Well... you have the basic idea down, but I can see some crucial flaws.
For one, it's rather short. It looks as if it's been written in the reply box. That's not what chapters should look like; try writing it out in a word processor, so you can save it and come back to it to add more.
Another thing, which ties into the first. Description. You need to give some more thought to it. For one thing, we have no idea what Georgie looks like. You started describing Cait, but you could go a little further. What shirt is she wearing? Pants? Bracelets? Barrettes? A Headband? Heck, we don't even know if Georgie is a boy or a girl! Gotta think about these things.
And it's not just people you should describe; buildings too. And environments. Tell us about Lillycove. Currently, it seems almost as if they teleported to the ferry. Not the image you want to give. Unless, of course, you character IS teleporting. But seeing as neither trainer had any pokemon at all yet, that seems somewhat unlikely. What does the outside of your character's house look like? Their neighbourhood? The ferry terminal? The ferry itself? How 'bout Petalburg? What do the houses look like? Does your character notice the pokecenters that they will soon be using quite frequently, or are they unaware of the purpose of these large buildings? And what about the walk to Littleroot? I see you using the device of the character thinking during a long walk scene, but surely the character must notice Something about his/her surroundings? Are there trees? What do they look like? Do they have pokemon hanging out? Is the terrain rough and difficult, or easy to walk across?
Then comes Littleroot itself. Shouldn't the character notice some stuff there? What does the lab look like? Large and white is somewhat vague. And, once they enter, what does the inside look like? How do they know this man is the professor? Describe the assistants a bit, if you want. As for the pokemon they choose... How do they know what pokemon is in each pokeball? Psychic POWAZ? Maybe they have a stamp, or some such? Also, the quickness of the characters' choices makes me think they already had their starter decided. In which case, you may want to allude to such a fact earlier. Say, maybe during the walk? Also, ending with the choice of a starter seems a bit... stunted. You should probably have the character get outside. Check out their new partner. Fun stuff like that.
Also, I see a massive mistake. I myself made this mistake and, I warn you, it is not one you want to make. Explaining the origin of your characters isn't the best idea. And talking about a character we don't even meet in the first chapter is a definite no-no. Leave that for inside the story.
All in all, there are quite a few things you can improve on. But you have definite promise. "I awoke to a girl with brown curly hair and crystal eyes staring right down at me". That sentence is pure gold (Myself, I would swap the brown and curly, but w/e). Also, the idea of a character waking up to the face of a girl is quite amusing. The fact they must journey with said hyper and impatient girl to receive their first pokemon is funnier still. Add to that said character is almost the direct inverse... Those two must have quite the strange friendship XD. You're doing much better than my first attempts at writing. A promising writer and an unique story... This shall be quite interesting.
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That's just a nitpick, though.
Originally Posted by rawr?!
