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  1. #14
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    I'm probably going to have to respond to those reviews at a later time, but thanks to the awesomeness of both of you. :D

    Also, Absol, I'm just going to say right here and now that I lol'd.

    Aaaanyway, the Christmas special! Funny thing about that, actually. (Besides the fact that I'm not actually Christian and don't normally celebrate Christmas to begin with.) See, most of the volunteers failed to respond after volunteering, one of my voice actors couldn't finish her recordings, and my sound editor (and Bill's voice actor) is currently suffering from severely limited computer time. As a result, the only files I have are a handful of clips of the full play. I may post the play itself (as opposed to the audio file) if people request it, but if not, it may be salvaged for next year. Or whenever. Who knows?

    In the meantime, I wrote and recorded a couple of other things for you instead. The first is the following skit, and the second is something that was requested forever and a day ago by a handful of people here.

    Because the file size actually exceeds... every sane limitation this forum has to offer, I've not only put both recordings in a handy ZIP file but also plopped everything down on an external site.

    To download the entire ZIP folder, simply click this: http://db.tt/dgcVjcn9

    Alternatively, to download each file separately...
    - Click here for the holiday special: http://db.tt/fKscGtXm
    - Click here for just the prologue: http://db.tt/UYlsMdKX

    Or you can simply enjoy this script without listing to anything at the same time! It's completely up to you!

    Lastly, if any of the links aren't working, feel free to let me know. Thanks!

    And happy holidays to all my lovely readers!


    Anima Ex Machina
    Special 01: Pay no attention to the people behind the curtain


    VALENTINE
    Hi, folks! JX Valentine, your friendly neighborhood author here with a special holiday treat for you. And it's going to be really great! There's going to be singing and dancing, and Bill and Thom are going to get drunk at some point, and—

    LANETTE
    Hold on. Hold on. Wait just a second.

    VALENTINE
    Uh, oh hey, Lanette! What's going on?

    LANETTE
    None of this is in the script.

    VALENTINE laughs nervously.

    VALENTINE
    Funny you should mention that.

    LANETTE
    You didn't finish, did you?

    VALENTINE
    Oh, come now! It's really hard organizing an entire cast to do your dirty work, and God help you if you think I should do it by myself. Nobody should be subject to my fake English accent.

    LANETTE
    So instead you half-ass it by doing just one skit with all of the characters you were going to voice yourself in the full play.

    VALENTINE
    Uh, yeah, pretty much.

    LANETTE
    You do realize, don't you, that this isn't going to work, right? We have the same voice, and Domino's is just ridiculous.

    DOMINO
    How is my voice ridiculous?

    LANETTE
    Obnoxious, then.

    DOMINO
    Hey!

    VALENTINE
    Well, we've got to do something for the Christmas special, shouldn't we? I mean, we said we were all going to, and the only clip we have of the other actors is the file where all the guys demonstrate holiday-themed pickup lines. (pause) Actually, maybe I should post that file.

    LANETTE
    If you post a file of Bill and me in a situation that can be remotely construed as romantic, I will castrate him.

    VALENTINE
    Isn't that misaimed retribution? Anyway, okay, so we've got barely half a cast, no gags, no special effects, and most importantly, no time. What do we do now?

    DOMINO
    Admit that you're lazy and failed completely at as simple a task as organizing a group of people to complete a project on time?

    VALENTINE
    Um, no, because that would be admitting that I'm not the textbook definition of perfection. I mean, come on! Next, you'll be suggesting that I should break the fourth -- wait a minute. (beat) Never mind. Point is, I feel really bad that we didn't make it in the end. The play was going to be great. There were musical numbers and sound gags and lots of romantic subtext…

    LANETTE
    As I've said, I will castrate him.

    VALENTINE
    Honestly, I would be entertained if you did. But seriously, I guess this time could be used to talk about all the things that we hope to do in the next year. New year's resolutions and all that jazz. After all, the holidays are a time of peace, love, and renewal, so… actually, I have no idea what that has to do with anything, but anyway, Lanette, how about you? What do you hope to do next year?

    LANETTE
    Eradicate the ixodida threat and prevent their genocide against humankind.

    (There's a significant pause here.)

    VALENTINE
    Well, that's… perky. So how about you, Domino?

    DOMINO
    Oh, you know, the usual. Exercise more, kick a few bad habits, capture more rare pokémon to advance Team Rocket's cause of taking over the world, and maybe learn how to play the guitar! How about you, Jax?

    VALENTINE
    Me? Oh, I hope to finish up the first book of AEM, actually. And man, have I got plans for you. See, at the end, it turns out—

    LANETTE
    Valentine, weren't you thinking about doing something else?

    VALENTINE
    Huh? What do you mean?

    LANETTE
    I found this old clip of you reading the prologue in another folder.

    VALENTINE
    Hey! That thing! I forgot all about that! Actually… that's not a bad idea! I could clean that up and post it, and people will be none the wiser about the whole "failing at organizing a cast to do a holiday audio drama" thing! You're brilliant, Lanette! No wonder Bill's secretly obsessed with you!

    LANETTE
    That's it. He's getting castrated.

    VALENTINE
    Man, that's a relief. And here I was all worked up because I thought people would find out about how we did this entire skit at the last minute and couldn't produce the real audio drama! Now we can throw this clip out, and nobody would actually have to find out about this!

    DOMINO (suspiciously)
    Yeah… nobody…

    VALENTINE
    Anyway, I've got a lot of work to do. This reading isn't bad, but it needs a lot of work before it can be posted. So… anyway, happy holidays, and see you later, Domino!

    DOMINO
    Yup! See you later! (lowers her voice) Sucker.

    VALENTINE
    Huh? Did you say something?

    DOMINO
    Uh, I said, "See you later, Santa!" 'Cause, it's, like, the end of Christmas. Get it?

    VALENTINE
    Uh… yeah. Sure. (lowers her voice) Man, she's weird.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 25th December 2011 at 5:57 PM.
    Anima Ex Machina | Electric Sheep | The Empty City
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