Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Starts with one (advanceshipping)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Vancouver: yes I'm one of them
    Posts
    85

    Default Starts with one (advanceshipping)

    Welcome! this is my second one shot of the year! Just to let you guys know, this is spliten into two parts, so this is part one. I hope you guys like it!
    Rated PG: for mild action
    Starts with one
    by:XxMays_flowerxX


    Part one of Two
    __________________________________________________ _______________

    Graceful.
    The rain is probably my favorite part of spring. Of course Max hates it- that he prefers the sun- because it’s considered, ‘gloomy weather.’ I don’t really see his point on that. From inside our little cave, we all crouched back against the pockets in the wall, hoping that the fire would warm us up as we rested. The smoke was tearing up my eyes, so I sat to the extreme edge of the entrance, with my feet dangling over the ledge, and the freezing water splashed on my head. I preferred this. Being in the rain, somehow it’s like it’s my very own way of winding myself down.

    The droplets of fresh tears drenched the back of my hair, and dripped on my shoulders, and occasionally, when the wind picked up, I’d shiver. It wasn’t bad though, the water that collided with my face, felt soothing… a reminder of home.

    I shivered again, and an annoyed voice finally broke the bearer of my quiet. “Hey you wet dog, get inside here.” It was easy to pick out that my brother was talking to me. I sniffed at my drenched shirt. I don’t smell… Max called to me again in a bratty tone, “Just sitting here and watching you is making me cold! Get inside!”

    I frowned, “But I like the rain.” My knees bent, and my feet kicked me away from the edge, then from there I crawled back into the little space. “You know max, you’re a lot meaner in cold weather.” He sneered back at me.

    Two pairs of eyes planted on me as I sat by the fire. The young boy closest to me with the chocolate, milky eyes sighed, and rustled through his back pack. I ignored him and stared back at the oldest of our group. He shook his head, and chuckled under his breath to me. I was quite confused, what were they staring at?

    Ash, - my former chocolate eyed best friend, and trainer- threw something at me, and reached out another replica for himself. The material was wooly, and warm, folded up into a square. I smiled to him, and wrapped myself with his extra blanket.

    “You know your brother is right… you do smell like a wet dog.” Ash laughed, as he wrapped himself too.

    “I do NOT!” I grasped a pebble that was by me and threw at his head. I missed by an inch. “And thanks for the blanket.” I added. He gleamed his bright smile to me.

    Max rolled his eyes, and tucked himself into one of the pockets in the wall. It seemed he was done with continuing with his bad mood. The cave our family crouched in was warm, and the low flame of the fire radiated some heat , but it seemed that a little flame wasn’t going to do the job. I glanced at max who was quivering, then flickered on Brock with worry. We weren’t going to survive the night without a fire. Brock read my eyes, and nodded his head, shrugging back into his jacket. I threw him an a apologetic glance before watching my brother quiver again.

    Ash moved with a jerk, when he noticed Brock standing outside with his rain jacket on. He whispered to me that he would be back, and crawled out after Brock. I could still hear them whispering outside, even with the hard down pour of the rain.

    “Brock, where are you going?” Ash asked anxiously. Wasn’t it oblivious?
    Someone sighed, and answered, “I’m going out to get some more wood… you mind waiting here with these two?”

    “Can’t I come?” I was shocked to hear Ash arguing with Brock. I was used to the gesture of, ‘sure thing Brock!’. Did he not like being around us? Me?

    “No… No you have to stay here. Max is already asleep I’m betting, so you just have to protect May when I’m gone alright? It won’t take long.” There was a long 10 second pause. I bit my lip, waiting for someone to talk. A cheery laugh boomed, and the sound caused me to jump, “What’s the matter? What’s with the look, you two didn’t fight did you?”

    I waited for ash’s turn to speak. Why didn’t he want to stay? We didn’t even have a fight, and we were just laughing right now. I never did hear ash speak, but he did return back into the cave, with a pained look on his face. This was very odd. I watched him in till he leaned his back against his hole, and was next to me. It was probably best to leave him alone. Max was uncontrollably shaking now, and his skin was paler. Honestly, if he wasn’t moving he could pass as a corpse. I unwrapped myself, and covered him with my blanket. I tucked him warmly, and made sure everything was covered. He doesn’t need a cold.

    But without the blanket and fire, the cave was a freezer, worse then the temperature then outside. I chattered my teeth, and huddled into my knees with a miraculous count of shivers. Not only was the place cold, but the atmosphere was very awkward and quiet, and not even once Ash talk. All he did was stare outside, with an expressionless look. It was painful to watch, but irritating to withstand. And with every minute, I grew angry.

    “What’s with you?” I barked at him. He glanced at me surprised. “Why don’t you want to stay here? Do you not like to be with us all of a sudden? Was I being mean to you? I’m watching you right now, and it’s driving me nuts! Talk!”

    “May, I’m not mad at you! How could I be, you’re my best friend! I’m just…just under the weather… let’s leave it at that, alright?” If there were two things that I was certain it was that he was hiding something, and he didn’t want us to know. Ash moaned and flew up his arms, “Why are you looking at me like that?!”

    “I’m wet, I’m cold, and I’m quite angry at the moment!” I snapped.

    He scanned me over, and furrowed his eyebrows. I glared back at him. “May I ask why you are mad?”
    “Really… do I have to spell it out for you?”

    Another pause of quiet passed.
    Ash huffed in irritation, and unwrapped himself from his blanket, then removing his sweater. I just watched dumbfounded. He threw me his jacket and demanded me to wear it over my clothes, and then he wrapped his blanket around me tightly. My cheeks flared up in embarrassment. I did as I was told, and reluctantly pulled up the hood over my damp head. Ash and I were shoulder to shoulder, and his body heat added to the warmth of the blanket and sweater. His act of kindness only made my cheeks a bright scarlet.

    “If I get you warmed up, and tell you why than will you calm down?” I didn’t meet eye contact with him, and nodded yes. Ash inhaled deeply, ans sharply out, then stared down at me, “Well… I’m just telling you right now that your not the reason why I didn’t want to stay here.” I smiled.
    “It’s because I’m afraid of thunder, and I don’t want to be left alone. You see… my dad left me when it was raining, and while I watched his drive away, my mother also left me for a while.”

    I froze. My heart lurched with sorrow, and guilt washed over me. I was making him telling me about something painful. I hid my face under my bangs.

    “My mother was depressed, around the house, and forgotten about me at the time. Imagine being by yourself at the age of four, in a dark house booming with thunder. I felt utterly alone.” He paused, and bit his cheek,
    “It’s a stupid thing to fear of… but it’s so hard to let go of that fear… not just thunder, but being alone. “

    He stopped and frowned to the ground, rubbing the water out from under the rims of his eyes. So he gets lonesome on these types of days… that’s why when it rains he moans and complains when he could be at a gym battle… it was to cover up the fact that ge hated the rain. Somewhat this made me feel out of place. I loved the rain, and he didn’t. How could we be best friends if we like two different things?

    Ash hung his head, “I’m sorry… I’m making you cry.” The sentence threw me off. I placed my fingers on my cheeks. They were wet. “It’s okay…” he whispered, “Don’t feel sad for me… it’s just a fear.”

    Now I could say that I was indeed crying. It wasn’t because I felt pity for him, it was just because Ash was holding so much in… and all I did was ignoring it. The throbbing of my chest hurt, and the red in my cheeks still never faded away. What kind of friend I’m I?

    “May… please I’m okay now. It’ll be okay when-“

    “I’m here! I’m here for you!” I wailed. Ash’s eyes widen, and his body pushed himself away from me. The tears blinded me from seeing him, “Ash, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know! I’m sorry!” I covered my eyes with my palms, I couldn’t belive this. How could I have been so BLIND!?

    “May…”
    “Ash please… you have to tell me these things! I want to help you when your struggling, I want to support you when you are afraid! Don’t leave me out of your life, I want to be a true friend that you can depend on!-“

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THUNDER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We both stared wide eyed at each other, both creeped up against the wall. Another sound hit, and ash cringed, with his hands over his ears, and his eyes expressionless ahead of him. What do I do? The point of the storm is over us, and ash is frightened. The adrenaline sparked through my blood, and my mind panicked as I watched him suffering. I did the first thing that popped in my mind, something what my mom would have done when I was afraid.

    “Look at me.” I demanded. He was to shaken to even look up at me. I cuffed the sides of his face and angled his face so his eyes contacted with mines. His cheeks burned against my skin, like a fire being set on. “Look at me! It’s okay, I’m here, the thunder wont hurt you okay? Your not alone, I’m here…” My hands slid to his back, and I broke into a hug. He was so cold, quivering in fear. I kept whispering in his ear for him to relax.

    The creeping darkness, and the loud skies continued on, and we never relaxed our hold. I was even scared, but only because if this continued on, I didn’t know what else I could do to protect him. But I was here, and I needed to help him, he helped me when I was afraid, and now it my turn to return the favor. I covered him with the blanket he gave me, still saving some for me, and then tucked his head into the hollow of my neck, just like my mom did to me. Yeah, this was majorly flustering, but I didn’t need to worry about that right now. My worry was just keeping my best friend warm, and safe…

    __________________________________________________ ___________

    this is the end of part one.
    thank you for reading!
    Last edited by XxMays_flowerxX; 14th December 2009 at 12:52 AM. Reason: Rating
    (Image by PD+)Click below to see my fic!! ( Advance with a hint off Pokeshipping!!! )
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...0#post10007400

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Great Britain! FTW!
    Posts
    79

    Post

    Wow! First to review!

    It seems that everyone is writing a fic involving the rain, although it is the first time I have seen Ash put in the position of being afraid.

    Anyway you had some nice description here and it was nicely paced in terms of scene development and the shipping throughout. Only saw 2 errors but they were just one letter typos, so nothing major. The bit that you pull off best is May's internal thoughts, cause sometimes it can disrupt the flow of the text but there are no issues with that here.

    Favourite part so far:

    “Look at me.” I demanded. He was to shaken to even look up at me. I cuffed the sides of his face and angled his face so his eyes contacted with mines. His cheeks burned against my skin, like a fire being set on. “Look at me! It’s okay, I’m here, the thunder wont hurt you okay? Your not alone, I’m here…” My hands slid to his back, and I broke into a hug. He was so cold, quivering in fear. I kept whispering in his ear for him to relax.
    Keep it up, and cannot wait for the second part.

    See Ya!
    Advanceshipping: Together, 4Ever, Always
    <--------------Original image Suzu, Drawn by Me.
    Favorite Advanceshipping Oneshot by Damon Howe When Earth Meets Ocean
    Fanfiction Page
    Advanceshipping Quote:
    “Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.” - Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    61

    Default

    hey sis! -giggles-
    so I see you made a great two-shot huh? very nice.
    well here I go with reviewing...

    I've read part 1, and just amazing details and use of may's thoughts. To me I thought the begining of the story with may out in the rain was just flawless... you had some errors, but not bad ones, and you plot is very, very well played.

    This part was very cute ^_^
    Another pause of quiet passed.
    Ash huffed in irritation, and unwrapped himself from his blanket, then removing his sweater. I just watched dumbfounded. He threw me his jacket and demanded me to wear it over my clothes, and then he wrapped his blanket around me tightly. My cheeks flared up in embarrassment. I did as I was told, and reluctantly pulled up the hood over my damp head. Ash and I were shoulder to shoulder, and his body heat added to the warmth of the blanket and sweater. His act of kindness only made my cheeks a bright scarlet.

    “If I get you warmed up, and tell you why than will you calm down?”
    oh, and I was glad that May wasn't the one who needed help ( I'm quite used to her always needing help... it gets kind of boring...) and it was wonderful for both of them helping each other out.

    Strangley ( and I dnt know why ) I liked brock in this! XD

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    the Reverse World
    Posts
    4,001

    Default

    This needs a rating in the first post or it will be closed tomorrow. /policy

    Thank you.
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

    Encyclopika:
    Made the banner
    Is a GIRL. >.>;;
    Has a deviantART account and a Tumblr
    Is on Fanfiction.net.
    Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest? PM me!
    Don't reply to my infractions. It's not gonna change anything.

    Random friend requests do nothing. Let's actually talk first. >_<

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    60

    Default

    I saw a few mistakes.. For example,

    Quote Originally Posted by XxMays_flowerxX View Post
    Wasn’t it oblivious?
    Isn't it supposed to be obvious?

    Anyways, Overall its an EXCELLENT Part of a two shot. Im so tired of May being the one that needs help and Ash comforting her. There were so many awesom moments, expecially at the end. 4.5/5
    Advanceshipping! Ash and May all the Way

    ROCK ON BON JOVI!!

    My current Diamond team:


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Unknown.
    Posts
    89

    Default

    NONONONO! Why didn't I ask to be on the PM list for ALL your fics XD
    As much as I'd love to stalk your serebiiforum page for updates (Muahahaha >:3),I'm afraid school and real life stuff has gotten in the way.So sorry,that your no.1 fan did not get to review first ^^;;; Yes,this badge proves Im her no.1 fan.Its mah medal.YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! X3
    Anyway I'm rambling,on with the review!
    “It’s because I’m afraid of thunder, and I don’t want to be left alone. You see… my dad left me when it was rainng, and while I watched his drive away, my mother also left me for a while.”

    I froze. My heart lurched with sorrow, and guilt washed over me. I was making him telling me about something painful. I hid my face under my bangs.

    “My mother was depressed, around the house, and forgotten about me at the time. Imagine being by yourself at the age of four, in a dark house booming with thunder. I felt utterly alone.” He paused, and bit his cheek,
    “It’s a stupid thing to fear of… but it’s so hard to let go of that fear… not just thunder, but being alone. “
    Well,I think I might just use this from now on whenever I need to explain to something what happened to ash's father X)

    Glad to see is wasn't may who needed comforting/help.It's so cliche.But I can always trust my favourite (Non-cliche!) author!

    The droplets of fresh tears drenched the back of my hair, and dripped on my shoulders, and occasionally, when the wind picked up, I’d shiver. It wasn’t bad though, the water that collided with my face, felt soothing… a reminder of home.
    So I amnt the only one who dosent completely dislike the rain XD
    Thanks,now maybe I won't find myself thinking I'm so wierd everytime I take a walk in the rain :3
    Another pause of quiet passed.
    Ash huffed in irritation, and unwrapped himself from his blanket, then removing his sweater. I just watched dumbfounded. He threw me his jacket and demanded me to wear it over my clothes, and then he wrapped his blanket around me tightly. My cheeks flared up in embarrassment. I did as I was told, and reluctantly pulled up the hood over my damp head. Ash and I were shoulder to shoulder, and his body heat added to the warmth of the blanket and sweater. His act of kindness only made my cheeks a bright scarlet.
    MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    That was cute :P Whats that word you call when you switch with someone else clothes? X3,crossdresser or something right?Didn't know May was one of those.
    The creeping darkness, and the loud skies continued on, and we never relaxed our hold. I was even scared, but only because if this continued on, I didn’t know what else I could do to protect him. But I was here, and I needed to help him, he helped me when I was afraid, and now it my turn to return the favor. I covered him with the blanket he gave me, still saving some for me, and then tucked his head into the hollow of my neck, just like my mom did to me. Yeah, this was majorly flustering, but I didn’t need to worry about that right now. My worry was just keeping my best friend warm, and safe…
    Hehehe,adorable! Again,love how its not may who needs the comforting,nice and fresh non-cliche stuff :P

    As usual,a masterpiece.10/10 Awesome!Cant wait for part 2YOU.ARE.GOD!
    P.s.Bonus marks for improved grammar !!
    Pokemon pearl freind code: 4511-7516-4862

    Check out XxMays_FlowerxX's AMAZING story (in progress!)
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=404677
    And her SUPER-COOL-AWESOME oneshot!!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=403481

    Advance4ev is my best bud! ^^

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •