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Thread: Lessons in Pokémon

  1. #1
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    Default Lessons in Pokémon [PG-15]

    This is a journey fic that I started work on months ago; wrote a Prologue and one chapter then gave up. I'm currently working on Chapter 3/4. Please comment and criticise, I really want some because if I don't get any I'll start to stop caring.

    Contents
    Learning How to Win Over the Hearts and Minds of Others
    Learning How to Leave
    Learning How to Say Goodbye
    Learning How to Operate a Pay Phone

    Prologue - Learning How to Win over the Hearts and Minds of Others


    Sitting there, alone, in a cream coloured armchair was a 15 year old girl, Amelia. Amelia was a tall, brunette with long, straightened hair that came flowing down to her waist. She was wearing an official pokémon league t shirt, a silver waistcoat and a knee length peach skirt. Her legs were long, thin and crossed; her arms arranged similarly.

    "Ah! Miss Ford, Would you mind coming this way?" A smiling plump woman in her mid 30's quipped from behind the armchair. Amelia obeyed and followed her into a large office, the entire office was organised; bliss for Amelia, this put her into a more relaxed attitude. Sitting behind a large mahogany desk in the exact centre of the room, surrounded by bookshelves and various pieces of electronic equipment was a man of medium build with a short mop of black hair resting atop his handsome face partially covered by a pair of black rimmed glasses.

    "Hello, I'm Amadeus, you'll be applying for the mentorship with me," the man said while standing up to greet her, "Before we start, are there any questions for me beforehand?"

    "Well, actually, there is one thing..." Amelia said tentatively before trailing off.

    "Dont be shy," Amadeus replied.

    "Well, I was just wondering whether there was any chance of getting a more famous mentor? I mean, I'm sure you're an excellent battler and all but what I really wanted was to be mentored by one of the people off of the adverts." As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted saying them, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!" she quickly added.

    Amadeus just leaned back in his chair and looked at her, his gaze made her uneasy and she tried to avoid eye contact at all costs.

    "I see, I can understand where you're coming from but I'm afraid they're all taken." He said, trying to act as if he wasn't offended, "I'm afraid you're pretty much stuck with me!" He added trying to pass it off as a joke.

    "Well, okay, I guess. Could you please pretend I hadn't said anything from now on?"

    "Consider it done. Now, let's get on with this interview!" he said quickly. "What would you say your favourite pokémon is, the one that you would most like to train?"

    "Well, ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to have a Houndoom. I don't know what it is about them but they just seem to have a quality that I love. My father used to have one, Omega was his name, he was so kind and gentle but after father left mother, I haven't seen him. Hell, for all I know, he could be dead by now."

    "I see, good choice and very full answer. That was a great start!" Amadeus remarked. "Anyway, moving on. What's your main aspiration in life?"

    "My main aspiration? Well, I would have to say that that's to open up my own dark-themed gym!" Amelia replied with an air of excitement growing in her voice as she spoke.

    "With most of the other candidates, it's to beat the Elite 4 but I like your answer better, it's slightly more original." Amadeus said, he was beginning to like this girl. "Do you own a pokémon? Don't worry, this is just in case we have to set you up with one."

    "Well, yes but it's still in its egg but I've been told it will hatch soon!" Amadeus noticed a sparkle fly past her eyes at the mere mention of the egg.

    "What pokémon's egg is it? Do you know?"

    "It's a Houndour egg!" Amelia replied, barely suppressing her elation.

    "I see, so you will have one in one month whenever the journey begins, yes?"

    "Oh yes! It'll definitely have hatched by then!"
    Amelia was still trying to control her excitement but was failing miserably.

    "I see, and finally, yes this is a very short interview, if you get this mentorship, to where shall you be dragging me and what would it mean to you?"

    "Well, I really want to take my Houndour to the Johto region as after studying up on him I hear that's his native region, isn't it?"

    "Yes, it was recently discovered, in fact just last September 12th, that they are native to the Johto region." Amadeus said matter-of-factly.

    "Well, good, I want to journey there and if I get this oppurtunity, I'll be the happiest girl alive. I have always wanted to be a pokémon trainer and have always wanted my own gym, my mother's not a battler and I haven't seen my father since I was 6 so he didn't have time to teach me to battle. If I get this I know I could be a good trainer, I just need the proper guidance that this scheme can give me and I will be so much closer to getting my own gym than if I didn't get this oppurtunity." Amelia replied, she was serious again, you could tell that this meant a great deal to her.

    "Was that answer rehearsed?" Amadeus questioned only half-seriously.

    "No, I really meant it and it's the truth." Amelia replied quickly.

    "Well, in that case, I think you could be my strongest candidate yet. I think you'll be hearing from me soon!" he said with a great big, beaming smile.

    "Oh! That would make all my dreams come true!" She said, the air of excitement in full swing once again. Amelia smiled at him, turned and left the room.

    Amadeus looked down at his notes and pressed a button on his intercomm system, "Kylie, could you please send in the next trainer?" he said into it. Taking his finger off the buzzer he said to himself, "Although, he'd better be good if he even stands a chance after her."
    Last edited by revolvingscott; 6th March 2010 at 11:28 AM. Reason: Title Change

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  2. #2
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    Default Chapter 1 - Learning How to Leave

    Chapter 1 - Learning How to Leave


    The sun had only just glimmered on the horizon but Amelia was already up, fully dressed and full of beans. Her Houndour, Abyss, was watching her out of one eye, sleepily. He let out a sigh as she, once again, checked the mobile phone on her bedside cabinet, no calls, no texts.

    “Why can’t people reply these days?” she thought out loud.

    Between you and me, I’ll tell you exactly why, it just so happened to be 5.01am.

    Why was Amelia so excited? Well, I’ll tell you, today was the day she was starting her pokémon journey!

    “Oh, Abyss! Are you ready for what’s going to begin later?” She exhaled excitedly as she fell to the floor to lie beside Abyss’ bed. She rolled onto her side so she could look into the black beast’s eyes.

    “Ruff”, Abyss replied, the black dog-like pokémon rolled onto its back, exposing its red underbelly. He was obviously growing impatient with her, at first he had found it mildly entertaining watching Amelia jump around the room talking about "Gym Leader" this and "Elite 4" that but he had grown tired of it quickly.

    “Fine, suit yourself!” Amelia replied scornfully as she got up to exit the room.

    “I’m going to go make breakfast”, she added, getting the reaction she wanted. Abyss’ sharp, pointed ears suddenly pricked up as he turned to look directly at her, making eye contact.

    “Come on then!” her voice had quickly returned to its normal tone.

    Houndour bounded across the room as she walked along her upstairs landing. A long, thin corridor with three doors leading off it; one leading to her bedroom, one leading to her mother’s and the final one led into the bathroom, complete with shower, toilet and sink.

    The duo entered the kitchen. Amelia opened the door and Abyss bounded straight through her legs and jumped up, trying to reach the topmost cupboard.

    “Okay, you eat first then”, Amelia said, trying to put on a pretence that she minded.

    After feeding herself and her pokémon, she cleaned up and checked the time on a big clock with the face of a Shinx in the centre with the two hands sprouting from its nose. It was only 5.37, Amelia had hours until she had to leave.

    “What shall I do in the meantime?” Amelia pondered to herself.

    “What do you want to do Abyss?” Amelia called into the living room where Abyss had already stationed himself, sprawled out on a small armchair in the corner of the room, his eyes shut and breathing loudly through his nose.

    “I asked you a question!” Amelia exclaimed, entering the living room. It was a small room, a 3-seater sofa in the centre of the room facing a television with a small screen, in the corner was a CD player and a small collection of CD’s stacked upon one another. Everything was modest and the room gave the impression that the family had very little wealth.

    Houndour exhaled at Amelia and closed his eyes again, trying to get some sleep.

    “Fine!” Amelia was the one losing her patience now as she stormed out.

    She stormed back up to her bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she only just stopped herself from slamming it. She quickly surveyed her room, in the far corner was Abyss’ bed beside a large, looming wardrobe that contained the clothes Amelia wasn’t taking with her, along one side of the wall was a single bed with a black bedspread sprawled across it. Finally, just behind her was a computer, ever since her interview, Amelia had started to look up this “Amadeus” on the internet and she was certainly impressed!

    “It seems Amadeus put no effort into his battle against Bugsy, Azalea Town’s formidable bug boy. With his small but trusty Magby by his side, Amadeus was able to wipe the floor with Bugsy. This was Bugsy’s second defeat this year and with it being mid-Summer, Bugsy is clearly a formidable opponent. More details on next page.”
    Amelia gaped at the screen upon reading this a month ago. She always expected since Amadeus wasn’t a gym leader and she’d never heard of him, he wasn’t that good as a trainer but 15 minutes into her research her prejudices were disproven. She felt the need to apologise for her remarks to him at the beginning of the interview, she decided to do it if he called to let her know she had received the place with him and that was a big “if” after what she had said.

    Whenever he finally did call her house number, she was the only one in the house, her mother was outside tending to the garden while Abyss ran around chasing Butterfree, he had only recently learnt to use his fire but found it a bit too hard to control so Amelia was keeping a close eye on him from the kitchen window. She picked up the phone, with one eye still on Abyss.

    “Hello, Amelia?” a familiar voice came from the receiver.

    “Erm, yes. Who is this?” Amelia replied, she couldn’t place the voice but had a guess.

    “Amadeus, from the mentoring…” Amadeus began

    “Oh my God!” Amelia cut in, her suspicions were correct.

    “Yes, yes. I don’t have much time so I’ll make this brief; I want you to join me.” Amadeus said bracing himself on the other end of the line, waiting for Amelia’s excited response.

    “Yes! Oh my God! Yes!” Amelia didn’t disappoint in her reaction.

    “There’s one thing though, although we will be travelling through Johto. I want to bring some other people with me."

    "Some of your powerful trainer-friends?" Amelia replied, she hadn't grasped what he was talking about.

    "No, two other young trainers."

    "Oh." Amelia said. "Am I really in a position to say no?" she said only half jokingly.

    “Well, if that’s all settled then I guess that’s that, the company will send you the details of when we’ll meet up. Until then!” Amadeus ended.

    “One more thing,” Amelia said, “I’d like to apologise for my remarks concerning wanting a different mentor, after researching you, I realise how wrong I was and how much I would like you to be my mentor.” Amelia told him.

    “Thank you, I’ll see you in Johto!” Amadeus said as he hung up the phone.

    The phone that was still on her bedside table started to vibrate. Amelia was drawn out of her flashback and walked across the room to get it, the screen was flashing, “Text Message Received”. Pressing the largest button below the screen, the text appeared

    “Amelia, are you going today?”

    It was a text from her best friend, Daniel. He was insanely jealous of her for getting the mentor and having the ability to start on a pokémon journey with him. Daniel was going to start his next month, on his own.

    “Yes! I’m so excited!” she quickly typed into the phone. Although she didn’t want to admit it to herself, she was going to miss him. She was going to miss everybody and everything, her house, her family, Daniel in particular.

    He replied swiftly with, “Okay, good luck, might see you out there?” She smiled, she knew they would meet out there, they both wanted to go to Johto, they both loved dark type pokémon and they both wanted to become a gym leader one day.

    “We will, don’t worry! When we do, I’ll battle you but don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you!” she replied smiling, but she wasn’t smiling on the inside.

    “Amelia, are you awake?” Amelia’s mother; a tall, slender woman wearing a bathrobe over her small nightclothes, inquired from the doorway, “I should have known you’d be.” She added, with a touch of humour in her voice.

    “Yeah, I’m up,” Amelia replied, “I leave in 3 hours, how could I not be?” Amelia replied.

    “Okay, have you had breakfast?”

    “Yes mother!” Amelia replied, with a facetious weariness.

    Amelia listened as her mother went downstairs and started to make herself breakfast.

    Abyss appeared at the doorway; he entered and turned to look at Amelia.

    “I know, today’s the start of our adventure, Abyss! We’ve gotta look out for each other, k?” Amelia said, collapsing backwards so she was lying on the bed.
    Last edited by revolvingscott; 5th March 2010 at 9:35 PM. Reason: Title Change

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  3. #3
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    This was a pleasant story to read. I like that you took your time with the beginning phase, the starting of the journey. The mentoring program makes sense and is a nice bit of originality. Well, I don't want to say too much before I see a little more of the story's development. Keep going!
    Taxonomy of the Heart
    Another fic - Foresight

    "When you're in your final moment and your life flashes before your eyes, it isn't for your entertainment, it's your subconscious hurling every relevant and pseudo-relevant experience you've ever had up into consciousness. It's saying 'try this! or this! or this! does what we learned here help?! ****!!'. So don't sit back and relax, take your last stand. Take your brain's emergency alarm and do something.

  4. #4
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    I thought that if I just jumped in people wouldn't have enough time to enjoy the characters - I needed time to introduce them.

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    Firstly, I'll point out what I didn't like.

    In most situations, you put the ending of a sentence after the quotation marks, when it should actually be the other way around. It makes it easier to read, and is less jarring for the reader as well. When you pointed out the times, you seperated the hours and minutes with periods, when you should've used colons(:).

    Secondly, the main character and her favourite Pokemon. I have nothing against the Houndoom family; but, not only did your character give a faux-deep name to it (Abyss? I wouldn't name any of my pets that), it also happens to be one of the more cliched Pokemon for a trainer to have. Something that starts off cute that turns into a hellhound will obviously be a liked Pokemon - but I can read many, many other half-completed Journey fics if I want to see something like that.

    From how the mentor refers to your trainer, she seems to be well on the way to becoming a Mary Sue. She's obviously different from the other trainers (by wanting to become a Gym Leader, which isn't that uncommon if one counts), and her answers were deep, personal infodumps that were said in a completely bland manner. Her clothing for the day is listed all at once, as opposed to being refered to slowly and actually keeping it's place. I feel I've seen this character many times, and it brings nothing new to the table.

    Something else that was odd reading was the usage of asteriks(*) in your story. They seem to find a place at the end of paragraphs, around the word 'looming', and after mentions of technology. I could've lived with it, if there were a reason (like, say, an explenation at the bottom of the chapter). Otherwise, it's just a distraction that takes away attention.

    Amadeus? If I cared more, I would Google up the name, and find out what it means. Not every character needs a significant name in a story; I don't walk around in real life and talk to people named Venus and Braveheart. I talk to Bob and Jill.

    My last nitpick is that you didn't describe Abyss at all. For all I know, it could be a four-legged mailbox that spits fire.

    I did, however, like the mentor system you have for the base. It's a good idea, and if you expand on it, it could even become a good theme.

    Although your grammar and spelling is passable, I would suggest reading through Advice for Aspiring Authors for tips on how to write a more compelling and possibly original story. I'm not trying to say that you should stop writing your story; just that, if you want to be a better writer, it could help to use other's experience.

    I hope my review has helped.

  6. #6
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    In most situations, you put the ending of a sentence after the quotation marks, when it should actually be the other way around. It makes it easier to read, and is less jarring for the reader as well. When you pointed out the times, you seperated the hours and minutes with periods, when you should've used colons(.
    The quotation marks - will be edited out.
    The time - intentional, there are multiple ways to write the time.

    Secondly, the main character and her favourite Pokemon. I have nothing against the Houndoom family; but, not only did your character give a faux-deep name to it (Abyss? I wouldn't name any of my pets that), it also happens to be one of the more cliched Pokemon for a trainer to have. Something that starts off cute that turns into a hellhound will obviously be a liked Pokemon - but I can read many, many other half-completed Journey fics if I want to see something like that.
    I didn't know it was cliched to have a Houndour but Amelia has, ever since the concept of my story came about, always had a Houndour (until it evolves obviously)

    From how the mentor refers to your trainer, she seems to be well on the way to becoming a Mary Sue. She's obviously different from the other trainers (by wanting to become a Gym Leader, which isn't that uncommon if one counts), and her answers were deep, personal infodumps that were said in a completely bland manner. Her clothing for the day is listed all at once, as opposed to being refered to slowly and actually keeping it's place. I feel I've seen this character many times, and it brings nothing new to the table.
    Okay, so how would I improve this?

    Something else that was odd reading was the usage of asteriks(*) in your story. They seem to find a place at the end of paragraphs, around the word 'looming', and after mentions of technology. I could've lived with it, if there were a reason (like, say, an explenation at the bottom of the chapter). Otherwise, it's just a distraction that takes away attention.
    Whenever I Copy/Pasted it it must have done that cause I didn't do that and it doesn't appear anywhere else that I have posted this.

    Amadeus? If I cared more, I would Google up the name, and find out what it means. Not every character needs a significant name in a story; I don't walk around in real life and talk to people named Venus and Braveheart. I talk to Bob and Jill.
    Yes, that may be true but at the same time, you don't see that many Houndooms running around, do you? Point: this isn't your world. (Just realised that could be seen as rude, it's not intended that way.)

    Houndour - getting started on the description now.
    Last edited by revolvingscott; 19th January 2010 at 5:02 PM.

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolvingscott View Post
    Whenever I Copy/Pasted it it must have done that cause I didn't do that and it doesn't appear anywhere else that I have posted this.*
    Lol, just found that a tad ironic with the asterik at the end :P

    Quote Originally Posted by revolvingscott View Post
    Okay, so how would I improve this?
    I guess you could start by giving some believable flaws. Something that makes her seem more like a normal person (although she resembles one at this point anyway). However, if you go with this direction, 'being wrong' wouldn't be considered a flaw, unless it happens often. I'm pretty sure Advice for Aspiring Authors talks about them, and that topic can do it more justice than I could.

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    Quote Originally Posted by IJuggler View Post
    I guess you could start by giving some believable flaws. Something that makes her seem more like a normal person (although she resembles one at this point anyway). However, if you go with this direction, 'being wrong' wouldn't be considered a flaw, unless it happens often. I'm pretty sure Advice for Aspiring Authors talks about them, and that topic can do it more justice than I could.
    She hasn't had much of a chance for flaws, there was the hint at one during the interview but wait until Chapter 3 onwards. I'll be throwing them at you.

    Edited those problems you found out.

    For future reference...look at the middle name.

    Chapter 2 is completed, I just have to edit the hell out of it repeatedly. Should be up in a couple of hours.
    Last edited by revolvingscott; 19th January 2010 at 5:43 PM.

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    Default Chapter 2 - Learning How to Say Goodbye

    Well, here we are at Chapter 2 and I must warn you, there are references to "teen sexual relations" and one use if bad language. Btw, in this, don't expect any action (of the battling kind (OOH! I'M FILTHY!)) and some actually rather depressing topics. So, on that note, ENJOY!

    Chapter 2 - Learning How to Say Goodbye


    Daniel was leaning on a garden wall at the end of a road he knew Amelia would have to walk down. He was waiting. Waiting for Amelia to walk past, he had to say goodbye in person.

    "Sooool," came a voice from his side. He looked down to check on his Absol, the white furred pokémon was lying beside him, it was far too early for the poor Absol. He needed to get some more sleep so while Daniel waited he tried to get a bit of shut-eye.

    "I know, just a couple more minutes," Daniel replied. "Then we can go home."

    Amelia wasn't expecting to see Daniel as she walked down the road on her way to the airport. So imagine her surprise whenever she noticed him in the distance.*

    "Dour!" Abyss barked as he started to run towards Absol.

    "Sol!" Absol replied, jumping up. It was as if it didn't need anymore sleep.

    As Amelia approached Daniel she couldn't help but stare into his deep, green eyes and remember why she fell in love with him in the first place.

    "Daniel?" Amelia remarked, "What are you doing here?"

    "I had to say goodbye in person."

    "Em, okay..." The pair stood in a short awkward silence.

    "I'm going to miss you." Daniel broke the silence.

    "I'll miss you too." Amelia replied, leaning in to kiss Daniel. Daniel pulled her closer to him and kissed her back, for those fleeting few seconds it was as if they were the only two left in the universe.

    "I'm going to miss those as well." Daniel added, after their lips were seperated.

    "So will I."

    "That's not the only thing I'm going to miss," Daniel added, his eyes gazing down Amelia body. Passed her low-cut pink blouse and silver waistcoat down to her light grey short skirt.

    "I bet you will." Amelia teased. Pulling him closer to her. She placed her ear to his chest, listening to his heightened heart rate. She squeezed his right arm lightly. Daniel's whole body tensed.

    "What was that?" Amelia questioned, pulling away slightly.

    "What was what?" Daniel suddenly seemed very flustered.

    "Have you...have you been cutting again?" Amelia asked.

    "No! Of course not! I said I wouldn't!"

    "Let me see your arm!" Amelia demanded. Daniel retreated his arm behind his back.

    "Why? There's really no need to look."

    "Daniel!" Amelia warned. Daniel relinquished, stretching his arm out. Amelia pulled the long sleeve of his turquoise top up.

    "See. Nothing new!" Daniel exclaimed as they both looked at his arm, there was a column of thin scars going up the top of his arm.

    "Hold on just a moment." Amelia pushed the sleeve up further until it was past his elbow. There, unmistakeably was a fresh slice into his arm. "YOU SAID YOU'D STOP!" Amelia roared at Daniel.

    "I did!" Daniel replied quickly rolling his sleeve down.

    "That was done very recently. Did you do that this morning?"

    "No! I swear!"

    "Just like how you swore to stop!" Amelia barked back furiously.

    She could remember vividly the day she discovered Daniel's self harming problem. It couldn't have been longer than a year ago, she was definately fifteen at the time because it was the first time her and Daniel had sex. It was after the actual act itself. They were lying on her small, single bed whenever she jokingly said she wanted to see his biceps.

    "You wanna see my guns?" Daniel had asked, laughing.

    "Well, let's see if one of your weapons are big!" she teased.

    "What's that supposed to mean?"

    "Nothing. Now come on, show me the muscles!" Daniel took his long sleeve T-Shirt off in one fluid motion. At first Amelia's eyes were drawn to his stomach, then his biceps (which were, in fact, rather large) and as she gazed at his pale frame she noticed some scars on his arm. Rows and rows of scars and then, upon closer inspection, a small number of scabs all lined up beside one another.

    "What're those things on your arm?" Amelia asked, concerned.

    "Nothing, they're just, nothing." Daniel replied quietly, trying to put his clothes back on. He couldn't believe that momentary lapse of cocentration would mean her finding out.

    "No, that's definately something!" Amelia told him Daniel had almost managed to get fully dressed in such a short timespan.

    "Look, I'll see you later." Daniel said before leaving her alone on the bed, naked and worrying.

    Ever since then it's been a constant struggle to get him to stop.

    "I'm sorry. I promise this is the last one." Daniel's words brought Amelia back to the present.

    "When've I heard that before?" Amelia replied sarcastically. "And why are you even doing it this time?"

    "Look, it's nothing!" Daniel said, "I'll see you later."

    "No you won't, I'm off to Johto now, remember?"

    "Don't remind me." Daniel said forlornly. "Come on Absol, we've gotta go!" Absol looked up from playing with Abyss and bounded towards Daniel.

    "Yeah, we'd better go now too Abyss!"

    "Amelia?" Daniel said tentatively after they'd both taken a few steps away from one another.

    "What?" Amelia snapped back.

    "I love you."

    "I love you too." She replied, her face and tone relaxing. "But do that again and I'll chop your bollocks off!" she finished.

    "Is that a promise?" Daniel said cheekily, drawing nearer to her again.

    "I'm gonna miss you." Amelia said, the two had once again locked each other in an embrace.

    "You too." Daniel said, kissing her a final time. They unlocked from their embrace to go seperate directions.

    Daniel was going home. Amelia, onto her big adventure but the excitement that had previously filled her was replaced with concern for her boyfriend.

    "Why was Daniel doing it again? Is it because I'm leaving?" she wondered to herself.

    And so, on what should be the best day of her life, she was walking towards her dream and a single, worried tear made it's way down her cheek.

    *********************
    If you liked this, tell me! If you didn't like this, tell me why not! I can only improve with your honest criticism!
    Last edited by revolvingscott; 5th March 2010 at 9:37 PM.

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  10. #10
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    I like this perspective on "saying goodbye". It's not always about new adventures and bright horizons, the excitement of the unknown, etc. Starting a new journey is just as much about loose ends left behind and anxieties from the past. Good work bringing this point out.

    I also like how the reader can't be sure what's making Daniel cut himself. Is it depression, some kind of mental instability, addiction to self-harm? It adds a type of mystery to your character and an anticipation of how he will have changed when we see him again.

    Cool chapter, thanks.
    Taxonomy of the Heart
    Another fic - Foresight

    "When you're in your final moment and your life flashes before your eyes, it isn't for your entertainment, it's your subconscious hurling every relevant and pseudo-relevant experience you've ever had up into consciousness. It's saying 'try this! or this! or this! does what we learned here help?! ****!!'. So don't sit back and relax, take your last stand. Take your brain's emergency alarm and do something.

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    Thanks! I'm going for different Perspectives (at least at the beginning, after that, it's kinda hard to change the perspective of travelling with Pokémon (except for the fact they're not all lovey-dovey (and then they are, but not in the most conventional way))).
    I'll be starting work on Chapter 4 either tonight or tomorrow, you'll get to meet 2 more characters: Antoin and Eva. They will play a major part in this fic. Definately.

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    Chapter 3 - Learning to Operate a Pay Phone


    It had been a long time since Artemis had been on a train. What with his parents' breeding centre going so well, he could afford to take a limousine with a chauffeur everywhere. Now though, he wouldn't be able to watch the world from the other side of a tinted glass window; he was going to journey through it taking in all the sights and sounds. That was the reason for interviewing with Amadeus, he wanted an adventure. He wasn't looking to battle gym leaders or win at the Silver Conference, he just wanted to learn everything there was to know about pokémon and how to care and look after them.

    "Cherrygrove City, next stop. Next stop, Cherrygrove City," the train's conductor called as he sauntered up the aisle.

    ****! thought Artemis. He'd almost missed his stop, he had to jump off the train as it began to leave the station. It was a miracle that he remembered everything in his rush but somehow, he managed it. At home he was constantly losing things or forgetting to bring things with him.

    "'Scuse me," he said to a teenage girl working in a kiosk marked 'Information'.

    "Do you know how I can get to the Pokémon Centre?"

    "Yeah, just go out the station doors and it'll be the sixth building on the left."

    "Thanks!" Artemis replied gratefully.

    "Whatever, get out of my line."

    Artemis walked out of the station doors and turned left. He didn't need to count the buildings, the Pokémon Centre loomed over the houses surrounding it. The building was a hot shade of pink and had multiple levels, 5 or maybe 6. It was shaped like a smallish skyscraper but there was the unmistakable 'P' sign above the door that stood for Pokémon Center.

    As he ventured in, he was immediately overwhelmed with the sweet smell of baking bread and the sound of many people talking. Surveying the room, he decided since his pokémon wasn't injured or tired that he needn't go to the desk behind which a nurse stood smiling. Instead, he made his way into the corner of the room, the place where the pay phones were housed. He wanted to ring home to make his parents aware that he had made if there safely. He sat in front of the phone with no idea how to work it. There was a large screen with a normal looking phone but he couldn't see any buttons. Picking up the phone, the buttons were revealed to be affixed to the telephone itself. He dialed his home number and waited.

    "Hello?" came the voice from the other end.

    "Mother? I'm at Cherrygrove," Artemis spoke into the reviever.

    "Artemis? Hold on, let me turn on the video link," the screen infront of him burst into life as his mother's face took shape on it.

    "Hello mother."

    "Oh son, it's great to see you alive and well. What's that honey? 'Remember what Professor Oak said?' Oh right! Professor Oak asked me to pass something onto you."

    "What?"

    "He wants you to call him right away. Do you have his number?"

    "No."

    "Well it's saved on all the phones anyway. What's that honey?" his mother looked away from her son's blue eyes and turned to see something off screen, "Oh my! One of the Charmanders is hatching! I have to go, mummy loves you!" and with that she hung up.

    Artemis then began to make an attempt at calling professor Oak. Suddenly, the phone rang again and he recognised the number that now flashed onscreen as his own.

    "Hello?" he said picking up.

    "Yes, Artemis. I just wanted to tell you to put a brush through your hair, it's filthy!" his mother told him sternly before hanging up for a second time.

    Artemis struggled with the pay phone until the nurse he had seen behind the desk walked over.

    "You hold down 7 to bring up the pre-existing contacts," she informed him while peering over his shoulder.

    "Thanks but how did you know that's what I wanted?"

    "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your mother," she replied.

    "Okay, well, thanks," Artemis repeated.

    "And by the way, your hair looks jive like that." the nurse added before turning away and taking her place back behind the desk.

    Artemis quickly managed to ring Professor Oak thank to the nurse's guidance.

    "Hello, Professor Oak?"

    "Yes yes. Who is this?" came the voice of Samuel Oak, the top pokémon professor of the day and age.

    "Hold on while I activate the video," the screen once again lit up but this time with the face of a very old man, about 65 years old.

    "Ah! Artemis! So your mother passed on my message?" Oak said upon seeing Artemis' face on his screen.

    "Yes, professor. What is it you want?"

    "Well, m'boy. You know how the newest batch of trainers were due to leave a week ago?"

    "Yes."

    "Well, I got a call the day before that one of the trainers couldn't make it and was in fact, moving to the Hoenn region."

    "An utter travesty," Artemis added sarcastically.

    "Yes indeed," Oak didn't quite understand the concept of sarcasm.

    "But the other two went without a hitch. The problem is, I still have a spare pokémon that probably wants to go off on an adventure. Would you be interested in taking it?"

    "Oh yes please!"

    "Now, it's Bulbasaur, the grass type. You're in Johto, right?"

    "Yes."

    "Well, he's not going to be very much help to you at first but would you take him anyway?"

    "Of course! But why are you giving it to me?"

    "Because your parents were the ones who bred her!"

    "Oh right. How will I get it?"

    "I'll transfer its pokéball to your Pokémon Centre. You're in Goldenrod, right?"

    "No professor, Cherrygrove."

    "Right, right. Well, I'll send it now. It was nice talking to you again and my have you grown! What's that honey?" Oak said looking away from Artemis' handsome face.

    "Professor! Don't call me that while others can hear!" the voice of Tracy Sketchit came through the reciever but he was still off screen.

    "****! Sorry hon - Tracy!" professor Oak said before he turned his attention back to Artemis looking embarrassed.

    "Sorry Artemis. There's an incident involving a Muk and Squirtle! Bye!" Oak hung up quickly.

    Artemis got up to go but suddenly, the phone rang again and he noticed the number that now flashed onscreen wasn't a number but the name 'Professor Oak'.

    "Hello?" he said picking up.

    "Yes, Artemis. I just wanted to tell you to put a brush through your hair, it's filthy!" Oak advised him quickly before hanging up for a second time.

    Nutjobs, the lot of them Artemis thought as he got up and walked over to the nurse.

    "'Scuse me, has there been a pokéball with a Bulbasaur in it transferred here by Professor Oak?" Artemis inquired.

    "Hold on there," said the nurse as she got up and walked into a back room.

    "This has better be productive," Artemis said to himself.

    The nurse came back holding a pokéball. "I think this is the little pokémon you're looking for," the nurse said happily.

    "Okay. Thanks nurse," Artemis replied as he took the pokéball from the nurse.

    "Call me Nurse Joy!" Joy replied before running off to check on an injured Buizel.

    Since Amadeus had told him that he would meet him here today, he decided he would just have a seat in the waiting area. All the seats were taken except for one seat, as he walked over to it he glanced at the girl sitting beside it. He marvelled at her beauty for a moment but stopped to ogle at her cleavage that was being proudly shown off by the low-cut, pink blouse and silver waistcoat that she was wearing. Her Houndour jumped up as he walked past it. He almost managed to step on its paw.

    "Watch it!" Amelia shouted at Artemis.

    "Sorry," he replied quietly before taking the seat beside her.

    ^ My fic. Banner made by the beautiful and talented wolfgang.amadeus

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Macross
    Posts
    132

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    Yikes, sorry for the late review but I was caught up with some non-digital things.

    This latest chapter wasn't that eventful and it was a bit briskly paced. I think this was a good chance to do some character development and you did accomplish that with Artemis, his mom, and Professor Oak, but it moved a bit too fast to take full advantage of this. Well, I think so anyway.

    Still enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to more!
    Taxonomy of the Heart
    Another fic - Foresight

    "When you're in your final moment and your life flashes before your eyes, it isn't for your entertainment, it's your subconscious hurling every relevant and pseudo-relevant experience you've ever had up into consciousness. It's saying 'try this! or this! or this! does what we learned here help?! ****!!'. So don't sit back and relax, take your last stand. Take your brain's emergency alarm and do something.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Northern Ireland
    Posts
    77

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    Thanks! I was just aiming to introduce the character. Wait 2 more chapters then the action / events begin (and God only knows that that will be years until completion)

    ^ My fic. Banner made by the beautiful and talented wolfgang.amadeus

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