Chapter 8: The Chapter After The Chapter After The Chapter With The Really Long-
"OH, CAN IT ALREADY!" roared Jack. "That gag got old in Chapter 7, for crying out loud!
"Didn't you notice something?" asked the narrator.
"You mean, aside from the fact that Missingno. Master fails at making chapter titles?"
"Yes. We didn't crash into that brick wall we were on a collision course with at the end of the last chapter."
"Huh!" Jack turned around and looked back. There was the brick wall, as solid as ever. Or was it? Jack walked up to it, and tried to touch it. However, his hand went straight through the wall!
"It's a hologram!" exclaimed the narrator. "We must be going the right way, why else would there be a holographic brick wall here?"
At that point, Croagunk came bounding through the hologram, and prepare to Poison Jab the narrator. Then, it froze absurdly in mid-Jab, apparently just realizing that its trainer hadn't complemented himself and that he had joined the chase out of boredom.
Jack looked around the hallway. On this side of the holographic brick wall, there was nothing, except for a door standing at the very end of the hallway. Jack walked towards this door, and made to pull it open.
"What are you doing?!" demanded the narrator. "It could be a trap!"
"Or it could be a flight of stairs," retorted Jack, "Unless you want to go back to my original plan of punching you through the ceiling?"
At this, the narrator dashed over and opened the door himself. Beyond it indeed stood a flight of stairs.
"Piece of cake," grinned Jack, as he led the way up the stairs. However, Jack's grin faded as he saw that the stairs only led to the third floor, and to yet another loooooooooooooooooooooooong hallway. Jack then turned around and glared at the narrator.
"Did you really need to make the word 'long' that, well, long?"
"It emphasizes the point." Jack shook his head and started down the hallway. Not too long after, they saw to their left a door. Upon it was painted a strange symbol. It was a large circle. The right half was red, and the left half was white. Dividing the halves was a zigzag going right down the middle.
"...the hell?" wondered Jack.
"It looks like... a really strange Poké Ball," commented the narrator.
"Or a blind Voltorb on crack," responded Jack.
At that moment, however, the door opened, and a person walked out. And now, to Jack and the narrator, there could be no question as to the reasoning for the door's emblem. For the man who walked through the doorway had a very distinctive feature- an unnaturally large afro, with the same coloration and design of the door's symbol. The man was very tall, moreso than either Jack or the narrator, and was also very skinny. His eyes were obscured by a pair of overly-fancy glasses, and his suit was studded with gold sequins.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" inquired the man. "The short fuse Jack and the big ego narrator. Oh, how wonderful that the two of you happened to pass by."
Still stunned by the appearance of a man with an afro that had to weigh more than the rest of him, Jack stuttered, "B-b-but, who or what are you?"
"I? I am the fabulous Miror B., former administrator of the criminal syndicate Cipher!"
"You DO realize that Pokémon Colosseum was a fictional game, right?" asked Jack.
"Indeed I do. And once I had found out, I was ever so dejected. But then, Missingno. Master decided to write me into this story. However, this is not by any means the first time I have been written into a work of fiction. Perchance have any of you read "The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum?"
Jack and the narrator shook their heads simultaneously.
"Well, I was in that masterpiece of comedy gold, but as I was rather integral to the plot of the game in any case, I was bound to be written in. Now, however, I was not necessary at all to this plot, and yet I find myself staring at the two of you."
After a brief silence, Jack started talking. "Well, it was nice meeting you, Afro-Zilla, but we got an author to massacre. It's been wierd!"
However, Miror B. took a couple of large strides past Jack and barred his way. "Oh, no, no, no, you do not!" he declared. "I have been written into this story with specific instructions. I was told to stop the two of you from proceeding, by any means necessary!" And he reached into his afro and pulled out two Poké Balls, one in each hand.
"We shall do battle, right here, right now!" declared Miror B. "The two of you against me. And then, he put both Poké Balls in his left hand, and with his right, pulled a pen out of his afro, and wrote on the wall to his right:
Jack stared at the seemingly nonsensical scribbles. "What the hell?" he asked. Then the words vanished completely. "What the HELL?!" screamed Jack. At that moment, a panel slid open in the wall, revealing a screen. On it, a YouTube video began playing. The video consisted of a picture of a strange Pokémon, which looked to Jack like an extremely strange combination of a pineapple, a duck, and a sombrero.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" demanded Jack.
"Let the music play!" declared Miror B.
As if on cue, the video's music track started. A festive salsa beat resonated throughout the hallway. Miror B. threw both Poké Balls. Out of each ball came a Pokémon identical to the Mexican pineapple duck on the screen. Upon hearing the music, the Pokémon began to dance energetically. The narrator shuffled through his Pokémon cards and pulled out one.
"Ludicolo, the Carefree Pokémon. If it hears festive music, it instantly breaks out into a dance. This dancing seems to improve its battling capabilities."
Ignoring him, Jack threw a Great Ball. Following suit, the narrator tossed a Poké Ball. In flashes of light, Primeape and Chatot appeared, both of them quite confused about the salsa music, the Ludicolo before them, and the unrealistic afro of the Ludicolo trainer.
"Chatot, use your Air Cutter!" called the narrator.
"Awwk! Whatever!" responded Chatot. He then began flapping his wings, sending waves of sharp, cutting air at the Ludicolo. They did not break step, but did wince a bit.
"Ludicolo, do a Rain Dance!"
The Ludicolo changed their dance ever so slightly, causing dark clouds to appear just below the ceiling. Then, quite suddenly, it started to rain.
"Primeape," called Jack, "Use Brick Break!"
"I don't think so," retorted Miror B. "Ludicolo, the one facing Primeape, use ThunderPunch!"
Primeape began dashing towards one of the Ludicolo, ready to deliver a crushing chop. However, the Ludicolo danced closer to Primeape, and deftly delivered an electrified punch before Primeape even had a chance to bring its hand down. This took the wind out of Primeape, and knocked it back.
"Now, the other Ludicolo, assault that Chatot with your Ice Punch!"
"Chatot, fight back with your FeatherDance!"
Sure enough, the other Ludicolo started dancing towards Chatot, ice-encased fist outstretched. Chatot, however, began flapping his wings furiously, creating hundreds of feathers out of nowhere. The stream of feathers circled Ludicolo, disorienting it somewhat.
"Get out of those feathers, Ludicolo! Fury Swipes!" called Miror B., who was also dancing to his own battle music. Obediently, Ludicolo began slashing at the swirling feathers, taking them down instantly.
Jack was immensely frustrated. Neither Ludicolo looked tired in the least. In fact, neither one looked as if they had taken any damage at all!
"Primeape, Fury Swipes!"
"Chatot, Aerial Ace!"
Simultaneously, the two Pokémon started on Ludicolo, Primeape slashing furiously, Chatot zooming at high speed. Miror B. ordered both Ludicolo to dance out of the way. However, they could not do so fast enough, and both attacks connected. The Ludicolo began wincing in pain, but this didn't last long. Within seconds, they were dancing once more, looking perfectly fine.
"Of course!" gasped the narrator.
"What? What is it?" snapped Jack.
"Rain Dish!" repeated the narrator. "Both of these Ludicolo have Rain Dish as their ability! They regain health in the rain, which is why they can just shrug our attacks off! Chatot! Sunny Day!"
"Awwk! One Sunny Day coming up!" replied Chatot. He opened his beak and fired a white beam of energy into the rain clouds, instantly making them vanish. The Ludicolo were still dancing, but now they looked annoyed. Miror B., however, was smiling.
"Oh, bravo. Very nice indeed. But here's the thing- I knew you would try and interfere with our strategy. I've already planned for this! Solarbeam now!"
Jack and the narrator could only watch in horror as the Ludicolo instantly fired off powerful beams of light from their pineapple...head...things. The attacks hit Chatot and Primeape squarely. Both Pokémon fell to the ground. Miror B. smiled, thinking he had won. Just then, Primeape began giving off a red aura. It got up off the ground, shaking with immeasurable anger. Its eyes were glowing red. Now it was Jack's turn to smile.
"What in the world?" inquired Miror B.
"My Primeape's ability," said Jack, "is Anger Point. That Solarbeam must have scored a critical hit. Now Primeape's Attack stat is off the charts! Primeape, Fury Swipes!
Primeape responded by roaring loudly and leaping towards both Ludicolo. However, instead of scratching them, it started punching, kicking, and headbutting. Jack looked on at the melee in confusion.
"That's not Fury Swipes!"
"No, indeed!" commented the narrator. Meanwhile, Chatot had begun to stir.
"Squaaawk! That's Close Combat!"
At that point, Primeape stopped thrashing the Ludicolo, both of whom were laying on the ground, unconscious, yet somehow still twitching to the beat of the music.
Miror B. returned both Ludicolo to their Poké Balls, and returned them to his afro. Then, he pulled two more Poké Balls out of his afro and threw them.
"Oh, NO!" screamed Jack. For out of these Poké Balls came another duo of Ludicolo. These Ludicolo began dancing festively to the salsa beat.
"Awwk! He had MORE?!" screeched Chatot in disbelief. Only Primeape didn't seem to care, just pleased at having two more targets to destroy. Jack noticed this and smiled.
"Do your stuff, Primeape! Close Combat!"
"Oh, no you don't! Double Fire Punch!"
Both Ludicolo made fists, which then caught fire. In simultaneous motions, they then danced towards Primeape, and punched it hard. Primeape slumped to the ground, unconscious.
"What the HELL?!" demanded Jack.
"Well, first, Close Combat lowers the user's defenses," said the sexy narrator, quickly sidestepping as Croagunk emerged from its ball, lunged at the narrator, missed, and instead Poison Jabbed one of the Ludicolo, who fainted instantly. "Second, Fire Punch is a Fire move, which was boosted by the intense sunlight."
Miror B. looked angry now. "That's three of my Ludicolo down, but I still have this one left. I shall not lose! Razor Leaf now!" Ludicolo began dancing around, shooting razor-sharp leaves towards Chatot and Croagunk. Jack quickly threw a Poké Ball, releasing Koffing into the hallway as Chatot and Croagunk were hit by the Razor Leaf attack.
"Koffing, use Sludge!" called Jack. Koffing spewed a stream of sludge from its mouth. Ludicolo was hit by the attack, and for once stopped dancing as it attempted to move away.
"Now, Chatot, use Sky Attack!"
"Awwk! Thought you'd never ask!" Chatot became enveloped in a harsh, white glow. It then streaked towards the remaining Ludicolo, who was no longer dancing; merely looking at Chatot with a face that clearly said "oh, ****". Before Miror B. could finish ordering Ludicolo to use ThunderPunch, it was already knocked out. Scowling, Miror B. returned this last Ludicolo to its Poké Ball.
"Well, I would just love to dazzle you with the moves of two more Ludicolo..." began Miror B.-
"AWWK! NOOOOO!" screamed Chatot.
"-Except that I only had the four," finished Miror B. "I concede defeat."
At this point, the YouTube video stopped. Miror B. tapped an X-shaped button on the screen with his index finger, and the screen vanished. Jack and the narrator returned all their Pokémon to their Poké Balls.
"But I wonder whatever happened to...." muttered Miror B., as he dug around in his afro, pulling out an oversize comb, a stick of butter, an extremely confused Sunkern, an old sneaker, and- a plot device!
"Ah, here we are!" exclaimed Miror B. triumphantly. "When I activate this plot device, I will win after all!" And he made to push the button. SEXY HOT NARRATOR!
In response, Croagunk emerged from its ball and readied a Poison Jab, which the narrator quickly sidestepped. The Poison Jab instead hit Miror B.'s leg, causing him to scream in pain and topple over, and drop the plot device. The narrator made a dive for it, and scooped it up. Miror B. got to his feet, scowling.
"Do you know that there is a massive hole in the butt of your pants? And that your boxers are of the most laughable shades of yellow and pink I have ever laid eyes on?" Startled, the narrator looked behind him, finally finding the huge hole that the explosion in Chapter 5 had made. Laughing to himself, Miror B. walked down the stairs, apparently content with embarrassing the narrator.
"Jack, did you know about this?!"
"Yep. That hole's been there since the end of Chapter 5, you know."
"Eh, whatever. Let's go in Miror B.'s room, I have an idea."
"Miror B. may have a direct path to the Writing Room from here!"
"Huh," said Jack. "Never thought of that."
Together, the duo walked through the doorway into Miror B's room.
End chapter 8.
Spoiler:- Major events:
And if any of you haven't read The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum, I highly recommend it. Miror B. was right, it's comedy gold. And it's right here in this fanfic section!