Gods of an Unown World

[PokemonBreederChris]

    Spoiler:- Shining Mew: Manaphy Mare's evaluation:

Show Spoiler

 

Name: Curran
Legendary: Mew
Gender: Male
Age: 16[B]

Interesting, a male Mew, that is rare as many people like to play Mew as a "She." Age, interesting as well, mid teen, so old enough for adventure, but too young for responsibilities.

Description: Curran stands at roughly five feet, nine inches and weighs around one-hundred-twenty pounds. His build is slender and athletic he is as fast and strong as he appears. He has somewhat tan skin, with no visible acne. His fiery orange hair is somewhat long (falling just below his earlobes) and pin-straight and his bangs serve to perfectly frame his dazzling emerald eyes. His ears come to an elf-like point and have a pink triangle “tattoo” on the back that looks like a cat’s ear.

Weight shouldn't really be put in numerical values, as weight differs a lot per person based on their body structure. I more so say weight as a descriptor for mass or the affect of gravity upon you as that is what weight is measurement of. What is "somewhat" tan skin however? As with "somewhat" we don't know what the initial color is, tan usually refers to a darkened Caucasian when "somewhat," is implied. I am to assume you meant it that way. Triangle tattoos interesting. I see that this is your only paragraph on the physique, the body, the face, and most of the description beyond clothing however. Your character is not as blurry, but the face - I would like to see more details about.

Curran’s wardrobe varies from day to day, but always has a red/silver color scheme. One of his typical outfits is a silver shirt with red trim at the bottom with a red and silver striped sweater over it. The sweater itself is quite interesting in construction. His sweater cuts off just above his hips, but his top continues down another quarter foot. His sleeves, on the other hand, manage to extend a little past his wrists, ending just before his thumb. His pants are silver, red, and white plaid and go down to a pair of shoes that are designed to resemble shadow the hedgehog’s air-skates and have a matching color scheme. Atop his head rests a silver bucket hat with red rings embroidered onto the brim.

very descriptive clothing.

His other outfit is a red, skin tight turtleneck with sleeves that reach just above his elbows. The top itself is a poly-cotton blend and cuts off roughly an inch and a half below his sternum, revealing a faint -yet very much defined- six pack. Over this he wears a sleeveless, silver-colored jacket with a lighter grey inside that is usually left open. When he wears this outfit he wears a pair of grey, stonewashed jeans that seem to be right there in-between regular and skinny cut. With this outfit he wears a pair of red, half finger gloves made from the same material as his top. His shoes with this are a pair of red, slip-on vans with grey ankle socks.

I find the other paragraph on a new piece of clothing acceptable, but perhaps you need another paragraph describing the description of your character beyond clothing. Else your description is alright.

Personality: Curran is innocent like a child and occasionally gullible. He cares about all life, and will often put someone else’s safety before his. His most obvious quality is his purity of heart; he is always kind and caring. He tends to be calm with a very level head. This is not to say that nothing can rattle him, he is actually easily. He is an absolute pacifist and will only fight if he has no other choice; should he be forced to fight he will try to hold back and give his opponent chances to stop. He tends to be merciful and will refrain from finishing his opponents off. He is somewhat shy and quiet at times, but warms up to people fairly quickly.

"he is actually easily" what does this mean? Fragmented in the sense the idea of the sentence cuts off there. Do you mean easily rattled? Also absolute pacifists would more likely end up hurting themselves figuring out if they should fight, or having someone else hurt them when they are in that internal conflict. Even if he had the choice, he would have a large internal conflict within himself. Also, holding back would be deadly, it also implies your character with gary-stu abilities, saying he can easily fight at a huge level even if he is a pacifist. This personality indicated a power played character. Mew could be all powerful, yes, but not in the beginning of this RPG. It also implies he knows how to fight easily. Ussually "fighting" is basic instinct, where martial styles help hone that instinct to a better degree.

Once he is out of his shell, he is more out spoken. His general demeanor is fairly kind and outgoing. He still remains quiet and serious, but he is much more outgoing and willing to put his two cents in. One of the two constant traits he has is his ease of scaring and startling, especially by thugs, gang members and thunder. His typical reaction when presented with any of these is to duck behind one of his tougher-looking friends for protection or –in the case of the latter- duck under the covers. Even though he is easily frightened ghost stories and haunted houses don’t really scare him that much; they may, however, get a scream of surprise (especially if the source is behind him) and an occasional jump behind his closest-physically speaking- friend for cover.

When did you mention anything about a shell? "warms up to people fairly quickly" makes it seem that even if there is a shell, it is very very frail. I did not catch him off as shy, just calm as you mentioned in the first paragraph. He is rather startled? Interesting, though how can he not be afraid of ghosts and haunted houses, when they have the same elements of surprise as real life events? Sure they can be predictable which could be an excuse. I find most of this paragraph filler. As it doesn't add on to anything in your first paragraph. Choose one overarching personality and stick with it. Does he or does he not have a shell?

Origin: Mew glided through the skies, drawn by a mysterious power. He floated through the ruins of a city that seemed to have been essentially razed to the ground. He found where he felt the power source came from and then everything went black. He felt like he was plummeting towards the ground, then nothing. Cold darkness engulfed his whole being. His memory of being a legendary was purged from his mind.

Ok, for Origin, all I have to say is: "I, the GM, am MASTER of the past, and probably future of the Legendaries." Though this paragraph is vague, for all we know, Mew was hanging out in the Orange Islands, drinking an Iced Mocha, unaware of this "battle" that was taking place, until too late. Thus this starting paragraph is invalid. The past before they "awaken" in the "real world" is my creation for plot specific points.

A new form began plummeting, this time in the skies over Fifth Avenue. He opened his emerald eyes to see the clouds passing as he fell. Turning his head he saw the fast approaching ground below him; he squeezed his eyes shut and crossed his arms to brace for impact only to find himself engulfed in a pink bubble-like sphere. His descent rapidly slowed down as he righted himself and landed on his bare feet. He looked down to discover that he was naked. Upon realizing this, his face became a bright scarlet. His cheeks would have made Groudon seem pale. When he looked up he saw a woman in her mid-late twenties closing up a shop his face did the unimaginable, it turned an even brighter shade of red. He quickly moved his hands to cover himself up.

"Plummeting" you say, "See the clouds passing" you say, "fast approaching ground" you say, all which I'll have to reply "nay." Sure he could probably summon a pink sphere of bubble-like substance around him to brace him for the impact, but still, it'd create a crater, as that is how physics works. Have him "wake up" after the impact, if one is conscious during the impact, they are more likely to freak and die because of their freaking out. So he lands in the middle of a street, where more than a simple lady can see him? Where exactly does he land, New York City is very crowded, one reason why I chose that concrete giant.

“Who are you? What happened? How did you do that?” She bombarded him with questions.

“I… Don’t know.” Was all that he could whisper in response.

The woman sighed and let him into her store, she gave him a few pieces of clothing that she thought would look good on him. After they began talking she began to pity the boy and decided to adopt him; eventually giving him the name Curran, a traditional Irish name that means hero. He currently works at the boutique and models in his adoptive mother’s monthly fashion show.

I'd think the woman would more be surprised, more freak out than be curiosly bombarding questions. Though there is the strange one from time to time that'd be like "oooo, perdy." Also, adoption? WAY superficial, adoption takes a looooong time. So officially adopt, I don't think so, perhaps "be a host for" appropriate. She's in her late 20s, she'd more want to start having a family than a teen-aged boy. If she was an elderly grandmotherly figure, I'd find it more acceptable, but she's in her late 20s. Working at the store is fine, name is appropriate, but the origin as of now is superficial and needs changing to reflect more realism.

Miscellaneous: As stated above, Curran currently models for his adoptive mother’s boutique; he is also a skilled dancer/singer. Despite his timid nature he is actually quite skilled at self-defense, both unarmed and armed.

self-defense? As I said earlier, power playing. Singing, dancing is fun, who doesn't like to party some times. His personality does not reflect any of his other features however.

Aura: Curran’s aura is probably the least subtle. For starters it can calm any raging or frightened animal within three feet of him. It also is capable of producing Mew’s energy sphere from the first pokemon movie; however he must be in certain danger for this to happen. This sphere also doubles as how his aura appears to his fellow legendaries.

For the Aura, I find it too overpowering as of now. Sure Mew could be considered a powerful legendary; so yes, it could have a potent aura, but not "the least subtle." For raging animals, in three feet, circular radius, I think that is too powerful, cause even if he quelled a raging beast's spirit, it would not be enough to stop the kinetic force of the beast and he'd still get rammed. Perhaps he can like "communicate" with the animals, put his hand to their head, and calm him that way, but a natural "calming aura" that when one passes through, I find unacceptable.

His tattoo (or rather tattoos) is probably among the most simple yet intricate. For starters he has a pair of pink, cat-ear-shaped tattoos, one on the back of each ear. In addition to that he has a pink line tattoo running from the base of his tailbone and up his back that resembles Mew’s tail. However, by far, the most intriguing one is a barbed-wire-like ring that runs around his navel; though it is hard to see unless he is in the presence of another legend or mortal danger in which case it will glow hot-pink.

the tattoo description acceptable.
 

Manaphy Mare:

Overall, Manaphy, I am going to have to pend your sign up. You did an excellent job with describing things, but your character was rather superficial, contradicting, and power-played. You need to add more to your description, revamp your personality and Aura some, and fix your Origin so that it takes away from the "past" and well removes the unrealistic superficial things.

Sorry Manaphy, but you get a three day pending reservation.

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    Spoiler:- "Run, Forest, Run!" Tundra's evaluation::

Show Spoiler

 

Name:
Runner
Legendary:
Entei
Gender:
Male
Age:
29

Candy fields look alright. Almost thirty of Entei, that's probably the oldest character so far. Every time I look at your character, specifically "Runner," I think of "Run, Forest, Run!"

Description:
Runner , standing at six feet and four inches, is no short man. Though tall, he makes himself appear slightly shorter by constantly bowing his head to face often smaller people than him. His height is accompanied by a dense build with a strongly defined musculature, which is peculiarly covered in small scars both old and new. His shoulders are wide and his chest is broad, both of which are common attributes of men with his physique. His arms have proportionally slightly longer length and more defined muscles than the rest of his body, as well. His hands are large compared to an average man’s, so it goes without saying that his fingers are also longer than an average man’s. He has thick legs that taut with muscle as he runs. Like his hands, his feet are also big. The skin underneath is rough and cracked, allowing him to walk comfortable on most surfaces. His skin is a perpetually tan color that doesn’t seem to darken or lighten with the presence or lack of sunlight. His body is a bit on the hairy side, particularly on his arms and legs. They are thin, however, and not all that visible from afar. Also, his chest hairs are thin and tiny and can only be seen within proximity.

That's a lot of vivid description. Nice. Only coming from personal experiences, tall men of that age, have thick hair upon their torso, and limbs. Though I guess it also depends on hair color, as well. The darker the hair the easier it is to see, the lighter, like blond, is harder to see. Thick hair is also not visible from afar if they see the person's body, but it has a dense texture and it can be seen at distance.

[QUOTE=Tundra_Wolfmane;10987865]His head is squarish and proportional to the size of his body. He has shoulder length auburn hair that half the time looks like he just shook his head to get it in its shape – which he actually usually does. The other half of the time, they’re windswept due to his running. His hair is long enough to cover his ears, which are slightly pointed, but not enough to cause him any hassle for them. He has a wide forehead, though it’s not obvious due to his bangs. His eyebrows are thin and evenly spaced. They hover over a pair of deep, unnaturally dark red eyes that will more often than not look straight. Thankfully, the shadow of his head keeps them from being too obvious and bringing them too much attention. The bridge of his nose is neither too thick nor too thin, and his nose itself is inconspicuously flat. He has thin lips that hide teeth with canines that look a bit too sharp to be human, though that is usually not taken into account. His chin is slightly covered in stubble, which might be the beginnings of a scruffy beard.[quote]

Again, nice detail. Very explicit.

His clothes are simple enough. He wears a slightly worn out dark red shirt with the sleeves ripped away – they were too confining as well as painful on his large limbs. In fact, the shirt itself doesn’t hide any of the muscles of his upper body. His forearms are covered by black armlets with no visible design. On his lower body, he wears a plain pair of baggy, dark brown shorts with extra pockets. They’re long enough to reach an inch below his knees when standing. Around his neck is a light gray scarf that’s reminiscent to the white mane of his past life. Finally, he wears a make-shift red headband from a torn handkerchief on his forehead.

Clothing is nice, got a nice image of your character; could even see some of his personality shine through the description, though only subtle.

Personality:
Though Runner might be an intimidating figure to most other people, he on the other hand is quite intimidated by large groups of them. It has been ingrained in him to try to avoid the masses; perhaps a reflex action passed on from his old form. As such, he is comfortable being only around a handful of people at a time lest he tries to run from them. When forced into a crowd, he becomes really fidgety, and often the only cure is for him to sprint out the excess energy. You see, he’s a bit paranoid. He has the constant sensation that he has to run or he might get captured. By what, he doesn’t really know, but he just followed that instinct. He’s not afraid of people, but of being restrained by some unknown being. That said, only a few people get to see him stand still for more than a minute without running to another point.

That personality made me slightly laugh at a scene I depicted with your character. This will be a fun personality to interact with, for perhaps the hands of the GM might bring him into unpleasant situations...The New York Subway perchance...

If he gets comfortable enough to sit still and actually get him to speak, they would find out that he’s a skeptical person. He doesn’t trust new faces easily and tends to stay tense under scrutiny. It wouldn’t be far fetched to say that he would bolt if someone were to look at him strangely. He relays this in a gruff and sometimes disinterested manner. People that talk to him might also notice a lack of attention to the conversation. He’s observant. He never stops paying attention to his surroundings unless he something significant or fascinating in the discussion catches his attention. When something does, they would find him quite an interesting fellow who uses his whole body rather than just his voice to give life to his words, which are limited due to his still growing vocabulary.

You give life to your characters through personality, your character is very well defined.

For now, it seems that his memories, or lack there of, doesn’t seem to bother him. He doesn’t dwell on his problems or dilemmas for long. Both figuratively and literally, he’d rather just keep on looking at the path that he’s taking and run towards whatever is at the end, and when he’s reached that, run for the next one. It helps with his restlessness and abundance of energy. Not to say that he has a one track mind, but that seems to happen he starts. It would take quite a stimulus to get his attention after he has started. He essentially becomes one with his surroundings, using all of his senses to keep running by jumping over and under obstacles and avoiding would-be collisions.

I enjoyed reading your personality, it has nice substance to it, and was not dry at all, making it fun to read.

Origin:
[[Insert a lot of epic text here and we get a story of Entai/Runner's Origin]]

I found nothing disagreeable with your Origin. I enjoyed reading it.

Miscellaneous:
Runner has taken with him some traits that his old body had. His senses are a bit stronger than a normal man’s. He is not really affected by intense heat, much less by the cold, and doesn’t need as much water as the average man. He also runs at a slightly higher temperature, though that may just be because of his constant running. He also has, along with great speed, abnormal stamina. He can run quite a long distance under constant rays of the sun without breaking a sweat. Running, actually, is his favorite pastime. He just can’t get enough of the wind against his face. Even when there are obstacles, he can run through them with ease with the help of his senses. Oddly, he can run quite well on all fours without losing his balance, although it does tire him out significantly faster. Oh, and though it’s not from his old form, he doesn’t understand metaphors and idioms; he might just take them seriously.

Nothing wrong here in the Misc. department. Subtle traits are acceptable, and though constant running could be a sense of power-playing, I see you have it balanced with some weakness, and I trust you won't be in the RPG never tiring out.

Aura:
His mark would have been quite obvious if not for his trusty headband. Predictably, the tattoo is on his wide forehead and red in color. It’s very prominent, which is why he hides it. Its shape bears resemblance to the three-tined crest on the Entei’s head. Visually, it would look like three horns facing three different directions and connected on one end. One horn points straight up, and the other two horns are lying on either sides of it at sixty degrees, the unconnected ends curving to point to the top.

Nice description of the mark.

His visible aura is light red. It envelopes his body like a formfitting suit with a large, three-tined crest on his forehead. On his back extends a mane that billows about regardless of the presence of the wind. From his shoulder blades extend wing-like protrusions with three points.

nice description of the physical aura.

His aura is not that noticeable during warmer days, but obvious during the colder ones. The air around him seems to get hot, though not at all sweltering. The closer he is, the warmer it gets. It also seems to tire people out easier, both due to his presence and the heat. When he is running, the wind also seems to follow him around, giving people that he runs past a quite a strong breeze that is enjoyable with the heat that he brings. Flames also burn stronger when he’s near, but not enough to actually cause anyone concern…unless, of course, another legendary is close by. Then his aura might actually cause them to burn rather dangerously fervent. Small fires may explode. His aura also causes his surroundings to get hotter, particularly the ground. The closer he is to another, the more restless he also gets.

Heat does fatigue people. I find the Aura ability acceptable.
 

Tundra_Wolfmane:

Tundra, overall I find your Sign up ACCEPTABLE!. It was well thought out, and very descriptive that your character was "alive." I can tell you put forth a lot of effort into your character. I found like no changeable flaw into your sign up, and nothing contradicted as you thought it might.


ACCEPTED


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Will make any changes you deem necessary, finally had an idea for a character and had been making final tweaks the past couple days. I figured if I don't get her up now for a glance over, I might end up tweaking her forever. Also ended up doing a fair amount of research with it as well.

Hakerius - I will get to your sign up shortly, Serebii posts only allow me to fit two to three sign ups depending on length. There is a character limit and I have exceeded it a few times.

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GenericUserName - Got your PM, and reserved Suicune for you. You have till the exact start of 2/06/2010 EST.

GM NOTE: *Looks at first post* Yikes I need to update it, will do! Also, important message:

"For those who are now accepted, I am allowing you to create a second or possibly even third character for this RPG. Since you are already accepted, the second character will only go on a "pass/fail" test. Evaluating only the Aura, Origin, and miscellaneous sections."

I think now, there enough RPers to start the RPG; though sign ups are open until every last Legendary is taken. Or until the RPG itself, when that starts, is at a point of no return.

I shall be revamping the first post of this Thread, in due time, as I have to now write a report on Books 1 through 4 of Homer's Odyssey .

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Manaphy Mare - Mew - Pending, has till February 3rd, 2:25 pm EST
GenericUserName - Suicune - Reserved until February 5th, 11:59 pm EST

[Manaphy Mare]

I got most of the edits done. I've changed his Origin and Aura and edited the personality and appearance. I'm going to finish his personality a little later, but he was meant to be a little self-contradicting in the courage department.

[CyberBlastoise]

well, I better hurry up and finish mine so I can start work on my second one, ehehehe...well at least I have an aura for that one...you could probably guess who I hope to get before too late.

Anyways, another question, I was hoping to separate the aura from the rest before completing my fix-ups. Is this one okay?

Tim's aura allows him to bend the currents of waters to his will. He can cause rapids to become serene streams and vice-versa, however, this power is EXTREMELY limited to his immediate area. For example, he cannot use this power to stop someone from drowning from an undercurrent unless he was right next to said person. He can also increase/decrease the density of any LIQUID source near him to allow him and his friends to swim/survive in it as though it were just mere water.

I hope this Aura is okay. I just wanted to post this just to be sure its okay. Oh and I hope you don't mind the CAPS I love them...but that's not the reason, I wanted to EMPHASIZE the specific DETAILS *bricked*

[cdra1617]

Since greywolf123's reservation ran out, I'm nabbing Latios as a secondary character. ^^; Reserve me please!

[PokemonBreederChris]

I got most of the edits done. I've changed his Origin and Aura and edited the personality and appearance. I'm going to finish his personality a little later, but he was meant to be a little self-contradicting in the courage department.

Manaphy Mare - Alright; notify my again in the near future when you are ready to have your character re-evaluated. You can still work on him beyond the pending reserve; but once the pending reserve is up, competition for your spot is allowed.

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well, I better hurry up and finish mine so I can start work on my second one, ehehehe...well at least I have an aura for that one...you could probably guess who I hope to get before too late.

Anyways, another question, I was hoping to separate the aura from the rest before completing my fix-ups. Is this one okay?

Tim's aura allows him to bend the currents of waters to his will. He can cause rapids to become serene streams and vice-versa, however, this power is EXTREMELY limited to his immediate area. For example, he cannot use this power to stop someone from drowning from an undercurrent unless he was right next to said person. He can also increase/decrease the density of any LIQUID source near him to allow him and his friends to swim/survive in it as though it were just mere water.

I hope this Aura is okay. I just wanted to post this just to be sure its okay. Oh and I hope you don't mind the CAPS I love them...but that's not the reason, I wanted to EMPHASIZE the specific DETAILS *bricked*

CyberBlastoise -

Emphasizing works well beyond the '!', the CAPS, the bolds, the italics. You could simply say "She exclaimed, she focused herself upon a deep tone, she shouted." Thinks such as that. I personally only like CAPITAL LETTERS when they emphasize the First Letter of a Word. It puts emphasis, a push of the lung to that word. Sure it is not SHOUTING with the CAPITAL Letters, but it is Punching With The Capital In The Front Spot. How you Write using Words, you gain a different POETIC VOICE. Also with your CAPS it sounds like you are spazzing out, SHOUTING the word AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! Emphasizing is one thing, yelling obnoxiously is another. I think the emphasize you want can be simply done with a italics.

Seeing all capitals, to me, is honestly a turn off when I read, however, if you wrote in the font where it has the capital letter, and then smaller capital letters behind the first capital letter, than that I find acceptable. Not sure the Sppf Forums can do that however, I do know Word can. The thing with the smaller capitals, just put them in size 1 font or something.

As for the sample explanation of the Aura you showed me, I would say this:

1. Fix up the grammar within it before officially adding it to your revamped sign up. Example of this in technical: A comma splice in the sentence with the weaknesses - the drawbacks.

2. Focus more on the description/imagery of your Aura. You answer the "what" but still the "why" and "how." Also saying things like "vice-versa" should be eliminated. The word/word is ok as the / represents and/or or vice-versa, but I prefer juicy detail over secretary shortcuts.

3. Water is deadly, very very deadly, if has caused so many deaths a year because it IS around 70% existent on Earth. Swimming in water is very hard for some, the currents are evil. He can manipulate the currents yes? So he can cause a whirlpool, heavy rapids, defy gravity within water, amplify his strength 2 fold maybe in water. When one is submerged in water, the "world" around them changes. Astronauts use pools to help them practice Space situations. "mere water" therefore would be unacceptable. Serene water on the other hand, acceptable.

4. You should more focus on what it can do, instead of what it can't do. What exactly is controlling the currents of water? I would think he'd be able to save someone from drowning too if he knew they were drowning. If he was on the beach, saw a kid way out in the ocean - still visible to the human eye, or with slight magnification through lens - he'd maybe go swim fast to save him, and sweep him from the current. Sure he could not do it long range, is what you imply, but if he swam there to do it, he'd be able to do it. Hence why I find that part of the Aura unneeded to say. Common sense really is what it boils down to.

5. Density, a tricky sort. We all know density of water is 1.0; as that is what density was originally based off of, water. H2O. Many liquids are lighter than water, some heavier, but a lot lighter. This I don't find needed as an Aura, sure it is creative, but pretty much useless. Instead of Density, focus more on water pressure. Pressure can help sink or float things. Even give power like jets to water. Pressure, in my opinion would be better than density. If not pressure, you have volume. Perhaps you, as Kyogre can stretch the volume of a water-base by adding or subtracting water. There are MANY things you can do with water. I can't limit you there.

Hopefully these five points helped you along; don't fret and continue working. I'm positive if you put effort and thought into the revamp, you'll make it!



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Since greywolf123's reservation ran out, I'm nabbing Latios as a secondary character. ^^; Reserve me please!

Reservation granted.


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    Spoiler:- BzzzZAP The sign up: Hakerius's review.:

Show Spoiler

 

Name: Natalie
Legendary: Zapdos
Gender: Female
Age: 21

People like to keep that young adult-post-teen age, heh.

Description: Natalie stands at five and a half feet in height with a moderate muscular build and weighs in at around a hundred-twenty pounds. She’s strong enough to be able to lift herself over obstacles. Her complexion is lightly tanned, much akin to if she spent a couple days at the beach. Her eyes are a pale green hue. Natalie has a narrow nose and does not have high cheekbones. She keeps her dirty blond hair short in the back, not more than three quarters of an inch in length, but does allow a few sections to grow out to much longer lengths. From the hairline back to the front of her ears, the top layer her hair is about six inches in length before it shortens again and the hair under the most visible top layer gradually shortens. The hair that would comprise her bangs has been cut short and in a v-like fashion. She has five of these bang “clusters” namely above her right eye an inch in length, another just off to the right side of the center of her forehead, also of the same length. A third resides a third of the way between her temple and the center of her face. The other two clusters jut off horizontally from the top of her, hanging over her other bangs.

What I can start of saying here is, about the weight measurements, unneeded. Numerical weight is not necessary as every person's body mass affects weight differently. That being said, the BMI indicates your character is slightly just on "normal weight," as in, very close to underweight. one hundred and twenty pounds, is, in my opinion is rather light for a twenty-one year old. Which it IS very light. It is in the spectrum of normal weight, but still very light. Other than the weight, I find your description vivid and nice.

Her clothing is rather plain, consisting of two colors she likes. She wears a golden yellow button-down work shirt with a pocket over the left breast. Over her shirt, she has a thin sleeveless black v-neck vest. Most of the time she keeps the vest buttoned. The tail of the shirt ends right above her black denim work pants. The pants have an inseam length of the pants is fifteen inches and ends past her knees. From the belt loop above her right pocket and attaching to a loop of material below the pocket, hangs a brass chain. More for style rather than use, she does wear a belt around her waist. For footwear, Natalie has a pair of black work boots and her yellow socks are seen poking out from just above her boots. Around each wrist she wears a wrist warmer, two inches in width. The warmers are black with a yellow zigzagging pattern around the middle. For outerwear, she has an ankle length black oilskin duster. That is one size too large for her. The coat is single-breasted with four buttons down the chest and has two pockets right below the waist level. There is a detachable rain flap hanging down her back and over her shoulders ending halfway down her upper arm. The sleeves are too long for her, coming down to the top of her palm. A slit up from the bottom of the coat up to her waist level allows for extra mobility.

Found the clothing description alright without complaints. In description I can see a little of her personality shining through, which is nice.

Personality: She loves to have fun and will do her best to make even mundane tasks much more enjoyable. She likes to be one of the guys and will roughhouse other people in jest. In addition, she appreciates a good joke or prank, but rarely does it to be malicious. Instead, her aim is to bring smiles, even if the target doesn’t at first appreciate it. She will dance like no one is watching, despite the fact she can’t dance all that well. It’s fun for her so she doesn’t care if she looks like an idiot doing so. Natalie adores stormy weather, there’s just something about the howling winds, the pounding rain, and the rumble of thunder that just feels exhilarating for her almost like it is where she belongs. Being able to go and take a walk in the rain or watching lightning from the porch is something she finds pleasing. She holds a deep respect for the destructive power of nature.

Found personality acceptable.

To her, there’s no point in staying depressed for very long – everything gets better. Even when she has her down moments, she shakes it away and will deal with it at a better time. For anyone who needs a pick-me-up, she’ll see what she can do to brighten their mood or at least get them into thinking about something that is not what’s causing them issues. However, it bothers her that she doesn’t remember anything prior to the day she was found and is the main source of her down moments. She tries to keep her frustration bottled in, but sometimes it is tough for her to do so. Natalie doesn’t get angry in a traditional violent sense, she gets even. Rarely will she physically lash out, instead choosing a more entertaining method in which to get back at a wrong. One action that will net a physical response no matter her mood, is to grab the back of neck. She absolutely despises it and will turn around to clock the offender.

Got a nice picture of Natalie in this paragraph through her personality.

She believes in karma, that doing one good deed will eventually bring about one in return in the future. She’ll help others without worry about payment or receiving anything in return, if it’s something she can aid with, she’ll be there. Even for pranks, she knows someone will get her back, but that’s part of the fun, waiting to see what someone else can do to return the favor. She’ll talk to those around her, but she’s not one for excessive chit-chat. If given the choice to fully plan something or fly by the seat of her pants, she’ll choose the latter any day of the week. It’s more enjoyable for her to take things as they come as opposed to having a set schedule.

Nice descriptions of your character's personality. It comes together very nicely, with contradictions that are natural in a personality.

To others, it doesn’t seem like she takes anything seriously, even going so far as to make a sarcastic “game face” just to annoy them when they accuse her of not taking something seriously. People who are too serious bother her and she’ll butt heads with them saying they really need to lighten up and live a little. Sure she could take things seriously the way they would and worry about the what ifs? What will happen, will happen and worrying excessively about it will just make matters worse in her eyes. She doesn’t take well to stiff rules and will test the limits of them. Others might see her as a promoter of chaos given her tendency of bending the law.

A little rebellious nature within her? Nice. I enjoyed your personality, gave nice "life" to your character.

Origin: [[Insert epic storyline for Origin]]

Overall I found your Orign acceptable, with exception to the weather. Baseball and storm rains do not mix. I presume that the game was not local in New York City, but they would not have a game if it was down pouring. So it matters purely on location, location, location.

Miscellaneous: Natalie has been influenced by each of the people she’s staying with to some degree, some more so than others. She also tends to wander the apartment in her socks, which her roommates figure the source of her shocks.

Misc. section, appropriate!

Aura: Natalie’s aura has a tendency to make some people around her feel a bit off, but they can’t quite put their finger on it. She doesn’t exude negative feelings but rather an electromagnetic field that may make those sensitive to such fields feel like they are being watched from afar or a touch uneasy. Most people don’t appear to notice it, but they are much more likely to notice the static shocks she’s prone to giving off. Her aura also occasionally has an effect on nearby electronics - lights might faintly flicker once and small devices might have a brief interference before working normally again. When in the company of others like her, her aura may be seen as small sparks arcing along her body, and the interference she causes to electronics and lights may increase in frequency.

Aura, I find acceptable, and unique.

Around her right ankle is a thin black tattoo depicting a pair of lightning bolts. The bottom bolt is the wider of the two at an eighth of an inch. As the bottom bolt snakes around, it branches downwards with five tendrils at different, uneven spacing, and what could be considered the central most branch ends below her heel. Additionally, three arcs evenly placed around her ankle arc up and intersect with the top band. The upper band is half as wide as the bottom one with its seven tendrils branching out and circling around. Two additional tendrils at equal lengths around her ankles snake their way down. The upper branches fade out two inches above the band. Her marking may be hidden by her socks.

nice description for the 'tattoo.' Your character is very vivid in imagery, and has feels "alive" which is the goal for many authors.

 

Hakerius:


Hakerius, I found your Sign Up, to be Acceptable. There was only one major error, I believe, in that of your Origin. Reflecting the weather; usually baseball games are "live" in a sense, and if they are local, they also reflect the weather outside your windows. Baseball can't exist in the rain if there is a storm, and Yankee Stadium is an open dome stadium. If I am wrong about this, then I am, but I thought the Yankees were playing Hometown. Other than that; your sign up is: accepted. Welcome aboard.

Accepted.


----------------------
Cdra1617 - Latios - Reserved until February 5th, 7:08 pm EST

[GenericUserName]

Name: Setzer
Legendary: Suicune
Gender: Male
Age: 24

Description: Setzer is rather skinny with the build of a runner. He has strong legs and a large chest that come from the constant running he does. His fingers and toes are long and skinny. He stands at only 5’6’’ with a weight of 145 lbs. His arms are pretty scrawny and his eyes are almost always half closed. He has a slightly bored look on his face most of the time. His skin is a pale tan that burns very easily. He has very gaunt facial features with concave cheeks that leave his cheek bones jutting out a little. There are very noticeable tribal looking “tattoos” on his arms and upper chest. These “tattoos” look somewhat like waves and vines mixed together. There are more of them around his ankles as well. His eyes are very light green with slight bluish hints to the outer iris. He has long, straight, purple hair to his hips. He has the tips and bang dyed blue, as well as a strange circle part on the upper part of his head. His eyes seem to follow every movement someone makes, even if he doesn’t look like he’s paying attention. He is commonly seen with pretzel sticks in hand or in his mouth because they are “easy to eat on the run.” He stands hunched over with his hands in his pockets. The only time he looks like he actually cares is when he is running. In this case he holds his head up high and his eyes are scanning the area to make sure he doesn’t run into anything. He has the ability to purify water when he touches it, making it clean for both drinking and bathing. He can also make things move a little bit slower by cooling them down.

Setzer wears one of two outfits most of the time. This one is just a black T-shirt with a Goomba on the front. He also wears a light blue jacket over the shirt. This jacket is slightly more complicated than the rest of his outfit. It puffs out at the shoulders to make his shoulders looks somewhat broader and also has a shiny fake gem hook on the collar. On the back of it is the word “Free” in white lettering. He wears a simple pair of white jogging pants with pockets. The very bottoms of the jogging pants are splattered with blue paint. He wears a simple pair of Asics tennis shoes with little blue and purple stripes on the sides of them. He sometimes ties his hair back in a ponytail when wearing this outfit, but normally only in he plans on running for a long time.

The other outfit Setzer wears is for colder weather. There is a large poofy dark blue “Eskimo” jacket that is normally zipped. The outside of the hood and collar on this jacket is lined with short purple fur. He sometimes wears goggle if the weather is extremely cold, but they are more commonly found dangling around his neck. When the jacket is unzipped, you can spot a plain white T-shirt, commonly with different random designs on it depending on what he happened to steal from the store to wear that morning. His favorites consist of those with images from games like Mario, Donkey Kong, Zelda, and Assassin’s Creed. He wears a pair of dark blue jeans that are normally a little bit torn at the ankles. His shoes stay the same.

Personality: Setzer has an extremely calm personality. He doesn’t really freak out about anything too much, unless he finally beat the last boss in a game or something. He has a tendency to get over excited about that kind of stuff. Other than games though, he is very calm. He would rather think out and plan something before he does it. If he is scared, his facial expression may change slightly, but it is hard to tell if he doesn’t mention it. He likes to impress people with his sheer calm nature. Unfortunately, this calmness also makes him take a lot of things to seriously, like video games. Sarcasm is a foreign language to him. If you make a sarcastic remark about how “fabulous he looks” he is likely to thank you for your kind words. He likes to use big words, though he learned a lot of them from video games. So he doesn’t make much sense. He sometimes mistakes the real world for one of his games. He thinks that the games are real. So he believes that people have HP, Mana, and so forth. This can cause a few problems.
Other than being overly calm, Setzer is often a little cold. He isn’t nice to when he first meets a person; in fact, he makes mean remarks and tries his best to avoid them. After he gets warmed up to someone, he can become nice or mean, depending on the other person’s treatment toward him. When he is kind, he will flash small smiles toward them and speak to them when he gets the chance. He may even share his pretzels and games with them. On the other hand, when he is mean he will glare at you no matter where they are. He may make an angry sound when they are nearby, or make a snide comment about the way they look, act, or dress. This completely lop-sided view of other people makes him seem a little bit reclusive, but he is actually quite friendly if you are willing to return the favor.

Setzer doesn’t like to have any weaknesses, so he tries to cover them up. Unfortunately, he still has deep fears and soft spots he just can’t hide. He has very irrational fears of deserts and savannahs. The hot climate there just doesn’t suit him. He also is deeply afraid of tigers. Any kind of tiger will scare him, even just stuffed animals. He likes would rather stay far away from them. He also grows depressed at the sounds of howling dogs and wolves late at night. Yet, he will still sit on the dumpster and listen to them. He doesn’t know why they make him sad, but he still feels the need to grow depressed when hearing them. He tries to reply at times, even though he doesn’t know how or what he’s saying.

He also has many things that he absolutely loves. He loves to go o n long runs early in the morning or about sunset. This is when he does most of his thinking. He absolutely can’t stand to not go running at least once a day. He also loves swimming. When the weather is warm enough, he’ll stop by local ponds and lakes in order to take a nice relaxing swim. When he’s not swimming or running, he is playing games at the shop he works at. He loves to sit around and own his opponents in whatever he can find. He’s always up for a good game. As long as that game isn’t hentai. Something about other people naked just plain freaks him out. He does like playing some games with dog girls though.

Origin: Setzer felt himself groan. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He didn’t want to be awake. His whole body was aching. Why was it so cold? Why was he so sore? He couldn’t remember. What was his name? He slowly opened his eyes. He began to stand but felt shocked. He looked at himself. Something wasn’t right, but what was it? He sighed somewhat running a head through his hair. That is what it was called right? Hair? He slowly shook his head trying to remember what had happened earlier. Nothing came to him. He looked down at his body. Something just wasn’t right. He continued to examine the area. He was in a building. The roof was low and there were many shelves attached to it as well as the floor. There were glass walls with little metal pieces running through them. Behind the walls were small boxes. They were all so colorful.

Setzer turned right, there was a counter there a small sign was sitting on it that read “Closed” and a basket containing many magazines. There was also a cash register. Behind the counter he managed to spot a door. Maybe that door would explain what happened to him if he went through it? He stood slowly. His legs ached. Why? Why did they ache? He finally managed to stand to his full height with the help of the counter. He managed to get his achy legs to work. He stumbled over to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob. He opened the door; suddenly feeling rather awkward. He looked up at the person sitting in front of him. It was a young woman with glasses and red hair. Her face was about as red as her hair now. He slowly closed the door that had brought him to the back room. He found himself staring back at this girl.

She stared for a moment before yelling streams of cusses at him. She began throwing random objects at him, most in which hit him squarely in the face. She then began to yell about how he better have not scared away any of her customers and to put some clothes on before she ripped his throat out and fed it to the pigeons. He gets scared and ducked down on the ground curling into a small ball. Why was this girl being so mean? Why was she trying to hurt him? He whimpered lightly before waving his arms like crazy. The girl stopped when she saw his fearful reaction, she felt bad for hitting him with many random plastic action figures. He was confused. She slighty calmed herself. Just a nudist. No big deal. She turned her head for a moment to think before turning to him. She tried to keep her eyes on his face as he slowly stood up. She was going to hit him with more little plastic men, was she?

“Um, Sir, why aren’t you wearing in clothes?” she asked looking at him strangely. Setzer thought for a moment. He didn’t really know what clothes were. So the answer can across very wrong.

“Why are you wearing them?” he looked at her quizzically. She stared for a moment, clinching her fist and growling, before shaking off the shock and going to look for some clothes. She rummaged through a few boxes before pulling out a T-shirt and some jogging pants. She covered her eyes slightly, attempting to avoid the sight before her.

“Put these on.” She barked throwing them at Setzer. He stared at them for a moment as a pair of Mario print boxers hit him in the head. He attempted to place the boxers on his head at first but then thought more logically and put them on correctly. He finally managed to get dressed and looked over at the girl. She was giggling at him, mumbling about how strange he was.

“I’m Nicole. What’s your name?” She looked at him with her eyes wide. Setzer stopped for a moment. Name? Name…. He began to think. He couldn’t remember. Suddenly, he heard a fan girly squeal came from one of the televisions, there were two children playing Kingdom Hearts 2 paying close attention to the screen. He listened closely.

“Set…Zer?”He said confusedly. Nicole laughed and nodded. She slammed the door to the room the boys were fixing the system in. She didn’t really want them to meet this strange man.

“Alright Setzer, you look like you need a job. We’re hiring you know. No one wants to work here… So, how about you do it? I’ll give you free food and I might let you borrow some of the games every now and then. Sound good?” She stopped for a moment to think, “No. That would take too much time, all the paper work and such. Here’s the deal. Since I currently work the whole shift, you take nine to five like you’re helping me. I’ll still give you the payment, but you won’t technically be an employee.” Setzer nodded, trying to figure out what all that stuff she said meant. He didn’t really know what games she was talking about, but he had to admit he was hungry. She nodded slowly, slightly regretting ever feeling sorry for this strange short man. He had probably scared off most of her costumers that were waiting outside. Then again, no one else would work for her. She sighed and looked at him. At least he was willing to work in such a little dump, and he didn’t even ask for money.

Setzer currently works at Nicole’s video gaming store. He works cashier from nine to five then goes for a run before coming back to eat. He sleeps in the alleyway outside of the building; while Nicole goes home to her apartment. She doesn’t seem to notice that he doesn’t have a house. He steals random objects from Nicole without her notice and hides them in alley so he can use them later. Nicole sometimes jokes that he will eat her out of house and home.


Miscellaneous: Setzer named himself after a character in Kingdom Hearts 2. He heard the fan girls in game scream his name and happened to mumble it when he was asked what his name was. So now he goes by it to prevent confusing anyone.

Aura: When Setzer walks by a pond, lake, etc., the water tends to ripple slightly. If he is running, small wave will be created. Plants also seem to perk up a bit when he is nearby. The Tattoos on his chest and arms look kind of like waves with little vines beneath them. In the center of his chest is a lily looking tattoo that connects to both the vines and waves. On his ankles are move vines and waves in a continuous loop around until about two inches above his ankles. On the back on his veins are two more lily like shapes that are once again connected to the vines and waves. When Legendaries look at him they see slight shiny spots, almost like he’s gleaming. This gives him an almost unnatural look, and makes him even paler. They also may see a rain cloud with rain pouring out of it. The rain is seen floating like there is no gravity. The rain seems to almost engulf him, hiding his expressions.


((Well here he is. Tell me what you think!))

[Manaphy Mare]

I'm ready for you to evaluate my sign up. I think it's good enough to get into the RP, I'll probably flesh him out a bit later.

[greywolf123]

O.o NOooooes! I even have the finished SU...

[The Black Glove]

Here we are, and not a moment too soon. Phew!

Name: Terra
Legendary: Groudon
Gender: Female
Age: 13

Description: Somewhat shorter than you'd expect Groudon's reincarnation, Terra stands only around 4'6", a red-haired girl only partway on her road through puberty. Her short, pinkish red hair is spiked in an upward slant on the back of her head, right at the neck point, and small bunches of it hang down the sides of her head. Terra is of a small, skinny build, but a very tough one. Her muscles are well built up, and her skin is tanned from being outside, in a very light ruby color, similar to a sunburn... when she gets ticked off, it is not uncommon for her normally brown eyes to shoot red for a fraction of a second. Luckily, she generally startles people when this occurs, so it never sticks around long enough for most people to notice.

Her boyish appearance is usually dismissed as a result of being raised only by a father, and as a result, becoming a tomboy. In truth, it's because she was found in the mountains by her 'parent', who only had male clothing with him. As a result, she sees most female clothing as "embarrasing" and "uncomfortable, and instead dons a pair of denim shorts, ripped from the leg, as well as a pair of brown sandals and a red t-shirt. For some odd reason, Terra's canine teeth are longer and sharper than normal, and it is not uncommon for one of them to be sticking out when she smiles.

Personality: The main thing people find out about Terra is that she's a red-hot firebrand. Like a large stick of TNT with a short fuse, Terra can (and will) blow up at even the smallest of provocation. As a matter of fact, most people will believe she has "Short Person Syndrome", and barks like a little dog at those who are bigger than she simply because she is insecure. In truth, she really just feels like bickering. It's as if she had some massive arguement with someone, and she just can't shake the feeling of how odd it is not to fight. Although she is very agressive like this, someone with a calmer, more pacifistic personality (like her 'father', Demitri) is usually able to calm her down without starting another fight.

Terra has a hard time trusting people. Demitri explains that she's just shy about meeting others, but he himself has seen how extreme it can be first hand. She often fears what she does not know, and will strike out against it in defense. This starts with yelling, insults, and rude gestures, but as she realizes it isn't working, she will begin to yell and throw objects. Soon, her aura will come into effect, making her into a danger to everyone around her. It is usually best to quickly calm her down via a person she trusts, or you need to gain her trust, despite having stones tossed at your head.

She really is a sweet girl. When she finds someone she trusts, she will cling to them with all her will. This can lead to awkward situations, but it all comes down to a deep fear of being alone. She doesn't know why, but the mere idea of it frightens her to no end. Her other fear is water. She doesn't mind a bath or a shower, but to submerge herself in it is a fear that will push her to the edge. As such, she avoids seas, lakes, rivers, pools, and anywhere else she may fall in like the plague. She seems fine with the rain, although it does make her a little more grouchy than usual. She also tends to feel uneasy when far off the ground, like the higher levels of skyscrapers.


Origin:

The third day...

The young girl continued to shiver in the cave. It had been two days earlier when she had found herself Cold, naked, and lost. More noticeably, she was alone. Terribly, terribly alone. Although the feeling she had was familiar, she knew not of where she was, or who she was for that matter. The only comfort she had was a large boulder at the back of a cave, sheltering her from the strange world she was in. A strange feeling came through her constantly, a rippling that she only knew by instinct. Hunger. The word suprised her. A few such words had crossed her mind since she first awakened. "Thirst" had been the first, a problem only cured by a small nearby spring. However, in her fear, she could not bring herself to run outside for more than a moment.

Someone put me in this situation she thought, a slight rage trickling under her emotional upset. I don't know who or what, but when I find it-

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Her mind snapped to attention. A new voice? It sounded different than the one she had found she could use. It was deeper, a little growly even, but it was loud and brave. On instinct, her voice registered the confidence it held as a threat. Hide. She tucked herself deeper behind the boulder and crouched. The voice was soon joined by a new one.

"Are you sure there's someone up here?"

"Do you doubt what the rangers said? All I know is that someone spotted what they thought was a strange figure wandering around here, and they warned us to be careful."

"So naturally, you're going to check it out."

"I need to check out these caves anyways. Can't hurt to look."

A small *click* sounded as the cave suddenly lit up a little brighter. In moments, she could make out a figure wandering through, holding a small stick that seemed to be emitting the light that now shone through the cavern. It was much larger than she was, and from the looks of it, a lot stronger too. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized it had caught a glimpse of her red hair sticking out from the boulder.

"Hey there! Are you okay?"

Now she was really afraid. "Don't come any closer!" she yelled, hoping her voice might scare the man off. On the contrary, and much to her horror, he only began to approach faster. "I mean it! Leave me alone!" With her yell, the celing seemed to shake a little bit. The figure had to sidestep them quickly to avoid getting hit.

"Demitri, this is getting dangerous! I've never seen these caves shake before!" the other voice exclaimed "You have to get out of there!"

"Calm down," the figure assured her. "I'm here to help."

"LIAR!" more stones, as well as a swirl of dust swarmed the figure. Still, it drew closer. Her fear peaked. Why didn't he stop? What was he going to do? Why doesn't anythiNG MAKE SENSE?! The celing began to rumble like crazy now, and the figure quickly avoided as many as it could. Even so, a few of them struck its arms as it attempted to protect itself against the barrage from the celing. She screwed her eyes shut, hoping and praying desperately that it would all end, when she felt something cover her over as a small rumble came from above. Darkness swallowed her for only an instant, then, all was still. Now, the fear and anger subsided, and she opened her eyes. There, arms wrapped around her in a human shield, was a single man, bleeding in several places along the arms and head from the mini landslide that had just fallen on them. A tall man, as she had seen, but his face and eyes were kind. The thick square chin made a smile of triumph, covered in the stubble like recently planted grass.

"It's okay."

Time froze. Milliseconds became hours, seconds became days. Finally, a wave of relief swept over her. She pushed forward into the chest of the man, holding on tight as water came uncontrollably out of her eyes. As his arms wrapped around her, she realized a new word that she had never thought possible. "Safe."

**(time passes)**

Everything felt strangely warm and comfortable. Although reluctantly, the red haired girl opened her eyes. Although she had originally been naked, she was now covered by strange materials that made her feel a little more secure. The ground seemed to shake under her, and it felt as though she was moving somehow. Looking up, she found herself in a very strange place, although nicer than before. The man from earlier was now sitting on a red lump similar to the one she was laying on now. His arms and head were bound in several places with some strange white straps, and it appeared they went underneath the strange things he covered his body with, similar to what covered her now.

He smiled. "I'm glad you're awake. Can you tell us your name?"

"Name?"

"Yeah. You didn't have any identification with you so- wait... you don't know your name?"

Her arms wrapped around her legs. "I don't really know anything... just that cave. And being alone..." She shivered a little, but noticed something behind the man. Her eyes widened, and she ran over to it. "Uwaa! The world is moving!"

"Actually, we are. Have you ever been in-" he shook his head. "No, I don't suppose you would remember even if you had." He pointed towards the front of the stable area. "This is a van." He explained. "It can move quite fast. I usually have it hold my geology equipment back here, but we weren't doing a serious study of the area."

He recieved a confused blink in return.

The Geologist sighed. "Well, I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Demitri Scarlet, a Geologist who teaches at the University. The man driving the Van is my assistant, Charles."

She spotted the back of his hand wave from the front. "Yo."

"I owe him a lot right now" Demitri smiled. "We both passed out after that miniature land slide, and he was the one who patched us up and got us to safety." He paused thoughtfully for a moment. "Actually, we were pretty lucky to survive that at all." he chuckled "If it hadn't been mostly dirt, it could have been a lot worse for both of us." He winced a bit.

"Hey, hey. Careful, Professor." Charles nagged. "We haven't gotten to the hospital yet."

The girl stared at him. How strange that he should laugh at something that almost killed him! Perhaps there were other times to laugh than just joy?

"Now I suppose you need to be called by something." Demitri put his hand under his chin, ponderingly.

"How about Terra?" Charles called from the front. "After all, we found you underground..."

***

Since then, Demitri and Charles took her to a police station to attempt to find her parents. Oddly enough, there were no matches. Since they had nothing to do to solve the case, Demitri took her in as his own daughter. She rarely leaves his side, startled by the world of New York City, and helps out with his Geology Classes at the University when she can. Since she is of that age, Demitri has also put time aside to homeschool and teach Terra about the strange world she has stumbled upon...


Miscellaneous: As can be expected, Terra does not know how to swim, and will sink like a rock if forced to do so. Also, Terra has gained a LOT more confidence in herself, so you can expect her to be a more loud person in the RPG.

Aura: For the most part, Terra's aura tattoo is well concealed from people. It consists only of a small black circle on her torso, hidden under her shirt. However, if her anger or fear is left to rise, the circle glows red, like the orb used to control it in the pokemon world, and black jagged lines slowly spread out from the center across her arms, legs, and face. As she is Groudon in human flesh, her aura can cause the very earth itself to tremor in a small radius, the magnitude of it depending on her anger or fear. However, she activates such abilities unconsciously, and is currently unaware of how to turn them on or off. To the other legendaries, a dark red aura emanates from her body in wild, uncontrolled spurts, and the air around her is often dusty, causing others to sneeze.

[InnerFlame]

The birds trio and Lugia are all here! Only one missing now is Ho-oh *snaps* Darn Suicune was so totally going to be my next one... It might be me but Suicune's aura just doesn't seem all suicune-like to me in that sign-up... Greywolf talk to cdra, she's a nice person.

Anyways, I've given this much thought, maybe too much... Cat's Aura has been changed though for some reason it not saying I edited the post. How is it now?

Also reserve me Phione... I've always felt sorry for it because it always was in an odd place: too legendary for regular games yet not legendary enough to be in legendary games. I'm glad it's not left out here. Though making its aura will be quite tricky...

[Tundra_Wolfmane]

In this case, can I reserve Cresselia? I rarely get to create female characters, and I have an idea for one.

[CyberBlastoise]

CyberBlastoise -

Emphasizing works well beyond the '!', the CAPS, the bolds, the italics. You could simply say "She exclaimed, she focused herself upon a deep tone, she shouted." Thinks such as that. I personally only like CAPITAL LETTERS when they emphasize the First Letter of a Word. It puts emphasis, a push of the lung to that word. Sure it is not SHOUTING with the CAPITAL Letters, but it is Punching With The Capital In The Front Spot. How you Write using Words, you gain a different POETIC VOICE. Also with your CAPS it sounds like you are spazzing out, SHOUTING the word AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! Emphasizing is one thing, yelling obnoxiously is another. I think the emphasize you want can be simply done with a italics.

Seeing all capitals, to me, is honestly a turn off when I read, however, if you wrote in the font where it has the capital letter, and then smaller capital letters behind the first capital letter, than that I find acceptable. Not sure the Sppf Forums can do that however, I do know Word can. The thing with the smaller capitals, just put them in size 1 font or something.

I'm quite the opposite really. I don't like it when its just one capital letter unless it goes where it needs to go, to me it's all caps or none. Though the smaller font is a good idea, I hope you don't mind I steal this one from you too. *realizes how many ideas he stole from Chris*

As for the sample explanation of the Aura you showed me, I would say this:

1. Fix up the grammar within it before officially adding it to your revamped sign up. Example of this in technical: A comma splice in the sentence with the weaknesses - the drawbacks.

Yeah, I didn't pay attention to much grammar that time around because when I wrote it it was on Notepad and it was one of those "I gotta write it" moments.

2. Focus more on the description/imagery of your Aura. You answer the "what" but still the "why" and "how." Also saying things like "vice-versa" should be eliminated. The word/word is ok as the / represents and/or or vice-versa, but I prefer juicy detail over secretary shortcuts.

How? I don't know what you mean by this, please clarify.

3. Water is deadly, very very deadly, if has caused so many deaths a year because it IS around 70% existent on Earth. Swimming in water is very hard for some, the currents are evil. He can manipulate the currents yes? So he can cause a whirlpool, heavy rapids, defy gravity within water, amplify his strength 2 fold maybe in water. When one is submerged in water, the "world" around them changes. Astronauts use pools to help them practice Space situations. "mere water" therefore would be unacceptable. Serene water on the other hand, acceptable.

I guess I should be more clear. And 100% of people who drink water had or will die.

4. You should more focus on what it can do, instead of what it can't do. What exactly is controlling the currents of water? I would think he'd be able to save someone from drowning too if he knew they were drowning. If he was on the beach, saw a kid way out in the ocean - still visible to the human eye, or with slight magnification through lens - he'd maybe go swim fast to save him, and sweep him from the current. Sure he could not do it long range, is what you imply, but if he swam there to do it, he'd be able to do it. Hence why I find that part of the Aura unneeded to say. Common sense really is what it boils down to.

I felt like it needed to be said. Though I don't see where you're getting at.

5. Density, a tricky sort. We all know density of water is 1.0; as that is what density was originally based off of, water. H2O. Many liquids are lighter than water, some heavier, but a lot lighter. This I don't find needed as an Aura, sure it is creative, but pretty much useless. Instead of Density, focus more on water pressure. Pressure can help sink or float things. Even give power like jets to water. Pressure, in my opinion would be better than density. If not pressure, you have volume. Perhaps you, as Kyogre can stretch the volume of a water-base by adding or subtracting water. There are MANY things you can do with water. I can't limit you there.

I see what you mean, yet another idea taken...wow, I feel like an idiot at this point...that or a thief...or an idiot thief...wait is there really such a thing? I mean...*Bricked*

Hopefully these five points helped you along; don't fret and continue working. I'm positive if you put effort and thought into the revamp, you'll make it!

I wonder if I'll go down in a record book as the guy who revamped his signup the most with 493 pendings. XD

EDIT: Well, one way to find out, time for my third pending. (translation: Well, I fixed her up again.)

[PokemonBreederChris]

GM Note: There are NO SIGN UP REVIEWS this post. I will get to them in time, Tuesday-Thursday are an easier time for me.

I'm ready for you to evaluate my sign up. I think it's good enough to get into the RP, I'll probably flesh him out a bit later.

Manaphy Mare - There still are changes that could be reworked. I do not think you are ready for your sign up to be reevaluated. Read your Sign Up aloud, and try to picture your character, describe everything you can see, every personality quirk your character does. Your sign up can be longer, and fix errors that still are evident. I will give you till your pending reserve is up.

O.o NOooooes! I even have the finished SU...

greywolf123 - I have heard of the dilemma, and that things might be sorting out. I can suggest you a few alternatives, if you so desire. However, professionally speaking, you were given a total of 18 days to construct your Sign Up. I gave you the extended reservation you requested, the weekend extension due to me being busy that weekend, and a unofficial extension due to my lack of updating the post. Eighteen days I find sufficient enough for a sign up to be completed, that is nearing three weeks total.

I do hope that things get worked out however as you seemed very eager to join this RPG from early on. I am an open door if you need anything or wish to ask questions or idea inspirations.

It might be me but Suicune's aura just doesn't seem all suicune-like to me in that sign-up...

Anyways, I've given this much thought, maybe too much... Cat's Aura has been changed though for some reason it not saying I edited the post. How is it now?

Also reserve me Phione... I've always felt sorry for it because it always was in an odd place: too legendary for regular games yet not legendary enough to be in legendary games. I'm glad it's not left out here. Though making its aura will be quite tricky...

InnerFlame -

1. I can figure about twenty different ways for an Aura for Suicune; though it is my final judgment that determines the "yays" or "nays." So we'll see if it is acceptable or not.

2. The edits are acceptable.

3. Phione Reserved.

In this case, can I reserve Cresselia? I rarely get to create female characters, and I have an idea for one.

Tundra_Wolfmane - Cresselia Reserved.

----

CyberBlastoise:

I'm quite the opposite really. I don't like it when its just one capital letter unless it goes where it needs to go, to me it's all caps or none. Though the smaller font is a good idea, I hope you don't mind I steal this one from you too. *realizes how many ideas he stole from Chris*

My ideas are public domain, unless I claim them specifically for my own self. I am glad you found one of my compromises to the CAPITAL LETTERS appropriate.

Yeah, I didn't pay attention to much grammar that time around because when I wrote it it was on Notepad and it was one of those "I gotta write it" moments.

Understandable.

How? I don't know what you mean by this, please clarify.

How to clarify is this, the voice. I can see your distinct voice in writing, but it lends out a vague scene. I am not asking for explicit text-book material detail, but wording that makes writing "sexy" in a sense. In writing, you should always "show" more than you "tell." Sure it is a Sign Up, so you are obliged to tell about your character. However when you add some "showing" into the mix, people see the character in a scene, they see the character moving. I am still a novice writing student myself, so it is hard for me to explain, as what I am talking about is something internal to us all.

Then again, as you stated above, how this was a "I gotta write it" moment, that could be reason to my concern. So ignore it for now. All I can say is when you are ready to be reevaluated, have wording in your sign up that gives a nice flow to it. Make your character breath, if it does not seem alive to you, as you read it, then it could use more work.

I guess I should be more clear. And 100% of people who drink water had or will die.

And this is where you confuse me.

I felt like it needed to be said. Though I don't see where you're getting at.

What I am getting at, is your drawback was illogical. Your character could jump in to save someone from a shallow grave even if they weren't next to each other. It only requires kinetic energy, vs potential energy in which you described in the "immediate radius."

I see what you mean, yet another idea taken...wow, I feel like an idiot at this point...that or a thief...or an idiot thief...wait is there really such a thing? I mean...*Bricked*

No idea is taken, only improved upon. You are welcome to use me as a "Muse-inspiring helper." I help people in that regard.

I wonder if I'll go down in a record book as the guy who revamped his signup the most with 493 pendings. XD

We'll have to see in 493 pendings then, shall we?

EDIT: Well, one way to find out, time for my third pending. (translation: Well, I fixed her up again.)

Are you sure you fixed her up again? Really? Cause if not, you could work on it still before I start evaluating it. If you want to close the line however, I'll be sure to look things over, readying my [green] or [yellow] stamps.

---------------------------------------------

Tundra_Wolfmane - Cresselia - Reserved until February 6th, 2:06 am EST
InnerFlame - Phione - Reserved until February 6th, 1:34 am EST

[CyberBlastoise]

well, I will close the line, mainly because I also revamped the personality and wanted to see if it was acceptable, that is the one thing I'm wanting to know the most.

And I also hope that I nailed the fine line between generic and specific in description that you are looking for.

[greywolf123]

Actually, C and I are working something out as of right now. We'll see how it goes in any case.

[cdra1617]

((Just a note. I refer to him as a guy in all fields except the beginning of the origin, where he is just "the mysterious girl". So I call him a her until the storytelling part of the origin ends. ^^; I'll be calling him a him in the rpg. And also yes, greywolf and I are working this out... and don't call me C.))

Sign Up Form

Name: Clarissa (or Lars)
Legendary: Latios
Gender: Female biologically. However, she identifies as male, so I will refer to her as such.
Age: 19

Description: Clarissa, or Lars as he is more often called, is average sized in many dimensions—he is only about 5’7”, an average height, and has a relatively average-looking build. That is to say, his physique is unspectacular, but somewhat defined in places such as his arms. He has defined abs, but not a six-pack. His legs are average in their strength. Overall, his body is trimmed—there is no fat present. Now, given that he is biologically female, he does have breasts, but they are very small and kept bound down with a medical bandage, the kind normally used to protect weak knees. He has a slightly feminine waist, but otherwise, his biological sex is indeterminable. Lars’s skin is peachy and rather light, with white-ish undertones. It doesn’t look like he’s gotten much sun, though he has remained less than pasty.

Lars has a rather androgynous, but still mature-looking face. His jaw line is under-defined and sharp, and his eyes are somewhat angular. They have hazel irises and are rather small. He has a slightly pointy nose, but it doesn’t look ridiculous. Overall, his face seems sharp—pointed and edgy, even clean-cut in design. His hair is unusual, but not too insane to pass. It is of a platinum blonde shade and rather thin, allowing it to be easily styled up into a tall-ish fauxhawk, standing about three inches tall at the top. A fauxhawk is where all the hair is pulled upward, like a mohawk, but the sides are not shaven. In fact, it's much more of a wild spiky style than a mohawk. Right at the center of his forehead, a few pieces of hair fall from the fauxhawk over the bridge of his nose. The hair on the back of his head falls downward, brushing around his ears but barely covering his neck.

Now, Lars has two outfits which he wears regularly, which are very different ones from the punk/goth spectrum of fashion. The first and probably more common of these consists first of a white short-sleeved shirt, with swirling blue designs decorating it. This shirt is a comfortable, stretchy type of cotton and fits him loosely. At times he wears a black leather jacket over this in order to stay warm. Either way, Lars is also rather fond of his grayish denim punk skinny jeans. They fit tightly and have a great decoration of chains and zippers, most of which have no real purpose. One loose strap runs from his back pockets to his inner thigh, and has some chains dangling from it--this is duplicated on each side. In addition to all the zippers and pockets, these jeans also have holes in the knees and rips all along them. One of the stranger things about these pants is the Union Jack (that’s the British flag for those of you who don’t know) that is emblazoned on his left hip and moves over about half of his upper leg.

The other outfit is a bit less common, but Lars likes it all the same. Again, his shirt is white, but this time it has long sleeves. It has large, diamond-shaped blue patches over the shoulders (which don’t connect on the back) and a red triangle--or the outline of one--on the chest, as well as blue trims around the neckline, bottom, and sleeve ends. Once more it is cotton and fits comfortably, neither tight nor loose. He ties a dark blue bandana around his left upper-arm, over the shirt. His pants are, if anything, more complicated than the other pair; they are black, and extremely loose-fitting to the point of looking like they may fall off any moment. These are decorated with a similar set of complicated articles, including the same straps that run butt-to-inner-thigh, though these have no chains on them and are blueish in color. His pockets are enormous, outlined in blue stitches, and have lots of silver washers embedded in them. Many chains lie over his hips. There are no excess zippers on these pants, but the pockets are even larger, and have more stitching detail.

Lars has some features in common with every outfit: for one, he wears blue Converse sneakers. They have white rubber soles and white laces, and are high-tops--they run up about to his ankle. He wears a tarnished silver chain with two dog tags on it, though it doesn’t seem to have any sentimental value. On his wrists are black bands of towel-like cloth with various designs on them. Finally, Lars has a few piercings, including a silver barbell with blue balls over his left eyebrow, silver stud earrings in both earlobes, and an industrial in his right ear. The industrial is a bar running through his cartilage in two places: one lower and on the side, and the other higher and closer to the top of the ear. It is, of course, silver and has a spiral in the center of it (between the two holes, inside of his ear).

Personality: Lars isn’t a very social person. He would much rather avoid conversation than become actively involved in it; simply put, he doesn’t like other people too much. It’s not that he has an actual issue with them, he just doesn’t like interaction, and is a bit shy. However, this is somewhat thrown off by his ever present big-brother complex. He has a very brotherly nature toward those who are definitely younger than himself and somehow make him think of a younger sibling. This is the easiest window into Lars’s heart, because he does have one. In fact, he’s a pretty sensitive guy, and generally pretty nice once you get past his somewhat cold exterior shell. This shell is not easily broken by those who don’t immediately somehow strike him as a little sibling type, though. Trying to talk to him is like trying to talk to a brick wall; he doesn’t listen, and probably doesn’t care what you’re talking about. But when he’s required to, he’ll listen with a vague interest, and take notes. While his indifferent attitude may not scream it, he is highly intelligent, and has learned how to read (though sometimes he still gets confused about spellings). He has an analytical eye and sharp mind.

Partially as a facet of his indifferent nature, Lars is exceptionally calm. He rarely raises his voice or gets startled, simply watching life move by as he takes notes. He has the virtue of keeping a level head even in a somewhat stressful situation, though this doesn’t really do anyone else any good. He doesn’t give advice partially because he is quite shy and doesn’t think he has anything that interesting to say. However, he will take care of those he cares for, though they are few and far between. He is very secretive, though he has few secrets to keep, he doesn’t even tell his keepers that he can feel people’s thoughts when he touches them. This secretive, solitary nature seems to lump Lars in with the “dark and mysterious” types, and he wouldn’t be a total outcast there. He makes no effort to be mysterious; he just doesn’t like to talk.

However, Lars is not always so cool. He has a slight rebellious streak, though it’s more apparent in his general dislike for being told what to do than in anger or outbursts. He has no intent of letting anyone tell him what to do; he is strongly individualistic in this way and doesn’t appreciate authority in general, even if it’s well meaning. He is usually discerning of people, able to tell what they’re thinking from a good look (unless they’re just particularly good at hiding their feelings). On the other hand, Lars is not good at hiding his feelings; whenever something surfaces, he tends to show it very strongly, whether it be affection, sadness, anger, or surprise. Indeed, in a stressful situation, Lars behaves oddly, becoming jumpy and defensive, sometimes freezing up entirely. However, he's quite hard to stress out, so this is a rare occurrence. What other people think of him doesn’t usually matter unless he fancies them particularly as a little sibling. He is a pretty indifferent person who only really enjoys skating and eating chips, sometimes watching television. If it weren't for his extremely loud appearance, Lars might easily fade into the crowd.

Origin: The back door’s hinges creaked as the man exited the shop for a moment, to grab a smoke. He didn’t like polluting up the small parlor, because of course, customers sometimes found the smell offensive. And he didn’t want to offend the customers. So the very unusual looking man leaned back against the wall as he lit a cigarette. He was definitely different, with a tall black mohawk and light skin. He was wearing a ratty gray band shirt, nothing too unusual, and tight grayish jeans. His ears had enormous tunnels in them—one and a half inches in diameter at least. That alone was a rather strange sight. He had several apparent tattoos, which of course, he had designed himself. Well, some of them were designed by his wife; both of them were tattoo artists. As he took a deep puff of his cigarette, he noticed something very unusual.

Lying on the sidewalk next to him was a young woman, completely nude, with peach-colored skin. If that wasn’t surprising enough, the man was taken with her tattoos—an amazingly intricate system of tribal designs, starting in whites at the very center and spreading neatly into blues as it moved down her back, even up the sides of her neck and onto her forehead. They looked like wings, almost, but the movement up to her forehead took away from this. Either way, they were quite impressive. He smiled. That must have taken hours upon end; he knew how long big tribal pieces could take. It was definitely a tough design, and he knew she had to have gone through a lot of pain to get it. But then he became more aware that she was naked, and looked back out at the quite alleyway. He took another break of his cigarette and pondered what she could be doing there, trying not to notice her.

Steadily, her hazel eyes fluttered open, and she lifted her head. The man on the wall looked at her, noticing the motion. She just stared back at him. He spoke first, “Those are some sweet tats, girl, but you shouldn’t be showing them off naked.” Her angular eyes became wide at this, and she looked at him, confused. He blinked back at her. “Do you talk? Either way… since you’re up…” he knew that his wife was going to get him for this one, but… “Come on inside the parlor. You don’t need to get arrested for being naked in public.”

He opened the door and motioned to the inside, holding it open with his back while he put out his cigarette with his foot. She stood up and watched him warily as she proceeded into the shop, never taking her eye off of him. He closed the door behind them as his wife looked back at the two of them. She had long, pretty brown hair and pale skin. Her outfit was simple, a black jacket over a patterned pink shirt, which stretched over her rather large bosom. Her pants, too, were torn light jeans. She stared at them for a moment, and before her husband could protest, she was yelling at them.

“What’s this?!” she screamed, indignant, “She’s… she’s completely naked! What did you—“

“Now now Missy, calm down…” the man insisted. Missy wasn’t a downgrading pet name—it was the woman’s real name. “I found her just sitting outside in the alley. I couldn’t just leave her out there. I mean, look at those tattoos.” He turned the very confused girl around, who vocally protested for the first time.

“Hey!” is all she said, but she looked behind herself at Missy with wide eyes. She seemed afraid, and confused. Oddly enough, the mysterious girl showed no intention of hiding herself. Maybe she didn’t quite understand that she was naked. And something else, inside of her, clicked, though the girl said nothing. When she was touched, she understood his language (somewhat at least); she understood that his name was Goat, and that Missy was that woman’s name, and she was mad at them. But he let go before she realized more than that. She was glad; the shock which had reached her skin when the man touched her was somewhat painful.

Missy glared at her husband. “Really now…” she didn’t seem convinced, but she went with it, and asked the mysterious young woman, “What’s your name?” The girl just stared at her, like a kindergartner who had just been asked why the sky was blue. “Where are you from?” The girl continued to stare, then just looked down.

“I don’t know.” She finally responded, hazelnut colored eyes looking dejectedly at the floor. Why couldn’t she remember anything? That was too strange… she knew about these two, but not herself… though she was too shy to say that.

Missy tilted her head. “You don’t know? You have amnesia, then?”

“I suppose so,” the mysterious girl looked back at her. “You are… Missy?”

The man smiled. “Yep, she’s my wife. I’m Goat. Missy, do you think you could get this chick some clothes? Her being naked is kind of awkward.”

Something clicked in the girl’s mind, again, though this time it wasn't accompanied with a shock. “I am not a chick!” She didn’t know what she meant by that, but it was so perfectly natural to react that way. It was the only thing which had seemed natural thus far… other than understanding before they spoke their names what they were.

Missy looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“I… I don’t know but… I’m not a chick.”

She suddenly took on a look of understanding. “So, you identify as male even though you’re female?”

The girl blinked at her. “Err, yes…” that also made sense. She wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but it seemed natural enough. What are male and female? She was too afraid to ask. But whatever it meant, it made sense in her head somewhere, where she couldn’t remember. So she just looked at Missy.

Goat looked down at her, then at Missy. Missy, of course, assumed several things. She elected not to say anything, though, but just to say, “Oh, you poor thing.” The front door made a ringing sound and Goat rushed off to the counter to speak with the customer, or potential customer, while Missy dealt with the mysterious girl. Missy smiled at her. “Wait right there.” She said as she walked out the back door for a moment, leaving the mysterious girl sitting on a soft couch, still quite nude.

While the older woman was gone, the nude girl with spiky blonde hair curled up. She was so confused, but at least inside, she felt more secure. Though she didn’t understand that security herself, either. The music played softly behind her, a radio station which was usually kept on, running through the boombox on the front desk. She faded into listening to the music, trying to find some semblance of comfort in this strange situation, and trying to remember something, anything, about herself. After a moment, she heard something repeated on the radio: “Clarissa, Clarissa, Clarissa, Clarissa…” And as Missy returned, the girl whispered the name.

“Clarissa?” Missy asked. “Is that your name?”

The girl stared up at her. “It sounds okay.” So she decided to call herself that, at least for now. “Until I remember what I’m supposed to be called…”

Missy smiled. “Okay, Clarissa.” The other girl then noticed the large black bag in her hand. Clarissa tilted her head in confusion. She didn’t realize that it was a garbage bag, filled with clothes that Missy had been intending to take to goodwill for the longest time but kept forgetting in the car. Either way, some of the clothes would have to fit Clarissa. Of course, these clothes weren't exactly ordinary, which was one of the reasons that Missy hadn't taken them to goodwill. She and her husband had very... different fashion tastes, especially when they were Clarissa's size.

“Let’s see what’s in here…” she said, taking various articles out of the sack. Clarissa went through them and picked out a few that she liked, mainly in whites and blues. With Missy’s instruction, she managed to get the clothes on, though she lacked underwear and likely wanted something other than a bra. The younger girl stood up, looking at her outfit cautiously.

“I like this…” she muttered, smiling. It fit pretty well, and looked somehow right on her, though of course it was hard to tell that she was a girl. That was intentional. Her outfit of choice for the time being consisted of over-detailed, baggy pants and a white and blue top. Missy smiled as well as Clarissa sat back down, relaxing on the couch while Missy went back to work.

Late that night, when the parlor closed, the couple went back to Clarissa, who lay staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were zoned out, but not asleep. Clearly, she was trying to think, trying to remember. Goat spoke first. “So, Clarissa, you don’t know where you’re from or where you have to go?”

Clarissa sat up, but didn’t look at him. She shook her head. “No. I don’t remember anything at all.” She decided not to talk about the fact that she knew their names before they were spoken, thinking that would freak out the pair. Something told her she had to keep it a secret.

He looked at Missy, then back at her. “Well see, we had to fire our desk worker a while back because of the money. But since you haven’t got anywhere to go… we could hire you to sit at the desk and talk to people. We’ll give you food, beer, and those clothes as your wage, and let you sleep on that couch. It’s all we can manage.” He finished explaining and sighed. He didn’t really want to bother with the strange, tattooed amnesiac, but then again, he couldn’t stand to leave her out in the cold. Missy agreed, and believed she wouldn’t be a burden, besides surely she would remember herself and leave after a while.

Clarissa smiled at him, finally looking up at the pair. “That… that would be nice.” And so, they decided to hire her, and teach her how to talk to people about getting their tattoos and piercings done. She could just sit there and talk, which let them do twice the work if appointments were available. Clarissa thought the situation was quite fitting—she had a place to sleep, and food, for just sitting and talking to people. With her crazy styled hair and fashion taste (basically what the couple had worn when they were younger), she fit in perfectly. However, from that point on, Clarissa was not called a “she”. He had made it clear that he was male, at least in his own mind, and they respected that. Missy even gave him a large medical band with which to wrap up his breasts, which he quickly found out how to use and made use of.

For now, Clarissa lives in the parlor, working the desk when the couple is busy, and bumming off their food. He isn’t too much of a hassle, though Goat does hope he’ll get his memory back soon. His personality has become more apparent, and he is somewhat less shy than he was when he first arrived (though he remains secretive). At some point, Clarissa found out from a customer that his name was distinctly feminine; while he had gotten used to being called that, he didn’t want a female name. That clearly wasn’t right at all. So, after a few minutes, they shortened it out to “Lars”, which he has called himself in front of customers ever since. The couple still calls him Clarissa though, because like Lars himself, that’s what they’re used to.

In another moment of interest, about three days after Lars began staying at the parlor, someone put their hand on his wrist, and startled him, as he could suddenly feel something. He understood their name, and what they were feeling and thinking at that moment. It freaks him out a little (yet it makes sense somehow), and Lars has elected not to speak of this, as he is quite a secretive person. Since he’s been staying with them, he’s gotten several piercings done, just because he saw them and thought they looked really cool. Goat did them for free, for reasons he doesn’t quite explain; Lars wasn’t causing him any trouble, as he saw it, and it wasn’t much trouble to do the piercings. That’s why Lars has so many. For now, Lars is spending his days sitting at the desk, though he does sometimes go wander the town at night, and examine the neon lights, as he finds them cool. He still doesn’t remember anything, but he hopes that if he keeps wandering around, he’ll find someone who knows his face…

Miscellaneous: Lars has a skateboard that he’s learned how to ride, and generally does so for faster transportation. It’s black on top, of course, and the deck decorated with swirls of blue and white, blending together and changing shades like a blue fire. Somehow, one might imagine it to be the fire of the soul, burning and whipping in shades of blue. The wheels of the skateboard are white. He usually just carries it around—he got it from a dumpster, cleaned it up, and asked Missy to paint it cooler for him. She was obliged to do so. He can’t do any tricks, but he doesn’t fall off of it. He has a bizarre fascination with airplanes.

Aura: Lars has an unusual aura. When he touches someone, he is instantly told what they’re thinking right at the top of their mind, and what they’re feeling at the moment. Often, he also discovers their name. The contact has to be skin-to-skin for this to happen, and he never finds out more than the person’s immediate thoughts. This doesn’t flow smoothly to Lars; he is rather suddenly shocked by this, as though receiving a static shock, though the other person feels nothing. He is instantly prompted to pull away as of now. Around those he has a stronger connection to, he can feel their immediate thoughts and emotions emanating from them over a short distance. He hasn’t yet found how to project his own thoughts, though he should be able to do so; also, later he should be able to detect the feelings of those he is very close to from a longer distance.

Lars’s aura has an interesting visual form. It looks like two long blue wings are extending from his back, at the top of his tattoo, and they move in a straight, diagonal line to his knees; however this line is pointed much more out to the sides than downward. The ends of these have a three points: one pointing forward and two pointing outward (the outer one being taller). He has a sort of fuzzy blue tail with many points coming downward from his rump, though it’s very short and wide. There is almost a blue halo running around his head as well. To those like himself, he seems to glow with a slight blue flame all around his body.

Of all the things about Lars, his tattoo has got to be the loudest. It’s far more extensive and colorful than most, spanning over his shoulderblades and upper back as well as moving upward toward his head. First, between his shoulderblades is a white line of tribal designs, which ends near his waist. These designs, mostly taking the form of angular shapes, spiral in and over themselves in multiple forms. As they reach his shoulderblades, they fade into a true blue color, like his aura. The designs continue in much the same shapes, only larger; they reach points about his waist, where they have tapered into smaller, more pointed shapes (they look like his wings). However, they don’t stop there; these blue lines move upward, decorating his shoulderblades, and then seem to stop abruptly. From there, one single line on each side, remaining symmetrical, zigzags up the side of his neck, behind his ears and onto his forehead. Here, the lines become rather slim, and zag in a final time at the center of his forehead into small loops, which then end in points before reaching the original line. While this may seem complicated, and too showy, one must bear in mind that Lars works in a tattoo parlor, and has no issue with it. He might find that other people look at him funny, but he hasn’t yet.


((if you didn't catch the reference in the origin, Lars says he's not a chick - he's a full grown bird! But of course it has a double meaning here.))

[PokemonBreederChris]

Actually, C and I are working something out as of right now. We'll see how it goes in any case.

greywolf123 - Glad to hear.

I'm ready for you to evaluate my sign up. I think it's good enough to get into the RP, I'll probably flesh him out a bit later.

Manaphy Mare - Below is your second review, only focused upon the areas you needed work on.

    Spoiler:- Second evaluation for Manaphy::

Show Spoiler

 

Description: Curran stands at a medium-tall height. His build is slender and athletic he is as fast and strong as he appears. He has tan skin (by Irish standards at least), with no visible acne. His fiery orange hair is somewhat long (falling to roughly his earlobes) and pin-straight and his bangs serve to perfectly frame his dazzling emerald eyes.

I'm half Irish, yet I don't know what you mean by "Irish standards." Is it because the Irish are fairer of skin? Are you confusing the stereo-typical "Ginger" with the Celtic of Ireland? Irish is a nationality in description; sure many of them are of Celtic-decent, but we also have Anglo-Saxon, Nordic, and many other Caucasian tone definitions. Say Islander, Northern Europe, Southern Europe, etc, if you are going to give the "tan skin" a definition. Irish standards is not a definition. I know a lot of Irish people who have many shades of "tanned" skin, mainly fault of the Sun. Heck, even "Tanned Caucasian" works. Also it is unprofessional to have the (parentheses); they indicate Author's notes if anything, and should not be used for adding onto description. What you want for description should go beyond the parentheses. Get rid of them as they have no valid importance.

His ears come to an elf-like point and have a pink triangle “tattoo” on the back that looks like a cat’s ear. His face is moderately long, yet a little rounded with high cheekbones and no facial hair at all. His eyebrows are fairly thin when compared to his peers. The expression that is usually adorning his face is one of both wisdom and curiosity.

Why do you have tattoo in quotes? What is the significance of this "tattoo?" Are they in fact not tattoos but a part of Curran, a birthmark perhaps? You didn't really add to the facial features with your character. Instead of "no facial hair" a baby face is much more descriptive, or even talking of the texture, such as smooth cheeks?

Personality: (See his aura)

This is the appropriate way to use the parentheses. Though a simple * can serve the same purpose with user-notes at the bottom of the Sign Up.

Origin: "Who are you? What happened?” She bombarded him with questions, probably even more confused than he was.

Startled would be a better word than confused in my opinion.

After they began talking she began to pity the boy and decided to unofficially adopt him; eventually giving him the name Curran, a traditional Irish name that means hero. He currently works at the boutique and models in his mother-figure’s monthly fashion show.

Origin is too short, though "legal" by my minimum, and it does convey the origin of the name and the "start" of Curran. I say it is too short for how it abruptly ends.The "unofficial" adoption, and how his current place of employment come about, I think you need much more detail if you are to include them. The scene thus is too fragmented, and confusing, superficial. He just conveniently happens to be where he needs to be, and the female doesn't do anything but badger him a few questions, and then gives him clothing, adopting him in the process? I don't think so. You need much more in your Origin if you are to include such details. Give more character to his "mother" she is a secondary character, but if she is "mother" you need a better exchange with her, perhaps a scene with the two interacting beyond the initial encounter? Perhaps she lost a child at 21, and now at the age of 37, Curran reminds her of her lost child. Maybe that could be reason to her naming him Curran. She can't just unofficially adopt Curran, she needs a deeper reason for it.

You didn't really revamp your Origin either, just took out the beginning that I told you was unacceptable.

Miscellaneous: As stated above, Curran currently models for his adoptive mother’s boutique; he is also a skilled dancer/singer. He has also been cast in two american productions of foreign musicals. His first musical, and Broadway debut, has him portraying Timmy in the first American production of the Winx Power Show. His other being Kurosaki Ichigo in the Bleach Musicals.

Waaaait what? LEADING roles? at the age of 16? I don't think so, you seriously need to be 18 or older, OR have signed consent buy your LEGAL guardian. Curran has no LEGAL guardian. This is more power-playing than the martial arts before; and he shouldn't of been on Earth that long to do any of this either. Miscellaneous denied.

Aura: Curran’s aura allows him to communicate with any animal within three feet of him. It also is capable of producing Mew’s energy sphere from the first pokemon movie; however he must be in certain, mortal danger for this to happen. This sphere also doubles as how his aura appears to his fellow legendaries.

"any animals within three feet of him." Too overpowering, and would cause sensory overload. Seriously, in just three feet, there could be A LOT of rats, pidgeons, squirrels, even "humans." as Humans are technically animals. Change it to something where he needs physical contact rather than three feet. Also, I'm more prone to go with Game data, not data from the Movies. The bubble is more a "technique" than an Aura, so find something else that Mew is known for, research on Bulbapedia or something. The sphere as the metaphysical description is alright however.
 

Manaphy Mare:

Manaphy, I did not find sufficient enough changes. Therefore I am giving you a pending still, with out a reservation to hold it. The only part of your Sign Up I now find acceptable is your personality. Description had one major error, and for your Origin, I believe you need to spend some extra time on it, that is where you struggled the most. Miscellaneous needs to be erased, or thought new again. Aura, still needs revamping. Basically all fields require work still except personality, but it doesn't hurt to look back on personality to fix it up as well.

Sorry, but you are still pending. You are still welcome to try however. I appreciate your continued efforts.

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well, I will close the line, mainly because I also revamped the personality and wanted to see if it was acceptable, that is the one thing I'm wanting to know the most.

And I also hope that I nailed the fine line between generic and specific in description that you are looking for.

CyberBlastoise - I see great improvement upon your sign up, though I mainly focused on personality as that is what you asked. Below your review is an explanation on personality directed to you, but anyone can use it to help them.

As for your description, I believe you have made the appropriate changes, though I see your major error is that in wording. Something that will improve the more you read and write. Also, yes you want the line between generic and specific. Both specific and generic are dry and boring. In between the two is what you should strive for.

    Spoiler:- Third Review for Kyogre.:

Show Spoiler

 

Description:

His hands, however, are large horizontally, but are not so much vertically. His fingers, which add on to the vertically shortness, are blunt yet have smoothly-rounded tips.

Here, all I have to say is with writing, don't repeat the same word over and over in describing. Such as "However" and similar words like that. Also horizontal and vertical, I understand you are trying to be more descriptive, but they aren't needed as descriptors, as you make objects sound more "square" than they should.

Personality:

While he does not remember much (or rather anything) about his past, this does not cause certain memories from surfacing, namely the one with Groudon, and will show disdane to those memories. It does seem as though, he does not want to remember who he is and that he would rather be what he is now. He wants to provide for those that have provided for him; he hopes the same is true for him.

I, the GM, am master of the past of the Legendaries. Who is to say Tim can remember Groudon? Even if he may, this would cause much much much confusion for him. Not acceptable for the personality. This part is more filler than personality.
 

CyberBlastoise: Everything within your Sign Up is now acceptable, with exception to what I mentioned in the above review. To help with your personality I have added some tips below. You are above a pending, but below an accepted. You really should revamp your personality, as you have stated. So I will give you a PENDING for now. This means that you need to fix the things I specified and will need to give me a freshly made RPG sample. You have 3 of the 4 major fields accepted. Just waiting on personality.


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What you need in personality are as follows: (In no particular order of importance, you do not need to include them all, but they help shape who your character is.)

The character's...

1. Psychological or emotional goals. Goals are what give the drive for a character to do what they do. Sure with no memories, having a goal would be difficult, but even trying to figure who they are/were is a goal in itself. Each personality needs a driving force, and the goal is an easy indicator for said drive. Goals include things such as life, career, personal gains, material gains, personal goals.

2. Super-objective. Along with the goal, there comes the super-objective. As a goal is an indicator for drive, the super-objective is the primary motivation of the drive. This is the item that makes them "tick" as the slang term says. It makes their inner psychologies function.

3. Hopes or desires. Also to connect with the drive as the character's hopes and desires. The things that give reason behind the goals. They help influence the drive of the character based on the character's philosophy.

4. Defining characteristics. The defining characteristics of your character belong in both personality and description. Usually if they are in description, they often give glimpse to the character's personality. Defining characteristics are distinct features that help to identify, tell apart, or describe recognizably; a unique mark (description) or trait(personality).

5. Social quirks. Your character's social quirks are what define how your character interacts with their surroundings, whether it be society, another being, or the environment. Social quirks often umbrella to many different small things, but mainly, one discusses if they are introverted or extroverted.

Other quirks include selfishness or selflessness, fears, phobias and superstitions, impulsiveness, sense of humor, and hidden secrets.

Definition: Introvert.
Definition: Extrovert.

6. Morale fiber and philosophies. The morale fibers are basically the behaviors of your character toward topics, their attitudes. What do they think of such things as themselves, others, friendship, sex, love, family, marriage, country culture, the world, or even possibly religion?


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GM Note: For those waiting Sign Up evaluation, The Black Glove, GenericUserName, cdra1617, I will get to your evaluations as soon as possible. I've had little time to finalize things, but will get them done with prompt attention

[.:Lemon Tea:.]

Well, I thought I posted my sign up yesterday night, but unfortunately serebii lag and my computer going through a random spazz of automatic updates resulted in my sign not getting posted.

Now here I am, posting it again. My apologies if I wasn't descriptive enough or some sentences don't make sense. I looked over everything...but if I missed something in particular, I guess your critique will most likely find the error.

Sign Up

Name: Teresa
Legendary: Ho-oh
Gender: Female
Age: 25

Description:

Teresa looks rather exotic, to say the least. Despite being in New York, a large cultural mixing pot of America, Teresa still manages a foreign look which makes her look a bit outlandish, yet striking. Standing around 5’7, she has shapely build and pleasing frame. Along with her long legs and slender arms, she has well-formed, elegant fingers like that of a pianist’s. Her skin is a soft golden brown, not a dark, earthen brown, but a color most apparent in people from the Middle East and maybe Asia. These features are not exactly what make her so unusual. What makes her seem so extraordinary and stand out from the crowd are her amber eyes. Her eyes are the color of a fireish gold color, with fluent specks of color melted in between. These specks are a rainbow of colors, usually bright and brilliant that range from a vivid red to a dazzling shade of turquoise. Although small, these specks blend into her amber irises, giving off the effect that her eyes aren’t exactly amber, but a mixture of many different colors on an amber palette. Oftentimes, from a distance, someone might gaze into her eyes only to have a flash of red or turquoise reflect back. While alluring, Teresa’s eyes have a sharp, defiant gaze to them like a bird of prey. This might be due to the fact that her eyes are curved slightly on the sides which gives them a naturally fierce look, and enhanced with the fact that her eyes have an intense and vivid color to them. Along with this, her eyes are bordered by a multitude of long, dark lashes that give off the effect that she is wearing heavy mascara and eyeliner, but when looked at closely, one can see that there are no clumps and that the color looks a more natural brownish-black than the artificial, oily liquid found in mascara. She has raven-black hair that ends at her waist with a silky sheen. There are faint orange-yellow highlights at the top, and she sometimes puts the hair in a braid, although she usually lets it flow freely.

Her physique can be described as domineering in a way. The way she walks and acts portrays a feeling of regality as she usually takes an assertive form with long strides with her head held high. She has a tendency to look people in the eye, often in an unnerving fashion, which some people have found to be perplexing and a bit scary. Her body, although elegant and slim, is made to seem more majestic and noble than delicate and pure. Teresa was made to give off the impression of female power with her imposing demeanor and stately appearance. She seems athletic and fit enough with seemingly toned muscles underneath also. Her face is an almond shape with well-defined cheekbones, vibrant scarlet lips, with her lidded, bold eyes. Her nose has a slight curve to it and is rather thin-nothing like a bull nose. It is slender and fits on her face quite well. Along with that, her lush skin doesn’t seem to have any blemishes on it, but a very small, brown mole that just seems like a dark freckle is under her eye, but that can hard to notice due to the fact that it is blocked by her long lashes. Her look is somewhat Indian or Middle Eastern, but then again, not. Teresa just doesn’t look like one definitive ethnicity, she could seem even Mediterranean to Hawaiian to maybe even Asian, but she doesn’t just totally fit the physical stereotype of belonging to a certain race. That is what makes her seem a bit unique as she could blend into many different ethnic locations in New York such as Chinatown, but then not really belong as she might not fit the total ‘Asian’ look that many people expect to see while in Chinatown.

As for Teresa’s clothes, well, her clothes choice reflects a vivid array of colors. She wears a bright scarf made with a variety colors. When she wears it, it is quite long, made of silky-cotton material and even when tied at the left side of her neck; it still flows down to her waist. The colors on it go from a tye-dyed turquoise-green that blends into a pulsating yellow that blends quickly into a maroon red, that turns to dark indigo which turns back into turquoise, and the whole cycle repeats. She wears a regular black tank top her body that fits her natural figure. Her tank top ends around the mid-stomach area and a portion of her skin is uncovered due to that. As for her bottom, she wears a red skirt made of soft cotton. It fits tightly on her waist first, but then the skirt loosely flows down to her knees. Many shiny sequins are placed on it. These sequins are usually orange, purple, and green and are placed at the bottom (the edges) of the skirt. Also, sequins are just scatted along her dress. As for her feet, Teresa covers them in black, velvety-leather boots that almost reach her knees.

Personality:

Teresa can be described as many different things, but her character mostly reflects that of a somewhat solitary, skeptical person that acts a bit conceited in a way. She has a bit of contempt for human society after seeing the poverty of the big cities and in the news, war. For some reason that she cannot fathom, she is against humans fighting. Much of it, she sees, is just due to often trivial causes, and when the cause is justified, often the justification loses its purpose when the war begins and people lose sight of their original goals. There really is no noble war in Teresa’s eyes, for always crimes are committed by both sides and often humans die as random canon-fodder for a supposedly ‘better good’. This has made her a bit detached from human society as she tends to see the bad things more than the good. This does not make her hate humans though. She does not hate random human beings or individuals for oftentimes, it is only human intuition that causes them to do misdeeds, but what she does hate is what human society does on a grand scale such as war, crime, and hate. This has her conflicted for humans themselves aren’t exactly ‘horrible, horrible’ but the society they are a part of is imperfect, impractical, and does make stupid, selfish decisions. For the most part, she has just decided to accept human beings as imperfect and does acknowledge that society has created some benefits for people so it isn’t wholly bad. Yet, she still remains a bit distant from others due to this, rather liking to be an observer to a spectacle rather than participating with the mob.

She has learned enough from humans that telling them these things will lead to rather negative responses, unless they were close to her in the beginning to sort of understand her views. Thus, she often keeps these views to herself and portray herself as a more moderate person on the outside, unless she is with Kou or someone else close to her who knows her true nature and wouldn’t mind debating or listening to her thoughts about humanity, life, and the world. She is also a big skeptic, not totally trusting other people’s ideas or people in general. She usually thinks out everything abut the other person’s idea and if is true or not. While she isn’t exactly trusting of others due to her views that people might just be nice to her just for the sake of being nice, she has a few people she feels she can rely on and can stand her. Teresa is also quite stubborn and likes to use her ideas over that of others if she thinks the latter’s idea isn’t as good as hers. This rather contradicts her so-called pacifist idealism, and she guesses that it is just because she is human that she contradicts herself and although she tries to be more flexible with others, it just doesn’t work out. This also makes her seem a bit conceited, but often, the plans she proposes are better than others, and she will stick up to defend her side; providing often too many facts along with being extremely intense about her ideas that it drives her opponents crazy and want to agree with her in order for the crazy bird to calm down. While she is strong-willed, she also has a nicer side to her and tends to give candy to children or other people she deems to have ‘pure hearts’.

In a sense, she does embody the feminine power she displays as she is forceful and somewhat uses eloquent language, but in other ways, she really is not. While she is uncompromising with her ideas, she isn’t exactly an insane, mean machine of a person to talk to. While she does portray an intense, rather rude demeanor, it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t want to try new things out and often, she likes to do things that are well out of what humans would like to do. She likes to walk in rain without an umbrella to simply enjoy the feeling of water on her and browsing through crowded streets just to see different sorts of people. Yes, she is stubborn and resolute, but will open up to people who don’t try to pretend to like her and if someone is truly curious about her (in a nice way), she will open up. Along with this, she doesn’t like to sugarcoat many things, since she doesn’t exactly get why people have to, but experiences in the human world have taught her that oftentimes it is better to do that in order to avoid fights, but she tries to be as truthful as possible.

Origin:

There was nothing.

She felt empty both on the inside and out. Inside of her was a void, an abyss of nothingness. Broken pieces that could not fit together shattered glass that no longer fit into a definite shape. She was alone, unfamiliar to herself and her surrounding.

Groggily, her sense began to fit back together and she faintly felt the trickling of something on her body. It wasn’t slimy or exactly wet, but peaceful and oddly familiar. Like liquid velvet, it jumped on her skin and quietly rolled down her skin and onto the floor.

Somewhat cold, yet comforting, the thin sheet of translucent cloth enveloped her body.

A warm sigh passed through her mouth. It was a blanket, a small protection from the unknown.

She decided to peek at the source of comfort only to have a single waterdrop splatter on her eyelashes.

So it was raining.

No yelp of surprise was heard, and instead, she lay silent gazing at the grey array of clouds in the sky. Maybe she should get up and do something, but then she didn’t know what do to. Nothing could be vividly recalled from her memory and although she thought that she was supposed to feel cold from the rain, she didn’t. A quiet warmth was in her body and somehow, it made the stormy atmosphere seem less turbulent and calmer.

Was this how it was supposed to be here? To lie in the rain on a cold day and just stare at the scenery as the water poured onto your body and hair? To be relaxed by the gentle sway of the rustling trees or by the swish-swash of water gently flowing from over-laden leafs onto the hard concrete?

She thought not. Her eyes flung their gaze from the desolate street of green trees and empty houses to her body. Something didn’t feel right. Was so much of her skin supposed to be showing? Something felt wrong here, as if it weren’t meant to be, as if she wasn’t allowed to show so much flesh or that she might have felt…ashamed if someone saw her like this.

Her thoughts were confirmed when she felt something or someone looking at her and as she turned to the direction of where the leer was coming from; she felt a sudden sense of embarrassment. The random stranger’s expression did not help as his eyes suddenly widened and then his shock turned to a sort of grim look. Disgust maybe?

He approached her, and as she noticed, he was equally as wet despite the fact that he was wearing some ill-fitting outfit.

He didn’t seem like he even wanted to be near her and his overall attitude seemed like he was just revolted at her sight. Was it because she wasn’t clothed?

Anyways, whatever it was, it made him have a bad impression of her, and she sort of figured that sullen looks on people’s faces did not mean anything good.

She was half-right.

“The church is closed for today,” he said to her, having disdain in his voice. His mouth clenched after his words and she realized that he didn’t seem to be as old as he looked from a distance. His clothes were leathery and black…like a bat…but his whole face seemed young. A bit sullen, thin, gaunt, but young nevertheless. With pale cheekbones and long lashes, he didn’t seem as tough as he pretended to be. Nevertheless, he seemed a bit intimidating as he was looking down on her as she was lying on the ground. His eyes were piercing but trembling as well, as if it was taking him all his strength to look at her naked body.

“Church?” she replied to his statement. The word did not connect to anything she had known before.

The man looked a bit surprised, or even more surprised and aghast than he already was, seeing that he was talking to a naked woman on the floor. “There is a church,” he said, blushing slightly at her body and looking away, probably a bit embarrassed at staring at her. He pointed to something behind her and she stood up to take a better look at what he was talking about. Realizing that he was pointing to a large building decorated by that seemed to be windows made of colored glass, she soon realized that this was a ‘church’.

“Saint Teresa’s,” the boy next to her said in a dulled voice. “Too bad it’s closed today.”

With that, he started to turn around, heading toward a thing that she did not recognize. It was a sleek thing...like an animal, with a sort of shiny black and red coating on it. Two little antlers stuck out from the top, and she would have looked at it in fascination if not the fact that the boy was walking away and the only information she got was from him.

“Wait,” she yelled after him, and he stopped, having a dreaded look on his face like he wanted to avoid her…but didn’t for some strange reason.

“What?” he said, trying to ignore the fact that whoever was talking to him was as naked as the day she was born, with long, streaming hair whose long strands covered bits of her face. If it wasn’t for her sharp voice and intense gaze-strange for someone like her, then he would have left.

“Where am I?” she asked, vividly looking at her surroundings, a bit dazed at the street.

“Are you kidding me?” his voice trembling, a bit scared at who the heck he was dealing with, “I thought you were just some sort of shady person doing illegal business, but next time that you try to sell your..self, get the street name or something. Even better, don’t come to church naked and start demanding their free food.”

She fingered her hair. “What business?” she asked accusingly, not realizing what he was obviously referring to, as naked ladies in desolate streets...well…meant less that modest means of business. Also, that tone she held herself was almost snobbish; it was like she was accusing him of doing something horrible while it was the other way around…right?

The boy looked back at her, “You don’t know?”

Her eyes looked at his expectantly as if expecting, no demanding, a legitimate explanation to come. Then, when none came, her piercing look softened and she looked at him sadly, “I’m lost…” Her voice trailed off and she stayed silent.

He looked at her, maybe she wasn’t some sort of bum that slept on the streets and really had no clue what she was doing. “Me too,” he said sadly. A tear ran down his porcelain cheek and he didn’t know whether he was crying because he had no where to go or that he was just stuck for a bigger trouble than he wanted to have or maybe because the free dinner at church was gone for today.

---

Teresa became Teresa after taking in the name of the place she was found, Saint Teresa, who by the black-haired boy (named Kou) was described as a person of compassion and sympathy. While Teresa wasn’t exactly a totally ‘compassionate person’, it was something to be strived for and embodied what was given to her on her arrival-sympathy.

Well…it wasn’t total sympathy on behalf of Kou who would have better liked to have just taken off on his motorcycle than take in a nude woman. He had first planned to take her to a shelter and then leave, but plans usually don’t go as planned. The first problem he encountered was that Teresa was naked and that if he was going to take her to the shelter, he would be questioned for a long time and then he might have to give his name, address, and all the goody information that he wanted no one to find out for who knows what would happen to him when the authorities found out that he was an underage teenager running away from home. Along with that, it became apparent that he would not like a naked lady to sit on his new motorcycle, and the two of them wouldn’t fit due to the fact that he had put a ton of bags (his possessions) on the back. Finally, they just walked under the roof of some abandoned warehouse where Kou gave some clothes and decided not to look at the older woman as she dressed. He was going to leave and give her with directions to the shelter when he realized that, she was wearing his clothes and those same clothes contained some money he hid around his possessions in case one or two were stolen (if he put it all in one place and then lost it, well he would be screwed, wouldn’t he?).

So he didn’t let her leave, and because she wouldn’t change clothing and thought Kou would leave her if she did, the two stayed together and an unusual relationship has formed. While at first, Kou wanted to leave Teresa who he thought was a complete crazy woman and was only staying with her because she had some of his money, he has come to view her as an elder sister-type figure. They spent the first night in an abandoned warehouse, with Kou deciding to take the money from Teresa’s pocket when she fell asleep, only to fall asleep first. While Teresa didn’t know what these ‘useless pieces of green’ were, she had a feeling that Kou was lying when he said that they were just ‘things used to clean the face and throw on the ground’. Later, when Kou took her to Saint Teresa’s Cathedral the next day, as the church served food to the poor, Teresa came to notice that people traded the funny paper back bills for items. While she came to view Kou first with skepticism-as some sort of adolescent, selfish boy, she later became very trusting towards him as time moved on. And Kou has realized that it isn’t the best thing to trick her as she went on a loud rant on how he was not supposed to have tricked her. It was just pure luck that they have been together, and while Kou was at first adamant about her, he later realized that she had amnesia, and has tried to help her cope with the world.

While Kou seems to be a bit tricky and sly at first to get rid of Teresa, he really is a serious person at heart with strong morals. Often he acts as a mediator to Teresa’s stubbornness and in a sense; he is a child but an adult at the same time. Often, he does not act as a normal, easygoing teen, and he wants the independence and freedom associated with adulthood. He has his few childish outbursts, but that is all. Both he and Teresa share a brother-to-sister bond and still, even now after they earned money, they frequently pretend to be starving siblings in an attempt to raid soup kitchens for a free meal or two. Kou, does care about Teresa, despite being selfish and cheap, and on a risky attempt, took her to the hospital in order to check if there was anything wrong with her (especially diseases), but when none were to be found, he felt a bit safer and a whole lot relieved that he wasn’t going to get some sort of debilitating disease from drinking from the same cup as her. Along with this, it proved that Teresa was healthy, which was another positive piece of news.

In the beginning, while Kou was trying to leave Teresa behind, Teresa refused and stuck on the poor boy like glue as he had a ‘moral responsibility’ to take care of her as he was the first person she met. He finally gave up and realized that it would be hard to leave her on an emotional basis too, despite the fact that she is dominant and haughty, like his parents who were the people he left behind. Despite that, he has realized that she does care for him as a little brother and often gives him more food once she learned the term of a ‘growing child’. They currently live in a culturally diverse neighborhood a little ways from Chinatown, in an apartment complex where the toilet does not flush on the third floor. While the two are close and take up odd jobs-like working at a small Korean mart near their home, they do not know much about each other. Teresa’s case can be explained by her amnesia while Kou doesn’t want to talk much about his past, and Teresa only knows that he is of Asian-descent and knows too much information about old, dead German philosophers than the average teen his age. Kou seems to be well-educated and somehow obtained a nice, expensive motorcycle that the two travel on. Teresa does not question him about it, but has a feeling that Kou couldn’t have stolen it due to his cautiousness and moral nature. So, she says nothing, and both look more toward the future, not past.

Miscellaneous: Despite being drawn close to heat, Teresa also likes rain as it has a subtle, soothing affect on her as it quenches horrible fires, and while rainy days are often dreary, she likes them anyways as water does give life. She also is traumatized by burning houses-even those of people she doesn't know, maybe (as she thinks) due to a past event, but she can’t put her finger on it. It doesn’t mean she’ll go around screaming, but Teresa will do a double-take and have a sickened feeling for basically the rest of the day if she sees a burning apartment or house.

She enjoys looking at little children, for they (in her eyes), are the ones with 'pure hearts'.

Aura:

Teresa’s aura is quite subtle. Her body, at most times, is warm, so cold weather doesn’t affect her as much. Well, only in moderate cold can she still feel warm, for Teresa is not exempt from a blizzard and cannot go around walking naked like a heat machine in snow. This just allows her to wear less clothing and maybe feel unaffected by rain. She doesn’t cause any weather changes around her like causing the air around her to be warmer. What she does is ‘give off’ is an impression of warmness to the people around her. Not as in physical heat warm, but as nice tingling sensation in the heart that makes people feel more content and calm on the inside. It doesn’t mean that it will change a person’s mood from angry to happy outright, but maybe make them feel a little bit better, sort of like a piece of good luck-not dramatically affecting people’s lives, but something nice to have anyways. People have to be closer to her than arm distance and it could only be truly felt if someone touches her. Also, people that have been around her for quite awhile are not really affected by this a lot-meaning if they’re close to her all the time, they won’t feel happy and giddy. Its like they’ve been immune to her effect, but occasionally, they will feel a sort of contentment when touching her.

Teresa’s aura is a light gold and faintly envelopes her body, but if another legendary is near, two folded wings made of iridescent red that seems to have feathers made of other colors as well and turquoise-green appear. They appear faintly and are almost faded. Her tattoo appears on her back, and starts around the middle of her shoulder blades. The tattoo isn’t totally big, only as big as two child hands’ (by a fairly small, 4 year-old) placed on Teresa’s back. The tattoo is the shape of two outstretched wings that curve to the center. The two wings are in a sort of circle shape and try to look like they are touching. Both wings are a black color and resemble the outline of Ho-oh’s wings. They sort of look like old, Egyptian hieroglyphics placed on Teresa’s back.

[CyberBlastoise]

Well, I'm on my way to the world record. (Translation: Shoot, so close, well, I'm going to have to go back on my word, on the whole I said I would quit if I got pending one more time)

Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well. (Translation: Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well.)

I will fix up that personality (oh my mortal weakness, personality and description)

[Manaphy Mare]

I've edited, once again. I hope I've worked out all the kinks.

[Mimori Kiryu]

Hi Chris. I'd like to reserve a spot but I can't post an RP sample because I am on my iPhone at school. ^^; I will post one when I get out of school. I'd like to request Latias if I could. Thanks.

[PokemonBreederChris]

Well, I'm on my way to the world record. (Translation: Shoot, so close, well, I'm going to have to go back on my word, on the whole I said I would quit if I got pending one more time)

Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well. (Translation: Thank you also for being patient with me. I must seem like a newbie to you, so I apologize about that as well.)

I will fix up that personality (oh my mortal weakness, personality and description)

CyberBlastoise - Alright, contact me via this thread, VM, PM, etc etc when you are ready for me to take a look at the personality.

((Just a note. I refer to him as a guy in all fields except the beginning of the origin, where he is just "the mysterious girl". So I call him a her until the storytelling part of the origin ends. ^^; I'll be calling him a him in the rpg. And also yes, greywolf and I are working this out...))

cdra1617 - Clarissa She is accepted.

I've edited, once again. I hope I've worked out all the kinks.

Manaphy Mare - Take time, review your sign up, there was little changes, I saw that you revised the things that I asked, but not to a good extent.. There are still the errors I pointed out that did not change at all. Spend more than five minutes going through the Sign Up. Take your time. Review it to make sure things are perfect. Since you closed the deal, I'll have to give you your third pending. Contact me again when you take your time, look through your Sign Up once more; and be sure to fix the things I talked about. Add on to your Origin, it is too vague and short. Take what I said to Cyber Blastoise, about personality, use that. I can see that you want to join this RPG, but I do not see much effort in your post.

For one thing, you still have "mother-figure" but in Origin you have "reminded about younger brother" and she still adopts him. I don't see sufficient enough changes. Please review, take your time, and tell me when you are ready for your last review. Last time you said that you were ready for a review when I gave you two-three days to revise. You responded in roughly six hours since I gave you that pending, six hours is a fourth of a day, you had much more time to work on your sign up in that regard. Sorry, but you still are pending.

Hi Chris. I'd like to reserve a spot but I can't post an RP sample because I am on my iPhone at school. ^^; I will post one when I get out of school. I'd like to request Latias if I could. Thanks.

Mimori Kiryu - Glad to see you are interested, however officially I cannot reserve you unless an RPG sample is present. That and, Greywolf123 PMed me earlier requesting Latias for a new reservation of five days. If he fails to complete the reservation within the five days, Latias will be open again.

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    Spoiler:- Beast of the Northen Lights: GenericUserName's evaluation::

Show Spoiler

 

Name: Setzer
Legendary: Suicune
Gender: Male
Age: 24

Setzer? Interesting name. The "Candy Fields" Pass, no complaints.

Description: Setzer is rather skinny with the build of a runner. He has strong legs and a large chest that come from the constant running he does. His fingers and toes are long and skinny. He stands at only 5’6’’ with a weight of 145 lbs. His arms are pretty scrawny and his eyes are almost always half closed. He has a slightly bored look on his face most of the time. His skin is a pale tan that burns very easily. He has very gaunt facial features with concave cheeks that leave his cheek bones jutting out a little. There are very noticeable tribal looking “tattoos” on his arms and upper chest. These “tattoos” look somewhat like waves and vines mixed together. There are more of them around his ankles as well. His eyes are very light green with slight bluish hints to the outer iris. He has long, straight, purple hair to his hips. He has the tips and bang dyed blue, as well as a strange circle part on the upper part of his head. His eyes seem to follow every movement someone makes, even if he doesn’t look like he’s paying attention. He is commonly seen with pretzel sticks in hand or in his mouth because they are “easy to eat on the run.” He stands hunched over with his hands in his pockets. The only time he looks like he actually cares is when he is running. In this case he holds his head up high and his eyes are scanning the area to make sure he doesn’t run into anything. He has the ability to purify water when he touches it, making it clean for both drinking and bathing. He can also make things move a little bit slower by cooling them down.

Quite some filler in this paragraph that weren't necessarily needed for description; such as the ability to purify water; that is more miscellaneous or Aura. The pretzel stick comment also seemed it would go more into miscellaneous. There were habits that belonged more in personality as well. Else this paragraph of description: Acceptable.

Setzer wears one of two outfits most of the time. This one is just a black T-shirt with a Goomba on the front. He also wears a light blue jacket over the shirt. This jacket is slightly more complicated than the rest of his outfit. It puffs out at the shoulders to make his shoulders looks somewhat broader and also has a shiny fake gem hook on the collar. On the back of it is the word “Free” in white lettering. He wears a simple pair of white jogging pants with pockets. The very bottoms of the jogging pants are splattered with blue paint. He wears a simple pair of Asics tennis shoes with little blue and purple stripes on the sides of them. He sometimes ties his hair back in a ponytail when wearing this outfit, but normally only in he plans on running for a long time.

Clothing description appropriate.

The other outfit Setzer wears is for colder weather. There is a large poofy dark blue “Eskimo” jacket that is normally zipped. The outside of the hood and collar on this jacket is lined with short purple fur. He sometimes wears goggle if the weather is extremely cold, but they are more commonly found dangling around his neck. When the jacket is unzipped, you can spot a plain white T-shirt, commonly with different random designs on it depending on what he happened to steal from the store to wear that morning. His favorites consist of those with images from games like Mario, Donkey Kong, Zelda, and Assassin’s Creed. He wears a pair of dark blue jeans that are normally a little bit torn at the ankles. His shoes stay the same.

I always consider the second outfit more "filler," unless there are enough paragraphs to describe the physique beyond the clothing. However you have the required length for description, with vivid enough description.

Personality: Setzer has an extremely calm personality. He doesn’t really freak out about anything too much, unless he finally beat the last boss in a game or something. He has a tendency to get over excited about that kind of stuff. Other than games though, he is very calm. He would rather think out and plan something before he does it. If he is scared, his facial expression may change slightly, but it is hard to tell if he doesn’t mention it. He likes to impress people with his sheer calm nature. Unfortunately, this calmness also makes him take a lot of things to seriously, like video games. Sarcasm is a foreign language to him. If you make a sarcastic remark about how “fabulous he looks” he is likely to thank you for your kind words. He likes to use big words, though he learned a lot of them from video games. So he doesn’t make much sense. He sometimes mistakes the real world for one of his games. He thinks that the games are real. So he believes that people have HP, Mana, and so forth. This can cause a few problems.

Interesting personality, I can see it well into this "Game," that he is signed up for.

Other than being overly calm, Setzer is often a little cold. He isn’t nice to when he first meets a person; in fact, he makes mean remarks and tries his best to avoid them. After he gets warmed up to someone, he can become nice or mean, depending on the other person’s treatment toward him. When he is kind, he will flash small smiles toward them and speak to them when he gets the chance. He may even share his pretzels and games with them. On the other hand, when he is mean he will glare at you no matter where they are. He may make an angry sound when they are nearby, or make a snide comment about the way they look, act, or dress. This completely lop-sided view of other people makes him seem a little bit reclusive, but he is actually quite friendly if you are willing to return the favor.

Personality, acceptable.

Setzer doesn’t like to have any weaknesses, so he tries to cover them up. Unfortunately, he still has deep fears and soft spots he just can’t hide. He has very irrational fears of deserts and savannahs. The hot climate there just doesn’t suit him. He also is deeply afraid of tigers. Any kind of tiger will scare him, even just stuffed animals. He likes would rather stay far away from them. He also grows depressed at the sounds of howling dogs and wolves late at night. Yet, he will still sit on the dumpster and listen to them. He doesn’t know why they make him sad, but he still feels the need to grow depressed when hearing them. He tries to reply at times, even though he doesn’t know how or what he’s saying.

Personality acceptable, again, though tigers - a bit random.

He also has many things that he absolutely loves. He loves to go o n long runs early in the morning or about sunset. This is when he does most of his thinking. He absolutely can’t stand to not go running at least once a day. He also loves swimming. When the weather is warm enough, he’ll stop by local ponds and lakes in order to take a nice relaxing swim. When he’s not swimming or running, he is playing games at the shop he works at. He loves to sit around and own his opponents in whatever he can find. He’s always up for a good game. As long as that game isn’t hentai. Something about other people naked just plain freaks him out. He does like playing some games with dog girls though.

Well, about Hentai....its the cartoon version of "viewing people in the act of close close intimacy." There are lesser versions of this, that still hold "naked people." Hentai's just one of those extremes. Example however appropriate.

Origin: Setzer felt himself groan. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He didn’t want to be awake. His whole body was aching. Why was it so cold? Why was he so sore? He couldn’t remember. What was his name? He slowly opened his eyes. He began to stand but felt shocked. He looked at himself. Something wasn’t right, but what was it? He sighed somewhat running a head through his hair. That is what it was called right? Hair? He slowly shook his head trying to remember what had happened earlier. Nothing came to him. He looked down at his body. Something just wasn’t right. He continued to examine the area. He was in a building. The roof was low and there were many shelves attached to it as well as the floor. There were glass walls with little metal pieces running through them. Behind the walls were small boxes. They were all so colorful.

How he awoke in there...naked?, is the true question. Stores are public places, perhaps have him wake in a more discreet place in the, perhaps an aisle no one would ever visit? Behind the "folds" of the "Adult's Only" section? There are many areas within a store of retail that sells electronic gaming and electronic gaming accessories.

Setzer turned right, there was a counter there. On the counter was a basket containing many magazines. There was also a cash register. Behind the counter he managed to spot a door. Maybe that door would explain what happened to him if he went through it? He stood slowly. His legs ached. Why? Why did they ache? He finally managed to stand to his full height with the help of the counter. He managed to get his achy legs to work. He stumbled over to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob. He opened the door; suddenly feeling rather awkward. He looked up at the person sitting in front of him. It was a young woman with glasses and red hair. Her face was about as red as her hair now.

I would have to say, put the questions you have in italics, it helps clarify the thoughts unless you put something like "He thought..." Origin is good so far.

She stared for a moment before yelling streams of cusses at him. She began throwing random objects at him, most in which hit him squarely in the face. She then began to scream about how he better have not scared away any of her customers and to put some clothes on before she ripped his throat out and fed it to the pigeons. He got scared and ducked down on the ground curling into a small ball. Why was this girl being so mean? Why was she trying to hurt him? He whimpered lightly before waving his arms like crazy. The girl stops when she sees his fearful reaction, she now felt bad for hitting him with many random plastic action figures. She turned her head for a moment to think before turning to him. She tried to keep her eyes on his face as he slowly stood up. She wasn't going to hit him with more little plastic men, was she?

Well, the Origin is starting to get superficial now. I understand the action that you are placing between Setzer and the store's clerk, I take it. The interaction doesn't feel as "real" as it should. It isn't as "eye-catchy" as it should be.

“Um, Sir, why aren’t you wearing in clothes?” she asked looking at him strangely. Setzer thought for a moment. He didn’t really know what clothes were. So the answer came across very wrong.

“Why are you wearing them?” he looked at her quizzically. She stared for a moment before shaking off the shock and going to look for some clothes. She rummaged through a few boxes before pulling out a T-shirt and some jogging pants.

“Put these on.” She said throwing them at Setzer. He stared at them for a moment as a pair of Mario print boxers hit him in the head. He attempted to place the boxers on his head at first but then thought more logically and put them on correctly. He finally managed to get dressed and looked over at the girl. She was laughing at him, mumbling about how strange he was.

Here is an example to what I mean. When she told him to put the clothes on, she simply only "said." I think said should be changed to an exchange with more reaction to it. She should be startled, intimidated, embarrassed, angry, or whatever emotion she, the clerk, would associate with this event.

Then she goes into laughing at him? After collecting conveniently the clothing materials Setzer needed? I can see a giggle or three coming from her at his ignorance with clothes, as when things such as that occur, one would not know how to emote to it, and thus laughter comes. Still, I think Setzer should be 'removed' a little from the customer areas of the store, perhaps after a clever exchange of dialogue, have the clerk, Nicole, move him to a backroom for storage. There could be any or all the clothes he needs too.

“I’m Nicole. What’s your name?” She looked at him with her eyes wide. Setzer stopped for a moment. Name? Name…. He began to think. He couldn’t remember. Suddenly, he heard a fan girly squeal came from one of the televisions, there were two children playing Kingdom Hearts 2 paying close attention to the screen. He listened closely.

“Set…Zer?”He said confusedly. Nicole laughed and nodded.

Thus game SetZer, name of Kingdom Hearts 2. Though, to be honest. Kingdom Hearts 2 is kind of outdated in retail stores now. I know not the origin of the true Setzer, but I can see perhaps a promotion from Kingdom Hearts materials, the game itself, is stretching it. They could be having a Kingdom Hearts event perhaps at the store, or well, some stores have a collection of demos one can play in a waiting area; that could be the location of the Kingdom Hearts 2. Though I am not to be too technical in writing.

“Alright Setzer, you look like you need a job. We’re hiring you know. No one wants to work here… So, how about you do it? I’ll give you free food and games. Sound good?” Setzer nodded. He didn’t really know what games she meant, but he had to admit he was hungry. She nodded slowly, slightly regretting ever feeling sorry for this strange short man. He had probably scared off most of her costumers. Then again, no one else would work for her. She sighed and looked at him. At least he was willing to work in such a little dump.

The job offer, I found too superficial. Hiring takes a lot of legal junk. Free games too, working at those stores, the customers are lucky to get discounts of roughly around 15%. Game stores aren't really dumps, like comic stores, like clothing boutiques, there's always a crowd that hangs out in there. Perhaps have a "deal" worked out more on him helping with Nicole's shift. So he'd be unofficially working her, or well, the careless boss scenario can do wonders too. There's the whole "paying under the table" ordeal too, which is working beneath the eye of the government, salary-wise.

Setzer currently works at Nicole’s video gaming store. He works cashier from nine to five then goes for a run before coming back to eat. He sleeps in the alleyway outside of the building. He steals random objects from Nicole without her notice and hides them in alley so he can use them later. Nicole sometimes jokes that he will eat her out of house and home.

Where does Nicole live? He lives in an alleyway, Nicole didn't offer him room and board?

Miscellaneous: Setzer named himself after a character in Kingdom Hearts 2. He heard the fan girls in game scream his name and happened to mumble it when he was asked what his name was. So now he goes by it to prevent confusing anyone.

Throughout your sign up, you had things that would of been better placed here. Else this is a very very brief summary to the origin of his name.

Aura: When Setzer walks by a pond, lake, etc., the water tends to ripple slightly. If he is running, small wave will be created. Plants also seem to perk up a bit when he is nearby. The Tattoos on his chest and arms look kind of like waves with little vines beneath them. In the center of his chest is a lily looking tattoo that connects to both the vines and waves. On his ankles are move vines and waves in a continuous loop around until about two inches above his ankles. On the back on his veins are two more lily like shapes that are once again connected to the vines and waves. When Legendaries look at him they see slight shiny spots, almost like he’s gleaming. This gives him an almost unnatural look, and makes him even paler. They also may see a rain cloud with rain pouring out of it. The rain is seen floating like there is no gravity. The rain seems to almost engulf him, hiding his expressions.

For the Aura, I do not understand the "rippling of water." Rippling is due to vibrations within the water, or at the surface of the water; so he exerts some pressure that "disperses" the water to cause ripples, and the faster he goes, the more probable giant waves will sprout on both directions, like a Motor on a boat? I depicted a speed boat with these "ripples."

If that is what you meant, I find your Aura acceptable.
 

GenericUserName:

I find your Sign Up, sufficient in all sections except Origin. Origin needing minor changes. That being said, I am giving you a yellow accepted. Which is basically a pending, that needs little change. So please make the requested edits to your Origin, and than you are accepted. Therefore, I will hold onto Suicune for you, in hopes that you will get the edits completed.

Thank you for your interest.

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    Spoiler:- Earth shattering tween, The Black Glove's Review::

Show Spoiler

 

Name: Terra
Legendary: Groudon
Gender: Female
Age: 13

Alright, Terra, interesting name for Groudon.
Female, unique for Groudon's perceived character.
Thirteen, female, VERY creative, unique. I like this combination. It reminds me of a character I created, about seven or six years back. RAGE was 'her' name. Think a BIG Tauren trapped into the body of a 10 year old ritzy girl. This brought back fond memories. Let us see how you have played this out.

Description: Somewhat shorter than you'd expect Groudon's reincarnation, Terra stands only around 4'6", a red-haired girl only partway on her road through puberty. As such, her 'gifts' haven't quite grown yet, but she cares not. Her short, pinkish red hair is spiked in an upward slant on the back of her head, right at the neck point, and small bunches of it hang down the sides of her head. Adamina is of a smaller, skinnier build, but a very tough one. Her muscles are well built up, and her skin is deeply tanned from being outside, almost to a ruby color... when she gets ticked off, it is not uncommon for her normally brown eyes to shoot red for a fraction of a second. Luckily, she generally startles people when this occurs, so it never sticks around long enough for most people to notice.

Starting off with description, the "somewhat shorter than you'd expect Groudon...." well, unneeded. We as the reader, already know this from the fields above. You do not need to state the obvious, in this matter if the reader already knows. Also, I know not, a girl who wouldn't care for her "gifts." Especially during puberty, it gives a lot of consciousness to the female. I know not from personal experience, but from what my female friends have said, so I cannot indulge in such a topic; but "not caring" is not really considered to be in description.

Also, Adamina? Who be that? A strange new name that is not Terra. Smaller, skinnier. The "er" part implies you've already stated measurements, and that it is more small and more skinny than that measurement. You made no measurement of the physique except saying it was smaller than one would expect Groudon to be. The Ruby skin, ruby is deep deep deep red, so that must mean her "deeply tanned" skin grows A LOT in color. I assume your put in this as reference to Groudon, but a sense of realism still needs to be considered. I personally would not want to walk around New York, Ruby-toned in skin color.

Her boyish appearance is a supposedly a result of being raised only by a father, but this is to help her blend in with the crowd. In truth, it's because she was found in the mountains by her 'parent', who only had male clothing with him. As a result, she sees most female clothing as "embarrasing" and "uncomfortable, and instead dons a pair of denim shorts, ripped from the leg, as well as a pair of brown sandals and a red t-shirt. For some odd reason, Terra's canine teeth are longer and sharper than normal, and it is not uncommon for one of them to be sticking out when she smiles.

How is the boyish appearance supposedly a result of father-raising? "Blend in with the crowd"? so something that will be addressed in the Origin I hope.Ah wait, never mind. You have it written just beneath; however I find that more filler, and it doesn't really belong in description. With description, I find things sufficient, but things need to be better clarified.

Personality: The main thing people find out about Terra is that she's a red-hot firebrand. Like a large stick of TNT with a short fuse, Terra can (and will) blow up at even the smallest of provocation. As a matter of fact, most people will believe she has "Short Person Syndrome", and barks like a little dog at those who are bigger than she simply because she is insecure. In truth, she really just feels like bickering. It's as if she had some massive arguement with someone, and she just can't shake the feeling of how odd it is not to fight. Although she is very agressive like this, someone with a calmer, more pacifistic personality (like her 'father', Demitri) is usually able to calm her down without starting another fight.

The classic hot-fuse personality. Interesting, but perhaps is she wrathful? Or is this an innocent anger? Short Person Syndrome, interesting.

Terra has a hard time trusting people. Demitri explains that she's just shy about meeting others, but he himself has seen how extreme it can be first hand. She often fears what she does not know, and will strike out against it in defense. This starts with yelling, insults, and rude gestures, but as she realizes it isn't working, she will begin to yell and throw objects. Soon, her aura will come into effect, making her into a danger to everyone around her. It is usually best to quickly calm her down via a person she trusts, or you need to gain her trust, despite having stones tossed at your head.

Not just hot-fussed, but a berserk. She thrashes out when confusion is afoot? Interesting. Though the Aura, hmmm. I must see to this.

She really is a sweet girl. When she finds someone she trusts, she will cling to them with all her will. This can lead to awkward situations, but it all comes down to a deep fear of being alone. She doesn't know why, but the mere idea of it frightens her to no end. Her other fear is water. She doesn't mind a bath or a shower, but to submerge herself in it is a fear that will push her to the edge. As such, she avoids seas, lakes, rivers, pools, and anywhere else she may fall in like the plague. She seems fine with the rain, although it does make her a little more grouchy than usual.

So beyond the short-fuse, anger, she has the insecurity and fear of rejection, of loneliness. From your personality description though, I see her as something that won't let go if she does have a tie, that she'll in turn become wrathful toward the thing she latches onto, if they start to slip away. She seems controlling in that sense to keep the bonds that she has. That is what I see. Though it is unmentioned. Your personality is acceptable, with the few errors I saw.

Origin:

The third day...

The young girl continued to shiver in the cave. It had been two days earlier when she had found herself Cold, naked, and lost. More noticeably, she was alone. Terribly, terribly alone. Although the feeling she had was familiar, she knew not of where she was, or who she was for that matter. The only comfort she had was a large boulder at the back of a cave, sheltering her from the strange world she was in. A strange feeling came through her constantly, a rippling that she only knew by instinct. Hunger. The word suprised her. A few such words had crossed her mind since she first awakened. "Thirst" had been the first, a problem only cured by a small nearby spring. However, in her fear, she could not bring herself to run outside for more than a moment.

I really enjoyed how you started off the Origin.

Someone put me in this situation she thought, a slight rage trickling under her emotional upset. I don't know who or what, but when I find it-

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Her mind snapped to attention. A new voice? It sounded different than the one she had found she could use. It was deeper, a little growly even, but it was loud and brave. On instinct, her voice registered the confidence it held as a threat. Hide. She tucked herself deeper behind the boulder and crouched. The voice was soon joined by a new one.

Alright so far.

"Are you sure there's someone up here?"

"Do you doubt what the rangers said? All I know is that someone spotted what they thought was a strange figure wandering around here, and they warned us to be careful."

"So naturally, you're going to check it out."

A small *click* sounded as the cave suddenly lit up a little brighter. In moments, she could make out a figure wandering through, holding a small stick that seemed to be emitting the light that now shone through the cavern. It was much larger than she was, and from the looks of it, a lot stronger too. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized it had caught a glimpse of her red hair sticking out from the boulder.

Origin is doing alright.

"Hey there! Are you okay?"

Now she was really afraid. "Don't come any closer!" she yelled, hoping her voice might scare the man off. On the contrary, and much to her horror, he only began to approach faster. "I mean it! Leave me alone!" With her yell, the celing seemed to shake a little bit. The figure had to sidestep them quickly to avoid getting hit.

Here is where it starts getting a little "iffy." She has the ability to cause tremors in the rocks?

"Calm down," the figure assured her. "I'm here to help."

"LIAR!" more stones, as well as a swirl of dust swarmed the figure. Still, it drew closer. Her fear peaked. Why didn't he stop? What was he going to do? Why doesn't anythiNG MAKE SENSE?! The celing began to rumble like crazy now, and the figure quickly avoided as many as it could. Even so, a few of them struck its arms as it attempted to protect itself against the barrage from the celing. She screwed her eyes shut, hoping and praying desperately that it would all end, when she felt a single touch on her shoulder. Instantly, the fear and anger subsided, and she opened her eyes. There before her was a single man, bleeding in several places along the arms and head from the rocks. A tall man, as she had seen, but his face and eyes were kind. The thick square chin made a smile of triumph, covered in the stubble like recently planted grass.

Alright, I like your approach in the Origin, however, here, it feels "meh." He just casually, it seems, wanders in, to her, not caring about the instability of the cave. I think perhaps the "Rangers" could mention that the cavern was not safe, maybe there is a sign or some tape barring the cave off-limits. You should probably include that, for than the two "intruders" could be more cautious, maybe the other trying to tell the guy to run away, but the guy staying to "save" the girl, oblivious to the reason, which is the girl, that caused the tremors. This needs to be more "real" than just him wandering in, bracing himself, using his arms as a shield, and then gently touching her. I would suspect a hug maybe if he came to embrace her, as she was very very afraid. Embracing, human contact to that degree, calms many fears.

As his hand gently touched her shoulder, he told her "it's okay."

Time froze. Milliseconds became hours, seconds became days. Finally, a wave of relief swept over her. She leapt forward into the chest of the man, holding on tight as water came uncontrollably out of her eyes. As his arms wrapped around her, she realized a new word that she had never thought possible. "Safe."

And here is the example of embrace I was talking about.

Everything felt strangely warm and comfortable. Although reluctantly, the red haired girl opened her eyes. Although she had originally been naked, she was now covered by strange materials that made her feel a little more secure. The ground seemed to shake under her, and it felt as though she was moving somehow. Looking up, she found herself in a very strange place, although nicer than before. The man from earlier was now sitting on a red lump similar to the one she was laying on now. His arms and head were bound in several places with some strange white straps.

Good transition, I assume a medical team came to the rescue?

He smiled. "I'm glad you're awake. Can you tell us your name?"

"Name?"

"Yeah. You didn't have any identification with you so- wait... you don't know your name?"

Her arms wrapped around her legs. "I don't really know anything... just that cave. And being alone..." She shivered a little, but noticed something behind the man. Her eyes widened, and she ran over to it. "Uwaa! The world is moving!"

The origi--oh wait, no name discovered yet. In due time, in due time.

"Actually, we are. Have you ever been in-" he shook his head. "No, I don't suppose you would remember even if you had." He pointed towards the front of the stable area. "This is a van." He explained. "It can move quite fast. I usually have it hold my geology equipment back here, but we weren't doing a serious study of the area."

He recieved a confused blink in return.

Good to see you gave occupation to the man, however, I'd find it more realistic if it was a medical vehicle, as I'd assume the man would of been injured from the falling rocks, and "Terra" as well, they'd need to check up on her some.

[QUOTE=The Black Glove;11008563]The Geologist sighed. "Well, I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Demitri Scarlet, a Geologist who teaches at the University. The man driving the Van is my assistant, Charles."

She spotted the back of his hand wave from the front. "Yo."

"Now I suppose you need to be called by something." Demitri put his hand under his chin. "How about Terra? After all, we found you underground..."[quote]

The origin of the name, see, I knew it would come.

Since then, Demitri and Charles took her to a police station to attempt to find her parents. Oddly enough, there were no matches. Since they had nothing to do to solve the case, Demitri unofficially adopted her as his own daughter. She rarely leaves his side, startled by the world of New York City, and helps out with his Geology Classes at the University when she can. Since she is of that age, Demitri has also put time aside to homeschool and teach Terra about the strange world she has stumbled upon...

By "unofficially adopt" I think you mean, take her under his wing beneath the radar. Else things are appropriate here. For Origin I found everything alright, except during the "discovery" of Terra, it sounded too superficial, however a quick edit could fix that.

Miscellaneous: As can be expected, Terra does not know how to swim, and will sink like a rock if forced to do so. Also, Terra has gained a LOT more confidence in herself, so you can expect her to be a more loud person in the RPG.

Great. A loud ANGRY person....this will be bad for all the timid quiet personalities out there. Heh.

Aura: For the most part, Terra's aura tattoo is well concealed from people. It consists only of a small black circle on her torso, hidden under her shirt. However, if her anger or fear is left to rise, the circle glows red, like the orb used to control it in the pokemon world, and black jagged lines slowly spread out from the center across her arms, legs, and face. As she is Groudon in human flesh, her aura allows her to do several things with dirt. Although most is rather limited, such as telling apart different types of rock, but she can also manipulate stones and sand to a degree, the amount and size of the debris she can toss being dependent on how mad or afraid she is. However, she activates such abilities unconsciously, and is currently unaware of how to turn them on or off. To the other legendaries, a dark red aura emanates from her body in wild, uncontrolled spurts, and the air around her is often dusty, causing others to sneeze.

With your Origin, I originally thought she could cause "tremors" within the earthen ground. Which is perfectly acceptable. "throwing" rocks is more a telekinesis ability, which is more for a Psychic type. She could probably manipulate them in a wild storm-like way, which is more raw power than "telekinesis." It all matters on how accurate you want the projectiles to be. Telekinesis would be relatively very accurate, other methods not so much. I picture Telekinesis when you said "throw." Else things are very descriptive and acceptable in the Aura department.
 

The Black Glove:

The Black Glove, I am going to have to give you a pending. This is close to being accepted, but there are too many flaws that could use revamping. Especially that one part in Origin. This is an easy fix, so I will give you the usual three day pending reservation.

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GM Note: Glad to see that things are coming along great for GUW. I plan to start this on the 20th if things go pleasant. So, right now, the 20th will be the unofficial starting date of the RPG. As for my one waiting for an evaluation, I cannot fit it due to character limit, so thus I will be posting it in a new post shortly.
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The Black Glove - Groudon - Pending, has till February 7th, 8:44 pm EST
Greywolf123 - Latias - Reserved until February 9th, 11:59 pm EST

[Mimori Kiryu]

I don't have five days to wait so just never mind about my reservation. I am about to go out of town anyway so sorry for bothering you about it.

[The Black Glove]

Okay, I've fixed the issues and decided to go with your idea on the tremors for her aura. Also, I thought I should mention that the reason Demitri and Charles are up in the mountains is to study its Geology, so that's thier excuse for being in the mountains. I also made it a bit more realistic so Demitri's injuries are bigger, and made Charles a little smarter about them so they are headed for the hospital.

I'd also like to say that I'll be out of town for the next 2 days, so take your time in finding flaws. It's been awhile since I've gotten any hardcore critisism. Thanks!

[PokemonBreederChris]

I don't have five days to wait so just never mind about my reservation. I am about to go out of town anyway so sorry for bothering you about it.

Mimori Kiryu - Alright, understood. If you wish to go for another, there's still many spots open!

Okay, I've fixed the issues and decided to go with your idea on the tremors for her aura. Also, I thought I should mention that the reason Demitri and Charles are up in the mountains is to study its Geology, so that's thier excuse for being in the mountains. I also made it a bit more realistic so Demitri's injuries are bigger, and made Charles a little smarter about them so they are headed for the hospital.

I'd also like to say that I'll be out of town for the next 2 days, so take your time in finding flaws. It's been awhile since I've gotten any hardcore critisism. Thanks!

The Black Glove - Alright, I found everything appropriate to the changes, so you are now ACCEPTED.


ACCEPTED!

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    Spoiler:- Bird of Rainbows: Teresa; Lemon Tea's Evaluation.:

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Name: Teresa
Legendary: Ho-oh
Gender: Female
Age: 25

Candy fields, interesting name.

Description:

Teresa looks rather exotic, to say the least. Despite being in New York, a large cultural mixing pot of America, Teresa still manages a foreign look which makes her look a bit outlandish, yet striking. Standing around 5’7, she has shapely build and pleasing frame. Along with her long legs and slender arms, she has well-formed, elegant fingers like that of a pianist’s. Her skin is a soft golden brown, not a dark, earthen brown, but a color most apparent in people from the Middle East and maybe Asia. These features are not exactly what make her so unusual. What makes her seem so extraordinary and stand out from the crowd are her amber eyes. Her eyes are the color of a fireish gold color, with fluent specks of color melted in between. These specks are a rainbow of colors, usually bright and brilliant that range from a vivid red to a dazzling shade of turquoise. Although small, these specks blend into her amber irises, giving off the effect that her eyes aren’t exactly amber, but a mixture of many different colors on an amber palette. Oftentimes, from a distance, someone might gaze into her eyes only to have a flash of red or turquoise reflect back. While alluring, Teresa’s eyes have a sharp, defiant gaze to them like a bird of prey. This might be due to the fact that her eyes are curved slightly on the sides which gives them a naturally fierce look, and enhanced with the fact that her eyes have an intense and vivid color to them. Along with this, her eyes are bordered by a multitude of long, dark lashes that give off the effect that she is wearing heavy mascara and eyeliner, but when looked at closely, one can see that there are no clumps and that the color looks a more natural brownish-black than the artificial, oily liquid found in mascara. She has raven-black hair that ends at her waist with a silky sheen. There are faint orange-yellow highlights at the top, and she sometimes puts the hair in a braid, although she usually lets it flow freely.

Very descriptive opening for your character. I envisioned her nicely to your words.

Her physique can be described as domineering in a way. The way she walks and acts portrays a feeling of regality as she usually takes an assertive form with long strides with her head held high. She has a tendency to look people in the eye, often in an unnerving fashion, which some people have found to be perplexing and a bit scary. Her body, although elegant and slim, is made to seem more majestic and noble than delicate and pure. Teresa was made to give off the impression of female power with her imposing demeanor and stately appearance. She seems athletic and fit enough with seemingly toned muscles underneath also. Her face is an almond shape with well-defined cheekbones, vibrant scarlet lips, with her lidded, bold eyes. Her nose has a slight curve to it and is rather thin-nothing like a bull nose. It is slender and fits on her face quite well. Along with that, her lush skin doesn’t seem to have any blemishes on it, but a very small, brown mole that just seems like a dark freckle is under her eye, but that can hard to notice due to the fact that it is blocked by her long lashes. Her look is somewhat Indian or Middle Eastern, but then again, not. Teresa just doesn’t look like one definitive ethnicity, she could seem even Mediterranean to Hawaiian to maybe even Asian, but she doesn’t just totally fit the physical stereotype of belonging to a certain race. That is what makes her seem a bit unique as she could blend into many different ethnic locations in New York such as Chinatown, but then not really belong as she might not fit the total ‘Asian’ look that many people expect to see while in Chinatown.

Interesting take on your character, very unique. The physique and facial features were written well.

As for Teresa’s clothes, well, her clothes choice reflects a vivid array of colors. She wears a bright scarf made with a variety colors. When she wears it, it is quite long, made of silky-cotton material and even when tied at the left side of her neck; it still flows down to her waist. The colors on it go from a tye-dyed turquoise-green that blends into a pulsating yellow that blends quickly into a maroon red, that turns to dark indigo which turns back into turquoise, and the whole cycle repeats. She wears a regular black tank top her body that fits her natural figure. Her tank top ends around the mid-stomach area and a portion of her skin is uncovered due to that. As for her bottom, she wears a red skirt made of soft cotton. It fits tightly on her waist first, but then the skirt loosely flows down to her knees. Many shiny sequins are placed on it. These sequins are usually orange, purple, and green and are placed at the bottom (the edges) of the skirt. Also, sequins are just scatted along her dress. As for her feet, Teresa covers them in black, velvety-leather boots that almost reach her knees.

Good description on the clothing. Your description was very well planned out, and vivid with imagery.

Personality:

Teresa can be described as many different things, but her character mostly reflects that of a somewhat solitary, skeptical person that acts a bit conceited in a way. She has a bit of contempt for human society after seeing the poverty of the big cities and in the news, war. For some reason that she cannot fathom, she is against humans fighting. Much of it, she sees, is just due to often trivial causes, and when the cause is justified, often the justification loses its purpose when the war begins and people lose sight of their original goals. There really is no noble war in Teresa’s eyes, for always crimes are committed by both sides and often humans die as random canon-fodder for a supposedly ‘better good’. This has made her a bit detached from human society as she tends to see the bad things more than the good. This does not make her hate humans though. She does not hate random human beings or individuals for oftentimes, it is only human intuition that causes them to do misdeeds, but what she does hate is what human society does on a grand scale such as war, crime, and hate. This has her conflicted for humans themselves aren’t exactly ‘horrible, horrible’ but the society they are a part of is imperfect, impractical, and does make stupid, selfish decisions. For the most part, she has just decided to accept human beings as imperfect and does acknowledge that society has created some benefits for people so it isn’t wholly bad. Yet, she still remains a bit distant from others due to this, rather liking to be an observer to a spectacle rather than participating with the mob.

Interesting take on the psyche. Very deep, very creative.

She has learned enough from humans that telling them these things will lead to rather negative responses, unless they were close to her in the beginning to sort of understand her views. Thus, she often keeps these views to herself and portray herself as a more moderate person on the outside, unless she is with Kou or someone else close to her who knows her true nature and wouldn’t mind debating or listening to her thoughts about humanity, life, and the world. She is also a big skeptic, not totally trusting other people’s ideas or people in general. She usually thinks out everything abut the other person’s idea and if is true or not. While she isn’t exactly trusting of others due to her views that people might just be nice to her just for the sake of being nice, she has a few people she feels she can rely on and can stand her. Teresa is also quite stubborn and likes to use her ideas over that of others if she thinks the latter’s idea isn’t as good as hers. This rather contradicts her so-called pacifist idealism, and she guesses that it is just because she is human that she contradicts herself and although she tries to be more flexible with others, it just doesn’t work out. This also makes her seem a bit conceited, but often, the plans she proposes are better than others, and she will stick up to defend her side; providing often too many facts along with being extremely intense about her ideas that it drives her opponents crazy and want to agree with her in order for the crazy bird to calm down. While she is strong-willed, she also has a nicer side to her and tends to give candy to children or other people she deems to have ‘pure hearts’.

So, she, a stranger, will give candy to children? ...awkward. Heh, kidding aside, I am enjoying your take on personality.

In a sense, she does embody the feminine power she displays as she is forceful and somewhat uses eloquent language, but in other ways, she really is not. While she is uncompromising with her ideas, she isn’t exactly an insane, mean machine of a person to talk to. While she does portray an intense, rather rude demeanor, it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t want to try new things out and often, she likes to do things that are well out of what humans would like to do. She likes to walk in rain without an umbrella to simply enjoy the feeling of water on her and browsing through crowded streets just to see different sorts of people. Yes, she is stubborn and resolute, but will open up to people who don’t try to pretend to like her and if someone is truly curious about her (in a nice way), she will open up. Along with this, she doesn’t like to sugarcoat many things, since she doesn’t exactly get why people have to, but experiences in the human world have taught her that oftentimes it is better to do that in order to avoid fights, but she tries to be as truthful as possible.

I found everything in your personality acceptable.

Origin: [[insert epic text]]

Your origin was acceptable, except this small point, that means nothing to hinder your story:

1. Taking to the hospital, if you are of the pauper class, is rather very difficult, as bills are very intense if you lack the health insurance. Hospitals like to rip people off. However there are also "community county" hospitals that are run by the local government, that are not as outfitted as the privately owned ones, but still allow some benefits to the pauper classes.

Miscellaneous: Despite being drawn close to heat, Teresa also likes rain as it has a subtle, soothing affect on her as it quenches horrible fires, and while rainy days are often dreary, she likes them anyways as water does give life. She also is traumatized by burning houses-even those of people she doesn't know, maybe (as she thinks) due to a past event, but she can’t put her finger on it. It doesn’t mean she’ll go around screaming, but Teresa will do a double-take and have a sickened feeling for basically the rest of the day if she sees a burning apartment or house.

She enjoys looking at little children, for they (in her eyes), are the ones with 'pure hearts'.

Misc. Section, acceptable.

Aura:

Teresa’s aura is quite subtle. Her body, at most times, is warm, so cold weather doesn’t affect her as much. Well, only in moderate cold can she still feel warm, for Teresa is not exempt from a blizzard and cannot go around walking naked like a heat machine in snow. This just allows her to wear less clothing and maybe feel unaffected by rain. She doesn’t cause any weather changes around her like causing the air around her to be warmer. What she does is ‘give off’ is an impression of warmness to the people around her. Not as in physical heat warm, but as nice tingling sensation in the heart that makes people feel more content and calm on the inside. It doesn’t mean that it will change a person’s mood from angry to happy outright, but maybe make them feel a little bit better, sort of like a piece of good luck-not dramatically affecting people’s lives, but something nice to have anyways. People have to be closer to her than arm distance and it could only be truly felt if someone touches her. Also, people that have been around her for quite awhile are not really affected by this a lot-meaning if they’re close to her all the time, they won’t feel happy and giddy. Its like they’ve been immune to her effect, but occasionally, they will feel a sort of contentment when touching her.

Origin interesting, and acceptable. I love that warming feeling that you describe.

Teresa’s aura is a light gold and faintly envelopes her body, but if another legendary is near, two folded wings made of iridescent red that seems to have feathers made of other colors as well and turquoise-green appear. They appear faintly and are almost faded. Her tattoo appears on her back, and starts around the middle of her shoulder blades. The tattoo isn’t totally big, only as big as two child hands’ (by a fairly small, 4 year-old) placed on Teresa’s back. The tattoo is the shape of two outstretched wings that curve to the center. The two wings are in a sort of circle shape and try to look like they are touching. Both wings are a black color and resemble the outline of Ho-oh’s wings. They sort of look like old, Egyptian hieroglyphics placed on Teresa’s back.

Nice description of the Aura.
 

.:Lemon Tea:. : I found your sign up, Acceptable. Your sign up was a fun read. Very unique, very creative.

ACCEPTED!