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Thread: Anima Ex Machina (PG-15)

  1. #301
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    I don't really feel up to a longer review (sorry), but I'll make a few points before sitting back and waiting for the 300-Post-Surprise.
    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    "No, I'm staying here to train you," Steven told him firmly. "Every moment we put it off is another moment closer to the empress. We're entering territory filled with stronger ixodida. You need to be trained right now."
    Steven’s timing is impeccable. Nothing like a tight schedule to get things moving. I haven’t run the deadline with papers churned out in their entirety the night before they’re due what are you talking about?
    "You don't know, do you?" Steven asked. "So if you faced the ixodida alone at this point, they would be guaranteed a victory in whatever it is they're planning. If the empress herself is so keen on finding you, then that could mean one of two things. First, it could mean that you're strategically vital to the ixodida, and if that's the case, then your capture would mean that losing you would put humanity in jeopardy. Second, it could mean that you're a threat to the ixodida, and if that's the case, then your death would mean humanity would lose a powerful weapon."
    No pressure!
    Another screeching growl tore out of the behemoth as it turned on its side. Its arms began to glow a bright, angry red while the rest of it spun like a wheel towards its target. The distance between the two closed rapidly, far too quickly for Bill to realize the creature was heading straight for him, and in no time at all, it slammed into his back and tore him off his feet.
    Didn’t notice until I was commenting, but there’s an extra space between “the” and “creature”.
    The behemoth moved, gliding inches above the sand to hover beside its master. Bill took this as a sign that something was about to happen, and as such, he shifted his feet and held up his arms in a fighting stance. However, an attack never came. Steven simply placed a hand on his pokémon's side and kept his blue-gray eyes on it.

    "You're making this harder than it has to be," Steven said. "It's no wonder Lanette's gotten frustrated."

    At the sound of her name, Bill dropped his guard ever so slightly. His expression faltered, and his eyes shifted away from his opponents and back to them in seconds.

    "Lanette is a fascinating young woman," Steven continued. "I knew about her already, of course, what with her being responsible for our storage system, but I never knew how strong or incredible she can be until she felt comfortable to confide in me." He stopped briefly. "Oh. And Tate has been eavesdropping on your sister's thoughts since he met her. I hope you realize that."

    Abruptly, Steven heard a drawn-out battle scream from his companion. Shifting his gaze, he saw the steel-type ixodida dive at him with a fist raised and glowing gold. Metagross quickly lifted an arm, clipping Bill neatly in the stomach before he could so much as graze the champion's face. Steven continued to stand perfectly still as he watched the ixodida get winded from the clip and end up on his back on the sand. Bill kept his fist raised above him for a few seconds as the golden light that enveloped his arm fizzled away in tiny sparks and stars. Then, it dropped to his side as he curled up and gasped for breath like a fish.

    "Apparently," Steven said as he quirked an eyebrow, "you're the kind of person who learns best when he lets his emotions become a factor. But congratulations on learning Meteor Mash. Now all we need to do is teach you how to use it when you're not experiencing overwhelming rage, and we can move on to the next one."

    Bill grumbled into the sandy bank in response.
    I must say I’m not entirely clear on just how/why Bill managed to use Meteor Mash here. I mean, I guess he’s mad enough to punch, but it still seems a bit abrupt that he would use this particular move rather than trying something else. The later moves make more sense as by that point he’s fully agreed to train and is on some level consciously focusing on upgrading and combining his moves into new ones, but here it seems almost too fast a jump. Maybe this could be cleared up a bit?

    I do, however, like the way you describe learning moves as refining aspects of similar moves.
    "I don't doubt our ability to handle the ixodida, one way or another," Lanette replied.

    "Really? Then you are worried about the champions!" Veronica elbowed Lanette in the ribs. "C'mon! Spill it! Oh gods, tell me you're into one of them!"

    "Don't be absurd," Lanette responded, a little too quickly.

    "You do! Oh my gods, this is beautiful! C'mon! You can tell me! Which one is it? Wallace? No, far too flamboyant for you. It's Steven, isn't it? The strong stoic type? I can see the two of—"
    This is certainly a new side of Veronica. Interestingly, it doesn’t seem out of her established character – just a side she probably hasn’t been able to express in quite some time. The transition might need to be slowed down a bit (as Butler suggested), but I just had to comment that despite what we’ve seen from her, I can still see her acting like this as well.
    "And Thom?"

    "He's an idiot who follows us everywhere. What about him?"
    Poor Thom – no respect, always amusing.
    When the screams died down, Domino lifted her head. Her gloved hand clutched Professor Nettle's PDA tightly, and for a long time, the only sound she heard was the quiet beeping of its tracking program. Taking a deep breath, she continued down the path and fixed her eyes on the screen of the device once more.
    Unlike Tracey, who was mentioned and then appeared again just as I was beginning to think “hey, we haven’t heard from Tracey in a while” I honestly had forgotten about Domino until just this moment. This isn’t to say that I was confused by her appearance – I remembered as soon as I saw her name – but her reappearance was genuinely a surprise.
    Bill shook his head and kept his eyes to the ground. "Steven, this isn't working. I just don't think I'm ready for that move."

    Steven sighed. "Fine. Metagross, kill him."

    That got Bill's attention, and right away, he snapped his head towards the champion. "What?!"
    Not exactly your traditional 80s montage.
    "Yes, sir." He raised the radio to his mouth. "Director, there's one other thing."

    "What could possibly make this better?"

    "There's a camp of human survivors on Route 119, not far from the calculated point of congregation."

    "A camp of how many?"

    "Eight or nine. They've been traveling our way for days now. Probably heading to Lilycove. There's a kid with them too. A young one."

    Stark gave him one other hard look. Then, without warning, she snatched the radio from his hand and switched it on.
    Just her personality, or a hint at her backstory?
    Glancing upwards, Bill eyed Skarmory's position as he stood. "Look, Steven, we don't have much time. I've learned two moves already, and I can sense that the ixodida are almost here. We need to come up with a strategy."

    "We?" Steven chuckled. "I'm fine on my own, thank you. I have five good pokémon left. I've defeated trainers far more competent than you with exactly that number."

    Instantly, the expression on Bill's face shifted. He turned his head away from Steven slightly and gave the champion a sideways glance. "Steven, I just don't think this is the right time—"
    As much as Bill needs this training, he’s got a point about the timing. Just how used to training-while-the-enemy-is-bearing-down is Steven?
    "Let's make a few things clear. First, I don't care about my reputation because half of it is ridiculous.
    But apparently you care enough to know that the ridiculous half exists.
    "My gods. I'm an idiot," he mumbled.

    Well, yes, but you may take comfort in the fact that you have yet to embarrass us completely.

    "I was wondering why you were so quiet," Bill muttered under his breath. "Entertained?"

    Very.
    You know, I just realized something. Most of the stories I’ve seen with someone possessed by something have the regular or goofy guy (i.e. Bill) possessed by a badass or a troll (i.e Adam). Or a nerd possessed by a kind of dorky demon in Ghostbusters. I haven’t seen very many where a cool (probably worried about their reputation) character is possessed by a clown.

    The next rogue?
    Domino chuckled and took a step back. "Oh! Right! Small world, isn't it? You're not going to do anything to harmless little me, right? I'm just here because that little cutie pie on your shoulder took something of mine."
    All the more reason for the Caravan to keep whatever it took and see what Team Rocket’s up to! When there’s time, of course. Unless Lanette’s idea of a good time to snoop is the same as Steven’s idea about a good time to train.
    Pandora lifted her head. "I am and always will be. My loyalty to Her Majesty is limitless, and it is my pleasure to serve her through my wisdom and abilities."

    Long-winded as ever. I know this creature. Bill, you must tell her to deliver a message to her empress.
    I like the bit of Adam’s smug personality evident in this quote – and maybe a bit of exasperation as well.
    I do not doubt that, Adam responded. Bill, repeat after me. Ready?

    He nodded slowly. "I am."

    To the empress, I give you a warning.

    Lifting his chin, Bill announced, "To the empress, I give you a warning."

    For it is true that my partner was a member of the Gray Rebellion.

    "For it is true that my partner was a member of the Gray Rebellion."

    And against the Violet Throne…

    "And against the Violet Throne…"

    Presided over by the daughter of the dual suns…

    "Presided over by the daughter of the dual suns…"

    Just as we have on our home moon…

    "Just as we have on our home moon…"

    We do indeed declare war.

    "We do indeed declare war." He paused for a beat to think about what he had just said. When it finally sank in, he snapped a glance to the side. "Wait, what?!"
    This is why you read the fine print before signing the agreement, Bill!
    Steven swiveled his head towards his companion. "Bill, what are you doing?!"

    "I don't know!" Bill hissed in response.
    This line somehow sums up almost the whole fic. I’m starting to wonder if Bill will be able to have a single decision that he has full information about before choosing a response. Of course, knowing this story, it’d probably be a choice between “horrific fate A” and “horrific fate B” . . .

    BUT ASH ISN'T IN THIS FIC, SO WHO CARES ABOUT HIM?

    (Well, you will in the next book, but that's beside the point.)
    Ash Ketchum in alien-land? *tries to imagine this*

    Well, my response ended up longer than I thought it would, so here you go!
    Oh, look! I wrote a fanfic! Weak (One-Shot. Rated G). Can Iris convince Bianca that she can't just avoid her problems?

    And another one: Mischief (One-Shot. Rated G). A little fun for October.

  2. #302
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    Had a draft of what I wanted to talk about for 30 ever since I'd realized it had gone up, but only getting around to posting now so you get both that and 31 I guess!

    he had to watch Viridian's gym leader at the time smash one of his pokémon's faces into the gym floor.
    I know what you mean here, but "smash one of his pokémon's faces" sounds a little awkward. Might be just me, in which case never mind, but maybe refer to a singular pokémon just to avoid ambiguity? Or just "smash his pokémon's faces", idk.

    Of course, inciting one to smash his face into the ground made that rather difficult.
    This feels awkward, too, but I can't really think of a way to fix it. :/ Maybe, uh... "Of course, that was rather difficult when he was all but asking to have his own face smashed into the ground."? baaah idk.

    Once again, Bill landed hard into the bank, throwing sand into the air as he skidded into the ground. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to his knees and looked at his opponent. It had been ten minutes since Tate had taken to the air and challenged him, but no matter what Bill did, he couldn't even touch the psychic. Still, if Bill was anything besides academically intelligent, he was tenacious, and although this was the twelfth time Tate threw him into the ground with Psychic, he still picked himself back up.
    "landing hard into" also sounds kinda awkward, and the tense in the last sentence seems to be a little off; also, you used "into" a lot in this paragraph. The final sentence just needs a tense change to "had thrown him"; the first might be better reworded as something like "Bill crashed into the bank", or something else that I can't think of right now that doesn't use the word "into". Eh.

    "I can hear Adam, you know! No matter what you plan, I'll be able to counter it!"
    This really gets me wondering about Tate's parasite.

    "No, I mean you literally do not make sense," Tate answered. His voice carried a hint of fear as he backed away from his opponent. "I can't understand your thoughts!"

    At that, Bill furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, then glanced to the side.

    That is the troublesome thing about rogues who are eager to divorce themselves from their partners, Adam replied. They lose plenty of important skills and knowledge they could be gaining by working together. You are very welcome, by the way.
    Ah, there's a hint at the answer to my question; likewise the suspicion at the end of the scene (and the spoiler, I am bad I read all spoilers immediately help). What does Tate know (or not know) that is so very intriguing, hm?

    Besides the occasional board left in the treetops, there was absolutely no sign of its famous tree houses, and the rubble that was left after they fell was cleared away.
    "...after they fell had been cleared away", or similar; the last clause shouldn't be simple past tense, anyway, though I'm sure you can think of a less kludgy way to clean it up than that.

    "Let's start with who we are, shall we? Nikki Stark, director of the Special Headquarters of Interplanetary Forces, Terrestrial Division, otherwise known as the Agency as far as anyone outside of it is concerned. Our objective is to monitor and maintain all extraterrestrial activity on the planet Earth, including but not limited to enacting interplanetary diplomacy and law-enforcement, regulating alien immigration, and if at all possible, covering this kind of **** up."
    MIB yesssss. And "Nikki Stark"? I haven't even seen Avengers or pretty much any of the related movies other than the first Iron Man (bad me I know I know), and even I can tell that you are the least subtle, Jax.

    "Allow me to introduce myself," she said. "I am one of five senatorial representatives for the planet Nila on the Quadral Alliance, an interplanetary committee dedicated to maintaining peace and order within the galaxy. My name is unpronounceable in your language, but you may call me Fourth. It is a pleasure to meet you, Tracey Sketchit. Perhaps you may be the best person to assist me in addressing an individual of our… mutual interests."
    Fourth oh man oh god oh man oh god oh man oh god brb unable to process sudden realization that Committee = Relians. I can't, I am unable to can, I have lost the ability to can, etc..

    Also, just a note from one of your other comments:

    Oh, absolutely to the visualization bit. It makes writing so much more fun. ;D

    Seriously, though, yep. Pretty much everything I write I visualize as a movie first. It makes it a little more difficult to put things into words because I'm like, "I sort of want to just sit here and 'watch' this about thirty more times instead of writing it down," but it helps me pick out all the details that I should be putting down on paper.
    I do that too, except with less actual "writing" of any sort ever /wrists


    Unfortunately I forget what I was going to say for my overall impression of Chapter 30; probably because I'm still a little hung up on Fourth up there. Oops. In the meantime, on to 31!


    However, Bill had other plans.
    The "however" probably isn't necessary here.

    Closing his eyes, Bill took a few deep breaths, just enough to think things through. "Fine. Let me go. I'll train."

    Nodding, Steven raised a hand and snapped his fingers. Metagross relaxed and allowed the glow within its body to fade, and at the same time, Bill dropped to the ground. Quickly, he twisted in the air to land on his hands and feet, and in the next instant, he sprang back up and started running away from Steven and Metagross.

    "Hey!" Steven snapped.

    Without looking back, Bill responded, "Sorry, but I never said I'd train now!"
    Oh, Bill. Gotta love those glorious little "psych!" moments. Especially when they turn out to be wrong mere seconds later.

    Its arms began to glow a bright, angry red while the rest of it spun like a wheel towards its target.
    This bit, though, sounds like the metagross's body is spinning independently of its arms, which I'm not sure it can do. It might be best to reverse those clauses.

    Within seconds, the arm connected hard into Bill's side, sending him splashing into the cold river. All around him, the world spun while he felt water rush to envelope him completely.
    I would say "connected with", maybe. Also, little typo—you meant "envelop", not "envelope".

    "Lanette is a fascinating young woman," Steven continued. "I knew about her already, of course, what with her being responsible for our storage system, but I never knew how strong or incredible she can be until she felt comfortable to confide in me." He stopped briefly. "Oh. And Tate has been eavesdropping on your sister's thoughts since he met her. I hope you realize that."
    Oh, Steven. Teaching by blunt jerkface. I approve.

    "Really? Then you are worried about the champions!" Veronica elbowed Lanette in the ribs. "C'mon! Spill it! Oh gods, tell me you're into one of them!"

    "Don't be absurd," Lanette responded, a little too quickly.

    "You do! Oh my gods, this is beautiful! C'mon! You can tell me! Which one is it? Wallace? No, far too flamboyant for you. It's Steven, isn't it? The strong stoic type? I can see the two of—"
    "You do!" doesn't match up with what Veronica last said; should be "You are!".

    I do like the way she's trying to get Lanette to lighten up a little, though. It doesn't really work, and I'm sure it'll be a long, long time before Lanette will allow herself to crack a smile or be properly embarrassed or anything, but the fact that the usually blunt and gruff Veronica cares enough to joke around with her a little is nice.

    "It'll take more than that to startle me," she muttered to herself. "I'm the Black Tulip. Team Rocket. Special Ops. Field commander. I've seen worse. I've done worse than they can ever do to me. I've been trained to handle any situation and any pokémon. There is nothing out here that can scare m—"

    Something dropped onto her head, and instantly, she shrieked and threw her hat and the object at a nearby tree.
    Pffffft ilu Domino. Been way too long without you, girl. Also, yay, Kecleon! (The word "objects" two sentences later should be singular "object", though, since I think it refers to the kecleon alone.)

    Then, with a scoff, she sheathed her tulip again and reached down her hat.
    "for her hat".

    As soon as she bent down, Kecleon opened its mouth and lashed out its tongue. In a flash, the tongue wrapped around the PDA in Domino's hand, tore it from her grasp, and reeled the device into its mouth. Then, just as rapidly, the lizard snapped shut its jaws, turned, and scampered out from under Domino's hat and into the forest's underbrush. It took a few seconds for Domino to register what had happened, and when it did, she blanched.
    Kecleoooooooon. Aw, did it really know to come and mess with Domino all by itself? Probably not, but still. Awwww.

    As the fifth Metal Burst exploded in his hands, Bill started to realize that the move was just as difficult as he expected.
    In the middle of a sentence about being thrown around by explosions, "starting to realize" things is a bit too passive. Just "Bill realized" would keep the flow better.

    Steven sighed. "Fine. Metagross, kill him."
    Steven, you are a glorious *******. I mean, obviously he's not dumb enough to really want to kill Bill (herp), but... so ballsy! So unafraid to terrify the living bejeesus out of the guy he's trying to teach! Tough times call for tough measures, of course, but... hah.

    "I was wondering why you were so quiet," Bill muttered under his breath. "Entertained?"

    Very.
    As was I, Adam. As was I. Claps for Steven!

    "Calm down, officer," Lanette said as she lowered her crowbar and used one of her hands to pet the lizard.

    Kecleon leaned into her touch and trilled happily. In the process, it opened its mouth, its tongue unfurling until it released the PDA. The device dropped at her feet, and Vito moved to pick it up.
    Kecleoooon. I love how it gets more affection from Lanette than pretty much anyone else right now. And approve of the use of kecleon in general, if I haven't already said so. Underrated pokémon ftw! Especially kecleon, which has so much potential thanks to its ability and totally ridiculous movepool (and I mean ridiculous even for a freaking normal-type). It's something I've been tempted to write about a bit myself. Now, if only I could actually write...

    Right away, Domino eyed the creatures and nodded.

    "Miss?" she said quietly. "I think we have a deal."
    I think we have an awesome fight scene coming up. Collaboration between Lanette and Domino, kicking ixodida *** together? Yes please.

    Also, another comment...

    Meanwhile, the same could be said for martial arts. You're supposed to yell when you're trying to build up power. ... It's pretty much all about focusing on your yell and hyping yourself up for the attack.
    Or like how the MythBusters proved that cursing like a sailor increases your pain tolerance? /shot

    Along the lines of one of Ememew's earlier comments, now I think about it I can kind of relate to the intense training pressure Bill is under. Papers written in their entirety on the night before they're due? Try a paper written in its entirety during the class in which it is due. I'm not proud of that... but at the same time I'm really proud of that. \o/ As Bill should be for his last-minute useful move mastery... though, granted, with an ixodida army breathing down his neck and even Steven casually tossing around the phrase "kill him", he's probably under just a hair more pressure than I was. Maybe.

    I do agree with Butler about Steven's constant use of the "dig at Bill until he snaps" technique becoming just a tad overdone by the end of that part, but at the same time I still like how cold he was about it. It's a risky gamble to assume Bill will keep falling for it, but at the same time I think it makes some degree of sense since time is running out and it's probably the best way he can think of to whip Bill into shape five minutes ago. It's a little desperate to keep leaning on that trick, but isn't Steven pretty darn desperate right now? If you can think of a way to shake it up then by all means do, but it didn't bother me all that much, honestly.

    Oh, and since I forgot to ask before and nearly missed two chapters as a result: mind adding me to the PM list? (And, if it's not too much trouble, the PM list for Mary Sue Must Die!, since it looks like it'll be a while before I can sit down and review it properly after all?)

    Eagerly awaiting le 300-post surprise, and le epic fight scene(s) to come!
    Review requests currently on hold for contest judging + some other stuff. Sorry!

  3. #303
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    Actual responses will be coming at a sane hour of the day, but in the meantime...

    THE 300 POST SURPRIIIIIIIIISE~!

    Do you like roleplaying? Would you like to roleplay a random side character in the AEM universe? Now you can!

    [CLASSIFIED], a sparkling-new tumblr blog, will be home to all your random documents and sparkly speculations in the forms of character journal entries, images, voice posts, and so forth. If you have a tumblr blog, feel free to use the submissions link to send in something new. If you're anonymous, that's what the ask blog is for! Both crack and serious entries are highly encouraged. For inspiration, feel free to read the SCP Foundation Wiki to understand both the tone the game uses and also what levels of crack are perfectly acceptable.

    Note: You may be susceptible to thorough Jossing somewhere down the line. Unless I think your post is awesome, in which case I will probably steal the **** out of it incorporate your idea and give you appropriate credit somewhere in the story.

    Would you like to ask me questions about the story and obligate me to answer them truthfully? Now you can! Would you like to have a place to submit fanarts and fanfics and fan-whatevers but don't want to submit it via this thread? You can do that too! [CLASSIFIED] also has an ask feature that enables you to do all that and more!

    And for the tropers in the audience, AEM now comes in Inescapable Vortex of Time flavor! Turn AEM into a game by attempting to point out and chronicle all the tropes I've ever used in this fic. And then feel immensely disappointed that I'm not that creative an entity. (Note: I've already filled the page with the obvious ones. There are many, many others that I was conscious of when writing the fic. Good luck!)

    Go forth and interact, dear readers! For making it this far, you deserve to have fun!

    Disclaimer: JX Valentine is not liable for the lost hours of time you may experience by being linked to TVTropes, tumblr, and the SCP Foundation Wiki all in one post.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 12th August 2012 at 10:54 AM.

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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  4. #304
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    Now that the announcement is over (BY THE WAY, PEOPLE SHOULD TOTALLY PARTICIPATE), responses!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ememew View Post
    I don't really feel up to a longer review (sorry),
    Totally cool. b)'')b

    Steven’s timing is impeccable. Nothing like a tight schedule to get things moving. I haven’t run the deadline with papers churned out in their entirety the night before they’re due what are you talking about?
    Haha, I have never done this either. Nope. Never! >_> <_<

    No pressure!
    I lol'd, ngl. Luckily, though, Bill can stand a bit of stress. A bit.

    Didn’t notice until I was commenting, but there’s an extra space between “the” and “creature”.
    Funky. Thanks for letting me know! I'll get that fixed when I can.

    I must say I’m not entirely clear on just how/why Bill managed to use Meteor Mash here. I mean, I guess he’s mad enough to punch, but it still seems a bit abrupt that he would use this particular move rather than trying something else. The later moves make more sense as by that point he’s fully agreed to train and is on some level consciously focusing on upgrading and combining his moves into new ones, but here it seems almost too fast a jump. Maybe this could be cleared up a bit?
    Y'know, I'm actually thinking of changing that and moving the bit about Steven digging into him concerning his father up to here. Maybe even combine the two in a way. It really does make more sense if the training progresses like that: Steven attempting to piss Bill off, then Steven using Bill's fear, and then finally Bill just plain agreeing to train because **** if Steven tried to kill him that last time

    I do, however, like the way you describe learning moves as refining aspects of similar moves.
    Thank you!

    This is certainly a new side of Veronica. Interestingly, it doesn’t seem out of her established character – just a side she probably hasn’t been able to express in quite some time. The transition might need to be slowed down a bit (as Butler suggested), but I just had to comment that despite what we’ve seen from her, I can still see her acting like this as well.
    Good to know she doesn't seem off. b)'')b I'll definitely think about how to slow that transition down in the meantime.

    Poor Thom – no respect, always amusing.
    Inorite? ;D Yet he's actually a pretty competent person in certain areas we haven't seen completely yet.

    This isn’t to say that I was confused by her appearance – I remembered as soon as I saw her name – but her reappearance was genuinely a surprise.
    Haha, it's totally okay. XD Luckily, we'll be seeing more of her (and Kecleon!) from here on out.

    Just her personality, or a hint at her backstory?
    Both!

    As much as Bill needs this training, he’s got a point about the timing. Just how used to training-while-the-enemy-is-bearing-down is Steven?
    It's practically the only way he trains. :V

    Seriously, good question. The answer is… not at all. XD

    But apparently you care enough to know that the ridiculous half exists. ;)
    Haha, he probably got approached by people in Cerulean about the stranger bits. (There's probably a rumor going around that he *****s himself out to gym leaders and whatnot for rare Pokémon. Or sacrifices little girls for knowledge.)

    You know, I just realized something. Most of the stories I’ve seen with someone possessed by something have the regular or goofy guy (i.e. Bill) possessed by a badass or a troll (i.e Adam). Or a nerd possessed by a kind of dorky demon in Ghostbusters. I haven’t seen very many where a cool (probably worried about their reputation) character is possessed by a clown.

    The next rogue?
    Maybe. ;D We have plenty of pretty stoic/badass cast members. (Wallace hasn't done anything in awhile.)

    All the more reason for the Caravan to keep whatever it took and see what Team Rocket’s up to! When there’s time, of course. Unless Lanette’s idea of a good time to snoop is the same as Steven’s idea about a good time to train.
    Of course it is! *shot!*

    This line somehow sums up almost the whole fic.
    Haha, inorite?

    I’m starting to wonder if Bill will be able to have a single decision that he has full information about before choosing a response. Of course, knowing this story, it’d probably be a choice between “horrific fate A” and “horrific fate B”
    Pretty much!

    Ash Ketchum in alien-land? *tries to imagine this*
    He would die so quickly. But that's okay because he'll just rise from the grave via godmagic again.

    Well, my response ended up longer than I thought it would, so here you go!
    Thank you~!

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenixsong View Post
    Had a draft of what I wanted to talk about for 30 ever since I'd realized it had gone up, but only getting around to posting now so you get both that and 31 I guess!
    Woot~!

    I know what you mean here, but "smash one of his pokémon's faces" sounds a little awkward. Might be just me, in which case never mind, but maybe refer to a singular pokémon just to avoid ambiguity? Or just "smash his pokémon's faces", idk.
    Pluralizing it actually makes a lot of sense, so I think I'll fix it up that way. Thanks!

    This feels awkward, too, but I can't really think of a way to fix it. :/ Maybe, uh... "Of course, that was rather difficult when he was all but asking to have his own face smashed into the ground."? baaah idk.
    I adore that suggestion. It's just that beautiful and the perfect balance of snarky and "oh right Bill is getting the crap beaten out of him again" that I'm looking for. XD I'll do it!

    "landing hard into" also sounds kinda awkward, and the tense in the last sentence seems to be a little off; also, you used "into" a lot in this paragraph. The final sentence just needs a tense change to "had thrown him"; the first might be better reworded as something like "Bill crashed into the bank", or something else that I can't think of right now that doesn't use the word "into". Eh.
    Oh repetition, my mortal enemy. *fistshake*

    Thanks! I'll check it out. :D

    This really gets me wondering about Tate's parasite.
    *whistles innocently*

    Ah, there's a hint at the answer to my question; likewise the suspicion at the end of the scene (and the spoiler, I am bad I read all spoilers immediately help). What does Tate know (or not know) that is so very intriguing, hm?
    You'll find out soon enough~! Especially given the fact that the epic fight scene against the empress/the end of this book is getting moved up due to shenanigans I have suddenly come up with.

    "...after they fell had been cleared away", or similar; the last clause shouldn't be simple past tense, anyway, though I'm sure you can think of a less kludgy way to clean it up than that.
    No prob. b)'')b I'll take a look at it.

    MIB yesssss. And "Nikki Stark"? I haven't even seen Avengers or pretty much any of the related movies other than the first Iron Man (bad me I know I know), and even I can tell that you are the least subtle, Jax.
    Haha, yeeeeeah, I'm terrible at the whole subtlety thing. XD

    Fourth oh man oh god oh man oh god oh man oh god brb unable to process sudden realization that Committee = Relians. I can't, I am unable to can, I have lost the ability to can, etc..
    >:D Eeeexactly the response I was hoping for!

    I do that too, except with less actual "writing" of any sort ever /wrists
    *high five!*

    The "however" probably isn't necessary here.
    No prob. I need to cut back on how many times I use that word anyway.

    Oh, Bill. Gotta love those glorious little "psych!" moments. Especially when they turn out to be wrong mere seconds later.
    *nods* He probably thought he was so clever, too. Poor, naďve Bill.

    This bit, though, sounds like the metagross's body is spinning independently of its arms, which I'm not sure it can do. It might be best to reverse those clauses.
    No problem. That's a quick fix. :D

    I would say "connected with", maybe. Also, little typo—you meant "envelop", not "envelope".
    *whistles innocently and deletes that typo… when she has a chance*

    Oh, Steven. Teaching by blunt jerkface. I approve.
    Oh yes. He and Bill will get along beautifully for it.

    "You do!" doesn't match up with what Veronica last said; should be "You are!".
    Why do I always write verbs that way? ._. Will fix!

    I do like the way she's trying to get Lanette to lighten up a little, though. It doesn't really work, and I'm sure it'll be a long, long time before Lanette will allow herself to crack a smile or be properly embarrassed or anything, but the fact that the usually blunt and gruff Veronica cares enough to joke around with her a little is nice.
    And that's how Lanette turns bi. *shot!*

    Seriously, yeah, pretty much. Veronica is going to be a very healthy person for her. Which, uh, is probably saying much considering the fact that Veronica is a trigger-happy, constantly angry alcoholic with an inferiority complex.

    Pffffft ilu Domino. Been way too long without you, girl. Also, yay, Kecleon! (The word "objects" two sentences later should be singular "object", though, since I think it refers to the kecleon alone.)

    "for her hat".
    Good catches all around. XD

    Kecleoooooooon. :D Aw, did it really know to come and mess with Domino all by itself? Probably not, but still. Awwww.
    "This human has a tasty-looking shiny thing. I WANT IT." *drops out of tree*

    But yes, I'm really enjoying writing Kecleon, just because it tries to be cute and cuddly.

    In the middle of a sentence about being thrown around by explosions, "starting to realize" things is a bit too passive. Just "Bill realized" would keep the flow better.
    Ooh, I like this idea. No problem. o>

    Steven, you are a glorious *******. I mean, obviously he's not dumb enough to really want to kill Bill (herp), but... so ballsy! So unafraid to terrify the living bejeesus out of the guy he's trying to teach!
    Not only that but also the guy who may or may not be the key to humanity's victory against the Ixodida. "The Ixodida are after him because he may be important? His power levels seem to suggest this could be true? OKAY, METAGROSS, SMASH HIS FACE IN."

    Kecleoooon. I love how it gets more affection from Lanette than pretty much anyone else right now.
    Preeeetty much. Just wait until Bill sees. ;D

    Underrated pokémon ftw!
    *high five!* Agreed. Underrated Pokémon need so much more love.

    I think we have an awesome fight scene coming up. Collaboration between Lanette and Domino, kicking ixodida *** together? Yes please.
    Absolutely. ;D Crowbar + tulip in a back-to-back fight. And maybe Veronica with her gun for good measure, and you've got a three-girl army who can kick so much more *** than the guys.

    Or like how the MythBusters proved that cursing like a sailor increases your pain tolerance? /shot
    I have yet to see that episode, but when I have a chance, I am totally going to YouTube it because that's awesome.

    Try a paper written in its entirety during the class in which it is due.
    You… deserve a lot of props. For serious.

    It's a risky gamble to assume Bill will keep falling for it,
    This is actually the reason why I'm thinking about doing that thing I said to Ememew not too long ago (moving the third scene up and combining it with the first and turning the third scene into a "Bill agrees to be trained but grudgingly because God knows what the crazy champion will pull next" thing). Because honestly, I can't really imagine Bill falling for the same exact trap over and over again so shortly after one another. After all, with a father who's a con artist and some level of psychological training under his belt, I'm sure he's smart enough to take note of when he's being played.

    Oh, and since I forgot to ask before and nearly missed two chapters as a result: mind adding me to the PM list? (And, if it's not too much trouble, the PM list for Mary Sue Must Die!, since it looks like it'll be a while before I can sit down and review it properly after all?)
    Absolutely! :D You'll start receiving PMs with the next chapter. Which might not be for a bit because oh hey first vacation since January!




    Also! I nearly forgot. (Sorry!) But because Ememew scored the 300th reply to the thread, she gets a special prize! Specifially, she can choose any of these:

    1. An AEM side story of any length on any subject she'd like to see written.
    2. A cameo.
    3. The ability to order me to write anything she wants.

    Silliest prize ever, but.

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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    I know I said I was going to edit the other post but I think this is just easier.

    Now that the announcement is over (BY THE WAY, PEOPLE SHOULD TOTALLY PARTICIPATE), responses!
    But I've never used Tumblr before. How do I know I won't get lost in the void of the Internet if I try?

    Anima Ex Machina: Thirty
    It's not as easy as it looks.
    "No, I mean you literally do not make sense," Tate answered. His voice carried a hint of fear as he backed away from his opponent. "I can't understand your thoughts!"
    I knew it! Bill thinks in binary like metagross do!

    And here we see evidence of the overly complex thought-processes that a genius like Bill thinks in. Of course Tate can’t understand the mind of a dude who managed to find a way to flip off Dialga and bend the fabric of space so that Pokémon can be transported via a computer.

    That was fine by them.
    I thought this was referring to Bill and Tate, since that’s whom the previous sentence was talking about. It feels a little…clanky.

    "Not bad, but it could be better," Steven commented as he leaned against his metagross. "Tate, for the first half of the battle, you held your own, and then you started to underestimate your opponent. Sand-Attack is a move that can easily be replicated, regardless of whether or not a pokémon can technically learn it. The success of that depends on whether or not you're likely to fall directly into its trap. If you kept your guard up, that wouldn't be an issue."
    If you think about it, just about any Pokémon can ram themselves into their opponent, and yet only a few can “legally” learn Slam. Eh. It makes me think that the move sets in the games are nothing more than the League making an official set of moves for the use of Pokémon battles. You know, similar to how card game tournaments sometimes ban the use of certain cards because they’re too powerful. Of course, the real reason the games do this is because there has to be a limit and there’s no real way of accounting for every possible way a Pokémon can bring on the hurt, but still…


    Tate growled and bowed his head in frustration. "Oh man! You sound exactly like Liza."
    Wallace: That’s because I am *strips to reveal he’s a robot, with Liza at the controls*

    Tate: ಠಿ_ಠ

    Steven: ಠಿ_ಠ

    Bill: ಠ_ೃ

    "Wait," Wallace interrupted. "Did you just say you still communicate with your parasite?"
    I’m really not at all surprised Tate psychically killed his parasite’s mental capabilities. I think I remember making a guess at that in an earlier post.


    Suddenly, Steven turned away from him to face his fellow champion. "Wallace, I want you and Tate to start working on some special training. You know the kind, right?"
    Translation: Wallace, go take our love child fishing. I need to utilize my new stress reliever (Bill).

    Nikki Stark
    SERIOUSLY, Jax?

    "Allow me to introduce myself," she said. "I am one of five senatorial representatives for the planet Nila on the Quadral Alliance, an interplanetary committee dedicated to maintaining peace and order within the galaxy. My name is unpronounceable in your language, but you may call me Fourth. It is a pleasure to meet you, Tracey Sketchit. Perhaps you may be the best person to assist me in addressing an individual of our… mutual interests."
    So….this is a Relian who has NOT been taken over by an ixodida, correct? Or has she been taken over, and the ixodida is speaking through her?

    Silliest prize ever, but.
    Are you kidding? A chance where you write anything one asks would be amazing!

    Also! I nearly forgot. (Sorry!) But because Ememew scored the 300th reply to the thread, she gets a special prize! Specifially, she can choose any of these:

    1. An AEM side story of any length on any subject she'd like to see written.
    2. A cameo.
    3. The ability to order me to write anything she wants.

    Oooooh. And here I thought you were going to make us count up every response ever made. XD

    I didn’t realize how close I was to getting you to write my favorite shipping. Lol, oh well.

    I’m looking forward to whatever Ememew picks. :-D

    Am I my sister's keeper?
    I know this was a chapter title a few chapters back but I really have to know: IS THIS REFERENCING A CERTAIN JODI PICOULT BOOK?

    Haha, he probably got approached by people in Cerulean about the stranger bits. (There's probably a rumor going around that he *****s himself out to gym leaders and whatnot for rare Pokémon. Or sacrifices little girls for knowledge.)
    Cerulean Citizen: Hey Bill! I heard that in the light of the full moon you turn into a monstrous Wereevee and make your destructive way towards Cerulean, where you then entice small children with your cute, fluffy tail into going into that alcove behind your cottage, after which you viciously offer up their disembodied heads to a shrine you built to Mew in hopes that it will make contact with you so that you can then study it. Is this true? :-D :-D :-D

    Bill: …I’m…not even going to respond to that.
    Last edited by AbsolXWolf; 13th August 2012 at 3:43 AM.
    Fanfiction:
    The Twisted Child of Johto

    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=543996

    Official from Oscars Thread ^

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    I made this ^

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    *begins laughing like a mad scientist at a super villain convention*

    I wasn’t even aiming for this – maybe I should buy a lotto ticket. Oh, what to pick? I’ll put it behind a spoiler so if other readers want it as a surprise, they can avoid it for now.

        Spoiler:- my decision:


    Anyway, I’ve actually never done any sort of roleplaying before, so I’m not sure whether I’ll participate in the main prize just yet, but it looks interesting.
    Last edited by Ememew; 14th August 2012 at 4:14 AM.
    Oh, look! I wrote a fanfic! Weak (One-Shot. Rated G). Can Iris convince Bianca that she can't just avoid her problems?

    And another one: Mischief (One-Shot. Rated G). A little fun for October.

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    Ememew.

    Let me just say thank you. With great power comes great responsibility, and you handled that responsibility with aplomb. *applauds ideas*

    AND YOU, YES I'M TALKING TO YOU JAX!

    When I said I'd draw Pandora, I DAMN WELL MEANT IT!

    It came out pretty much just as a human, but I suppose my skills need to improve a little before I start being able to make people look like people but also alien parasite infected people.
    Skogsrĺ

    Gardenia never liked the Old Chateau, but what if the Old Chateau liked her?

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  8. #308
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    O hay gais! I have some free time in my "lol Jax is where now"-cation, so...!

    Quote Originally Posted by AbsolXWolf View Post
    But I've never used Tumblr before. How do I know I won't get lost in the void of the Internet if I try?
    Because you can always trust me~!

    Also, I'm thinking of just turning that thing into an ask/crack/fanthing blog because of the feedback I've gotten from people who were like, "Wait, wtf are the submission guidelines on about?" So... thoughts?

    Meanwhile, the TVTropes page was only edited by someone who redirected a link to the wrong page. Surely you don't want me to fill the page with the craploads of tropes I've used myself.

    I knew it! Bill thinks in binary like metagross do!

    And here we see evidence of the overly complex thought-processes that a genius like Bill thinks in. Of course Tate can’t understand the mind of a dude who managed to find a way to flip off Dialga and bend the fabric of space so that Pokémon can be transported via a computer.
    Admittedly, it's Adam that's confusing Tate, not Bill. XD

    ...Although attempting to read Bill's mind when he's conscious of you trying to read his mind would probably produce the same "go mad from the revelation" effect. (Unless you're Adam, anyway.) He doesn't like it when people try to invade his privacy for some reason.

    I thought this was referring to Bill and Tate, since that’s whom the previous sentence was talking about. It feels a little…clanky.
    Y'know, I was afraid that would happen but left it as-is for stupid reasons. Will edit!

    If you think about it, just about any Pokémon can ram themselves into their opponent, and yet only a few can “legally” learn Slam. Eh. It makes me think that the move sets in the games are nothing more than the League making an official set of moves for the use of Pokémon battles. You know, similar to how card game tournaments sometimes ban the use of certain cards because they’re too powerful.
    I like this explanation, actually. Sure, you have the question of why would the League bother to index every Pokémon and determine which moves they can and can't use legally, but it's a lot better than my normal "they can't use that move BECAUSE REASONS" explanation.

    Wallace: That’s because I am *strips to reveal he’s a robot, with Liza at the controls*

    Tate: ಠಿ_ಠ

    Steven: ಠಿ_ಠ

    Bill: ಠ_ೃ
    Bill then proceeds to sip from a cup of tea because he's just about had it with these shenanigans.

    I’m really not at all surprised Tate psychically killed his parasite’s mental capabilities. I think I remember making a guess at that in an earlier post.
        Spoiler:- BECAUSE REASONS:


    Translation: Wallace, go take our love child fishing. I need to utilize my new stress reliever (Bill).
    And now the Christmas special is an AU involving everyone as normal human beings doing shenanigans except for Steven and Wallace who are quietly having slash moments while Tate innocently attempts to do homework in another room.

    SERIOUSLY, Jax?
    SRSLY.

    So….this is a Relian who has NOT been taken over by an ixodida, correct?
    Correct. There's a handful of those left, and you'll be finding out why in a few chapters.

    Are you kidding? A chance where you write anything one asks would be amazing!
    You flatter me, dear one. ;D

    Oooooh. And here I thought you were going to make us count up every response ever made. XD
    If you did, I'd praise your math skills… and then write you a request fic too.

    Although now I sort of want to reward anyone who makes 100 posts in this thread (and there are ways to check) with a request fic because bribes are awesome.

    I didn’t realize how close I was to getting you to write my favorite shipping. Lol, oh well.
    ABSOL.

    YOUR BIRTHDAY AND THIS SHIPPING. TO ME ASAP.

    IT WILL HAPPEN.

    I know this was a chapter title a few chapters back but I really have to know: IS THIS REFERENCING A CERTAIN JODI PICOULT BOOK?
    Alas, no, it's actually just a Bible reference. XD BUT that was a good book too.

    Cerulean Citizen: Hey Bill! I heard that in the light of the full moon you turn into a monstrous Wereevee and make your destructive way towards Cerulean, where you then entice small children with your cute, fluffy tail into going into that alcove behind your cottage, after which you viciously offer up their disembodied heads to a shrine you built to Mew in hopes that it will make contact with you so that you can then study it. Is this true? :-D :-D :-D

    Bill: …I’m…not even going to respond to that.
    Oh hey, this must be an average Tuesday for Bill.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ememew View Post
        Spoiler:- my decision:
    YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

    BOTH OF THEM.

    The first will end up here (because lol AEM side story); the second will probably be floating around in the main forum eventually. 8D

    I admit I just lol'd at the "orders her armour from the ladies section of the fantasy universe catalogue" comment, but that's pretty much exactly what I had in mind anyway. 8D Also, to answer your question, yes, Ixodida do have hair. (Interesting tidbit no one cares about! It's usually made of their element somehow, so Pandora's is frosty like you thought. I like the idea of her hair being rigid, though, so now it is. It can probably even be used as a weapon! 8D)

    Also, wtf are you talking about with the comment about hands. That clawed hand = le awesome. And hell yes to frost scaling, cat-like pupils, and tasteful crotch plating.

    In short, I love it, sir!

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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  9. #309
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    Sorry I've missed so many chapters. Moving sucks lol

    Chapter 29

    The ice-type's glistening hands wove patterns through the air, twisting wisps of clouds around her fingers.
    Simple sentence, and I liked it quite a bit. For some reason I got stuck on it and reread it several times to get a picture of it in my head. It made for a very gorgeous visual, nicely done.

    "You are late in returning," Pandora drawled, "and you have done so without the rogue. How very brazen of you."
    Hah, burn! suck on that Prometheus. Even though at this point I'm starting to root for the ixodida, I really dislike the Lord of Flames

    but neither reacted as their leader hovered in an aura of violet flames.
    Hmm, that's food for thought. From the purple skin she has I was assuming she is part of the Poison clan, but being wreathed in flames was not something I expected, unless of course she has more power because of her status. I may be overthinking myself because I don't think you've said what clan the Empress belongs to, and if she belongs to one at all, but I'm wondering since she has such obvious power why she doesn't just go track them down herself. Like always, extreme dictators/rulers usually send those below them to accomplish tasks, but given her obvious level of power it surprises me that she doesn't go. Unless Adam has a way of circumventing her power that you haven't let on. Hmmm.

    She pulled her shoulders up as she bowed her head and crossed her arms, all as if that would barricade herself from temptation.
    I know that feeling pretty well actually. I've noticed that despite whatever age of character you might be writing about, you have a lovely talent on getting the mannerisms of that character just right. Not only that, but the same mannerisms are applied when they're older, and you somehow find a way to make them more subtle, or take them to the extreme. Nicely done

    Meditating under waterfalls, as Bill shortly found out, was harder than it looked.
    I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that it's crashing down all around you lol

    sitting cross-legged on a rock with the waterfall rushing down on him.
    That read somewhat weird to me. You might consider replacing with crashing, or surging, or something like that. using Rushing makes me visualize that he's under the waterfall and not getting hit by it, like he's watching it come towards him in slow motion

    "Good thing I've got telekinesis," Tate said. "No offense, but giving a guy mouth-to-mouth isn't exactly high on my list of things I'd like to do."
    I love these little bits of comedy you work in. Not only did it sound natural, but it also showed Tate's anxiousness to me very slightly, and wanting to make a joke out of a situation is the best and fastest way to dispel awkward silences.

    Oh snap! Bill and Tate brawl...Onwards, and btw as I type this I'm about to read the next chapter, and I'm putting my money on Tate

    Chapter 30

    The psychic chuckled, flitted to the side, and extended his index finger at the steel-type again.
    With the word usage of flitted I pictured Tate moving back and forth through the air like a dragonfly. The visual worked nicely, but I've always pictured psychic types that can levitate to look more like leaves being carried by the wind. You put my mind in a different direction though with the wording, and with Adam calling him a child, it fits in more with the kind of youthful fast movements I would expect of someone his age. Lmao I hope that makes sense, what I'm getting at is you're doing a great job with your word usage

    "That doesn't even make sense!" he snapped.
    Hah, Tate doesn't strike me as the kind of person who is wrong very often about anything. That proclamation of exasperation there really did a number on me. Not being able to predict what Bill would do next, not being able to quantify the situation, or touch Bill or Adam's mind really throws all the usefulness of his typing out the window lol

    Tate winced and grasped his wound as he took a few steps away. Already, he could feel the stickiness of his blood seep through the shoulder of his shirt.
    Well ****

    I owe you ten bucks

    "Not bad, but it could be better," Steven commented as he leaned against his metagross.
    For some reason I keep picturing Steven drinking an espresso and smoking a cigarette while he's talking to them

    "Wait," Wallace interrupted. "Did you just say you still communicate with your parasite?"

    "What agreement?" Steven asked, his voice low and quiet.
    Hmm, I would have figured they would have known that. Well, now that I'm thinking about it I can't remember Bill actually mentioning Adam to either of them, but their word usage is pretty revealing.

    Relians had that effect on most beings not from Nila, it seemed.
    Yup, **** just got cranked up to eleven

    This chapter was brilliant, though I can't really expect anything less from you lol. The inclusion of the Relian at the end definitely threw me through a loop, and since the scale of this fic is already incredibly massive, I'm extremely excited to see where this mosaic of I hate ixodida's goes.

    Chapter 31

    "You don't know, do you?" Steven asked. "So if you faced the ixodida alone at this point, they would be guaranteed a victory in whatever it is they're planning. If the empress herself is so keen on finding you, then that could mean one of two things. First, it could mean that you're strategically vital to the ixodida, and if that's the case, then your capture would mean that losing you would put humanity in jeopardy. Second, it could mean that you're a threat to the ixodida, and if that's the case, then your death would mean humanity would lose a powerful weapon."
    Wow he's well spoken haha. I know most normal people wouldn't argue with that much iron clad logic, but obviously we know who were talking about

    "Maybe so, but it's no crazier than what you were planning," Steven chided.
    Hmmm, I say that it is a tad bit crazier. I understand Steven's reasoning but geez man, have both of you fly that direction and at least give them the a heads up. You could train on the way, or afterwards. Hell, you could drop a brick on them with a note tied to it that says 'Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that all your death's are imminent'...Surely part of the reason of not going back would be to not to lead the ixodida there, but other than that I can't believe it's not crossing Steven's mind to at least warn them. And yeah he's right when he says that Lanette probably wouldn't just run from danger, but what about the civilians that can't defend themselves. Hmmm, it just feels like he's being a tad bit irresponsible

    Metagross quickly lifted an arm, clipping Bill neatly in the stomach before he could so much as graze the champion's face.
    One thing I have been looking for in this chapter since Metagross is such a big part of it is a little more description. I like the word usage with the growls and low roars he gives, and obviously every person reading this will know what a Metagross looks like, but I don't think it would hurt to describe it a little bit more directly. I've always loved Metagross and every time he's appeared in a chapter so far I've been kind of underwhelmed with it's physical description. Not trying to tell you how to write, I just feel like drawing it, and some of the other Pokemon out a little bit more in terms of description might add a dash of color to what's going on

    Then, before she could say anything, a chorus of piercing screams rose into the air.
    There you go with your direct, short lines that inspire a lot of emotion. I reread that line several times in order to visualize that and I got a few goosebumps up my right arm. I contributed that feeling to my own personal experience that I associated with that sentence and man it worked. Me and my fiance were hiking in Northern Georgia one evening and a Mountain Lion crossed our path about 50 yards away from us. When it shrieked at us it sounded like I'd been told it would. Exactly like a woman screaming. So when I was reading the quoted portion I multiplied that sound and made it louder. After that happened it really set the scene off for me. Really nicely done

    Steven sighed. "Fine. Metagross, kill him."
    Yup, time to step it up Bill

    As stars rained down on the sandy bank, Bill made a half-hearted attempt at diving, even though he knew that no matter where he went, the stars would follow him. Sure enough, he felt them pelt his spine, explode across his back, and send the sensation of fire throughout his body. He screamed and tumbled into the bank before righting himself and pulling his hands back.
    Nice description of Swift, well, if that's what you're describing.

    Long-winded as ever. I know this creature. Bill, you must tell her to deliver a message to her empress.
    Wow Adam cracks me up. You do a good job kinda diffusing the showdown type feel of what's happening right now. When Pandora crouched down and started talking I started holding my breath and getting closer to the screen. After Adam said that I chilled out a little. I feel like things are about to get somewhat bad, but I'm less on edge than I was a moment ago. Usually when I say that I mean it in a bad way, but with you it's just the opposite. When I get excited I read quickly and have the tendency to skim, but with what you have going on right now I'm still excited, but I'm forcing myself to slow down and swallow every single word and detail. Damn good job

    Out of the three I just commented on I feel like 31 is my favorite. It's not seeing Bill start to get to the point where's he's tired of having people walk all over him and actually showing he has the aptitude for complex attacks. Pandora showing up worries me more than Prometheus did. I always felt like his little displays of power and bragging were an effort to cover up a weakness or doubt in himself, but Pandora doesn't do either of these and I have the feeling she' completely confident in her abilities. Anyway, great stuff like always and I look forward to more. Now that I have a stable connection and am all moved you can expect my responses to come a lot faster. Good luck on the next chapter

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
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    Hey, guys! Quick announcement, but I'm currently working on both chapter 32 (which is about 50% done) and a holiday surprise (read: Em's AEM-related request). Unfortunately, as it's December 30 in my current time zone, the likelihood that I'll finish either before the new year is roughly... in the negatives. Wow. I was not aware that my likelihood-to-finish-o-meter measured negatives. But yeah, the chapters will most likely come after the new year, and I intend on getting them cranked out pretty quickly because real life rears its ugly head in the middle of January again for me due to internship shenanigans.

    However! Some good news! I do have a few exciting notes to share:

    1. Sometime after I took a hiatus from writing actual content and before real life decided to **** my brains through my ear (This thread is rated PG-15; I can say that.), I started the edit blitz up again, and that will resume as shortly as maybe tomorrow, in time for Bill's birthday. For reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that I started cross-posting AEM to both my board and my DW/LJ. While most of the changes so far have been minor, I reworked Bill's backstory in chapter one (again) and have been fixing a lot of plot holes. Soooo some material might look familiar, and some might not. I'm also hoping to get Hope's name changed (at long last) in this blitz, so that's part of the reason why a new chapter hasn't come out since August (what with her being the central part of the upcoming arc and all).

    2. I did get Ememew's first 300-comment request done, which is viewable over on that other Bill-related project I'm working on for his birthday. (Link goes directly to the story in question.) So you can enjoy that while I scramble for a belated birthday gift for the thread.

    Also, I swear I will get to a response to your review shortly, Sidewinder. I also apologize for dropping off the face of the earth repeatedly myself. ;_;

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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  11. #311
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    Hey, I listened to the prologue. : D You spoke fluently and your voice reminds me of my classmate since her tone is like yours. But I felt sorry of the Absol as it tried to flee from the unexpected apocalypse. Your sense of writing/speaking out your sentences seemed dangerous, calm, nice and catchy. You pulled it off with great effort.


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    Welp, somebody's probably going to hate me for this, but I'd like to announce that after eleven months of a hiatus, I do not have the next chapter of AEM written.

    What do I have instead? The first two chapters of AEM rewritten. Oops?

    It's literally a new beginning, with new characters, reinterpretations of old ones, and shiny new plot points as well as fixes to a lot of plot holes and characterization problems you guys have been pointing out for literally years. So that's pretty exciting. But it comes with a dilemma: do I edit the chapters in or start a completely new thread?

    Here's the deal. The chapters are completely rewritten, so I have absolutely no guarantees that the new posts will fit into each post space. I also have no guarantees that the new story will line up at all with the old, which will make things fantastically confusing for new readers. On the other hand, I also don't want to mess any old readers up by abandoning a thread, and I can totally write new chapters for this thread at the same time as working on the rewrite if people want that option. So what do you guys think? Fresh new start or stick to this thread and update both the new story and the old story as I go along?

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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  13. #313
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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post

    It's literally a new beginning, with new characters, reinterpretations of old ones, and shiny new plot points as well as fixes to a lot of plot holes and characterization problems you guys have been pointing out for literally years. So that's pretty exciting. But it comes with a dilemma: do I edit the chapters in or start a completely new thread?

    Here's the deal. The chapters are completely rewritten, so I have absolutely no guarantees that the new posts will fit into each post space. I also have no guarantees that the new story will line up at all with the old, which will make things fantastically confusing for new readers. On the other hand, I also don't want to mess any old readers up by abandoning a thread, and I can totally write new chapters for this thread at the same time as working on the rewrite if people want that option. So what do you guys think? Fresh new start or stick to this thread and update both the new story and the old story as I go along?
    You should make a fresh new start, so we won't get confused if you make the rewritten chapters at the same thread. Air Dragon did it to his Corei Quest chapter, and it was easy of him to revise them under a year.


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    I was just about to join. A fresh start would suit me just fine. =] I wouldn't have to figure out how to post a 32-chapter review all in one go.

    Whoops, didn't mean to imply I had all 32 chapters done. I'm at the seventh.

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    Stick to this one. Don't really have a reason, I just think it would work better

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    I was just about to join. A fresh start would suit me just fine. =] I wouldn't have to figure out how to post a 32-chapter review all in one go.

    Whoops, didn't mean to imply I had all 32 chapters done. I'm at the seventh.
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  17. #317
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    I love the first one, although Absol is one of my favorite Pokemon and I feel bad for it
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  18. #318

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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    Welp, somebody's probably going to hate me for this, but I'd like to announce that after eleven months of a hiatus, I do not have the next chapter of AEM written.

    What do I have instead? The first two chapters of AEM rewritten. Oops?

    It's literally a new beginning, with new characters, reinterpretations of old ones, and shiny new plot points as well as fixes to a lot of plot holes and characterization problems you guys have been pointing out for literally years. So that's pretty exciting. But it comes with a dilemma: do I edit the chapters in or start a completely new thread?

    Here's the deal. The chapters are completely rewritten, so I have absolutely no guarantees that the new posts will fit into each post space. I also have no guarantees that the new story will line up at all with the old, which will make things fantastically confusing for new readers. On the other hand, I also don't want to mess any old readers up by abandoning a thread, and I can totally write new chapters for this thread at the same time as working on the rewrite if people want that option. So what do you guys think? Fresh new start or stick to this thread and update both the new story and the old story as I go along?
    You should do whatever suits you the best. What do you think will be better for organization? I think that's the primary thing you should focus on when it comes to different chapters and whether you should make a new thread. Like you said new readers might get confused.

    As for whether to rewrite the chapters or post new ones, well, you should do whatever you have the most motivation for. It seems that right now you have more motivation for rewriting and editing, which is totally okay. You shouldn't force yourself to write something you rather save for later.

    Meanwhile it's time for me to catch up. xD


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    Hokay, guys. I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided to start a new thread for the rewrite. HOWEVER! I'm keeping this one open just in case, on the off-chance, I decide to come back and add more to this version because, hey, this is going to be a different version. And in any case, I do feel bad that I kinda ended on the cliffhanger that was voted best cliffhanger for 2012. Probably because of ... yeah.

    That and because I'm basically derailing the plot (besides its most basic elements), I'd like to have this version hang around for the entertainments.

    In any case, the new version will be up soon!

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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    It's possibly awesome that you'll be doing two versions of your fic simultaneously. Retroactive continuity 8D

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    It's possibly awesome that you'll be doing two versions of your fic simultaneously. Retroactive continuity 8D
    Because I'm crazy. And also because I still like some of the elements I brought up in this version of the fic that I probably won't get to in the new version. (Lanette's backstory presented as that massive flashback, for example. Oh, you'll still meet Lanette, and Bill will still get to have her backstory beaten into his head. But it won't be the same, y'know?) That and I still feel bad about leaving this version in the dust for so long, and I know some people might prefer it. ;_;

    But if you're among the peeps who would like a new start, the new version is over here.

    REBOOT: Chapter fifteen now available. | Original: Chapter thirty-one now available.

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