Finally got caught up. Seeing as I didn't post a review since Chapter 3 [and I beta'd Chapter 2], I started reading from there.
First off, a few grammatical errors I got. Sorry if I'm just repeating what the others said, but eh.
I don't get what you're trying to say here. Floors lurching = weird for me, I guess.The floor lurched dangerously as he staggered along the wall.
Two 'again's make it sound awkward.Kysa sipped some water and barely avoided throwing up again as Naomi left the dark room again.
IMO I find this redundant. The fact that it's dripping implies that it's liquid.Rachel stood by the coffee machine as the liquid caffeine dripped into her cup.
This would work better if it was replaced by "as".Naomi watched him absent-mindedly and she sipped a cup of tea.
I feel this could've been worded better, and a comma should be placed between "fault" and "not".Naomi gave her a hug. "Sorry we're late; my fault not his," she laughed. Kris laughed too.
"Was" should be replaced with "would be". And I like this sentence.A life was empty if nobody cared.
But he was frozen?He wanted to get out but was frozen, staring at her limp hand.
For me, Gayle [in Chapter 5, and I'm sure she's the same one in Chapter 1] was the most believable and relatable character out of the minor ones. Her personality is well-defined, and while she doesn't have a motive [just yet], it's a nice change of pace from the usual mood of the piece.
It took me long to figure out that "Kysa" = Kyle Samuels. I like it when he calls himself Kyle. Just saying.
I don't get one thing, though. If the nurse from Chapter 3 already had Naomi as a patient [and I assume this is the same nurse in Chapter 5], does that mean that that scene happened after all the scenes of Chapter 4? Or am I missing something here?
And one more thing - I'm trying to figure out where this is going. Right now it all seems minor up to Naomi's critical state, but the rest all seems like separated jigsaw puzzles. For me it's taking you a bit too long to put them together. I liked how, in Chapter 1, it was clear that you were telling the same thing from different point of views, but at this point there are several point of views and they're rarely clashing with one another that it might make it confusing for the readers to figure out which one's important at a particular scene and such. In Chapter 5, for example, you refer back to two earlier scenes [the nurse's scene in Chapter 3 and Gayle's scene in Chapter 1], which is good seeing as they were left open-ended back then, but there are several others [Serena, Jag, Brad, the people in the meeting] still leaving us wondering.
I'm not saying this is a bad thing - in fact, I think this is an important point of the story - I'm just saying that you're in danger of leaving some of these unattended and/or introducing several other characters/scenes like these, leaving the readers overwhelmed. You should choose carefully when to add more scenes like this, when to refer back to scenes like this, and see if they balance out. Chapter 5 is a good example of this, actually, seeing as you didn't introduce any new minor scenes and referred back to two of them [Gayle and Rachel], so maybe you're actually getting my point already and all that I've said is useless. XD
Anyway, I've said it before - I'm really interested in this story. I'm sorry if I haven't beta'd the last few chapters - busy real-life is busy - but from the looks of things, it's not like you need my help that much anyway.