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Thread: Pokemon Revolution: Advent Phoenix (Rated T)

  1. #26
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    Great chapter as always.

    Looks likes Travis has 2 rivals. The ninga guy and Matt.

    Keep up the awsome work!

    Peace, KingT
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  2. #27
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    Right, back to the drill... catch ya after i read!

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
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  3. #28
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    :P I got the grammar mistakes this time Air Dragon

    I haven't been here in a while, but I have been reading. And I woould like to congradtulate you for finishing PG:J, Finally! And you're 2 Chapters ahead of you're orignal schedule! ^_^ how do you feel?!

    “You shouldn’t loiter around shops – people’ll think you’re up to no good,” a low voice rang behind Travis.
    People will, last time I checked, I don't remember being able to contract people and will, but I could be wrong

    He wore a black headband along with a gi-like garment, which consisted of the green outergarment and a black undershirt.
    Outer garment is two words.

    Travis gave the young man the response that he had basically practiced for a month for just this type of situation.
    had basically, I don't know it doesn't sound right or look right... I suggest to cut out basically.

    It sounded like what this guy was saying was that there were two other swords in this world whose powers could be on par with his.
    It's wordy. You could say this a bit more, simpler, if what I am saying makes sense. I don't really know how you would fix it...

    “Ho-oh could look deep into the heart of a Pokémon and determine if its will toward other Pokémon and toward the earth on which they lived was good or evil,” the bronze-haired youth explained.
    Unlike other ones so far, this is a grammar mistake. Its is possesive, not a contraction. Use It's.

    “To those whom he judged good, he granted protection...
    I really hate english, so many confusing rules, this is one of them. Judged WELL not good.

    Swordbearer,” Travis finished the statement for him.
    Sword Bearer is two words. Not that big of a deal.

    The defining factor, though is that, squeezed in between the two barrels and extending out about two feet and some change past the barrels was the blade to a sword.
    Very unclear here, I would recommend The defining factor though, was extended, from two barrels, out about two feet and some change past the barrels was the blade to a sword.

    What the hell? the young man thought to himself.
    The. CaPiTaLiZaTiOn ErRoR

    A half-second later, a katana came flashing from the ground up, through the space where he had just been milliseconds ago.
    Lovely description, one minor verb error. A half-second later, a katana, flashing from the ground up, appeared (or another word similar to this)through the space where he had just been milliseconds ago.

    With a sleepy and slightly annoyed expression on her face, she flicked some of her long, pink hair out of her eyes and leapt off of the bed, tearing straight for the restroom that was right next to Travis’ bed
    I love this beginning part, anyway, too many preposition, you use either off or of, not both. In this cas you use off

    “<Hrmf...what the heck?>” behind Travis, an Umbreon sprang to life from his sleeping position on the floor.
    What. CaPiTaLiZaTiOn ErRoR

    “Looks like breakfast’ll have to wait.”
    Same error as the first error, no contraction. But its dialogue, so you can get away with this.

    Travis looked down and, indeed, on a pull-out shelf of sorts, were a keyboard and a mouse.
    Must be sick of this by now, I'm getting tired... Anyway, believe it or not pullout is one word.

    Travis looked down and, indeed, on a pull-out shelf of sorts, were a keyboard and a mouse.
    verb tense, was

    That’s really useful – Hoenn’s got a couple of spots that are kind of on the tropical side as far as climate is concerned
    Going by English dictionary/grammr book, Hoenn has is the preffered way to write that.

    “I know there’s a couple of types I don’t like...like Poison, for example.
    subject-verb agreement: there are

    In about an instant, Katrina looked like she’d just gotten the smile knocked off of her face.
    God, knows I hate idioms. This is why the english language is one of the most difficult to learn, can't use both prepositions, either off or of. Use off here.

    Before Matthew knew what was going on, he was on the ground face-down
    The mistakes! There not ending! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Facedown is one word.

    The red gem on her forehead began to glow white, and Matthew was blasted off of his feet.
    Idioms must die!!!!!! Can't use both prepositions, either off or of. Use off here.

    The ball, having been thrown by Matt, bounced off of the ground and sprang open.
    This is getting ridiculous... Can't use both prepositions, either off or of. Use off here.

    On her own, she jumped away from another Scratch attack and then got caught by a second that sent her sprawling to the ground.
    Verb choice, you probably want to use were...

    Katrina asked rather nastily – although that might have been because she was witnessing Angel getting pummeled by Combusken rather mercilessly while Travis stood there like a statue.
    Verb choice again. Being

    He didn’t seemed to act like he was angry at the world.
    seem, wrong verb tense

    Combusken hurled this ball of fire at Angel, who was battered and unable to even defend herself as the flames licked against her lavender body, scorching it.
    Another stupid rule. Can't split the infinitive can't split to defend with even.

    DONE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    GOD THAT WAS PAINFUL!

    Anyway, I think I got all grammar mistakes, I read it three times to make sure. Damn that was hard. Anyway. Be careful with preposition use and verb choice and stuff. I'll have to do may review later. see ya!

    NVM I have time and space.

    Okay, so far I like this a lot. This story seemes to be coming a long very nicely. I loved the battle scene at the end. I hope to God that Travis will actually battle in a tournament this time. It would be nice for him to finish a gym, like all eight. I really hope that happens. Because, as much as I loved the war, I don't think the same thing should happen over in Hoenn a war that causes misery for everyone, stress for Travis, etc. Also the Treeko is a nice touch. i would like to see his actual character some time soon.

    I see why you said you really needed Marcia and Lorca, they had to take care of Shiro's brother. Makes sense, i'd like to see how Shiro and Madeline are doing and also how Marcia, Lorca, and Shiro's brother is doing.

    Also I didn't like how you ended for the previous pokemon. I mean, we rarely hear anything about them. How they ended up and what not. I mean Sparx and Hotshot, the wacky Wartortle, and my favorite... SERGE!!! You didn't really mention much about them right before, during, or after the war. I'd like to hear about them so more. Okay NOW have to leave.

    Castform Out


  4. #29
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    Yeah, that chapter was pretty bad grammatically. I'm not budging on the dialogue, though. I mean for the characters to have slightly bad grammar because it humanizes them. I mean, c'mon - when's the last time that you heard a fourteen-year-old that had any friends in high school speak perfect english? I used to do it and it never worked for me.

    Also for the 'its' in that sentence about Ho-oh, I probably didn't make it clear.

    "Ho-oh could look deep into the heart of a Pokemon and determine if [that Pokemon's] will toward other Pokemon..."

    It's supposed to be 'its'. But the one you missed, ironically, was that the 'they' in that sentence was supposed to be 'it'.

    Also, good wasn't in the sense of quality as used in that one sentence. It was in the sentence as a measure of morals and character. You can't really have "well" and "evil". It doesn't work very well.

    Also, Swordbearer is an official term used in the fic. It is not in the English dictionary as a compound noun, but for the purposes of this fan fiction, it refers specifically and exclusively as a title for people who are chosen to wield one of the three swords of the Blade Trinity. (Why didn't anyone say anything when I used it all through PR:J?)

    I've got this thing about 'off'...even though it's supposed to be correct grammar, it just sounds really fugly to me. But I'll take care in the future - thanks.

    I've got to pick up my pace - xXSaberXx finished PR:CoF (finally!) and she's on a hiatus, as far as I heard. Me, personally - I don't have time for a hiatus. I want this done before all of us are old and gray. So...there you go.

    I started Chapter 3 yesterday. Depending on the amount of time I have to write this week, it should be up some time within the next seven days.

    And I've got reasonably detailed (approximately a page on lined paper - and my writing's very small) outlines of everything up to Chapter 7. So...

    *looks at time*

    Crap. Voice class. GTG!

    - EM1, out.

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  5. #30
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    So Matt made his long awated return. Bout time, i mean he hasn't been seen since like chapter 35 of the Johto revalution. He seems liike the same old pain in the *** of a rival as always also.

    The ninja guy is deffentally the replacement for Nate. He won't be in every chapter but he will have a major part of this story. Thats a good character that u are working on their my friend.

    Other then those 2 things i prob. would like to see Treecko get some action in battle or at least receive a nickname soon enough.
    What? Am I back?

  6. #31
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    My point exactly. Treeko should get a nickname to fit his personallity. I wonder what Katrina and Travis will catch next. I really need to say, sweet fic. Hopefully, the journey last all the way through this time. Hopefully, the league stays. I should get Kazuto Journeys updated soon. Check it out, Eon.
    Visit Nocturne of Shadows. Check the chats and forums section to visit the forum. I have a guestbook and a mini shout box.

  7. #32
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    Hello, EonMaster One!

    I am a new reader that just started reading your fic yesterday. And I must say, that I am very impressed with how you've written it. Your details are unbelievably accurate, it's so amazing. You are very talented, only a few authors can write details with such a high accuracy, it made me feel like I was there. I could easily visualize how it looked like.

    As for the characters...I like Travis, he seems like a good guy. But I really like how you give him an Espeon. It's usually girls that go with Espeon, but I'm glad you made a guy go with Espeon. Though her name isnt so great, it doesnt make sense...Selena is a good name for it. Katrina's Umbreon has a good name, Crescent is really good. Sorry if I am picky, it's just that I am currently writing a story that involves the sun and moon. But all in all, this fic is absolutely fantastic. I would love to be on the PM List.

  8. #33
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    ^^^^It suprises me that you read over a thousand pages within the span if a day.....

    Have you read Pokemon Revolutio: Johto?

  9. #34
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    edit: beaten.

    yeah, i would read PR:J to find out where the names came from, and the name "Angel" will make more sense. (at least to me it does...)

  10. #35
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    seems my kobun in arms (Castform) has done the honours of grammar pwnage.

    Matt returns... wow, how many people didn't see that coming... heh, heh.

    gtg too, but i'll be at home for easter so more net time.

    damn third year at uni sucks...

    hope you have it better.

    L@er!

    PS: the sketches we talked about last time are ready. when i'm home i'll scan them...
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
    HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
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  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    Yeah, that chapter was pretty bad grammatically. I'm not budging on the dialogue, though. I mean for the characters to have slightly bad grammar because it humanizes them. I mean, c'mon - when's the last time that you heard a fourteen-year-old that had any friends in high school speak perfect english? I used to do it and it never worked for me.

    Also for the 'its' in that sentence about Ho-oh, I probably didn't make it clear.

    "Ho-oh could look deep into the heart of a Pokemon and determine if [that Pokemon's] will toward other Pokemon..."

    It's supposed to be 'its'. But the one you missed, ironically, was that the 'they' in that sentence was supposed to be 'it'.

    Also, good wasn't in the sense of quality as used in that one sentence. It was in the sentence as a measure of morals and character. You can't really have "well" and "evil". It doesn't work very well.

    Also, Swordbearer is an official term used in the fic. It is not in the English dictionary as a compound noun, but for the purposes of this fan fiction, it refers specifically and exclusively as a title for people who are chosen to wield one of the three swords of the Blade Trinity. (Why didn't anyone say anything when I used it all through PR:J?)

    I've got this thing about 'off'...even though it's supposed to be correct grammar, it just sounds really fugly to me. But I'll take care in the future - thanks.

    I've got to pick up my pace - xXSaberXx finished PR:CoF (finally!) and she's on a hiatus, as far as I heard. Me, personally - I don't have time for a hiatus. I want this done before all of us are old and gray. So...there you go.

    I started Chapter 3 yesterday. Depending on the amount of time I have to write this week, it should be up some time within the next seven days.

    And I've got reasonably detailed (approximately a page on lined paper - and my writing's very small) outlines of everything up to Chapter 7. So...

    *looks at time*

    Crap. Voice class. GTG!

    - EM1, out.
    Yeah that is true, with the whole dialogue thing and all. If and when I correct grammar again, I'll be a bit more careful about that.

    Why you ask? Because i orignally thought Sword Bearer was one word, until I looked in dictionary, Sword bearer is two words, which is odd. Sworbearer seems more accurate, but the english language is weird like that.

    Hurry run Eon run! ^_^

    ~

  12. #37
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    Man, when I started reading PRJ I had thirty chapters ahead of me, now I have to wait :P, this is life..

    And the treecko, I think its hard coming up with a name for that thing.

  13. #38
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    Hey all.

    I'm enjoying my 17th birthday today (W00t)...well, not really enjoying. I'm trying very hard to get writing, but I've been battling a combination of allergies and a really bad cold this entire week, and thus my progress has been slowed. I am still confident, however, that I can get chapter three done by Monday, as there aren't any classes for me that day.

    Also:

        Spoiler:- Some questions:


    Ha ha...some of your assumptions. This is indeed a beauty that I did not experience when I posted PR:J the first time because mostly everyone knew where the story was going. I'll just say this much - some of your guesses are a bit off, and you'll have to wait a couple of chapters to find out what the right answers are.

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  14. #39
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    Whoa! Happy Birthday bro! Here's to long life, good health (you're gonna need it right now) and prosperity!

    Well, just to pass on the wishes!

    L@er!

    TCQ's been updated... have you seen? And if you need help with a nickname for Treecko, you could try:
    1. Geiko (lame and common, i know)
    2. Trek
    3. Treks
    4. Trex (sounds more fitting for a larvitar, hunh?)
    5. Verdant meaning:
    1. with lush green growth: green with vegetation or foliage
    2. colours green: green in colour
    3. naive: lacking experience or sophistication (literary)
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
    HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
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  15. #40
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    Well, I've been reading this fic for a while now, [I started reading when you were about 5 chapters into PR:J] but I've never posted.
    So now I will.
    I'd just like to tell you what a great job you've been doing with this fic. Reading it is one of the main reasons I've gotten back into the mood to write my own fic [which is my first, and hasn't been posted anywhere yet. Character planning ftl.], and for that I thank you.
    As for Advent Phoenix, I'm liking it so far. I'm so glad you got back to Pokemon battles/the journey for now, it was my favorite part of PR:J.
    Keep up the good work. You've got another faithful reader.
    Oh, and happy birthday!

    Oh, one more thing. That Treecko needs a name? Hmm, Treecko's are tough.
    Bullet? Ace?
    Meh, sorry, like I said, tough to name Treeckos.

    ~Chaos Sneasel

    [~.....currently.....~]
    [~.....under.....~]
    [~......construction.....~]

  16. #41
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    Usually I don't post in between reviews, but now I will! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! *throws confetti* I noticed a day or so ago while re-reading PR:J, but I forgot. Anyway, it's good to know that some old faces will return (for more than just a cameo?). Lorca was always my favorite...

    Ahem, here's to hoping you get to feeling better. Living in an area completely engulfed by trees isn't fun in Spring. -Oath

  17. #42
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    Just saw the birthdays at the bottom of the page...

    Happy 17th Birthday!!!

    But this post is also about the continuoation of this fic. That ninja dude was a surprise, I thought he was just there for a history of the sword but it turns out he wants a piece of travis' piece. he got some nice moves, but he aint our travis is he. hope to see him soon.

    Also, Travis completely failing in his first battle vs matthew, nice touch. a part of that I liked is Crescents reaction afterwards, not many people would of picked up on that when writing, so i'll give you a clap for some good writing on your part.

    Another thing, I remember reading that you were a fan of pokemon revelation cross of fates I think it is, well I checked it out and its really good, kudos for turning me onto that. advantage is ive got a whole fic to read, disadvantage, theres no more of it.

    well, be seeing ya soon.
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  18. #43
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    Happy B-day, Eon. Now, i'm getting old.
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  19. #44
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    hey, happy birthday, man. now you can see R rated movies, nice. and for the returning character? my guess is.....Nate and his girl. yeah, that would be my best guess.

    and have fun on your birthday, and get well soon.

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Venastois View Post
    hey, happy birthday, man. now you can see R rated movies, nice. and for the returning character? my guess is.....Nate and his girl. yeah, that would be my best guess.

    and have fun on your birthday, and get well soon.
    I hate Nate so much I wish he never makes an appearance with a lousy attitude. (HE may have changed because I only read twelve chapters of the prequal and will continue to read more.)

    Since when did teenagers care about the ratings? I dont.

  21. #46
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    Happy over B-day man.

    Hows Chapter three going. Oh and I have a question

    The Ninja guy isn't raquaza's wielder is he?

  22. #47
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    it was supposed to my semi-sarcastic. i know no-one cares, not even the people at the registers who hand you the tickets. I see R rated stuff all the time, but now that EonOne is seventeen, it's legal now. that's it.

    on topic:

        Spoiler:- Nate's Attitude:


    by the way EonMasterOne, whatever happened to Nate's team? i know about hitmonlee, but what about croconaw and onix? and whoever else he had...?

  23. #48
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    Yeah The whole pokemon thing kinda went off-course with the whole war situation.

    I hope Shiro and the gang comeback soon. And Marco Lukas whatever. I think keeping his blackthorn name was a sign that he will be going to the dragons den and getting a dartini/Bagon/fakemon

  24. #49

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    I have been reading PR:J when the last episodes going to be started in a few chapters.Advent Phoenix is nice although I dont undestand why Travis didnt tell Angel to Attack.And xXSaberXx's fic is finally done after a loooooong time.
    Even though I am not yet 16, I still watch R rated movies.

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        Spoiler:- Reason why Travis didn't order Angel to attack::


    simple as that. ^^

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