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Thread: The Lost World of Giratina

  1. #1

    Default The Lost World of Giratina

    Giratina’s POV:

    Intro: It was a dark, rainy day. I looked out the window of the school, waiting for my momma to come and take me with her. I hate school and it was because the other kids always laugh at me for how I looked. They were all small, little and cute and I am this big worm with big wings and it looks like I have no mouth. They’d call me names like “do-do pie”, “worm brain”, “stupid” and “ugly”. The worst part was that they always got their way. I would fight whoever made fun of me and I think they deserve it. But the teacher lady didn’t think so.

    “Giratina! No fighting in class!” she yelled.

    “But teacher, they were being mean” I said.

    “Nah uh, Giratina. That’s not how you handle things. You know, this happens everytime someone says something you don’t like and I will not allow you to hurt any of the other children, so I’m sending you outside.” The teacher said as she pointed to the door.

    Without saying anything, I went outside and waited for momma to come get me. The worst part? It was raining. I felt as if they threw me out there like if I was nothing. They didn’t even care if I was going to get sick. How can they throw me outside for something those kids deserved in the first place? They laughed at me, they made me angry, and so I hurt them. Why not? They hurt MY feelings.

    The more I thought about this, the angrier I became. I really want to destroy the school for what they’ve done. But, I was trying not to do that because I don’t want momma to be mad at me. She has not been mad at me yet and I want to keep it that way. So instead, I let out a big cry. It was like; I took all of my anger and turned it into sadness. I was cold, wet and casted outside. So I had every reason to cry.

    But, as loud as I was crying, no one would pay attention to me. Some of the kids were pointing and laughing at me.

    “AHAHAHA! That stupid head gets what she deserves!” one kid said.

    I wanted to hurt that kid, but I couldn’t. The windows her locked shut and so was the door. So I was powerless. So I sat there and cried, hoping that someone, just someone would hear me. Well, one person did hear me.

    “Huh? Why is my Giratina out in the rain?” said a familiar voice behind me.

    I turned around and it was momma ready to get me from school. She stood tall, looked like me but was bigger and has a visible mouth and legs. Her wings were also bigger and prettier than mine. Boy was I excited to see her. I rushed to give her a big hug while still crying.

    “Giratina, why are you crying?” momma asked.

    “Momma! It was horrible! They were mean and called me names. So I fought them like I have always done. But this time, the teacher left me out here and now they are laughing at me!” I sobbed, still holding on to her.

    “Giratina… my poor Giratina…” she whispered. She was sad for me because she could see that I was wet and cold. Worst part was that no one cared that I was out here suffering.

    As I held on to her, I suddenly can feel her shaking. Was she cold? It WAS raining and I was cold. Maybe she was as well.

    “Momma, are you cold?” I asked.

    “No Giratina, I’m actually am angry. My poor Giratina is left out here...” she answered.

    At that point, I really hope that she’s not angry with me. Because when she gets angry, it’s not pretty. So I try my hardest to not make her mad. I think that as of now, this is a first that I would see her mad. When I looked up at her, I saw her powering up a huge fireball in her mouth.

    “Noo! Did I make you angry?” I asked.

    Then, it happened. BLAST! Momma used her fireball attack to hit the school building. In turn, the school was destroyed and everyone was lying on the floor, moaning and groaning. That moment, I couldn’t help but smile. That was something I’ve wanted to do because I feel that they deserve it. They all did. Every single burn on them… they deserved it.

    However, I can see that this wouldn’t stop with my classmates. She then powered up another fire ball and shot it at another building. This is how she deals with her anger. By attacking anything and everything in plain sight. Kinda like how I do it except I just attack the people who give me a hard time. But they deserve it. That’s how we look at it.

    But, her rampage was getting a little out of hand because she was attacking almost every building in the city.

    “NOOO! Stop before it’s too late!” I cried out.

    All of a sudden we see a light. A very bright light shining in our faces. It was so bright, that I had to keep my eyes closed. I couldn’t fight to even open them because it was that bright. All I knew was that I was behind momma. I held on to her tail tightly as I was waiting for the light to disappear. Even though my eyes were closed, I can sense whether the light as gone or not and I can see it fading away. I opened my eyes and I saw it.

    I saw a huge horse like Pokemon with a pointy round thingy around him and pointy ears. She just stood there, looking at us with a glare in his eyes. He looked rather scary to me as I hid behind momma’s tail.

    “Arceus!” Momma yelled out.

    “Now, you have really done it. Giratina, I have no other option but… banishment…” Arceus said with a serious tone.

    “NOOOOO!” I cried.

    A portal opened right before my eyes. This made me cry, because I was going to see momma disappear right before my very eyes. The thought of losing her… it just makes me angry and upset. She was my closest friend. Well my only friend. She was the only one who understood me and cared about me when no one else did. And when she gets banished, then I would be alone.

    “Giratina! Don’t cry for me, Giratina. Here!” momma gave me a teddy bear. “I made this for you. Take it as a piece of me...”

    I took the teddy bear and gave it a big hug. “Oh thank you!” I said.

    Now, I couldn’t really hear what she said to me last, but I think it was something like “Giratina… promise me…”

    That point, I believe that she wanted me to seek revenge. And for taking her away from me, that’s what I will do. “Yes, I promise!”

    At that point, she disappeared right before my eyes. And so did Arceus. All alone and scared, I closed my eyes and let out a huge scream. However, when I opened my eyes, I ended up in a weird place. The walls around me were white, pictures all over the walls; I was in bed… holding my teddy bear. This could mean… that I had a nightmare.

    ---

    Authors notes:

    -The reason why when Giratina's mom speaks, the words are in italics is because it's mostly a transliteration of which only Giratina herself can understand. When her mom speaks, it sounds like "RAWRRR" or Godzilla to us.

    -Even thought I briefly described her, here's what Giratina's mom looks like: link

    -Giratina's mom does have a name, even thought I wont mention it in the story. It's Giratina!

    -this event really did happen in Giratina's life as you will find out later in the story.
    岩根雅明=♡

  2. #2
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    I'll never see what you see in Giratina. Ever. Or Gothitelle, for that matter. But, the story seems pretty well done, especially the capturing of how a little kid would feel about being teased. Except for the burning part. I imagine any little kid about kindergarden age (which Giratina seems to be) would be pretty devastated by anyone dying, even if they were the ones who had just teased her to tears. And the part near the end about seeking revenge. Kids just aren't dark like that, and you seem to want to portray Giratina as having many traits of a little kid...

    EDIT: I will not deny that Reuniclus is green jello. That only adds to his deliciousness. When I talked about the dying part, I meant where Giratina the mom was incinerating the school. I find it hard to believe anybody could have survived one of the stronger legendaries' fire attacks, unless it was downpouring.
    Last edited by chanseychansey77; 20th June 2011 at 7:31 PM.

  3. #3

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    But she didn't diee, she was banished by Arceus

    I see Giratina as being cute and Gothitelle as being smart and as good as the green jello in your signature.
    岩根雅明=♡

  4. #4
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    First, you've got to realize that not everyone knows, gets or understands your fascination with portraying Giratina as a three year old, so right off the bat they would be really confused with this. It has no clear ties to your other fic so it needs to be treated as a separate entity, which means there needs to be some background information, because a majority of it makes no sense. Never confuse your reader right away by having Giratina in a classroom with other Pokemon - it makes no sense.

    Just a few things I wanted to cover:

    1) Why is Giratina like this? Just saying "I think it's cute to make her be!" isn't an answer. This is not the Giratina that any other form of the series has chosen to show. This isn't anything like the anime or manga or game in general, so a lot of people reading are going to be lost. Why are the Pokemon taking classes? Do people exist in this universe? For someone who didn't read your other story this is completely confusing.

    2) Why would any teacher act like that? The teacher kicking Giratina out is the catalyst for all of this, but it doesn't make sense other than the teacher being "mean".

    3) Is her mom crazy or something? She must be, considering the way you had her destroy an entire building full of children. I could normally chalk this up to her being a Giratina and that being the way they behave, but you've pretty much axed any concept of that with your main character being a cute three year old. I'm not saying what you're doing is necessarily wrong, but the mom's behavior is just really hard to rationalize.

    4) Like Chansey said: kids would not want a building to be blown up unless they have serious issues. It's a Giratina so normally you could just say it's in their nature or something, but again: you don't really seem to care what the Pokemon actually is. You just come up with personality traits and put them on Pokemon you like. This fic could easily just be about real kids and it would make as much sense.

    5) So…..it was a dream? That was cool and all in Wizard of Oz, but this is 2011. Please tell me it wasn't just a dream, or this was kind of a waste of time to read.

  5. #5

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    This really happened in Giratina's life, she was having a nightmare of it.

    This isn't the whole story

    You know, I'll post the rest of the story sense it's not good to answer in replies
    岩根雅明=♡

  6. #6
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    This is what people are talking about in that Authors' Cafe thread you posted, by the way: you don't really respond to criticisms.
    Last edited by Antithesis; 20th June 2011 at 8:52 PM.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Antithesis View Post
    This is what people are talking about in that Authors' Cafe thread you posted, by the way: you don't really respond to criticisms.
    I can take criticism fine. I can answer any questions asked. I can answer yours if you want me to.

    I didnt answer off the bat because the person reviewing my other story told me to answer the readers' questions in the story not in replies.
    岩根雅明=♡

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by -Silver- View Post
    I didnt answer off the bat because the person reviewing my other story told me to answer the readers' questions in the story not in replies.
    If it makes sense to do so.

    In other words, you need to make sure your story makes sense and that people can't ask the kinds of questions Antithesis is posing. It's difficult to explain, but basically, don't have things happen just for the sake of it being important to the plot. Have them happen because it's just natural for them to happen. As in, there needs to be an explanation behind everything that occurs in a fic.

    It's a lot like what Dragonfree was saying about personalities in your discussion thread. Characters don't just do things for the sake of doing them. They do them because there's a specific reason behind everything they do. If that reason isn't clear enough, the reader is either going to be confused, or they're going to write that off as a plot hole.

    If your reader does ask questions, those should be signals as to what you should change. For example, now that you know Antithesis is confused about why the teacher kicked Giratina out, what should you do to make sure that part makes sense?

    In short, I didn't say ignore your readers. I said make sure your story makes sense because your readers will only get the story, not the things you say outside of it to explain why things happened the way they did.

    Does that make a bit more sense (no pun intended)?

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  9. #9

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    That does make sense in a way.

    About the teach throwing out Giratina, she did it because of her violence, which I did say it in the story.
    岩根雅明=♡

  10. #10

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    I'm defiantly running out of ideas :[

    I tried my best but I went too fast.


    P2:

    My vision was blurry; however I can see figures of people standing at the edge of my bed. My head was hurting and so was my body as I was trying to sit up on the bed. I can feel that half of my body was off the bed, which also hurt.

    “Be careful, Giratina. Don’t get up too fast.” A girl’s voice said.

    With my teddy bear, I rubbed my eyes gently to take away the blurry away from my sight. As soon as I did that, I looked up and saw Gothitelle, a little girl that looked like her holding on to her, Hydreigon, Haxorus, Garchomp, Bisharp, Charizard and Milotic all standing on the side of the bed.

    “Wh-what happened?” I asked.

    “Giratina, we heard you scream. Are you alright?” Gothitelle asked.

    “You also were in a fight with Ghetsis earlier…” Hydreigon added.

    “I don’t think I’m okay. My body hurts and… and…” I looked at Gothitelle and the little girl holding on to her for a minute. While I stared at them, a thought came to my mind however, not just any thought. The thought of how my momma and I used to be came to mind. I was always by her side and together, we can do anything. She was always there in case I got lost or someone hurts me. “Momma!” How I miss her so much.

    “…Come again?” Gothitelle asked as she gave me a funny look.

    "It's nothing. I'm fine. I just need some fresh air" I said as I got out of bed. "Where is there a door?"

    "Down the hallway to your left..." Gothitelle explained.

    "Thanks...” I went down the long hall straight to the door to go outside. When I got there, I was relived... because inside the house, I felt kinda closed in for a while. However, that girl.... the girl with Gothitelle. Who is she? And why did my momma pop up in my head as soon as I saw them? Either way, I wish momma was here. I really do. The more I think about her, the more upset I get, not only at Arceus, but at everyone else.

    As I can remember, people were happy that she was banished. Even thanking Arceus himself.

    “I’m glad we don’t have to deal with the monster anymore…” they would say. However she wasn’t a monster. They were. What kind of person would take someone’s momma away from them? All she ever did was protect me from those people and came to me when I needed her help. She also gave those bullies at my school what they deserve for putting me out in the rain and laughing at me. She defended me. In short, she was the only person who ever cared about me. Who ever knew that I was alive and had feelings. And Arceus took that away from me.

    I did get to learn a few tricks from momma on how to defend myself before she was banished. Because of her, I’ve grown stronger and the kids never made fun of me anymore. Because if they did, I’d use my powers on them, especially my fireball attack momma calls Will-o-wisp. However, other kids would always want to pick fights with me. And I had no problem fighting them because I was going to win. I’d throw buildings and anything I can find at them to show them who’s boss.

    One night however, was the night you saw my real strength. You see, this one kid at school made fun of me and my momma. Called us both evil people. Especially my momma. This kid was saying how, like everyone else has said, she was a monster who needed to be punished. Then this kid and other laughed at me. I got angry. Reeeaaalllly angry. My momma is an important person in my life, and because she defended me before when she was banished, I will defend her and get the revenge that she has wanted me to do.

    BLAST! I used my will-o-wisp on the group of bullies. Yes! They were badly burned to a crisp. And I loved it because they got what they deserve for making fun of someone who was everything to me. However it didn’t stop there. I was so angry and eager to get revenge for my momma that I knocked down the school building from the inside. I also went and threw other buildings everywhere. Just like I can throw candy off the shelves at the candy store, I did the same with the buildings.

    “Momma!” I cried. I would do anything to make her come back. If fulfilling this promise is what it is, then I will do it.

    Then… just like before… the light came. This time I knew who to associate that light to. Arceus. As I waited for the light to go away, I thought to myself: why doesn’t Arceus ever understand that we were only looking out for each other? What’s wrong with wanting to protect one another?

    He came and just like the last time, he stood there with a glare in his eyes. Even though I was squeezing my teddy bear as he came towards me… I still spoke up. Maybe reason with him.

    “Arceus, why? Why are you after me?” I asked.

    “Just like your mother are you, Giratina? Nonetheless, you should know why I am here. Your mother destroyed this place when I first met you. You saw what happened to her did you?” Arceus asked with a serious tone to his voice.

    “B-but momma was only defending me. They deserve what she did to them because they were being mean. They should be banished not us…” I pleaded.

    “Well, that’s not how you handle things, Giratina. Look what you did! You hurt the citizens, the children and you destroyed the city. You, Giratina, also have reached the breaking point. You are also going to facing banishment as well…” Acreus said as he began to open up a portal.

    “BUT THEY WERE MEAN!” I yelled out.

    “Enough, Giratina. Truly despicable, you are. Sayonara, Giratina.” POOF! I was sent over to the place where I have called home for many years.

    As I stood there thinking about that day, I wondered why he as even bought me back. Why? Either way, I’m here and I want momma to come here as well.
    岩根雅明=♡

  11. #11
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    Brilliant. Bloody brilliant.

    I love all these 'innocent giratina' fics, and this one takes the cake for me.

  12. #12

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    I found that in the anime, Giratina is actually a good pokemon. I often wonder why she (I dont care if it's really genderless, this one should be a definite girl) was banished in the first place. She wasnt protrayed as being evil.

    Maybe except for going at it wit Dialga but he ruined her home lol
    岩根雅明=♡

  13. #13

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    “Giratina?” a voice asked behind me.

    I turned around and saw Hydreigon floating there by the door. When I looked at her, she looked kinda worried and since I was alone outside, I motioned her to come. She came over and landed right by me. When I glanced over at her, I noticed that she had a flower on her head.

    “Are you alright, Giratina?” she asked.

    I shook my head no. I wasn’t okay. I was sad and angry at the same time. So much so, that I don’t know what I should do at this point. What can I do to bring back the one person who cared for me so much?

    “You look so sad. What’s wrong?” Hydreigon asked again.

    “Momma… I miss her” I sighed.

    “You have a mom? That’s awesome. What was she like?” she replied.

    I sat there and closed my eyes. “My momma and I always had fun times together. She would take me places that I’ve never seen before and we’d always play in the flowers. See that flower garden?” I pointed to the flower garden that was far away from where we were, but I can see it clearly.

    “I can see it! That’s where Haxorus got this pretty flower for me!” Hydreigon squealed in happiness.

    “My momma would always take me to that flower garden. In fact… that was the last place I got to spend with her that day…” I was beginning to say as I lowered my head.

    “I wish Haxorus would do something like that for me. Ohh~ that’d be sooo romannntic!” Hydreigon interruptedly squealed.

    “Um…” I started to say. It felt like she wasn’t listening to what I was saying.

    “…Oh~ he can sweep me off my feet, like he did when he rescued me from Ghetsis’ base, and run off with me to the flower garden. EEEEEEEE~ sooo awesome!” Hydreigon said as her cheeks turned red. “Ooh I have GOT to tell Haxorus! Later!” she flew away inside the house looking for Haxorus.

    At this point, I was angry with Hydreigon. I felt that she was shutting me out because all she can think about is Haxorus taking her places. I was trying to let it go because I really didn’t want to hurt anyone… especially someone I first met and have wanted to be their friend. Also, especially since I was banished for hurting people. So I sat there, angry and confused. And still thinking about mom and Arceus.

    However, seeing as it got windy outside, I decided to go back in. So I flew on in through the door that Hydreigon almost broke and looked for the others. I flew down the hall and to the lab I was last at and guess what I saw. The same little girl that was holding on to Gothitelle earlier when I woke up, carrying *my* teddy bear. Now I don’t like it when people touch my stuff. Because for one... it’s MINE! And two, that teddy bear… that was given to me by momma when she was banished. That bear is special to me and no one is going to mess with that.

    So I flew over and blocked the girl. This girl looks like Gothitelle, except she was shorter and instead of having one bow on the back of her head; this girl had 2 bows on each of her pigtails. She also had a smaller dress with only two bows on it. She stood there, looking at me. She was scared, I can tell. Because the way I looked at her, I was looking at her kinda funny. She should be scared. Because no one touches MY things.

    “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?! That’s MINE!” I yelled out.

    “Well, we are taking to be washed…” the girl said brave like. However I can see that she’s scared.

    “NO! That’s MIIIIIINNNNE!” I yelled angrily as I grabbed on to one arm of the bear and she held on to the other side.

    “Giratina, please. I can ask my mom not to wash it if you want, but don’t try and pick a fight with me… please. I will let go if you do this calmly.” The girl pleaded.

    “Well you shouldn’t have touched my things! This is special to me! DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH IT!” I said angrily.

    In fact, I was so angry with her, that I wanted to attack her. And that was just what I was about to do. However, something happened that really made me what to hurt her. As we were fighting over the bear; it stretched so much that it broke in two halves. I looked down at the teddy and tears started to well up. It was because this wasn’t any teddy bear, it was one made for me. By my momma and she gave it to me when she was banished. This was the only piece I had of her and it was taken away from me.

    But my tears soon turn into rage as I kept looking at the teddy bear on the floor. I then glare at the girl as she was backing away from me. She closed her eyes tight and a few seconds later, her bows were glowing. While her bows were glowing, I saw a large clear rectangle forming in front of her which kinda looked like a steel block. It then pressed against her, letting out a little bit a light while her bows’ lights begin to fade. But that didn’t scare me as I was powering up a fireball in my mouth.

    Then… BAM! I shot at her and she was burned. Actually, she deserved it. Because she shouldn’t have touched my things. When she got burned, she tried to run away from me. But I wouldn’t let her get away. I flew right after her, shooting fireballs one after another, but this time she keeps dodging them. So most of the time, they either hit the machines or the walls. I never gave up however as I keep trying to hit her time and time again.

    Until she stopped. Turned around to look at me as I was there right in front of her, ready to attack, and came at me with her hands glowing in a reddish color. I stood there, confused as she came at me. Then all of a sudden, she hit me with both hands with a spark coming from her hands. It felt like someone shocked me. It hurts… really bad and I started to tear up from it. I wanted to attack her again, but somehow, I don’t feel that I have enough energy to attack. And as the pain grew worse, I started to cry.

    “GIRATINA!” yelled a voice behind me.

    I turned around and it was Gothitelle. She stood there, glaring at me and with that girl behind her.

    “What do you THINK you are DOING?! You broke my machines. You put holes in the walls. But more importantly, you ATTACKED my child. What’s wrong with you?!” Gothitelle yelled.

    “I told you she was mean!” the girl said.

    “Well you deserved it! You touched my things and you broke my teddy bear. And you hurt me!” I yelled at the girl.

    “Well will discuss this later on alright, Gothorita? All that matters is that we have to treat that burn of yours.” Gothitelle said to the girl. “As for you, Giratina, you got Night Slashed. Which I will heal you. However what you did, that’s not how you handle things Giratina. You don't attack other people because they did something you didn’t like. And Gothorita only used Night Slash in self-defense. She didn’t really want to hurt you…” she continued to say.

    At that point, what really stood out to me was when she said “that’s not how you handle things”. When I look back, my teacher and Arceus had said those same words. However, they never took the time to tell me HOW to handle things. How do I deal with people being mean, or hurting me, or doing something I don’t like? They never told me. And now, Gothitelle is saying the same thing, yet she didn’t tell me how to handle it. This made me really upset.

    “Well… HOW DO I HANDLE IT?!!!” I cried as I quickly flew through the ceiling.

    I had to get out of there… fast. Because now it feels like everyone is against me but never tell me why they are. All I know is that… they are and I didn’t want to be near that. So off I go, flying into a nearby city. Somehow it was a city that look familiar to me.


    Authors notes:

    -That scene with Gothorita's bows were glowing and the rectangle pressed against her, she was using Iron Defense.

    -This fic starts from the Friendship Story fic (forgot to mention it)
    岩根雅明=♡

  14. #14

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    Very familiar indeed. I landed in front of a building that looked almost like my old school. This building by the feel of it has brought back some flashbacks. Like, there was one afternoon, where momma came to pick me up from school. Before then, I was crying. Because there was this one kid named Wigglytuff has been making fun of me all day. He and his buddies have been throwing toys and crayons at me throughout class. Especially since arts and crafts time. During that time, I got up from my seat and tacked Wigglytuff and also biting him.

    “AHH I’m being attacked by a monster!” Wigglytuff screamed out!

    The teacher was busy looking at papers when this happened. When Wigglytuff was screaming like a scardy-cat, the teacher looked up and saw the whole thing. I was on top of him, biting him while he was trying to run away. From the corner of my eye, I can see her getting up from her chair and running towards the scene.

    “Giratina! What are you doing?!” the teacher yelled.

    I looked up at her with a weird look on my face. “He was making fun of me. So I attacked him.”

    “Giratina, all that matters is that you fought and someone got hurt because of it. And I saw YOU biting on another student.” She said sternly.

    “But he deserved it!” I yelled.

    “OUTSIDE!” the teacher pointed to the door. “Wait there for your mother to come pick you up since class is almost over...”

    I went outside, like they always do to me when I fight someone in class. Sometimes, I wished that they have seen it my way instead of just saying “I’m violent, I need to go somewhere else”. I mean those kids were making fun of me yet like I said in the beginning, the teacher doesn’t do anything about it because when I fight, all they see is a small Pokemon, and big worm like Pokemon using fireball attacks against it.

    I sat there, crying, waiting for momma to come save me from the school. She has always been the one to defend me. She has always hated how the school was… especially when it came to people making fun of me. As you’ll see, when I have a problem, she’s the one to come defend me. That day, that what I was hoping for. Then, it came…

    “Outside again?! What happened this time?” a very familiar voice asked behind me. I turned around and there stood momma, with a concerned look on her face. As soon as I saw her, I went up to her and gave her a big hug.

    “They made fun of me again!” I cried.

    “Giratina…” momma said quietly. “I don’t like seeing you sad.”

    Then a few minutes later, the bell rang for school to let out. As the other kids started to burst through the door, momma and I watched them all. Laughing and giggling with each other as they headed home. I looked up at momma, who I can feel her feelings change. She went from being sad to being mad. I mean, her eyes were glowing. Like a menacing reddish color; and that’s a sign that she is very angry.

    “Alright. Show me which one of these kids made fun of you, Giratina.” Momma said with a stern voice.

    Just then, I saw Wigglytuff and his friends walk through that door. He had bite marks all over him, yet he was looking like he was soo awesome with his glasses. “That guy!” I directed toward him.

    Momma then went over to Wigglytuff and grabbed him with her mouth. When I looked up at them, I can tell that he was afraid. Which, he should be because this is what he gets for being a bully. She then flung him over to the left side. The force was so great, however, that he was flung all the way to the other side of town. Probably to parts unknown for all I cared. All I cared about is that he got taught his lesson.

    “Anymore I should know about, Giratina?” Momma asked again.

    “Those guys!” I directed towards the 3 kids just standing there shocked. Those kids are Wigglytuff’s buddies. The ones who made fun of me along with him. Their names were Koffing, Ghastly and Weezing. All looking shocked and scared.

    Momma had something different in store for them. She went over and raised her foot over the 3 kids. She was about to stomp on them! They were all holding on to each other, crying trying to plead with us not to hurt them. Truth of the matter is they made fun of me along with their buddies, so they deserve it.

    “Shall I do the honors, Giratina?” Momma asked as she smiled at me.

    “Yes! Do it!” I said.

    I stood behind Momma’s tail as I saw her slam her foot onto the 3 bullies. She then moved it left and right about 5 times, to make sure that she really did her job. She turned to me and smiled.

    “Do you feel better now?” Momma asked with a smile.

    “Yes I do feel better…” I replied as I hugged on her. I always feel better when my attackers are sent where the sun doesn't shine.

    As my flashback ended, I sat there, looking at the old building. Thoughts were building up in my mind. So many days were I was treated badly and Momma… she stood up for me and did what was right. The more I thought about this, the more I can feel her rage seeping into me. I can feel myself tensing up as I can feel her anger in me. I can feel her. It feels like… she wants me to live knowing that she’s here… but through her rage.

    “Giratina… promise me…” I can hear her voice in the back of my mind. She wanted revenge, and that’s what I am going to do.


    Pweeezee read and comment . I believe I did EVERYTHING in my power to make this perfect.

    Also some might say that Giratina's mom's actions are over the top, but think about it, would your parents stick up for you if YOU were made fun of?

    And no Pokemon or humans died in this chapter or in this fic to boot

    edit: I reposted it because I wanted to add somethings to the story.
    岩根雅明=♡

  15. #15
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    He and his buddies have been throwing toys and crayons at me throughout class. Especially since arts and crafts time. During that time, I got up from my seat and tacked Wigglytuff and also biting him.
    No teacher would let this happen. Not to mention the fact that a kid throwing crayons at you does not justify you biting him. I can’t believe I’m explaining that right now, but that’s not how normal “people” act, and it makes your character kind of unsympathetic right off the bat.

    The teacher was busy looking at papers when this happened.
    ....is the teacher jamming out to The Monkees or something? How do you not hear a giant devil spawn creature fighting with a Jigglytuff and then yelling about it? The sentence seems off, too, but that could just be me. “The teacher was too busy reading the papers to notice what was happening” or something like that could make more sense.

    “Giratina, all that matters is that you fought and someone got hurt because of it. And I saw YOU biting on another student.” She said sternly.

    “But he deserved it!” I yelled.

    “OUTSIDE!” the teacher pointed to the door. “Wait there for your mother to come pick you up since class is almost over...”

    I went outside, like they always do to me when I fight someone in class. Sometimes, I wished that they have seen it my way instead of just saying “I’m violent, I need to go somewhere else”. I mean those kids were making fun of me yet like I said in the beginning, the teacher doesn’t do anything about it because when I fight, all they see is a small Pokemon, and big worm like Pokemon using fireball attacks against it.
    I’m not being a smartass right now, but I honestly can’t tell if you intend on Giratina coming off like a victim here or not. So far, she seems like a whiney, aggressive, unstable Pokemon. Which would be fine, but it seems like you’re trying to turn Giratina into a five year old girl, which still doesn’t sit right with me since you fail to adequately show why she’s like that. You might tell us a little and throw in an unconvincing scene or two, but we never really get a good sense on why she is how she is. Picture the scene you just wrote with scary music playing, and it’s completely terrifying. It’s not endearing, I’m not siding with Giratina, and I can’t stress enough that throwing fireballs at a kid who is significantly smaller than you, just for teasing, is not something that should be considered normal.

    I sat there, crying, waiting for momma to come save me from the school. She has always been the one to defend me. She has always hated how the school was… especially when it came to people making fun of me. As you’ll see, when I have a problem, she’s the one to come defend me. That day, that what I was hoping for. Then, it came…
    So why doesn’t she just remove Giratina from the school? On that note, HOW has Giratina not been expelled yet? You haven’t really gone into detail on the school or even what its purpose is: are they training the Pokemon, is it like a daycare, what? It seriously seems like you just write these scenes with little kids in mind and then replace the name “Little Petey” with “Wigglytuff” and so on. It seems like a completely dangerous environment. Is the teacher Arceus or something that can control it all? Is the teacher a human? Do humans exist in this world?

    “Alright. Show me which one of these kids made fun of you, Giratina.” Momma said with a stern voice.

    Just then, I saw Wigglytuff and his friends walk through that door. He had bite marks all over him, yet he was looking like he was soo awesome with his glasses. “That guy!” I directed toward him.

    Momma then went over to Wigglytuff and grabbed him with her mouth. When I looked up at them, I can tell that he was afraid. Which, he should be because this is what he gets for being a bully. She then flung him over to the left side. The force was so great, however, that he was flung all the way to the other side of town. Probably to parts unknown for all I cared. All I cared about is that he got taught his lesson.
    No.

    No.

    No.

    That is not how sane people handle that situation.

    You’ve just turned the mother and Giratina into the villains of the story, as far as I’m concerned. Is the mother aware of Giratina’s violence toward the other kids? Has she talked to the teacher about it, has she done anything a normal parent would before potentially murdering a child? (I’m aware that, in an author’s note, you said nobody died. That should have been somewhere in the fic. You tossed a Wigglytuff like a baseball. That’s gotta hurt.) You also show Giratina as being jealous of Wigglytuff’s glasses; by the way, “soo” isn’t necesarry, just type “so”. Are we supposed to be mad at Wigglytuff for having cool glasses?

    The HUGE problem I have with this is you’re dealing with a pretty sensitive topic and you’re going about it in a way that makes zero sense. You are saying it’s okay for a bully -who is a little kid- to be afraid and to get injured for teasing, even after the Pokemon he bullied tried to go all Casey Anthony on him. I want to read about this kid, he’s the one that seems interesting - hell, sympathetic even. The two Giratina are acting exactly like you would expect them to, but you’re trying to twist them into being lovable underdogs. The young Giratina shows absolutely no sense of empathy for Giratina, no concern over how hurt he is, no pity. Let’s look at the traits of a sociopath just for fun: lack of remorse, lack of guilt, callousness, impulsive nature, juvenile delinquincy. Remind you of anyone? Giratina is the villain of this story and you don’t seem to be aware of it at all.

    “Those guys!” I directed towards the 3 kids just standing there shocked. Those kids are Wigglytuff’s buddies. The ones who made fun of me along with him. Their names were Koffing, Ghastly and Weezing. All looking shocked and scared.

    Momma had something different in store for them. She went over and raised her foot over the 3 kids. She was about to stomp on them! They were all holding on to each other, crying trying to plead with us not to hurt them. Truth of the matter is they made fun of me along with their buddies, so they deserve it.

    “Shall I do the honors, Giratina?” Momma asked as she smiled at me.

    “Yes! Do it!” I said.

    I stood behind Momma’s tail as I saw her slam her foot onto the 3 bullies. She then moved it left and right about 5 times, to make sure that she really did her job. She turned to me and smiled.
    First: three, not 3. Typically unless a number is higher then a hundred you spell it out.

    Second:

    No they don’t. NO THEY DON’T!

    You just wrote a horrific scene and you think it’s feel-good because the mom is protecting her daughter. No. Just no. And the entire time the young Giratina is supporting this and egging her mom on. You’re writing about unstable, utterly appalling creatures.

    “Yes I do feel better…” I replied as I hugged on her. I always feel better when my attackers are sent where the sun doesn't shine.
    That is not normal.

    I mean, I....I just don’t know. The end of this is turning it into a revenge fic, I’m assuming. From how you’re writing this, though, and through the author’s notes and everything, it seems like you really want us to like Giratina. Which, just, no. No. So far, nothing about Giratina or her mom is remotely appealing or relatable. My only advice is to just think about what you’re writing and how completely off it is. You’ve got this perception of Giratina the character and Momma Giratina, but I’m just not getting it.

  16. #16

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    What you said about me making Giratina relatable is exactly what I was trying to do. Her flashbacks are there to make the reader think and to also make them feel sorry for Giratina or have some sort of sympathy for her. So when she gets her "revenge", you'd know why.

    Like in chapter 3; her teddy bear broke because her and Gothorita were fighting over it. And when she saw it break, she got furious with Gothorita and started to attack her. Sure, you can understand why Gothitelle was angry with Giratina; she attacked her daughter (even though she fought back to defend herself). Any parent would be upset if someone else verbally or physically attacked their child.

    But also, that teddy bear... that was Giratina's. And that was given to her by her mother before she was banished (in chapter 1). So that was special to her and she didn't like anyone touching her things. So the way she acted wasn't how she should handle it, but the reader could understand why.

    The point is that I'm trying to make you put yourself in Giratina or her mother's shoes. Just like Gothitelle had every right to be angry, so does Giratina (the mom). Imagine; your a parent and your child has been verbally or physically attacked. How would you feel? I sure would be upset. That's what I'm trying to get out of the reader. I want the reader to say "I understand why Giratina's mom did this" etc.

    Giratina's mom knew that the little Giratina would fight if someone gave her a hard time... it has been mentioned in chapter one where Giratina told her mom that she has fought like always. So she's quite aware of that. The reason why you don't see her reprimanding the little one is because that how she herself handles situations like this. The little Giratina picked that up as a learned behavior and now she's fighting for herself. In short, Giratina doesn't know any better.

    Oh and humans do exist in this world. All my fics are connected to each other. And the teacher is human. And the school is like a school were Pokemon learn. Think of it like Pokey Oaks Kindgarden from the Powerpuff Girls.

    As for Giratina taking the little Giratina out of school, she doesn't do that because she wants the little one to learn. Also would like time off from the little one. The scenes I write with Pokemon... kid Pokemon in mind.

    Going back, I wanted the reader to understand what Giratina's mother is thinking. Her child is being attacked, so she's going to be angry and attack. I understand that maybe I made her do not so good things, and I didn't realize how grewsome my scenes were. I'm not trying to condome her actions, just understand her.

    I wasn't trying to make the young Giratina a villian, but a victim of misunderstanding. Her mother was banished for standing up for her and that's why she's angry. When she herself was banished, Arceus never reunited her with her mother. He separated them. Understand, her mother was the only one who loved her and cared for her and she's gone.

    Also:



    Who would not feel sorry for that face? Those little spikes? She looks just like her altered forme (which is her mother)
    岩根雅明=♡

  17. #17

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    Final:

    With a fireball powering up in my mouth, I was about to hit the old building that was once my school. A place where there were many bad memories of me being mistreated, but many good ones of my momma coming to my rescue. Now, I am about to knock it down, whether people are in it or not. Because the truth of the matter is that this is the place where I can remember my momma getting banished. Well not too far from here but still.

    As I was going to begin to knock over the building, I can see something on the reflection of the windows. I can see… many different figures coming toward this place. Could they be coming for me? I don’t know but I do keep my guard up as I watch these figures come closer and closer to me. Then I can clearly see who these guys were. They were the same guys from before when I woke up in Gothitelle’s lab.

    However, there was one person in the mix who I didn’t recognize. He was a tall human with flowing green hair, a white shirt and green pants. I can see him standing next to Gothitelle, who looked actually worried. When I looked straight at her, I can see something pop up in her place. I saw momma! When I saw her, I sucked in my own fireball. Trying not to shatter the windows. Even though it was only Gothitelle, I somehow can see momma in her.

    “You… must be Giratina!” the guy said as he pointed to me.

    “Who are you?” I asked as I still stared at the window.

    “My name is N. Remember when you battled Ghetsis? That was my father. But beside the point, Giratina, why are you doing this?” he asked.

    “Giratina, I understand now. I can understand that you are the Renegade Pokémon and you have different thoughts than us, but understand that what you are doing is wrong…” Gothitelle said.

    I stood there, looking at them both through the reflection of the glass. They both say that they understand me but the fact of the matter is that they don’t. They think they do, but if you think about it, how can they ever understand what I’m going through? They still have their parents around, well I’m not sure about Gothitelle’s parents but her child still has her as a mother. I can’t even see mine anymore.

    “You know nothing. Don’t try and understand because you never will. At least, you still have your dad around, N. And Gothitelle, at least Gothorita has you as a mother to hold on to. I-I can’t even do that anymore. And it’s because… because… my momma is gone… and it’s your fault! It’s everyone who made her banish.” I cried.

    “But… you cannot blame the world today for something that happened many years ago.” N said as he came closer to me. “Can’t you see that it isn’t fair?!”

    “DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT FAIR!” I yelled as I turned to both of them, glaring at them. “Especially after that they did to my momma. She was my only friend, the only one who cared for me. And they took her away. All she did was protect me from everyone who tried to hurt me. She was a good mom and a good person. But Arceus took her away. And I’ll never see her again.

    I was banished for trying to get revenge the last time. Even when I was banished, he never reunited us in the Distortion World. He separated us. So I had no idea where she was in this world. I was alone, crying myself to sleep everyday hoping she would come. But she never came. That’s why I’m doing this… because I want her back.” I cried.

    “But, Giratina, getting revenge is not going to bring your mother back. It’s only going to send you back to that Distortion World and you’ll be alone again like you were years ago when you were banished. Is that what you want?!” Gothitelle yelled.

    When she said that, I thought to myself long and hard. She’s right. If I were to continue to be violent, I would go back to being banished and there’s no chance I would be reunited with my momma this time. But at the same time, aren’t I alone anyway as of now?

    “But I’m alone now…” I said as I lowered my head.

    “No you’re not. Just because I was mad at you earlier doesn’t mean I’m not your friend anymore. I’m still your friend and even though we just met earlier, I care for you. Why do you think we are here? We are worried about you, Giratina. We know that you are angry and we understand, but taking your anger out on the world isn’t going to help.

    Now, let’s stop and think about this. Why would Arceus banish your mother and not reunite you with her when he did the same to you?” Gothitelle asked.

    “Think hard, Giratina. What did your mother do that made Arceus send her somewhere else?” N also asked.

    All I know is that my momma has always tried to protect me in any way she can. Arceus doesn’t see her like I do. All he saw was a big dragon hurting a bunch of people. However, what I saw, I saw someone who was protecting their child. She knew what was going on and she handled it how she would have done if someone did the same to her. I saw someone with nothing but love for their child. Would do anything for them.

    “I don’t know. She was protective and she wanted the best for me…” I replied.

    “Well… there’s something we have to tell you…” N said.

    “Giratina, when you were passed out on my helicopter from your fight with Ghetsis, I was curious about you and wanted to get to know you more. So I walkie-talkied Gothorita to look you up on the computer since I didn’t bring mine with me. And when we all got back home to put you in bed, she came to me and told me that you were a Pokemon who was banished for violence. So she was afraid of you.

    And when I looked you up further, I saw that you had a mother. However, Arceus, he’s the one who updates the historic events; so when I saw the information about your mother and you, I was shell-shocked to be honest. It said that your mother was hurting a lot of people in ways that I can’t describe. All to protect you. But stomping on children? Blasting a school full of young Pokémon? Destroying a whole city?

    Giratina, this is what she was banished for. I hate to say it this way, but your mother WAS violent and unruly. Arceus banished her so she wouldn’t hurt anymore people. You were banished for the same thing. You wanted revenge for your mother not being with you. And you hurt a lot of people. However, Arceus saw hope in you. He saw that you CAN change but that’s not going to happen if you and your mother were together. So he separated you. So you wouldn’t pick up anymore behavior from her. So many years later, he brought you back to our world. Please, Giratina. Don’t do this again; or you will be back in that world.” Gothitelle pleaded.

    While listening to her, I can hear momma’s voice in the back of my head, saying the same thing as Gothitelle has said to me. “Please, Giratina?” momma said in the back of my head. When I heard her voice, I stopped and think. Somehow, I can see that Gothitelle and momma are alike. That’s why I am seeing momma everytime I look at Gothitelle.

    “I remember, the last night I saw her; she told me that she wanted me to promise her something. I thought it was revenge…” I said in sorrow.

    “I don’t believe that your mother would want that to be honest.” N suggested.

    “Yeah, your mother would want you to not worry about her. And to be strong. Be hopeful for the future that one day, she will come back to you. She wants what’s best for you.” Gothitelle said.

    When they said that, I again thought hard to myself. Bringing myself back to that time when she was banished and was about to disappear into that portal. After giving me the teddy bear, she said something to me. Now it makes sense because now I can remember her exact words.

    “Giratina… promise me. Promise me that you will stay strong for me. I heed not what happens to me, but I want the best for you. Giratina, please, do not worry about me. I assure you that I will always be with you, no matter where I end up. I believe in my heart that you and I will meet again. Until then, be strong and don’t back down. Remember all the fun times you and I shared. Relive that. Value your time in this world. Unfortunately, I won’t be there with you however I will always watch over you, Giratina. In short, Giratina… I will always love you.”

    Momma… now I remember what she said to me that night. Everything makes sense. She wanted me to keep being me and to always know that she’s there and she’d come back. I can feel the rage inside of me slowly starting to turn to calmness. I can feel Momma’s calm side replacing the anger that was in me. I still can feel her and I can tell that she is no longer angry. When I felt her and heard her words; I let out a few tears.

    “Momma would want me to be happy. She wouldn’t want me to be angry or sad. That’s why she acted the way she did with the other kids before she was banished. She hated seeing me upset.” I said as I came toward the group. “That one afternoon when she stomped on three kids who were making fun of me, she turned to me asked if I felt better and I told her yes. She… she was calm. She was very happy. It’s like, when I’m happy, she’s happy.

    I understand now. I felt her rage from before because I was upset. So when I was angry, I could feel her becoming angry. But when I was calm, I can feel her becoming the same way. I understand that what she did was horrible now. I don’t think she’s horrible but what she did was and I understand. And… I want to learn the right way to handle things. Thank you…” I concluded.

    “No problem, Giratina! By the way, I was helping out Gothitelle here because I have the ability to connect myself to Pokemon.” N said as he patted me on the back. “Hey, why don’t we all go back to Gothitelle’s house and celebrate!”

    “YEEAAAH! To the invincible X-Tornado!” Charizard called out as he motioned everyone to go to this… thing he speaks of. As everyone starts to follow, I can see that Gothitelle wanted to tell me something, seeing the way she turned to me.

    “Hey, Giratina. I want to ask; when you were waking up and you looked at me and yelled out “momma”. What was that about?” she asked.

    “When I looked at you and Gothorita together, you reminded me of her. We were so close just like you were…” I said.

    I can see that she was quite happy by that because when I told her, I can see that she had a tear in her eye. Feeling sad, I went over and gave her a hug, however she backed away from me.

    “Sorry, I’m not really the hugging type. There are only two people which I hug and that’s all.” She said.

    So we shook on it, meaning she “shook hands” with my spikes. After that we followed everyone to this airplane that she built.


    Last Chapter. Comments, comments :3

    -Also you might notice that there's diolouge that has 2-3 paragraphs. I did that so it wont be one run off paragraph

    -I hope N is in character.

    -I hope the story is okay.
    岩根雅明=♡

  18. #18
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    That first chapter was actually pretty scary. What started out as a simple badfic suddenly became what felt like looking at a serial killer's diary.

    And then it becomes just another one of your fics.

  19. #19

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    Hey I had 3 dark moments there lol

    Mind me that I'm not the type who writes about death lol
    岩根雅明=♡

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