Sorry it took me so long to reply, guys. This is the first day in about three that I didn't want to die from disease. TMI, but hey.
Let's face it, though. When you're a character whose original existence was meant to be a reference to The Fly, you're just screwed from the get-go, no matter how smart you are.
We'll just have to wait and see about that. ;DWith the release of the most recent chapter it seems like Bill will learn to develop a friendship with this parasite and use it to his benefit.
No problem. I'll keep you in mind. Thanks for the review!If you have a PM list then I would love to be a part of it.
Sorry. I suppose I'm just very used to the idea that descriptions aren't necessary for well-known figures in a fandom, considering the people who are reading a fanfiction most likely are members of the fandom and would know what an Absol looks like. I mean, I don't mean to argue when you're such a good reviewer (as I suspected you were from reading your other reviews). I'd just like to hear what the general opinion is about describing Pokémon and common items or concepts in the fandom, especially now that I'm in a different community anyway.You described the Absol a bit, but if I hadn't seen it before I would still probably wonder what it looked like.
Thank you!I like that both the Absol fits in with the scenery and that it shows a disaster may be happening soon, though. Nice touch.
Sure. I'll check it out.This sentence, for me, read oddly. Missing a tiny bit of description for the flying through air, mixed with confusion from 'a paw'. If you said 'one of his paws.' it would make more sense.
Thanks. I have a bad habit for using infodumps, so I was afraid that half the first chapter would come off as something people would rather tl;dr.I like that you established a timeline early; it gives more backstory to a story, without having big infodumps.
XD I know, right? Oh, anime Bill. Your design does not make sense compared to your other incarnations. Or, well, anything else. Who would honestly wear this on a normal basis, you know?Green curly hair. Blew my mind @_@.
My theory is it's dyed (considering Bill is usually "lol conventions" and would totally be one of those odd ball college students who randomly decides to dye his hair because he doesn't like being a brunette), but you never know with the anime.
And if I don't actually say thank you for the grammatical corrections from here on out, I'd just like to say thanks for all of them and that I'll take care of them when I can. Really, I'm not sure how I managed to miss them; I even had a beta for the first couple of chapters (before real life started to suck for her/me/the two of us at the same time).
Thanks. That's one of the points I tried to focus on, mostly because I've always felt like people need to do those characters justice in fanfiction more often. I'd go into a further rant here, but that'd take pages.Your characterizations of Bill and Oak were spot on, and I feel the need to point it out.
Cthulhu may or may not be making an appearance later on in this fic. (Too easy? Maybe I should go with Nyarlathotep. That's a fun reference.)I can't help but feel that the creature is a Lovecraftian horror. The cold, scientific setting is probably what really set it off though.
Ten months. The timeline went roughly like this (with estimates actually being estimates because I haven't thought too much about this):Hasn't it been ten years since the project has started?
Spoiler:- Cut 'cause it's senselessly long.:
And there you have it. Technically, they know that it kills and drains victims of their blood (except for humans, anyway), but they haven't really gotten down to the part where they observed it attacking live specimens yet because they seriously knew nothing about it and started from essentially the ground up. What's really hindering them, though, is a combination of the fact that they can't get close to it without it trying to jump at them and kill them and that the Committee's withholding information from them for reasons not yet known to them (but they're definitely, definitely plot-related).
*bows at the corniness*Chapter one ended nicely, even through the corny 009 thing :P.
Pretty much all it is, actually.I noticed less description of the lab here, so I just ended up imagining white-blue lab walls and high-tech computers and stuff everywhere.
Maybe I don't have Domino down correctly, but I thought sometimes thought she was a bit bubbly when she thought she had the upper hand. Like, she was inclined to do backflips, just because she could instead of because they'd be a reasonable way to dodge an attack. I'll have to look at Mewtwo Returns again to check.Like, really skipped, or walked bouncing on the balls of her feet, or what? It seems odd for her to skip.
In other words, I meant it to mean she actually skipped, but now, I'm not sure if she's that bubbly when she's winning.
In terms of the Hyper Beam, I'll have to admit that, looking back, it's one of the things I'm not entirely comfortable with. XD; (Although I do need something to break that glass... which actually gives me a nice idea that would capitalize on something Act said earlier.)The Tyranitar seems going a tiny bit far.
Aren't Tyranitar only supposed to be six and a half feet tall, though? O_o The average height of a ceiling's roughly nine feet up for a modern building, so I'd imagine a Tyranitar would be able to fit.I would assume that it would go through the ceiling of the building,
Or is my writing implying that it's a particularly large Tyranitar? Because if that's the case, then I'll definitely look into it. I'm thinking of changing what Pokémon it is anyway because you're right in saying it feels a little too much like overkill. (I guess for most Team Rocket members, that'd actually be in-character, but I'm so unfamiliar with Domino. I feel like that might not be her style.)
The latter. Part of the reason why the scientists are fighting to get past the Rockets is to interrupt what's about to happen because, well, Eldritch Abomination + freedom = good reason to start panicking.Just being picky here, but who is the 'they'? The Rockets are holding back the scientists, and the scientists are fighting to get past the Rockets.
I'd really, really hate to debate a reviewer, but when you've got a parenthetical description, it's usually referring to the first noun in front of it, which would be the tower of machinery. Since the ball isn't a tower, it's another machine.I was confused as to what exactly had its front smashed in until I read on more. The way it's phrased here makes it seem as though the poke ball that holds Tyranitar exploded.
Exactly. ;DYou have five minutes before the planet explodes. Escape.
I love you.The ending gave me flashbacks of the old movie 'Evolution'.
Also, I forgot about that movie, but now, I'm inclined to pick it back up because it was just so awesome. What other movie involves defeating the Big Bad with Head and Shoulders?
Which is why I wanted to have her in this fic. ;D Cliché villain, yes, but still.Black Tulip is such a sadist. Laughing into flowers, I mean really :/.
Maybe. Or maybe a Wailord. Or would that be overkill?The metaphor makes sense, until you think of Steelix as a huge steel snake. Tranqs just wouldn't go into it. Perhaps Tauros would work?
That's special. XD I'm honestly not sure how that happened. Probably botched editing on my part between its original version and that. This should show you that it's a bad idea to edit a post when one's tired. Or drunk. I'd go check to see which it was, but I'm lazy.Whoa. Same paragraph, twice.
Gasp! You're right!That's not sci-fi! If it were, he would be struggling with all his might as long as possible!
The parasite acts as a second heart because it's its own entity, just sort of... fused to him.This section confused me. What second heart is it talking about?
Twice in one dream. And then he got better. *shot*Did he die twice in one dream, or did he have this dream multiple times and die in it twice?
Ooh. Then I will feel the need to mention something about a disgusting mutant corrupting his DNA and therefore dreams through convenient temporary insanity.I can honestly say that, for me, dreams have never 'receded'. They disappear quickly. I guess it could be different if you have a disgusting mutant corrupting your DNA, but I felt the need to mention it.
And then he got better. *shot*
Okay, what I love about being a geek getting reviews is being a very depraved geek getting reviews, so things like this make me crack up with the dirty thoughts I'm getting. And then, I get scene ideas, and that results in something involving a Sableye and a Frosslass and Bill somewhere along the line that won't entirely be pretty.Bill makes me think of what would happen if the genetic child of a Sableye and a Froslass were inserted into a human X_X.
Or alternatively, I could just attempt to make the god of this fanfiction as genre-savvy as possible by playing with the basic Pokémon fic tropes. Hey, if I made random Pokémorphs and answered the question of what would happen if I stuck XP-494 in the same room as them, would I get less readers as a result or more?
...I should really stop reading this review because I'm just getting all kinds of dirty thoughts from it. What makes it worse is that Bill really did use a long, pointy part of his body to cut off that hand. And no, it wasn't his tail, either. Or, well, that, but I don't think that's really helping people's imaginations, is it?Also, I KNEW that there would be a Star Wars reference! Bill extending his light saber and chopping off Surgeon Skywalker's hand was totally one of those, right?
I notice that the second intern totally disappeared when the first one went to get food. Just seems sort of odd.
Ha. Red shirt got killed off before any killing actually happened.Whoops.
Thank you. Oh, subtle moral dilemmas. I hoped I did it right, but basically, yeah, I want the aliens to seem like they're absolute horrors while at the same time acting in the name of something that could remotely resemble noble intentions. That way, the characters can start wondering whether or not eradicating them is entirely a good idea. Because that question's a seriously major plot point right there.I like Abel, and how his character interacts with Bill and the humans simultaneously. It shows that the parasite isn't just a mindless murderer.
I'll have to say you've done an impressive job so far, so I'm surprised you didn't find much to say about this one. O.oI'm getting more comfortable reading it, so I'll probably miss most of the small errors (assuming there are any :P).
Oh man. I admit that's one series I haven't picked up yet, although I've definitely heard of it. In fact, I've been meaning to check it out, but the term "Fallen Angels" really makes me want to go read it now.It's a good chapter, and the parasite was remind me of (another!) sci-fi/fantasy aspect; Fallen Angels from the Dresden Files. Definitely a good series, if you're looking for reading material.
XD Oh, winter. The bane of every northern creature's existence.Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go shovel the driveway that should be clear by an hour ago :P.
Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to sit down and go through it all. I hope to see you around for later chapters. As you can tell, I could use your eye to bring me back down to earth now and then. (How the crap did I manage to repeat a four-line paragraph? That's just amazing talent right there.)
Thanks! I'm glad you like it!I've been reading this for quite a while, and I love it!
Yeah, the poor kid just doesn't get enough love. Or maybe he's lucky in that regard. I can never tell with fanfics. I mean, just looking at FFNet...This is the first fanfic that I've read that has Bill as a main character.
Uh, anyway, thanks. XD
Amen, although as you can probably tell with my response to IJuggler's comments about her and skipping, I'll have to really work on getting her badassery down correctly.It's also one of the few that has Domino in it too. I've never seen the special with her in it, but she's one of the coolest Pokémon characters out there.
Thanks so much! I appreciate it.Also, XP-494 has to be one of the best Fakemon I've ever seen. Good job!
This fanfic gets a 10/10 so far. Keep it up!;444;
XD Yeah, I really don't think Bill could ever score points in that department. Awesome as he is, Bruce Banner he is not, unfortunately.I must say I really love the whole, Bill is now a hulking beast of epic proportions thing. Although, as a hulking beast of epic proportions, he isn't doing a very good job in the hulking beast department.
Thanks! And it's nice to actually get the plot moving so I don't end up sitting there and going, "Oh crap. It's exposition again. Will readers actually sit through this?"It's nice to see the plot moving along and the parasite doing it's work. XP-494 ftw!
Anyway, thanks for all the reviews, guys! The next chapter should be out soon. Hopefully, anyway.