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Thread: The Book Of The World

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    North east England, IT EXISTS!

    Post The Book Of The World

    Well, here I am, this is the first fan-fic I have written and am working on.
    so I may as well just post it right now.


    25 yeas ago...

    "Here we are Its the Final of the 500th National Championships And it is the second leg, to find the best trainer in the country, I am you're commentator, Alexander Richards, and this is Radio Hoenn, bringing you live coverage from EverGrande City, which is sponsored by Game Freak - the creators of the world renowned Pokemon battle simulators including RedGreen and DiamondPearl.

    It looks like the trainers are making their way to the battlefield; Ryan Stone who goes into the battle with the 4 Pokemon to 3 upper hand, remember he is the son of the former Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone, he is to my right - and, to my left, Brian Kidd a young man, only twenty, who has been champion of Kanto for seven years, but has had no success so far at nationals.

    The two are not used to losing, being champions of their own regions, and the two have good national championships records too; Stone has won 79 battles, at national level, and has lost only 10, and Kidd has won 114, but has lost more too, 24.

    The two have made it to the battlefield and have been asked to send out their Pokemon... Stone sends out... Magnezone and Kidd sends out... Arcanine, well it is a fire type Pokemon, so I am presuming Kidd has done his research this time around.

    The referee blows his whistle and the battle will begin, and Magnezone has used Rollout... how it learned this move I don't know, but it is repeatedly rolling over Arcanine and... Oh! That is amazing...That is amazing, Arcanine has turned the tables on Magnezone... I think it was a reversal attack and is smashin' into Magnezone in a ball of fire and has blasted magnezone into the ground and it does'nt look as if it can battle and the referee agrees with my judgement. So Stone is now level with Kidd, remember the first battle was called off because the referee got knocked out by that very same Magnezone, so this ref must have been extremely eager to call time on its battling.

    Stone sends out Probopass. This is a demon of a Pokemon, VERY strong, and it has just, blasted lots of rocks at Arcanine and Arcanine is unconscious, Brilliant move, and the perfect comeback, that is the way to play.

    Stone back in front.

    Defensively I have to say I am disappointed, only ten minutes have gone, and two Pokemon have been knocked out it looks like both trainers are putting everything they have on the line, not necessarily being sensible about the way the two are battling but instead are throwing everything in the mix and throwing caution to the wind, so we are seeing a very open battle now...

    Kidd has sent out Exeggutor... and Stone does the smart thing and has withdrawn Probopass.

    Stone sends out his Scizor, Exeggutor uses bullet seed, well dodged, well done, and Scizor uses metal claw, But Exeggutor fends him off using another bullet seed attack.

    This is more like it. Scizor comes again, but exeggutor stands his ground, But Scizor hits it and..knocks it off its feet! Scizor wins and Exeggutor floored. Kidd is in trouble, he only has one Pokemon left and I will assume it will be... and it is, Charizard.

    Well as you would expect that battle didn't last long... Charizard just cleaned up the Scizor, no problems with that, and the crowd are booing, they want Stone to win...

    And Aggron is Stones final Pokemon, he will surely want to call time on the battle,without needing to recall Probopass...

    There it is, and I am sure Aggron is prepared for the sure onslaught of attacks that will surely be coming from Charizard...

    Aggron strikes first... good Iron Tail, but, but, Charizard tosses the Pokemon to the floor and charizard is picking the Pokemon up is it a seismic toss... It looks like it. Chaizard is, slowly flying up into the sky, here it is dropping the Aggron... both spinning back to the ground and... I can't see because of the smoke but it appears Aggron is still standing.

    Both Pokemon are wrestling now, Charizard is being overpowered but... Charizard has swept Aggron of it's feet using it's tail and that looks like... the end of Aggron.

    Is it...?

    It is.

    One Pokemon each... But Charizard is looking tired.

    Pobopass has been sent onto the field... but it is tackled and brought to the floor almost instantaneously by Charizard, he dragon pokemon just pounced on it, Probopass Zaps Charizard with a load of electricity, and Charizard looks to be beaten, Stone just needs to finish Charizard off.

    What... is Stone waiting for?

    Probopass has exploded! Right on the spot, what the hell happened there!

    I don't know but...Stone looses!

    Well ladies and gents, you heard it here first - Kidd is the Countries best trainer, the one to beat and he has bizzarely won, and even he doesn't know how..."


    Ryan left the stadium, stepping out into the dim backstreet light.

    "Ryan." A deep, almost commanding voice called out to him. Ryan turned around, his father was standing before him, wearing his dark suit as always.

    "What do you want?"

    "I just want to know, the offer - you didn't take it... did you?"

    "None of your business."

    "You don't want to do this."

    "Watch me."

    Ryan walked away, leaving his father standing alone in the darkness...


    Please review.
    Last edited by Mr Dragon; 22nd April 2010 at 6:06 PM. Reason: A couple

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Hmmm no one has reviewed this story I'll help you out.

    The Negative- This chapter is totally devoid of action...which isn't necessarily a bad thing except that I think you intended for the broadcast of the battle to be pretty intense. It totally lacked description. Instead of actually describing the battles, you did quick fly bys, most of which ended with a Pokemon getting taken out by a one hit KO. You never provided a picture of what was going on. I've learned that it's usually better to pretend that your readers have zero previous knowledge of the world of Pokemon and write your story accordingly. Work on that.

    Positives- This is your first fan fic right? You're a pretty decent writer. The premise in the intro seems promising as just kinda butchered it with laxidisacal description. You did a good job of impersonating a radio announcer (although TV is probably the more prefferred medium in this instance). Keep writing and really REALLY focus on describing what is going on. I'll be reading down the road.
    Click the Banner below to read my newest fan-fic, Titans of Kanto.

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    North east England, IT EXISTS!


    Quote Originally Posted by Jake76 View Post
    Hmmm no one has reviewed this story I'll help you out.

    The Negative- This chapter is totally devoid of action...which isn't necessarily a bad thing except that I think you intended for the broadcast of the battle to be pretty intense. It totally lacked description. Instead of actually describing the battles, you did quick fly bys, most of which ended with a Pokemon getting taken out by a one hit KO. You never provided a picture of what was going on. I've learned that it's usually better to pretend that your readers have zero previous knowledge of the world of Pokemon and write your story accordingly. Work on that.

    Positives- This is your first fan fic right? You're a pretty decent writer. The premise in the intro seems promising as just kinda butchered it with laxidisacal description. You did a good job of impersonating a radio announcer (although TV is probably the more prefferred medium in this instance). Keep writing and really REALLY focus on describing what is going on. I'll be reading down the road.
    Thank you, that was good advise and I will try and work on it for the rest of the story so I'll slightly rewrite the next two chapters. (which I've already written)
    Last edited by Mr Dragon; 12th April 2010 at 5:59 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    North east England, IT EXISTS!

    Default The Book Of The World Chapter One

    Chapter One

    Japan is somewhat, as far as I know, famous for it's writing system, or calligraphy, which does look cool, but as Sam and Cameron had recently found out, it is hell to learn. Sam and Cameron had recently moved to Japan with their mother, and they were finding life very difficult, as you could imagine, they were trying to learn a new language with no prior knowledge of the tongue, and settling into a new house, new city, new school and so on... it was becoming stressful.

    There was a few reasons they were moving to Japan, first and foremost their mother, Megumi, was Japanese. The other, Sam and Cameron's father had recently jailed, for murder, and not wanting Sam and Cameron to be bullied in school or read bad press. The three were moving to Nagasaki, which was Megumi's birth place, and a city that had quite a chequered past, one which I'm not prepared to go into, as this chapter would end up being about WWII.

    Sam and Cameron imagined a dark, run down city, with alot of tall buildings and a rubbish-filled seaside with alot of polluted waters. This was basically the two being pessimists, as alot of children are when moving home, as they want the old house to be better than the new one and they want the parents to be unimpressed, so they won't want to move. Nagasaki was unlike the two brothers thought it would be, it was in fact, breathtaking, it had a beautiful coastline, with crystal clear seas, and best of all (to Sam and comeron anyway) their house was near the seafront, so the two could see the whole beautiful coastline.

    Sam and Cameron, as noted earlier, were struggling with the Japanese language, which their mother had been pushing and pushing them to learn, even to the point when nobody was allowed to speak English in the house, so most conversations were in Japanese. The two had to go to the library, as their mother was nagging them to read some Japanese books so they could improve their language.

    The boys were outside the Library, it looked older than the buildings surrounding it, most of which were modern and brand new, making the library look quite out of place on the long stretched street it was located on, which was near Sam and Cameron's house.

    The boys were standing in the street looking up at the library building, which was struggling to keep it self together, and they were standing in an unofficial siclence.

    Cameron broke the silence.

    "Are you sure this is the right building?", he asked his older brother, both were obviously unimpressed, at the broken building which was standing, although it was struggling to stay standing, in front of them.

    "I followed mom's directions, and the sign says library - I think," Sam replied, genuinely unsure, as it was difficult for him to read the sign with his, still quite small, knowledge of the Japanese language.

    Sam looked at the sign again, then looked back down at Cameron, who was, as always, quite sleepy and docile. Though Sam often said, teasingly that this was because his long hair had grown in front of his eyes. Sam on the other hand had short, light brown hair, which suited him.

    "Lets go in," Sam said suddenly, he had become bored of staring at the old plain building in front of him. Cameron seemed to agree, so they entered through the heavy, wooden, double doors.

    Unfortunately for them, the inside was equally uninspiring.

    The room they had entered was dusty, like nobody had entered it in a couple of weeks, though it was obvious that somebody had been in the library, because of the overflowing bin that was located next to the reception desk, which had so many papers on it, you would think there wasn't a bin there at all. The reception desk itself was next to the doors, to the left, and to the right there was a fight of stairs, which was worn down, and looked like if somebody stepped on them it would collapse. and past the reception desk there was... Books. Lots and lots of books, shelf's lined the walls, all the way into the darkness.

    "I want to go outside" Cameron said hastily, as soon as his eyes finished examining the room.

    "Stay here," Sam pulled back Cameron as he turned back towards the door.

    The boys eyes looked around the room, it was deserted and it looked like nobody would want to come back. Sam looked at the desk , and picked up a triangularly folded piece of paper that stood upon one of the messy piles of papers and books from the desk the paper had, back in ten minutes scrawled on it in Japanese.

    "Look at this." Sam said pointing at the paper, bringing it to the attention of Cameron.

    "Well" Said Cameron walking towards Sam and taking the paper from him and reading it, "this is unusual."

    Sam smiled, "No it isn't, you're holding it upside-down."

    "Oh!" said Cameron turning the paper around, "Okay, what are going to do now?"

    Sam turned towards the books.

    "Okay." Then Sam and Cameron walked towards the dark corridor of books

    From afar, the books didn't look very organised, but when the brothers were going through them, they recognised that the books couldn't be any closer to the opposite of, to being organised. The brothers had gone quite far down the library corridor which they both accepted was near endless.

    The two were searching through the stacks of books, most of which were way above Sam and Cameron's reading level (Granted, not a very high reading level but hey.) and the rest were probably unlikely to help them with Japanese, as they were picture books. then there was a select few which Sam and Cameron could read.

    "This is hopeless," Sam sighed, heaving a few books back on to the shelf.

    "We should give up and go home" Cameron had long since given up and was just scanning the titles of the books he was picking up.

    The boys were sitting on their knees and they were now surrounded in piles of books. They were in a way, unwilling to put them back, now they had picked up so many, basically they couldn't be bothered.

    Sam stood up and put a pile of books back. Cameron meanwhile was still shifting through the books, and had just put down a 19Th century novel when he found a book with symbols on it that were very unusual. Cameron had never seen this type of writing before and doubted it was Japanese. The symbols on the book had an ancient look towards them making them look unusual. The book in question was silver with the symbols engraved on to the cover. The symbols looked like Roman letters, but had strange circles over them which, to be truthful, looked a little like eyes.

    "Sam! Come over here!" Sam run towards him, to see if he had found something interesting. Cameron had in fact, found something interesting, which was the book he was holding in his hands.

    When Sam saw the book, he was less than impressed; "Er, What's that," Sam frowned, in his opinion the book looked useless.

    "I found it," Cameron replied, straightforwardly.

    Sam looked at the book, sure it was unusual, but was it really going to help the two with their reading? Sam didn't think so.

    "Just put the book back," Sam sighed at the end of the last word of the sentence. Then Sam caught sight of the clock on the top of the shelf, it was old and wooden and looked like it was made at least fifty years ago. Once Sam caught sight of the clock he saw that they had been searching books for half an hour.

    "Cameron, look!" Sam shouted, pointing at the clock, but Cameron didn't respond.

    Sam walked back towards Cameron, who was still staring at the book, and he was staring like he would never stop.

    "Come on, we gotta go," Sam added, pulling on Cameron's T-Shirt.

    "Just a minute," Cameron replied, but he sounded all-most like he was in a trance. And the fact that he was still staring at the book, was getting Sam worried, although, he was slightly unsure why.

    "Cameron," Sam shouted, "Cameron!"

    Sam's repeated shouts of Cameron was not putting him off the book, he continued to stare at the front cover...

    "Cameron, are you okay?"

    Cameron slowly opened the book, slowly pulling the centre pages away from each other...

    There was a flash of light, and the last thing Sam saw, was the book...


    The residents of Slateport City were proud of the well kept, family seaside, which was just of of the many attractions that brought visitors from all over Hoenn, other regions of Japan, other countries in Asia, and all around the world, however the visitors that were about to visit were not of this, world and would ever in their deepest dreams think they would be visiting such a place.

    That particular day there was many other visitors, but none of which were even similar to them.

    Because first off all, these particular visitors came in a flash of light, and with a hundred stares looking down towards them there sat a bewildered Sam and Cameron who found themselves on a beach, awestruck by what they were seeing...


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    North east England, IT EXISTS!

    Default Chapter Two

    I have finished editing chapter two, (it's a little short) and here it is:

    Chapter Two

    Sam's eyes moved from side to side, he was noticeably panicked, but doing a good job at stopping himself from screaming. One minute he had been in a library, the next he was on a beach, this was unbearably illogical, and Sam was on the verge of fainting, an activity than Cameron seemed to have already partaken in, though fainting is not recommended as a beach sport. But Sam was scared, he didn't know what he could do, and then he saw there was lots of people staring at him, it was all too much, he fainted...


    Nearby, the Pokemon trainers school was on a field trip, with their instructor, Liz, the field trip was about teaching the young trainers how to battle with their Pokemon, and Liz was demonstrating with a volunteer trainer who occasionally helped out at the School. Liz was the Daughter of the owner of the school, Professor Richards, who also gave Pokemon to Students who Graduated at the age of 10 or 12 based on their abilities. The Pokemon that they received were often donated from the Pokemon Daycare centre. Students, while still at the school, often only used Pokemon that belonged to the school, but could bring Pokemon from home if they wanted.

    Liz wasn't a big fan of her father, this was because she was fourteen years old, but she wasn't allowed to leave home, this had become more of a mainstream thing to do as there had been less people becoming trainers since the Pokemon League had folded. Liz didn't want to do this though, this was because she supported the reform of the Pokemon League, and had repeatedly told her father that she was going to become the first new Pokemon champion. This didn't happen, her father was not as supportive as she thought he would be, and he was overprotective.

    The one thing Liz was happy about is that on her tenth birthday, she had come running down the stairs to see a pokeball on the coffee table, which had turned out to bee a Charmander, which was very rare in hoenn, and her father would have had to travel to Kanto to get it, that was the last time she had hugged her father, because the twos relationship had turned very sour since.

    Anyway, Liz was standing there with a PokeBall in her hand and several yards away stood a man, whos name was Ralf, who was several inches taller than her, making him look slightly scary, to Liz who was just a small person. And he looked even scarier with the long, shaggy beard and raggy hair that he had. Though Liz knew he was really a good person and he was a good reminder that you shouldn't judge people on their appearance. the children were looking on and were eager for the battle to begin.

    "Are you ready?" she called out to the man she was about to battle, who replied with a thumbs up.

    The battle began.

    Liz threw the Poke Ball that she was holding, it bounced twice and revealed a Charmander, a small, orange, lizard-like Pokemon which has a flame on its tail. while her opponent threw his PokeBall and a Poliwrath, a water type pokemon, that was about half the size of it's trainer.

    The battle started quickly, almost as soon as the pokemon were released from their Poke Balls, Liz's Charmander lunged towards Poliwrath, before the pokemon even knew were it was.

    "You can't do that!" Ralf protested.

    "Why not?" Liz replied confidently, it was not part of her battling style to give her opponents any chances. Though Poliwrath had gotten to its feat and tossed Charmander onto the ground,though the Pokemon didn't seem to care.

    "Poliwrath use..." Ralf began...

    "...Charmander use focus punch! Liz finished. So Charmander threw a punch at Poliwrath, flooring it.

    "but..but..." Ralf struggled to speak, while Liz was battling on. He was getting annoyed with the situation, with Liz cutting out his every command, and the children laughing at him, apparently seeing humour in the situation.

    "Poliwrath use hydro pump!" Ralf screamed, quite uncharacteristically, he was normally a calm person.

    The Pokemon obeyed his command, but Liz's Charmander was still running rings around it and Charmander easily avoided the attack much to Ralph's anger.

    "Charmander use Flamethrower!" Liz shouted, Charmander did as she asked, blasting a steam of fire at Poliwrath, knocking it down, unconscious.

    "How the-" Ralf shouted, clearly annoyed.

    "I win." Liz said, calling Charmander back to it's PokeBall.

    "But you cheated!" Ralf protested, but Liz didn't see to be interested, she had turned away and was addressing the kids. Ralf smiled, "You never change." he muttered, as he returned Poliwrath to its PokeBall.

    Soon after, when Ralf had gone home, Liz had gotten all of the children, to start battling and she was watching two of them, seven year old Ricky, and eight year old Mary battle.

    "Zigzagoon use tackle!" Mary shouted at the Dog-like Pokemon that she was battling with. The Pokemon did as it was told and knocked out Rickies Wurmple.

    "That Sucks!" Ricky shouted loudly.

    "Ricky, You Can't win em all." Liz said to the upset kid.

    "But you do," Ricky argued.

    "I have lost lots and lots of battles," Liz Remembered, but most of them were when she first got her Charmander.

    "You have?"

    "Yes." Liz insisted "I have."

    The Conversation had been cut short though, as Liz's PokeGear began to ring. Liz Opened the phone-like and answered the call.

    "Liz?" The Man on the other end asked.


    "Its me, there are two boys lying unconscious on the beach..."

    "It sounds like their asleep." Liz argued.

    "Don't look like it."


    "These two... firstly they're out cold, they're not dressed for the beach or anything, and either they're not trainers, or they've been robbed."

    Liz, thought about it, of course she wanted to be a good person, but she couldn't just run away from her class to she could talk to Ralf and help somebody.

    "Ralf," She began shaking her head, "just call the Police."


    There are many ways you don't imagine waking up, and the way Cameron awoke was definitely one of them. When he awoke there was several attractive nurses tending to him. The image blurred in from nowhere, and he could hear several women cheering.

    "Huh?" Cameron yawned, "Am I in heaven?"

    The Nurses were just happy to see him awake, so they ignored the last remark. Then most of them left the room, presumably to tell somebody Cameron was awake.

    The Room he was in was bright orange from ceiling to floor, all orange. There was several other beds, in the large room, but only two of them were occupied, one by Sam, who was still out cold, and Cameron was in the other. On one of the walls there was a sign that said This is the human ward.

    It was the sign that fascinated Cameron, after the fact he was in a hospital, after all, what other wards are there, if there is just one ward for humans?

    Last edited by Mr Dragon; 19th April 2010 at 8:59 PM.

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