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Thread: The Sevii Islands Saga

  1. #1
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    Default The Sevii Islands Saga

    Welcome to Episode I: The Sevii Islands Saga.


    Rated PG-13 for intense language, scary images, slight sexual content, and plenty of romance and action.

    Status- COMPLETED.

    NOTE TO NEW READERS: The radical plot changes have now been finished. The Prologue through Chapter 8 have been completely rewritten, but 9 and 10 can be a little rocky. Even after that, there is a noticable decline in quality from 11 to 15. After that there is a steady progression of talent which continues to improve with each chapter. Have the patience to read through it and you will not be disappointed. My apologies to those who would like to see rewrites of chapters 9-15, but it is just not in the cards right now.

    Awards
    2009: Best Setting
    2009: Most Improved Writer
    2010: Best Setting
    Nominated- 2009: Best Trainer Fic
    Nominated- 2010: Best Trainer Fic, Best Plot, Most suspenseful scene

    The Motivation Saga
    1.Four Island High
    2.The Sevii Islands Saga

    The Motivation Saga: Spinoffs
    1.The Sevii Islands Saga: The Price of Freedom-(Fourth of July)
    2.O Come O Come Emmanuel-(Advent/Christmas)

    Backround Information
    The Sevii Islands Saga follows the story of five young 14 year olds, begining their journey in the Sevii Islands, it starts off as an adapted yet intresting trainer fic, but as we progress, it takes a dark turn. Two 25 Chapter sequels are planned for this fic. The sequel's title is Nightfall.

    Soundtrack
    Trailer

    "...."- Humans are speaking
    <....>- Pokemon are speaking in their native language, but are understood by their trainers and humans they are familiar with.
    'Poke-mon, Mon-Poke'- Pokemon are speaking and are not understood.

    Character Bios
    Character Bios: Main Cast

    Chapters
    0.Prologue
    1.Four Island
    2.Of Ice,Eggs and Fire
    3.Dangerous Times
    4.The Plot
    5.Eevee vs. Eevee
    6.Kindling The Flame Within
    7.Torchic and Flare
    8.White Flame
    9.Piplup the Pirate and the Island of Treasure
    10.When You Really Like Someone...
    11.Wise Woman and Preparation
    12.Two Different Kinds Of Battle
    13.Battle of the Tides
    14.Hostage!
    15.The War Begins
    16.The Hunter and the Hunted
    17.Green in Action
    18.Rematch! Budew and Cyndaquil!
    19.Contest Love...
    20.Homeward Bound
    21.Battle on the Home Front!(Movie)
    22.The Rainbow Islands
    22.5.Battle of Eight Island
    23.The Great Togepi Race!
    24.Happiness is Bliss
    25.Dazed, Lost, and Confused
    25.5.The Pokemon Convention
    26.The "Wings" of Change
    27.Duel of Fates
    28.Mike's Day
    29.The Bitter Taste of Defeat
    30.Winter's Kiss
    31.The Contest Ghost!
    32.The Countdown Begins
    33.Over the Hump
    34.Where are we?
    35.Into the Canyon
    36.Four Dots: Completion
    37.The Consequences of One's Actions
    38.The Final Lap
    39.The Dragon's Keep
    40.Taming the Tower!
    41.The Tanoby Puzzle Crisis!
    42.Ancient Beauty
    43.City of Gold
    44.Flash Training!
    45.Zero.
    46.A Hero Falls
    47.Awakening
    48.A Sane and Normal Life


    Prologue:
    "July 10th, 1500
    The world is changing

    After evil was thwarted, greed filled its void.

    After seeing the power of the majestic beasts, Articuno the Savior, Zapdos the Protector, and Moltres the Redeemer, the ancient dwellers desire their power.

    Now, the tribes of fire, ice, and electricity war to gain dominance in our dependency. The Kanto-Johto Kun has succeeded in dividing us.

    August 10th, 1500

    The King has declared martial law. The charade continues as we continue to massacre each other. No one seems to notice the enemy ships at our borders.

    September 10th, 1500

    The Fire tribe has since been demolished, and Moltres delegated to reside in the mountain of fire. The Kun army continues to push forward. No one else seems to see their ruse. No one else seems to care.

    October 10th, 1500


    The Ice tribe fell just a week ago. Articuno has been hidden away in Kanto. Now only the electric tribe remains.

    I seek asylum on Eight Island.

    November 10th, 1500

    They have fallen. All hail King Cepold.

    December 10th, 1500

    All that is necessary for evil to occur is that good men do nothing. Pity,”
    A haunting voice explained. It was that the teacher, Mr. Jordan, speaking to the young students of Four Island High. Mr. Jordan was quite brilliant for his young age, as he was impassionate and excited about the history that he taught.

    “Eerie huh?” he asked, closing the history book from which he read. “You don’t think so?It’s what’s happening right now, with our political parties. While we sit here and deliberate, the Galactic Confederacy grows. The more complacent we get within our own borders, the more unrest develops on the outside-”

    “It’s all crap if you ask me” John interrupted, immediately regretting his decision. He looked at his now irritated teacher, the man’s robust form looking threatening. His erect posture gave him the appearance of tremendous height, when in fact, he was only 5’9.

    “You have something to say, Mr. Woodward?” Mr. Jordan questioned irritably. The teacher did not like being undermined in class, and when he was, he had an odd habit of fumbling with the collar of his shirt. Today, it was green collared t-shirt, exposing his muscular arms. Coupled with that was a pair of deliberately ripped jeans, and a pair of flip-flops.

    With the scolding came a dark look of disappointment from Mr. Jordan’s deep brown eyes. John, trying to avert his gaze, looked at his short, spiked hair. In truth, he had always been a tad jealous of his teacher, as all the girls went wild over him. He neglected to answer.

    “I believe you, Mr. Jordan,” said a cute blond girl behind him. Her name was Lindsey, and although she was beautiful, she had a horrid personality. For someone who had beautiful flowing blonde hair, irresistible blue eyes, and many other various features, she was terribly condescending and irritable. In a sense she was mature, both psychically and mentally for the ripe age of 14.

    Furious that she had called him out in front of the entire class, John shifted his position in his desk to face Lindsey. She was wearing a tie-dyed tank top skin-tight jeans, and an array of bracelets and rings on both of her arms. He was also caught up in the new haircut Lindsey had, the edges of her hair now dyed brown.

    “Kiss ***,” he muttered, almost losing his composure.

    “Aww, so cute. Look you guys, the love birds are fighting!” A voice chimed in from no where. John looked around, desperate to expose his tormentor, and the cause of his now flushing red face. It was Mike, his so-called best friend, who loved to stir up trouble.

    John face-palmed. Mike was his best friend and cousin, but he could really screw with his life. Mike was laughing hysterically, his short form convulsing in his seat. His trademark bowl-like hair was shaking around, almost covering his devious blue eyes. John thought like snapping back about his height or weight, but he did not want to seriously hurt his friend. Besides, it would be too easy anyway.

    Instead of that, he sat back in his seat, letting his mind drift into thoughts of receiving his Pokémon egg, making the necessary preparations for his journey, and hatching the egg. He wondered how it would all play out, and what type of Pokémon he would get. Only time would tell.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Four Months Later

    Shuffling out of bed, and shutting off his alarm, he buried his face in his hands. Trying desperately to wake up, his mind again wandered. Not to the events that would unfold later today, but to that day in class, when he yearned so dearly for his Pokémon egg. Nostalgic, John rose, dragging his feet into the bathroom. Finally, that day had arrived.

    To Be Continued…..
    Last edited by Manaphyman; 10th March 2011 at 1:37 PM.

  2. #2
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    It was a bit short and was really lacking in description. I get that it's just a prologue, but I'd like to know what Jon, Mr. Jordan, Mike and Lindsey look like.

    Storywise, it sounds good. I like the theory at the start. Although, I gotta ask - when you said Arceus created the Legendary Trio, which Legendary Trio are you referring to? Articuno, Zapdos and Moltres? Suicune, Raikou and Entei? The Regis? Or Yuxie, Mesprite and Azelf? It may be beneficial if you were a tad more specific.

    Overall, it seems like it could be worth further inspection. I shall pateintly await the next chapter.


  3. #3
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    Chapter 1- Four Island

    Slipping into his jeans and tying his belt, John looked up at the mirror perpendicular to him. He tried to shape his messy black hair, but after a few minutes, he gave up, opting to put on his fitted ‘Four Island Yankees’ hat instead. His brown eyes had deep bags under them, as he hadn’t slept much the previous night. Although he was tired, his mind was wandering.

    Today was the day. He was to receive his pokemon egg in a few short hours.
    He wondered what type of pokemon he would get, thinking of the types his friends had received. George, a red haired, blue-eyed equally lanky boy had received a Magby. Joey, a short, chubby, hard-headed boy had received a Rhyhorn. Mike, his cousin, had received a Bonsly. All of their pokemon had many traits that resembled their masters. Looking into the mirror again, he observed himself: tall, lanky, not exactly the definition of strong. What was his personality? Was there any pokemon that could really fit him?

    He snapped out of the “trance” and motivated himself to leave the bathroom. He gathered his keys and cell phone, marching down the stairs and out of his house. Slamming the front door behind him, he never looked back. His parents, in the Sinnoh region, had already bid him farewell, and he had said his goodbyes to everyone on the island. His bag was packed, the house was immaculate, and everything was in order for his departure. He only planned on coming back to his house to spend the night before heading off on his adventure.
    He took a step unto his crab grass ridden lawn, and walked past two ancient pine trees, kicking some pine needles as he walked. He took a deep breath, chills shooting up his spine, and stepped onto the road.

    Finally, he was on his way to the breeding center. Each step took him closer to receiving that egg, and with each step the butterflies in his stomach intensified.

    According to Four Island tradition, he was supposed to pick the egg that catches his eye, or bonds with him. It sounded silly, after all, how could you bond with an egg? John didn’t question this though, as it had been put into practice for the entire existence of Four Island, the breeding center being the only means to supply trainers with pokemon. After all, there was no pokemon lab.

    He reasoned that if the tens of thousands of trainers obtaining their pokemon at the center had ‘bonded’ with their eggs, he would too, and thus he ceased worrying about it.

    Looking around now, John noticed how inherently peaceful Four Island was at this time of morning. No one was out or awake, as it was about seven o’clock. Many pokemon were awake however, as John observed many small red caterpillars scurrying along the dew-laden lawns of the houses he walked by. He knew the pokemon to be Wurmple, small bug pokemon popular in the Hoeen and Sinnoh regions. Out of all possible pokemon he could obtain, he prayed it would not be a bug type.

    Along with the Wurmple, small pudgy owls scurried in the trees above him. They cawed and hooted, observing the young teen. John knew the pokemon to be Hoothoots, a rather odd species. Small purple rats, or Rattatas, ran in and out of tall grass, poking their oversized and enormous teeth out to warn predators. As John walked by each house, a jet black dog with a ferocious personality, a Houndor, barked widely at him. Luckily, it was kept on a very strong leash.

    Moving into the more run-down area of the island, he continued to walk past many older dilapidated houses. Most had a terribly overgrown, and broken, crumbled driveways made of old asphalt. Looking at the houses, he found himself scared. According to his knowledge of the island, he was merely a half-mile away from the center, so he quickened his step. His quickened step turned into a full out run however, as he wanted to get there as soon as possible, and avoid any encounters with ghost pokemon. John did not want anything to ruin this day.

    Panting heavily, he arrived at the day care center, an older-style building, but clean and updated. The roof was composed of newer dark red shingles, blending in quite nicely with the cream colored walls of the building. The house itself was petite, but the elongated red fence that stemmed from the building expanded in back of it into the forest. In the back of the building, hidden from this view, as a greenhouse type of room, mad entirely of a clear, glass-like material. That’s where they kept the eggs.

    A very elderly lady stood in the doorway. Her short, pudgy form just narrowly fit within the bounds of the ruby red frame, her short white hair and wrinkled face seemed out of place with the relatively updated house.

    “Hello there honey, come on in, we have many things to show you before you get your pokemon” greeted the Day Care Lady.

    John just nodded, a wide grin plastered onto his face. The butterflies in his stomach were ferocious now, and he could barely contain his excitement.

    “I know you’re eager little one, don’t be shy, come on in!” She said, ecstatic. She seemed to feed on the excitement emanating from John.

    She led him into an empty room in the back of the house, just in front of the room containing the eggs. The room was rather bland, a few abstract paintings hung on its peach colored walls, and a rather elegant mahogany table sitting in the middle of it.

    On the table were two trainer bags, one dark blue rucksack with many compartments, made for a male, and a light pink bag, with an equal amount of compartments. He took a closer look at the blue bag, the one that was obviously for him On it were six small red and white balls, a small button separating the two colors. They were poke balls, tools for catching pokemon, to be used at his discretion. One he would need as soon as his egg hatched, of course. The bag itself was pretty standard, one huge middle pocket with a poke ball design on it, two smaller side pockets, and one small poke ball holder on the front.

    “This is your bag dear, there are four pockets in it: one for Key items, one for regular items, one for poke balls, and one small pocket for berries on the side. We have provided you with a Fame Checker, a Teachy TV, an Itemfinder, and a TM case to help you start out. The Fame Checker is a neat little device that allows you to read up on stats of certain famous, and infamous people on these islands. The Teachy TV is a portable television that can help you learn strategies for catching pokemon, battling, you name it. And the TM case holds small disks that teach your pokemon moves.” She explained. John put the bad on, adjusting the straps to fit his shoulders, and patted the key items pocket. He felt three lumps, and reasoned that those were the items she was talking about.

    “Thank you, these are great!” John exclaimed, really getting excited.

    “We also have something very special for you dear, it is called a Poketech. It has over thirty applications that are explained in the Teachy TV, but the most important thing, is that it doubles as a cell phone. It really comes in handy.” the day care lady seemed to have excited herself with the Poketech. He straped the dark blue watch onto his wrist. It was sleek, and the screen, oblong and wide, did not seem out of place on his arm.

    John pulled out his real cell phone and gave it to the day care lady. She placed it in a special bin marked: “Discontinue.”

    Knowing what was coming next, the butterflies erupted in John’s stomach. He walked timidly towards the old women, chills ceasing his body.

    “Come this way, honey lets us see the eggs!” The Day Care Lady seemed excited for him. John overcame his timid feelings, and patiently walked into the glass room.

    He looked around the large, clear room. The outside of the Sevii Islands could be seen through the walls and ceiling, the sun beginning to peak over the forested area around them. It revealed a beautiful, clear blue sky. The day was going to be a hot one, according to the weather forecast he had watched last night.
    Averting his gaze, he looked at the rows upon rows of pokemon eggs. How would he choose? How would he know? Walking down one row of eggs, something particularly caught his attention. Upon seeing a cream colored egg with three dark brown, the butterflies in his stomach calmed down. Something within him ignited, and he lost control for a moment

    “There! that’s the one!” he yelled, pointing to the stripped egg!

    “Ah youth, picking your egg for the first time. What did that feel like? How did you know?” The Day Care Lady asked rhetorically, and nostalgically, moving down the row slowly, picking up the egg.

    “Take good care of it young one, and enjoy your journey.” She whispered, placing the egg in his open arms. He held tightly, petrified he would accidentally drop it.

    “Thank you, for everything.” he said, shaking her elderly, feeble hand. He made his way out of the day care center, and back onto the road.

    As he waved to the elderly women goodbye, he was thrown aback. Lindsey had accidentally run into him, almost making him loose his balance. That would have been catastrophic for him.

    “Watch it!” He snapped, immediately wishing to recant his statement. She seemed un-phased though, and continued into the day care center, in order to receive her pokemon.

    “Damn it!” He cursed allowed, infuriated that he lost his chance to properly say goodbye to her. Unfortunately, his ego prevented him from asking her to come with them, and as a result, their conflict would be left to simmer. In fact, there was a very good chance he would never see her again. John sulked at this prospect.

    He continued to walk down the road, away from his house. He was going to make a pit stop at Shaymin Memorial Cemetery, where his grandfather was buried. He had to say goodbye to him before he left.

    His thoughts drifted to the day before he died, when John had visited him in the hospital. He did not know it then, but his grandfather was laboring just to stay alive, in hopes that he would see his favorite grandson off on his journey. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

    -Flashback-

    “But Grandpa,” he cried. “I don’t want to leave you, not like this!”

    “Nonsense, nonsense,” the elderly man comforted. His balding head gleamed in the hospital light, his face showing a look of entertainment and comfort.

    “You’re going to do great things my boy, great things. Eventually, you’re going to have to leave me and your family. It’s not really saying goodbye though pal. I’m always going to be with you, and I’m always proud of you.” The elderly man placed his hand, frail and punctured with an IV tube, onto John’s shoulder.

    John placed his hand on top of it, knowing that it was the closet thing to a hug that he could get, for his Grandpa was unable to give him a real hug.

    Tears began to well up in the elderly man’s face. “I hope I get to see the day when you change the world.” he whispered.

    “I will make you proud Grandpa, I promise. I wont let you down.” the boy replied, tears welling up in his eyes as well.

    “You always do pal, you always do.”


    John got up, off the hospital bed, leaving the bland white room. He turned off the TV perched in the corner of the room like his grandpa request, and began to shut the door.

    Before he did, he whispered one last: “I love you” to him, so that only he would hear, and not the doctors or other members of his family.

    “I love you to pal. And remember, I will be with you. Always.”

    -End Flashback-

    John, tearing up with his thought, had reached the cemetery. Traveling along the small gravel path into the back of it, he found his grandfathers grave. The rectangular, shiny black gravestone was etched with the gold lettering:

    Patrick F. Woodward
    1937-2007
    We miss you grandpa

    Kissing the stone while still holding his egg, he started to talk. “Well grandpa, today is the day. I still don’t want to leave you, but I promised I’d make you proud.” He paused, choked up. “I promise you. I will not let you down, I’ll do something great.”

    Chills began to run up and down his spine. He knew his grandfather was listening. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but when he turned to look, no one was there. Butterflies leapt into his stomach, and he resisted the urge to run in fright. Although scared, John knew that it was his grandfathers way of comforting him.

    “Goodbye grandpa.” He said, kissing the gravestone again. He grasped his egg, feeling some slight movement. He pressed the egg to his ear, hearing a soft purring noise. It was close to hatching.

    Motivated with this new excitement, John made his way out of the cemetery, and in the general direction of Icefall cave. It was a bit more of a walk, but he had a few hours to kill, and he did not want to go back home. The risk of running into Lindsey also coursed him to explore the cave.

    To be continued…
    Last edited by Manaphyman; 28th November 2009 at 5:17 PM.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  4. #4
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    Ok, there is alot that needs to be said.
    1st and foremost, thank you sweet pinpuku for reviewing my fiction. Your input is much appreciated.
    2nd, the ledgendary trio is Yuxie, Mesprite and Azelf
    3rd, I was in a rush, so the prologue was not descriptive(long story) and that is why my 1st chapter was printed now.

    Anyways, thanks for the review i will publish chapter 2 as soon as possible.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  5. #5
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    First off, chapters should be at least three pages long in Microsoft Word
    Your fic also lacks a lot of description
    And I spotted a few spelling mistakes, but not that many
    Try and improve on them
    Good luck
    Last edited by Chaos; 19th April 2008 at 11:58 AM.
    Fo sho.

  6. #6
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    Ok, first of all, how is the use of the Fame Checker self-explanatory? I get how the others are but the Fame Checker? I'm more interested to know exactly what purpose it will serve in the fic, I can think of one but it'll be totally different from the game.

    I know the Sevii Islands pretty well, I've explored every inch of them in the games several times. You need to add in much more. The way you say it, it sounds like John stepped out of the Day Care Centre and was suddenly inside a cave, like they were right next to each other. You could really add in so much more here - such as, possibly passing by Lorelei's house, stopping off at home first, etc.
    Even so, with only a Pokémon Egg with him, why would he even go into the cave??

    Also, I feel the need to stress this point although it has been said, this is too short. You'll probably find, once you've added in more that it will bulk out a bit, but it's something you really need to work on.

    All-in-all though, you have added in more description of the characters, which is a definate sign of improvement, well done! I'd say, if you feel a chapter is rushed, don't post it. Instead, I'd suggest you take a step back from it, read over it yourself and make any changes before posting.

    Please keep going with this, it sounds like it could really go somewhere. I'll look forward to the enxt chapter, I'm anxious to see what's gonna happen in the Icefall Cave.


  7. #7
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    Thank you reveiwers, and now...

    Chapter 2-Of Ice and Eggs and Fire

    Reaching the cave about a half hour after his excursion in the cemetery, John was drained. It was still fairly early; around nine o’clock. The island began to spur to life, lazy residents walking out and about with their various pokemon, running errands and greeting the day. That’s how it was in the Sevii Islands, especially in the summer. While it could be boring sometimes, John always reasoned that they knew how to live here.

    Making his way into the cave, John had noticed the movements and sounds coming from his egg had become more frequent. Luckily, the pokemon center was just a few hundred yards away from the entrance to the immense cave, there if he should need it.

    Slowly, he made his way into the well-lit cave. Icefall Cave was structured to accommodate trainers, a string of miner’s lights were attached to the ceiling of the cave, which was cleared of all ice and rock debris once every week.

    The rest of the cave was kept in it’s natural state: icy. The walls of the cave were coated in a thin sheet of ice, which reflected the lights in a brilliant manner. The floor of the cave was a “minefield,” sheets of black ice were quite common amongst the granite floor. When one was careful, it was a beautiful work of nature.

    Clutching his egg tightly as to keep it warm, John pushed forward deeper into the cave. Looking around, John spotted four small blue bats hanging upside down off the ceiling. Their wings were wrapped tightly around their bodies, hiding their faces but exposing their skinny blue legs, which grasped onto crevices in the rocky surface. John identified them as Zubat.

    Walking around him were four legged, petite pig-nosed pokemon, shards of ice sticking to their short brown fur. Their stubby moist noses were cute, and they did mesh well with their somewhat pudgy bodies. They were, of course, Swinub. They scurried around and about large sleeping face pokemon, called Glaile. Glaile looked ominous and frightening, as their faces were made entirely of ice, with two black stubs of what looked like rock penetrating from both sides of it. John decided to keep his distance from the pokemon.

    His intentions were to see the world-renowned Temple of Lapras, famous for providing Lorelli, champion of the Sevii Islands, with a Lapras. The path to the Temple was straightforward, just a simple, yet long walk down a single tunnel.

    The deeper he went, the colder it got, until the point where he was shivering profusely, and his breath was visible. If he stayed in these conditions, his egg would begin to suffer, likely experiencing some unwanted side effects. He would have made the decision to turn back, had he not seen the massive stone slab and pokemon guarding it. He had arrived. Surely another couple of minutes wouldn’t hurt, right?
    He slowly and quietly made his way to the large furry pokemon guarding the stone door. It had a prehistoric drawing of what looked like a sea-monster engraved in it. The ‘monster’ was divided, engraved on both doors. Unfortunately, no one knew how to open the doors, excluding Lorelli. She had told no one.

    Engraved on the stone door was: ‘Temple of Lapras. Enter pure trainer, and test yourself’

    Eager to test himself and attempt to enter, John tried to meander his way past the large behemoth standing in his way. A large, furry monster sat just inches away from John, sleeping. It had enormous tusks that penetrated its blanket of hair and fur, and four wide, massive legs. It’s face was awkward looking, two enormous eyes surrounded by red eye-lids and plastered on a white face. The beast, if awoken, could easily kill John.

    Suddenly skittish, he backed away from the beast and the door, ready to make his escape. He was silent, but his egg was not.

    ‘Eee!’ cried the pokemon within the egg. It was a faint sound, but in the halls of the cave, it echoed and was magnified.

    That was all it took. The mammoth pokemon’s heavy eyelashes started to flinch, flirting with opening. It began to stir, shaking a little and moving its legs.

    Mamoswine then opened its eyes, and fixed it’s stare on John.

    “Easy there Mamoswine, I just wanted to see Lapras.” He tried to clam the beast down, to no avail. Mamoswine prepared itself, shaking its head and flaunting its tusks.

    John began to slowly back away, but it became evident the beast was preparing to charge. Being that there were no other options, he turned around, tucked his egg into the crevice between is upper arm and forearm like a football, and ran.

    “Mamoswine!” The beast roared and then began to charge. Mamoswine were usually slow creatures, but when brought about to charge, they could usually keep a fast, sustained pace for a few minutes. Knowing this, and putting his track skills to good use, John ran for his life, dodging and avoiding the patches of dangerous black ice, stalagmites, and crumbling pieces of grey granite scattered all over the floor.

    Two minutes of sustained spiriting was no easy task, but by now the adrenaline had kicked in. The behemoth behind him was beginning to lose steam, slowing down and falling behind.

    John was also becoming increasingly tired, panting, he saw the exit in the distance. It had become distinctly warmer, as the tropical air was making its way into the frigid cave.

    “Mamo, Mamo…” panted the pokemon, slowing down. It roared angrily, but sensing the temperature change it abdicated. Pokemon were smart, and Mamoswine knew that it would not catch the boy before he emerged into the hot, humid, tropical weather. Instead of chasing him, the beast slammed its feet into the ground, a Stomp attack, shaking the cave. It was meant as an intimidate.

    He hurried out of the cave, relieved to have emerged into the stifling heat. He removed his egg from its tucked in position, he scrutinized it. The egg was intact, and unscathed on the outside, but he had no knowledge of how the pokemon was inside of it. All the bouncing around during the running, and the extreme cold could have damaged the pokemon. He would never forgive himself if his curiosity had killed his pokemon.

    John exited the cave, and walked across the browning grass. He walked around the medium sized building that was the pokemon center. It was one of the more modern things on Four Island, being made of steel, and painted white and red. The inside of the building doubled as a hotel, and pokemon hospital. He spotted the red door in the back of the building, and entered.

    The inside of the pokemon center was fairly bland. The door he had entered led to a large hallway, which he proceeded to walk down. Disenfranchised with the cream colored walls and pokemon pictures, John hurriedly walked down the corridor.

    He entered the main room of the pokemon center, which was abuzz with life. Many trainers of all genders and sizes were presenting their pokemon at the semicircular desk on his left, to willing and cheerful nurses. Other trainers were just arriving on the island, wishing to stay in the hotel accommodations that the pokemon center provided. Still others were sitting on the white couches, worried looks plastered on their young faces, various pokemon in their arms. One in particular was cradling a crying pink pokemon. It was essentially a pink ball of fur, with four stubby arms and legs. It had large beady eyes and a petite nose, but no real body.

    “Iggy, calm down, I just want to see if you’re okay!” The girl cried. She seemed about John’s age, and he had recognized her from class.

    But his thoughts dwelled elsewhere. He sat down away from the girl, on his own section of the rectangular couch. His heart began to beat rapidly, and he prayed for a movement, a sound, anything, but it was to no avail.

    Or so he thought. Within a minute after sitting down, the egg started shaking violently, cracks running up and down it. Cries and growls began to emanate from the tiny miracle. Pieces of the eggshell began to crack and fall off, until two small brown paws managed to find their way out. They began to punch through other parts of the egg, clearing a way for the pokemon to get out.

    The egg then fell to pieces, revealing the tiny creature. It was a petite, brown, four legged creature, with a bushy tail and white mane. It’s face was feminine, and its mannerisms dictated that it was female. John stroked her furry ears, which seemed to perk up as he did so.

    “Eevee!” the pokemon said cheerfully.

    John was so happy, tears came to his eyes. “Well hello there, little critter,” he said, patting it on the head, “my name is John, and I am going to be your trainer.”

    She purred, snuggling up against John. Eevee had taken an instant liking to him, something that soothed John. Thankfully, his pokemon had not been hurt.

    John cradled the pokemon in his arms, and stood up. Now that he knew his pokemon was okay, he had no reason to remain at the center. After all, he was to meet his friends at his house, so they could begin their journey.

    Suddenly, a short, pudgy boy with bowl shaped brown hair ran through the sliding doors. He was clutching a small brown tree against his grey Four Island High School t-shirt. It was his cousin, Mike, and he was not carrying a tree, but his pokemon, Bonsly.

    “Dude, what they hell happened with your hair? Bowl haircut again?” John looked in horror at his friends terrible new haircut as he greeted him.

    “Hey, nice to see you too, *******.” Mike snapped back, playfully. John punched him in the shoulder.

    “How you doing Bonsly?” John asked, petting the little tree.

    “Bonsly!” It happily replied. John played with it’s stubby legs for a second, and looked at Mike.

    “So, what brings you here?” John asked inquisitively.

    “We’ve been looking for you all day! We have a plan remember-” Mike attempted to explain, but trailed off. “Well who do we have here?” Mike asked, affectionately rubbing Eevee’s head. She purred in thanks.

    “Anyways, Joey and George are waiting outside, we’re gonna chill at your house tonight and leave for one island in the morning...right?” Mike finished.

    They had been planning this since the four of them met. They were to stay at John’s for the night, and leave for One Island in the morning. Traveling to each island, John and Mike were going to challenge the gym leader on each one, in hopes of competing in the Sevii League. George and Joey weren’t fans of gym battling, or contests for that matter, they just wanted to catch pokemon.

    “ Right, of course. Let’s get ’em.” John agreed, leading Mike through the sliding doors and outside.

    The two other boys were waiting patiently outside the door, two pokemon out their sides. One, a large, four legged rock pokemon, was standing next to Joey. It had a powerful and impressive horn and a hard-skinned exterior, made of what looked like blue rocks. Rhyhorn was its name, and tt as was cheerful as it was large.

    The other pokemon was a short, sleepy pokemon in George’s arms. It had red fur atop its pudgy head, encompassed with a lanky body and a firey tail. It was a Magby, a fire pokemon, perfectly suited for George. It completed his red hair.

    The two boys introduced their new pokemon, and marveled at John’s. Now that the group was complete, the other three boys recalled their pokemon, and began the long walk down the road to John’s house. John opted to hold his new pokemon, wishing to spend time with it and take in the surreal moment.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Stumbling into his room, John fumbled with the lights. It had been a long and eventful day, especially for John. His young legs were tired from a day of walking, and he was eager to crash on his bed, flip on the TV, and relax for the night.

    “Alright guys you know where to go,” John said as they reached his room. The guys threw their stuff on the ground, scurrying in different directions. Mike went downstairs to the kitchen to fix up dinner, George walked across the room to turn on the TV and Joey went to the bathroom down the hall.

    They all made themselves at home in John’s room, pulling out the mattresses that were stored underneath his queen sized bed. They pulled out extra blankets from the closet, moved around his mahogany desk and nightstand, and positioned the three mattresses along the hardwood floors. John recalled with nostalgia how they used to marvel at the many pictures of pokemon battles and maps of regions, plotting their journey.

    His moment was interrupted by George’s cracking voice. “Hey guys, get over here.” This was an instant giveaway, as his voice only cracked when he was nervous. Something was wrong.
    The guys all huddled around the TV. It was no flat screen, but it was quite large for his room. They hastily sat down in front of it.

    Sevii News Network (SNN), was on, it was some sort of breaking news.

    “I repeat, here is what we know. Five thousand Sevii Islands citizens are dead. An unknown number of trainers and pokemon have also perished. We do not know who is responsible, but we do know the island has been completely obliterated. A pokemon has been awakened. And I dare say which species I speculate it to be…” the news anchor trailed off, sobbing. A red bar under him possessed the title: ‘Island Devastated, War Erupts’

    The news station cut to live pictures of a blood red pokemon with four arms. That was all he could see, because around the pokemon was a large blazing fire, that was engulfing the pokemon. A large beam of light spewed out of the fire, coming from the blood red demon pokemon. The live feed of the remnants of the island was then cut.

    John was horrified.
    Last edited by Manaphyman; 16th November 2008 at 10:20 PM.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

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    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    As he looked around, he saw many pokemon, ignoring him and going about their daily lives. He saw mostly Swinub, Zubat, and Snorunt, but he also spotted a Jynx, and a sleeping Glaile. He continued through the cave, and as he got farther down, it got much colder. Finally, he reached the Temple.
    Ok, firstly, I know I'm really getting on at your for not describing what things look like and I'm sorry but it must be said - put in more description, please. Pretend I have no idea what these Pokémon look like.

    For example, here's how I'd do the quoted section up there:

    As John looked around the icy cave, he saw many Pokémon. They mostly ignored him and went on with their daily lives.
    There were small fluffy brown ones called Swinub, blue bats called Zubat and little yellow pyramids on black legs called Snorunt. These were the more commonly seen Pokémon. However, a lot rarer than those, was a large blonde woman in a red dress, named Jynx, and a large sleeping icy face-like creature known as Glalie.
    He continued through the cave and, as he found his way in deeper, it became much colder. He finally reached the Temple.
    It was built into the icy wall of the cave, with a small door-like structure leading inside. It was gaurded by a large brown creature with menancing tusks. There was an inscription on the door...


    As you can see, it's longer and gives a better idea of what the Pokémon, and the Temple, look like. Your description of Eevee was done very well done and I don't understand how that was the only one you put in effort to describe. If you can describe them all as well as you did with Eevee, it will add to their personality and help the readers to visualise them better, making them appreciate the fic more.

    Don't be discgouraged, your description is getting better and your chapters longer, it's nice to see you're improving

    There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but nothing too major.

    5000 people dead? Island destroyed? Blood covered Pokémon? This is really getting very interesting now. Possably very powerful force at work among these tiny little islands.

    Please contiue writing this fic, you are definately improving and the story is becoming quite interesting.

    What do you mean a sign?

    Last edited by Sweet Pinpuku; 22nd April 2007 at 7:31 PM.

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    EDIT 11/26/08: New title along with rewrite!


    Chapter 3- Dangerous Times

    The scene was horrific. Plastered on the TV were disturbing images of the remnants of a land mass, a large, exposed triangular rock jutting from the Sea. Around the new land mass, the sea was churning and violent, taking place of the remainder of the decimated island. In the middle of the landmass were branches, splintered trees, remnants of buildings, and bodies. The fire raged uncontrollably, its flames roaring into the air, consuming all in its path.

    In the middle of the fire, was a dark shadow. It did not move, save for what looked like a deep breathing motion. The shadow had four tentacles, two on each side. Its head was three right triangles jutting from a circular center, with a skinny, hard-lined, almost triangular body. Most of it was impossible to make out, as it was just a shadow, consumed by the flame. In the top right hand corner, were the white letters: Earlier Today.

    The newswomen interrupted John’s thoughts: “Let’s review what we already know for the viewers just joining us,” she said in a somber monotone.

    “Today at 5:00 P.M., an unknown Pokemon, probably of Hoenn origin, was awakened. We don’t who awoke it, or how it was awakened from it’s slumber, but unfortunately, it was. The beast, was angered as it emerged from its slumber and unleashed a devastating attack on Nine Island,” she paused, grabbing a handkerchief from her pant pocket, and using it to dab her brown eyes. Her dark brown hair looked as if it were hastily combed, then thrown into a bun. Her face was badly made up, an array of different colors and shades plastered it.

    It was clear that the news cast had not been planned and was broadcasted only after the ‘attack’ had occurred. The newscaster was scantily clad in a small, tight, pink tank top. Around her shoulders was a light black jacket with a golden embroidered SNN on the side. She hastily tried to get it on as she continued to elaborate: “The Pokemon then released what was thought to be a Hyperbeam or Superpower attack, killing all 5,000 inhabitants, and literally destroying the island and the city. All that remains now is the former town square, and the triangular ruby rock that stood in the middle of it as a monument: the Birth Rock. Before our cameras were shot down, we were able to see that the Pokemon remains on the island, freed and on the loose. It is incredibly danger---.” She was cut off. The screen cut to a full room, hundreds of press and civilians clamoring to get a good view of a slender podium that was on stage. The podium was made of mahogany wood, the presidential seal; a golden emblem of nine red stars, with one golden in the middle, was plastered upon it.

    A short, stoic man walking slowly onto the screen. He was older, frail looking even, his light, wispy grey hair held in place by an abundance of hair spray. He leaned in on the microphone, and practically whispered: “Please welcome, the President of the Sevii Islands.”

    There was no applause, not a noise at all. The audience, as well as the President, was in a very somber mood. The President then stepped to the podium. For someone so important, he was quite awkward looking, a short pudgy older gentleman, with graying brown hair, and a thick gray moustache. He stumbled to the podium, angled the microphone up towards his wrinkled mouth, and began to talk.

    “Today, the Sevii Islands have suffered a great loss,” he started, pausing a couple of seconds for dramatic effect.

    “Nine Island was completely wiped out by a raging, destructive Pokemon, awakened by an unknown person organization. We have many federal agencies working on bringing these evil people to justice. The Pokemon is indeed of Hoenn origin, but was encased in our islands thousands of years ago, after a similar event. It is my dubious and horrific task to report that 5,107 people were killed in the attack and the entire island was destroyed. Only Navel Rock remains...” He trailed off, pausing again. This time it was not for dramatic effect, but to regain his composure. He ran his fingers through his perfect hair, tussling it a little, and sighed deeply.

    He continued: “As a precaution, I am issuing Executive Order 1180, which states that you all must be in your homes by 8:30 tonight. This is strictly precautionary, as we do not believe Deoxys will be able to leave Nine Island. We also have the Dragonite Police who will be patrolling all of the other islands. I have sent Lorelei, champion of the Sevii’s, amongst others on governmental missions to help eliminate this threat. To keep you informed, we have a Hoenn scientist to tell you a little more,” he finished and stepped off the podium. Waiting by the side, was a young, lanky, nervous scientist with glowing red hair. As he stepped up to the podium, he trembled a bit, his white lab coat shaking a bit. He introduced himself as Professor Paulson and paused.

    Everyone in John’s room had been relatively quiet, until Joey broke the silence.

    “I thought he had a good speech,” he said somberly, to no replies. Everyone’s eyes were fixated on the TV.

    “O-Ok well…” Paulson was very nervous, his thin lips trembling. He breathed deeply, gaining his composure, and then continuing. “For starters, this Pokemon: Deoxys, well, not much is known about it or it’s species. We don’t even have an un-obscured picture of it. We do know that it emerged hundreds, or thousands, of years ago, to combat the elders of the Sevii Islands. It was encased in Birth Rock, and unfortunately awakened. The only way that’s possible is if the right piece of the rock is manipulated so that it is turned, and we will not know if that has occurred until we can secure the island. What we do know is that Deoxys is a psychic Pokemon which can switch into four different types at will: Speed, Attack, Defense, and Normal. It is extremely powerful and highly aggressive. It’s attacks, as we have all seen, can decimate entire cities.” He continued to talk, but the new station cut to a picture of the Pokemon, which was still just a shadow, enraged in slowly dying flames.

    “Deoxysss!” the Pokemon roared, as a light blue, pulsating beam of energy blasted out of the fire.

    The TV monitor went blank again.

    “Eevee! Eevee!” John was jolted back to reality when his Pokemon began crying. Eevee began to squirm, its eyes pouring tears of fright.

    “Shh, it’s ok Eevee, we’re going to be fine, that Pokemon isn’t going to get us.” John attempted to comfort. It was to no avail, as Eevee’s eyes were still fixed on the TV.

    Wanting to silence his Pokemon, he slammed his fist hard on the button of the TV labeled power, causing it to shut off.

    “No more,” he whispered, looking around at his friends. They all had a look of trauma and fright upon their faces. For a while, no one said a word, not even in protest. So John continued: “The Pokemon are getting scared, and its already 8,” he said.

    “So lets put the Pokemon to bed and grab the dinner I was making?” Mike suggested. The group agreed, and prepared beds for their Pokemon. Joey made Rhyhorn guard the door, while the rest put their Pokemon on their beds. John, as well as the others, felt safer with them there.

    He tenderly tucked Eevee into his comforter, wrapping the Pokemon so that it would not be cold in the air conditioned house. John ruffled Eevee’s fur a bit, and kissed her on the head.

    “Night girl. Pretty eventful first day there, huh?” he asked rhetorically, as the Pokemon began to close its eyes, and drift off to sleep.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Once the Pokemon were finally in bed, they had eaten their dinner, and played videogames, the group made their way back up into John’s room. They all tried to climb into their beds slowly and quietly, as not to wake his Pokemon. He lifted the cover slowly, sliding beneath his comforter and thin sheets. The guys got tucked in on their mattresses, cuddling next to their Pokemon. John reached over his nightstand, fumbling with his lamp. His finger caressed the porcelain lamp stand, finally reaching the plastic switch. He clicked it, and the lights turned off.

    “Goodnight guys, we got a long day tomorrow.” John said, shutting his eyes. He turned over in his covers and shifted Eevee so that she was in his arms. Her fur rubbed against his skin, and chills shot down his spine. He was hugging his Pokemon. He had dreamt of hugging his Pokemon every night, and something as little as that prompted a wave of nostalgia within him. He couldn’t believe that his dreams were finally coming true.

    An annoying nasally voice pierced the silence, which before that, was only interrupted by the gentle hum of the air conditioning. “Hey John, maybe you should ask Lindsey to some with us.” Mike chirped.

    Shut up” he yelled back, hurling a pillow at him.

    “Aww, someone is a little sensitive.” Mike taunted back.

    “Shut up jackass. Go to sleep.” John moaned, upset that Mike had interrupted the serenity and nostalgia of his moment. His thoughts of anger soon faded away into a mix of emotions. Sadness about leaving his house and other friends, anxiousness for his journey, and fright for the horrific events that had begun to unfold.

    He found tranquility in the fact that he would not be involved in them.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    After an hour and a half of walking, they had finally made it, with time to spare. The four guys were tired, and as such, complained about the walk the whole way there. Upon seeing the dock in the distance, their spirits were lifted however, and their complaining ceased.

    “So what boat are we riding?” George asked.

    “Maga, Mag!” his Pokemon replied, which essentially meant <We already told you!>

    “We are riding the Sevii Islands Schooner.” John sighed, explaining. George still seemed puzzled.

    John sighed again, face palming. “You know, the ship that goes to all ten…er, nine islands.” He corrected himself.

    George still seemed confused. At this point though, John was done explaining. He just pointed to the boat docked a few yards away.

    The boat was magnificently large, dwarfing all others around it. The steel behemoth was over three-hundred feet long and painted a pure white. On the side of the first floor was printed “Sevii Islands Schooner” in big black letters. The boat was built for thousands, as it had three large decks. It stopped by every island once a month to pick up starting trainers, and to drop them off at One Island, for that’s were the rookies went. The first gym leader and contest hall was on the island, as well as a large, ample training ground known as Kindle Road. Many flying and fire Pokemon inhabited it, some strong, some weak, and thus it was a fantastic and versatile training ground. That was their destination and after the three hour boat ride, they’d be there.

    Boarding the boat, the group began searching for a good place to sit and stay for the ride. After a few moments of perusing around the oak-boarded deck, they found an empty circular table, with six chairs and a wide, yellow and white striped umbrella. The group sat down, throwing their packs onto the table and releasing their Pokemon from their Pokeballs. John pressed the circular button of the Pokeball clipped to his belt, calling Eevee out. A flow of red energy shot from the ball, landing on the table and materializing into his starter Pokemon. She jumped into his arms, snuggling.

    Walking towards the side of the ship, he had wanted one last chance to reflect upon the moment he had waited so long for, and to say goodbye to Four Island. He leaned on the rail, petting his Pokemon. “Ah Eevee, I’m really excited about today.” He said, running his hand through her fur. “Although I never thought I’d say this, I am going to miss this place.”

    He paused, staring down at the islands reflection in the water. It was beautiful, thousands of tress mixed with large, grand office buildings. The whole west side of the island was visible, magnificent houses dotting the hill that seemingly rose out of the water. Across the island, towards the north, was his house, now emptied and locked, barren and devoid of life. That thought saddened him, as he had always loved his home. Continuing to stare at the island’s reflection, he couldn’t help but chuckle. All his life, John had yearned to get off of this island, and now, he was having second thoughts.


    His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the pitter-patter of familiar footsteps behind him. “Beautiful, isn’t it?“ the female voice asked.

    John turned around to see the relatively tall blond girl that had been the scorn of his existence in high school. She looked quite pretty, wearing a black tank top which reached down to her skin tight jeans, coupled with a pink undershirt. She clutched an Eevee in her hands as well, although judging by this one’s appearance, it looked as if it were a male.

    “Yeah, it is.” John whispered, his heart fluttering in his stomach. He decided against any snappy remarks, as it seemed as if he was getting a second chance at saying goodbye, and a second chance at making an impression.

    “Listen, can I talk to you?” she asked seriously, placing a hand on his shoulder.

    John turned around, looking into her eyes. He tried to read her, to see her angle, but he could find none. Seeing that innocent look upon her face, he gave in. “Sure, sure, lets go over here.” he said, leading her to another table. They both sat at two chairs next to each other.

    John leaned over the table, placing his hands together and resting his head upon them. “Alright Lindsey, shoot.” He said, trying to appear mysterious and interesting.

    “You know me John, and you know things haven’t been terrific recently for either of us, or for that matter, between us. I wasn’t going to bother you, but in light of this recent crisis, I really don’t wish to travel alone. I’m scared…of this, of my journey, and of the world. I don’t think I can do it alone. And the fact of the matter is, I never really got to say goodbye to you, and now that its come to it, I don’t want to,” she explained, seemingly darting around her main intentions.

    “So what are you saying?” he asked, puzzled. He did not know if she was saying goodbye, or asking to stay.

    At this question, her face turned beet red, and she began to become nervous. “I’m...I’m saying lets bury the hatchet. Do you remember that day on the island, last year? Remember what we promised? I’m willing to try it if you are…and I’d love to travel with you if you let me.” she finished, relieved.

    John pondered for a second, as to not seem desperate or quick to decide. In truth, this was the opportunity that he had been hoping for, but he still wanted to think. Should he consult his friends, or should he make the decision himself?

    He stood up, and pushed his chair in, Lindsey doing the same. “OK. I’m willing to bury the hatchet. I’d love it if you traveled with us.” He said. His friends would not mind, after all, they had suggested it last night.

    He outstretched his arms as if to hug, and she took the sign, and embraced him. Holding her in his arms, John could not deny that he did feel something there, although he did not know what it was.

    “Hey John- er…whoa, what’s going on here?” a voice called from behind him. It was of course, his bowl haired cousin and best friend, Mike. John immediately let go of Lindsey, blushing furiously.

    “Lindsey found me on the boat, and we…er…decided to bury the hatchet.” John attempted to explain, stumbling over his words. “She’s….er…going to travel with us,” he finished. A look of victory appeared on Mike’s face, who had most definitely remembered last night. John shot him a devious look, upon which Mike walked back to the table. John knew for a fact that Mike was going to tell the other guys the whole thing.

    “Lets go back to the table, the boat is about to start.” John said, taking Lindsey to the table. She sat down, and just as he was about to sit himself, a deep ominous voice called out from a few yards away. There was something distantly familiar about it.

    “You guys look very close to your Pokemon. Where are you headed?” it said. John turned around, and there was a short, skinny person in a dark purple robe. Their hood was pulled up, obscuring their face. John was unable to identify the person as either a boy or a girl, as their voice was very ambiguous. Yet, it was familiar, a distant memory, locked in the halls of his mind.

    “I’m sorry, but I believe our business is our own, especially in these times.” John stuttered, nervous. Who was she?

    The person chuckled to herself. Judging by the laugh, the robbed figure was obviously female.

    She paused for a second, and then began to speak again. “I should have known. Besides, where else would you guys be headed except for One Island? I mean, you are rookie trainers.”

    She paused, waiting for the group to react, but upon hearing nothing, she continued. “That’s were I’m headed at least. A certain Pokemon has caught my eye, and it’s my mission to catch it.” It seemed as if she was being intentionally mysterious.

    “Who are you?” John asked. She did not respond, just standing there, her arms crossed, her hands hidden in her purple robe.

    “Who are you?” he asked again, butterflies scurrying in his stomach. She didn’t seem dangerous, yet there was something that just didn’t add up. She

    She pulled off her pink hood and revealed her identity.

    To Be Continued….
    Last edited by Manaphyman; 30th June 2009 at 3:48 PM.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    Another bad day....
    Your not the only one...

    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman
    if your reading this and not reviewing, or if you have stopped reviewing, give me a shout out, let me know your still there, so i can post chapter 4.
    I'm still here, just really busy with these exams I did tell you about (which you yourself agreed would cause a lack of postage).
    One thing I wanna point out - you don't need other people to post so that you can post the next chapter. If you're happy with it and it breaks no rules and such, just go ahead and post it. You'll probably find that the more you get into the story, the mosre interested others will become, you just need to keep going and hope you get some reviews.
    Also, bear in mind, posting fics is not about getting reviews (although they are good for helping you improve). I mean, what's the point in postiing something if all you want are people to tell you if it's good or bad? You should write for the enjoyment of writing, not because you need appreciation and such from others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman
    It is really quite good, and it explores the plot to destroy the islands, the begining of training, and whats this? Romance?
    I'd suggest warning people before you post details about what the next chapter contains, readers may wanna be surprised by what's coming up (such as the romance).

    I'll try and get caught up as soon as I can, I promise, but I have more important things going on in my life right now.


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    Sorry, chapter 4 is coming, tommorrow, i promise

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    I apologize, sometime later, I am engaged in a long debate on the "pokemon master" thread.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

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    I absolutely promise: This Saturday, or This afternoon

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    Chapter 4: The Plot

    “What, you don’t recognize your Aunt?” The voice soothed. The women removed her purple hood, revealing her awkward face. She hastily fixed her short red hair, adjusting it in a purple clip positioned above her ear. Her beady black eyes were magnified by her thick glasses, which hung off an abnormally large nose.

    “Aunt Lorelei! ” John cried, ecstatic. He had not seen his grandfather’s favorite daughter since his funeral months ago. He jumped into her arms embracing her, along with Mike. She always gave the best hugs.

    “Hahaha, I’m happy to see you too kid,” she laughed, letting go of John and Mike, surveying the kids around him.

    “So these are your friends…” she trailed off, looking around. She obviously knew Mike, as he was also her nephew, but she didn’t know the others.

    “Yep, these are them,” John said, introducing the gang. He pointed to each as he revealed their names. “This is George, Joey, and Lindsey, they’re traveling with Mike and I.”

    She shook each of their hands, traveling down the line until she met Lindsey. “So this is the girl?” She questioned, sneeringly. “You’re right John, she is quite pretty.”

    Lindsey began to blush furiously as she shook Lorelli’s hand. John just jabbed Lorelli, hitting her softly in the side of her stomach.

    “Hey! Respect your elders!” She joked.

    She walked with the group back to the table and relaxed for a little while, kicking her feet up and placing her head on her bent arms.

    They chatted for a while, producing and forcing small talk, until finally, Lorelli broke the question they were all hoping for.
    “So don’t you wanna know why I’m here Johnny boy?” She asked, inquisitively.

    A look of curiosity appeared on each of their faces. “Well…um…yeah? Why don’t you explain for us Aunt Lorelli?” John asked, in earnest.

    “Ah, with pleasure my nephew, with pleasure. First, I do need to swear you all to secrecy, because if this information is leaked, many people will be in danger,” she began.

    “Then, why are you telling us?” Joey asked, intrigued.

    Lorelli paused for a second, perhaps pondering whether or not to go through with the explanation. She obviously decided for it, and began to speak.

    “Well you know I am Champion of these Islands. With that title comes perks, and shortcomings as well.” The group all nodded, listening intently to the women.

    “This is one of those shortcomings. Being a trainer of my stature, I was dispatched after this crisis along with the various intelligence agencies. Except my mission is different, it is my duty to subdue and capture three legendary pokemon necessary for our plight, and discover the hidden location of two swords,” she paused, sensing the confused looks now inhabiting the faces of the five.

    “Ah. I see you are unfamiliar with the legend?” She asked. They nodded.

    She took a deep, long sigh, and tried to explain.

    “You see, long ago in ancient times, Deoxys terrorized this great nation, or rather, dependency. At the time, the Sevii Islands were being invaded by the Kanto-Johto empire. At any rate, Deoxys traveled from island to island, killing thousands, and destroyed entire villages. It was at that time, that tribal leaders and Empire officers alike found an awkward connection between Birth Rock, and the strange pokemon from another world. Taking the initiative, they forged two swords from the rock, which was made of a red crystalline material. Armed with these swords, elite soldiers engaged Deoxys on various islands, but all were defeated. By sheer coincidence, in one such fight, it was discovered the swords gained power when bathed in fire, electricity, and water,” she paused, making sure none of the teenagers attention spans were wavering. They were all listening intently to the women, so she continued.

    “The problem was, ordinary pokemon could not provide the necessary power they needed. So the ancients sought out three incredibly powerful pokemon, called legendaries, to aide them. It was said that Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos were created by Arceus to help them, yet this is just pure speculation. Anyways, armed with these Pokemon and the swords, the army met up with Deoxys on Nine Island. Over 100,000 people accompanied the birds, only 10,000 returned. Yet, the attack was a success. The three bird Pokemon unleashed their most powerful attacks on the swords, which were stabbed into the two holes left by their casting in Birth Rock. The attacks themselves also hit Deoxys, which in turn sucked him into the Rock, encasing him in time, until now,” she ended, dragging her hand in a face palming motion.

    There was an awkward silence between the kids and their superior, until of course, John broke it.

    “So that’s what you are trying to do. You’re going to Kanto to retrieve the birds?” John asked, as they all stood up, moving towards the side of the boat again. His heart was fluttering with each passing moment. Since the crisis had occurred last night, he yearned not to get involved. Now, it was seeming destiny had other plans.

    “Yes,” Lorelli answered, “but there is more to this than you think. Deoxys wasn’t awoken by accident. It was a terror attack.”

    “Who would do such a horrific thing?” John asked, ignorantly. Although he had watched the news and knew full well the turmoil the world was in at the moment, he still could not fathom why a human being would want to kill another.

    “Team Galactic,” she whispered timidly. Her voice trembled a bit.

    “And the Sevii Islands are not the only ones being terrorized,” she added, regaining her composure. “The terrorist organizations are beginning to band together. They’ve figured out that they cant work separately, so they are working together. It is as if our worst fears are realized.”

    “I’ve heard of that dude,” Joey jumped up and explained. He always enjoyed a good discussion regarding current events, which was odd for his age, to say the least. “Everyday the talk on the news how the ‘Galactic Coalition is actively declaring plans. Almia has been the victim of many terror attacks and riots, the whole region is unstable. Rumors of a dangerous coup are also circulating, as the Coalition begins to gain strength. They also said…” he trailed off.

    “Continue bud, your doing great” Lorelli soothed.

    “They also said some nuclear material from Johto is missing,” he finished, in a whisper.

    Lorelli chuckled to herself. “You certainly are a knowledgeable kid. You watch the news often?”

    Joey nodded, bowing his head.

    “Good. You’re going to need your knowledge, especially for what I am about to assign you to,” she alluded, pulling the group closer.

    She grasped a Pokeball in her hand, lightly tossing it up and down in her hand. John’s heart leapt into his throat. This was not the journey he was hoping for, he did not want to drag his friends or himself into something like this.

    “I need you to find the swords,” Lorelli said, flatly. She wasn’t the one to beat around the bush.

    “What? Why? How?” Mike asked, nervously. Did she know she was assigning such an important task to children?

    She looked at Mike and John endearingly. “You were Dad’s favorite grandchildren, you especially John. He would kill me if I didn’t trust you with this.”

    John perked up a bit. Ever since his Grandpa died, he had made it his life’s mission to make him proud and honor his memory. If he could do that by assisting Aunt Lorelli, it would be worth it.

    “You guys are traveling around the islands right?” She asked warmly.

    They nodded.

    “Then keep an eye out for me,” she said, pulled out a small piece of paper with a list of scribbles on it. “Here’s a list of where they might be. Just look for the pieces there, okay?”

    John took the piece of paper from her hand, falling into a scared embrace with his aunt.

    She released him, as placed the paper into his pack, his hands shaking.

    Lorelli then pulled away from the group, tossing a Pokeball off the side of the boat.

    “Now I must depart,” she said, climbing over the railing. “The road to Kanto is long, and I am behind as it is. Stay strong, my brave nephews and friends,” she soothed, hopping over the railing and onto a massive sea behemoth. She shed her coat, thrusting it into the water, and postioning herself close to the enormous beast’s neck.

    She was riding a large, majestic Pokemon, with an elongated light blue neck and tail, four short blue fins, and a large gray body, seemingly built for travel. Lorelli was sitting between many grey protrusions that stuck from the body of the Pokemon, Lapras.

    The Pokemon took off, leaving an angled wake from its back. It scurried towards the ever growing mountain top appearing off of the horizon.

    He walked back to the table, and sat down. Boredom. In order to avoid dosing off, he pulled out his old, hand-me-down Pokedex, and scanned Eevee, who was now sitting on his lap.

    Hell of a list, he thought, and he scrolled down. Tackle, Quick Attack, Bite, Sand Attack, Helping Hand, Shadow Ball, and Psybeam? Since when does Eevee learn Psybeam? He was taken aback by the sheer impossibility of this. How could Eevee, a normal pokemon, learn Psybeam, a psychic attack? Could it possibly be inherited by its mother?

    His thoughts were interrupted by Lindsey, as she sat beside him, clutching her Eevee. “How long until we get there?” she asked, rather puzzled.


    John looked at the island in the distance. The auburn colored mountain became closer and closer with each minute, and by now, was fully visible. The rusty red stones that coated the mountain reflected the suns rays, obscuring visibility. He was able to make out a small rectangle on the face of the volcano, however. The remainder of the island, which was just peaking over the horizon, looked populated. Many buildings looked familiar, one in particular resembling a Pokemon Center, situated in the middle. A tiny dock now became visible. “Judging by the horizon, I would say around 10 minutes,” he replied, looking around at his friends, who had obviously noted their proximity to the island.

    “I would like to get there first, so we can get off this damn boat as soon as possible,” he said cheerfully, yanking Lindsey’s hand and motioning for his friends to follow. They ran towards the unloading ramp in earnest.

    The run turned into a brisk walk, but regardless, they made it there first.

    “What’s the rush?” Lindsey asked. John immediately noticed he was still holding her hand, embarrassingly thrusting it out of his hand.

    He looked up, and the boat was just about to dock.

    “Well, Aunt Lorelli said she was going to capture the legendary birds right?” He asked the group, rhetorically.

    “Right,” they replied.

    “So if she wanted to capture Moltres, wouldn’t she be at Mount Ember soon?” He asked again.

    Their faces lit up, they had realized what the hurry was.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The boat had docked, and as soon as the gates were open, the group nearly flew down the ramp. They were so happy, they bypassed lunch, instead opting to have a picnic on the beach about a mile away. They scurried as fast as they could towards the east side of the island. When they finally did reach their destinations, they fell into embraces with the warm golden sand.

    “Dude, we are finally here!” Joey yelled excitedly.

    The sand was piping hot, from the 95 degree temperatures that were seizing the area. The east side of the beach was generally for beachgoers only, not swimmers, as an incredibly strong current pumped between the islands at low tide. It was deemed a violent beach, which was quite ironic, because at that time, it was the epitome of tranquility.

    A soft wind enveloped them, working cohesively with the pounding waves to relax and calm the group. The seemingly gentle waves were beginning to give way to low tide, a rocky outcrop of land, discolored and covered in distasteful sea pokemon, such as the awkward sidestepping and gangly Krabby, and the horrific smelling and almost useless Clamperl. The sun was now high in the sky, indicating that it was probably noon, which was also part of the reason no one was at the beach.

    “Guys, we need to make it across to the other island before the tide, otherwise we need to wait another six hours.” John yelled, gaining the attention of his friends. Each of them had some kind of floral bathing suit on, save for Lindsey, who was a little clothes shy around four guys with raging hormones. The group made their way down the slopped beach, hopping around as the heated, grainy sand irritated their feet. Each dove into the water as soon as they reached the shoreline.

    Lindsey jumped into the water next to him, insighting a flurry of butterflies within his stomach. He yearned to show off, and being a stereotypical teenager, he dived under the water to see the sea floor. Lindsey joined him.

    The clear, beautiful waters of the Sevii Islands were renowned for their visibility. Its low salt content would not hurt your eyes, freeing you to gaze at the wondrous beauty that was the sea. Many water Pokemon were actually quite beautiful, and some began to swam around them. Cute, stationary rock like pokemon dotted the floor, their many protrusions moving slightly, and their faces giving them away. They were Corsola, awkward pokemon that disliked contact on land. Around them were petite, skinny fish, called Remoraid, which were incredibly bonny, and generally not hunted because of that.

    A colony of heart-shaped creatures approached and engulfed them. Pink and romantic, both John and Lindsey could not deny their significance. They looked at each other, endearingly, as the Luvdisc circled around them. It was a beautiful moment, but John could not help but notice he was drifting further from Lindsey. A slight tug that had been pulling on his leg intensified, dragging him down deeper, towards the incredibly dark area that led to the sea floor. Lindsey now seemed to be drifting effortlessly, or lifelessly, headed towards that abyss.

    John panicked, beginning to be swept up in the current. He dived further into the water, swimming with all his might and against all his instinct. He grabbed Lindsey’s hand, and gave her a thrust upward.

    He did not remember much after that.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Six Hours Later

    He groaned, shifting on to his back. Tired, he rubbed his eyes and stretched. “What the hell happened?” He asked, yawning. “Where’s Lindsey?”

    “Right here!” Chimed a soothing voice above him. His eyes remained closed.

    “You okay?” He asked, reaching up, his hand touching the soft skin that was her chin.

    “I’m alright, it was you that I was worried about,“ she said.

    He opened his eyes and saw Lindsey standing above him. The sunset was casting a glowing silhouette around her. She offered him an arm to help him up, and he took it. She pulled him up and into her arms, squeezing him tightly.

    “Don’t you ever scare me like that, John Woodward,” she whispered into his ear.

    “I’m sorry,” he said, “but I couldn‘t of been unconscious for that long, right?” At this, she let go of him and began to explain.

    “You were for a few minutes, but then we got you up. Thankfully, we kept you breathing, but you were incredibly tired. The group said you didn’t get much sleep last night, so I let you sleep on the sand. Everyone else is about a mile due north of here. They set up camp for us and looked after our Pokemon, so I could stay with you,” she explained.

    “We can catch up with them later right? I kind of want to enjoy the sunset,” John said. Lindsey nodded, and they climbed aboard an enormous rock overlooking the coast. The island in which Kindle Road was on was vary narrow, and as such they could see both the east ant the west.

    They sat down, the large golden sun was halfway set. A small, thin cloud covered the top of the sun, causing red, orange, and yellow rays to pour from it.

    “Wow! That’s beautiful!” she exclaimed. She sat beside him shivering a bit.

    “I’m sorry I don’t have a sweatshirt, but we can keep each other warm.” he said, rather nervously. He lifted his arm and placed it around her. She cuddled up next to him, placing her head upon his shoulder.

    “Is this good?” she asked.

    “F-Fine” he said nervously. The moment was almost as romantic as their excursion with the Luvdisc.

    They talked four hours, about everything: school, friends, family, but the topic was drifting towards the inevitable question about their fight. It was John who asked it first.

    “What made you come with us?” he asked. “ You hated me in school.”

    She sighed, shifting her head to a better spot on his boney shoulder. “I never really hated you per se, we just had a rivalry. I dunno, I always felt threatened by you, if that helps…” she trailed off for a second, but regained her motivation and continued. “I always looked up too you, your dedication, your grades and such. I wanted to have the same resolve and the same grades as you did, I mean, I guess you could say I was jealous,” she finished.

    John chuckled. “Your jealous of me? You have so much more going for you. Your beautiful, smart, compassionate…” he trailed off, embarrassed.

    “Aww, thank you, that is very sweat.” she said cutely. She wrapped her arms around him with ease, and repositioned her head for a brief moment. She planted a soft kiss on his cheek, prompting him to blush a little. He adjusted his position as well, kissing her forehead, and squeezing her a little tighter.

    “You’re a very sweat boy,” she said, beginning to lift herself up. John did the same, yet she stayed in his arms. The two moved forward in a walking embrace, making their way towards camp.

    Both were quite tired, and said little on the walk home, savoring their time together, in each others arms.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    When the time came and they arrived in camp, a little awkward tension began to build. Each found themselves wondering how to say goodnight, and if that act would lead to a kiss.

    They would soon find out. Outside of Lindsey’s pink tent, they let go of their embrace, and faced each other. She grasped his hands, and looked into his eyes, trying to sense what he was about to do. He satisfied her, slowly moving his head towards hers, as if timidly.

    She did the same, and their lips met for a brief second.

    They pulled back, embarrassed. Each ran into their respective tents immediately, hoping their friends did not see.

    To be Continued….
    Last edited by Manaphyman; 30th June 2009 at 3:50 PM.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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  15. #15
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    Chapter 5: Eevee vs. Eevee is coming tommorrow.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    Chapter 5: Eevee vs. Eevee is coming tommorrow.
    Awesome, can't wait.

    I finally got a short break from studying and decided to catch up.

    I must say, you have improved quite a bit since starting and the overall story is turning out to be very interesting indeed.

    There is a quotations page I'd like to direct you to (something I recieved from DarkPersian479 when I started out on my fic and it's helped a lot). I think it will be helpful to you.

    There's a Quotations one:

    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpos...80&postcount=1

    There is also a Grammar one floating about somewhere but your grammar has been pretty good (as far as I can tell).

    Kepp up the good work with this.


  17. #17
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    Thank you for reviewing, and for the helpful page. I have a crap-load of homework, so the chapter should be out either tomorrow or Monday. (I'll have the time on Monday, because in the States, we have Memorial Day off.)

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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  18. #18
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    Sorry! Coming in a few days, I am swaped with work for the Bio SAT. Cool banner right?

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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  19. #19
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    I have to say the storyline is interesting but you make a few mistakes gramatically and spelling wise but nothing major and you seem to be improving as you go along. Secondly you shouldn't really care what people think of your work as long as you enjoy writing it and perhaps reading it afterward it shouldn't matter what other people think of it. Thirdly like it has been said it was too short to begin with but that was easily remidied with adding more detail. Lastly I have to say that the begining of the story reminds me of Eragon with them getting the egg something getting destroyed but other than that it was very good looking forward to the next installment!
    Diamond Friend code: SIMMERS-0387 6195 3718 please PM me before adding me!
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  20. #20
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    I have to say the storyline is interesting but you make a few mistakes gramatically and spelling wise but nothing major and you seem to be improving as you go along. Secondly you shouldn't really care what people think of your work as long as you enjoy writing it and perhaps reading it afterward it shouldn't matter what other people think of it. Thirdly like it has been said it was too short to begin with but that was easily remidied with adding more detail. Lastly I have to say that the begining of the story reminds me of Eragon with them getting the egg something getting destroyed but other than that it was very good looking forward to the next installment!
    Diamond Friend code: SIMMERS-0387 6195 3718 please PM me before adding me!
    Do Not Click the following link, Everytime you do a baby kitten will die!!!
    http://simmersville.myminicity.com

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