
Originally Posted by
kusari
The twins pulled out their respective swords and touched the tips.
"Attract." Cra said.
"Repel." Responded Drin.
"Iman!" They cried in unison. Neither changed very much. Bone gloves appeared on their hands. A red N appeared on their left palms and a blue S showed up on their right.
Iman? XD That's a religious term in Islam.
And attract, repel, N and S, obviously based on magnetism (North and South poles on a magnet).
Is it bad that I realised this before Ryuu did in the fic?

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Not quite." Drin yelled as she jumped towards Cra. She was immeadiatly launched at Ryuu and Eve.
Immediately

Originally Posted by
kusari
"What the hell Leaf?! We told you to kill Nero!" They screamed together.
"Now why would I do that?" He retorted mockingly. "Nero's my best friend. Eve, Soul Reaper. You guys okay?"
"Yeah. But my name's not Soul Reaper. It's Ryuu." The black haired reaper wheezed.
Ah, so 4 on 6, awesome.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Nero, play something fitting for battle." Leaf always asked Nero to play something. They loved classical music and Nero played it best.
"You got it. Devil's Trill okay?"
"Perfect." The haunting melody began to ring through the chamber.
The Devil's Trill was one of the hardest violin pieces to play. The composer (whose name escapes me) said it came to him in a dream. In this dream he challenged the devil to a musical competition. The composer lost. After awaking he wrote down the song but until the day he died he said no one could play the song as perfect as the devil did.
If only he had met Nero.
I rather liked this bit. I dunno, it just seemed like a nice way to put focus on something other than the fight.
Giuseppe Tartini (Wikipedia and Google, my friend).
And I really want to listen to it now XD.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"He did. I'm Hayashi."
"********. You're like all other hollows. You're saying that just to screw with me."
I like that NL didn't believe him. It would have been very stupid of her to believe everything that the enemy told her, so being skeptical makes sense.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"No Kida. It's not a lie. Not a trick." A sinister grin spead across his face. "It's true. I'm Saiga Hayashi. I have four older brothers and a twin sister. I was the lieutenant of squad three and seventeen days ago became captain of squad thirteen."
Now, how would he know that NL knows this? If I'm not mistaken, he knows that NL knows Hayashi by his new name, since he didn't tell her his real name. He shouldn't know that NL knows his real name.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Not even you can stop the animal I've become." Zoma jumped. He crashed right into a spike which had descended from the ceiling. He fell down, crushing the floor tile. "This is the real me." Again pushed himself up.
I like how you put lyrics into the story (I noticed XP)

Originally Posted by
kusari
"You think that's my full power. Well let me let you in on a little secret. Do to my master's method being more complete than Aizen's, my self, brothers and sisters are stronger than those weaklings who served under Aizen."
"Due to my master's method being more complete than Aizen's, myself, my brothers, and my sisters are stronger than those weakling who served under Aizen."
Do -> Due
my self -> myself
brothers and sisters -> my brothers, and my sisters
Just some things to make it "flow" more easily.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Why is that such a big secret?"
"That's not the secret. The secret is..."
"...Something which shall be hidden from the readers!"

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Come out, come out where ever you are my little specimen." Coba yelled. Walking in between the impaled bodies.
yelled, walking

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Damn." Seijuro cursed. The third espada was catching up.
cursed; the

Originally Posted by
kusari
The reaper stepped. The hollow heard him. "Gotcha." Coba fired his cannon. The small compressed ball hit two feet to the captain's right.
stepped, the
A small compressed

Originally Posted by
kusari
The white haired espada dodged, dropping his hand cannon in the process. "Energy attacks aren't going to work I see. Looks like I need to try a different type of projectile. He retrieved his halberd from the ground and attached it to his back. He went off with a crossbow in his hand.
work, I see
projectile." He retrieved

Originally Posted by
kusari
Seijuro was moving slowly. The heavy armor made for good protection but was just to cumbersome for quick movement.
slowly; the heavy

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Gotcha." Coba whispered. The bolt sped from the bow. It came to rest in the captain's left shoulder.
The bolt sped from the bow, coming to rest in the captain's left shoulder.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Were the hell..." His eye caught a glint. The lights from the high ceiling hit the steel on the bow creating a small shine. Now you're dead. Arashi broke into a smile.
Where the hell...
I'm interested to see what he's planning on doing, now.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"Yeah I'm the smartest of all my friends, though that's not saying much. And I tend to get things a little quicker than most."
"I'm also the most modest person in the whole of Soul Society."

Originally Posted by
kusari
As the words were exchanged a thick fog began to fill the room.
POPPOPPOP. Three loud pops ran through the room. Ryuu, Cra and Drin were all knocked to the ground. Nero had stopped playing.
What exactly happened here, anyway? Smoke bombs, which left them vulnerable to being attacked by surprise?

Originally Posted by
kusari
"So that's it hunh?" Leaf chuckled. "Now I know where you are..." Leaf fired a blue cero towards the ledge on his right. "... Vez and Eco. Fraccion to the first espada and keys to his release. I don't know quite what the plan is after releasing Grell but I intend on stopping it."
Why did she talk out loud, explaining everything? Presumably, the only person who wouldn't really know (Ryuu) is unconscious, so she wouldn't need to explain to him. And it'd be like saying "I would like to order a humburger *describes what a hamburger is*"

Originally Posted by
kusari
The mist parted around the two. One was a tall, slender, dark haired man. His arms were lined with holes. The other was short and bulky. His arms seemed to be cannons with mounted scopes.
One tall, skinny guy and one short, fat guy. Of course. Is the tall guy going to be quick and offensive, and the short one slow and defensive? XP

Originally Posted by
kusari
"...with our immense power Raya, Coba and I have to wear a restrictor while in The Compound. It limits us to 1/2 our normal power."
Well.
****.

Originally Posted by
kusari
"I'm sorry." He punched Zoma in the face. "I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Hayate Zakei. I must thank you Kida. You and Dauc made the next events possible."
This I want to hear.
I can't think of anything to say for the chapter as a whole XD.