Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 34

Thread: Unbreakable [NC-17]

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default Unbreakable [NC-17]

    WARNING: This fanfiction contains very sensual and explicit love scenes. This is rated NC-17, so do not read if you dislike this genre. That means no one under 17 should read it, but the chances of that are pretty low. xD Please, if you cannot handle reading this kind of genre, you should leave as soon as possible before we have a conflict. And before any of you complain, this was approved by Encyclopika! Thank you again! =D



    U n b r e a k a b l e
    Author: ~Mist~
    Pairing: Ash x Misty
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Genre: Romance
    Rating: NC-17, folks!
    Disclaimer: I do NOT own Ash and Misty who are characters that belong to their original creators. All of the credit goes to them for creating such wonderful characters. I just enjoy writing about them.
    Summary: Two adults are conflicted whether to proceed to the next step while taking their relationship into consideration.
    Notes: I have finally done it! I'm so happy that this is done at last! I spent several months perfecting this one, making sure it would touch readers, and I think this one is the best I've done. Ever. I called this one Unbreakable for many reasons, mostly highlighting their relationship. But oh my god, this one is very steamy. I wouldn't suggest reading this one if you're not into NC-17 fics. There's a lot of tension here, but I think everyone will enjoy this one. It's richly detailed; me style. 8D Rewiews/comments are GREATLY appreciated! I need to know what everyone thinks about this one. So please comment/review? It'll make my day! That means all of you closet readers, too! Don't be shy! xD



    U N B R E A K A B L E
    by ~Mist~

    Throughout the month of January, the world would celebrate in their own manners varying from culture to culture. Many would attend bars to drink as much as they desired while others would spend the last precious moments of the year with loved ones. Some would celebrate in the ways of traditions while few would welcome the New Year alone.

    This appeared to be the likely situation for the Cerulean City Gym leader but, this time unlike many years, she wasn't stuck babysitting the gym.

    Oh no, not anymore... it was her time, her vacation.

    Inside a small yet fitting apartment, a young woman gently sighed in longing. Her slim body was set on a light caramel couch feeling quite comfortable, and yet had a sense of loneliness. The walls were a cool tint of a warm delicate coffee mix, each side decorated with either a bookshelf or wondrous paintings of great fortune. Her suite was high, close to the hazy sky due to being in a building of over one hundred floors. Regardless of the great height, she cherished the spot more than anywhere in the world.

    Well, almost anywhere.

    She slowly moved the thin strands of her cinnamon hair away from her deep emerald blue eyes, glancing over at the tall majestic-looking Christmas tree beside her. Holiday decorations filled the entire tree, allowing each ornament have a moment to shine with a single sparkle of light. As she stared at them, the young woman noticed her reflection in a series of all kinds of lovely hues, each one blending with the next. For a moment, she almost mistook it for a rainbow.

    Now, she was becoming ridiculous. Her mind spoke to her, asking for a simple request.

    Please let him be here, she told in her thoughts, pleading for his safe arrival.

    Since a couple of years ago, her heart finally fluttered happily due to connecting to the one person she always wanted to be with. She had thought of him always as a best friend, which of course had kept that as a secret but was eventually discovered. When their love had set into full bloom since that special day… their wedding day, the pairing had been completely content.

    Sometimes, she couldn't believe it would happen... but it did without a chance of failure. Her mind would be filled with confusion, wondering what had driven the two to confess such a thing called love. The two of them were so different, yet were so similar to each other. One could easily fit them next to each other in a puzzle; it was meant to be that way.

    And best of all, she didn't mind that one bit.

    Her thoughts slowly vanished away when the door knob was heard with the key inside the lock. The barrier opened with a handsome young man smiling at his one and only love. He appeared to be quite exhausted from his recent adventures outside, but of course, he didn't let that ruin this night.

    "Happy to see me, Misty?" his voice called, removing his dark blue jacket off and placed it on the tall lean hook beside him. In his arms was a brown bag filled with all sorts of treats. The sweet aroma traveled to his nose, then floated close to hers as well, causing the young woman to close her eyes gently and breathe the warm scent.

    "What do you think?" she replied in satisfaction, raising her body from the couch and slowly walked towards him after placing the bag down on the coffee table nearby. "What did you bring… something for me?"

    He nodded slowly, glancing at the sweet treats and then at her. I knew I should have eaten them at the bakery!

    He scolded himself in his thoughts, but then reluctantly handed the bag to her. A smile appeared on her face, taking out a light brown croissant with snow-like toned sugar frosting on top, and raised it to her lips. He watched her taste the delicious treat, knowing that she was making him suffer. Ash's poor stomach growled at the sight of such a thing being eaten to bits in his presence.

    She's teasing me again… I hope she doesn't eat the whole thing!

    She noticed the sound, smirking to herself. "Here, you can have the rest." The fiery redhead handed the treat back into his hands. "Thanks for letting me have a taste."

    Score! Ash cheered in his thoughts, jamming the last of the treat into his mouth. He gulped it down, and then sighed with relief. I guess Mom was right; sharing is caring.

    Carefully embracing her lover, she whispered to his ear, "I missed you, Ash."

    He took a deep breath, knowing how she could be a romantic at heart. "I missed you, too."

    It was then when he noticed that she was only wearing her nightdress, the color of a pure innocent white. His fingers played with the straps, and then soon ran his index finger over her rich creamy neck. He smiled softly when he heard her gasp, almost in a sweet whisper. "You look beautiful tonight."

    Her cheeks turned into a light tint of pink as her expression turned shy. "T-thank you."

    She then tried to find the words to say, wanting to reveal to him exactly what she wanted for this night but could not. The Pokémon Master wanted to say something as well; he opened his mouth but no words came.

    What was holding them back? Was it the shyness, the embarrassment, or was it simply something else? Both pondered to themselves, away from each other, now in a deep session of thinking. Were they ready for the next step towards their relationship, or was this a mistake? No, that certainly couldn't be...

    They had walked together in this path for such a long time. Every time their paths would spread apart, they would eventually cross with each other yet again; sometimes days, weeks, months, or even years of longing. Now that each of their goals were finally accomplished, both of them wanted this more than anything; a strong bond that will be everlasting, one that would be filled with dedication, time, respect, and lots of love.

    But now, they wanted much more, the one step that could not deny their feelings for each other any longer. It was something only few could share together, but sadly was often mistaken for other words. What they had was different; it was nothing like a typical pairing. Their bond was so strong, so special to each other... it could not ever be broken. They were unbreakable; their love could surpass anything together.

    As the two young adults found themselves staring deeply into each other's eyes, they suddenly knew what it was.

    "Ash..."

    "Yes, Misty?"

    "Do you feel like...?" she paused, her eyes filled with deep emotion.

    "... We should eat more of this stuff?" he finished, making Misty fall backwards. He laughed at his lover, amused by her reaction.

    The young woman narrowed her eyes as he smiled, embracing her close. "Nah, I was just kidding."

    "You better be, Ash Ketchum."

    He nodded, moving a few strands of her fiery toned hair away from her face. The two of them stopped, but then slowly started moving towards each other. He pressed his lips next to hers, coming into full contact, kissing the lips of his one and only angel. After, his hands slowly caressed her creamy yet rich skin by moving his hands down her sides. She shuddered in response, loving the light sensual touch. The eyes of the Cerulean City Gym Leader stared into the eyes of the Pokémon Master.

    "Ash," Misty started, her cheeks reddening. "I... I want to have a family."

    His eyes widened, hoping that his sense of hearing wasn't failing him. "R-really? You're not kidding?"

    "No," she whispered.

    The spiky haired trainer blinked, attempting to absorb the recent announcement she made. He found himself imagining what their children would look like, and smiled at the thought. "Now that I really think about it, it's a good idea. Should we have some now?"

    "Ash!" Misty cried, blushing deeply.

    "I'm serious!" he grinned.

    "You're messing with me, aren't you?"

    "Misty," he started, softly pressing against her warm body, "I wouldn't mess with you... not like this."

    She could not reply in return. All she felt was the heat between their bodies. She closed her eyes to breathe for a few seconds. Once her deep cerulean eyes reopened, the redhead caught him staring at her. His fingers rested on the fabric of her nightdress, causing her to blush. He smiled as she did so in return, embracing each other ever so softly...

    He held her in his arms, holding her as dearly as he could. He sensed her body was warm as he gulped slightly while she dug into his chest in a gentle manner. His hand ran through her hair, stroking his lover warmly. Her head tilted upwards until their faces were only a few inches away from each other. Both felt themselves silently breathing in several variations. They eyed each other's sensuous lips, imagining how soft they would feel until their lips finally made contact once more, pressing oh so gently.

    Their kiss was so soft and warm, his fingers cupping her left cheek, thus leading to her body with a great shudder. Their kiss soon transformed into the start of a session of passion, hearing the delicate sound of their breaths quickening. Two tongues collided together, a sensual dance of exchanging their unique nectars.

    By this time, both decided to pause for a moment, her fingers fiddling with the small buttons of his long sleeved shirt. Once his shirt was off, she concentrated on his long dark blue jeans. His eyes closed slightly, smiling while she carefully took his jeans off then tossed it aside. She found herself smiling in return, admiring the details all over his bare body. Her stare traveled from his wet lips to his toes, even towards the middle of his body.

    He looks so handsome…

    Ash attempted to move, but felt he had to control himself. He wanted to take off that nightdress, wishing it would fall onto the wooden floor. His face flushed at the thought of her bare body. Misty giggled, winking playfully at him. "I don't mind, Ash. You can take it off, unless… you'd rather I'd do it."

    He shook his head rather quickly, his hands about to lower her nightdress. "Misty, are you sure... you want to do this?"

    "Yes, Ash."

    The young man took a deep breath, and then slowly moved the spaghetti straps down her shoulders, carefully watching the piece fall with such grace. Oh god, he thought, watching her in amazement. Never had he seen such a beauty... not like this.

    His gazing stare made her cheeks redden. She had never allowed anyone to see her in this manner, and couldn't help but to feel a bit awkward. Her sisters have always teased her looks, even by the other girls throughout the past making her feel so ashamed of her looks. With that, her creamy hands rose to cover her breasts, but then were lowered… by him. She glanced at him shyly, managing to look into those wondrous chocolate brown eyes.

    "Don't be shy," his voice assured her in a gentle tone, "I love you just the way you are."

    H-how did he do this? She wondered to herself, not knowing how to react. He could be so goofy, dense, and… just so… kind.

    "I, uh… thanks Ash. That was very sweet of you."

    "Anytime," he whispered, smiling at her.

    She wrapped her arms around his bare body, allowing the two to connect with one another. He breathed deeply at the sight of feeling her breasts against his chest for the first time… like this. The young woman blushed, finding herself at eye level with him when she realized his growing erection. He noticed her shy look, but then made the feeling fly away by pressing his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, trying to control her desires.

    But wait, they had agreed that they do want to do this… to have a family.

    Her eyes reopened, recognizing that the two still had their last pieces of clothing on. He nodded his head, as if trying to ask her if she wished to continue; she replied in response with a nod.

    They released each other from their embrace, seizing the moment to take off their last bits of clothing. The two stared in awe at each other, causing their bodies to come close.

    His chest was the tone of a light tan, showing more signs of maturity than before. She shuddered at the sight of such magnificence… such beauty. His eyes had not changed, still consisting of kindness and fierce determination. Strands of his raven hair were in front of his brown eyes. It was messy as always, but that was the way she liked it. The tiny zigzags remained but were barely seen due to his maturing. His height was greater than hers at last after who knows how many years. She couldn't help but to stare at his hard member. Her cheeks blushed, thinking she would never see him like this, but the beautiful sight had her aroused.

    The young man stared at her yet again, tracing every inch of her body. He noticed that her breasts were apparent, something that he liked very much. Her hair was the tone of pure sunset, something that was so rare and valuable. Those cerulean eyes of hers, the color of a warm ocean… oh, how they shone brightly. A vanilla scent came from her, entrancing him. He longed to touch her, to explore her, to show her how much he loved her…

    Suddenly, the Pokémon Master picked up the Cerulean Gym Leader, carrying her sweet naked body over towards their bedroom. She was a bit alarmed by this but enjoyed the special heartwarming treatment he gave her. His foot kicked the door open, but found himself going a tad off balance, nearly dropping her.

    "Ash, you better not drop me!"

    "I won't, trust me."

    Once he regained balance, he settled his lover gently on the large king sized bed. The bed consisted of a coffee toned quilt along with many cream toned bed sheets right under. Plenty of pillows with soft cross-hatching patterns were there as well. The walls of the room were the color red, the tone known for passion. A massive painting that gave every viewer the sight of peace and tranquility had been placed on the center wall, overlooking the furniture. It nicely contrasted the bold hue of the wall, allowing anyone to sleep peacefully.

    Oh, but not tonight... certainly not tonight.

    Two dark colored night tables were set on each side of the bed, each one with an elegant looking lamp along with a few portraits of the wondrous duo. Photos that captured their youth, strength, and various happy times throughout the past but of course there was room for more. Two large dressers were set on each side of the room although one could tell the difference over whose was whose. Clearly, it was Ash's side that was messier than of Misty's. The only items that we were on the soft wood floor were their clothes curled into a pile alongside the bed.

    The young man climbed onto the bed, his well built tanned body hovering over hers, staring at the body of a goddess... his goddess of the sea. Slowly, he reached over to her neck, leaving a trail of small wet kisses behind. He heard her breathe close to his ear, whispering his name. She had the softest skin he had ever felt in his life, guiding his fingers along her neck, sensing that her pulse was quickening. Grinning at this, he whispered sweet words of love into her ear, causing his lover to wrap her arms around his body. Her very lips spread into a moan of longing when the young man moved lower, kissing the spot between her breasts. His hands soon roamed over them, carefully massaging her as gently as possible. After a few seconds, his hands squeezed while she moaned with pleasure, brushing his hair with her fingers.

    Oh, how she loved it.

    He continued squeezing her breasts in a manner that was not too hard, although he knew that his fiery redhead would welcome rough play. Licking his lips, he slowly pressed them against her breasts, kissing her there in a slow and sensual manner. The way she reacted… he could tell that her sweet body craved for more. His fingers reached over to her light pink nipples, squeezing them tenderly while she cried out louder. By this time, both of her hands were over his hair, loving the treatment so far. He felt her back arch when the determined young man managed to hold one of her firm breasts in his mouth, lightly sucking on the spot.

    Good god, she could not believe as to how much she admired this. She stroked his hair, implying for him to move to the lower parts of her body, giving her exactly what she wanted although he did not exactly understand what she meant. When he faced her with his eyes, she could tell that his face was flushed from what he had recently done.

    "Where next…?" he asked in a low tone, panting a bit.

    She shook her head slowly. “No, it’s my turn.”

    The passionate redhead switched positions with her lover, moving her fingers across his chest lightly. He shuddered from her touch but found himself grinning at her. She gently pressed her lips against his chest, kissing the spot. God, she loved all of his body. Such a beautiful piece of artwork made just for her.

    He stroked her hair softly with his hands while she continued her treatment, going lower. The creamy fingertips reached his hard member, slowly running her index finger across. He tensed in response, feeling his heart skip a beat when she touched him there. A smile came from her, her hand stroking him a little deeper. The gym leader found herself enjoying his reaction, rubbing her lover harder.

    The way she was pleasuring him like this had him rock hard, wanting to take her every second that passed. When he felt her heavenly lips make contact with his hardness, he could not help but to stroke her hair, moaning her name.

    “Misty,” his voice managed to speak, “We need each other.”

    She released him from the treatment and nodded. “Oh Ash, I love you so much.”

    “I know. I love you, too,” he replied with a loving smile. “Should we?”

    “It’s ‘shall we’, Ash.” She corrected, giggling at his mistake.

    “Okay then, shall we?” he questioned, shifting positions yet again; this time, her body was under his power yet again. Ash stared at his precious Misty, his one and only.

    “Make love to me,” she whispered softly.

    He nodded, gently spreading her legs apart while she smiled warmly at him. He smiled in return, stroking her cheek adjusting his hardness, sliding it inside of her sweet body. A sharp breath came from her as he lightly teased her with it.

    Oh, how he tortured her like this. She had to admit she liked it... a lot.

    His body continued, going much deeper than before. When he had reached her barrier, he whispered to her that it would only hurt for a bit; she nodded in return as he first kissed the palm of her hand lovingly, then soon broke it with a strong thrust.

    She released a cry of pain, knowing how these old cruel rituals would hurt. Although she kept in mind that pain comes in a form of healing, using it to her advantage. She breathed deeply, panting until she had noticed that their bodies were locked together… becoming one.

    He stared at her the entire time, entranced by how she looked. While deeply staring into those aquamarine eyes of hers, his hand reached over to hers as he locked their fingers together.

    “I love you.”

    “I love you, too.”

    Once he felt her hips relax by a few degrees, he slowly began to make love to her. Each thrust caused her to cry out in pleasure, her breasts making contact with his chest. The passionate duo continued their erotic dance of love, their bodies shaking wildly. Their cries became uncontrollable, holding onto each other tightly.

    He soon heard her let out a fairly loud scream, her body going rigid for a moment. The young man held his lover as she breathed deeply from her sudden release. It was not long after he had come to his release as well, both of their fluids contacting together.

    What a feeling.

    The two adults breathed heavily, their bodies withdrawing from each other and fell onto the sheets of the bed. They were completely spent. His trembling fingers carefully ran through her hair, caressing his redhead. She went into his welcoming arms as they relaxed. The two held each other for a long time, thinking to themselves how wonderful it felt to make love. She glanced over at him, her lovely eyes shimmering with admiration but also showed signs of fatigue. He smiled weakly at her, kissing the top of her forehead.

    “That was…”

    “Amazing, wasn’t it?” Misty finished, giggling.

    He nodded, burying his lips onto her neck. God, she smelled so good. Her cheeks blushed slightly but then soon breathed softly. Her eyes closed, wanting to sleep. He stared at her, but then shut his eyes as well while his fingers traveled through her hair. So pure and innocent… he could hardly wait for later.

    By this time, the golden moon had finally set into the midnight sky. The clouds moved slightly across, keeping the crescent shape company. A soothing wind moved through the air of winter.

    Ash and Misty were left asleep next to each other, the two wrapping their arms around like a precious china doll that could not be forgotten. What a wonderful night of love... oh, this was paradise. This was no dream, it had finally happened. From this special night, the two had learned to love, to respect each other… in the hidden depths of love. It was a feeling that could not be denied. Their love had blossomed into a rare flower, the kind that is hardly seen in life itself. No one could separate them. Mere insults would not reach their everlasting aura, an aura that had a world only of themselves.

    No matter what happened, Ash and Misty were never alone… they had each other… always and forever.



    Notes [2]: *swoons to herself* Oh, I can't believe how happy I am with this! This is the first Pokeshipping NC-17 fic that's here, so ZOMG. I feel special. xDDDDDD

    I have done my best to keep Ash and Misty in character as much as possible. I found Ash to be the most difficult to develop in this one since he's normally dense as hell. He still has it in here, so I'm hoping he isn't out of character. Same with Misty. So, please review/let me know your thoughts?! ;; I'll die as a happy fangirl for sure! xD
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    3,711

    Default

    SLKFHSF Like I said in LJ, this was awesome! You wrote it so well and the details of the smut was wonderfully written that well, it's a lot better than what a lot of people could do, even myself (not bragging or anything). I just loved it through and through, so wonderful work, Kris.

    *Shot for not rereading it* SORRY. But I loved it. Oh yeah, you did keep them pretty in-character even though you made it set in the future and when they're married. But that's fine, better than sex before marriage, lmao.

    COOKIE SEX.
    [IMG]http://i36.*******.com/1629qpx.jpg[/IMG]

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    LMAO! XD

    Aww, thaks a whole bunch for reviewing... again! xD Trust me, it took me months to do that, considering how the time Ash and Misty were in there was around January, so yeah. xDDD I take my sweet time with this stuff. xD I'm the best out there but i certainly do try my best. :3

    Yes! What's funny is that before I didn't have them married beforehand but then thought, "Wait a second, I bet I'm going to get someone pointing this out saying that it's not good" and blah blah blah. xDDDD So I made them married. *dances* Ash was the hardest to do; the guy is always dense but I'm glad to hear that I kept them in character. Yays! :3

    LMFAO! YES. XDDDD And thank you for the wonderful review, my Crazy Twin! <3
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Switzerland, Europe
    Posts
    1,469

    Default

    Wow...I "needed" to read this xDD
    Let's start with the bad thing : you know, I always have a tendency to overuse a few words, or punctuations...like commas or ellipses...
    You, I noticed that here, you used 9 times, sometimes in a very short space, the expression "oh" as in "Oh not tonight" which was the only thing that became repetitive...

    Otherwise it was kinda epic I must admit o_o
    Her being a Godess, his body being a piece of artwork...damn ! I was like "WHOA !! O_o" all the time while reading it, wondering what will she use as an expression next ?

    The end, the actual NC-17 part was very well written, not at all rushed, not at all left incomplete, not missing a thing.
    Which is the same thing for the whole fic, you could feel that you took your time to correct every mistake, adjust every flaw, which is why I couldn't find any mistakes !! yay !

    Ash joking about his denseness made me laugh ^^
        Spoiler:- Me, my guts, and NC-17 PS fics...:


    Er...that said, I feel you should be praised ! This was, for a fic this rating, very hard to write propperly, and you managed !

    Yeah, closing words...epic-like xD Vivid description, and voila, you got your five star rating, because this fic was short, intense and enjoyable, just like the sex they had *shot*
    Because of serebiiforums, my Life has been put on hold...

    ...wait, that sounds wrong...
    ...yeah, it's the other way around.

    My Works : A, B, C, D, E

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    33

    Default

    I found this to be really romantic. I imagined everything that was going on. This was very skillfully written and thought out. Great to see more great NC-17 writers like yourself on here. Rather sweet you made them get married.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Yay, s_s! I should have known this would attract you. xDD I abuse the comma at times, yes. xD Although I use a lot because it makes the read a little more poetic. I do have a poetic side of me as weird as it sounds. xD I'll work on that habit, though. :3

    xD!!! Epic, that sure is new! Thankies! =D I love to surprise readers. >D

    I feel proud because there are no mistakes in here. Makes me happy. I've edited this one so many times I lost count. xDD And yes, making Ash dense is always fun. I always have to squish that in there in every PS fic I write. I don't know, I like making Ash dense. xD

    Aww, no worries. I understand. Trust me, it was tough to think of the whole thing considering that the idea came back in the end of November so yeah. xD I also cannot picture them coming to this sort of state unless in the end of the anime we see their children, and then we'll talk. xD I'll be all "Yes, now it makes sense!" [/crack] Most NC-17 fics are rather difficult to read through, I admit. But I have to admit, it's always been in my crazy dreams for them to come this far [even though the chances of that is pretty much zero].

    Yays! I'm glad you ended up liking it. It's hard to make people come to accept a NC-17 fic since many of them have extremely bad reputations. ^^; But yays, thank you! I appreciate your review! Thanks a bunch! :3 And five stars?! You're too kind. ;_____;


    Oh, thank you buffydawn101! I'm happy to see that you thought it was romantic! That was exactly what I was going for! *hugs* And yes, I couldn't resist but to marry them beforehand. I blame Miyabic-san and her epic fanarts for making me do that. xD But thank you again for the review! :3
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    978

    Default

    I wonder if you're surprised to see me here, since I've said before I don't like lemons? But here's the thing, on the one hand I don't like lemons, and on the other I read just about anything sometimes. Ha ha, I'm such a hypocrite, I read the D.A. series and you could make lemonade out of that.

    But anyway, I'm glad you made them married. It actually makes this different and easier to read. Thank you so much for the lack of oral (except for that little part with Misty), because gags despite what some might believe that is not required to "do it". And it disgusts me, doing it is one thing, that is another when it involves eating it. Ew. And you know, I like reading the "Song of Solomon", one of the more interesting books in the Bible, and that's marriage too so...

    As for the fic itself, well like others have said it was epic. O.O Everything was really descriptive. And the sentences flowed together.

    Do I like reading lemon fics now? Nope. Did I like reading this? Kind of, sort of. Tis a good fic, for being lemon. It's just that it's not my thing, and seeing Ash and Misty that way is always weird. But you did it really well. And marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing so...

    All together I would give it a 8.5/10

    But for the genre it gets a 10/10

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Because we call can't have enogh Pokeshipping fics to read. xD And no worries. I normally don't really like lemons as well but I've read some good ones out there that inspired to write this one. Plus Miyabic-san's fanarts of them being married. xD

    Originally, I didn't have them married. I was going to have Ash propose to her in this one, but then I thought that it would have more significance in another fic someday. And then I knew that people would have to say something about the whole "sex does not come before marriage". xD But yes, I do like putting a little foreplay. I tried not to overdo too much because I know people would be disgusted by it. Then again, this is sex we're talking about; it's never clean. xDDDDDD

    Ah, yays! I'm glad you liked that aspect of this one. ^^

    I think it just takes some time to get used to a genre. The only kind of lemon I can't stand is to have the characters have multiple orgasms or fighting with others to get whomever they want. Other than that, I do know very few Pokeshipping lemons that are good. Ah, I blame LiveJournal. xD

    But thanks a bunch for the review, Yoshi-kun! I'm glad and appreciate the fact that you reviewed this one regardless of your dislike for lemons. ^^
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Liverpool, NY
    Posts
    103

    Default

    Wow, that was the first pokeshipping lemon I've read and I enjoyed it. How you described was appropriate and subtle, but I still had a feeling for what was happening. "Their erotic dance of love" That was my favorite description of it. It was, well, beautiful
    "Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die." -Alaska Young (Looking For Alaska)

    Contestshipping
    <3
    Andrew James Vivelo
    eleven.six.oheight

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Aww, thank you so much Haruka! I'm happy that you really enjoyed this one! Oh, that was one of my favorite lines as well! ^^
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Training at Sootopolis City
    Posts
    1,698

    Default

    Hm...I don't usually read NC-17 as I feel uncomfortable reading sex scenes sometimes, but after reading one thread at the Authors Cafe a while ago, I'm beginning to be very curious how writers write out the sex scenes. XD

    Anyways, I have to say that this is quite good and it's pretty much like what everyone else said. Love the emotional description you did there as I can feel Ash and Misty's uneasiness and excitement of their first physical contact with each other. Also, you did put them in character, so it's all good.

    There's one thing I want to mention though and it's you use of adjectives. I say that adjectives are good to make descriptions colorful and such, but sometimes could be used the wrong way if you're not careful. There are a few times that you used the adjectives to describe Misty and Ash's thoughts of each other but there were times when the narrator kind of use it outright. Here's an example of each:

    His chest was the tone of a light tan, showing more signs of maturity than before. She shuddered at the sight of such magnificence… such beauty. His eyes had not changed, still consisting of kindness and fierce determination. Strands of his raven hair were in front of his brown eyes. It was messy as always, but that was the way she liked it. The tiny zigzags remained but were barely seen due to his maturing. His height was greater than hers at last after who knows how many years. She couldn't help but to stare at his hard member. Her cheeks blushed, thinking she would never see him like this, but the beautiful sight had her aroused.

    The young man stared at her yet again, tracing every inch of her body. He noticed that her breasts were apparent, something that he liked very much. Her hair was the tone of pure sunset, something that was so rare and valuable. Those cerulean eyes of hers, the color of a warm ocean… oh, how they shone brightly. A vanilla scent came from her, entrancing him. He longed to touch her, to explore her, to show her how much he loved her…
    This quote you did well with using adjectives to describe both Misty and Ash's thoughts of each other. The first part you have Misty all excited when he saw him naked, the same goes when Ash saw Misty with nothing on.

    The young man climbed onto the bed, his well built tanned body hovering over hers, staring at the body of a goddess... his goddess of the sea.
    She glanced over at him, her lovely eyes shimmering with admiration but also showed signs of fatigue. He smiled weakly at her, kissing the top of her forehead.
    These next two examples are of the narrator saying outright of Ash and Misty's looks in adjectives. The thing is not everyone will think Ash has a well-built body and there are those that think Dawn and May are more hot! XD In all serious though, using adjectives like beautiful and ugly to describe a person kind of makes it as if a writer's screaming to the reader, "This main character is beautiful so that mean she'll be great!" and also as if they're rating which characters are more good, bad, popular, etc. If in first person narration, won't have too much trouble with it as the story is in one character's POV of the other characters. In third person, however, adjectives have to be more carefully used. Sorry if I went overboard but it's a pet peeve of mine and I admit I made that mistake a couple of times myself. XD Overall though, you did used the adjectives carefully, just a few bumps here and there. :3

    Well, again great work here! Now I might want to read more of your works. ^^


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Oh hello there, Bay! It's a honor to see a review from you! =D

    I'm very happy that you, like everybody else, was fond of the story overall. I tried my best to keep these two in character. It wasn't easy, but I'm happy that I accomplished that even in this genre. That's so difficult to do in NC-17 fics so that I kept them in character just thrills me.

    Oh okay! I see what you're saying! Thanks a bunch for pointing that out! I'll be sure to take very careful notes of narration. I think that's one thing I could work on besides the commas. I now see exactly what you mean. I'll be sure to pay more attention to this in my writing. ^^ And oh no, don't worry! I actually love it when people point out things like this. It makes me very determined to become a better writer. =D

    Thank you so much for the kind review, Bay! Feel free to read any of my other works. I think anyone would enjoy. ^^
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    London
    Posts
    1,419

    Default

    *Sighs in relief* Thank you, Mist. So much elegance, so much beauty, so much grace. Yes, Mist, I’m talking about Sakaki from Azumanga Daioh. ^_^

    Joking aside. Normally, I don’t review lemons because I have this sort of distaste for them after reading them out of boredom and curiosity. I read a few of these and some of them put me off because of their bad writing, some were too graphical or descriptive, some were over the top, some had multi orgasms, etc. Basically, I found them uncomfortable to read. But I’m willing to make this one-shot an exception for the following reasons.

    Everything was described beautifully with so much grace in it from start to finish. Some people may think that you should add more to the descriptions but for me, I don’t care because I think it’s more than enough. The characters were in character with their anime selves; obviously, as you get older, you would become more mature and wiser… although you can still have a bit of a dense side, like Ash had and like the way you described him. And everything they did… I’m speechless. All I can say that they blew me away.

    In short: The scenery, the actions and emotions of the characters, everything, brilliant.

    Question:     Spoiler:- Clicky ^^:

    Check these out:

    Thanks for the card, Skiks
    Pokemon Impact (PG13):
    Series: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 (Cancelled)

    Starring Black Jack, a veteran pokemon trainer who saves the lives of others while breaking necks of his enemies in cold blood. You want action? You got action!
    (Continue or Reboot? That is the question.)

    Goldenrod High (Chaptered Comedy Multishipping fic PG13) Updated: 02/12/09
    Who says school is just for learning? ^^

    Check out my other stories, and everyone else's in the Completed Fics forum!

    Been doing some singing and voice impressions too! Check me out at the Brian Random Channel Thread!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Oh LMAO, I was all "Huh?" at first. xD Hi, Brian! And you're welcome? xD

    It's very difficult to write a lemon. I didn't know how hard it was going to be when I first started this in December. I just kept adding to it little by little while editing it countless times. But yeah, I completely agree that a lot of lemons turn me off as well. I once read a Pokeshipping lemon on another site and it made me want to punch something. I tried doing something different for this one. But, I'm glad you read this one and reviewed. :3

    Oh my god, I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you! ;; I'm surprised that people actually liked it! I would think that most people would be disgusted by this genre, but this makes me happy. Thankies! :3

    Yay, that's what I was going for! And I saw that you nominated this one, so thank you so much! =D

        Spoiler:- xD:


    Anyways, thanks for the review again, Brian! I highly appreciate it. :3
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  15. #15
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    The Giant Mitten
    Posts
    4,504

    Default

    Holy crap, I AM FINALLY HERE.

    Notes [2]: *swoons to herself* Oh, I can't believe how happy I am with this! This is the first Pokeshipping NC-17 fic that's here, so ZOMG. I feel special. xDDDDDD
    GOOD THING, TOO. If it had been some n00bish author...oh god. XD; Anyways, onto the review!!

    Oh wow, I know I've said this in previous reviews to your fics, but man, YOUR DESCRIPTION > ALL. I could totally imagine EVERYTHING, and that doesn't happen too often when Chelc reads fanfiction. Yeah, just wanted to let ya know that.

    And like, this was reallyreally different from any of the lemons I have ever read. It wasn't like totally disgusting and OOC (like most Pokemon lemons I come across) - it was a very enjoyable read, and you got the feeling that they really loved each other, which btw, is a VERY good thing, especially when it comes to PS.

    My favorite parts were probably Ash's thoughts while Misty was eating the croissant (lmao - "she's teasing me again!"), and when Ash said "should we?" instead of "shall we?" xD And yeah, of course the whole love-making scene, too, that I can't even put into words because it was so amazingly written. ;3

    This probably sounds kinda weird, but...I loved this part:

    Ash and Misty were left asleep next to each other, the two wrapping their arms around like a precious china doll that could not be forgotten.
    It was just so awesome. <3 I don't know, don't ask, but I really liked it. XD; Prolly cuz it sounds so original.

    If you couldn't tell, I THOUGHT THIS WAS AWESOME. 928039028390823/5 stars, for srs. 8D Keep up the good work, Kris! I can't wait to read more of your fics!!

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    YAY! I KNEW YOU WOULD BE HERE SOONER OR LATER.

    Oh yeah, us Pokeshippers would be devasted if we got bad lemons. *shot* xD

    OH YES! <3 I'm happy to hear that I can give you all imagery! *cackles* Yes, I have made Chelc happy with this lemon. Woo.

    Yays! I'm glad that this isn't like most lemons. Most of them are just... unbearable to read. It's good to hear that I accomplished this with Pokeshipping. :3

    Yes, I had to include Ash's denseness. Even in a lemon, I have to squish that in there; it's a part of me that has the urge to make him that way. wth. xD

    Oooh, so glad you liked that part! I liked it a bunch, too. I don't know where the hell I get china dolls, though. [/insanemind] But thankies!

    OH YEAH, I FEEL THE LOVE, WTH. THANK YOU CHELC. <3
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    South Dakota? Where's that?!
    Posts
    57

    Default

    OMG!!OMG!! I never thought that a story like this would be good but that just destroyed that idea. It was amazing!! Ash finally learned how to be romantic..about time XD.
    “I know. I love you, too,” he replied with a loving smile. “Should we?”

    “It’s ‘shall we’, Ash.” She corrected, giggling at his mistake.
    Even then, she had to correct him. Thats pretty much how they are around each other, just a little more matured. I loved how passionate they were about it. I love reading each of your stories. I cant get enough!
    Friend Code: 2794-5333-2430

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Oh yay, a review! Thanks so much TheKickerofElves for giving me a review! It's very hard to imagine Ash being romantic at this point of the anime so when I made the characters older, it was a lot easier. It was still a challenge to work with Ash's character. I didn't want him to be too romantic or else people would think he's too OOC. xD But thank you! I appreciate the reviews! :3
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    New Bark Town
    Posts
    982

    Default

    I must say, this is positively brilliant! I've been reading fan fictions and shipping fics for close to a year and a half, and in my time reading, I honestly can say that this is the best one I've read by far.

    The description is superb, I really felt like I was in the apartment. Also, I know that Pokeshipping is common to a certain extent, but I felt that this was beyond that pokeshipping stereotype. There were no grammar and spelling mistakes, your skill is superb. Also, Ash and Misty were aged perfectly, while maintaining character. This was sheer perfection!

    I commend you on an excellent job, and congrats on writing the first NC-17 pokeshipping fic here on the forums!
    Last edited by legendarypokemonjunkie17; 31st March 2008 at 3:39 AM.
    Wish that I could be on more, but life happens. If you need anything, lemme know.

    (I'm an English major. I know how to read and write. If you need someone to proofread any fanfiction, I'm your guy.)

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Oh, what a wonderful review! Thank you legendarypokemonjunkie17! I'm happy to know that you enjoyed this one-shot. And gosh, the best one? You all flatter me. xDDD

    Yup, I thought that setting this one in an apartment would be most appropriate for Ash and Misty. I always pictured either one of them [or both] often traveling around, so I would think that it'd be a little pointless to set them in their own house. And bingo, that's where the idea of an apartment would come! xD I'm very happy to know that this one-shot is out of the typical stereotype kind of explicit fic; thankies! But wow, perfection? You're all being too nice! xD

    Yay, thank you again! I'm always happy to see a review! :3 And go me for posting the first NC-17 PS fic! I'm so proud! *air punch* xD
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    The Deep (Fried) South
    Posts
    5,222

    Default

    I liked it. I thought it was a realistic situation, and you portrayed their embarrassment well. I liked the tenderness of the scene. The only thing I would do is tone down the poetic imagery a little. Some is fine, but it gets a bit... cheesy after a while. But other than that, it's great.
    These are my fanfics. Read them. Or not, whatever.
    Pokemon Generations: Satsumi's Journey (Chapter 2 Now Up!)
    My Fanfiction.net Profile

    This is my Tumblr. Read it if you are so inclined.
    The Philosophy of Shipping (shipdr.tumblr.com)

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Oh, Hakajin, great to see you here! :3 I know, sometimes I'm just a romantic sap when it comes to writing, but I'm happy to know that you enjoyed it! I'm glad that it sounded realistic to you because I'm often thinking "Well, it's gonna happen at some point in their lives!" All I need is just to see them when they're older and I will die a happy fangirl. Thanks so much for the review, I appreciate it! ^^
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    51

    Default

    Wow! That was...oh how do you say it? Incredible! This was wonderful, and the first pokeshipping lemon I have read. Your detail was superb since you used just the right level that everything flowed so nicely and so the lemon wasn't all that graphic. I thought it was a great idea that they were married, it just makes the whole idea of them having sex more...ideal? I loved it. ^__^! Kudos to you.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Somewhere between NY and DE
    Posts
    449

    Default

    I'm glad I got the oppurtunity to read this fic Mist, I didn't even know it existed! To be honest, I don't mind these fics, I actually find it interesting to read them . So of course, I was intrigued to read it.

    The detail is, as always in your style, great and very encompassing. Everything from Ash and Misty to the apartment in which they were was described beautifully. The only problem was I felt that Ash was a bit OOC; I don't know I just felt that the playfulness in his character was kind of lost. :/

    Other than that, the scenes were good and pretty racy (as the rating is sure to describe it ) And it didn't feel like porn, it was more romanticized so it's good that you know where that fine line is.

    I definitely hope you do more fics like these in the future, if not, something less racier then.

    Take care
    Read and Review my Fic:
    A Journey of Souls


    Banner given to me by my great friend MistyLover, made by the talented AmazingKiss
    Currently Posted: Chapter 18-The Venox Vanishings
    Currently Working On: Chapter 22

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    the eventless island
    Posts
    2,494

    Default

    Oh, I'm so sorry for the late reply, guys! ;_____;

    @ Kasumi_HiME: Aww, thank you for the kind words! This oneshot is considered to be my treasure so I'm happy you liked it! :3

    @ el_toro: Oooh, nice to see you reviewing here! =D I know a lot of people are often curious about NC-17 fics & most of them go over the line too much, so I spent a lot of time trying not to. Ash's character was a great challenge for me to imagine in the future so I kept debating to myself what to do with him for this one. It's often difficult to incoporate the idea of sex for them even as adults, but I get what you mean by that. xD Thanks for your input! :3 I might do another one sometime but already have other ideas up my sleeve. xDD Thanks for your review! =D
    For those who'd like to keep in contact, you know where to find me. ♥

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •