay on the sill of the room looking down on the bay. Her back were at the door and to the door and to the young man standing in the middle of the room. His eyes wander first to the girl who is unaware of him and then soon enough she notices him but not enough to start a conversation.

    She picks up the next piece of clothing and sits with it folded in her lap. To finish packing was to be already gone and it was too soon for that. She turned her attention to the beach right below her. Soon changing her direction to the young man in the middle of the room.

    “Would you mind taking one last walk with me?” She asked.
    “Yeah. Just one last time before you go.” He replied.

    *~*~*~*

    Light rain had fallen and they walked in the smell of wet earth and crushed leaves. Sometimes with him, sometimes alone, she moved over the damped ground. The cries of the Wingulls made her wait, listen. They sat on a the damp wet sand. “Be still.” she said. “Be perfectly still and see how it all moves.”

    A distance from her, tiny grasses caught the breeze, ferns leaned to its slightest breath. The gnarled branches of the banksia that seemed so firmly fixed creaked. The very top of the tallest angophora swayed. Bending to each other they touched each other but they didn’t speak.

    He didn’t move. His eyes follow her as she reached out and runs her finger along the pattern on the back of the shell. Its whiteness was easy to see on the beach. She bent down to pick it up, the icy, early morning water trailing back around her hand. The beads of foam died as she touched them but took the shell, turning it over her palm. The water ran from it and it lied empty and cold.

    “It’s for you.” She said as he approached her and took it in his hands. His fingers traced the delicate markings on its back.
    “It’s too beautiful to give to me. Keep it yourself to remember it all.”
    “No. It’s yours.” Turning, she dug her bare toe deep into the sand. “I can’t take it back. It would look dead on my window sill.”

    Later they walked for a long time, bending themselves against the autumn breeze. The crying Wingulls floated out to the sea on the waves. One took off to lift and soar, screeching above them. Another moved in and took its place. The water lapped around their feet.

    She leaned back on her heels and looked at the warm sun setting sky. The light was now with her hands and turned around to see if he was watching. He was and smiled but made no move to come to her. He hasn’t have anything to say to her.

    The golden jewel started to make its way slowly behind the hill as its warm glow was scatted across the sky that was once blue filled with white soft clouds. There stood one huge rock. She ran with him following behind. She stood on it to see the sunset more as it was slowing fading away before her eyes. She felt the wind against her hair. She stuck a pose, tossing her hair back and letting herself free and happy. She hoped off and took two quick steps and twirled, flinging her arms wildly. Her hair and the sand flew behind her and then she stopped. Her shoulders dropped. The wind flapped her hair gently. She stood motionless for a moment and then knelt down on the sand, one finger tracing out shapes like the shell that was now in his pocket.

    “It’s time.” He replied as he offered his hand to help the young girl up onto her feet.
    “I want to stay longer.” She looked up to the young boys eyes. “I want to stay longer with you.” She said as she offered the young boy’s help with her eyes still looking at the golden beach. “But I guess I can’t change anything.” the young girl replied as she turned her direction to him. “Can we make this a slow walk?” She asked as she tighten her grip on the young boy’s hand.
    “Yeah.” He nodded as he slightly tighten his grip as well. “Your not finish to packing your things right?”
    “I’m…” She paused then soon replied. “I’m getting there.”

    *~*~*~*

    She shrugged and turned again to her packing. She was nearly done. The light caught her hair once again as she bend, lifting the last thing to put on top. Then footsteps started to fill the room. She zipped her suitcase and turned around.

    “For you.” He said as he walked closer to the brunette. “Your absence is going to haunt me.”

    She held it for a moment, wondering what he had written inside. But she put it down without opening it. Her eyes were stuck on the floor and then looked at her friend. They both sat on the floor of the room. he reached out to brush her fingers.

    “I’m glad you came May. Even though it hasn’t been that long. You will keep in contact won’t you?” He asked.
    “Of course Ash.” She nodded. Her eyes followed his fingers. Her packing was finished. She looked at the wall clock stuck on the wall of the room. It wasn’t too long until she had to say goodbye once again.

    Both got onto their feet. She picked up her suitcase and into her hands. He was still beside him. She noticed and dropped her suitcase onto the floor slowly and looked back into his eyes. Water soon built up in her eyelids and slowly ran down her cheeks. She took a step closer to him and threw her arms around him. She felt his warm arms wrapped around her waist. Her tears started to make the young pokemon’s trainer vest wet but he didn’t seem to mind.

    “Farewell Ash.” May cried as her voice dropped into a whisper. “Until the next time we will meet.”
    “Until next time May.” Ash replied in a low soft voice. “Until next time.” He repeated softly.
    Last edited by midnightjewelz; 21st May 2009 at 1:55 PM.
    Winner in the Shipping Oscars 2011 for Best Ferriswheel fic and best, prolific reviewer.


    Current Fanfiction:The Unknown World (M) (Advance), Unique Reflection (Advance/Poke)

    Normally known as Midnightmoon602 or Silvermoon602

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Hoenn
    Posts
    18

    Default

    Very sad fic. . . . but VERY GOOD!!! I'm the first to review (if you can call this reviewing).
    It kinda reminds me of Gotta Catch Ya Later but more emotional - i wonder what ash wrote to May. . .

  3. #3

    Default

    ;A; So sad. It was very emotional. I like your writing style, it reminds me of how I used to write. It's very fancy, but sometimes some things are better said simply instead of using fancy language. This makes me think of "Together We'll Make a Promise", that song at the end of the Manafi movie. *sniffle* All in all, it was very good. There needs to be more Advanceshipping fics here.
    Also found at: DeviantArt - LiveJournal - FanFiction.net - Tumblr
    ~Vulpixi Misa

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,860

    Default

    Aww.~ I like htis a good deal Gemz.~

    I thought this was a really cute one-shot. Your writing style really did work on this one. Vulpix_misa kinda covered some of that though. What I've always liked in your fics how you've present the chemistry between the characters and the closeness. I'm glad that's still present in this fic. The ending gave huge hope that they would meet again and how it was kept in character made me appreciate the cuteness of this fic even more.

    Nice simple descriptions and flow. Some of the sentences were a bit choppy and rushed, which made the flow of the fic trip up a few times. I still think you should have a new paragraph when a new person is speaking, but other than those nits I have, it was good.
    Last edited by ChloboShoka; 23rd May 2009 at 11:01 AM.



    Banner made my Skiyomi and userbar made by Candlereaper

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Graduating Class of 2009!
    Posts
    902

    Default

    oh wow, I seriously don't know what else to say. That was very well written. It looks like you improved a lot since the last time I read anything from you.

    The fanfic itself was really sad and touching. It showed how hard it was for May to leave Ash and for him to, well, accept her leaving. But in the end, even though they did have their walk, she still had to leave and he still had to accept it.

    I really have no complaints here, it was an awesome read and will definitely be one of my favorite reads, so go you! Although I do want to make a quick note that you probably confused your tenses since it went from past tense to future in a few of your sentences. But other than that, awesome job :]
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Unova
    Posts
    325

    Default

    This is too sad gemz.
    I have nothing to say but well done.it was very well written.
    It was a really cute one-shot!!
    It was awesome job.
    Keep Writing!!

    C.BZK. Out

    'What I wanted to protect.. . was you, Ichigo.' -Tensa Zangetsu

    Lieutenant of Squad 7.
    Join the Bleach Club!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Australia, Vic
    Posts
    1,007

    Default

    Wow, thanks for the reviews. its amazing that just now i decided to reply to all of them. xD.

    Uzamaki Hinata: Your favourite reads? wow, im glad you like this fic.

    Cyber: You call me Gems. Sweet. xD CG and few friends call me that. anyway thanks for the review.

    C.Gholy: Thanks CG. and don't worry. i will fix the paragraph thingy on my future fics.

    PokeAdvance: Use your imagination if you want to know what was inside that letter. xD

    Vulpix: You use to write? hmm, i think i rememer a few fics of yours. Anyway I'm glad you like this oneshot.

    And thanks everyone for likeing this oneshot. you don't know how much this makes me feel so happy. ^^
    Winner in the Shipping Oscars 2011 for Best Ferriswheel fic and best, prolific reviewer.


    Current Fanfiction:The Unknown World (M) (Advance), Unique Reflection (Advance/Poke)

    Normally known as Midnightmoon602 or Silvermoon602

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Australia, Vic
    Posts
    1,007

    Default

    Wow, thanks for the reviews. its amazing that just now i decided to reply to all of them. xD.

    Uzamaki Hinata: Your favourite reads? wow, im glad you like this fic.

    Cyber: You call me Gems. Sweet. xD CG and few friends call me that. anyway thanks for the review.

    C.Gholy: Thanks CG. and don't worry. i will fix the paragraph thingy on my future fics.

    PokeAdvance: Use your imagination if you want to know what was inside that letter. xD

    Vulpix: You use to write? hmm, i think i rememer a few fics of yours. Anyway I'm glad you like this oneshot.

    And thanks everyone for likeing this oneshot. you don't know how much this makes me feel so happy. ^^
    Winner in the Shipping Oscars 2011 for Best Ferriswheel fic and best, prolific reviewer.


    Current Fanfiction:The Unknown World (M) (Advance), Unique Reflection (Advance/Poke)

    Normally known as Midnightmoon602 or Silvermoon602

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    It's a Party in the USA!!
    Posts
    56

    Default

    GAH!!!! You already reviewed the reviews..... I feel late now for some reason. Well that's not gonna stop me from reviewing!!

    So sad, I was about to flood my house with tears See THIS is what should've happened on the last episode!!!! Anyway's, everyone said it all. Very well written, superly emotional, and a bit of what Ash wrote.(I think it's his true feelings, or how much he's going to miss her, but I guess we'll never know)

    Awesome oneshot!!!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •