20th June 2009, 5:09 PM
A Contest of Love (Advanceshipping)
Hey everyone! This is my first Advanceshipping fic. It takes place in Johto.
Ash looked at Pikachu with an exasperated look on his face. "Pi!" Pikachu agreed. They were both watching Brock trying to swoon Nurse Joy, again. Max marched straight up to him and grabbed his ear, instantly drawing Brock's attention away from Nurse Joy. "Ow!" he said as he turned back to the pink haired nurse. "Another day perhaps, my love."
"Anyways, We would like a full restore please." Ash interceded. "Of course!" Nurse Joy smiled and Ash, May and Brock in unison released their Pokemon from the PokeBalls. After the red light had disappated all the Pokemon looked at their Trainers then at Nurse Joy and followed her into the back of the Pokemon Center. "Let's wait over here." May said as the three of them walked towards the waiting lounge. They had only been sitting for a few moments when another Pokemon Trainer walked through the doors. Two actually. Ash instantly recognised May's rival in Pokemon Contests, Drew but, the second trainer was unfarmiliar. She looked about thirteen with waist length strawberry blonde hair and dazzlingly blue eyes, Ash could tell she was the kind of girl that boys would definately fall for.
May noticed the girl as well but, was more focused on the way Ash was staring at her. She felt jealous but wasn't sure why. I mean, Ash isn't my boyfriend. As usual Brock jumped to his feet and practically ran towards her. "What is your name? For a beautiful maiden must have a beautiful name." The girl replied casually "My name is Kiyla." Brock didn't seem to get the hint that she didn't think this was a great first meeting so, as usual, Max dragged him backwards.
"Hi, I'm Ash and these are my friends May, Brock and Max." Ash pointed to each of them in turn as he introduced them. Kiyla nodded to each of them and then asked "Are any of you Co-ordinators?" May answered "I am." Kiyla smiled and turned to Drew "Then this must the the May you told me about." Drew nodded. "Well, I'll look foreward to seeing you in the Blackthorne City Contest." The two trainers left and Ash turned to May. "There's a contest in Blackthorne City? That's perfect!" Before anything else could be said Nurse Joy returned with their Pokemon. "Here you are, all healed up." "Thanks Nurse Joy!"
The four friends stepped out of the Pokemon Center to find it was nighttime. "I'll go get us a place to stay." Brock winked. "Pika!" Pikachu said to Ash who nodded "Max and I will come too." May just stood there looking at the park. She could see a lone figure there, sitting on the bench. "I'll see you guys later." she said as she walked towards the park. As she approached she recognised Kiyla. There was a Pokemon sitting beside her, a Kirlia. "Hi." May said quietly. Kiyla looked up. "Oh, hi. May right?" May nodded.
"I hope you do well at the Blackthorne Contest." "Aren't you competing?" May asked. Despite her recent jealousy over Ash, which she still didn't understand, she didn't want to shun this girl. "It's my Kirlia. I don't know what's wrong with it but, the Pokemon Center can't treat her." May considered this for a moment. "I bet we could help you." She looked up again and May could see that her face was tear stained and her eyes were red. "Really?"
"Just follow me." May and Kiyla walked to the Pokemon Center together and reached Room 12. The room in which Ash and Brock were. "Ash, Kiyla needs our help." After Kiyla explained, Ash smiled. "Don't worry. We'll help Kirlia." This seemed to cheer Kiyla up and the five of them fell asleep.
"Well, it seems as though there's a new twerp in the club." said a female with red hair and a black uniform emblazoned with the letter 'R'. "And this particular twerp is begining to cause some jealousy." said a blue haired man in a similar uniform. "Then, this will definately help us capture Pikachu!" said a cat Pokemon. The three of them were perched up in a tree, watching the slepping Trainers. "But how, Meowth?" asked the man.
"I've got a plan."
So, what do ya think? the next chapter will definately be longer. Also the OC Kiyla will probably be more developed eventually. Please C&C!
Last edited by AdnRayquazaSilver; 20th June 2009 at 5:31 PM.
Platinum FC: 3695 5899 2346
20th June 2009, 10:01 PM
I'm interested to see what happens, particularly what Team Rocket throws into the mix. I can certainly see the drama stirring up.
One thing I might add, as a critique, is to focus on the old stand-by of creative writing: showing vs. telling. This is especially essential in writing in the romance genre, since subtext is so important. Instead of out and out telling us that May is jealous, try to show it with subtlety in her actions and the things she says.
That said, I encourage you to keep writing and have fun with it.