[Rated PG-13 for mild fantasy violence, peril, and themes of death]
This is my second Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction. POKEMON MYSTERY DUNGEON: SECRETS OF TIME
When a lone Piplup washes up on a beach during a beautiful sunset she and several other pokemon are dragged into an adventure of a lifetime. They will meet many friends, many enemies, and find secrets and worlds that they didn't even know about. A story of friendship, trust, betrayal, hate, and darkness!
And before you say I'm repeating the EXACT same storyline as the game you are wrong. It might seem the same but because of the twists several parts are different and some parts of the game that aren't major to the storyline are cut out.
Spoiler:- Character List:
Marie- A Piplup with the ability to sense and use Aura like Riolu and Lucario. She somehow ends up washing up on a beach with no memory about her past except her name and the fact that she has an unknown task ahead of her.
Lilly- A young Torchic who dreams about one day becoming an Explorer. But, due to the fact she gets scared easily her attempts end in failure. She has an ability that is unknown to her. Maybe that and much more will be discovered when she finds a Piplup unconscious on the beach at sunset.
Stephanie- A Starly who is colored like a pikachu for an unknown reason. She can use electric attacks due to this. She has a dislike for all theives and criminals.
Kenta- A Grovyle who is wandering about with a rumor about him stealing precious artifacts from the far corners of the world. He has a strange stone on a string around his neck. What could it be? And what is it for?
Markie- A hyper and curious Pikachu who has no home. After getting attacked he is saved by a Grovyle who he decides to help finish the goal it has.
Wave- A shadow Piplup who is serous most of the time and is very sarcastic and impatient. He is annoyed easily and seems to be on the evil side. But, his true intentions are unknown for now.
Dusk- A Charizard who seems to be very famous throughout Treasure Town. He is known for being very smart and wise. However, it seems he is not liked by four pokemon and not trusted by one.
Celebi- A legendary pokemon who has the ability to travel through time. She, along with two others, are working together to try and stop a great disaster that is closely drawing nearer
Wigglytuff- The Guildmaster of the Wigglytuff Guild.
I must stress that you must give some originality to this peice. As I have before, when you play trough a game 2 or 3 times you kin of get bored of the same story, even if it's written in novel format. It's like reading a book based exactly events of a play you've seen- you know what will happen, so suspense and intrigue is pretty much nonexistent, even if it's a different format then the original piece you saw/read. Luckily some of the characters listed in the character list are original to this storyline, so maybe I'm saying all that for nothing.
No originality=not something I'll read, and probalbly many other people agree.
The only other complaint I have is that it includes time travel, which is impossible and shouldn't even have been put in the PMD2 storyline. Things with time travel repel me unless they are interesting enough.
3DS FC (Pokemon X): 1848-1667-7668
Friend safari is Ice with Snorunt, Beartic, and Cloyster. Looking for Dragon safaris, safaris with Whirlipede or Espurr, and Y-exclusive Mega Stones.
I agree with Skydra that your PMD fic needs a bit of improvement in the originality department.
The smaller one, a Piplup replied "I don't sense their Auras anymore."
I never knew piplups could sense aura.
The duo of pokemon went through the tunnel in front of them, they were ready, ready to complete their mission.
The Passage of Time is just a tunnel? That's it? A hole in the wall? The games depict the Passage of Time as the most colorful thing (it's bright blue-white) in the monochrome dark future. Having it become just a small tunnel is a bit boring, in my opinion.
Time traveling is, of course, a big thing in PMD2, but it wouldn't hurt to describe the process a bit more thoroughly. All you have is:
Marie and Kenta saw several past events as the continued to move through the tunnel.
That's not enough to paint a picture in my mind or anyone else's mind. How are they seeing it? Are they gazing through windows and looking glass-like things? Or are the images flashing before their eyes?
So that is all. I love PMD fics, but all of them seem to follow the exact same plot as the game, and it's no fun to read them anymore.
Skydra: Thank you for the tip. I will try to make the story more original as it progresses.
Mallymkun: The piplup can sense aura because of her real backstory which I probably will be posting here as well. I also couldn't think of a better way to describe the Passage of Time or their time travel. I'll go and fix those parts so that they're better and more detailed.
“Hey are you ok?” someone with a young voice asked “Wake up…”
“Huh?” Marie asked as she slowly opened her eyes. She saw a Torchic standing over her
“Hiya!” The Torchic said “I glad that you’re ok. You weren’t moving and I was worried!”
Marie looked around her, she was on a beach, several rainbow tinted bubbles were floating around it, making the sunset seem more beautiful then it already was. “Where am I?” She asked the Torchic.
“A beach near Treasure Town” It replied.
“Treasure Town?” Marie said in confusion.
“I’m guessing you aren’t from around here huh?” The Torchic questioned.
“I…I don’t know where I’m from” Marie replied sadly “all I remember is my name and the fact that I have a big task ahead of me.”
“Oh” The Torchic said “Well can you tell me your name then? Mine is Lilly.”
“I’m Marie” Marie explained. “Hey Marie…” Lilly began “since you have nowhere to go well… would you like to form an Exploration Team with me? We'll be able to search for treasure and explore new places! Who knows, maybe you'll find out what happened to you and what that task you mentioned is.”
Lilly's right Marie thought I have nowhere to go and I don't have any clue what I'm supposed to do is. I guess it wouldn't hurt to form a team with her.
"I've always wanted to be an explorer but..." Lilly looked sad, Marie could sense it. "I'm a coward sometimes so I run away."
Marie felt sad for Lilly, wanting to cheer her up spoke again “I’d like to form a team with you.”
“Really?" Lilly asked. Marie nodded. “Come on then! Let’s go to Wigglytuff’s Guild! That's where all Exploration Teams are formed!” Lilly exclaimed in happiness.
With those words the two pokemon ran across the beach and down a long path towards a large building in the distance.
This... is where their adventure really began...
The begining of the story is sorta the same but don't worry, it will get better.
Feedback is always welcome.^^