Hm. I wonder if I should bother reviewing or not. I mean it's clearly evident that you've failed to take advice even from nice reviewers/critics, and continually ignore upon actually improving your writing from the bare minimal to garner mindless reviews.
But this is a holiday story so why don't I get into the spirit of giving and give you a review ;)
That you'll ignore.
But I'm bored so I win either way.
This is flat, scriptish and just tells us what happens, instead of showing us or letting us revel in the fact that Loudred's explosive voice blasted everyone awake; rupturing eardrums as well as shattering sleep.
"HEY! IT'S MORNING! WAKE UP!"
Loudred's explosive voice rang throughout the Guild, waking all the inhabitants. One by one, the apprentices made their way into the main hall. Chatot awaited them anxiously, seeming in even more of a rush than usual.
"Hey! It's morning! EVERYONE WAKE UP!" Loudred shouted out, forgetting to keep control of his voice as the usual excitement over a new day got the best of him. With tremendous force, his voice ripped through the small building which housed the equally small guild. Walls rumbled, doors were knocked off their hinges and from within formerly quiet sleeping chambers, pained cries escaped.
Covering his mouth from shame and guilt, Loudred could only watch in horror as his companions appeared, as they did every morning, with ears bleeding and looks of death in their eyes.
Hm lesse what else.
Again with the listy detail? You just tell us this happened and that person yelled and then this person showed up. Yes, I'm saying people. Why? Well obviously these can't be pokemon since you failed to describe them, or give them depth or personality or description or detail or anything about them and their actions outside the bare minimal you trudged out with internet pen to interwebz paper.
Suddenly, the ground crumbled beneath Loudred, who jumped back in surprise. "YEEEAAARRGH!!!"
"Er, sorry Loudred!"
"DIGLETT! I should have known!"
Diglett and Dugtrio had both surfaced right underneath Loudred's feet. "Well happy holidays to you too!" Diglett retorted.
And I mean these can't be pokemon as they have no names and are called by their species. It'd be like calling a dog 'dog' or horse 'horse' and that can be really confusing when you get more than one of anything so obviously these have to just be people.
And another example.
"Hey, guys, do you feel that?" Loudred asked in a slight worried tone. He felt a rumbling, but was it his own stomach? Or something else? At the confused glances he received, Loudred continued. "That shaking?"
One of his companions shook a head, and was about to answer when Loudred let out a short cry of surprise as he was flung back. His friends also let out startled gasps. Though not at him being sent back tumbling, but what erupted from the ground from where he stood!
Like the first sample, no can't use. But, I doubt you'd use anything :)
I mean you clearly don't even use time to try and do anything outside of rushing something out as quickly as possible to appease people who really don't offer you any advice on how to improve. But then again we get back to the point that you seem to do everything you can to not improve :)
Clearly it's someone who shouts alot, abuses exclamation marks and talks to themselves. But yeah It's ready. For something. Whatever it is.
"I SAID, WHO'S READY?!?!"
Duck! It's what's for dinner!
"Alright!" Wigglytuff grinned. "I'll need you two...to go out...and catch..." He paused multiple times, building up the suspense.
"Just tell us!" Piplup roared suddenly.
"Alright!" Wigglytuff laughed. "I need you two to catch a Farfetch'd!"
And yet again you're telling us and not really allowing any development for any of your characters. Atleast description wise.
"Just tell us already!" Piplup roared out, not caring if he was being rude. But he was tired of Wigglytuff's games and he wanted to know what the hell he was supposed to go out and retrieve already!
Well have fun trundling about and rage facing :)