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Thread: A Tale of Two Ashes | Advanceshipping AaMayL (Rated G)

  1. #1
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    Well I haven't been posting for a while, but i've cooked up a little something. It's a short little fic I've been working on, and it'll have three parts maybe. Hopefully I'll get the last part up by the thirty-first. This is an Advancedshipping fic (i.e. Ash and May). This first part if in a first-person P.O.V. So enjoy! (Or not)

    A Tale of Two Ashes

    Part I
    I took a deep breath as I stood in front of the mirror, dressed in a white tee, blue jeans, and a pair of red and black shoes. I pulled on my black vest, marveling at the yellow stripes that ran diagonally from the arms where they met in the middle and how well they matched with my traveling companion. I turned to said companion who, at that moment, was sleeping on my bed. Slipping on my green-wristed, black, fingerless gloves, I looked around the room, searching for my cap. Ah-ha! I smiled as I found it lying atop my green backpack. I ran my fingers through my hair a couple of times before deciding I looked presentable enough, and gently fitted the red cap on. I ran my hand down the thick black stripe in the middle, my hand resting on the blue emblem, before falling on the visor, which I promptly pulled on to adjust my hat.

    "There! I'm all ready!" I grinned as I twirled 180 degrees to face my sleeping partner. Grinning, I just shook my head as I surveyed the scene, then stooped to pick up my pack when the announcer's voice broke though the intercom. "Attention, all passengers. We will be arriving in Sinnoh soon and leaving immediately, so please have your items ready. Thank you for traveling with us and have a nice day!" I turned to the bed, to see my rodent-like companion waking.

    "We're almost there! Aren't you excited?" I asked holding my arm out. "Pi~!" The little yellow Pokémon squealed as it jumped up onto my shoulder. Laughing, I made a fist in front of my face as I declared, "Sinnoh! Here I come!"

    So there you have it, folks. The first of (hopefully) three parts. Sorry if it's a bit short. Please review! ^-^

    So I figured, I might as well post the second part. So here it is. Enjoy. (And before I forget, this is set in the first Diamond/Pearl Season, like a few episodes in, not that far into the season, like thirty-five eppies or something. But that's not really important for the story.)

    Part II
    The Pokémon Center was buzzing with Pokémon, Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys, Gym leaders, coodinators and trainers, Professors, Team Rocket, Magma, Aqua, Galactic grunts, among many others, carrying bags of candy and treats. It was Halloween after all, and many trainers were dressed up and battling of course, which proved to be difficult with costumes for both trainers and Pokémon alike. Luckily, most of the Pokémon were just worn out, and most of the injuries were very minor. Meanwhile sitting in the cafeteria was our favorite trainer and his loyal Pikachu; the latter sighing at its trainer's usual lack of table etiquette.

    "Ash!" A feminine voice called out to the trainer. Ash didn't acknowledge her, busy as he was inhaling his food. Dawn stared down at Ash, annoyance coloring her face, as she waited for him to notice her. "Oh, hi Dawn," Ash mumbled with platefuls of food in his mouth. He looked up, then and almost spat out his food. "What are you wearing?" Ash's voice had adopted a horrified tone. "What?" Dawn's voice was cold as she turned her nose from Ash. "Don't you like it?" Ash looked at Dawn again. She was pretty unnerving, standing over him like that, nose turned away. Ash sighed as he surveyed Dawn in her white cheerleader top that showed off her abdomen, and her lavender skirt that just barely grazed her knees. She was wearing shiny white sneakers, and holding purple pom-poms in her hand, as she awaited Ash's response. Ash mentally sighed again as he contemplated what to say; he knew better than to insult her, but he had seen better outfits. But it was not a bad outfit. He guessed. "It's a smiple yes or no question, do you like it or not?! Just answer the question Ash Ketchum!"

    Ash cringed at her use of his full name. "Uhhh, sure. Looks great Dawn" And he resumed his vacumming of his dinner. Dawn's head flickered back as a light tinge of pink touched her cheeks. Did Ash just compliment her?? "Th-thanks, Ash," she stuttered slightly. Then she caught sight of Ash's outfit, and wrinkled her nose. "Ash, what are you wearing?" Ash looked up at her, confusion wrinkling his face. "My traveling clothes?" Dawn stared at him again. "It's Halloween, Ash. Why don't you have a costume? Everyone else out there does!" She cried gesturing towards the main lobby of the Pokémon Center. Ash just grunted. "How's Brock?" He asked changing the subject. The annoyance slipped from Dawn's face as she slid into the seat across from Ash, facing him. "Still locked up in his room," came the soft reply. Ash nodded, silently. Their older friend Brock had left all of his Pokémon with Nurse Joy - including his Croagunk. With the absence of his slightly vicious Pokémon, Brock decided to go on flirting excursions, where he was turned down by every single girl he approached, even as fetching as he looked in his Prince-worthy outfit. He was now moping in his room, lamenting over his lost "loves". "Do ya think we should do something?" Ash shook his head, "He just needs time. He'll be back on his feet in no time." They sat in silence for a few more moments, Dawn's face heating up as she stared at Ash. "I-I-I'll be right back" Dawn stuttered rushing out quickly. Ash and Pikachu exchanged questioning glances, then shrugging, Ash nonchalantly waved it off as, "That's girls for you." Even as he said it, an image forced its way into his head. Or rather, a memory, of his first meeting with a certain girl. A certain someone who was now in...Ash blinked suddenly. No! He would not let his mind follow that path again. It only led to anguish and torment. He saw Pikachu looking up at him, worried. Ash laughed, self-consciously. "Girls" he murmured. Still, he couldn't help but wonder how she was doing...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    From a distant, it looked as though Brock was bowing his head, but in actuality, he was hanging his head. In shame. He looked very princely in his gold-trimmed, brown and green robes, and brown feathered hat. But he was coming on a bit too strong for the women. "Will I never find anyone?" He lamented, raising his head and fists upward. He sighed, "Might as well get my Pokémon." As Brock weaved and maneuvered through the Pokémon Center crowds, he caught a familiar face and shocked for only a few moments, Brock quickly hurried after the figure, calling out, "Wait, wait!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Good grief, it was just a compliment. You really need to get ahold of yourself...But still, it was a compliment. From Ash!" Dawn felt her face heating again. "Arrrgh, get a grip!" Dawn groaned, putting a hand flat against her fluttering heart, leaning against the wall, eyes closed for a few brief moments. Her eyes flew open suddenly. She could've sworn that she just heard Brock, calling after someone. She chuckled softly. "Guess he's back to his old self. You can't say he's not determined, though." After a few more moments, Dawn pushed herself off the wall and headed back towards the cafetaria. Her eyes opened wide in surprise suddenly, when she spotted Ash's red cap among the throng of people. Pushing and shoving through the crowd, Dawn hurried towards the cap, and the moment it was just within reach, she grabbed it like a lifeline. Upon coming face to face with a pair of frowning blue eyes, however, Dawn immediately dropped her hand. "S-s-sorry! So sorry!" She cried out, quickly backing out of the crowd.

    "Gah! Stupid, so stupid! That was so stupid! You really need to get a grip, Dawn." The coordinator groaned to herself. "Great, now I see him everywhere." Dawn muttered, as she re-entered the cafetaria, approaching the booth that where Ash sat. "I won't think about it. I won't think about her. It's better this way, anyway, I'm sure everything's fine." Ash was muttering to himself as he stared forlornly at his half-filled plate that he was currently picking at.

    "Ash?" Dawn's curious eyes stayed on Ash as she slid into the seat across from Ash. Ash glanced up startled, but quickly replaced it with a grin. "How was your trick-or-treating?" He blurted. Dawn's eyes narrowed, his tone was a bit too artificial. "What - or should I say who - were you talking about? Who's her??"

    "Wha~? Don't be silly, her who? Who her?" Ash chuckled nervously. Dawn was about to retort when her eyes strayed past Ash to one of the booths in the back. Her jaw dropped open, as she rubbed her eyes. Nope, it definitely wasn't a hallucination. "A-a-Ash..." she stammered, trailing off. At the look of confusion on his face, Dawn pointed, "L-l-look!" Sure enough, when Ash looked, his expression mirrored Dawn's: one of utter shock and surprise. For sitting in one of the booths in the back, facing away from Ash and Dawn's direction, was a trainer whose outfit (or what could be seen of it) seemed to mirror Ash's exactly, from the cap to the vest down to the sneakers. Blinking, Ash finally snapped his jaw shut as he stood up, Pikachu in tow. "Let's find out who our fan is shall we?" Ash's wavering voice emanated uncertainty as he slowly made his way to the back. Shaking herself out of her daze, Dawn rose, preparing to follow Ash when a hand came down on her shoulder. Still not completely out of shock, Dawn half-turned and saw, "Brock?" He smiled at her, "I'm starving! What's good?" Blinking, Dawn pointed wildly to the back, "B-b-but Ash! And his-his twin!" She spluttered. Brock glanced briefly, then with a knowing smile, replied, "Ash will be fine. Don't worry he'll be happy to see her." And before Dawn could protest anymore, Brock launched into a discussion about the food, stopping Dawn everytime she began twisting around.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "I've only been here for a few weeks, and I haven't even done much yet. Who could it be?" "Pika, pi!" "I guess we will find out." But as they neared the booth, Ash began slowing down until he stopped completely a few feet away. Pikachu sniffed the air suddenly, ears twitching. "Pika, pi, pika!" It cried excitedly, jumping from Ash's shoulder and running towards the booth. "Hey! Pikachu!" Ash cried running after it. "Cha~!" He heard Pikachu squeal. But what stopped him was a familiar feminine voice that haunted his every waking and sleeping moment, cheering for him among the crowd. No, it - it can't be. "Hey, Pikachu, it's good to see you too." He heard that sweet laughter that tightened the knots in his stomach and pounded at his heart. "But if you're here, then he must be too. So where's that obstinate trainer of yours?" Ash had recognized the voice and the laughter immediately, so he shouldn't have been that surprised when he saw her. But that didn't stop him from exclaiming, "May?!?"

    So that was the second part, a bit lengthier and more substantial hopefully. So please review. Thanks!
    Last edited by Encyclopika; 26th November 2009 at 9:00 PM. Reason: too short

  2. #2
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    Hi, just a bit of advice, I think that this would look better if it was posted as a one-shot, seeing how short the first and second parts are. I've read longer one-shots, around 16 pages in Microsoft Word.

    Also it would be nice to see maybe a short bit at the start of part 2 for example: A few months later...

    Other than that it is well written, just the format needs changing. As far as I can tell all the characters have the right personalities, I will be able to give you a better opinion when part 3 is posted.

    As a one-shot in progress it is very good.

    Hope this has given you some useful feedback.

    See Ya!
    Advanceshipping: Together, 4Ever, Always
    <--------------Original image Suzu, Drawn by Me.
    Favorite Advanceshipping Oneshot by Damon Howe When Earth Meets Ocean
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    Advanceshipping Quote:
    “Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.” - Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

  3. #3
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    Thank you Chaos_Umbreon for your advice, but hopefully, in this final part it will be apparent why I didn't need to add "A few months later..."
    So here's the last and final part. Enjoy, and Happy Halloween everyone!

    Part III

    May stepped into town, cradling her Pichu, as she surveyed the place. She had arrived in Sinnoh early this morning, and it had taken her all morning and the better part of the afternoon to reach this town. It was early evening now. Frowning she thought, Ash should be here. Question is, how do I find him? The town was busy with activity, as both trainers and Pok&#233;mon were looking for last minute costume ideas. However most were already in costume and trick-or-treating or battling. May looked down at her costume feeling a brush of heat caress her cheeks as she thought of the inspiration for her costume. She was dressed as Ash Ketchum, of course and the Pichu she caught a few weeks back was what inspired her, along with Ash. Excited at the prospect of being Ash for Halloween, May had quickly contacted Delia Ketchum and they had a long conversation. Why Mrs. Ketchum even offered to make the costume for May! May had received it the day before her ferry to Sinnoh was due to leave. May felt a warm and eternal gratitude towards Mrs. Ketchum for helping her with the costume, and had put it on earlier this morning, packing her usual outfit into the green pack, right before the ferry landed. Pichu, of course, was the final and crucial addition to her costume, and now that May was so close to finding Ash, she felt her nerves firing as she thought about Ash. What if he doesn't like it? What if he takes it the wrong way? Maybe I shouldn't have come. Or at least called first! Oh, this was a bad idea, I knew it! I should turn around and leave now. But she didn't; instead May stood there frozen with fear until a very concerned Pichu reached up and licked May's cheek. "Pichu, pi!" It exclaimed worriedly. May blinked a couple of times staring down without really seeing. "I'm scared, Pichu. Oh gosh, I-I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't even have thought of this in the first place. I-I can't do this, Pichu. I can't." May repeated empathetically. "Pichu, pi! Pi, pichu chu!" Pichu responded encouragingly and determinedly. And slowly, but surely the shimmering fire returned to the coordinator's blue orbs. "All right, let's do this Pichu! Let's go find Ash Ketchum!" May decided with a very Ash-like spirit. "Cha~!" Pichu cheered supportively. Looking around, May decided that her safest bet would be to check the Pok&#233;mon Center first. But she soon found a problem: everywhere she looked, trainers were in costumes and masks! "We have to try," May said slowly as she surveyed the lobby. For two whole hours she looked around, watching and listening for anyone that resembled a certain trainer and his Pikachu. She even tried asking around, though that turned out to be fruitless. She wondered then if maybe Ash wasn't in the Pok&#233;mon Center and got ready to leave. She barely made it past the front desk however when a familiar voice called out, "Wait, wait!" And a hand clasped her shoulder. May whirled around to find a panting "Brock!" May's mouth split into a grin as she gave the breeder a hug that was equally warm on both sides. May stepped back to admire Brock's costume, "You look great Brock!" May declared exuberantly. Brock laughed, "So do you May. It's been a long time. Wow, your Pichu looks great! What have you been feeding it? It looks really healthy." As Brock examined Pichu, May peered around him, looking for... "He's not here right now." Brock told May, amusement twinkling in his eyes. May was about to protest until Brock gestured at her costume knowingly, "I know who you're looking for." May felt her cheeks heat up as she tugged at her red cap, mumbling incoherently. "Listen," Brock began kindly, "why don't you go get something to eat?" As if bidden by his words, May's stomach began to grumble. "I'll get Ash here. Don't worry, I won't tell him about you or your costume!" Brock added, seeing May's expression. "Well...alright." May finally agreed when her stomach growled again. "Great! Why don't you get a seat in the back? I'll go get Ash." And with that, Brock enthusiastically disappeared into the crowd. Blinking, May only shrugged as she turned around, heading towards the cafeteria. The coordinator almost made it when a hand snatched at her cap, clinging on tightly. Heart beating, May whirled around to face a younger girl with blue hair in a cheerleader outfit. The girl's blue eyes widened slightly as she let go and stuttered, "S-s-sorry! So sorry!" Then she faded into the crowd. May exchanged a glance with Pichu and shrugged. "Maybe she thought I was Ash," May giggled. But the prospect of being confused for Ash warmed her cheeks as she hurried into the cafeteria, sinking into one of the back seats, barely noticing her surroundings. "Let's order shall we?" May said lightly to her Pichu. And when her food arrived, she ate it with just as much elegance as a certain other trainer... Eating though, helped take her mind off the trainer that had been goading her and haunting her every waking moment. But once she finished, she couldn't help but think of him again. Every morning, she had awoken to say "Good-morning" to a presence that wasn't there. For a long while, she had even felt a strong sensation like phantom limb; that she still had a part of her that was no longer there. "Cha~!" A squeal broke into her thoughts suddenly, and with surprise May turned to find a familiar and excited Pikachu. The thought of what that could mean hit May, and she broke out into grin, exlaiming, "Hey, Pikachu, it's good to see you too!" She laughed as Pikachu ran up and nuzzled against her face. "But if you're here... then he must be too," May reasoned out loud. "So... Where's that obstinate trainer of yours?" May asked, barely able to contain the excited tremor in her voice. And as if bidden by her words, that familiar, heart-wrenching voice exclaimed in shock, "May?!?"

    "May?" Snapping out of her reverie, the coordinator turned to face Ash, who hadn't spoken two words to her, much less one since they had left the Pok&#233;mon Center. Until now. They were now sitting on a hill that overlooked the whole of the town, just on the outskirts. Just the two of them and their Pok&#233;mon.

    "Huh?" May asked, cuddling Pikachu. "What brings you to Sinnoh?" Ash patiently repeated, stroking her Pichu. He tried hard not to think about the fact that she was wearing his clothes or that she looked great in his clothes; in fact he tried hard not to think about her at all. "Not that I'm not glad to see you or anything," Ash quickly added when he looked up and saw the stricken expression she wore.

    "It's Halloween Ash," May said lightly, "I wanted you to see my costume." Ash didn't miss the splash of pink that lined her cheeks. "C'mon May," Ash's voice was surprisingly gentle, "we know each other better than that. I know that you didn't leave behind the contests in Johto just for Halloween." May blinked in surprise, but quickly her face straightened out, as she sat, calmly contemplating. "Let's talk about you, Ash Ketchum. I came all this way to see you. The least you could do is give me a proper hello and tell me how you are." Looking disconcerted for a moment, Ash suddenly laughed sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "Right, uh. Hi May, it's - ahem - g-good to see you again. Uh, let's see. Well, I'm doing good. I'm traveling with Brock again, we just sort of met up, and uh, you met Dawn. Although I can't say that first meeting was very proper," Ash grinned devilishly as he thought of what May and Dawn told him about how they met in the lobby. "I thought she was trying to rob me. Or else that she thought I was you." May countered, but grinning also. And both of them blushed at the thought of being confused for each other. Inside though, May wondered very much about Dawn. When Ash had taken her to meet Dawn, she could've sworn that she caught Dawn scowling after her initial surprise. "So that must be her." Dawn had muttered at one point. Dawn had been nice enough, but as Ash and May left, May had looked back one more time to see a look of jealousy and anger cross Dawn's features.

    "She likes you!" May suddenly realized. "What?!" Ash exclaimed in shock. "Dawn! I think she likes you!" May cried jabbing her finger in Ash's direction. Right before she felt as if someone had viciously jabbed a finger at her heart. Ash actually laughed, "Dawn? Nah, I don't think so." Ash continued chuckling, much to May's annoyance. "Ash Ketchum! You wouldn't know a crush if - if - if it hit you like a thunderbolt!" May declared in frustration. Ash stopped laughing immediately, sensing the sad undertone of May's voice. "That's not true," he mumbled softly, "after all, I - I know how I feel about you." Although May missed the remark, it was not lost on the ears of the two Pok&#233;mon. They sat in silence a little longer before Ash hesitantly piped up, "May, I - I'm glad you're here. And...And I do like your costume." The last remark was made with a hint of a smile, which May didn't miss as she turned around with a grin. "Of course you would," May scoffed jokingly as she swatted Ash's arm. Laughing, Ash pulled down the brim of May's cap, whereupon she snatched his, childishly sticking her tongue out at him. Ash began tickling May indignantly while she tried swatting him away with his own cap. Laughing like children, the two finally settled down as they leaned against each other. Catching May's eye, Ash told her, "Ya know, it was a little weird seeing someone wearing the exact same clothes as me... But you do look great ya know." This was said earnestly and sincerely, as opposed to the reluctant and hesitant reaction he had about his other friend's costume. "Thank you Ash," May replied simply. Clasping his arm suddenly, she looked up at him, "I missed you Ash. I really really missed you," she told him eagerly as she lowered her eyes, another blush forming on her face. Ash got cross-eyed as he stared down at May, his cheeks reddening even more noticeably. May jumped up suddenly, Pikachu in tow, "We should get back soon," her tone nonchalant as she scanned the town below them. Ash rose with Pichu on his head, alarm bells firing off in his head. "How long are you staying?" Ash questioned fearfully. May avoided looking at him as she kicked at the grass. Finally in a barely audible tone, she replied, "I'm catching a ferry back to Johto tonight." Ash stepped back as though he had been slugged. "Did you get a ticket yet?" Shaking her head, May tried to keep her voice light as she answered, "I have to get back to Johto if I'm going to make it for my next contest. Besides," she whispered, "if I stay, I may never leave."

    "Pika!" Pikachu exclaimed indignantly jumping out of May's arm when Ash pulled her to him suddenly, causing her cap to fly off. "Pichu, pi" Pichu sighed resignedly jumping down to join its evolved form. Unabashedly holding her to him, Ash buried his face in her hair. "I missed you too." He murmured.

    Surprise by his sudden display, May was frigid in his arms for a moment. Slowly however, she relaxed as her arms circled around him, and she buried her face into his shirt. "Do you think - is it possible that I could persuade you to leave not on the next ferry, but the next next ferry?" Ash's voice was muffled by her hair. "Ash, that's tomorrow evening. Almost a whole twenty-four hours." May argued. "Please?" Ash pleaded desolately, both agonizing and anticipating her response. A soft sigh, then..."Alright" she gave in and Ash felt his spirit uplifted. Then they tightened their grip on each other, "I'm glad you came today."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Meanwhile, watching the two figures on the hilltop above, was a blue-haired cheerleader, hand over her heart. Strangely enough, she didn't feel any resentment, anger, or even envy. Just a deep twinge of sadness, then tranquility. She couldn't resent May, nor Ash. Not when she saw the two of them like that, looking so heartbroken over the prospect of losing each other. Snatches of their conversation had floated down to her and if anything, she pitied them. She had come out to watch them when she saw May stand up; in truth she had been hoping that their conversation was over. But now...she shook her head. They just looked so right holding each other. She understood then, that what she had was a mere infatuation, while what they had... she couldn't even describe it. She turned and stole away into town.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Both Ash and May knew that they couldn't stay there forever. But none of them wanted to be the first to pull away. So they just stood there holding on to each other, because at that moment, that was all that mattered: that they had each other, and that in their hearts they would never ever let go...

    Fin.

    So that's the end of it folks. I hope you liked it, or at least thought it was okay. Please review. Thanks!
    Last edited by FadedRibbon; 1st November 2009 at 4:48 AM.

  4. #4
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    BRILLIANT!!

    Nice bit from May's POV explaining why she is in Sinnoh, although I don't see how Part 1 fits into the rest of the story, it could be easily omitted and the story will still make sense, seeing as Part 2 could easily introduce the story.

    I have one thing to say about the scene on the hill overlooking the town, WOW! That was some amazing dialogue and interaction, both characters were in character, and the bit with Dawn watching was nice.

    Both Ash and May knew that they couldn't stay there forever. But none of them wanted to be the first to pull away. So they just stood there holding on to each other, because at that moment, that was all that mattered: that they had each other, and that in their hearts they would never ever let go...
    That was a lovely paragraph to end a great short story.

    See Ya!
    Advanceshipping: Together, 4Ever, Always
    <--------------Original image Suzu, Drawn by Me.
    Favorite Advanceshipping Oneshot by Damon Howe When Earth Meets Ocean
    Fanfiction Page
    Advanceshipping Quote:
    “Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.” - Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

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