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Thread: Seperate Paths, Same Goal (PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Default Seperate Paths, Same Goal (PG-13)

    Hey, I’m back! Anybody miss me? Of course not, my first fic attempt was crap; hopefully this one will be better. It’s a Pokemon Protagonist fic, with Team Rocket taking the antagonistic role.
    _____________
    Separate Paths, Same Goal


    Ch. 1: Lost, Found, and Missing

    Bolt’s POV

    I woke up to the sound of some Tailow chirping in the bushes outside the cave where my family and I lived. I yawned and stretched, my back popping and claws expanding like a Persian’s, before I stood to find my older brother, Shock.

    “Morning, Bolt,” he called cheerfully, walking out of a side path in the cave. He was an Eevee, like me, only a year older. I wasn’t quite two, while he’d turned three just a month ago. His fur was well groomed, signaling he’d been up for a while, and he had on his trademark goofy grin, that never ceased to make me smile back. “You sleep well?”

    “Yeah, I guess I slept in.” I shrugged. “Are Mom and Dad up yet?”

    Shock nodded enthusiastically, “Yep! Dad got up early and brought us back some Pecha and Mago berries from the forest.” I literally jumped for joy at the news, having sweet fruit for breakfast was a rare treat.

    “Race you to the table!” I challenged, rushing past my brother towards the mouth of the cave. He bounded after me, laughing as he gained ground. “No fair!” I whined, “Your legs are longer!” I pushed myself, and I had almost reached the table when a silhouette appeared in front of me. “Look out!” I yelped, before crashing headfirst into my dad.

    “Oof!” he grunted, and we both fell over, with Shock skidding forward and toppling over us, landing on top of Dad in a heap. We all started laughing, as we rolled around on the grass in a dogpile. Eventually Dad got up and brushed off his coat with his paws. “You need to be more careful, Bolt, try to watch where you’re going,” he admonished. Dad was a Jolteon, with spiky fur and pushed back ears, and he stood with surprising dignity after having just rolled in the dirt with his sons.

    “Sorry Dad, we were racing,” admitted Shock, and I seconded him with a nod.

    Dad smiled and beckoned us to follow him, flicking his head in the direction he’d just come from. “Come on, your mom’s just finished setting up breakfast,” he said, then turned and walked towards the stream, where our family usually ate our meals around a large stump. Shock and I scampered after him, hungry and full of energy.

    Mom stood by the log, dividing a bunch of pink berries into equal portions and placing them on four pads of grass around the edges of our “table”, at least that’s what humans called it. She was a Vaporeon, with a waterproof azure pelt, and fins and a collar decorated her head. Her finned tail flipped lightly as she batted the berries around with her paws. As we approached, she tore her eyes away from her work and smiled at us. “Breakfast is served,” she giggled lightly, but her demeanor changed when she saw our ruffled fur. “Bolt, Shock, clean yourselves up before you eat. You look so scraggly like that,” she huffed.

    I rolled my eyes, not really caring if my fur was untidy. “Do I really have to?” Shock and I whined in unison.

    “Yes, clean up before breakfast, you know the rules,” she stated firmly. I groaned, but set to work flattening and straightening my fur. It was such a bother, cleaning up to look good when there was nothing to gain from it. Well, except to impress the females, but I didn’t really understand that part. Shock always said: “You’ll understand when you get older.” I didn’t understand that, either. Was I just going to magically understand on my second birthday or something? My stomach growled, reminding me of more important matters, like stuffing my face with Mago berries. I happily set about the task, gobbling down everything on my plate to combat my fierce hunger.

    After a while, the food was gone, so we set about chatting as a family. The main topic was our evolution, since, as Eevee, Shock and I got to choose between seven different types.

    “I don’t know what I want to be,” admitted Shock after a few moments thought. “I guess I’d like to be a Jolteon, but I’ll take my time to decide.”

    “You’d do well as a Jolteon, Shock, you’ve got more than enough speed,” Dad commented.

    “What about you, Bolt?” queried Mom, her tail swishing back and forth.

    I thought hard for a second, but I couldn’t come up with anything. “I don’t know either,” I shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just stay an Eevee, there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

    Mom shook her head, smiling at me. “No, Bolt, it’s your decision, and I think it’s a brave choice to ignore the pressure to change.” I grinned, happy that I was free to choose who I was going to become.

    Shock poked me with his paw, trying to get my attention. “Want to go explore?” he asked happily. I nodded vigorously, my body full of energy from the sugary berries I’d eaten.

    “Don’t go too far,” called Dad as we raced off into the forest.

    ***

    Some time later, Shock and I happened upon a clearing, where three humans were conversing while seated in a circle.

    “Oh cool, humans,” whispered Shock excitedly. “I haven’t seen humans in a long time.”

    I peered around my brother while gazing at the humans. “What’s up with their skin? Are they sick or something?” I wondered aloud, noticing that the humans pink faces and hands, while the rest of them was black.

    Shock giggled at my lack of understanding. “Those are called ‘clothes’, Bolt. Humans wear them to keep warm, because they only have fur on their heads,” he explained, sneaking closer to get a better look.

    As I crept after him, I noticed something strange. “Shock, that human has fur on his face,” I murmured.

    Shock did a double-take, peering at the human’s face to try and see the fur. “Whoa, I’ve never seen that before.” He turned back and grinned at me. “Let’s go say hi!”

    I froze at the notion. “B-but, Dad and Mom always told us to stay away from humans,” I stammered quietly.

    “Come on, what’s life without a little fun?” Shock grinned, prancing forward to get the humans’ attention. One of them shot his head up, noticing Shock had just waltzed right in front of him.

    “Hey look, an Eevee!” he exclaimed, standing. His companions stood with him, and the first one reached out a hand to pet Shock.

    “Should we capture him?” asked the third one, the one with fur on his face.

    “Yeah,” said the second quietly, and he brought his hand down at Shock’s head.

    “Look out!” I screamed in warning, and Shock leapt out of the way of the human’s hand.

    “Run!” he shouted, “Get Mom and Dad!” Just then, one of the humans lashed out and kicked Shock into a tree. He staggered to his feet, as the other two humans ran towards me, probably planning to do the same thing to me. I turned and ran, as fast as I could, back to the den, the humans hot on my tail.

    I was so scared, I’d never been attacked by anyone before. I started to cry, yelling for Shock, Mom, Dad, anybody to come save me. I heard a growl, and a bright yellow blur flew past me, tackling the human closest to me, and stopping them both in their tracks.

    “Leave my son alone!” snarled my father, his quills stiffening as he fired a Pin Missile at the two humans, who yelled in pain and fell back.
    I suddenly felt a tail wrap around me, and I glanced up to see Mom cradling me with her paws. “Bolt, hide in the tall grass, where they can’t see you,” she whispered to me, before she too leapt into the fray.

    I fled into the grass, running until my legs gave out. I swayed and tipped over onto my side, panting for breath. Then I heard the roar.

    The sound was deafening, a horrible grating noise that sounded as though two stones were grinding together. There was an explosion, and a strangled scream of pain, so bloodcurdling my heart skipped two beats. Another scream, this time of rage, echoed, but was cut short as a crunching sound and an earth tremor brought the scuffle to a close. Some voices echoed indistinctly, and then silence fell upon the world.

    I waited and waited, the suspense, the not knowing was killing me. I staggered to my feet, determined to find my parents. When I stumbled out of the grass, a chilling scene met my eyes.

    My father’s blackened corpse lay in a smoking crater, barely recognizable if not for the spiky fur. My mother’s body lay a short distance away, her skull crushed flat by something large and heavy. I felt sick, I turned and raced back into the bushes, but I didn’t make it very far before nausea overcame me, and I coughed up a bitter stream of bile. The world spun crazily as I collapsed down onto the grass, staring up into the sky. As my eyes closed and blackness overcame me, one thought crept into my mind.

    I’m all alone now…
    _____________
    Alright, I’d appreciate some reviews, before I post my next chapter. Fire away.
    Last edited by Eon Master; 25th August 2009 at 3:49 PM.
    "I'm fighting because there's a battle to be fought, Archer. I'm fighting to win. That's all."
    "Hm. Alright, Rin. You are indeed my ideal Master. There is no one else I could hope to serve."



  2. #2
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    interesting story! you are great!
    3DS FC: 1375-8611-0238
    THE TORAH OF MOSHE IS NOT DONE AWAY WITH FOR IN DEUTERONOMY 33: CHAPTER 1 VERSE 2 IT SAYS THAT THE TORAH WAS GIVEN FROM THE RIGHT HAND, MAKING YESHUA THE GIVER OF THE TORAH ON MOUNT SINAI. HE GAVE IT TO MOSHE.

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    This is....Awesome..
    I like the way you describe everything.
    A Jolteon and Vaporeon eh??Interesting
    this was a good chapter and i'll be waiting for the next one!!!

    C.BZK. Out

    'What I wanted to protect.. . was you, Ichigo.' -Tensa Zangetsu

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    I am going to take a different tone from the reviews posted here :3 Hooray for stand-out-ness.

    “Yeah, I guess I slept in,” I shrugged. “Are Mom and Dad up yet?”
    Grammar lesson 101! One of the most common mistakes I see in fics is using stuff like 'she grimaced' or 'he smiled' to replace 'said'. No matter how much you try, you can't smile a sentence or shrug words. You could change it to:

    "Yeah, I guess I slept in." I shrugged.
    Keep that in mind as you continue to write

    Jolt nodded enthusiastically
    I thought his name was Shock...?

    BTW, don't be afraid to use 'said'. It's a nice word to use. Don't constantly replace it in fear of it sounding overused.

    Well, except to impress the females, but I didn’t really understand that part, Shock had always said: “You’ll understand when you get older.”
    Run-on sentence. Split it into two, and it'll read much better.

    “Leave my son alone!” snarled my father, his quills stiffening as he fired a Pin Missile at the two humans, who yelled in pain and fell back.
    Hrrm, you're telling rather than showing here. Rather than saying that he fired a Pin Missile, you could say that he shot his spikes at the people.

    I noticed that you slipped in several paragraphs into telling rather than showing. For example, you tell us that Bolt was scared, rather than showing us. Instead of stating that he's scared, show us it. Show us how the world and how everything seems to Bolt when he's afraid. Maybe everything turns into a big blur to him, or maybe how everything seems to move quicker. Explain it to us in Bolt's words.

    I like how this story kicked off, though. It promises to be quite interesting :3 I look forward to the next chapter.

    PROGRESS: 0% (Currently Planning)
        Spoiler:- Need to kill some time?:

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    Oh damn, I forgot about that one. Jolt was going to be Shock's original name, but I changed it because I didn't want him to get confused with Bolt. None of their names are the original, I thought most of them were too plain, or would be confused with other stories. Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, I'll fix those. I obviously need plenty of work in the area of discription, so thanks for pointing that out. All that aside, I'm glad you liked the plot ideas, so I can move ahead on that front. Thanks for an awesome review!
    Last edited by Eon Master; 25th August 2009 at 3:50 PM.
    "I'm fighting because there's a battle to be fought, Archer. I'm fighting to win. That's all."
    "Hm. Alright, Rin. You are indeed my ideal Master. There is no one else I could hope to serve."



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    Alright, thank you to Alex, CyberBlaziken, and pepperedfox for reviewing. I have decided to post Ch. 2, rather than give up this story. Please review this one as well, I don’t care if you don’t like it, or if you suck at reviews, I’d just like something to work with.
    _____________

    Ch. 2: A New Face

    Bolt’s POV

    “Hey, wake up!” said a cheery voice, accompanied by a poking feeling in my side. I groaned and sat up, peering through the dim moonlight that illuminated the landscape. I squinted, noticing for the first time the cause of my awakening.

    There was a female Eevee standing a few yards away from me. I guessed her age to be just about two, only slightly older than me. I noticed something odd about her fur, most Eevee were brown, but her fur was white, and shone in silver tones under the moonlight. “Who… who are you?” I asked, not having seen her before. Speaking was hard for me, the earlier bile from my heaves had dried in my throat, and the bitter taste made me want to gag.

    “My name’s Snow,” she giggled lightly, and I felt a pang of loneliness because she was so happy. She must have caught this in my face because she suddenly stopped laughing, and looked concerned. “Is something wrong? What’s your name?” she asked.

    I nodded, “I’m Bolt, and my family got attacked by humans, my parents are dead, and my brother is gone, I think they took him.” My voice got growlier as I continued, my anger starting to show through. “So what are you doing here?”

    Her face went from shocked and worried to angry during my explanation. “Did you get separated from them?” she growled, and I nodded, being unsure, but that was the wrong thing to do. “Well, good riddance to them, they didn’t even try to find you when you were lost! They deserve what they got,” she snarled nastily.

    I bristled at her declaration, my fur standing on end. She couldn’t possibly understand what I’d been through. “You think they deserved that?!” I hissed at her, “How dare you?! My parents tried to protect me by sending me into the grass, and my brother stayed behind while I ran for help to hold the humans back! You don’t know anything!” I was screaming by the end of this, and I panted with exhaustion afterwards. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to bury my parents, and go find my brother,” I growled as I turned away, not even caring about the sorry expression on her face.

    I stalked back through the grass, my anger mixing with my sadness in a horrible cauldron of misery. As I exited the grass, I was confronted with the site of my parents deaths, their mangled corpses were barely visible in the in the dim moonlight. I heard a soft rustle behind me, making me jump, then I turned and noticed Snow had followed me. Half of me was still disgusted with her; the other half was glad that it was her, and not a human. “What do you want?” I snapped at her.

    She flinched, then lowered her head and stared at the ground. “I-I wanted to apologize… for what I said,” she murmured, so softly it was almost indistinguishable. “I assumed your family had left you, I had no idea they’d been trying to protect you.” She looked back up into my eyes; she now seemed determined as well as apologetic, her stance firm and eyes bright. “I’ll help you bury your parents, and then we can find someone to help us find your brother.”

    I paused, surprised at the change she had undergone. ‘Mood swing central, this girl is almost like a pendulum. She’s happy and friendly, then she’s angry, and now she’s sorry and determined at the same time? Wow,’ I thought to myself. I was torn, on one hand, I was still mad at her, and I didn’t want to trust her. On the other hand, she seemed so sincere, and her offer to help me find my brother was tempting. Anger fought with my family bonds, and my bonds won. “Alright, fine,” I grumbled, “I forgive you, but you have to promise to help me find my brother.”

    She nodded, “I promise. Where’re your parents bodies?” I gestured with my paw at my mother, and she crept over to the body and pulled it with her teeth over to the hole where my father lay. It fell into the hole, and I caught sight of her crushed face and skull. I turned away, my stomach churning into nausea again. Snow walked over to the tall grass and bit off a stalk, then she carried it over to the crater and dropped it in. I took her lead, and repeated the process, careful to avoid looking directly at the bodies. Eventually, about three quarters of the hole was full of grass stalks. Snow and I kicked the dirt around the crater’s edges into the hole, filling it the rest of the way, until it resembled the ground around it.

    I sat down on my stomach, and laid my head on my paws, as I began to pray. “O, Great Giratina, please take good care of Mom and Dad, they were kind and caring souls, and they didn’t deserve what fate gave them. Please watch over me and Snow, as we try to find my brother Shock. Give me the strength to protect, to help, and to care, even though I may seek revenge. Amen.”

    Snow looked very impressed, and she rubbed her paw on my back when I stood. “That was brave of you, Bolt. You chose to be kind, even though you’re angry,” she praised me.

    I shrugged, “Thing is, I don’t really want revenge, not as much as I want Shock to be OK.” I turned away from my parents grave, and beckoned for Snow to follow me.

    She bounded after me, wearing a puzzled expression. “Where are we going?” she asked.

    “You promised to show me someone who could help us find my brother, remember?” I reminded her.

    She smacked herself on the forehead with a paw, a gesture Shock said humans called “facepalming”, and groaned. “Wow, I feel stupid right now,” she muttered. “This way, Bolt, come on!” Snow charged ahead, and I raced after her, struggling to keep pace. Despite my having a Jolteon father, she was still outpacing me. I could barely keep her tail in sight as we raced through the grass.

    “Where… Are… We… Going?” I gasped, running out of breath. Damn, she was fast.

    “There's a family near here that has lots of friends all over the place. They took care of me, after my family…” she stopped, realizing she was going to hit on a touchy subject. “Well, anyway, they’re really kind and they’ll probably know somebody who can help you,” she finished awkwardly. She cast her gaze forward again, seeming to recognize the area. “We’re almost- What?! Bolt, stop!” she hissed at me, skidding to a halt at the edge of the grass.

    I nearly collided with her, but I managed to stop at the last second. “What? What’s happening?” I whispered, peering through the grass to get a better view.

    A Leafeon and Flareon stood in front of a cave, growling at a human who was wearing the same clothes as the ones who attacked me. Standing next to the human was a tall, red Pokemon with large pincers and insect like wings. “What is that?” I whispered to Snow.

    “I don’t know either,” she replied, “But whatever it is, it’s bad news.”

    The human laughed loudly. “Well, whadaya know, two Eons and two kits, this must be my lucky day.” The human gestured to his Pokemon companion. “Scizor, take ‘em out.”

    “Yes sir,” replied the Scizor, before vanishing and reappearing behind the two Eons. It brought it’s claws down, nailing them just behind their heads and smashing them into the ground. I heard their necks snap, and the Scizor stood and walked back to the human.

    “Pathetic,” he spat, walking over to the corpses and kicking one. “One blow and they’re dead. They weren’t even worth capturing.”

    I bristled at the human’s callous attitude. ‘He kills them, deems them weak and useless, and then desecrates their corpses?! Does he have no respect?!’ “Let’s get him,” I growled, rising to stand.

    Snow jumped, and grabbed my collar in her teeth. “Bolt, are you insane?" she asked, her voice muffled by my fur. I growled, and she let go, but pushed me back down with her paw. "Neither of them could hurt that thing, what makes you think we can?” she reasoned, tugging me back down. I knew she was right, but that didn’t make me hate the human less.

    “One of the kits woke up and saw that,” I growled, gesturing towards the cave entrance. A young Eevee, about a year older than us, stood there, an expression of pure terror on his face. I glanced back at the human, who cackled maliciously upon seeing the kit. “That monster.”

    “You saw it, huh?” he asked the Eevee. The kit nodded, probably out of pure fear. “Then make yourself stronger, so when I come back for you, I’ll be able to get something for you.” He took out a red and white ball, and the Scizor was sucked into it as a red beam of energy. The human then turned and walked away into the woods.

    The kit stayed motionless, staring in utter shock at the bodies of his parents. He began to shudder, and put his head on his paws for a while to try to calm down. Eventually, he picked himself up and glanced back into the cave, as though checking something. He shook his head, then walked over to the bodies of his parents, tugging the Flareon’s corpse into the woods.

    As soon as he disappeared, I turned to Snow. She was crying, not surprising, when the family had taken care of her while her own had not. “Snow, what now?” I asked, hoping to snap her out of it. “Should we invite the kit to join us? Should we help him?”

    She shook her head, pawing at her eyes to wipe the tears away. “We can’t, Bolt. He’s not the only kit, he has a little brother, who’s only about four months old. We couldn’t possibly take care of him with what we’re planning on doing.”

    I was shocked and angered by her decision. She’d just struck a sore nerve, compounded by the fact that I’d had to watch this family suffer the same fate as mine. “What?! You think we should just leave them to die?!” I snarled, incredulous. “They took care of you, were a family for you, and you just want to let them die?! How can you be so heartless?!”

    She flinched with each accusation, by the time I’d finished, she was practically cowering. “I don’t want to, Bolt, I really don’t,” she cried, “But we can’t take them with us… There’s no way they’d be safe.”

    I softened my expression, realizing she was right. “We can’t just leave them, though. They’ll die for sure,” I stated.

    She looked up at me, with eyes full of fear, her ears flat against her skull. Her lips quivered, and her voice trembled shook as she spoke. She seemed truly afraid of me. “I-I guess we could watch them… for a few days,” she ventured carefully. “If they’re doing alright, then we’ll go find your brother. If not, we’ll let them travel with us, but we have to drop them off with a family at first opportunity, alright?”

    “Fine,” I grumbled, knowing it was the best I’d be able to do. I cast my gaze to the moonlit sky, letting all of my uncertainty fill my mind. “Holy mother of Giratina, what have I gotten myself into?” I wondered aloud. I knew, somewhere deep down, this was only the beginning of the problems we’d face. Whoever those humans were, they needed to be taken down. I just hoped I had the guts to go through with it.
    _____________
    Plz review, I don’t care if it’s a flame. Even if you don’t like it, please tell me so that I can improve.
    "I'm fighting because there's a battle to be fought, Archer. I'm fighting to win. That's all."
    "Hm. Alright, Rin. You are indeed my ideal Master. There is no one else I could hope to serve."



  7. #7
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    Hello again!

    Sorry about your last story, computers can be a pain in the neck sometimes....But, I gotta say it, this story is a HUGE improvement from last time! I can can tell you've been following advice and working hard, and its paying off! Good for you!

    I don't really see any grammer or spelling mistakes, so very good there...

    As for the story, very creative! Its descriptive, giving us readers a better 'feel' of the story. My advice is to actually make it longer and give the characters more details. I mean, I know what an Eevee and Jolteon look like, but what about a new Pokemon fan?

    Also, Snow and her bipolar emotions are very confusing. I'm assuming you will give an explanation for that later, (as Bolt was confused by it too), so I'll let that one slide...

    Great work, keep improving, and I can't wait 'til next time!

    ~PokeAidMissy

    ~my lovely twin is: XxM!styxX~beautiful banner by the talented:Skiyomi~
    I'm currently looking for a mint/near mint Umbreon card from any deck. Contact me if interested.

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    Can't wait for the next chapter Eevee's are very cute

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    Yes UPDATED!!!!
    This was a good chapter.
    U dont have any grammer mistakes!!!EXCELLENT
    The story is very creative...u have a good imagination!!
    Update soon!!
    Keep writing

    C.BZK. Out

    'What I wanted to protect.. . was you, Ichigo.' -Tensa Zangetsu

    Lieutenant of Squad 7.
    Join the Bleach Club!

  10. #10
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    The story is really good. I'm impressed at your writing
    Keep it up
    Quote Originally Posted by BCVM22 View Post
    Also, Evil-train-dude is easily 4th or 5th on the list of greatest things ever.
    Agreed, but only on the count of it being a Zelda Boss.

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    Hey, thanks for all the reviews, guys! Glad somebody likes my work this time around. Anyway, presenting Chapter 3. This chapter will change POV somewhere in the middle, from Bolt, to the elder of the two Eevee kits.
    _____________
    Ch. 3: Dawn of Shadows

    Bolt’s POV

    Snow and I decided to wait two days to see if the two kits would do alright before making the decision to take them or not. I secretly hoped they didn’t, so we’d have to take them with us. They needed a good home, and even if the elder kit was old enough to take care of himself, I seriously doubted he could take care of his baby brother at the same time.

    The older kit came back from the woods, and whatever he’d been doing with the bodies of his parents. He looked around plaintively, probably checking for threats, then he entered the cave.

    I took the initiative and streaked forward to hide in the tree closest to the cave. I climbed quickly, using my claws to give me a grip on the tough bark, and reached one of the lower branches with ease. I turned and saw Snow climbing after me, her claws slipping and sliding as she tried to gain purchase on the side of the tree. “Need a paw?” I asked calmly, holding mine out for her to grab.

    She jumped, and grabbed my paw with both of her own, catching me completely by surprise. I started to fall, gravity and her full weight pulling me down. I dug my rear claws in, and hooked my tail around the branch, as I grabbed her collar with my other front paw. I tugged with all my might, and managed to pull her up the edge of the branch, before my strength overcame gravity and sent her tumbling forward to land on top of me, with both of us in a very prone position.

    “Um…” Snow stuttered, a pink tinge on her face showing through her fur. “Bolt, are you OK?”

    “Get off,” I muttered gruffly, also blushing, but trying hard not to show it. She jumped off of me quickly and nearly fell off the branch again. I reached out with a paw and steadied her, but as soon as she regained her balance she stepped further away from me, her head low, tail hanging low by her hind legs, and ears pressed against her head. I cocked my head to the side, confused at her behavior. Was she afraid of me? “What’s wrong? There’s no reason to be scared,” I said as calmly as I could.

    Snow lowered her eyes and murmured something indistinguishable. “What?”

    “I don’t want to make you angry,” she repeated, “I’m afraid you’ll hurt me.”

    ‘Now I’m really confused,’ I thought. “Why would I hurt you? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

    She looked up at me, her face blank. “We’re friends? I’ve never had a friend before,” she admitted. Something in her face told me that not only was she serious, something else had happened.

    “Yes, we’re friends, Snow,” I assured her, “I’m sorry for getting mad. And I won’t hurt you.” Then I looked her in the eye, my expression serious. “What happened to you that made you like this? You try to be perpetually cheerful, you have extreme mood swings, you seem to have no concept of family bonds, and you’ve never had a friend. Something must have happened.” It came out ruder than I had meant it to, and Snow took it completely the wrong way.

    “Y-you don’t l-like the w-way I am?” she stammered, “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” She started to sob, hiding her face in her paws so I couldn’t see.

    “No, no, I think you’re great,” I replied, trying frantically to calm her down. “I just wanted to know why you act the way you do? Why don’t you like family, or have friends? I don’t understand.”

    She wiped at her fur with her paws, trying to wipe away the tears that had wet her fur. “My brother got angry at me all the time, he was an Umbreon, and he evolved really young, so he was very temperamental, even for an Umbreon. He used to take his anger out on me, and since I was different, my parents didn’t care.”

    “Different?” I asked. “In what way?”

    She put on a pouty expression, curling her bottom lip and clenching her teeth. “My fur,” she growled. “They hated me because my fur is white. Bigots.”

    I raised an eyebrow at the declaration. “Just because of your fur? That just sounds really stupid.”

    Snow sighed, “I know, but they hated me for it. Eventually, my brother’s beating on me became so regular, I became used to them. Then one night, my whole family left, and I woke up in an empty cave, totally alone.” She started to tear up again, and resorted to wiping her eyes on her collar, seeing as her paws were still damp. “Flora, the Leafeon, found me, and brought me back to her cave and took care of me along with Swift, he’s the older kit. But I couldn’t stay, I was afraid they’d hurt me like my last family had. I left as soon as I was eighteen months old, and told Swift to tell them that I was grateful, but I had to live on my own.”

    ‘That’s- such a horrible way to grow up, getting beaten by your brother daily,’ I thought in pure shock. “Alright, thank you Snow. Now I get it.” I looked down, knowing she’d probably had enough, but there was one more thing. “Can I ask one final question?”

    She stiffened up, but relaxed when she caught my expression. “What?”

    “Why’d you help me, if you don’t like to let yourself get close to others?”

    She giggled, which I didn’t expect. “Well, I guess I was happy,” she replied. “Once I found out your family was gone, I thought I wouldn’t be alone. I just felt like nobody understood, and when you said the same thing to me, I knew you felt alone, too.”

    I chuckled; she’d gotten it in one. “You were right, but one thing wasn’t,” I corrected her.

    “And what’s that?”

    I smiled, not really knowing why. “Neither of us is alone.”

    Snow smiled back. “Thanks Bolt, I needed that.” She gestured towards the mouth of the cave. “Swift and his brother are probably asleep by now. We should probably get some sleep too.”

    I shrugged, not sleepy, but I knew I’d need it. “Alright, g’night, Snow.” We curled up on the tree branch, and for the first time, I actually felt like what I’d said was true.

    ***

    Swift’s POV

    I slept restlessly, not surprising, considering I’d just seen my parents murdered. As soon as the morning sun rose, I decided I couldn’t wait any longer, we had to get moving.

    I walked slowly over to Leaf, then shook him with my paw. “Come on, wake up Leaf,” I said.

    Leaf opened his eyes, perked his head up, and started looking around. “Mom? Dad?” At his young age, his voice was little more than a squeak.

    I shook my head, trying to be patient. “They’re gone now. It’s just us now.”

    “What happened?” Leaf whimpered.

    “I’ll tell you another time. We need to get going, we can’t stay here anymore.” I motioned for him to follow me, and we set out into the world. The sunlight blinded me, but I ignored it, wanting to get somewhere safe. Somewhere those humans couldn’t find us.

    “Where are we going?” chirped Leaf. He was looking around, prancing happily after me.

    ‘I’m glad he didn’t see what that human did, he wouldn’t have stayed sane, I barely have,’ I thought, before I answered. “We’re going to find Shock, and his family. They’ll help us, and they might know someone who can take care of us.” Shock was another Eevee, about my age, with a brother just a year younger. ‘Knowing Shock, he might even help me get back at that bastard human. He always loved danger, and he’d give you the fur off his back if you needed it.’

    As we neared the clearing where they lived, I noticed something strange about the way the grass was. ‘It seems to thin prematurely,’ I thought, ‘And this area looks like it’s been torn up, while the rest of the grass is fine. And the dirt path is torn up, so maybe there was a fight? This makes no sense.’ Then it hit me. “The humans have already been here. Giratina damn it.” Leaf whimpered, probably because of my swearing, but I shushed him, hoping the humans weren’t still around. ‘I hope Shock’s family is alright, maybe he’s out there with his brother right now. I hope not, those humans have done enough damage,’ I thought helplessly.

    “Swift, why’d you swear?” squeaked Leaf. “Swearing’s bad.”

    I grinned in spite of myself. ‘Leave it to my brother to lighten the mood with a stupid comment.’ “We need to find the cave. I think Shock’s family has left. They must have gone somewhere else.” I chose not to answer him, or tell him the grim reality; he was still just a baby, after all.

    We wandered around for a bit, and eventually we found the cave. When I went inside, my suspicions that humans had gotten them were confirmed. There were still grass sleeping mats inside the cave, as well as some food. “Looks like they left in a hurry. They forgot some of their stuff,” I commented, hoping to keep my brother ignorant.

    “Did the same thing that happened to Mom and Dad happen to them, too?” he asked me suspiciously.

    I sighed; he was getting too good at reading me. “I think so Leaf, but I really hope not.”

    He whimpered, toddling over to lay down on one of the sleeping mats. A few moments silence stretched between us before he continued. “Why do bad things happen to good people?” He was starting to cry, so I wandered over to comfort him.

    I smoothed his back fur, smoothing his fur with my paw until he stopped crying. He hiccupped a few times, then looked at me again. “Big Brother?”

    “Hm?”

    “Why?”

    I sighed again; I had wanted to keep him safely sheltered from the ugly reality, so that he could live a happy, somewhat normal life. ‘That became impossible the moment that human killed our parents. Life won’t be normal, I will never be, but that doesn’t mean he can’t understand,’ I now realized. “Leaf, it’s not that bad things just happen to the good. The bad bring harm on the good, that’s what happened in our case,” I said.

    “I’m scared bro,” Leaf whimpered.

    I nodded. “It’s alright to be scared, Leaf. I’m scared too.” I put my paw on his own and gave him a lick on the face to cheer him up. “But you don’t have to worry,” I assured him. “I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you.”
    Leaf cheered up immediately after hearing that. “Thanks bro,” he said with a grin, “I know you will.”

    “Thanks Leaf.” ‘I just hope I can take care of you by myself,’ I thought. I meandered over to the pile of berries in the corner and batted a few of them over to Leaf with my paws. His face perked up immediately at the sight of food, and he began nibbling away. I checked the rest of the cave for about twenty minutes, on the off chance one of Shock’s family was in there, but no such luck. I walked back into the main cave and noticed Leaf, sound asleep on one of the grass mats. ‘He must be tired from all of this, and he needed a nap.’ I decided to munch on some berries for myself, before I also settled down to sleep.

    ***

    I woke up sometime close to morning, with the barest hints of sunlight peeking over the horizon, like an actor peeking out from behind a curtain, about to make their grand entrance. I shook the stiffness out of my body and stepped lightly across the cold stone floor of the cave, being careful not to wake Leaf. I stepped out of the mouth of the cave, watching the suns golden rays’ slowly warm illuminate the landscape. I glanced to my right, towards the west, and saw the full moon, still clearly visible, although in the height of summer it had almost disappeared. I basked in the glorious light of these two celestial bodies, feeling my resolve to protect my brother strengthen. ‘I will protect him, I swore, I promised I would protect him.’

    Whatever it takes.

    I felt, more than saw, the energy envelop my body, seeping into all the corners of my mind and body. I could feel the refined elegance of light, and the wild, consuming power of darkness, mixing and converging within my soul. Blazing black light spread out from my form, changing and morphing me into something new. Something stronger, strong enough to protect Leaf from anything. The light faded, and I walked swiftly over to the stream near the cave, peering into the reflection on the water’s surface.

    A completely unfamiliar face stared back at me. My tail had branched off into a fork, my ears had grown immensely, and I now bore a jewel on my forehead. My fur had turned black, and my eyes and the jewel were silver. ‘I’ve evolved,’ I realized. ‘But into what? I’m an Espeon, with black fur? I evolved during the perfect fusion of day and night, that must be it.’ I smiled, then turned back to the cave. ‘Leaf’s going to be so impressed, I can’t believe my luck,’ I thought.

    I walked into the cave, and found Leaf waiting for me. He stepped back, possibly frightened by my new form. ‘But why? I gained this power in order to protect him, why is he afraid?’ I nearly let my anger show through, but I reined it in, not wanting to scare him further. “It’s me, Leaf. It’s Swift.”

    “Big bro? You evolved?” Leaf asked. I nodded, and he grinned. “That’s so cool! You’re an Espeon; does that mean you’re psyched?”

    “Psychic. And yeah, I think so,” I replied. The air shuddered suddenly, and the fur on my back stiffened. There was something outside the cave, and it was moving. I turned and sprinted out of the cave, ignoring Leaf’s cries for me to stop. I raced into the tall grass and collided with something hard. Hard, furry, and yelping.

    “Ouch! Watch where you’re going, Swift!” snapped a familiar female voice. I looked down, noticing the white-furred Eevee who I’d run into, recognizing her almost instantly.

    “Snow. What are you doing here? And who’s this?” I asked, waving a paw at another Eevee who appeared to be about her age. He stood with an air of confidence, and bore an impassive look on his face.

    “Oh, right! Swift, meet Bolt. Bolt, meet Swift,” said Snow.

    “Shock’s younger brother?” I asked. Bolt nodded, but his face fell, and his ears drooped.

    ‘Uh-oh, looks like I was right,’ I realized grimly. “The humans got you too, huh.”

    “Yeah,” confirmed Bolt, “They killed my parents and took Shock. I want to get him back.” He cocked his head to the side, studying me. He smiled, having found whatever he’d been looking for. “You seem like you’re much stronger, now that you’ve evolved. Would you join us?”

    I blinked at the offer, surprised by his abruptness, and the shortsightedness of his plan. “That’s about as dumb as charging into a Beedrill’s nest without caution. I don’t want any part of this plan, I’ve lost too much to those damned humans already.”

    “Swift?” called Leaf, from the cave entrance, a panicked tremolo in his voice. “Where are you?”

    “I’ll be right there, Leaf,” I said. I cast another glance at Snow and Bolt. ‘I thought I wanted revenge, I wanted to make those humans pay for their crimes. Those humans need to die, and only I can do it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need help.’ “I suppose we can work together on this, Bolt. The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” I said, motioning for them to follow me with a flick of my two-pronged tail.

    Snow bounded happily after me, rather reminding me of Leaf, while Bolt raced forward at full speed to catch up to me, like his brother would have. I chuckled at the fond memories, but I knew I had no chance of ever experiencing such things again.

    “Why the sudden change of mind?” asked Snow, which I found rather ironic.

    “Those humans need to be stopped, and I have the power to do it,” I answered. Why shouldn’t I help you? It’ll just give me a head start.”

    “And what about your brother?” questioned Bolt. “You can’t just leave him here.”

    That struck a nerve, big time. “What kind of monster do you take me for?” I growled softly, causing Snow to flinch. Bolt appeared unintimidated, indifferent to my temper.

    “Don’t get your tail in a knot, Swift,” he lectured me, irking me even more. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Then he bowed his head, closing his eyes as a sign of respect. It almost looked like a bow. “I’m sorry.”

    “Apology accepted,” I grunted, not wanting to start a fight, “Leaf’s coming with us, of course.” Speak of the Devil, Leaf came bounding up as soon as we entered the clearing. “There’s no other choice.”

    Leaf stopped in front of me, a completely befuddled expression on this face. “Bro, who are they?” he asked, looking at Snow and Bolt.

    “Sorry for running off, Leaf. This is Bolt, and Snow,” I replied, flicking my tail at the two of them. “They’ve agreed to help us, and to help us get back at those humans.”

    Bolt cleared his throat, trying to get our attention. “We need information before we go after them. Who they are, what they’re after, and where they’ve got my brother, for starters,” he explained.

    “Where are we going to get all of that information, now that Flora and Cinder are gone?” asked Snow, referring to my parents. “We were supposed to ask if they knew anyone who might know, but now…” She trailed off, not wanting to upset me. It didn’t really work, but at least she tried.

    “I believe that I would be able to help you with that,” growled a low, deep voice from behind us. Out of the grass emerged a truly terrifying creature. The majority of its fur was snowy white, but the skin underneath was jet black, emphasizing the contrast. Viciously sharp claws and a horn shaped like a blade carried a glossy sheen in the morning sunlight. The creature’s ruby red eyes glowed with the promise of menace, increased by the blood-like color. The large fangs in his mouth were clearly visible, and looked as though they could shred flesh and saw through bones. Leaf shuddered, and hid behind me, shaking out of his fur. I didn’t blame him, I really wanted to hide, too.

    The creature’s eyes focused on me, and the full impact of the gaze fell on me, seeming to increase gravity tenfold. The piercing power contained in his eyes shook me to the core, striking every chord in my mind and seeming to set my soul alive. When he spoke, my back fur stood on end, but this had nothing to do with my heightened senses. This was pure, raw, unadulterated fear. “I can help you,” continued the creature, “That is, if you’d be willing to help me in return…”
    _____________
    Ooooo… Scary XP . Well, it looks like both Bolt and Swift are on a collision course with their enemies. The new guy, who offers to help, might have more to him than meets the eye. And Swift’s unique evolution throws another wrench into the plot. Plz read and review.

        Spoiler:- About Swift's Evolution:
    "I'm fighting because there's a battle to be fought, Archer. I'm fighting to win. That's all."
    "Hm. Alright, Rin. You are indeed my ideal Master. There is no one else I could hope to serve."



  12. #12
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    you should be an author when you get older, i really like this!
    3DS FC: 1375-8611-0238
    THE TORAH OF MOSHE IS NOT DONE AWAY WITH FOR IN DEUTERONOMY 33: CHAPTER 1 VERSE 2 IT SAYS THAT THE TORAH WAS GIVEN FROM THE RIGHT HAND, MAKING YESHUA THE GIVER OF THE TORAH ON MOUNT SINAI. HE GAVE IT TO MOSHE.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eon Master View Post
    Hey, I’m back! Anybody miss me? Of course not, my first fic attempt was crap; hopefully this one will be better.
    Shut up it was not crap!!!

    And I reaaally like this! How do you have time to manage 2 fics and still keep up with school and band and everything?! Genious, i tell you
    Memories are the greatest weapons, laughter the best method of healing, moonlight the most beautiful sight in the world.
    InOkAyA eLiZaBeTh

  14. #14
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    An extremly good fan-fic, in fact the best I've read in a while
    Quote Originally Posted by BCVM22 View Post
    Also, Evil-train-dude is easily 4th or 5th on the list of greatest things ever.
    Agreed, but only on the count of it being a Zelda Boss.

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    Updated!!!Yay
    that was fast:S:S
    Great Chapter!!!EXcellent.
    I liked it.Snow is like having random mood swings..:S
    Shoudnt Flareon aka a Fire Type Toast Scizor aka a Bug and Steel type in one hit???
    Newayz i gtg...cya
    Till then Keep Writing


    C.BZK. Out
    Last edited by CyberBlaziken; 4th September 2009 at 5:06 PM.

    'What I wanted to protect.. . was you, Ichigo.' -Tensa Zangetsu

    Lieutenant of Squad 7.
    Join the Bleach Club!

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    WOW! I have goose bumps right now...
    Okay well so far I'm liking snow ( hehe XD! ) because she reminds me ( I have no idea ) of dawn... yeah confused?
    Well anyways I'm just baffled! How DO you manage! ugh, I must be dreaming! Now I get to read two amazing fanfics by you YEAH!!!!!!!
    well I really like it! and it's very different then other fanfics, so that makes it very uniqe! well see you around!
    (Image by PD+)Click below to see my fic!! ( Advance with a hint off Pokeshipping!!! )
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...0#post10007400

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    Yay, another review.

    My brother may type something as well lolz lolz. But be warned, he is sarcastic.

    There was a female Eevee standing a few yards away from me. I guessed her age to be just about two, only slightly older than me. I noticed something odd about her fur, most Eevee were brown, but her fur was white, and shone in silver tones under the moonlight. “Who… who are you?” I asked, not having seen her before. Speaking was hard for me, the earlier bile from my heaves had dried in my throat, and the bitter taste made me want to gag.
    Tsk, tsk, silly, remember what we said about showing, not telling? How could Bolt tell that this Eevee is a female? Maybe she has a more slender frame? Just give us something a little more than 'female Eevee'. Oh, and the bolded part is awkward sounding.

    I nodded, “I’m Bolt, and my family got attacked by humans, my parents are dead, and my brother is gone, I think they took him.” My voice got growlier as I continued, my anger starting to show through. “So what are you doing here?”
    CHEESY!!!! LIKE MAH HAWAIIN PIZZA!

    ... Uh, yeah, thanks little brother xD;

    Truth be told, that was cheesy. A person wouldn't talk like that, going "Hi I'm so and so and by the way my parents always fight and yell and then they died and now I'm looking for my brother who may or may not be dead." Really. Try going up to someone and say that. It won't feel natural.

    You could gradually have Bolt introduce little bits of himself to Snow. Maybe he mentions it by accident during a conversation. Maybe, while Snow gets him to talk a little about his family, Bolt begins to talk about how close he was with his brother and all the good stuff he had done with him when he suddenly remembers that he's gone.

    I paused, surprised at the change she had undergone. ‘Mood swing central, this girl is almost like a pendulum. She’s happy and friendly, then she’s angry, and now she’s sorry and determined at the same time? Wow,’ I thought to myself. I was torn, on one hand, I was still mad at her, and I didn’t want to trust her. On the other hand, she seemed so sincere, and her offer to help me find my brother was tempting. Anger fought with my family bonds, and my bonds won. “Alright, fine,” I grumbled, “I forgive you, but you have to promise to help me find my brother.”
    Two things wrong with this. One, you don't need to do "... I thought" in first person. They are already thinking, they are already showing you their thoughts. Integrate those "... I thought" sentences into your writing.

    Another thing is also the lack of naturalness in here. It's very unlikely that somebody will think that way. I don't know, but when I read it, it didn't feel right. Try reading it aloud. If it doesn't sound right, change it.

    Oh, and a side note. It's "all right", not "alright". Grammar mistakes 101, you know.

    “Where… Are… We… Going?” I gasped, running out of breath. Damn, she was fast.
    I think we can come to a conclusion that she is fast. No need to include the bold part.

    “There's a family near here that has lots of friends all over the place. They took care of me, after my family…” she stopped, realizing she was going to hit on a touchy subject.
    Capitalize 'she'.

    “Yes sir,” replied the Scizor, before vanishing and reappearing behind the two Eons. It brought it’s claws down, nailing them just behind their heads and smashing them into the ground. I heard their necks snap, and the Scizor stood and walked back to the human.
    What is the Scizor speaking in? Human? Pokemon? It's not really clear here, and I'm a bit confused... maybe you should do something to distinguish the human speech and the Pokemon speech...

    Shouldn't a Flareon be able to toast a Bug and Steel type with a single fire attack? o-0; Just wondering...

    I bristled at the human’s callous attitude. ‘He kills them, deems them weak and useless, and then desecrates their corpses?! Does he have no respect?!’ “Let’s get him,” I growled, rising to stand.
    Lack of naturalness here. And you don't need to have the ' ' quotations. First person, remember.

    ‘Now I’m really confused,’ I thought. “Why would I hurt you? We’re friends, aren’t we?”
    Get rid of the "... I thought" sentences.

    “Yes, we’re friends, Snow,” I assured her, “I’m sorry for getting mad. And I won’t hurt you.” Then I looked her in the eye, my expression serious. “What happened to you that made you like this? You try to be perpetually cheerful, you have extreme mood swings, you seem to have no concept of family bonds, and you’ve never had a friend. Something must have happened.” It came out ruder than I had meant it to, and Snow took it completely the wrong way.
    Nobody talks that way. It gives it an unnatural feel. You should rewrite his dialogue :/

    My brother got angry at me all the time, he was an Umbreon, and he evolved really young, so he was very temperamental, even for an Umbreon. He used to take his anger out on me, and since I was different, my parents didn’t care.”
    Bolded part is a run-on sentence. The 'he was an Umbreon' part threw me off.

    Snow sighed.
    ‘That’s- such a horrible way to grow up, getting beaten by your brother daily,’ I thought in pure shock.
    Tsk, tsk, no "... I thought" sentences. And the 'daily' part sounds unnatural.

    I slept restlessly, not surprising, considering I’d just seen my parents murdered. As soon as the morning sun rose, I decided I couldn’t wait any longer, we had to get moving.
    He doesn't sound so traumatized...

    ‘I’m glad he didn’t see what that human did, he wouldn’t have stayed sane, I barely have,’ I thought, before I answered. “We’re going to find Shock, and his family. They’ll help us, and they might know someone who can take care of us.” Shock was another Eevee, about my age, with a brother just a year younger. ‘Knowing Shock, he might even help me get back at that ******* human. He always loved danger, and he’d give you the fur off his back if you needed it.’
    No "... I thought" sentences once more, and no ' ' quotations, please :P And Swift doesn't sound like he's staying barely sane. Show us through his point of view, please? Like, maybe his mind subconsciously blocks out the incident? It happens to victims who experience significant trauma.

    LIKE RAMBO!

    Erm, yeah, sure xD; Anyway, that's just a suggestion, but it's up to you.

    As we neared the clearing where they lived, I noticed something strange about the way the grass was. ‘It seems to thin prematurely,’ I thought, ‘And this area looks like it’s been torn up, while the rest of the grass is fine. And the dirt path is torn up, so maybe there was a fight? This makes no sense.’ Then it hit me. “The humans have already been here. Giratina damn it.” Leaf whimpered, probably because of my swearing, but I shushed him, hoping the humans weren’t still around. ‘I hope Shock’s family is alright, maybe he’s out there with his brother right now. I hope not, those humans have done enough damage,’ I thought helplessly.
    No "... I thought" sentences once more :3

    I grinned in spite of myself. ‘Leave it to my brother to lighten the mood with a stupid comment.’ “We need to find the cave. I think Shock’s family has left. They must have gone somewhere else.” I chose not to answer him, or tell him the grim reality; he was still just a baby, after all.
    No need for that semicolon.

    “Big Brother?”
    lolz, BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING j00!! ShiFT one ELEVEn!

    ... Sorry xD Anyway, no need to capitalize 'brother'.

    I sighed again; I had wanted to keep him safely sheltered from the ugly reality, so that he could live a happy, somewhat normal life. ‘That became impossible the moment that human killed our parents. Life won’t be normal, I will never be, but that doesn’t mean he can’t understand,’ I now realized. “Leaf, it’s not that bad things just happen to the good. The bad bring harm on the good, that’s what happened in our case,” I said.
    No need for the semicolon. And you keep repeating that Swift wants Leaf to be sheltered from ugly reality. It's rather... repetitive.

    “Thanks Leaf.” ‘I just hope I can take care of you by myself,’ I thought. I meandered over to the pile of berries in the corner and batted a few of them over to Leaf with my paws. His face perked up immediately at the sight of food, and he began nibbling away. I checked the rest of the cave for about twenty minutes, on the off chance one of Shock’s family was in there, but no such luck. I walked back into the main cave and noticed Leaf, sound asleep on one of the grass mats. ‘He must be tired from all of this, and he needed a nap.’ I decided to munch on some berries for myself, before I also settled down to sleep.
    No "... I thought" sentences or anything of that kind.

    I woke up sometime close to morning, with the barest hints of sunlight peeking over the horizon, like an actor peeking out from behind a curtain, about to make their grand entrance.
    Okay, this description I like. I really like. Please try to slip more of it in? xD

    ‘I will protect him, I swore, I promised I would protect him.’

    Whatever it takes.’
    Hrrm, that whatever it takes part throws me off. I dunno, it just doesn't seem to fit there.

    A completely unfamiliar face stared back at me. My tail had branched off into a fork, my ears had grown immensely, and I now bore a jewel on my forehead. My fur had turned black, and my eyes and the jewel were silver. ‘I’ve evolved,’ I realized. ‘But into what? I’m an Espeon, with black fur? I evolved during the perfect fusion of day and night, that must be it.’ I smiled, then turned back to the cave. ‘Leaf’s going to be so impressed, I can’t believe my luck,’ I thought.
    Huh?

    Wait, I'm confuuuuuuused. Why would he turn into a different colored Espeon? If it's a perfect fusion between day and night... wait. Murgh. Arak.

    Sorry, I just don't like scenes like that. It's a pet peeve of mine. It just doesn't make sense to me.

    'But why? I gained this power in order to protect him, why is he afraid?’ I nearly let my anger show through, but I reined it in, not wanting to scare him further.
    No ' ' quotations~o/

    Gonna stop pointing those out.

    I don’t want any part of this plan, I’ve lost too much to those damned humans already.”
    Cheesy sounding, much.

    Ahh, we are at the end. Overall, interesting turn of events (though it was cheesy like that kung-fu movie I saw last night, lolz.) I look forward to reading the next chapter

    PROGRESS: 0% (Currently Planning)
        Spoiler:- Need to kill some time?:

  18. #18
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    When will you be done with the next chapter?

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    Perhaps by Wendsday or Thursday. It's long, but screams "Filler!"
    "I'm fighting because there's a battle to be fought, Archer. I'm fighting to win. That's all."
    "Hm. Alright, Rin. You are indeed my ideal Master. There is no one else I could hope to serve."



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