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Thread: Gods of an Unown World

  1. #51
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        Spoiler:- Shining Mew: Manaphy Mare's evaluation:


    Manaphy Mare:

    Overall, Manaphy, I am going to have to pend your sign up. You did an excellent job with describing things, but your character was rather superficial, contradicting, and power-played. You need to add more to your description, revamp your personality and Aura some, and fix your Origin so that it takes away from the "past" and well removes the unrealistic superficial things.

    Sorry Manaphy, but you get a three day pending reservation.

    ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

        Spoiler:- "Run, Forest, Run!" Tundra's evaluation::



    Tundra_Wolfmane:


    Tundra, overall I find your Sign up ACCEPTABLE!. It was well thought out, and very descriptive that your character was "alive." I can tell you put forth a lot of effort into your character. I found like no changeable flaw into your sign up, and nothing contradicted as you thought it might.


    ACCEPTED



    -~-~-~-~-~-

    Quote Originally Posted by Hakerius View Post
    Will make any changes you deem necessary, finally had an idea for a character and had been making final tweaks the past couple days. I figured if I don't get her up now for a glance over, I might end up tweaking her forever. Also ended up doing a fair amount of research with it as well.
    Hakerius - I will get to your sign up shortly, Serebii posts only allow me to fit two to three sign ups depending on length. There is a character limit and I have exceeded it a few times.

    -~-~-~-~-~-

    GenericUserName - Got your PM, and reserved Suicune for you. You have till the exact start of 2/06/2010 EST.

    GM NOTE: *Looks at first post* Yikes I need to update it, will do! Also, important message:

    "For those who are now accepted, I am allowing you to create a second or possibly even third character for this RPG. Since you are already accepted, the second character will only go on a "pass/fail" test. Evaluating only the Aura, Origin, and miscellaneous sections."

    I think now, there enough RPers to start the RPG; though sign ups are open until every last Legendary is taken. Or until the RPG itself, when that starts, is at a point of no return.

    I shall be revamping the first post of this Thread, in due time, as I have to now write a report on Books 1 through 4 of Homer's Odyssey .


    --------------------

    Manaphy Mare - Mew - Pending, has till February 3rd, 2:25 pm EST
    GenericUserName - Suicune - Reserved until February 5th, 11:59 pm EST
    Last edited by PokemonBreederChris; 31st January 2010 at 8:51 PM. Reason: Added a reserve
    Current status: Made a quick fun RPG! Come check it out! The Link of Zelda: Titled:
    Gods of an Unown World

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Twin: Cdra1617 :3
    Bishie: Lenne <3

    “Great Spirit and the Maker of all Life ... A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Bid them patience and ask death for speed; for they are all there but one -- I, Chingachgook -- Last of the Mohicans.”
    ~Chingachgook,
    Last of t he Mohicans

  2. #52
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    I got most of the edits done. I've changed his Origin and Aura and edited the personality and appearance. I'm going to finish his personality a little later, but he was meant to be a little self-contradicting in the courage department.
    If December 21 is the end of the world, it has been an honor RPing with y'all!

  3. #53
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    well, I better hurry up and finish mine so I can start work on my second one, ehehehe...well at least I have an aura for that one...you could probably guess who I hope to get before too late.

    Anyways, another question, I was hoping to separate the aura from the rest before completing my fix-ups. Is this one okay?

    Tim's aura allows him to bend the currents of waters to his will. He can cause rapids to become serene streams and vice-versa, however, this power is EXTREMELY limited to his immediate area. For example, he cannot use this power to stop someone from drowning from an undercurrent unless he was right next to said person. He can also increase/decrease the density of any LIQUID source near him to allow him and his friends to swim/survive in it as though it were just mere water.

    I hope this Aura is okay. I just wanted to post this just to be sure its okay. Oh and I hope you don't mind the CAPS I love them...but that's not the reason, I wanted to EMPHASIZE the specific DETAILS *bricked*

    Cyber's PC
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    3DS Friend Code: 2320-7298-6586

  4. #54
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    Since greywolf123's reservation ran out, I'm nabbing Latios as a secondary character. ^^; Reserve me please!
    I am a procrastinator. Beware.

    You're all fbffmelpwcegtrsopwsontb's. Yes, you are.

    .Alice in Wonderland Addict.
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    Proud twin to PokémonBreederChris 8P
    Proudly GenericUserName's big sister <3

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphy Mare View Post
    I got most of the edits done. I've changed his Origin and Aura and edited the personality and appearance. I'm going to finish his personality a little later, but he was meant to be a little self-contradicting in the courage department.
    Manaphy Mare - Alright; notify my again in the near future when you are ready to have your character re-evaluated. You can still work on him beyond the pending reserve; but once the pending reserve is up, competition for your spot is allowed.

    -~-~-~
    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    well, I better hurry up and finish mine so I can start work on my second one, ehehehe...well at least I have an aura for that one...you could probably guess who I hope to get before too late.

    Anyways, another question, I was hoping to separate the aura from the rest before completing my fix-ups. Is this one okay?

    Tim's aura allows him to bend the currents of waters to his will. He can cause rapids to become serene streams and vice-versa, however, this power is EXTREMELY limited to his immediate area. For example, he cannot use this power to stop someone from drowning from an undercurrent unless he was right next to said person. He can also increase/decrease the density of any LIQUID source near him to allow him and his friends to swim/survive in it as though it were just mere water.

    I hope this Aura is okay. I just wanted to post this just to be sure its okay. Oh and I hope you don't mind the CAPS I love them...but that's not the reason, I wanted to EMPHASIZE the specific DETAILS *bricked*
    CyberBlastoise -

    Emphasizing works well beyond the '!', the CAPS, the bolds, the italics. You could simply say "She exclaimed, she focused herself upon a deep tone, she shouted." Thinks such as that. I personally only like CAPITAL LETTERS when they emphasize the First Letter of a Word. It puts emphasis, a push of the lung to that word. Sure it is not SHOUTING with the CAPITAL Letters, but it is Punching With The Capital In The Front Spot. How you Write using Words, you gain a different POETIC VOICE. Also with your CAPS it sounds like you are spazzing out, SHOUTING the word AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! Emphasizing is one thing, yelling obnoxiously is another. I think the emphasize you want can be simply done with a italics.

    Seeing all capitals, to me, is honestly a turn off when I read, however, if you wrote in the font where it has the capital letter, and then smaller capital letters behind the first capital letter, than that I find acceptable. Not sure the Sppf Forums can do that however, I do know Word can. The thing with the smaller capitals, just put them in size 1 font or something.

    As for the sample explanation of the Aura you showed me, I would say this:

    1. Fix up the grammar within it before officially adding it to your revamped sign up. Example of this in technical: A comma splice in the sentence with the weaknesses - the drawbacks.

    2. Focus more on the description/imagery of your Aura. You answer the "what" but still the "why" and "how." Also saying things like "vice-versa" should be eliminated. The word/word is ok as the / represents and/or or vice-versa, but I prefer juicy detail over secretary shortcuts.

    3. Water is deadly, very very deadly, if has caused so many deaths a year because it IS around 70&#37; existent on Earth. Swimming in water is very hard for some, the currents are evil. He can manipulate the currents yes? So he can cause a whirlpool, heavy rapids, defy gravity within water, amplify his strength 2 fold maybe in water. When one is submerged in water, the "world" around them changes. Astronauts use pools to help them practice Space situations. "mere water" therefore would be unacceptable. Serene water on the other hand, acceptable.

    4. You should more focus on what it can do, instead of what it can't do. What exactly is controlling the currents of water? I would think he'd be able to save someone from drowning too if he knew they were drowning. If he was on the beach, saw a kid way out in the ocean - still visible to the human eye, or with slight magnification through lens - he'd maybe go swim fast to save him, and sweep him from the current. Sure he could not do it long range, is what you imply, but if he swam there to do it, he'd be able to do it. Hence why I find that part of the Aura unneeded to say. Common sense really is what it boils down to.

    5. Density, a tricky sort. We all know density of water is 1.0; as that is what density was originally based off of, water. H2O. Many liquids are lighter than water, some heavier, but a lot lighter. This I don't find needed as an Aura, sure it is creative, but pretty much useless. Instead of Density, focus more on water pressure. Pressure can help sink or float things. Even give power like jets to water. Pressure, in my opinion would be better than density. If not pressure, you have volume. Perhaps you, as Kyogre can stretch the volume of a water-base by adding or subtracting water. There are MANY things you can do with water. I can't limit you there.

    Hopefully these five points helped you along; don't fret and continue working. I'm positive if you put effort and thought into the revamp, you'll make it!



    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
    Quote Originally Posted by cdra1617 View Post
    Since greywolf123's reservation ran out, I'm nabbing Latios as a secondary character. ^^; Reserve me please!
    Reservation granted.


    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

        Spoiler:- BzzzZAP The sign up: Hakerius's review.:


    Hakerius:


    Hakerius, I found your Sign Up, to be Acceptable. There was only one major error, I believe, in that of your Origin. Reflecting the weather; usually baseball games are "live" in a sense, and if they are local, they also reflect the weather outside your windows. Baseball can't exist in the rain if there is a storm, and Yankee Stadium is an open dome stadium. If I am wrong about this, then I am, but I thought the Yankees were playing Hometown. Other than that; your sign up is: accepted. Welcome aboard.

    Accepted.


    ----------------------
    Cdra1617 - Latios - Reserved until February 5th, 7:08 pm EST
    Last edited by PokemonBreederChris; 1st February 2010 at 3:11 AM. Reason: I Epically failed, reserved wrong pokemon x.x
    Current status: Made a quick fun RPG! Come check it out! The Link of Zelda: Titled:
    Gods of an Unown World

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Twin: Cdra1617 :3
    Bishie: Lenne <3

    “Great Spirit and the Maker of all Life ... A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Bid them patience and ask death for speed; for they are all there but one -- I, Chingachgook -- Last of the Mohicans.”
    ~Chingachgook,
    Last of t he Mohicans

  6. #56
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    Name: Setzer
    Legendary: Suicune
    Gender: Male
    Age: 24

    Description: Setzer is rather skinny with the build of a runner. He has strong legs and a large chest that come from the constant running he does. His fingers and toes are long and skinny. He stands at only 5’6’’ with a weight of 145 lbs. His arms are pretty scrawny and his eyes are almost always half closed. He has a slightly bored look on his face most of the time. His skin is a pale tan that burns very easily. He has very gaunt facial features with concave cheeks that leave his cheek bones jutting out a little. There are very noticeable tribal looking “tattoos” on his arms and upper chest. These “tattoos” look somewhat like waves and vines mixed together. There are more of them around his ankles as well. His eyes are very light green with slight bluish hints to the outer iris. He has long, straight, purple hair to his hips. He has the tips and bang dyed blue, as well as a strange circle part on the upper part of his head. His eyes seem to follow every movement someone makes, even if he doesn’t look like he’s paying attention. He is commonly seen with pretzel sticks in hand or in his mouth because they are “easy to eat on the run.” He stands hunched over with his hands in his pockets. The only time he looks like he actually cares is when he is running. In this case he holds his head up high and his eyes are scanning the area to make sure he doesn’t run into anything. He has the ability to purify water when he touches it, making it clean for both drinking and bathing. He can also make things move a little bit slower by cooling them down.

    Setzer wears one of two outfits most of the time. This one is just a black T-shirt with a Goomba on the front. He also wears a light blue jacket over the shirt. This jacket is slightly more complicated than the rest of his outfit. It puffs out at the shoulders to make his shoulders looks somewhat broader and also has a shiny fake gem hook on the collar. On the back of it is the word “Free” in white lettering. He wears a simple pair of white jogging pants with pockets. The very bottoms of the jogging pants are splattered with blue paint. He wears a simple pair of Asics tennis shoes with little blue and purple stripes on the sides of them. He sometimes ties his hair back in a ponytail when wearing this outfit, but normally only in he plans on running for a long time.

    The other outfit Setzer wears is for colder weather. There is a large poofy dark blue “Eskimo” jacket that is normally zipped. The outside of the hood and collar on this jacket is lined with short purple fur. He sometimes wears goggle if the weather is extremely cold, but they are more commonly found dangling around his neck. When the jacket is unzipped, you can spot a plain white T-shirt, commonly with different random designs on it depending on what he happened to steal from the store to wear that morning. His favorites consist of those with images from games like Mario, Donkey Kong, Zelda, and Assassin’s Creed. He wears a pair of dark blue jeans that are normally a little bit torn at the ankles. His shoes stay the same.

    Personality:
    Setzer has an extremely calm personality. He doesn’t really freak out about anything too much, unless he finally beat the last boss in a game or something. He has a tendency to get over excited about that kind of stuff. Other than games though, he is very calm. He would rather think out and plan something before he does it. If he is scared, his facial expression may change slightly, but it is hard to tell if he doesn’t mention it. He likes to impress people with his sheer calm nature. Unfortunately, this calmness also makes him take a lot of things to seriously, like video games. Sarcasm is a foreign language to him. If you make a sarcastic remark about how “fabulous he looks” he is likely to thank you for your kind words. He likes to use big words, though he learned a lot of them from video games. So he doesn’t make much sense. He sometimes mistakes the real world for one of his games. He thinks that the games are real. So he believes that people have HP, Mana, and so forth. This can cause a few problems.
    Other than being overly calm, Setzer is often a little cold. He isn’t nice to when he first meets a person; in fact, he makes mean remarks and tries his best to avoid them. After he gets warmed up to someone, he can become nice or mean, depending on the other person’s treatment toward him. When he is kind, he will flash small smiles toward them and speak to them when he gets the chance. He may even share his pretzels and games with them. On the other hand, when he is mean he will glare at you no matter where they are. He may make an angry sound when they are nearby, or make a snide comment about the way they look, act, or dress. This completely lop-sided view of other people makes him seem a little bit reclusive, but he is actually quite friendly if you are willing to return the favor.

    Setzer doesn’t like to have any weaknesses, so he tries to cover them up. Unfortunately, he still has deep fears and soft spots he just can’t hide. He has very irrational fears of deserts and savannahs. The hot climate there just doesn’t suit him. He also is deeply afraid of tigers. Any kind of tiger will scare him, even just stuffed animals. He likes would rather stay far away from them. He also grows depressed at the sounds of howling dogs and wolves late at night. Yet, he will still sit on the dumpster and listen to them. He doesn’t know why they make him sad, but he still feels the need to grow depressed when hearing them. He tries to reply at times, even though he doesn’t know how or what he’s saying.

    He also has many things that he absolutely loves. He loves to go o n long runs early in the morning or about sunset. This is when he does most of his thinking. He absolutely can’t stand to not go running at least once a day. He also loves swimming. When the weather is warm enough, he’ll stop by local ponds and lakes in order to take a nice relaxing swim. When he’s not swimming or running, he is playing games at the shop he works at. He loves to sit around and own his opponents in whatever he can find. He’s always up for a good game. As long as that game isn’t hentai. Something about other people naked just plain freaks him out. He does like playing some games with dog girls though.

    Origin: Setzer felt himself groan. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He didn’t want to be awake. His whole body was aching. Why was it so cold? Why was he so sore? He couldn’t remember. What was his name? He slowly opened his eyes. He began to stand but felt shocked. He looked at himself. Something wasn’t right, but what was it? He sighed somewhat running a head through his hair. That is what it was called right? Hair? He slowly shook his head trying to remember what had happened earlier. Nothing came to him. He looked down at his body. Something just wasn’t right. He continued to examine the area. He was in a building. The roof was low and there were many shelves attached to it as well as the floor. There were glass walls with little metal pieces running through them. Behind the walls were small boxes. They were all so colorful.

    Setzer turned right, there was a counter there a small sign was sitting on it that read “Closed” and a basket containing many magazines. There was also a cash register. Behind the counter he managed to spot a door. Maybe that door would explain what happened to him if he went through it? He stood slowly. His legs ached. Why? Why did they ache? He finally managed to stand to his full height with the help of the counter. He managed to get his achy legs to work. He stumbled over to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob. He opened the door; suddenly feeling rather awkward. He looked up at the person sitting in front of him. It was a young woman with glasses and red hair. Her face was about as red as her hair now. He slowly closed the door that had brought him to the back room. He found himself staring back at this girl.

    She stared for a moment before yelling streams of cusses at him. She began throwing random objects at him, most in which hit him squarely in the face. She then began to yell about how he better have not scared away any of her customers and to put some clothes on before she ripped his throat out and fed it to the pigeons. He gets scared and ducked down on the ground curling into a small ball. Why was this girl being so mean? Why was she trying to hurt him? He whimpered lightly before waving his arms like crazy. The girl stopped when she saw his fearful reaction, she felt bad for hitting him with many random plastic action figures. He was confused. She slighty calmed herself. Just a nudist. No big deal. She turned her head for a moment to think before turning to him. She tried to keep her eyes on his face as he slowly stood up. She was going to hit him with more little plastic men, was she?

    “Um, Sir, why aren’t you wearing in clothes?” she asked looking at him strangely. Setzer thought for a moment. He didn’t really know what clothes were. So the answer can across very wrong.

    “Why are you wearing them?” he looked at her quizzically. She stared for a moment, clinching her fist and growling, before shaking off the shock and going to look for some clothes. She rummaged through a few boxes before pulling out a T-shirt and some jogging pants. She covered her eyes slightly, attempting to avoid the sight before her.

    “Put these on.” She barked throwing them at Setzer. He stared at them for a moment as a pair of Mario print boxers hit him in the head. He attempted to place the boxers on his head at first but then thought more logically and put them on correctly. He finally managed to get dressed and looked over at the girl. She was giggling at him, mumbling about how strange he was.

    “I’m Nicole. What’s your name?” She looked at him with her eyes wide. Setzer stopped for a moment. Name? Name…. He began to think. He couldn’t remember. Suddenly, he heard a fan girly squeal came from one of the televisions, there were two children playing Kingdom Hearts 2 paying close attention to the screen. He listened closely.

    “Set…Zer?”He said confusedly. Nicole laughed and nodded. She slammed the door to the room the boys were fixing the system in. She didn’t really want them to meet this strange man.

    “Alright Setzer, you look like you need a job. We’re hiring you know. No one wants to work here… So, how about you do it? I’ll give you free food and I might let you borrow some of the games every now and then. Sound good?” She stopped for a moment to think, “No. That would take too much time, all the paper work and such. Here’s the deal. Since I currently work the whole shift, you take nine to five like you’re helping me. I’ll still give you the payment, but you won’t technically be an employee.” Setzer nodded, trying to figure out what all that stuff she said meant. He didn’t really know what games she was talking about, but he had to admit he was hungry. She nodded slowly, slightly regretting ever feeling sorry for this strange short man. He had probably scared off most of her costumers that were waiting outside. Then again, no one else would work for her. She sighed and looked at him. At least he was willing to work in such a little dump, and he didn’t even ask for money.

    Setzer currently works at Nicole’s video gaming store. He works cashier from nine to five then goes for a run before coming back to eat. He sleeps in the alleyway outside of the building; while Nicole goes home to her apartment. She doesn’t seem to notice that he doesn’t have a house. He steals random objects from Nicole without her notice and hides them in alley so he can use them later. Nicole sometimes jokes that he will eat her out of house and home.


    Miscellaneous:
    Setzer named himself after a character in Kingdom Hearts 2. He heard the fan girls in game scream his name and happened to mumble it when he was asked what his name was. So now he goes by it to prevent confusing anyone.

    Aura: When Setzer walks by a pond, lake, etc., the water tends to ripple slightly. If he is running, small wave will be created. Plants also seem to perk up a bit when he is nearby. The Tattoos on his chest and arms look kind of like waves with little vines beneath them. In the center of his chest is a lily looking tattoo that connects to both the vines and waves. On his ankles are move vines and waves in a continuous loop around until about two inches above his ankles. On the back on his veins are two more lily like shapes that are once again connected to the vines and waves. When Legendaries look at him they see slight shiny spots, almost like he’s gleaming. This gives him an almost unnatural look, and makes him even paler. They also may see a rain cloud with rain pouring out of it. The rain is seen floating like there is no gravity. The rain seems to almost engulf him, hiding his expressions.


    ((Well here he is. Tell me what you think!))
    Last edited by GenericUserName; 5th February 2010 at 3:55 AM.
    Heart no Kuni no Alice?
    Proud sibling of Cdra1617

  7. #57
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    A forensic lab
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    I'm ready for you to evaluate my sign up. I think it's good enough to get into the RP, I'll probably flesh him out a bit later.
    If December 21 is the end of the world, it has been an honor RPing with y'all!

  8. #58
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    The coast is toast land, OR
    Posts
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    O.o NOooooes! I even have the finished SU...
    Last edited by greywolf123; 1st February 2010 at 7:04 AM.



    Well, I need to do something here sometime. Not now though!

  9. #59
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Over here
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    Here we are, and not a moment too soon. Phew!

    Name: Terra
    Legendary: Groudon
    Gender: Female
    Age: 13

    Description: Somewhat shorter than you'd expect Groudon's reincarnation, Terra stands only around 4'6", a red-haired girl only partway on her road through puberty. Her short, pinkish red hair is spiked in an upward slant on the back of her head, right at the neck point, and small bunches of it hang down the sides of her head. Terra is of a small, skinny build, but a very tough one. Her muscles are well built up, and her skin is tanned from being outside, in a very light ruby color, similar to a sunburn... when she gets ticked off, it is not uncommon for her normally brown eyes to shoot red for a fraction of a second. Luckily, she generally startles people when this occurs, so it never sticks around long enough for most people to notice.

    Her boyish appearance is usually dismissed as a result of being raised only by a father, and as a result, becoming a tomboy. In truth, it's because she was found in the mountains by her 'parent', who only had male clothing with him. As a result, she sees most female clothing as "embarrasing" and "uncomfortable, and instead dons a pair of denim shorts, ripped from the leg, as well as a pair of brown sandals and a red t-shirt. For some odd reason, Terra's canine teeth are longer and sharper than normal, and it is not uncommon for one of them to be sticking out when she smiles.

    Personality: The main thing people find out about Terra is that she's a red-hot firebrand. Like a large stick of TNT with a short fuse, Terra can (and will) blow up at even the smallest of provocation. As a matter of fact, most people will believe she has "Short Person Syndrome", and barks like a little dog at those who are bigger than she simply because she is insecure. In truth, she really just feels like bickering. It's as if she had some massive arguement with someone, and she just can't shake the feeling of how odd it is not to fight. Although she is very agressive like this, someone with a calmer, more pacifistic personality (like her 'father', Demitri) is usually able to calm her down without starting another fight.

    Terra has a hard time trusting people. Demitri explains that she's just shy about meeting others, but he himself has seen how extreme it can be first hand. She often fears what she does not know, and will strike out against it in defense. This starts with yelling, insults, and rude gestures, but as she realizes it isn't working, she will begin to yell and throw objects. Soon, her aura will come into effect, making her into a danger to everyone around her. It is usually best to quickly calm her down via a person she trusts, or you need to gain her trust, despite having stones tossed at your head.

    She really is a sweet girl. When she finds someone she trusts, she will cling to them with all her will. This can lead to awkward situations, but it all comes down to a deep fear of being alone. She doesn't know why, but the mere idea of it frightens her to no end. Her other fear is water. She doesn't mind a bath or a shower, but to submerge herself in it is a fear that will push her to the edge. As such, she avoids seas, lakes, rivers, pools, and anywhere else she may fall in like the plague. She seems fine with the rain, although it does make her a little more grouchy than usual. She also tends to feel uneasy when far off the ground, like the higher levels of skyscrapers.


    Origin:

    The third day...

    The young girl continued to shiver in the cave. It had been two days earlier when she had found herself Cold, naked, and lost. More noticeably, she was alone. Terribly, terribly alone. Although the feeling she had was familiar, she knew not of where she was, or who she was for that matter. The only comfort she had was a large boulder at the back of a cave, sheltering her from the strange world she was in. A strange feeling came through her constantly, a rippling that she only knew by instinct. Hunger. The word suprised her. A few such words had crossed her mind since she first awakened. "Thirst" had been the first, a problem only cured by a small nearby spring. However, in her fear, she could not bring herself to run outside for more than a moment.

    Someone put me in this situation she thought, a slight rage trickling under her emotional upset. I don't know who or what, but when I find it-

    "Hello? Is anyone there?"

    Her mind snapped to attention. A new voice? It sounded different than the one she had found she could use. It was deeper, a little growly even, but it was loud and brave. On instinct, her voice registered the confidence it held as a threat. Hide. She tucked herself deeper behind the boulder and crouched. The voice was soon joined by a new one.

    "Are you sure there's someone up here?"

    "Do you doubt what the rangers said? All I know is that someone spotted what they thought was a strange figure wandering around here, and they warned us to be careful."

    "So naturally, you're going to check it out."

    "I need to check out these caves anyways. Can't hurt to look."

    A small *click* sounded as the cave suddenly lit up a little brighter. In moments, she could make out a figure wandering through, holding a small stick that seemed to be emitting the light that now shone through the cavern. It was much larger than she was, and from the looks of it, a lot stronger too. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized it had caught a glimpse of her red hair sticking out from the boulder.

    "Hey there! Are you okay?"

    Now she was really afraid. "Don't come any closer!" she yelled, hoping her voice might scare the man off. On the contrary, and much to her horror, he only began to approach faster. "I mean it! Leave me alone!" With her yell, the celing seemed to shake a little bit. The figure had to sidestep them quickly to avoid getting hit.

    "Demitri, this is getting dangerous! I've never seen these caves shake before!" the other voice exclaimed "You have to get out of there!"

    "Calm down," the figure assured her. "I'm here to help."

    "LIAR!" more stones, as well as a swirl of dust swarmed the figure. Still, it drew closer. Her fear peaked. Why didn't he stop? What was he going to do? Why doesn't anythiNG MAKE SENSE?! The celing began to rumble like crazy now, and the figure quickly avoided as many as it could. Even so, a few of them struck its arms as it attempted to protect itself against the barrage from the celing. She screwed her eyes shut, hoping and praying desperately that it would all end, when she felt something cover her over as a small rumble came from above. Darkness swallowed her for only an instant, then, all was still. Now, the fear and anger subsided, and she opened her eyes. There, arms wrapped around her in a human shield, was a single man, bleeding in several places along the arms and head from the mini landslide that had just fallen on them. A tall man, as she had seen, but his face and eyes were kind. The thick square chin made a smile of triumph, covered in the stubble like recently planted grass.

    "It's okay."

    Time froze. Milliseconds became hours, seconds became days. Finally, a wave of relief swept over her. She pushed forward into the chest of the man, holding on tight as water came uncontrollably out of her eyes. As his arms wrapped around her, she realized a new word that she had never thought possible. "Safe."

    **(time passes)**

    Everything felt strangely warm and comfortable. Although reluctantly, the red haired girl opened her eyes. Although she had originally been naked, she was now covered by strange materials that made her feel a little more secure. The ground seemed to shake under her, and it felt as though she was moving somehow. Looking up, she found herself in a very strange place, although nicer than before. The man from earlier was now sitting on a red lump similar to the one she was laying on now. His arms and head were bound in several places with some strange white straps, and it appeared they went underneath the strange things he covered his body with, similar to what covered her now.

    He smiled. "I'm glad you're awake. Can you tell us your name?"

    "Name?"

    "Yeah. You didn't have any identification with you so- wait... you don't know your name?"

    Her arms wrapped around her legs. "I don't really know anything... just that cave. And being alone..." She shivered a little, but noticed something behind the man. Her eyes widened, and she ran over to it. "Uwaa! The world is moving!"

    "Actually, we are. Have you ever been in-" he shook his head. "No, I don't suppose you would remember even if you had." He pointed towards the front of the stable area. "This is a van." He explained. "It can move quite fast. I usually have it hold my geology equipment back here, but we weren't doing a serious study of the area."

    He recieved a confused blink in return.

    The Geologist sighed. "Well, I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Demitri Scarlet, a Geologist who teaches at the University. The man driving the Van is my assistant, Charles."

    She spotted the back of his hand wave from the front. "Yo."

    "I owe him a lot right now" Demitri smiled. "We both passed out after that miniature land slide, and he was the one who patched us up and got us to safety." He paused thoughtfully for a moment. "Actually, we were pretty lucky to survive that at all." he chuckled "If it hadn't been mostly dirt, it could have been a lot worse for both of us." He winced a bit.

    "Hey, hey. Careful, Professor." Charles nagged. "We haven't gotten to the hospital yet."

    The girl stared at him. How strange that he should laugh at something that almost killed him! Perhaps there were other times to laugh than just joy?

    "Now I suppose you need to be called by something." Demitri put his hand under his chin, ponderingly.

    "How about Terra?" Charles called from the front. "After all, we found you underground..."

    ***

    Since then, Demitri and Charles took her to a police station to attempt to find her parents. Oddly enough, there were no matches. Since they had nothing to do to solve the case, Demitri took her in as his own daughter. She rarely leaves his side, startled by the world of New York City, and helps out with his Geology Classes at the University when she can. Since she is of that age, Demitri has also put time aside to homeschool and teach Terra about the strange world she has stumbled upon...


    Miscellaneous: As can be expected, Terra does not know how to swim, and will sink like a rock if forced to do so. Also, Terra has gained a LOT more confidence in herself, so you can expect her to be a more loud person in the RPG.

    Aura: For the most part, Terra's aura tattoo is well concealed from people. It consists only of a small black circle on her torso, hidden under her shirt. However, if her anger or fear is left to rise, the circle glows red, like the orb used to control it in the pokemon world, and black jagged lines slowly spread out from the center across her arms, legs, and face. As she is Groudon in human flesh, her aura can cause the very earth itself to tremor in a small radius, the magnitude of it depending on her anger or fear. However, she activates such abilities unconsciously, and is currently unaware of how to turn them on or off. To the other legendaries, a dark red aura emanates from her body in wild, uncontrolled spurts, and the air around her is often dusty, causing others to sneeze.
    Last edited by The Black Glove; 5th February 2010 at 9:05 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cave Johnson
    When life gives you lemons, make life take the lemons back! I don't want your d*** lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to build me a combustible lemon to BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN!

  10. #60
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    The birds trio and Lugia are all here! Only one missing now is Ho-oh *snaps* Darn Suicune was so totally going to be my next one... It might be me but Suicune's aura just doesn't seem all suicune-like to me in that sign-up... Greywolf talk to cdra, she's a nice person.

    Anyways, I've given this much thought, maybe too much... Cat's Aura has been changed though for some reason it not saying I edited the post. How is it now?

    Also reserve me Phione... I've always felt sorry for it because it always was in an odd place: too legendary for regular games yet not legendary enough to be in legendary games. I'm glad it's not left out here. Though making its aura will be quite tricky...
    Let's eat Grandma!
    Let's eat, Grandma!
    Commas saves lives.





    Say hello to Rascal, he is a naughty little Articuno but he wants to be a true adventurer one day. Feed him lots of spicy berries and help him grow big and stronger.

    During tests people:
    Look up for inspiration
    Down in desperation
    Left and right for information

  11. #61
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    In this case, can I reserve Cresselia? I rarely get to create female characters, and I have an idea for one.
    There are stories made from the imagination. There are stories born from experience.
    There are stories told because of a need to be filled. There are stories that simply need to be told.
    This is one of them.


    “Maybe there really is a method to his madness…or maybe he’s just plain insane."
    Chapter 3: Act III is out and posted!


  12. #62
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    CyberBlastoise -

    Emphasizing works well beyond the '!', the CAPS, the bolds, the italics. You could simply say "She exclaimed, she focused herself upon a deep tone, she shouted." Thinks such as that. I personally only like CAPITAL LETTERS when they emphasize the First Letter of a Word. It puts emphasis, a push of the lung to that word. Sure it is not SHOUTING with the CAPITAL Letters, but it is Punching With The Capital In The Front Spot. How you Write using Words, you gain a different POETIC VOICE. Also with your CAPS it sounds like you are spazzing out, SHOUTING the word AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! Emphasizing is one thing, yelling obnoxiously is another. I think the emphasize you want can be simply done with a italics.

    Seeing all capitals, to me, is honestly a turn off when I read, however, if you wrote in the font where it has the capital letter, and then smaller capital letters behind the first capital letter, than that I find acceptable. Not sure the Sppf Forums can do that however, I do know Word can. The thing with the smaller capitals, just put them in size 1 font or something.
    I'm quite the opposite really. I don't like it when its just one capital letter unless it goes where it needs to go, to me it's all caps or none. Though the smaller font is a good idea, I hope you don't mind I steal this one from you too. *realizes how many ideas he stole from Chris*
    As for the sample explanation of the Aura you showed me, I would say this:

    1. Fix up the grammar within it before officially adding it to your revamped sign up. Example of this in technical: A comma splice in the sentence with the weaknesses - the drawbacks.
    Yeah, I didn't pay attention to much grammar that time around because when I wrote it it was on Notepad and it was one of those "I gotta write it" moments.
    2. Focus more on the description/imagery of your Aura. You answer the "what" but still the "why" and "how." Also saying things like "vice-versa" should be eliminated. The word/word is ok as the / represents and/or or vice-versa, but I prefer juicy detail over secretary shortcuts.
    How? I don't know what you mean by this, please clarify.
    3. Water is deadly, very very deadly, if has caused so many deaths a year because it IS around 70% existent on Earth. Swimming in water is very hard for some, the currents are evil. He can manipulate the currents yes? So he can cause a whirlpool, heavy rapids, defy gravity within water, amplify his strength 2 fold maybe in water. When one is submerged in water, the "world" around them changes. Astronauts use pools to help them practice Space situations. "mere water" therefore would be unacceptable. Serene water on the other hand, acceptable.
    I guess I should be more clear. And 100% of people who drink water had or will die.
    4. You should more focus on what it can do, instead of what it can't do. What exactly is controlling the currents of water? I would think he'd be able to save someone from drowning too if he knew they were drowning. If he was on the beach, saw a kid way out in the ocean - still visible to the human eye, or with slight magnification through lens - he'd maybe go swim fast to save him, and sweep him from the current. Sure he could not do it long range, is what you imply, but if he swam there to do it, he'd be able to do it. Hence why I find that part of the Aura unneeded to say. Common sense really is what it boils down to.
    I felt like it needed to be said. Though I don't see where you're getting at.
    5. Density, a tricky sort. We all know density of water is 1.0; as that is what density was originally based off of, water. H2O. Many liquids are lighter than water, some heavier, but a lot lighter. This I don't find needed as an Aura, sure it is creative, but pretty much useless. Instead of Density, focus more on water pressure. Pressure can help sink or float things. Even give power like jets to water. Pressure, in my opinion would be better than density. If not pressure, you have volume. Perhaps you, as Kyogre can stretch the volume of a water-base by adding or subtracting water. There are MANY things you can do with water. I can't limit you there.
    I see what you mean, yet another idea taken...wow, I feel like an idiot at this point...that or a thief...or an idiot thief...wait is there really such a thing? I mean...*Bricked*
    Hopefully these five points helped you along; don't fret and continue working. I'm positive if you put effort and thought into the revamp, you'll make it!
    I wonder if I'll go down in a record book as the guy who revamped his signup the most with 493 pendings. XD

    EDIT: Well, one way to find out, time for my third pending. (translation: Well, I fixed her up again.)
    Last edited by CyberBlastoise; 1st February 2010 at 10:52 PM.

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  13. #63
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    GM Note: There are NO SIGN UP REVIEWS this post. I will get to them in time, Tuesday-Thursday are an easier time for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphy Mare View Post
    I'm ready for you to evaluate my sign up. I think it's good enough to get into the RP, I'll probably flesh him out a bit later.
    Manaphy Mare - There still are changes that could be reworked. I do not think you are ready for your sign up to be reevaluated. Read your Sign Up aloud, and try to picture your character, describe everything you can see, every personality quirk your character does. Your sign up can be longer, and fix errors that still are evident. I will give you till your pending reserve is up.

    Quote Originally Posted by greywolf123 View Post
    O.o NOooooes! I even have the finished SU...
    greywolf123 - I have heard of the dilemma, and that things might be sorting out. I can suggest you a few alternatives, if you so desire. However, professionally speaking, you were given a total of 18 days to construct your Sign Up. I gave you the extended reservation you requested, the weekend extension due to me being busy that weekend, and a unofficial extension due to my lack of updating the post. Eighteen days I find sufficient enough for a sign up to be completed, that is nearing three weeks total.

    I do hope that things get worked out however as you seemed very eager to join this RPG from early on. I am an open door if you need anything or wish to ask questions or idea inspirations.

    Quote Originally Posted by InnerFlame View Post
    It might be me but Suicune's aura just doesn't seem all suicune-like to me in that sign-up...
    Quote Originally Posted by InnerFlame View Post
    Anyways, I've given this much thought, maybe too much... Cat's Aura has been changed though for some reason it not saying I edited the post. How is it now?
    Quote Originally Posted by InnerFlame View Post
    Also reserve me Phione... I've always felt sorry for it because it always was in an odd place: too legendary for regular games yet not legendary enough to be in legendary games. I'm glad it's not left out here. Though making its aura will be quite tricky...
    InnerFlame -

    1. I can figure about twenty different ways for an Aura for Suicune; though it is my final judgment that determines the "yays" or "nays." So we'll see if it is acceptable or not.

    2. The edits are acceptable.

    3. Phione Reserved.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tundra_Wolfmane View Post
    In this case, can I reserve Cresselia? I rarely get to create female characters, and I have an idea for one.
    Tundra_Wolfmane - Cresselia Reserved.

    ----

    CyberBlastoise:

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    I'm quite the opposite really. I don't like it when its just one capital letter unless it goes where it needs to go, to me it's all caps or none. Though the smaller font is a good idea, I hope you don't mind I steal this one from you too. *realizes how many ideas he stole from Chris*
    My ideas are public domain, unless I claim them specifically for my own self. I am glad you found one of my compromises to the CAPITAL LETTERS appropriate.

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    Yeah, I didn't pay attention to much grammar that time around because when I wrote it it was on Notepad and it was one of those "I gotta write it" moments.
    Understandable.

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    How? I don't know what you mean by this, please clarify.
    How to clarify is this, the voice. I can see your distinct voice in writing, but it lends out a vague scene. I am not asking for explicit text-book material detail, but wording that makes writing "sexy" in a sense. In writing, you should always "show" more than you "tell." Sure it is a Sign Up, so you are obliged to tell about your character. However when you add some "showing" into the mix, people see the character in a scene, they see the character moving. I am still a novice writing student myself, so it is hard for me to explain, as what I am talking about is something internal to us all.

    Then again, as you stated above, how this was a "I gotta write it" moment, that could be reason to my concern. So ignore it for now. All I can say is when you are ready to be reevaluated, have wording in your sign up that gives a nice flow to it. Make your character breath, if it does not seem alive to you, as you read it, then it could use more work.

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    I guess I should be more clear. And 100% of people who drink water had or will die.
    And this is where you confuse me.

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    I felt like it needed to be said. Though I don't see where you're getting at.
    What I am getting at, is your drawback was illogical. Your character could jump in to save someone from a shallow grave even if they weren't next to each other. It only requires kinetic energy, vs potential energy in which you described in the "immediate radius."

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    I see what you mean, yet another idea taken...wow, I feel like an idiot at this point...that or a thief...or an idiot thief...wait is there really such a thing? I mean...*Bricked*
    No idea is taken, only improved upon. You are welcome to use me as a "Muse-inspiring helper." I help people in that regard.

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    I wonder if I'll go down in a record book as the guy who revamped his signup the most with 493 pendings. XD
    We'll have to see in 493 pendings then, shall we?

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    EDIT: Well, one way to find out, time for my third pending. (translation: Well, I fixed her up again.)
    Are you sure you fixed her up again? Really? Cause if not, you could work on it still before I start evaluating it. If you want to close the line however, I'll be sure to look things over, readying my [green] or [yellow] stamps.

    ---------------------------------------------

    Tundra_Wolfmane - Cresselia - Reserved until February 6th, 2:06 am EST
    InnerFlame - Phione - Reserved until February 6th, 1:34 am EST
    Current status: Made a quick fun RPG! Come check it out! The Link of Zelda: Titled:
    Gods of an Unown World

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Twin: Cdra1617 :3
    Bishie: Lenne <3

    “Great Spirit and the Maker of all Life ... A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Bid them patience and ask death for speed; for they are all there but one -- I, Chingachgook -- Last of the Mohicans.”
    ~Chingachgook,
    Last of t he Mohicans

  14. #64
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    well, I will close the line, mainly because I also revamped the personality and wanted to see if it was acceptable, that is the one thing I'm wanting to know the most.

    And I also hope that I nailed the fine line between generic and specific in description that you are looking for.

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  15. #65
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    Actually, C and I are working something out as of right now. We'll see how it goes in any case.



    Well, I need to do something here sometime. Not now though!

  16. #66
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    ((Just a note. I refer to him as a guy in all fields except the beginning of the origin, where he is just "the mysterious girl". So I call him a her until the storytelling part of the origin ends. ^^; I'll be calling him a him in the rpg. And also yes, greywolf and I are working this out... and don't call me C.))

    Sign Up Form


    Name: Clarissa (or Lars)
    Legendary: Latios
    Gender: Female biologically. However, she identifies as male, so I will refer to her as such.
    Age: 19

    Description: Clarissa, or Lars as he is more often called, is average sized in many dimensions—he is only about 5’7”, an average height, and has a relatively average-looking build. That is to say, his physique is unspectacular, but somewhat defined in places such as his arms. He has defined abs, but not a six-pack. His legs are average in their strength. Overall, his body is trimmed—there is no fat present. Now, given that he is biologically female, he does have breasts, but they are very small and kept bound down with a medical bandage, the kind normally used to protect weak knees. He has a slightly feminine waist, but otherwise, his biological sex is indeterminable. Lars’s skin is peachy and rather light, with white-ish undertones. It doesn’t look like he’s gotten much sun, though he has remained less than pasty.

    Lars has a rather androgynous, but still mature-looking face. His jaw line is under-defined and sharp, and his eyes are somewhat angular. They have hazel irises and are rather small. He has a slightly pointy nose, but it doesn’t look ridiculous. Overall, his face seems sharp—pointed and edgy, even clean-cut in design. His hair is unusual, but not too insane to pass. It is of a platinum blonde shade and rather thin, allowing it to be easily styled up into a tall-ish fauxhawk, standing about three inches tall at the top. A fauxhawk is where all the hair is pulled upward, like a mohawk, but the sides are not shaven. In fact, it's much more of a wild spiky style than a mohawk. Right at the center of his forehead, a few pieces of hair fall from the fauxhawk over the bridge of his nose. The hair on the back of his head falls downward, brushing around his ears but barely covering his neck.

    Now, Lars has two outfits which he wears regularly, which are very different ones from the punk/goth spectrum of fashion. The first and probably more common of these consists first of a white short-sleeved shirt, with swirling blue designs decorating it. This shirt is a comfortable, stretchy type of cotton and fits him loosely. At times he wears a black leather jacket over this in order to stay warm. Either way, Lars is also rather fond of his grayish denim punk skinny jeans. They fit tightly and have a great decoration of chains and zippers, most of which have no real purpose. One loose strap runs from his back pockets to his inner thigh, and has some chains dangling from it--this is duplicated on each side. In addition to all the zippers and pockets, these jeans also have holes in the knees and rips all along them. One of the stranger things about these pants is the Union Jack (that’s the British flag for those of you who don’t know) that is emblazoned on his left hip and moves over about half of his upper leg.

    The other outfit is a bit less common, but Lars likes it all the same. Again, his shirt is white, but this time it has long sleeves. It has large, diamond-shaped blue patches over the shoulders (which don’t connect on the back) and a red triangle--or the outline of one--on the chest, as well as blue trims around the neckline, bottom, and sleeve ends. Once more it is cotton and fits comfortably, neither tight nor loose. He ties a dark blue bandana around his left upper-arm, over the shirt. His pants are, if anything, more complicated than the other pair; they are black, and extremely loose-fitting to the point of looking like they may fall off any moment. These are decorated with a similar set of complicated articles, including the same straps that run butt-to-inner-thigh, though these have no chains on them and are blueish in color. His pockets are enormous, outlined in blue stitches, and have lots of silver washers embedded in them. Many chains lie over his hips. There are no excess zippers on these pants, but the pockets are even larger, and have more stitching detail.

    Lars has some features in common with every outfit: for one, he wears blue Converse sneakers. They have white rubber soles and white laces, and are high-tops--they run up about to his ankle. He wears a tarnished silver chain with two dog tags on it, though it doesn’t seem to have any sentimental value. On his wrists are black bands of towel-like cloth with various designs on them. Finally, Lars has a few piercings, including a silver barbell with blue balls over his left eyebrow, silver stud earrings in both earlobes, and an industrial in his right ear. The industrial is a bar running through his cartilage in two places: one lower and on the side, and the other higher and closer to the top of the ear. It is, of course, silver and has a spiral in the center of it (between the two holes, inside of his ear).

    Personality: Lars isn’t a very social person. He would much rather avoid conversation than become actively involved in it; simply put, he doesn’t like other people too much. It’s not that he has an actual issue with them, he just doesn’t like interaction, and is a bit shy. However, this is somewhat thrown off by his ever present big-brother complex. He has a very brotherly nature toward those who are definitely younger than himself and somehow make him think of a younger sibling. This is the easiest window into Lars’s heart, because he does have one. In fact, he’s a pretty sensitive guy, and generally pretty nice once you get past his somewhat cold exterior shell. This shell is not easily broken by those who don’t immediately somehow strike him as a little sibling type, though. Trying to talk to him is like trying to talk to a brick wall; he doesn’t listen, and probably doesn’t care what you’re talking about. But when he’s required to, he’ll listen with a vague interest, and take notes. While his indifferent attitude may not scream it, he is highly intelligent, and has learned how to read (though sometimes he still gets confused about spellings). He has an analytical eye and sharp mind.

    Partially as a facet of his indifferent nature, Lars is exceptionally calm. He rarely raises his voice or gets startled, simply watching life move by as he takes notes. He has the virtue of keeping a level head even in a somewhat stressful situation, though this doesn’t really do anyone else any good. He doesn’t give advice partially because he is quite shy and doesn’t think he has anything that interesting to say. However, he will take care of those he cares for, though they are few and far between. He is very secretive, though he has few secrets to keep, he doesn’t even tell his keepers that he can feel people’s thoughts when he touches them. This secretive, solitary nature seems to lump Lars in with the “dark and mysterious” types, and he wouldn’t be a total outcast there. He makes no effort to be mysterious; he just doesn’t like to talk.

    However, Lars is not always so cool. He has a slight rebellious streak, though it’s more apparent in his general dislike for being told what to do than in anger or outbursts. He has no intent of letting anyone tell him what to do; he is strongly individualistic in this way and doesn’t appreciate authority in general, even if it’s well meaning. He is usually discerning of people, able to tell what they’re thinking from a good look (unless they’re just particularly good at hiding their feelings). On the other hand, Lars is not good at hiding his feelings; whenever something surfaces, he tends to show it very strongly, whether it be affection, sadness, anger, or surprise. Indeed, in a stressful situation, Lars behaves oddly, becoming jumpy and defensive, sometimes freezing up entirely. However, he's quite hard to stress out, so this is a rare occurrence. What other people think of him doesn’t usually matter unless he fancies them particularly as a little sibling. He is a pretty indifferent person who only really enjoys skating and eating chips, sometimes watching television. If it weren't for his extremely loud appearance, Lars might easily fade into the crowd.

    Origin: The back door’s hinges creaked as the man exited the shop for a moment, to grab a smoke. He didn’t like polluting up the small parlor, because of course, customers sometimes found the smell offensive. And he didn’t want to offend the customers. So the very unusual looking man leaned back against the wall as he lit a cigarette. He was definitely different, with a tall black mohawk and light skin. He was wearing a ratty gray band shirt, nothing too unusual, and tight grayish jeans. His ears had enormous tunnels in them—one and a half inches in diameter at least. That alone was a rather strange sight. He had several apparent tattoos, which of course, he had designed himself. Well, some of them were designed by his wife; both of them were tattoo artists. As he took a deep puff of his cigarette, he noticed something very unusual.

    Lying on the sidewalk next to him was a young woman, completely nude, with peach-colored skin. If that wasn’t surprising enough, the man was taken with her tattoos—an amazingly intricate system of tribal designs, starting in whites at the very center and spreading neatly into blues as it moved down her back, even up the sides of her neck and onto her forehead. They looked like wings, almost, but the movement up to her forehead took away from this. Either way, they were quite impressive. He smiled. That must have taken hours upon end; he knew how long big tribal pieces could take. It was definitely a tough design, and he knew she had to have gone through a lot of pain to get it. But then he became more aware that she was naked, and looked back out at the quite alleyway. He took another break of his cigarette and pondered what she could be doing there, trying not to notice her.

    Steadily, her hazel eyes fluttered open, and she lifted her head. The man on the wall looked at her, noticing the motion. She just stared back at him. He spoke first, “Those are some sweet tats, girl, but you shouldn’t be showing them off naked.” Her angular eyes became wide at this, and she looked at him, confused. He blinked back at her. “Do you talk? Either way… since you’re up…” he knew that his wife was going to get him for this one, but… “Come on inside the parlor. You don’t need to get arrested for being naked in public.”

    He opened the door and motioned to the inside, holding it open with his back while he put out his cigarette with his foot. She stood up and watched him warily as she proceeded into the shop, never taking her eye off of him. He closed the door behind them as his wife looked back at the two of them. She had long, pretty brown hair and pale skin. Her outfit was simple, a black jacket over a patterned pink shirt, which stretched over her rather large bosom. Her pants, too, were torn light jeans. She stared at them for a moment, and before her husband could protest, she was yelling at them.

    “What’s this?!” she screamed, indignant, “She’s… she’s completely naked! What did you—“

    “Now now Missy, calm down…” the man insisted. Missy wasn’t a downgrading pet name—it was the woman’s real name. “I found her just sitting outside in the alley. I couldn’t just leave her out there. I mean, look at those tattoos.” He turned the very confused girl around, who vocally protested for the first time.

    “Hey!” is all she said, but she looked behind herself at Missy with wide eyes. She seemed afraid, and confused. Oddly enough, the mysterious girl showed no intention of hiding herself. Maybe she didn’t quite understand that she was naked. And something else, inside of her, clicked, though the girl said nothing. When she was touched, she understood his language (somewhat at least); she understood that his name was Goat, and that Missy was that woman’s name, and she was mad at them. But he let go before she realized more than that. She was glad; the shock which had reached her skin when the man touched her was somewhat painful.

    Missy glared at her husband. “Really now…” she didn’t seem convinced, but she went with it, and asked the mysterious young woman, “What’s your name?” The girl just stared at her, like a kindergartner who had just been asked why the sky was blue. “Where are you from?” The girl continued to stare, then just looked down.

    “I don’t know.” She finally responded, hazelnut colored eyes looking dejectedly at the floor. Why couldn’t she remember anything? That was too strange… she knew about these two, but not herself… though she was too shy to say that.

    Missy tilted her head. “You don’t know? You have amnesia, then?”

    “I suppose so,” the mysterious girl looked back at her. “You are… Missy?”

    The man smiled. “Yep, she’s my wife. I’m Goat. Missy, do you think you could get this chick some clothes? Her being naked is kind of awkward.”

    Something clicked in the girl’s mind, again, though this time it wasn't accompanied with a shock. “I am not a chick!” She didn’t know what she meant by that, but it was so perfectly natural to react that way. It was the only thing which had seemed natural thus far… other than understanding before they spoke their names what they were.

    Missy looked at her. “What do you mean?”

    “I… I don’t know but… I’m not a chick.”

    She suddenly took on a look of understanding. “So, you identify as male even though you’re female?”

    The girl blinked at her. “Err, yes…” that also made sense. She wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but it seemed natural enough. What are male and female? She was too afraid to ask. But whatever it meant, it made sense in her head somewhere, where she couldn’t remember. So she just looked at Missy.

    Goat looked down at her, then at Missy. Missy, of course, assumed several things. She elected not to say anything, though, but just to say, “Oh, you poor thing.” The front door made a ringing sound and Goat rushed off to the counter to speak with the customer, or potential customer, while Missy dealt with the mysterious girl. Missy smiled at her. “Wait right there.” She said as she walked out the back door for a moment, leaving the mysterious girl sitting on a soft couch, still quite nude.

    While the older woman was gone, the nude girl with spiky blonde hair curled up. She was so confused, but at least inside, she felt more secure. Though she didn’t understand that security herself, either. The music played softly behind her, a radio station which was usually kept on, running through the boombox on the front desk. She faded into listening to the music, trying to find some semblance of comfort in this strange situation, and trying to remember something, anything, about herself. After a moment, she heard something repeated on the radio: “Clarissa, Clarissa, Clarissa, Clarissa…” And as Missy returned, the girl whispered the name.

    “Clarissa?” Missy asked. “Is that your name?”

    The girl stared up at her. “It sounds okay.” So she decided to call herself that, at least for now. “Until I remember what I’m supposed to be called…”

    Missy smiled. “Okay, Clarissa.” The other girl then noticed the large black bag in her hand. Clarissa tilted her head in confusion. She didn’t realize that it was a garbage bag, filled with clothes that Missy had been intending to take to goodwill for the longest time but kept forgetting in the car. Either way, some of the clothes would have to fit Clarissa. Of course, these clothes weren't exactly ordinary, which was one of the reasons that Missy hadn't taken them to goodwill. She and her husband had very... different fashion tastes, especially when they were Clarissa's size.

    “Let’s see what’s in here…” she said, taking various articles out of the sack. Clarissa went through them and picked out a few that she liked, mainly in whites and blues. With Missy’s instruction, she managed to get the clothes on, though she lacked underwear and likely wanted something other than a bra. The younger girl stood up, looking at her outfit cautiously.

    “I like this…” she muttered, smiling. It fit pretty well, and looked somehow right on her, though of course it was hard to tell that she was a girl. That was intentional. Her outfit of choice for the time being consisted of over-detailed, baggy pants and a white and blue top. Missy smiled as well as Clarissa sat back down, relaxing on the couch while Missy went back to work.

    Late that night, when the parlor closed, the couple went back to Clarissa, who lay staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were zoned out, but not asleep. Clearly, she was trying to think, trying to remember. Goat spoke first. “So, Clarissa, you don’t know where you’re from or where you have to go?”

    Clarissa sat up, but didn’t look at him. She shook her head. “No. I don’t remember anything at all.” She decided not to talk about the fact that she knew their names before they were spoken, thinking that would freak out the pair. Something told her she had to keep it a secret.

    He looked at Missy, then back at her. “Well see, we had to fire our desk worker a while back because of the money. But since you haven’t got anywhere to go… we could hire you to sit at the desk and talk to people. We’ll give you food, beer, and those clothes as your wage, and let you sleep on that couch. It’s all we can manage.” He finished explaining and sighed. He didn’t really want to bother with the strange, tattooed amnesiac, but then again, he couldn’t stand to leave her out in the cold. Missy agreed, and believed she wouldn’t be a burden, besides surely she would remember herself and leave after a while.

    Clarissa smiled at him, finally looking up at the pair. “That… that would be nice.” And so, they decided to hire her, and teach her how to talk to people about getting their tattoos and piercings done. She could just sit there and talk, which let them do twice the work if appointments were available. Clarissa thought the situation was quite fitting—she had a place to sleep, and food, for just sitting and talking to people. With her crazy styled hair and fashion taste (basically what the couple had worn when they were younger), she fit in perfectly. However, from that point on, Clarissa was not called a “she”. He had made it clear that he was male, at least in his own mind, and they respected that. Missy even gave him a large medical band with which to wrap up his breasts, which he quickly found out how to use and made use of.

    For now, Clarissa lives in the parlor, working the desk when the couple is busy, and bumming off their food. He isn’t too much of a hassle, though Goat does hope he’ll get his memory back soon. His personality has become more apparent, and he is somewhat less shy than he was when he first arrived (though he remains secretive). At some point, Clarissa found out from a customer that his name was distinctly feminine; while he had gotten used to being called that, he didn’t want a female name. That clearly wasn’t right at all. So, after a few minutes, they shortened it out to “Lars”, which he has called himself in front of customers ever since. The couple still calls him Clarissa though, because like Lars himself, that’s what they’re used to.

    In another moment of interest, about three days after Lars began staying at the parlor, someone put their hand on his wrist, and startled him, as he could suddenly feel something. He understood their name, and what they were feeling and thinking at that moment. It freaks him out a little (yet it makes sense somehow), and Lars has elected not to speak of this, as he is quite a secretive person. Since he’s been staying with them, he’s gotten several piercings done, just because he saw them and thought they looked really cool. Goat did them for free, for reasons he doesn’t quite explain; Lars wasn’t causing him any trouble, as he saw it, and it wasn’t much trouble to do the piercings. That’s why Lars has so many. For now, Lars is spending his days sitting at the desk, though he does sometimes go wander the town at night, and examine the neon lights, as he finds them cool. He still doesn’t remember anything, but he hopes that if he keeps wandering around, he’ll find someone who knows his face…

    Miscellaneous: Lars has a skateboard that he’s learned how to ride, and generally does so for faster transportation. It’s black on top, of course, and the deck decorated with swirls of blue and white, blending together and changing shades like a blue fire. Somehow, one might imagine it to be the fire of the soul, burning and whipping in shades of blue. The wheels of the skateboard are white. He usually just carries it around—he got it from a dumpster, cleaned it up, and asked Missy to paint it cooler for him. She was obliged to do so. He can’t do any tricks, but he doesn’t fall off of it. He has a bizarre fascination with airplanes.

    Aura: Lars has an unusual aura. When he touches someone, he is instantly told what they’re thinking right at the top of their mind, and what they’re feeling at the moment. Often, he also discovers their name. The contact has to be skin-to-skin for this to happen, and he never finds out more than the person’s immediate thoughts. This doesn’t flow smoothly to Lars; he is rather suddenly shocked by this, as though receiving a static shock, though the other person feels nothing. He is instantly prompted to pull away as of now. Around those he has a stronger connection to, he can feel their immediate thoughts and emotions emanating from them over a short distance. He hasn’t yet found how to project his own thoughts, though he should be able to do so; also, later he should be able to detect the feelings of those he is very close to from a longer distance.

    Lars’s aura has an interesting visual form. It looks like two long blue wings are extending from his back, at the top of his tattoo, and they move in a straight, diagonal line to his knees; however this line is pointed much more out to the sides than downward. The ends of these have a three points: one pointing forward and two pointing outward (the outer one being taller). He has a sort of fuzzy blue tail with many points coming downward from his rump, though it’s very short and wide. There is almost a blue halo running around his head as well. To those like himself, he seems to glow with a slight blue flame all around his body.

    Of all the things about Lars, his tattoo has got to be the loudest. It’s far more extensive and colorful than most, spanning over his shoulderblades and upper back as well as moving upward toward his head. First, between his shoulderblades is a white line of tribal designs, which ends near his waist. These designs, mostly taking the form of angular shapes, spiral in and over themselves in multiple forms. As they reach his shoulderblades, they fade into a true blue color, like his aura. The designs continue in much the same shapes, only larger; they reach points about his waist, where they have tapered into smaller, more pointed shapes (they look like his wings). However, they don’t stop there; these blue lines move upward, decorating his shoulderblades, and then seem to stop abruptly. From there, one single line on each side, remaining symmetrical, zigzags up the side of his neck, behind his ears and onto his forehead. Here, the lines become rather slim, and zag in a final time at the center of his forehead into small loops, which then end in points before reaching the original line. While this may seem complicated, and too showy, one must bear in mind that Lars works in a tattoo parlor, and has no issue with it. He might find that other people look at him funny, but he hasn’t yet.


    ((if you didn't catch the reference in the origin, Lars says he's not a chick - he's a full grown bird! But of course it has a double meaning here.))
    Last edited by cdra1617; 5th February 2010 at 2:20 AM.
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  17. #67
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, New York
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    Quote Originally Posted by greywolf123 View Post
    Actually, C and I are working something out as of right now. We'll see how it goes in any case.
    greywolf123 - Glad to hear.


    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphy Mare View Post
    I'm ready for you to evaluate my sign up. I think it's good enough to get into the RP, I'll probably flesh him out a bit later.

    Manaphy Mare
    - Below is your second review, only focused upon the areas you needed work on.

        Spoiler:- Second evaluation for Manaphy::


    Manaphy Mare:

    Manaphy, I did not find sufficient enough changes. Therefore I am giving you a pending still, with out a reservation to hold it. The only part of your Sign Up I now find acceptable is your personality. Description had one major error, and for your Origin, I believe you need to spend some extra time on it, that is where you struggled the most. Miscellaneous needs to be erased, or thought new again. Aura, still needs revamping. Basically all fields require work still except personality, but it doesn't hurt to look back on personality to fix it up as well.

    Sorry, but you are still pending. You are still welcome to try however. I appreciate your continued efforts.

    ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    well, I will close the line, mainly because I also revamped the personality and wanted to see if it was acceptable, that is the one thing I'm wanting to know the most.

    And I also hope that I nailed the fine line between generic and specific in description that you are looking for.
    CyberBlastoise - I see great improvement upon your sign up, though I mainly focused on personality as that is what you asked. Below your review is an explanation on personality directed to you, but anyone can use it to help them.

    As for your description, I believe you have made the appropriate changes, though I see your major error is that in wording. Something that will improve the more you read and write. Also, yes you want the line between generic and specific. Both specific and generic are dry and boring. In between the two is what you should strive for.

        Spoiler:- Third Review for Kyogre.:


    CyberBlastoise: Everything within your Sign Up is now acceptable, with exception to what I mentioned in the above review. To help with your personality I have added some tips below. You are above a pending, but below an accepted. You really should revamp your personality, as you have stated. So I will give you a PENDING for now. This means that you need to fix the things I specified and will need to give me a freshly made RPG sample. You have 3 of the 4 major fields accepted. Just waiting on personality.


    -------

    What you need in personality are as follows: (In no particular order of importance, you do not need to include them all, but they help shape who your character is.)

    The character's...

    1. Psychological or emotional goals. Goals are what give the drive for a character to do what they do. Sure with no memories, having a goal would be difficult, but even trying to figure who they are/were is a goal in itself. Each personality needs a driving force, and the goal is an easy indicator for said drive. Goals include things such as life, career, personal gains, material gains, personal goals.

    2. Super-objective. Along with the goal, there comes the super-objective. As a goal is an indicator for drive, the super-objective is the primary motivation of the drive. This is the item that makes them "tick" as the slang term says. It makes their inner psychologies function.

    3. Hopes or desires. Also to connect with the drive as the character's hopes and desires. The things that give reason behind the goals. They help influence the drive of the character based on the character's philosophy.

    4. Defining characteristics. The defining characteristics of your character belong in both personality and description. Usually if they are in description, they often give glimpse to the character's personality. Defining characteristics are distinct features that help to identify, tell apart, or describe recognizably; a unique mark (description) or trait(personality).

    5. Social quirks. Your character's social quirks are what define how your character interacts with their surroundings, whether it be society, another being, or the environment. Social quirks often umbrella to many different small things, but mainly, one discusses if they are introverted or extroverted.

    Other quirks include selfishness or selflessness, fears, phobias and superstitions, impulsiveness, sense of humor, and hidden secrets.

    Definition: Introvert.
    Definition: Extrovert.

    6. Morale fiber and philosophies. The morale fibers are basically the behaviors of your character toward topics, their attitudes. What do they think of such things as themselves, others, friendship, sex, love, family, marriage, country culture, the world, or even possibly religion?


    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    GM Note: For those waiting Sign Up evaluation, The Black Glove, GenericUserName, cdra1617, I will get to your evaluations as soon as possible. I've had little time to finalize things, but will get them done with prompt attention
    Current status: Made a quick fun RPG! Come check it out! The Link of Zelda: Titled:
    Gods of an Unown World

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Twin: Cdra1617 :3
    Bishie: Lenne <3

    “Great Spirit and the Maker of all Life ... A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Bid them patience and ask death for speed; for they are all there but one -- I, Chingachgook -- Last of the Mohicans.”
    ~Chingachgook,
    Last of t he Mohicans

  18. #68
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    Well, I thought I posted my sign up yesterday night, but unfortunately serebii lag and my computer going through a random spazz of automatic updates resulted in my sign not getting posted.

    Now here I am, posting it again. My apologies if I wasn't descriptive enough or some sentences don't make sense. I looked over everything...but if I missed something in particular, I guess your critique will most likely find the error.

    Sign Up

    Name: Teresa
    Legendary: Ho-oh
    Gender: Female
    Age: 25

    Description:

    Teresa looks rather exotic, to say the least. Despite being in New York, a large cultural mixing pot of America, Teresa still manages a foreign look which makes her look a bit outlandish, yet striking. Standing around 5’7, she has shapely build and pleasing frame. Along with her long legs and slender arms, she has well-formed, elegant fingers like that of a pianist’s. Her skin is a soft golden brown, not a dark, earthen brown, but a color most apparent in people from the Middle East and maybe Asia. These features are not exactly what make her so unusual. What makes her seem so extraordinary and stand out from the crowd are her amber eyes. Her eyes are the color of a fireish gold color, with fluent specks of color melted in between. These specks are a rainbow of colors, usually bright and brilliant that range from a vivid red to a dazzling shade of turquoise. Although small, these specks blend into her amber irises, giving off the effect that her eyes aren’t exactly amber, but a mixture of many different colors on an amber palette. Oftentimes, from a distance, someone might gaze into her eyes only to have a flash of red or turquoise reflect back. While alluring, Teresa’s eyes have a sharp, defiant gaze to them like a bird of prey. This might be due to the fact that her eyes are curved slightly on the sides which gives them a naturally fierce look, and enhanced with the fact that her eyes have an intense and vivid color to them. Along with this, her eyes are bordered by a multitude of long, dark lashes that give off the effect that she is wearing heavy mascara and eyeliner, but when looked at closely, one can see that there are no clumps and that the color looks a more natural brownish-black than the artificial, oily liquid found in mascara. She has raven-black hair that ends at her waist with a silky sheen. There are faint orange-yellow highlights at the top, and she sometimes puts the hair in a braid, although she usually lets it flow freely.

    Her physique can be described as domineering in a way. The way she walks and acts portrays a feeling of regality as she usually takes an assertive form with long strides with her head held high. She has a tendency to look people in the eye, often in an unnerving fashion, which some people have found to be perplexing and a bit scary. Her body, although elegant and slim, is made to seem more majestic and noble than delicate and pure. Teresa was made to give off the impression of female power with her imposing demeanor and stately appearance. She seems athletic and fit enough with seemingly toned muscles underneath also. Her face is an almond shape with well-defined cheekbones, vibrant scarlet lips, with her lidded, bold eyes. Her nose has a slight curve to it and is rather thin-nothing like a bull nose. It is slender and fits on her face quite well. Along with that, her lush skin doesn’t seem to have any blemishes on it, but a very small, brown mole that just seems like a dark freckle is under her eye, but that can hard to notice due to the fact that it is blocked by her long lashes. Her look is somewhat Indian or Middle Eastern, but then again, not. Teresa just doesn’t look like one definitive ethnicity, she could seem even Mediterranean to Hawaiian to maybe even Asian, but she doesn’t just totally fit the physical stereotype of belonging to a certain race. That is what makes her seem a bit unique as she could blend into many different ethnic locations in New York such as Chinatown, but then not really belong as she might not fit the total ‘Asian’ look that many people expect to see while in Chinatown.

    As for Teresa’s clothes, well, her clothes choice reflects a vivid array of colors. She wears a bright scarf made with a variety colors. When she wears it, it is quite long, made of silky-cotton material and even when tied at the left side of her neck; it still flows down to her waist. The colors on it go from a tye-dyed turquoise-green that blends into a pulsating yellow that blends quickly into a maroon red, that turns to dark indigo which turns back into turquoise, and the whole cycle repeats. She wears a regular black tank top her body that fits her natural figure. Her tank top ends around the mid-stomach area and a portion of her skin is uncovered due to that. As for her bottom, she wears a red skirt made of soft cotton. It fits tightly on her waist first, but then the skirt loosely flows down to her knees. Many shiny sequins are placed on it. These sequins are usually orange, purple, and green and are placed at the bottom (the edges) of the skirt. Also, sequins are just scatted along her dress. As for her feet, Teresa covers them in black, velvety-leather boots that almost reach her knees.

    Personality:

    Teresa can be described as many different things, but her character mostly reflects that of a somewhat solitary, skeptical person that acts a bit conceited in a way. She has a bit of contempt for human society after seeing the poverty of the big cities and in the news, war. For some reason that she cannot fathom, she is against humans fighting. Much of it, she sees, is just due to often trivial causes, and when the cause is justified, often the justification loses its purpose when the war begins and people lose sight of their original goals. There really is no noble war in Teresa’s eyes, for always crimes are committed by both sides and often humans die as random canon-fodder for a supposedly ‘better good’. This has made her a bit detached from human society as she tends to see the bad things more than the good. This does not make her hate humans though. She does not hate random human beings or individuals for oftentimes, it is only human intuition that causes them to do misdeeds, but what she does hate is what human society does on a grand scale such as war, crime, and hate. This has her conflicted for humans themselves aren’t exactly ‘horrible, horrible’ but the society they are a part of is imperfect, impractical, and does make stupid, selfish decisions. For the most part, she has just decided to accept human beings as imperfect and does acknowledge that society has created some benefits for people so it isn’t wholly bad. Yet, she still remains a bit distant from others due to this, rather liking to be an observer to a spectacle rather than participating with the mob.

    She has learned enough from humans that telling them these things will lead to rather negative responses, unless they were close to her in the beginning to sort of understand her views. Thus, she often keeps these views to herself and portray herself as a more moderate person on the outside, unless she is with Kou or someone else close to her who knows her true nature and wouldn’t mind debating or listening to her thoughts about humanity, life, and the world. She is also a big skeptic, not totally trusting other people’s ideas or people in general. She usually thinks out everything abut the other person’s idea and if is true or not. While she isn’t exactly trusting of others due to her views that people might just be nice to her just for the sake of being nice, she has a few people she feels she can rely on and can stand her. Teresa is also quite stubborn and likes to use her ideas over that of others if she thinks the latter’s idea isn’t as good as hers. This rather contradicts her so-called pacifist idealism, and she guesses that it is just because she is human that she contradicts herself and although she tries to be more flexible with others, it just doesn’t work out. This also makes her seem a bit conceited, but often, the plans she proposes are better than others, and she will stick up to defend her side; providing often too many facts along with being extremely intense about her ideas that it drives her opponents crazy and want to agree with her in order for the crazy bird to calm down. While she is strong-willed, she also has a nicer side to her and tends to give candy to children or other people she deems to have ‘pure hearts’.

    In a sense, she does embody the feminine power she displays as she is forceful and somewhat uses eloquent language, but in other ways, she really is not. While she is uncompromising with her ideas, she isn’t exactly an insane, mean machine of a person to talk to. While she does portray an intense, rather rude demeanor, it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t want to try new things out and often, she likes to do things that are well out of what humans would like to do. She likes to walk in rain without an umbrella to simply enjoy the feeling of water on her and browsing through crowded streets just to see different sorts of people. Yes, she is stubborn and resolute, but will open up to people who don’t try to pretend to like her and if someone is truly curious about her (in a nice way), she will open up. Along with this, she doesn’t like to sugarcoat many things, since she doesn’t exactly get why people have to, but experiences in the human world have taught her that oftentimes it is better to do that in order to avoid fights, but she tries to be as truthful as possible.

    Origin:

    There was nothing.

    She felt empty both on the inside and out. Inside of her was a void, an abyss of nothingness. Broken pieces that could not fit together shattered glass that no longer fit into a definite shape. She was alone, unfamiliar to herself and her surrounding.

    Groggily, her sense began to fit back together and she faintly felt the trickling of something on her body. It wasn’t slimy or exactly wet, but peaceful and oddly familiar. Like liquid velvet, it jumped on her skin and quietly rolled down her skin and onto the floor.

    Somewhat cold, yet comforting, the thin sheet of translucent cloth enveloped her body.

    A warm sigh passed through her mouth. It was a blanket, a small protection from the unknown.

    She decided to peek at the source of comfort only to have a single waterdrop splatter on her eyelashes.

    So it was raining.

    No yelp of surprise was heard, and instead, she lay silent gazing at the grey array of clouds in the sky. Maybe she should get up and do something, but then she didn’t know what do to. Nothing could be vividly recalled from her memory and although she thought that she was supposed to feel cold from the rain, she didn’t. A quiet warmth was in her body and somehow, it made the stormy atmosphere seem less turbulent and calmer.

    Was this how it was supposed to be here? To lie in the rain on a cold day and just stare at the scenery as the water poured onto your body and hair? To be relaxed by the gentle sway of the rustling trees or by the swish-swash of water gently flowing from over-laden leafs onto the hard concrete?

    She thought not. Her eyes flung their gaze from the desolate street of green trees and empty houses to her body. Something didn’t feel right. Was so much of her skin supposed to be showing? Something felt wrong here, as if it weren’t meant to be, as if she wasn’t allowed to show so much flesh or that she might have felt…ashamed if someone saw her like this.

    Her thoughts were confirmed when she felt something or someone looking at her and as she turned to the direction of where the leer was coming from; she felt a sudden sense of embarrassment. The random stranger’s expression did not help as his eyes suddenly widened and then his shock turned to a sort of grim look. Disgust maybe?

    He approached her, and as she noticed, he was equally as wet despite the fact that he was wearing some ill-fitting outfit.

    He didn’t seem like he even wanted to be near her and his overall attitude seemed like he was just revolted at her sight. Was it because she wasn’t clothed?

    Anyways, whatever it was, it made him have a bad impression of her, and she sort of figured that sullen looks on people’s faces did not mean anything good.

    She was half-right.

    “The church is closed for today,” he said to her, having disdain in his voice. His mouth clenched after his words and she realized that he didn’t seem to be as old as he looked from a distance. His clothes were leathery and black…like a bat…but his whole face seemed young. A bit sullen, thin, gaunt, but young nevertheless. With pale cheekbones and long lashes, he didn’t seem as tough as he pretended to be. Nevertheless, he seemed a bit intimidating as he was looking down on her as she was lying on the ground. His eyes were piercing but trembling as well, as if it was taking him all his strength to look at her naked body.

    “Church?” she replied to his statement. The word did not connect to anything she had known before.

    The man looked a bit surprised, or even more surprised and aghast than he already was, seeing that he was talking to a naked woman on the floor. “There is a church,” he said, blushing slightly at her body and looking away, probably a bit embarrassed at staring at her. He pointed to something behind her and she stood up to take a better look at what he was talking about. Realizing that he was pointing to a large building decorated by that seemed to be windows made of colored glass, she soon realized that this was a ‘church’.

    “Saint Teresa’s,” the boy next to her said in a dulled voice. “Too bad it’s closed today.”

    With that, he started to turn around, heading toward a thing that she did not recognize. It was a sleek thing...like an animal, with a sort of shiny black and red coating on it. Two little antlers stuck out from the top, and she would have looked at it in fascination if not the fact that the boy was walking away and the only information she got was from him.

    “Wait,” she yelled after him, and he stopped, having a dreaded look on his face like he wanted to avoid her…but didn’t for some strange reason.

    “What?” he said, trying to ignore the fact that whoever was talking to him was as naked as the day she was born, with long, streaming hair whose long strands covered bits of her face. If it wasn’t for her sharp voice and intense gaze-strange for someone like her, then he would have left.

    “Where am I?” she asked, vividly looking at her surroundings, a bit dazed at the street.

    “Are you kidding me?” his voice trembling, a bit scared at who the heck he was dealing with, “I thought you were just some sort of shady person doing illegal business, but next time that you try to sell your..self, get the street name or something. Even better, don’t come to church naked and start demanding their free food.”

    She fingered her hair. “What business?” she asked accusingly, not realizing what he was obviously referring to, as naked ladies in desolate streets...well…meant less that modest means of business. Also, that tone she held herself was almost snobbish; it was like she was accusing him of doing something horrible while it was the other way around…right?

    The boy looked back at her, “You don’t know?”

    Her eyes looked at his expectantly as if expecting, no demanding, a legitimate explanation to come. Then, when none came, her piercing look softened and she looked at him sadly, “I’m lost…” Her voice trailed off and she stayed silent.

    He looked at her, maybe she wasn’t some sort of bum that slept on the streets and really had no clue what she was doing. “Me too,” he said sadly. A tear ran down his porcelain cheek and he didn’t know whether he was crying because he had no where to go or that he was just stuck for a bigger trouble than he wanted to have or maybe because the free dinner at church was gone for today.

    ---

    Teresa became Teresa after taking in the name of the place she was found, Saint Teresa, who by the black-haired boy (named Kou) was described as a person of compassion and sympathy. While Teresa wasn’t exactly a totally ‘compassionate person’, it was something to be strived for and embodied what was given to her on her arrival-sympathy.

    Well…it wasn’t total sympathy on behalf of Kou who would have better liked to have just taken off on his motorcycle than take in a nude woman. He had first planned to take her to a shelter and then leave, but plans usually don’t go as planned. The first problem he encountered was that Teresa was naked and that if he was going to take her to the shelter, he would be questioned for a long time and then he might have to give his name, address, and all the goody information that he wanted no one to find out for who knows what would happen to him when the authorities found out that he was an underage teenager running away from home. Along with that, it became apparent that he would not like a naked lady to sit on his new motorcycle, and the two of them wouldn’t fit due to the fact that he had put a ton of bags (his possessions) on the back. Finally, they just walked under the roof of some abandoned warehouse where Kou gave some clothes and decided not to look at the older woman as she dressed. He was going to leave and give her with directions to the shelter when he realized that, she was wearing his clothes and those same clothes contained some money he hid around his possessions in case one or two were stolen (if he put it all in one place and then lost it, well he would be screwed, wouldn’t he?).

    So he didn’t let her leave, and because she wouldn’t change clothing and thought Kou would leave her if she did, the two stayed together and an unusual relationship has formed. While at first, Kou wanted to leave Teresa who he thought was a complete crazy woman and was only staying with her because she had some of his money, he has come to view her as an elder sister-type figure. They spent the first night in an abandoned warehouse, with Kou deciding to take the money from Teresa’s pocket when she fell asleep, only to fall asleep first. While Teresa didn’t know what these ‘useless pieces of green’ were, she had a feeling that Kou was lying when he said that they were just ‘things used to clean the face and throw on the ground’. Later, when Kou took her to Saint Teresa’s Cathedral the next day, as the church served food to the poor, Teresa came to notice that people traded the funny paper back bills for items. While she came to view Kou first with skepticism-as some sort of adolescent, selfish boy, she later became very trusting towards him as time moved on. And Kou has realized that it isn’t the best thing to trick her as she went on a loud rant on how he was not supposed to have tricked her. It was just pure luck that they have been together, and while Kou was at first adamant about her, he later realized that she had amnesia, and has tried to help her cope with the world.

    While Kou seems to be a bit tricky and sly at first to get rid of Teresa, he really is a serious person at heart with strong morals. Often he acts as a mediator to Teresa’s stubbornness and in a sense; he is a child but an adult at the same time. Often, he does not act as a normal, easygoing teen, and he wants the independence and freedom associated with adulthood. He has his few childish outbursts, but that is all. Both he and Teresa share a brother-to-sister bond and still, even now after they earned money, they frequently pretend to be starving siblings in an attempt to raid soup kitchens for a free meal or two. Kou, does care about Teresa, despite being selfish and cheap, and on a risky attempt, took her to the hospital in order to check if there was anything wrong with her (especially diseases), but when none were to be found, he felt a bit safer and a whole lot relieved that he wasn’t going to get some sort of debilitating disease from drinking from the same cup as her. Along with this, it proved that Teresa was healthy, which was another positive piece of news.

    In the beginning, while Kou was trying to leave Teresa behind, Teresa refused and stuck on the poor boy like glue as he had a ‘moral responsibility’ to take care of her as he was the first person she met. He finally gave up and realized that it would be hard to leave her on an emotional basis too, despite the fact that she is dominant and haughty, like his parents who were the people he left behind. Despite that, he has realized that she does care for him as a little brother and often gives him more food once she learned the term of a ‘growing child’. They currently live in a culturally diverse neighborhood a little ways from Chinatown, in an apartment complex where the toilet does not flush on the third floor. While the two are close and take up odd jobs-like working at a small Korean mart near their home, they do not know much about each other. Teresa’s case can be explained by her amnesia while Kou doesn’t want to talk much about his past, and Teresa only knows that he is of Asian-descent and knows too much information about old, dead German philosophers than the average teen his age. Kou seems to be well-educated and somehow obtained a nice, expensive motorcycle that the two travel on. Teresa does not question him about it, but has a feeling that Kou couldn’t have stolen it due to his cautiousness and moral nature. So, she says nothing, and both look more toward the future, not past.

    Miscellaneous: Despite being drawn close to heat, Teresa also likes rain as it has a subtle, soothing affect on her as it quenches horrible fires, and while rainy days are often dreary, she likes them anyways as water does give life. She also is traumatized by burning houses-even those of people she doesn't know, maybe (as she thinks) due to a past event, but she can’t put her finger on it. It doesn’t mean she’ll go around screaming, but Teresa will do a double-take and have a sickened feeling for basically the rest of the day if she sees a burning apartment or house.

    She enjoys looking at little children, for they (in her eyes), are the ones with 'pure hearts'.

    Aura:

    Teresa’s aura is quite subtle. Her body, at most times, is warm, so cold weather doesn’t affect her as much. Well, only in moderate cold can she still feel warm, for Teresa is not exempt from a blizzard and cannot go around walking naked like a heat machine in snow. This just allows her to wear less clothing and maybe feel unaffected by rain. She doesn’t cause any weather changes around her like causing the air around her to be warmer. What she does is ‘give off’ is an impression of warmness to the people around her. Not as in physical heat warm, but as nice tingling sensation in the heart that makes people feel more content and calm on the inside. It doesn’t mean that it will change a person’s mood from angry to happy outright, but maybe make them feel a little bit better, sort of like a piece of good luck-not dramatically affecting people’s lives, but something nice to have anyways. People have to be closer to her than arm distance and it could only be truly felt if someone touches her. Also, people that have been around her for quite awhile are not really affected by this a lot-meaning if they’re close to her all the time, they won’t feel happy and giddy. Its like they’ve been immune to her effect, but occasionally, they will feel a sort of contentment when touching her.

    Teresa’s aura is a light gold and faintly envelopes her body, but if another legendary is near, two folded wings made of iridescent red that seems to have feathers made of other colors as well and turquoise-green appear. They appear faintly and are almost faded. Her tattoo appears on her back, and starts around the middle of her shoulder blades. The tattoo isn’t totally big, only as big as two child hands’ (by a fairly small, 4 year-old) placed on Teresa’s back. The tattoo is the shape of two outstretched wings that curve to the center. The two wings are in a sort of circle shape and try to look like they are touching. Both wings are a black color and resemble the outline of Ho-oh’s wings. They sort of look like old, Egyptian hieroglyphics placed on Teresa’s back.
    Last edited by .:Lemon Tea:.; 3rd February 2010 at 1:57 AM.
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  19. #69
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    Well, I'm on my way to the world record. (Translation: Shoot, so close, well, I'm going to have to go back on my word, on the whole I said I would quit if I got pending one more time)

    Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well. (Translation: Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well.)

    I will fix up that personality (oh my mortal weakness, personality and description)

    Cyber's PC
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    3DS Friend Code: 2320-7298-6586

  20. #70
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    Apr 2007
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    I've edited, once again. I hope I've worked out all the kinks.
    If December 21 is the end of the world, it has been an honor RPing with y'all!

  21. #71
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    somewhere with my lulu <3
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    Hi Chris. I'd like to reserve a spot but I can't post an RP sample because I am on my iPhone at school. ^^; I will post one when I get out of school. I'd like to request Latias if I could. Thanks.
    (image beautifully drawn by pixiv user id #45323)
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    Lelouch is watching over all of us.

  22. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by CyberBlastoise View Post
    Well, I'm on my way to the world record. (Translation: Shoot, so close, well, I'm going to have to go back on my word, on the whole I said I would quit if I got pending one more time)

    Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well. (Translation: Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well.)

    I will fix up that personality (oh my mortal weakness, personality and description)
    CyberBlastoise - Alright, contact me via this thread, VM, PM, etc etc when you are ready for me to take a look at the personality.

    Quote Originally Posted by cdra1617 View Post
    ((Just a note. I refer to him as a guy in all fields except the beginning of the origin, where he is just "the mysterious girl". So I call him a her until the storytelling part of the origin ends. ^^; I'll be calling him a him in the rpg. And also yes, greywolf and I are working this out...))
    cdra1617 - Clarissa She is accepted.


    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphy Mare View Post
    I've edited, once again. I hope I've worked out all the kinks.
    Manaphy Mare - Take time, review your sign up, there was little changes, I saw that you revised the things that I asked, but not to a good extent.. There are still the errors I pointed out that did not change at all. Spend more than five minutes going through the Sign Up. Take your time. Review it to make sure things are perfect. Since you closed the deal, I'll have to give you your third pending. Contact me again when you take your time, look through your Sign Up once more; and be sure to fix the things I talked about. Add on to your Origin, it is too vague and short. Take what I said to Cyber Blastoise, about personality, use that. I can see that you want to join this RPG, but I do not see much effort in your post.

    For one thing, you still have "mother-figure" but in Origin you have "reminded about younger brother" and she still adopts him. I don't see sufficient enough changes. Please review, take your time, and tell me when you are ready for your last review. Last time you said that you were ready for a review when I gave you two-three days to revise. You responded in roughly six hours since I gave you that pending, six hours is a fourth of a day, you had much more time to work on your sign up in that regard. Sorry, but you still are pending.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mimori Kiryu View Post
    Hi Chris. I'd like to reserve a spot but I can't post an RP sample because I am on my iPhone at school. ^^; I will post one when I get out of school. I'd like to request Latias if I could. Thanks.
    Mimori Kiryu - Glad to see you are interested, however officially I cannot reserve you unless an RPG sample is present. That and, Greywolf123 PMed me earlier requesting Latias for a new reservation of five days. If he fails to complete the reservation within the five days, Latias will be open again.

    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

        Spoiler:- Beast of the Northen Lights: GenericUserName's evaluation::


    GenericUserName:

    I find your Sign Up, sufficient in all sections except Origin. Origin needing minor changes. That being said, I am giving you a yellow accepted. Which is basically a pending, that needs little change. So please make the requested edits to your Origin, and than you are accepted. Therefore, I will hold onto Suicune for you, in hopes that you will get the edits completed.

    Thank you for your interest.

    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

        Spoiler:- Earth shattering tween, The Black Glove's Review::


    The Black Glove:

    The Black Glove, I am going to have to give you a pending. This is close to being accepted, but there are too many flaws that could use revamping. Especially that one part in Origin. This is an easy fix, so I will give you the usual three day pending reservation.

    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
    GM Note: Glad to see that things are coming along great for GUW. I plan to start this on the 20th if things go pleasant. So, right now, the 20th will be the unofficial starting date of the RPG. As for my one waiting for an evaluation, I cannot fit it due to character limit, so thus I will be posting it in a new post shortly.
    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

    The Black Glove - Groudon - Pending, has till February 7th, 8:44 pm EST
    Greywolf123 - Latias - Reserved until February 9th, 11:59 pm EST
    Last edited by PokemonBreederChris; 5th February 2010 at 2:48 AM. Reason: mixed up a month
    Current status: Made a quick fun RPG! Come check it out! The Link of Zelda: Titled:
    Gods of an Unown World

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Twin: Cdra1617 :3
    Bishie: Lenne <3

    “Great Spirit and the Maker of all Life ... A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Bid them patience and ask death for speed; for they are all there but one -- I, Chingachgook -- Last of the Mohicans.”
    ~Chingachgook,
    Last of t he Mohicans

  23. #73
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    I don't have five days to wait so just never mind about my reservation. I am about to go out of town anyway so sorry for bothering you about it.
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    Lelouch is watching over all of us.

  24. #74
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    Dec 2007
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    Over here
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    Okay, I've fixed the issues and decided to go with your idea on the tremors for her aura. Also, I thought I should mention that the reason Demitri and Charles are up in the mountains is to study its Geology, so that's thier excuse for being in the mountains. I also made it a bit more realistic so Demitri's injuries are bigger, and made Charles a little smarter about them so they are headed for the hospital.

    I'd also like to say that I'll be out of town for the next 2 days, so take your time in finding flaws. It's been awhile since I've gotten any hardcore critisism. Thanks!
    Quote Originally Posted by Cave Johnson
    When life gives you lemons, make life take the lemons back! I don't want your d*** lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to build me a combustible lemon to BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN!

  25. #75
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, New York
    Posts
    695

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimori Kiryu View Post
    I don't have five days to wait so just never mind about my reservation. I am about to go out of town anyway so sorry for bothering you about it.
    Mimori Kiryu - Alright, understood. If you wish to go for another, there's still many spots open!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Black Glove View Post
    Okay, I've fixed the issues and decided to go with your idea on the tremors for her aura. Also, I thought I should mention that the reason Demitri and Charles are up in the mountains is to study its Geology, so that's thier excuse for being in the mountains. I also made it a bit more realistic so Demitri's injuries are bigger, and made Charles a little smarter about them so they are headed for the hospital.

    I'd also like to say that I'll be out of town for the next 2 days, so take your time in finding flaws. It's been awhile since I've gotten any hardcore critisism. Thanks!
    The Black Glove - Alright, I found everything appropriate to the changes, so you are now ACCEPTED.


    ACCEPTED!


    -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-


        Spoiler:- Bird of Rainbows: Teresa; Lemon Tea's Evaluation.:


    .:Lemon Tea:. : I found your sign up, Acceptable. Your sign up was a fun read. Very unique, very creative.

    ACCEPTED!
    Current status: Made a quick fun RPG! Come check it out! The Link of Zelda: Titled:
    Gods of an Unown World

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Twin: Cdra1617 :3
    Bishie: Lenne <3

    “Great Spirit and the Maker of all Life ... A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Bid them patience and ask death for speed; for they are all there but one -- I, Chingachgook -- Last of the Mohicans.”
    ~Chingachgook,
    Last of t he Mohicans

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