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Thread: Anima Ex Machina (PG-15)

  1. #41
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    Sorry it took me so long to reply, guys. This is the first day in about three that I didn't want to die from disease. TMI, but hey.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    I love how Bill is the main character but you still managed to turn him into a Pokemon :P Poor Bill. I bet he feels like crap D:
    XD *bows*

    Let's face it, though. When you're a character whose original existence was meant to be a reference to The Fly, you're just screwed from the get-go, no matter how smart you are.

    With the release of the most recent chapter it seems like Bill will learn to develop a friendship with this parasite and use it to his benefit.
    We'll just have to wait and see about that. ;D

    If you have a PM list then I would love to be a part of it.
    No problem. I'll keep you in mind. Thanks for the review!

    Quote Originally Posted by IJuggler View Post
    Sorry about the crappy quote tags; I don't have the energy anymore to go back and multiquote em all :P
    Totally okay. XD Honestly, I didn't even notice that all that much.

    You described the Absol a bit, but if I hadn't seen it before I would still probably wonder what it looked like.
    Sorry. I suppose I'm just very used to the idea that descriptions aren't necessary for well-known figures in a fandom, considering the people who are reading a fanfiction most likely are members of the fandom and would know what an Absol looks like. I mean, I don't mean to argue when you're such a good reviewer (as I suspected you were from reading your other reviews). I'd just like to hear what the general opinion is about describing Pokémon and common items or concepts in the fandom, especially now that I'm in a different community anyway.

    I like that both the Absol fits in with the scenery and that it shows a disaster may be happening soon, though. Nice touch.
    Thank you!

    This sentence, for me, read oddly. Missing a tiny bit of description for the flying through air, mixed with confusion from 'a paw'. If you said 'one of his paws.' it would make more sense.
    Sure. I'll check it out.

    I like that you established a timeline early; it gives more backstory to a story, without having big infodumps.
    Thanks. I have a bad habit for using infodumps, so I was afraid that half the first chapter would come off as something people would rather tl;dr.

    Green curly hair. Blew my mind @_@.
    XD I know, right? Oh, anime Bill. Your design does not make sense compared to your other incarnations. Or, well, anything else. Who would honestly wear this on a normal basis, you know?

    My theory is it's dyed (considering Bill is usually "lol conventions" and would totally be one of those odd ball college students who randomly decides to dye his hair because he doesn't like being a brunette), but you never know with the anime.

    And if I don't actually say thank you for the grammatical corrections from here on out, I'd just like to say thanks for all of them and that I'll take care of them when I can. Really, I'm not sure how I managed to miss them; I even had a beta for the first couple of chapters (before real life started to suck for her/me/the two of us at the same time).

    Your characterizations of Bill and Oak were spot on, and I feel the need to point it out.
    Thanks. That's one of the points I tried to focus on, mostly because I've always felt like people need to do those characters justice in fanfiction more often. I'd go into a further rant here, but that'd take pages.

    I can't help but feel that the creature is a Lovecraftian horror. The cold, scientific setting is probably what really set it off though.
    Cthulhu may or may not be making an appearance later on in this fic. (Too easy? Maybe I should go with Nyarlathotep. That's a fun reference.)

    Hasn't it been ten years since the project has started?
    Ten months. The timeline went roughly like this (with estimates actually being estimates because I haven't thought too much about this):

        Spoiler:- Cut 'cause it's senselessly long.:


    And there you have it. Technically, they know that it kills and drains victims of their blood (except for humans, anyway), but they haven't really gotten down to the part where they observed it attacking live specimens yet because they seriously knew nothing about it and started from essentially the ground up. What's really hindering them, though, is a combination of the fact that they can't get close to it without it trying to jump at them and kill them and that the Committee's withholding information from them for reasons not yet known to them (but they're definitely, definitely plot-related).

    Chapter one ended nicely, even through the corny 009 thing :P.
    *bows at the corniness*

    I noticed less description of the lab here, so I just ended up imagining white-blue lab walls and high-tech computers and stuff everywhere.
    Pretty much all it is, actually.

    Like, really skipped, or walked bouncing on the balls of her feet, or what? It seems odd for her to skip.
    Maybe I don't have Domino down correctly, but I thought sometimes thought she was a bit bubbly when she thought she had the upper hand. Like, she was inclined to do backflips, just because she could instead of because they'd be a reasonable way to dodge an attack. I'll have to look at Mewtwo Returns again to check.

    In other words, I meant it to mean she actually skipped, but now, I'm not sure if she's that bubbly when she's winning.

    The Tyranitar seems going a tiny bit far.
    In terms of the Hyper Beam, I'll have to admit that, looking back, it's one of the things I'm not entirely comfortable with. XD; (Although I do need something to break that glass... which actually gives me a nice idea that would capitalize on something Act said earlier.)

    I would assume that it would go through the ceiling of the building,
    Aren't Tyranitar only supposed to be six and a half feet tall, though? O_o The average height of a ceiling's roughly nine feet up for a modern building, so I'd imagine a Tyranitar would be able to fit.

    Or is my writing implying that it's a particularly large Tyranitar? Because if that's the case, then I'll definitely look into it. I'm thinking of changing what Pokémon it is anyway because you're right in saying it feels a little too much like overkill. (I guess for most Team Rocket members, that'd actually be in-character, but I'm so unfamiliar with Domino. I feel like that might not be her style.)

    Just being picky here, but who is the 'they'? The Rockets are holding back the scientists, and the scientists are fighting to get past the Rockets.
    The latter. Part of the reason why the scientists are fighting to get past the Rockets is to interrupt what's about to happen because, well, Eldritch Abomination + freedom = good reason to start panicking.

    I was confused as to what exactly had its front smashed in until I read on more. The way it's phrased here makes it seem as though the poke ball that holds Tyranitar exploded.
    I'd really, really hate to debate a reviewer, but when you've got a parenthetical description, it's usually referring to the first noun in front of it, which would be the tower of machinery. Since the ball isn't a tower, it's another machine.

    You have five minutes before the planet explodes. Escape.
    Exactly. ;D

    The ending gave me flashbacks of the old movie 'Evolution'.
    I love you.

    Also, I forgot about that movie, but now, I'm inclined to pick it back up because it was just so awesome. What other movie involves defeating the Big Bad with Head and Shoulders?

    Black Tulip is such a sadist. Laughing into flowers, I mean really :/.
    Which is why I wanted to have her in this fic. ;D Cliché villain, yes, but still.

    The metaphor makes sense, until you think of Steelix as a huge steel snake. Tranqs just wouldn't go into it. Perhaps Tauros would work?
    Maybe. Or maybe a Wailord. Or would that be overkill?

    Whoa. Same paragraph, twice.
    That's special. XD I'm honestly not sure how that happened. Probably botched editing on my part between its original version and that. This should show you that it's a bad idea to edit a post when one's tired. Or drunk. I'd go check to see which it was, but I'm lazy.

    That's not sci-fi! If it were, he would be struggling with all his might as long as possible!
    Gasp! You're right!

    This section confused me. What second heart is it talking about?
    The parasite acts as a second heart because it's its own entity, just sort of... fused to him.

    Did he die twice in one dream, or did he have this dream multiple times and die in it twice?
    Twice in one dream. And then he got better. *shot*

    I can honestly say that, for me, dreams have never 'receded'. They disappear quickly. I guess it could be different if you have a disgusting mutant corrupting your DNA, but I felt the need to mention it.
    Ooh. Then I will feel the need to mention something about a disgusting mutant corrupting his DNA and therefore dreams through convenient temporary insanity. And then he got better. *shot*

    Bill makes me think of what would happen if the genetic child of a Sableye and a Froslass were inserted into a human X_X.
    Okay, what I love about being a geek getting reviews is being a very depraved geek getting reviews, so things like this make me crack up with the dirty thoughts I'm getting. And then, I get scene ideas, and that results in something involving a Sableye and a Frosslass and Bill somewhere along the line that won't entirely be pretty.

    Or alternatively, I could just attempt to make the god of this fanfiction as genre-savvy as possible by playing with the basic Pokémon fic tropes. Hey, if I made random Pokémorphs and answered the question of what would happen if I stuck XP-494 in the same room as them, would I get less readers as a result or more?

    Also, I KNEW that there would be a Star Wars reference! Bill extending his light saber and chopping off Surgeon Skywalker's hand was totally one of those, right?
    ...I should really stop reading this review because I'm just getting all kinds of dirty thoughts from it. What makes it worse is that Bill really did use a long, pointy part of his body to cut off that hand. And no, it wasn't his tail, either. Or, well, that, but I don't think that's really helping people's imaginations, is it?

    I notice that the second intern totally disappeared when the first one went to get food. Just seems sort of odd.
    Ha. Red shirt got killed off before any killing actually happened. Whoops.

    I like Abel, and how his character interacts with Bill and the humans simultaneously. It shows that the parasite isn't just a mindless murderer.
    Thank you. Oh, subtle moral dilemmas. I hoped I did it right, but basically, yeah, I want the aliens to seem like they're absolute horrors while at the same time acting in the name of something that could remotely resemble noble intentions. That way, the characters can start wondering whether or not eradicating them is entirely a good idea. Because that question's a seriously major plot point right there.

    I'm getting more comfortable reading it, so I'll probably miss most of the small errors (assuming there are any :P).
    I'll have to say you've done an impressive job so far, so I'm surprised you didn't find much to say about this one. O.o

    It's a good chapter, and the parasite was remind me of (another!) sci-fi/fantasy aspect; Fallen Angels from the Dresden Files. Definitely a good series, if you're looking for reading material.
    Oh man. I admit that's one series I haven't picked up yet, although I've definitely heard of it. In fact, I've been meaning to check it out, but the term "Fallen Angels" really makes me want to go read it now.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go shovel the driveway that should be clear by an hour ago :P.
    XD Oh, winter. The bane of every northern creature's existence.

    Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to sit down and go through it all. I hope to see you around for later chapters. As you can tell, I could use your eye to bring me back down to earth now and then. (How the crap did I manage to repeat a four-line paragraph? That's just amazing talent right there.)

    Quote Originally Posted by JirachiTheAnimeAddict View Post
    Hello! I'm a closet reader finally making herself known.
    Hey there! Nice to see you!

    I've been reading this for quite a while, and I love it!
    Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

    This is the first fanfic that I've read that has Bill as a main character.
    Yeah, the poor kid just doesn't get enough love. Or maybe he's lucky in that regard. I can never tell with fanfics. I mean, just looking at FFNet...

    Uh, anyway, thanks. XD

    It's also one of the few that has Domino in it too. I've never seen the special with her in it, but she's one of the coolest Pokémon characters out there.
    Amen, although as you can probably tell with my response to IJuggler's comments about her and skipping, I'll have to really work on getting her badassery down correctly.

    Also, XP-494 has to be one of the best Fakemon I've ever seen. Good job!

    This fanfic gets a 10/10 so far. Keep it up!;444;
    Thanks so much! I appreciate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diddy View Post
    I'm returned and caught up.
    Hey there! Real life issues, out of curiosity? No need for details if it's personal. It's just been quiet around here. Or maybe it's just me, but in any case, welcome back.

    I must say I really love the whole, Bill is now a hulking beast of epic proportions thing. Although, as a hulking beast of epic proportions, he isn't doing a very good job in the hulking beast department.
    XD Yeah, I really don't think Bill could ever score points in that department. Awesome as he is, Bruce Banner he is not, unfortunately.

    It's nice to see the plot moving along and the parasite doing it's work. XP-494 ftw!
    Thanks! And it's nice to actually get the plot moving so I don't end up sitting there and going, "Oh crap. It's exposition again. Will readers actually sit through this?"

    Anyway, thanks for all the reviews, guys! The next chapter should be out soon. Hopefully, anyway.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 23rd January 2010 at 9:10 PM.

    Codename Adam: Chapter thirty-one now available

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  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Sorry. I suppose I'm just very used to the idea that descriptions aren't necessary for well-known figures in a fandom, considering the people who are reading a fanfiction most likely are members of the fandom and would know what an Absol looks like. I mean, I don't mean to argue when you're such a good reviewer (as I suspected you were from reading your other reviews). I'd just like to hear what the general opinion is about describing Pokémon and common items or concepts in the fandom, especially now that I'm in a different community anyway.
    Well. I was going to quote a section of Advice for Aspiring Authors that included such a thing, and yet it turns out there isn't one on the first page (where I thought they had a big section for it). I guess I'll just give up on that, unless I can find a way of saying what I mean without sounding like a jerk :P.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Cthulhu may or may not be making an appearance later on in this fic. (Too easy? Maybe I should go with Nyarlathotep. That's a fun reference.)
    After Googling Nyarlathotep, I would have to agree profusely with this. Perhaps the infected Fossil Maniac roams Hoenn, looking for his Pokemon followers?

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Ten months. The timeline went roughly like this (with estimates actually being estimates because I haven't thought too much about this)
    Lawl, no wonder I thought it was odd. Ten months makes tons more sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    And there you have it. Technically, they know that it kills and drains victims of their blood (except for humans, anyway), but they haven't really gotten down to the part where they observed it attacking live specimens yet because they seriously knew nothing about it and started from essentially the ground up. What's really hindering them, though, is a combination of the fact that they can't get close to it without it trying to jump at them and kill them and that the Committee's withholding information from them for reasons not yet known to them (but they're definitely, definitely plot-related).
    I get that. Fits in with the sci-fi part especially well, too :P

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Aren't Tyranitar only supposed to be six and a half feet tall, though? O_o The average height of a ceiling's roughly nine feet up for a modern building, so I'd imagine a Tyranitar would be able to fit.
    My only experience of seeing how tall Tyranitar is was from the cartoon, when a hunter's Pupitar evolved and it towered over everything. I just assumed that it would be huge, having been able to eat a mountain as a baby.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Or is my writing implying that it's a particularly large Tyranitar? Because if that's the case, then I'll definitely look into it. I'm thinking of changing what Pokémon it is anyway because you're right in saying it feels a little too much like overkill. (I guess for most Team Rocket members, that'd actually be in-character, but I'm so unfamiliar with Domino. I feel like that might not be her style.)
    I imagine Domino would go for overkill too. I actually found it odd while reading to see no mention of how tall Tyranitar really is; I guess that it could be explained by me not actually knowing how tall they are :P.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    I'd really, really hate to debate a reviewer, but when you've got a parenthetical description, it's usually referring to the first noun in front of it, which would be the tower of machinery. Since the ball isn't a tower, it's another machine.
    Makes sense. It's been almost a year since I've had English class, I'm getting a bit rusty :P.


    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Maybe. Or maybe a Wailord. Or would that be overkill?
    @_@ Wailord is huge, isn't it?

    "Go, Wailord!" Mooklio yelled.

    "WAAAAAILORD LORD LORD!"

    Wailord looked around in confusion. Where was his trainer? 'Oh well.' The huge mammal thought. It splashed off into the distance, leaving great craters in the land, with a flattened scientific lab in it's wake.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Okay, what I love about being a geek getting reviews is being a very depraved geek getting reviews, so things like this make me crack up with the dirty thoughts I'm getting. And then, I get scene ideas, and that results in something involving a Sableye and a Frosslass and Bill somewhere along the line that won't entirely be pretty.
    Bill was walking along in the dark Dewford Cave, his trusty Froslass partner by his side, when suddenly, disaster struck.

    Or perhaps it was his father who was attacked.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Or alternatively, I could just attempt to make the god of this fanfiction as genre-savvy as possible by playing with the basic Pokémon fic tropes. Hey, if I made random Pokémorphs and answered the question of what would happen if I stuck XP-494 in the same room as them, would I get less readers as a result or more?
    Depends on what Pokemorphs you used, I think :P

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    ...I should really stop reading this review because I'm just getting all kinds of dirty thoughts from it. What makes it worse is that Bill really did use a long, pointy part of his body to cut off that hand. And no, it wasn't his tail, either. Or, well, that, but I don't think that's really helping people's imaginations, is it?
    Oh, the shame that surgeon must feel. Having his surgery hand sliced off by a pork sword.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Oh man. I admit that's one series I haven't picked up yet, although I've definitely heard of it. In fact, I've been meaning to check it out, but the term "Fallen Angels" really makes me want to go read it now.
    DO IT.

    Best sci-fi I've read in the past twelve months.

    Can't wait for the next update. Good luck with that disease of doom thing.

  3. #43
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    Warning!
    This chapter is rated R for detailed scenes of character torture and character death.


    Anima Ex Machina: Seven
    Never make a deal with the devil.


    Bill opened his eyes to find himself in a place that was definitely not Polaris Institute. Turning his head, he pushed himself onto his knees to examine his surroundings. Above him, what he could see of the sky was gray, but much of it was obscured by the bare, black branches of the trees all around him. The earth and the dead leaves that littered it were shades of dark gray. For as far as he could see, the forest stretched in all directions with no end in sight. Yet, despite how cold and grayscale the place was, he couldn't help but feel as if he had been there once.

    "You have," a voice said. "This is the forest around your home, is it not? The forest that surrounds the place you call Route 25. To the east, it will end, giving way abruptly to a beach, and one could follow that beach to a lighthouse upon a cliff – the one you call the Sea Cottage. However, for our purposes, no matter how far you walk, you will never get there. I tell you this now so you can feel comfortable but focus completely on me."

    Sitting back, he listened carefully to the voice. It definitely sounded like his. He knew all too well it wasn't.

    "You!" he yelled. "Where are you?"

    There was only a short beat of hesitation before it answered, "Find me."

    Bill pressed his hands into the ground and prepared to spring onto his feet, but before he moved, he noticed something about his body. Looking at his hands, he discovered that his armor had been replaced by soft, pink flesh, and all of his sharpened claws were gone.

    Something in his brain jolted. Suddenly, a rush of memories hit him: waking up to find that his body was covered in metal, encountering a man who could produce electricity, breathing in a white cloud that put him to sleep. With each short recollection, he tried to calm himself with rapid gulps of air.

    "Take as long as you need. Time is irrelevant here," the voice told him.

    This time, he didn't attempt to jump up, opting instead for rising slowly to his feet. He realized that they felt strange under him, although they were definitely the feet he was born with. Step by step, he crept in the direction of the voice until he passed the first tree. Behind it, a flash of silver caught his eye. He turned his head to see himself leaning against it, but this self wasn't human. He assumed it had to have been what he looked like as an XP-650B: the face was his own (albeit paler than what he was used to seeing in the mirror), while the metal-armored body looked more like what happened if a raptor mated with a human. Its claws glinted in the gray sunlight, its legs were bent into the ankle of a long foot, and its tail curled around one set of three broad toes. Yet, as strange as it looked to Bill, the creature stared at him with dark, human eyes – his dark eyes. Before long, Bill realized it wanted him to speak.

    "Am I dreaming?" he whispered.

    "Yes," the creature told him. Then, it looked away. "Electric-types are the fastest among my kind, but they cannot carry weight well. Therefore, you must be kept asleep and still so that Abel may carry us to where we need to be. Otherwise, I am afraid of what may happen if he drops us. I can smell water outside."

    Bill took several steps backwards until his back smacked against a tree. "What?"

    The creature turned back towards him. Right then, Bill noticed that its expression was completely unreadable. Its mouth was a straight line, and its eyes were blank. A shudder went down the human's spine.

    "I was worried that I would have to emerge in order to free us," the parasite continued. "Luckily, Abel is here. After all, if I were to dominate our body for too long, then…"

    Its voice trailed off at that point, and it looked down at its feet. Bill could feel himself sliding down the trunk. He felt numb, and none of what the alien had just told him sank into his mind.

    "What are you?" Bill whispered. "What… what do you want?"

    The creature lifted its chin slightly. "My kind do not have names for ourselves or for each other. I cannot, therefore, tell you what I am. As for what I want, we are going to a place you know as Hoenn."

    Suddenly, Bill's entire body felt cold. "You're going to take me to your kind, aren't you? You want me to…"

    Bill sensed that the creature was amused. Considering the look on its face never changed, he couldn't figure out how he knew that. He just looked at it and knew it would be chuckling if it could.

    "There are few like me on this planet," it said, "and none of them would accept your human mind. I, on the other hand, have no intention of forcing myself on you."

    It strode forward. Bill watched it carefully until it stared down at him. With a flash, one of its metal hands lashed outward and grabbed him by the neck. Gasping, he felt its grip tighten and lift him into the air. His windpipe contracted, and he felt his lungs strain for oxygen. Frantically, he grabbed and pulled the creature's arm.

    "Humans are so fragile," it told him calmly. "A few breaths of a poison, and you wither and die. A few wounds, and you bleed to death. I do not know how strong the others of your kind are compared to you, but you seem laughably weak compared to my last host. If I push you too hard and too quickly, you would break."

    It released him, causing him to drop to the soft ground. He grabbed his throat and spasmed with a coughing fit. His body bent in half, and he pressed his forehead to the ground. The air felt like it was on fire as it ripped down his throat. As he lay gasping and shaking, the parasite stood over him and spoke to him tonelessly.

    "If you are wondering, our relationship is not unique. There are others of my species who, either by force or by choice, have relinquished control over their bodies to their hosts. This has always been true. Therefore, it is my choice to give you as much freedom and guidance as I can, but there is something I must ask you to do in return."

    The coughing began to subside. Bill lifted his head to look at his companion. He said nothing, but the parasite knew what question was on his mind.

    "You must learn to survive," it told him. "I can teach you all I can, but you must hone those skills on your own. You must learn how to control the gifts I have given you, and you must become strong. This will need to happen quickly. There is something else I will ask you to do soon, but you would not be able to do it until you have adapted to the form I gave you. However, if we waste too much time, we will lose any chance of completing what we must do, and if that occurs, your species will be doomed."

    Bill pulled himself back to his feet using the tree. His knees felt shaky, and his vision was still blurred by his tears. Squinting, he rubbed his throat.

    "I… I don't…" he rasped.

    The creature tilted its head slightly. "Do you find it that difficult to understand? I am proposing to you a contract. Control, in exchange for a very simple favor. Do we have a deal?"

    It extended a hand. Bill stared at the metal and pressed his back to the tree trunk behind him. Right then, it all hit him. If he took that hand, he'd be bound by contract to do exactly the kinds of things he wanted to avoid. Fighting? Gifts? He didn't even know what favor the thing wanted or what he was getting himself into. Trembling, he shook his head.

    The creature knelt in front of him. "No?"

    "Please… please leave me alone," Bill whispered.

    "Have I really failed to make myself clear with my last example?"

    It placed a hand on his shoulder. At first, it was just a light touch, but as seconds passed, the hand grew heavier. The grip tightened until Bill could feel the claws pierce through his skin and dig deep into the muscle of his shoulder. He cried out and gripped the monster's arm. Hot pain laced from where the fingers were burrowing deep into his flesh, and he shut his eyes tightly.

    "Oh gods!" he cried. "Let go!"

    The hand squeezed harder. Bill could almost feel its fingers brushing his bone. The creature leaned close and whispered into Bill's ear. Its breath was cold and smelled like the sea.

    "I am inside you," the creature hissed. "To reject me will be suicide. You will either be killed by my brethren, or I will kill you to find a new host. The truth is, Bill, that the only painless alternative you have is to surrender. To go deep down inside yourself – so deep that your mind will drown in my consciousness, and you will cease to exist. I could do that to you in an instant, but because you are useful to me, I give you a choice. I offer you peace and a chance to live with me, but it must be on my terms. Do you understand?"

    Shakily, he nodded. His mind was focused on the pain, and he felt his limbs wobble and his body grow weaker. Both of his hands slipped off the creature's arm and hung at his sides. As his vision began to grow dark, he forced himself to think about the words it said.

    "Good."

    The creature presented its free hand. Bill stared at it. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want any of this. He wanted to be back in Polaris with his own body and his own thoughts, but he suspected both were just beyond his reach for the time being.

    Weakly, he wrapped his hand around his partner's. The metal fingers nearly crushed his, but luckily, the contact lasted for only a second. As soon as it happened, the monster pulled away from him, drawing its fingers out of Bill's shoulder. He screamed for a second time as blinding pain ripped through him, but as soon as he reached up to grab his shoulder, he stopped. Panting, he looked down to see that the bare, white skin of his shoulder was just that: bare and white, with not even a scar to tell him that five needles had been jammed deep into it just a moment ago. Even the pain was almost completely gone.

    Completely indifferent to Bill's curiosity, the creature stood and turned. "Now that formalities are out of the way, there is one other order of business I believe we must attend to before you awaken. Because you humans have difficulties comprehending anything without giving it a name, I suppose I should choose one for myself before you take to calling me by that ridiculous designation you gave my species."

    Breathing shallowly, Bill struggled to stand, using the tree as support. He felt light-headed, as if at any second, he would drop face-first into the ground again. It felt like a miracle to him that he could remain standing long enough to stare at his companion.

    "They gave me a name, you know," it said. "Your colleagues, I mean. They gave me one like they did for Abel." It looked over its shoulder. "Adam. It is not quite the name I would have chosen for myself, but it will do."

    At that point, Bill's mouth moved, although he wasn't entirely conscious of the fact that he was speaking.

    "Adam…"

    It clasped its claws behind its back. "I read your memory to understand your kind better. Adam was the first man." It looked forward. "Ironic, is it not?"

    Exhaling, Bill once again whispered, "Adam…"

    Adam straightened its back. "Something is happening outside. Wake up."

    Before Bill could reply, the forest and Adam vanished.

    ---

    When Bill awoke for a second time, he opened his eyes to a cold world of color. Below him, he saw a blur of brown and green, and above him, there was a stretch of blue and white. A streak of yellow and red passed over him, screaming, as he was sent careening towards a patch of green. The journey towards the patch was short; he hit it with a bang seconds after he was dropped. He squinted, and the blurs of color around him morphed into the wobbling vision of a field fringed by trees. Gunshots and cracks of thunder filled his ears, and the bitter smells of metal and gunpowder flooded his nostrils.

    With some effort, he turned over and lifted his head. Bill squinted and tried to will the world to stay still just enough for him to see. Several feet in front of him, he caught sight of a group of people – ten in all – in various civilian clothes. All of them had guns in their hands and electrike around their feet, and in one large hunting party, they almost completely surrounded Abel.

    The electric-type looked, in Bill's opinion, absolutely terrible. Blood ran out of a red wound in his shoulder, and from the other shoulder, his arm hung limply with a bone jutting out of its side. Half the hand on the broken arm was missing; it stopped at a ragged line – the edge of a hole left by a point-blank gunshot wound, no doubt. His tail looked just as incomplete.

    Roaring, Abel surrounded himself with blue light and released another volley of electrical bolts. The electrike barked and pounced forward, into the attack. Before a single bolt could strike their human companions, the pack absorbed the electricity and dropped to the ground. None of them had so much as a burn on them. Each electrike simply stood on all fours, teeth bared and growls rumbling in a chorus.

    Another gunshot rang out, and Abel reeled forward. Blood spurted from the back of his skull as another one of the civilians placed a gun barrel against the jewel in Abel's chest. The trigger was pulled, and one last shot boomed. Abel fell backwards, green gel and red blood flying as he fell to the red-slicked grass. He didn't get up again.

    The civilians hesitated, waiting for Abel to move. One even lowered her rifle and nudged his body with the barrel. When he didn't stir, the group looked at Bill.

    "Now the other one," one of the civilians said.

    With a shuddering cry, Bill realized what they were about to do. As they moved towards him, he sat up and scrambled backwards. His eyes widened, and he felt his breath quicken. Placing a hand over his chest, he trembled and forced himself to speak.

    "W-wait!" he cried.

    They stopped and looked at each other.

    "It spoke," a woman in the group whispered.

    "Can it understand us?" a man muttered.

    The group turned towards someone in the middle of their formation. They parted to allow her to walk through.

    Normally, Bill would be comforted by the sight of an Officer Jenny. Her blue police officer's uniform represented justice and safety to the majority of his world. No matter where she went, there would be order. However, there was a glint in her coffee-colored eyes that made him uneasy, and the way her glossy lips pursed made him think of a judge about to sentence a convict. Of course, the latter notion might have come from the fact that she was holding a black handgun that was pointed directly at him, and although Bill knew very little about weapons, he thought it looked powerful enough to put a hole right through him.

    There was a long moment of silence. Officer Jenny kept her hand steady as she looked at him with a critical eye. Tilting her head, she finally found something to say.

    "Do you have a name?" she asked.

    He sat up, blinking. His mind scrambled to grasp her question. It seemed so casual and out-of-place that he couldn't even understand it at first. Then, his mouth pushed to speak.

    "Bill," he murmured.

    Jenny nodded, her eyes settling on the hand on his chest. Behind her, a member of the hunting party stepped forward.

    "Should we kill it?" he asked.

    Jenny shook her head. "I've got a better idea."

    She swung her arm. The barrel of her gun cracked against the side of Bill's head, sending him sprawling into the ground. Once again, his vision darkened, and he found himself quickly slipping into unconsciousness.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 4th December 2011 at 3:10 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    "You have," a voice said. "This is the forest around your home, is it not? The forest that surrounds the place you call Route 25. To the east, it will end, giving way abruptly to a beach that leads to a cliff. However, for our purposes, no matter how far you walk, you will never get there. I tell you this now so you can feel comfortable but focus completely on me."
    What a geographic oddity. If this was meant, I'd like an explanation.

    It was, he imagined, what he looked like as an XP-494B: the face was his own (albeit paler than what he was used to seeing in the mirror), while the metal-armored body looked more like what happened if a raptor mated with a human.
    AAAAAH JURASSIC PARK ROMANCE

    Cautiously, he wrapped his hand around his partner's.
    Er, I've got to say; wouldn't Bill be in excruciating pain if he so much as moved his hand? Adam's free hand is (in my mind) his right, and Bill's right arm is being punctured/crushed by Adam's left. Nothing was mentioned about an awkward handshake, either, so I just imagine this oddly.


    All of them had guns in their hands and electrike around their feet, and in one, large hunting party, they surrounded Abel.
    Read oddly, I think.

    Poor Bill, always getting knocked out before things happen.
    "That poison's only strong enough to kill a dead dog"

    A boy and his frog, venturing across the lands in search of sister and glory.

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    I have to agree with IJuggler.

    Bill has to be the most pathetic excuse for an action hero ever devised. You can't save the world if you spend most of your time unconscious, Bill.

    But I wuv him all the same though, he fares about as well as I would fare in a similar situation.

    And yes Miss Valentine. How does a beach lead to a cliff?
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    Quote Originally Posted by IJuggler View Post
    What a geographic oddity. If this was meant, I'd like an explanation.
    *whistles innocently*

    AAAAAH JURASSIC PARK ROMANCE
    I'm glad you thought of Jurassic Park first instead of how the two would actually mate. Or, considering the narrator is describing exactly how Bill sees Adam, why Bill is thinking of raptor x human relations in the first place. Flipping furry.

    On that note, I guess we should say Ian Malcolm x T-Rex?

    Er, I've got to say; wouldn't Bill be in excruciating pain if he so much as moved his hand? Adam's free hand is (in my mind) his right, and Bill's right arm is being punctured/crushed by Adam's left. Nothing was mentioned about an awkward handshake, either, so I just imagine this oddly.
    That's a good point. I'm not quite sure how I was imagining this when I wrote it.

    Read oddly, I think.
    Thanks for that. For one, the comma shouldn't be there. I'm not sure if that's all it needs, so I'll have to go back to it later.

    Poor Bill, always getting knocked out before things happen.
    The world just hates him. *sage nod* (And by "the world," I mean "me," and by "hates," I mean "likes relieving sadistic tendencies towards.")

    Quote Originally Posted by Diddy View Post
    Bill has to be the most pathetic excuse for an action hero ever devised. You can't save the world if you spend most of your time unconscious, Bill.
    XD See, this is why I'm really having fun with this fic. Normal people would feature main characters whose main problem with being transformed is the fact that they want to angst a lot. Bill's main problem, meanwhile, is that he's very fond of unconsciously invoking Murphy's law every time he breathes.

    But I wuv him all the same though, he fares about as well as I would fare in a similar situation.
    In that case, may you never be infected with a vicious alien parasite.

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    Hey, I’m finally here with my review, sorry it took so long.

    I have to admit, I’m not a huge sci-fi fan, but this has blown me away so far. Merging something like Pokemon and a bloody sci-fi like “Alien” or “District 9” isn’t an easy task, but you have done extremely well. I can actually picture this as a successful movie on the big screen. The settings are terrific and well-detailed. I also love the character development. Characters like Oak and Bill are easy to fall in love with and characters like Nettle are easy to hate because you give them such strong personalities. There are some things I want to point out. I’ll do my best to provide some constructive criticism because I want to put effort into this review like you put into mine.

    Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    A loud crack – like the sound of rock being smashed with a sledgehammer -- filled the air, followed by a chorus of scratches.
    I don’t know if this is on purpose or not, I just noticed that there was one dash in one spot and two dashes in another.

    One

    Nothing I can spot here. Great characterization and suspense.

    Two

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    "We'll take it too."
    This appears twice. It looks to me like a grammatical error since it looks like there should be a comma between “it“ and “too,” but since it appears twice I don’t think it is. I don’t know, this sounds a bit odd to me and I’m not sure what it means.

    Three

    Awesome! I wasn’t quite expecting Nettle to be a part of Team Rocket, but it makes so much sense looking back at her characteristics.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Oak stood in front of his desk in his office. His dark eyes were fixed on the wall-sized screen behind it. There, he saw a black-and-white clip of a young, dark-haired woman in a hospital gown. She was seated on a bed at the far end of an otherwise empty room, and her shoulder was exposed to reveal the glistening parasite. At first, it was simply a shot of her, swaying as she tried to remain conscious, but then, the clip cut abruptly to the image of the woman with her head craned back and several scientists gathered around her. One of them attempted to stick her with a long needle, but her flailing arms knocked the syringe flying. Pale crystals burst from her skin, letting the scraps hang in bloody flaps from her shoulders.

    The clip cut again. This time, her hair had fallen out, and a pair of rounded horns jutted out of her skull. Her entire body took on a shimmering coat of ice, interrupted every so often by a crystal spike. The creature's thin arms wrapped around her naked body as she shivered and opened her mouth in a silent scream. A few more men in lab coats immediately responded by approaching her with syringes in hand. Their bodies shielded most of her from view, save for the limbs that flashed above their heads.

    Suddenly, the girl sat with long, pale hair shielding her pallid face. Behind her, a tail flicked back and forth. The patient sat perched with her knees hugged tightly to her chest and her clawed feet curled around the edge of the bed. After a few seconds, a scientist appeared in the side of the shot with his back turned towards the camera. His hands moved as if he was speaking with her, to which she responded by lifting her head.

    In the next instant, no one was on the bed, and the scientist had disappeared. Something dark sprayed across the lens of the camera, partly obscuring the image of the room.
    Wow…I mean, wow! What a frightening and awesome picture you painted for us here. The only problem is Professor Oak afterward. The description of the body invasion created such an intense atmosphere, but Oak kind of ruins this atmosphere. He laughs at the thought of Bill going on a rampage (though I have to laugh at this picture myself) and he adds a little humor by saying, “I’m getting too old for this.” I know this is just minor humor added to this scene, but for me, it doesn’t fit the scary, badass atmosphere you created in this chapter.

    Four

    I don’t know if anyone has told you this yet, but the second and third paragraphs are exactly the same.

    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    The ice witch swayed her hips as she walked towards him. Her pursed lips began to glow bright pink, and she purred as she leaned in and grasped his chin with a large hand. He felt her strong grip clamp down on his jaw, and as she forced him to turn his head, he winced as pain stabbed at his neck. However, he didn't have much time to protest because in the next second, he felt her cold lips against his skin. Shortly afterwards, a tingling, numb sensation spread through the rest of his head, and he suddenly felt like he couldn't keep his eyes open.
    Haha, very nice! I always wondered what kind of effect Lovely Kiss would have on a human.

    Five

    I love how you describe Bill. This reminds me a bit of the transformation from “District 9.” The idea of a dorky, wimpy scientist who turns into a more powerful creature. I don’t know if you liked that movie or not, but I loved it, so consider that comparison a compliment!

    Six

    I love the “inner-voice” of the parasite and the fight scenes, as well. Great chapter!

    Seven

    I’m glad you put some plot exposition in this chapter. I know it’s not good to have “info dumps” throughout a story, but there was also a lot about the plot that was unclear to me until this point.

    Overall, marvelous work. I am very impressed with every aspect of this story. Keep it up!
    Last edited by ESPNfanatic35; 25th February 2010 at 6:01 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ESPNfanatic35 View Post
    Hey, I’m finally here with my review, sorry it took so long.
    Totally all right.

    I have to admit, I’m not a huge sci-fi fan, but this has blown me away so far. Merging something like Pokemon and a bloody sci-fi like “Alien” or “District 9” isn’t an easy task, but you have done extremely well.
    Thanks. I'm really glad you like it.

    I don’t know if this is on purpose or not, I just noticed that there was one dash in one spot and two dashes in another.
    Thanks for that. I'll get that fixed in the next edit sweep.

    This appears twice. It looks to me like a grammatical error since it looks like there should be a comma between “it“ and “too,” but since it appears twice I don’t think it is. I don’t know, this sounds a bit odd to me and I’m not sure what it means.
    I'll have to double-check, but as far as I can remember, you actually don't need it. Whenever you see a comma around the word "too," it usually means that there's an abrupt change of thought -- like, "He didn’t know at first what hit him, but then, too, he hadn’t ever walked in a field strewn with garden rakes." (Example lifted from here.) Of course, this is a bit of a controversial issue because not too long ago, it was a rule that you apply a comma around too whenever it's standing in for "also," but doing a quick Google search brought up the idea that the Chicago Manual of Style says that's outdated already.

    tl;dr: It can actually go either way depending on which grammar nazi you ask, but the more modern version is most likely the one without it.

    I know this is just minor humor added to this scene, but for me, it doesn’t fit the scary, badass atmosphere you created in this chapter.
    Thanks. I'll try playing around with it a little.

    One thing to keep in mind, though, is that part of the entire "comic relief" thing going on there is an attempt at getting Oak in character. Basically, he really doesn't want to break down into panic because there's a lot depending on him, but he knows it's a pretty serious and dangerous situation. So, he ends up reverting to the joking attitude he usually has in the anime just so he doesn't go crazy from all the pressure. (Because he really is getting too old for this. XD)

    I don’t know if anyone has told you this yet, but the second and third paragraphs are exactly the same.
    Thanks for reminding me about that. Someone else pointed it out, and I meant to fix it the next time I did an edit run. I'll definitely remember to fix that the next time I run through this.

    Haha, very nice! I always wondered what kind of effect Lovely Kiss would have on a human.
    Awesome, psychedelic effects. No, seriously. XD

    I love how you describe Bill. This reminds me a bit of the transformation from “District 9.” The idea of a dorky, wimpy scientist who turns into a more powerful creature. I don’t know if you liked that movie or not, but I loved it, so consider that comparison a compliment!
    Thank you!

    District 9. Oh, so much love there, regardless of what some people say about it being ridiculously preachy and full of sci-fi clichés. (I mean, really. Between it and Sparkly Blue Cat People, it's really not that bad, in my humble opinion.) [/fangirling]


    That all said, thanks so much for the compliments and the crit. I'll definitely take a look at the parts you pointed out, and I really appreciate you taking the time to look it over.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Quick responses before the next chapter:

        Spoiler:- Cut because it's long.:



    All that said, I finally get off my rear to post a new chapter! Yay!

    Seven
    Never make a deal with the devil.


    Bill opened his eyes to find himself in a place that was definitely not Polaris Institute. Turning his head, he pushed himself onto his knees to examine his surroundings. Above him, what he could see of the sky was gray, but much of it was obscured by the bare, black branches of the trees all around him. The earth and the dead leaves that littered it were shades of dark gray. He was the only object that had any sort of color for as far as he could see, and more than that, the forest stretched in all directions with no end in sight. Yet, despite how cold and grayscale the place was, he couldn't help but feel as if he had been there once.

    "You have," a voice said. "This is the forest around your home, is it not? The forest that surrounds the place you call Route 25. To the east, it will end, giving way abruptly to a beach that leads to a cliff. However, for our purposes, no matter how far you walk, you will never get there. I tell you this now so you can feel comfortable but focus completely on me."
    i won't say anything about this, since others have already picked it apart, but anyway lol

    Sitting back, he listened carefully to the voice. It definitely sounded like his. He knew all too well it wasn't.

    "You!" he exclaimed. "Where are you?"

    There was only a short beat of hesitation before it answered, "Find me."

    Bill pressed his hands into the ground and prepared to spring onto his feet, but before he moved, he noticed his hands. Both were covered in soft, pink flesh, and his silver claws were gone.

    Something in his brain jolted. Suddenly, a rush of memories hit him: waking up to find that his body covered in metal, encountering a man who could produce electricity, breathing in a white cloud that put him to sleep. His chest heaved in an effort to calm himself.

    "Take as long as you need. Time is irrelevant here," the voice told him.

    Slowly, he rose to his feet. He noticed they felt weird under him, although they definitely the feet he was born with. Step by step, he crept in the direction of the voice until he passed the first tree. Behind it, a flash of silver caught his eye. He turned his head to see himself leaning against it, but this self wasn't human. It was, he imagined, what he looked like as an XP-494B: the face was his own (albeit paler than what he was used to seeing in the mirror), while the metal-armored body looked more like what happened if a raptor mated with a human. The creature stared at him with dark eyes – his dark eyes – as it crossed its arms and waited. Before long, Bill realized it wanted him to speak.
    lol jurassic park shipping

    "Am I dreaming?" he whispered.

    "Yes," the creature told him. Then, it sighed and looked to the side. "Electric-types are the fastest among my kind, but they cannot carry weight well. Therefore, you must be kept asleep and still so that Abel may carry us to where we need to be. Otherwise, I am afraid of what may happen if he drops us. I can smell water outside."

    Bill took several steps backwards until his back smacked against a tree. "What?"

    The creature turned back towards him. Right then, Bill noticed that its expression was completely unreadable. Its mouth was a slight frown, but it betrayed no emotion. A shudder went down the human's spine.

    "I was worried that I would have to emerge in order to free us," his companion continued. "Luckily, Abel is here. After all, if I were to dominate our body for too long, then…"

    Its voice trailed off at that point, and it looked down at its feet. Bill could feel himself sliding down the trunk. He felt numb, and none of what the creature just told him sank into his mind.

    "What are you?" Bill whispered. "What… what do you want?"

    The creature lifted its chin slightly. "My kind do not have names for ourselves or for each other. I cannot, therefore, tell you what I am. As for what I want, we are going to a place you know as Hoenn."

    Right then, Bill's entire body felt cold. "You're… you're going to take me to your kind, aren't you? You want me to…"

    Bill sensed that the creature was amused. He couldn't figure out how he knew that, considering it never changed the expression on its face. He just looked at it and knew it would be chuckling if it did things like that.

    "There are few like me on this planet," it said, "and none of them would accept your human mind. I, on the other hand, have no intention of forcing myself on you."

    It strode forward. Bill watched it carefully until it stared down at him. Then, one of its metal hands lashed outward and grabbed him by the neck. Gasping, he felt its grip tighten and lift him into the air. His windpipe contracted, and he felt nothing enter his lungs. Choking, he frantically grabbed and pulled the creature's arm.

    "Humans are so fragile," it told him calmly. "A few breaths of a poison, and you whither and die. A few wounds, and you bleed to death. I do not know how strong the others are compared to you, but you seem laughably weak compared to my last host. If I pushed you too hard and too quickly, you will break."

    It released him, causing him to drop to the soft ground. Instantly, he grabbed his throat and took several loud gasps of air. His body bent in half, and he pressed his forehead to the ground while tears trickled from his eyes. The air felt like it was on fire as it ripped down his throat. As he lay gasping and shaking, his parasite stood over him and spoke to him tonelessly.
    poor bill, being threatened by his own parasite

    "If you are wondering, our relationship is not unique. There are others of my kind who, either by force or by choice, have relinquished control over their bodies to their hosts. This has always been true. My choice is to give you as much freedom and guidance as I can, but there is something I must ask you to do in return."

    Coughing, Bill lifted his head to look at his companion. He said nothing, but the parasite knew what question was on his mind.

    "You must learn to survive," it told him. "I can teach you all I can, but you must hone those skills on your own. You must learn how to control the gifts I have given you, and you must become strong. This will need to happen quickly. There is something else I will ask you to do soon, but it cannot happen until you are ready. However, if we waste too much time, we will lose any chance of completing what we must do."

    Bill pulled himself back to his feet using the tree. His knees felt shaky, and his vision was still blurred by his tears. Squinting, he rubbed his throat.

    "I… I don't…" he rasped.

    The creature narrowed its eyes. "Do you find it that difficult to understand? I am proposing to you a contract. Control, in exchange for a very simple favor. Do we have a deal?"

    It extended a hand. Bill stared at the metal as he sank down again to the forest floor. Right then, it all hit him. If he took that hand, he'd be bound by contract to do exactly the kinds of things he wanted to avoid. Fighting? Getting stronger? He didn't even know what favor the thing wanted or what he was getting himself into. Trembling, he shook his head.

    The creature knelt in front of him. "No?"

    "Please… please leave me alone," Bill whispered.

    "Have I really failed to make myself clear with my last example?"

    It placed a hand on his shoulder. At first, it was just a light touch, but as seconds passed, the hand grew heavier. The grip tightened until Bill could feel the claws pierce through his skin and dig deep into the muscle of his shoulder. He cried out and pressed both hands and one of his feet against the monster's chest. Hot pain laced from where the fingers were burrowing deep into his flesh, and he shut his eyes tightly.

    "No no no no!" he yelped. "Let go!"

    The hand squeezed harder. Bill could almost feel its fingers brushing his bone. The creature leaned close and whispered into Bill's ear. Its breath was cold and smelled like the sea.

    "I am inside you," the creature hissed. "To reject me will be suicide. You will either be killed by my kind, or I will kill you to find a new host. The truth is, Bill, that the only painless alternative you have is to surrender. To go deep down inside yourself – so deep that your mind will drown in my consciousness, and you will cease to exist. I could do that to you in an instant, but because you are useful to me, I give you a choice. I offer you peace and a chance to live with me, but it must be on my terms. Do you understand?"

    Shakily, he nodded. His mind was focused on the pain, and he felt his limbs wobble and his body grow weaker. Both of his hands slipped down the creature's chest as he forced himself to think about the words it said.

    "Good."

    The creature presented its free hand. Bill stared at it blearily. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want any of this. He wanted to be back in Polaris with his own body and his own thoughts, but he suspected both were just beyond his reach.

    Cautiously, he wrapped his hand around his partner's. The metal fingers nearly crushed his, but luckily, it lasted for only a second. As soon as it happened, the monster withdrew, drawing its fingers out of Bill's shoulder. He screamed for a second time as blinding pain ripped through him, but as soon as he reached up to grab his shoulder, he stopped. Panting, he looked down to see that the bare, white skin of his shoulder was just that: bare and white, with not even a scar to tell him that five needles were jammed deep into it just a moment ago. Even the pain was almost completely gone.

    Completely indifferent to Bill's curiosity, the creature stood and turned. "Now that formalities are out of the way, there is one other order of business I believe we must attend to before you awaken. Because you humans have difficulties comprehending anything without giving it a name, I suppose I should choose one for myself before you take to calling me by that ridiculous designation you gave my species."

    Breathing shallowly, Bill struggled to stand, using the tree as support. He felt light-headed, and his vision swam. Squinting, he stared at his companion.

    "They gave me a name, you know," it said. "Your colleagues, I mean. They gave me one like they did for Abel." It looked over its shoulder. "Adam. It is not quite the name I would have chosen for myself, but it will do."

    At that point, Bill's mouth moved, although he wasn't entirely conscious of the fact that he was speaking.

    "Adam…"

    It clasped its claws behind its back. "I read your memory to understand your kind better. Adam was the first man." It looked forward. "Ironic, is it not?"

    Exhaling, Bill once again whispered, "Adam…"

    Adam straightened its back. "Something is happening outside. Wake up."

    Before Bill could reply, the forest and Adam vanished.
    i'm guessing this is just one of the first times he has a little discussion with xp-494, no?

    [QUOTE]---

    When Bill opened his eyes for a second time, he found himself in a cold world of color. Below him, he saw a blur of brown and green, and above him, there was a stretch of blue and white. A streak of yellow and red passed over him, screaming, as he was abruptly sent careening towards a patch of green. The journey towards the green patch was short; he hit it with a bang seconds after he was dropped. His head swam, and the blurs morphed into the wobbling vision of a field fringed by trees. Gunshots and cracks of thunder filled his ears. The bitter smells of metal and gunpowder flooded his nostrils.

    Slowly, he turned over and lifted his head. Bill shut his eyes tightly and tried to will the world to stay still just enough for him to see. Several feet in front of him, he saw a group of people – ten in all – in various civilian clothes. All of them had guns in their hands and electrike? around their feet, and in one, large hunting party, they surrounded Abel.[QUOTE]

    why would civilians in the kanto have electrike? is this a carryover from your previous effort?

    The electric-type looked, in Bill's opinion, absolutely terrible. Blood ran out of a red hole in his shoulder, and from the other shoulder, his arm hung limply at an angle. Half the hand on the broken arm was missing; it stopped at a ragged line – the edge of a hole left by a point-blank gunshot wound. His tail looked just as incomplete.

    Roaring, Abel surrounded himself with blue light and released another volley of electrical bolts. The electrike barked and pounced forward, into the attack. Before a single bolt could strike their human companions, the pack absorbed the electricity and dropped to the ground. None of them had so much as a burn on them. Each of them simply stood on all fours, teeth bared and growls rumbling from their throats.

    Another gunshot rang out, and Abel reeled forward. Blood spurted from the back of his skull as another one of the civilians placed a gun barrel against the jewel in Abel's chest. The trigger was pulled, and one last shot boomed. Abel fell backwards, green gel and red blood flying as he fell to the blood-slicked grass. He didn't get up again.
    Poor abel. He isn't going to have anymore bad days now i suppose.

    The civilians hesitated, waiting for Abel to move. One even lowered her rifle and nudged his body with the barrel. When he didn't move, the group looked at Bill.

    "Now the other one," one of the civilians said.

    With a shuddering cry, Bill realized what they were about to do. As they moved towards him, he sat up and scrambled backwards. His eyes widened, and he felt his breath quicken. Covering the jewel in his own chest, he trembled and forced himself to speak.

    "W-wait!" he cried.

    They stopped and looked at each other.

    "It spoke," a woman in the group whispered.

    "Can it understand us?" a man muttered.

    The group turned towards someone in the middle of their formation. They parted to allow her to walk through.

    Normally, Bill would be comforted by the sight of an Officer Jenny. Her blue police officer's uniform represented justice and safety. No matter where she went, there would be order. However, there was a glint in her coffee-colored eyes that made him uneasy, and the way her glossy lips pursed made him think of an executioner just about to tie the noose around his neck. Of course, the latter notion might have come from the fact that she was holding a black handgun that was pointed directly at him, and it looked rather powerful.

    There was a long moment of silence. Officer Jenny kept her hand steady as she looked at him with a critical eye. Tilting her head, she finally found something to say.

    "Do you have a name?" she asked.

    He sat up, blinking. His mind scrambled to grasp her question. It seemed so casual and out-of-place that he couldn't even understand it at first. Then, his mouth pushed to speak.

    "Bill," he murmured.

    Jenny nodded, her eyes settling on the parasite again. Behind her, the group shifted on their feet.

    "Should we kill it?" one of the party asked.

    Jenny shook her head. "I've got a better idea."

    She swung her arm. The barrel of her gun cracked against Bill's skull, sending him sprawling into the ground. Once again, his vision hazed, and he found himself quickly slipping into the darkness of unconsciousness.
    We're nothing more than concreteness victims trapped into our limits
    Blind beliefs that lead us: "Trust in what we can perceive with senses".
    Thousands minds that reflect our tendency to flatten layers of knowledge,
    demonstrating that we're just wasting our time.
    Look above us, sky is just a fragment and shows us how we're nothing more than ants.
    Human weakness is what we hide, overwhelming celebration of our fault .
    Entwined with our fears of being in your hands, we're deaf to the universe that guides us.
    How can we enhance our thin perception of every small wonder hiding behind simple shapes?

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by 11tjcoulombe View Post
    i won't say anything about this, since others have already picked it apart, but anyway lol
    I'll fix it up when I do an edit sweep. XD I think what I was trying to do was describe the fact that Bill's lighthouse is on a cliff that can only be accessed by going along the road next to the beach. So, while the ocean's beyond the beach if a person goes straight out of the forest, the beach eventually meets the cliff if that someone follows the beach to the south.

    It might just be easier to not mention the cliff at all, so maybe I'll do that.

    poor bill, being threatened by his own parasite
    And everything else in the universe. XD Bill's other name is "Fate's Whipping Boy."

    i'm guessing this is just one of the first times he has a little discussion with xp-494, no?
    Face-to-face (if you can call it that), yep. He's also had a discussion with Adam in Polaris, when Adam told him to get off his tail and do something.

    Or if you meant this is one of the first of many times, oh yes. Adam's going to be back to choke Bill many times in the near future. ;D

    why would civilians in the kanto have electrike? is this a carryover from your previous effort?
    You know, you're the second person I've encountered who got confused about where they are. O_o Maybe I'm not entirely clear about things.

    Basically, they're headed to Hoenn, as mentioned by Adam in the middle of the chapter. However, to keep Bill calm so he doesn't end up getting dropped into the ocean (because Electric-type XP-494 can't carry weight that well, and Steel-types like Bill are heavy), Adam is keeping Bill asleep by distracting him in his dreams. On top of that, to make Bill feel comfortable talking to it, Adam manipulated Bill's mind so that he's dreaming that he's A) human and B) near his home in Kanto.

    Long story short, they're actually in Hoenn, but the entire first scene is taking place in Bill's mind. As a result, Bill sees a forest in Kanto when that's not actually where he is physically.

    Like I said, because you're not actually the first person who thought they're now in Kanto, I think I might have to do a bit of revision there. ._.

    Poor abel. He isn't going to have anymore bad days now i suppose.
    Yep. XD

    Thanks for the review. I appreciate it, and I'll definitely look over the stuff you pointed out.

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  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    I'll fix it up when I do an edit sweep. XD I think what I was trying to do was describe the fact that Bill's lighthouse is on a cliff that can only be accessed by going along the road next to the beach. So, while the ocean's beyond the beach if a person goes straight out of the forest, the beach eventually meets the cliff if that someone follows the beach to the south.

    It might just be easier to not mention the cliff at all, so maybe I'll do that.

    lol yeah probably

    And everything else in the universe. XD Bill's other name is "Fate's Whipping Boy."



    Face-to-face (if you can call it that), yep. He's also had a discussion with Adam in Polaris, when Adam told him to get off his tail and do something.

    Or if you meant this is one of the first of many times, oh yes. Adam's going to be back to choke Bill many times in the near future. ;D
    sounds like bill is going to be busy in the future lol

    You know, you're the second person I've encountered who got confused about where they are. O_o Maybe I'm not entirely clear about things.

    Basically, they're headed to Hoenn, as mentioned by Adam in the middle of the chapter. However, to keep Bill calm so he doesn't end up getting dropped into the ocean (because Electric-type XP-494 can't carry weight that well, and Steel-types like Bill are heavy), Adam is keeping Bill asleep by distracting him in his dreams. On top of that, to make Bill feel comfortable talking to it, Adam manipulated Bill's mind so that he's dreaming that he's A) human and B) near his home in Kanto.

    Long story short, they're actually in Hoenn, but the entire first scene is taking place in Bill's mind. As a result, Bill sees a forest in Kanto when that's not actually where he is physically.

    Like I said, because you're not actually the first person who thought they're now in Kanto, I think I might have to do a bit of revision there. ._.
    ah, ok, thanks for clariyfying that
    [/QUOTE]

    lol sorry for the very late review, i've been busy working on my own fic
    We're nothing more than concreteness victims trapped into our limits
    Blind beliefs that lead us: "Trust in what we can perceive with senses".
    Thousands minds that reflect our tendency to flatten layers of knowledge,
    demonstrating that we're just wasting our time.
    Look above us, sky is just a fragment and shows us how we're nothing more than ants.
    Human weakness is what we hide, overwhelming celebration of our fault .
    Entwined with our fears of being in your hands, we're deaf to the universe that guides us.
    How can we enhance our thin perception of every small wonder hiding behind simple shapes?

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    Did I seriously go for two months without posting a chapter?

    Also, I'd like to give everyone a big thanks for the nominations and the awards from the Serebii's 2009 Fanfiction Awards... thing. It's really appreciated, especially since I'm still sort of new here. Also, congrats to all of the people who won as well! You all deserve it. <3

    Furthermore, I finally fixed that double paragraph thing back in chapter four (assuming it goes through, considering Serebii's been loading awkwardly for me for the past few weeks). I know there's other edits to make, but that one's the most embarrassing. I'm planning on going back and editing a few things starting from the prologue either way; I'll let you guys know when changes happen.

    In the meantime, worst excuse for not posting ever: "Look! A four page chapter that took me eight weeks to write!"


    Anima Ex Machina: Eight
    Greater than situation is implication.


    SEARCHING...

    SEARCH RESULTS CLASSIFIED. ENTER PASSWORD.

    TIER 3 ACCESS ACKNOWLEDGED. PLEASE WAIT.

    Polaris Institute Employee Dossier
    ID NO. #025124202 <PENDING UPDATE: TERMINATED. DESIGNATED PROJECT STARDUST SUBJECT 002: CODENAME ADAM. DESIGNATION AWAITING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT FROM NATIONAL DEFENSE FORCES.>
    Name: McKenzie, William H
    Clearance level: <CLEARANCE SUSPENDED. DENY ACCESS ON ALL LEVELS.>
    Notes: Infected with parasite XP-650A. Quarantine level 5. <UPDATE: ESCAPED. RETRIEVAL PRIORITY 1. TIERS 2 THROUGH 5 NOTIFIED; INSTRUCTIONS ACKNOWLEDGED.>

    FURTHER INFORMATION CLASSIFIED. MINIMUM TIER 4 CLEARANCE REQUIRED. ACCESS DENIED.


    The cursor continued to blink on a laptop's screen in Viridian City. It was the second dossier that crossed that screen, but it was the one that made the man staring at it drum his large fingers on the surface of the desk in front of him. His black eyes fixed themselves on the other window on his monitor, the one containing a video conference call with Professor Nettle and the Black Tulip. Nettle wrung her hands nervously; 009 stood beside her, stiff and emotionless. For a long while, the man simply stared at them, ignoring even the persian rubbing herself against one of his legs.

    Suddenly, the man balled his hand into a bulky fist and slammed it into his desk. The persian withdrew, her cream-colored fur standing on end. With a screech, she darted away and hid herself behind a plant in the corner of her master's dimly-lit office. Quietly, she watched the man with one eye while he spoke in a low tone.

    "Do you mean to tell me you let Team Rocket property escape?"

    The Black Tulip lifted her chin. "Giovanni, I know this seems like a disappointment, but it's only a minor complication. We can harvest new specimens."

    "009, normally, I'm very patient with you," he growled, "but you've already failed me one too many times. I thought you were my finest officer."

    In a split second, the agent's face paled, but just as quickly as it happened, she straightened and forced her face to take on its emotionless state again. "Don't worry. I still am. The Polaris Operation isn't over yet."

    "That's where you're sadly mistaken," Giovanni replied. "The situation at Polaris Institute is unrepairable. You've called an attack, and many of our agents' covers have been compromised in the process. I have reason to believe that the authorities are aware of our presence within the facility. Security will be at its highest. Access to XP-650 – either form – will be nearly impossible."

    "Nearly but not completely! I can still get you two more!"

    Giovanni pounded the desk again. "Enough! 009, for the past few years, you have given me nothing but one failure after another for no reason I can understand. I've been growing increasingly tired of your inability to give me results, and now you have the audacity to offer empty promises instead?"

    She clenched her fists in an attempt to keep herself from shaking. "Giovanni, this is only a minor setback! I can do this!"

    "A minor setback would be if you lost only one specimen without being detected. However, you have alerted the entirety of Polaris Institute to our presence while losing two fully-grown XP-650B. Your incompetence doesn't stop there, either. One of the potential weapons you've created and quickly lost would have been better use to us as a human. Or perhaps you didn't think to get the security codes for the Storage and Retrieval System from McKenzie before you let him escape, did you?"

    009 stiffened her body. "Giovanni, I didn't select the targets. I—"

    "Who was given command of the Polaris Operation?!" Giovanni roared. "You, 009, were given very simple instructions: select a single target, ensure his infection, incapacitate him after transformation, and transport him out of the facility. You have done only one of these things correctly, and now, you wish to pass the blame for your inability to lead to someone else?! In light of all of this, I relieve you of your position at Polaris Institute. You are as of now reassigned to a mission even you can't screw up."

    "Giovanni!" she screamed.

    He completely ignored her. "I will be arranging your withdrawal from Polaris Institute under the pretense that you have submitted a request to transfer to the facility in New Bark Town. A transport ship run by one of our operatives will come to pick you up in three days to take you to Hoenn."

    "Hoenn," 009 repeated. Her arms went limp as she began to realize just what this reassignment meant. "Giovanni, you can't..."

    "Your new mission," he continued, "is to locate one specimen each of XP-650A and XP-650B and contain them both. Transport them to a base Team Rocket officers have established in Slateport City before anyone becomes aware of our presence in the region."

    009 didn't respond. Her arms hung at her sides, and she stared at the screen blankly. She couldn't say a word. This was her superior, the man who up until recently, she had wrapped around her finger. Now, he was sending her to a war zone to do a grunt's job. What else could she do?

    "Furthermore," Giovanni said, "if you locate McKenzie, you are to capture him and bring him in addition to the samples you've collected. If we can't use him to take control of his system, we can at least use him as part of our army. Is all of this clear, or do I need to repeat myself in simpler words?"

    "It's clear, sir," 009 said softly.

    "Good. As for you, Professor Nettle..."

    Nettle lifted her chin. For the entirety of the conversation, she was busy steeling herself. Part of her was struggling not to show pleasure at the sight of the Black Tulip being reprimanded while another part knew that the next blow Giovanni would land would be on her.

    "Yes, sir?" she asked.

    "You are to follow her," he told her.

    Although Nettle could feel her face grow hot, she tried her best to remain as calm as possible. "Follow her, sir? But haven't I done a satisfactory job with the operation you've given me?"

    "From what I understand," he snapped, "it was your fault that Codename Abel was created, and if you must ask about your performance before your blatant act of defiance, your so-called leadership skills have only been an embarrassment to the company as a whole. You're lucky enough that I'm not sending you back to the Ellesmere camp where I found you."

    "But sir--!"

    "Do you understand your mission, or would you prefer a colder assignment?"

    At the tone of his voice, Nettle jumped and bowed her head. "I understand completely, sir."

    "Good. Then, prepare yourselves. You have three days." He emphasized the last two words, as if his tone was a hammer that drove each syllable into their skulls like spikes.

    They were about to say something in return when one of his thick fingers hit a button on the computer. The window containing their call immediately closed, and his office fell silent. Cautiously, Persian crept out of her corner and padded back to her master. With a smirk, he reached down and stroked her silky coat, smoothing it down with each touch.

    In front of his desk was a pair of chairs, well out of view of the laptop's webcam. A red-headed woman in white quietly sat in one of them, her legs crossed and her hands folded neatly on her lap. She watched her superior cater to his pokémon until she cleared her throat.

    "Team Rocket has no base in Slateport City," she said.

    Giovanni glanced into the red eyes of his executive. "You're far smarter than they are."

    "I try, sir."

    At her response, Giovanni grinned and stood, turning to face the window behind him. He reached for the blinds and separated two of its plastic bars just enough to peer out into the bright daylight.

    "You're correct," he said. "There is no base. However, should they be lucky enough to survive and complete their mission, we can send operatives to pick up their results."

    "What about Professor Nettle and 009? Wasn't the infamous Black Tulip your favorite agent?"

    Giovanni nodded. "She was, but as you can see from our conversation just now, she's since become incompetent. Professor Nettle was barely useful at all, even as a mole within the Pokémon Symposium. It would be far better to release them in Hoenn. If they don't succeed, we would at least save ourselves the trouble of disposing of two hindrances to our organization." He looked over his shoulder. "What do you think of this, Ariana?"

    She smiled. "It's a brilliant strategy."

    "Yes," he drawled. "You're far more clever than 009 could ever hope to be. Ariana, I'm reassigning both Professor Nettle's and 009's operations to you. Salvage them, and don't disappoint me."

    At once, she stood and bowed. "You can trust me, sir."

    ---

    Looking at John McKenzie, one would never guess he and Bill were in any way related. They had the same shape of face, but while Bill was short and dark-haired (though the latter was artificial), John was tall, with the only hair on his head being his mouse-brown eyebrows, mustache, and goatee. Bill spoke softly, holding his voice back to morph a thick, Goldenrod dialect into something that could be easily understood, but John's voice boomed through a room, his tongue rolling in what sounded like a thick, Scottish accent.

    So, while Bill would walk down the halls of Polaris without being noticed when he didn't want to be, John's heavy footsteps resounded off the walls as he joyfully greeted several very startled officers in security. It took him several minutes to pass through checkpoints and file paperwork because of this, but at the end of it, beyond a final metal detector in a long, white hallway, he came face-to-face with two people who made him quiet down: Professor Oak and a dark-haired intern.

    "Sam!" John exclaimed as he gave him a firm handshake. "It's been far too long, you arcanine!"

    The aide cringed a little – not enough to be noticed by normal people, but John was just as observant as his son. With a laugh, he clapped a hand roughly on the boy's shoulder.

    "Who's this?" he asked. "Sam, he looks barely old enough to grow hair on his chin!"

    "Tracey Sketchit, sir," the boy croaked under the weight of the hand.

    John laughed, the sound echoing down the hall. "No need to 'sir' me! Call me John! You know, you remind me of my son: not much older than a boy but very eager and even more uptight. Relax! Life is beautiful! Ah, that reminds me."

    He turned to Oak. All of a sudden, his face darkened, and his smile faded. Tracey shivered and took a step back, but Oak set his jaw and waited for the inevitable question.

    "Professor," John said, "where is William?"

    ---

    As soon as Bill opened his eyes, he winced in pain and shut them again. His head felt like someone took a mace to it, and the bright light and stark white ceiling above him weren't helping.

    Why does this feel familiar? he thought.

    He forced an eye open, and one of his hands tried to move to rub his temples. However, before that hand could go far, something snapped at his wrist and stopped his movement with a rattle. Another wave of déjŕ vu hit him hard as he opened both his eyes and tried to sit up.

    Whatever brought him to that room apparently took no risks. He was on a hospital bed as far as he could tell, but that was the most generous thing the people did for him. Beyond that, his wrists were handcuffed to the rails on the sides of the bed, and his hands were wrapped in mittens made of duct tape. A length of chain wound itself over his torso and under the bed to pin him to the mattress. Another chain bound his legs to the bed while duct tape held his ankles together. Then, if it wasn't enough already, his tail was taped to his right side. Helplessly, he twitched the arrowhead, but it could just barely rub against the edge of the tape.

    "You've got to be kidding me," he muttered.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 1st November 2010 at 11:44 PM.

    Codename Adam: Chapter thirty-one now available

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  13. #53
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    Can't write a long review because SPP is lagging severely.

    Good work on this chapter, Jax! Everything is well written. I particularly like the scene in Giovanni's office... it gives us a feel for the scope of this plan and how it was being carried out, and some serious character development of Domino and Prof. Nettle.

    ALSO ARIANA FTW.

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    Can't write a long review because SPP is lagging severely.

    Good work on this chapter, Jax! Everything is well written. I particularly like the scene in Giovanni's office... it gives us a feel for the scope of this plan and how it was being carried out, and some serious character development of Domino and Prof. Nettle.

    ALSO ARIANA FTW.

    (Banner by Matori)
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    Sorry for not reviewing in a while! Been getting grounded and having my laptop taken away! Congrats on your placing in the SPPf Fan Fiction awards! Anyway, no grammar or spelling mistakes I could see. If I missed anything then it was probably a small thing that is not of importance.

    Giovanni was characterized beautifully. The way he sounded, his vocabulary, his actions; all on point. Ariana should be an interesting character seeing how she is game only. Do you plan on bringing the other Executives into this? I also love how right when you start a fan fiction about the discovery of a 494 Pokemon they announce the fifth generation :P
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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    Alright! JX is back with a new chapter! This chapter may be short, but it explains a lot and is very well-written. I'm liking the use of canon. We now have Oak, Giovanni, and Tracey. The only question I have is about Persian. In one sentence you refer to it as "the persian." In other sentences you use the word "Persian" as a name. Is it a persian (as in a species) whose name happens to be Persian?

    On to Giovanni now. When you reviewed my fic, Pokemon: Battle of Battles, you told me Giovanni needs a more aggressive, badass approach to his character. You did very well in this area. I love the scene as a whole (Giovanni yelling and the reaction of the agents.) Since your review of my fic, I changed Giovanni's character to make him less "emo." This scene can only inspire me to make my Giovanni even more brutal. Nice work!

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    Can't write a long review because SPP is lagging severely.
    Totally okay. This is the entire reason why I haven't been on for weeks (other than, you know, what's been keeping me from finishing a four-page chapter in two months).

    Good work on this chapter, Jax! Everything is well written. I particularly like the scene in Giovanni's office... it gives us a feel for the scope of this plan and how it was being carried out, and some serious character development of Domino and Prof. Nettle.
    Thank you!

    ALSO ARIANA FTW.
    Amen there. XD The HGSS Rocket executives in general. So much awesome, so little time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Lucario View Post
    Sorry for not reviewing in a while!
    Also totally okay. I completely understand.

    Congrats on your placing in the SPPf Fan Fiction awards!
    Thanks very much, and thanks for taking the time to review as well (and for the compliments while we're at it).

    Do you plan on bringing the other Executives into this?
    I'm definitely going to try, but I'll have to admit I've only come up with a role for Ariana so far. (You'd think I'd be able to come up with one for Petrel, considering he's a ~*~master of disguise~*~, but.)

    I also love how right when you start a fan fiction about the discovery of a 494 Pokemon they announce the fifth generation :P
    Yeah, I know, right? XD

    I sort of saw this coming, admittedly, just because the Pokémon franchise will not end. But hey, at the very least, I could say, "Yeah, uh, AU."

    Quote Originally Posted by ESPNfanatic35 View Post
    Alright! JX is back with a new chapter!
    *high fives!*

    This chapter may be short, but it explains a lot and is very well-written. I'm liking the use of canon.
    Thank you!

    The only question I have is about Persian. In one sentence you refer to it as "the persian." In other sentences you use the word "Persian" as a name. Is it a persian (as in a species) whose name happens to be Persian?
    Yep. You got it exactly.

    I like to be weird/stick to canon with naming conventions, so most characters in my fics don't actually name their Pokémon. In those cases, they just use the species name as their Pokémon's name, so it gets capitalized when in reference to the name of whatever I'm talking about. (e.g., Giovanni's persian = Persian.)

    On to Giovanni now. When you reviewed my fic, Pokemon: Battle of Battles, you told me Giovanni needs a more aggressive, badass approach to his character. You did very well in this area. I love the scene as a whole (Giovanni yelling and the reaction of the agents.) Since your review of my fic, I changed Giovanni's character to make him less "emo." This scene can only inspire me to make my Giovanni even more brutal. Nice work!
    Thanks and good luck!

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    I said I was going to read this, but I didn't expect to read it all in one sitting. xDD But I could not tear my eyes away and tell myself to take a break. Normally, I'm not a sci-fi fan or a fan of stories that are a bit more gruesome than the ones I normally read, but AEM completely took hold of me.

    First of all, I love Bill, and the fangirl in me has resurfaced after re-reading your Warp series. He's dorky, smart, and you can't help but go "awww" when he's in a tough situation. Sometimes I would just sit there, reading, with a big-o huge smile on my face.

    Second, the aliens/parasite creatures interest me to no end. Adam just seems so smart-aleck while being cool, collected, and dark. He will certainly be interesting to read about, especially when he's conversing with Bill because they are both such polar opposites.

    Plus, your writing style provides me with some laughs here and there. I chuckled when you were describing Bill's luck.

    If there's a PM list, I would like to be on it (or if you prefer for me to ask through VM/PM, I'll do so). I'll await eagerly for the next chapter! :3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Phantom Kat View Post
    I said I was going to read this, but I didn't expect to read it all in one sitting. xDD But I could not tear my eyes away and tell myself to take a break. Normally, I'm not a sci-fi fan or a fan of stories that are a bit more gruesome than the ones I normally read, but AEM completely took hold of me.
    Thanks! It really means a lot to me whenever readers say the fic isn't something they'd normally read but that they read it anyway. I honestly can't describe how flattered I feel without sounding incredibly egotistical. XD

    First of all, I love Bill, and the fangirl in me has resurfaced after re-reading your Warp series. He's dorky, smart, and you can't help but go "awww" when he's in a tough situation. Sometimes I would just sit there, reading, with a big-o huge smile on my face.
    *high fives for fangirlism* Also, I have to completely agree, which is why I like talking to other fangirls. He really is this huge dork who's an intellectual, not an adventurer (unlike most of the rest of the franchise), so part of what makes discussions about him so interesting is seeing what people have to say about him and what people do with him. (You know. Keeping in mind the idea that he's not just like Ash or his friends.)

    In other words, you are seriously awesome, and Bill needs more people like you in his not-so-massive fanbase.

    Second, the aliens/parasite creatures interest me to no end. Adam just seems so smart-aleck while being cool, collected, and dark. He will certainly be interesting to read about, especially when he's conversing with Bill because they are both such polar opposites.
    Thank you. And I hope I keep your interest in the future. I can definitely say that there's going to be a lot more parasite-host shenanigans. ;D (Imagine, for example, Adam bluntly trying to tell Bill how mating works for their species.)

    Plus, your writing style provides me with some laughs here and there. I chuckled when you were describing Bill's luck.
    Ooh, yes, that part was a lot of fun to write.

    If there's a PM list, I would like to be on it
    Absolutely! I'll put you down, and thank you again!

    The next chapter will come soon, I promise. I just have to survive finals first. x_x

    Codename Adam: Chapter thirty-one now available

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    And by "soon," I apparently mean "today" because I finally got off my rear and wrote up the stuff I've been writing during class for the past couple of weeks.

    Also, chief concern in this chapter is whether or not I cover too much information. x_x Feel free to judge for yourselves.


    Anima Ex Machina: Nine
    What are fears but voices airy?


    Ellen Joy, the chief nurse of Mauville City's pokémon center, was more or less like every other Nurse Joy in existence. Her pink hair was drawn into loops, just like the hair of the Nurse Joys in each of the other centers. She wore the same pressed uniform that was standard issue to all Nurse Joys. Her eyes had the same blue color as all her sisters, and she commanded her chansey companions with the same soft voice as her cousins. It would take the skills of only the particularly observant to tell her apart from any other female member of the Joy family. She couldn't explain why her family was like that. It just was.

    However, she also knew that a whole list of things separated her from her relatives. Most Nurse Joys faced trainers with a sense of compassion and optimism, an expression that told trainers that no matter how badly their pokémon were hurt, the center's staff would do its best to help the injured pull through. Their smiles were genuine and sweet, but Ellen, as a result of spending months watching her city fall bit by bit to the aliens outside of it, had to force herself to smile those days just to boost the survivors' morale. Oftentimes, she would walk down the halls of her empty pokémon center – just one more thing that separated her from the other nurses – not really thinking about anything at all except trying to maintain her hollow grin.

    Beyond that, she had more responsibility than her relatives, having been appointed as not only a caretaker for the sick and injured but also a mother figure to the last inhabitants of Mauville City. People, afraid of being on their own in their almost-empty city, had taken up residence in all of the trainers' dorms, and she was the one to offer food, water, and a listening ear to anyone who needed it. This included whoever they found on the outskirts of town.

    One of these findings was currently chained up in one of the recovery rooms. She was paused at the door beside her chansey, her blue eyes fixed straight ahead in a calm stare. A tray was in her hands, and on it was a covered bowl and a glass of water. Both rattled as she tried to compose herself.

    "Chan," her companion cooed softly.

    She glanced at Chansey. Nodding, she took a deep breath.

    "Right. It's just like any other pokémon."

    The pink pokémon smiled and trilled as she opened the door. Straightening her back, Ellen cautiously stepped inside.

    Less than a day ago, the city's Officer Jenny came back with the fishing party assembled to gather food for the survivors. They weren't carrying fish, as they'd promised. Instead, they carried a metal creature, a thing that looked to her like a lizard with a human's face. Officer Jenny offered no explanation as the party bound it to the bed. Instead, all she said was that when it woke up and was ready to offer any sort of answer, she was to be contacted.

    Right then, Ellen nearly dropped the tray when she realized the creature's dark eyes were open. It turned its head to watch her walk forward. Whimpering softly at the image of its face, Ellen fixed her eyes on the small table next to the bed and tried to avoid thinking about what was in the room. Focusing on the table calmed her just enough to let her approach it and set down the tray without spilling the contents of either containers.

    "It's good to see that you're awake," she said. "I'm sorry for all the chains, but I promise I'm here to help you. Are you hungry? I brought you some food. I could leave it here if you're not ready as well."

    "Thank you."

    And then she screamed.

    When she realized what she had just done, Ellen slapped both of her hands over her mouth. She whirled around to face the occupant of the bed and took a few steps backwards. At the same time, it flinched and turned its head away from her, shivering as it gritted its teeth.

    "If you don't mind, please don't do that again," it told her quietly. "I apparently have sensitive hearing."

    Gradually, she pulled her hands away from her mouth. They were shaking uncontrollably, even as Chansey stepped into the room and put both stubby arms on Ellen's side to comfort her.

    "You... you can talk?" she whispered.

    The metal creature rested its cheek on its pillow and gave her a strange look. Ellen crept closer, her hands moving over her chest. Chansey remained where she was, watching the two of them carefully.

    "M-my name is Ellen. Ellen Joy," she said.

    "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Bill."

    Ellen paused. Male. This creature was male. Of course, this wasn't the thing that was currently putting her thought processes on hold. It was mostly the fact that she was holding a conversation with a member of a species that had annihilated most of Mauville City, and apparently, the creature in question believed in polite manners. To her, focusing on that one little fact she had just discovered about his gender made her feel slightly more sane than she was five seconds ago.

    Meanwhile, Bill, was just taking some relief in the fact that he had just spent two minutes in the room with a complete stranger, and that stranger wasn't trying to hurt him yet. This idea gave him enough courage to relax and try communicating with her again.

    "Excuse me. Nurse Joy?" he asked.

    She shook her head. "Huh?"

    "Could I ask you to let me go?"

    "I..."

    Chansey perked up and immediately waddled out of the room. Ellen, meanwhile, looked down at her feet. The nurse couldn't quite figure out what she was supposed to do. After all, it had taken her a couple of hours to get over the shock of having the thing – the same species of creature she had seen rip off children's heads in previous attacks – inside her hospital in the first place, and now he started talking to her like he was just any other human being. Trembling, her knees gave out, and she plopped onto the floor with her legs folded under her.

    Bill lifted his head just enough to look at her. "Are you all right?!"

    She covered her eyes with a hand, and she could feel tears wet the skin of her palm.

    Right then, before Bill could ask her what was wrong, Chansey came back in with a pair of scissors. Hearing the soft cooing of her partner, Ellen removed the hand just in time to see Chansey approach Bill and start cutting off the duct tape around one of his hands.

    "Chansey, no!" she yelled.

    Bill grimaced again, but before he could say a word, Chansey did instead.

    "Chansey chan chan chansey."

    Instantly, Bill sat bolt upright – or at least as close to upright as he could get before the chains hit his torso and caused him to slam back into the mattress. Chansey snapped at him sternly and ripped off the first duct tape mitten while he looked from it to Ellen.

    "Did... can your chansey talk?" he whispered.

    Chansey moved to cut through the duct tape binding his feet and tail. Watching this, Ellen let her hands fall to her sides as something dawned on her. It began as a slow realization that ate its way into her brain before consuming the rest of her thoughts until she focused on it and it alone.

    "Why aren't you attacking?" she whispered.

    Bill, already thoroughly confused by the fact that he could understand the chansey perfectly (both her words of encouragement to Ellen and the order to stay still), stared at her uncomfortably before letting his head drop on the pillow.

    "This is a dream," he muttered to himself. "That's the only way any of this can make sense."

    Ellen rose to her feet. Not a single one of Bill's words registered to her. She approached his side as Chansey walked around the bed to take off the other glove. Bill looked up at the human nurse and squirmed at the blank expression on her face. Then, he felt her hand grasp his, and at that, he tried to pull away.

    "What are you doing?" he demanded.

    "Why aren't you attacking me?" she repeated.

    "Why..." Bill stared at her in curiosity. "I don't want to hurt you."

    She stared at him for a moment while she processed what he just said. "You... you don't want to hurt me?"

    He shook his head. "No. Not at all. Why would you think I would?"

    Her eyes stared into his and studied his expression. Bill squirmed again, but he didn't pull away, not because he physically couldn't but instead because he was starting to see something. There was an explanation behind all this fear she showed him, and the intensity of her stare told him she was very close to letting down her guard a little.

    "You're telling the truth," she said.

    He nodded. "I am."

    She exhaled. Then, after a long pause, she reached over and pressed a button on the side of the bed. Half of it raised, lifting Bill up just enough so that he was, in effect, sitting up.

    "I'm sorry," she told him. "I'm not used to seeing an ixodida up close."

    "What?"

    Stopping, she looked at him.

    "Ixodida," he said. "What do you mean by that?"

    She smiled. "Oh. You must not call yourselves that. Ixodida is what the researchers in Littleroot Town are calling your kind."

    "Littleroot Town," he whispered. "Professor Birch's laboratory must be..."

    Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ellen raised her eyebrows. "You know who Professor Birch is?"

    He nodded. "Yes. I've worked with him before."

    "...You still think like a human?"

    At her question, Bill stopped. He couldn't figure out why she would ask that at first, but the more he thought about Abel, the more he understood. That must have been the only kind of ixodida Ellen had seen, and he must have been an anomaly. It made sense, though. After all, it explained why she was so afraid of him. With his mind lingering on Abel, Bill pictured the creature, how he readily attacked everything in his path, how he communicated in grunts and half-words...

    ...How he looked when an entire hunting party shot volleys of bullets through him.

    Shuddering, Bill nodded and spoke softer than he meant. "Yes, I do."

    "You poor thing!" Ellen breathed as she reached up to brush his forehead. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something to help you, but..."

    She shook her head, reached over to the table, and removed the lid on the bowl. Immediately, the room filled up with a smell Bill couldn't place. It wasn't entirely unpleasant to him, but something about it seemed wrong. Whatever it was, it was a metallic scent, almost like copper, and that overlaid the smell of something sweet. His stomach rumbled as soon as he picked up on the odor, and he curled his toes and clenched his teeth through the hunger pangs that suddenly hit him. All at once, he came to the realization that he hadn't eaten anything since he awoke in Polaris, and he wondered if anyone tried to feed him during his transformation.

    "Let me take care of you at the very least. I can tell you're hungry," Ellen said softly. "Here. Eat this."

    She picked up the spoon and brought part of the bowl's contents to Bill's mouth. He glanced at it, noticing it was something red in an equally red broth. Yet he was too hungry to ask what it was. Instead, he just opened his mouth and took the bite.

    Only then did he realize four things. First, the soup was actually stone cold, as if it had been chilled instead of cooked. Second, the broth was actually salty and viscous, and it had the distinct taste of something bloody. Third, the red chunk was chewy and tough. It took him a few more seconds to come to the fourth and final realization: he was eating raw meat.

    He would have choked on it right then if he hadn't felt his jaw and throat go numb. At that point, he felt the alien's presence in his head, forcing him to swallow the morsel instead of spit it back up.

    What are you doing? its voice drawled. Do not be so rude as to refuse the kindness of a stranger, especially if she so kindly gave us exactly what our body needs.

    Bill stared straight ahead, unable to look at the jewel in his chest. We... what?!

    Yes. My kind consumes the flesh of the recently dead. What else did you think we eat? Is it not your specialty to analyze the body structure of a pokémon and understand from that how it behaves? Think, Bill! Claws! Fangs! A tongue specially designed to be inserted into small wounds! What else is our body built for other than the hunt?

    "Is something wrong?"

    Bill snapped out of his daze to look at the nurse. She already had another spoonful ready.

    "Are you all right?" she asked.

    He tried to force himself to speak, but instead, he nodded and took the next spoonful. Inside, he felt Adam watching him carefully.

    This is wrong, he thought.

    How different is it to what a human normally eats? Adam asked. We need to recover our strength. Eat.

    There was a variety of things Bill wanted to do: struggle, scream, cry, plead Ellen to stop. No matter how much he tried, however, Adam kept him quiet and compliant. Yet, at the same time, he felt strange. With each bite, he felt a sense of satisfaction, like he was eating the most fulfilling stew he ever had. He wanted so much to shudder at the thought, but he was trapped. Adam was in his head, and as a result, although the parasite didn't think of anything coherent right at that moment, it held every part of his body like a puppeteer.

    Oh gods! he thought. What's happening to me?

    He could feel himself slip inward, recoiling at the weight of what had been dumped on him for the past two days. It wasn't enough to wake up as something other than a human. Oh, no. He was sharing a body with an alien, that alien could invade his mind whenever it felt like it, he was transported to Hoenn, people kept attacking him, he was being force-fed raw meat, and to top it all off, he almost liked it. His body started to go numb. All he wanted to do was sink down into himself for awhile, if only to figure out how to process everything. Yet, part of him didn't want it, didn't want to process it or let it be his life.

    No!

    Bill felt something wrap around his mind, like an invisible hand seized it and pulled it back to the surface. The numb feeling gave way to small, stabbing pains all over his body.

    You will not, Adam hissed. Did you already forget our deal? This is our life now. You must be strong and embrace it. You have no choice.

    I can't, he replied. I just can't.

    It will only be too much for you to handle if you let it be. Remember, I know your memories. You studied the monsters you call pokémon by donning their skins, did you not? This is a new skin for you to wear. Let your mind adapt to fit your form. You can, Bill. You have done so before.

    Bill closed his eyes. It was hard to force him to want this. The experience felt too natural, as if at any second, he'd slip away from being human and right into becoming an alien. In his heart, the possibility of forgetting himself felt cold and dark, and when he imagined it, he could only think of a hole. He wasn't sure if he would be able to climb back out and come back to being human if he fell into something like that.

    Then again, although the things Adam said didn't remotely quell his fear of losing his humanity, the parasite had a point. Bill had done this before. He could maintain control of himself if he tried. All he had to do was treat it like his experiences wearing costumes for his research: see the world through Adam's eyes but always remain conscious of what was under the synthetic frame. After all, what was the difference between wearing a pokémon costume and this other than the fact that the costumes had a switch or a button to press to turn him back into a human? Wasn't this just a costume he had to wear for a while longer? If there was a way to turn him into that monster, there must have been a way to turn him back.

    Either way, Bill was, in his heart, always a human, and no matter what he had to do, that truth was still there. That was the last realization to dawn on him, and it lingered in his mind for awhile as he mulled it over. He was always a human inside. With any changes that happened to his physical body, he would just have to adapt. He didn't have a choice right now, did he? If he was transformed into a pidgey, he would still have to eat insects to sustain himself, and he would be perfectly all right with that idea. Besides that, he would have gladly eaten raw fish and shrimp in the kabuto costume for the sake of realism. What made this any different?

    Somehow, that thought, as crazy as part of him knew it was, made him relax a little more. It was then that he realized Adam had given him control of his body again, and more importantly, he remembered Ellen was trying to feed him. Currently, his mouth was clamped tightly onto the spoon, and Ellen was tugging gently with a shaking hand.

    "Um," she murmured.

    He released and gasped. Quickly, Ellen withdrew and put the spoon back in the half-empty bowl.

    "I'm terribly sorry," he said.

    As if she didn't hear him, she continued, "Maybe we should try this again later. It's clear that you're not entirely comfortable with this."

    Bill looked away and tugged on the handcuffs. He wanted to say something to reassure her he was harmless, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't stop her from shaking. Not to mention the handcuffs and chains blocked any plans he might have had.

    "Could you let me go?" he asked quietly.

    Ellen put the cover on the bowl. "I'm sorry. I can't."

    "I promise you I won't hurt you."

    She smiled weakly at him. "I believe you, but I don't have the keys."

    "Oh. That... that would be a problem."

    Gently, Ellen reached down to place a hand on the side of his face. Looking into his eyes, she tried to think of a way to tell him she would do everything she could to free him, but before she could get a word out of her mouth, something else caught her attention. Her hand nudged the side of his face until Bill shifted his head.

    "What?" he asked.

    "Your bruise is gone," she told him.

    "My bruise?"

    She nodded. "When Officer Jenny brought you in, there was a large bruise on the side of your face. It's not there anymore."

    He blinked, struggling to remember why he would have a bruise in the first place, let alone how one might have disappeared apparently overnight.

    The circumstances are inconsequential, Adam told him. The results, meanwhile, are those of another gift I have given you.

    Bill tried to process those words. He was about to ask Adam about the gift, but as quickly as the parasite spoke, it retreated, skirting around Bill's mental grasp. All he could do was stare at Ellen as she sat on the edge of the bed. Her eyes remained steady on Bill's tail as she gathered her thoughts.

    "I'm sorry about all of this," she said. "I'm sure if they knew you were human inside..." Her eyes trailed to his face. "You must have gone through a lot. The people here are good. It's just... it's really what the other ixodida did to this city."

    Bill hesitated. The memory of Abel flashed in his mind again, but this time, he tried not to think about the part where his fellow victim was killed. Instead, he tried to think of the way the electric-type acted. Sure, Abel was feral, but all he was doing was trying to escape... right? He had every right to lash out at his attackers because he was a prisoner.

    Even then, it occurred to Bill at that point that he couldn't quite understand what Project Stardust was for, despite all those months at Polaris. Why was there a quarantine? Why was Ellen so afraid of him? Why did the people of Mauville attack him? Could there have been something else the ixodida had done besides transform humans and try to escape? It didn't make sense to Bill. There was something missing in the equation.

    Finally, he asked, "What happened?"

    "They destroyed our city and killed most of our people," a new voice replied.

    Ellen jumped to her feet and swiveled around on her heels to face the door. Only a few feet away, Officer Jenny leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed.

    "The guard's spotted several poison-types trying to cross the city from the west. Hunters are dealing with them, but we lost track of two. Be alert," she said, just before looking at her prisoner. "And who the hell took off the tape?!"

    Chansey happily waved the scissors above her head and trilled.

    Scowling, Jenny took one look at her and growled, "Great. You're lucky that thing hasn't stabbed you both yet."

    Ellen stiffened. "He hasn't. What does that tell you?"

    "That it's plotting something."

    "I beg your pardon?!" Bill snapped. He couldn't really help it. Being chained to the bed put him in a less-than-comfortable mood as it was, and being talked about as if he was pure evil really didn't help matters. "Officer, I assure you--"

    She glared at him. "So, I wasn't dreaming before."

    Swiftly, she stepped forward until she stood beside the bed. Bill's indignant expression gave way to wide, frightened eyes as the police officer's hand grasped his neck. Right away, Ellen darted to Jenny's side and grabbed her arm.

    "Veronica!" she screamed.

    Jenny's eyes narrowed. "I'm just coaxing it to tell us what we need to know. You! Ixodida! Did you lead them here?"

    Unable to force his tongue to work, Bill stared at Jenny for awhile. When several seconds passed, he felt her hand tighten around his neck.

    "Answer me!" she barked.

    His head turned. He intended on shaking it in response, but as soon as he moved, Jenny recoiled with a shriek. Bill cringed at both the sound and the sharp, metallic scent of blood. Opening an eye, he watched Jenny show her shaking hands to Ellen.

    "It cut me!" she yelled. "The bastard cut me!"

    "You were choking him. Didn't you see the plates on the sides of his neck?" She sighed and examined her friend's hand. "Chansey, go get disinfectant, lidocaine, and a clean suture kit. This looks deep."

    The pink pokémon saluted and waddled towards the door. Before she could get there, however, a chubby, blond man skidded to a halt in front of her.

    "Officer!" he yelled. "Just heard over the radio! The guards got wiped out by the two missing ixodida! They're headed this way!"
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 3rd October 2011 at 4:14 AM.

    Codename Adam: Chapter thirty-one now available

    The Fan Fiction Mafia
    (Where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts... except other crime syndicates, I guess.)

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