Valiant Hearts

**Charoshi** · 22nd June 2010, 8:27 AM

Hi Everybody! This is my first attempt at fanfiction, its always really interested me. Serebii has so many fantastic authors and I aspire to be as good as each and everyone of them. I'm willing to accept criticism of my work, and I want to improve to be one of the very best here! All reviews appreciated. Now on with the show (or story technically) Btw, I would personally rate this about a PG 14

Valiant Hearts

Spoiler:- Chapters!:

Spoiler:- PM List!:

Prologue
The Legend Begins

“With all due respect, sir, this is nuts!” exclaimed a rather bulky man, whose emerald green eyes were wide with shock. He knew his boss was always a little off, but he had never expected he was this far gone. Perhaps it wasn’t too late to turn in his resignation.

“Nonsense, Johnson, my plan is brilliant! All we need is for our little friend to show up,” cried Johnson’s boss, whose long flowing blonde hair danced wildly in the wind. Johnson wished he had hair; he had always loved the feeling of having it blown by the wind. All he had was a glint of moonlight shining of his bald head.

Johnson knew there was no reasoning with his boss, as he had a harder head then a Rampardos, and was more stubborn then a disobedient Tauros. He knew the look in his bosses chocolate brown eyes. He recognized that fire from their youth, a look of determination, stubbornness and courage.

“Johnson, ready your Poké balls. This one might just be the hardest of them all,” Johnson’s boss decreed, but Johnson did not need his boss to tell him that. He could feel the night air chilling, and he knew that the time would be arriving soon. He instinctively threw out his Poké balls, and he knew they’d be in for one hell of a fight.

“Sir, the power of this creature is immense. Are you sure my Umbreon and Alakazam can do it?” He asked hopefully. Not that he did not believe in his faithful Pokémon, but he knew it would be tough. The dark evolution of Eevee looked ready to fight; the yellow rings on his body glowed fiercely. His Alakazam however, looked fairly calm, twirling the spoon around with his mind, with his moustache twirling in the breeze.

“They will have help from my Swellow, you are the distraction,” he told Johnson carefully. Upon cue, his Swellow released from the ball, his green plumage shinning gracefully in the moonlight. Johnson’s boss gave his Swellow a small, syringe like item. He whispered something quietly to it, and the Swellow nodded in understanding.

The night air grew chilly, the Pokémon became tense, and Johnson knew, their time had come.
_____

“They should be around here somewhere...” muttered a dark cloaked man. It seemed like he had been sneaking around for hours. He knew the layout of this building inside and out, but he had needed to wait for his “boss” and his crony, Johnson, to leave. He despised his boss, and he had been waiting for the time to revolt for years. He kept his hands feeling about until he finally knocked against hard metal.

Found it! he thought, feeling a sense of relief. Sweat had been dripping down his lightly tanned face, the only skin shown, as the rest was covered by his raven black cloak. He began to twist his long, slender, fingers around the lock. Thirty, Twenty-five, three; a rather simplistic combination for an “evil genius,” he thought spitefully. You’re going to regret leaving this place unattended Al-

“Stop right there, Galiano!” screeched a feminine voice. Suddenly, the place lit up, like the tail of a Charizard when its blaze ability had been activated. ****!

“Miranda, sweetheart, we’re on a first name basis. Please, call me Steven,” he said in a seductive tone. He cringed at the look on her face. She tried to look angry, but Steven saw her eyes betrayed her emotions. Her sky blue eyes were watering, and the usually vibrant eyes were rather faded.

“Johnson said you might betray us, so I was left behind to guard the building. I didn’t want to believe it! Why did you betray us?! Why did you betray me?!” Miranda cried, tears streaming down her face. Her left hand gripped a Poké ball tightly, while her right hand gripped a stun gun. The only thing Steven agreed with the boss on was his no killing policy. He however, was not against torturing them, and many committed suicide to end the pain. I suppose that kind of is like murder, he mused.

“I never meant for you to get hurt, come with me and we can start a family,” he offered. This much was true, as he did really care for her. It would be for the best if she left with him.

“You know I can’t so that! And I never would!” Miranda screamed. Steven realized arguing with her now would be pointless, so he turned around and grabbed the box that was concealed in the safe.

“And as for betraying the organization, I never did. I was never really part of it to begin with! Xatu, use teleport!” Suddenly, a green bird with white wings appeared. Xatu had always reminded Steven of those totem poles he read about as a kid. He had never seen one, as they were not native to this country.

(As you wish, Master Steven) cooed Xatu. He latched onto Steven, leaving behind a hurt, stunned and angry Miranda.
_____

“You have done well, "Steven",” a telepathic voice declared.

“They still have one though...” he muttered in defeated. “At least they do now.”

“Yes, it appears they got its DNA, but we have the other eight. I will now send it out to the human who best matches the qualifications for each DNA sample.”

“What if they try to get the DNA again?” "Steven" asked. He had truly wondered this the whole time. It just seemed far too easy to him. He furrowed his brow; he wasn’t completely convinced.

“We both know they won’t, they are far too stubborn. Now if you excuse me, I must transfer this DNA into the human who best matches it. The legend of the Valiant Hearts will soon begin...”
_____

“WHAT?! HE GOT THEM???” the long blonde haired man screeched. He was beyond furious.

“Yes he did; unfortunately I was no match for the traitor. Are we going to after them?” Miranda asked curiously, she did not believe the boss knew anything of their relationship.

Although, I have no way of initially telling where those DNA experiments will be going, I assume they will be used the same way I was going to use them. Perhaps I will come across one of MY experiments by chance.

“No, I have the only one I need! And who knows, maybe we might come across information to what they plan to do with the stolen DNA. Now, prepare the search for a suitable vessel!”

I finally have everything I need! The world will be mine! First Anotica, then the rest of the world! And I will complete it, with its DNA. Mewtwo...

Thoughts? I'm willing to accept all criticisms and I want to write a story that Serebii Fanfiction can be proud of! I'll post chapter 1 soon.

Edit: I've decided I will indeed start a PM list. If you would like to be on it, just let me know, and I'll add you!

**Charoshi** · 22nd June 2010, 8:17 PM

Chapter 1
Silver Dreams

“This weather pattern is something we have never seen before. This blizzard has been moving across Anotica, even to areas where we don’t normally get snow. The Aurion Desert Region was covered in a few feet of snow, the first recorded snowfall in its history. The blizzard has a movement never before seen to meteorologists. Here with an explanation, is Doctor Melvin Meltokio.”

“Thank you, Dianne. This blizzard is something we at the lab could never hope to fathom. It almost seems to stop moving in places, which is unheard of. The storm almost seems to have a mind of its own. It also does not seem to have a set speed, and the wind has absolutely no effect on this monster of a storm. There is no telling when it will hit Silver Town.

“Thank you, Melvin. We suggest all residents of Silver Town to stay indoors this week. There is no telling when it will hit. As Dr. Meltokio explains, this storm is too unpredictable to chance. Make sure you have just enough supplies for the storm. You need to be prepared for any situation. We’ll send it back to you, Tom, to explain some safety procedures.”

“Thank you, Di-” the words were cut short as the screen fizzled out into blackness. A young man, with chestnut brown hair and eyes to match, sat there with a frown etched on his rather well developed face. Not now, I was so close... he moaned mentally. He would have finally gotten his first Pokémon tomorrow.

“Chris, honey, you should think about going to bed. You will just have to wait a few more days to go out on your Pokémon journey,” his mother comforted, although her words felt hollow.

“But Mom! You know that Silver Town is hit by hard snowfalls ever winter. This one won’t be any different,” he argued. His rather thin figure, which he had assumed to be around 5’8, was quivering nervously.

“Yes, Chris, but this blizzard has crossed the entire region of Anotica. You heard the weather report just now. Even the Aurion Desert was buried. You will just have to wait until the storm passes,” she firmly stated.

“The weather report also stated that the storm could be rather unpredictable mom, it could pass through here in a matter of minutes,” he argued, hoping to have gained some ground on his stubborn mother. Chris stared deep into his Mother’s dark eyes, which were so much like his own, and knew he was getting nowhere.

“I just can’t take that risk! I don’t want to lose you like I did your father!” she cried, desperately hoping to end this argument. Chris cringed at the mention of his father. He had no recollection of ever meeting his father. His mother had always told him she had not seen his father since he was three years of age. He had always believed this statement, as he had no recollection of any time before his third birthday.

Suddenly, his eyes narrowed in developing rage. She’s just being selfish! She probably hasn’t even bothered to get me a Pokémon, he thought darkly.

“Mom, you are being so selfish! I’m leaving tomorrow, no matter what! You probably haven’t even gotten me a Pokémon yet!” Chris spat out in disgust. He knew he crossed the line though, when he saw her eyes widen in surprise. He could see her chocolate brown orbs beginning to water.

“I only want what’s best for you, Chris. I just don’t want you to get hurt. And no, Chris, I haven’t gotten you a Pokémon yet,” she explained quietly. She had been trying to fight back the tears as she said that. The last line enraged him. If she wants what’s best for me she would have gotten me a god damn Pokémon!

“I knew it! Why the hell did we move to this hellhole of a region anyway? If we had never left Johto, I could have started my journey 5 years ago with a Cyndaquil. But no! We had to move to a place with a wasteland of a winter. Just to add insult to injury, we moved to a region where there is no professor, or even a single Pokémon native to it! So all beginning trainers need to rely on their parent to buy or catch them a Pokémon. I’ll get stuck with a freaking Bidoof or something!” he snarled.

“Christopher Stanley Davis! We moved here because I was offered a job. I will get you a Pokémon when I deem you ready to leave! The way you are acting now tells me that you aren’t!”

“Mom, I am leaving on my journey tomorrow. I will leave whether you get me a Pokémon or not!” he declared, and then turned tail and ran back to his room. Leaving behind his rather stunned, frustrated, and distraught mother behind.

He clambered up the stairs to his room, and threw himself on the bed. That went swimmingly, he thought sarcastically. I’ll apologize in the morning. I was out of line. With the last thought, his breathing slowed, and he quickly fell into a deep slumber.

_____

Chris had been expecting the usual dream, as he slumbered through the lands of sleep. He reached for a ball on his belt, which contained his trusty Typhlosion, until he realized it wasn’t there. He was shocked upon the feeling that he was floating. The area around him was flashing a deep violet, and in the distance he saw a large shadow. It appeared to be a dragon like creature from a distance, with rather large wings.

“Hello?” he called out, hoping that the creature was good, but even if it wasn’t what harm could it do? It was a dream after all.

The dragon like creature turned its head sharply, and then took off towards Chris at speeds unlike he had ever seen. He braced himself for the impact. The beast flung its head on into Chris; he had no time to scream, before he was sent into unconsciousness.

_____

Chris jolted himself out of bed, his neck and forehead lined in a cold sweat. What was that thing? A Pokémon? Chris did not have time to ponder these thoughts before his mother came into his room.

“Are you alright, dear?” she asked with great concern.

“I’m fine, now if you excuse me, I really must get dressed,” he said, as politely as he could. He was still mad about last night. Chris waited for his mother to leave the room before peeling off his sweat drenched pyjamas, and replacing them with his favourite outfit. Covering his body was a plain black T-shirt, and a pair of blue jeans, which were slightly baggy on him. The snow did not bother him, he rather liked the cold. He would pack more clothes on his journey though. Whenever I finally get to go on it...

Realising that his dreams came crashing down last night, he slunk down the stairs to approach his mother.

“Mom, I’m sor-” she stuck her hand out to stop his speech. She nodded slowly, showing that she forgave him. She proceeded to speak.

“Chris, do you remember the house that was built across the street earlier this week?” she asked him. Of course he did, it had taken years to build. What we’re they going to do with all the property on it?

“Yeah,” he said simply. He seemed fairly disinterested, and was still really frustrated with his mother from the incidents last night.

“Well last night I went over and met the new neighbour. Her name is Hannah Hemlock, and she is a former assistant of Professor Oak.” Chris’ eyes lit up at the mention of Professor Oak. He opened his mouth to speak, but his mother continued. “She brought Pokémon with her, and when I mentioned your predicament, she agreed she’d let you have one of hers. She came down here to be the regional professor you know.”

Maybe she might have a Cyndaquil, he thought with glee. Perhaps his dreams were not shot after all. Even a Totodile or a Chikorita would do. All would be exceedingly powerful Pokémon, suitable for a trainer like him. Or at least the trainer I will become.

“That’s incredible, Mom. Maybe she might have a Cyndaquil! When do we leave?” he asked excitedly, but then he noticed his mother was already dressed and ready to leave. Blushing in embarrassment for his goof up, he slipped on his runners, and headed out the door with his mother.

The snow glittered as the pair left their house. Chris had always believed that Silver Town was named correctly. On a nice sunny day, the whole town glittered in a fantastic shade of silver.

Chris could barely hold in his excitement upon arriving at Ms. Hemlock’s house. H was finally going to get his Cyndaquil. He knocked on the door, and was greeted by a tall slender woman. Her sharp green eyes glittered, and her short black hair was sleek.

“You must be Chris, it’s a pleasure. I am Professor Hemlock, and I will be giving you your first Pokémon,” she declared. Chris looked her over carefully. She looked to be in her early forties, with short red hair and a slender figure. Her green eyes glimmered nervously. He could tell this was a big moment for her too; this must be the first time she has gotten a chance to give out a Pokémon.

“You have a choice between the 3 Pokémon I brought with me from Pallet Town,” she said while releasing 3 Pokémon. They all looked up at Chris expectantly.

The first one was a dinosaur type creature, with a bulb on his back. Chris knew this Pokémon to be Bulbasaur. It had poison type attributes, as well as the grass type. Not what he was looking for though.

The second one was a small, blue turtle. Chris recognized the Pokémon as a Squirtle. It’s final form of Blastoise was known to kick some serious butt.

The last one he looked at was a small, salamander like Pokémon. It was orange in colour, and it had a small flame on the tip of its tail. It was a Charmander, a good Pokémon, although Chris believed them to be inferior to Cyndaquil. This reminded him...

“Professor Hemlock, do you happen to have a Cyndaquil?” he asked hopefully. He didn’t want these Pokémon. He wanted a Cyndaquil.

“I’m sorry, Chris, I do not. I only have the Kanto starters. However, you can always pick Charmander. They are both of the fire element, and they can learn many similar techniques,” she suggested. The little Charmander appeared to brighten up a bit at this; it seemed to think it might actually be taken.

“A Charmander?! Why would I want a weak Pokémon like that? I want a Cyndaquil, a god damn Cyndaquil!” he shouted. The little Charmander was on the verge of tears, he had obviously hurt it, but at the moment he did not care. The little Pokémon tried to affectionately rub up against his leg, but he kicked it away. His mother and the professor gasped in shock.

“Christopher!” his mother screeched. The little Charmander, after finally picking itself off the ground, ran towards the open doorway. He could hear the poor creature wailing, and it finally occurred to him what he had done.

“Oh my God, What have I done?!” he mumbled. He stood there in shock for a few minutes, all the room was quiet. Suddenly, he turned around and ran out the front door, ignoring his mother and the professor’s cries to come back. I let my anger get the best of me again. That’s twice in two days I’ve hurt someone who only wanted to help.

He had to find the little Charmander, he needed to apologize, and to make sure it was alright. In his blind rage, he forgot that the poor Pokémon had feelings, and he had crushed them. The snow was deep, and the poor Pokémon might drown. Then Chris saw something ahead that made his whole body go numb.

Damn it! Why now? I have to save that Pokémon! he mentally shouted, as the snow filled vortex approached his line of sight.
_____

The small Charmander was crawling along the snow, trying to avoid the deep parts. She approached a wooded area, and began to feel slightly scared. She could hear the cries of various bird Pokémon, such as Pidgeotto and Noctowl.

Suddenly, she heard the blood curtailing cry of a Pokémon, presumably a young Caterpie. She turned her head sharply to see the young Pokémon, a small green caterpillar with a yellow underbelly and little yellow feet, being carried off by a large bird with blue plumage and a white belly. She recognized this Pokémon as a Swellow. She cringed at the sight, and broke into a run. She wanted to get as far away from here as possible, but face planted into the ground.

(Ouch! What the hell was that for?) shrieked a small monkey like Pokémon. It had a pig like nose, and semi long limbs. It wore an annoyed expression on its face, and was holding his trampled over tail.

(I’m so sorry! I’m lost in here, and I can’t find my way back to town. Will you help me?) she asked hopefully. She hoped that this was a friendly Pokémon, but the young fire lizard was becoming slightly innerved at the strange glint in the strange Pokémon’s eyes.

(Oh we’ll help you, right boys) he snickered. Suddenly, two identical Pokémon emerged from the undergrowth. They glared at Charmander, and charged at her. The leader of the trio connected with a kick to her face. She let out a loud wail. It was her only hope; she knew she could not beat these three.

(HELP!!!!)

_____

(HELP!!!!)

Chris could hear the voice clearly now. At the sound of the cry he dashed off, towards the voice. He didn’t really know if he could do anything, but he had always been the type that would do anything he could to help. He kept running through the forest, until he came across four Pokémon, one of them who was very familiar.

(Maybe next time you’ll think twice before stepping on my tail, punk,) one of the Pokémon said. Chris recognized this Pokémon as a Mankey. He had heard that Mankeys were very easy to anger. He assumed this particular Mankey was the leader, and the others were his henchmen.

Wait a minute, I can understand it. Does that mean that Charmander was the one who cried out for help? And furthermore, how can I understand it? Humans can’t understand Pokémon... he thought, utterly confused. I won’t worry about this now, I need to save Charmander. I’ll ask the professor about this later.

“Leave her alone!” he shouted. The Mankey jumped in surprise, and turned to face him. Its cronies let out little yelps, but the leader glared at them. He turned back to Chris.

(Human! What business do you have here? We are taking care of a little problem, so if you wouldn’t mind coming back later we’d be gla-) he was cut off as Chris charged at the Mankey. The leader had no time to react as he was kicked square across the, sending him back a few feet. The other Mankey gasped in disbelief, and ran over to their leader.

Chris looked on triumphantly at the leader trying to pick himself off the ground. He watched carefully, as the leader pulled himself to his feet, just in case he tried anything again. The Mankey finally forced himself up, and turned to glare at Chris and Charmander.

(You’re lucky your human came to save you punk! And as for you,) he said turning to Chris (you will regret ever messing with us. We will be back, you hear me!) With that, the trio of angry Pokémon ran away screaming. Hope nobody’s was trying to nap, Chris thought. Snickering at the thought of a hoard of angry Pokémon going after those Mankeys, he turned back to Charmander.

The young lizard was panting heavily, holding her ankle in obvious pain. He tried to examine her ankle, but she smacked his hand with her tail. Her eyes were coated by a large layer of tears.

(Leave me alone) Charmander shouted. (Haven’t you hurt me enough?) Her words went on empty ears though, as Chris knelt down beside her, and examined her ankle again.

“You’ve hurt yourself, let me help you. Look, I’m sorry I was a jerk earlier. I honestly don’t know what came over me,” he added quickly. She finally gave in, and let him examine her ankle. “You’ve sprained it; it’s a good thing I bought some potion a few days ago for my journey, I guess.”

(Why do you want to help me? Don’t you hate me?) she asked, her voice quivering. She had felt an immediate attachment to this trainer; she knew he was the one who would make her great. She had never felt a stronger emotion towards anyone before, not even her mother. She wanted nothing more than to be with Chris for the rest of her life. She could only hope he felt the same way.

“Of course not! I just reacted wrong, we should probably go bac-” he stopped abruptly as a gust of wind and snow blew into his face. “Oh no! The blizzard is here. We have to find shelter!”

Luck was in for them, as he saw a hollow tree nearby. He picked up Charmander, and ran inside of it. Once inside, he sat down and put Charmander safely on his lap. He was surprised at the amount of room they had in this thing. I’d laugh so hard if this was the Mankeys home, he snickered mentally.

“So, Charmander, do you have a name? And you are a girl right?” he asked, hoping to strike up conversation. “I could call you Princess, especially if I’m going to have to keep saving you like that,” he said, with a light laugh.

(I do not, nor do I wish to have one. I like the name Charmander, and yes I am a girl,) she smiled sweetly. Maybe she still had a chance to be with Chris. Her sapphire eyes glittered in excitement; she had never felt so happy in her life. (And if you called me Princess, you’d be the one needing to be saved.) She winked at him, and he began to laugh.

“Say, Charmander, I was wondering, when we get out of here... Would you like to be my Pokémon?” he asked hopefully. He had grown deep admiration and affection for the little salamander, and a powerful Charizard would make the fact that he couldn’t have a Typhlosion a very easy pill to swallow.

(I thought you might never ask! Of course I would!) she declared, and jumped up and nuzzled against his face. She gave him a quick lick on the cheek, and he started to blush. She gave a light chuckle. She knew this was going to be a great friendship.

“I say we have a little sleep, until the storm is over,” Chris suggested. He was completely exhausted, and could barely keep his chestnut brown eyes open.

(I guess you better wake up then,) Charmander declared cheekily. Her sapphire blue eyes glittered, as if every part of her spirit was laughing at him. How cliché is this, he thought.

He looked across the horizon, to where the blizzard was heading, and could have sworn he saw a large bird. Probably my imagination, he reassured himself. No way I’d see anything like that, I’m not special...
_____

“They’ve been out there a long time, I’m really worried,” Chris’ mother cried. She had been waiting for hours to find out what happened to her son and the little Pokémon. She had been pulling at her dark brown hair, and her slender figure was drenched with sweat out of worry. Her dark brown eyes were watering.

“I’m sure they will be fine,” Professor Hemlock said encouragingly, but even she wasn’t sure. Suddenly, the doors burst open. Standing there was Chris, with the Charmander in his arms. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces.

“This is the Pokémon I want, Professor!” he declared. The professor smiled, she knew that would happen as soon as he ran after the little Pokémon.

“Perfect! Let me get you a Pokédex and some Pokéballs,” she declared.

“Christopher Stanley Davis, what were you thinking! You could have gotten yourself killed!” his mother cried. Her eyes were on the verge of tears, although Chris couldn’t tell if they were happy tears or not.

“I’m fine mom! Why don’t you go home? I need to ask Professor Hemlock a question,” he stated. His mother nodded, gave him a light kiss on the cheek, and left through the front door. The professor returned momentarily.

“Here is Charmander’s Pokéball, as well as 5 others for catching more Pokémon. If you have more than 6 Pokémon on you, the next one you catch will be sent here. It won’t be behind on training though, as I train the Pokémon left here. Now here is your Pokédex. You can use this to get information on Pokémon if necessary. My version of the Pokédex includes a special function. I can transfer Pokémon to you from anywhere with it, you don’t even need to go to a computer. All you have to is send one back. That make sense?” she asked.

“Perfect sense, but I have a question for you. In the forest, I could understand what Charmander and other Pokémon were saying. Is that normal?” she looked shocked when he asked that.

“No, that’s the first case I’ve heard of it? Are you sure you weren’t imagining it?” when he nodded she continued. “Well, looks like you are a special case? When will you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning,” he said. “The First Gym is in Evertown right?

“Yes, the gym leader uses the ground type, so Charmander will be at a disadvantage.” She said. Chris smiled lightly.

“Don’t worry, we can take on anything, can’t we, Charmander?” he looked at the flaming lizard, and was returned with a beaming smile and nod. Her sapphire eyes were glittering with excitement, she was ready too. Their adventure started tomorrow.

That's chapter 1. I will get chapter 2 up in a bit, if you wouldn't mind reviewing for me, so I can learn for future instances that would be great.

**Legend of Lucario** · 22nd June 2010, 9:13 PM

Okie dokie, I haven't done a review in a while so *cracks neck* let me take a gander at it!

- First of all, for your first fan-fiction, this really is not too bad! I have read tons and tons of first fan-fictions and they were never really that great...including my own first fan fiction, so I have to admit, this isn't terrible honest!

- There was one thing that really did stand out to me that I didn't like. The story does seem a little rushed...When Charmander was being attacked by the Mankeys, I think you could have kept that scene going for a bit longer and showed some more action in it, maybe Chris could have thrown a stick or something...I just think a lot of events could have been held out longer.

-Also, your description isn't terrible, but there are some things you do where you seem to tell what is going on rather than showing it, for example

She felt an attachment to this trainer; she knew he was the one for her. But her hopes would all be for not if he did not feel the same way.

Perhaps you could have done it like this...

Charmander stared at Chris with her large brown eyes. She backed away a few steps still quivering a little, but felt something promising overtake her body. Regardless of the small pain in her leg, she felt an awkward emotion coming over her. Was it about Chris or was it something else? The small lizard Pokemon just wasn't sure.

That's probably not that great of an example *facepalms self* but hey.

But still not a bad story and there are a few grammatical errors in there but nothing major. Just slow things down and try not to tell us but show us the feelings that someone feels, try not to go too much of my crappy example though...

Oh I will be reading by the way...I think this whole DNA idea thing will be cool, especially once Chris realizes it, if ever...

**Charoshi** · 23rd June 2010, 12:19 AM

Okie dokie, I haven't done a review in a while so *cracks neck* let me take a gander at it!

I feel honoured that you chose to review mine

- First of all, for your first fan-fiction, this really is not too bad! I have read tons and tons of first fan-fictions and they were never really that great...including my own first fan fiction, so I have to admit, this isn't terrible honest!

I suppose thats a good thing. I have read some of those terrible first fan-fics you speak of, and they make me cringe. I'm glad mines not like that

- There was one thing that really did stand out to me that I didn't like. The story does seem a little rushed...When Charmander was being attacked by the Mankeys, I think you could have kept that scene going for a bit longer and showed some more action in it, maybe Chris could have thrown a stick or something...I just think a lot of events could have been held out longer.

Ah yes, the mankey scene. I toyed with that one for a while. I eventually settled on that scenario. Intially, I was going to have Chris fight them off, and get hurrt and have charmander fight them off, but I realized that a severly weakend, untrained pokemon could not do that, so I stuck to scaring them. But the prop, such as a stick are a good idea. As for the rushed thing, I wanted to get the chapter out, since i was figuring the sooner i get out a few chapters, the faster i would graner interest.

-Also, your description isn't terrible, but there are some things you do where you seem to tell what is going on rather than showing it, for example

I had a bit of trouble with that, I managed to do it a bit better in some places then others. I plan to go over the prologue, and chapter 1 before i get really far into chapter 2.

But still not a bad story and there are a few grammatical errors in there but nothing major. Just slow things down and try not to tell us but show us the feelings that someone feels, try not to go too much of my crappy example though...

Oh I will be reading by the way...I think this whole DNA idea thing will be cool, especially once Chris realizes it, if ever...

I didn't think the example was crappy, as it was much better then my initial description (or lack there of.) It gives me a good idea of how I can expand my writing more. I'm glad you will be reading this though. That's one more reader then I ever thought I could get. Now if you will excuse me, I have chapters to revise.

**Legend of Lucario** · 23rd June 2010, 7:29 PM

Well I'm glad you find my review a tad helpful!!!

Oh you're story has a pretty great concept and honestly it doesn't JUST seem like the typical "Oh lookz i iz goin on a jurrrnnieeee" type of fiction, you're putting more thought into to create something that is entertaining and I really like that.

To be honest your description is not that bad honest, of course there are areas that could use a little more but it's not terrible.

I really do see potential in you seeing that you actually do want to go back and look at your chapters rather than saying "U's an attackurrr, lemme aluun!" There is definitely hope in you.

I can't wait for Chapter Two, I know that it's going to be a good one!

**Charoshi** · 23rd June 2010, 11:36 PM

Thanks Legend of Lucario, you've been a great help.

I've taken some advice and expanded on my description in parts. I've expanded on the Mankey scene, and added additional description in places. For the most part I left the prologue alone however. But Chapter 1 is edited. It's much better then the original. As for chapter 2, I honestly haven't started it yet. I worked on editing #1, so I should have chapter 2 out next week. I could probably have it done this week, but I want it to be really good, so I will hold the release date to next week. I just hope I can meet my deadlines.

Till next time

**Legend of Lucario** · 24th June 2010, 1:55 AM

I read some of the new description and it's coming along very well...

There is a another little thing that stood out to me, but this is merely opinionated so I wouldn't worry too much about it, but do you think that the reaction towards Chris understanding Pokemon could go a bit differently? Like what she says is fine but shouldn't she ponder on it for a little bit and maybe ask some questions? Merely a nit-pick but something to think about nonetheless...

Your description is better in some scenes as well, good to see!!! I bet chapter two is going to be a real show case of the knowledge you took in.

**Charoshi** · 24th June 2010, 10:51 AM

Thanks again, you have been incredibly helpful so far Legends of Lucario. As for your little nitpick, I was initially going to go a bit more in depth on the Professor's thoughts on the issue, but then decided I would put it in the next chapter. It will make sense as to why I did it like this when it comes out.

As for the chapter itself, it's actually progressing amazingly well. I got a real surge in me tonight, and just began writing. I finished about 2/3 of the chapter. I'm hoping I will be able to finish it tomorrow, but I don't know if I will post it this week. I will reread it a few times when it is finished, and decide whether to stick to the original plan and post it next week, or to post it sooner.

**Legend of Lucario** · 24th June 2010, 5:54 PM

Awesome, It'll be good, what's fun is that you have a completely new region, what's good on this is that you get to go crazy on all the details, everything! I mean you can still go crazy with the regions already created but you still have some limits to what you can and can't use.

**EonMaster One** · 25th June 2010, 1:42 PM

Well, let me say, this looks rather interesting. Congratulations for getting over the first hurdle. An inordinate number of fics around here get killed and closed by mods at the first chapter because they're unreadable. Some people that call themselves writers think writing means chunks of words devoid of grammar or presentation. It's the same thing as calling a large hunk of rock a sculpture.

[/SOAPBOX]

Fortunately, you didn't do that. I don't know how much writing experience you have, but you clearly know what you're doing.

I won't go and point out every single error - it's not my forte to be that exacting on other people's work, and it makes me feel like a prick. I will note, though, that a couple of your grammatical errors are simply bad habits. The first one that stuck out was that, when you're quoting someone and that person is addressing someone else, (saying someone's name, nickname, or title in their sentence) you separate that out with commas. Example:

“... and for Silver Town, expect a nice Blizzard for tomorrow morning. We don’t expect this one to subside anytime soon. Back to you Tom”

should be, [B]Back to you, Tom.

And then, "Thanks, Di-"

And so on and so forth.

If you want things done right, it'll do you well to pay attention to this little detail. I had a handful of really locked-in habits when I started writing, too. Pretty much, a couple of guys on the forum who became buds of mine started pointing it out every freakin' time I did it, until I got sick of hearing about it. Since you know now that this is a habit, you have to pay attention when you're writing sentences of that nature - and be very intentional about not making the mistake. One day, you'll find that doing it the right way comes naturally, although it may take some time.

As for the story itself, I have a couple of points to make.

1. You might want to bold the chapter number and title and/or center it and/or make it bigger. Something to make it pop so readers don't have to look too hard for it when they start reading.

2. The first line...it just doesn't seem like how a weatherman would describe a blizzard in a region that (unless I'm wrong about this) doesn't normally get this much snow. Usually, when a big snowstorm hits an area, it's one of the top stories on the local news and will warrant more than a blurb. You're probably looking for a more warning tone...and it wouldn't hurt to be more specific. Think about how your local weatherman would handle getting across news like this, and pull that into your writing.

Something like:

"...and as we mentioned earlier in the broadcast, if you're in Silver Town or any of the surrounding areas, get to the stores now. Grab all of your essentials, because you're not going to want to be out there tomorrow. The snow's expected to start coming down about (insert early time here) tomorrow morning and not expected to let up until late that night. This is going to be a big one, folks; we're expecting anywhere from (give a general range, make sure the numbers are large but within reason. Don't make it 'the worst blizzard in the history of Silver Town' unless there's a plot-related reason why it needs to be.) We'll be keeping you up to date throughout tonight's broadcast, and we'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning to give you the latest on snow totals, road conditions, and closings. Back to you, Tom."

Now, instead of a sentence, it's a paragraph. Anyone in an area that's ever gotten an abnormally large snowstorm will be able to relate to this, but it doesn't even have to be that long. You could condense it a bit if you wanted to.

3. Why does Chris seem so surprised that there's a snowstorm coming? You'd think any half-decent weather station would have known about a coming snowstorm this size for a couple of days. His thought should probably be less of Not now... and more Damn it, I can't believe this is happening...

4. Flesh out that opening scene between Chris and his mom more. It's doable without giving things away that you don't want to give away. Make the conversation a little bit longer, unless you're purposely characterizing Chris as someone who's disrespectful to his mom and has a hair-trigger temper. Maybe you don't want a sympathetic protagonist that your readers can relate to a bit. If you do, though, I'd definitely do something either with that scene or with subsequent scenes in your newer chapters, because Chris comes off right now as a fifteen-year-old (that's what I'm assuming since he said he had to wait five years, and in canon, most Trainers get their first Pokemon at age 10 and no earlier) with the behavior patterns of a five-year-old and the speech patterns of a fifty-year-old sailor. Toward his own mom, no less.

I get the fact that he's a little bit cheesed off at his mom for moving him out into the middle of nowhere at a pivotal time in his life. (I actually had a very similar event happen to me in my teens, so I know how it feels.) Maybe you could elaborate a bit on the fact that he feels like his mother robbed him of his chance to be a normal kid, because most kids - even teenagers - simply don't appear to hate their mothers this much unless there's a really good reason.

Speaking of which, Mom seems...a bit flat. Chris raises his voice and she promptly tells him off like any good mother should. Then, the moment he slides into using some colorful language at her, she backs off and becomes as meek as a lamb. You'd think, if she got angry when he started yelling, she'd get really ****** when he started cursing her out. Then again, she could be slightly afraid of him, or at least afraid of pushing him away. You can explain that. Does it have something to do with the fact that she just doesn't know what to do with him? That's legitimate. Does it have something to do with his father...or lack thereof? Where is the dad? (This is one of my pet peeves. Why are the vast majority of the game/anime protagonists - and by extension fanfic protagonists - children of single parents with no explanation to where the absentee parent is?) Is there a reason that he's not in the picture? Did this move follow a divorce? That could be one of the reasons Chris is so bitter, besides the obvious.

4. The use of 'perchance' kind of feels like vocabulary for vocabulary's sake. It doesn't fit the pattern of modern speech by a teenage character who you've established is a bit rude and rough around the edges. Even if you're trying to make him put on a polite face, 'perchance' is so over the top that anyone would see through it as an act. A better phrase would be, "You wouldn't happen to have a Cyndaquil, would you?" If you want something a bit more nervous-sounding, you could go for, "Uh, do you have a...a Cyndaquil? I’d really prefer…” and then have him trail off or something. At least you used ‘perchance’ correctly – I’m just not sure it was the right fit there.

I think Chris has potential as a character, but his mood swings bother me a bit. He’s kind of all over the place, and it’s really hard to have some sort of plot element to ‘explain’ that kind of behavior away. It can lead to readers regarding your main character as a joke. And if your protagonist isn’t taken seriously, then your fic won’t last very long. Writing whatever comes to mind works well sometimes, but if you’re describing a human character, give them human attributes – a distinct personality.

Who is Chris really? Is he a total jerk who swears at his mother when he doesn’t get what he wants and kicks around Pokémon that he judges to not be worth his time? Or he is the nice guy that likes to help someone in trouble and will run out into a raging snowstorm to do so? Or is he somewhere in between? Pick a spot and commit to it fully – then, if you want to move him (because good protagonists change in some way throughout the course of a story), do it slowly and intentionally.

If you don’t read anything else on this overly long review, read this. Characterization is everything. At least, that’s what I teach, because I believe complex, compelling characters can make up a bit for a slightly stale plot or one full of holes…on the other hand, a really good plot can be spoiled by bland, boring, or poorly-written characters. When you’re writing fiction – especially working with what amounts to a fantasy world – only the great ones can make a reader relate directly to that world. The majority of writers seek instead to make a reader relate to the characters inside that world.

I’m sorry if any of that sounded harsh – that wasn’t my intention. I normally don’t do a whole lot of reviewing at all, but when I see a new writer that’s got quite a bit of potential, I take a little time out. I’ll definitely be back, because I only expect this story to get better as you go along. Whatever you do, don’t give up. That might not necessarily mean finishing this story to the end, but keep going. Even if you don’t post everything you write, keep writing. Experience makes you better.

-

EM1

**Charoshi** · 26th June 2010, 2:55 AM

Firstly, Thanks again Legends of Lucario for being a great supporter of me and my fic.

Secondly, I'm honoured that you took the time to review my fic, EonMaster One. Reading your work was one of the reasons I got into fanfiction in the first place.

Thirdly, I put up another updated chapter 1, using some of your Points EonMaster One

Well, let me say, this looks rather interesting. Congratulations for getting over the first hurdle. An inordinate number of fics around here get killed and closed by mods at the first chapter because they're unreadable. Some people that call themselves writers think writing means chunks of words devoid of grammar or presentation. It's the same thing as calling a large hunk of rock a sculpture.

[/SOAPBOX]

Fortunately, you didn't do that. I don't know how much writing experience you have, but you clearly know what you're doing.

My writing experience, while not minimal, does not have an extensive story writing. I have a fair bit of writing experience from schooling and what not, but never to this extreme. I'm glad I made it over the hump though, I have read some of those unreadable stories, and I vowed I'd nver right anything like that unless it was for a joke.

I won't go and point out every single error - it's not my forte to be that exacting on other people's work, and it makes me feel like a prick. I will note, though, that a couple of your grammatical errors are simply bad habits. The first one that stuck out was that, when you're quoting someone and that person is addressing someone else, (saying someone's name, nickname, or title in their sentence) you separate that out with commas.

That's always been a problem of mine. I've never quite gotten used to that, as none of my english teachers really ever pointed out you had to do that until grade 9. All the others just kind of let you off.

You might want to bold the chapter number and title and/or center it and/or make it bigger. Something to make it pop so readers don't have to look too hard for it when they start reading.

That's a good idea! I never thought of that.

The first line...it just doesn't seem like how a weatherman would describe a blizzard in a region that (unless I'm wrong about this) doesn't normally get this much snow. Usually, when a big snowstorm hits an area, it's one of the top stories on the local news and will warrant more than a blurb. You're probably looking for a more warning tone...and it wouldn't hurt to be more specific. Think about how your local weatherman would handle getting across news like this, and pull that into your writing.

Well, you're neither right nor wrong, I guess I didn't specify that well enough. Silver Town is hit by snow every winter. I had that expressed in the original, but I guess it did not come across well enough. I didn't emphasize just how bad the blizzard was I guess, so I went back over it and added a discussion with a meteorologist.

Why does Chris seem so surprised that there's a snowstorm coming? You'd think any half-decent weather station would have known about a coming snowstorm this size for a couple of days. His thought should probably be less of Not now... and more Damn it, I can't believe this is happening...

I suppose I didn't right that well enough. It was supposed to come across more as Damn it! Why me? Why now? I was so close! more so as opposed to Now now!

Flesh out that opening scene between Chris and his mom more. It's doable without giving things away that you don't want to give away. Make the conversation a little bit longer, unless you're purposely characterizing Chris as someone who's disrespectful to his mom and has a hair-trigger temper. Maybe you don't want a sympathetic protagonist that your readers can relate to a bit. If you do, though, I'd definitely do something either with that scene or with subsequent scenes in your newer chapters, because Chris comes off right now as a fifteen-year-old (that's what I'm assuming since he said he had to wait five years, and in canon, most Trainers get their first Pokemon at age 10 and no earlier) with the behavior patterns of a five-year-old and the speech patterns of a fifty-year-old sailor. Toward his own mom, no less.

I get the fact that he's a little bit cheesed off at his mom for moving him out into the middle of nowhere at a pivotal time in his life. (I actually had a very similar event happen to me in my teens, so I know how it feels.) Maybe you could elaborate a bit on the fact that he feels like his mother robbed him of his chance to be a normal kid, because most kids - even teenagers - simply don't appear to hate their mothers this much unless there's a really good reason.

Chris' character is loosely based off of myself, as when I get set off I can have the mouth of a sailor. The moving thing happened to me to, and I thought it would be a good scenario to use in his argument. However, I do see your point and in the updated chapter I elaborated on the scene, so Chris doesn't go directly to anger so fast. And yes, he is 15.

Speaking of which, Mom seems...a bit flat. Chris raises his voice and she promptly tells him off like any good mother should. Then, the moment he slides into using some colorful language at her, she backs off and becomes as meek as a lamb. You'd think, if she got angry when he started yelling, she'd get really ****** when he started cursing her out. Then again, she could be slightly afraid of him, or at least afraid of pushing him away. You can explain that. Does it have something to do with the fact that she just doesn't know what to do with him? That's legitimate. Does it have something to do with his father...or lack thereof? Where is the dad? (This is one of my pet peeves. Why are the vast majority of the game/anime protagonists - and by extension fanfic protagonists - children of single parents with no explanation to where the absentee parent is?) Is there a reason that he's not in the picture? Did this move follow a divorce? That could be one of the reasons Chris is so bitter, besides the obvious.

Yes, upon reading this review I looked over her character a bit, and realized she came off really flat. I also noticed what you meant about her backing off, and in my rewrite I tried to make her sound more understanding, almost begging Chris to understand. It eventually leads up to anger between them. And yes the father thing. I was not going to initially bring it up until later in the story, but I figured that since you were asking the question, I'm sure others who have read this story, and future readers would ask the same question, so I threw it in to the argument in the remake.

The use of 'perchance' kind of feels like vocabulary for vocabulary's sake. It doesn't fit the pattern of modern speech by a teenage character who you've established is a bit rude and rough around the edges. Even if you're trying to make him put on a polite face, 'perchance' is so over the top that anyone would see through it as an act. A better phrase would be, "You wouldn't happen to have a Cyndaquil, would you?" If you want something a bit more nervous-sounding, you could go for, "Uh, do you have a...a Cyndaquil? I’d really prefer…” and then have him trail off or something. At least you used ‘perchance’ correctly – I’m just not sure it was the right fit there.

Well to be honest, that's kind of how I speak normally, and I'm in my teens. Of course, Ive always been a bit of a nutter. I changed it though as you suggested, since Chris is his own character, and not me.

I think Chris has potential as a character, but his mood swings bother me a bit. He’s kind of all over the place, and it’s really hard to have some sort of plot element to ‘explain’ that kind of behavior away. It can lead to readers regarding your main character as a joke. And if your protagonist isn’t taken seriously, then your fic won’t last very long. Writing whatever comes to mind works well sometimes, but if you’re describing a human character, give them human attributes – a distinct personality.

Who is Chris really? Is he a total jerk who swears at his mother when he doesn’t get what he wants and kicks around Pokémon that he judges to not be worth his time? Or he is the nice guy that likes to help someone in trouble and will run out into a raging snowstorm to do so? Or is he somewhere in between? Pick a spot and commit to it fully – then, if you want to move him (because good protagonists change in some way throughout the course of a story), do it slowly and intentionally.

I want Chris to be somewhere in between the two. I want him to be a genuinely nice guy, but when he gets angry he seems like a completely different person. He doesn't like himself when he's angry, but sometimes he can't control it though. As you say, good protagonists change over a course of a story, and since I want Chris to be a good one, he will be no exception.

If you don’t read anything else on this overly long review, read this. Characterization is everything. At least, that’s what I teach, because I believe complex, compelling characters can make up a bit for a slightly stale plot or one full of holes…on the other hand, a really good plot can be spoiled by bland, boring, or poorly-written characters. When you’re writing fiction – especially working with what amounts to a fantasy world – only the great ones can make a reader relate directly to that world. The majority of writers seek instead to make a reader relate to the characters inside that world.

I couldn't agree more. That is why Twilight is so successful. I have friends who read the books, and they alway stell me that Stephenie Meyer is an awful writer, but she has great characters and plot, which makes her wrting bearable to read.

I hope to be a great writer, but I know that takes time. I will continue to work at it, until one day the world that I'm writing about will become alive.

I’m sorry if any of that sounded harsh – that wasn’t my intention. I normally don’t do a whole lot of reviewing at all, but when I see a new writer that’s got quite a bit of potential, I take a little time out. I’ll definitely be back, because I only expect this story to get better as you go along. Whatever you do, don’t give up. That might not necessarily mean finishing this story to the end, but keep going. Even if you don’t post everything you write, keep writing. Experience makes you better.

-

EM1

It did not sound harsh in the slightest. In my first post, when I said I would accept all criticisms, I intended to be ripped senselessly, and I was willing to take it. I wan to be a great writer one day, and I know it is not today, and it won't be tomorrow, but one day I will be great. It will be thanks to people like you and Legends of Lucario who help make me a better writer, that I will become great. I'm glad you will be back too!

And now, onto some sadder news. I could not get myself into a groove yesterday for writing, so I made minimal progress on chapter 2. However, with the new tricks I was taught, the chapter 2 that comes out will be far superior to what I intially planned to post.

So until next time, thanks for reading and reviewing guys. A good writer is nothing if nobody reads his work, and helps him improve it.

**Aura Master** · 27th June 2010, 1:18 AM

After three times of clicking on this I decided to read it and I'm glad I did.

I think, one problem you have is being realistic.

Like EM1 mentioned, never lived during a Blizzard and never will but don't you think they will stress it out more. Like, maybe run over safety procedures or try to get it out to the town earlier. I found that very odd.

Another thing is description.

The small Charmander was crawling along the snow, trying to avoid the deep parts. She approached a wooded area, and began to feel slightly scared. She could hear the cries of various bird Pokémon, such as Pidgeotto and Noctowl. She heard the blood curtailing of a Pokémon, presumably a young Caterpie. She turned her head sharply to see the young Pokémon being carried off by a large Swellow. She broke into a run, only to trip on a small tail.

I really didn't really pick out Pidgeotto or Noctowl, because they were just sounds. But Caterpie and Swellow I have to pick out.

For all I know, This could be a pink dragon with a blue tail picking up a cereal box for all I know. Honestly I know what it is, but writing a story, you have to make a non Pokemon person understand this.

So try to make the story readable for any kind reader. Including the Poke Dex, Poke balls and attacks.

Btw, I might have missed it, but mentioning the age of Professor Hemlock would help

**Charoshi** · 27th June 2010, 4:02 AM

After three times of clicking on this I decided to read it and I'm glad I did.

I'm glad too

I think, one problem you have is being realistic.

Like EM1 mentioned, never lived during a Blizzard and never will but don't you think they will stress it out more. Like, maybe run over safety procedures or try to get it out to the town earlier. I found that very odd.

Ah the blasted blizzard part. They didn't really stress when it would hit, as they didn't know. It was unpredictable. I made a minor edit to the Weather report scene.
Don't read the following spoiler if you don't wish to have one of the secrets I planted in the first chapter spoiled.

Spoiler:- Spoiler:

I really didn't really pick out Pidgeotto or Noctowl, because they were just sounds. But Caterpie and Swellow I have to pick out.

For all I know, This could be a pink dragon with a blue tail picking up a cereal box for all I know. Honestly I know what it is, but writing a story, you have to make a non Pokemon person understand this.

So try to make the story readable for any kind reader. Including the Poke Dex, Poke balls and attacks.

Btw, I might have missed it, but mentioning the age of Professor Hemlock would help

I see your point, and I edited that part of the chapter to show the details of Swellow and Caterpie. As for her age, I realized I did not go to far into detail about the appearance of Hemlock, so I added a bit in for that to.

I will get chapter 2 up shortly. Thanks to everyone who has helped my story better. I think my writing skills have improved exponentially since I started. So thank you everyone!!

**Charoshi** · 27th June 2010, 10:18 AM

Chapter 2
Cold Case

The frost covered path glistened in the morning sun, as a young boy and his trusty lizard companion trudge along a path. The path was very familiar to the young boy. It was the very same one he ran down just yesterday. He had taken this path until he had heard the cries of help emitting from his current partner.

The young lizard was skipping around happily. Her sapphire eyes were gleaming, with the prospect of adventure. She was in such a large state of bliss, that she failed to notice a small rock in the vicinity of her path. Before she realized what was going on, her face met the ground, faster than a hungry Snorlax after a food delivery van.

(Oww!) she whimpered in a shrill feminine voice. The little incident alerted her travelling companion, who prior to his partners fall, seemed completely lost in thought.

“Charmander!” he yelled, leaning over to see if she was alright. He immediately looked over her ankle, to make sure she had not injured it again. Upon realizing she was okay, he couldn’t help but poke fun. “Enjoy your trip?”

(Very funny, Christopher,) she said, sounding rather cross. She pulled herself off the dirty frost covered path and turned towards him. (You seem kind of out of it, Chris. Are you thinking about what the Professor said before we left?) Charmander asked, sounding generally concerned.

Flashback...

Chris was relieved that his mother had made her goodbye short. He could not stand any waterworks, especially not today. Nothing would dissuade him from achieving his goal, not even his mother.

Upon Charmander’s insistence, he had stopped off at the Professor’s lab before leaving town, and heading for the Silver Forest. The idea was fine with him, as they had to go that way to leave town anyway, so a quick stop at the lab worked for him.

“Chris? I thought you would have left by now,” a surprised voice stated, as he entered the building. “Did your mother ever teach you to knock?” she teased lightly.

“Charmander wanted to drop in before we left, ain’t that right, Charm?” he chided her affectionately. She scowled. She had made the mistake of telling him the pet name given to her by her mother. She absolutely detested it.

(I knew I shouldn’t have told you that,) she muttered. He turned to her, and stuck out his stubby little tongue.

“Yeah well you did,” he reminded her. He turned back to the Professor, and the look on her face told Chris that she had remembered something important.

“Now I remember what I wanted to tell you! You know I used to work with Professor Oak, right?” Hemlock asked. Chris dug through his memory banks, hoping to find the specific incident where it was mentioned. He knew it had been mentioned, so he just nodded his head simply. “I phoned him last night, and I mentioned your peculiar case to him.”

Chris’ nonchalant facial expressions suddenly turned serious. Of course the leading expert on Pokémon would know the answer to his problems! “What did he say?” he asked hopefully.

“Well, he actually did not seem overly surprised by the fact you could understand Pokémon. He just seemed surprised that an individual was found that could. Apparently, he had a discussion with a colleague of his recently about being able to understand Pokémon. Professor Oak had insisted that understanding Pokémon was impossible, where as his colleague insisted that it was indeed possible, but only to certain individuals.” Hemlock stated.

“But what’s so special about me? And who is this colleague?” Chris asked.

“I do not know the answer to either of your questions, but I do know that Professor Oak would like to meet you personally. According to him he is in Penelope Port this week. He is giving a lecture on Pokémon to a trainer school there. He will leave for Evertown when he is finished. He wishes to personally study you,” she told Chris, carefully saying it so he would understand the first time.

“So I’m basically like a scientific guinea pig?” he asked pointedly. Hemlock was going to scold him, until she noticed his brown eyes sparkling. She started into a violent fit of laughter.

“Nah, a guinea pig is smarter,” she teased. Despite being 43 years of age, as his mother confirmed for him last night, she sure could hold her own throwing insults at a teenager.

“Very funny, Hemp,” he poked back. “Well I really must be going. Thanks for your help Professor. Let’s go, Char-” he began, but then realized his faithful lizard had disappeared. He began looking around frantically, until he saw a familiar orange creature conversing with a blue turtle and a green plant thingy.

(You be careful, Charmander,) the turtle uttered. It’s red eyes glimmered with nervousness, which Chris presumed to be out of worry for his friend.

(Yes, please come back safely,) the creature with a green bulb on its back begged. She too appeared to be really worried.

(You guys worry too much! Next time you see me, I’ll be the most powerful Charizard you will ever see!) With a laugh she ran off towards her trainer, turning back once more to give a cute little wave back at her friends.

“Ready to go?” he asked her. When she nodded in return, he turned back to the professor. “It’s time I be off. Take care of the Pokémon I send you please.”

“Only if you take care of the ones you keep with you,” she replied sternly, but her stern voice was betrayed by the smug grin she wore on her face. It was if she knew that wouldn’t be a problem with him. He turned and began a brisk run out the door.

Chris took off down the path that led up to the professor’s place. The land was perfect for raising Pokémon. It had water, tons of field and rocks.

“WAIT!” Chris turned sharply, to see the Professor running after him. When she finally caught up, she let a out few hoarse breaths, before looking up and facing Chris. “Whatever you do, you cannot let other people know about your gift. If the wrong person finds out, they might try to use you for their means. Please be careful, Chris.” With the last statement, she turned and slowly walked back to her lab, leaving behind a stunned Christopher Davis.

End Flashback...

“I’d never thought of any of the negative impacts that my abilities could possibly have until she said that. I never realized just how careful I have to be about who I trust in this World,” he muttered.

Trusting people had never been a problem for the young trainer. Since he moved to Anotica from Johto, he had never made any friends, so he had never had trust betrayed before. Silver Town had a very small population, and even though there were kids Chris’ age, he never got on with them. Chris really just buried his heads into his books and computer, learning about Pokémon.

(Don’t worry about that. I won’t let that happen. I pro-) the young lizard began, but stopped abruptly as a familiar voice chimed in.

(Well if it isn’t dumb and dumber. You were pretty stupid to come back to our turf,) a familiar voice chided. The voice sounded rather mocking and had a slightly annoyed sound to it.

Oh great, them... Chris mentally moaned. “What the hell do you three want?” He glared at the three Pokémon who stood before him. They all looked identical to Chris, their long limbs and small body hopped around impatiently. Their pig like noses were snorting with amusement and their green eyes glared at the duo.

(I told you we would be back, and now I challenge you to a fight. Mon on Mon. Your little Charmander, against us,) the middle of the three said. Chris recognized this one as the leader.

“What! That’s hardly fai-” he began, but stopped abruptly. No way can she take them all, we just started training, he thought desperately.

(I, Dumb, accept your challenge,) Charmander stated confidently. Chris was taken by surprise at what she was saying. What is she getting at? It’s not a fair fight. She won’t be able to beat all three of them! And why did she call herself Dumb? Wait a minute...

“Hey!!” Chris yelled. Charmander chuckled, and turned back to face the leader of the trio. “I guess there’s no stopping you.” When she didn’t reply, he took it as a no. “Well then, start it off with your scratch attack!”
Charmander leapt at the three Pokémon, swiping her small claw at the trio.

The middle one dodged the blow nimbly, but the one to his immediate right, took the attack square to the face. With a low moan, he collapsed to the ground. One down, two to go... Charmander mentally checked.

“Charmander use em-” Chris started, and then stopped. Charmander wouldn’t know ember at this point, he thought in defeat. “Use your growl attack!” Charmander turned to the other henchmen, letting out a low growl, causing the other Pokémon let out a low whimper. It crouched down towards the ground in terror. Jeez, outside of the leader, these guys suck, Charmander thought.

“Now use your scratch attack.” Charmander swiped her small orange claw at the whimper foe, connecting at the side of its face, right below the Pokémon’s ear, causing it to topple over in pain.

Where is the leader? Charmander pondered. She couldn’t find him anywhere. With the other two down, she began to search for him.

“Charmander, look out!! Duck!” upon hearing her trainer’s voice, the young lizard crouched to the ground quickly. She glanced upwards just in time to see two nearly identical Pokémon collide in mid air. She let out a furious fit of laughter. This seemed almost too easy.

(Gotcha!) a voice cried. Suddenly, the ground beneath her rumbled. She had no time to move, as the Pokémon leapt out from beneath her. She was thrown back a few feet, skidding across the frosty earth.

“Charmander!!” Chris yelled, running over to the fallen Pokémon. Her eyes were spinning around so fast, Chris almost believed he would be hypnotized from them. He turned and glared at the leader of the trio. “That was a dirty trick,” he yelled.

(What? I used my dig attack. How that is dirty is beyond me. Now it is your turn.) He began to march towards Chris and his fallen Charmander, when a figure jumped out from the under growth.

(Hold it right there, Pardner,) the figure said. It kind of reminded Chris of a snow cone. It wore an orange cone shaped thing, with three little red diamonds on the back of it, over top of its black body. Upon initial inspection, it looked to be just over two feet tall and Chris could see its little blue eyes glaring at its opponents. (You Mankey are nutin’ but trouble round these parts.)

(Sheriff Snorunt!!) they screamed. The leader Mankey, glared at the new arrival. He turned towards his comrades, as if to bark orders at them, only to notice that they were long gone. With a grunt, he took off down the road, and Chris swore he heard multiple expletives being uttered.

(Get back here!) the Sheriff shouted. He opened his mouth wide and unleashed a furious wind. Chris could feel what little warmth that was left in the woods, disappear in a frozen breeze.

(You’re not catching me today, Sheriff!) Mankey shouted, and dove deep within the ground. Chris could only see the brown tip of its tail as it disappeared underground.

(Gosh darn it, they got away!) he cursed. He began to saunter off in the direction the Mankey escaped in.

“Wait!” Chris yelled. “Thank you for saving me and Charmander.”

(No problem, Pardner. It’s my job. Not that y’all can understand me though,) Snorunt replied. (That’d be a hoot.)

“Well actually sheriff...” Chris began, but was stopped by the Snorunt. It’s little blue orbs were wide in shock.

(How’d ya hear I was the sheriff, Pardner? Can you underst-) the sheriff stopped when he saw Chris’ head nodding up and down. (Well slap my knees, and call me Jim! That’s a first round these here parts.)

“So um, Sheriff...” he began, but was cut off.

(C’mon pardner, call me Snorunt. Sheriff seems too formal for my here tastes.)

“So Snorunt, why exactly are you a sheriff? I never thought Pokémon would need one,” he stated. He hoped he did not offend the little Pokémon, he actually kind of liked him.

(I’d been a waitin’ a long time to give this here lecture, Pardner,) Snorunt began. (Typical of a human, thinkin’ we Pokémon don’t have crime. I was elected to be the sheriff of these woods. We Pokémon don’t have big cities to live in, so me and my deputy, Free, take care of the crime in this here region.)

“I take it those Mankeys are trouble?” Chris already knew the answer to this question, but he asked it anyway.

(Them firebrands cause no end of trouble for me and my squad. I reckon they’ve caused trouble for you and your pardner.) Chris nodded slowly. He could feel Charmander stirring in his arms. Her eyes started to flutter, and then flung themselves open, faster than a kid would fling a lid off of a Birthday present.

(Where are the Mankey? And who is this?) she asked, clearly still in a daze.

“Charmander, this is Snorunt. He saved our lives.” Chris told her simply. Although it may be a slight exaggeration, there was no other way to put it. No telling what those Mankey would have done... Chris mentally chided himself.

(Thank you for saving me,) Charmander said sweetly to Snorunt, causing the sheriff to blush.

(Golly ma’am, t’was no big deal. Just doin’ my job,) he said simply. His blush had begun to disappear as he regained his composure.

“Say, Snorunt, no offense or anything, but why were the Mankey scared of you? You are an ice type, where as they are of the fighting element.”

(I was wonderin’ if y’all would ask that. My force ain’t all ice types y’all should know. My deputy, Free, is a Butterfree. He’s put them hooligans in their place many a time.) Snorunt replied. Chris was thankful he had not offended the snow cone of justice. He’d never been in a Pokémon prison, and he wasn’t about to go for an all expenses paid vacation.

(Sheriff!) a high pitched, rather nervous sounding voice cried. Chris looked over in the direction he had heard the voice. Fluttering a few feet away from them, was a purple bodied Pokémon, with large red eyes and little blue hands, blue feet and a little blue mouth. The fluttering Pokémon had two black antennas on his head, and its wings seemed to Chris to be twice as large as the Pokémon. It wings were surrounded by a black outline.

(Chris, Charmander, meet Deputy Free. The most reliable pardner in Silver County,) Snorunt declared, his voice sounding nothing but truthful. This is the sheriff’s deputy? Chris pondered, seeming completely stunned at the revelation. Its large red eyes glimmered with uncertainty, and Chris honestly believed it would faint at any minute.

(Sheriff, it’s the Mankey, they’ve taken a hostage,) Free cried timidly. The sheriffs blue eyes widened in shock, and then narrowed in the form of a glare.

(What?! Who?!) the sheriff demanded. The cool demeanour of the sheriff suddenly turned ice cold. On second thought, maybe an ice type does make a good law enforcer, Chris joked, but then realized this was no time for jokes.

(I-it wa-s-s Ca-a-a...) he mumbled, obviously choking over the words.

(Spit it out, Free!) Snorunt commanded.

(It was Cater!!) Free shouted, his voice cracking as it went up an octave. Snorunt’s annoyed demeanour disappeared, and it turned to one of sheer shock and understanding. Chris understood immediately what was going on.

(What did they demand, Free?) Snorunt asked calmly. Chris realized now just how perfect a choice Snorunt was for sheriff. He was completely calm under pressure.

(They wanted to speak with you, and your friends,) he choked, gesturing towards Chris and Charmander. Chris’ eyes narrowed. Just what are they getting at?

“Well sheriff, it looks like we have a young life to save!” Chris announced dramatically. Snorunt nodded in approval, his eyes sizing up Chris carefully. He gave a slow nod, and turned back to Free.

(Lead the way!) he commanded. With a nod, Free turned off and fluttered back through the woods. Chris, with Charmander in his arms, and Snorunt followed behind closely. Now was no time for caution, they had a life to save!

_____

(You think they will come?) a voice asked, in a hushed tone.

(Of course they will, nimrod! They are going to want to save that stupid Deputy’s kid. That’s when our plan will come into action!) it chuckled loudly. A grin formed on its face, and it turned to a small green creature to its left. (Don’t worry, Daddy is coming,) he teased.

_____

Free led the group into a small clearing. Chris noticed nobody else here, besides the Mankey trio.

(They demanded it just be us,) Free explained to the sheriff. The sheriff nodded, and beckoned for Chris to follow him. He obediently did so. He could feel Charmander wrestling in his grip, but he did not want her to get hurt again. He followed the sheriff until they were only a few feet away from the Mankeys.

(So you came. I propose a trade. Our captive, for those two,) he declared, pointing at Chris and Charmander.

“Jeez, you sure know how to hold a grudge,” Chris muttered.

(I will not trade! What do y’all take of me? Now give us back Cater or I reckon you should prepare to fight!) Snorunt declared.

(So be it,) Mankey muttered. He beckoned to his comrades, and they took up arms beside him. He then let out a shallow laugh. (You really think we would be stupid enough to come alone? I brought an old friend.)

Snorunt’s eyes widened in shock. (You don’t mean...) he stuttered.

(Oh but I do. Come, Riolu!) he bellowed. As on command, a small lithe blue creature landed next to the Mankey. It had one of its black legs held up, in a position ready to kick. It red eyes were rimmed with a black mask type thing, and its black ears flopped as it moved.

(Snorunt,) Riolu muttered coolly.

(Riolu!) Snorunt spat in disgust. His eyes turned hostile, and his mouth was open, as if he was ready to attack any minute. Chris was completely lost by this, so he turned to Free.

“Free, what’s going on?” he asked. Free seemed shocked initially. That’s right, he doesn’t know I can understand him, he mused. Free seemed to shake off his initial shock, and then looked back at Chris’ confused expression.

(Riolu used to be the head of our force, and Snorunt was his deputy. One day, while Snorunt and I were on patrol, we saw Riolu making a deal with one of the local mafia leaders. When he returned to the base, we questioned him. He admitted to being a fraud, a double agent. We exiled him from the force, giving him one last chance at freedom. Before he left, he challenged Snorunt to a dual, which Snorunt eventually won. Riolu vowed to return when he was stronger,) Free summarised.

(Now, I will show you who is stronger,) he yelled. He stopped moving and was enveloped in a mysterious white glow. Replacing the lithe Riolu was a similar looking Pokémon. It had grown a good two feet from its last form. It had large spikes on its hands, and a long blue tail. It had what seemed like four ears on its head, the two floppy black ones it had as Riolu, as well as to pointy blue ones. Its red eyes continued to glare at Snorunt.

(So that was your trick, Riolu!) Snorunt spat.

(Call me Lucario, you sad excuse for a Pokémon,) Lucario sharply replied. Without warning, he lunged at Snorunt with is large spiked paw extended. Snorunt nimbly moved to his right, causing Lucario to crash into the ground. Snorunt opened his mouth, inhaling a deep breath, before unleashing it in a fast wind towards Lucario. Lucario had no time to react, as his yellow belly was pummelled by the cold wind. He fell to his knees, and glared at Snorunt.

(So this is how a former hero meets his here end,) Snorunt snickered. Lucario spat at Snorunt, who stepped back to avoid it. Chris, who had been observing carefully, knew Snorunt made a mistake. Oh no! He left himself open! He cringed at what could happen next. He knew Lucario’s steel and fighting types were effective against Snorunt. He saw the glint in the fighting Pokémon’s eyes, he had to do something.

“Be careful Snorunt! He’s up to something!” he cried hopelessly. Dropping his guard for one second, he could feel Charmander wrestle herself from his grip. She hopped onto the ground directly in front of them, and turned towards the fallen Lucario. Her tail flared up, and she opened her mouth wide. From her mouth, three small fireballs spewed towards Lucario. Ember! Chris thought in amazement. With a groan, the steel Pokémon fell to the ground.

(Thanks for the save, Pardner,) Snorunt told Charmander. She let out a chuckle.

(I owed you one. Now let’s get Cater back!) she declared.

The duo approached the Mankeys, who seemed stunned at the loss of their fellow fighting type. I’m surprised they didn’t run, Snorunt mused. Not the most intelligent bunch they aren’t.

(Give us Cater!) Charmander shouted. The Mankey, dropped the young caterpillar, and ran off. Cowards, Charmander moaned mentally. She ran over to the young bug, and then turned towards the direction of where Free was. (He’s ok!) she yelled.

Upon being given the okay, Free flew across the clearing. The young bug, upon noticing his father leapt up.

(Daddy!) Cater yelled. He was overjoyed.

(Cater!) he screeched, as he flew towards Cater. Chris had never seen the perpetually nervous Pokémon look so happy.

(D-d-do you really think I’d go down this early,) muttered a voice. Within seconds, Cater was gone. Chris turned to where Lucario had been, only to notice nobody there. He turned his head slightly, and saw Lucario holding Cater, with a malicious grin on his face.

(Cater!) Free yowled.

“Coward, give back Cater and except your punishment with dignity,” Chris cried.

(This little fellow will make a nice pet, or even a good deputy,) Lucario muttered. He seemed completely unaware of the anger welling up in Free.

(GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!!) he yelled. His red eyes began to glow a brilliant violet, and Lucario had suddenly been lifted off the ground, causing him to drop Cater. Snorunt and Chris were dumbfounded. Snorunt was trying to figure out what Free was doing. Is that...

Confusion? Chris finished, as if they owned the same mind. Chris could only watch as the formidable fighting Pokémon was thrown towards a tree at speed Chris had never witnessed before. The proud Pokémon had no time to react as his back hammered against a large tree. He fell straight to the ground, no doubt unconscious.

(Good job, Free! Now call in the force. I reckon you need to deal with this hooligan,) Snorunt stated.

(What do you mean you? That’s the sheriff’s job,) Free muttered, seemingly back to normal.

(Exactly, Pardner,) Snorunt chuckled. (I have a new calling.)

What is he talking about, Chris pondered. The little snow cone suddenly turned to him.

(Get me one of your poké thingers,) Snorunt told him.

“What? You mean a Pokéball?” Chris asked, pulling the red and white orb from his pocket. When Snorunt nodded, Chris continued. “But what about your force?”

(It’s in good hands with Free. I trust you will take care of the force, Pardner?) he turned to Free, who reluctantly nodded. Chris glanced around the clearing, at the four conscious Pokémon. They all gained something. Cater, who had the experience of a life time and will be forever braver for it. Charmander, who gained a new attack and probably felt stronger for it. Free, who gained some sense of courage and self confidence, although Chris still could feel nervous vibes from him. And of course, his new partner Snorunt, who gained a new purpose.

(Well, Pardner, hit me with that Pokéball thingy,) Snorunt stated.

“Don’t you want to fight?” Chris asked. He didn’t really want to, but most wild Pokémon wanted to test the trainer.

(No thanks, Pardner. Y’all have proven yourselves to me,) he stated, and walked over to my outstretched hand, which contained an enlarged Pokéball. He nudged it carefully, and he disappeared inside. Snorunt, made no attempt to break free. My first Pokémon! he thought excitedly. He had always dreamed of this moment. He instantly released Snorunt outside again to say their goodbyes. He had a new team mate, and he was one step closer to his goal.

_____

“Where is the Child now?” a booming voice asked, almost as if it was talking too no one in particular.

“In the Silver Forest, Sir, near Auburn village,” another voice replied, although this one was less deep.

“Good, I want you to meet him there. Good Luck, ‘Steven’!”

Alrighty, there's chapter 2 for ya. I think it turned out alright, but that is at the opinion of the reader. So please give me your reviews.

**Charoshi** · 11th July 2010, 9:31 AM

Chapter 3
Friends and Foes

“No! Rattata!” cried a young lad, clad in a sky blue shirt and khaki shorts. His eyes, which matched the colour of his shirt, were watering heavily. He pulled out a small red and white orb, and sent out a small red beam towards the fallen creature. It’s purple and white figure disappeared in a flash of white light.

Across from the young boy, stood a young lady that looked to be about fifteen years of age. Her emerald eyes followed the young trainer closely, as he turned tail and ran towards a large white building with a ruby tinted roof. Pathetic, she thought as she flicked a strand of her pale lilac hair out of her eye sight. Is there anyone in this god damn town that is even remotely a challenge?
_____

Christopher Davis released a heavy sigh. He had been walking this path ever since he left camp this morning. His skinny black jeans clung tightly to his walking figure, and his red shirt shined, as he trudged along the frosty path. The snow has thinned out considerably over night. I wouldn`t be surprised if Auburn Town didn`t have a spec, he moaned mentally. When he was alone, he preferred not to speak aloud.

His thoughts drifted to his two companions, who upon given the option, chose to sleep in. I wish I could tuck myself into a ball and have a nice nap while somebody else did my movement for me. Chris` thoughts abruptly stopped, as he noticed a much welcomed sight on the horizon.

Finally! Auburn Town! he thought triumphantly. As Chris descended down a gentle incline towards the small town, he looked for a building that might possibly be a Pokémon Center. Chris eyes were drawn to a large white building, with a red roof glimmering in the morning sun.

“Excuse me? Is that the Pokémon Center?” Chris asked a passing man, clad in an orange shirt and blue jeans. The man looked at him as if he was an idiot.

“Of course it is! That’s what the sign is for,” he pointed out, and walked away. Chris swore he heard the man mutter the word idiot under his breath. Chris turned to give him a piece of his mind, but his eye was caught by a large sign on the white building. Oh great... he moaned, reading the carefully labelled Pokémon Center sign. Shaking off his embarrassment, he walked in the direction of the building.
_____

“...And then this stupid kid passed by me asking where the Pokémon Center was,” muttered the very same orange clad man from earlier. He was standing outside of an off white building, with a turquoise roof. His green eyes glimmered with amusement as he told his comrades the story.

“Wow, what an idiot! I’d bet anything he’s a newbie,” one of his friends, clad in a green turtleneck sweater, with tight black jeans. The other man, wearing a blue t-shirt and shorts, nodded in agreement. They were so busy that they did not notice a young girl walk up to them.

“You three! I challenge you all to a match!” she declared, her emerald eyes betraying her anticipation. The three men let out a hearty laugh. “What, you scared?” she chided them. The orange shirted man stopped laughing, and gave her a serious look.

“Look kid, you’re no match for us. Go find this idiot who couldn’t even find the Pokémon Center. He is wearing a red shirt and tight black jeans. You might even beat him,” he snickered.

“Fine! I will!” she bellowed, and stormed off. This red shirt idiot is going down!
_____

“Here you are, Sir. Your Charmander and Snorunt are fully healed,” chimed a delicate feminine voice.

“T-t-thank you, Nurse...” Chris started.

“Joy,” the woman finished. She had long pink hair, which was done up in little loops at the back. Her blue eyes glimmered affectionately, and her smile could brighten up an entire room. She wore a cute little pink and white nurse’s outfit. If Chris wasn’t a teenager, he would have sworn he was in love.

“T-t-that’s a pretty name,” he stammered, blushing profusely.

“Why thank you,” she smiled sweetly. This action only caused Chris to blush even more.

“My n-n-name is Chris,” he stuttered. I must be making myself look like an idiot. I need to get myself out of this mess. As if the gods had answered his prayers, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“So your name is Chris?” asked an unfamiliar, feminine voice. Chris turned around, and found a young girl staring at him. She looked to be about his age, with semi long lilac hair and emerald eyes. She wore a blue hooded sweater and a long blue skirt. Her intense gaze unnerved Chris, but he would not show it to this girl.

“Who are you to ask for my name?” he challenged. He watched as a sly smirk appeared on her lips. Uh Oh! This can’t be good, he mentally sighed.

“My name is Melanie Emerald, and I challenge you to a battle!”
_____

“Agent One to Agent Three: Forest was a success.”

“Agent Three to Agent One: Good. Do they know?”

“Agent One to Agent Three: No. They are clueless.”

“Agent Three to Agent One: That is for the best. Is Agent Two ready?

“Agent One to Agent Three: He has taken up post in Auburn Valley.

“Agent Three to Agent One: Good. We must not disappoint our Lord.”
_____

“W-w-what?!” Chris stammered. He had never battled another trainer before. My only battles so far have been the Mankeys and Lucario. I doubt I’d stand a chance, his thoughts dismayed. On the other hand, that Lucario was really strong.

“You heard me. I challenge you to a battle!” Melanie muttered. “Excuse me, Nurse. Do you think you could referee our match?”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Emerald, but I cannot leave my post,” she apologized, causing Melanie to scowl. Chris exhaled a long, relieved sigh. He did not want to fight this girl.

“Perhaps I could be of assistance,” said a deep voice from behind them. In the doorway of the building, stood a man who looked to be in his early forties. His jet back hair was slicked back, and his silver eyes glimmered. He wore a black tuxedo, a similar colour to his hair, which made Chris believe he was going to a fancy party of some kind.

“And who are you exactly?” Melanie asked, clearly remembering to be wary of strangers.

“My apologies miss, my name is Steven Galiano,” he said, giving a slight bow to the young woman. He turned to Chris and stared for a few seconds, and then gave him a curt nod. What was that about? Chris wondered.

“Why are you so interested in helping out with our match?” Melanie asked pointedly.

“I heard you ask the nurse to ref a battle for you, and I love watching new trainers battle,” he replied. His silver eyes turned back to Chris, and began to look over him again. After looking over him head to toe, he glanced straight into his eyes. Does this guy want something from me? Suddenly, Chris remembered what Hemlock had told him before he left.

Flashback...

“WAIT!” Chris turned sharply, to see the Professor running after him. When she finally caught up, she let a few hoarse breaths, before looking up and facing Chris. “Whatever you do, you cannot let other people know about your gift. If the wrong person finds out, they might try to use you for their means. Please be careful Chris.” With the last statement, she turned and slowly walked back to her lab, leaving behind a stunned Christopher Davis.

End Flashback...

I better beware of this guy, he thought. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he saw Melanie start. “Fine, let’s fight outside the Pokémon Center.” With a huff, she turned and walked outside the door. Steven gave one last glance at Chris, and then followed her out of the Center.

Looks like I’m stuck... he mentally moaned, and followed Melanie out of the Pokémon Center. My first battle is about to begin.
_____

(Where is he?) said an annoyed voice.

(I dunno, boss,) another replied.

(You idiot! Find him before he leaves this town! We will strike when he is gone!)

(Yes boss!)
_____

“This match will be two versus two. Substitutions are not allowed. Returning your Pokémon counts as a loss. Are we clear?” Steven asked, his voice booming. Melanie gave him a swift nod, and Chris gave him a more reluctant nod. “You may now release your Pokémon!”

I don’t know who to send out first. Snorunt is probably more experienced, but Charmander is my starter. Almost every first battle I’ve ever seen, whether on television or in a game, the starter got the first battle. Although this is a two on two, so both will battle. Wait, she just sent hers out. Chris looked across the clearing to observe his opponents choice. It stood on its hind legs and its body was a yellowish brown with a white belly. Its black eyes looked at Chris expectantly, with its tail swaying slightly. Sandshrew, the ground type.

Well I guess my choice was just made for me, Chris thought. “Snorunt, you’re up!” Out of his red and white ball, came an orange snow cone. It gave a little yawn, and turned his black body towards Chris.

(Mornin’, Pardner. Are we battling?) Snorunt asked Chris. Chris nodded quickly, showing signs of his nerves, which the snow hat Pokémon picked up on. (Don’t worry Chris. Charmie and I can take care of this.)

He’s right. I have to believe in my Pokémon, Chris thought. Even if I don’t believe in myself, I can still believe in them. Chris tense demeanour lessened slightly, enough to release a smile.

“Are you even going to start?” asked a rather impatient Melanie.

“I was waiting for you. After all, Ladies first,” Chris teased.

“It’s your funeral I suppose. Sandshrew, scratch!” Upon command, the shrew like Pokémon charged towards Snorunt, its claw outstretched. Fast little guy, he’s almost at Snorunt.

“Snorunt, powder snow!” Chris called desperately. With a slightly inhale, Snorunt began blowing little white snowflakes from his mouth, causing Sandshrew to slow down. “Now tackle!”

(Yee haw!) Snorunt cried, crashing his pointed top into the Sandshrew’s soft belly. Sandshrew let out a long groan, as it flew backwards a few feet, landing in a heap in front of its trainer.

“Get up, Sandshrew! We can’t lose!” Melanie cried. Slowly, the mouse Pokémon pulled itself to its feet. Chris could see the determination in the creature’s eyes.

“Be ready, Snorunt!” he called. Although Snorunt hadn’t really taken a hit yet, Chris did not want to chance it.

“Sandshrew, sand attack!” The little mouse dug its claw into the lightly frosted earth, and threw a pile of dirt at Snorunt. The snow hat Pokémon had no time to react before the dirt hit it straight in the face.

(Damn!) Snorunt cursed.

(Sand enough for ya?) Sandshrew teased him.

(You’ll pay for that!) Snorunt cried.

“Sandshrew, use your dig attack!” On command, the little mouse leapt into the earth. Not dig! That’s the trick Mankey used on Charmander. I don’t know how we can counteract that. As a ground type, Sandshrew must have some idea of where Snorunt is. If only there was enough frost left to make burrowing back to the surface harder.

“That’s it! Snorunt, use icy wind on the ground around us.” Chris cried.

(Got it, Pardner!) Snorunt cried. He let in a long inhale, and began to exhale a chilly wind from his mouth. The earth around the clearing began to cover in a semi thick layer of frozen water.

“Sandshrew! Try to break through!” Melanie yelled. Chris could see the small form of Sandshrew crashing against the ice.

“Snorunt, wait for it,” he said calmly. Snorunt looked at Chris carefully. I think he is finally getting comfortable with this, Snorunt thought.

Suddenly, the yellowish form of Sandshrew broke through the ice. “Now Snorunt! Icy Wind!” Chris commanded. Snorunt was already ahead of him. By the time Chris finished his command, Snorunt had already exhaled a frozen breath at the exhausted mouse. Sandshrew collapsed instantly.

“Sandshrew is unable to battle. Snorunt is the winner!” Steven called. Chris has thoroughly impressed me. There is no doubt he is one of them, Steven thought.

“You’re pretty good at this. Is this really your first match?” Melanie asked Chris sceptically.

“Yep. This is my first official trainer battle.” He replied.

“But you’re so good,” she murmured.

“Natural skill maybe?” he teased.

“Now now, no need to be cocky. You haven’t even fought my toughest Pokémon,” she smirked. “Go! Tangela!
_____

“Isn’t that Galiano over there?” a deep, masculine voice asked. He and his partner had been sent to this town looking for weak trainers to steal from.

“It certainly looks like it,” agreed the other one, which was higher pitched, but not quite feminine.

“Should we attack?” the masculine voice asked.

“No. We will wait till after the match he is reffing is over.”

“But why?”

“Look at his belt. See any balls? If we wait for these kids to weaken each other’s Pokémon, we can catch Galiano ourselves.”

“Makes sense, I guess.”
_____

“That’s your secret weapon?” Chris asked incredulously. He looked over the blue ball of vines carefully. Besides the vines, it had big white eyes, with little black pupils, inside some sort of black facemask. It also had little red shoe looking things as feet.

“Don’t underestimate her. She’ll single-handedly kick your ***!” Melanie replied.

“She doesn’t even have hands,” Chris teased.

“Shut up! Tangela, vine whip!” Tangela’s vines shot out, hitting Snorunt square in the face.

(Dang Ma’am, that almost hurt,) Snorunt yelled at the vine Pokémon.

(Sorry, sweetums. I wish I didn’t have to do this, you are soooo damn cute. We should get together sometime,) she said, a seductive tone making both Snorunt and Chris flinch.

(That is beyond disturbing,) Snorunt muttered.

“I agree. That is pretty bad,” Chris agreed.

“Who are you talking to?” Oh ****! Melanie! What do I say, what do I say?

“Um... myself?” he offered, hoping he convinced her.

“HaHa, very funny. I’ll grill you for it later,” she yelled. “Now where were we?”

At least that buys me some time, Chris mused thankfully. He was snapped out of his thoughts as Snorunt was sent flying towards him.

“You okay, bud?” Chris asked him.

(I’m fine. I can keep going,) he confirmed. He gave Chris a nod, to make sure Melanie didn’t catch on to Chris’ abilities anymore.

“If you insist. Double team!” Suddenly, the snow hat Pokémon had multiplied into four separate Pokémon, each looking just as real as the original.

(You can’t hide, sweetie. Now there are just more of you to love,) the female Tangela cooed.

(Hey Pardner, you have any repel? Or mace? I wish we Pokémon had them handcuff thingies you were talking bout,) he asked Chris hopefully. Chris simply shook his head. (Oh well, order an attack now, Pardner.)

“Use icy wind! Get as much as the landscape as you can, including Tangela!”

Snorunt opened its mouth and exhaled its icy wind attack. The fakes did it to, but Chris knew the ice they breathed wouldn’t do anything. Wait a minute. If the ice the fakes breathe doesn’t freeze, then they will be able to figure out which one is the real one. I better order another attack.

“Snorunt, use bite!” Chris called.

“Snorunt has used more than four moves. It is here by disqualified, and the match goes to Tangela,” Steven declared.

“What!?” Chris asked, sounding rather shocked.

“In an official trainer battle, a Pokémon is only allowed to use four moves. If a fifth move is used, the Pokémon is disqualified. It’s basically like if your Pokémon was eliminated, you can’t use it anymore for this match,” Steven explained.

“Damn it! Oh well, great job, Snorunt!” he said, returning the tired out former sheriff. “Charmander, I need you assistance!” As the Pokéball burst open, his starter Pokémon, a flaming lizard appeared.

“Oh great. More grass killers. Do you hate grass types or something?” Melanie asked.

“No. I only have these two. I love all Pokémon,” Chris replied. “Now let us finish the battle. Charmander, ember!”

“Tangela, dodge it quickly!” Melanie cried. Her vine ball rolled to its side, just narrowly being missed by the three small fire balls emitted by the lizard.

“Now, use vine whip!”

“Charmander! Dodge it!”

(I’m on it!) Charmander declared. She tried to move slightly, but slipped on a patch of ice.

“No! Charmander!” Chris cried desperately. The vines were heading towards his fallen Pokémon and there was nothing he could do. “Charmander!”

Suddenly, Charmander’s tail grew a shimmering shade of silver. The vines connected with Charmander’s silver tail, and bounced back towards Tangela. This momentary incident allowed Charmander to force herself back to her feet.

“Was that iron tail?” he wondered out loud.

“Yes it was, Chris. Your Charmander’s parents must have known it,” Steven replied.

“That’s cool, although for a beginning trainer, it seems kinda overpowered. Not much I can do about it though. Just means Charmander found a way to be even cooler!” he yelled. “Now we finish this.”

“Your Charmander may have a nifty attack, but we will still win,” Melanie declared. “Tangela, Sleep powder!”

“Charmander, leap to your right,” Chris told her. She obeyed him immediately, causing the sleep powder to miss her by a nose. We need to block Tangela’s vision somehow, but all we have around here is ice and I don’t know if Charmander knows smokescreen, but this is not the time to check. I just need some water...

“Do you know smokescreen?” Chris asked Charmander quietly.

(I haven’t perfected it yet. I’d been trying it before I met you at the lab, but it is not there yet,) she mumbled.

Oh well. I wish there was some wa- Hang on! That it! “Charmander, use ember on the ice!”

What is he getting at? Melanie wondered. Suddenly, her vision was blurred by steam. Damn it! she mentally screamed, realizing that she had just lost the battle.

“Now Charmander! Iron tail!”
_____

“Can we make our move now? It would be easier with the steam still up,” the masculine voice from earlier whined.

“Shut it! We need to make sure that Tangela is really fainted,” replied the other voice.

“But even if it’s not, it will be weak,” the masculine voice muttered.

“Shut up! I make the plans nimrod!”
_____

“Tangela is unable to battle! Charmander and Chris are the winners.” Steven declared. Melanie sighed, and returned Tangela to its ball. She walked over to the shocked Chris, and reached out her hand to him.

“You’re good, and from up close you even look kinda cute,” she teased.

“Thanks I guess. You are a pretty good battler yourself,” he replied, choosing to ignore the cute comment. He couldn’t tell if she was just playing with him or not.

“Congratulations, Chris,” said Steven as he walked over to the former combatants. “May I spea-”

“Hold it, Galiano! You’re coming with us!” shouted a masculine voice. Chris inspected the man, and realized his voice matched his outer appearance. He had long scruffy black hair, and blue eyes. He had a rather muscular build, and looked like he hadn’t shaved in weeks.

“Hello Biff. Hello Morgan,” Steven muttered. Chris guessed the buff guy must be Biff, and the other one was Morgan. He had long, purple hair and violet eyes to match. He wasn’t overly tall, and had a slender figure.

“You heard him, Galiano! Your coming with us!” replied the one Chris guessed was Morgan.

“No I’m not, Morgan. Now leave or I shall make you.

“How? You don’t have any Pokéballs,” Morgan laughed.

“Xatu, use Psychic on these morons,” Steven muttered, apparently not seeing them as a threat. Suddenly, a green totem pole like bird appeared out of nowhere, and within seconds of its appearance, those two morons were long gone.

“Wow your Xatu didn’t even attack, and they ran away. You must be some trainer,” Melanie said.

“I suppose you could say that. Now as for you two, you have to watch out for those goons. They work for an organization called the Chaos. As long as you are a trainer, they may come after you. And with that, I take my leave,” Steven replied.

“Why don’t you come with us?” Melanie asked. Us? Chris pondered.

“I can’t. I have other arrangements. I will see you both again,”

(He will see you especially, Chris,) Xatu said to Chris.

What does that mean? Ugh! This is all so confusing. I’ll worry about it later. Now I should worry about some other things. He turned to Melanie. “What did you mean by us?”

“What? I’m coming with you. Whether you like it or not,” she replied simply.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” he whined.

“Nope. Now go book us a room at the Pokémon Center. You owe me an explanation”

There we go! Chapter 3 is up and runnin. I want to give a big thanks to EM1, who by mentioning my fic in his wonderful fic, filled me with motivation to finish this chapter. I hadn't been able to get into a groove before then, so thanks again! Please read and review!

**Air Dragon** · 12th July 2010, 11:39 AM

Well, after much endorsement, I've arrived to throw my hat in the review ring.

Now, my advice is mostly (99&#37

squirrel poop, but it should suffice. Also pardon any repetition of others advice, I didn't read up on others' input.

Firstly, let's look at grammar: You've done a not-so-bad job on it. Misplaced commas et al dot the fic and spelling mistakes so close they can be missed also pop up (innerved/unnerved), but for your first fic, you're just getting started and you've done so in a big way. My advice, even spell checkers can been fooled. Proofreading helps catch the errors MS Word may miss...

One problem I'd like to point out in your early chapters was your typing numerals into the story. Outside of reading an address, road sign or phone number written somewhere, and even then it's not usually done, it's better to type the numbers out in full. It helps a reader feel more attuned to read.

Another is your editing. You might want to decide whether you're sticking with italicizing thoughts or not.

Next, we'll regard your characterization: Well, as the story has just begun, you have time to distinguish each character, but I feel you've done quite a good job on making each character as distinct as possible, giving each a distinct personality.

Just be wary not to fall into the routine "boy travels with girl, boy hooks up with girl" thing. Some readers may call "Boring," but even if you do, try to make it fresh and not gallop into it. Slow and steady, pal... slow and steady.

Next, chapter length. I'm a fan of tomes, but the adage "Quality over quantity" rings true here. You can leave a reader guessing what comes next and that is truly a mark of good penmanship. I'm still wondering what's coming next.

Overall, for a start, you've not done too badly. There's room for improvement, but I can rest assured knowing you have the potential to make it. Just keep it slow and steady. Not too slow, mind... just make sure you have a plan or two at every turn.

Well, gotta run! Thanks for the new read, will definitely keep my eye on this!

L@er!

**Charoshi** · 15th July 2010, 10:08 AM

First things first. Thanks for commenting Air Dragon. It really means a lot to me that such fantastic writers like you and EM1 are reading my story.

Firstly, let's look at grammar: You've done a not-so-bad job on it. Misplaced commas et al dot the fic and spelling mistakes so close they can be missed also pop up (innerved/unnerved), but for your first fic, you're just getting started and you've done so in a big way. My advice, even spell checkers can been fooled. Proofreading helps catch the errors MS Word may miss...

One problem I'd like to point out in your early chapters was your typing numerals into the story. Outside of reading an address, road sign or phone number written somewhere, and even then it's not usually done, it's better to type the numbers out in full. It helps a reader feel more attuned to read.

MS word can be a pain sometimes. It will try to tell me something is wrong, when it is in fact right. I do Proof read, but perhaps i should a little more. As for the numbers, I thought i got most of those. I'll check later.

Another is your editing. You might want to decide whether you're sticking with italicizing thoughts or not.

Yep, italics are for thoughts, flashbacks and telepathic speech.

Next, we'll regard your characterization: Well, as the story has just begun, you have time to distinguish each character, but I feel you've done quite a good job on making each character as distinct as possible, giving each a distinct personality.

Just be wary not to fall into the routine "boy travels with girl, boy hooks up with girl" thing. Some readers may call "Boring," but even if you do, try to make it fresh and not gallop into it. Slow and steady, pal... slow and steady.

Characterization was a big thing for me. Especially for the pokemon. I've seen many a great plot ruined by poor characters, so I set out not to do that, especially with the pokemon.

As for Melanie and Chris, you need not worry. I make no promises they will be together. Cause I'm just evil like that. And if they ever do get together, it won't be till later.

Next, chapter length. I'm a fan of tomes, but the adage "Quality over quantity" rings true here. You can leave a reader guessing what comes next and that is truly a mark of good penmanship. I'm still wondering what's coming next.

I have a good idea of the chapter length I like, at the moment anyway. Most of my chapters hover around the same point. And I'm glad your wondering, means I did something right.

Overall, for a start, you've not done too badly. There's room for improvement, but I can rest assured knowing you have the potential to make it. Just keep it slow and steady. Not too slow, mind... just make sure you have a plan or two at every turn.

Well, gotta run! Thanks for the new read, will definitely keep my eye on this!

Thanks a lot Air Dragon. That means a lot coming from a writer of your caliber. And don't worry, I have tons of plans ahead. To many, it hurts my head.

And without further ado, I present Chapter 4!! A little heads up, it is mostly conversation, but it is a very important chapter for a few reasons.

Chapter 4
Awakening

“You only got us one room!?” screamed a loud, feminine voice. The owner of the voice was sitting on a small bed inside a red and brown decorated room. The victim of her anger was a young man sitting on a bed across from her.

“Well, you said to get us “A” room, not two rooms,” another voice, this one male, answered weekly. “And it does have two beds.”

“Honestly Chris, I thought a brilliant strategist would be smarter than that. You are a guy, and I am a girl. They don’t share rooms!” she muttered incredulously.

“You weren’t very specific...” Chris muttered rather meekly. If he learned anything from his mother it was this, you don’t win arguments against women. Either the topic is dropped, or you are deeply threatened. So instead of digging himself a bigger grave, he decided to change the subject. “But you really think I’m a brilliant strategist?”

“Of course you are! In your very first battle you put me in my place good,” she answered back. “But don’t you dare change the subject! I’m allowing you the pleasure of sharing a room with me, but if you pull anything, you are dead mister. Got it?”

“Yes Melanie,” Chris sighed. Geez, she’s treating me like her boyfriend. I’ve known her for less than a day, and already it seems like she is already planning the wedding, he joked.

“Good. You were trained well. Unlike my brother,” she muttered. “But that’s a story for later. It’s late, I’m hungry and I want a nice salad. As you are a gentleman, I trust you have no problems paying for this?” she asked. Chris figured that this wasn’t a question, but decided to try his luck anyway.

“Since I won the battle, perhaps you should pay,” he said carefully. He hoped Melanie took it more as another suggestion, rather than an anti gentlemanly act.

“Nope,” she replied simply. “However, I shall allow you to pick the restaurant. The only condition is that there has to be vegetarian options at said restaurant.”

“You don’t eat meat?” Chris asked. He always found it hard to believe people could live without meat.

“Of course not! Meat is murder!” Melanie cried. “People who eat meat are as bad as murderers!”

“Well, if it is dead, it might as well be eaten,” Chris defended.

“This argument is as pointless as a circle. Let’s just go get some food before everything is closed,” Melanie murmured.

“Now that is a good idea,” Chris agreed, leading her out the door of their room. The Pokémon Center was eerily quiet, but as it was late at night Chris didn’t think much of it.

“Are you two going out?” asked the nurse on duty.

“We are going to get food. We will be back before it is too late,” Melanie answered the nurse and headed for the exit of the building. The automatic doors opened, and the duo was met by a cool breeze.

“Jeez, if I knew it would be this cold, I would have brought a sweater,” Chris muttered. Melanie nodded her agreement. At least winter is almost done, she thought thankfully.

The duo had walked down a lightly frosted path towards a restaurant called The Shiny Miltank. Chris had been here before with his mother, and he had fallen in love with their Miltank burger.

“For two?” asked a thin girl clad in the blue and black uniform of The Shiny Miltank.

“Yes please,” Chris replied politely.

“Right this way,” she replied, leading them to a small booth near the back of the restaurant. The two of them took their seats, and picked up a menu each. “Can I interest you in something to drink?”

“I’ll have a Chocolate Miltankshake. What about you Melanie?” Chris asked her.

“I think I’ll have a Diet Absol soda,” she replied. The waiter took down the notes of their orders and walked off.

“I never got that,” Chris muttered.

“Got what?” Melanie asked, thoroughly confused by his random statement.

“Why they gave soda Pokémon names. Why not just call it Cola, or Root Beer. I think calling it Absol, or Ursaring Soda is kind of pointless,” Chris muttered.

“That is a kind of strange thing to have a problem with, Chris. You're weird,” Melanie joked, but then came to a sudden realization. I know next to nothing about this guy, and I’ve already decided I’m going to travel with him. That was a hasty decision on my part. I should probably get to know him, Melanie pondered.

“You know, we should probably get to know each other a little more,” Chris said, as if he was reading her mind.

“You know, I was just thinking that,” she laughed.

“B-b-but didn’t you just say that?” he stuttered. Melanie stopped laughing and looked at him. He looked dead serious.

“No,” she answered simply.

“I guess I was just hearing things,” he muttered, looking thoroughly perplexed.

“Maybe you were just imagining it to,” Melanie suggested.

“That was probably it. Well where should we begin?” he asked her.

“Look, there’s the waitress. Let’s order and then we can talk,” she answered him.

“Sorry that took so long. Our Miltankshake maker blew up. Here are your drinks,” the waitress said, handing Melanie her soda and handing Chris his shake. “May I take your dinner order?”

“I’ll have your Miltank Burger,” Chris said.

“Would you like some SizzledGrumpig on it?”

“Yes please,” he said.

“And for you,” the waitress asked Melanie.

“I’ll have a Caesar Salad,” she replied simply.

“Would you like to add in a little Torchic meat?”

“No thank you,” Melanie replied. The waitress took this as her cue to leave, and headed over to another customer. “What is your full name? I only know you as Chris.”

“My name is Christopher Stanley Davis. I was originally born in Cianwood, an island town in Johto. I currently live in Silver town,” he summarised. “What about you?”

"My full name is Melanie Emerald. I was never given a middle name. My mother is completely against them for some strange reason,” Melanie answered.

“Where are you from,” Chris asked her.

“Um... Penelope Port,” she murmured. Chris raised an eyebrow at her tone.

“Never been, is it nice?” he asked her.

“Yeah, it is um... great,” she claimed. I hope he doesn’t figure out I’m really from Greenburg. I can only hope he doesn’t see through my lie, she mentally prayed.

“I think you aren’t telling me the full truth,” he muttered. She said Greenburg didn’t she? I swear I heard Greenburg, he dismayed.

“W-w-what makes you think that?” she stuttered.

“Your eyes,” he answered, staring directly into her emerald green eyes. “They can’t look at me. If you were telling me the truth, you would be able to stare at me.”

“Well, I am actually from Greenburg. I kind of sort of ran away from home,” she muttered and turned away from Chris’ gaze. A small tear began to form in the corner of her right eye. Chris went to move over to her side of the booth, to comfort her, but the waitress came back with their food.

“Your food is here. Is everything alright here?” the waitress asked.

“Everything is just fine. Thank you for the food,” Melanie replied, quickly lifting her head up and wiping away the tear.

“If you insist,” the waitress muttered sceptically, and headed back towards the kitchen.

"Look. Let’s discuss this when we get back to the room. I want to eat my salad, and I’m sure you want to enjoy your murder sandwich,” she muttered.

“It’s not murder. It’s a very natural thing,” he replied, and took a bite of his sandwich.

“Well Mr. Murderer, think of it this way. What if that Miltank you’re eating could talk. Communicate with normal humans. You still think it is natural?” she asked. “It can think, and feel. It is a living creature, and yet is treated lower then a human. Pokémon are friends, not food!”

Oh... God, Chris thought, and put his “murder sandwich” down. Before I never thought Pokémon could talk. I knew they had feelings, but I never realized they were so human. Well there not, but still. I’m a monster! Without giving Melanie any warning, he ran off towards the bathroom.

“I guess I struck a chord,” Melanie muttered, and went back to her salad.

Fifteen minutes after his mad dash for the bathroom, Chris returned looking less than stellar. “Are you done,” he asked Melanie.

“Yes. You look awful, Chris. Are you okay?” she asked, her voice full of great concern.

“I’m fine. You could say I had an epiphany involving talking toilets and talking burgers. Now I’ll go pay, and we can go back to the room,” he murmured.

“Tell you what. I’ll pay for this one. I’ll meet you back at the room. I want you to rest so we can leave early tomorrow,” Melanie told him.

“No I’ll pay. It’s alright, I’m fine,” he argued.

“No. You will go back to the room and rest. I will not take no for an answer,” she said sternly. Chris realized he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Fine, you can pay. I’ll get the next one though,” he promised.

“I would expect nothing less. Now go back to the room! If I get back there and you aren’t there yet, you’re dead mister.”

“What are you? My mother?” he teased.

“Just go!” she sneered. He gave a light laugh, and turned towards the door. When he was out of sight, Melanie headed over to the front counter.

“Can I help you, miss?” asked the man working behind counter.

“I’m here to pay for my meal,” she said, handing the man a small slip of paper, as well as some of Anotica’s native currency, the Anon.

“Why thank you, miss. Have a nice night,” he said happily.

The walk back to the Center was quiet, but it gave Melanie some much needed time to think. Why did I lie to him? He seems so trustworthy. I didn’t have to tell him about the fact I ran away, I just had to say I was from Greenburg. He sure is a strange guy though. He started talking to himself in the middle of our battle, and then at dinner he insisted he heard me say we should get to know each other more. That reminds me, I still have to ask him about the talking to himself thing in our match.

She walked into their room in the Pokémon Center, only to find Chris, as well as his Charmander and Snorunt, lying on his bed looking at a small laptop.
“You brought a computer on a Pokémon journey? Seriously?” Melanie asked him incredulously.

“What? You never know when it might come in handy. Besides, Pokémon Centers have free Wi-Fi. Might as well utilize it,” he pointed out.

“What are you doing anyway?” she asked him. “And how has your Charmander not burned the bed spread?”

“Well, apparently she knows how to control the heat in her tail,” Chris told her. “And I’m watching a show.”

“But her flame is burning as much as ever,” Melanie pointed out.

“Yes it is, but it is not as hot. The biggest fires are not always the hottest, at least not the ones I made. Besides, her tail isn’t even touching any of the bed spread,” he told her.

“You should still find a heat proof blanket at a PokéMart. How do you know all of this stuff anyway?” Melanie asked him suspiciously.

“She told me,” he muttered nonchalantly, but then covered his mouth, his eyes widening in shock.

“Told you?” she asked him, raising an eyebrow.

(Nice going, Chris,) Charmander giggled, her sapphire eyes glittering with amusement.

(Y’all screwed yourself there, Pardner) Snorunt added, a sly grin forming at the corners of his mouth.

“Did I say told? I meant typed,” he improvised quickly. “She typed it onto a word document for me.”

“Oh really? Can I see said document?”

“Um, No. I deleted it,” he added quickly. Sweat was dripping down his forehead. Damn it! I screwed up. The professor told me not to let anyone else know, and there is no doubt she is going to figure this out, he thought, thoroughly defeated.

“You’re lying! You can’t look at me. If your brown eyes could stare into my green, I would believe you. It’s the same trick you used on me,” she jabbed.

“Alright, I’ll tell you the truth. I can understand, and talk to Pokémon. Please don't tell anyone else. They can't know!” he announced.

“Wow! That is amazing, Chris. How long have you had this ability?” she asked him.

“Honestly, the first time I ever heard a Pokémon was the day of my journey. I could never understand them before that,” Chris told her.

“Did something happen before you left?” she questioned.

“Not that I can think of,” Chris muttered.

“That is strange. Oh I know! I’ll let my Pokémon out too!” she cried, releasing her Pokéballs. Out of them popped her Sandshrew and Tangela, the two Pokémon she used in her match with him, and another one. It was a red bug, with buzzing wings and a green face. It had red horn like things on its head, and a red mouth. It also had many little black legs.

“This is my Yanma. I just caught him yesterday, so I didn’t use him in our match,” Melanie explained to him.

“Nice to meet you, Yanma. I am Chris,” he told the bug.

(What is a Chris? Is it edible?) Yanma asked Sandshrew.

(Only if you want food poisoning. I wouldn’t put that thing near my mouth. I don’t think it has showered in years,) Sandshrew answered him. Chris could feel a vain in his head beginning to pulse, but he held his cool.

(Oh lay off guys. You’re just jealous cause him and his hunk of a Snorunt are cuter then you,) Tangela scolded them, and then turned to stare dreamily at Snorunt and his trainer.

“Guys, this is Chris. We are going to be travelling with him and his Pokémon. He is very special, he can understand Pokémon,” Melanie told them. Upon hearing that, Sandshrew flinched, and the yellowish brown colour of his face drained. He turned back to the other trainer.

(Hey big guy, no hard feelings right,) Sandshrew asked hesitantly. Chris didn’t answer him. He just turned towards the little Pokémon and gave him an evil grin, causing the mouse Pokémon to gulp and curl up into a ball. Chris gave a light chuckle, he was going to have fun with this Pokémon.

(If Sandshrew is scared of a Chris, should I be scared to?) Yanma asked Tangela.

(Nah, he’s way too cute to be scared of,) she told him.

(What is cute?) Yanma asked, although this time the question wasn’t directed at anyone.

(Cute means that she likes them, Yanma,) answered Charmander knowingly.

(Oh okay. So Snorunt and Chris are cute. So should I call them cute?) Yanma asked her.

(Not unless you think they are,) she answered him.

(Um, Pardner, a little help!?) Snorunt called over to Charmander. Charmander turned her head to see her fellow Pokémon ensnared in Tangela’s vines.

(You know, that looks an awful lot like one of those pictures Chris was loo-)

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” Chris screamed at Charmander, who just turned towards him and laughed. Her gossipy nature had taken his attention away from his computer just in time.

“What?” Melanie asked him suspiciously, looking up from her book.

“Nothing. I’m sorry I disturbed your reading,” he told her.

“It’s alright. I needed to talk to you anyway,” Melanie said.

“Bout?”

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

“Huh? What about?” he questioned her.

“For lying earlier,” she answered him simply.

“It’s okay. Why did you run away anyway?” he asked her.

“I’ll tell you, but it’s a long story,”

Flashback...

“Why can’t I go?” Melanie asked a tall, bulky violet haired man. His blue eyes were glaring sternly at her.

“Your mother and I agreed that just because you have a Pokémon doesn’t mean you should go on a journey,” he told her sternly.

“You don’t understand! This is my dream! Tangela and I will be fine! Please let us go!” she cried desperately.

“You’re mother and I decided that you can leave in four years, when your brother begins his training,” he yelled.

“That’s not fair! Why should I wait?” she demanded.

“You need to protect him! A nineteen year old can properly protect themselves. Now quit being disobedient, and listen to me!”

“You’re being unfair! I’m not even doing gyms, I just want to travel! Why can’t I?

“For the last time, you will not leave. Now go up to your room, and clean it. Now!” he bellowed.

“No,” Melanie muttered.

“What did you say?” he demanded.

“I said no!” she screamed. Suddenly, a large hand impacted with the side of her face.

“You will listen to your father you ungrateful child! Now go to your room!” he roared. Melanie, glanced her tearing eyes up at him, and then turned around and ran out the front door.

“Melanie, get back here! Melanie!” he yelled, but she wasn’t coming back.

End Flashback

“So that’s my story,” she muttered, on the verge of tears. Chris was in shock. I had a fight with my mother before I left to, but we made good, he mentally thanked the gods he did.

“That’s awfu,l Melanie,” Chris murmured, and moved over to sit beside her. He put his arms around her body, and gave her a hug that would make an Ursaring quiver in fear.

“Thanks Chris, but stop hugging me!” she screamed and he immediately let go. “That was a bit tight, but thanks. It’s nice to have some support. I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too Melanie, me too,” he told her.

“Well I think I’m going to hit the hay. We have to get up early, so I suggest you do to,” she told him.

“I think I’ll stay up a bit longer,” he answered.

Chris go to bed,” she said forcefully.

“Yes Ma’am!”
_____

Chris found himself hovering in a perpetual purple wasteland. Various shades of purples and blacks surrounded him in every compass direction.

“Hello?” he called out, but he heard nothing but the echo of his own voice. This seems vaguely familiar, he pondered.

“Yellow.”

“Silver.”

“Gold.”

“Ruby.”

“Sapphire.”

“Emerald.”

“Diamond.”

“Pearl.”

“Platinum.”

“What the- who’s there?” he called out. As if answering his question, a large silhouette appeared in front of him. It was the shape of a large bird, but almost seemed dragon like. Now this is defiantly familiar, he decided, remembering his dream before he left.

“Who are you?” Chris demanded. He glared at the silhouette, but it didn’t not appear in it’s true form. Instead, it opened its mouth and let out a loud roar. “What are you doing?” Chris question wasn’t answered, but instead he was told something completely different.

“Awaken!”

**xmikeyxlikesitx** · 15th July 2010, 7:15 PM

Your writing isn't bad, and it isn't good either.

A few key things: make sure to grammar check on your own by rereading 3, 4, 5, 9 times. Sometimes words that aren't spelled wrong still aren't used properly, i.e. "you don't win arguments against women.", "you're weird", etc. etc.

Overall, you do a great job at developing your characters and making them feel real. I really, really hate Melanie, though - but that's good. It means that you've done a good job of turning her into someone tangible.

I love the series name, by the way.

I give this chapter an 8.5 out of 10.

**Air Dragon** · 15th July 2010, 9:02 PM

In addition to what... ummm... mikey said, another little tip from me is not to forget your in-speech pauses (commas) They usually follow or precede someone's name when mentioned in a character's speech.

eg:

"Melanie, stop lying."

"You've pretty much shot yourself in the foot, pardner."

Outside of this, you've crafted a pretty decent chapter. Beware of homonyms!

L@er!

**Charoshi** · 16th July 2010, 12:32 AM

Your writing isn't bad, and it isn't good either.

Um, thanks I guess? I know my writing isn't spectacular, this is my first real kick at writing anything of this caliber. I fully intend for my writing to grow as the story goes on.

A few key things: make sure to grammar check on your own by rereading 3, 4, 5, 9 times. Sometimes words that aren't spelled wrong still aren't used properly, i.e. "you don't win arguments against women.", "you're weird", etc. etc.

Makes sense. I intend to go over my chapters for little mistakes like that before I start writing Chapter 5.

Overall, you do a great job at developing your characters and making them feel real. I really, really hate Melanie, though - but that's good. It means that you've done a good job of turning her into someone tangible.

I worked hard and put a lot of effort into making my characters unique. My biggest gripe when reading is unrealistic or boring characters, so I set out to do the opposite.

Just curious, but what about Melanie don't you like? I'm glad someone doesn't like one of my characters though, makes them feel more real to me.

I love the series name, by the way.

Thanks

I wanted something original, and I love the word valiant. Eventually I just stuck with valiant hearts, and I fell in love with the name.

I give this chapter an 8.5 out of 10.

I'm glad you liked it. I wasn't sure how this chapter would be received. It was mostly conversation, and it's primary purpose was character development. Despite my slight misgivings to the chapter, it is one of the most important chapters in the whole story, and thus had to be written.

Thanks for the , xmikeyxlikesitx.

In addition to what... ummm... mikey said, another little tip from me is not to forget your in-speech pauses (commas) They usually follow or precede someone's name when mentioned in a character's speech.

eg:

"Melanie, stop lying."

"You've pretty much shot yourself in the foot, pardner."

Outside of this, you've crafted a pretty decent chapter. Beware of homonyms!

L@er!

That is one of the harder things for me to remember. I did it the other way for so long, it becomes hard to correct myself, and I occasionally miss them. As for homonyms, I didn't notice if I missed any, but I shall go back and check. As I said earlier, I'm going to read over the last few chapters for little errors like that.

Thanks again, Air Dragon.

Edit: I made some minor grammatical changes to my past chapters. Hopefully I got all of the errors.

Edit2: How do I post links to individual posts? I've seen it done in other fanfics, but I can't figure out how?

Thread: Valiant Hearts

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Valiant Hearts

Chapter 1

A review...

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

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