You know reported this thing twice.
Sadly wish it had been dealt with before 'oh hur I get smart and spend a bit more time on writing crap' :/
ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS
Those are the names of three threads you need to read.
Ok let me get this straight, she was in a forest fire, but, it wasn't the pain from being burned alive. Or of getting dehydrated and wanting water from the VERY DRY VERY HOT AIR A FOREST FIRE HAS. OR ANY FIRE LOL.
He also wondered about the feeling he felt during the forest fire.
It wasn’t pain caused by the burn or a sensation of thirst or even stuffiness caused by the heat.
It was something else.
It was a tingling sensation, which probably meant only one thing, either CC or Ghostfreak was after him.
But a tingling sensation caused by these supposed 'CC' or 'Ghostfreak' people?
Alright so what is she Superman spliced with Spiderman?
MAH SPIDER SENSES TINGLE! I IGNORE THE FACT I'M NAKED THANKS TO THAT FOREST FIRE THAT SPRANG TO LIFE AROUND ME! AH THE BREEZE IS REFRESHING ON MY PRIVATES.
How about this. Instead of listing everything off description, actions, emotions and etc, you try to string them along in the way that a story has to be worded, by SHOWING US WHAT HAPPENS. By writing it in such a way that when we read it, we aren't TOLD, we are SHOWN.
Your character is a blatant Sue.
You could have actually gone into detail about how this little sue was being praised by her parents, how proud she was, being boastful and all that crappy story and character filler crap, then gone off to find Topaz and then you know OMG DARK FIGURE OHNOEZ WHOENOEZ.
She stood proudly before her parents, showing all her badges. Her parents, proud of her, praised her heavily for her confidence, determination and skill. When she ran off to find Topaz and thank him however, she found him sitting by the pond at the south of Twinleaf Town. When she started speaking, suddenly, a dark figure rose out of nowhere and started gathering energy………
But no you didn't. You just flat out list this is what happened and this than this.
Who what, who woke up what? Is she sleeping with someone what?
Both woke up the next morning at different times panting and breathing heavily. Topaz, the early riser, had woken up at 5.15 AM while Amethyst rose from her bed at 6.00 AM. As a result, by the time Amethyst had woken up, Topaz had finished his bath and was juggling his Pokeballs to kill some time.
Basically, this whole thing is confusing. And riddled with just, BAD FIC ITUS. But not the 'good' bad fic itus, just this is bad. All of it. From your first post, to this.
Go read the threads I mentioned. Go read some books. Go take the MARY SUE LIMITUS TEST. GOOGLE IT OR USE ANY SEARCH ENGINE. USE IT- after reading the rules on how to use it.
Go read some books. Read some pokemon stories here.
Work on description, pacing, detail, depth, character depth/detail/emotion.
And if you aren't using a writing program. GET ONE NOW. EVEN NOTEPAD.