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Thread: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal

  1. #126
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Somewhere in America


    They fought a lesser Shard that Chance believed would allow Heath to prepare for the showdown with the Shard he was created to fight.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 33 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- As the party gets closer and closer to Geal Tower, Heath eavesdrops on the party.

    Brighter Day- 1 chapter and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Eric reminisces about his and Natalie's entry into the Edliss Academy, and hijinks ensue.

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  2. #127
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Between Nod and Terrafirma


    Ah alright, that makes sense.

    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.

  3. #128
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Somewhere on Earth


    Wow, the process of how this was/is written is very similiar to mine. Except that the idea began not by freewritting, but instead was just an idea that popped out.

    First, I've got to say that this was DEFINATELY MUCH BETTER THEN I HAD THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

    But seriously, it is. And from reading how the story got started, now I understood why I didn't like it much. It seemed like my subconcsious could tell that it was freewritten and I didn't like it much. But it still had that one little redeeming quality about it. Which was the fact you wrote in first person. That, and Knightfall reads it so I gave it a chance.

    Now, I'd like to say that the arc things are getting me dizzy but there's no need to explain it.

    Now, I'd like to review to the story as a whole.

    Again, I commend you for writing in first person because I can't seem to do it well. So I feel happy I get the taste of two worlds (viewpoints) from this and Overthrown. By the ways, I understand the "naming him Heath for no reason" thing. I too do that, from names (like Kyonis, a character in my story, The Time of Chaos).

    And because I'm not good with first-person, I cannot say if the description's good or not.

    Now, I must say the later parts of the story are VERY good. It felt very exciting and the fact that Heath isn't human, makes this the first story (that I've read so far, at least) to use that idea.

    I wasn't sure on how to feel about the mystery dungeon, but I got over it because I know it's just my bias opinion. I have to say that the dialogue of the earlier chapters seemed awkward but, it became less awkward as time went on.

    And speaking of first-person, I think suspense is somewhat difficult to achieve in first-person, in my opinion. So I commend you for that. I also commend you for continuing your story although people saying they like your story seem few and far inbetween for your story, I think at least. I seem to be commending you a lot huh?

    Anyways, there's not much I can say to improve your story so I'll continue my thoughts.

    I can't believe that you're already planning sequels from what you're saying in "The making of" chapters. Just like me, I actually planned a sequel to one of my unposted stories

    This is a great story and it's helped me out too. I hope you get to finish this and hopefully, you'll still have the drive.
    Taking a break from the forums

  4. #129
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Somewhere in America


    January 9th

    I awaken surrounded by darkness.

    I can tell immediately that something’s off as I wake up. The darkness is normal, that much I know. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that something’s missing here.

    I take a minute to let my eyes adjust to the darkness, only to discover that I’m in some kind of room. That can’t be right. When did this happen? Am I in captivity?

    No, wait a minute, that’s not it. There are four ways out of the room. Two to the east, one to the North, and one to the West. Well, if I want to get out, I may as well take one of them. The hallway to the North sounds like there’s some kind of wounded animal that way, so I might want to look at...

    Hold on. Something about this is familiar. I’ve been here before.

    This was where I was born.

    I almost chuckle a little to myself. My dreams are getting creative. Outside the dream, Kim, Julius, and Ampharos are escorting me back down the mountain. It’s been a little under an hour since the fight with the first Darkrai Shard. In the morning, Chance is going to give us the specifics on the location of the one we’ve been chasing.

    My face falls a little. After that... Well, either during the fight, or a few months after, my time is up.

    I lean against the wall in thought. Either tomorrow or in four and a half months, someone kills me. That’s it. I solve someone else’s problem- badly, I might add- and then I die. It’s not even a permanent solution to the problem. One way or another, though, it’s the end.

    I should be angry about it. I should be furious. But at this point, I don’t know. It’s become more and more of a reality the longer I’ve thought about it. A month of talking to that therapist on Star Peak made me realize that there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Why worry?

    Not in the careless sense, of course. I can’t honestly afford to be careless. But if my anger can do nothing to fix it, then there’s no purpose to the anger. It’s a waste of energy, and there’s a chance that I might take my anger out on my friends. I’ve already put them through enough, what with both of my breakdowns so far. A third might push them away completely. I know my death isn’t going to do wonders for their mental health, but, selfish as it may be, I want someone I know nearby when I die.

    The animalistic sounds from down the corridor become louder, and I find myself curiously heading down the hallway towards them. I know that I never found out what was down there, but for some reason, I’m curious what my subconscious will come up with.

    To be honest, my friends remain my best reason for going through with this. The Shard put forth a number of really good points about the senselessness of my errand. It’s true that the world could conceivably come to an end minutes after I die because we missed a Shard somewhere, but I would have bought them time. If I don’t have a motivation for fighting this particular Shard, I fear I might not fight my hardest.

    And no, the threat of Palkia vaporizing me if I step out of line is far from motivation. I’m going to die, anyway. Why should I be frightened if death decides to come early?

    I round a corner, and come face-to-face with a twenty-foot-tall teal, yellow, and magenta... thing. It’s not exactly what my distortion body looks like, but there are a number of features that are similar.

    It’s still for a moment, before rearing back, and slamming its weight into the ground. I’m blown backward by the impact, and feel myself begin to unravel. Light covers my eyes, and I’m alone in a field of white. Unlike before, however, I’ve already got a body materialized.

    I scan the area, and find Chance standing behind me. She nods as I face her.

    “Heath. Listen... Please don’t hold all of this against me. I didn’t know any of this would happen.”

    I shrug. “I understand. But just so we’re clear- none of this happens again. Ever. You don’t make any more artificial souls, nor do any of your successors.”

    She nods. “Well, you won’t have to worry about me for much longer. Fifty years to perform my magnum opus, and Arceus himself kills me. I know it doesn’t seem like nearly as short as your time, but when you’ve lived for a little over four thousand years...”

    I raise an eyebrow. “You’ve lived for that long?”

    “Arceus’s servants have extended lifespans, remember? Luck gods like myself are given five thousand under normal circumstances.”

    I sigh, shaking my head. “Except you’ve lived over eighty percent of your life. Assuming I don’t die tomorrow, I’ll get to live around one percent of mine. It isn’t the same thing at all.”

    Chance is silent for a moment, and then hangs her head. She doesn’t try to defend herself.

    It’s another few minutes before I speak. “Can you tell me anything about your magnum opus? Anything at all?”

    She answers a bit too quickly. “It will change the world. That’s all that anyone will know until it happens. Sorry, Heath- not even you can know.”

    It’s another minute before either of us speak again. She turns to me, and seems like she’s about to apologize before deciding against it. Instead, she takes the conversation in a direction I didn’t expect.

    “Do you want help?”

    After seeing my skeptical look, she shakes her head. “No, not me. I can barely win fights I have an advantage in. But I can find you help. If you give me until dawn, I can round up some reinforcements for you. No reason you should run headfirst into a fight that you’ll have difficulty winning.”

    I tilt my head to the side. “First off, how can ordinary Pokémon fight a space/time distortion? You showed me- the corpse is still dangerous.”

    She nods. “Dangerous, yes- but not fighting back. You just need to get to the corpse before it destabilizes. After that, easy absorption.”

    “I thought the destabilization was instantaneous.”

    She shakes her head. “No- it takes a few minutes. The instantaneous breakdown I showed you was merely a device to show how it remained dangerous. If they kill it, you’ll be able to absorb it with no issue.”

    It’s my turn to shake my head. “Even if it would improve my chances, I don’t want to get anyone else mixed up in this.”

    She smiles. “Well, I guess I’d better pick from people already involved. One of them even hunts these things professionally.”

    It’s a moment before something connects. “Wait, you don’t mean...”

    “I do. The remnants of the Light Brigade will be the perfect protection here.”

    Before I can protest, Chance fades away, and I’m alone in a field of white.

    She’s involving more people. Why? This is my task- having my friends along is enough of a risk.

    I sit down on the ground, and find myself just wanting to wake up. And as soon as I think it, the world around me breaks as the image of a mountain projects itself onto my eyeballs.

    After last night, the four of us made our way down the side of the slope. We’d made it to the bottom by the time Kim was ready to stop for the night. On the way down, I’d informed them that the Shard had been found. Reactions had varied- I think that Kim may have been the most reasonable about it, simply nodding, and saying that she had confidence in me.

    I sit up, and examine the camp. The others are still asleep. The sun’s still not out yet, so that’s unsurprising.

    I pick myself up, and head for the outskirts of the camp. It’s mostly trees for a while, but it’s only a short way to the edge. I lean against a tree, and am alone with my thoughts for a while. Unfortunate that they seem to be trapped in a cycle.

    Why? Why is Chance roping more people into this? Why can’t I be strong enough to do this without help? Why do I have to die- no. I can’t be thinking like that now.

    I don’t know how long I’m out there, but eventually the sun rises. I hear a twig snap behind me, and see Julius approaching me. He leans on a tree next to me, and nods towards the sunrise.

    “You know, I remember hearing about how the sunrise inspired Grovyle the Thief. Have you ever heard that story?”

    I shake my head, and he continues. “See, Grovyle came from a grim version of the future where time had stopped. The sun never rose or set.”

    “Unless you were in a part of the world where it was earlier or later?”

    “You’d think that, but no. The stoppage of time resulted in large-scale volcanic activity that produced enough smoke- I’m getting off-topic here. The point is, when he arrived in the past while trying to restore time’s flow, he saw his first sunrise. Its beauty rendered him speechless. He resolved to protect that sunrise, and make it so that it would never permanently disappear.”

    I shrug. “Good for him. I’ve already got my motivation, though- I don’t need any more.”

    He raises an eyebrow. “You have? What?”

    It’s only as he asks that I realize that I haven’t talked about anything that happened in my battle with the first Shard. I’m about to fill him in when I realize something. Should I be telling him that I’m dying for nothing? It would be safer for him, but it could cause a lot of problems- I don’t want Palkia attacking him over an insult...

    After a moment, I shake my head. “I’d like to keep it private, if that’s okay.”

    He seems for a moment as though he wants to pester me about it, but steps back after a moment. “Fair enough. Anyway, has Chance spoken to you yet?”

    “Only enough to tell me that whether I want them or not, she’s recruiting reinforcements.”

    Julius’s jaw drops. “Wait a minute- she’s actually helping you out?”

    I shake my head. “She’s signing up more people to die. She’s told me that it’s going to be Madame Lucario, Jaroda, and Melchior. If she can convince them at all-”

    “They’re going to come. Madame Lucario cares about us, Jaroda sees you as tolerable, and Melchior refused to kill you when Palkia- the god of Space, I might add- told him to. And I wouldn’t count on them to die. Melchior, at least, fights these things as his day job. He’ll support them.”

    I nod. “Yeah. But this thing is smart enough to fly under the radar for months. It’ll know who to target first.”

    Julius shrugs. “You honestly think that Melchior won’t see that coming? You don’t think that he hasn’t been targeted by Shards in the past?”

    I think to myself for a moment, but before I can reply, Julius continues. “Besides, we have no clue how powerful this one is. It could easily be three times as powerful as the one you just killed. However, just as likely is the idea that maybe, just maybe, this thing that’s spent the last few months in hiding might be far weaker. For all you know, this may be a simple matter of catch-and-kill.”

    There’s every chance that he’s right, but I don’t know how safe it is to agree. At the same time, is there any chance he’ll let it go if I don’t? I sigh, and nod, and this seems to satisfy him.

    “Look, Heath. We can just do this quickly, and then you won’t have to worry about anything for several months.”

    He winces after finishing, but doesn’t say anything after that.

    The pair of us are both silent for a good long while. He begins to speak a number of times, but always cuts himself off before he manages to speak. Before he can actually start, Ampharos approaches us from behind.

    “Heath, Julius? We’re both awake back in camp. Are the pair of you ready to start moving?”

    Julius nods, and the pair of us follow him back to the camp.


    It’s a good, long time before the terrain begins to shift back towards the familiar plains of Ceangal. It’s around midday before Kim slows to a stop, and points.

    “About ten miles off that way is Quest Plaza. Did you want to make one more stop, Heath?”

    I shake my head. “I don’t need to do anything there. Besides, it’s not like more than one or two people would be interested in seeing me.”

    There’s more to it than that, of course. I’m holding onto hope that Jaroda and Madame Lucario won’t accept Chance’s offer, and I don’t want to accidentally sway them towards coming with us. Melchior is the absolute maximum I think I could deal with, but I’d still rather not get him involved if I can avoid it.

    Kim nods in response. “I see. Speaking of which, has Chance filled you in on the location of the Shard?”

    I shake my head. “All she’s told me so far is that she’s going to try to recruit some help. Every time I’ve tried to contact her, all she’s said is for me to start heading towards Nexus.”

    I hear a sudden swooshing behind me, and I turn to see the source. To my dismay, Melchior has just landed behind us. He waves sort of awkwardly to me.

    “Hello, Heath. It’s been a while.”

    I take a moment to figure out how to reply. “...Melchior. How are you?”

    He grimaces awkwardly. “Er, I’m fine. Um... Yourself?”

    “Oh, you know. Gradually decaying, and menacing the world with my mere presence.”

    He winces. “Ah... Sorry about... last time. I didn’t know what you were, and the things I hunt look a lot like you, and...”

    He trails off, and tries to avoid eye contact. I’m about to try and change the subject when he suddenly peers off into the distance. “Hmm... Looks like I’m not your only backup.”

    I raise an eyebrow. “Chance didn’t mention that she tried to recruit your entire team?”

    Melchior’s eyes widen. “You... you can’t be serious. Samson, running around unchecked?”

    Kim tilts her head to the side. “Samson? Is that what Jaroda used to be... hey, where are you going?”

    Melchior suddenly lifts off, and rockets off towards a pair of specks that I can only now see approaching. I see him close rapidly on one of them, and then a massive, green tornado explodes out of nowhere. Melchior is enveloped by it, and tossed to the side.

    Ampharos turns to Julius. “Do we go check and see if they’re alright?”

    Julius shakes his head. “One of them is a famous hero, and the other just threw him onto the ground. Short answer? Not in a million years.”

    Kim seems to ignore the two of them, and cautiously approaches the approaching figures. A second tornado flashes in and out of existence as an icy blue blast flickers near the center of it. I turn to look at the two of them, and then scamper after Kim, trying to catch up.

    We’re about two hundred feet away from where Jaroda and Melchior are fighting when a massive dark blue orb materializes above their battlefield, and slams into the ground. The earth shakes underneath Kim and I, and appears blasted apart near the center of impact. Melchior is blasted off to the left, and Jaroda lands upright a few feet away from Kim and I.

    He picks himself up, and nods in our direction. “Heath. Kim. Good to see you. Excuse me a moment.”

    He looks up towards Melchior, who has gotten to his feet, and lifted off again, heading towards Jaroda. He’s roughly twenty feet away when my skin begins to crawl. Jaroda sneers, and speaks.

    “Melchior. Stop.”

    I see Melchior’s eyes snap open, and he tilts off to the side, crashing into the ground a moment later. Jaroda doesn’t even blink before slithering over in front of him, and looking him dead in the eye. I don’t know if it’s my imagination or not, but his eyes almost appear to be glowing a dull red.

    He slides his tail under Melchior’s chin, and lifts the Dragonite’s face closer to his. “Now that I have your attention, Melchior, allow me to explain why I’m out and about. The world’s in danger, and I happen to be one of those who is qualified to aid. I don’t expect you to like me, or just forgive me for what happened all those years ago. I just expect you to co-operate for the time being. And I’ll tell you what- you can even be the one to bring me home Hogtied, even, if it’s what you want. Until then, let’s just focus on the mission at hand. Understood?”

    I raise an eyebrow. Jaroda’s not supposed to leave town? I thought he went there of his own volition...

    Melchior nods, apparently unable to speak. Jaroda grins, and drops his fear aura. “Good. I will say, though, you telegraph your punches a lot more than you did when we were adventurers.”

    Melchior looks as though he’s been slapped. He takes a moment before speaking. “It’s not like I needed to hide my moves from you. You react slowly, and your Leaf Tornado doesn’t pack nearly the punch it used to. Honestly, I’d be more worried about my safety if I was fighting Melanie- her strength hasn’t deteriorated at all.”

    Jaroda doesn’t even blink before responding. “And yet that first one sent you flying. What’s the matter- are you just clumsy now, or did you really think I’d be that easy of an opponent?”

    Melchior opens his mouth and closes it a few times. “You... I... If Melanie hadn’t intervened, I would have had you! You wouldn’t have had time to use that aura of yours!”

    Jaroda’s actually laughing now. It seems... surprisingly normal. “We never agreed that it was a one-on-one fight. Besides, it’s not as though us killing each other would help Heath.”

    Both of them are suddenly looking at me, and I remember the whole reason they’re here. I focus for a moment. Chance? Are you there?

    Rather than a reply, Chance herself opens a door out of the aether, nodding to me as she appears. "Good, everyone's here. Was the trip okay?"

    She knows, doesn't she? I was in constant contact with her the whole time. Before I can remind her of this, Madame Lucario catches up with the rest of us, and nods in Chance's direction. "Apologies. I was helping break up a fight. You'd be that luck goddess, right?"

    Chance nods, and is about to speak when Madame Lucario leans in, and wallops Chance across the face.

    Chance groans, and slowly picks herself up, cradling a developing bruise. Madame Lucario stands upright, growling. "I didn't expect Kim or Heath to raise a hand against you, but you really had that coming. Now, tell us where the Shard is so that Heath can try and enjoy his last few months."

    It's a moment before Chance speaks. "...Fine. It's in Geal Tower. Where exactly in the tower, I'm unsure. Palkia is on standby in case something goes wrong. We're certain that he's going after the darkness room."

    Without saying another word, she vanishes. Kim looks up at Madame Lucario, adoration on her face. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

    Madame Lucario shrugs. "If someone gives you a genuine reason to hit them, you shouldn't hold back. Just try and make sure they really deserve it ."

    I notice Jaroda avoiding eye contact with her as she finishes. Instead, he turns to Melchior. “Geal Tower, then? Been a long time since we were there. Wasn’t that one of our later missions? The one with the Ursaring?”

    Melchior shrugs. “I don’t really remember. Anyway, Melanie? Is it okay with you if I lead?”

    Madame Lucario nods, and we change course, heading in the vague direction of Geal Tower, where one way or another, my life is effectively over.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 33 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- As the party gets closer and closer to Geal Tower, Heath eavesdrops on the party.

    Brighter Day- 1 chapter and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Eric reminisces about his and Natalie's entry into the Edliss Academy, and hijinks ensue.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at !

  5. #130
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Between Nod and Terrafirma


    Is this the last shard? I feel like there should be more.

    Not much else to say, looking forward to more though, it was worth the wait.

    Credit to Brutaka for the amazing banner and user bar. Yeah, having 2 is redundant, but it shows you guys my favorite pokemon, what story I had planned and my position in the WoJ.

    Time, there's never enough of it but it's always there to waste.

  6. #131
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Somewhere in America


    It's hardly the last, but it's the last one that Heath needs to worry about. Assuming he lives, they'll leave him alone after the battle. At least, until it's time for him to die.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 33 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- As the party gets closer and closer to Geal Tower, Heath eavesdrops on the party.

    Brighter Day- 1 chapter and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Eric reminisces about his and Natalie's entry into the Edliss Academy, and hijinks ensue.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at !

  7. #132
    Join Date
    Jan 2014


    After that, will Heath be left alone for the next few months to live as he wants to, or will he be persuaded into helping them further? This kind of reminds me of Harry from The Dresden Files.

    Also, Julius could be a Fraxure with how mature he's being.
    Last edited by bananagram; 31st December 2014 at 7:11 AM.

  8. #133
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Somewhere in America


    Basically, if Heath survives, he's freed from any obligations until it's time for him to die.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 33 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- As the party gets closer and closer to Geal Tower, Heath eavesdrops on the party.

    Brighter Day- 1 chapter and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- Eric reminisces about his and Natalie's entry into the Edliss Academy, and hijinks ensue.

    Interested in a blog that reviews the Pokémon products of the past and present? Have a look at !

  9. #134
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Somewhere in America


    Around two hours later, our party exits the far side of Volt Peak. I had anticipated spending a lot longer in there, but conveniently enough, the Manectric that seemed to be the captain of her guard was waiting outside, ready to escort us to the other side. We never saw Lady Christine, but we were warned that if we deviated from our path, she would know.

    In less than ten minutes, we had crossed what had once taken us hours, including the five-minute brawl and my brief recovery. I’m not sure if that’s a sign of progress or not, but it makes me uneasy. It almost feels like a waste, but of what? Of time? Potential? I don’t know...

    The afternoon sun shines down on us, only just barely managing to cut through the January cold. It’s now that I remember the vast, golden plain that had been here during the late fall- now, most of the grass is grey or light brown. It stretches on for miles in front of us, offering very little in the way of topographical variation or cover.

    Sylvan is perfectly visible from where we’re standing. I recall how uncomfortable the cold had been with the leaves still attached and shudder. They must have some kind of temporary insulation there- I can’t imagine living there during winter.

    I realize that my mind is wandering. I don’t care, though- wherever it might end up is most likely better than where I’m going.

    I’m about to return to my thoughts when Jaroda turns to Melchior. “I don’t remember the place getting this dreary in the winter.”

    He keeps his voice low, obviously trying to keep the conversation quiet, but I can’t help but eavesdrop. It’s something to concentrate on.

    Melchior shrugs, and returns with his own low answer. “The frequent shutdowns of the sun have been wreaking havoc on the local plant life.”

    He leaves it at that, making an effort to not look at Jaroda. Jaroda ignores this, and leans next to him. “Well, maybe it’ll return to normal fairly quickly. I mean, when we’re done here, the big catalyst will be gone-”

    Melchior hisses something inaudible out at Jaroda, and Jaroda hops backwards as though he’s been struck. He takes a moment, and slithers next to Melchior. “Well, frankly, I can’t say that I’m a fan of your attitude. But whatever. It’s not like I can change your opinion of me at this point.”

    Melchior nods, and keeps moving. Jaroda seems to wait a moment before looking genuinely shocked, and chases after him. “...Look. Nobody regrets what happened more than I do.”

    At this point, Melchior actually laughs. He turns, and looks Jaroda dead in the face. “Oh, really? Because that’s going to undo murder.”

    Jaroda shakes his head, now attempting to sidewind backwards in front of Melchior. “That’s my point. It won’t, but neither will you continuing to hold onto it. If you just tried to let go, and behave as though we’re teammates...”

    It’s now that I realize- ever since our large group set out, Melchior has deliberately been keeping his distance from Jaroda. Melchior continues this trend by letting Jaroda move ahead a few feet before responding. “Except we aren’t. Not since one of my best friends killed and ate another best friend of mine.”

    Jaroda nods. “Exactly. But I’ve done all I can do- apologized to his family, apologized to you, went into exile with Melanie sent out to watch me...”

    Melchior scoffs. “And that’s supposed to change anything? As I recall, your encounter with his family ended in violence.”

    “They hit me a couple dozen times, I hit them back.”

    Melchior raises an eyebrow. “That isn’t what they told me.”

    It’s Jaroda’s turn to scoff. When he speaks again, it’s at a normal speaking volume. “They didn’t tell you a lot of things about the whole affair. How about the year after I arrived in Quest Plaza I spent with a therapist? Did you ever hear about the nightmares? Consider this- I killed and ate someone who was like a brother to me. I have... shall we say, vivid memories of the event. Did you know I still don’t eat meat? I’m a bit on the malnourished side right now- have been for years. Not enough for it to become a serious health risk, but I could fix everything in a month if I started hunting again. Of course, then I run the risk that any prey might just so happen to utter identical words to his last.”

    Jaroda and Melchior have actually stopped, and I find that I’ve actually been lingering near the back of the party to keep their private conversation in earshot. Madame Lucario and Kim have dashed a small bit ahead of the group, leaving Ampharos, Julius, and I closest to the oncoming meltdown.

    Jaroda is actually shaking. as he continues, and has transitioned from barely a murmur to a shout. “Do you want to keep talking about how I killed someone? Next, how about we talk about the fallout- how my family reacted, how the other rescue teams behaved around me, how the pair of you- the only people I’d ever cared about up until that point- behaved in general?”

    “Samson, I-”

    Jaroda looks him dead in the eye as his own begin to glow a dull red. “Allow me to make this clear- if you think your behavior is going to somehow right my wrong in some cosmic manner, you’re wrong. There’s nothing it can do at this point aside from bring back little bits of the hell I’ve already been through. And I’ve stared down worse than you can dole out and lived. But then, I’m fairly certain this is going over your head a little- famous adventurers don’t have to deal with this sort of thing.”

    His voice falls as he finishes, and he slithers back to join the group, leaving Melchior to slowly recover from Jaroda’s words.

    I scramble forward a small bit, trying to make it look as though I wasn’t eavesdropping. Jaroda doesn’t seem to care, but Melchior might. I’m within earshot of Madame Lucario and Kim. I briefly consider eavesdropping on them, but I’ve already heard more than I wanted to from one conversation so far...

    I find my mind wandering again, for some reason arriving at a memory from mid-October. The seventeenth, if I remember right. Kim had turned ten that day. I remember her being excited that someone else would be celebrating with both her and Madame Lucario-

    Eavesdropping, it is. Unfortunately, I happen to catch them in the middle of the conversation.

    Kim shrugs, and replies to Madame Lucario in the same hushed manner. “Well, I haven’t decided yet. The adventuring thing was something to do to protect him. It was what I was capable of doing. But I don’t know if it’s something I’d want to do full-time.”

    Madame Lucario nods. “I understand. Adventuring isn’t for everyone. At the same time, the reports that Julius submitted after every mission all said the same thing- Heath was more or less useless, but you seemed to be the one with the most control of the situation. You do have a natural talent for it.”

    Kim chuckled a little. “I also have a natural talent for devising lever-and-pulley systems. Not something I’d want to do my whole life.”

    “Levers and pulleys are one thing- saving lives is another. And based on what both Julius and that Manectric have told me, your team survived five minutes in the ring with Lady Christine. It may have been years since her prime, but I knew her when she was younger, and she was a ferocious fighter then. I don’t imagine a woman who saw a mountain with lightning storms inside and decided to make it her palace is the sort to let herself deteriorate physically.”

    Kim shrugged. “Your point being?”

    Madame Lucario sighed, putting an arm around Kim’s shoulder. “Anyone who is that tough and doesn’t use that to defend others is doing the world a disservice.”

    Kim pushed back against her hand a little. “So what- you’re going to try and guilt me into it?”

    Madame Lucario shook her head. “Just sharing what I’ve observed in the time I’ve spent alive.”

    Probably better to avoid this one. I begin to slide back over towards Julius and Ampharos, who have started up a conversation with Jaroda. Julius is enthusiastically gesturing as he speaks. “And here’s the best part- we have multiple options for where to put it. And one of those options has a restaurant right next door.”

    Jaroda nods. “Easy access to food is crucial. But I have to wonder- is a rescue team base really worth the investment if only the two of you are involved?”

    Ampharos nods, but Julius raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

    Jaroda nods towards Madame Lucario and Melchior. “When the f- the three of us tried to purchase space for a rescue team base-”

    Ampharos suddenly looks rather awkward. “You, um... you don’t need to pretend it was three. We kinda... er... overheard your argument with Melchior. Kind of hard to miss.”

    Jaroda narrows his eyes for a moment, but then seems to relax. “I suppose eavesdropping is inevitable, given the small size of our group.”

    I’m fairly certain I see his eyes shift over to me, but he keeps talking as though I’m not there. “In any case, our team was four members in size for a few months before we even considered buying a base. We were actually looking for a guild hall in Nexus- we had all the paperwork filled out and ready to go... Anyway, the only members who are guaranteed are the two of you. Isn’t a base a little excessive?”

    Julius puffs out his chest, trying to look important. “We can’t afford to be unprepared for the influx of new recruits. I mean, even without Kim being on board, we’ll be able to build a solid reputation- solid enough for new applicants. With enough time, they’ll beat a path to our door.”

    Jaroda smiles. He has a faraway look in his eyes for a moment, but then closes them before speaking. “Well, I’m sure you’ll certainly get that. Some advice, though- if you’re going to design the exterior, don’t make it look tacky. Something like a giant Axew head is going to raise complaints.”

    Without missing a beat, Julius responds with “What about Haxorus?”

    Ampharos stifles a laugh, and grins at Julius. “Come on, now. How will people react to a guild where the building is a Haxorus, but the Guildmaster is an Ampharos?”

    It takes Julius a good five seconds before Ampharos’s words actually hit him. “Wait, what? You? Guildmaster? Over my dead body!”

    Ampharos gives him a genuine smile in return, something that I only think angers Julius further. Before the two of them come to any sort of blows, Jaorda moves in between them. “Come now. Before you two arrive to the battle with a massive handicap, consider that whoever ends up as Guildmaster doesn’t do a lot of adventuring. His jobs are mainly in training new recruits and paperwork. It’s not an exciting job.”

    Julius nods. “So, what- like what I do now?”

    This is twice now that Julius doing paperwork has been brought up. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him doing anything like that.

    ...Come to think of it, there’s a different mood to a lot of these conversations than I’m used to. So much doom and gloom under normal circumstances...

    It hits me suddenly that every single one of them know they’re traveling with a barely-stable dead man walking, and it clicks. This must be what they’re like when they aren’t devoting energy to worrying about me.

    How much don’t I know about my friends?

    I shake my head, resolving to spend more time less wrapped-up in myself if I survive today. My mind begins to wander away from the conversations around me, and I find myself observing the Hall of Origin. ...Well, not how I normally do. I’m clearly aware of what’s around me- the dead grass, the chill in the air, and Kim punctuating something said by Ampharos with a loud “Zing!” My awareness of the Hall of Origin, meanwhile, almost feels like a memory, or a daydream. Like I’m recalling something as it happens.

    Chance stands before Arceus, holding a large ball of multicolored yarn in her hands. She looks up at Arceus, and pleads with him.

    “He’s doing what we told him to do. Just a few more hours, and he’ll have taken down the shard. I promise. Just please, tell me how to stabilize him. He deserves it after what we... what I’ve put him through.”

    I’m surprised I can actually understand what’s being said. Arceus regards her by raising his head, and responding with a single, pure note of sound that no human or Pokemon can replicate, its sound alien, but its meaning unambiguous.

    “Shouldn’t you be working on your magnum opus?”

    The memory abruptly cuts, and I find that I’ve stopped moving entirely. It's a second or two before I feel someone tap my shoulder lightly. Melchior is behind me, apparently the only one who's noticed that I've been standing still.

    "You look upset."

    I'm suddenly incredibly cognizant of the look on my face. I take a moment to change expressions, but it's obvious that he isn't fooled. He looks ahead at the group a hundred or so feet in front of us, then back down at me. "What's wrong?"

    I find myself stammering. "...We're... We're doing what... What needs to be done, right? Wh-what's Arceus have to gain by letting me die?"

    It's a moment before he nods. "...You saw it, too, then. It isn't what he has to gain. It's what he has to not lose. Stabilizing you is difficult to impossible- that's the level of a botch job this is. He could try, but the end result- Palkia vaporizing you- would be identical. The only difference would be the time of the event."

    The scale of Chance's error was that great? That wasn't how she had sold it. "Y-you're sure?"

    He nods. "It's what my eye tells me about your structure."

    I had forgotten that he sees me as I really am through that violet eye of his. I meet it for a moment, then shiver a bit. "How can you look at me without being scared out of your mind?"

    He shrugs as though it’s no big deal. “Honestly? I’m used to it now. I’ve fought so many Shards at this point that you’re nothing unusual.”

    I shouldn’t have expected any other answer. “How did you react to your first one?”

    He’s silent a moment. “...I don’t like to talk about it. But with time, I became used to seeing that sort of thing. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t seen disturbing things before in this line of work.”

    He’s silent a moment, and his eyes briefly flash towards the group. I can’t tell exactly, but I’m fairly certain he was watching Jaroda for a moment. I look over at Kim, Julius, and Ampharos. “...Do you think they’ll remember me well?”

    He gives me a puzzled look? “What?”

    I sigh. “It’s just... I was eavesdropping, and the mood seemed... Just so different from when they talk with me. I feel like a burden on them- do you think they’ll remember me as such?”

    He sighs after a moment. “By now, you’re aware of Richard. And let me tell you something- he was unpleasant. He was arrogant, rude, had no sense of when to keep his mouth shut. But he was also intelligent- far more than anyone on the team. You want to guess which comes up far more often in conversation?”

    I’m silent a moment before he stands up again. “Have a little more faith in your friends. You want to catch up with them?”

    I nod. "Please. But... Faith in my friends? I know I can do that, but what about you and Jaroda?"

    He scoffs. "He isn't my friend. Hasn't been for years."

    I raise an eyebrow. "He seems to think otherwise."

    "How would you react if Kim killed Julius?"

    It's a solid minute of false starts and stops before I realize that I don't have a clue. I shrug, and he nods. "You weren't there. Don't presume to understand. Did you want to catch up to them?"

    I slowly nod, and he picks me up before lifting off the ground. We glide ahead towards the group, who finally seem to have noticed that I was lagging. Julius raises an eyebrow as we approach. “...Are you okay?”

    I nod, hoping that it isn’t obvious that I’m lying through my teeth. It seems to satisfy him, although I notice Kim staring a little. We begin moving again, suddenly completely silent.

    I know Melchior said to have faith in them, but it feels almost as though a slight break in my composure transformed us into a funeral procession.

    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal- 33 chapters and counting!
    Most Recent Chapter- As the party gets closer and closer to Geal Tower, Heath eavesdrops on the party.

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  10. #135
    Join Date
    Jan 2014


    I like this chapter. Good progress, with some things between the characters resolved and some character development. Not the most exciting chapter, but it fills in some important parts.

    I really like Heath's character now. He's not quite accepting that his death is inevitable, and because the gods say it is he's just become depressed I think. I can empathize with his pain. It would be ideal for him to become completely accepting of his death and try to convince the others to view it that way too, so his death defines his base level of happiness; he would feel happier with a lower expectation. This would throw him off mentally if they saved him though.

    I like the rest of the characters, too. You seem to be really good at writing characters.

    I'm looking forward to the next chapter, where they'll probably find the shard.

    Also, s/Jaorda/Jaroda/ at one point.
    Last edited by bananagram; 1st February 2015 at 3:29 AM.
    I need no signature, but I got one anyway! What a signature it is.

  11. #136
    Join Date
    Mar 2014


    Alright, time to finally review your most recent chapter.

    It seems that this chapter was meant to elaborate on the emotions of the characters while they make it to their final destination, and I can say it accomplishes that. Jaroda and Melchior have their talk, which explains Jaroda's feelings on the whole bit of killing their former teammate, and then Heath finally realizes that maybe he doesn't know his teammates as well as he thought. I see how Heath can make that assumption, but I think he might be forgetting that he and his friends did spend some time not in peril before. Specifically, when they were snowed in for a while. They weren't in any immediate danger for the most part back then, so surely he must have seen parts of their personality that normally surfaced in situations that weren't tense. So, perhaps he'll realize that maybe he does know his friends better than he currently thinks that the moment.

    I think the only part of this chapter that I was confused by was towards the end with Melchoir talking to Heath. When Melchoir was talking to Jaroda, he seemed to feel very guilty about everything he said to Jaroda. However, when he then started talking to Heath, he seemed to shrug it off, stating that "Jaroda isn't my friend. Hasn't been for years." I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding something, but it seemed to give off the impression that Melchoir didn't care what Jaroda said and only pretended to feel bad before.

    But otherwise, I felt this chapter was fine. It did what it needed to do, and the characters were able to explain what was on their minds.

    Credit to Brutaka for the epic banner and Haychel for the image on such banner.

  12. #137
    Join Date
    Jun 2005


    Alrighty, let's do this...

    I **** my head to the side.
    Gotta love word filters!

    Reviver Seeds. What would I do with those?
    What indeed. I'm sure they'll find out soon enough.

    From the far side of the pillar, Julius’s voice is audible, and it sounds like he’s scared out of his mind. My evidence? He’s bluffing like an outnumbered, cornered man in hostile territory. Which I suppose he is.

    “-and when I’ve finished stringing your intestines up as garlands, I’m going to-“

    “Julius, shut up!”
    I feel for Julian. But I still had to chuckle.

    The thick foliage surrounding Sylvan is incredible at blocking light, but not so much cold.
    The former's surely got a hand in the latter.

    Nothing noteworthy occurred for the next couple days. I was in the market, trying to buy some apples for Heath and I to enjoy, when who should I run into but Julius. Who, by the way, was in the process of telling everyone he knew about who and what Heath was.

    So, everybody knew (except for Raichu, who he hadn’t gotten around to telling yet). Among the more sympathetic were The Kecleons (for some reason) and Kangaskhan. The others really didn’t care one way or the other. So, I guess Heath got out of that one okay. Julius wasn’t pleased.
    Well, it's good that nothing bad to speak of happened as a result of that. Still kinda wanna throw a sock at the li'l dragon, though.

    Zoroark is busy closing up his window, and putting up a small “Closed” sign. He finally pulls himself together, and motions for me to follow him down the stairs. I follow slowly; these stairs are made for someone of human size.
    I love this little reminder that the protag is currently a cute little crocodile thing.

    “Are you sure you want to head into town through this? Or do you want to wait until the sun comes back?”

    I’m honestly not sure now. On one hand, this is probably the only time in my life I’ve been this cold- I almost feel like I’m frozen in place. On the other hand...

    “T...there’s... ev...every... re... re... reason...”

    “We’re going back inside. I’ll see if Zoroark wants to come here. Is that fair?”

    She doesn’t wait for an answer. Instead, she grabs my hand, and pulls me inside. She seats me in front of the fire, and looks Julius dead in the eye.

    “Make sure he warms up. If you let him outside, I’m throwing you out with him.”
    applauds Kim

    I chase after it, catching fleeting glimpses of it around corners. I’m certain it isn’t Zoroark now. It’s a much darker color, and its legs come to points rather than actual feet. I haven’t seen much more than that, however.
    Darker than a zoroark...

    Tiny dainty pointy feet...


    “Sixteen hours. It’s strange; you seemed to be having some kind of nightmare. That almost gives some credence to the Darkrai argument, but again, its shape was wrong. Do you remember any of your dreams?”
    Still can't help but kinda suspect a darkrai.

    I’ve barely made it into the square when I hear the tearing sound. It sounds like paper being shredded, with a sound of emptiness behind it. I turn around, and am shocked to see the space some twenty feet behind me appear to slash itself open.

    A titanic, light purple foot slowly moves out from behind it. The thirteen-foot owner of the appendage shortly follows, and before long, Palkia stands in the center of Quest Plaza.

    There’s a moment of absolute silence at his entrance, and then a number of passerby take off. Much like everyone else, I’m not sure how to react. Some start to run, but slow to a stop. Some shout in surprise, but do nothing afterwards. Then there are those like me, who simply can’t think of anything to do, and just stand still.

    He doesn’t move at first. Then, there’s a sound like glass shattering, and another Pokémon steps out of the air on one of the other sides of the square. This one is quadrupedal, with a grey body, a red stomach, and yellow spines all over his body. It takes a second, but I recognize the newcomer as Giratina.

    Finally, a sound like thunder as a blue ball of energy opens on one other side of the square. It shrinks into the last member of the trio, Dialga.
    Well. They certainly know how to make an entrance, don't they.

    Palkia turns around, and shrugs. “Or perhaps we can prevent him from PROFANING THE UNIVERSE AROUND HIM BY KILLING HIM HERE AND NOW!”
    Indoor voice, Palkia.

    Then, Darkrai attempted to enter a time tunnel. Palkia showed up, and blasted the tunnel while Darkrai was traveling through it. At the time, it was believed that Darkrai would lose his memory, and be allowed to have a second chance at life. However, by that point, Darkrai’s aura had already blackened. Nobody could tell this, but you can’t just wipe that away. So, while Darkrai’s body emerged on the other end of the tunnel, his mind was trapped inside.”

    The image shifts to an image of a portal shattering.

    “For a split second, anyway. The second that the tunnel shattered, his mind was broken as well, shattering all over time and space. The pieces that survived mostly faded, are fading, or will fade away without a body to contain them. However, those that landed in Mystery Dungeons knew how to craft bodies from the aether. You’ve already encountered one- the Shard of Darkrai that tried to devour you yesterday.
    Yikes. Terrible fate there. Sucks to be Darkrai.

    “The survivors barely had the resources to support themselves, let alone send us along with food and water. So, the four of us headed off into the desert, praying that we’d make it home before one of us died. Around night four, I snapped. Richard had been in charge of rationing out food and water. He should have kept better track of it. Somehow, after jumping to increasingly wrong conclusions, I decided that he had done it on purpose. I-”

    He stops, and I notice now that his eyes are wide, and he shudders when next he speaks.

    “I... The law is very, very vague as to the differences between murder and predation. In general, if you know the victim, it’s considered murder. I had a temporary insanity defense built, but it didn’t matter.

    Palkia’s refusing to get involved with this particular matter, and Melchior’s in the South, hunting an additional one. My reason for suggesting this to Heath is that it will help him learn how to properly fight these things for when we find the important one.
    Palkia should ought to consider getting the sand out of his pants.

    “There are a number of species of plant that don’t have much nutritional value by themselves, but can be used as herbal remedies. I’m from a family that owns one of the mushroom farms, and I’m not a fan of it.”
    Can't blame him. Every mushroom farm I've been anywhere near has smelled really, really bad.

    With that response, she stands back. I approach the pool.

    Kim’s Note: This is probably the strangest part of the book, purely due to the fact that I can see the text here, but I can’t read it. I can stare directly at it, but I can’t read the words in front of me. They’re written in a language I’ve spoken since birth, but I cannot comprehend them. I don’t know why, but I do know that this paragraph fills me with a kind of nameless dread I’ve never experienced anywhere else.

    I find myself sobbing, and screaming at the top of my lungs. “Please, please, take it away!”

    Chance waves her hand, and the image dissipates. I’m doubled over, looking at my normal reflection, breathing heavily. I’m physically exhausted from the experience, and there’s still a lingering terror lurking around the edge of my mind.

    She leans next to me. “Hey. Are you okay?”

    I hear myself answer, “No. Not at all.”
    Sometimes it's much, much more effective when the horrible creepy thing is left entirely to the imagination. This is definitely one such time. Kudos.

    A: I recall that he explained that Chance had shown him his true form, and he did try to describe it to us, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. The few adjectives he managed to get out were deeply unsettling, but I don’t remember any of them.

    J: It’s not just you- I remember that I tried to come up with a mental image of it about five minutes later, and had mysteriously forgotten what I’d been told.
    Yeah that's probably for the better.

    I shake my head. “One condition. If I lose, you let my friends go.”

    It scoffs, and my blood chills. “Why should I accept any deal you offer? You’re bartering for their survival, so you won’t leave them if I say no. Furthermore, if you’re dead, you won’t be around to stop me from killing those that kept my prey from me.”
    Horrible monster fragment has a valid point.

    It sighs. “You’re not getting it, kid. You can talk about how you’re going to save the world, but in the end, you’re taking one of us down. Well, if you’re lucky enough to live through this encounter. We literally exist in every moment of time and space. Those lucky enough to wind up with bodies will continue to come up with inventive ways to end the world, or pull it under our control, or do something earth-shaking. You take one of us down and then die. Who’s to say that the world doesn’t end the day after because your luck goddess missed one of us? In the end, what have you accomplished?”

    I look for an answer, trying to find out a way in which its argument is flawed. After a moment, I shake my head. I can worry more about this later, right?

    And yet, in spite of that, I hear myself ask, “What would you do in my shoes, then?”

    It chuckles a bit. “I don’t know. Die, maybe. Or live as you please. When it comes right down to it, you’ve got three choices. Die, and save yourself the trouble of worrying about your friends. Live as you please, and take the world with you. End our threat permanently. Or, you know, keep fighting a hopeless battle that you will never benefit from. Of course, the latter two are only options if you survive this fight. If I kill you, hey- I might count as a hero. Wouldn’t you say?”
    That moment when you're honestly not sure whether horrible monster fragment is just trying to demoralize its opponent or if it, once again, actually has valid points. Or if both.

    Shard has a way with words, is what I'm saying.

    She nods. “Well, you won’t have to worry about me for much longer. Fifty years to perform my magnum opus, and Arceus himself kills me. I know it doesn’t seem like nearly as short as your time, but when you’ve lived for a little over four thousand years...”

    I raise an eyebrow. “You’ve lived for that long?”

    “Arceus’s servants have extended lifespans, remember? Luck gods like myself are given five thousand under normal circumstances.”

    I sigh, shaking my head. “Except you’ve lived over eighty percent of your life. Assuming I don’t die tomorrow, I’ll get to live around one percent of mine. It isn’t the same thing at all.”

    Chance is silent for a moment, and then hangs her head. She doesn’t try to defend herself.

    She knows, doesn't she? I was in constant contact with her the whole time. Before I can remind her of this, Madame Lucario catches up with the rest of us, and nods in Chance's direction. "Apologies. I was helping break up a fight. You'd be that luck goddess, right?"

    Chance nods, and is about to speak when Madame Lucario leans in, and wallops Chance across the face.
    I cheered. Not out loud, mind you, but I cheered all the same.

    Looking forward to more of this; you've got a good thing going here.

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