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Thread: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal

  1. #26
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    Great, love it so far. But I've got a few questions... Is Heath like you? I mean, is his personality similar to yours? Just wondering. ;D I'm definitely going to keep playing- I mean, reading (lol I'm so used to being able to play the games to figure out the rest) this!

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Umbreon9 View Post
    Great, love it so far. But I've got a few questions... Is Heath like you? I mean, is his personality similar to yours? Just wondering. ;D I'm definitely going to keep playing- I mean, reading (lol I'm so used to being able to play the games to figure out the rest) this!
    Each character has a different variation on my own personality. Heath's curiosity is mine, for example. His ability to break up fights? Not really. Also, he and I both enjoy music, but only he is capable of making it. I suppose he technically is me, but only a variation.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
    http://askredemption.tumblr.com/
    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  3. #28
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    September 17th

    We wake up early, and immediately head for Quest Plaza. Most of the shops are closed, except for the bank.

    Jaroda sits (can snakes sit? I’m not sure) behind his booth, looking bored. On the counter in front of him is an envelope. As we approach, his face shifts into a smile. For some reason, he isn’t emanating his usual terrifying aura, but then it dawns on me; he has me in his pocket, Kim is scared to death of him, and Julius just wants to take jobs. He doesn’t need to terrify us.

    “I want the three of you to deliver this letter for me. I can’t leave town for… personal reasons, and this letter absolutely must be sent. I’d ask Madame Lucario to send it via her rescue team network, but she won’t have anything to do with me. The recipient lives some distance away, and the fastest route is over Volt Peak. Now, I expect expediency, and want it delivered by tonight. I expect you back by tomorrow night.”

    His fear aura is suddenly back, and he leans toward us.

    “Is that understood?”

    The frightening thing is that the last part isn’t even uttered menacingly, but it carries the weight of a death threat. Unable to move, we simply mutter our consent.

    His fear aura recedes, and he slides the envelope over to us. The name on the envelope reads “Melchior.” Julius does a double-take when he sees the name.

    “Melchior? As in that famous explorer? Violet-eye?”

    “The same. We were old friends. Although, I’ve never heard him called violet-eye before…”

    Julius nearly faints. He grabs onto me to hold himself steady. Kim seems bewildered. I, meanwhile, am the only one who doesn’t understand. I ask who Melchior is, and Julius looks even more astounded. Before he can lay into me, Jaroda leans down next to me.

    “He’s a famous solo explorer. He and I used to be part of the same rescue team, until I left for personal reasons. Afterwards, he and Mela- Ahem, another explorer continued their run until the third member retired, and Melchior continued adventuring. I don’t know about any violet eye. Perhaps Julius can explain that one.”

    Julius jumps in. “Last year, Melchior had an audience with Palkia, who gave him the ability to see spatial abnormalities. He’s currently tasked with hunting down any time-space anomalies, and alerting Dialga or Palkia to repair them.”

    Dialga and Palkia? My mind shifts through an endless batch of similar-sounding names until the image of two dragons swims to the surface. Palkia- guardian of Space- able to freely manipulate matter. Dialga- guardian of Time- able to control the flow of time. Both seem like godlike figures. Imagine meeting one face-to-face…

    Julius takes the letter. Jaroda smiles again, and in that moment, I feel the fear aura returning.

    “Now, remember my terms. Being a banker, I can reward you well, and, being a snake, I can punish quite harshly for failure. Keep that in mind, and go.”

    The last word is spoken like a command, and, given the fear aura increasing the power of key words, is more like a geas than anything he’s said previously. It has the effect of making us run as fast as we can to the outskirts of town. Before we know how far we’ve run, Quest Plaza is a speck in the distance.

    Several minutes pass before Julius breaks the silence.

    “Hey, Heath? Do you have your flute on you?”

    I pull it out of my bag, careful to slide the contents away from the acid holes still present from our last adventure. The flute is, mercifully, in one piece. I nod to Julius, and his face lights up.

    “Know any good traveling songs? Might as well make this journey as fast as possible.”

    I put the flute to my lips, and some notes surface, as per usual. I’m not sure of the title or lyrics, but Julius seems to know the tune, as he starts humming along to it several notes in.

    At the end of the song, Julius seems to be satisfied, so I hang back with Kim.

    “Hey, Kim? Do you know what Temporal Tower is?”

    “Hmmm… Give me a second.”

    She thinks and then snaps her fingers.

    “Ah! It’s this tower outside of what we know as reality that keeps time flowing, and is the home of Dialga. Why?”

    It takes me a moment to realize that she’s being dead serious. She seems to notice my skepticism, and frowns.

    “What?”

    “Well, it seems a bit far-fetched. Outside our reality? It keeps time flowing?”

    “But it’s real. You can check some of the books that Madame Lucario collects.”

    “Alright, did anything significant ever happen there?”

    She thinks again, and this time seems genuinely perplexed. Eventually, she nods.

    “Around six hundred years ago, there was a disturbance there. Some Darkrai fond a way to halt the flow of time, and nearly plunged the world into endless darkness. It was stopped by two Pokemon. Oddly, though, it is incredibly nonspecific as to the species of the two but it was mentioned that one of them-“

    She breaks off, and then snaps her fingers.

    “He was human! Like you! You aren’t a unique case!”

    I quickly look ahead towards Julius. Kim isn’t shouting, but she’s making no effort to keep quiet. Julius seems to be ignoring us. Weird, he’s acting just like he was on our first mission.

    I make a motion to Kim, and she keeps quiet for a moment. I walk towards Julius, and tap his shoulder. He jumps a little. Did he overhear us?

    “Hey, Julius. You’re pretty quiet up here. Is something wrong?”

    He smiles. “I’ve never been to Volt Peak before. I have a general idea of where it is, but I can’t be sure. So, I’m looking for known landmarks, and making my own. I usually get quite wrapped up in doing that, so that’s why I’m very quiet. Why, did you want something?”

    “No, I was just a bit concerned, that’s all.”

    He shrugs, and goes back to looking for landmarks. So, he didn’t notice. I hate lying to the kid, but I hate to think about what his reaction would be if he found out.

    I hang back with Kim, and we get back to our conversation.

    “Okay, so he was human. Does that mean that we’re related in some way?”

    “Maybe, maybe not. How do you know about Temporal Tower?”

    I explain about my flashes during Ampharos’s Shock Wave. She nods, and speaks.

    “It could be that the pain of the experience undid a bit of your amnesia. I’ve heard of it happening before, but never from a reliable source. I’m 100% sure that you aren’t the same human that stopped Temporal Tower’s collapse, because he was documented as dying thirty years after stopping the collapse.”

    I nod for a minute, and then a detail in her description catches my attention.

    “Wait. Thirty years? How old was he when he arrived?”

    “He was a child. Contrary to what most humans think that they know, the average lifespan for Pokemon varies, but is usually around forty-five years.”

    We’re silent for a few seconds, and then Julius breaks the silence. He turns to us, and motions behind him.

    “Lady and Gentleman, Volt Peak.”

    A large mountain stands in front of us. It shoots up into the sky, vanishing into the clouds. Kim and I look at each other.

    “Jaroda expects us to climb this thing?”

    Julius chuckles.

    “No, that’d be unreasonable. There are two ways to cross the mountain. The Outer Path leadxs up the mountain, but Volt Peak Road actually leads through the mountain. It’s a bit long, and definitely dangerous, but it’s the better route for our mission. Mind if I lead?”

    I expect Kim to argue, but she raises a hand in consent. Julius grins, and steps into a small cave that I don’t think was there a moment go. Still, this is definitely a mystery dungeon. Kim and I follow in. Julius turns around, and speaks to me.

    “Oh, Heath? Watch out. There are a lot of Electric-types here.”

    Oh, perfect.
    Last edited by pokenutter; 24th October 2010 at 2:33 AM.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
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  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by AstralEon View Post
    First post here.

    Your sense of direction of a MD series is very different than the ones I've read so far. First time seeing a writing style like yours too. Don't take me literal though as I still need a lot of reading to be catching up.

    You got an interesting plot going on so far. It was a bit vague in the first journal entries but it still works on my end. Still, would like some kind of prologue of some sort, but then again this a journal, they always remain a mystery.

    Anyways, keep it up.
    Thanks for the info. I won't do a prologue, but gaps will be filled as the story goes on. Thanks for your compliments.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
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  5. #30
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    Small things that need to be tended to.

        Spoiler:- Errors:


    First off, I'll probably get shot for saying this but, who's Melchior? *ducks*

    So your plot begins in the future? Interesting. So I'll probably have no idea on what to expect as you come up with these entries. I'm more consisted in the current MD time-frame so I'm curious on what you have stored for the future.

    Also, these new lands I don't know of, Dense Marsh and Volt Peak, did you come up with them yourself? Or are they referenced to the original MD dungeons names but named differently?
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  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by AstralEon View Post
    Small things that need to be tended to.

        Spoiler:- Errors:


    First off, I'll probably get shot for saying this but, who's Melchior? *ducks*

    So your plot begins in the future? Interesting. So I'll probably have no idea on what to expect as you come up with these entries. I'm more consisted in the current MD time-frame so I'm curious on what you have stored for the future.

    Also, these new lands I don't know of, Dense Marsh and Volt Peak, did you come up with them yourself? Or are they referenced to the original MD dungeons names but named differently?
    Thanks for your feedback. "Geas", or sometimes "Geasa is indeed a word, but nobody uses it anymore. In a nutshell, it's a task that someone is magically bound to carry out. It's fairly uncommon, so that's probably why you couldn't find it. It's Celtic in origin, if that helps.

    Dense Marsh and Volt Peak are my own creations. This takes place in the same world as PMD1 and 2, but a different continent. So, while they are aware of the events, they did not take part in them.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
    http://askredemption.tumblr.com/
    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  7. #32
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    Julius moves forward, and leads us into the cave. It’s dark, darker than the cave that I appeared in. Suddenly, there is a tremendous flash, followed by a crack of thunder. The floor is bathed in light, and we can see all around us.

    I seem to be the only one startled by this. Julius takes note, and hangs back.

    “Volt Peak is notable for its lightning. It gets most of it up at the top, but the Mystery Dungeon section seems to have been created by lightning itself. Intermittent lightning flashes light he way for travelers, but it has never actually struck anyone. It’s one of the many unsolved mysteries of the world.”

    At the last word, lightning strikes again, and I notice a fourth form in the room. Biped, tall, hulking. I can make its form out to be just barely humanoid.

    It pre-empts the lightning, and makes its own light. Two spots of light appear by its sides, and it unleashes an ear-shattering roar. It charges headlong towards us, and I can see enough of its silhouette to identify it.

    “Guys, it’s an Electivire! Run!”

    We immediately scatter, and I no longer have much of an idea where anybody is. (Julius’s Note: I don’t know what happened to Kim. All I know is that I was grabbed by it, and dragged into the dungeon. I felt it club the back of my head, and I lost consciousness.)

    I take a turn here, and round a corner there. I have no idea where I’m going, but I can sort of make out my path, given those flashes of lightning. Eventually, I slow down, and come to a stop.

    The room I’m in is large, easily twice the size of Kim’s house. I can barely see the other end. That’s not what’s important, however. Across the room, I can make out a dark shape. Before I can figure out what it is, it comes towards me, moving at an incredibly fast pace. It knocks into me, and I go flying.

    I crash into the ground a split second later. Before I can stand, whatever it is has me pinned. It leans down next to me, and whispers in my ear.

    “Hmmm? A Totodile? No… That’s not right… What is a human doing in my domain?”

    At this statement, I begin to struggle. Whoever this is, they can somehow tell my secret just by looking. Before I can wiggle free of their grasp, I feel something familiar. The intense fright that only a fear aura can bring.

    Whoever it is speaks. “You won’t be getting away that easily, human. What are you doing here?”

    Now that the speaker isn’t whispering, their voice is identifiable. The voice is feminine, with a slight rasp behind it. The speaker has a regal sort of voice, suggesting a position of power.

    Lightning strikes nearby, and I can see her face. Luxray.

    The fear aura intensifies. “Speak now, or nothing will stop me from killing you. Did you think that you could just stroll into my domain?”

    I finally find my voice. “I-I’m with a rescue team. We’re just passing through.”

    “Liar. Humans don’t have rescue teams. Lie again, and I will make your death painful.”

    A small bit of electricity runs down her paw. I feel immense pain where it strikes, and something else.

    ”-pay for your crimes-“

    It’s gone. Before I can wonder about it, I remember that I have more important concerns right now.

    “I-I’m not lying! Please! I’m here with a Charmander and a Kibago!”

    Her fear aura recedes slightly. “There’s a Charmander here, too? My thralls have already brought in the Kibago. You say that you are traveling with them. Why?”

    “I know that I’m human, but I don’t know anything else. I have no memories. Until I can find a starting point, I’m helping Julius the Kibago with his rescue team.”

    “And the Charmnder?’

    “Kim’s like me. Well, not a human or an amnesiac, but she is with the team for the same reason.”

    The Luxray looks like she’s about to respond, but she is abruptly cut off by a fireball flying from the darkness, striking her in the side. She is knocked off of me, and her fear aura vanishes. I take the opportunity to hightail it away, towards where the fireball came from.

    Kim, of course, has struck a fighting pose, and waits for me. I stand by her side, and pull a blast seed out from my bag.

    “What took you so long, Kim?”

    “I ran into six or seven explosion-happy Electrodes along the way here. It looks like you had your own problems.”

    The Luxray picks herself up, and eyes us. She seems like she’s considering her options, and then chuckles.

    “You have fighting spirit, human. Your friend, as well. How about we make a deal? I’ll release the Kibago if your team tries to take me on.”

    I consider this for a moment. I turn to Kim, who shrugs. I turn back to the Luxray.

    “You aren’t allowed to use our fear aura.”

    She looks impressed. “So, you’ve met one of my students. Most would just chalk that technique up to their own adrenaline. So, who do you know?”

    “Jaroda? Was he one of your students?”

    Suddenly, her eyes widen sharply. She seems ready to attack us, but then calms down.

    “Never mention that name to me again. I will release your friend to you if you follow me. Just… follow.”

    With that baffling reaction, she leads us further into the depths of the mountain. I can only hope that Julius is unharmed.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
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    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  8. #33
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    We descend deeper into Volt Peak Road than I ever dared guess that it stretched. The lightning is striking more frequently here, and gives almost constant light. Eventually, we come to a stop at the base of a pillar. It seems to have been moved here on purpose, because even in a Mystery Dungeon, it doesn’t seem natural.

    From the far side of the pillar, Julius’s voice is audible, and it sounds like he’s scared out of his mind. My evidence? He’s bluffing like an outnumbered, cornered man in hostile territory. Which I suppose he is.

    “-and when I’ve finished stringing your intestines up as garlands, I’m going to-“

    “Julius, shut up!”

    At the sound of Kim’s voice, Julius turns towards us. He’s been tied up against the far side of the pillar, with two Electivire and a Manectric assigned as guards. As we approach, Julius begins to struggle at his bonds. The Manectric approaches us.

    “Lady Christine, the prisoner is belligerent. Requesting permission to shut him up.”

    The Luxray- Lady Christine- shakes her head. “Permission denied. Release him.”

    The Manectric and Julius alike look surprised. Nevertheless, Julius is released, and immediately scampers over to the two of us. He stands his ground, and Christine chuckles.

    “Your friends have challenged me. Keep me entertained for five minutes, and I will let you go. If even one of you falls before then, you will be kept as prisoners, and starved until you die.”

    Kim looks like she’s about to argue, but I voice Christine’s logic.

    “Kim, don’t argue. I get the idea that she practically owns the place. She can set the terms, because she holds all the cards. If we disagree, she can always discount our challenge and starve us anyway. Just don’t argue.”

    Christine smiles, and strikes a fighting pose.

    “Nice to know that one of you has some sense. Now, our fight begins when my Lieutenant gives a signal. You have until his shout to prepare. Get whatever items you will need. I have one condition; I cannot use my fear aura, so you cannot use seeds. Understood?”

    I realize that she just marked me as her first target. I don’t know how to use any moves. Nevertheless, she’s got us all in her pocket, so I have no choice but to nod my head.

    We pop open our bags, and Julius hands me a small bag of Gravelerocks, and two Silver Spikes. My seeds and flute are confiscated by one of the Electivire guards. Before we’ve had five minutes to decide who gets what, Manectric suddenly bays loudly, and the fight begins.

    Immediately, a crackling of electricity is audible, and a small platoon of Electivier surround us. They lock hands, and are suddenly illuminated by an electrical current. They form an electrical fence around us, and Christine smiles.

    “Now, the stage is set. Begin.”

    She begins to prowl around the arena, and we all push close together. Julius and Kim are unarmed, but they don’t really need to be. I ready the Silver Spikes, holding them like twin swords.

    She circles for a few more moments, and chooses her first target; Julius. She pounces, fangs bared. Julius surprises Kim and I by countering by… Biting her mouth. An unorthodox strategy, but it anchors her in place. The two are each twisting their heads in different directions, each trying to toss the other.

    After about ten seconds of this, I see Julius begin to lose the grapple. Thinking quickly, Kim, launches an ember attack. It does little damage, but it causes enough of a distraction to pause Christine. This is all Julius needs to flip her over, and toss her into the fence of Elecivire. She is zapped as she smacks into them.

    She rises almost instantly, and charges toward me. I have little time to react as I take a hit, and am knocked into the center of the arena. She screeches to a halt, and pounces. Before I can think about an escape, Julius comes up from behind her, and chomps down on her tail. Her flight path is suddenly drastically changed, and she deftly drops to the ground.

    Julius lands next to me, and glares.

    “What are you doing, Heath? Defend yourself!”

    I can’t answer. If I lie about being unable to, he’ll expect me to use moves to defend myself. If I tell the truth, my secret is bound to come out. What do I do?

    Sadly for me, Christine saves me the internal turmoil, and zips over next to me.

    “Hmmm. You didn’t tell your friend you’re a human?”

    With that, she slashes downward towards my face. I grab Julius, and hop to the right. I thrust forward with one of my spikes, and this drives her backwards.

    Julius, meanwhile, grabs me, and spins me to face him.

    “Wait. You’re a human? What does she mean by that?”

    “Frankly, Julius, we have bigger things to worry about right now.”

    Julius sharply yanks me out of the way of another ramming attack from Christine. His eyes bore into me.

    “Whether we survive this or not, you will explain everything to me immediately after we’re out of danger.”

    I nod, and Kim runs over to us.

    “Whenever you two lovebirds are ready to focus on the life-or-death situation at hand, let me be the first to know.”

    She fires off another Ember, and Julius glowers at me.

    “Listen, human. Just do your best not to get in our way. Oh, yeah, and don’t die.”

    That’s not gonna fly. I take a few steps, and dash past Julius, and towards Christine. I can hear his incredulous shout, but I’m not paying attention. My spikes are held at a ready position. I concentrate, and several sword techniques swim to the surface of my mind. A jab here, a slash there, and she’ll be defenseless.

    Several seconds fly by, and the next thing I know, I’m standing over Christine, one of the blades in her mouth.

    She remains immobile for a few seconds, and then smiles. Through a mouth of metal, I hear her chuckle.

    “Gough yoh walla haak oaath goank hoo hgot me?”

    Before I can decipher her meaning, she chomps down on the spike, I hear a loud voice shouting, “Hold!” before electricity runs up the spike. I take the attack full force, and black out.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
    http://askredemption.tumblr.com/
    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  9. #34
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    I love this especially when it's having to deal with Pokemon Mystery Dungeon! I can do an entire book report on this!
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  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Falcario97 View Post
    I love this especially when it's having to deal with Pokemon Mystery Dungeon! I can do an entire book report on this!
    Really? Wow. I never thought I'd hear something that complimentary about one of my fanfics. Thank you so such!

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
    http://askredemption.tumblr.com/
    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  11. #36
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    Wow, another incedible chapter!

    I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes, so far your fanfic rivals many others, such as the currently dormant web of deception. Keep up the good work!

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Resident evil View Post
    Wow, another incedible chapter!

    I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes, so far your fanfic rivals many others, such as the currently dormant web of deception. Keep up the good work!
    Thanks! Where can I find "Web of Deception?" I'd be interested in reading it.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at http://tompokenutter.wordpress.com/ !
    http://askredemption.tumblr.com/
    Ask the cast of Redemption anything you like!


  13. #38
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    Here's a link.

    I will warn you though, It only has about three chapters, and there's been no new chapters for about 6 months.

  14. #39
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    I awaken with Julius staring me down.

    He is about to speak, but suddenly, Kim comes out of nowhere, and clasps my shoulders.

    “Are you okay?”

    The urgency in her voice is a tad distressing, but I nod my head. She visibly relaxes, and then turns to Julius.

    “Hey, Jules! Back off for a minute; he just got electrocuted within an inch of his life.”

    Julius ignores her shortened use of his name, and stands firm.

    “No. The human is going to tell me everything I want to know.”

    Before the argument can escalate, we hear footsteps. Lady Christine steps into view, as lightning strikes nearby. She is followed by her lieutenant. She sits down, and addresses the three of us.

    “I don’t understand how, but somehow the three of you, uncoordinated as you are, managed to survive five minutes with me in the ring of honor. While I am most displeased with the result, I will keep my word; you may go.”

    Julius cuts across her. “Thanks, but somebody here has some explaining to do.”

    The spotlight shifts back to me. Hmm… Might as well. Everybody here knows anyway…

    Suddenly, a thought strikes me. “Wait a minute. How did you know I’m a human? And what about the fear aura?”

    “It’s a very simple trick. I used to train under a famous Lucario. Through his training, I managed to master emotional manipulation, among other things. Now, as far as knowing who and what you were, we Luxray have limited X-Ray vision; combining aura and x-ray vision, I could see into your soul. Although, it is the strangest human soul I’ve ever encountered…”

    With that, I begin.

    “Sorry I never told you, Julius. Yeah, I’m human. If you want any information beyond that, I’m afraid you’ll have to help me look for it; I have absolutely no memory of my human life, experiences, or even my name; Kim named me Heath. I have only been here for a week. I don’t now anything that happened to me before the 10th. And… that’s really about it.”

    Julius doesn’t seem satisfied, but he doesn’t ask any more questions. Instead, he turns to Kim.

    “You knew?”

    “Yeah, but I actually made no effort to hide it. It simply wasn’t important, and you seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill. It doesn’t change anything. Heath is still our friend, right?”

    “Except we don’t know what else he’s been hiding.”

    Lady Christine smiles menacingly. “I could always help if you want him to tell you anything else…”

    Kim interrupts before Julius can line me up to be interrogated. “Look. I trust him. If you can’t, why are we still traveling with you?”

    “Well, perhaps we ought to split up.”

    Before carnage can erupt, Christine interrupts again. “Slow down for a moment. I gave your team permission to cross my mountain. I said nothing about individually. So, until you finish the job you’re passing through to complete, you have to stay together.”

    “Even if the job was assigned by Jaroda?”

    The question comes out of nowhere, and I instantly regret asking it. However, she seems to take it well, especially given her earlier reaction. She does tense up, however, as if trying to suppress something.

    “Jaroda was a student. Nothing more, nothing less. He pulled some really stupid moves after learning my fear aura, and I promptly disowned him. Any more unpleasant topics you want to drudge up?”

    I shake my head, and she addresses the group. “I give your group permission to pass through my domain. This extends to any future delves. What is your rescue team name?”

    Julius is about to speak, but Kim cuts him off.

    “We’re Team JUMP.”

    “Team JUMP?”

    “Yes. All caps.”

    Julius taps Kim on the shoulder. “Uh, Kim? Last I checked, I was the only one who gave two Rattatas about having a rescue team. Shouldn’t I be the one to pick the team name, however briefly it’s together?”

    I note Julius glancing towards me with that last remark. Kim, meanwhile, is adamant.

    “Oh, really? What would you have named it?”

    There’s a noticeable pause as Julius ponders his answer.

    “Um… Well, whatever I would have chosen, it would have been better than Team JUMP. I mean seriously, what were you thinking?”

    “Well, it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. I didn’t k now what I wanted to do, and settled on what seemed to be the best idea.”

    Before their argument can escalate, Lady Christine intervenes.

    “You’re making my domain much louder than it needs to be. I will guide you out, but for the love of Arceus, shut your collective traps.”

    With no other options, we follow her out. Not a word passes between us. For Kim and I, it is likely for fear of invoking Lady Christine’s wrath, but for Julius, it involves more than that. I can tell just by looking at him that he’s furious. I don’t suppose I can blame him, but at the same time, I told him in the end, didn’t I? I don’t know what else he wants.

    My train of thought is derailed as I see light in the distance. We head towards it, and Lady Christine speaks.

    “Through that archway is a small stretch of grassland. Once you’ve passed that, you should see a small town called Sylvan. You can’t miss it; it’s located in a giant tree. It’s a good place to rest, and many famous explorers live there. After that, around twenty miles or so, is a metropolis called Nexus. Nexus is a link to three other continents.”

    Julius nods. “Thank you, but we’ll only need to go as far as Sylvan. We’re delivering a letter to Melchior Violet-Eye.”

    She looks amused. “Hmm. Perhaps you really do know my Jaroda.”

    With that, we pass through the archway, and she turns, and slinks back into her underground kingdom. I turn and face what lies in front of us.

    What lies before me is a vast golden plain. The sun is beginning to set, and it only adds to the beauty before us.

    Kim seems amazed, but Julius doesn’t seem to notice. He’s already moving into the grass. I dash to his side.

    “Hey, Julius-“

    “Save it, human. I don’t trust you right now, and probably shouldn’t have in the first place. I don’t even know if you told the truth back there.”

    “Tell me. You are aware that I was under the effects on Lady Christine’s fear aura, right?”

    “Yeah, but I also know that humans don’t just spontaneously turn into Pokemon. If you break that rule, how many others can you break?”

    “If there are an others, I don’t know about them.”

    He scoffs. “Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that I no longer have any faith in the two of you.”

    “Just drag Kim into this, why don’t you?”

    “I will! She lied to me, too! The team is dissolved the moment we collect our reward from Jaroda.”

    “And who will you get to replace us?”

    “Who ever said I’d replace you? I always wanted to be a solo adventurer! I never wanted the baggage!”

    With that, he storms off into the grass. Kim comes out of nowhere, and clasps my shoulder.

    “Trust me. It’s better that way, Heath.”

    She strides forward, and I stand, almost totally alone. I just lost one of my only friends, and my other one just told me to deal with it. I realize that one of my hands is clenched into a fist. I slowly unclench it, and begin to walk forward. Then, out of nowhere, I find myself shouting.

    “Damn it, Julius! I never asked for this!”

    No reply meets my outburst, so I simply stand for a few minutes, slowly breathing in and out. When I’ve finally calmed down enough to start moving again, I realize that they have several minutes of ground on me. I make a quick note of how the grass is disturbed, and run as fast as my stubby blue legs will carry me. Several minutes pass before I run headlong into Kim. We crash into each other, and fall to the ground.

    It takes her a second to pick herself up off the ground. When she does, she lays into me.

    “Look, I’m all for expressing yourself and taking a moment to calm down, but you need to tell me when you’re going to stop! Julius wanted to go on without you. I only just managed to convince him to wait for me. Come on now, let’s catch up to him.”

    As she pulls me along, I see a speck in the distance. It looks like a tree.

    As the town of Sylvan looms in the distance, we finally catch up to Julius. He doesn’t acknowledge our presence, and I find myself wondering; many times in stories, the hero finds himself wondering where it all went worng. Is it worse if you know exactly where it went wrong, and not a thing you can do can fix the problem?
    Last edited by pokenutter; 16th November 2010 at 1:14 AM.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
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  15. #40
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    Julius now hates Heath, just because of one relatively minor detail about him. Things are getting really interesting at this point. I didn't find any noticable errors in spelling or grammar, good job in that department.

    You seem to be getting better as you go along in the general writing department, and this chapter is the best so far in my opinion. I give this chapter a 5 out of 5 for every department; I can't wait for the next one!

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Resident evil View Post
    Julius now hates Heath, just because of one relatively minor detail about him. Things are getting really interesting at this point. I didn't find any noticable errors in spelling or grammar, good job in that department.

    You seem to be getting better as you go along in the general writing department, and this chapter is the best so far in my opinion. I give this chapter a 5 out of 5 for every department; I can't wait for the next one!
    Thanks! I would like to correct you on one point however; Julius hates Heath because Heath lied to him. His being an unnatural phenomenon is a contributing factor, but it's mostly about the whole lying thing.

    Thanks for your review, and I should have the next chapter up on Friday.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
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  17. #42
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    This might just be the way i read things but i see two grammar mistakes

    Kim seems amazed, but Julius doesn’t seem to notice. He’s already moving into the grass. I dash to his size.<--did you mean to spell side

    He scoffs. “Yeah, but that doesn’t change the act that I no longer have any faith in the two of you.”
    did you mean to spell fact

    I think its a great story. I like whare its going. I dont normally like to read stuff like this so you are very lucky that i like your story.
    3DS-FC->2406-5157-1570

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  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by yoshi1990 View Post
    This might just be the way i read things but i see two grammar mistakes

    Kim seems amazed, but Julius doesn’t seem to notice. He’s already moving into the grass. I dash to his size.<--did you mean to spell side

    He scoffs. “Yeah, but that doesn’t change the act that I no longer have any faith in the two of you.”
    did you mean to spell fact

    I think its a great story. I like whare its going. I dont normally like to read stuff like this so you are very lucky that i like your story.
    Good eyes- I missed those! I'll go back and fix them. Thanks for your review!

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
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  19. #44
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    We arrive at the base of the tree in about a half hour, and the sun has already begun to dip below the horizon. That isn’t our biggest problem, however. Our biggest problem is getting up to Sylvan.

    We stop just at the roots of the tree, and just sort of stare up the trunk. Kim breaks our silence.

    “Well. I guess we climb.”

    Julius turns. “Are you insane? There’s got to be some sort of lift. If we find that, we can get to the town before dark.”

    A sudden voice behind us catches us totally off-guard. “You need the lift?”

    A Grovyle pops his head out of the grass behind us. Kim seems to be the only one of us who isn’t taken aback by his sudden appearance.

    “Yeah, it’s kind of important that we arrive in town before dark.”

    “Say no more.” He turns towards the tree. “Hey, Meowth! Send the lift down!”

    Another voice calls down. “Gotcha, Grovie!”

    The Grovyle rolls his eyes, and mutters to himself. “I swear, If I’ve told him once, I’ve told him a thousand times…”

    There is a loud creaking sound, and a green pod attached to a vine slowly descends. It stops just short of the ground, and a Chimchar pops his head out. He motions for us to enter, and we all cram into the small pod.

    The ride up on the pod takes a few minutes, but eventually we hop out at the top. The Meowth at the top salutes us as we leave. I don’t know why, but their trio seemed familiar.

    Sylvan appears to not only have been built in a tree, but also inside of it as well. The first thing we see is an opening into the inside of the tree, where a flight of stairs both ascend and descend.

    Julius pokes his head into the stairway, and nearly collides with a passing Heracross. The two take a moment to get their bearings, and Julius asks for directions to wherever Melchior can be found. The Heracross points him up the stars, and we begin to climb.

    It’s a good ten minutes before we reach the next opening. The stairs are narrow, and they spiral around the very edge of the tree. So, even if maneuvering around anyone else was totally removed from the equation, the journey would still be very long. What greets us at the top, however, is well worth the climb.

    In the ten minutes and thirty feet we spent in the trunk, the scenery has totally changed. What were at first the lower branches of an abnormally large willow tree have given way to walls of green, and a wooden catwalk carefully nailed into the tree itself. Buildings have been constructed on top of this artificial floor, and they are created to amplify any light coming from within; a useful feature, given that very little light comes through the semi-dome covering the city.

    It takes me a while to grasp exactly what I’m looking at, and Kim seems to be equally blown away. Sooner or later, though, I hear Julius talking to Kim, and she taps my shoulder.

    “Come on. Julius thinks he knows where we can find Melchior.”

    I shrug, and Julius leads the way. We follow him for a good ten minutes before I begin to wonder if he knows where he’s going. I lean forward, and am about to ask him when he abruptly stops. He turns, and announces that we’ve arrived.

    The building in front of up is round, like a large dome. Its wooden frame appears old, older than most of the wood on the ground. A trio of chimneys sits on top, but only one belches smoke. The other two just sort of sit there, not doing anything. I’m about to ask if this is some kind of joke, when out of nowhere, a Pelipper flies out of one of the chimneys, and darts through the thick foliage surrounding the town.

    I gaze at the building again, and only now do I see the words carved onto the outside.

    Pelipper Post Office

    “So, he has a part-time job as a postman?”

    Julius rounds on me, this time looking like he’s going to strike me. Kim mercifully intervenes, and speaks.

    “Pelipper Post Offices are the standard place for posting missions. Madame Lucario’s tent is a rare example of a non-post office rescue team HQ.”

    “Okay, so this is where teams get hired out? Wouldn’t a high-level adventurer like Melchior only take requests?”

    “In most cases, yes. However, due to the recent… incidents with the sun, the postal system has announced a holiday until everything returns to normal. So, anyone who needs a job done has to put it on the community bulletin board.”

    “So all we have to do is wait?”

    “In theory, but since we have no idea where he is, we could end up waiting as long as a week for him to show up.”

    With this happy though in mind, we enter the post office, and are instantly caught up in a huge crowd of Pokemon. In the ensuing confusion, I notice a sign pointing in two directions. To one side, it reads “Post Office.” The other reads “Lounge.” I scan the crowd for Julius and Kim, and motion for them to follow me. I head into the lounge area.

    If at all possible, it’s more crowded in here than in the lobby. Louder, too. We push our way into the throng, and make our way towards what looks like a bar. As we pass through, I realize that everyone here is packed into groups of three or four. Almost every single Pokemon here has some kind of item on their person, usually a scarf, some with silver spikes, and others with seed bags.

    Rescue teams…

    We arrive at the bar area, and Kim orders us each a hot drink. It isn’t cold out, but we are certainly much younger than anyone else here. The bartender, a Gulpin with an odd scar under his eye, prepares the drinks while we sit in silence. Eventually, Kim grabs the two of us.

    “Honestly, you two. Get over yourselves. Talk to each other.”

    Before I can say anything, Julius jumps in with a snarky comment about how he doesn’t talk to liars, or something like that. I’ve already tuned them both out, and am now staring intently at the door as the two break out in a slap fight. Something’s going to have to enter the room and make these two stop acting like idio…

    What are the odds? Seriously, what are the odds?

    A large Dragonite has just entered the room. It isn’t his unusual size, or the fact that he’s covered with snow in the very late summer, or even the ginormous crowd following him in. No, it’s his left eye that catches my attention.

    The pupil and iris are perfectly normal. However, the sclera is a bright purple, almost magenta. I stare, and I know we’ve found our man.

    I motion for Julius and Kim to look at the door, and turn to face them. I catch them just as Kim socks Julius in the gut. I reach in, and grab the two of them.

    “Hey knuckleheads, he’s here.”

    The two freeze up, and face the doorway. Kim is the first to move. She grabs my bag, and strides over to the door. She stops in front of Melchior, and speaks.

    “Um, excuse me? Sir?”

    He looks down and notices her. He smiles.

    “Hello. And what can I do for you?”

    “Um, I came from Quest Plaza. I have a letter from Jaroda.”

    Melchior’s face suddenly changes. He leans down next to Kim, and whispers something in her ear. Kim nods, and sits back down, a bit farther away from Julius than she was before. She leans toward us.

    “He said that we should meet him later tonight, on the outskirts of town. By then, his paparazzi should have died down, and he can talk to us and write a return letter.”

    Julius and I nod, and just sort of sit silently for a while. Before long, however, Kim pushes her way through the crowd, and pokes her head out a window. She returns to the table, and speaks.

    “Right, then. Let’s go.”

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
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  20. #45
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    Finally, a new chapter. Onto the review:

    The building in front of us is round, like a large dome.
    Figured i'd point that out.

    This chapter unfortunately seemed rather filler, and after the month wait too.
    I give this chapter 4.6 out of 5, and I feel I may be rating it too high. In other words, I was very dissapointed with this chapter.

  21. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Resident evil View Post
    Finally, a new chapter. Onto the review:



    Figured i'd point that out.

    This chapter unfortunately seemed rather filler, and after the month wait too.
    I give this chapter 4.6 out of 5, and I feel I may be rating it too high. In other words, I was very dissapointed with this chapter.
    Honestly, so was I. For me, the chapter seemed kind of awkward, and only served to tell the setting. Melchior's reveal was supposed to be a big thing, and it felt to me like I was giving it a backseat. So, I'm not happy with this chapter, either.

    Thanks for your review.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
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  22. #47
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    Hey, nice to see you again. It's been a while since your last journal entry was made. Glad to see you're still alive. =P

    Review:

    Quote Originally Posted by pokenutter View Post
    Something’s going to have to enter the room and make these two stop acting like idiots
    One tiny problem I found.

    And I have to agree with Resident evil, it seems more of a filler, and yes it was more focused on setting as well. Although I finally did got to know who Melchior is. I asked earlier who Melchior was, which I didn't get response or a hint that he would be mention later. Guess I got that question answered in this entry.

    That's about it. Everything looks good so far.
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    I customized these

  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by AstralEon View Post
    Hey, nice to see you again. It's been a while since your last journal entry was made. Glad to see you're still alive. =P

    Review:


    One tiny problem I found.

    And I have to agree with Resident evil, it seems more of a filler, and yes it was more focused on setting as well. Although I finally did got to know who Melchior is. I asked earlier who Melchior was, which I didn't get response or a hint that he would be mention later. Guess I got that question answered in this entry.

    That's about it. Everything looks good so far.
    I actually left the word unfinished because Melchior entered before Heath could completely finish his thought. In addition, I have an excuse for not answering your question about Melchior; I actually thougt you were joking. My bad!

    Thanks for your review!

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
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  24. #49
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    Hi, I'm a new reader, and I wanted to say that I like this fic very much. The journal-style narration is different, but not disconcertingly so, and you do a good job of keeping the present tense consistent. I also like the dynamic of having three Pokemon on the team instead of just the hero and the partner.
    Keep up the good work!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mei View Post
    Hi, I'm a new reader, and I wanted to say that I like this fic very much. The journal-style narration is different, but not disconcertingly so, and you do a good job of keeping the present tense consistent. I also like the dynamic of having three Pokemon on the team instead of just the hero and the partner.
    Keep up the good work!
    Thank you very much!

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 29 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Several weeks after they arrive at Star Peak, Chance alerts Team Jump to a Darkrai Shard in the area.

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