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Thread: Summer's Alright (An Ikarishipping Story)

  1. #1

    Default Summer's Alright (An Ikarishipping Story)

    Hi there! This is my fic on ikarishipping, the pairing of Dawn and Paul. This story includes lots of advanceshipping as well and some egoshipping, but only like one part. The main object of the story though, is ikarishipping! And I apologize if I go on too much about what they wear or the scenery, I just love seeing things clearly in my head! Anyways, I thought hard about the rating and I have decided to go with R. Lastly, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't flame me. Thanks for coming to my thread, I hope you enjoy the first chapter!




    Summer's Alright




    Chapter 1






    Sunlight shone brightly across the beach, making every grain of sand look like a sparkling diamond. The water

    splashed up onto the shore gently, washing up and taking back porcelain seashells. The sound of the ocean soothed the day,

    making the beach the most peaceful area around. On the beach, far from the shore was a gigantic penthouse. The whole back and

    sides of it were covered with crystal clear windows that revealed the beautiful interior design. The windows showed the living room

    mainly. In the front was a large, plasma screen television with a long, squared leather couch chain. There was also a small kitchen

    that could be seen a little but a white wall covered most of it from the outside. On the second floor of the penthouse was a large,

    lovely balcony that faced the whole entire front of the beach.




    On the balcony stood a young girl with silky long blue hair. She was leaned quietly against the swirl rail of the

    balcony, calmly watching as the soft waves of the ocean lapped at the shore. She had strikingly beautiful dark blue eyes that wore

    a look of what looked like blissfulness. The girl wore blue clips in her hair and a lapis blue top. The top draped down beautifully and

    it had flutter sleeves. She wore a black onyx choker and black jean shorts and finally paired it with small strappy black heels. The

    girl sighed, inhaling the peaceful beach air.



    "Dawn! Did you put your luggage away?" called a voice. The girl called Dawn turned around to see her best

    friend, May Maple running onto the balcony. May had light brown hair and wore a red ruffle front top with petal sleeves. She wore

    black jeans and wedges and for her final touch, she wore a black beanie with a woolen bow on the side. Dawn nodded.


    "Yep! Did you?" she asked. May nodded excitedly. She then grabbed her friend's hand and began to pull her

    away from the balcony and inside.


    "Isn't this amazing? I can't believe my parents let us stay in the penthouse for the summer! It's gonna be wild
    and fun!" she exclaimed. Dawn gave her a warm smile.


    "Well we can't be THAT wild. Remember, we promised our parents we wouldn't drink or get high or leave this
    place in our stay, AND your butler, Smith, was sent with us just in case," she reminded May of the various rules their parents had
    put up. May nodded.


    "Of course I won't forget the rules! My mom made me memorize them every night before we came, anyways,
    let's go, Smith has the car ready," May started to pull Dawn back downstairs again quickly.


    "Where are we going?" she called. As the two reached the first floor, May turned to Dawn.


    "To dinner of course! I made reservations at this really lovely restaurant called 'The Grape Oasis'. It's supposed
    to be really nice." May smiled. Dawn sagged her shoulders.


    "I don't know, why don't we just eat here? I don't really feel like going out..." she looked down. May frowned.


    "Dawn, it's been a month since the break up, you have to get out and forget about him!" she said. Dawn felt her heart lower as she thought her ex-boyfriend. She sighed slowly and May put her hand on her shoulder.


    "Let's go, I assure you you'll feel better," she said. Dawn looked up and smiled a little for her friend. May was
    always by her side. The two then ran to get their purses and were soon out the door.





    The girls walked out of the penthouse and May locked the doors behind her. Giorgio Smith, May's butler stood

    outside holding the door of a small limousine giving them a welcoming smile. Smith was an old, but nice man who had been May's

    butler and friend since she was able to walk.


    "Hello girls," he greeted them as they piled into the car.


    "Hi Smith! After you drop us off, you're free to go anywhere you'd like!" May said. Dawn sat in the back next to
    May and Smith closed the door.


    "Thank you Miss Maple, I have decided to visit the museum and and a couple of antique shops," he said as he
    got into the driver's seat. May laughed.


    "You're gonna add more to your historical items collection?" she asked. Smith was very much into history and he
    loved learning.


    "Definitely!" said Smith. The limo slowly began to pull out and the three stirred up a conversation.





    Dawn Aihara and May Maple were seventeen year old girls who were both part of very wealthy families. The

    two families had agreed to let the girls travel to their penthouse for the summer. The penthouse wasn't too far from home, but

    since the girls were going to be staying for some time, their parents had sent May's butler along with them to keep an eye on

    them. Dawn listened smiling as May and Smith argued about which kind of breakfasts were better: pancakes or waffles. She then

    looked back, remembering Kenny. Her heart throbbed a little but she brushed the feeling off a little, she had to enjoy this trip for

    May. It was her idea that they get away for the summer and forget all about him. Dawn looked out the window and up at the sky.

    Let this summer fun... She silently prayed.





    "C'mon Paul, Tiki Corner has the best mango smoothies!" Ash slapped his friend's back enthusiastically. Ash

    Ketchum was a dark haired, seventeen year old boy with a pair of dark colored eyes. He had a handsome face and looked

    confident. He wore a black baseball cap and a black mid-sleeved button-up shirt that was dark blue. Lastly, he wore black jeans.

    Next to him sat a more serious looking boy with lavender colored hair who looked about the same age. He wore a black shirt similar

    to Ash's except his sleeves were rolled up. He also had dark eyes. This boy was called Paul Gunther.


    "All right Mr. Ketchum, we have almost reached your destination," called the driver, Mr. Montgomery. The boys

    sat in the back of a black BMW with Ash's driver Mr. Montgomery.


    "Thanks Monty," he smiled. Paul sat with hi back leaned against the cool leather seats. His arms were folded as

    usual and he showed no emotion in his eyes. Ash sighed.


    "This trip is a good idea! Think of the chicks, parties!" he exclaimed. Mr. Montgomery cleared his throat loudly.


    "Not like that, Monty!" Ash protested. Paul gave a smirk of amusement but remained quiet.


    "Well, we're still gonna have fun, I bet you fifty bucks we'll see a pair of cute girls at our next stop," he grinned.


    Paul's ears pricked to this. Ash had no chance of winning. It was a free handout.

    "You're on." he replied holding out his hand. The two shook hands on the bet and Ash began to talk again about

    how Tiki Corner was amazing. Paul sat back and looked up. He knew Ash didn't mind his quiet personality but he had gone through

    the trouble of begging their parents to send them on a trip here with his chauffeur and butler. The two came from two wealthy

    families as well. Paul closed his eyes and smirked again. This wouldn't be so bad. The car suddenly came to a slow stop and Mr.

    Montgomery looked back at the boys.


    "We have arrived at Tiki Corner. Call me if you need anything," he said as Ash and Paul slipped out.


    "Thanks Monty! See ya!" he called. Paul waved goodbye too as the BMW drove off and the two boys looked up

    at the restaurant. It was small, but there were many tables outside and it looked very lively. The two walked in.





    "Have fun girls!" called Smith as he drove away. May and Dawn waved to him as the limo pulled away and soon

    disappeared from sight. The two then turned around to see the Grape Oasis in front. May clapped her hands together in delight.

    The building was built beautifully with long pillars hanging down in front of the entrance and many tables were outside guarded by

    a pretty black fence that was covered with roses. People conversed happily outside, sitting on the steps or next to the entrance

    waiting to be called in for their table. Dawn looked at the building in awe and her regrets of coming quickly disappeared.


    "Come on!" May yelled and she pulled Dawn through the glass doors. The inside of the restaurant was even

    more beautiful. A large chandelier hung up in the customer waiting area. In the corner was the big pedestal where the host stood

    and next to it was a big pot of white orchids. There were three pretty white wood sofas and people sat down chatting amongst

    themselves. May and Dawn shuffled up to the host. He was an old man who looked as if her were balding. He had a look of

    distress in his eyes.


    "Yes?" he asked wearily as the two girls walked up to him. Dawn blinked a little at his poor greeting but said

    nothing as May stepped up front.


    "We have reservations under Maple, table for two?" she asked. The man sighed and began to flip through his

    big brown book. Her paused for a second and then raised an eyebrow.


    "I don't have a Maple anywhere listed," he began. May widened her eyes.


    "What? But I made reservations in the evening!" she yelled. Dawn folded her arms in frustration.


    "Please madam, we must have had an overload. You see, our restaurant is extremely crowded today and your

    reservation must have been erased from the list--"


    "Excuse me? I'm not gonna wait, I rightfully had a table damnit!" May hissed. The host seemed to be getting a

    headache so Dawn stepped in.


    "Sir, how long would we have to wait for a table?" she asked. The host looked back into the dining area and


    then sighed.


    "We're completely booked." he shrugged. May groaned angrily and Dawn waved goodbye quickly to the host as

    she pulled her out.


    "Oh hell! Well this is just great, I guess we'll just have to call Smith to pick us up." May sighed with

    disappointment as they walked down the steps. The city now looked beautiful. All the street lights were on and so were the shop

    lights. People walked along the streets and cars zoomed by quickly. Dawn looked up next to the Grape Oasis and quickly spotted a

    lit up shop. It looked pretty, but smaller than the Grape Oasis. On the top of the shop it said in golden lit letters 'Tiki Corner'. It also

    had a picture of a girl in a hula outfit sipping a smoothie happily.


    "No we don't, let's just eat at Tiki Corner," Dawn said. May put her phone back in her purse and turned to see

    Tiki Corner as well. May stared at it and she nodded.


    "It does look kinda cute...Let's try it out," May smiled. The two girls headed towards the small restaurant

    delightfully.




    Dawn and May stepped into Tiki Corner, swinging the glass doors open and walking in. It was a lot less crowded

    than the Grape Oasis which made Dawn feel a bit better about this place. It was brightly lit with painted blue walls and booths and

    tables everywhere. There were beach items scattered around for decoration and a friendly man stood at the counter wiping a glass

    with a small cloth. May and Dawn headed for the seats at the counter and they slid up onto the high chairs.

    "Dawn, this place is so nice. I like the menu too!" she smiled. The girls began to order their meals and they sat

    comfortably in the peaceful shop.




    "Hey, hey Paul," Ash nudged Paul who was sipping quietly on a virgin margarita. Paul looked up at him and saw

    Ash's eyes locked onto two girls sitting at the drink counter. One had light brown hair and wore a black beanie and the other had

    blue hair with blue clips in her hair. To be honest, he actually thought they were quiet attractive.


    "Pay up," Ash grinned. Paul smiled with amusement and took out his wallet.


    "Wait!" Ash quickly said.


    "What? You want your fifty or not?" he asked.


    "I think we ought to drop the bet. Girls get pretty mad if they find out they're only part of bets, trust me." he said. Paul blinked. Had Ash done everything wrong in a relationship? It seemed so.


    "They're tens, that's for sure. I'm surprised I've never really seen them around before. Let's go meet them," Ash
    said. Paul opened his mouth to protest but Ash gave him a smirk and didn't stop.


    "Damn," he muttered and he caught up with Ash quickly.


    May and Dawn had just finished their fish and chips meal, or what they called fish and fries.


    "That was great!" May smiled to the man at the counter who smiled his thanks back and took their empty plates.


    "Is this place great or what?" she turned to Dawn. Dawn nodded back in agreement but then the two quickly looked up.


    "Wow." May said. Two handsome guys were walking up them. One dark hair and dark eyes. He wore a black

    baseball cap on his head. The other boy had lavender hair and dark eyes. He looked more like the quiet type though. May turned

    towards them and smiled.


    "Hi there!" she greeted. She waved her arm to them.


    "May!" Dawn whispered but she gave her a wink instead. The dark haired boy smiled.


    "Hey there, I'm Ash and this is Paul." the boy called Ash replied. He pointed back at the lavender haired boy who

    just gave them a brief wave. Dawn figured he was the serious type.


    "I'm May and this is Dawn, nice to meet you!" she smiled. May nudged Dawn who waved politely back.


    "Can we buy you guys some drinks?" Ash asked. May nodded.


    "Here, I'll go with you," she smiled. Dawn felt a pool of nervousness wash over her and she wished for May to

    stay, She didn't want to be alone with Paul, but May winked at her again and walked away with Ash. Dawn sighed and then looked

    back up at Paul who seemed to not even care.


    "So...you wanna sit down?" she barely choked the question. Paul looked up at her, his eyes blank and he quietly

    sat down. The two didn't say anything. They just stared down at their feet. Dawn felt the silence pierce at her and she finally spoke

    up.


    "Sorry, I feel embarrassed." she said. Paul met her gaze again.


    "Why? Ash was the one who trudged over here, I should be embarrassed." he murmured.


    "Well May did kinda call you here too. Well, I guess we're both kind of embarrassed." she said, hoping it would

    spark up a conversation.


    "Yeah..." he said. Dawn felt her hopes drop as her plan went downhill. She then brightened up as May and Ash

    walked over holding onto a couple of drinks.


    "Here you go!" they chimed happily and they handed out the drinks to them. Dawn took her and then began to

    sip on it intently. Soon, the four began to start a conversation and then she felt a bit more comfortable. Dawn and Paul loosened

    up a bit as they talked and laughed, but the two were mainly the quietest ones.




    "Well, it's getting late and my butler wants us back at the penthouse," May said as the four soon began to get up.


    "Yeah, mine too. It's really cool that we're both here on vacation though," Ash smiled. Dawn and Paul seemed to

    have loosened up together as well. They were a bit more comfortable talking to each other, but it was still a little stony between

    them.


    "I wish we could hang out tomorrow, but we're going to a party on a friend's cruise tomorrow," May looked a bit sad.


    "Wait, who' s party? Misty and Gary's?" Ash asked.


    "Yeah! You guys know them too?"


    "Of course, Gary and I are tight!" Ash replied. May clapped her hands happily.


    "That's great, we can meet there tomorrow!" she smiled. Dawn smiled too, but she felt like a nervous wreck

    around Paul. He was just so...quiet!


    "Alright, then it's set. We'll see you guys tomorrow!" Ash called and he and Paul stepped towards the door.

    Before they disappeared, Dawn and Paul's eyes met for a brief second and they were gone like that.



    May and Dawn were now back at the penthouse. Smith had been there shortly after Ash and Paul had left.

    Dawn and May sat upon their beds, brushing their hair. Dawn wore a pair of black shorts with a lacy black tank top that were both

    satin. May wore a red shirt with a pair of black silk shorts as well and they lay rested upon their pillows.


    "So, what did you think of Ash and Paul?" May smiled as she asked. She slowly lied her brush on the nightstand

    beside her and then snuggled up into her covers, resting her head on the pillow.


    "They were cute and nice..." Dawn said in a small voice. She did the same thing as May and then she clicked the

    lamp light off.


    "I really like Ash, he's so sweet and funny..." May yawned. She began to go on about him until she fell asleep

    but Dawn continued to think of Paul and his aloof attitude. It seemed kind of cute.




    -End of Chapter 1-


    Thanks for reading guys! I hope you enjoyed it!
    Last edited by Whitefire2000; 15th June 2009 at 7:00 PM.

  2. #2
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    Wow, this is really nice, Im also a true Ikarishipper and Advanceshipper with all of my heart. This is pretty good so far and I really loved the way you described the penthouse, I wish I had one exactly like it. Dawn's break up is very suspenseful too, I keep trying to guess who it is. The way you dressed your characters also painted a picture in my mind. You're really good at describing, PM list?
    Last edited by Azurelight; 15th June 2009 at 1:01 AM.
    "Boy oh boy...the price of freedom is steep." - Zack Fair
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  3. #3

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    Wow, this is really nice, Im also a true Ikarishipper and Advanceshipper with all of my heart. This is pretty good so far and I really loved the way you described the penthouse, I wish I had one exactly like it. Dawn's break up is very suspenseful too, I keep trying to guess who it is. The way you dressed your characters also painted a picture in my mind. You're really good at describing, PM list?
    Thank you, I'm really flattered. I'm actually a little surprised to hear you like advanceshipping, not many people here do. But thanks for the comments and Dawn's breakup story will be revealed soon And thanks too about the describing compliments, I'm always afraid that if I go on and on about the scenery, everyone will get bored and wuit reading it. But thank you so much, and you're definetely on the PM list!
    Last edited by Whitefire2000; 15th June 2009 at 1:03 AM.

  4. #4
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    You're off to a good start. Grammar and spelling is fine and the plot so far is smooth, but there's something that should be taken in to consideration (bolded):

    Quote Originally Posted by Whitefire2000 View Post
    On the balcony stood a young girl with silky long blue hair. She was leaned quietly against the swirl rail of the

    balcony, calmly watching as the soft waves of the ocean lapped at the shore. She had strikingly beautiful dark blue eyes that wore

    a look of what looked like blissfulness. The girl wore blue clips in her hair and a lapis blue top. The top draped down beautifully and

    it had flutter sleeves. She wore a black onyx choker and black jean shorts and finally paired it with small strappy black heels. The

    girl sighed, inhaling the peaceful beach air.
    So, you see that? In any fictional story, this is unacceptable. It's a symptom of the Mary Sue Syndrome (MSS). Basically this means that a slight rephrasing could fix this problem. For example, instead of "She had strikingly beautiful dark blue eyes," you could instead have alternatively said "Her blue eyes, filled with bliss, seemed to shine like sapphires," or something like that lol.

    Don't worry too much about it, though. It's very minor and does give us the impression of a beautiful girl rather than an ugly one.
    Star Wars fan? Check this out!
        Spoiler:- Rant:

    Ok, I do like grammar... but not enough to put others down for it. Sorry if my German sucks.

    ...
    ...
    ...

    If you think Dawn is a sl-t, don't copy and paste THIS into your sig. (started by yours truly) jk

  5. #5

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    So, you see that? In any fictional story, this is unacceptable. It's a symptom of the Mary Sue Syndrome (MSS). Basically this means that a slight rephrasing could fix this problem. For example, instead of "She had strikingly beautiful dark blue eyes," you could instead have alternatively said "Her blue eyes, filled with bliss, seemed to shine like sapphires," or something like that lol
    Thank you for the line of criticism, really I appreciate it . Yeah and you were write, this writer always told me not to use the same words too much and I think I did this by mistake, lolz! Thank you for the grammar compliment though, I'm all over it. I'm glad you like it And again, thanks for the good piece of criticism, it just makes a book even better

  6. #6
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    Wow!!! I really liked this; you should seriously update!!!

    I'm totally a complete ikarishipper, and I like advanceshipping as well!
    [CENTER]~earlymorninglight12~

    My FanFiction Account

    Opposites Attract: Ikarishipping!

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