Results 1 to 17 of 17

Thread: Kingdom of Palkia (PG-13)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default Kingdom of Palkia (PG-13)

    This is the sequel to "Watchers of Raikou", my first original trainer story which I wrote a few years back. I had the idea for this fic a long time ago, but after a while I decided to change the direction of it. Though this is a self-contained story, I do recommend reading the prequel to get familiar with some returning characters, though this is not required; I'm challenging myself to make it a completely self-contained story in its own right. Both canon (game) and original characters appear in this story, with some canon characters appearing from the original and therefore having some history with some of the original characters from that fic.

    Chapter List:
    Prologue: The Calm Before the Storm
    Chapter 1: The Boy
    Chapter 2: Questions Unanswered
    Chapter 3: Thoughts Which Linger
    Chapter 4: Nowhere to Hide
    Chapter 5: The Nightmare Returns

    PM List:
    Divinity_123

    To avoid any potential plagiarism accusations, I'll note that I am also uploading this to Fanfiction.net as well under my name there (Gazmof).

    To sum it up quickly, this is an original trainer story with lots of action and adventure. A mysterious young man is found washed up on the shore near Sunyshore City, and when a mysterious cult begins to hound him he must confront his past and atone for his sins in order to stop their insane plans for the world. The story takes place in the Sinnoh region.

    Also, I will warn you that updates may be sporadic, so if you like the story I encourage you to ask to be put on a PM list so you will be kept up-to-date with it. So without further ado, here is the prologue!

    ~Prologue:~
    ~The Calm Before the Storm~

    Several months ago the balance of power in the Johto region faced a dramatic shift as multiple parties fought for control of the world's most powerful Pokemon. A tremendous battle was waged atop the fierce, snowy peak of Mount Silver, and it was here that the Pokemon were finally freed and able to return to their everyday lives, spoken of as myth by the unsuspecting people of the world.

    But despite such fierce combat, there are always those who believe that they can control powers beyond their grasp...

    ~*~*~

    It was a typically pleasant summer's morning on the small village just west of the Whirl Islands in the Johto region. The sky was as blue as the purest mountain lake in winter and a gentle breeze ruffled the vivid green leaves in the trees of the small farming community, disturbing a large, navy-blue Pokemon from its thoughts.

    If one were to judge the creature from its appearance it would probably be described as 'fierce' and 'menacing', amongst numerous other adjectives of a similar nature. Its deep, navy body possessed a metallic sheen and its humanoid exoskeleton was full of large, sharp outcroppings of tempered steel. Its hands were little more than large pincers, and on either side of these formidable weapons were patterns which looked strikingly similar to the eyes of a predatory insect leaning in for the kill, whilst on the back of its body were two small, curved wings of steel, presumably more suited for display purposes than any serious, long-distance flying.

    The creature opened its eyes as the breeze rushed past it with surprising intensity, its mind contemplating numerous reasons for such a strange and unsettling wind. It was blowing from the north, across the ocean and away from the looming presence of a large, ominous mountain which formed the centre of a large and rocky region of a similar scale to that of the Pokemon's home of Johto. Though this large island was many miles away, the Pokemon could sense its presence very clearly as slowly the rustling of the leaves settled down and the usual sound of ocean waves gently lapping against the village's shores replaced it.

    "A storm is coming..." the Pokemon mused, closing its eyes and returning to its daily bout of meditation.

    ~*~*~

    "Great job, Medicham!" a young girl cheered, pumping her fist in the air excitedly as she watched her Pokemon continue to battle as best it could. "Now follow up with a Fire Punch!"

    The girl's Pokemon took a deep breath before spinning around its opponent and launching its fist into the creature's stomach. Flames ignited upon the attack's contact, scorching the small, brown humanoid creature which was spinning on its pointed head like an enormous spinning top. The enemy was sent flying across the ground, kicking up glittering white sand as it tumbled over itself and eventually came to a halt.

    "Top..." the Pokemon winced, meekly attempting to get onto its feet, only to collapse from exhaustion.

    "Cham..." the victor gave a sigh of relief before relaxing its stance and looking over toward its trainer. At full height the creature stood over four feet tall and possessed a thin, white torso and arms, whilst its legs and the upper regions of its forehead were coloured pink.

    "Alright!" its trainer yelled, running over and wrapping her arms around the creature. "You're the best, Medicham!"

    The girl was quite young, looking to be only around sixteen years of age. She had pale skin and jet-black hair which was neatly tied back into one long, plaited ponytail that ran down her back. Her eyes were the colour of chestnut, and her face was soft, exuding an aura of innocence and charm. She wore a pure-white dress shirt which was unbuttoned at the cuffs and a pair of old, light-blue jeans which were torn and tattered from many hours of use in her father's dojo, sparring with her Pokemon. She quickly returned her Pokemon to its Pokeball and turned to face her younger rival, who sighed as she reluctantly did the same.

    "Hitmontop, return..." the young girl groaned, causing a beam of red light to engulf her Pokemon and absorb it into a red-and-white sphere in her hand. "You win, Maylin..."

    "Aww, don't be so hard on yourself, Zu." Maylin chuckled, unable to wipe the smile of satisfaction from her face as she offered her condolences. "You almost had me!"

    "And Hitmontop was almost ready to launch a really powerful attack..." the young girl sighed once again. "I'll get you next time!"

    Zu looked very similar to Maylin, save for her obvious age difference - her skin tone was identical and her eyes shone with that same brilliance, though they were blue instead of brown and her hair was a rich, golden blonde that was thick and full of vibrancy as it cascaded down her back, tied up by a single band which allowed it to flow much more freely than the older girl's ponytail.

    Her clothes were flamboyant and elegant - she wore a flowing white dress which looked more suited to being in a ballroom than on a sandy beach. At only eight years old, Zu was very young for a Pokemon trainer and despite her youthful exuberance Maylin could testify that she was more than a match for most.

    "Well, since you lost," Maylin began, closing her eyes as she ran her fingers through her hair, suddenly becoming aware of the unrelenting sun that had been beating down on the two of them for quite some time, "that means it's your turn to polish the dojo floor."

    Maylin paused for a moment, expecting a snide remark or a witty comeback of some kind, though it never came. Puzzled, she opened her eyes, only to find that her young companion was nowhere to be seen.

    "Zu?" she called nervously. "Where'd you go?"

    "Hey, Maylin!" came the young girl's voice from towards the shoreline. "Come and take a look at this!"

    Maylin groaned and headed over towards where the girl was kneeling in the wet sand, assuming that this was yet another ploy to wriggle out of her chores. She was quite surprised, then, when she wandered over and discovered the unconscious form of a bruised and bloodied boy who appeared to be only a few years older than herself lying in one of the shallow, rocky outcroppings which littered the southern beach just west of Sunyshore city. Gasping in shock, she immediately got onto her knees and sat down beside Zu, who had begun poking the boy's cheek with a long stick she had found.

    "Hey, knock it off!" Maylin yelled, quickly snatching the stick from Zu's hands and casting it to the side. "Is he still alive?"

    "Eh, he's breathing. But look - his skin's all red." Zu replied calmly. "Maybe he's a monster! You think I should catch him in a Pokeball?"

    "Don't be stupid, Zu." Maylin answered curtly, her gaze remaining focused on the boy.

    She hadn't thought much about it, but now that Zu had mentioned it it was almost impossible not to notice - his skin was a very unusual colour, a reddish tint that was almost alien in appearance. The sun was intense in this part of the Sinnoh region, but he didn't seem sunburnt.

    "That's so weird..." she whispered, looking him up and down.

    The boy had numerous cuts and bruises all over his skin and his hair almost matched his skin tone, though it was a much more intense, fiery red. He wore a tattered black shirt and matching pants which had slowly faded into a washed-out grey, presumably because of long-term exposure to the ocean water. Though he was breathing, his intake seemed to be minimal as his chest rose up and down only slightly.

    "We'd better take him to father." Maylin suggested finally, her eyes trailing to the boy's side where what appeared to be a short and severely rusted lance was strapped to his clothes. She eyed the weapon curiously for a moment, then got to her feet and grabbed the boy's legs. "Come on, help me move him."

    ~*~*~

    Feedback is very welcome and appreciated!
    Last edited by Gazmof; 22nd May 2011 at 10:00 PM. Reason: Added table of contents and PM list.
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Never-Turn-Back
    Posts
    363

    Default

    In general, I quite liked this chapter. Having a human wash up on the beaches of Sinnoh is a fascinating concept, and strikes just close enough to PMD-dom to make it interesting and not rather lazy on the part of the author. However, I really think you could have cut down on the description of the meditating Pokémon early on in the chapter. I couldn't understand what Pokémon it was, primarily because of the abundance of large words stringed together. Big vocabulary is good when used appropriately, but if it's too bunched together the whole thing becomes confusing. There were only two constant problems I could find - one, you seem to have a thing for adding in small bits of information which really don't need to be there and only detract from the story's flow. You also like to put complete thoughts together into one lengthy, confusing sentence with a storm of commas to boot. For example, this sentence:

    She was quite surprised, then, when she wandered over and discovered the unconscious form of a bruised and bloodied boy who appeared to be only a few years older than herself lying in one of the shallow, rocky outcroppings which littered the southern beach just west of Sunyshore city.
    It could have easily been changed into another few sentences, which gave the same general idea but gave the reader somewhere where they could pause and register the words. Something more like this...
    She was quite surprised to discover, once she had come to Zu's side intending to scold, that there was a battered human body cradled in the sharp points of rock that littered her town's shoreline. Underneath the blood-and-mud debris the person seemed to be a boy just a few years older than Maylin.
    See how I got all of the same information there, but sorted it into different parts? One explained Maylin going over to scold Zu, the next (separated by a comma) displayed the body in the shoreline (notice that I didn't go into too much detail on where the outcroppings were), and then the next sentence explained more about the body. After that I would have described him or removed the part about age and put it in with the rest of his physical description.

    I know, I used more than one comma in that first sentence, but that should be a relatively rare instance.

    Other than the sentence structure problems I just mentioned, this story is quite interesting and I look forward to reading more! :3


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Ooh, a review already! Thank you; I'll respond at the end of this chapter. Yes, an early update, but I couldn't just leave you all hanging with a prologue, after all!

    ~Chapter 1:~
    ~The Boy~

    The thick, musky smell of burning candles and incense permeated every corner of the dimly-lit room, the flickering flames bouncing off the wooden walls and cloth tapestries to bathe the entire area in a dull, bronze glow. It was a small room, and particularly cramped when four people were all crammed inside, but it was the only place with a spare bed in the Kitara family dojo and so it would have to do. It wasn't as if lying on the beach was a much better option, especially now that the sun had started to finish its descent beyond the western horizon and the stars in the sky gradually flickered into view.

    Both Maylin and her younger sister sat beside the bed where the unconscious boy lay, his weak breaths distinguishable only when one was looking closely. Maylin glanced up towards her father, a rather short, muscular man who wore a traditional white martial arts outfit with numerous characters emblazoned across its chest in black, and his thick, tangled mane of hair and short, messy beard were the same dark colour as soot.

    "You girls did the right thing to bring him here." Their father spoke finally. "I'm not a doctor, but I don't see any obvious signs of injury; just a fever."

    Maylin looked back down towards the bed again, sadness filling her eyes. She felt so bad for him, even if he was just a stranger and they had never even spoken before. As well as her sadness she felt a great deal of curiosity about the boy. What was he doing on the beach, and just how did he wash up here? It was true that the Kitara family lived just a few minutes away from one of the busiest cities in the Sinnoh region, and so numerous people would come and go, yet it felt as if this boy didn't belong here. For some strange reason Maylin couldn't help shake away the feeling that he came from beyond the sea. But that was impossible... Wasn't it?

    "The best thing we can do for the boy is to let him rest here for the night." Maylin's father continued, folding his arms across his chest as he began to ponder what to do next. "I'll call the Sunyshore City hospital first thing in the morning and have them take a look at him. They'll know better about how to treat him."

    "So what's gonna happen?" Zu spoke up, her high-pitched voice sounding as inquisitive as always. "Should we take turns watching over him?"

    Maylin looked up towards her father, who nodded sagely in response to his youngest daughter's question.

    "Yes, that would be best." He conceded. "If he wakes up during the night he'll likely be disoriented and confused. It would be best if we watch over him for tonight."

    "Alright!" Zu cheered, pumping her fist into the air. "Can I go first? This is so exciting! Like a secret mission or something!"

    "Secret from who?" Maylin groaned. Her little sister was often far too excitable for her own good. Zu scowled at Maylin, sticking her tongue out in rebellion.

    The father of the two girls laughed to himself. He often wondered if their squabbling ways would ever end, but he knew that their arguments were always in good spirits and so he never worried himself with the thought of trying to stop them. Despite the way he looked, he was actually not a particularly strict person, and Maylin and Zu both held a great amount of respect for him.

    "That sounds like a great idea." He agreed, causing Zu to beam at her sister as mockingly as possible. Maylin decided to avert her gaze in an effort to ignore the blonde girl. "In that case I would like to have a talk with you, Maylin."

    Maylin looked up at her father, clearly confused, but she got up from her seat and followed him out into the main hall of the dojo without questioning him, leaving Zu and the unconscious boy in the small chamber on their own. The footsteps of the two adults on the polished wooden floor of the main hall slowly began to fade out of earshot as they left the building, and soon the room was engulfed by complete silence.

    Zu gazed at the boy for a moment, then slowly slumped back into her chair as reality hit her.

    "Wait... Why did I wanna do this again?"

    ~*~*~

    A loud thud erupted in the centre of the dark and vacuous library as a large, dusty book was slammed against the creaky wooden table where a young man sat, his eyes scanning line after line of partially faded text. As he continued to flip through the pages as fast as he could without tearing them, his frantic eye movements suddenly stopped and he glanced down at one of the illustrated figures he had managed to happen upon. The man squinted for a moment at the find, not entirely sure what to make of it.

    The image itself was dark and it was difficult to distinguish exactly what was happening, as was often the case in old paintings uncovered in ancient archeological sites. Though many of the details were easy to overlook, it was clear that what was taking centre stage in the illustration was the giant image of an ancient, legendary Pokemon, large gems vividly etched into its huge, ivory shoulders. Its eyes were dark and hollow, with a faint, red gleam erupting from deep within them as the creature bared its sharp claws menacingly. It was truly unmistakable.

    "Palkia..." the young man whispered to himself, as if the word itself seemed to puzzle him even more as it escaped his lips.

    "Lord Yolus." A voice quickly snapped the man out of his thoughts and back into reality, prompting him to turn in his chair and see a fellow member of his organisation standing behind him, adorned in the traditional violet robes that had been a part of their uniform for centuries now.

    "What is it?" the young man replied aloofly, angered that his hours of study had been interrupted so abruptly. "Can't you see that I'm busy right now?"

    "My apologies, my lord," the messenger offered in response, bowing his head as he spoke, "but The Master seeks your immediate presence in his chamber."

    Yolus sighed, leaning back in his chair for a moment and glancing up towards the vaulted ceilings high above him before closing the book he was reading and getting up from the table, following the messenger down into the darkened hallway which connected the library to the main sanctum of the organization's headquarters.

    Yolus was quite tall for his age, just under six feet at seventeen, and every stride he took exuded a confidence which many would consider arrogant. His hair was a dark, chestnut brown shade and fell straight down to just above his neck. His eyes, in contrast, were a light blue, the colour of a frozen lake during the peak of winter and just as cold. He looked upon people with an apathetic glare, though this was not always intentional; truth be told, Yolus had always preferred the company of books and scrolls to that of his fellow human beings. Sometimes he would even resent the company of his own Pokemon if they distracted him from an interesting book or two.

    Eventually the two men arrived inside the main sanctum where The Master, Yolus' father, would spend both day and night, viewing the stars which circled high above the glass dome which encased the entire room.

    As he stepped inside, ducking underneath the large, velvet curtain which divided the room from the main hallway, Yolus recalled how many years ago he would be afraid to enter the sanctum, though now such unease seemed childish and irrational. Nevertheless, the darkened room, illuminated only by the stars that were on display outside, gave visitors an uneasy feeling with its bizarre atmosphere and cryptic decorations. All around the circular room faded tapestries and grotesque trinkets were pinned up as far as the eye could see, and in the centre of the room, sitting atop a throne of dull bronze with the same gaudy red and violet patterns on its cloth coverings as the rest of the headquarters and the uniforms of their organization's members, sat Yolus' father.

    His name was Camus, though members of their organization were forbidden from calling him anything other than The Master. Indeed, even Yolus was subject to this rule as well, though he didn't seem to mind. Though his looks had faded with age, he was actually far younger than he first appeared, but constant strain had caused his skin to wrinkle and his muscles to deteriorate over the years. Yolus had never been surprised by the man's appearance - he had looked the same throughout the boy's entire life - and he believed it was only natural for a man with such heavy commitments to bear the weight of their burden. Every moment Camus would spend his entire life inside the sanctum, his eyes closed, his speech slow and methodical. It was said amongst members of the organization that he had grown so accustomed to surveying the stars that his mind was now one with the legendary Palkia's, and it was clear that Camus believed it, too. His entire life's purpose was finally coming to fruition, he would tell Yolus, and soon the desires of their forefathers would be met by the summoning of Palkia into the physical world. That was, after all, their organization's true objective. The organization known as the Knights of Palkia.

    "You called for me, Master?" Yolus spoke up, kneeling to the floor as he did so, his eyes focused straight on the carpeted ground beneath him.

    "Yolus..." Camus' voice croaked slowly, the man's eyes remaining closed. "Rise, my son."

    Yolus did as he was told, getting to his feet and looking upon his father with the same apathy he looked at everyone with. Camus was bald and cloaked in a special robe which matched the colours of the Knights of Palkia's traditional uniform, but to mark him as the leader of the organization was a large, golden insignia, shaped like an eye with three claw-like protrusions jutting downwards from it and latching around the dividing section where the robe wrapped around the centre of the man's chest. Though he never opened his eyes, Yolus could always feel the man staring at him intently in the back of his mind.

    "The time of awakening has come, my child." The man continued. Yolus glanced over his shoulder briefly, noting that his escort to the sanctum had already left to give the two their privacy. "We must act swiftly to bring about the summoning of our great leader."

    "State what it is that you want done, Master," Yolus replied firmly, "and I will see that it is so."

    Camus managed a grim smile between heavy, nasal breathing. Yolus had come so far in seventeen years.

    "Head to Sunyshore City." The man explained, the reflection of a star's light as it caught an angle of the glass dome above them illuminating Camus' face in that instant. "There you will find a boy with no memory of his past and no knowledge of his future."

    Yolus waited patiently for the next instruction. He had spoken with his father in this manner for so many times that he knew he wasn't done with his mission briefing yet. Sure enough, within a few more seconds Camus spoke up once again.

    "You must bring this boy to us," he wheezed, "for he is the key that will unlock Palkia's awakening in this world. And with it, the Kingdom of Palkia will finally be born once again."

    Yolus bowed his head respectfully.

    "It shall be done, Master." He assured the man, before turning and exiting the room.

    Camus waited for the gentle vibrations of the swinging curtain to settle down before craning his head up to get a closer look at the stars, though his eyes remained closed the entire time. A sly smile crossed the man's lips. Yolus would succeed, he knew that much. He had waited so many decades for this opportunity, and at last the long wait would finally be over, and his life's work would at last be complete.

    ~*~*~

    "What did you want to talk to me about, Father?" Maylin questioned as the two of them wandered across the beach, the sound of the lazy tide brushing against the shore beside them as they wandered below the light of the stars.

    Maylin's father, Keiji Kitara, was quite a serious man. That wasn't to say that he had no sense of humour; on the contrary, he was a very approachable man to those who knew him and was always the one who organized large gatherings for friends and family from all over the Sinnoh region every Christmas at their home. The Kitara family dojo was spacious enough to house lots of guests, and Keiji was a great believer in helping those in need. Perhaps that was where Maylin and her younger sister both got their compassionate natures from, as they were always willing to go out of their way to help a person in need.

    The case of the boy they had brought back to the dojo earlier today, however, seemed to be troubling the man, who frowned as he stared down at the sand beneath his feet, his mind racing with different thoughts and ideas about the boy's origins. Whatever he came up with, though, something didn't feel quite right to him.

    "I'm... Worried about that boy, Maylin." Keiji explained, looking up towards the other side of the beach in the distance as the two of them continued to head towards the long pier in the distance.

    "Well, we all are." Maylin offered. "I mean, it's not every day that you find someone washed up on the shore like that, and-"

    "I don't mean about him specifically, Maylin." Keiji interrupted his daughter, causing her to look up towards the man, confused. "I mean that I'm worried about... What he might bring to us."

    Maylin raised an eyebrow. She couldn't remember a time when her father had acted so paranoid about something, so this was a new sensation to her. Her initial reaction was to dismiss his claims, but out of respect for him she listened patiently for his explanation.

    "I don't quite know how to say this," Keiji continued, sighing as he spoke, "but I sense something wrong about him. Like he will bring about a great deal of trouble to those around him."

    Maylin waited for a moment to get her thoughts lined up in her head before speaking once more.

    "Father, don't you think you're being a little paranoid about this? I mean, I agree that his arrival here is pretty strange, but it's not like he asked us to bring him here. He obviously needed help, after all."

    "I appreciate that," Keiji acknowledged, looking over at his daughter as she continued to walk beside him, glancing over towards the darkness of the southern ocean every so often, "and of course we will do everything we can to help him until he is safely checked into the Sunyshore Hospital."

    Keiji's expression turned into a frown once more as he considered this.

    "But after that, I don't want you anywhere near him." He admitted. "I know it seems unreasonable, Maylin, but please respect my wishes."

    Maylin considered her father's words for a moment, then nodded to him in agreement.

    "Of course, father." She concluded. "It's not as if we even know him, anyway. Once he's in the hospital we can let someone else worry about it all."

    She laughed a little as she thought of the whole situation.

    "Besides, he probably won't even wake up before he's there, anyway!"

    Keiji smiled. His daughter had turned out to be a fine young woman, just like her mother.

    "Thank you, Maylin." He said, smiling warmly at the girl. "Come on, it's getting late. We should get back before your sister gets so bored she falls asleep before her curfew."

    Maylin chuckled at this, and sure enough the two of them turned around and began heading back towards their home, nestled securely along the edge of the forest entrance just northwest of Sunyshore.

    ~*~*~

    Thank you for the comments, Giratina! And so quick, too; I'm glad there is some interest in this fic already. When I was posting it I was worried that the fact that it's a sequel would put new readers off, but I'm glad that hasn't happened with you.

    I'll admit I quite liked my description of the first Pokemon that appears, and thought I did a good job on it. I do have a tendency to use large words which are as descriptive as possible, because I enjoy using more "flavourful" language if you will to describe the world and the characters in it.

    My writing style has always been that of "describe the details and then build up to the big picture", so I am very detail-oriented when it comes to writing. I don't want this to come out as sounding unreceptive to criticism, because it's not at all, but I honestly don't see much of a radical improvement with your sentence suggestion there. I tend to write narration/description in an almost "speech-like" tone, because I find that when I'm reading stories, I personally like that approach. I don't think this is a case of either of us being right or wrong, but rather a clash in opinions when it comes to storytelling.

    Thank you for pointing out that I do make a habit of writing rather long sentences, though. I will be sure to keep an eye out for that in the future! Thank you for your input, and I hope I haven't offended you in any way with my response, because it wasn't my intention at all. I hope you continue to read and enjoy the story! (It's always tough to capture interest early on, as I'm sure you know as a fellow author).
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  4. #4

    Default

    This is an excellent first chapter. I really like how you give vital details so that you can picture what's going on as you read along. The new characters introduced are quite charming. I definitely like Zu, she's so adorable and hilarious, I wonder what other antics she'll get herself involved in. Of course, Maylin seems like she would be very pleasant to be around. In fact, the whole Kitara family are established to be quite a likable bunch, though the father does seem definitely worried about what's going to happen. Especially with Yolus who is probably going to be involved. He seems to be quite an intriguing character with definite goal set on mind that will probably cause a major conflict as the story progresses. I wonder what will happen when that "young man" wakes up? Well, I hope you continue writing this, good luck!
    I waste my life away on Nico Nico Douga.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Never-Turn-Back
    Posts
    363

    Default

    I'll admit I quite liked my description of the first Pokemon that appears, and thought I did a good job on it. I do have a tendency to use large words which are as descriptive as possible, because I enjoy using more "flavourful" language if you will to describe the world and the characters in it.
    That's a fine way to write, but I was just telling you that using that manner of writing does confuse people like me, who do use large words but not as frequently as you do. Just something you may want to keep an eye on. ^^
    I don't want this to come out as sounding unreceptive to criticism, because it's not at all, but I honestly don't see much of a radical improvement with your sentence suggestion there.
    That was probably because I tried to retain most of your wording in my suggestion, in order to keep as much of your words as possible, but presented in a way that is easier for most people to read.

    To go back to that example, I am not the sort of person who mentally adds in a pause after every comma. The sentence, therefore, was a long jumble of words that I had to read multiple times to understand correctly. That's probably just my problem with reading things, but you still may want to remember that.

    I tend to write narration/description in an almost "speech-like" tone, because I find that when I'm reading stories, I personally like that approach.
    So do I. I write almost all of my stories in a naturally light-hearted, conversational manner. Writers who present their works without a drop of emotion tend to put me off.

    I don't think this is a case of either of us being right or wrong, but rather a clash in opinions when it comes to storytelling.
    I agree, but one of the purposes of reviews is to tell an author the opinion of somebody of a different mindset than they are in order to make the story more approachable to all. I meant no offense to your way of writing, only that it seemed confusing to me.

    Thank you for your input, and I hope I haven't offended you in any way with my response, because it wasn't my intention at all.
    Nope, no offense taken. I'm just pleased that a new writer is actually getting reviews early on unlike myselfthat they can use to improve their works. C:

    (It's always tough to capture interest early on, as I'm sure you know as a fellow author)
    I could go on for days about that...

    Well, I need to get off now, so I'll just read and review chapter 1 tomorrow and edit the post then. See ya!


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Giratina! View Post
    To go back to that example, I am not the sort of person who mentally adds in a pause after every comma. The sentence, therefore, was a long jumble of words that I had to read multiple times to understand correctly. That's probably just my problem with reading things, but you still may want to remember that.
    I will do, thank you. Commas can quickly jumble up in my writing; I think I tend to use them quite a lot, so I will be sure to keep an eye on that during my proofreading stages.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giratina! View Post
    I agree, but one of the purposes of reviews is to tell an author the opinion of somebody of a different mindset than they are in order to make the story more approachable to all. I meant no offense to your way of writing, only that it seemed confusing to me.
    Oh, of course, I understand. After all, there's nothing much worse than a review that has no insight on the story at all aside from "update soon" or something like that, so I appreciate your comments ^^

    Quote Originally Posted by Giratina! View Post
    Nope, no offense taken. I'm just pleased that a new writer is actually getting reviews early on unlike myselfthat they can use to improve their works. C:
    Well, I'm not a new writer, but I am pretty unknown on this side of the forums, so as good as in many respects ^^;

    Quote Originally Posted by buster_wolf View Post
    I definitely like Zu, she's so adorable and hilarious, I wonder what other antics she'll get herself involved in. Of course, Maylin seems like she would be very pleasant to be around. In fact, the whole Kitara family are established to be quite a likable bunch
    Ah, a returning reviewer! :D I'm glad you like the Kitara family, because that's how they're supposed to be ^^; I find it a lot easier to make a character who's unlikeable than a character who is likeable, so that's always a relief to hear that people actually like the good guys.

    Thanks to both of you for the reviews, and I hope you'll read more once I get chapter two polished up!
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Ha, this feels like the shortest chapter ever.

    ~Chapter 2:~
    ~Questions Unanswered~

    "No!" A firm voice declared; the voice of someone normally so quiet and reserved that it seemed unreasonable that she would ever raise her voice like this. "I can't let you do this to yourself, Knite!"

    "This doesn't concern you!" Knite barked back towards the girl.

    She wanted to cower and cave in; she wanted to look away in fear and hope his eyes would drift away from her, but she knew she couldn't let that happen. She couldn't back away. Not this time.

    "I care about you too much to let this happen, Knite!" She grabbed the boy's wrist with a firm grip and squeezed tightly. "It's dangerous and we have no idea if you'll even survive the process! You're not some lab rat!"

    Knite glared at the girl with cold, piercing eyes, but she held fast, refusing to let go.

    "Please..." She whimpered, tears now beginning to flow down her cheeks as she considered the possibility of never seeing her best friend ever again. "Please don't do this to me, Knite..."

    "Team Rocket owes me this." Knite explained, remaining surprisingly calm as he spoke to the girl. "If I don't follow through on this I may never get another chance!"

    The girl simply stared at the boy, her gentle, sapphire eyes still wobbling with tears, though she had managed to contain them somewhat. Another drop rolled down her beautiful, ivory skin and she sniffled as Knite's emerald-green eyes looked deep into her own.

    "I've always wanted to have this power," the boy continued, "and now it's finally within my grasp! I can't just let this opportunity slip away from me at the last second! I finally have the chance to evolve beyond anything the world has ever seen before!"

    "What about me, Knite?" The girl replied as calmly as she could, still sniffing as she fought back her emotions. "We've spent all of this time together! Haven't you realised yet?"

    Knite began to turn away but then felt a tug on his wrist. He glanced back down and saw that her hand was still firmly wrapped around his forearm and showed no signs of releasing him. He looked back up into the girl's eyes as she took a step closer to him.

    "I..." She stammered, uncertain of whether or not she could say this to him, but she knew she had to, or else she would be regretting it for the rest of her life. "I..."

    Knite stared as the girl finally looked away, not entirely sure how to express the feelings she harboured for him in mere words. However, one thing comforted her as she struggled to overcome her own fears - the boy's eyes were not the cold and lifeless eyes he had looked upon everyone else with. They actually showed a sign of life. A sign of something that could well be reciprocal...

    "I love you!" She finally exclaimed, looking back into the boy's eyes and moving her hands up to his chest, her palms feeling the cold metal of the customized breastplate he wore. "I... I love you, Knite..."

    Knite said nothing, and a heavy silence filled the room.

    "Please..." She whispered uncertainly, her hands returning to her chest as she held her heart, hoping to support it in the worrying event that it may shatter at any moment. "Let's leave this place. We never have to see Team Rocket again!"

    Knite watched the girl as she did her best to calm herself down. She was truly beautiful, with a soft and pretty face and long, silky red hair that trailed down to her chest. It was almost the same tone as Knite's, though it wasn't as fiery in nature. Her eyes, though... With the soft and gentle expressions which only her eyes could make, they were what made her truly beautiful.

    "Tamara..."

    ~*~*~

    "TAMARA!"

    A loud yell suddenly jolted Maylin from her idle thoughts, the shock making her jump up out of her chair and scream just as loudly herself.

    The boy who just moments ago had been sleeping peacefully was now rolling on the bed in a panic, one hand clutching his head whilst the other moved up and down the sheets as if he were looking for something sturdy to hold on to. Maylin watched him for a moment, herself panicking as she tried to figure out what she could do to calm the stranger down.

    "Hey, uh-!" She stammered uncertainly. "C-calm down, okay?"

    Maylin cursed in her mind.

    'Real smooth, Maylin. I'm sure that'll work.' Even her thoughts were filled with sarcasm. Perhaps she'd been hanging around her little sister too much.

    Much to Maylin's surprise, however, the boy stopped struggling, glancing up at the girl, his eyes squinting to adjust to the light. Though the candles were glowing very dimly at this late hour, to his eyes they felt like intense spotlights.

    "...Tamara?" He spoke softly, his eyes still attempting to focus on the girl more clearly.

    Maylin subdued a gasp as she looked into the boy's eyes. They were slightly unsettling in ways which weren't easily noticeable from a casual glance, though Maylin wondered if this was perhaps because of the dim light of the room. They were a deep, fiery red colour, but were dull and seemed to cast no reflection from the light of the candles which surrounded the two of them.

    "Ah..." The boy spoke up again as his vision finally sharpened and colours began to come into focus more clearly. "You're not..."

    "Sorry to disappoint you." Maylin teased the boy playfully, a courteous and somewhat nervous smile painted on her face.

    "Ugh..." The stranger groaned, reaching up and rubbing his forehead as he felt a dull pain continue to make itself known, becoming more and more aggressive as his mind focused on it. "Who are you? And..."

    He glanced around at the small room they were in, doing his best to take in their environment, though he was still quite visibly disoriented from having just woken up.

    "Where am I?"

    "Here," Maylin insisted, passing the boy her glass of water which she had left on the small table beside the bed, "you should drink something."

    The boy gratefully accepted the girl's offering and admired the glass for a second before gently sipping at its contents. Maylin watched him for a moment as he did this, almost unable to take her eyes off of him, though she did her best to look away before he noticed this.

    "I'm Maylin." She began to explain as he continued to drink. "You're in my family's dojo, just west of Sunyshore City. We found you unconscious on the beach earlier today so we decided to bring you back here to rest up."

    The boy stopped drinking for a moment and looked back up at the girl, clearly having difficulty taking all of this new information in. She wondered how long he had been asleep for - he almost seemed to become more and more confused with every word she said. As their eyes met Maylin began to feel her face heat up, so she quickly looked up towards the ceiling idly, hoping that she wasn't blushing.

    "Sunyshore City?" He repeated, blinking uncertainly. "...Where's that?"

    Maylin gawked at the boy, though quickly did her best to regain her composure so as not to be rude.

    "It's... One of the biggest cities in the Sinnoh region." She answered, trying her best not to sound like a know-it-all or make him feel inferior for not knowing what should have been taught in any fourth-grade geography class. "You aren't from around here, are you?"

    The stranger looked back down at the glass in his hands, watching the reflection of the candles twist and flicker in the clear water.

    "I guess not." He chuckled, then suddenly felt his stomach turn with worry as he came to a realisation: he didn't know where he was from.

    Maylin raised an eyebrow at the boy's response.

    "You guess?" She frowned as she asked him this, not certain of whether he was joking or being sincere. "What's your name?"

    The boy leaned back onto the pillow behind him and stared up at the ceiling, the light of the small flames which surrounded the two teenagers casting large, flickering circles above them. He sighed before answering Maylin's question.

    "Knite." He replied. "At least, that's what she called me in my dream."

    "Knite?" Maylin echoed his name, bringing her hand to her chin as she analysed it in her mind. She paused for a moment before getting to her feet in surprise. "Wait, so are you saying you don't even remember your own name!?"

    Knite glanced at the girl who was now standing above him, her eyes showing genuine concern. He looked up at her and couldn't help but smile. Though he couldn't remember anything about his life aside from the dream he had experienced just moments ago, he knew that the sincerity radiating from this girl was authentic.

    "I'm sorry to have made you worry, Maylin." He said softly, his eyes beginning to feel heavy once again as the pain in his head began to increase once more.

    "Oh, I, um..." Maylin stammered, feeling another blush come rushing up to her face. "I wasn't worried about you... Well, I mean, of course I was worried, but I... I couldn't just leave you out on the beach, could I?"

    Knite couldn't help but chuckle at the girl's reaction, to which he received a sharp glare in reply.

    "Oh, that's right!" Maylin exclaimed, suddenly remembering what her father had told her to do if the boy were to awaken during the night. "My father told me to call him when you wake up. I'll be right back, Knite!"

    With those words she quickly took the glass from Knite's hands, promising him a refill of water before heading out of the room and into the large, empty hallway of the Kitara Family Dojo which lay outside.

    Knite listened to Maylin's footsteps echo across the wooden floor as she left the building, and he continued to stare up at the ceiling above him. His body ached all over, and though he couldn't see them, he was certain that his stomach, chest, and arms were all covered in bruises. He had so many questions that he needed the answers to: who was he, and how did he arrive under the care of Maylin's family? Where was he from, and what had happened to him? But these weren't the most important questions for Knite right now.

    "Tamara..." As he whispered the girl's name he felt his heart ache a little. "Who are you, Tamara...?"
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    ~Chapter 3:~
    ~Thoughts Which Linger~

    Knite slowly began to open his eyes as he felt his body begin to awaken to the sounds of late morning. Though he was still confined to the small guest bed in the room at the back of the Kitara Family Dojo, he could hear the sound of wild Starlys singing from the tall trees in the entrance to the forest that engulfed much of the Kitaras' back yard.

    The young man strained his eyes slightly as they adjusted to the light of the morning sun which trailed through the narrow window above his bed. As his body began to adjust to a new day he could feel the dull aching in what seemed like every muscle. Despite the irritation Knite lifted himself up off the bed and slowly got to his feet, shrugging off the slight dizziness which hit him as he did so.

    Knite proceeded to enter the main hall of the dojo and took a moment to admire his surroundings, partly due to the fact that walking felt slightly awkward with the constant aching in his legs. The room itself was little more than a large expanse of polished floorboards and sparse decorations; several old scrolls hung from the walls in a neatly-organized fashion and beside the entrance to the small room in which he had spent the night sat two small, potted plants that were clearly well-taken care of. From outside the constant chattering of Starlys and the occasional Chatot could still be heard, and a large stream of sunlight penetrated the many windows which lined the edge of the ceiling, casting a beautiful, golden glow on the glossy floor.

    As Knite continued to make his way towards the exit of the dojo one scroll hanging from the far wall caught his attention, prompting him to wander over for a closer look. Though the cloth had faded from many years of exposure to the elements it was clear that it portrayed a Pokemon, though it was not one that Knite was at all familiar with. Despite a very minimalist art style that seemed to have been taken from historical records, the image was surprisingly vivid, and the creature's two deep, red eyes seemed to almost glint as the sunlight struck the parchment. It possessed two large, bulky arms with pink gemstones embedded deep into its shoulders, and sharp, curved claws protruded from its hands and feet. Its entire skin was coloured in an ivory tone which seemed almost ethereal in nature, and from its back sprouted two small, jagged wings. Drawn all around the Pokemon were several black spirals, and numerous bolts of white lightning were splashed across the page, as if the creature were caught in the middle of a fierce storm.

    Knite considered this for a moment.

    Perhaps it wasn't caught in a storm at all, but rather, it was the cause of one.

    "You have quite an eye there, Knite."

    Knite turned on the spot to see Maylin's father, Keiji, standing behind him, smiling politely. They had met last night after Maylin introduced the two of them, but it had been a somewhat brief meeting, given the late hour of Knite's awakening and his overall fatigue at the time. Keiji was a very unassuming man, and Knite was truly thankful for the Kitara family's hospitality, as well as impressed by their warm and friendly natures. Though he had only just met them, he felt sad that he would be leaving them shortly, but he didn't want to be any more of a burden than he already had been to them.

    "All of these scrolls have been passed down through our family for generations." Keiji explained, stepping forward to stand beside Knite and get a closer look at the scroll which had transfixed the boy. "Do you remember anything about the legends of Sinnoh, by any chance?"

    Knite shook his head. Though he kept a stoic expression on his face, inside he felt saddened. Having amnesia was like losing a part of yourself, and it made him wonder if he would ever be the same person he was before waking up last night.

    "No..." He sighed.

    Keiji smiled warmly at the boy, placing a reassuring hand on Knite's shoulder.

    "This is Palkia," he began, "a legendary Pokemon said to harness the powers of space and matter. It's counterpart is Dialga," Keiji turned and motioned towards the scroll that hung a few feet away from Palkia's, prompting Knite to wander over and examine it also, "the Pokemon of time."

    Dialga's scroll was drawn in an identical style to Palkia's, with sharp curves and dark shadows pervading every aspect of it. The depicted creature possessed several crystalline protrusions that in many ways mirrored those of Palkia, with large crests and horns emerging from its navy-blue skin, and it had the same, menacing red eyes that Palkia had. Again, numerous vortexes were surrounding the legendary Pokemon, and dark-blue lightning swerved across the page like a meandering river cutting through a valley of darkness. Unlike Palkia, however, this creature appeared to walk on four legs, and the claws on its feet were far less pronounced than those of its spatial cousin, its limbs looking much more like they were designed for walking rather than to be used as indiscriminate weapons.

    Keiji watched the boy as he examined the two scrolls side by side, captivated by their presence, and couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Though he could tell Knite was trying his best not to show his disappointment from being unable to remember his past, his eyes telegraphed his feelings far more than he realised.

    "Come on, Knite," he spoke to the boy, snapping him back into reality, "you should get going. It's almost noon, you know."

    Knite nodded to the man, casting one more glance at the two scrolls hanging from the wall before turning and following him out of the dojo and into the world outside.

    Knite paused for a moment as the faint memories of his life began to flood back into his mind, slowly at first, but becoming more and more rapid as he took the time to notice the abundant nature which now surrounded him. He remembered how it felt to have the warm, springtime sun cover his body, and how crisp and fresh the morning air was. He remembered the sound of leaves rustling in the wind and the distant lapping of ocean waves as they tugged against the sandy shore not far from the dojo.

    But as a nearby flock of Starly swooped down towards a large pile of bird seed that a young girl with long, blonde hair was scattering across the grass, Knite remembered what he had missed most whilst he was unconscious this whole time: Pokemon.

    As he took a moment to admire his surroundings and the excitement they provided, Knite examined the area which the Kitara family called home. Located several yards directly ahead of him was the beach, its yellow sand glistening in the light of the sun, a grassy hill separating it from the large pathway which stretched from east to west. Surrounding the back of the dojo building was the forest which bordered the northern half of the area as far as the eye could see, and just east of the dojo Knite could see another, smaller one-storey building built from the same, dark wood, which he assumed was the Kitara family's house. It was a quaint, unassuming little home, like the kind one would see in postcards of mountain retreats and isolated cottages, and Knite could certainly appreciate the warm, family aura that it seemed to exude so effortlessly.

    Knite took another deep breath of the crisp, seaside air and stepped down from the elevated wooden porch of the dojo before noticing Maylin approach him from the spot where the young girl had been feeding the Starly, the grey feathers of the tiny bird Pokemon ruffling in delight as they hopped from side to side, doing their best to gather as much food as possible before rushing back to the safety of their nests.

    "Good morning, Knite!" She greeted him with a pleasant smile on her face, brushing a few loose strands of black hair back behind her ear in an effort to combat the coastal breeze which would occasionally kick up without warning. "Feeling any better?"

    Knite nodded and returned the smile, though it seemed like an action that was almost completely alien to him as he did so.

    "Yes, very." He replied before turning to face Keiji and bowing humbly. "Thank you for all of your help. You said Sunyshore City was east of here, correct?"

    Keiji was about to speak up but his daughter quickly beat him to the punch.

    "What are you talking about?" She asked, walking over beside the boy and raising an eyebrow. "We're going with you to the hospital."

    Knite felt his face flush a little as he heard the girl's suggestion.

    "Y-you are?" He stammered uncertainly.

    "Well, of course!" Maylin replied. "And besides, if you go to the city looking like that people will think you're crazy!"

    Knite glanced down at his attire as he considered this. The faded-grey shirt and pants he wore were the only articles of clothing he had, and even they were covered in holes and tears. At least his dark-brown boots still fit him somewhat comfortably, though they were so old and beaten many people would be forgiven for thinking he found them in a trash can.

    "We keep a few spare sets of training clothes in the dojo for our students." Keiji explained to the boy. "You're free to take whatever you need, Knite."

    Knite blinked for a moment, totally speechless in his awe at the Kitara family's generosity. They didn't even know him and yet they were willing to provide so much for him. He made a mental note to be sure to repay them somehow in the future, though he had no idea at this moment in time how he would go about doing that.

    "I..." He began. "I don't know what to say, sir." Knite contemplated his words for a moment before bowing once again. "I truly appreciate all you've done for me."

    Keiji simply smiled and nodded in response, in the same fashion that Maylin and her younger sister knew so well. He was very sagely in his demeanour, and their mother often joked that he should have joined a monastery instead of building a Pokemon training centre.

    "Oh, and by the way," Maylin spoke up once more, prompting Knite to turn and face her as she presented him with a black leather holster and what appeared to be an old, rusty lance, "you were holding this thing pretty tight when we found you on the beach yesterday."

    Knite examined the object for a few seconds before accepting it from the girl, holding it up against the silhouette of the midday sun which floated high above the group, its light casting a glare off of the few scraps of faded, grey metal which fought to stand out against an overwhelming tide of rusty copper.

    "It must have been pretty important to you." Maylin suggested, hoping to help make the boy feel better about his current situation. "Does it bring back any memories?"

    Knite lowered the weapon and slowly slid it into the holster, shaking his head sadly as he did so.

    "Maybe you used to hunt dragons," the loud voice of a young girl exclaimed from behind Maylin, prompting Knite to jump back a little in surprise, "and you used that to tame them by poking at them!"

    Maylin let out an audible groan as her younger sister, Zu, stepped in front of her and examined Knite, who stared back at her awkwardly.

    "Don't be stupid, Zu." Maylin scolded the girl, but Zu simply stuck her tongue out in reply to her older sister.

    "Zu...?" Knite repeated, still not entirely sure who this young girl was.

    "Knite, meet my youngest daughter, Shiori." Keiji offered an explanation and stooped down to ruffle the young girl's hair playfully, which she quickly attempted to fix once he was done. "We all call her Zu, though."

    "Oh, really?" Knite mused, unable to help but smile a little at the young girl's feisty attitude which contrasted quite sharply with her cute and innocent appearance. "Why is that?"

    Zu jumped on the spot for a moment, clearly eager to explain herself.

    "Because my favourite Pokemon is Zubat!" She cried. "It was the first Pokemon I ever caught, too!"

    "Oh?" Knite's expression shared a look of both surprise and interest as he spoke. "You mean you're a Pokemon trainer?"

    "Of course!" Zu answered quickly, nodding her head in time with the rhythm of her voice.

    "We all are;" Maylin added, "Dad built our dojo to be a Fighting-type Pokemon school."

    Knite turned to look at Maylin's father, who simply smiled and felt a slight blush cross his face. He was clearly a man who was very proud of his work.

    "Anyway," Keiji said, regaining his composure, "I'll go find you some spare clothes, Knite. Then the three of you should be on your way. The sooner you get to the hospital the sooner they'll be able to put you in touch with a specialist who can help you regain your memory."

    Knite nodded. Though he was undeniably daunted by the prospect of trying to regain his memory without a clue of how to begin the process, he was equally determined to succeed in his task. He had to know the meaning of his dream, and he had to find out where Tamara was now. It was almost as if she were calling to him from within his subconscious, urging him to move forward despite the odds that were against him.

    "I wish you the best of luck, Knite." Keiji added, before entering the dojo once more to retrieve the boy's clothes.

    ~*~*~

    "Or maybe you were on a pirate ship! And you were forced to walk the plank but the Sharpedos weren't hungry but you hit your head on the side of the boat and drifted until you reached the beach!"

    Knite forced an exhausted chuckle as he, Maylin, and Zu all continued their trek towards Sunyshore City along Route 222. He had lost count of how many scenarios Zu had managed to suggest in explanation of his appearance on the shoreline during their 20 minutes on the road, and he was starting to realise that whoever he really was, he was certain that he wasn't particularly well-equipped to entertain children.

    The walk to Sunyshore City was truly a joy to experience: the forest that lined the northern edge of the route was like a vivid canvas of lush, green shades, and to the south the gentle waves glistened under the light of the midday sun like a magnificent oil painting. Knite wouldn't have believed that a city could be so close to such an abundant and tranquil source of nature if it hadn't been for the large amount of people relaxing on their lunch breaks, sitting on park benches watching the world go by or jogging across the shoreline. Looking straight ahead towards the east he could barely make out the tops of a few large skyscrapers nestled behind the trees in the foreground, their glass windows reflecting the glare of the sun like a beacon guiding ships home from sea.

    Knite smiled, sighing a little as he did so. It was truly beautiful here, and he envied Maylin and Zu for being able to call such a paradise home. He wondered where his home was, and if it was anything like this. Somehow he doubted it.

    "Don't worry, she'll calm down once she gets used to you." Maylin reassured the boy with a hushed voice so that her younger sister wouldn't hear her comment as she continued to walk a few feet ahead of them, doing her best to come up with even more imaginative ideas.

    "Thanks, Maylin." He replied, smiling uncertainly at the girl.

    "Hey, don't worry," Maylin insisted, noticing the hesitancy in his eyes, "Sunyshore City Hospital is one of the most famous hospitals in the Sinnoh region! If anyone can help you regain your memory, it's them."

    Knite nodded, but the girl's words failed to lift his spirits. There was a strange feeling lingering inside of him - on the one hand he was eager to learn about who he was and how he had wound up here, but on the other hand he was scared to know too much. Scared to face the truth. What if he had forgotten who he was for a reason? The whole prospect of regaining his memory had him feeling uneasy and he wasn't entirely sure why.

    As he pondered this, Knite began to remember the dream he had had last night. It was still so vivid in his mind, like more of a memory than a figment of his imagination. What had Tamara been telling him? Not to do something? And what was 'Team Rocket'? The way Knite had acted in the dream also troubled him - he was cold, harsh, and distant to the girl. Even though Knite wasn't sure who she was, he could tell that she didn't deserve to be treated like that. He wasn't a bad person... Was he? He certainly didn't feel that way now.

    "Hey!" Zu exclaimed, snapping Knite back into reality as she pointed towards their destination. "I can see the lighthouse now!"

    Knite felt like he had been transported into another world altogether. The trees that had once lined the route in front of them had now receded and given way to a huge stretch of asphalt road and a plethora of shining, glass buildings that signaled the beginning of Sunyshore City. Hundreds of people mingled in the streets, going about their day-to-day business, seemingly oblivious to what a beautiful city they lived in. The sky was clear and blue and the air tasted delicious, and raised up amongst the mid-levels of the taller buildings in the city were huge, high-tech roads which were covered with an unusual black sheen which absorbed the sunlight as cars sped along them.

    Following the direction of Zu's pointing, Knite could also see the lighthouse, which seemed to be the only building in the city that didn't look like it belonged in a science-fiction movie, with its traditional cylindrical design and striped, red-and-white colour scheme sharply contrasting with the glass structures which surrounded it. To the south the waves of the ocean splashed energetically against the steep, rocky boundaries of the city as tourists and locals alike gazed out towards the sea, taking photographs and drawing sketches of the far-off horizon.

    The southern sea... The place Knite had come from.

    "The hospital isn't much further;" Maylin commented, now taking over from Zu's lead and motioning for her and Knite to follow, "it's just up Fifth Street."

    As the trio headed towards the hospital, Knite couldn't help but stare in awe at everything that surrounded him. He felt like he was in a sensory overload with so many new sights and sounds being exposed to him all at once. Though he may have lost his memory, Knite still remembered how it felt to walk down a regular city, and this was far from regular.

    The roads which towered over them were attached to large, sturdy pillars with several small lights and indicators flashing on street level to allow technicians and engineers to survey the foundations and adjust settings or perform maintenance whenever the city's computer grid found a potential anomaly in the structure. The roads themselves were semi-transparent, and looking up Knite could see the lower bodies of the cars which passed by at high speeds as if he were looking through a darkened window. He wondered how anyone could bring themselves to walk underneath such a busy highway, yet it didn't seem to disturb anyone else in the city but him, as the streets on which the three of them walked were packed with people as far as the eye could see.

    "They act as solar panels as well as roads." Maylin explained to the young man, smiling slyly as she enjoyed her moment of being a tourist guide. "That's how the city can run on so much electricity and not have to worry about a thing."

    "So the sun always shines on Sunyshore?" Knite replied, half joking at his comment, which Maylin seemed to appreciate.

    "Pretty much. That's also why there's so little pollution here;" she continued, "the city has tight controls on emissions and things like that. All of the roads are equipped with exhaust buffers to expel excess air pollution underground, too."

    Knite gazed back up at the roads above in awe. To say that the city's power management system was impressive would be a severe understatement.

    It didn't take long for the trio to arrive in front of the Sunyshore City Hospital, which seemed to be just as busy as the rest of the city; men dressed in suits walked briskly past the group with their briefcases in tow, whilst several cars attempted to maneuver into tight spaces in the front parking lot. Maylin made her way up the concrete steps and into the main entrance of the hospital, prompting both Zu and Knite to follow her through the revolving glass door and into a large hall which was surprisingly empty in comparison to the bustling streets outside.

    Knite took in his surroundings for a moment as Maylin wandered over towards the nearby help desk to request assistance and Zu began admiring the numerous flyers spread generously across the walls. Despite the unique appearance of Sunyshore City itself, its hospital clearly conformed to the standard set by hospitals nationwide - the walls, floors and ceilings were a bright, clinical white and a familiar, sanitary smell wafted through the entire area. It wasn't a particularly unpleasant smell, but neither could it be considered inviting by any stretch of the imagination. Several chairs were spread about in the small foyer area to the right, where a television set located in the upper corner of the room displayed the latest episode of some inane soap opera, and a table covered in old magazines took up a sizable amount of space in the centre of the room. Directly ahead of Knite was a long, bland hallway with several doors lining both sides, presumably providing access to other branches of the hospital.

    "Okay, Knite," Maylin spoke up, wandering over from the information desk with a piece of paper which displayed a small diagram of their intended destination in the building, "you're booked in to see Doctor Metcalf, and he's in room C-33, apparently."

    "Right." Knite replied, reaching for the scrap of paper before Maylin snatched it away from him.

    "Are you really that eager to get rid of us?" She asked, a slight hint of teasing in her voice as a grin began to appear on her face.

    "Wh-what?" Knite stammered, feeling his face flush a little. "No, that's not it! I just thought you'd want to get back home!"

    "No way!" Zu chimed in from behind the boy. "This is exciting! We're coming, too!"

    "Zu's right." Maylin agreed. Knite turned back to face the girl, looking into her chestnut brown eyes with a level of seriousness in his own. "It's not every day you get to rescue someone on the beach! Give us a little more time to do something unusual, won't you?"

    Knite frowned a little. It wasn't that he wanted them to leave or was unappreciative of everything they had done for him; far from it. Yet he couldn't shake this feeling that something bad was about to happen, and remembering his identity would cause them both great harm.

    "I..." Knite began to protest, but before he could utter a word Maylin and Zu were already making their way further down the hallway in search of room C-33 and the doctor who made his office there.

    Knite watched the two girls for a moment, groaning as he did so.

    'Come on, Knite.' He thought to himself reassuringly. 'You're probably just being paranoid. Maybe it's a common symptom of amnesia.'

    Reluctantly he began to follow the two girls further into the building, secretly hoping that they wouldn't regret this decision.

    ~*~*~

    A knock on the door caused the man to glance up from his clipboard as he sat at his desk, casually scribbling down notes. He was in his forties and had short, neatly-combed, dark-brown hair, and his dark eyes were shielded by a pair of thin, rounded glasses which he adjusted subtly before getting to his feet.

    "Ah, perhaps that will be your brother now." He suggested to the young man sitting across the small office from him, his arms folded and a cold, stoic expression written on his face as he stared idly down at the tiled floor.

    The man who was now standing beside the door quickly adjusted his long, white coat before opening the door to reveal Knite, Maylin, and Zu all standing outside patiently.

    "Doctor Metcalf?" Maylin asked, to which the man nodded in response. "We're here to see you about a patient with amnesia. My father called last night to set up an appointment with you. My name's Maylin Kitara?"

    The doctor smiled at the girl warmly.

    "Of course, of course!" He welcomed the group, motioning for them to step inside before looking straight into Knite's eyes. "So you're the young man I've heard so much about. You're actually very lucky that your brother is here."

    Knite immediately stopped himself from entering the doctor's office as he heard these words, and he stood in complete silence for a moment, unable to take another step into the room as his eyes gazed upon the seventeen year-old boy who was now standing opposite him, giving him a cold, apathetic stare with frozen, blue eyes. Somehow it almost felt as if Knite was looking into a mirror.

    "I've been looking all over for you, brother!" The stranger exclaimed, sounding both concerned and conceited at the same time. "I'm so glad you girls found him for me."

    "Wow, that's great!" Maylin said, sending a reassuring smile to Knite. "You have a brother, Knite!"

    Knite said nothing, instead simply choosing to stare into the stranger's eyes, his fists clenching uneasily, as if they wanted to reach for something on his belt, but nothing was there. Something didn't feel right. Was he really just being paranoid?

    "What's wrong, brother?" The stranger questioned, frowning slightly. "Don't you even remember me? Your brother Yolus, remember?"

    "Yolus..." Knite repeated the name for a moment. It certainly didn't seem like a familiar name to him. "Yolus, I can't remember anything..."

    Yolus' expression was blank as he nodded understandingly, adjusting his long, brown hair with an idle hand.

    "Don't worry, Knite." Yolus assured the boy. "We'll get you back home as soon as possible."

    An uneasy silence veiled the room for a moment.

    "Home..." Knite echoed. "Where is home?"

    "Why, right here in Sunyshore, of course!" Yolus answered, his expression twisting into a smirk as he folded his arms once more. Maylin frowned a little as she considered his words.

    "Wait, but Knite..." She muttered uncertainly, looking in the direction of the boy with the fiery hair who had still not set one foot inside the doctor's office. "You told me you didn't even know what Sunyshore was..."

    "Exactly." Knite confirmed, smiling knowingly at Yolus who visibly flinched at the sight. "Which is why you aren't really my brother, are you?"

    Maylin, Zu, and Doctor Metcalf all glanced over at Yolus, their expressions showing clear puzzlement over the current situation that was unveiling in the small room. Yolus, however, seemed less than happy at how events were turning out.

    "Who are you, and what do you want with me?" Knite questioned, his eyes glaring at Yolus with a serious, almost threatening look in them.

    Yolus glared right back at Knite, gritting his teeth before reaching down to his belt and removing a small, red-and-white sphere from it. Pulling the device up to his chest he tapped his thumb onto a small, white button in its centre which caused the ball to enlarge, snugly cushioning itself against his palm. Knite immediately recognised it as a Pokeball - a small capsule used to house a Pokemon.

    "I was hoping I wouldn't have to raise any alarm bells when I came to get you," Yolus snarled, pointing the Pokeball menacingly towards Knite as he did so, "but you've left me no choice."

    Knite's eyes widened as time seemed to slow down for him and he watched as Yolus coiled back his arm, getting ready to throw the device to the ground and unleash the creature that waited inside.

    "Maylin! Zu! Get out of here!" Knite yelled, and the two girls quickly dashed out of the room and into the corridor behind him, peering over his shoulder for a better look at what was about to unfold.

    "Hey!" The doctor protested, though his complaints fell on deaf ears as Yolus hurled the Pokeball onto the ground and bathed the entire room in a bright, white light which slowly receded to reveal the large, bulky silhouette of a rocky Pokemon. "What are you doing!? This isn't a place for Pokemon!"

    Knite took a step back, his eyes fixed firmly on the creature now standing before him. It was roughly five feet tall and generally humanoid in its appearance. Its two arms were little more than giant hooks, their razor-sharp edges gleaming under the fluorescent, white lights of the hospital, and its legs were short and heavy-looking. What would be considered the creature's neck was quite tall, reaching up some two feet above its arms, and was about a foot-and-a-half wide, with three sharp, red-and-white blades protruding out from each side. Its head was short and stout, with two large eyes jutting out from the sides, their slit-like pupils glaring down at Knite with the same apathetic gaze that the Pokemon's trainer had. A long, thick, grey tail swung violently around the room behind the creature's rocky body as it took a step forward, a strange, indescribable growl emitting from its throat as it advanced.

    "Armaldo..." Knite breathed, reaching for one of the Pokeballs on his belt, but feeling nothing but emptiness. He felt a lump rise in his throat. His reaction was an instinct; built into his system. Yet he had no Pokemon of his own. And how did he recognise this Pokemon? Hadn't he lost his memory? How could he not remember his own name with certainty, yet immediately identify such an incredibly rare creature as Armaldo?

    "Slash, Armaldo!" Yolus commanded.

    The large, Rock-type Pokemon roared before readying one of its claws and swinging it down violently towards Knite, who quickly jumped back against the wall where Maylin and Zu were standing, looking on in both shock and fear. Armaldo's arm slammed into the ground where Knite once stood, leaving a large, visible gash in the hospital floor.

    "Run, you two!" Knite yelled to the two girls who were now standing beside him, unable to take their eyes off of Yolus' advancing Pokemon. "Get out of here! It's me he's after!"

    "But Knite!" Maylin argued, though she was quickly cut off by Knite as he grabbed her and Zu's hands and began dashing down the corridor, pulling them away from the Armaldo's next attack as its claw sailed into the wall where they had been standing just moments earlier.

    "Armaldo!" Yolus snarled, rushing out of the office and into the corridor where the creature was attempting to free its arm from the grip of the hospital wall. "After them! We mustn't let him escape!"

    Armaldo snarled fiercely in agreement with its trainer before finally wrenching its arm from the wall, plaster and rubble tumbling onto the floor as it did so.

    Yolus glared down the corridor where Knite and the two girls had now disappeared from view, a visible scowl on his face.

    "If you really are the key to awakening Palkia, Knite," he hissed confidently, "then nothing will stand in my way from dragging you back to Mount Coronet with me."

    The boy snapped his fingers, prompting Armaldo to follow him as he charged down the hallway in pursuit of his target.

    "Nothing at all."
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    hogtown
    Posts
    1,175

    Default

    Woooo! The long-awaited sequel for the Watchers of Raikou is finally here. I read the preview for this at the end of Watchers and I've been waiting for you to release it ever since. Admittedly, I have forgotten several parts of Watchers (as it's been a couple or so years since I've last read it), but I still remember the whole gist of the story. I'll probably re-read a portion towards the end of the fic to refresh my memory a bit.

    I liked how you opened the prologue, but I can't seem to figure out the pokemon you were trying to describe in the meditation scene. At first, I thought the pokemon was a Heracross, but then I re-read the scene and thought it was a Metagross, but I'm still quite skeptical of my guesses :P

    As for Maylin, for the longest time, I had her confused with Maylene, the gym leader of Veilstone. I kept on wondering why Maylene was running a dojo in Sunnyshore (add to the fact that both have a Medicham) but after a little research, things were clarified. I haven't really delved into the DPPt branch games too much, so I think my confusion is slightly justified :P Not to mention that you used Whitney (another gym leader) as a main character in this fic's prequel.

    It is a little strange that Knite ended up Sunnyshore of all places (if I recall correctly, he disappeared at Mt. Silver, no?) and it's a good thing (actually, perhaps not :P) Maylin's family found him alive. With the way things are shaping up, I'm assuming that Knite's role in this story will be of the protagonist as opposed to the prequel, where he was the "Big Bad"...well, at least until he regains his memories.

    "Or maybe you were on a pirate ship! And you were forced to walk the plank but the Sharpedos weren't hungry but you hit your head on the side of the boat and drifted until you reached the beach!"

    Knite forced an exhausted chuckle as he, Maylin, and Zu all continued their trek towards Sunyshore City along Route 222. He had lost count of how many scenarios Zu had managed to suggest in explanation of his appearance on the shoreline during their 20 minutes on the road, and he was starting to realise that whoever he really was, he was certain that he wasn't particularly well-equipped to entertain children.
    Shiori aka Zu is awesome. I laughed out loud at this part

    "Pretty much. That's also why there's so little pollution here;" she continued, "the city has tight controls on emissions and things like that. All of the roads are equipped with exhaust buffers to expel excess air pollution underground, too."

    Knite gazed back up at the roads above in awe. To say that the city's power management system was impressive would be a severe understatement.
    Is that even realistically possible? If not, that's a damn cool idea.

    Anyways, I like the way you've set things up so far. Everything, including the characters and their motives seem mysterious. Perhaps I missed something from Watchers, but I wonder what Knite has that could possibly unleash "Palkia's Kingdom" and why this organization wants to do such a thing.

    It's been a very interesting read so far, here's to seeing "rapid-fire updates" from you, Gazmof

    Good luck.

    EDIT: this needs moar Zak :P

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    Woooo! The long-awaited sequel for the Watchers of Raikou is finally here. I read the preview for this at the end of Watchers and I've been waiting for you to release it ever since. Admittedly, I have forgotten several parts of Watchers (as it's been a couple or so years since I've last read it), but I still remember the whole gist of the story. I'll probably re-read a portion towards the end of the fic to refresh my memory a bit.
    I'm glad that readers of the original enjoyed it enough to warrant a sequel, so thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    I liked how you opened the prologue, but I can't seem to figure out the pokemon you were trying to describe in the meditation scene. At first, I thought the pokemon was a Heracross, but then I re-read the scene and thought it was a Metagross, but I'm still quite skeptical of my guesses :P
    Ugh, I really thought I did a good job on the description, but everyone seems to disagree with me ;.; Oh well, it was supposed to be mysterious for new readers, but familiar for old ones, but...

        Spoiler:- Not much of a spoiler unless you haven't read the first:


    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    As for Maylin, for the longest time, I had her confused with Maylene, the gym leader of Veilstone. I kept on wondering why Maylene was running a dojo in Sunnyshore (add to the fact that both have a Medicham) but after a little research, things were clarified. I haven't really delved into the DPPt branch games too much, so I think my confusion is slightly justified :P Not to mention that you used Whitney (another gym leader) as a main character in this fic's prequel.
    Yes, you are totally justified here. I originally wrote the opening chapter before the Sinnoh games were released in the US, so I never knew Maylene's name. To be honest I never even thought of it before until Buster mentioned the similarities to me. I considered changing her name, but the name Maylin really stuck with me and I couldn't imagine calling her anything else, so it stayed. But yes, Maylin =/= Maylene.

    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    It is a little strange that Knite ended up Sunnyshore of all places (if I recall correctly, he disappeared at Mt. Silver, no?) and it's a good thing (actually, perhaps not :P) Maylin's family found him alive. With the way things are shaping up, I'm assuming that Knite's role in this story will be of the protagonist as opposed to the prequel, where he was the "Big Bad"...well, at least until he regains his memories.
    All will be explained and revealed as time goes on :D

    I'm really glad Zu's had a good reception, since she's the comedic relief so far. I suppose you could call her the Zeni of Raikou 2, if you were so inclined.

    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    Is that even realistically possible? If not, that's a damn cool idea.
    Haha, probably not, but I was playing PSO and on a high-tech kick, so I just ran with it.

    I'm thrilled that you like how I've set the prologue up so far. I was reading over it the other day and compared to the first, it seems a little slow in getting started, but since there are a lot of new mechanics and only one existing character, I didn't want to rush things and would rather take some time to develop the backstories of the supporting cast some more.

    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    EDIT: this needs moar Zak :P
    I agree. We'll just have to leave it at that :D

    Actually, it's pretty funny. When I first wrote Zak I thought he was boring, but he seems quite popular. He certainly grew on me the more I wrote him, so I hope I can create more characters in this installment that have the same level of impact for readers as he did.

    Thanks again for the review! I'm looking forward to finishing up the next chapter, as the long-overdue action in this fic will finally make an appearance. I'll let you know once it's done!
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Somewhere in Unova...
    Posts
    950

    Default

    So, the long-awaited sequel has come, eh? Have to say I'm dreading what happens should Knite regain his memories. Also...

    "I don't quite know how to say this," Keiji continued, sighing as he spoke, "but I sense something wrong about him. Like he will bring about a great deal of trouble to those around him."
    That he has, Keiji. That he has. Sinnoh has no idea what's in store for it, evidently.

    Can't wait to see more from Yolus and Palkia's Kingdom. How might Knite be involved in the summoning of Palkia? Should be interesting.

    Well, best of luck on writing this, for I must now return my focus to my Platinum game as I attempt to hatch a Munchlax egg (I'm just hoping that I attached the Full Incense to the right Pokemon...)
    Current fanfics:


    Proving Grounds

    How far will one boy go to prove something?

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Behind you...
    Posts
    1,292

    Default

    Good AD: At last! It's here!

    Evil AD: At last... you're actually reviewing this thing.

    You have no idea how anticipated Watchers of Raikou has been. Though I'm yet to catch up (hopefully not much has passed yet. Reading the last one although highly fun, left my eyes stinging a bit at my sheer determination to finish it) Speaking of which, I just might need to go over a few issues by rereading to old one so as to catch up.

    What? It's been a while dude...

    Keep watching this space...

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
    HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
    Butt-ugly Banner by Me
    (Still waiting on the excellent Saffire Persian for another awesome TCQ banner!)

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    I finally get classic readers and then I take forever to update ;.; I'm sorry, guys ;.;

    ~Chapter 4:~
    ~Nowhere to Hide~

    Ragged breathing filled the narrow stairway as Knite lead the girls back down towards the ground level of Sunyshore City Hospital. Whilst Maylin and Zu's hearts were pounding, Knite remained remarkably calm; almost as if he was used to such situations and knew how to deal with them. His body felt light and the bruises which covered him from head to toe, whilst still making their presence felt, were allowing the pain to subside enough to give him renewed energy which kept his reactions at lightning-fast speed.

    "Wait, wait!" Maylin wheezed, placing her palm against the wall of the stairway as she tried her best to catch her breath.

    Knite and Zu both watched the girl with nervous looks on their faces, the pounding of Yolus' Armaldo's feet rocking the higher levels above them. Every stomp seemed to fill each of their bodies with more and more terror as the seconds ticked by, and Knite was not willing to wait for them to catch up. Suddenly he turned to Maylin, his eyes burning with a serious determination.

    "What Pokemon do you have on you, Maylin?"

    "Um..." Maylin muttered in-between breaths as she glanced down to her belt where several red-and-white spheres were safely stored, "let's see... I mostly just have Fighting-types, except for Ninjask."

    "Do they know any moves that would be effective against Armaldo?" Knite pressed, causing Maylin to glance up towards the ceiling as she considered this question.

    "I don't know..." She admitted. "What type is Armaldo?"

    "Rock and Bug." Knite answered immediately with a tone of voice that exuded certainty in every sense of the word. He wasn't even sure how he knew all of this information - it wasn't as if he could ever remember an encounter with an Armaldo in his life, let alone any Pokemon battles he had ever seen. He couldn't even remember training them. Yet for some reason his mind simply knew the basic facts like they were instincts as natural as breathing.

    Maylin and Zu both glanced over at the boy, a little surprised at the immediacy of his reply, yet Maylin spent no time pondering it given their current situation as the loud footsteps came closer and closer towards their position.

    Knite could have easily gone on - he could have told them that Armaldo were generally native to the Hoenn region in ancient times, and that they weighed an average of 150 pounds. He knew that their claws were used primarily to scavenge food from shallow waters, and they tended to work aggressively in targeting their prey. He also knew that a Water-type Pokemon would perform particularly well against it in battle, especially if it possessed a secondary type which gave it the ability to defend against Rock and Bug-type moves more effectively.

    Of course he was confused by his instinctive knowledge of Armaldo, but now was not the time to be concerned about piecing together his past. Right now he knew that they were all in danger, and he certainly didn't want to see either Zu or Maylin get hurt on his account.

    "What kind of Fighting-types do you have?" Knite asked.

    "Well, I have Medicham, and then there's-" Maylin began to reply but Knite quickly cut her off.

    "Medicham will do fine." He explained as he stretched out his hand expectantly. "Any specific moves that it knows?"

    "Well..." Maylin thought to herself as she did her best to recall the training she and Medicham had done on the spot. "Let's see, it knows Ice Punch, Hi-Jump Kick, and-"

    "That's perfect." Knite concluded, interrupting the girl and reaching out his hand. "Can I borrow it for a second?"

    Maylin was understandably hesitant - after all, Knite was an amnesiac and had no noticeable signs of being a Pokemon trainer, let alone one who would be able to accurately battle against a trainer of the calibre that was currently chasing them.

    "Okay." She conceded, removing a Pokeball from her belt and placing it confidently into the boy's waiting palm. Her eyes locked onto Knite's for a moment, as if she was waiting for him to tell her that it would be alright and that he would get them all through this. Though he didn't say the words, his eyes spoke volumes, and they said exactly what she needed to hear.

    Immediately Knite pressed down on the central button of the device, enlarging the sphere and flipping it open to reveal a pool of light that gently faded into the silhouette of Maylin's Medicham. The creature stood ready with a fighting posture - an indication of significant training on Maylin's part, and refused to allow the unfamiliarity of its strange surroundings to affect its demeanour. It eyed Knite suspiciously as it made a note of both Maylin and Zu's concerned expressions, but its young trainer quickly nodded to the Pokemon to let it know that the stranger could be trusted.

    "Medicham, we need your help." Knite explained to the Fighting-type that seemed even now to be engaged in a form of meditation despite the loud stomping that could be heard gradually descending from the staircases high above. "I need you to pay close attention and do exactly as I tell you, okay?"

    Maylin took a step forward, her hand over her chest in an effort to calm the frantic beating of her heart as she tried her best to ignore the feeling of being trapped in this narrow stairwell with nowhere to hide.

    "Don't worry, Medicham;" She reassured her Pokemon, "Knite is a friend and he's just trying to look out for us. Please obey him for now."

    "Cham." The creature acknowledged the words of its trainer, then returned its focus to Knite, who was now glancing up towards the ceiling as several small chips began to crumble down onto the floor.

    The stomping was growing louder and louder, and soon the strange trainer and his Armaldo would catch up to them. Zu tugged tightly on her sister's jeans, closing her eyes as the fear began to overwhelm her. Maylin gently ruffled the girl's hair in response, smiling down nervously at the little girl before glancing back towards Knite, his dark, fiery eyes remaining unfazed by the situation.

    "You need to get out of here." Knite insisted. "Don't worry about Medicham; I'll make sure nothing happens."

    Maylin nodded. It made no sense to argue, especially given the fact that she had never battled competitively outside of her father's own dojo and would probably end up being more of a liability than an asset. Though she had no idea about Knite's prowess with Pokemon, judging from his confidence and knowledge on the subject matter she knew that he would have far better success against their opponent than she could ever hope for, and so her best strategy right now was to get Zu out of danger.

    "Come on, Zu." She spoke softly to her sister, taking her hand and beginning to lead her further down the stairway. "Knite can handle this by himself."

    Knite and Medicham both watched the girls disappear beneath the railings of the staircase before returning their attention to their pursuers above. Once again several chips of debris began to descend from the ceiling, dust falling onto Knite's feet as he turned to face the Psychic-type Pokemon that stood beside him.

    "Okay, Medicham, listen." He began. "We're only going to get one chance at this, so let's make it work."

    ~*~*~

    Yolus' hands were firmly planted in his pockets as he wandered beside his Armaldo, the two of them further descending down the stairwell in search of their prey. Neither Pokemon nor trainer seemed in any particular rush to catch up to their target, and they both exuded a confidence which seemed to imply that no matter how fast Knite ran they would quickly catch up to him with little effort.

    "I'll admit you're pretty sharp," the trainer called out down the silent staircase as he proceeded to venture further and further down towards the hospital's ground level, "but I didn't expect Palkia's chosen one to be so quick to flee. I expected at least some sort of a fight."

    Yolus paused for a second, prompting Armaldo to turn and wait for its master to resume walking.

    The boy put his hand to his chin, glancing back up towards the top of the stairs from where they had entered the narrow, vertical shaft as he considered his next words.

    "This is pure cowardice, Knite." He announced condescendingly, though the only response that came back was the echo of his own voice reverberating throughout the claustrophobic corridor. "It would be less humiliating for you to just surrender and come with me."

    Yolus and Armaldo waited for a few more seconds, but still there was no answer. Yolus frowned towards his Pokemon, which glanced nervously away before proceeding to follow its master as he resumed his descent of the aging staircase.

    "I can't believe that Father thinks Palkia would choose this fool over someone like me." He muttered to himself, his facial expression growing visibly angrier as the seconds ticked on. "He's nothing but a freak and a coward."

    Suddenly an enormous shard of crystalline-blue ice pierced through the ground underneath the trainer and his Pokemon, causing the two of them to leap down several steps, narrowly avoiding the surprise attack. Yolus stumbled upon landing, falling to the floor as Armaldo's enormous bulk initiated a miniature tremor throughout the immediate vicinity. Before the two of them had any time to react the image of Medicham suddenly appeared before them, its silhouette bathed in a rich, blue light as it slowly levitated onto the ground and assumed a fighting stance.

    "Freak, maybe." Knite conceded from a few steps below Yolus' current position, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned casually against the wall. "But coward? No way."

    "Well, well, well," Yolus replied, quickly regaining his cold and casual demeanour as his eyes surveyed the Medicham that was now opposite them, "perhaps you aren't a completely lost cause after all."

    Knite glared back into Yolus' distant eyes which refused to flinch, their aura of apathy almost overwhelming him. Armaldo's tail whipped furiously back and forth as it watched Medicham carefully, the giant, armour-plated Pokemon appearing eager to do battle with its newfound foe. Several chips of debris and dust tumbled down the set of stairs which narrowly separated the two teams, and despite the fact that the world was no doubt continuing to turn outside, not a sound could be heard from within the building that they now occupied.

    "Armaldo," Yolus spoke up, folding his arms confidently as he did so, "get rid of that pest."

    Armaldo let out a powerful, shrieking roar which seemed to vibrate through the floor and into Knite's bones before it charged towards Medicham, its sharp, curved talons slicing through the air like scimitars as they homed in on their target. Immediately Medicham kicked away from the floor, launching itself into the air and twirling elegantly onto the platform where Knite stood.

    "What are you, a coordinator or something?" Yolus mocked his opponent, smiling wryly. "Armaldo, Hydro Pump!"

    "Let's move!" Knite yelled, quickly following Medicham up the staircase as Armaldo spat a torrent of water from its enormous mouth. The sheer pressure of the attack shattered a hole through the wall where Knite once stood, prompting screams and confusion from several nurses in the corridor beyond.

    "Nice try." Yolus chuckled. "Armaldo, use Earthquake. I don't have the patience to play hide and seek with this fool."

    Knite's eyes widened in surprise as he watched Armaldo stomp its feet down on the ground, sending out shock waves which pulsed throughout the entire stairway. Before Medicham could begin to react, the ceiling above the two Pokemon and their trainers began to collapse down on top of them, enormous slabs of rubble crashing all around.

    Knite felt the steps beneath his feet begin to cave in, the railing on the side of the wall beginning to detach from the main structure of the building. Immediately he leapt from where he was standing, his hand latching onto a small outcropping of the staircase above which had managed to remain intact. As he did this Medicham quickly followed suit, instinctively reaching out and grabbing onto the boy's hand in an effort to avoid the immediate danger of falling debris.

    After a few painful moments of worry, Knite continued to hang from the edge of the wall, one hand slowly losing its grip on the ruined crevice which jutted out from the corner of the building. In his other hand he clutched Medicham's wrist, trying desperately to keep Maylin's Pokemon from falling to the ravaged ground that lay several yards below them. His fingers began to buckle.

    What once had been a clean and sturdy stairway stretching up and down the entire height of the Sunyshore City Hospital was now little more than a barren vertical shaft filled with dirt and debris. Such devastation was testament to how incredibly powerful Yolus' Armaldo was, and down below Knite could see the creature sharpening its claws in anticipation of its prey falling to their doom.

    An arrogant chuckling filled the air, causing Knite to peer over out of the corner of his eye to see Yolus smiling confidently towards his direction. The boy was suspended in midair along with a lanky, humanoid Pokemon with short, yellow fur and a long, flowing mustache. Both of them were surrounded by translucent pink spheres of light which seemed to distort reality, allowing the creatures inside of their influence to move without heeding the will of gravity. Knite had no energy to glare at the boy, instead his teeth were tightly gritted as he tried desperately to hold on to the ledge which narrowly separated himself and Medicham from a fall of a hundred feet or more.

    "You see," Yolus began to speak with a grin on his face, savouring the desperation in Knite's eyes as he and his Pokemon circled their prey, "the way you and I are different is in the way we use our power."

    Yolus paused for a moment as he considered his monologue, whilst another of Knite's fingers began to slip to the side of the ledge.

    "You epitomize brute strength and the philosophy that might is right..." Yolus continued, a look of disgust now on his face as he reflected on the words he spoke. "You represent everything that is wrong with this society! Father and I will usher in a new world; a world where people like you are no longer required."

    Two more fingers grasped onto the ledge as Medicham watched Knite's hand from below with a worried look on its face.

    'Maylin...' Knite managed to formulate the brief words in his head. 'I'm sorry...'

    Finally his grip loosened, and both Knite and Medicham plummeted to the bottom of the shaft.

    ~*~*~

    "Come on, Zu!" Maylin urged her sister who stumbled along behind her. They were approaching the final set of stairs in the hospital and could hear the familiar, comforting sound of traffic and city life just beyond the wall as they finally reached ground level. "We're almost there!"

    Zu didn't respond, save for a few weak pants. Both girls were breathing heavily and had been running so fast and so hard that their vision was beginning to blur slightly. All she could feel was Maylin's grip on her hand slipping away as she reached for the fire exit door. Zu watched her sister push against the central bar of the exit with a brief burst of energy, doing her best to remain standing as she fought against the overwhelming wave of exhaustion that cascaded throughout her tiny body.

    Despite their worry, no sounds of battle or distress had occurred above the two girls during their descent through the stairwell of the building, and Maylin took that to be a good sign. Though she was worried about Medicham, something inside of her told her that Knite would make sure everything was okay. He had a sense of confidence that was difficult to define in words, yet when she looked into his dark, fiery eyes she felt certain that he could defy any odds, and she knew that her Pokemon couldn't be in better hands.

    Maylin took a deep breath of fresh air, savouring the invigorating taste of the great outdoors. Though they had only been trapped in the confining walls of the Sunyshore City Hospital for less than half an hour, it felt like they would never see the light of day again, and Maylin was certainly appreciative of being under the bright blue sky once again.

    "We made it, Zu!" She breathed, turning around and smiling towards her sister, though her smile quickly dissipated when she saw that her younger sister was now lying on the floor of the hospital's stairwell, her breathing faint and shallow. "Zu!"

    Wasting no time, Maylin rushed towards where Zu lay collapsed in an exhausted heap. She was so concerned for her sister that she didn't even pay attention to the distant rumbling above that began to shake the very foundations of the hospital. Just before she was able to reach the entrance to the stairwell, Maylin was forced to watch helplessly as a stream of dirt and rubble came crashing down in front of her, blocking off the entrance to the hospital and leaving Zu trapped inside.

    Maylin paused, shielding her eyes as the tremours slowly began to die down, the dust from the fallen boulders finally settling after the torrent of debris came to an end. She gazed at the sealed passageway for a moment with a wavering uncertainty, her mind doing its best to formulate some kind of rationalization to the scenario that had just unfolded in front of her eyes, yet nothing could quite sink in.

    "Zu...?" She muttered, her eyes quivering as she felt tears of bewilderment welling up inside of her. "ZU!!!"

    ~*~*~

    This was a difficult chapter to write; a battle in a narrow, vertical corridor would make for a great movie scene, but in writing it's very difficult to convey such action in such a cramped setting...

    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    You have no idea how anticipated Watchers of Raikou has been. Though I'm yet to catch up (hopefully not much has passed yet. Reading the last one although highly fun, left my eyes stinging a bit at my sheer determination to finish it) Speaking of which, I just might need to go over a few issues by rereading to old one so as to catch up.
    Thanks, Air Dragon! iirc you nominated Watchers back in the day for a Fic Oscar here or something like that. It's such a privilege to have a reader of the prequel come and speak so highly of my story. Watchers of Raikou has always had a special place in my heart, and it's definitely the fanfic I'm most proud of for a variety of reasons. I hope that this sequel will love up to its predecessor, and I believe it will, since I have rather ambitious plans for it. Now if only I could update more frequently...

    Quote Originally Posted by Morpher01 View Post
    So, the long-awaited sequel has come, eh? Have to say I'm dreading what happens should Knite regain his memories. Also...
    Hey Morpher, long time no see! Glad to see my fellow co-writer has given this story a good seal of approval! I hope to hear more of your opinions as the story progresses and links more clearly to that of the prequel.

    Thanks for reviewing, everyone!
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  14. #14
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Santiago de Chile
    Posts
    135

    Default

    Aren't you planning on doing something with some good old plot device, like the gene splicing a certain someone suffered in the previous fic? (specially the charizard thing)

    And what are you planning to do with Shiori AKA Zu, its seems a little two soon to eliminate a character, even for the token victim stuff.

    Don't you think?

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    After about a year's hiatus Kingdom of Palkia is back! I wonder if anyone's still here ^^;

    Quote Originally Posted by asperger1981 View Post
    Aren't you planning on doing something with some good old plot device, like the gene splicing a certain someone suffered in the previous fic? (specially the charizard thing)

    And what are you planning to do with Shiori AKA Zu, its seems a little two soon to eliminate a character, even for the token victim stuff.

    Don't you think?
    All questions will be revealed... In this very chapter! Thanks for your review - always good to read the thoughts of readers of the prequel ^^

    ~Chapter 5:~
    ~The Nightmare Returns~

    A long line of old and historically-styled portraits lined the walls on either side of the darkened corridor as three figures confidently strode towards the far end of the building. The interior of the structure was illuminated only by a few torches that had been mounted intermittently on various parts of the finely-polished walls, their ominous flames gently flickering with the ebb and flow of the occasional breeze. The hallway itself was as narrow and foreboding as a cave, exuding an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia in anyone who hadn't walked through its shadowy confines before.

    All three humans were making their way towards the central area of the headquarters of the Knights of Palkia, and none of them were at all concerned by the ominous sense of fear and uncertainty that emanated from the walls of the underground complex. All of them had wandered through these dark corridors many times before, having now reached a level of apathy that many normal people would consider borderline inhuman.

    One of the figures, however, had never been intimidated by such trifling matters. To her, the darkness was a useful ally; a shield to cover her plans and actions whilst sowing confusion amongst her enemies. Her long, jet-black hair flowed down in a ponytail to the small of her back, and her eyes were a shade of brown so dark it was difficult to distinguish their colour at all. Despite her cold and distant mannerisms, her face was soft and gentle, and to many she would be considered rather pretty.

    Her dark skin was the colour of hazel, and she was dressed in bulky, almost military-grade clothing. Her blood-red jacket lacked sleeves, but had numerous pockets and storage compartments which presumably carried all sorts of items, whilst her black denim pants carried several subtle camouflage prints on them, distinguishable only when viewed from a certain angle. On her belt she carried six Pokeballs, all of different colours and varieties that indicated her prowess as a trainer. Although it was difficult to pinpoint her age accurately, she was likely in her early thirties.

    The two men beside her were her escorts, and both wore the official servant's regalia of the Knights of Palkia. Their cloaks waved behind them as they walked, their arms folded in a fashion that almost resembled prayer. They had not uttered a single word since their guest had first arrived on the helipad ten minutes ago, instead choosing to silently lead the way towards a meeting with the leader of their organization.

    The woman smiled as she thought of Camus, or as he was officially known, 'The Master.' No-one in the organization dared to speak his real name, for fear of unleashing his infamous wrath. Camus believed that he had transcended the bounds of mortality, and that he was now beyond trivial human mannerisms such as names. Indeed, he was certainly very old, and nobody was convinced of his exact birth date; all that was known was that he had inherited the command of the Knights of Palkia from a bloodline that stretched across four generations, and possessed considerable psychic powers from his numerous years spent in training. Camus had spent his entire life awaiting the day for the manifestation of Palkia in the mortal world, and now the prophecies were expected to at last come to pass.

    Eventually the trio arrived at a large, double door which loomed some nine to ten feet above them. Much like the rest of the Knights' headquarters it was particularly regal in design, with a deep red color and a golden frame so exquisite that it could only have been carved by many master craftsmen over several years.

    The woman watched closely as her two escorts moved to either side of the doorway and began to slowly open a path for their guest to enter. She stood impatiently, her hands leaning on her hips as the opening of the doors filled the empty corridor with a loud, grinding noise that would typically be reserved for a drawbridge or other huge, medieval contraption.

    Eventually, however, the doors were opened and she slowly made her way into the large throne room that was illuminated only by the dull flickering of candlelight. The two escorts followed behind her, pulling the doors shut as they entered the room and were engulfed by the uncomfortable darkness that permeated the chamber. An awkward silence surrounded the woman as she confidently looked up at the old man sitting on the throne before her, his breathing heavy and painful.

    Directly above the throne was a clear, glass dome which allowed the leader of the Knights of Palkia to observe the stars and other celestial objects as the nights and seasons passed by. The glass had somewhat unusual properties in that it seemed to amplify the light that it absorbed, bathing Camus in an eery, almost crystalline white glow. To the left of the throne stood Camus' young son, Yolus, whose posture almost mirrored that of his father - very confident, exuding the borderline arrogance that comes from knowing you are descended from an elevated bloodline.

    "Avarna," Camus spoke slowly to the woman with a gruff, wheezing voice, "you may approach."

    Avarna smiled her knowing smile before taking a few confident steps towards the throne and bending to one knee.

    "It's been a while, Master," she replied reverently. "I'm happy to report that our enemies in the Johto region have been almost entirely wiped out."

    The old man raised an eyebrow at this, clearly not expecting such a response.

    "Wiped out?" He repeated. "All of them?"

    Avarna nodded.

    "Rise." Camus spoke gruffly, prompting the woman to get to her feet, her eyes staring not quite into the man's eyes. "You have some proof of this? It is not commonplace for three large organizations to just disappear overnight."

    "It happened quite suddenly, my Master." Avarna explained in as humble a voice as she could muster, though it pained her to appear subservient before a man. "There was a large battle that took place atop Mount Silver between a young man called-"

    "Knite Ferasim," Camus interrupted, "yes, I know."

    Avarna gawked for a moment in surprise.

    "The stars tell all, my dear," the old man chuckled in-between coughs, his finger pointing up towards the star-covered dome above. "You made it just in time. The key to unlocking Palkia is here at last, thanks to my son."

    Camus glanced over towards Yolus, who smiled smugly.

    "Then Master," Avarna swallowed nervously, "you mean that-"

    "That's right, Avarna." Camus whispered. "Ferasim is here."

    "I defeated him in a one-on-one battle and brought him here." Yolus spoke up, raising his head to allow the light of the stars above to reveal his features. "For a man with so much supposed power he was certainly an easy challenge. I didn't even need to raise my standard level."

    "Were you able to obtain the plans to Team Rocket's machine, Avarna?" Camus asked the woman directly.

    "Yes, my Master," she replied, removing several folded blueprints from one of the front pockets on her belt. "I also have brought one of the temporary members of Team Rocket with me who was a part of Ferasim's command team during his time with the organization."

    "Excellent work, Avarna." Camus congratulated the woman, a lecherous smile forming on his face as he admired her form. "You will be greatly rewarded once the time comes for your many years of service."

    "Thank you, Master." She responded bluntly.

    Camus craned his neck to look up at the stars, the glass of the gazing dome revealing minimal glare from their intense sparkling. He closed his eyes for a moment, allowing the heavenly glory to engulf him completely.

    "Ah, yes..." He whispered, more to himself than anyone else. "I can feel it... After such a long wait our mission will finally be complete, and our great Lord Palkia will walk the world again ready to command both humans and Pokemon and lead them to glory!"

    He paused, his smile suddenly turning grim once more as he stared down at Avarna again.

    "Yolus," he commanded, prompting the boy beside him to take notice, "escort Avarna to the holding cells so that she can meet our new..."

    He paused for a moment as he considered which word to use.

    "Recruit..."

    ~*~*~

    "Wake up, sleepyhead!"

    Knite's vision slowly warped from a pitch black shade to an unintelligible blur in which he could see several large, gold-colored shapes that eventually sharpened into the image of a young Shiori's face hovering directly above his own.

    "Oh honey, you're awake!" The young girl giggled, suddenly wrapping her arms around his chest and causing the boy to immediately sit up, bewildered.

    "Wha-?" He stammered, looking down at the girl with wide eyes. "Zu? What..."

    He paused for a moment to absorb their surroundings. They were both on a very large bed that could easily fit about ten people on it. The room itself was circular, with a large pillar in the center of the room that the back of the bed jutted against. The walls were a deep red, and the floor and ceiling both matched exactly. Everything in the room looked to be padded with a soft, quilt-like material, and one single entrance was directly opposite them, where the faint outline of a door marked its location along with a small, narrow window with three vertical, padded bars dividing it.

    "Where are we?" Knite asked, pushing himself off the bed and standing up. It was only now that Knite realized just how small the room was - the ceiling was just five feet tall and he had to squat slightly not to hit his head on the padded surface. "The last thing I can remember is battling with Medicham and... And then..."

    Suddenly he spun around to face the girl, who was lying on the bed looking up at the boy, confused.

    "But why are you here?" He questioned the girl. "You were running away with Maylin! Where is she?"

    "I don't know." Shiori replied earnestly. "All I can remember is running away with my sister and then suddenly I heard a crash... Then I woke up next to you here..."

    Knite circled the room several times, replaying what he could remember in his mind. He had been defeated during the Pokemon battle and blacked out when falling down the ruined stairwell of the Sunyshore City Hospital. And now he was here without a scratch on him. How was it possible?

    "I wonder how long we've been asleep for..." He wondered out loud, turning to examine the door. The bars didn't appear to be very strong, but their padding made them difficult to grip. "We've got to figure a way out of here... That crazy guy with the Armaldo must have brought us here..."

    Shiori shuffled her way over to the edge of the bed before sitting up, watching the boy curiously as he examined the lower potion of the door, tracing his hands along its edge in a vain attempt to try and find some structural weakness he could take advantage of.

    "Hey, Knite?" She asked, a clear level of interest obvious in her tone. "How come you knew what kind of Pokemon that was?"

    "What Pokemon?" Knite answered, not taking his eyes off the door as he began to exert a gentle pressure against it in various locations.

    "That Armadillo or whatever you called it," the little girl continued. "I'd never even heard of anything like it. Were you some kind of trainer or something?"

    Knite paused for a moment, repeating the question over and over again in his mind. A trainer or something? A trainer or something? Was he a Pokemon trainer? But how could a Pokemon trainer just wash up on the beach? And have no knowledge of the region he had washed up in? He felt as if he knew the answers deep inside his mind, yet every time he attempted to unlock them he felt a pain that was trying to shield them - as if some entity had shared his brain long ago and was refusing him access to the secrets it once held.

    "I... I think so..." Knite replied, moving his hand up to his forehead and pressing it hard against his skull as he tried to wipe away the pain of attempting to access his lost memories. "I just can't remember... But when I was battling it was like I knew exactly what to do. It was weird..."

    Shiori hopped down off the bed, wandering over to where the boy sat.

    "Then you must have been a trainer!" she concluded excitedly. "A really good trainer! Maybe you even fought in the Pokemon League!"

    "The... Pokemon League?" Knite echoed, causing Shiori to frown at him a little bit.

    "Right, the Pokemon League!" she repeated. "Don't tell me you don't even remember the Pokemon League!"

    "No, I definitely remember the Pokemon League, but..." Knite's words trailed off as he considered the possibility, then quickly snapped his mind back to the matter at hand. "Anyway, that's not important right now, Shiori."

    "Zu." The girl immediately corrected him.

    "Huh?" Knite stammered before realizing what she was saying. "Oh, right. That's not important right now, Zu. What's important is that I get you out of here and get you back to Maylin."

    "Ooh, so we're going to escape?" Zu asked excitedly, hopping on the spot.

    "Do you have your Pokemon with you?" Knite asked, but was visibly deflated when he saw the girl shake her head.

    "They must have taken my Pokeballs while I was asleep," she explained sadly. "I don't know wha-"

    The girl was quickly cut off by Knite covering her mouth with his hand at the sound of footsteps coming closer towards them from the outer corridor. Quickly Knite shuffled the two of them away from the door, waiting for whoever it was outside to pass on by.

    Instead of passing, however, the footsteps stopped upon reaching the entrance to the holding chamber. The door began to shuffle slightly before slowly opening up, giving Knite just enough time to grab the first hand he saw, pulling its owner inside and wrapping his arm around the person's neck in a threatening gesture. A flurry of noise and confusion quickly unfolded, with actions and reactions setting off a chain of events in a matter of moments before eventually culminating in Knite holding Yolus in front of him, with a woman dressed in military garb pointing a customized pistol directly at Knite, its laser sight zeroing in on his forehead.

    "Let him go," she spoke firmly and without hesitation. "I won't think twice about using this."

    Knite considered the possibilities of what might happen depending on his choice of whether to let the boy go or not, but ultimately concluded that none of the eventualities would prove favorable, and so he loosened his grip on Yolus' neck, pushing him towards the woman and raising his hands in a surrendering motion.

    "I'm glad to see you're smarter than your reputation would lead me to believe, Knite Ferasim." the woman complimented the boy, making it a point to not return her weapon into its holster yet as she kept the sight aimed towards her target.

    "Ferasim?" Knite repeated. "So my name is-"

    The woman frowned, then glanced over towards Yolus who was standing beside her, doing his best to regain his composure amongst heavy breathing.

    "What's wrong with him?" She asked, obviously confused by Knite's reaction to hearing his full name.

    "I think he has amnesia or something." Yolus replied with a gasp of air between each breath he took. "He was acting like this when I battled him in Sunyshore, too."

    Zu quickly made her way over to where Knite was standing and wrapped her arms around the boy's leg in an effort to comfort herself. She stared up at the woman with scared blue eyes, uncertain of what fate had in store for her.

    Avarna looked down at the girl with obvious surprise, then quickly turned her attention back to Yolus who had finally managed to get his breathing back under control.

    "Who is this?" She asked firmly.

    "Some girl he was with." Yolus replied. "He was trying to save her but she fainted when the building we were in collapsed over her. She's pretty lucky - didn't have a scratch on her. I figured we could use her as a bargaining chip to make him-"

    "She's only a little girl!" Avarna snapped, the volume of her voice rising noticeably.

    "But Avarna, she-" Yolus began but was quickly cut off by the woman.

    "He can't get out of this complex, so you have no need for a bargaining chip." Avarna stated the facts as bluntly as possible. "Get her out of here."

    "But!"

    Avarna quickly turned to the boy, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him closer to her.

    "We are letting her go. Right. Now," her eyes were filled with malice as she glared at the young Knight of Palkia. "Do you understand me?"

    "No!" Zu protested, holding onto Knite's leg even tighter than before. "I won't leave Knite!"

    Knite remained standing with his hands above his head and his palms facing his captives.

    "If you let her go I'll cooperate with you however you want," he offered, but this only seemed to anger the woman even further.

    "You don't have a choice, boy," she hissed back, her voice exuding the tone of the rattling of a Seviper's tail before it struck a foe. She smiled a sinister smile before continuing, "but it is rather amusing to see you have such a change of heart since your time in Team Rocket."

    "Team... Rocket?" Knite gasped in disbelief as images of men in black uniforms and stolen Pokemon began to dance through his mind. He saw the foggy outlines of mountains and warehouses flash by in a detailed blur of memories all ending with the name 'Tamara'.

    "That's right." Avarna revealed with relish. "You were a member of Team Rocket in Johto. Part of their special external forces, as a matter of fact."

    Special external forces... Knite examined the word in his mind and immediately understood it to mean 'work for hire'. In essence, Team Rocket's special external forces was nothing more than a glorified term for Pokemon mercenary - an elite freelance Pokemon trainer who would take any work for the highest bidder. Such work was typically outlawed in most regions worldwide, but it could command a luxurious living if a trainer was skilled enough. Once again this was an example of specialist knowledge than an ordinary man on the street couldn't know, yet to Knite it just seemed like simple textbook information.

    "The legendary Knite Ferasim," Avarna continued in a tone that was close to mocking, "elite Pokemon trainer gone rogue. Always seeking that extra power that no human could ever attain. And you finally achieved it when you caught Mewtwo and double-crossed your employers to get a taste of its powers."

    Both Knite and Zu stared up at the woman in disbelief. Zu's eyes dashed from Knite to Avarna, then back to Knite once again, but all the while she made sure not to ease her grip on the boy's leg.

    "You don't know what kind of a monster you're clinging to, sweetie." Avarna commented, the sight of her pistol not moving one inch from Knite's head. "Now come on - I'm getting you out of here."

    "But-" Zu began to protest once more, but Knite quickly interrupted her.

    "It's okay, Zu," he insisted, smiling down towards the girl warmly. "I'll be fine."

    "But Knite..." The little girl whimpered, feeling tears beginning to well up inside of her.

    "Tell your sister I said thanks for all her help, okay?" The boy spoke with a slight laugh in his voice, obviously a reminder of the good times he had shared with both Zu and Maylin, no matter how short they were.

    "We don't have much time, little one." Avarna spoke, not taking her eyes off Knite for one instant. "Come on, let's go."

    Zu looked up at Knite one last time, then reluctantly loosened her grip on his leg before taking Avarna's hand and being slowly escorted out of the room. Yolus quickly followed the two of them, closing the door and locking it firmly behind them.

    "What about my Pokemon?" The little girl inquired, prompting Avarna to scowl at Yolus intimidatingly.

    "Follow me." He sighed, leading the two of them down into the corridor and away from the holding cell where Knite now stood alone with his tattered memories.

    ~*~*~

    The sun had already begun to set once Avarna had escorted Zu outside of the hilly regions of the Knights of Palkia's main facility. The sky above them was dark and foreboding, with deep grey clouds casting long, chilling shadows across the barren, rocky landscape which surrounded them. Avarna quickly escorted Zu several yards away from the main helicopter landing pad, taking her into a large, rocky section of overgrowth where the entrance to a cave lay waiting for them.

    Upon their arrival at the entrance to the cave Avarna kneeled down beside the young girl, running her fingers affectionately through her long, golden-blonde hair and smiling warmly at her. Zu was unable to deny that she was incredibly pretty, and she looked far too kind and gentle to be carrying a gun. She stared up into the older woman's deep, dark, chocolate eyes, not entirely certain of what to say.

    "Now Shiori," Avarna explained, pointing into the cave as she spoke. "This cave will take you through Mount Coronet. Once you get outside you'll be in Hearthome City and you can call your mother from the Pokemon Center there, okay? Your Pokemon will be able to look after you."

    "But..." Zu replied, sniffling a little as she thought of the boy who remained inside the underground complex she had just managed to escape. "What about Knite?"

    Avarna's expression became cold and distant at the mention of the girl's friend, but she regained her composure, taking Zu's hand and gently circling her finger over the back of it in a reassuring manner.

    "You may not understand right now, Shiori," the woman insisted, smiling gently at the girl as she spoke to her softly, "but one day when you're older you'll understand why that boy can't be trusted. He would have tried to kill you eventually."

    "Kill me?" Zu repeated uncertainly.

    "That's right," Avarna sighed, "they all do it to you eventually."

    With those final words Avarna got to her feet, waving gently at the girl as she made her way back towards the entrance to the Knights of Palkia's hidden complex, leaving her alone in the steadily-darkening outside world.

    Zu watched the woman disappear from her field of view before removing one of the Pokeballs at her waist and releasing the creature that lay inside it. The burst of light quickly dissipated to reveal the small, bell-shaped figure of a tiny, golden Pokemon with two red-and-white ribbons protruding from its back. The creature squeaked at the girl with a beautiful, bell-like sound, obviously happy to see her as it floated around her several times, singing in a beautiful melody as it did so.

    "Hey, Ching!" The girl greeted her Psychic-type Chingling happily. "Come on, we've got a phone call to make in that cave!"

    "Ching?" The Pokemon inquired uncertainly, but nevertheless followed its trainer as she headed boldly into the darkness of Mount Coronet. "Chingling Ling!"

    "Of course I told Dad I needed a Pokegear for my birthday but no! I had to wait until I was an official trainer!" Zu complained somewhat loudly as the two travelers entered the cave together, her voice becoming increasingly higher in volume as it began to echo off the cavern walls. "So it looks like you're going to be brushing up on your long-distance telepathy skills, Ching!"

    ~*~*~

    The sound of sirens continued to fill the air as both Maylin and her father stood several yards from the rubble of one of Sunyshore City Hospital's outer stairwells. The police line had been erected almost immediately upon learning of the situation, and the once-enormous crowd had now dwindled to just the two of them and an exhausted Medicham powerlessly watching the bustling city workers continue to pull debris away from the scene.

    Maylin's face was stained with tears and she had long since forgotten how long they had been standing there. Her father's appearance was much more stoic, holding both hands in front of him as if he were meditating, doing his best not to contemplate on what might have happened to his youngest daughter. Medicham's bruised and battered body had been pulled out of the rubble just before midday and despite a brief visit to the Pokemon Center the creature still appeared to be in some pain. It had refused to leave its trainer's side, however, and remained patiently waiting for any news of Zu or Knite's recovery.

    "It should have been me under there." Maylin muttered between ragged breathing as she watched another boulder be lifted away from the enormous pile of rubble by one of the large construction vehicles operating in the area. "I should have pushed her outside first and then none of this would have happened!"

    "You're wrong, Maylin," her father replied calmly, his eyes not moving from the scene of the debris. "The only difference that would have made would be for me to look after a younger hysterical girl."

    Maylin remained silent for a moment as she allowed her father's words to flow into her mind.

    "They've been searching for close to ten hours and there's been no sign of either of them," Keiji continued, "which means that they aren't there."

    He paused before adding to his observation.

    "Which means they aren't dead."

    "If only I had made her stay home..." Maylin sniffled, staring down at the concrete beneath her feet, her shoulder on which Medicham leaned slumping slightly.

    Keiji stared up towards the sky, where the sun was now barely a flickering light on the western horizon. The clouds above were long and dark as they stretched out across the ocean, doing their best to break up the ominous, red-soaked sky as the wind gently pushed them along their course.

    "It's a bloody sunset tonight," he noted, prompting the girl to glance over towards him in an upset confusion. "I'm afraid something terrible has begun..."

    "Cham!" Medicham suddenly spoke up, pushing its hand against its forehead as if it were trying to tune a radio dial within its brain. Quickly the creature limped over towards a nearby city fountain, its eyes closed the entire time. "Medicham!"

    "Medicham?" Maylin mumbled uncertainly as she watched the creature lean against the decorative monument weakly. "Medicham, what's wrong?"

    "It's receiving a signal." Keiji explained, watching the creature closely as it did its best to listen to the telepathic message flowing into its mind. He glanced down at Maylin, his arms folded in quiet understanding of the facts presented to him. "Maylin."

    Maylin looked at her father uncertainly. She had never seen him look so serious before, and although she knew he was concerned about her sister, she also had a feeling that that was not the sole cause of expression.

    "What is it, father?" She asked, now suddenly beginning to regain her composure as her father's external worry began to dawn on her.

    "I believe it's time for your journey to begin."
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Somewhere in Unova...
    Posts
    950

    Default

    Ah...at last Gazmof has returned to enlighten us to the secrets of Palkia's Kingdom.

    First off, one thing I need to say...

    "Excellent work, Avarna." Camus congratulated the woman, a lecherous smile forming on his face as he admired her form. "You will be greatly rewarded once the time comes for your many years of service."
    That...was a little disturbing.

    Overall, though...this should be very interesting. How will Knite escape from the Knights of Palkia? What will Maylin, Zu, and Keiji do to spring Knite? This should be very interesting indeed.

    Can't wait to see how this plays out. Bring on the Kingdom!
    Current fanfics:


    Proving Grounds

    How far will one boy go to prove something?

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Camus is a disturbing guy :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Morpher01 View Post
    Overall, though...this should be very interesting. How will Knite escape from the Knights of Palkia? What will Maylin, Zu, and Keiji do to spring Knite? This should be very interesting indeed.

    Can't wait to see how this plays out. Bring on the Kingdom!
    Thanks for the review, Morpher!

    I definitely enjoyed writing this chapter, particularly Avarna because I think she's going to shape up to be an interesting character. At the same time, though, I want to hurry up and push through to the main meat of the story, but I need to pace it appropriately. My thought process is that the better set-up it is, the more satisfying the story will be. Getting the balance just right is what's difficult.

    Thanks for your review! I'm glad to see that people haven't entirely forgotten about the fic ^^;
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •