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Thread: Shards of Destiny

  1. #1
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    Default Shards of Destiny

    Based of a 2 comics on deviantART. The first one can be foundhere and the sequel here

    Note: The comics are slightly different then the fanfic because of small removed parts. But the same storyline remains in both.

    [Rated PG-13 for peril, fantasy violence, and themes of death]


        Spoiler:- Character List: Minor Spoilers:


        Spoiler:- Attack List:


        Spoiler:- Possible Major Spoilers:


    Now, let us begin...

    Prologue

    Deep in a forest known as Dawn Forest a Piplup lay on the ground. This Piplup was not the normal colors of its kind, or those of a shiny pokemon. Her head and upper body were a light blue color, her 'cape' was collored a light tan and her lower body was almost black. She was tossing and turning wildly, muttering things that made no sense.

    Suddenly, the Piplup jolted awake, panting, sweatdrops ran down her neck in panic.

    She looked around, her brown eyes scanning her surroundings before she sighed deeply, as if in releif. "Morning Marie!" a cheerful voice said nearby.

    The Piplup, Marie, turned to see a happy Shiny Riolu running towards her. This Riolu was none other than her 'adopted' brother, Riki.

    "Hey Riki..." Marie tried to say happily to Riki. However, it only came out filled with sadness and fear.

    "Marie are you alright?" Riki asked, his cheerful tone now serious and filled will remorse, "you seem worried."

    Marie looked into Riki's teal eyes and sighed deeply before speaking "Lately I've been having strange dreams... dreams that make me feel fear and dread."

    "Like what Marie?" Riki asked tilting his head slightly. "They're about Falcon" Marie said in reply, growling at the name 'Falcon'.

    "That Skarmory that belonged to the Cipher?" Riki replied in question.

    Marie nodded "I fear he's after me still..." she said, "thats not the only thing that worries me though..."

    Riki tiltied his head is confusion "What else do you fear?" he asked.

    Marie looked at the sky before speaking "I fear that I'm not the only one he's after," she said, "He's after Wave too, I'm sure of it."

    The name seemed familiar to Riki "Wave is that Shadow Piplup isn't he?"

    Marie nodded to tell Riki that he was right. "He's a Prinplup now but if my guess is true..." she began "...We must find him before Falcon does."

    "I'll wake up Lizzie and Forest!" Riki said, his cheerful personality returning once more.

    Marie called after him "Don't do anything..." she was cut off as Riki readied his attack, one that was rare for his kind. A light blue glowing orb began to form between his paws.

    "AURA SPHERE!" He yelled, launching the attack at a green turtle-like pokemon nearby.

    "...stupid..." Marie finished slapping her forehead with her flipper.

    The pokemon was sleeping soundly, the leaf stem atop his head swaying with every breath, his hard brown shell rose up and down in rythym to it's breathing. This pokemon was known as a Turtwig.

    The Turtwig was hit hard with the glowing light blue orb that was Aura Sphere, causing him to jolt awake in shock from his deap sleep.

    The yelp that came from him woke up an orange chick-like pokemon next to him, she shock her head in drowzyness, the small 'crown' of feathers on the top of it shook with her head. The pokemon was called a Torchic.

    The Turtwig glared at Riki who was rolling on the ground laughing, Marie just stood behind him, her flipper still on her forehead.

    The Turtwig went over to the duo, the Torchic close behind.

    "Riki" the Turtwig began, his voice filled with some anger and annoyance "Of all ways to wake me up why did you HAVE to hit me with Aura Sphere?!"

    "Sorry Forest" Riki said standing up, obviously over his laughing spree.

    The Torchic behind the Turtwig, now known as Forest, spoke, "It was kind of funny though Forest" she said.

    Forest shruged, "I guess it was a bit funny Lizzie" he replied to the Torchic.

    "So" Lizzie began "what are our plans for today?"

    Marie began to speak, explaining about her dream and theroy.

    "So this Skarmory named Falcon is after you and this Prinplup Wave?"

    Marie nodded "Yes, and we have to find Wave before Falcon does or else who knows what may happen."

    "Well then" Lizzie began "We should get going."

    With that sentence said, the quadrant of pokemon set out on their search, their hopes to be successful with them.

    However, as they left they weren't aware of the Pokemon watching them from a cliff, hidden in the shadows.

    "Soon Marie" The pokemon said to itself "I will get what I want one way or another."

    The pokemon opened its glowing red eyes, a evil smirk across its face "Very soon"


    Hope you enjoyed, feedback is always welcomed^^
    Last edited by Piplup-Luv; 16th November 2010 at 8:03 AM.
    'While I live I want to shine I want to prove that I exist'~Grovyle PMD3

    'Even in the darkest of times... there is hope'~Ignitus TLoS: DotD



    Between Time and Darkness Prologue is now up
    See my current and future fanfics here


  2. #2
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    Deep in a forest known as Dawn Forest a Piplup lay on the ground. This Piplup was not the normal colors of its kind, or those of a shiny pokemon. Her head and upper body were a light blue color, her 'cape' was collored a light tan and her lower body was almost black. She was tossing and turning wildly, muttering things that made no sense.
    She looked around with her brown eyes scanning her surroundings before she sighed deeply, as if in releif. "Morning Marie!" a cheerful voice said nearby.
    take note of these.

    I give the prologue a 4.8 out of 5, because of the fact that it could have been a tad more descriptive, but other than that this is a rather interesting fanfic so far.

  3. #3
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    Resident evil: Thank you for pointing those out, I have gone back and fixed them. I'll also try my hardest to make my chapters more descriptive in the future.


    Chapter 1

    A Prinplup walked through the slightly busy streets of a small peaceful town located on a large continent. This town was called Pandaria Town.

    Unlike most of his species his colors were very different. His head, 'cape', and half of his flippers were a dark purple, his normally light blue body a dark navy like the tip of his flippers. A deep scar crossed above his left eye which was bright red. Many would identify him as a Shadow Pokemon due to his coloring but he didn't care.

    Strangely, around the Prinplup's waist was something that looked and acted like a belt. Several dark blue pointy objects, known as Iron Thorns to Rescue Teams, were held inside it, their tips a bright green mixture of a pokemon's Stun Spore and several berries. He used these to paralyze his opponents in battle, much like tranquilizers.

    Many pokemon had known him as the wanted bounty hunter 'Wave the Swift' for many years. However, thanks to a heroic event of his months ago he has been accepted as a hero to these pokemon.

    Where is this feeling of dread coming from? Wave wondered, Why do I feel something bad has happened?

    As wave entered the center of town a red lizard, known as a Charmeleon, came over to him.

    "Are you feeling alright Wave?" The Charmeleon, obviously a female, asked in worry.

    "Yeah Charla," Wave replied, "I'm fine."

    "You don't seem fine" a Pikachu that had strange light blue lightning bolt markings on his head, ears, legs, and tail said. "You've been acting strange for the past 3 days."

    Wave, now annoyed, spoke "I told you I'm fine!" He snapped at them.

    Then again...what if they're right? Wave countered his previous statement in thought, I have been feeling weird lately. Maybe because I'm worried about...

    Wave's thoughts were interrupted as a cry of help was heard. Everyone turned to where the cry had come from.

    An almost black fox-like pokemon, known as an Umbreon, was running towards them, her yellow rings and her body was covered in many burns and scratches.

    The Umbreon stopped in the center of Pandaria Town, her dark green eyes filled with panic and pain.

    "What happened Zoey?!" Another Umbreon, this time with blue rings, asked in worry.

    "Blaze..." Zoey began weakly "He was kidnapped..."

    "How?" The Pikachu with the markings asked, "and why are you so beat up?"

    "I was with Blaze in the field behind Little Woods when this black glowing blade hit the ground, throwing Blaze and I in different directions.

    Soon afterwards this Skarmory with red eyes, a dark blue beak and wings with dark purple blades, neck, and tail swooped down and grabbed Blaze off the ground."

    The description of this Skarmory caused Wave to freeze in fear and horror. No! He thought in disbeleif, it...it can't be him, anyone but him!

    Before he could hear the rest of Zoey's tale Wave ran off, heading down a path on the left and into a clearing.

    Wave growled in frustration and anger as he began to pace back-and-forth.

    "Augh I can't believe it!" He shouted to no one, "I thought I left that demented, sorry excuse for a pokemon back in the Sinnoh Region when I came here! How in the world could he have even followed me?!"

    Wave stopped and calmed down a bit before looking up in thought. "I wonder If Marie knows he's here. If she doesn't she'll be in trouble, Falcon's probably gotten much stronger by now... after all, we Shadow Pokemon do rise in level fast."

    "Well, well" someone said "I'm glad you remember me Wave."

    Wave froze at the familiar voice in fear.

    "Such a shame you couldn't have stayed with us longer, you would have been such a powerful Shadow Pokemon."

    At those words Wave snapped and turned around, "Like I'd want to have joined the Cipher and become a heartless creep like you Falcon!" He spat, "now show yourself!"

    Falcon decended from the trees nearby, causing Wave to flinch as the Armor Bird Pokemon towered over him.

    Dispite his hatred at Falcon Wave felt nothing but fear around him, knowing the things the Skarmory had done... and what he planned to do.

    Falcon smirked and spoke "Still as pathetic as you were when we met." He said.

    Wave gained some courage and countered Falcon's insult "Shut u-up!" he growled, trying to hide his fear as he reached secretly for one of the Iorn Thorns on his 'belt'. "I won't h-hesitate to h-hurt you!"

    Falcon only laughed "Like I'd let you do that!" he said.

    Wave froze again as Falcon said those words. Before he could do anything Falcon released a powerful Thunder attack at him, causing the Prinplup to yell in pain as the super-effective electric attack hit him.

    Wave collapsed on the ground unconscious, making Falcon grin as the Skarmory picked him up in his tallons.

    Falcon flew off into the distance laughing evilly, no one would stop him... no one.
    Last edited by Piplup-Luv; 21st November 2010 at 9:21 PM.
    'While I live I want to shine I want to prove that I exist'~Grovyle PMD3

    'Even in the darkest of times... there is hope'~Ignitus TLoS: DotD



    Between Time and Darkness Prologue is now up
    See my current and future fanfics here


  4. #4
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    "Are you feeling alright Wave?" The Charmeleon, obviously a female, asked in worry.
    "What happened Zoey?!" Another Umbreon, this time with blue rings, asked in worry.
    You should change the wording to that, or just use a comma after the name.

    A Prinplup walked through the slightly busy streets of a peaceful town called Pandaria Town.
    Where is Pandaria Town, what is it like? For all I know It's a floating pink town on mars.

    Overall, a pretty good chapter, but you might want to have the plot show up pretty soon here. I give this chapter 4.9 out of 5, due to the errors I pointed out. You might want to put a bit of time into your other fics as well, as it's been a while since the last chapter of 'The Rising Darkness'.
    Last edited by Resident evil; 20th November 2010 at 10:29 PM.

  5. #5
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    Resident evil: Thanks again for pointing out those mistakes it's really helpful.

    The plot will most likely begin in the next chapter.

    I should have a new chapter for this and The Rising Darkness up soon.
    'While I live I want to shine I want to prove that I exist'~Grovyle PMD3

    'Even in the darkest of times... there is hope'~Ignitus TLoS: DotD



    Between Time and Darkness Prologue is now up
    See my current and future fanfics here


  6. #6
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    Chapter 3


    Wave slowly opened his eyes as he awoke.

    "Ugh..." he groaned as he tried to recall what had happened to him. "where am I?"

    Wave tried to move but found out he was stuck. Looking down the Prinplup discovered that he was tied up tightly to a large pole.

    "What the?!" he exclaimed in question "Where am I and how did I get tied up?!"

    "It's about time you woke up" someone said.

    Wave looked forward to see none other than Falcon smiling evilly at him.

    "What do you want with me Falcon?!" Wave asked in anger, "I have nothing you want so let me go!"

    "On the contrary Wave I'm sure you know what I want from you." Falcon replied struting closer to his captive. "Where is Marie?" he asked once he was a few feet away from Wave.

    A look of shock crossed Wave's face, I was right! He thought, Falcon is still after her!

    "You seem to know where she is." Falcon said "Just tell me and I'll let you go."

    Wave glared at the Skarmory in front of him "What if I don't want to?!" He spat.

    Falcon only laughed, "Look above you Wave" he said, "see anything...familiar?"

    Wave looked up and a look of horror, fear, and remembrance filled his eyes.

    Above him were four metal rods sparking with dark purple electricity, Wave looked down as tears filled his eyes, a flashback came back to him.

    ***
    A lone Piplup stood chained to the wall, a look of horror and fear in its eyes as it trembled.

    "Go away!" it yelled "L-leave me alone!"

    The next thing the Piplup knew was that it could feel pain, endless pain as dark purple electricity surrounded it.

    The Piplup managed to open its eyes only to stare in fear as the colors of its body were changing.

    It's light blue chest sloly becoming a dark navy, its 'cape' turning a dark purple.

    The Piplup couldn't stay awake much longer... it passed out.

    ***

    Tears were now streaming from Wave's eyes as the horrible memory of being slightly corrupted came back to him.

    "You remember now don't you Wave?" Falcon said in a taunting voice, "Tell me where Marie is and I'll spare you the pain that you felt back when the humans did that to you.

    Wave oppened his eyes, no longer did they show horror... they showed rage.
    After all Marie had done for Wave...he couldn't let Falcon harm her.

    "OVER.MY.DEAD.BODY!" He shouted, taking a break between every word.

    Falcon only smirked cruely at Wave "Big mistake" he said coldly.

    Wave cried out in pain as the dark purple electricity from above surrounded him. When it stopped Wave was panting, sparks of remaining electricity showed along his body.

    "Now Wave" Falcon began "Maybe now you'll tell me what I want to know." Falcon stopped for a minute before adding "Unless you want to suffer more."

    Wave answered Falcon's question about Marie as he slowly recovered from his pain, "I...don't know."

    "Hmph" Falcon scoffed "You're worthless."

    Wave just smirked at Falcon's remark, he had a plan.

    "Then why don't you let me go you big birdy" He said tauntingly, he knew Falcon had a temper.

    Falcon turned to face Wave, anger in his eyes "Are you just asking for death Wave?!" he screeched.

    "My, my, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of their mommy's nest." Wave continued, obviously enjoying Falcon's remarks.

    Falcon finally snapped, he flew into the air. "Dark Blade!" he yelled as he launched a sharp, glowing, black blade from his wings, aiming it at his prisoner.

    Wave only smirked as the blade missed him and sliced the ropes that bound him to the pole.

    Wave landed swiftly on the ground, smirking as he looked up at Falcon smirking.

    "Hey Falcon," he began, "have a nice nap."

    With those words Wave grabbed an Iorn Thorn from the 'belt' he had around his waist and threw it at Falcon.

    The thorn hit its mark, stabbing Falcon in the wing and making him plummet to the ground.

    Once Wave heard a loud thud behind him, he laughed, "Too easy," he said as he began to head towards a light in the distance, obviously the exit to the prison he was in.

    "Now to find Marie."


    Hope you enjoyed, feeback is always welcome.

    Oh, and if you were confused about the electricity that surrounded Wave: That's how I picture the Cipher (from PKMN XD Gale of Darkness) corrupted Pokemon.
    Last edited by Piplup-Luv; 29th November 2010 at 6:53 PM.
    'While I live I want to shine I want to prove that I exist'~Grovyle PMD3

    'Even in the darkest of times... there is hope'~Ignitus TLoS: DotD



    Between Time and Darkness Prologue is now up
    See my current and future fanfics here


  7. #7
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    "It's about time you woke up." someone said.
    Falcon only laughed, "Look above you Wave," he said, "see anything...familiar?"
    "OVER. MY. DEAD. BODY!" He shouted, taking a break between every word.
    Falcon only smirked cruely at Wave "Big mistake." he said coldly.
    "Now Wave," Falcon began "maybe now you'll tell me what I want to know." Falcon stopped for a minute before adding "Unless you want to suffer more."
    "Hmph." Falcon scoffed "You're worthless."
    "Then why don't you let me go you big birdy." He said tauntingly, he knew Falcon had a temper.
    Once Wave heard a loud thud behind him, he laughed, "Too easy." he said as he began to head towards a light in the distance, obviously the exit to the prison he was in.
    Figured I'd point those out.

    I give this chapter 4.9 out of five, just because of the above errors. This was a pretty good chapter overall though, I can't wait for the next one!

    Note: You might want to develop the character's personalities a bit, and maybe have them crack a joke or two on occasion, because right now they're practically robots.

  8. #8
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    Resident evil: Thanks again for pointing out my mistakes.

    Yeah, personalities is not my strong point when it comes to writing so I'll try to develop theirs more
    'While I live I want to shine I want to prove that I exist'~Grovyle PMD3

    'Even in the darkest of times... there is hope'~Ignitus TLoS: DotD



    Between Time and Darkness Prologue is now up
    See my current and future fanfics here


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