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Thread: A Quest for Acceptance (Part 1 of 4)

  1. #1
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    Default A Quest for Acceptance (Part 1 of 4)

    Well, I suppose as my first post on these boards, I might as well post my fan-fiction thus far. It's the first part in a large four part epic. Enjoy!

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    Introduction: The Escape

    It was the dead of night when the girl fled the estate, her Eevee following close behind. There were no guards in sight; Maria had seen to that. Not wanting to risk being seen, she ignored the front gate and went towards the far wall instead.

    Dig,” she quietly ordered the Eevee.

    It grasped at the dirt with its small paws, burrowing downwards. When it popped up on the other side, it let out a small cry prompting the girl to follow, shoving her bag in front of her as she went. With the two of them safely outside the manor walls, they ran off towards the west, towards their future.
    Last edited by Duke Smugleaf; 24th September 2010 at 4:50 AM.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  2. #2
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    Chapter One: The First Catch

    Hello! My name is Lyssa Tyvald. I was born in Goldenrod City in Johto but moved here to Hoenn about seven months ago. I'm twelve years old and blood type B. My goal is to be a great Pokémon Trainer with my pal Fuku! He and I have been friends for a long time. Right now, we're heading off to Rustboro City to try and get our first gym badge, but we're gonna need some help first. Even with Dig, Fuku's not gonna do much to Roxanne's rock-types, so we're trying to find us a water-type! According to my Pokédex, there should be Marill around here and a lot of Wingull closer to the ocean. Let's see if we can find some!

    Approaching a nearby patch of tall grass, Lyssa realized that a skirt was probably a bad choice for traveling clothes, but she and Fuku proceeded onward to try and find a Pokémon. After many hours of encountering nothing but Poochyena and Zigzagoon, she finally found a Marill and attempted a capture.

    So I have to battle it first, right?” Lyssa thought aloud, “Alright then, Fuku use Headbutt!”

    Lowering his head, Fuku charged at the unsuspecting blue rodent, crashing into its side and sending it flying backwards several feet.

    Great! Now Quick Attack!” Lyssa shouted energetically.

    Before Fuku could launch the attack, however, Marill hastily ran away, jumping into a nearby pond.

    Let down, Lyssa tried to encourage herself, “Oh well, we'll get 'em next time.”

    The rest of the day went pretty much the same with Marill after Marill running away or breaking out of the ball and then running away. By sunset, she only had one Poké Ball left. Dejected over her inability to catch anything, she momentarily considered that maybe this wasn't such a good idea, maybe she just wasn't cut out for this kind of thing. Fuku, sensing her sadness, pawed at her to get her attention, then jumped into her arms, yelping happily.

    Smiling, Lyssa responded, “You're right, Fuku, I just need to try harder. 'Practice makes perfect,' as Maria always said. So, let's go to sleep and try again tomorrow, alright?”

    Pulling a sleeping bag out of her pack, she laid it out underneath a nearby tree where she and Fuku cuddled up for the night.

    The next day, Lyssa seemed as cheerful and energetic as ever, running off excitedly into the forest, forgetting to even grab her pack, or make sure Fuku was with her. After several minutes, she reappeared being chased by a wild Tailow.

    AH! Fuku get it away!” she screamed.

    Jumping at the bird, Fuku delivered a devastating Headbutt. Cawing, it flew off.

    Thanks. Maybe I shouldn't leave you behind next time,” Lyssa laughed.

    Continuing forward, the two of them eventually came upon another Marill munching on some grass near a small creek.

    Readying herself, she turned to Fuku, “Okay, we can do it this time! I know we can! Quick Attack!”

    Fuku rushed at the Marill, quickly accelerating to incredible speeds, a brownish-white streak behind him. Connecting with the other Pokémon, he sent it rolling back. Getting up, Marill puffed up then spit a stream of water back at the Eevee, hitting him square in the side.

    Alright, now again!” Lyssa shouted.

    Recovering, Fuku charged his opponent again with another Quick Attack, knocking it into a nearby rock.

    While Lyssa and Fuku battled against Marill, they failed to notice a group of kids walking up behind them. The three of them stopped to watch Lyssa finish up.

    Poké Ball, go!” She yelled as she threw the red and white ball at the wild Pokémon. It hit the aqua mouse and opened up, drawing it inside. The button flashed while the ball wiggled. Just as the Lyssa was about to celebrate, the ball split open releasing the Marill back out whereupon it ran away into the brush.

    Arrrg! So close!” Lyssa yelled in frustration.

    Hey, don't worry. You'll get it next time,” said a voice from behind her.

    Whirling around, Lyssa saw three people standing there. One was a girl with a red t-shirt, black shorts, and a red bandanna holding back her brown hair. Next to her, was a young boy with dark green hair and glasses wearing a green polo shirt and brown shorts. Last, the owner of the voice was an older boy clothed in a blue hooded t-shirt, blue jeans, and a red baseball cap with a Pikachu sitting on his shoulder.

    Who-who are you?” Lyssa stuttered.

    The older boy spoke up again, “My name is Ash Ketchum, and this is my buddy Pikachu.”

    Pi-Pikachu!” The yellow mouse squeaked.

    I'm May,” said the girl.

    And I'm Max,” the younger boy stated.

    May followed up with, “We're on a journey when we happened to pass by you and decided to watch.”

    Put at ease, Lyssa responded, “Oh, okay then. My name is Lyssa.”

    Fuku, who had since walked over, jumped into Lyssa's arms, “And this is here is Fuku.”

    Eevee-ee!” he said joyfully.

    So, you're trainers, right?” Lyssa questioned, “Do you know I'm doing wrong? I haven't been able to catch anything.”

    Answered Ash, “You're throwing the ball too soon.”

    What do you mean?”

    You need to fight it longer so that it gets more worn out. That way it's easier to catch.”

    Oh! I see, but I'm out of out of Poké Balls now. Well, I've got these, but I don't know what they do.”

    Lyssa opened her bag to reveal six balls. Two of them were white with a black circle on top and three red stripes, two on either side, and one running through the black patch. Two more were white on the bottom and green with two concentric brown rings on top. The last two were also white on the bottom half, but greenish-blue on top with crisscrossing black lines.

    Max immediately spoke up upon seeing the balls, “Those are Devon Balls!”

    Devon balls?” Inquired Lyssa.

    See, those two are called Timer Balls. They work best when you've been battling the Pokémon for a while. These two are Nest Balls which are designed to catch weaker Pokémon, and the last two there are Net Balls. They work great on bug and water-type Pokémon,” He explained.

    Impressed, Lyssa said, “Oh, wow, you really know a lot don't you?”

    Yup,” Max stated with a smug expression on his face, “I know everything there is to know about Pokémon.”

    Well, then I suppose I should try using one of these Net Balls next time. That might make things easier.” Commented Lyssa.

    Suddenly, May spoke up, “Hey, how about we help you look for another Marill?”
    For the few hours, the four of them searched throughout the surrounding area for any sign of the troublesome aqua mouse. Eventually, Max found one splashing around in a mud puddle. He called everyone over, and Lyssa immediately began to fight it, Fuku delivering several powerful Headbutts and Quick Attacks. At Ash's insistence, she held off throwing a ball for longer than she would have, though she was afraid that she might hurt Marill. Finally, after Marill collapsed in exhaustion, she threw a Net Ball which pulled the fainted Pokémon into it and started wobbling. Once. Twice. Thrice. Ping! The ball stopped moving and let out a small chime.

    After a few seconds of bewilderment, Lyssa's face brightened up, and she started jumping around cheering, “I caught a Marill! I finally caught a Marill!” She picked up Fuku and hugged him before retrieving her new Pokémon's ball.

    Later, they all found a nice clearing to stop at, Lyssa calling out her Marill.

    I'm going to need to give you a name,” She said looking at the pudgy blue rodent. Pikachu walked up to introduce himself, and the two started playing, Fuku running to join in.

    That's when Lyssa noticed the similarities between them: small round body, big ears, squiggly tail.

    You know, Marill looks a lot like Pikachu. Aha! I'll name you Pikablu!” She called out, Marill and Pikachu both staring at her with puzzled looks on their faces. Ash, May, and Max laughed, “Hey, don't laugh at me just because I'm not good with names.”

    As it was getting dark, Lyssa left to go gather some wood for a fire. Walking through the nearby forest, she saw a whitish-green shape in a distant bush and went over to investigate, but when she got there, it was gone. After returning to camp, she pulled out her Pokédex and started looking through it, eventually coming upon the image of a Ralts.

    Is that what I saw? She pondered.
    Last edited by Duke Smugleaf; 24th September 2010 at 4:30 AM.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  3. #3
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    Chapter Two: And Fay Makes Three

    Lyssa trudged through the forest, pushing aside branches and forcing her way through the underbrush. After splitting up from Ash, May, and Max, she had decided to investigate whatever it was she had seen the night before. She went back to where she originally saw the figure and started searching the nearby area. For hours, she combed every inch of the forest trying to find a clue of whatever it had been, finding nothing. Just, then, she saw a glimpse of something in the distance and started running towards it.

    *ring, ring*

    Stopping suddenly, Lyssa looked around to find the source of the sound.

    *ring, ring*

    It sounded like...a phone.

    *ring, ring*

    Realizing that it was her Pokégear, Lyssa answered, “Hello?”

    Miss Lyssa, I have some bad news,” The voice responded.

    Maria?” Lyssa asked, “What is it?”

    Sighing, Maria responded, “It's your mother. She's very angry with you.”

    Well, I kind of expected that.”

    Yes, but it's worse than that, I'm afraid. She has sent Capt. Hector to find you.”

    Lyssa stood there in total silence, mouth agape with a look of sheer horror on her face, “C-Capt. Hector!?”

    At the mention of that name, Fuku spun around and stared at Lyssa, terror plainly visible in his eyes.

    Bu-bu-but sh-she wouldn't. He-he-he-he...” Stuttered Lyssa.

    I'm afraid it's true Miss Lyssa. He left an hour ago,” Maria said solemnly.

    Gathering herself together, Lyssa took a deep breath and resumed, “Well, I-I can handle him. I'm sure I can. I'm a real trainer now!”

    Be that as it may, Miss Lyssa, he is still not one to be trifled with. You should watch out.”

    Thanks, Maria. I will. Bye.”

    Good day, Miss Lyssa.”

    Hanging up, she turned to Fuku who had overheard the conversation. He was visibly shaken and quite scared. Lyssa knelt down and pet him, “It's okay little brother, we'll be fine. We've got Pikablu to help us now, and we'll catch even more Pokémon along the way. I know we'll win!”

    Despite her encouraging words, Fuku was still not totally convinced.

    Well, let's just take things one step at a time at finish tracking down that thing. I think I saw it over there before Maria called,” Lyssa pointed off to the west.

    Lyssa and Fuku continued their search for the enigmatic figure which took them all over, through the forest, across a field, over a river, until they finally reached a clear blue pond with a small peninsula extending towards the middle. Sitting on the island was a small, white Pokémon with what appears to be two red horns protruding from it's pale-green “helmet.”

    It was a Ralts that I saw!” Lyssa said excitedly as she ran towards it.

    When the small psychic-type saw her running strait at it, it tried to run away, but realized that it was completely surrounded by water.

    Stopping a few feet from Ralts, Lyssa called out, “Alright, Fuku, Headbutt!”

    Fuku dashed forward towards the now-cowering Pokémon, smashing into it and sending it hurtling backward into the water. A couple seconds later, it surfaced, unconscious.

    Huh, that didn't take long,” observed Lyssa, “I suppose I should use one of these Nest Balls then?”

    Taking out the green and brown topped ball, she threw it at Ralts. The ball opened up, drawing in the fainted Pokémon, and then fell into the water where Ralts used to be.

    With a dumbfounded expression on her face, Lyssa said, pulling Pikablu's ball out of her bag, “I...I suppose I should have seen that coming.”

    A few minutes later, Pikablu popped out of the water holding the sunken Nest Ball.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  4. #4
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    Chapter Three: A Challenger Appears!

    Alright, now try a Water Gun, and aim for that rock,” Lyssa instructed while pointing at a small boulder in the distance.

    Pikablu took a deep breath, puffing up her body, then shot out a powerful stream of water from her mouth. It flew straight for the rock but sputtered out and fell short of its target by a few feet. Pikablu turned to her trainer with a sad, apologetic look on her face.

    Kneeling down, Lyssa comforted the dejected Marill saying, “Don't worry, Pikablu, I'm sure you can get it if you keep practicing. Now, let's try it again, okay?”

    Pikablu nodded her head and let out a happy, “Rill!”

    For the past few days, Lyssa had been training with her Pokémon, especially Pikablu, in anticipation of the upcoming gym battle in Rustboro City.

    Good job for today. Let's stop there and go find somewhere to set up camp.”

    Lyssa returned Pikablu to her ball and started walking back towards the road with Fuku bounding happily along. However, they were interrupted by a loud shout from the other side of the tree line.

    YES! I caught a Tailow!”

    Running to see what it was, Lyssa saw a young boy wearing a yellow t-shirt, blue shorts, and a matching blue cap holding a Poké Ball and dancing happily with a spiky, brown raccoon. When he finally turned around and saw that someone had been watching him, he quickly stopped and blushed from embarrassment.

    Who-who are you?” He asked.

    Hi! My name is Lyssa. I just heard you from beyond the trees and wondered what was going on.”

    Oh, well I'm Billy.”

    Hey, you're a Pokémon trainer, right?”

    Uh, yeah?”

    Cool! I haven't been in a real fight before. You wanna battle?”

    Um, it's kind of late, don't you think?”

    Nah, it'll be fine!”

    Okay, I guess.”

    Grabbing a greenish-brown ball out of her bag, Lyssa threw it, “Go Fay!”

    The ball split open releasing the small Ralts between the two trainers, “Ral?”

    Go and get 'em Ziggy! Tackle!”

    Zigzagoon jumped out in front of Billy and proceeded to run strait for the confused psychic-type.

    Dodge!” Lyssa ordered.

    Fay looked at Lyssa unsure of what to do. Just then, Ziggy smashed into her, sending her flying. Hitting the ground hard, Fay weakly stood up before bursting out in tears.

    Raaaaaaaaa!”

    Fay!” Shouted Lyssa running over to the crying Pokémon, “Are you all right?”

    Man, that Ralts is a wimp. Not like my Ziggy. He's strong. It's like he's in the top percent of all Zigzagoon.” Billy stated proudly.

    Zig!” Ziggy gloated.

    Picking up Fay, Lyssa hugged her and said, “I suppose I'll need to teach you how to battle, then. How about you stay here and watch me and Fuku, okay?”

    *sniff* “Ralts...”

    Great,” She turned to face her Eevee, “Now, let's show Fay how it's done, Fuku! Headbutt!”

    Fuku charged at the Zigzagoon with immense power, colliding with him before he could even react.

    Impressed. Billy replied, “Hey, this battle might be interesting after all. Tackle again!”

    Sand-Attack!” Lyssa responded quickly.

    When Ziggy was mere inches away from his target, Fuku swiped at the ground, kicking up a spray of soil into Ziggy's face. The tiny raccoon stopped suddenly and started pawing at its eyes trying to get the dirt out.

    Good, now Quick Attack!”

    While his opponent was distracted, Eevee jumped back then rushed forward with blinding speed, knocking the Zigzagoon of his feet.

    Get up Ziggy! And use Headbutt, yourself!”

    Jumping to his feet, Ziggy dashed towards his adversary.

    Dodge!”

    Because of Ziggy's clouded vision, Fuku was able to easily sidestep the assault.

    Keep attacking!” Shouted Billy.

    The Zigzagoon kept trying to Headbutt several times, but Fuku dodged them all with ease.

    Now, finish up with your own Headbutt!”

    After dodging another attack, Eevee charged for the final blow and hit Ziggy from behind, knocking him out cold.

    No! Ziggy!” Yelled Billy.

    Taking a Poké Ball out of his pocket, he aimed it at the fallen Pokémon, “Return,” A red beam shot out and engulfed Zigzagoon, pulling him inside the ball.

    Man, you're good,” he said, “That's a strong Eevee you got.”

    Thanks.” Lyssa responded cheerfully.

    Vee!”

    Well, I should be going now.”

    What about that Tailow?”

    Nah, I just caught it. I don't even know what its moves are yet. I wouldn't stand a chance.”

    Oh, alright then. Bye.”

    See ya.”

    Later, Lyssa sat around a small fire with her Pokémon, “Well, I think we've got a lot done today, but there's still a lot to do. Tomorrow, we're going to give Fay some good, hard battle training!”

    Ee!”

    Mar!”

    Ral?”
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  5. #5
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    Chapter Four: A New Friend

    Hi there! I'm Paris Tucker, age 14. I live right here in Rustboro City with my parents Frank and Chloe Tucker and my sisters Melissa and Lauren. I'm the middle child. I absolutely love clothes. I want to open a fashion boutique one day where I'll design and make clothes for both people and Pokémon. I'm really excited because the new issue of “Golden Silk Monthly” comes out today. Golden Silk is a new fashion store that just opened up in Petalburg City, though they originally come from Johto. I haven't been able to go there yet, but I buy their magazine every month.

    And here's your change,” Said the cashier, “Thank you for shopping with us today.”

    Ooo! It seems Madam Isabella is having her daughter pose for the cover of this issue again. That's a really cute skirt she has on. It really brings out the green in her eyes. Oh! And I love what she's done with her hair! Her long, black strands are so beautiful! I bet it'd look even better in the low glow of a sunset. Oh, how I wish I had hair like that.”

    Paris continued talking to himself, commenting about the girl's clothing, the position of the background light, and how her hair seems to be a few inches shorter than it was last month. Staring, at the magazine, he didn't pay attention to what was in front of him and ran smack into someone else. Knocking them both down.

    Ow!” Lyssa moaned.

    Looking up, she saw a tall, thin boy with unusual dark blonde hair wearing a bright orange and pink shirt and dark purple pants.

    Oh, I'm so sorry!” He protested, “I didn't look where I was...”

    His mouth dropped upon seeing who he ran into, “Y-y-y-you're Lyssa! Lyssa Tyvald, right!?”

    Uh, yeah? Do I know you?”

    Paris held up the issue of Golden Silk he just bought, “This is you! You're Miss Lyssa! You're Madam Isabella's daughter!”

    Lyssa sighed, “Oh, yeah. I guess I am. I didn't know mom's store was already this popular in Hoenn. So, who are you then?”

    OH! How rude of me!” Paris said standing up, “ My name is Paris Tucker. It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Lyssa.”

    Please, just call me Lyssa,” she complained, Paris helping her up.

    Alright, So, what are you doing here in Rustboro? Ooo! Are you scouting out a location for a new store?” he inquired excitedly.

    No. I'm here to challenge the Rustboro Gym!” Grinned Lyssa.

    Gym? You mean Pokémon battles?”

    Yeah! I'm going to be a Pokémon Trainer!”

    But, don't you already have a job working with Golden Silk?”

    No, not really. Mom just occasionally makes me model for her. I don't actually really care about the store that much.”

    Oh, well, okay then. You know, I've never seen a real Pokémon battle before. Do you mind if I watch your challenge?”

    Yeah, I guess.”

    As Lyssa and Paris were walking towards the Rustboro Gym, Lyssa introduced him to Fuku who he took an instant liking to, picking Fuku up and hugging and petting the slightly flustered Eevee who had never had that much attention from a stranger before. Paris explained that he wanted to become a fashion designer and open up a boutique for people and Pokémon.

    Soon, they were standing in front of a large, round building that looked like it been carved right from the living rock. In the front, was an inset with a stone grey wall and two big doors.

    Well, here we are,” Stated Paris.

    Great! It's time to get my first badge,” Lyssa exclaimed.

    Eevee!” Added Fuku energetically.

    Lyssa strode up to the doors, swing them open. Inside, was a huge stadium-like arena with multi-level bleachers surrounding the battlefield in the middle. Faced with such a sight, Lyssa was momentarily worried by the enormity of it all.

    Sensing his trainer's tension, Fuku pawed at Lyssa leg, “Vee!”

    Huh? Oh, yeah,” Lyssa remembered.

    Summoning all the courage she had, Lyssa bellowed out as loud as she could, “I HAVE COME TO CHALLENGE THE RUSTBORO GYM!”

    Paris covered his ears, “Hey! What gives? You didn't need to shout!”

    Silence.

    Um...Hello? Is anyone there?” Lyssa asked.

    A man wearing a blue jumpsuit and holding a mop walked up to the duo, “Oh, sorry. Roxanne is currently teaching at the Trainer's School. You'll have to wait about an hour to challenge her.”

    ...” Lyssa blushed, “Oh, um, sorry to disturb you then...”

    The school is right next to the gym if you want to go wait there.”

    Thanks...”

    As the two of them left, Paris turned to Lyssa, “Well, that was embarrassing, and painful. My ears are still ringing.”

    Hey, I was just nervous. This is the first time I've ever done something like this.”

    Really? I'd assume with all those photo shoots, you'd be better about nerves.”

    Well, that's different...”

    Moments later, they were in front of the schoolhouse. Walking in, they were greeted by a woman sitting at a desk.

    Hello. Are you here for a class? Todays lesson is almost done, but I can schedule you for tomorrow if you want.” She questioned.

    Uh, no thanks,” Lyssa replied. “I came for a gym battle.”

    Oh, alright then. I'll tell Miss Roxanne when she's done. You can wait over there in the cafeteria until then if you want,” She pointed at a nearby door.

    About an hour later, a young woman wearing a blue uniform and pink tights with her brown hair tied back with two pink ribbons walked in and looked at Lyssa, “I hear you wanted to challenge me?”

    Yeah!” Responded Lyssa earnestly, “So, you're Roxanne? Hello! I'm Lyssa!”

    Nice to meet you,” Roxanne said.

    Turning to Paris, she added, “Are you here for a battle, too?”

    Oh, no, I'm just going to watch Lyssa's fight.” He answered.

    Alright. Then let's go over to the gym. I hope you don't mind being taped. I record all my gym battles to act as reference for the students,” Roxanne explained.

    Sure, I guess. Cameras aren't really new to me.”

    This will be a two on two match. The first trainer to lose both Pokemon loses the battle. Only the challenger is allowed to switch Pokemon.”

    Go Geodude.”

    Let's go Pikablu!”

    The balls split open releasing the Pokemon inside: Roxanne's Geodude and Lyssa's Marill.

    Ooo! That Marill is sooo cute!” Cooed Paris from the sidelines, “And I love the nickname, too!”

    Battle begin!” The referee announced.

    The opening move is yours, Lyssa,” Offered Roxanne.

    Alright, then Water Gun Pikablu!”

    Pikablu conjured together all the power she could, and let loose a blast of water towards her opponent.

    Defense Curl.”

    Geodude compressed together into a tight ball causing the Water Gun to bounce harmlessly off.

    Great, now Rollout.”

    Geodude started spinning rapidly before shooting forward at the Marill.

    Dodge!”

    Jumping to the side, Pikablu just barely managed to avoid the incoming Pokémon.

    Now Tackle!”

    As Geodude was slowing down to turn around, Pikablu rushed forward and smashed into it knocking it back into a rock spire.

    Quick, while it's stunned use Water Gun!”

    Get up Geodude!”

    With lightning fast reflexes, Pikablu composed herself and shot out another blast of water, this time hitting its mark square on. Though injured, Geodude got back up with little trouble, shrugging the attack off.

    Mega Punch.”

    Geodude pulled back its arm then launched forward punching Pikablu in the face and sending her recoiling back.

    Now follow up with Rock Throw.”

    Grabbing a nearby chunk of stone, the rock-type and propelled it towards Marill.

    Pikablu! Defense Curl!”

    Like Geodude did earlier, Pikablu pulled together into a compact ball. The shard of rock hit her back and shattered, doing little.

    Hmm, you know, that Rock Throw didn't do as much as I expected compared to the power of that Rollout I saw earlier. Wait! Didn't Geodude used Defense Curl right before? I think I remember reading something about that... Lyssa thought to herself, “Now, do a Rollout just like Geodude did!”

    While still in the Defense Curl, Pikablu catapulted herself forward with incredible strength and speed, crashing into Geodude before either it or Roxanne could react sending it lurching backward. She continued rolling, quickly turning around and coming back again.

    Oh no! Geodude, dodge!”

    It was too late, Pikablu connected with her opponent a second time, dealing even more damage than the first time, and turning around for a third strike, knocking Geodude out cold.

    Yes! Great job Pikablu!” Cheered Lyssa.

    Stopping, Pikablu turned to face her trainer, waving and letting out a happy, “Marill-Mar!”

    After calling back her Geodude, Roxanne produced another Poké Ball, “Very good. I see you've already picked up that Rollout's power is increased upon using Defense Curl prior to attacking. However, I have a few more surprises up my sleeves. Nosepass.”

    The ball opened up revealing Roxanne's next Pokémon: a large head with an odd red nose.

    Nosepass, Tackle.”

    The compass Pokémon jumped forward straight for Pikablu.

    Dodge!”

    Pikablu easily sidestepped the rather slow Pokémon.

    Great! Now try Water Gun again!”

    While, Nosepass was trying to turn around, Pikablu ejected a stream of water crashing onto the rock-type.

    Your Marill certainly is fast. I'll give it that, but what happens when I do this? Rock Tomb.”

    Jumping up, Nosepass smashed into the ground, causing several spires to shoot upward, encasing Pikablu in a rocky prison.

    Zap Cannon.”

    Nosepass' nose began glowing a bright yellow while a small orb grew in front of it, crackling with energy. The orb launched forward towards the immobile Marill.

    Pikablu! No!” Lyssa called out, tears welling up in her eyes.

    The sphere smacked into the helpless water-type who let out a shrill wail as electricity coursed through her body, knocking her out.

    Paris, watching from the stands, gasped in horror.

    Pushing back the tears, Lyssa pulled out the blue and black Net Ball and returned her fainted Pokémon, “You did wonderfully. I'll make sure we win, don't you worry. Little brother? Let's win this for Pikablu!”

    Eevee!” Nodded Fuku before jumping out onto the field.

    Great, now Headbutt!” Lyssa announced, back to her energetic, lively self.

    Fuku charged forward slamming into Nosepass with devastating force. However, the sturdy rock-type felt little from the attack.

    Zap Cannon again.”

    Like before, the compass Pokémon's nose began glowing yellow then shot out a ball of electricity.

    Dodge it with Quick Attack!”

    Jumping over the blast, Fuku rushed at Nosepass with incredible speed smacking into it, again doing little.

    Keep attacking! Eventually it'll fall!”

    Eevee easily avoid every one of Nosepass' attacks while chipping away with Quick Attack.

    Hmm, this has to stop. Rock Tomb.”

    Jumping up, Nosepass crashed into the ground again encircling it's opponent with rocky spires.

    Good. Now Zap Cannon once more and end this.”

    Paris, anticipating the upcoming attack and not wanting to see Fuku hurt like Pikablu was, covered his face with his hands.

    Smirking, Lyssa said, “Oh no, not this time, Roxanne. Fuku, use Dig!”

    Fuku furiously shoveled at the ground, burrowing downward. The Zap Cannon missed, bouncing harmlessly off the stone.

    Hearing Lyssa, Paris looked up to see Fuku gone, disappeared down into the hole, “Good going! You had me scared for a second there, Lyssa!”

    Well, that was unexpected,” Roxanne muttered to herself.

    Now, attack!” Shouted Lyssa.

    Fuku burst up from the ground hitting Nosepass from below.

    Outside, Lyssa admired her new Stone Badge, “Wow, my first badge! I feel so happy!”

    You really were something back there Lyssa,” Complemented Paris, “I didn't know Pokémon battles could be so fun.”

    Thanks, Paris.”

    Hey, um, do you think I could maybe travel with you?” He said nervously.

    What do you mean?”

    Well, I've always wanted to go out and see the world, but I'm too afraid to go alone, and you and I seem to hit it off so well that I just thought that maybe, you know, I could go with you?”

    Sure! That sounds like fun!” Smiled Lyssa.

    Great! Just let me go tell my parents first! They'll probably want to know where I've been all day, too.”
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  6. #6
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    Chapter Five: Double Rumble Jumble

    As Lyssa, Paris, and Fuku were walking along the road towards the Petalburg Forest, Lyssa and Paris were chatting away, trying to get to know each other better.

    So, you ran away?” Paris asked puzzled.

    Yup. I just left to start my journey.” Responded Lyssa matter-of-factly.

    But why? You had everything.”

    I didn't have my freedom.”

    What do you mean?”

    Neither of my parents like really Pokémon. They saw it as childish and 'improper'. They wanted me to be just another boring rich girl who sits there quietly and does whatever someone tells her and grows up to get married to some businessman so that the family can have more 'connections' or something. They never let me do anything that I wanted to do. They never let me be me, especially not when it came to Pokémon. The only reason I was able to keep Fuku was by saying that he was just a pet or something. At least I had Roddy and Maria on my side, so It wasn't all bad, but then he stayed back in Johto to run the business while we came here, so it was just me and Maria. Finally, I got tired of it and just ran away.”

    Wow, I never realized that being rich could be so boring, but who're 'Roddy' and 'Maria' you mentioned?”

    Oh, sorry, I got so wrapped up I forgot to tell you. Roderick is my older brother who just turned eighteen a few months ago. He took over Dad's business in Johto when we moved here. Maria is the head maid. She also pretty much raised me and Roddy since Mom and Dad were always too busy.”

    Oooh. I get it now. Wait, 'head maid?' As in more than one?”

    Well, when both your parents run two of the most successful stores in Johto, you tend to have a lot of money.”

    Right. I can see that.”

    So what about you? Why did you decide to leave home? Your family seemed kind and loving. I wouldn't want to leave that.”

    Yeah, I suppose that's true, but they were also a little overwhelming. I mean, it's nice that they support me and all, but they take it a bit too far.”

    Like how?”

    Last year, when I participated in a talent show with Mittens, they formed a cheering group, complete with uniforms and 'Go Paris and Mittens' signs.”

    HA! That's hilarious! I'd love to see that!” Laughed Lyssa.

    It was embarrassing!” Paris flustered, blushing, “In any case, that's not really the reason I left anyways.”

    Then why did you leave?”

    I don't know,” He shrugged, “I guess I just wanted to see the world. There's a lot stuff out there, a lot of interesting things, and I just felt cramped in Rustboro. I felt like I'd already seen everything there too many times, and I wanted something new, something fresh. I'd seen many Pokémon trainers come through to battle Roxanne, and I decided I wanted to do something like that, but I didn't want to collect badges or anything. I'd feel bad if my Pokémon got hurt, and I don't think I could make such quick decisions like you made back there.”

    You could do contests.”

    I considered that, and I went to go watch a few of them. I really liked the appeals round; that seemed fun. But, it still had battles. Maybe, if they could just have something about showing off your Pokémon without having them fight, I'd like that.”

    I guess, but battles aren't all bad. I find them fun and invigorating.”

    Well, to each his own, I guess. I'd be too scared.”

    Coming up with a brilliant idea, Lyssa exclaimed, “Hey! Maybe a tag battle!”

    A what?” Paris asked raising an eyebrow.

    Stopping, Lyssa turned to him and continued, “Yeah! It's where two people team up and fight a battle two on two! I've never done it before and it sounds like it could be so fun! Fay could use some battle experience, anyway.”

    Um, I...guess so...” Paris scratched his head, “If you'll help me through it.”

    Of course! Let's go find some trainers!” Lyssa shouted enthusiastically, grabbing Paris' hand and running down the road, Fuku bounding behind them.

    About an hour later, they came upon a couple of twins, Gina and Mia, who readily agreed to Lyssa's challenge.

    Alright, so it'll be a two on two tag battle with each person using only one Pokémon.” Announced Lyssa.

    Sounds good to us.” Mia responded, “Come on out Seedot.”

    You too, Lotad,” Followed Gina.

    Both Poké Balls popped open spitting out the two small grass-types. The first one, a tiny acorn-shaped Pokémon jumped around happily while the blue one with a lily pad on its head just sort of stared off into space.

    Lyssa pulled the Nest Ball out of her bag and threw it in, “Let's go Fay!”

    Upon being released, Fay stood there scared, remembering what happened last time she was sent into a battle.

    It's okay, Fay, we've had a lot of practice since then, and you're a lot stronger now. I know you'll be fine. Just try to relax, and you'll see just how powerful you can really be if you try.” Lyssa smiled at her Pokémon, “Your turn Paris.”

    Oh, okay. I just throw the ball, right? Um, go Puff?” He said, unsure of himself.

    The Poké Ball opened, releasing a small, round Shroomish into the fray.

    We're going to try a battle, Puff, so, um, just use your moves when I say, okay?”

    Shroom!” Puff bounced happily.

    Lyssa raised her arms and yelled out, “Begin!”

    Alright, Lotad use Astonish on Ralts!” Gina ordered.
    And Seedot use Bullet Seed on Shroomish!” Mia added.

    Seedot began shooting small pellets at Puff while Lotad jumped in front of Fay and let out an ear-piercing screech.

    Cover your ears, Fay!” Lyssa shouted, covering her own at the same time.

    Raaaaaaaaaa!” She screamed.

    Meanwhile, the Bullet Seed hit its mark causing Puff to step backwards in recoil.

    Turning to Paris, Lyssa said, “You have to dodge the attacks.”

    Oh, right. Uh, jump away.”

    Puff jumped to the side and out of the path of the seeds.

    Now call an attack,” Turning back to her Pokémon, Lyssa called out, “Confusion!”

    Uncovering her ears, Fay stared at Lotad, her eyes began glowing a bright blue. The water weed Pokémon became encased in a blue aura before being lifted up and hurtled towards a nearby tree.

    Okay, what moves can you use...oh! Try a tackle!”

    The Shroomish ran forward and leaped at the Seedot.

    Dodge it Seedot!” Mia called.

    The acorn Pokémon jumped to the side, easily avoiding the attack.

    Great, now Nature Power!”

    Seedot began glowing a dull green, absorbing the energy from the ground around it, then shot out many golden stars which flew straight for Shroomish, knocking him backward.

    Lotad smacked hard against the tree, causing it to let out a small cry.

    Lotad!” Gina yelled out with concern, “Are you alright?”

    Weakly, Lotad stood up and winced in pain.

    Not good. Let's try and fix some of that with an Absorb!”

    Turning to face Fay, Lotad shot a red beam out of its lily pad hitting Fay and draining her of her energy.

    Try and break free then use Lucky Chant!”

    Pulling her arms in and tensing up, Fay started channeling her psychic energy at the Absorb ray, finally releasing it all and dissipating the attack. After waiting a few seconds to catch her breath, she then stood as tall as her small frame could hold her and began singing in an angelic voice.

    Raaaal! Ral, ral, ral, raaaal!”

    Suddenly, several reddish-purple tentacles of energy sprout from Fay's back which shoot out in front of Puff, blocking the incoming Swift.

    Surprised, Paris says to Lyssa, “Hey, thanks. I didn't know you could do that.”

    No problem. Now, while Fay's handling the defense, you go for the offense.”

    Okay, um, Stun Spore!”

    When, the tentacles moved away, Puff leaned forward and began vibrating furiously, releasing a cloud of orange powder that quickly engulfed the entire battlefield.

    Don't breath it in!” Both Gina and Mia yelled.

    Lotad was far enough away that it was able to react in time and resisted the spores, but Seedot couldn't act quick enough and was paralyzed by the attack, becoming stiff and rigid.

    No! Seedot!” Mia called.

    Alright Lotad, we need to avenge Seedot, so use Bubblebeam on Shroomish!”

    Opening it's mouth, Lotad shot out a continuous stream of bubbles toward Puff. Before they reached him, though, Fay's tentacles once again covered Puff, stopping the attack in its place.

    Gina, we need to do something about that Ralts. We won't be able to do anything if it keeps blocking our attacks.”

    Right. Lotad, try another Astonish.”

    Turning back to Fay, the grass and water-type let out another powerful scream which emanated throughout. The piercing noise caused Fay to cringe. She lost her concentration on the spell, resulting in the tentacles dissipating out.

    Yes!” The twins cheered.

    Quick, call another attack, Paris!”

    Okay, how about a Leech Seed, Puff?”

    Leaning forward again, the mushroom Pokémon produced a small seed, launching it towards Lotad. It landed in the Pokémon's lily pad before splitting open, releasing several vines. The vines swirled around Lotad, encasing it and draining its energy. Within a few seconds, Lotad collapsed, unconscious.

    No!” Gina cried.

    She pulled a Poké Ball out of her pocket and recalled her Pokémon, “I guess you're on your own sis.”

    Seedot? Can you try another Nature Power?

    Seedot tried to attack but was still rendered immobile from the Stun Spore.

    Okay, Fay, let's finish this up with Confusion!” Lyssa happily ordered.

    Like before, the Ralts' eyes glowed blue, channeling her psychic powers at the enemy Seedot who was lifted off the ground and propelled into the air. Releasing her control, the acorn Pokémon fell, crashing into the ground and fainting.

    After everyone had recalled their Pokémon, Lyssa and Paris bid farewell to the twins and continued on their path.

    You know, that was actually kind of fun,” Paris admitted, “But I don't think I want to make a regular habit of it.”

    Lyssa laughed.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  7. #7
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    Chapter Six: The Quarrel

    Taking a break from training, Lyssa went on a small detour to the Pretty Petal Flower Shop at the behest of Paris.

    So, why do you want to go see a bunch of flowers anyways? I mean, they're not really that important.” Lyssa grumbled.

    Shocked, Paris announced, “Oh but they are! These aren't your ordinary flowers, you see. They're rare imports from a far off place called Isshu. There's nothing like them here in Hoenn.”

    So? I still don't see how they're so special just because they come from somewhere far away. They're still just flowers.”

    Well, whether or not you want to, we're still going. You dragged me into a battle, so I'm dragging you to a flower shop.”

    I still can't believe you pulled that on me. If you had told me you were so vindictive I wouldn't have let you come.” Lyssa jokingly huffed.

    Laughing, Paris added, “Well, it's too late now. You're stuck with me!”

    We'll see about that... heh, heh, heh...” Lyssa grinned devilishly, Fuku looking at her with a puzzled expression on his face.

    Oh? Now who's the vindictive one?” Smugly responded Paris.

    About forty minutes later, the three of them were standing in front of a modest looking building that was brightly painted and surrounded by gardens with various plants of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Inside, they were met with an overwhelming aroma from the dozens of flowers lining the walls and shelves. Many other plants were present, too, from leafy shrubs to miniature trees to long, tangled vines. Every inch of the building was covered with greenery of all sorts. While Lyssa stared in awe of just how much plant-life they managed to shove into the store, a young woman walked up and greeted the trio.

    Welcome to the Pretty Petal Flower Shop.” She smiled, “My name is Nicole. How may I help you today?”

    Answering her, Paris said enthusiastically, “I'd heard that you had some rare flowers from Isshu, and wanted to check them out!”

    Oh yes, Those have been quite popular lately. We only have a few left, but you're welcome to look at them if you'd like. Right this way,” she said gesturing them to follow.

    Nicole lead them into a greenhouse at the back end of the store where several radiantly colored flowers sat on a table in the center.

    Ooo!” Paris adored, “They're even more wonderful than I expected!”

    Yes, they are quite spectacular,” Added Nicole, “They've been selling out quickly. This whole room used to be filled with flowers, but these are all that remain.”

    I can see why they're so popular.” Agreed Paris.

    Finally speaking up, Lyssa said, “Well, I suppose they are kind of pretty.”

    See? I told you,” Paris replied.

    That one's kind of nice.” Lyssa stated, pointing at a large, fuchsia colored, bell-shaped one, “It kind of looks like a purple Bellsprout.”

    Ooo! Yeah I like that one!” Paris concurred.

    While they admired the flowers, Nicole turned to Paris and asked, “So, are you here to buy a flower for your girlfriend?”

    Quickly spinning around, they both exclaimed in unison, “Oh no! We're not— No, we're just friends!”

    Taken aback by the sudden answer, Nicole responded, “Oh, sorry. I just though that since you two came in together and all that you—.”

    Well, we're not, absolutely no way!” Lyssa vehemently denied, blushing profusely.

    Yeah, she's not even my type!” Paris added.

    Wait, what do you mean 'I'm not your type?' Am I not good enough?”

    What? I thought you didn't care!”

    I don't!”

    Then why are we arguing!?”

    I don't know!”

    While Lyssa and Paris shouted back at each other, Nicole and Fuku watched in awkward silence, unsure of what to do. The racket soon brought the attention of two more girls who walked in to see what was going on, one about the same age as Nicole and the other a few years younger.

    The older one spoke up, “Um, sis? What's going on?”

    Slowly shaking her head, Nicole answered, “I have no idea. I asked if he was buying flower for his girlfriend, and then they started shouting like this.”

    Sighing, the other woman said, “Again? You need to stop assuming that everyone who walks is a couple.”

    She turned to Lyssa and Paris and tried to quiet them down, eventually stopping the argument.

    Look, I'm sorry if what my sister said upset you. She tends to make these wild assumptions about our customers. She meant no offense by it.”

    Yeah, well, we're sorry for making a commotion,” Paris said sheepishly, “Let's just forget this whole thing, okay Lyssa?”

    Crossing her arms, Lyssa angrily replied, “I'm not speaking to you.”

    Um, well, we should probably get going. Sorry again for the trouble,” Paris apologized, walking towards the door.

    Oh, well good day, then. I hope we see you again,” Nicole said.

    Outside, the trio began walking towards the Petalburg Forest once again, heading off to Lyssa's next gym battle.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  8. #8
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    Chapter Seven: Captain Hector

    ... And that's when Lauren tripped on the cord pulling the whole thing down!” Complained Paris.

    She did? HA! That had to suck!” Lyssa laughed.

    No kidding, it took an entire week to fix!”

    Oh no! Did you still make the deadline?”

    Barely. Everyone had to come in after school to—“

    There you are you little troublemaker!” A booming voice called from behind.

    Whirling around, Lyssa, Paris, and Fuku found themselves face to face with a giant of a man, over two meters tall with rippling muscles. He had short dark brown hair and was wearing a dark, washed-out green muscle shirt and camo pants. His mouth was curled into a cruel grin.

    You thought you could escape, did you? Run away and abandon your duties? Not on my watch you aren't! Now you're coming back to the house right now Miss Lyssa!” He said with a harsh tone.

    Puzzled, Paris asked, “Um, Lyssa? Do...do you know this very, very scary man?”

    Both Lyssa and Fuku stood frozen in place, mouths agape and gripped with fear.

    C-C-C-Captain Hector!” Lyssa stuttered out weakly.

    Who?”

    H-h-h-he's th-the C-C-Com-Com—“

    I'm the Commander of the Guard for the Tyvald household, and I've been sent to retrieve a certain little runaway. Now, I won't say it again. You're coming with me right now!”

    No...It can't end like this! I can't go back now! They'll never let me go again, and they'll take Fuku, Pikablu, and Fay away, too! I know it! I...I have to fight. There's no other choice, but...can I really win? I...I don't know. Fuku will never fight him. He's too scared; I know. Maybe Pikablu? I'm sure she'll be fine, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Fuku is right after all...Maybe the best thing to do is just— NO! I can't think like that! I will do this! I have to! I have to do it for my Pokémon! I have to do it for myself!

    A new fire of determination burned in Lyssa's eyes. Despite every bone in her body telling her that she was making a mistake, Lyssa pushed back her fear and confronted Captain Hector.

    No! I will not go back! I can't!” Lyssa proclaimed.

    Both Paris and Fuku looked at her as if she were insane. They couldn't believe that's she'd stand up to a guy like that.

    Smirking, Captain Hector questioned, “Are you really willing to fight me? You know you can't win. Even your Pokémon knows it, too.”

    Yes,” Lyssa stated, pulling out Pikablu's Ball, “I know I can win!”

    Your funeral,” Said Captain Hector reaching into his pocket and pulling out camouflage colored Safari Ball, “Come on out Sergeant Blaze. We have a troublemaker to catch!”

    The ball opened to reveal a very angry looking Magmar who let out a loud battle cry, “MAAAG!”

    Swallowing her fears, Lyssa released Pikablu who jumped up happily, oblivious to the gravity of the battle.

    Okay Pikablu, we can do this. Water Gun!”

    The still ignorantly cheerful Marill shot out a stream of water towards Magmar.

    Focus Punch.”

    Sergeant Blaze pulled back his hand which began glowing a bright white. Just as the Water Gun was about to hit, he propelled his fist forward, connecting with the stream and scattering it into a fine mist. Upon seeing such a display of power, Pikablu finally started to understand that this wasn't a normal battle.

    Now Focus Punch again.”

    Pulling back his other hand, it also started glowing white.

    Quick! Tackle!” Shouted Lyssa.

    Pikablu rushed forward, smashing into Sergeant Blaze and causing him to lose concentration on his attack.

    Great! Now tackle again!”

    Quickly jumping back, Pikablu dashed forward hitting Magmar again.

    Use Iron Tail.” Captain Hector ordered.

    Jumping upward, Sergeant Blaze's tail glowed a metallic silver.

    Defense Curl!”

    Just as Magmar was spinning around to strike, Pikablu curled up into a ball. The Iron Tail smacked into her but did little.

    Now Rollout!”

    Marill flung forwards and smashed into Magmar, causing him to set back in recoil. Continuing her roll, she circled around for another attack.

    Hmph, this is getting annoying. Let's finish this up with a ThunderPunch Sergeant.”

    Clenching his hand into a fist, Magmar's arm began crackling with electricity.

    No! Pikablu stop!” Lyssa called out desperately.

    It was too late. Sergeant Blaze delivered a devastating uppercut sending Pikablu spiraling through the air landing hard on the ground.

    Pikablu! Are you alright?!” Lyssa exclaimed.

    Weakly, Marill tried to stand up but quickly fell back down in defeat.

    NO! Pikablu!” Cried Lyssa, tears streaming down her cheeks as she ran over to her fallen Pokémon.

    She knelt down and picked up the small mouse who feebly tried to say something but let out naught but a pathetic whine before falling unconscious.

    See? I told you that you didn't stand a chance. Now come back to the house unless you want me to break another one of your Pokémon.” Captain Hector growled.

    Stun Spore!” Paris shouted throwing a Poké Ball.

    Puff sprung from the ball and immediately sprayed a fine orange powder into the air, surrounding Captain Hector and Sergeant Blaze.

    Come on! Let's go!” He called to Lyssa.

    Acting quickly, Lyssa started running towards the tree line with Paris, Fuku, and Puff, carrying Pikablu with her.

    Hey! Get— *cough* Get back here! *cough, cough*” Captain Hector wheezed.

    Safely within the confines of the forest, the five of them hid behind a large tree, Paris glancing back to make sure they hadn't been followed.

    I...I'm so sorry Pikablu...This is the second time I let this happen to you, and...and I'm a horrible trainer!” Lyssa burst out crying again.

    Hey, now, you're not horrible,” Paris consoled her, “I know it's not easy to see your Pokémon get hurt, but its a part of battling. All we need to do is just find a Pokémon Center, and Pikablu will be all better.”

    Looking up at Paris, Lyssa saw his warm smile and continued crying, lunging forward and hugging him tightly, “But it shouldn't have been like this in the first place! I...I...I was supposed to become a strong and powerful trainer. I was supposed to win...”

    You can't expect to become the best just like that. It takes time. I promise you; if you work hard and practice, you will be great.”

    *sniff* Promise?”

    Promise. Now how about you put Pikablu back in her ball, and we can search for a nearby Pokémon Center, okay?”

    Yeah...”

    Later, while waiting in the lobby of the Pokémon Center, Paris turned to Lyssa who sat there solemnly, concerned for her Pokémon.

    So, what's up with that guy anyways? He didn't seem like a normal security guard to me.”

    He's not. He's a retired army officer.”

    Army?!” Paris said, shocked.

    Yeah, he left to join the private sector since there's more money in it. Dad ran into him while on a business trip in Isshu seven years ago. He was working as a security guard at a bank when a masked gunman came in to try and rob it. Captain Hector rushed in and easily stopped the man with the help of Sergeant Blaze. Dad, who'd been there for some business thing, witnessed this and was so impressed that he immediately offered Captain Hector a job. He accepted and went back to Johto with Dad.

    He's ruthlessly efficient, and never stops until his mission is complete. He quickly gained a reputation in Johto for cruelty to his enemies, and the Tyvald household became infamous for being completely impenetrable from thieves. Most stayed away out of fear of Captain Hector while others took it as a challenge. None even made it into the house. Many of them were even hospitalized.”

    Wow...That sounds terrible...” Paris said worried.

    Well, he's not so bad, I guess, if you get to know him, as long as you're not his enemy.”

    But we're his enemies now,” Paris moaned in distress.

    Yeah...”
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  9. #9
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    Chapter Eight: Twofold Folly

    Lyssa and Fuku stood in front of an old Japanese-style building, a wooden frame outlining the aged plaster walls with a low-angle blue shingled roof and a large sliding door in front. She took a deep breath before walking into the Petalburg Gym, ready for her second gym battle, Fuku following behind her. Inside, they found a large, empty room with fine hardwood floors. In the center, a battlefield had been painted on the floorboards.

    Looking around, she asked, “Hello? Is anyone there?”

    A man walked out from around a corner. He was wearing blue pants and a red shirt and had dark navy hair.

    Oh, hello there,” He said, “I'm Norman, the Petalburg Gym Leader. Are you here for a gym challenge?”

    Yes.” Lyssa said confidently.

    Great. I haven't had a worthy challenger in a while.”

    After calling for the gym's assistant to referee the match, the battle started quickly.

    This will be a three on three match. Only the challenger is allowed to switch Pokémon. When all three of one person's Pokémon are unable to continue, the battle will be over.”

    Go Vigoroth!” Norman called.

    Opening, the ball letting out an aggressive looking hyperactive sloth Pokémon.

    Taking another deep breath, Lyssa pulled out her Nest Ball, “Alright, let's go Fay!”

    The ball released a Ralts who was looking quite a bit more confident than usual.

    Battle begin!”

    Growl!” Lyssa shouted immediately.

    Fay opened her mouth and let out a piercing shriek that sends shockwaves throughout the room. Upon hearing the noise, Vigoroth calmed down and mellowed out.

    Great! Now Magical Leaf!”

    Fay raised her arms up then swung them forward, launching dozens of glowing green crescents that flew straight towards Vigoroth.

    Flamethrower!” Ordered Norman coolly.

    Thrusting its body forward, Vigoroth opened its mouth spitting out a blast of fire that charred the incoming leaves to a crisp.

    Follow up with a Scratch attack!”

    Not even giving them a chance to react, Vigoroth lunged at Fay, its large claws glowing white. It swung its arm striking the small Ralts and sending her hurtling backwards.

    No! Fay? Are you hurt?” Lyssa cried out, Fay weakly trying to stand.

    Scratch again!”

    Lucky Chant!”

    Fay brought her arms up and began chanting a melodic tune as Vigoroth rush at her.

    Raaaal! Ral, ral, ral, raaaal!”

    Just before Vigoroth could strike, several purple and red tentacles of energy sprouted, flying forward and forming a protective wall, stopping the attacker in its tracks.

    Hmm, nice move,” Norman commented, “But we can deal with that. Faint Attack!”

    Jumping back, Vigoroth ran around to the side, coming up from behind. Just as the Lucky Chant formed a wall behind Fay, Vigoroth disappeared then reappeared in front, slashing at the Ralts and bypassing her defenses. Thrown backwards, she lost concentration of her Chant which dissipated. She landed several feet away and lay there, unmoving.

    Ralts is unable to battle! Vigoroth wins!”

    Gasping, Lyssa ran over and picked up her fallen Pokémon, “You did great...”

    Choking back her tears, she returned Fay and turned to Fuku, “It's your turn now, Fuku. Let's win this for Fay!”

    Vee!” He said, jumping into the battlefield.

    Battle begin!”

    Headbutt!”

    Fuku charged at Vigoroth, lowering his head and leaping at the sloth.

    Slash!”

    As the Eevee was running at it, Vigoroth raised its arm and swiped downward, knowing Fuku down mid-jump.

    Now use Fury Swipes!”

    Vigoroth began wildly attacking Fuku, delivering blow after blow to the small fox.

    Oh no!” Lyssa cried, trying to come up with a plan, “Sand-Attack! Wait...there's no dirt here. Uh, Quick Attack!”

    Deftly evading the next strike, Fuku leaped back then dashed forward with incredible speed, smacking into Vigoroth, causing it to recoil.

    Now, Headbutt again!”

    Flamethrower!”

    Fuku jumped at his adversary once again, this time being met with a blaze of fire. Shrugging it off, he continued forward and smashed into Vigoroth a second time.

    That Eevee has quite the resistance there,” Stated Norman, “We'll have to stick to physical attacks then. Scratch!”

    Regaining its balance, Vigoroth slashed at Fuku, hitting him hard and knocking him down.

    Again.”

    No! Dodge it!”

    Fuku tried to stand up but was struck with another Scratch attack sending him skidding across the floor.

    Gasping, Lyssa shouted, “Get up!”

    He tried to stand a second time only to fall over unconscious.

    Eevee is unable to battle! Vigoroth wins!”

    NO!” Lyssa yelled running over to Fuku, “I-I'm sorry, Little Brother. I failed you, too. I...I...”

    Lyssa paused, trying not to cry.

    Let's put you back in your ball, alright? At least until we get to the Pokémon Center,” She said, pulling out out a solid black ball with a red ring on top and a golden band around the center.

    After returning Fuku to his Luxury Ball, she stood up and faced Norman, “I...I give up. There's no way I can win, and I don't want Pikablu to get hurt, as well.”

    I understand. You fought well, and I hope you'll come back when you get stronger. I'll be looking forward to it.” Norman said apologetically.

    Turning to leave, Lyssa saw a boy standing near the door. He was wearing dark blue-grey pants and a blue coat with a green trim. His short brown hair partially covered his face which had an expression of disgust on it. As Lyssa walked towards the door, he said to her, every word dripping with contempt, “That was pathetic. I've never seen a battle as sad as that one. You should just give up now before you embarrass yourself further.” While Lyssa stood there flabbergasted, he walked over towards the battlefield.

    How could he say that? How can someone be that cruel? Not even Captain Hector outright insults people like that, and he's a Pokémon trainer?

    Later, at the Pokémon Center, Lyssa waited in the lobby. Paris walked in carrying several bags.

    WOW! Your mom has probably the best store I've ever been in! There were just so many wonderful clothes that I didn't know what to choose! I wish I had enough money for them all, even with the 5,000 you lent me—I will pay you back for that. Promise,” He prattled on, “So, how did your gym battle go?”

    Seeing her dejected expression, Paris instantly knew the answer.

    Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll get 'em next time, though!” He smiled.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  10. #10
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    Chapter Nine: Arrogance in Spades

    Hmph. I'm Damien Mortimer, and I'm going to be the best...

    Cross Chop,” Damien commanded.

    Crossing its arms into an “X,” Primeape dashed forward towards Slaking who was barely standing and gasping heavily. With precise aim, Primeape struck Slaking directly in the throat sending the massive Pokémon hurtling backwards and knocking it unconscious.

    Slaking is unable to battle! Primeape wins, and the victory goes to the challenger!”

    Returning Slaking to its ball, Norman walked over to Damien, holding out a Balance Badge, “You are, indeed quite strong, though I'm concerned about how you treat your Pokémon. Pokémon are not tools of war; they're our friends, and we need to treat them as such.”

    Snatching the badge from Norman, Damien grunted, “You're just like all the other weakling gym leaders I've fought, always going on about “friendship” and “kindness,” yet you all still lose. Tell me: if Pokémon get stronger with friendship, then why are all you gym leaders so pathetic?”

    He recalled Primeape and walked out, leaving Norman with an expression of concern and pity for Damien and his Pokémon.

    The next day, Lyssa, Paris, and Fuku left the Pokémon Center and were on their way towards the docks when they ran into someone Lyssa recognized immediately. She quickly ran over to him, blocking his path.

    YOU! You're that boy from the gym!” She declared angrily.

    Hmm? Oh, right. You're that worthless trainer who couldn't even beat a single one of that weakling, Norman's Pokémon. So pitiful, really,” He replied coldly.

    Hey!” Paris called back, “Who do you think you are insulting Lyssa like that?”

    And who's this? Your gushing fanboy? Are you really so weak that you need someone else to defend you?”

    Stunned, Paris was about to respond when Lyssa cut him off, “No. I don't need anyone to stand up for me. I can handle myself. I challenge you to a battle! And if I win, you have to take back everything you said!”

    Damien burst out laughing, “YOU? Beat ME? HA! Don't waste my time!”

    Yes I can beat you!” Lyssa shouted, “And I intend to prove it!”

    Fine. We'll see just how cocky you are after I pummel your Pokémon into the ground. I won't even need to use more than one Pokémon to destroy you.” He said stepping back and pulling out a Poké Ball.

    Shut up!” Lyssa screamed, “Go Fay!”

    Throwing the Nest Ball, Lyssa sent out her Ralts to face off against Damien who, likewise, tossed his ball into the battle. It opened to reveal a dark red, horned Pokémon with a burning tail.

    Magical Leaf!”

    Pointing her arms at her opponent, Fay shot out a storm of glowing leaves.
    Slash.”

    As the attack was nearing, Charmeleon swiped his arm, slicing the leaves to ribbons which fell ineffectually to the ground.

    Confusion!”

    Fay concentrated hard, letting psychic energy coarse through her and coalesce into a single point, launching the energy at Charmeleon, encasing him in a shell of psychokinesis. Tensing up his body, Charmeleon resisted the attack, causing severe strain on Fay who eventually gave up and released him.

    Shadow Claw.”

    While Fay stopped to catch her breath, Charmeleon rushed forward, his hand enclosed within a claw of darkness. With great speed, he slashed at the Ralts, propelling her through the air and into a lamp post, denting the metal. She was out cold with just one hit.

    Returning Fay to her ball, Lyssa said with increasing anger, “You'll pay for that! Come on out Pikablu!”

    Throwing the Net Ball, it opened to let out the Marill who glared at Charmeleon confidently.

    Water Gun!”

    Taking a deep breath, Pikablu spit a stream of water towards her opponent. Anticipating the blast, Charmeleon jumped out of the way, deftly avoiding the attack.

    Slash.”

    Immediately after Pikablu's attack, Charmeleon rushed forward, striking her with intense power.

    Lyssa gasped, “No! Pikablu!”

    Steeling herself, she continued forward, “Tackle!”

    Picking herself back up, Pikablu jumped at Charmeleon, smacking into him.

    Great! Now Rollout!”

    With her opponent still in recoil, Pikablu curled into a ball and charged at the flame Pokémon, Hitting him square on and rolling around for another go.

    Dragon Rage.”

    With Pikablu coming straight at him, Charmeleon's eyes glowed white, the flame on his tail bursting up and doubling in size. He opened his mouth, forming a ball of fiery energy, launching it at the Marill. Unable to dodge quick enough, Pikablu was engulfed in the ball, blasting her back and knocking her unconscious.

    Wha...what happened?” Lyssa questioned solemnly, “How...”

    I told you that you didn't stand a chance,” Damien sneered, “You're just a miserable weakling who has no place battling.”

    Enraged by his words, Lyssa ran for Damien, her hand closed into a fist. Paris quickly grabbed her and held her back.

    Don't do it, Lyssa! It's not worth it!” He cried.

    Hmph, pathetic. I don't have time to waste on you. Return,” Damien called, recalling Charmeleon to his ball and walking off.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  11. #11
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    Chapter Ten: Prepare for Trouble

    The sound of waves crashing against the side of the boat filled the air, a light mist spraying up over the sides. Lyssa leaned against the rail and watched the water pass by.

    Breathing deeply, she turned to Paris who was lying on a lawn chair, sunbathing in his Speedo, “Ahhh, don't you just love the smell of the sea?”

    Yeah, this is nice. If this is what traveling is all about, I'd have gone sooner!” He responded.

    Lyssa chuckled, “Well, you'd better get as much sun as you can. Once we reach Dewford Island, we're going to a place called Granite Cave. I hear it's a real dark place.”

    Aww, can't you train at the beach or something? Then I could go swimming,” Paris complained.

    Now where's the fun in that?” She giggled.

    Pouting, Paris turned his back to her. Lyssa burst out laughing.

    Later, the trio were hiking through a dense forest, Lyssa and Fuku bounding happily along, while Paris trudged behind, obviously upset to be getting mud all over his nice shoes. Soon, they came upon a large cavernous hole in the mountainside.

    Here we are! Granite Cave!” Lyssa joyfully announced.

    Vee!” Fuku added.

    Looking nervously at the cave entrance, Paris stuttered, “Um...tha-that place looks sc-scary...”

    You're not afraid, are you?” Lyssa teased.

    Of-of course not!” He answered, “I-I was just wondering if ma-maybe y-you were scared...”

    Smirking, Lyssa turned back to the entrance, “Alright, just checking.”

    The three of them entered the cave, Paris doing so reluctantly after Lyssa called for him. They walked through tunnel after tunnel, Lyssa leading the way, seemingly as if she knew where to go.

    Are you sure we won't get lost?” Paris asked.

    Of course not!”

    So, you know where you're going?”

    Not really.”

    Well that doesn't exactly fill me with confidence...”

    They wandered around for several hours before finally coming upon some sort of waterfall. Wondering what a waterfall was doing inside a cave, they decided to stop for the night and start training the next day.

    The next morning, they were awaken by a rumbling sound followed by collapsing rock. Quickly getting up and fearing the worst, they find nothing out of the ordinary, at least not around the immediate area.

    Wh-wh-wh-what was that?!” Paris exclaimed, panicked.

    I dunno,” Lyssa answered, “Let's go check it out.”

    They ran off into one of the tunnels, looking for the source of the sound. After a few minutes, they saw three figures in the distance running straight at them. As they got closer, Lyssa recognized one of them as the boy she met at the beginning of her journey: Ash Ketchum. However, she didn't know the other two. One was tan with spiky brown hair, wearing a brown short-sleeve jacket over an orange shirt and greyish-brown pants. The other, considerably older one, had lavender hair and was wearing a white uniform with a red “R” on the shirt and black boots and gloves.

    Lyssa raised her hand and waved at them, “Hey Ash! Long time no see!”

    Get out of the way!” He shouted back, the three of them running past.

    Just as they were wondering what that was about, Lyssa, Paris, and Fuku saw a horde of Aron charging down the tunnel. Letting out a high-pitched squeal, Paris swiftly dashed away down the tunnel, Lyssa and Fuku quickly following.

    Catching up, Lyssa called to Ash, “What did you do?”

    Pointing at the guy with the lavender hair, Ash called back, “It's his fault.”

    No it's not!” The man retorted.

    You angered it when you poked it!” Ash said back.

    The other guy then spoke up, “It doesn't matter who did it. Let's just find a way to escape!”

    After a few minutes of intense running, all the while Paris screaming, they came upon a split in the path. Hastily, they climbed up while the Aron horde continued forward, passing them by. They all stopped, gasping for air.

    What...*pant*...what was...*pant*...that?” Lyssa heaved.

    Catching is breath, Ash answered, “It's a long story.”

    Oh, alright.” She responded.

    Hey, Lyssa, who are these people?” Asked Paris.

    I'm Ash Ketchum,” Ash said.

    And I'm Brock,” The spiky-haired boy said.

    Oh, hi. I'm Paris. Nice to meet you.”

    Lyssa turned to Brock, “I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Lyssa.”

    Hello,” Brock responded.

    Eevee-ee!” Fuku chimed in, not wanting to be left out.

    Oh, yeah. This is my buddy Fuku.” Lyssa said.

    Vee!”

    Paris pointed to the other guy, “So who's that?”

    Turning around, he looked at the gathered faces, “Me? Oh, well, uh, I'm James.”

    Ash and Brock looked like they wanted to say something but left it at that.

    Okay...” Lyssa said puzzled, “So, um, Where's May and Max?”

    We got separated.” Ash replied.

    Cheerfully, Lyssa suggested, “Well, I'm sure I can find them. I know this cave like the back of my hand.”

    Paris stared at her, raising an eyebrow, “No you don't. We just got here yesterday.”

    Weeeeellllll...”

    And then we proceeded to wander aimlessly for three hours.”

    Lyssa laughed nervously.

    Um, shall we?” She motioned down the tunnel.

    Well, I see nothing wrong with this plan!” Ash stated, obliviously marching forward.

    Paris and Brock looked at each other. Shrugging, they solemnly followed behind.

    After about ten minutes, they came upon an intersection. On the western-most passage was a small, red arrow sticker.

    Hey! It's the arrow I placed!” Brock exclaimed.

    Great!” Added Ash.

    The six of them excitedly ran down the path, eventually coming to a large room, and subsequently falling down the large hole in the middle of the floor. Tumbling down, they all land in a pile of dirt.

    Ow,” Whined Lyssa, “Since when was there a hole there?”

    Ash and Brock both immediately pointed to James.

    Who goes around digging holes in caves, anyways?” She complained.

    After pulling themselves free, they continued down the path, only to run right into the charging Aron horde.

    Not again!” They all screamed, running away.

    Do something, Lyssa!” Cried Paris anxiously.

    Like what?” She called back.

    Isn't Fay a psychic-type? Can't she Teleport us away or something?”

    Fay doesn't know Teleport.”

    How can a Ralts not know Teleport?”

    I don't—”

    Lyssa was interrupted by two people suddenly falling on top of them.

    Getting up, they saw that the new people were May and an older girl with long, red hair wearing the same uniform as James but with a higher cut shirt.

    Ash! Brock!” May said happily.

    RUN!” Everyone yelled, the Aron horde closing in on them.

    With May and the other girl now in the group, they continued down the tunnel, running as fast as they could. A few minutes later, they all hear the sound of someone calling to them. Looking up, they saw Max, Pikachu, a Meowth, an Aron, and a man with silver hair wearing an orange button-up shirt, a brown vest, and brown pants.

    Meet us at the waterfall,” The man said.

    Continuing to run, Lyssa thought to herself, Hmm, I know I've seen that face before, but where?

    Finally coming back to the waterfall, The group found themselves cornered. The Aron horde came charging at them, when suddenly the silver-haired man appeared at the top of the fall.

    Roar,” He ordered.

    His Aron opened its mouth and let out a loud howl which echoed throughout the cavern. Just then, the wild Aron stopped, turned around, and walked away back down the tunnel.

    Climbing down, the Meowth ran over to James and the redhead girl, while Pikachu jumped onto Ash's shoulder. Max and the man walked over to the group.

    That's it!” Lyssa suddenly shouted, pointing at the man, “I knew I recognized you! You're Steven Stone!”

    Ah, yes. You're Lyssa, correct? Lyssa Tyvald?” He said.

    James, catching that last part, turned around, “Wait, Tyvald? As in Gerard Tyvald? I didn't know you were his kid.”

    You know her?” The redhead asked.

    Yes, my parents were good friends with the Tyvalds. I didn't know they had a daughter, though.”

    Oh, you're that James? The one engaged to Jessiebelle? I'd heard about you from my brother, but I never thought I'd run into you in a place like this. I can certainly see why you ran, though. I never liked her, either.” Lyssa said.

    While this was going on, Ash, Brock, May, and Max all stood in utter confusion.

    Speaking for the group, Ash questioned, “Wait, wait, wait. How do you all know each other?”

    Turning to them, Lyssa answered, “Oh, well, it's quite simple. My father has good relationship with James' parents who invested in the Goldenrod Department Store many years ago, allowing us to expand it greatly. Afterwards, they became friends, allying our families. As for Steven, I only met him recently when my parents invited him and his father to my birthday party. Understand now?”

    Um...not really...” They stared blankly.

    While Lyssa tried to explain it again, James and his two cohorts huddled together, whispering amongst themselves.

    Suddenly, the three of them leap forward, the girl speaking up, “Hand over Pikachu!”
    Moaning, Ash complained, “Oh, not now.”

    Quiet twerp! I suggest you prepare for trouble!”

    And you'd better make it double!” James added.

    To protect the world from devastation!”

    To unite all peoples within our nation!”

    To denounce the evils of truth and love!”

    To extend our reach to the stars above!”

    Jessie!”

    James!”

    Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!”

    Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

    Meowth! That's right!”

    Wooooobbuffet!”

    Dumbfounded, Lyssa asked, “What? Are you some kind of street performers or something?”

    No, they're Team Rocket,” May answered, “They're a bunch of criminals who like to steal Pokémon!”

    Go Seviper!” Jessie called, throwing a Poké Ball.

    Go Cacnea!” James said, as well.

    The balls opened to reveal a purple-black snake and a small, round cactus who immediately turned around and happily hugged James, piercing him with his spines.

    No Cacnea! Get them not me!” Winced James.

    Just then, Steven spoke up, “Stop. I cannot allow you to steal someone's Pokémon.”

    Oh? And what are you going to do?” Jessie mocked.

    Steven pulled out a Poké Ball and tossed it forward. The ball opened to reveal a monstrous Pokémon covered in steel plates with two large horns protruding from its head.

    Uh oh,” The Rocket trio said in unison.

    Aggron, use Hyper Beam.”

    The Pokémon pulled back its head and opened its mouth, a ball of whitish energy forming. Aggron leaned forward and shot a powerful beam at Team Rocket, exploding in a cloud of smoke and sending the Rockets launching upwards, crashing through the roof and flying off.

    The words, “It looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again,” could be faintly heard.

    Wow! That's a strong Aggron!” Ash proclaimed.

    Thanks. Return,” Steven said recalling his Pokémon to it's ball.

    Suddenly, Aron called out, prompting Steven to run over. Reaching into the pile of rubble left from Team Rocket's exit, he pulled out a yellow-orange stone with a small red flame in the center.

    Hey, that's a Fire Stone!” Max stated.

    Correct,” Steven said, “I've been looking for one for days.”

    They talked for a bit longer before Steven agreed to help lead Ash, May, Max, and Brock out of the cave, while Lyssa and Paris stayed behind. After saying their goodbyes, Lyssa prepared to finally start her training.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  12. #12
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    Hey, I made a thread with the official artwork for the story. Go check it out: link

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Chapter Eleven: Collateral Cave Collapse

    It was a new day and Lyssa was training hard to try and get her Pokémon in tip-top shape. Aside from the regular skill and ability exercises, she was also teaching Pikablu a new move in anticipation of the upcoming gym battle.

    Okay, let's try it once more!” Lyssa called out.

    Pikablu ran towards a small boulder, leaping into the air and into a forward spin. Concentrating, she tensed the muscles in her tail. Extending it outward, her tail began glowing a dull white. She smashed down onto the rock, bouncing ineffectually off. Landing, she grabbed her tail and winced at the pain of repeated assaults.

    Hey, you were much closer this time!” Lyssa exclaimed happily.

    Maaar,” Pikablu complained.

    Walking over to the Marill, Lyssa picked her up, “Why don't we take a break? Let's go get a snack.”

    Lyssa walked over to the rest of the group where Paris was already handing out treats to all the Pokémon. Pikablu jumped down from Lyssa's arms and raced over, letting out an excited cry to get Paris' attention. After eating, the Pokémon all went off to go play.

    Don't go too far!” Paris instructed.

    After a few minutes, they all heard a low rumbling sound the distance.

    Looking around, Lyssa wondered aloud, “What was that?”

    Maybe it's those Aron again?” Paris answered with a tinge of fear.

    No, its—”

    Lyssa was interrupted by another rumble. This one louder than before.

    While everyone was searching for the source of the noise, Fay saw some dust falling from the ceiling. Walking closer to it, Fuku noticed her wandering off. Seeing what she was walking towards, he immediately realized what it meant and charged forward. He managed to knock her out of the way just in time for the third rumble to bring the roof collapsing downward. Everyone spun around in surprise as the falling debris came crashing down, blocking off the passageway and separating them.

    Paris quickly ran towards the fallen rock, “No! Mittens! Puff!”

    With tears in his eyes, he tried to dig through, unable to lift even a single stone.

    Finally breaking out of the initial surprise, Lyssa took a deep breath then walked over to Paris, “This isn't going to work.”

    Bu-bu-bu-but Mittens a-a-and Puff...” Paris cried exasperated.

    I'm sure they're fine. They were far enough away,” She said, trying to hide her own concern and fear, “Let's just try to find a way around. I'm sure the tunnels all connect up.”

    Calming down somewhat, he responded, “A-alright...”

    Turning around, the two of them walked down one of the tunnels.


    Fay sat there, staring at the pile of rocks in disbelief. Suddenly, one of the smaller ones fell down, and Fuku crawled out, injured, but otherwise fine. Realizing that he probably saved her life, Fay jumped up and ran over to Fuku, hugging him.

    Ral-Ralts!” She remarked joyfully.

    Fuku cringed as she pressed against his wounds, “Veee...”

    Backing off, Fay apologetically said, “Ral! Ral-Ral Ralts.”

    Fay determined that Fuku was too hurt to save the two of them so she steeled herself to try and fix the problem. Concentrating hard, she let her psychic energy course through her. Building it up, she shot it forward, grasping a hold on the pile of rubble. Exerting all the power her body could contain, she pulled back, sending a few of the stones rolling backward.

    Exhausted, Fay looked at her lack of progress after trying so hard and burst out crying. Fuku walked over and put his paw on her shoulder, trying to comfort her.


    Pikablu pulled on a boulder as hard as her small arms could while Puff and Mittens looked on, the former staring with an expression of irritation on his face, while the latter smiled obliviously, assuming it was all part of some game.

    Shroom, Shroomish-Shroom.”

    Stopping, Pikablu turned to Puff, “Mar-Mar! Rill, Marill-Rill!”

    Shroom...”

    While Pikablu continued trying to dig her way through in vain, Puff sat down and watched Mittens, the Skitty still happily bouncing around.


    Okay, I'm pretty sure I remember this tunnel from the other day...” Lyssa pondered.

    How? We were running too fast to notice,” Paris replied, slightly annoyed.

    Um...well, that rock! I...uh, I remember that rock because it's so...odd!”

    We're lost, aren't we?”

    No! Of course not”

    Paris raised his eyebrow.

    After a brief pause, Lyssa finally responded, “...Maybe...”


    Pikablu, Puff, and Mittens were now walking down the tunnel after Puff finally convinced the persistent Marill to give up. Prancing forward, Mittens jumped on top of a rather round rock and started rolling it around. Suddenly, the rock stopped, sending Mittens flying off. Uncurling itself, the three wayward Pokémon saw that it was actually a Geodude, a Geodude which the absent-minded cat had now ****** off. Picking up a nearby stone, Geodude threw it at Mittens, narrowly missing and causing her to run in fright right towards Pikablu and Puff who also began to flee with the second boulder almost hitting them.


    Fuku, having finally calmed down the crying Ralts, now lied against a nearby piece of debris, licking his wounds. Fay, wondering what she could do to help her injured partner, realized that Lyssa probably had something in her bag and ran back towards the nearby camp.


    Okay, you're just picking random tunnels now,” Paris complained.

    Crossing her arms, Lyssa huffed, “So? I don't see you suggesting a path.”

    That's because you don't let me.”

    Well, then pick one.”

    Okay, how about tha—”

    Ooo! Let's go this way! I know it's the right one!”Lyssa exclaimed, dragging her irritated companion behind.

    Paris sighed.


    The three Pokémon ran through the tunnel as fast as they could, dodging rock after rock thrown by the angry Geodude. Having enough, Pikablu stopped and spun around, facing the infuriated rock-type. Charging straight for it, she leaped into the air, twisting her body and gathering power in her tail. Right as the two Pokémon were about to collide, Pikablu smacked Geodude with her tail wich was now glowing a bright white. Upon impact, Geodude flew backwards, crashed into the ground, and rolled several feet. After struggling to get up, it turned around and fled down another path. Pikablu stood proud while Puff and Mittens looked on in awe.


    Having reached the camp, Fay was digging through Lyssa's things, trying to find something that'll help. Various things were flung about: various Devon Balls, a length of rope, a collapsible umbrella, a spare pair of underwear, a Pokégear, several Super Potions, and a dairy, among other things. When the Pokégear fell against the stone floor, it popped open, allowing one of the balls to smack the buttons, activating the speed dial.

    After several seconds, Fay heard the sound of a woman's voice, “Hello? Miss Lyssa?”

    Puzzled, she looked around to find the source of the voice, “Miss Lyssa? Are you there?”

    Realizing that it was coming from the Pokégear, Fay cautiously walked over, “Ral?”

    Um...hello?” The woman said, confused as to why a Pokémon had answered, “I'm assuming you're one of Miss Lyssa's Pokémon, then. A Ralts, correct? Fay I believe she called you?”

    Ral!” Fay nodded upon hearing her name.

    Do you know where Miss Lyssa is?”

    Ral Ral Ralts, Ral-Ralts! Ral-Ral Ral Ral, Ralts. Ralts-Ral! Ral-Ralts, Ral Ral!”

    I...I don't understand...”

    Ralts!” Fay called, turning back to the back and continuing to dig through it.

    ...Miss Lyssa?”


    Look, I told you that this is the way we have to go. I know I remember it from the other day.” Argued Lyssa, pointing down the left passageway.

    And I'm telling you that we have to go down this one because I remember it better than you.” Paris shot back, motioning towards the right tunnel.

    No way. I have a better memory than you!”

    And how's that? I'm older.”

    Yeah, well, I'm a girl, and girls are smarter than guys.”

    No they aren't.”

    Uh-huh. They've done studies.”

    No they haven't.”

    Yeah. It's been proven that—”

    Just then the two of them saw a Geodude come tearing down the middle tunnel and right past them, continuing into the darkness.

    Turning back to Paris, Lyssa said, “So, um, I guess we go down the middle then.”

    What? I don't want to meet into whatever that Pokémon was running from.”

    What if it was running from our Pokémon?”

    Why would it do that?”

    Hmm...You're right. So, then what if it was running from my Pokémon?”

    Paris shot Lyssa a glare, prompting her to burst out laughing.

    Walking down the middle path, they eventually saw three small silhouettes off in the distance. Getting closer, they realized that the figures were Pikablu, Puff, and Mittens walking the other way.

    Mittens! Puff!” Paris called out, racing forward.

    The three Pokémon turned around and saw their trainers, running happily to meet them.


    Fay had now emptied out the entire bag, finding nothing that could help. Getting more frantic with each minute, she moved onto Paris' bag, hoping that he had something. The Pokégear had long since fallen silent, the woman on the other end hanging up a while ago. After also dumping out the contents of Paris' bag, Fay became quite upset, rummaging through the various items again to make sure she didn't miss something.

    Just then, Lyssa, Paris, and their Pokémon showed up, finally finding their way back to camp. They all stopped, confused as to Fay's strange behavior. Upon noticing them, Fay quickly ran over to Lyssa.

    Ralts! Ralts! Ralts!” She cried out in distress.

    Uh, what are you doing Fay?” Lyssa responded puzzled.

    Fay tugged on Lyssa's leg and pointed towards the tunnel she had come from, “RALTS!”

    I think she wants to show us something,” Paris added questioningly.

    The group followed her, eventually coming upon the injured Fuku.

    Lyssa immediately ran forward and picked him up, “Oh no! Little Brother, what happened?”

    Vee...” He said weakly, trying to smile.

    Don't worry, I'll get you healed up.”

    Bringing him back to camp, Lyssa dug through the mess until she found one of the Super Potions.

    This may sting a little, but I promise you it'll help,” She said, spraying Fuku's wounds with the bottle.

    Fuku winced but then smiled as the pain started to disappear almost instantly.

    Alright, now you just rest, and you'll be better in no time,” Lyssa smiled.

    I think we all could use a bit of rest after that catastrophe,” Paris added.

    Heh, you may be right.”
    Last edited by Duke Smugleaf; 30th September 2010 at 1:50 AM.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  13. #13
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    I'm going to be honest; this story needs a ton of improvement, and I'm putting that as kindly as I can. I'm just going to review the first chapter, since I don't want to look at anything else. The first problem I saw was that the chapter/prologue/whatever is too short to even be considered a drabble, let alone a prologue. Three short paragraphs will never be enough to constitute a chapter.

    You're not using any description. Nobody knows what the estate looks like except you, and that's not supposed to happen when you're writing a story. I'm not saying that you should go overboard and use purple prose, but at least give your readers the general idea of what a place or a person looks like, so that they can get a picture in their head. You didn't describe your main character's appearance, the appearance of her Eevee, or the setting. You described absolutely nothing.

    What made it even worse was that the pace of the chapter was just completely erratic. One moment, the girl is running to the far wall (another thing you never described). The next moment, she's ordering her Pokemon to dig an escape route. Where is the description? Why doesn't she scan the wall to see how high it is? Why doesn't she check to see if the ground is soft? There's another problem right there: how is she going to escape the place when there's a wall blocking the way? If it's a concrete wall, it will be buried deep, and there will be bits of concrete obstructing the way, which would make it pretty hard for a Pokemon like an Eevee to dig a tunnel that would fit their trainer comfortably. Is there a flaw in the design? If so, show me. This is where you're supposed to hook in your readers, and making a memorable scene really helps. You did nothing of the sort.

    I didn't get to see the personalities of the two characters, which is bad in itself. You want to at least show a glimpse of who they are. You didn't do that either. That's why making a chapter that consists of three short paragraphs is bad. It - doesn't - work.

    When I look at the other chapters, I just can't believe that you wrote both of them. The dialogue tags - also known as the words that come after a spoken sentence - were actually correct in the first chapter. Why did you completely abandon them in the remaining ones? Let me give some examples of proper and improper dialogue tags:

    "Eevee, use Dig," She whispered quietly.

    That one is incorrect. While the comma after "Eevee" is supposed to be there, the word "she" is not supposed to be capitalized. Here's another common mistake:

    "Eevee, use Dig." she whispered quietly.

    A full-stop (period) shouldn't be used in the vast majority of spoken sentences. Here's the correct version:

    "Eevee, use Dig," she whispered quietly.

    Of course, this isn't the only rule when it comes to dialogue tags. Here's another example:

    "I'm not ever going back!" she yelled.

    When you're using a question mark or an exclaimation point in a spoken sentence, you still can't capitalize the first letter of the first word. Do you understand?

    I'm seeing a lot of problems with this story, and I can't really name any positives because the one thing you did right in the first chapter was never done in the others. I don't know if you care about my opinion, but I firmly believe that this story needs to be completely rewritten. I'm not saying that your future stories are going to be like this one, and I also believe that anyone can improve. Right now, I can't see any potential in this fic. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but that's just how I feel.

    Sincerely,

    Mem
    CURRENT STORY

    A Time for Everything - Kalos has lived peacefully for far too long, following the ideals of the corrupt. It's time to change that... An AU of X/Y.

  14. #14
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    Well, first let me just say that this is the first thing I've ever written that wasn't some sort of school paper. I have no real experience writing, so it's obviously not going to be perfect. Now, I'm not saying that some sort of valid excuse; it's not. I'm just saying that, as I was reading your review, I got the feeling that you were comparing this to other fics written by highly experienced and skilled people.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento View Post
    The first problem I saw was that the chapter/prologue/whatever is too short to even be considered a drabble, let alone a prologue. Three short paragraphs will never be enough to constitute a chapter.
    I fully admit that it's shorter than I would have liked it. However, a prologue is meant to be short. It's an introduction, not a full chapter. That's why the next part is called chapter one.

    You're not using any description. Nobody knows what the estate looks like except you, and that's not supposed to happen when you're writing a story.
    That's on purpose. She's trying to escape as quickly as possible. It would upset the pace if I suddenly stopped to comment on the architecture or the color of the walls.

    I'm not saying that you should go overboard and use purple prose, but at least give your readers the general idea of what a place or a person looks like, so that they can get a picture in their head. You didn't describe your main character's appearance, the appearance of her Eevee, or the setting. You described absolutely nothing.
    Yes, I probably should have given at least a basic description of the character. In retrospect, that would have been ideal. Though, I would like to ask how one Eevee is supposed to look any different from any other Eevee.

    What made it even worse was that the pace of the chapter was just completely erratic. One moment, the girl is running to the far wall (another thing you never described). The next moment, she's ordering her Pokemon to dig an escape route.
    How is that erratic? Erratic means inconsistent.

    Why doesn't she scan the wall to see how high it is? Why doesn't she check to see if the ground is soft?
    Because she already knows how high the wall is, and she already knows how soft the ground is. It's supposed to be a hint that she very much knows the place she's escaping from, you know, foreshadowing.

    There's another problem right there: how is she going to escape the place when there's a wall blocking the way? If it's a concrete wall, it will be buried deep, and there will be bits of concrete obstructing the way, which would make it pretty hard for a Pokemon like an Eevee to dig a tunnel that would fit their trainer comfortably. Is there a flaw in the design? If so, show me.
    I'm not sure what you mean here. Eevee isn't trying to dig through the wall.

    This is where you're supposed to hook in your readers, and making a memorable scene really helps. You did nothing of the sort.
    Well, what wasn't memorable about it? You certainly said enough about the technical issues of the chapter, but you neglected to say anything about this. I'd like to become a better writer, but I'll need you to tell me what's wrong, first.

    I didn't get to see the personalities of the two characters, which is bad in itself. You want to at least show a glimpse of who they are. You didn't do that either. That's why making a chapter that consists of three short paragraphs is bad. It - doesn't - work.
    I get into their personalities in the first chapter, as that's the first chapter of the story.

    When I look at the other chapters, I just can't believe that you wrote both of them. The dialogue tags - also known as the words that come after a spoken sentence - were actually correct in the first chapter. Why did you completely abandon them in the remaining ones?
    I'm sorry. I really don't know what you're talking about here. Abandoned them? How? Could you please explain this?

    That one is incorrect. While the comma after "Eevee" is supposed to be there, the word "she" is not supposed to be capitalized.
    This seems a little nitpicky, don't you think? Capitalization errors don't make a story bad.

    A full-stop (period) shouldn't be used in the vast majority of spoken sentences.
    To my knowledge, I never do that in the entirety of the story.

    When you're using a question mark or an exclaimation point in a spoken sentence, you still can't capitalize the first letter of the first word. Do you understand?
    It's been many years since I learned this stuff in English class, but, like I said above, I really don't see how capitalization errors really affect the quality of a story. I will keep it in mind for future chapters, though.

    I'm seeing a lot of problems with this story, and I can't really name any positives because the one thing you did right in the first chapter was never done in the others. I don't know if you care about my opinion, but I firmly believe that this story needs to be completely rewritten.
    That seems a little harsh, if you ask me. You go and explain why the introduction was bad, talk about a few grammar errors, and say that the entire story needs to be rewritten? Surely your standards can't be that high, can they? However, if the entire story does need to be rewritten, I'd very much like it if you explain why. Without knowing what I did wrong, How am I suppose to fix it? I'll never be able to grow as a writer without someone to help.

    I'm not saying that your future stories are going to be like this one, and I also believe that anyone can improve. Right now, I can't see any potential in this fic. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but that's just how I feel.

    Sincerely,

    Mem
    Considering the "potential" of a story really comes down to the plot and not the writing, this leads me to believe that you're saying there's something inherently wrong with the story, itself. Could you explain that? How is the story flawed? How is the plot faulty? Why is there no potential in such a tale?

    I thank you for your review, and I'd very much appreciate it if you could answer my questions.
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  15. #15
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    Sorry about the long wait, but I was suffering from a bit of writer's block. Plus I also spent a bunch of time working on my other projects and watching Gurren-Lagann (great anime series, by the way).

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Chapter Twelve: The Storm

    Walking along the beach, Lyssa, Paris, and Fuku enjoyed the beautiful sunset over the ocean which cast up rays of orange, red, and magenta into the sky. The happy Eevee splashed in the waves, letting out a cry of delight. While admiring the wondrous twilight, the trio spotted a figure off in the distance. Nearing closer, they saw a young boy with a green shirt and green-blue shorts and hat. He was looking though a telescope and gazing off into the distance, obviously in search of something.

    “What are you doing?” Asked Lyssa after they'd walked right up to the boy without him even noticing.

    “WAH!” He yelled, startled by the sudden noise, dropping his telescope into the sand.

    Turning around, he studied the two people in front of him, “Wh-where did you come from?”

    “We were just walking along the beach when we saw you with that telescope,” Lyssa responded, “And we were wondering what you were doing.”

    “Wow, you must be, like, ninjas or somethin' 'cause I didn't hear anything,” The boy responded in awe, Paris and Lyssa looking at each other confused.

    “Uh, no. We're just regular people. I'm Lyssa, by the way,” She said.

    “I'm Paris. Pleased to meet you,” Paris smiled.

    Motioning towards her Eevee, Lyssa added, “And that's my buddy, Fuku.”

    “Vee-vee!” Fuku bounced happily.

    “Oh, hi. I'm Terry,” The boy stated, “Well, yeah, I'm tryin' to find a Wingull, y'see, since Brawly's a fightin' trainer an' all.”

    Her face lighting up, Lyssa excitedly asked, “Oh! So you're a trainer, then?”

    “Why yes I am. I'm the best trainer ever, in fact.” Terry boasted, puffing out his chest.

    “We'll see about that,” Lyssa smirked, “How about a battle right now?”

    “Alright, but you'll be sorry. I ain't losing to no girl.” Terry proclaimed, pulling out a Poké Ball from his pocket.

    Running back to make some space, Lyssa called out, “How about a three on three?”

    “Fine by me. Go Treecko!” Terry shouted back, throwing the ball into the air.

    It opened to reveal a green, bipedal gecko who looked just as eager as his trainer to get this battle started.

    “Alright, get in there Fuku. Let's show him how it's done.”

    Fuku scampered forward and faced off against his opponent.

    “Well, ladies first,” Terry jokingly affirmed.

    “Alright, let's start off with a Headbutt!”

    Fuku charged at Treecko, smashing into the grass-type and sending him flying back.

    “Man, that's quick, but we're not givin' up! Pound!”

    After lifting himself back up, Treecko leaped forward, spinning around to strike with his tail.”

    “Quick! Dodge!” Lyssa called out, Fuku barely avoiding the attack.

    “Oh, no you don't! Quick Attack!”

    Immediately after landing, Treecko shot forward with blinding speed, smacking into Eevee who slid back along the sand.

    “Oh yeah? Two can play at that game! Quick Attack, too!”

    Regaining his composure, Fuku dashed forward. Treecko and Eevee collided together sending up a plume of sand. When the cloud had settled, both Pokémon stood proudly, facing each other with the fire of battle in their eyes.

    “Alright Treecko. Now Mega Dr—”

    “Hey, what's that?” Paris suddenly interrupted, pointing off into the distance.

    Lyssa, Terry, and the Pokémon all looked out to the sea where are large, black cloud had appeared, rolling in from the ocean.

    “It looks like some sort of storm cloud,” Lyssa stated, “I guess we'll be getting some rain, then.”

    Terry shook his head, “No, I've lived in Dewford City for a long time now, and that ain't no regular storm.”

    “What do you mean?” Asked Lyssa.

    “It's pretty fierce. We should go find somewhere to stay an' wait it out.”

    “We passed by a cave a little while ago,” Paris chimed, “We could go there.”

    “Yeah, that sounds good. Treecko return.” Terry said, putting his Pokémon back into it's ball.


    About an hour later, they were all hiking along a narrow path along the side of the cliff, rain beating down on them, as they were trying to get to the cave.

    “My clothes are going to be ruined!” Cried Paris.

    “You should be more worried about your life,” Terry shot back.

    The rain started pouring down harder, making the rocks dangerously slick. The dark clouds obscured the moon and cast the sky in pitch blackness. Lyssa and Terry had out flashlights, but they did little against the dark.

    Feeling their way against the stone wall, they searched for the cave, hoping to find the safety of shelter. Just then, the ledge Lyssa was standing on gave in and collapsed sending her falling downward, screaming. The other three spun around, and Fuku immediately jumped down after her without hesitation.

    “NO! LYSSA! FUKU!” Paris called out, reaching out to where they were.

    Terry pulled Paris back, “Don't, or you'll fall, too. We've gotta keep going.”

    “Bu-bu-bu-but Lyssa—”

    “She'll be fine. She's got her Pokémon with her.”

    Reluctantly, Paris turned back and continued forward towards the cave.

    Please be alright...


    Fuku barely hung onto a ledge, Lyssa's shirt clenched between his teeth. The shock had caused her to pass out, leaving Fuku on his own. Struggling, he tried to pull them both up with all his might. Slipping, he gave it one last push and started glowing a bright white. Fuku felt his body grow and change. His limbs grew longer. His fur became shorter and more compact. His ears grew larger and rounder. He felt a new power coursing through his veins, a strength born from his desire to save Lyssa. Mustering together this new energy, Fuku threw himself up onto the ledge, pulling Lyssa with him.

    After catching his breath, Fuku turned to Lyssa and began pawing at her face, trying to wake her up.

    Groaning, Lyssa sat up, “Wha...what happened? I'm...alive?”

    “Bre-Bre! Umbre!” Fuku exclaimed happily, jumping into Lyssa's lap.

    “Wha—Fuku! You evolved!”

    “Bre!”

    “You...you did it to save me, didn't you?”

    “On,” Fuku nodded.

    Lyssa hugged him tightly with tears in her eyes, “Thank you, Little Brother. Thank you so much.”

    Several minutes later, Fuku wiggled his way out, “Bre! Um-Umbreon!”

    “Oh! Right. We still have to get out of this storm. But I can't see a thing. My flashlight probably went over the edge...”

    Fuku closed his eyes and concentrated his power together, then released it, causing the rings all along his body to glow a bright yellow.

    “...Well, that works,” Lyssa said, “Thanks, again, Fuku. Now let's get going.”

    Fuku lead Lyssa along the ledge, his Flash lighting the way. Eventually, they hiked back up and found the cave where they found Paris and Terry waiting for them. Noticing them come in, Paris jumped up and charged towards them, hugging Lyssa.

    “You-you're alive!” He cried happily, “I-I-I-I th-thought y-y-you—”

    “Don't worry. I'm safe, all thanks to Fuku, that is.”

    “Um!”

    Letting go, Paris looked down, surprised to see and Umbreon sitting there, “Woah! Fuku..he evolved!”

    “Bre, Bre.”


    The next morning, the storm had cleared up. After breakfast, Terry started packing up to leave.

    “Well, I've gotta go find me that Wingull. So, see y'all later.” Terry said, walking towards the cave entrance.

    “What about our battle?” Questioned Lyssa.

    Terry shrugged, “I guess we'll just have to finish it later. See ya!”

    As Terry left, Lyssa crossed her arms, frowning in disappointment.

    “Hey, I'm sure there'll be plenty of other trainers for you to battle,” Paris said reassuringly.

    Lyssa huffed, “Yeah, I guess...”

    “Great, now help me iron out my clothes so they don't get ruined.”

    “Alright—Wait, what?”

    “I brought a battery powered iron with me,” Smiled Paris.

    Lyssa sighed, “I should have known...”
    Visit The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner. Here, on this brand new island, you will find many enjoyable activities such as Gyms to participate in which, when won, would allow you to participate in our very own Tournament! We're a small community of Pokémon fans that has gathered together to try and make this a great experience for all fans of Pokémon, new and old alike. One of our fun activities is creating our very own fan-made region: Vanlang. It is an entirely original region with new Pokémon, moves, people, towns, and maps. There is even a great war is looming in the distant future.
    So, come and join us in The Pokémon Trainer’s Corner, and have a great time!

  16. #16
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    Well, first let me just say that this is the first thing I've ever written that wasn't some sort of school paper. I have no real experience writing, so it's obviously not going to be perfect. Now, I'm not saying that some sort of valid excuse; it's not. I'm just saying that, as I was reading your review, I got the feeling that you were comparing this to other fics written by highly experienced and skilled people.
    I understand that you have no real experience yet; everyone has been inexperienced at some point. Still, my expectations for things like proper grammar and description are very high; if neither of them are prevelant in a story, I can't enjoy it.

    I fully admit that it's shorter than I would have liked it. However, a prologue is meant to be short. It's an introduction, not a full chapter. That's why the next part is called chapter one.
    I have never seen a prologue with only three paragraphs in any work of fiction. Why? Because it's impossible to fully describe an entire scenario like an escape or something like that. There's hardly any room to work with.

    That's on purpose. She's trying to escape as quickly as possible. It would upset the pace if I suddenly stopped to comment on the architecture or the color of the walls.
    I already mentioned that you don't have to go overboard with the description. The problem is that you didn't describe anything about the estate. I don't know what the walls are made of, I don't know how far it is from the mansion to the wall where she plans to escape from, and I certainly don't know what any of it looks like. Even a basic description would have been nice.

    Yes, I probably should have given at least a basic description of the character. In retrospect, that would have been ideal. Though, I would like to ask how one Eevee is supposed to look any different from any other Eevee.
    Imagine if somebody has never heard of Pokemon before they decide to read your fic. How would that person know what an Eevee looks like? For all they know, it could be a gigantic talking sheep with eyes the size of Missouri. Even though you and a lot of people here know what an Eevee looks like, it's still professional to give out a description. It's not going to make your story look bad.

    How is that erratic? Erratic means inconsistent.
    The pace jumps around. For example, think of a movie with a fantastic plot and an escape scene. The movie normally paces it like it would happen in real life. Something has to happen between running towards the escape route and ordering someone to dig a hole. Otherwise, it looks like the story is jumping from scene to scene like a hare on a steady diet of coffee and cocaine.

    Because she already knows how high the wall is, and she already knows how soft the ground is. It's supposed to be a hint that she very much knows the place she's escaping from, you know, foreshadowing.
    Double-checking never hurt anyone, especially if she doesn't want to be caught. A lot of things can go wrong in an escape plan.

    I'm not sure what you mean here. Eevee isn't trying to dig through the wall.
    I was talking about digging under the wall. Every building and wall has a foundation that goes deep underground. Otherwise, the entire thing would collapse. If the wall is made of concrete, bits of the material would have likely broken off, and digging through dirt that has fairly large pieces of concrete mixed in is not very easy. I know that for a fact; I worked in grounds maintenance. I'm also wondering how something as small as an Eevee can dig a hole large enough to fit a young girl comfortably.

    Well, what wasn't memorable about it? You certainly said enough about the technical issues of the chapter, but you neglected to say anything about this. I'd like to become a better writer, but I'll need you to tell me what's wrong, first.
    What wasn't memorable is that I've seen a lot of escape scenes, and this one didn't stand out in any way, shape, or form. She made a clean getaway, and there were no mistakes made. Basically, there was no excitement in reading this. This is supposed to be a hook. This is supposed to draw in readers. When there is nothing exciting in the first chapter/prologue, readers are not interested.

    I get into their personalities in the first chapter, as that's the first chapter of the story.
    The prologue would have made a nice place to start. Sure, you can delve into their personalities a bit more in later chapters, but molding the clay as early as possible is preferable; it makes an interesting character. Go into the rapport that the girl and her Eevee have; that makes things interesting.

    I'm sorry. I really don't know what you're talking about here. Abandoned them? How? Could you please explain this?
    You did the dialogue tags perfectly in the first chapter, but from then on, the ones that didn't have someone's name as the first word after a spoken sentence were done wrong.

    This seems a little nitpicky, don't you think? Capitalization errors don't make a story bad.
    The dialogue tags are part of grammar as a whole. When the grammar is bad, the story is unreadable, in my opinion.

    To my knowledge, I never do that in the entirety of the story.
    Hence the word "example." I'm not saying that you in particular made that kind of mistake, but a lot of other authors do. I'm just trying to help by showing what way is the right way.

    It's been many years since I learned this stuff in English class, but, like I said above, I really don't see how capitalization errors really affect the quality of a story. I will keep it in mind for future chapters, though.
    See the reply for what I said above. I appreciate the fact that you'll keep it in mind.

    That seems a little harsh, if you ask me. You go and explain why the introduction was bad, talk about a few grammar errors, and say that the entire story needs to be rewritten? Surely your standards can't be that high, can they? However, if the entire story does need to be rewritten, I'd very much like it if you explain why. Without knowing what I did wrong, How am I suppose to fix it? I'll never be able to grow as a writer without someone to help.
    The prologue needs a ton of improvement, and there are a ton of errors concerning dialogue tags in the later chapters, including the one you just posted. I'm not talking about rewriting your plot; it's yours, and you can do whatever you want with it. Still, there's no excuse for not correcting the dialogue tags; if you can write a story, surely you can edit it as well, right?

    Considering the "potential" of a story really comes down to the plot and not the writing, this leads me to believe that you're saying there's something inherently wrong with the story, itself. Could you explain that? How is the story flawed? How is the plot faulty? Why is there no potential in such a tale?
    A person could have the most original plot in the world, but if they can't describe things in the story or if they have major grammatical errors, it will not make the story enjoyable to read. Basically, it holds the entire story back. I apologize for not making that clear.

    I hope that I've given you enough information to work with. Despite my criticism, I really want you to improve at writing. It'll only help this section. It definitely seems like you want to improve, and so long as you want to improve, you will.

    Sincerely,

    Mem
    CURRENT STORY

    A Time for Everything - Kalos has lived peacefully for far too long, following the ideals of the corrupt. It's time to change that... An AU of X/Y.

  17. #17
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    Imagine if somebody has never heard of Pokemon before they decide to read your fic.
    But, why would someone who's never heard of Pokémon bother reading a fan-fiction about Pokémon? Now, I know what you're trying to say with your hypothetical, but I just don't really think it applies here. Fan-fiction, as the name implies, is made by fans for fans. Describing basic things that everyone knows just seems a little redundant. At least, that's how I look at it.

    I'm not talking about rewriting your plot; it's yours, and you can do whatever you want with it. Still, there's no excuse for not correcting the dialogue tags; if you can write a story, surely you can edit it as well, right?
    Oh, that's what you meant by rewrite. Yeah, I was planning on doing that later when I had more time.

    As for the rest, I've never been real good about description. I am trying to do it better, but it's just one thing that I'm not very good at. I will see if I can go back and retroactively put more in, though it's not the highest priority.
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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duke Smugleaf View Post
    But, why would someone who's never heard of Pokémon bother reading a fan-fiction about Pokémon? Now, I know what you're trying to say with your hypothetical, but I just don't really think it applies here. Fan-fiction, as the name implies, is made by fans for fans. Describing basic things that everyone knows just seems a little redundant. At least, that's how I look at it.
    Something my English teacher once did was: She said to pretend we were humans that had long been populated on another planet so had no idea what a cow looked like. She then said to draw the cow using the defenition in a dictionary, which was something along the lines of "a domestic bovine mammal that produces milk. So how would they draw it? It was pretty much a trick question, and those who came up and drew an actually cow were reprimanded for being ignorant of the fact that they were supposed to be pretending to not know what a cow looked like.
    So as moral to this short story, write as if the reader doesn't know what you are talking about.
    "An animal, white with brown and black spots, small ears, and a small face, ate the green, straight plant. It was different from the creature beside it, who was of the same species, because it had a pink appendage with four small tubes." You don't necessarily have to use that much discription, but isn't that better than:
    "A cow ate some grass. It was female, while the one beside it was male."
    In a nutshell, description of common things isn't redundant, nor should it be ignored.
    Last edited by Skydra; 17th October 2010 at 1:20 AM.
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