Project Valentine (Multishippings, G-PG13)

[floracat]

Aww! This was soo sweet! Rotom's confession was really sweet. But it was pretty humorous too, like Rotom's comparison with his mother and the storm. That was funny. But, all in all, real sweet.

[SugarPesticide]

Thanks guys! Also I apologize if the sudden mood shifts have been giving you whiplash. It's just that sometimes I can't resist making this swing all over the place, you know?

*

NightmarePulseShipping // Rotom & Mismagius // PG

The abandoned mansion was actually rather generic, as far as abandoned mansions go: gothic-looking, dark, imposing, out-of-the-way, and surrounded by an eternally stormy night. Peeking within, one might find the usual long, winding corridors, the cobwebs draped all over the place, the cracked windows and creaking doors, and the occasional swarm of Zubat dropping by.

One would not, however, encounter hordes of shrieking banshees, wailing spirits, or cackling ghouls. The ghosts of the manor, being far removed from all human settlements, had no visitors or passersby to torment, and thus had long since abandoned their mischievous and/or bloodthirsty ways. It simply wasn't worth the effort, they decided; and in any case such behavior could grow quite annoying over time. Even the most patient of their number could only tolerate so much of the old "turn around and jump at the sight of a nightmarish face" routine.

There came a night, however, to change that. In the mansion's inner sanctum, a dank room stinking of cheese, the resident ghosts had flocked , the self-declared leader of the group, wrung her hands together anxiously, an action not missed by several pairs of bright, inquisitive eyes. "We have an intruder," she said at last, once the last of the ghosts had arrived. As they began to cry out in shock, she added hastily, "Now, this is nothing to get upset over. I understand that none of us are quite sure how to deal with a situation like this. I think it safe to say, though, that the sooner we can send it away, the better."

Everyone nodded. After all, trespassers were meant to be persecuted, so simply driving the stranger away was rather merciful.

"It is currently floating around, devouring all our food," she continued, eliciting several outraged exclamations. It was one thing for this creature to show up uninvited, but eating their precious ectoplasm was going too far. "I would suggest we deal with it immediately."

She was quickly trampled as everyone rushed out of the room again, eager to deal with the insolent glutton.

"It had to have gone this way!" Dusclops exclaimed, and proceeded to stomp up a long staircase to the basement.

His friend, the warlock Mismagius, nodded grimly as he floated just behind. "Indeed. I can't see any ectoplasm around here. Do you suppose he might be headed towards the poolroom?"

"Yeah!" The mummy flexed his long, bandaged fingers, gesturing for the warlock to follow him up towards the main floor. "We'd better hurry, before it finds my secret stash—"

"Your what?"

"My nothing. Wait!" He froze, staring at another dark corridor, which was currently a tad less dark than usual. "Something's glowing up there … you think that could be the intruder?"

"Why would it be the intruder?" Mismagius asked, voice oozing with sarcasm. "Maybe someone forgot that they'd used a Will-O-Wisp up there."

Dusclops's single red eye blinked slowly. "Oh. Who do you think was that careless?"

The warlock shook his head, biting back a retort. "Never mind. Let's go catch it already."

He floated off into the corridor, robe rustling quietly. Several seconds passed before Dusclops realized he was supposed to follow; feeling abashed, he quickly stomped after his friend in an attempt to catch up.

Soon enough, after several twists and turns, he caught sight of the stranger. It was very small, he noted: even Sableye and Litwick had to be larger than it. Its orange body was surrounded by a neon-blue glow, which reacted a tad violently every time it touched a floating sphere of ectoplasm, frying it into nothingness almost instantly. This seemed to be its method of eating, for it let out a little buzz of contentment with each bit of ectoplasm it encountered.

"Excuse me!" he blurted, putting on his best intimidation face. "Why have you come here?"

The intruder whipped around, bobbing up and down a little in midair as it examined him with wide, blue eyes. For a moment there was silence, aside from the hum of its electrical field and the bumping and rattling of the other ghosts as they searched elsewhere. He narrowed his eyes a little, hoping it would get the hint. The creature just stared at him for a moment, then tilted its head to the side, looking a little puzzled.

"GOOOOOOOOTTTT YOOOOOUUUUUU!" Dusclops howled, laughing maniacally as he leapt at the thing with outstretched hands – but she flitted out of his reach quite easily, darting further down the corridor as he smashed rather painfully against the floor.

"A superb display of stealth," Mismagius snarked, psychically lifting the mummy to his feet. "Come along; I believe we will be able to corner her up ahead."

Dusclops stared at him. "Her?"

"It had a feminine buzz to it," Mismagius elaborated, feeling a little defensive. "If you have any evidence to the contrary, please feel free to correct me."

"Sure," Dusclops said, sounding as if he hadn't understood what half of that meant.

Some moments later, the two ghosts found themselves in the poolroom. Naturally, everything within was quite clean, for even ghosts enjoy losing themselves in a pool game or two. The only other exit from the room was the large window overlooking the grounds; they doubted that the creature, ghostly though she seemed to be, would think to use the walls.

"Kekekeke," Dusclops laughed, advancing on her as menacingly as he could, which of course was not at all. Naturally, she paid him no attention, opting instead to eat all the ectoplasm she could find. "We've got you now! Wait …" He clutched at his head dramatically, eye widening in horror. "Wait! Don't tell me she ate my secret stash already!"

Mismagius, of course, ignored him, keeping his attention instead on the intruder as she rose towards the magical lantern floating above the pool table. His eyes narrowed, analyzing the way sparks hissed between the creature's and lantern's respective glows. Something seemed rather ominous about it …

As she devoured it, she suddenly popped – for that was the only word Mismagius could think of to label her sudden transformation. He wasn't quite sure what had happened, but suddenly, instead of a cute-looking impish creature, there was a demon floating above them, eyes and electrical field a brilliant green, wheels churning and teeth gnashing.

Dusclops screamed like a little girl and got the hell out of there.

"Er …" Mismagius swallowed, suddenly highly unnerved. "You seem to be full … surely those teeth weren't meant to eat gh—"

Seconds later, he found himself following in his friend's footsteps, fleeing the demonic creature as she rolled just behind him, snapping at the hem of his robe.

"What is this?" A voice floated up towards him, and seconds later he emerged into the entrance hall and spotted its owner: Froslass was glaring down at Dusclops, who was rolling around on the floor and crying like a baby. "Do you really believe that you are acting your age?"

"IT'S GONNA EAT MEEEEEE!" he shrieked in reply.

Froslass looked up at Mismagius as he approached, clearly hoping for some help in this case; her exasperated stare, however, rapidly morphed into one of sheer terror. "What is that thing?" she shrieked, eyes practically bugging out from behind her icy mask.

"No idea!" Mismagius barked back, lifting Dusclops into the air again and soaring off down another corridor. The intruder, of course, followed him relentlessly.

It seemed like no matter where he turned or how quickly he moved, the demon was always just one step behind, electrical field humming hungrily. It fully intended to eat him, that much he knew. Being eaten wouldn't hurt him, at least not for long, considering that he was a ghost; but even so he doubted the process would be very pleasant.

In spite of that threat, he couldn't help but feel strangely … something. What was that word, the one used to describe a sudden rush of euphoria in the face of danger? The one that symbolized the feeling of holding his own life in his hands (or unlife, as it were), and sent his thoughts jumbling into one another in an intoxicating whirlwind of superego and id?

Somehow, in spite of himself, he found himself laughing for the first time in decades.

After a few of those incredible minutes, the gnashing sound behind him abruptly died away. Confused, he slowed to a more casual pace and glanced over his shoulder, realizing that the intruder had somehow reverted to her old form, small and glowing neon-blue. She stared back at him for a moment, then grinned mischievously, tiny teeth glinting.

He couldn't help but smile back, floating towards her a little cautiously. "Little troublemaker," he said, and she tilted her head at the sound of his voice. "You're a fascinating creature, you know."

Whether she understood him or not, it was impossible to say; but she giggled and darted past him, zapping him with a little spark.

He stared after her, wondering whether he should try and catch her now that she was more vulnerable again – but he couldn't quite bring himself to. She didn't seem to mean any real harm, at least not in her current state. And he had really found himself enjoying their little chase, strangely enough. He might as well let her go, this time.

Exhilarated. That was the word.

With a slight chuckle, he headed off to give Gengar a report, dragging a gibbering Dusclops behind him.

*

Coming up next: NeurospastaShipping.

[Blue Astra]

Quite funny. The description of the mansion, the ghosts and their activities was quite hilarious. Dusclops outbursts of sure triumph at first and sheer fear and terror the next moment were unbeatable. I liked Rotom’s personality. There were Pac-Man references everywhere and indeed, there is no other way to describe the whole story as a Pokémon version of Pac-Man: Rotom/Pac-Woman eating the ectoplasm and running away, then transforming into Mow Rotom and chasing the ghosts and when finally transforming back, just leaving the mansion (or, to be precise, “clearing the level”).

"Er …" Mismagius swallowed, suddenly highly unnerved. "You seem to be full … surely those teeth weren't meant to eat gh—"

Unfortunately, they are…

It fully intended to eat him, that much he knew. Being eaten wouldn't hurt him, at least not for long, considering that he was a ghost; but even so he doubted the process would be very pleasant.

Like in good old Pac-Man.


Keep it up.


~Truthfully yours~

[floracat]

Wow. Two Rotom's in a row. It wasn't real shippy, but I loved the Dusclops. He was such a funny little ball of stupid. Real funny! And Mismagius' sarcasm was pretty good as well. I love sarcasm.

[SugarPesticide]

Whoops, totally forgot this existed. My bad.

Anyway. I guess I won an award in the Shipping Oscars! Thanks to everybody who voted for me, it's really appreciated. If you didn't, well, thanks for reading these at least.

Fun fact about this one: it's a crossover with an old oneshot I whipped up years ago. But you don't have to read that to get this one, of course.

*

NeurospastaShipping // Banette & Swellow // PG

"Perhaps I should put it this way," the Banette said. "This is the only water source in this dimension. If you really want something, you'll have to stay here with me to get it."

Pressure the Swellow glared blearily at nothing in particular, trying not to listen to the fountain's inviting splashes. It was a trick, she told herself again. That was all it was, a trick. Like that one story her trainer used to tell, the one about a dark king binding his unfortunate bride to the underworld through the use of a mere half dozen seeds. This water probably existed to serve the same purpose – drinking even a drop would probably spell her doom. Assuming it wasn't full of toxins, of course. She couldn't remember the last time she'd tasted water that hadn't been purified first.

The Banette sighed. "Why don't you believe me?"

"Look," Pressure snapped, nearly smacking the ghost away in her frustration. "I'm not about to touch it, so can you stop hovering about like a bug and leave me in peace? I'm never going to get out of here if you keep distracting me. Weird little doll—"

"My name is Sally," the other interrupted, sounding a little defensive.

"Heh. Funny story: I don't care. What's important is that I get back to the real world, wherever that is, and you're most definitely not helping."

"You can't get out on your own. You'd need a ghost to do that, and—" The ghost paused, as if peering around at the dull gray landscape, with a hand shielding her eyes from a nonexistent sun. "And I'm the only ghost here. Last time I checked, at least. Then again, that was only a thousand-mile radius or so, perhaps there's a little Drifloon floating around at the furthest edge of—"

"Stop mocking me." Pressure swelled slightly, feathers a bit ruffled, trying to ignore the dry itch gathering in her throat. "If you can really get me out of this place, why don't you?"

"Oh, Pressure," the ghost said, letting out a slight chuckle, "'can' isn't equal to 'will,' as much as you might like it to. I haven't had company in quite a long time … a very long time …" She descended towards the nondescript ground, lolling back like the ragdoll she was. "You might as well have a drink, since you're going to be here and such. You wouldn't want to wither away into dust, would you?"

Part of her wanted to screech, to lunge at that stupid ghost laughing silently at her problem. Her trainer and teammates had to be worried sick – they had probably been searching for her for several hours by now. She'd just have to force the thing to take her back, seize her and start shredding her with her claws, since none of her less violent methods of persuasion seemed to be working. Then they'd see who was laughing now …

But she couldn't do it. No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't summon the energy. She trembled slightly, out of both exhaustion and fury, as she did the only thing she could.

Odd, she thought a few seconds later, beak dripping wet. She hadn't expected it to taste so sweet.

It took her a while to figure out that she'd never mentioned her name aloud.

*

Time didn't exist here.

It was the only explanation Pressure could think of. In other situations she should have slowly but surely regained the energy to actually move and beat some sense into her annoying companion. Yet the longer she lay there, wings spread to either side and eyes glaring half-lidded at the dim horizon, the clearer it became that nothing of the sort was about to happen. In fact, she seemed to be getting weaker from the increasing hunger gnawing at her stomach.

She had to do something. But the headache was making it hard to think …

"I've been here maybe a thousand years," Sally spoke up. From the sound of her voice she had moved a little closer, as opposed to far away as she should have. "In outside time, of course. Hard to keep track lately … well, ever. You know, the last time I actually saw a living person was when I was first banished to the underworld. My owner, from when I was a doll, she was sleeping. In the snow, I think."

Pressure said nothing.

"I saved her life, kind of—"

"Banette are supposed to kill those," she found herself saying, feeling a little uneasy at the way her words slurred. "Those … what do you call them, kids. Revenge and everything."

"You'd be surprised. She abandoned me because she had no choice." There was a light shifting of cloth. "Funny how people always think everything can happen in only a certain way. Always think in the most mundane terms, never considering war or sorcery or anything out of the ordinary. Gets to the point where a stubbed toe becomes the event of the year, know what I'm saying?"

"No. And I don't really care."

"Knew you'd say that. Heh, predictable Pressure … Fought off the Unseen King then, when I saved her life. You know who that is, the Unseen King?"

Pressure didn't; but a bit of curiosity prevented her from saying so.

"Of course not. I couldn't face him on my own, of course. Back then I had a buddy to help me. Nice guy, tried not to show he had a heart though. We died, for real that time, but the underworld isn't such a bad place. Most of the time."

"Why're you telling me this?"

A brief moment of silence ensued, in which the ghost was probably shrugging. "I don't know. Maybe I want someone to understand. In a place like this, even a ghost can get lonely. Needs to see the light of someone's eyes, even for just a little while. You understand, don't you, Pressure?"

"I … I guess so." And she did, albeit in some weird way that made her headache hurt even more.

"I knew you would." Something brushed against her wing, but she was too weary to be very startled at the touch. "You're getting tired, aren't you? Maybe a little sleep would make you feel a little better. You know I'll be right here when you wake up. You won't be lonely, Pressure. Even in the loneliest place imaginable, you won't be lonely."

Something crossed into her vision, but her brain had gotten too fuzzy to register it. "I don't …" she tried to say.

"Shh, shush. Close your eyes. Block it all out, retreat to your mundane little world. I know that's what you want. I understand that."

Pressure tried to stay conscious, tried with every ounce of her waning energy. But it was no use, none at all: her thoughts were simply too weak and scattered to rally together. Still, even as her body began to grow numb, she managed to consider how the ghost had stuck around for so long, waiting until she was too weak to manage an escape from this place …

"H-how many?" she croaked.

When Sally next spoke, there was a smile in her voice. "I've lost count, to be perfectly honest. Although I have to admit, you're the first one I've considered actually letting go." There was a tiny clink of metal against metal. "It's a bit of a shame, letting your prettiness go to waste. I'll try to make you last a little longer – make it easier for me to enjoy devouring you, you know. Tell the Unseen King to rot for me."

She heard a sudden zip, followed by an unimaginable burst of agony, before she spiraled into oblivion.

*

Coming up next: PerennialShipping.

[ChloboShoka]

I think I need to have a look on this thread more often. I liked the stories I did read. I think you're really brave and crazy for doing this, but I admire it. I thought they were consistent and well written. Description is defiantly one of your strong points.

[floracat]

Sorry it took me so long to reply. This was really good! That was th Banette from your Pokedex one-shot, isn't it? This was soooo creepy, but at the same time sweet. I like how Banette kinda opened up to pressure, but the killed her in the end! That was good.

[Blue Astra]

Eerie. But I liked how the story developed, gradually leading to Pressure's death. About the shipping part... Quite a strange shipping pair. One could find the romance only in a very strange, twisted way...

[SugarPesticide]

Thanks guys! Yeah, the Banette was an entry for Pokedex One-Shots from way back when. Someone wanted a sequel for it, and this pair was in the queue, so I though, Hey, I might as well!

And yes, that is a very strange ship. It's not the weirdest one out there though. I vaguely remember seeing Ghetsis/Mewtwo fanart somewhere out there, for instance.

*

PerennialShipping // Phanpy & Eevee // G

"You know," Phanpy said, looking as if the sun were rising in front of him for the first time in his life, "this would probably be a great time for us to confess our feelings about each other and whatnot. 'Oh Phanpy, I cannot leave this world without telling you the secrets of my heart!' 'Eevee darling, worry not, for I understand your love for me, and that love is mutual. Fare thee well in the mists of the next world—'"

"Would you please just shut up and help me out here?" Eevee growled around the root clenched firmly in her teeth.

Phanpy's ears drooped. "Okay," he said, and stretched his trunk downwards as far as it could possibly go.

Grimacing, the fox swung her paws up, hooked her claws into the trunk, and slowly shimmied up it until she had reached solid ground again, where she shook her head to dispel the dizziness in it. "Thanks," she said grudgingly, peeking back over the cliff and shuddering at the emptiness of space yawning below. "Let's just go find K," she went on, turning and trotting off towards where she thought they had last seen their trainer. Phanpy practically bounced after her, thinking big hero thoughts.

Up above them, hanging in the sky in much the same way bricks don't, was an enormous spaceship displaying the colors of the Resistance. Missiles rained down from it, occasionally actually hitting somebody. Something exploded a few yards away, sending another chunk of the planet hurtling away into space. Phanpy jumped at this, ears slapping against his head as he looked about himself wildly; suppressing a sigh, Eevee grabbed his trunk in her jaws and pulled him away, ignoring his whine. She would have been frightened too, if she hadn't remembered that the ship was actually on their side.

She remembered how imperative it was that another planet of the Sueniverse be destroyed; after all, the only good Sues, out of the millions of sprawling legions of the creatures, was a dead or demoralized Sue. Of course, the planet undoubtedly housed valuable information of some sort, which was where their trainer, Agent K, came in. The girl was supposed to locate this information, get off-planet in time, and report back to Resistance headquarters. Eevee wasn't sure whether K had found the info yet, but in the meantime it was important for them to look as cute and terrified as most of the shrieking Sues around them, albeit more intelligent about the whole ordeal.

"She might've been this way," Phanpy said nasally, and Eevee let go of his trunk upon deciding that he no longer sounded as if he were about to jump off a cliff himself. "Hey, look! Another Mewtwo and Lugia!"

Following his gaze, Eevee groaned at the sight of the two monsters exchanging blows not too far away, with a girl commanding each of them in an overly excited way. "Oh, come on," she muttered. "A battle? When their entire planet is being destroyed?"

"Kind of a good thing, though." Phanpy kept his gaze glued to the legendaries as they passed, looking starry-eyed again. "They're not going up against our guys this way."

"That wouldn't matter," Eevee retorted, and wondered (not for the first time) whether this place was affecting him somehow. "We have Wobbuffet. Stop staring, we saw a shiny one of those just ten minutes ago!"

"Shiny of which one?" Phanpy asked distractedly. "I can't remember."

"Oh, just hurry up." She glanced skyward nervously as a missile screamed through the air, smashing into the ground too close for comfort. "Why don't you stare at something that isn't tainted? Like the ship, or me, or – Agent K!" She waved her tail like a flag, and a girl in the distance seemed to notice this, as she began to sprint towards them. "Finally, we can go. Phanpy … Phanpy, what are you doing?"

"Doing what you said, of course!" And indeed, he had turned his wide-eyed gaze towards her, admiration still shining in them.

"… Yes, well, it's almost as creepy as the Rayquaza-hybrid Sue we saw earlier." She stiffened, catching sight of someone else approaching them. "Or that."

The Sue was tall and willowy, as most Sues were, and sported hair that shifted colors from time to time, which was practically equivalent to nondescript in a place like this. She wore a T-shirt and miniskirt, which her author could probably have gone on about for several pages, but it was the eyes that had made Eevee freeze up. They were chocolate orbs. Literally. They squeaked as they swiveled in their sockets, bits of cocoa sprinkling down on her cheeks and her grin-bared teeth.

"Another Eevee!" the Sue exclaimed in a voice like rose petals dancing across the soft summer breeze. "Just what I needed! I'm so lucky, aren't I? Steeleon, go get it!"

The Pokemon at her heels leapt forwards. It looked just like a shiny Eevee, except that it was even shinier than usual and wore a silvery pendant around its neck. Growling in such an adorable manner that it circled all the way around back to creepy, it barreled right into Eevee, who was taken by surprise at the sudden assault and found herself sent sprawling several feet away.

Phanpy blinked in surprise at the sudden turn in events. Why had Eevee just let herself get pummeled by that fake creature? She was stronger than that, wasn't she? Then he noticed the Sue, preparing to throw a Poke Ball, and realized what had put her off guard so much. That … that creature wasn't natural, he knew, pressing his ears back. It was bleeding from its eyes! You couldn't get much more unnatural than that!

His eyes darted back to Eevee. She had gotten to her feet again, a bit shakily but still defiant. She was so brave, he thought. Against something so foul and twisted that it scared even her so badly, she still stood strong. That was what he admired about her – she surely knew that the fake Eevee and its master could easily overpower a single untainted Pokemon, but that fact wasn't about to stop her from trying anyway.

Swallowing his own fear, he lifted his front feet, summoned the power he had practiced at using for so long, waiting until she had sufficiently distracted the Steeleon with a Quick Attack of her own. Then he slammed down against the earth, unleashing an enormous shock wave that sped through the ground and sent the surprised Sue and her fake fox flying through the air, where they were vaporized by a conveniently placed missile.

Eevee stared at the spot they had once occupied, panting heavily. After a few moments of getting her breath back, she turned to look at Phanpy, who looked just as winded but had puffed up his chest in pride. "You … did you just …?"

"I sure did!" he said with a grin. "It's not like you could've done that by yourself."

She opened her mouth, ready to give him a piece of her mind … but she couldn't do it. Somehow, her pride had been swallowed up by the knowledge that Phanpy – cowardly, overblown Phanpy – had not only stuck by her side but even helped her against a terrifying foe. "I … um, well … thanks." She curled her tail around her paws, feeling suddenly embarrassed.

"No problem! Anything for the most amazing girl in the universe! And you did kind of need to be saved—"

"No, I didn't," she snapped back. "I needed to be helped. I'm not so weak that I need saving."

"Well, you did."

"I did not."

"You did."

"Did not."

"Did."

"Did not."

"Did."

"Did not!"

"Guys, guys, stop arguing!" Agent K panted, finally arriving on the scene, dirty blond hair still fluttering behind her. They quickly shut up and turned towards her, looking abashed. "How much of the planet would you estimate has been destroyed?"

"Thirty percent, give or take," Eevee replied after a moment's thought. "The gravity well should have it collapsing any second now. The info?"

"Snatched from right under their noses." The agent patted the pouch on her belt, where a disc or something was secure and hidden. She unclipped a walkie-talkie, informing the Resistance ship that her mission had been completed, requesting three to be beamed aboard.

As she spoke, distracted for the moment, Phanpy tapped Eevee's shoulder with his trunk. "I wasn't kidding," he told her.

"Look," she huffed, "I did not need to be saved, those eyes were just—"

"Not that. The other thing." He looked down at his feet, suddenly all shyness.

As Agent K replaced the walkie-talkie, Eevee considered Phanpy's words for a moment. He'd said she was the … he was always saying things like that, she told herself. Declaring his undying love at the most inopportune moments, and so on. This had to be just another one of those things.

But his expression at the moment … she couldn't remember seeing that in him before. She wondered, just for a moment, if maybe he really meant it.

Then they vanished into thin air, and the Resistance ship turned slowly above the dying planet, preparing to carry its passengers to their next mission.

*

Coming up next: BlazingAuraShipping.

[Blue Astra]

I really enjoyed this one. A mission to destroy the Sues and the Sueniverse... awesome. The Sue with the Steeleon was a work of creepy wonder. Chocolate coming from the eyes? That's really too much even for the Sues.

I liked Phanpy's personality and the chaotic atmosphere on the planet and I agree that Sues have taken things too far.

Keep it up.

[floracat]

This, despite its creepy nature, made me laugh so freaking hard! Down with the Mary Sues and the fakes! Destroy them all before they taint us! Ha ha ha! That is pure gold! Extremely hilarious and yet somewhat creepy.

I liked that Phanpy. In a lot of stories, characters always declare their undying love on a battle field or when someone's about to die. Horrible time to be confessing, if you ask me, and terribly cliché. However, you managed to make it into something funny, and romantic-but-not-too-sickeningly-romantic. If I was that Eevee, I'd kiss him right then.

[Skiyomi]

Forgive me for not commenting on recent stuff or even in any kind of logical order, but I was just browsing through and gave your IkariShipping entry a read and realy enjoyed it. Paul's hilariously antisocial behavior was a real highlight for me. The first paragraph is, without a doubt, my favorite part of the piece. The interactions were a treat too.

[gkfang]

wow! Your description is amazing!

[SugarPesticide]

I guess I totally forgot this again. Sorry! Those ponies keep distracting me. Anyway thanks to all you guys for your support and such, I don't know if it still applies months afterward but I appreciate it nonetheless. You can kick me if it happens again you know.

*

BlazingAuraShipping // Vulpix & Riolu // PG-13

The Abbess yawned, unleashing another tiny fireball that floated obediently ahead of her, casting light on the hall. It shuddered briefly as the insistent pounding resumed, mirroring the irritation brewing within its maker. The Abbess herself gave no sign of such emotion, however. A pair of Sisters followed just behind her, and the stranger remained impatiently at the front door; it simply wouldn't do to look anything other than aloof and mystical.

When they at last arrived at the door, the Abbess paused for a moment, staring at the deadbolts for a moment before shaking herself and pushing them back. The Convent had visitors very rarely, and as such its entrance was seldom used, as heard in the ear-grating shriek of its hinges.

"This night is not a kind one for travelers," she said imperiously as the door swung slowly open. "Our Convent is almost always open to those who have been caught in—"

She fell silent, staring at the scrawny creature standing out there. It was peering up at her through the thick snowfall, eyes only barely catching the light of the little fireball. Beyond it was only snow and wind and night, and it seemed as though at any second one of the three would swallow the visitor up. It was rather likely, considering how small he was.

The Abbess slammed the door in his face.

"Mother Abbess!" one of the Sisters exclaimed, sounding slightly high-pitched over the gasp of her comrade. "How can you leave that poor traveler to the mercy of the elements?"

"That is a male," she said rather tersely, shoving the deadbolts back into place. "Mercy has nothing to do with it."

"Oh, can't we at least allow him to stay for a single night? Just to let him rest by our fire and partake of our bread. It needn't be for long, he could leave in the morning—"

"No." She turned with a great swish of her white-gold tails, summoning them to follow her down the hall. "I know the way of these things. He would stay the night, as far out of reach of you Sisters as can be. We would escort him to the door the following morning. But what's this? The snowfall of the night is far too great for anyone to trek through. So here he would remain, until I can at last manage to shove him out on the snow. But he is a jackal among vixens, turning heads and sparking whispers and attracting advances and before you know it, he's evolved and potent and half the Convent is expecting a litter each. Meaning that half the Convent must leave, as they are no longer virginal as their status as Sister requires! And they will be forced to travel with that terrible male, forming an unholy union. A harem, if you will. Believe you me, my daughters, that I shall not lose my flock to an easily avoided tragedy!"

She glanced over her shoulder with a huff, catching sight of one Sister's mouth hanging open rather stupidly.

"… Can't we at least let him spend the night here?" the other asked.

The Abbess found herself resisting the temptation to bash her head against the wall. "Put it out of mind, my daughters," she said, in a perfectly even tone that might have warned smarter Vulpix to actually follow her advice. "Head off to bed now; I shall see you in the morning at prayer."

The first of them nodded, deeply enough to almost hide her yawn, and trudged off to her quarters. The second, however, looked back at the distant door. Repeating the Mantra of Patience to herself, the Abbess waited for the young Sister to return to reality. Well over a minute later, however, the Sister – Flareth, was it? – still stared down the hall, eyes glazed over in a waking dream, seeming to sparkle in the light of the fireball. Her mouth had stretched a little into a lazy smile.

The Abbess, in her great wisdom, made an important decision in regards to the relative priorities of rest and politeness after midnight.

"Get. Off. To bed," she hissed in her ear, startling her to attention. "Right … nowwwww."

Flareth yelped, jumped as if she had received an electric shock, and darted off into the darkness.

The Abbess, nodding to herself, let the matter drift from her mind as she headed off to her own room, with the fireball trailing behind.

*

Morning arrived, as it always did. With a great yawn, the Abbess rolled over on her pallet, tails flopping from one side to the other. Peering up at the gray sky through her little window, she smiled, enjoying a rare moment of tranquil solitude. This would be a lovely day, she told herself, pushing herself onto her paws and arching her back in a magnificent stretch. Perhaps after prayer she might take a stroll outside the Convent. Gazing out at the serene snowfall from the previous night, and—

"No, the kitchen is that way. What, don't you like bread? It's quite delicious, particularly with milk."

She froze, staring at nothing in particular. Then, barely even thinking, she barreled out of her room, crashing through her door with a sound rather less impressive than she would have liked.

Standing a short way down the hallway stood Sister Flareth and the stranger from the night before, both staring at her as if they had been caught sneaking cookies, their fur quite disheveled. Her memory of the Mantra of Patience dissolved rather swiftly at this sight.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed, glaring down at them as if she were Arceus herself. "Sister Flareth, surely you know you were explicitly forbidden to allow him entrance?"

"Well, he, er, he kind of let himself in, Mother Abbess," Flareth stammered.

"Yep," the scrawny stranger agreed, grinning in an infuriatingly impertinent manner. "Through the courtyard."

"… We don't have a courtyard," the Abbess said after a long moment's pause.

Flareth glanced at the stranger's battered paws. "We do now."

"This place is like a dungeon," the stranger said, oblivious to the Abbess' slowly curling lip. "Smells like one too. Hey, I think eggs are supposed to be good eating for a morning after."

"Don't just blurt that out!" Flareth whined, looking nervously in the Abbess' direction. "Sisters are still wandering about. I have a reputation to think about, and—"

"Reputation?" the stranger repeated, sounding boisterous enough to make her wince. "Isn't the social standing thing ignored in churches?"

"It's a Convent," she corrected quietly.

"Apples and oranges!" he laughed, flinging an arm around her. "It's still nothing a little confession can't fix, am I right? There's nothing wrong with a little sleep between friends."

The Abbess, of course, had heard nothing after the words "morning after," and her crouching stance proved it. These last syllables still reverberated in her ears, though, as sounds tend to do; and while her brain didn't quite register them, a reaction was still triggered.

"MONSTROUS LECHER—" she howled, suddenly lunging at him.

He barely had time to widen his eyes, throwing his forepaws in front of him and forgetting about Flareth as the Sister leapt to the side. "Oh shi—"

What followed cannot be repeated here, as there is currently no way to communicate the level of violence involved. Suffice it to say that after much bloodshed, in which each of the stranger's pleas for mercy was met by a vehement "NO DAMN IT", the Abbess won. By a rather wide margin, it should be added.

But it was a bittersweet victory, for after she had returned to her senses and the other Sisters had insisted on hitting him themselves, she stood watching him hobble off over the snow, which was quite fortunately not so deep that anyone was able to leave at all. And someone else did: Flareth, after several seconds of glancing between the glaring Ninetales and grumbling Riolu, hastily scampered off after the latter, where she was greeted with a paw-stroke through her tails and a not-quite-sincere laugh.

"It's better than half the Convent," the Abbess mumbled to herself, trying to believe it herself. "A necessary sacrifice. And who am I to choose her path for her? It may be a dangerous one, but … he appears to be somewhat capable in matters of the world."

Still, she stared after them long after she had gone, praying in her heart for the safety of the wayward Sister.

*

Coming up next: CosmosShipping.

[SugarPesticide]

Random crossover time!

*

CosmosShipping // Dialga & Palkia // G

Palkia stuck his neck into the strange blue box, feeling only a little surprised when he noticed how much larger it was on the inside. "I STILL FAIL TO UNDERSTAND," he muttered, eyes darting around the spacious room. Or perhaps it was a ship? He assumed the circular thing in the middle was a control panel, though being an eldritch god of space he only had a vague understanding of what a control panel was supposed to be. There were little bits one could push, he remembered. Strange how such a little motion could cause seemingly unrelated results.

"WE ARE HERE BECAUSE THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT," Dialga repeated. She was standing at the control panel, gazing up at the blue cylinder extending upwards from its center; her metallic scales reflected its glow dazzlingly. "AHH … I HAVE ALWAYS WISHED TO SET FOOT IN THIS PLACE."

"THAT IS AN INFURIATINGLY UNHELPFUL ANSWER," he said, though his mind was more occupied with the way the light danced about her. He wondered if he might manage to have a control panel of his own, someday. Controlling the flow of space might be slightly less stressful that way. Preferably it would be a small one, though of course any size issues could be rectified quite easily.

Naturally, she ignored him. "IF WE ARE TO USE THIS," she said, speaking mostly to herself, "WE HAD BEST BEGIN RIGHT AWAY, BEFORE THEY COME BACK. SHUT THAT DOOR FOR ME, PALKIA."

He twitched a claw absently, and the door swung shut behind him. "BEFORE WHO COMES BACK?" he asked, considering how much energy he might have saved had he used a miniature control panel.

"THE DOCTOR AND HIS FRIEND, OF COURSE."

"WE ARE STEALING A PHYSICIAN'S MEANS OF TRANSPORT? THIS CANNOT BECOME MORE HEINOUS. SUPPOSE THERE IS AN EMERGENCY WHILE WE ARE AWAY?"

"YOU ARE GREATLY MISTAKEN ON A NUMBER OF LEVELS. PRIMARILY IN THAT I CANNOT DO WHAT I PLEASE, FOR I AM HIS BIGGEST ADMIRER. OR FAN, IF YOU WILL."

"QUITE LITERALLY, I SUPPOSE."

"I AM NOT CERTAIN WHETHER THAT IS MOCKERY OR FLATTERY, SO I WILL COMPROMISE BY TELLING YOU TO SHUT UP." She let her eyes drop to the control panel. "HMM. THIS APPEARED TO BE MUCH SIMPLER TO OPERATE ON THE TELEVISION."

"YOU MUST REMIND ME WHAT A TELEVISION IS," Palkia said, still watching the lights twist along on the walls, shimmering through a trillion floating molecules.

She shot him a brief look. "IT IS A PARTICULAR SORT OF MACHINE," she told him. "THEY ARE ABLE TO RECEIVE AND PROJECT IMAGES OF MANY THINGS, EVEN SOME WHICH DO NOT REALLY EXIST. HUMANS ARE VERY FOND OF THEM."

He tilted his head; the room, already swimming around him, seemed to swirl a little in response to his movement. "I BELIEVE I CAN REMEMBER," he said after a moment. "BUT HOW CAN SUCH AN OBJECT WORK?"

"I NEVER BOTHERED TO DETERMINE THE ANSWER TO THAT. PERHAPS IT IS DUE TO MAGIC." She proceeded to poke at the control panel with a knife-like claw, as if worried that she might skewer the entire thing. "BUT IT IS THROUGH TELEVISION THAT I LEARNED OF THE DOCTOR, SO I SUPPOSE I MIGHT INVESTIGATE FURTHER."

Palkia nodded. His thoughts formed an image now, one of a human wielding a small control panel at a television. He liked the look of that control panel. Perhaps he could modify it, so that it might manipulate space as well as television. It would be very efficient.

The world jerked around him. After several moments of pulling himself back to reality, he realized that the room around them was shaking slightly, accompanied by an odd noise emitting from that glowing blue cylinder. "DIALGA!" he said, in as loud a voice as he could without rupturing the reality around them. The voices of gods are often quite pleasant to listen to, though usually when the listener is another god. "YOU TOUCHED SOMETHING YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE!"

"DO NOT SEEK TO MOCK SUCH A SMALL ERROR!" she called back, still fooling around with the control panel. "I AM NOT AN EXPERT AT TRAVELING MANUALLY THROUGH THE TIME-SPACE CONTINUUM. THAT IS WHY CELEBI IS THE TIME TRAVELER."

"BUT I DISLIKE THE IDEA OF DYING IN THIS BOX—"

"I ASSUMED YOU WERE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO REMEMBER OUR IMMORTALITY—"

"HENCE THE 'IDEA' BIT."

She only scoffed at that.

The room shook particularly hard, so much so that the very air seemed to quiver before Palkia's eyes. Feeling unsteady, he reached out on some long-forgotten impulse, grasping at the first thing he could. Said thing turned out to be Dialga's tail. She hissed at him automatically, but it was a rather distracted hiss, as her attention was turned mainly towards the issue of which parts on the control panel would lead to imminent destruction.

Those scales were very smooth, he realized, getting sufficiently distracted at the feel of her tail. They fit together seamlessly, forming a perfect armor. And yet it seemed … strange. He wondered how he had not noticed it before, with every friendly tap on the shoulder he had given her in the Hall of Origin. His thoughts of control panels gradually drained from his mind, to be replaced by the steady rhythm of blood that pulsed through her tail with each heartbeat.

He could not make sense of this daze he found himself in, clouded as his mind was.

"WE HAVE STOPPED," he heard Dialga announce. "KINDLY LET GO OF MY TAIL, PALKIA, OR I WILL FEED YOU TO SOMETHING."

He felt a tug as her tail slid through his hands, but he barely noticed. Instead he turned, barely noticing his own movements, and following Dialga as she pushed the door open and slid through the doorway. A stray image flickered through his brain, of some blank-eyed undead creature shambling around mindlessly.

The world they had arrived on was made entirely of silver, or at least something resembling it. An intensely bright sun blazed against its surface, its light reflected blindingly back into the newcomers' eyes. Five moons shone in the sky, possibly a sixth unless that shape on the horizon was actually a mountain. Everything was impossibly beautiful – yet Palkia barely noticed this, fixated as he was on Dialga.

It was at that moment, after countless eons of knowing her, that he suddenly realized he was hopelessly in love with her.

Nothing made a lot of sense from then on, though that was only to be expected. Love is a strange thing, even to eldritch gods.

*

Two humans – or rather, one human and one who only looked human – stared at the spot where they had left the blue box just minutes before. "I knew it," the human said after a long while, throwing her hands up in the air. "I knew someone'd steal it sooner or later, what with us just leaving it lying around all the time."

Her companion frowned. "They'll have to come back sometime," he said, rubbing the back of his neck a bit anxiously as she turned on him.

"It's serious!" she exclaimed. "I have to make sure my … my thing didn't leak too much."

"Your what?"

"It's nothing."

"Huh. See, the funny thing is, there aren't a lot of 'nothings' I'd call serious." He raised an eyebrow.

She turned away, just in time to hide the bit of color rising in her cheeks. "Forget it," she said, reaching into her coat pocket and quietly crumpling the tag hidden there – the one that she'd ripped off the love potion bottle half an hour ago. "It was probably a fake anyway."

*

Coming up next: LegendaryShipping.

[AquaRegisteel]

Wow, great stuff you've done here! I love the destruction of the Sueniverse story, made me laugh so much at times.

[SugarPesticide]

Thanks! It was fun to show just how bizarre some Sues can be, and even more fun to have them beaten up.

*

LegendaryShipping // Ho-Oh & Lugia // PG

He stares out into the sky, panicky and wide-eyed. "Wait!" he bellows, and everything around him trembles slightly. The winged shape far above him falters; the two humans sitting on it are nearly unseated. "You can't just leave! I need to know what – whatever happened when … I don't know anyone else! I just … your face …"

Despite the distance, he can see the expression on her face as she shakes her head. "I am sorry, Lugia," she calls back, in a voice like dancing flames. "There is more evil in this land to annihilate. Rest easy in the knowledge that I rejoice in your recovery."

She frowns as if considering whether to add something else; but one of the humans points northward, and with a nod she soars off, rapidly vanishing into the clouds.

His shriek of rage dies in his throat as he remembers just how his other self would respond to this situation. How can he possibly force her to stay? She is proud, he knows, and once her mind is made up, none can hope to change it. Only his own power might be used against her, but the memories of past atrocities – bloodied claws, shredded corpses, shrieking storms – prevents him from doing so.

With a shiver, he allows the child beside him to return him to that strange red and white sphere.

*

The next month is a blur. He isn't sure if it's a month, really; time is warped and disjointed within the sphere. He's let out quite often, but those moments are usually brief, filled with hesitant scientists taking measurements and analyzing his behavior. The child is always there, though just on the edge of the hustle and bustle, simply watching. At the end of each of these sessions the scientists step back, and he lifts his wings carefully, preparing to take off … and then the child stands and returns him to that strange sphere, where he is once again alone.

He often sifts through his memories in these strange spans of time, for want of anything else to do. It isn't particularly pleasant, for the vast majority of these are shrouded in fog: a mark of the mindless Shadow. There is no self-awareness in them, no feeling aside from a constant bloodthirsty fury. There is only the rest of the world, though his handiwork is seen in the wreckage of once proud buildings and the fear glinting in the eyes of soon-to-be victims. Before all of that – before the awakening of the shadow, a time literally painful to remember – there is nothing.

It's as if the Ciphers were his creators. But how can that be true? His first awakening as a monster was far too unholy to be compared to a birth. Yet, try as he might, he simply can't reach any other conclusion. He understands that he is a god, but the nature of his godhood seems slippery and just out of reach. Who is the god in this context, and who is but a pawn?

In the beginning there was man; and he said, Let there be Shadow, and lo, there was Lugia.

He sinks to these thoughts time and time again, balancing just on the edge of black despair – yet he never falls. Each time he remembers the faces in his memory, those not obscured by the taint of the Shadow's fury. Young humans, the heroes. His creators, staring up in terror. And … yes, the wise gaze of the phoenix, so new to him and yet so knowing. The other god, his potential savior. Surely she can give him the answer he has searched for so long.

Such are his thoughts as he drifts quietly in the void, awaiting her return.

*

She swoops towards them on wings of light. At least, that's how it seems to him; her rainbow feathers catch the sun's rays, sending them scattering back again to illuminate everything nearby. He has dwelt on the memory of her so often that, brief though their meeting was, he clearly remembers every aspect of her appearance – but now, watching her descend to this plateau, it strikes him how much that memory pales to her. Nothing in this desolate land can compare to her beauty.

With a slight flutter of her wings, she lands at last. There is some talk between the young humans as they dismount, exchanging tales of whatever events they have been trough, but it seems simply hum in the air around him. He tries to catch her watchful eye; and when he does she returns his gaze, albeit steady and confident.

"You came back," he manages to say. It is a ridiculous way to begin conversation, especially with a goddess such as her, but he can think of nothing else.

She nods, and the crest on her head bobs slightly with the movement. "Did you assume that I would not?"

"No. It's just that it's been … a while. Since we last talked. If you can count that as a talk." It sounds accusatory, to him at least. He winces inwardly.

"Time is not of the essence for those like us." The intensity of her stare burns into him. "You are still troubled."

He nods jerkily, so unlike her smooth movement. Then, before he knows what he is doing, he spills to her all of his worries, relating the thoughts he has constantly relived. He tells of how his very first memories are those of a monstrous fiend, and then, in a shaking voice, explains his deepest fear.

"I-I don't know if I was even supposed to be a god," he finishes, staring down at his claws. "They wanted me to be a machine. A killing tool. And I'm not even that, not anymore." He shifts his wings a little, feeling awkward. "I was wondering if … if you knew. What I am, I mean."

"I do not have every answer," she replies, but when he looks up again he is astonished at the softness that has entered her expression. "I am not as familiar with this land as I perhaps should be. But though I am uncertain as to whether you were truly born as the Shadow … Wes has told me a tale, quite similar to yours." She gestures with the tip of a wing towards the white-haired young human, who seems quite caught up in his own conversation. "There is a land far from here, in which humans created a fearsome creature. It was said to be born solely to assist them in achieving their own nefarious goals. Yet upon awakening, it fled from them instead. Now tell me, Lugia, how you can reflect its actions."

He blinks. "Well … Cipher is already destroyed, so it's impossible to flee them anymore."

"Is it?"

Feeling puzzled, he frowns. What does she mean by that? She sits there, watching him so patiently, waiting for him to figure it all out. He considers the story, drawing parallels and—

Understanding suddenly rushes over him. "So … whatever they did doesn't matter?" he asks, only partially aware of how strange it sounds.

She nods again. "You are a god, Lugia. You think and feel, soar and dive, command the winds while others may only watch in awe. Cipher did not intend for you to do all that at will."

He smiles, and suddenly everything is lighter both around and inside of him, shining with the wondrous realization of his own worth and potential. Even the despair that has threatened to consume him for so long has vanished, as if it has never been. Sensations seem to assault him from every direction: the touch of the breeze against his feathers, the murmuring drone of the young humans, the shining beauty of the phoenix before him … As if driven by the overwhelming world, he throws his wings around her. "Thank you," he breathes, and he realizes that he is laughing. "Thank you!"

Her body, though initially stiff with surprise, slowly relaxes into his grip. "It was truly the least I could do for you," she says, and there is a smile in her voice.

He only squeezes her, staring up at the sun with streaming eyes, feeling truly free for the first time in his life.

*

Coming up next: CharcoalShipping.

[SugarPesticide]

CharcoalShipping // Arcanine & Houndoom // PG-13

"Ooh, what's that?"

The Arcanine jumped several feet into the air, nearly spilling his drink in the process. Pokemon all throughout the café shifted in their seats to get a glimpse of what had made the resultant noise; upon seeing that it was merely the large dog being startled out of his composure, they snickered and returned to their coffee.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face the one who had asked him such an inane question.

"That's your diary, isn't it?" the hellhound asked, grinning broadly at him with glinting teeth. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, I saw it and you were writing in it. To be honest, I'd never have suspected a big hulking guy such as you to have a diary of all things. I guess the world is just full of surprises."

"It's not a diary," he said automatically. "It's a journal."

She raised an eyebrow. "A journal named 'Diary'?"

With a scowl, he pushed the notebook into his bag, hiding the flowing cursive 'My Diary' that decorated its cover. "Details," he grunted.

She laughed. "The devil's in them."

Turning stiffly away again, he sat down – only to groan inwardly as she trotted around and snatched the other chair for herself. "… Can I help you?" he asked, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"Waiter!" she barked over her shoulder. "Cappuccino latte over here, with a dash of capsaicin. Not kidding about the capsaicin!" She seemed to completely miss several bemused glances as she faced him, grinning again. "I'll need to be pretty awake for this. Aw man, you really are very hunky. I like how you turned out."

He sighed impatiently, reaching for his coffee. "Miss, can I help you?" he repeated tightly, bringing the cup to his mouth again.

"Yeah," she said casually. "I need sexual energy."

This statement was met with a sudden spray of caffeine-laden spit.

"No, seriously," she went on, unaware of the coffee that had just splattered all over her face. "It's a demon thing, and I need it so I can get out of this ridiculous mortal world. Seriously, how can you deal with the weather up here? It's way too cold all the time. I swear to Giratina I'm going to freeze to death before long, and it's only been a couple of days!"

He only choked in reply.

"Hmm … you probably don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" She tapped her chin with her claws, looking a little thoughtful. "Y'see, demons can't be up here too long without possessing somebody or whatever, and that hasn't really been done ever since … eh, that's not important. The point is that all of us minor demons have to pick a mortal to have sex with in case we get stuck up here. I picked you, obviously. A long time ago. You were such a cute little pup back then."

Her eyes began to twinkle as she stared off into space dreamily, oblivious of the way he was quickly snatching all of his belongings and shoving them into his bag.

"I wasn't expecting to actually end up like this," she went on. "I have been checking up on you from time to time, though. Making sure you're alive and kicking and all that, you know, because if you'd died or something then I'd have to go through a buttload of paperwork to get another mortal. And that's terrible." Her gaze suddenly refocused. "So, do you want to do this right away? I'd prefer to wait for my coffee, since it pleases me."

"Listen," he snarled, pushing his chair back so hard that it smashed against the nearby wall. "I don't know what sort of trick you're pulling here, but I am not having … er … 'doing' anything with you. Look, you need money? Here's a fiver. Now if you'll excuse me—"

"Cappuccino latte with … er … spicy stuff?" the Mawile waiter asked a bit uncertainly, having only just arrived.

"Trade you!" The hellhound snatched the drink out of his hands, replacing it with the money she'd just received. Without further ado she upended the entire thing into her mouth, glass and all, and proceeded to alternate between swallowing coffee and crunching glass without spilling a thing. "What?" she gurgled, noticing the bug-eyed looks she was receiving. "Is my head twisted around or something?"

She glanced back towards the Arcanine, narrowed her eyes slightly at the empty seat before her, and suddenly streaked off towards the exit, thwarting his plan to dash away by leaping onto his back and pinning him to the ground. By this time everyone was staring at the scene; some people were craning their necks to get a glimpse over a taller person blocking their view.

"I am a married man!" the Arcanine grunted, straining as best he could to break free of her hold.

"Yeah, I know," she said, as if he were merely asserting his gender. "But she wouldn't want you to doom someone to death by cold, would she? Now, since it looks like you're going to keep being ridiculous about it, I might as well do this …"

Opening her mouth, she revealed that her teeth were now all sparking wildly; two seconds later those teeth had sunk into his shoulder, sending electricity coursing through his large body. His howl of pain died into a faint whimper as his muscles seized up and paralysis overtook him.

"Sorry about that," she said, stepping off of him. "Look, how about we talk this out after we've done it? That'll make you feel a bit better, and I can probably wait a few minutes before needing to take off back to Hell. But you're probably going to yell at me a lot like the silly guy you are, so the energy'll run out and we'll need to do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again …"

"Is this what it's usually like here after Halloween?" someone asked the Spinda behind the counter nervously, as the hellhound seized the Arcanine by the scruff of his neck and happily began to drag him off to who knew where.

The Spinda sighed and nodded. "Every frickin' time."

*

Coming up next: SunKingShipping.

[SugarPesticide]

This one is Special!verse, jsyk.

*

SunKingShipping // Empoleon & Typhlosion // PG-13

"Let's see here," Explotaro began, pacing back and forth with his paws clasped behind his fiery back. "It's obvious that you guys are kind of stupid. Not the bad kind of stupid, mind you, but the good kind. Like how you stay with your trainers even though they're Pokedex holders and get into all sorts of life-threatening danger every other week. You need guts for that stuff, but also the blind empty-headed loyalty that keeps you by their sides instead of scampering off like a girl."

"Yeah!" Mega chimed in, unceremoniously bumping Feraligatr out of the way as he extended a vine from his flower and lazily seized the Typhlosion around his shoulders. "But don't feel too bad about it. Intelligence isn't important in the grand scheme of things, or at least not compared to other stuff. Like the bonds of friendship. And good cooking."

"And that's the basics of how to get the hang of the Ultimate Attacks," Explotaro continued, leaning against his Meganium friend. "But that's just the basics, mind you. It's way more complicated than that, as my large green friend and I know very well; even incredible pros such as us can take up to a couple months to master them—"

"It's actually very a simple—" Feraligatr began, before Mega jovially reeled him in with another vine.

"—assuming of course that you don't get a bracelet with an apparent stone fetish," Explotaro went on, ignoring the interruption. It was impossible to tell whether he noticed the stares that resulted from this statement.

"It all takes honesty! Kindness! Laughter! Generosity! Loyalty! Magic! And a sexy masculinity that has nothing at all to do with ponies! Because at the end of the day, it's not about the you or the me, it's the we. There's no I in team, and no you either. Because at the end of the day, we've gotta remember to believe not in yourself, but believe in your trainer who believes in you!" Mega grinned up at the cloudless sky, looking somewhat deranged.

There was an awkward pause. The three newbies glanced at each other uncertainly.

"… As a female, I take offense to that," the blue newbie finally said.

"…"

"Wha-wha-what?" Explotaro spluttered. He could practically feel the circuits in his brain shorting at this revelation. "A girl, one of us? A trusted and reliable starter Pokemon, as a girl? No. Just … no. That's unbelievably stupid! None of us are girls, you dumb penguin, not one—!"

"Toro's a girl," Feraligatr pointed out.

Explotaro waved dismissively at this. "She's a badass ninja phoenix," he replied. "She doesn't count."

"I am perfectly capable of battling on your level, thank you very much," the blue newbie said coldly. "Before I can do so, however, I must mentally prepare myself for all it will entail. It has been an exceedingly long time since I have fought on a level as low as yours, after all."

"Oooooooh, burn!" giggled the orange newbie.

Explotaro's eyes narrowed. "Oh, if that's how it's gonna be, then it. Is. On."

The blue newbie met his glare, curling and uncurling her clawed wingtips as if in challenge. Then, as if on cue, the two of them charged at each other, summoning ravenous flames and looming waves as they prepared to strike. Behind their backs, Feraligatr and the green newbie exchanged weary glances.

Five indescribably violent minutes later, three of the four onlookers were peering down into the charred, smoking , impossibly deep pit that had once been an innocent part of the field. The sounds of the brawl died away, ringing in the Pokemon's ears for only a moment longer. Everything became eerily quiet.

Mega craned his long neck downwards, brow furrowed as he concentrated on picking up any sign of life. "Explotaro, did you win yet? Come on, man, she can't be that much trouble!"

"Don't be stupid!" the orange newbie said, sneering. "Empoleon totally kicked his ass!"

"Of course she didn't! She's just a female!"

"Which makes his defeat even more humiliating, duh!"

"There's nothing humiliating about a water-type completely owning a fire-type! Unless of course the fire-type was wayyyy out of the water-type's league, and so he curb-stomped her right into the center of the earth! And there was much rejoicing. Explotaro, come on, I feel like having lunch already."

"Empoleon's having lunch, you moron. On that weasel's wimpy bones!"

"In your sick perverted dreams, you fugly monkey!"

"Lunch sounds pretty good, actually," the green newbie remarked, unconcerned about the little fact that nobody was listening to him. "I bet Dia's got lots of them, wherever he is now. I hope he isn't lost again …"

Feraligatr heard none of this. He was far too preoccupied with banging his head against a boulder sitting conveniently nearby, punctuating each painful smack with a grunt about wasted training time.

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the pit, Explotaro tried to get up very quickly, only to wince as it became apparent that this was currently impossible for him to do. "You are way too much trouble to deal with," he grumbled, glaring up at Empoleon.

"I need not apologize for my superior abilities," she replied, not taking her eyes off of the steep slope that formed the crater's wall.

"Yeah, well, you should at least apologize for your superior weight." He reached around as best he could, awkwardly pawing at the webbed feet that were crushing down into his back.

He received a smack on the head for that comment.

"Be silent," Empoleon hissed. "I am attempting to get us out of this ridiculous mess."

"Just get off," he wheezed, pushing at her feet even more insistently.

"Don't be a fool! This, the bottom of the pit, is only wide enough for one of us to stand. There is hardly anywhere else that I can be."

Growling in frustration, he let the fires on his back spring to life, preparing to get up once she had jumped. Instead, he received another smack on the head.

"No you don't," she said. "I know how this will turn out. You expect to stand as well; but our combined sizes will plug up the entire width of this pit, and it will become quite impossible for either of us to move. So kindly refrain from doing anything that would prevent our escape, would you? I'm currently attempting to dig out handholds from the walls with my claws, and your constant squirming is far from appreciated."

"Stupid penguin," he grumbled, making no effort to stop the flames. "I'm the professional here, I can actually get us out. Now would you just let me get up and stop pretending you can—guh!"

He suddenly went limp, for this time Empoleon had been rather more forceful with her smacking.

"Stupid mustelid," she muttered, returning her attention to the impossibly steep wall looming above them.

*

The sun had traveled halfway towards the horizon when Mega eagerly nudged everyone awake. "Hey, hey, hey! You guys won't believe the look of this!"

The three formerly sleeping Pokemon grunted, shaking their heads and rubbing their eyes – but every trace of drowsiness vanished as they realized what the Meganium wanted them to see. Empoleon's wing claws were digging into the very edge of the pit, and her head and body gradually emerged as she slowly pulled herself up; then, with a final desperate effort, she heaved herself up and over in a rather clumsy-looking summersault. Explotaro, who had somehow been clenched in her feet this whole time, went flying forwards for a while, bouncing a couple of times before skidding to a stop.

"Hey," said Mega, prodding at the prone Typhlosion with a vine. "You awake, Explotaro mi compadre?"

"Never mind him!" the orange newbie exclaimed. "Empoleon, are you all right?"

"Uhhh …"

"He's awake!"

"She's alive!"

"But Chimhiko," the green newbie said, as if he had just caught sight of a great epiphany, "dead Pokemon don't usually hurl themselves around like acrobats. Er … and zombies—"

"Zombies are not real, Wig!" Chimhiko exclaimed, bopping his friend on the head. "That was just a dream!"

"But you know what this means?" Mega gave everyone a look that was apparently supposed to be meaningful. "The birdie just saved Explotaro! Carrying him all the way up here from down there … you understand what this means, fellow males. She's a badass now. We are no longer free to mock her for lacking the proper equipment." He bobbed his head sharply up and down, a movement which was unnerving enough to prompt a few nods in return.

"She saved me," Explotaro gasped suddenly. He was staring up at the sky with wide eyes, as if he'd never noticed it before. "She saved my life."

"I'm beginning to regret it." Empoleon winced; even the slightest movement aggravated her sore muscles.

"Perfectly fine if you do. I know I'm unworthy of your majestic presence, my queen."

Five jaws dropped open.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Perhaps I should not have hit him so hard," Empoleon said, after a long moment of astonished disbelief had passed.

"Oho!" Mega chortled, his face stretching into a mirthful expression that made Feraligatr want to vomit. "Ohohohohoho! You two were together, weren't you? No wonder you took so long, and have so much dirt all over you … and he's so dazed, too. You really did a number on him, didn't you, birdie?"

Empoleon's eyes narrowed. "Are you insinuating that—?"

"Whoa, is that true?" Chimhiko's eyes widened, half teasing, half suspicious. "I didn't think you'd be into that sort of thing, Empoleon. Sounds pretty hot."

"We did nothing filthy together! Especially not in such a cramped and confined space!" Empoleon snarled as their immature giggling grew louder.

"Nothing could make you filthy, my queen," Explotaro slurred. One could practically see a flock of Piplup fluttering around his head.

Feraligatr sighed and sat down hard, grasping his head in his hands to block out the gleeful accusations and snappish denials. "So much for getting any teaching done."

"Well …" Wig cast his eyes a bit lazily over the other four Pokemon, grasping at straws. "If it helps, they taught me that there's comedic potential in every situation. Shipping potential too."

The large blue alligator only set his teeth as hilarity ensued before him.

*

Coming up next: Crobat & Crobat.

[SugarPesticide]

Silver's Crobat & Lyra's Crobat // G

"I always wanted this to happen," Zeta said for the sixth or seventh time. She was gazing up at the sky with blank wide eyes, her mouth twisted into a lazy slack-jawed smile. "To be a greater creature than any other bat could possibly be. A higher being than any of those Golbat, Zubat, Woobat, Swoobat … heh. You know, those words sound pretty funny now. Swoobat Swoobat Swoobat. We have the best ears of any Pokemon, don't we, you gorgeous beast? Ha ha, everything's so amazingly beautiful. Swooooooobat."

She stretched her four wings carelessly, shifting in the flattened meadow grass with a soft rustle.

"Or maybe it's just my voice that's pretty now. Well, of course it is. My vocal cords are all smooth and perfect now!" Her giggle rang in the air for a moment, sounding a little like a wind chime. "Or both, maybe. Doubly perfect! It's like I'm as godly as you, Crobat my love. Lyra's gonna be soooo happy. I bet she'll look even prettier now that I can pick out each highlight in her hair, and each twinkle in her eyes, and each little subtle shifting of facial expressions that can convey even the most silent of emotions. And I'm far more powerful than I could have ever dreamed of being, too … well, before I met you at least. Then you opened my mind to all the godly possibilities …"

Crobat hovered close by, wearing a frown that his mate couldn't see. He still couldn't believe that evolution had affected her so differently than it had him. He supposed he could hazard a guess that their respective trainers had something to do with it – Silver had trained him to keep a lot more control over his emotions, after all. But puzzling it all out couldn't ease the leaden feeling that twisted his insides as he watched her babble mindlessly beneath him.

"Can you believe how drab I was back then? Just a big mouth with a lot of wings and teeth, snap snap snapping at everything. How come you liked me back then, Crobat? A fat slow monster, loved by the fairest one of all … I guess you do have a sense of humor, silly. But now we're both the fairest ones of all! Destined to sweep across the skies with wings of amethyst …"

He wondered what she would say if she knew he still saw her as beautiful back when she'd been a Golbat – heck, as a Zubat too. He didn't care that she'd been a bit less elegant. It had simply been an evolutionary stage, the same one he had gone through. He missed the way she would pretend to lament her ungainly shape, with a theatrically raised voice and a teasing glint in her eye. Now she waxed poetic in criticizing her old self with complete seriousness. Her beauty seemed rather empty now.

"You know, I might try and steal some of those romance books Lyra's mom's got. And by steal I mean borrow, obviously. Because maybe now I might be able to see what the hype's about, through all my tingly bat senses. I'd have to actually learn how to read, of course. Maybe Silver can teach us, Crobat, that'd be sooo fun! As long as he doesn't find out what I'm doing it for. Because then he would smite us with his boss hand."

He blamed himself for all of this, naturally. She'd obviously evolved as a direct result of Lyra's care, but he knew it was due to her longing for him that had spurred her towards that evolution in the first place. She'd wanted to be his equal – to pose an actual challenge to him in their friendly battles, to glide alongside him without struggling to keep up. How could he have agreed to this vision so easily? Hadn't Silver always taught him to consider every possible consequence, to think ahead and prepare for the best course of action? Even as a mere love-struck bat, he certainly should have remembered his own evolution, saturated with a giddy rush of euphoria as it was. He had never paused, not even for a moment, to consider the fact that only Silver's training might have kept him together through that entire ordeal.

They'd promised to protect and care for each other; and he, stupid creature that he was, had been so wrapped up in the second of those promises that he'd disregarded the first.

If she ever recovered, he'd apologize and let her make whatever decision she would. She could decide with unclouded judgment whether to push him away for his massive mistake, or to love him still in spite of it. It barely mattered to someone as undeserving as himself, at any rate, especially compared to the importance of regaining her grip on sanity. The reemergence of her old self would be more than worth it.

If.

"And at last, said the princess, the whole world is wonderful," Zeta said dreamily, fluttering up off the ground and latching onto him in a tight hug. "Everything is finally super perfect."

Crobat just held her gently, feeling his eyes begin to burn.

*

Coming up next: ShroudedShipping.